I've been compared to possible INFJ but it's always the ones who try to flaunt their weirdness which makes me think they're not one. Real INFJ exist but you have to talk to us one on one to really tell imo.
I talk a lot when I'm in an one-on-one conversation with someone I've known for a long time. But then my mind goes blank when a third person comes in...And then they both ignore me and I just sit there. They temporarily forget I'm there. It's weird.
Do SeungMi I’ve always been for 1 on 1. I thought there was something off because of it. Not that there was something wrong with me, but something different. My mate always tells me I need to talk more when going out to a bar or club or something. But 99% of interactions are groups, and I’m just not really down. It works when someone’s trying to get something out of me, which is great. Otherwise, I do best 1 on 1.
Yes! I always get disappointed when I find out meeting with someone will include a third or fourth person, because then I know I will just be sitting there listening instead of sharing.
I'm definitely INFJ. But I'm very, very talkative when i feel like talking. Then I need to hide and be alone, regretting the talking. Do others feel like that, too?
justinael Yes! When I am with my family. Especially my 21 year old daughter and 16 yr old son. I just talk talk talk! The other day (I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks) he was looking tired. I said "I'm wearing you out aren't I?" he said "mmm..kind of". He didn't want to hurt my feelings, he knew I had a lot to share and was excited to see him. My daughter is entp and we both talk a lot back and forth, kinda amped up. Then we have to go to separate rooms for 2-4 hrs to recharge.
yep...when i sense a personality or intellectual connection....it's so rare! & i get all excited like a kid in a candy store...thus will occasionally yap my brains out if they are responsively clicking & excitedly talking too......then, Zap!...i suddenly stop..freeze...feeling like an idiot in need of a rabbit hole, when i hear my own voice..going on & on...*shudders*
I think all of this goes in addition to the “I’m holding on to my thought because they’re talking” and then the conversation does a 180 and your thought is irrelevant.
Yeah i find this happens to me a lot but i feel like its how confident on the subject thats being talked about i am. Sometimes i feel i dont know enough to have valuable input or i think i know to much but cant structure in the right way to get it across properly and then like you say conversation changes. Sometimes i think others no more and say nothing only to find out later on i knew as much as everbody else on the matter and should of just said it. If that makes any sense haha.
Same. One time I spent the night with my cousin and she has a southern accent. By that evening I was speaking with such a heavy southern accent that when I got home my mother commented on it. I do things like that anytime I talk to someone, I have noticed that I will even take on their laugh, even if I have only been talking to them for a few minutes... What's wrong with me? Lmao 😂
me too. I thought there was something wrong with me when I was growing up. I even had weird things like I would say I feel anxiety....not meaning I was personally feeling anxiety but that I could feel the others anxiety..eventhough they did not appear..to be being anxious...then I couldn't sort out if it was theirs or mine for a long time. Now I know what is going on.
I rarely talk, or express my opinion; but the odd time I do, I am usually ignored as well. But then there's those few friends that hush everyone else up so that they hear what I have to say. It really depends on the person/crowd I'm with.
Sounds like my life in a box. When Im trying to ad my opinion to the discussion, people almost ALWAYS cut me off by talking 'over' my sentence. Sometimes I will have to start over three or four times before I manage to get through. Feels annoying and really disrespectful. Many times I just lay down and pick up my mobile instead.
I feel you. Idk why. I try and try again to be talkative and put myself out there but I still feel this shield in front of me while everyone else is grouped together in this bubble. It's so depressing honestly :/
As an INFJ, finding a good time to insert my thought into a conversation when I won't be interrupting anyone else's comment flow, only to wait too long and have the conversation move on without me happens ALL the time.
From an older INFJ let me provide a little insight. First: you are now, and will always be, ahead of the curve, possibly as much as ten to fifteen years. Most won't get it. Don't worry about it. Don't bother to explain it. You'll see things come about and you will come to expect it. Second: you take in, formulate, and conclude life for a reason, so others will. Earlier in life you'll take in more than you put out. You're building a data base. All experiences matter and count. Later, your output will be more, while taking in and concluding more, faster, to a much greater extent, to the point of exhaustion. Be aware and take care. Take time to recover and replenish, avoid emotionally destructive people and cultures. Third: You're meant to pass through many peoples lives, some for a short time, a very few for a lifetime. You'll never be alone in your head. Sometimes you're presence and pretense alone will be enough. Other times, you may find yourself suddenly projected to center stage as the only one with a complete thought. Don't be stunned if the entire room is fixed on you and listening, as to be amazed. Just be calm and your database will deliver. Don't marvel at that position you are in. You're just the messenger. Pass it off. If people don't say anything. They're taking it in. They're not ignoring you. They're just speechless. Many more such times will come and you will be increasingly more comfortable with them, until you take them for granted, and forget them. Radically changing times are about to hemorrhage forth on humanity. Your part is critically important. Don't stress over it. It will all come naturally to you. You'll finally be in your element. Most people think they'll see an extraordinary view from the top of a summit, but you don't. You feel it. Good luck.
Charles Price thank you so much I'm 39 just found out I'm infj I always just thought I was weird sometimes crazy and that I don't belong the advice you gave is priceless and so helpful I needed to hear the things you said and I'm now comfortable with myself and have been able to turn what I thought was negative and turn it into positive
I'm at the middle. I like being part of a group where I can add to a conversation every now and then but not be either dominant or completely ignored. It's the perfect spot. I guess there's lots of variety within INFJ because I can't relate to this video at all either 🤷♂️
tadm123 I can do what u mentioned there. But I m aware that I m enjoying the conversation but am kind of faking it to keep the conversation going. Hence the next time I might be put in that situation, I try to find a corner of my own. The perfect place for me in a party will be the kitchen. Maybe that s why I become a good cook.
Oh, you forgot the 'are you mad?' or the 'are you sad?' Just because I'm quiet, not having a smile, or having a nowhere stare doesn't mean i am mad or sad
Same, in most of the groups I've ever been I get ignored and even when I express my opinion they act like they didn't listen or actually listen to me but prefer ignoring what I say so I give up and choose to be quiet and being far away for the group I'm in, it's healthier for me.
Jennifer Alondra Alcántara Lopez it’s probably because what you had to say was a nugget of wisdom and they didn’t understand so they chose to ignore it to save face in front of the others. Heavy truths work best one on one for sure so they can feel free to open up with you. It’s my big struggle. I hate surface level conversations I’m always wanting to go deep too fast
You know what bothers me. People constantly asking me if I'm okay. Whyyyy???? Makes me so uncomfortable, and even if I was perfectly fine, I start to wonder if I am really o.k., do I look weird
My constantly changing extraversion and introversion confuses people I think. One day I'll be so chatty, then exhausted and then the next day I'll hide away to preserve my energy.
Introversion and extraversion have nothing to do with level of interest in social situations. INFJs are extraverted feelers second, meaning we pick up on the energy of everybody else and we pay a lot of attention to the harmony of the group and don't like it. Being introverted simply means you get drained being around people and need to recharge with alone time. Extraversion is the opposite: go out and see people to get energy and recharge alone. If you're feeling amped up by a conversation it's because it keys into your interests and we never really get to connect with people on that abstract empathetic level.
I feel like INFJs just try to match the energy in the room rather than make a statement for themselves and really individualize themselves from the rest of the crowd. One on one they absolutely will, but in a group they try so hard to fit in, they don’t make themselves as interesting as they really are.
This is spot on. It's like when you're in a group you're scared of fully being yourself because it might be met with judgement, so you'd rather match the energy of the group to not feel like an outcast.
@@crochetqueen93 yeah when there is a group project I will get new ideas but when I try to express them I don't know but I feel odd in a group of normal people and when I try to fit in it makes me feel awkward and ends up being quiet
This is why I deeply admire people who can do that. I used to be the type of person who never said anything independent, or out of what I felt the energy of the room was, or what I viewed as embarrassing and awkward. But then I met people with, what I like to call, “rockstar energy” which is the type of energy that doesn’t give a shit. They’re unapologetically themselves, and that is a trait I work really hard now to possess because it really is so admirable that people can say what they’re thinking, even if I view it as embarrassing, and they stand with their views. Why I still get awkward, and I find myself occasionally matching energy (as it’s so easy to do) but if I want to say something that goes against the flow of conversation, I cna do so easily. I feel it offers different perspectives, and it helps conversation flow. Sometimes it takes one person to voice an opposing opinion, and then the whole group takes it into consideration, or someone who thought the same as you but felt they couldn’t voice it also can speak out and agree.
“They’re not ignoring you. They just don’t know how to deal with you. Because you’re that cool.” Bro this changed my life! Seriously, i feel less anxious about people right now.
Lol. I feel like awkward and like a dork. I can see this as a possibility because life has greatly improved as I have gotten older and been able to get away from those that were hurtful. I learned from their criticisms.
Robert I knew this one lol. Every time I’m with other introverts in public I always feel like I have to be the “leader” of the group. Rather it be starting conversations or making decisions like where to eat or whatever.
@@harrisonbaylor1432 LOL I am the exact same way. I always feel like the least awkward of all the introverts in the group, even though I can feel awkward in social situations sometimes.
People always confuse me as an extrovert. That's only because my extroverted side comes out to match the mood of the situation. I'm more a blender and match'er.
Winters Star58 i took the test, got infj, thought Nah that aint me, looked at all other introverted personalities, didnt really fit me either (except infp but im more of a planner than a i’ll do it sometimes person) so i watched some infj vids (a lot tbh) and i started to understand and relate to a things more and more. Still i think im lying to myself and my brain is telling me that i must be special. And now idk anymore if im lying to myself and im at the point that i cant trust and believe myself anymore and it hurts me a lot. I guess im just an introvert. Nothing more, nothing less, just an ixxx-x
The most hurtful thing I have experienced in that direction is being forgotten, often. People don't remember me, that I was there are the lame party or dinner or whatever. While I remember their whole boring AF life story and that they hate onions, because they talked at me for a lifesucking hour. And then you don't remember my face or name or that I exist? I tried being louder and saying something about myself, so that they too have something to remember me by, but then I just feel more drained and embarrassed about having talked nonsense.
Then there is the truth. The true infj witnesses a lot of truth twisting and should you gently remind someone theyre lying especially if its a very important reminder you will most likely be torn to shreds screamed at for quite some time and then hear alternate realities that are so far fetched theyre like 2 y/o making up stuff.
Hey boos, I'm seeing these comments. Hey guess what, you arent forgotten. Jesus is thinking about you all the time. You are always on His heart and He doesn't want to forget you. So remember this. K? Be happy, you are breathing. God is good. :)
I often find that I could be talking to people and mid sentence they suddenly start talking or walk away - it's almost like they didn't hear me even though I was speaking clearly. I feel like as an INFJ I get interrupted a lot and people just don't pay attention to me.
pamela 4- Yes, Yes and Yes!!! And I often have to interrupt them just to get a word in edgewise. They will go on and on about some tiny problem I would not even notice, when I know they are well aware that I have really serious problems, but they will never even ask how I am doing, and then claim that they "love" me. I am sick of it. I feel like we INFJs are push-pull toys when it comes to other people.
OMG Yes!!! This is so annoying and frustrating. i find that i get interrupted also when i am in the middle of a conversation with someone, as if i am not even there!
“You’re impossible to figure out its so mysterious and sexy “ 1 month later : “ You’re just weird I can’t figure you out it’s so frustrating I’m done with you!” 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve noticed that when I’m low on energy I don’t want/ like to socialize/talk to people that I feel requires me to exert a lot of energy or entertain them. Like sometimes I just want to chill without talking. And some people I feel like they can’t just chill without talking and it not be awkward. The awkwardness drains me
In those situations, it's not you that's making the silence awkward. It's usually the person who doesn't understand the value of silence that makes it awkward. I don't really talk much unless I really have something to say and I've noticed when I'm around the few people who understand that, moments of silence are actually quite relaxing. It's only ever awkward when there's somebody around who's scared to death of going one second without flapping their lips and making sounds. Lol
I find that some people are so empty inside and have no inner world so that have to rely on other people to entertain them because they can only be bored when left to their own company. These type of people are very draining.
Yeah, a friend of mine said we could hang out on the weekends (which I appreciate it’s nice) and I was like “sure sometime” but in my head I was not so positive about it because weekends are testing days from entertaining and socializing
YES 😂 That can kind of suck though, for instance; My family was talking about how much they dislike when spaghetti noodles clump together while cooking, I pipped up and said that I didn't mind it when that happened. Literally for months after that, whenever we would eat spaghetti (at least once a week) my family would go out of their way to make sure that all of the noodles that clumped together were given to me. They thought that just because I said that I didn't mind something, that meant that I LOVED it. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I didn't really care, that is until my little sister stated that she prefers clumped noodles. Then I told them. 😂 Things like that happen to me quite often. 😐 P.S. I know that was an odd analogy, but I am typing this at five in the morning 😂
Me: trying to look for friends by joining a chat group. Aleo me: (Quitely reading their convos) Doesn't want to talk or partake in their conversations.
Kaylie, have u just recently learned you are an INFJ? I only ask because I had the same reaction when I first found out there was a whole group of others with my personality quirks and who are just as complicated as I have always been. Finding this community has truly been a blessing. So cry, because I think your tears are tears of relief and comfort. 💕💕
Definitely this! I have had people bulldoze over me talking, and insert themselves between me and the person I'm talking to (unfortunately, it's usually a woman.)
I've been told that I'm always two steps behind or two steps ahead in a conversation, but I'm never instep in the conversation. It was one of the best observations anyone has ever actually told me about myself.
I don’t like to talk. I don’t like small-talk because if I speak to fill in silence I feel like I’m saying stupid things. I would rather speak to enlighten, comfort or humor someone. Which, I feel, even then is not often... I prefer reading or writing to speaking.
Mindy Sioux I feel the same, but when the silences get too awkward in discussions I feel compelled to speak up and end up saying stupid things because I haven’t had a chance to develop any meaningful and insightful ideas yet. That has just made me hate small talk even more
I don't like small talk because it forces me to move my lips to someone I don't even care for. I know it sounds harsh, I'm not a mean person but trying to work up a conversation as an INFJ is extremely tiring and sometimes it feels like something's lodged into my throat so I cant even speak.
Well I've said things in groups but it's like I've not said anything at all. So I always step back and leave after that. They never notice I have left.
Debbie Smith not always true.. sometimes an illusion! You make a decision in your own head about who that person is based on what you hear and observe, but that’s filtered through your own mental state and belief system.. granted some people are so transparent but your perception is not a clean slate it’s always filtered through your own beliefs and experiences, therefore you can never really have the full truth about someone. It’s actually impossible if you really think about it, and possibly narcissistic to think you could..!
I feel like since the INFJ’s are so intuitive and blend in makes us more prone to anxiety and possibly depression? Because has anyone else just listened and thought about others conversations and heard like a little cue to join in but don’t, and then you get ignored? And then you wonder what would have happened if you joined in,and then overload yourself...and then just break down. Being an INFJ is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Edit - over 100 likes?!? Lol wow that’s the most I’ve gotten, thank you :)
absolutely right ! i got depression but feared to tell my family about it, then it got worse pondering if it's okay to reach for help, what if this is not a depression but kinda an illusion, what will they think...anddddd turned out i got depression, bad performances at school, broken relationships, then I told my family and got them taken aback
Exactly. The amount of energy it would take to put something articulate and interesting out there is far greater than the effort it feels like other people will make in caring about it, following up on it or asking you to expand on it, so what's the point? Feels like it will be more fruitful to listen and gain insight quietly.
I agree to this so bad. An acquaintance of mine called me boring since i wouldn't try to out talk them and would rather listen and process all that may be useful for me
I’ve gotten so used to the “fade” that when I’m in a group conversation and the main talker looks at me I freak out a little because I look at everything, body language and etc and it’s even awkwarder if the person said something funny and they look at me because I’m not laughing just to see me looking at them like 👁 👄 👁 and then I plaster a weird smile on my face 🤦🏾♀️. That mostly happens when I don’t really know the person but it’s awkward af 😭😭😭 (sorry if that didn’t make any sense 😂)
This is exactly how I feel in such a situation. It really helps for me when I know/have talked one on one with the 'talker' of the group before because then I feel like I 'dare' to reciprocate more, but if not it's just a very awkward moment😅
Looool, I have to force a look of comfort on my face in social situations even when I feel just fine because I'm so busy quietly observing but apparently my resting face looks sad or angry to others.
@@ilianam453 so true. my friends can be laughing and making jokes that i usually also would laugh at but at that moment i just don't feel like engaging or i just forget that i'm visible almost. oh i must look so angry when in reality i'm not at all
James Banks i don't agree with you, as i can't say that i'm (in my case) an old soul at all. I feel more like i'll always be 18 and i'm almost 20 and it doesn't seem to change. I respect your opinion tho cause i know a lot of infjs may be like that
@@sarcadistic9762 well the thing about old soul communities on Facebook is that they are normally full of people who think they are an old soul but technically they are immature and far from being an old soul... just understand that most people don't know who they actually are, it's more so a fake painted picture of themselves.
@@opaldeadventureersubscribe7825 omg, I think this all the time. People will claim they know something about themselves and I'm looking at then like... that's not what i see but hey 🤷🏾♀️ i try not to question their integrity too hard but enough to hopefully trigger some introspection.
I don’t consider myself an old soul now. Maybe I will in another life. However I am attracted to legitimate old souls and love to hear their insights and opinions. I may have come across two or three people in my current lifetime who I would consider old souls and they tend to talk a lot. Like they have finally become ripened fruit and have a lot of knowledge to share. I’m not near that level yet. I feel I have one or two important things to learn and experience in this life and if I have done well in my life studies and test then I will “graduate “ to the next life, take on a new form, and learn whatever lessons the cosmos have planned for me then. I have come into contact with people who share the same spirit as others that I have known in my life. This is an interesting discovery that I think on a lot now.
Yes! Love this quote I saw in a meme “My favorite type of people: when you’re telling a story and everyone’s talking over you, but one person makes direct eye contact with you and pays extra attention so you don’t get discouraged.”🥰
I'm often that person. Knowing how it feels, I make a point of paying attention to people who are standing by themselves or trying to tell a story and nobody is listening. They tend to be quite interesting.
INFJ's are the rarest because we are blessed with our intutition and sixth sense. We struggle to adapt in an extroverted world, but once we master our extroverted side, we become very powerful. We are capable of changing the world around us.
I met INFJs in the internet. Funny how we clicked and then I ask if she's INFJ and then I was right. Too bad I don't have another INFJ near me, I asked my nephews and nieces to test their types. I am most comfortable with my INFP nephew but there are a lot of times he forgets his goals and sometimes frustrates me, but I try to put him back on track so he won't lose his dreams.
In today’s society, there’s too much noise-in social media, in real life, in the work place, etc. Too many people babble a lot of things. INFJs filter the tumult and get down to the core of things. Someone has to do the observing when everyone’s so busy and focused on their everyday gabble. Many people talk. Some may hear. But only a few listen.
So can relate to this. In college, I was surprised when someone commented (about me) to everyone in the psychology of religion class, "stop interrupting her, because as little as she says, it's nearly always profound." So some people do notice, even more than we think.
Kudos to the classmate! I had a similar experience. Somebody in my class started a magazine, and she invited me to be an editorial, because she listened to me speak in class, and thought I had insights. *Now allow me to be fairly smug about it...
Right! At that moment,You(I) feel like...kinda shocked because you're being told something positive( so ,positive social experience) about a trait that's inherent to you while you're so used to be dealing with negative social situations
I have NEVER had someone so perfectly articulate the exact complex of how isolated and unapproachable I've felt my entire life. Seriously informative and strangely comforting, thank you
As an INFJ, whenever I watch your videos, reading those comments in your video, I feel like "finally there's someone who understands me, especially my situation, without the need to explain those things. Thank you so much :")
It's really comforting to hear the way you speak, as I speak in the same manner. Slow, hesitant. I feel like we tend to come off as unintelligent, when we are really just thinking about how to make what we're saying actually mean something. It's nice to know that it's not just me.
I think we are natural public speakers, on the contrary, you should learn to embrace the power of your speech, especially because it's probably not frequent
And (don't know if this happens to others) when we're explaining something, we use such simple terms that you can tell people are assuming what we're saying will be dumb... only to realize there's some big truth, an interesting point or intuitive observation in what we said. Some people do realize it and come to appreciate your opinion later even willing to patiently let you finish getting your point across or asking for your opinion in big matters.... Others continue to assume we're dumb because they weren't listening the first time around...
If I am to say something relatively important in the deep sense, either I say it all as a big speech in my head and never remember it gain (oh well, there it went), or I manage to write about it in full. I don't bother giving intelligent thoughts that aren't to help in the moment if I know I won't be able to express them to the other person. Sometimes I manage to and it is great, but most of the time my brain breaks and I say it all messed up or it's too much for them to grasp and I'm like ok nevermind then. Sometimes I can't even socialize unless I stop thinking and go into talking mode and give what's on my mind. Because at the end of the day, speaking your mind even if it is about common interests or differing interests/personal opinion, it can open people up to your particular perspective as an INFJ and then they feel like it's manageable to talk with you more (I guess you're also putting out a bit more. I still get ignored sometimes even then to be fair tbh. Sometimes eventually I get tired and just zone out then suddenly jump back in when I hear something interesting, it annoys my sister) and if one day something happens with you, they will be there to lend an ear if they are your good friends. My friends like discussing so it's good & it can be liberating to share opninions/views on world problems or Idk talk about a show you like to watch for a bit. I tend to be a pretty direct person in the first place, try to get past or avoid small talk.
@@tticusFinch This reminds me of the time I started behaving and talking through an alter ego, because I thought I shoudln't be seen as an introvert in that particular work field. Obviously, very bad idea, many misunderstandings and my boss would perceive every serious point I tried to make as me being sarcrastic. That's when I learned that being extroverted is not a goal even if society in many parts of the world makes it out to be a strength in contrast to introvertedness.
Difficult, yes but also very rewarding. We are the ones that let people who feel unseen know that we see their soul. They Are being heard and they Do matter. Why? Because we know like no other what it is like to be misread and misunderstood. We defend the underdog and are an example for the world. We have to be the best we can be so we inspire others to do the same. Emotional welfare, justice, love and integrity. Key characteristics to be proud of guys......
NotoriousVillain Art it was very difficult in my youth. I think the army saved my life because it kept me busy with constant goals to focus on and achieve and I couldn’t spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Once I discovered the ease of volunteering and being accepted on deployments all over the world I began achieving successes I could really begin to be proud of myself for and I would take delight in being in locations that notable people in history have been. Eastern Europe is easily one of my favorite locations that I am attracted to. Alas like Icarus, I didn’t check myself and flew to high in responsibility to the point were I was overwhelmed and exhausted with the demands of my position that I needed to take my honorable discharge from the army and rediscover who I am and what my passions were. Now I’m in my 40s and I have discovered that I harness a power that doesn’t come from positions or titles but from a much deeper well that is exclusively mine. This power has allowed me to have influences over others without even trying. I can’t imagine not being INFJ now. It really gets better with age!
I’ve got an issue because I’m an INFJ and all of my friends are very very quiet introverts. So I constantly feel like I have to start the conversation, continue the conversation, and say something worth-while, because otherwise no one talks... EVER. That’s why I always gravitate towards my extroverted friends. I’m an energy absorber, a listener, I can’t create energy as well as other people. So yeah, my introverted friends actually drain me WAY more than my extroverted friends. Does this happen to anyone else, or just me?
That's running into the situation that you are ironically the extrovert in your introvert friend group and that takes a toll on your energy on an introvert. It's a double edge sword. It's funny if you get enough introverts in one room, the scale shifts on who is more introverted and extroverted. But the big issue is that the friends are not reciprocating the energy back to you in that friendship.
Social interactions are definitely interesting. Maybe it is because I am an ENFP but no matter if I am with a group of introverted friends or extraverted friends, I will change up my behavior *if* I feel like expectations are being put on me. So it could be the case that since you always start the conversation, continue the conversation because otherwise no one talks... it could be that they EXPECT you to do it now. We humans are trained FAST. Social interactions for me are testing how well I am on my toes to make sure minimal expectations are placed on me. Essentially I don't want the *expected* responsibility. I will take the responsibiility at times but also sit in the golden silence and let things progress as if I was not there. I suppose what I am trying to say is: It is important to consciously be aware of how you are unconsciously or subconsciously training people to interact with you.
Omg yes this has happened to me I’d rather hang out with my extroverted friends because it’s less draining than introverted friends that just sit there and expect us to initiate and carry on the conversation the whole time. I tend to get along more with extroverts even though I’m not extroverted like them.
When I go to some parties people often ask me why am I so quiet...it almost sounds like they feel bad for me🤷🏽♂️ but I'm just observing everything..and I'm completely fine by it
So many people associated being taciturn with something being wrong with someone. I hate that things work that way. I want the stuff I say to mean something. Empty conversation isn't my cup of tea.
I had an older woman at church tell me years ago that I was a very "solemn" person. Only someone who doesn't really know me well would think that. I'm very particular who I let into my personal space. A lot of people make a judgment call on INFJs without realizing we care very deeply - too much sometimes. It drains me to share myself with others. I have a very active inner mental life, and don't feel the need to share every thought that I have. I'm in my mid 50s now, and am comfortable with who I am, and being introverted - you learn it's ok to be an observer of humanity, and share what's truly meaningful.
As an INFJ, I prefer to be in the background...observing and helping if I see someone in need. We are the "hidden Elves" of this world ;) You have a new subscriber, fellow INFJ!
Texting freaks me out I always notice if they are Typing differently, or upset, dont wanna talk to me etc. Trought text + i feel like i annoy them if i massage them first I usually ignore my messages till the anxious feeling goes away Then i force myself to reply back
jesus i thought it was just me. i always feel someone's else vibe and how they feel even when they try to deny it. and texting literally triggers my anxiety more than anything else. its INSANE
INFJ's need to limit the output of the care & compassion that they give to others, and learn to direct that energy inwards: I know it's easier said than done.
I'm scared at how accurate this is, I feel like I'm reading versions of me in the comments. I have an interest in mysterious personalities and my family sees me like that but at school, I talk and somehow frick it all up.
Listening isn't communicating. You have to talk as well as listen. Otherwise the other person might as well be talking to a brick wall, even if all they want is a little grunt or a yeah to let them know you're listening.
Sometimes when I don’t talk people think there is something wrong. They’re like... why are you so quiet? I think sometimes I’d rather just observe, still participate but I don’t have to talk all the time. Sometimes it’s nicer to listen.
Sometimes I don't contribute to a conversation because I think other people can read me as well as I can read them. I only found out recently that this isn't true.
Beth Conroy definitely, I'm pretty awkward because of this. whenever I'm uncomfortable with a person seeing me I make much less eye contact. I can generally get an idea of what somebody's thinking by looking them in the eye, I get scared that they can do the same.
Once my coach, from many years ago, asked, "Who didn't get their uniform?" I stepped forward while her head was down, and no one was left standing close to her. When she looked up and saw me, she freaked out that I didn't speak up. I just didn't realize I had to. It was very embarrassing.
As a young INFJ, I'm still dealing with the social scene in school. I have always been an overachiever, and I have found myself to be well-known at my school. Despite this, I feel isolated from my peers. I have countless acquaintances, but I am not firmly "in" any friend groups. I have attempted joining and forming friend groups, but usually I find the other members getting closer and closer while I gradually fall behind. I had almost accepted that scaring people off would be inevitable for me, but hearing that others may just not understand how to interact with me opens my eyes to possible explanation and thankfully another stepping stone I can use to overcome my issue.
Sometimes being an INFJ can feel isolating because so few people think like you, but don't worry, it will work out! You'll find like-minded people or in the least, people who like your weirdness and appreciate you. It gets better as you get older, I think.
Sometimes in a group, there is so much energy and vibes coming at me, its so overwhelming, I cant possibly talk just because I am so busy trying to sort and process everything so not to go under. Often I just have to walk away.
When I still worked in a corporate environment with lots of colleagues and managers and people I never said anything in sales meetings. On the odd occasion that I díd say something or offered a solution to a problem people would just talk over me before I even finished my sentence. And then 2 minutes later when the top sales rep or manager says the same thing with gusto and conviction everyone says "Good idea, let's do that". And I would just sit there in quiet amazement and think "You bunch of fucking assholes.....". Probably ignored me because they were not used to me ever saying anything. And probably why I very seldom got good performance reviews, even if I exceeded my targets.
Interesting- I thought I was the only person who felt like this - I also happen to be INFJ but never realized other INFJ had this same feeling. And it took me 5 minutes to even decide if I wanted to post this comment 😁
This really struck a cord with me. My whole life Ive been the quietest one in the room and I always feel like I'm just a passive observer of my own life. People always think I'm mysterious when really I'm just taking everything in. Thank you for helping me.
Joslynch i’m with you girl, i’m always labeled as too mysterious or people think i’m mean because i’m not talking to them and it’s such a big struggle because i’m aware that they are aware of how i come off but i can’t really do much about it? if that makes sense?
I find myself sometimes molding to my surroundings, becoming extroverted when others don't take the initiative to create conversation. Other times, when there's plenty of extroverted people, I don't have the energy to, and just sit back and watch. It really depends how my "energy" is, and those surrounding me. Wow. You're great! I definitely melt into the background with a group of people, whether I'm close to them or not. It used to bother me a lot (and it still kinda does) when people ignore me. But I realized it's not really their fault.
Same like In school or work if I was in a group of quite people I’m usually the one to take over the situation and lead but in a group of extroverts I’m the quite one that just sits back and let them take over.
First time I heard a comment this to me years ago, they told me "you're a normal person" they basically don't know what to describe and I got hurt, even had self identity crisis back then. I like to include an idol I know and I strongly believe he's an infj, then i saw comments off telling how annoying it is because they can't literally describe him to the point calling the idols out as being fake. Infj's are not fake yk, we can't pretend 24/7 we just use Fe because that's what makes us to be happy literally. (that's literally the way to break ur loop) So in conclusion, we, infj's, are very vague people, got worried of what people think of us even hiding ourselves and emotions, though i understand that our emotions are very personal but pls open up alright, just be you. It works and it lessen your loneliness.
I find this too, honestly, I think INFJs have this the worst of all, ESTPs have the easiest time drawing attention to themselves, honestly, no matter what they say or do, they tend to get everyone around them to watch and listen to them. INFJs however have to actively stress ourselves and push ourselves to talk loud and fast enough to get people to listen... which is also really draining for us, so in groups, I am usually really quiet until there is something I really need to say, and then I try to share it, but my sharing style is usually a monologue, and its really easy for people to interrupt or distract me, and then the message is lost really easily, so its usually easier for me to share one on one, or on youtube.
I talked a lot in social situations when I was younger but that would usually lead to me getting so drained I would crash as soon as I got home, so my energy went up and down, until I learnt to be more calm around people. I also care less about people listening to me and am more happy to just keep things to myself. I had the exact same experience you did here.
I completely agree with this. I go through my daily living feeling suffocated and I fail to express myself emotionally because when I try to, my problems sound irrelevant so in the end I immediately stop caring and move on without dealing with my problem.
FACTS! I had a short term fwb (tmi but idc) with some guy who i swear is an ESTP, whom i work with, and he's always talking, sharing his thoughts about things, what he had going on in his life and etc. And everyone easily listens. Felt that he was very different from me when i first met him. When we hung out, i could barely get a word in, mostly just listening and engaging in what he was saying up until the last two times. And at the end of the fling, he had all these thoughts about what i was doing and read it so wrong, it made me so upset and annoyed because people never say they can't read me, they assume they can and they're so left feild, it makes me want to crawl back into my shell and never talk to people again. I feel like people don't give me the benefit of doubt because I'm a black women and people have all these stereotypes about us that they try to act like exist so they never even question my integrity, just assume they know. I hate it.
All these years i hated myself for being "me". I already have categorized myself as "weird" because i just can't fit in on most social groups, only to find out now that INFJ personality really exist. I'm having a marathon of your videos lately & I'm discovering a lot. It's like having a friend who doesn't know me personally but understands me completely.
I don't know. Being an ENFP, I never ignore an INFJ. The greatest conversations I've had are always with introverted types. I'm like a bumblebee who is just drawn to the wallflowers. lol. Not just because I can speak more, but because so many introverts are fantastic at absorbing information and I feel like there is just so much that I can learn from you guys. Plus the eye contact is so engaging.. But I've witnessed the intimidation factor with the way others interact with introverted people. I think it's too real for a lot of people to handle!
ENFP and INFJ make very good partnerships. My best friend (ENFP) and I (INFJ) always used to say we are perfect opposites. When we took the personality test I found this article. thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/05/6-reasons-why-enfps-and-infjs-make-the-best-friends-for-each-other/
@@katiesewell237 My closest friend is an ENFP too (and I am an INFJ)! I always get along well with ENFPs. Their energy and optimism help to bring me out of my sullen introspection sometimes. I have two older sisters and the one that I am closest to is also an ENFP. 💜
We tend to scare people off because they don't understand us and how we think rather than trying t9 understand. And yes we do have the best conversations because we use feelings and emotions when it comes to it.
EXACTLY!!! I'm also an ENFP and the way you feel about it is dead on for me. My boyfriend is an INFJ and it is a soul mate connection. All of my best friends are also introverts. There's SO much under their surface 😍😍😍
Fellow INFJ here Only has one friend (on purpose) Doesn't talk to most of family Loves spending time alone listening to thoughts and ideas on TH-cam Can feel the energy change when hubby gets home and reacts accordingly We watch and adapt as needed. 💚
Same, but now I have trained my hubby to retreat when he comes home in a bad mood and when he's feeling better to say sorry.......I'm still working on it. Sadly there are no hubby schools, haha.
@@yvonnecampbell7036 I have yet to get an "I'm sorry " from mine for anything worse than accidentally bumping into me in the hallway. Do tell what magic you used to train him, please... 💖☺
@@jessicathompson8231 It could take years but........Take the time, look him deep in the eyes and tell him what you're worth. You do Not deserve anything less. If he cannot or will not respect you in this he simply doesn't deserve you. You can always point to the door as a subtle hint. Or you can always train him with treats and alone time on the naughty stool.......Good luck and remember, be kind but firm and stay strong.
"does it matter if I express my opinion here" is so true--and also because I never want people to think I'm full of myself so I rarely talk about myself out "in the world"
I'm an INFP, and I also do some sort of fade (or sudden disappearance) in every group conversation. It feels like when there is a total of more than 3 people in a conversation, I always fall silent and listen, even with my own family. With strangers, I usually get pushed out of the conversation because they tend to assume that I'm not a part of it anymore.
We don’t like to be fake. We like to be understood on a deep level. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I am unreadable and stoic. I do not like it because we are just more emotional reserved. I like to call it emotionally mature. Other personalities I think overly share. INFJs are not socially needy and actually get more attention for being mysterious. I have had people literally try to come and drain my peace, jealous of my reserve demeanor and stability.
I actually just recently had a girl at my work say something to me about this. I was just listening to her talk for about 15 minutes straight. I wasn't thinking much about what was being said just listening. Then she asked me what I thought because she can never read me and I don't say much. I told her it's because I listen then think about it later. She wanted to know if I resonated with anything she said and said she needs more feedback from me. Most of the time I don't think of anything to say because I'm so busy absorbing what the other person is saying. Then when they're done talking for awhile I'm just like ok, we're done now. I used to try to keep thinking of what I want/ wanted to say but then ended up not fully listening because it's hard to keep the thoughts at times. Does anyone else have any of this happen too?
Yes. I call this the "Ni-Ti loop" phenomenon (easy to fall into and get stuck in - especially when young). The way toward growth is to consciously practice mature Fe so as to balance the introverted Ni function. This takes practice and/or research because it is a chicken-egg scenario (Ni database development required before mature Fe expression); please be compassionate on yourself when you make mistakes and don't give up trying. BTW, the Se function is also available for INFJ's to consciously practice too - i.e. the goal is to balance introverted Ni with extroverted Fe, Se. A particular technique that help INFJ's is documented by Julia Cameron and is called "Morning Pages" and is a form of journaling. juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/ "To grow as an individual, the INFJ needs to focus on applying their judgment to things *only* after they have gone through their intuition." www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_per.html
The person who asks for your feedback is uncomfortable with your silence. That person also wants your acceptance of them. They do not know if you are friend or foe. They would like to know. Some people will interpret silence when you have the opportunity to contribute as: if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.
My best friend is an ESFP (the “entertainer”), and it’s crazy how differently people respond to each of us when we show up somewhere together. She gathers a lot of attention and immediately launches into dramatic conversation. I get attention from a few and have much calmer and more genuine conversations. Our mutual friends also tend to share personal things with me at greater frequency and in greater detail. It’s very easy to find myself fading next to someone so extroverted and energy giving. I’ve often wondered if people really even notice my absence when I’m not there. However, I am the one people gravitate to when they’re having an off day or are going through a tough time.
I never knew this had to do with my personality type! Whenever I’m with others, whether it’s 2 people or a party I tend to “distance” myself and listen to what everyone is saying but I’m stuck in my head thinking “why is no one noticing me.”
It’s funny how you mentioned that we can be ignored. I was telling my friend a couple of weeks ago, before I found out recently that I’m an INFJ...that I feel like I’m treated like a plant. Only when they think I need attention, they give me attention. But otherwise I’m mostly there but not needed to be talked to.
I find that we often have to block energy (negative)..and as we deflect it back to the originator, they become cross with us and think that WE'RE the odd one. They can't handle the very energy that they put out..but they don't realize it is, indeed, their own vibes.
This is so helpful. I’m an ENFP and my lovely daughter is an INFJ. She often questions why she is invisible and ignored by others. I’ll be sharing your video with her. I know she will find it food for thought and maybe even answer that life long question. Thanks.
Spot on mate. Perfectly silent and examining the entire psychological structure of each participant in a group setting, but also managing to be life of the party when the energy clicks. Also, this is why I prefer solitude either way.
@@twistedfeatures Damn... I practically LOST all mine. I really believed they were going to stick with me at some points, too. All my closest friends lost interest in the quiet INFJ I guess. Oh well.
I rarely talk because most ppl don’t understand what it is I talk about. I hate small talk. I was told we travel at a higher frequency. I’m very interested in esoteric topics. In fact I love ❤️ the esoteric. I read biographies and philosophy and historical research. I don’t even know anyone who reads books anymore.
Lara O'neal I too am an infj.I hate small talk.We do vibrate at a much higher frequency.If you want to learn more look up Aurasoma.Im a aurasoma practitioner and it's helped me enormously.
Lara.........I was told that as a small boy (18 mos old) that I would always be found on the giving end of a needed task that to me was so obvious in needing to be finished. All without fanfare or recognition. My boyhood shyness has carried over into my later years (72 now), and still become so frightful of being caught in large crowds. Small talk to me is a rarity, but can stay with you for hours in a deep conversation that has meaning. Here is another truth I have found. You mentioned that we travel at higher frequencies. Note this......that the "real - salt of the earth - most all the animal kingdom only can hear high frequency sounds." Especially we INFJ's cannot relate to or hear low frequency meaningless chatter. Seems that INFJ's, and INTJ's are reserved by God for some higher calling of service to humanity.
Sorry, but you sound really elitist, maybe even pretentious. Honestly I dont think that's a good way of seeing things. You can learn something new from anyone.
Other than unreadable, I was called creepy 😂 I was eating with a bunch of classmates while they converse . To me it felt like I was present all Long and just listening but they seem to forgot I was there and when I blurted out my thoughts regarding the topic while I was eating they were shocked that I was even ‘in’ the conversation to begin with 😂
It’s like just because our mouth isn’t running non stop doesn’t mean we can’t hear or aren’t considering the topic - we are often just intently listening and considering what others say. ^_^ Also - on a completely different note - when I read your comment I missed reading the word “with” at first - lol -
Creepy is because INFJs are masters at reading people - sometimes just sitting there and observing. We can see right through people, and they forget we are there...so people say things with their guard down., and often spill their darkest secrets.
![[#2024MAMA] ROSÉ (로제), Bruno Mars - APT. | Mnet 241122 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dgGqD28J6aQ/mqdefault.jpg)
"You're so shy omg."
..... why..... would..... i..... speak..... if...... i...... don't....... have....... anything....... to say???????
I relate!! 😂 seriously...
Yes, go off on Karen 😂
Right like why does being quiet always gotta correlate being shy wtf!! Must I speak on everything I come across 🙄
I relate 😂😂😂😂😂
I'm a shy INFJ, but I don't always have something to say. I would rather not say a bunch of empty words.
INFJs be like "why is it that I never meet any other INFJs in real life? .. oh right we're invisible. ok"
LOL I hope to meet more
You'll know when you do, though. It's just something...you feel. You just know they're different, but similar to yourself.
HA!
I laughed
I've been compared to possible INFJ but it's always the ones who try to flaunt their weirdness which makes me think they're not one. Real INFJ exist but you have to talk to us one on one to really tell imo.
This is why I prefer one on one interactions. I don't like feeling left out 😂😂
Do SeungMi mood
I talk a lot when I'm in an one-on-one conversation with someone I've known for a long time.
But then my mind goes blank when a third person comes in...And then they both ignore me and I just sit there. They temporarily forget I'm there. It's weird.
Do SeungMi Yep. You can actually connect with a person 101, and jave some meaningfull converstaions
Do SeungMi I’ve always been for 1 on 1. I thought there was something off because of it. Not that there was something wrong with me, but something different. My mate always tells me I need to talk more when going out to a bar or club or something. But 99% of interactions are groups, and I’m just not really down. It works when someone’s trying to get something out of me, which is great. Otherwise, I do best 1 on 1.
Yes! I always get disappointed when I find out meeting with someone will include a third or fourth person, because then I know I will just be sitting there listening instead of sharing.
INFJs are not “quiet”. Our eyes and expressions can give away the crazy internal monologue. And people find that extremely jntimidating
Totally true! I've been told I have "intense eyes" and people closest to me always know if I have more to say that I'm not saying verbally.
@@vanessaellefson7806 WORDD😂🤣🤣
on the bright side my face also speaks exaclty what i want it to at times i can easily make my point with just the right look
Why? It's not meant as such.
@@vanessaellefson7806 yep
Every one: "You are pretty quiet."
Me: "Only on the outside."
💯
Exact
Because I think you are not match with me or I trust you enough on the connection to make me talkactive
Yeah I totally agres
Mee 😳
I'm definitely INFJ. But I'm very, very talkative when i feel like talking. Then I need to hide and be alone, regretting the talking. Do others feel like that, too?
justinael Yes! When I am with my family. Especially my 21 year old daughter and 16 yr old son. I just talk talk talk!
The other day (I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks) he was looking tired. I said "I'm wearing you out aren't I?" he said "mmm..kind of". He didn't want to hurt my feelings, he knew I had a lot to share and was excited to see him.
My daughter is entp and we both talk a lot back and forth, kinda amped up. Then we have to go to separate rooms for 2-4 hrs to recharge.
YUP
yep...when i sense a personality or intellectual connection....it's so rare! & i get all excited like a kid in a candy store...thus will occasionally yap my brains out if they are responsively clicking & excitedly talking too......then, Zap!...i suddenly stop..freeze...feeling like an idiot in need of a rabbit hole, when i hear my own voice..going on & on...*shudders*
Nu Liform wow yes exactly!!!
I felt it too!
I think all of this goes in addition to the “I’m holding on to my thought because they’re talking” and then the conversation does a 180 and your thought is irrelevant.
Happens so many times
Nicely put! This happens so often, and it unfortunately happens when I think of something funny or witty
Yeah i find this happens to me a lot but i feel like its how confident on the subject thats being talked about i am. Sometimes i feel i dont know enough to have valuable input or i think i know to much but cant structure in the right way to get it across properly and then like you say conversation changes. Sometimes i think others no more and say nothing only to find out later on i knew as much as everbody else on the matter and should of just said it. If that makes any sense haha.
wild linez 88 It makes total sense. I’m actually so surprised that more people think this way. It is all very true!
worst
I often find myself acting different depending on who I’m with - not being fake, but I tend to take on the traits or energy of whom ever I’m with.
Same.
One time I spent the night with my cousin and she has a southern accent.
By that evening I was speaking with such a heavy southern accent that when I got home my mother commented on it.
I do things like that anytime I talk to someone, I have noticed that I will even take on their laugh, even if I have only been talking to them for a few minutes...
What's wrong with me? Lmao 😂
It’s okay :) it’s empathy 💗
That makes sense to me
Chameleon sis
me too. I thought there was something wrong with me when I was growing up. I even had weird things like I would say I feel anxiety....not meaning I was personally feeling anxiety but that I could feel the others anxiety..eventhough they did not appear..to be being anxious...then I couldn't sort out if it was theirs or mine for a long time. Now I know what is going on.
1) Does it need to be said?
2) Does it need to be said by me?
3) Does it need to be said by me right now?
4) Does it need to be said by me right now and will they appreciate it.
5) if they appreciate it good I can sleep tonight. if they don't I'll sit up thinking about that moment and how I could've made it better.
ohhtruee
4) Oh shit, they changed the topic...
@@Alex-sr7op Oh god!every f*cking time!
“They’re not ignoring you. They just don’t know how to deal with you. Because you’re that cool.”
Or wierd lol
I read this comment as he said it
Haha
@@kpoptimes5826 same. Lol
Lol
As a INFJ sometimes even when I try to talk, I usually get ignored by other people. Like wtf????
I rarely talk, or express my opinion; but the odd time I do, I am usually ignored as well.
But then there's those few friends that hush everyone else up so that they hear what I have to say. It really depends on the person/crowd I'm with.
Yeah, then it becomes irritating to the highest degree. It irks my nerves when that happens. It lights a fire behind my eyes
Sounds like my life in a box. When Im trying to ad my opinion to the discussion, people almost ALWAYS cut me off by talking 'over' my sentence. Sometimes I will have to start over three or four times before I manage to get through. Feels annoying and really disrespectful. Many times I just lay down and pick up my mobile instead.
It's the same for me. I thought I was the only one in this situation
I feel you. Idk why. I try and try again to be talkative and put myself out there but I still feel this shield in front of me while everyone else is grouped together in this bubble. It's so depressing honestly :/
As an INFJ, finding a good time to insert my thought into a conversation when I won't be interrupting anyone else's comment flow, only to wait too long and have the conversation move on without me happens ALL the time.
Yup. Same here.
oh dear...
Incredibly accurate 1,000000%
Yes!
Loool 😂😂😂
From an older INFJ let me provide a little insight. First: you are now, and will always be, ahead of the curve, possibly as much as ten to fifteen years. Most won't get it. Don't worry about it. Don't bother to explain it. You'll see things come about and you will come to expect it. Second: you take in, formulate, and conclude life for a reason, so others will. Earlier in life you'll take in more than you put out. You're building a data base. All experiences matter and count. Later, your output will be more, while taking in and concluding more, faster, to a much greater extent, to the point of exhaustion. Be aware and take care. Take time to recover and replenish, avoid emotionally destructive people and cultures. Third: You're meant to pass through many peoples lives, some for a short time, a very few for a lifetime. You'll never be alone in your head. Sometimes you're presence and pretense alone will be enough. Other times, you may find yourself suddenly projected to center stage as the only one with a complete thought. Don't be stunned if the entire room is fixed on you and listening, as to be amazed. Just be calm and your database will deliver. Don't marvel at that position you are in. You're just the messenger. Pass it off. If people don't say anything. They're taking it in. They're not ignoring you. They're just speechless. Many more such times will come and you will be increasingly more comfortable with them, until you take them for granted, and forget them. Radically changing times are about to hemorrhage forth on humanity. Your part is critically important. Don't stress over it. It will all come naturally to you. You'll finally be in your element. Most people think they'll see an extraordinary view from the top of a summit, but you don't. You feel it. Good luck.
Charles Price thank you so much I'm 39 just found out I'm infj I always just thought I was weird sometimes crazy and that I don't belong the advice you gave is priceless and so helpful I needed to hear the things you said and I'm now comfortable with myself and have been able to turn what I thought was negative and turn it into positive
I love your wording
I'm writing this on a nice paper and saving it on my livingrooms wall💗 thank you
Well said
Charles Price wow. I needed this.
Frank alone in his room overanalyzing why INFJs overanalyze things in great detail. Mood. Rofl.
🤪🤪🤪
❤️
And here I am six years later still wonder why I be like this 😅
I'm mostly either the center of the conversation and my group or full on ignored.
There's no in between.
I'm at the middle. I like being part of a group where I can add to a conversation every now and then but not be either dominant or completely ignored. It's the perfect spot. I guess there's lots of variety within INFJ because I can't relate to this video at all either 🤷♂️
Yes
Yup yup yup 👍 that s me.
tadm123 I can do what u mentioned there. But I m aware that I m enjoying the conversation but am kind of faking it to keep the conversation going. Hence the next time I might be put in that situation, I try to find a corner of my own. The perfect place for me in a party will be the kitchen. Maybe that s why I become a good cook.
Exactly
"why so quiet?" *in a condescending tone*
maybe because not everyone wants to blab their unstructured and harebrained thoughts, rebecca.
Lol
Rebecca... 😂
I fucking died 😂
Haha. Add in there: Just because you Rebecca don't have a rich internal world that needs to be enjoyed, doesn't mean none have.
Oh, you forgot the 'are you mad?' or the 'are you sad?'
Just because I'm quiet, not having a smile, or having a nowhere stare doesn't mean i am mad or sad
Yes, I am quiet because I usually decide that expressing my opinion won't matter in the situation.
so true
Same.
Same, in most of the groups I've ever been I get ignored and even when I express my opinion they act like they didn't listen or actually listen to me but prefer ignoring what I say so I give up and choose to be quiet and being far away for the group I'm in, it's healthier for me.
Indeed
Jennifer Alondra Alcántara Lopez it’s probably because what you had to say was a nugget of wisdom and they didn’t understand so they chose to ignore it to save face in front of the others. Heavy truths work best one on one for sure so they can feel free to open up with you. It’s my big struggle. I hate surface level conversations I’m always wanting to go deep too fast
You know what bothers me. People constantly asking me if I'm okay.
Whyyyy???? Makes me so uncomfortable, and even if I was perfectly fine, I start to wonder if I am really o.k., do I look weird
Yesss same here.😒
dude cause we have a bitch face like all the time.
Same!
When I'm in thought, I look angry, lol. People ask me this all the time, every single day, even at work, lol. I'm almost always okay though, lol.
Regularity I thought that was normal
My constantly changing extraversion and introversion confuses people I think. One day I'll be so chatty, then exhausted and then the next day I'll hide away to preserve my energy.
Hi Sophie.. Am an infj.. Can we know each other? 🙂
Introversion and extraversion have nothing to do with level of interest in social situations. INFJs are extraverted feelers second, meaning we pick up on the energy of everybody else and we pay a lot of attention to the harmony of the group and don't like it.
Being introverted simply means you get drained being around people and need to recharge with alone time. Extraversion is the opposite: go out and see people to get energy and recharge alone. If you're feeling amped up by a conversation it's because it keys into your interests and we never really get to connect with people on that abstract empathetic level.
I’m like that too. It has to be confusing for others.
nithin ram now she needs her space lol
I think so too, I can definitely see how it is very confusing and causes people to wonder who exactly I am.
I feel like INFJs just try to match the energy in the room rather than make a statement for themselves and really individualize themselves from the rest of the crowd. One on one they absolutely will, but in a group they try so hard to fit in, they don’t make themselves as interesting as they really are.
This is spot on. It's like when you're in a group you're scared of fully being yourself because it might be met with judgement, so you'd rather match the energy of the group to not feel like an outcast.
@@crochetqueen93 yes exactly!!
@@crochetqueen93 yeah when there is a group project I will get new ideas but when I try to express them I don't know but I feel odd in a group of normal people and when I try to fit in it makes me feel awkward and ends up being quiet
Omg I never knew how to put that into words. You nailed it. I feel so uninteresting in groups and never realized that was a common INFJ problem haha.
This is why I deeply admire people who can do that. I used to be the type of person who never said anything independent, or out of what I felt the energy of the room was, or what I viewed as embarrassing and awkward. But then I met people with, what I like to call, “rockstar energy” which is the type of energy that doesn’t give a shit. They’re unapologetically themselves, and that is a trait I work really hard now to possess because it really is so admirable that people can say what they’re thinking, even if I view it as embarrassing, and they stand with their views.
Why I still get awkward, and I find myself occasionally matching energy (as it’s so easy to do) but if I want to say something that goes against the flow of conversation, I cna do so easily. I feel it offers different perspectives, and it helps conversation flow. Sometimes it takes one person to voice an opposing opinion, and then the whole group takes it into consideration, or someone who thought the same as you but felt they couldn’t voice it also can speak out and agree.
“They’re not ignoring you. They just don’t know how to deal with you. Because you’re that cool.” Bro this changed my life! Seriously, i feel less anxious about people right now.
Yes!
I needed that.
Lol. I feel like awkward and like a dork. I can see this as a possibility because life has greatly improved as I have gotten older and been able to get away from those that were hurtful. I learned from their criticisms.
@@mytruthbekind5793I agree their hatred towards me only made me better
“INFJ’s are the most extroverted of the introverts”. Dang never thought about it like that. So true.
Robert I knew this one lol. Every time I’m with other introverts in public I always feel like I have to be the “leader” of the group. Rather it be starting conversations or making decisions like where to eat or whatever.
@@harrisonbaylor1432 LOL I am the exact same way. I always feel like the least awkward of all the introverts in the group, even though I can feel awkward in social situations sometimes.
People always confuse me as an extrovert. That's only because my extroverted side comes out to match the mood of the situation. I'm more a blender and match'er.
@@tigerex777 yes you are
YES SO TRUE RIGHT!
I always felt like I didnt fit anywhere. Then when I took the personality test I got an INFJ. It explained everything lol.
When I took the test and saw INFJ I was like "now all of it makes perfect sense."
Winters Star58 i took the test, got infj, thought Nah that aint me, looked at all other introverted personalities, didnt really fit me either (except infp but im more of a planner than a i’ll do it sometimes person) so i watched some infj vids (a lot tbh) and i started to understand and relate to a things more and more. Still i think im lying to myself and my brain is telling me that i must be special. And now idk anymore if im lying to myself and im at the point that i cant trust and believe myself anymore and it hurts me a lot. I guess im just an introvert. Nothing more, nothing less, just an ixxx-x
I totally understand - exactly what happened to me!
Alexander Supertramp i know but both cognitive functions and mbti are inaccurate, so that means theres no real way of knowing your type.....
Ikr, that feeling like we are missing something even when everything is complete. Feeling alone.
The most hurtful thing I have experienced in that direction is being forgotten, often. People don't remember me, that I was there are the lame party or dinner or whatever. While I remember their whole boring AF life story and that they hate onions, because they talked at me for a lifesucking hour. And then you don't remember my face or name or that I exist?
I tried being louder and saying something about myself, so that they too have something to remember me by, but then I just feel more drained and embarrassed about having talked nonsense.
Then there is the truth. The true infj witnesses a lot of truth twisting and should you gently remind someone theyre lying especially if its a very important reminder you will most likely be torn to shreds screamed at for quite some time and then hear alternate realities that are so far fetched theyre like 2 y/o making up stuff.
Omg same , I am always forgotten .... T^T
for the longest time, this hurt me until I realized I had to mature and keep the people who do remember
@@tommynobaka this is the one.
Hey boos,
I'm seeing these comments. Hey guess what, you arent forgotten. Jesus is thinking about you all the time. You are always on His heart and He doesn't want to forget you. So remember this. K? Be happy, you are breathing. God is good. :)
I often find that I could be talking to people and mid sentence they suddenly start talking or walk away - it's almost like they didn't hear me even though I was speaking clearly. I feel like as an INFJ I get interrupted a lot and people just don't pay attention to me.
pamela 4- Yes, Yes and Yes!!! And I often have to interrupt them just to get a word in edgewise. They will go on and on about some tiny problem I would not even notice, when I know they are well aware that I have really serious problems, but they will never even ask how I am doing, and then claim that they "love" me. I am sick of it. I feel like we INFJs are push-pull toys when it comes to other people.
pamelam4 I can relate to that.💕
OMG Yes!!! This is so annoying and frustrating. i find that i get interrupted also when i am in the middle of a conversation with someone, as if i am not even there!
pamelam4 I feel you on that 😐
ultimate pet peeve, and people don’t understand how disrespected that can make someone feel to be interrupted mid sentence over and over again.
"I've mastered the skill of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye."
Drax The Destroyer - 2017
Kennan Dunn 😂😂😂😂
Actually had that happen to me....
@@IsleNaK I'm an INTJ and it happens to me all the time.
When I used to go shopping with my mom people were always startled when I got up to leave. They thought I was one of the mannequins XD.
That reminds me of something that a character from the book series *The Ranger's Apprentice* (highly recommend) would say 😂
“You’re impossible to figure out its so mysterious and sexy “
1 month later : “ You’re just weird I can’t figure you out it’s so frustrating I’m done with you!”
🤣🤣🤣
Ha! So true
Histoires de fou Caroline Henry 🤣🤣🤣🤣 True !!!
Always. Story of my life. Even right now as I type this😂😂😂😂
😂
Soooo true smh... like it then it becomes 'too much'
I’ve noticed that when I’m low on energy I don’t want/ like to socialize/talk to people that I feel requires me to exert a lot of energy or entertain them. Like sometimes I just want to chill without talking. And some people I feel like they can’t just chill without talking and it not be awkward. The awkwardness drains me
In those situations, it's not you that's making the silence awkward. It's usually the person who doesn't understand the value of silence that makes it awkward.
I don't really talk much unless I really have something to say and I've noticed when I'm around the few people who understand that, moments of silence are actually quite relaxing. It's only ever awkward when there's somebody around who's scared to death of going one second without flapping their lips and making sounds. Lol
I find that some people are so empty inside and have no inner world so that have to rely on other people to entertain them because they can only be bored when left to their own company. These type of people are very draining.
that part right there
Yeah, a friend of mine said we could hang out on the weekends (which I appreciate it’s nice) and I was like “sure sometime” but in my head I was not so positive about it because weekends are testing days from entertaining and socializing
I like being mysterious.
When I finally say something,
It has a bigger impact.
Laconic
this is nice, but it also means everyone's suddenly hanging off your every word. then you feel it.
Facts
YES 😂
That can kind of suck though, for instance;
My family was talking about how much they dislike when spaghetti noodles clump together while cooking, I pipped up and said that I didn't mind it when that happened.
Literally for months after that, whenever we would eat spaghetti (at least once a week) my family would go out of their way to make sure that all of the noodles that clumped together were given to me. They thought that just because I said that I didn't mind something, that meant that I LOVED it. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I didn't really care, that is until my little sister stated that she prefers clumped noodles. Then I told them. 😂
Things like that happen to me quite often. 😐
P.S. I know that was an odd analogy, but I am typing this at five in the morning 😂
@@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983 😂😂😂
why am I crying. this is accurate. I need INFJ friends.
Me: trying to look for friends by joining a chat group.
Aleo me: (Quitely reading their convos) Doesn't want to talk or partake in their conversations.
Kaylie, have u just recently learned you are an INFJ? I only ask because I had the same reaction when I first found out there was a whole group of others with my personality quirks and who are just as complicated as I have always been. Finding this community has truly been a blessing. So cry, because I think your tears are tears of relief and comfort. 💕💕
Expectation: let us all become INFJ friends and talk to each other
Reality: we just stare and analyze but never really talk lol
If you're an INFJ it wouldn't be cool to have INFJ friends. Who would do the talking ?
Are you INFJ?
Sometimes by the time I've processed an opinion on a topic and want to respond, someone in the group has already switched the conversation.
Yup, been there done that XD
haha so TRUE
Definitely this! I have had people bulldoze over me talking, and insert themselves between me and the person I'm talking to (unfortunately, it's usually a woman.)
yeah.. im like ok.
I've been told that I'm always two steps behind or two steps ahead in a conversation, but I'm never instep in the conversation. It was one of the best observations anyone has ever actually told me about myself.
“does she talk?” “i forgot she was even here!” 😅
(Says something)
"Omg you CAN/DO talk!"
Very original..
I relate to that a lot. Some people somehow think I'm a mute because I'm not truly a chatterbox.
I have to say even if I don't want to just because I don't want that tag.
It just pinch
'i forgot you were here' hurts so freaking much, i've heard it too many times😭
I don’t like to talk. I don’t like small-talk because if I speak to fill in silence I feel like I’m saying stupid things. I would rather speak to enlighten, comfort or humor someone. Which, I feel, even then is not often... I prefer reading or writing to speaking.
Mindy Sioux I feel the same, but when the silences get too awkward in discussions I feel compelled to speak up and end up saying stupid things because I haven’t had a chance to develop any meaningful and insightful ideas yet. That has just made me hate small talk even more
Very nicely put.
Same prefer writing to speaking omg then people who dont understand think you are ignoring them or dont like them. Lol no. Just awkward.
I don't like small talk because it forces me to move my lips to someone I don't even care for. I know it sounds harsh, I'm not a mean person but trying to work up a conversation as an INFJ is extremely tiring and sometimes it feels like something's lodged into my throat so I cant even speak.
Yes exactly!
I fade voluntary
me in every social events: stay silent and judge everyone else while controlling the urge to go home and sleep
LOL so true!
Well I've said things in groups but it's like I've not said anything at all. So I always step back and leave after that. They never notice I have left.
😂
Agree. But I need at least 3 hours to process all of it before I can rest. Ugh.
OMG! That is so true LOL...
We don't have to ask someone loads of questions to learn about that person. We find out everything that we need to know by watching and listening.
So true
Exactly
Yes give an extrovert some time and he'll tell you everything you need to know. Especially men trying to impress you ha ha
Yes, that is exactly what I always say lol
Debbie Smith not always true.. sometimes an illusion! You make a decision in your own head about who that person is based on what you hear and observe, but that’s filtered through your own mental state and belief system.. granted some people are so transparent but your perception is not a clean slate it’s always filtered through your own beliefs and experiences, therefore you can never really have the full truth about someone. It’s actually impossible if you really think about it, and possibly narcissistic to think you could..!
The funniest thing my professor told me: “You’re so quiet, you’re like a little Buddha!”
I’ve been called Yoda 😂
I feel like since the INFJ’s are so intuitive and blend in makes us more prone to anxiety and possibly depression? Because has anyone else just listened and thought about others conversations and heard like a little cue to join in but don’t, and then you get ignored? And then you wonder what would have happened if you joined in,and then overload yourself...and then just break down. Being an INFJ is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Edit - over 100 likes?!? Lol wow that’s the most I’ve gotten, thank you :)
absolutely right ! i got depression but feared to tell my family about it, then it got worse pondering if it's okay to reach for help, what if this is not a depression but kinda an illusion, what will they think...anddddd turned out i got depression, bad performances at school, broken relationships, then I told my family and got them taken aback
Agreed :)
WORDDD
so relatable
This.
I sometimes ask and answer the questions in my mind before asking
Especially when texting
So true lol it's like I imagine and made my own scenario before talking
Yeessss.. but sometimes I accidentally ask the question out loud and have to deal with others giving me the answer too >.>
yes always
Absolutely! I just answer it in my head.
Great insight. I think we fade because it's too much energy to maintain. Everyone tries to out talk each other. No one wants to listen.
Exactly. The amount of energy it would take to put something articulate and interesting out there is far greater than the effort it feels like other people will make in caring about it, following up on it or asking you to expand on it, so what's the point? Feels like it will be more fruitful to listen and gain insight quietly.
Amen
Florida Singularity omg, yeah, that gets so frustrating sometimes.
Florida Singularity Yessss.. This!!!
I agree to this so bad. An acquaintance of mine called me boring since i wouldn't try to out talk them and would rather listen and process all that may be useful for me
I’ve gotten so used to the “fade” that when I’m in a group conversation and the main talker looks at me I freak out a little because I look at everything, body language and etc and it’s even awkwarder if the person said something funny and they look at me because I’m not laughing just to see me looking at them like 👁 👄 👁 and then I plaster a weird smile on my face 🤦🏾♀️. That mostly happens when I don’t really know the person but it’s awkward af 😭😭😭 (sorry if that didn’t make any sense 😂)
OMG, YOU JUST DESCRIBED ME SO WELL, DAMN.
This is exactly how I feel in such a situation. It really helps for me when I know/have talked one on one with the 'talker' of the group before because then I feel like I 'dare' to reciprocate more, but if not it's just a very awkward moment😅
Looool, I have to force a look of comfort on my face in social situations even when I feel just fine because I'm so busy quietly observing but apparently my resting face looks sad or angry to others.
lmao same
@@ilianam453 so true. my friends can be laughing and making jokes that i usually also would laugh at but at that moment i just don't feel like engaging or i just forget that i'm visible almost. oh i must look so angry when in reality i'm not at all
“Social chameleon” I felt that..
I just like how all the comments on this video are well thought out comments that are written pretty well because we’re all INFJs haha. Grammar ftw
Haha. I didn't even notice until now. That said, I was an infj a long time ago and have changed alot.
I noticed that too! Haha 😂 Feels weird but also satisfying at the same time!
Probably took everyone 3 times longer to get it right, and proof read 5 times until it made no sense. And that’s when we know it’s time to post.
@@TaxEvasi0n I do agree with everything but the last part; and that's when I know it's better to just delete the comment and go on.
Lol that's so true
Infj are extremely old souls. We have been their done that
Ironically, when I joined an old soul community on facebook, I just cringed at all the drama, left and never looked back.
James Banks i don't agree with you, as i can't say that i'm (in my case) an old soul at all. I feel more like i'll always be 18 and i'm almost 20 and it doesn't seem to change. I respect your opinion tho cause i know a lot of infjs may be like that
@@sarcadistic9762 well the thing about old soul communities on Facebook is that they are normally full of people who think they are an old soul but technically they are immature and far from being an old soul... just understand that most people don't know who they actually are, it's more so a fake painted picture of themselves.
@@opaldeadventureersubscribe7825 omg, I think this all the time. People will claim they know something about themselves and I'm looking at then like... that's not what i see but hey 🤷🏾♀️ i try not to question their integrity too hard but enough to hopefully trigger some introspection.
I don’t consider myself an old soul now. Maybe I will in another life. However I am attracted to legitimate old souls and love to hear their insights and opinions. I may have come across two or three people in my current lifetime who I would consider old souls and they tend to talk a lot. Like they have finally become ripened fruit and have a lot of knowledge to share. I’m not near that level yet. I feel I have one or two important things to learn and experience in this life and if I have done well in my life studies and test then I will “graduate “ to the next life, take on a new form, and learn whatever lessons the cosmos have planned for me then. I have come into contact with people who share the same spirit as others that I have known in my life. This is an interesting discovery that I think on a lot now.
Yes! Love this quote I saw in a meme “My favorite type of people: when you’re telling a story and everyone’s talking over you, but one person makes direct eye contact with you and pays extra attention so you don’t get discouraged.”🥰
I'm often that person. Knowing how it feels, I make a point of paying attention to people who are standing by themselves or trying to tell a story and nobody is listening. They tend to be quite interesting.
@@faithworks217 , same here!
INFJ's are the rarest because we are blessed with our intutition and sixth sense. We struggle to adapt in an extroverted world, but once we master our extroverted side, we become very powerful. We are capable of changing the world around us.
Hi rosana
magikarp?
Yes. Charities unite!
Just an INFJ wanting a friend to understand me wholly.
We can talk if u want im an infj too
Infj looking for someone to understand me too
can we friends guys???
Me too :'(
Kanishka Sharma me too
Definitely was not out on a limb. I just wanna say I love you other INFJ's. I haven't met others like us, and it sucks. I'm glad I'm not alone
I love you too, man!
Me too:((((
I met INFJs in the internet. Funny how we clicked and then I ask if she's INFJ and then I was right. Too bad I don't have another INFJ near me, I asked my nephews and nieces to test their types. I am most comfortable with my INFP nephew but there are a lot of times he forgets his goals and sometimes frustrates me, but I try to put him back on track so he won't lose his dreams.
you made me tear up. Sometimes I feel so misunderstood and don’t know what to do, but I’m just 20, so I hope it’ll get better. Have a good day❤️
In today’s society, there’s too much noise-in social media, in real life, in the work place, etc. Too many people babble a lot of things. INFJs filter the tumult and get down to the core of things. Someone has to do the observing when everyone’s so busy and focused on their everyday gabble. Many people talk. Some may hear. But only a few listen.
@bjjcfhklhtdx how do i keep them up?
uhm… by not deleting them? 🙃
"What do I accomplish by expressing myself?" The question of my life.
I’ve constantly had backs turned on me. That’s why I avoid large gatherings like the plague.
So can relate to this. In college, I was surprised when someone commented (about me) to everyone in the psychology of religion class, "stop interrupting her, because as little as she says, it's nearly always profound." So some people do notice, even more than we think.
Kudos to the classmate! I had a similar experience. Somebody in my class started a magazine, and she invited me to be an editorial, because she listened to me speak in class, and thought I had insights. *Now allow me to be fairly smug about it...
Right!
At that moment,You(I) feel like...kinda shocked because you're being told something positive( so ,positive social experience) about a trait that's inherent to you while you're so used to be dealing with negative social situations
Someone said that about me too
Kaitlyn Calcote someone called me a leader the other day, and was like whaaaat
I have NEVER had someone so perfectly articulate the exact complex of how isolated and unapproachable I've felt my entire life. Seriously informative and strangely comforting, thank you
"We don't have a lot of best friends DO WE" 😂
i felt that, but i am lucky to have an INFJ best friend.
I dont know what the criteria is to decide who best friends are.......
As an INFJ, whenever I watch your videos, reading those comments in your video, I feel like "finally there's someone who understands me, especially my situation, without the need to explain those things. Thank you so much :")
Alfi Hanifah Prameswari
That has been the single biggest joy I have found,,,
Recognizing my kind.
I see you.
It's really comforting to hear the way you speak, as I speak in the same manner. Slow, hesitant. I feel like we tend to come off as unintelligent, when we are really just thinking about how to make what we're saying actually mean something. It's nice to know that it's not just me.
I think we are natural public speakers, on the contrary, you should learn to embrace the power of your speech, especially because it's probably not frequent
Yessss
And (don't know if this happens to others) when we're explaining something, we use such simple terms that you can tell people are assuming what we're saying will be dumb... only to realize there's some big truth, an interesting point or intuitive observation in what we said. Some people do realize it and come to appreciate your opinion later even willing to patiently let you finish getting your point across or asking for your opinion in big matters.... Others continue to assume we're dumb because they weren't listening the first time around...
I talk like this and end up sounding like Im unsure of myself or I don't know what I'm saying... To my ears anyway. Most times, I just shut it.
If I am to say something relatively important in the deep sense, either I say it all as a big speech in my head and never remember it gain (oh well, there it went), or I manage to write about it in full. I don't bother giving intelligent thoughts that aren't to help in the moment if I know I won't be able to express them to the other person. Sometimes I manage to and it is great, but most of the time my brain breaks and I say it all messed up or it's too much for them to grasp and I'm like ok nevermind then. Sometimes I can't even socialize unless I stop thinking and go into talking mode and give what's on my mind. Because at the end of the day, speaking your mind even if it is about common interests or differing interests/personal opinion, it can open people up to your particular perspective as an INFJ and then they feel like it's manageable to talk with you more (I guess you're also putting out a bit more. I still get ignored sometimes even then to be fair tbh. Sometimes eventually I get tired and just zone out then suddenly jump back in when I hear something interesting, it annoys my sister) and if one day something happens with you, they will be there to lend an ear if they are your good friends. My friends like discussing so it's good & it can be liberating to share opninions/views on world problems or Idk talk about a show you like to watch for a bit. I tend to be a pretty direct person in the first place, try to get past or avoid small talk.
I'm an INFJ... But I've created an alter ego whenever I'm around people... Now i can talk to people... But sometimes it's really not that great...
Yeah I too do it to make myself feel better but it always ends up with a big awkward silence
I have to do that at my work and I'm absolutely drained by the end of the day.
@@tticusFinch relatable brother
@@tticusFinch This reminds me of the time I started behaving and talking through an alter ego, because I thought I shoudln't be seen as an introvert in that particular work field. Obviously, very bad idea, many misunderstandings and my boss would perceive every serious point I tried to make as me being sarcrastic. That's when I learned that being extroverted is not a goal even if society in many parts of the world makes it out to be a strength in contrast to introvertedness.
It is difficult being an infj.
NotoriousVillain Art Agree. I think, sadly, it’s because most others just want to talk; not listen.
Definitely :")
Difficult, yes but also very rewarding. We are the ones that let people who feel unseen know that we see their soul. They Are being heard and they Do matter. Why? Because we know like no other what it is like to be misread and misunderstood. We defend the underdog and are an example for the world. We have to be the best we can be so we inspire others to do the same. Emotional welfare, justice, love and integrity. Key characteristics to be proud of guys......
It can be very depressing and isolating at times.
NotoriousVillain Art it was very difficult in my youth. I think the army saved my life because it kept me busy with constant goals to focus on and achieve and I couldn’t spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Once I discovered the ease of volunteering and being accepted on deployments all over the world I began achieving successes I could really begin to be proud of myself for and I would take delight in being in locations that notable people in history have been. Eastern Europe is easily one of my favorite locations that I am attracted to. Alas like Icarus, I didn’t check myself and flew to high in responsibility to the point were I was overwhelmed and exhausted with the demands of my position that I needed to take my honorable discharge from the army and rediscover who I am and what my passions were.
Now I’m in my 40s and I have discovered that I harness a power that doesn’t come from positions or titles but from a much deeper well that is exclusively mine. This power has allowed me to have influences over others without even trying. I can’t imagine not being INFJ now. It really gets better with age!
I'm glad I stumbled on this video. I have always asked myself "do I exist?" I feel like a ghost. Like no one sees me, but I'm there.
Shontal Moe Seriously, same here!
It’s a real feeling.
As an infj who is also a physically small lady, I find it hard to be visible. Even when trying I'm too soft spoken.
"Does it matter if I express my opinion here..."
This is exactly what goes through my mind.
I’ve got an issue because I’m an INFJ and all of my friends are very very quiet introverts. So I constantly feel like I have to start the conversation, continue the conversation, and say something worth-while, because otherwise no one talks... EVER. That’s why I always gravitate towards my extroverted friends. I’m an energy absorber, a listener, I can’t create energy as well as other people. So yeah, my introverted friends actually drain me WAY more than my extroverted friends. Does this happen to anyone else, or just me?
That's running into the situation that you are ironically the extrovert in your introvert friend group and that takes a toll on your energy on an introvert. It's a double edge sword. It's funny if you get enough introverts in one room, the scale shifts on who is more introverted and extroverted.
But the big issue is that the friends are not reciprocating the energy back to you in that friendship.
Social interactions are definitely interesting. Maybe it is because I am an ENFP but no matter if I am with a group of introverted friends or extraverted friends, I will change up my behavior *if* I feel like expectations are being put on me. So it could be the case that since you always start the conversation, continue the conversation because otherwise no one talks... it could be that they EXPECT you to do it now. We humans are trained FAST. Social interactions for me are testing how well I am on my toes to make sure minimal expectations are placed on me. Essentially I don't want the *expected* responsibility. I will take the responsibiility at times but also sit in the golden silence and let things progress as if I was not there. I suppose what I am trying to say is: It is important to consciously be aware of how you are unconsciously or subconsciously training people to interact with you.
There is also training people that you will NOT speak up too.
Yes,it happened with me.
Omg yes this has happened to me I’d rather hang out with my extroverted friends because it’s less draining than introverted friends that just sit there and expect us to initiate and carry on the conversation the whole time. I tend to get along more with extroverts even though I’m not extroverted like them.
INFJ's unite! On our own time, and usually on our own.
You would be so perfect for a podcast: please put out a podcast, maybe even with guests. I relate completely to all of this, as an INFJ myself.
I second this!
When I go to some parties people often ask me why am I so quiet...it almost sounds like they feel bad for me🤷🏽♂️ but I'm just observing everything..and I'm completely fine by it
Oh my gosh yes, I have never understood why people pity me because I'm quiet, it seems so odd, and kind of patronizing 😂
So many people associated being taciturn with something being wrong with someone. I hate that things work that way. I want the stuff I say to mean something. Empty conversation isn't my cup of tea.
I had an older woman at church tell me years ago that I was a very "solemn" person. Only someone who doesn't really know me well would think that. I'm very particular who I let into my personal space. A lot of people make a judgment call on INFJs without realizing we care very deeply - too much sometimes. It drains me to share myself with others. I have a very active inner mental life, and don't feel the need to share every thought that I have. I'm in my mid 50s now, and am comfortable with who I am, and being introverted - you learn it's ok to be an observer of humanity, and share what's truly meaningful.
As an INFJ, I prefer to be in the background...observing and helping if I see someone in need. We are the "hidden Elves" of this world ;) You have a new subscriber, fellow INFJ!
Yeah there is so much to this for me as well Miss Elven! :) That name by the way, absolutely gorgeous!
High Elven Wisdom I just observe never help.
High Elven Wisdom Heyoka here...
Roxanne Maldonado "Hoka hey!" I wish more INFJs knew about this. All true INFJs are heyoka. Heyoka medicine shapes our entire life.
High Elven Wisdom - Why do you think I call myself Z E R O? Although... I'm more of a dark elf because of it. ;)
Texting freaks me out
I always notice if they are Typing differently, or upset, dont wanna talk to me etc. Trought text
+ i feel like i annoy them if i massage them first
I usually ignore my messages till the anxious feeling goes away
Then i force myself to reply back
oh my god yes
I thought i was the only one who noticed someone's mood based on how they text, lol.
jesus i thought it was just me. i always feel someone's else vibe and how they feel even when they try to deny it. and texting literally triggers my anxiety more than anything else. its INSANE
IKR then after that, always getting the "why didn't you reply" question.. it's horrible
oh my gosh yeah! Story of my life 😅
INFJ's need to limit the output of the care & compassion that they give to others, and learn to direct that energy inwards: I know it's easier said than done.
Great advice for me.
moonwalker 9705 yes! Extremely true. Something that I’m just not having awareness with.
Excellent advice. Easier to do as you get older.
need to take input into account bad or good
This is a word. It will be challenging but I need to for myself and well being
I'm scared at how accurate this is, I feel like I'm reading versions of me in the comments. I have an interest in mysterious personalities and my family sees me like that but at school, I talk and somehow frick it all up.
ikr its so accurate to the point i thought of ''are you me?''
Them: “ why aren’t you talking?”
Me: do you want me to communicate?
Them: yes!
Me: I am. I’m listening. 😁
LinYouToo SO TRUE! lol I thought I was the only one who went through this
I don't know how many times people have been so mad with my saying that statement😂😂😂😂
Listening isn't communicating. You have to talk as well as listen. Otherwise the other person might as well be talking to a brick wall, even if all they want is a little grunt or a yeah to let them know you're listening.
This is me at work!
Sometimes when I don’t talk people think there is something wrong. They’re like... why are you so quiet? I think sometimes I’d rather just observe, still participate but I don’t have to talk all the time. Sometimes it’s nicer to listen.
Lol! “They don’t know how to deal with you...because you’re that cool!!”
Trish M that was the most positive thing I’ve heard about my personality
Sometimes I don't contribute to a conversation because I think other people can read me as well as I can read them. I only found out recently that this isn't true.
Beth Conroy definitely, I'm pretty awkward because of this. whenever I'm uncomfortable with a person seeing me I make much less eye contact. I can generally get an idea of what somebody's thinking by looking them in the eye, I get scared that they can do the same.
omg I have truly found my kin here
Beth Conroy yep
Omg yes
Once my coach, from many years ago, asked, "Who didn't get their uniform?" I stepped forward while her head was down, and no one was left standing close to her. When she looked up and saw me, she freaked out that I didn't speak up. I just didn't realize I had to. It was very embarrassing.
As a young INFJ, I'm still dealing with the social scene in school. I have always been an overachiever, and I have found myself to be well-known at my school. Despite this, I feel isolated from my peers. I have countless acquaintances, but I am not firmly "in" any friend groups. I have attempted joining and forming friend groups, but usually I find the other members getting closer and closer while I gradually fall behind. I had almost accepted that scaring people off would be inevitable for me, but hearing that others may just not understand how to interact with me opens my eyes to possible explanation and thankfully another stepping stone I can use to overcome my issue.
Sometimes being an INFJ can feel isolating because so few people think like you, but don't worry, it will work out! You'll find like-minded people or in the least, people who like your weirdness and appreciate you. It gets better as you get older, I think.
Sometimes in a group, there is so much energy and vibes coming at me, its so overwhelming, I cant possibly talk just because I am so busy trying to sort and process everything so not to go under. Often I just have to walk away.
When I still worked in a corporate environment with lots of colleagues and managers and people I never said anything in sales meetings. On the odd occasion that I díd say something or offered a solution to a problem people would just talk over me before I even finished my sentence. And then 2 minutes later when the top sales rep or manager says the same thing with gusto and conviction everyone says "Good idea, let's do that". And I would just sit there in quiet amazement and think "You bunch of fucking assholes.....". Probably ignored me because they were not used to me ever saying anything. And probably why I very seldom got good performance reviews, even if I exceeded my targets.
Interesting- I thought I was the only person who felt like this - I also happen to be INFJ but never realized other INFJ had this same feeling. And it took me 5 minutes to even decide if I wanted to post this comment 😁
🤣💕🙌
It’s crazy to find out how many people have an extremely similar thought process. Really helped me accept myself.
U made the right choice posting it, u added valuable and fun information to this comment section. Definitely relate as an INFJ 😂
This really struck a cord with me. My whole life Ive been the quietest one in the room and I always feel like I'm just a passive observer of my own life. People always think I'm mysterious when really I'm just taking everything in. Thank you for helping me.
Joslynch i’m with you girl, i’m always labeled as too mysterious or people think i’m mean because i’m not talking to them and it’s such a big struggle because i’m aware that they are aware of how i come off but i can’t really do much about it? if that makes sense?
@@skilyndeitrick7848 exactly!
Skilyn Deitrick it makes perfect sense!
Strangest thing is after being ignored/treated as being invisible, I tend to go silent and boy does this get their attention!
I find myself sometimes molding to my surroundings, becoming extroverted when others don't take the initiative to create conversation. Other times, when there's plenty of extroverted people, I don't have the energy to, and just sit back and watch. It really depends how my "energy" is, and those surrounding me.
Wow. You're great! I definitely melt into the background with a group of people, whether I'm close to them or not. It used to bother me a lot (and it still kinda does) when people ignore me. But I realized it's not really their fault.
Hey, thanks for watching and leaving a comment!
OMG WHAT! SAME! I CAN NEVER EXPLAIN WHY THIS IS TO OTHER PEOPLE IT JUST IS WHO I AM.
Yes!!
Same like In school or work if I was in a group of quite people I’m usually the one to take over the situation and lead but in a group of extroverts I’m the quite one that just sits back and let them take over.
Omgg, so truee
I've been called unreadable my whole life, but I can read almost anyone immediately and I'm almost always correct.
💯
Why so same
Start reading the future.
First time I heard a comment this to me years ago, they told me "you're a normal person" they basically don't know what to describe and I got hurt, even had self identity crisis back then.
I like to include an idol I know and I strongly believe he's an infj, then i saw comments off telling how annoying it is because they can't literally describe him to the point calling the idols out as being fake. Infj's are not fake yk, we can't pretend 24/7 we just use Fe because that's what makes us to be happy literally. (that's literally the way to break ur loop)
So in conclusion, we, infj's, are very vague people, got worried of what people think of us even hiding ourselves and emotions, though i understand that our emotions are very personal but pls open up alright, just be you. It works and it lessen your loneliness.
I find this too, honestly, I think INFJs have this the worst of all, ESTPs have the easiest time drawing attention to themselves, honestly, no matter what they say or do, they tend to get everyone around them to watch and listen to them. INFJs however have to actively stress ourselves and push ourselves to talk loud and fast enough to get people to listen... which is also really draining for us, so in groups, I am usually really quiet until there is something I really need to say, and then I try to share it, but my sharing style is usually a monologue, and its really easy for people to interrupt or distract me, and then the message is lost really easily, so its usually easier for me to share one on one, or on youtube.
I talked a lot in social situations when I was younger but that would usually lead to me getting so drained I would crash as soon as I got home, so my energy went up and down, until I learnt to be more calm around people. I also care less about people listening to me and am more happy to just keep things to myself. I had the exact same experience you did here.
Very true about caring less about if people listen or not!
I completely agree with this. I go through my daily living feeling suffocated and I fail to express myself emotionally because when I try to, my problems sound irrelevant so in the end I immediately stop caring and move on without dealing with my problem.
FACTS! I had a short term fwb (tmi but idc) with some guy who i swear is an ESTP, whom i work with, and he's always talking, sharing his thoughts about things, what he had going on in his life and etc. And everyone easily listens. Felt that he was very different from me when i first met him. When we hung out, i could barely get a word in, mostly just listening and engaging in what he was saying up until the last two times. And at the end of the fling, he had all these thoughts about what i was doing and read it so wrong, it made me so upset and annoyed because people never say they can't read me, they assume they can and they're so left feild, it makes me want to crawl back into my shell and never talk to people again.
I feel like people don't give me the benefit of doubt because I'm a black women and people have all these stereotypes about us that they try to act like exist so they never even question my integrity, just assume they know. I hate it.
@@AyanaSioux short term fwb (tmi but idc)
All these years i hated myself for being "me". I already have categorized myself as "weird" because i just can't fit in on most social groups, only to find out now that INFJ personality really exist.
I'm having a marathon of your videos lately & I'm discovering a lot. It's like having a friend who doesn't know me personally but understands me completely.
I don't know. Being an ENFP, I never ignore an INFJ. The greatest conversations I've had are always with introverted types. I'm like a bumblebee who is just drawn to the wallflowers. lol. Not just because I can speak more, but because so many introverts are fantastic at absorbing information and I feel like there is just so much that I can learn from you guys. Plus the eye contact is so engaging.. But I've witnessed the intimidation factor with the way others interact with introverted people. I think it's too real for a lot of people to handle!
ENFP and INFJ make very good partnerships. My best friend (ENFP) and I (INFJ) always used to say we are perfect opposites. When we took the personality test I found this article. thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/05/6-reasons-why-enfps-and-infjs-make-the-best-friends-for-each-other/
@@katiesewell237 My closest friend is an ENFP too (and I am an INFJ)! I always get along well with ENFPs. Their energy and optimism help to bring me out of my sullen introspection sometimes. I have two older sisters and the one that I am closest to is also an ENFP. 💜
Katie Sewell My best friend is ENFP and I’m INFJ, and we fit so well together even if we’re quite opposites at many points
We tend to scare people off because they don't understand us and how we think rather than trying t9 understand. And yes we do have the best conversations because we use feelings and emotions when it comes to it.
EXACTLY!!! I'm also an ENFP and the way you feel about it is dead on for me. My boyfriend is an INFJ and it is a soul mate connection. All of my best friends are also introverts. There's SO much under their surface 😍😍😍
Reading all these comments made me feel like I just found my family
Hi Millie... Are you an infj?
Same here..
Fellow INFJ here
Only has one friend (on purpose)
Doesn't talk to most of family
Loves spending time alone listening to thoughts and ideas on TH-cam
Can feel the energy change when hubby gets home and reacts accordingly
We watch and adapt as needed. 💚
Same, but now I have trained my hubby to retreat when he comes home in a bad mood and when he's feeling better to say sorry.......I'm still working on it. Sadly there are no hubby schools, haha.
@@yvonnecampbell7036 I have yet to get an "I'm sorry " from mine for anything worse than accidentally bumping into me in the hallway. Do tell what magic you used to train him, please... 💖☺
@@jessicathompson8231 It could take years but........Take the time, look him deep in the eyes and tell him what you're worth. You do Not deserve anything less. If he cannot or will not respect you in this he simply doesn't deserve you. You can always point to the door as a subtle hint. Or you can always train him with treats and alone time on the naughty stool.......Good luck and remember, be kind but firm and stay strong.
Totally relate
Girl I know exactly what you mean
"does it matter if I express my opinion here" is so true--and also because I never want people to think I'm full of myself so I rarely talk about myself out "in the world"
Why do they always ask why I'm not saying anything when I'm in a group although there are other people there who don't say anything as well?
You are correct. Once my boss will say I must speak...Then she says, I am always worried when you dont speak at meetings...What?
I think many a times we look expressionless, that is why our silence is more noticable
Possibly because they sense you absorbing the energy while the others who are not talking are not.
Hi... I don't know your name.. I am infj.. Unfortunately didn't met anyone with my same wavelength. Can we get to know each other?
"maybe not in your best friends group - but then again we really don't have a lot of *best friends do we*"
this man proclaims the true truth.
I'm an INFP, and I also do some sort of fade (or sudden disappearance) in every group conversation. It feels like when there is a total of more than 3 people in a conversation, I always fall silent and listen, even with my own family. With strangers, I usually get pushed out of the conversation because they tend to assume that I'm not a part of it anymore.
We don’t like to be fake. We like to be understood on a deep level. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I am unreadable and stoic. I do not like it because we are just more emotional reserved. I like to call it emotionally mature. Other personalities I think overly share. INFJs are not socially needy and actually get more attention for being mysterious. I have had people literally try to come and drain my peace, jealous of my reserve demeanor and stability.
I’m 66 and am an INFJ. I’m blessed to have these traits. Great vlog explaining to others . Life starts after 50 .
I think it takes us the first 50 years to get some way to figuring ourselves out, it did with me at least.
I am over the 50 mark and just began to really understand “me” and love “me”
Takes that long, well that's fine, all we do is collect and gather anyway lol
I figure out life when I was 12. Grow up so fast.
Neil Wagner So good to know because I’m a 46 year old woman and feeling like.. so when do I get to do “life”?? Then I see your post. Yay! SOON!!!!
I actually just recently had a girl at my work say something to me about this. I was just listening to her talk for about 15 minutes straight. I wasn't thinking much about what was being said just listening. Then she asked me what I thought because she can never read me and I don't say much. I told her it's because I listen then think about it later. She wanted to know if I resonated with anything she said and said she needs more feedback from me. Most of the time I don't think of anything to say because I'm so busy absorbing what the other person is saying. Then when they're done talking for awhile I'm just like ok, we're done now. I used to try to keep thinking of what I want/ wanted to say but then ended up not fully listening because it's hard to keep the thoughts at times. Does anyone else have any of this happen too?
anewlifeforme231 OMG yes,meee
That sounds like ISFP or INFP or smoking weed hahaha jk ...
Yes.
I call this the "Ni-Ti loop" phenomenon (easy to fall into and get stuck in - especially when young).
The way toward growth is to consciously practice mature Fe so as to balance the introverted Ni function.
This takes practice and/or research because it is a chicken-egg scenario (Ni database development required before mature Fe expression);
please be compassionate on yourself when you make mistakes and don't give up trying.
BTW, the Se function is also available for INFJ's to consciously practice too - i.e. the goal is to balance introverted Ni with extroverted Fe, Se.
A particular technique that help INFJ's is documented by Julia Cameron and is called "Morning Pages" and is a form of journaling.
juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/
"To grow as an individual, the INFJ needs to focus on applying their judgment to things *only* after they have gone through their intuition."
www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_per.html
The person who asks for your feedback is uncomfortable with your silence. That person also wants your acceptance of them. They do not know if you are friend or foe. They would like to know. Some people will interpret silence when you have the opportunity to contribute as: if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.
anewlifeforme231 omg this is so true!!! I thought its only me
My best friend is an ESFP (the “entertainer”), and it’s crazy how differently people respond to each of us when we show up somewhere together. She gathers a lot of attention and immediately launches into dramatic conversation. I get attention from a few and have much calmer and more genuine conversations. Our mutual friends also tend to share personal things with me at greater frequency and in greater detail. It’s very easy to find myself fading next to someone so extroverted and energy giving. I’ve often wondered if people really even notice my absence when I’m not there. However, I am the one people gravitate to when they’re having an off day or are going through a tough time.
I never knew this had to do with my personality type! Whenever I’m with others, whether it’s 2 people or a party I tend to “distance” myself and listen to what everyone is saying but I’m stuck in my head thinking “why is no one noticing me.”
People tell me I'm intimidating, and this mystifies me
It’s funny how you mentioned that we can be ignored. I was telling my friend a couple of weeks ago, before I found out recently that I’m an INFJ...that I feel like I’m treated like a plant. Only when they think I need attention, they give me attention. But otherwise I’m mostly there but not needed to be talked to.
Me.
I find that we often have to block energy (negative)..and as we deflect it back to the originator, they become cross with us and think that WE'RE the odd one. They can't handle the very energy that they put out..but they don't realize it is, indeed, their own vibes.
NOT A VIBE
(Anyone? Nobody? Okay, fine, I will just go back to my corner of references that nobody gets 😂)
@@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983 vibe as in energy
So fvcking accurate
This is so helpful. I’m an ENFP and my lovely daughter is an INFJ. She often questions why she is invisible and ignored by others. I’ll be sharing your video with her. I know she will find it food for thought and maybe even answer that life long question. Thanks.
Spot on mate. Perfectly silent and examining the entire psychological structure of each participant in a group setting, but also managing to be life of the party when the energy clicks. Also, this is why I prefer solitude either way.
Exactly!
Yep
LMFAO, not a lot of best friends is the understatement of the year!!!
Deborah Green Eggs & Ham 😂😂😂😂😂
SO TRUE
Who needs a lot of best friends?? I have ONE true best friend... and a few people who I consider friends! No one needs more than that really!
@@twistedfeatures Damn... I practically LOST all mine. I really believed they were going to stick with me at some points, too. All my closest friends lost interest in the quiet INFJ I guess. Oh well.
chogiwhy same here
I rarely talk because most ppl don’t understand what it is I talk about. I hate small talk. I was told we travel at a higher frequency. I’m very interested in esoteric topics. In fact I love ❤️ the esoteric. I read biographies and philosophy and historical research. I don’t even know anyone who reads books anymore.
Lara O'neal I too am an infj.I hate small talk.We do vibrate at a much higher frequency.If you want to learn more look up Aurasoma.Im a aurasoma practitioner and it's helped me enormously.
Lara.........I was told that as a small boy (18 mos old) that I would always be found on the giving end of a needed task that to me was so obvious in needing to be finished. All without fanfare or recognition. My boyhood shyness has carried over into my later years (72 now), and still become so frightful of being caught in large crowds. Small talk to me is a rarity, but can stay with you for hours in a deep conversation that has meaning. Here is another truth I have found. You mentioned that we travel at higher frequencies. Note this......that the "real - salt of the earth - most all the animal kingdom only can hear high frequency sounds." Especially we INFJ's cannot relate to or hear low frequency meaningless chatter. Seems that INFJ's, and INTJ's are reserved by God for some higher calling of service to humanity.
I do welcome to the club e.g., HPB -The Secret Doctrine.
Steve Ford woah, totally 😲
Sorry, but you sound really elitist, maybe even pretentious. Honestly I dont think that's a good way of seeing things. You can learn something new from anyone.
Other than unreadable, I was called creepy 😂 I was eating with a bunch of classmates while they converse . To me it felt like I was present all Long and just listening but they seem to forgot I was there and when I blurted out my thoughts regarding the topic while I was eating they were shocked that I was even ‘in’ the conversation to begin with 😂
It’s like just because our mouth isn’t running non stop doesn’t mean we can’t hear or aren’t considering the topic - we are often just intently listening and considering what others say. ^_^
Also - on a completely different note - when I read your comment I missed reading the word “with” at first - lol -
Creepy is because INFJs are masters at reading people - sometimes just sitting there and observing. We can see right through people, and they forget we are there...so people say things with their guard down., and often spill their darkest secrets.
@@yokkabai Lol!
I think it's very easy for INFJs to get mislabeled as creepy because of the way we observe. 😂