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Have you deleted comments posted under this video, Piers? If so, why? I posted my comment only to see the day after that it was gone so posted it again only to see that it's gone again.

Hi Ben and Piers, thankyou for your thoroughly enjoyable, moving and frank conversation. Ben, I'm grateful that you shared how much your short time at boarding school has profoundly affected your life, and who you are now. I was sent from my rough and tumble life as a " tomboy " roaming freely on a back-country farm to a " posh " girls' boarding school with all its strict rules and regulations, in the city at age 12, and had no choice but to stay there for three years.( I went on to board with relatives for my final school years .) The only bullying I remember came from a particularly unpleasant maths teacher, who shamed me in front of the whole class for not being adept enough at solving some mathematical problem! ( I've had a mental blockage when it comes to maths ever since.) Having to leave my beloved dog behind broke my heart. He died while I was at school and I was helpless to do anything about it.I also " grew away " from my four siblings and parents, developing a fiercely independent, survival personality. I was like a fish out of water living in the city, as I've always loved nature, mountains and open spaces. I like what you both say about emotional intelligence and the importance of relationship with others. I love what you said at the very end Ben..." Being honest is the best way." It's very clear to me that your upcoming documentary film is a true labour of love, and I trust that it will bear much good fruit, helping bring greater understanding and meaningful changes to the whole education system. I've been browsing through some old Readers' Digest Magazines, and came across this quote by Ellen Goodman : " Every generation finds it hard to hear what its children need - because its own childhood is still ringing in its ears."

It looks good, Piers. Good luck. 👍

I feel a book or a film needs to be made on the subject of how far in the last twenty years or so have boarding schools have fundamentally changed. One thing I can see happening is the very valid insights into boarding school made by this movie and in other places being pulled apart. Or people having a damn good try to. The boarding school establishment will either say people are misleadingly generalizing from their own personal experiences and/or are out of date with how boarding schools currently are. The other one is that it is inevitable when you have schools there will be loads of problems. It is unfair to pick on boarding schools in particular. This is also in the context of how really brilliant Boarding schools can be at marketing themselves. You only need to look at the commercials on their websites. I don't think any of the criticisms I outlined in the last paragraph are true. But they need none the less to be addressed. I remember a Russian commentator, who was selling British Boarding schools to a Russian audience on a TH-cam film, going round one and saying "Well come on. This is hardly Charles Dickens now is it?" To this somewhat gaslighting phrase I would say there is material Charles Dickens and there is psychological Charles Dickens. Boarding houses may have central heating and no rats scurrying round the dormitories but I think it is very possible many of them have massive psychological Charles Dickens issues. There is the alarmingly low ratio of staff members to pupils, the lonliness and the homesickness, and the 24/7 bullying that can go on. Bullies are ingenious. Like a virus. You attack the problem from one direction and the bullying reclusters and carries on in another way. And the pupils being bullied cannot go home to parents and older brothers and sisters or pets and talk about it all and have a much needed break. Texting your parents or even talking to them on zoom is in no way the same as actually seeing them. You cannot hug your parents on zoom. If anyone thinks this is a sentimental remark they have zero knowledge of what children as young mamelian primates actually biologically need. The Russian commentator said "You know what? I have seen no unhappy face here". Of course he hadn't. Very probably there were deeply unhappy pupils who had learnt the hard way to mask their feelings. So it would be good to do some research and do a book or and/or a movie about how much boarding schools really have changed. I hope it is something that someone like Nick Duffel or Joy Shaverian or Piers Cross would write about. Or film about As I said the boarding school establishment can be very clever and I think will try and gas light this whole film project as far as they can. They must not be allowed to. Young people's lives are at stake.

This is a really good and really sensitive conversation between two very wise men. I warm to Ben tremendously. I want very much to check out some other of his films. Often the most important and innovative film makers are not nearly as well known as they should be because in the best possible way their films challenge and educate and raise hard and important questions instead of being romcoms or "popcorn blockbusters" I think one thing that needs to happen with "Boarding on Insanity" is that people from continental Europe - from countries like France and Spain and Italy - should see it. It is such a British situation that is being discussed in the film that we need the perspective of people who are a few steps back and perhaps can see things differently and more objectively. In a way we as the British are too close to our boarding schools to see them for what they really are. Its like fish not being very objective about water. In this way we as a nation with our boarding schools and our sometimes repressed emotion could really learn something. Perhaps Piers you could send the movie to people on the continent and then interview them on the evolving man podcast to see what they make of it all.

This looks fantastic! 🎉🎉

I'll never, ever forget the guy I briefly dated for two weeks 3 years ago. I'm in a happy relationship as of 2.5 years ago. But I'll never forget that guy. He is a top lawyer in London now, went to boarding school for all of his childhood. He was a beautiful person trapped and lost and he ran away from me. I will always miss him. I know he's a very lonely person and I really wanted to be his friend. He said a couple of boys from his house, one committed suicide and the other is in an asylum. He said he was one of the lucky ones. But he couldn't open up or sustain anything. I will always think about the little lost boy inside of him and hope he gets out.

I don't get the need for boarding schools now. Most families live within daily commuting distance of a suitable school. It's different if they live in the Outer Hebrides. In remote parts of Australia children were educated over a two way radio. Elizabeth II and her sister were educated at home by private tutors. But she sent her own children to boarding schools from the age of eight.

Thanks a lot, all best!!!🙂

Oh I wish I was in London. Congrats!! I will watch online as soon as its available.

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Not being allowed to cry is all through British society and not just in boarding school. Even when you attend day schools and have your own bedroom, many children aren't allowed to cry in there as the walls are thin and other family members can hear you crying. I had no right to privacy in my bedroom as my father would walk in without knocking first as he had no respect for other people. The only time I could cry was when on the toilet or in the bath with the bathroom door bolted and the radio on so nobody could hear me or enter the room. Or in bed silently after everyone else had gone to bed. Lots of children have cruel parents who say, "If you dont stop crying, I will give you something to cry about," even if they have only shed a few tears for a few seconds. Also, being female creepy men will try and take sexual advantage of you if you cry in public. Their hugs soon turn into something more. They see you as an easy pushover if they catch you crying. One classmate exposed himself to me on the way home from college because of this. I told a female classmate in the toilets about this, and she laughed out of initial disbelief and embarrassment. Then, in the library, a few days later, she got revenge by hinting at what he had done to me in front of everyone. I hate this emotional constipation and not being able to cry now because of how I was treated when much younger for crying. I didn't even cry when watching the funeral of Princess Diana as I wasn't alone when watching it. I wanted to cry for Prince Harry and Charles Spencer as they walked behind the coffin.

A huge congratulations Piers and all the film crew and all who have so courageously spoken in the film for getting this up and running. It is a monumental achievement. And I feel also, in terms of our politics and society, a historical one. I will be - but only if you approve - sending a link to the film - when it is available - to my MP among other people and requesting her to give it to people that she knows - those that are interested in the topic - and those also who are potential allies. Having done dissemination projects at work with various important social research papers I know the vitalness of not only linking to many well targeted people but also highlighting possible "cascaders". These are people who will not only take notice of the film themselves but because of their social and/or career position cascade it to many others. I will talk more about this with you in a more personal email Piers - and I promise you I will not make a move to distribute the film en mass to people unless I have your official approval and thumbs up to do so. Clearly some people are more suitable than others and I do not want to duplicate the work of other people who might be sending the film on too. Once again Piers and all concerned very very well done. You are all extremely brave men and women to do something like this. Because of my own boarding school experiences I feel that you in making this film have lifted a really nasty weight from my shoulders and whole body.

Would love to see it but I live too far from London so I will watch it online.

I'm screaming inside, born in '58 - Boarder from the age of 5 at The Royal Commercial Travellers School (aka The Royal Pinner School in Hatch End Middlesex). Prep School in Ipswich Suffolk (Everton School) before Oakham School where I managed to be expelled at the age of 15. School was better than my home life. My Mother used to hold my head under the water in the bath, Father would beat me unconditionally. I had no contact for approx 30 years after expulsion yet I survived, just making it up as you go along, always surviving. Here I am now, 66, still screaming inside. Reading 'Stiff Upper Lip' & Nick Duffels book recently has only added to the pain but, as we all say, I'm doing my best.

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I can't wait to see this film, amazing job guys. a newbie to the BSS movement and so grateful to all the people like those featured in this doc. looking forward to March 1st! there's no stopping us now 🤍

I think it should be remembered that not all boarding schools are brutal and unnurturing places. I went to one called St Christopher's (in Letchworth) during the late 1980's and it was a positive experience. Unfortunately it is too expensive to send my children to now!

Sending a child away from home at age 7 IS child abuse It is sending them away to be abused under cover institutionally, knowing it could be sexual abuse. A child needs to be at home at age 7 until mid teens to develop properly.

Amazing Piers, well done x

It’s a system designed to produce leaders….thsts wjy they create psychopaths!

I’ve just finished listening to the Radio 4 series about rampant p-dophillia in British boarding schools. Glad more people are speaking about their experiences.

Wishing you huge success in helping to get the message out there. I doubt it will be on the prospectus for my old school in Brighton.😂

When and where is it being broadcast please?

This popped up in my suggestions and I am so glad it did! My interest peaked with the use of Glastonbury Tor as it's near me. Interesting conversations, this looks fascinating. My partner was a day boy but his brother boarded and it's interesting seeing the difference in the two.

People who aren't emotionally regulated want to control as much as they are able to and take advantage. You trust them with a spare key to your home, and they take advantage of that and misuse that trust. So they turn up whenever they want to either for the day or to stay overnight as well. You go away for the weekend and they invite friends round for a party because they physically can. I have seen that where I live to female neighbours. My father took up day residence in my flat 5 days a week because I trusted him with a spare key. Then he wouldn't even allow me to leave my flat to return library books and donate blood. A counsellor advised me to go out before he turned up and stay out until he had gone, and he would soon get bored by himself in my flat. That didn't work, so I asked my mother to intervene, and she successfully did. I would have had to get a locksmith in to install a Chubb lock if she hadn't intervened. Many churches and community centres have a few keyholders who live near the church. These keyholders are trusted to unlock and lock up the church hall most evenings as it is hired out to outside groups. Those keyholders are also trusted not to take advantage by hanging out there too often or be present while it was hired out.

Wishing you all the success with this film and the marketing of it.

This should be on TV. I live too far from London to come and see it. Or maybe it could go on tour like the documentary film Oh Jeremy Corbyn. I missed the chance of seeing that but saw it on TH-cam after the tour ended.

Good on you Piers and all the others involved in this documentary. You have all been extremely brave and heroic. History will I believe look very favorably on you all. There are I believe two big questions (among others) that will be asked about British Society after about 1960. One is how on earth were tabloid journalists and the tabloid media barons (often former boarders) allowed to terrorise and abuse people for so long with their foul so called newspapers. Why on earth did we not reign them in sooner? The other was how did boarding schools manage to creep on in existence after it became clear they were responsible for so much abuse and as a system it poisoned our whole society. The case against boarding school I believe rests on the biological fact that we as human beings are animals - just very intelligent and dangerous and vulnerable ones. We emerged from the apes - we were not made separately by some deity out of clay as the pinicle of creation Putting young human animals in boarding school before they are sixteen years old (completely regardless of whether they are free to text their parents or not) simply makes no rational biological sense. It is not how those young human animals are bio chemically designed. It is vital for younger human animals to grow and become independent of their parents but this needs to be done step by gradual step not with one great traumatic leap to a place where there often is no love and very often plenty of abuse. If one looks at boys - boarding school very often does not make them mature and balanced men. It can sometimes make them very disciplined and (on the surface) self sufficient but it also very often leaves them dangerously emotionally stunted and unempathetic because they have to squash their emotional intelligence in order to survive in the harsh unloving environment of the boarding house. Male boarders often learn to wear a strategic unemotional mask which by the time they leave has worked itself into the whole biology of their face. Those who show their feelings - any strong feelings at all will very often get trampled on. And there is often a horrifying taboo about speaking up about abuse. The number of disgusting cover ups there have been in places like the church of England (which contains many ex boarders including Justin Welby) show how this carries on after the boarders have physically (but not psychologically) left the boarding house. Clearly there are certain times in life where it is very necessary to be very stoical and even button up your lip. But to loose touch with ones feelings almost entirely and not emotionally understand where others are coming from is very very serious indeed. Especially in a family situation or if one is a leader or manager. It is also damaging when the prestiege of institutions like the church or boarding schools when there has been abuse is put before those who have been traumatised and had their lives ruined. The effects on female boarders are just as important and can be as bad or worse than those of men. Especially if they are treated as a series of body parts rather than the fully rounded and deeply complex individual young women they are. Boarding school (especially if there are far more male pupils than female or girls are bussed in for a disco dance) can encourage this type of anatomy obsessed abusive mysogeny even if it is also a general plague in our society. It would make more sense to put our pet cats and dogs in boarding school than boys and girls - and just think of the number of people who have dog sitters because they do not want a beloved pet to have to go to kennels. People wouldn't think of sending their pets to boarding school in their wildest dreams but none the less many carry on the family cycle of senseless misery by sending their children there. It is time for all this to be rethought. We can and must do better by our young people. As Piers and his colleagues point out two things need to happen. (1) Boarding school should be only for young people of sixteen or over except in highly exceptional standards that are approved of by highly qualified people in the social services (2) Compulsary mandatory reporting of abusive pupils and teachers who need to be dealt with by a body independent of the boarding school involving police and highly qualified social workers. Highly abusive teachers should be arrested and sent to court. Highly abusive pupils need special psychological attention and the right (non abusive) sort of tough love. Neither of these groups should be covertly moved on to abuse somewhere else.

A friend who was in her seventies recently died, but to the end of her days, she talked about the horrors that she experienced at Boarding School just off the south coast. And I mean, horrorsl

I am sure that you are right Piers, this will start the conversation finally!

I can't wait to see the documentary Piers. I'm a boarding school survivor (1979-1984).

I wish I had known about boarding school syndrome years before. I had always thought that it wasn't good for some people but not the reasons why. It probably would have explained the abusive behaviour of some people in my life, but I never asked them what type of school they attended. Instead, I got away after one or two dates. Why were they spending time with me if they disapproved of everything in my life? I had a boarding school educated friend who took the erroneous attitude that friendship was meant to hurt. She would invite me to the cinema and chose the film each time hoping I would hate the film. But I ended up enjoying the film so she was disappointed. Before she demanded that I see Tropic Thunder with her she patronised me by saying I wouldn't understand the humour in it as it was American humour but I replied that I had seen enough Hollywood films to understand Hollywood humour. But when she saw the film she got squeamish about the fake blood and gore in it and I didn't so karma had hit her that evening. Then she wanted to see a film I didn't want to see after reading previews, so I declined. Then she said I was being unfair as she claimed to see films I wanted to see. I reminded her that when I chose the film I went to the cinema alone rather than impose my choice on her, but when we went to the cinema together she chose the film each time and by coincidence I liked the film too. I didn't stop her from seeing the film but I didn't go with her. Afterwards she said the film I declined to see was too sad and frightening and she blamed me for not warning her about it. She had the same access to the previews I had. Going to the cinema with her was uncomfortable as well as she sat there judging people for walking in during the adverts and trailers and walking out when the credits rolled. I told her that as long as they didn't walk in after the film started it was OK. Also that if they didn't like the film they could walk out if they wanted to.

Thank you for mentioning Ben Fogle. I recently read his autobiography where he mentioned being sent to a boarding school and wanting to escape by river to his parents' home.

"Things that you love"? There's still a part of me that thinks: what on earth have your likes or dislikes got to do with it? You just get on with the tasks you're given, just as you eat the food you're given, etc. Perhaps that's why I get so cross with my 4-year old for not eating his dinner.

I met someone who went to boarding school who told me there was a thing called “boarding school syndrome”. Curious at this I looked into it and stumbled across your channel. I immediately resonated with so many of the things you talked about. Finally subscribed after watching this because I feel like part of your club. I never had the boarding experience but I did grow up in a cult. I think you’re 100% accurate in calling boarding schools a cult as well. Have you heard of the BITE model? Behavioral control Information control Thought control Emotional control

Great episode!

I don't really remember being homesick much, I don't remember how I got to boarding school or anything of the first week, the first strong memory is of being shown how to hand wash my clothes, put them in the spinner and hang them on the line (no one ever checked up on whether I was doing my washing again). My great good fortune was that there was a riding stable in the grounds so I spent as much time as I could in and around the horses. I came to believe that I deserved this punishment or prison sentence because I had caused my parent's marriage to break down and became quite stoic.

Thank you very much for raising this extremely important topic Piers. Yes indeed homesickness at boarding school is normal. But if something is normal that in no sense at all stops it from being a very difficult and sometimes a really horrifying thing to go through. It also in no sense means that it is necessary either. All sorts of horrifying things are normal. People being shot in the USA and the whole phenomena of high school and college massacres is now terrifyingly normal - that does not deminish the issues around murder - the bereavement and mental ill health of those left behind - the mental health of the derranged gunmen or the issues it raises about obtaining fire arms. So the "well its normal" defence is an utterly lousy one. Often it has the subtitle "so stop making such an attention seeking song and dance about things as though you are the only one. Man up and get on with it" When peoples feelings are trivialised and trashed they themselves are trivialised and trashed. Who would say to a profoundly grieving adult who had lost their husband or wife "what you are going through is completely normal. Loads of adults have gone through it" In terms of strategies I had for dealing with homesickness in King's Canterbury my real friend and ally was my ITT combat radio. I would always try and listen to the round up of the top 40 on Radio One on Sunday from 5pm to help me with the terror and dread of starting another week. I would also sometimes listen to Radio Luxembourg after lights out with my ear piece. The song "No more lonely nights" by Paul McCartney is still a very painful song for me to listen to - and I am sure other boarders have other songs like this.

Homesickness isn't a strong enough word to describe the sense of abandonment and grief felt by a very young child. It is indeed bereavement - especially when the realisation dawns that "home" is no longer the place it was when you left it, and never will be again. Boarding school children may go back to their parents' house again for holidays, etc., but many never really "go home."

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Leaders have the courage to be decent in an indecent society. America is also severely lacking this quality these days sadly.

Dark hair. White beard. Weird.

Wow, thankyou Anne and Piers for a most enjoyable and enlightening discussion! 🤗 Piers, what I most like about you, and why I keep returning to your channel, is your authenticity, and the respectful and intelligent way you interact with your guests. There is always more to learn, and Anne's contribution has given me much food for thought... I will need to go back to the beginning of your video and take notes for following up...I'm not sure what category, or categories of attachment I fall under, but instinctly feel that you and Anne have provided a key to some deep-rooted questions I'm still searching for answers to, ( in my early 70's! )🤔

We don't like winners,we like good losers,the British don't expect happiness, that's why the humour is so cruel.....me....I've never voted, don't trust them,dont rate them,wise men make their own opportunities.

It's a designed problem. Who can lead a national of multiple nationalities and faiths. It's recipy for chaos. Someone wanted to harn the UK. Until we accept we have internal enemies. You can not find them or stop them. It is a proper poisoned Chalaice.

true leaders come out during crises. Now that UK seem to be in critical conditions, people are in the look out.

Thank you for this video, I was recently reminded of a person I knew when I was younger that I didn't ever think much about and when I dug into my memories it I realized that I was being abused and taken advantage of. Your words really give me a new perspective on my hurt and trauma I've recently been processing and how I can move on fully.. I think its so amazing you were able to forgive that person who hurt you and I appreciate that you're sharing your experience and journey. Thank you

Fantastic talk- really interesting. As a neurodivergent ex- boarder myself ( diagnosed in adulthood) - I hugely appreciate this particular topic also being discussed. Thank you 😊

I commend your visions of change, the present system doesn’t seem to be about leadership just an ‘old boy’s network’ to make sure that the people from these schools can feather their nests, the hoi polloi don’t matter, what I call the Establishment are only interested in keeping the status quo going, I suspect that because Cameron had been PM Johnson would have done anything to match his rival’s position so, yes once he had achieved that position of power he had little interest in actually making the lives of the citizens any better. London is known as the world’s Laundromat as are our off shore banking network, you might check out on TH-cam The Spiders Web Britain’s Second Empire.