The INFJ and Social Comparison (Not Feeling "Good Enough")
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.พ. 2025
- How the INFJ personality type can feel not good enough due to social comparisons and what to do about it.
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Hey INFJs out there, don't be too hard to yourself.
" I am a single Dingle"
Hahahaha😉
" Put it down , not like on a desk, but like inward "
So INFJ of you to explain ;)
I know a great INFJ therapist in windsor maryland if anyone is around there
Now that was a heck of a video!!! 👉🏻👍🏻
Thank you James
I hate it when people underestimate me. At the same time, I don't want people to have such high expectations of me because I don't think that I'm good enough to live up to their expectations.
Get out of my head! REEEEE!!!
Sameeeee
Yet, you know you are good enough. It is a crazy loop to be in.
Are you me?
I genuinely feel this
"It's like you don't even respect your own ability to achieve things" well...ooops
Oh...right. :(
Yeah , i mean is our self esteem is necessarily and exclusively related to accomplishment ?..
That's me
This is exactly the line I was going to highlight too. Just... bam.
@@estherbednar3260 that really hit, didn't it😭
Personally I know I am good enough however all my managers throughout the years have told me I lack confidence and I’m like wtf I am just a calm person I don’t want to play the wolf of the Wall street at work .... I can say from experience that INFJs don’t feel good enough because the world doesn’t put value on our ideas/personalities and we’re like ok I’ll go back to my dark room and cry about it
INTJ here but I can relate
Word
Geez...I finally found my people. I’m dealing w/ that right now. And when i do stick up for myself instead of being railroaded, I feel gross and regretful.
I think it's more that I will work impossibly hard for people I respect, but not impossibly hard for myself. I think people confuse that for lacking confidence in myself, when in reality I see myself as a servant leader, and a lack of understanding on what i really want when I'm leading. The only way I found to push myself internally is to find people I want to emulate, and figure out how to get closer to that image of a person in myself.
yes, exactly
idk if anyone else feels this way but I love when frank lets us know a commercial is coming
Haha...me too
yes same it makes me feel like he respects me
"Single dingle." - FJ, the greatest linguist of our age
In other news, he also used airy-fairy, which is legitimately a word no one ever uses! 😍
Love it❤
😆
This is literally what I've been trying to communicate to my therapist for months
Now you have a video to show them! 😍
It’s also sad that your therapist doesn’t understand this about you. I have had the same issues w/ previous therapists.
@@ravishingtwinkle3811 Well, that's not helpful at all. That's like the most standard thing to say.
@@presentlybikepacking2535 Don't go to therapists as an INFJ - we're only 1% of the population. Now, the chance so f your therapist helping you are exactly 99% against. maybe you're quirky and don't want to be? Tough. You are quirky at best, a weirdo at worst. Now exploit your quirky best.
It’s okay brother my therapist struggles to understand me too. Don’t stress about who you are. Who you are is exactly who you’re meant to be & who you strive to be is exactly who you will become. Your therapist & my therapist will understand us.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." -- Teddy Roosevelt
"You have to sacrifice looking around at other people and just look at yourself." I got it guys! We all have to hermit ourselves from everyone and everything!
GENIUS!!!
@@angel-garcia. exatly
Like that would help
Well I’m friggin killing it you guys. I just won hermit of the year at my house
I'm there
You are literally the male equivalent of the person I want to be, and you’re telling me I could be all of that and still not think I’m good enough. Kinda want to go jump of a cliff rn, but maybe I’ll try making a chart instead.
“Tuesday: wanted to jump off a cliff.
Wednesday: only wanted to jump off a bridge. Ah yes, Improvement. “
I want to be cured of a craving for something I cannot find and of the shame of never finding it. - TS Eliot
Jenna, great quote! Shame is a big one.
⚘🌞 u made my day
Thank you...lovely quote.
I literally laughed out loud to this comment It's like.. I wrote this..
That quote just burned a hole in my heart. It captures my whole life story. Gonna go get it tattooed on my forehead. K bye
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m actually very proud of who I’ve become and what I’ve achieved, I just feel devalued by those around me. No one else seems to recognize my talents or appreciate me. Is that normal? It’s like my talents are “hidden.” They are the things that people just take for granted and don’t value.
I relate to this! I feel like a phony when I toot my own horn so to speak. I notice people who are my equal, because I can see this now, getting ahead. For me, it's because I don't know how to sell myself and I don't know how to schmooze.
Exactly! That’s the loop in our heads, tho. I know that, but knowing doesn’t make it disappear. Self affirmation every day really has helped.
I've been experiencing the same thing. It's like no one wants what I have to offer with my 5 decades of experience.
People don't usually go out of their way to recognize other's talents. They think about themselves mostly, and they strive to compete with others. They usually choose to be around people that are more convenient for them, not the most talented or honest.
At least that's what I noticed.
INFJs do the opposite, they take the time to appreciate others, so we think everyone does that. That's why we think other people should do the same, but they don't.
That doesn't mean you're not good enough.
Lindsey B
I relate thanks for posting
You're the part of my brain that actually can put into words how it feels.
Apparently all of us weren’t feeling good at this moment. Thanks FJ
Yes. True.
As an INFJ, I was battling with the "not good enough" for 30 years. After watching a ton of lectures from Jordan Peterson I have finally succeeded in not looking at others for comparison. Now I compare myself with yesterdays me. If I improve from day to day, any little thing counts, I am being successful.
Can you give some link for a good video from Jordan Peterson?
@@hanee8049 Better if you just search for "Jordan Peterson Life Advice" here. Then watch what seems relevant to you or binge every thing you can find. I have not watched any thing with him that was not worth watching. The examples he can give to explain stuff is amazing.
@@hanee8049 Peterson is supposed to have some pretty strange ideas about women though. Just FYI because your name sounds female
@ilkldme Give me some examples of why you think he is "trash".
@@sirupsee4698 That is some ridiculous label put on him by extreme broken feminists who can't see truth for their ignorant ideology. Watch the full 15 min. of this: th-cam.com/video/kj7VgBnQNUc/w-d-xo.html
I was just thinking about how I’m not good enough and how I should quit my uni architecture course. This came at the right time. Thank you so much Frank ☺️
Also can’t wait for the next livestream!!
Architecture is soooo cool!
Architecture is an extremely demanding major, I bet lots of students feel that way. If you love it I hope you will keep going (and if you don't love it I hope you will find something you love).
Liz L You don’t know how much your comment means to me thank you so much!! I really hope you do what you love too. It is very demanding and a lot of pressure but I will persevere with it!! Good luck to you too and I really appreciate it 💗😊
Omg Im going to study architecture too, next year. (and I am assuming you're an INFJ)
Perfect timing, FJ. I was “feeling” beaten down over the last few weeks at work bc my INFJ approach is so different than others. I want to make this job into a career, and my boss keeps asking me why and what and how come I do what I do. I know I’m good at my job. I also give 110%, which I need to stop doing and just do my job and be satisfied. Others that I directly manage tell me I’m doing a great job. I need to stop looking around and hoping my boss will give me the validation I THINK I need that he is not wired to give me. I will attempt to keep my head down and do what my Dad always said, “Do your best and let go of the rest”. That’s hard for a perfectionist people pleaser.
That's actually my mantra: head down barrel through. When I have a busy day, or things get overwhelming: head down barrel through.
The green lamp reminds me of Daisy's green light at the end of the dock from The Great Gatsby as you speak. This goes for you, Frank James:
"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther."
The most perfect timing for this video - EVER. I was journalling and then noticed I was getting more stressed and anxious as I journalled, and it's because I over-analyze everything using an emotional lens, and also use broad and vague statements like "I want a better life" without even knowing what that MEANS in practical terms.
This exercise of just writing facts sounds so helpful - thank you FJ!!!!
Sof can honestly relate to this. The same thing happens to me
Ahhh glad to know I'm not alone!
Even though I'm an INTJ, I can relate to this a little. Hurray for childhood traumas
and stifling environments🤦.
I relate a lot to INTJ videos, but am 100% INFJ.
I confuse myself as INTJ even as INFJ.
I'm INFP, but I also really relate to this!
I relate to it a LOT. (INTP)
Only channel who talks about my problems other don't even understand me
Frank, there's a reason why our type is collectively called "the sages." You personify it. I know a number of INFJs, myself among them, who simply never learned how to articulate our thoughts verbally. Thus, it can make us feel rather awkward in social situations. It makes dating uncomfortable, it can cause personal inadequacy, and it also makes existing personality disorders or mental health problems worse. Therapy is wonderful, but I simply don't hear this kind of logic coming from another INFJ this well. I believe that's why so many of us love and admire you so much. You're able to read and put into words what most of us merely conceptualize on paper or in our minds. I've also referred other types to your channel who are completely confused by how people like you and me process, interpret, and integrate new data. I sincerely believe that the INFJ is unique in terms of finding an acute meaning or a spiritual meaning in some sense for everything that happens to us. If we can't assign a meaning, then yes, we're in danger of falling into a deep inferiority complex. Simply put, we like things to make sense, especially in a well structured way. If that fails to happen, then the default reaction is to blame oneself. "There must be something I missed." "Why aren't I seeing any logic to this?" Sometimes we simply need to step back and acknowledge that not everything in life is necessarily meant to make sense! I believe that coming to terms with that is a critical part of growing emotionally within the INFJ paradigm. We have ideals for everything; when we don't meet them, we automatically believe it's our fault. In truth, it's not your fault; it's just life.
Holy potatoes! How do you always manage to make a video I need in the present moment?! 🤯
Same Thought.
I was thinking that too. Perfect timing.
I recognize so much in this video! I'm always telling myself that I'm objectively doing worse than others. But then I realized I can't look at it objectively because 1. I only compare myself to the people doing better than me, not to all my peers, and 2. I can't be objective because I know of my own struggles and advantages, but I don't know those things about others. And then it's easy to assume that everything comes easy to others, while I'm sitting here bitching and whining that everything is so hard.
This, and realizing everyone has their own journey and goes on their own pace, has helped tremendously with not being too hard on myself.
It’s like we don’t know how to “people” so we just emulate those we admire around us.
I actually do this every single day with writing. Mostly task based but it makes me feel productive and I can see that I am actually progressing.
Love the videos!
Sees "INFJ not feeling good enough"
Cries out "finally!!!!!!"
As an INFJ, this comparison with others is a double-edged sword for me, because, on the flip side of what you said, this comparison is where I get my inspiration from! When I look at my guitar skill I always compare it to other better guitarists that inspire me and that keep pushing me forward. But when I look at someone better than me and don't get inspired... well now in trouble...
Today I was thinking about this and somehow found this video. I’ve always felt that way. A lot of times I ask myself why can’t I be like them? Is there something wrong with me? It feels like most things come naturally for others whereas I have to do great amounts of effort. It’s like I see everyone as better than me for some reason. Like they know how to play life and I just don’t know the instructions. I’ve never met anyone who feels that way and I’m glad to know there are people out there who feel it too.
I just want to thank you for sharing this. My husband is an INFJ, and I'm an INTJ, so this is something we've talked about dozens of times that has always been confusing for me. I feel like he constantly compares himself to others (many of whom we share little in common with), and he always finds himself wanting (which boggles my mind because, objectively, he's great in so many areas that I genuinely can't understand what faults/failures he's seeing that I'm missing-- his trajectory has always been "up," but progress is slow and kind of looks like the stock market. It's up and down with an upward lean). It's been very difficult for me to understand his feelings of insufficiency, and this really helped me understand more fully.
Thank you again!
INFJs love self improvement and this is the perfect way to acknowledge yourself as making progress towards something instead if beating yourself up on why it's not done and why it hasn't reached the perfect point you wanted it to be. Thanks FJ!
"improved to still not good enough"
oof took the words out of my mouth
With the whole writing down your progress instead of getting caught up in the emotional aspect of it, that also works for me when I get a bit depressed. A lot of times I will look back at the bad things I have done or the embarrassing things that have happened. If I stop myself and start to think of other people’s perspective or what it really effected, it’s easier to realize that I didn’t do anything that terrible, and that even if I did, I can still make up for it because it’s not the end of the world
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 omg how did you know, Frank??! 😵 I was sitting alone mulling over whether or not to apply for a job knowing deep down I didn't have all the essential skills for it, I open up TH-cam and then found your video 😲 yknow what? I'm gonna go for it. Thanks Frank!
Good Luck!! ^-^
Sometimes the feeling of being not enough is the only feeling we have as an INFJ. Psychologist say we are more focus on pleasing other people that we forget our selves. Are we really born to be someone else crying shoulder or someone who save them so that we can feel we are good and enough?
I love how you break things down, it’s like you’re speaking directly to me and my INFJ train of thoughts 💭 Subjective standards ✍🏽💪🏽
I adore you for literally voicing every concern I have in my head. I once cried for 45 minutes saying I was not good enough. well, if hat doesn't prove how much of an INFJ I am, I can tell you other things lol
As an INFJ, I relate to this soooooo much! 🤯 living that single dingle life!
People might be very envious of your hair. You've got it going on this morning! Good height, symmetrical on the sides... Good morning, thanks for the video. :)
This video just pop out in the right moment as always. I think I've unconsciously adopted this mechanism when I started university and everything started getting better at the time - I didn't feel anymore as 'not that good' or mediocre, I actually thought I could do anything if I worked hard for it. Sadly other life problems (or maybe just other infj's difficulties lol) turned up and I forgot everything I learned, letting myself wallow in sadness, unable to look to the future with confidence.
ENFJ Girl here. Your vids are helping me dial in how to understand my guy friend who is a confirmed INFJ. He recently moved to start over and "reinvent himself" in a new place with a new job. He has voiced that he wants to do the self improvement stuff, but is hesitant. I don't push it. I won't push it. It seems to me that he has built up experience in tapping into Se for setting goals though his mental image of what is supposed to be dogs him. When he is in the right state, I'm directing him to you. He has high aspirations for doing good in communities. Competitive jiu jitsu fighter, plays Cello and Ukelele, working as a security guard and dreaming up how to start a non-profit locally for those less fortunate.
I'm totally digging you INFJs. LOL! As a fellow xNFJ, make peace with not being correct. Not being correct is natural like water flowing around rocks in a river. Be the water, not the other rock that rolls down and stays in one place. I believe in you.
this really hits home, all too true and how easy it is to go off and live in your own head but in a way where you almost sort of dissociate from actual reality of sensing...all the lower functions you mention I was like “aww man ugh, yeah I’ve got to do that...” and moving from “I’ve got to” to “I am doing” that...and even finding out what “That” is for me...maybe it’s Faith No More’s “Epic” ...”it said, what is it?”
I use to struggle a lot with this ( once in a while I still do) . I decided to take up journaling which I found super helpful with releasing tension and anxiety .
Floral Moral agree, it opens a door to another world.
Frank,
About a month ago, one of your videos randomly came up in my TH-cam feed. I had taken the 16 personalities test and gotten INFJ as a result, but never researched much about it and definitely hadn't looked it up on TH-cam. Still, your video showed up and I had to watch... And watch another and another.
I was blown away that someone else knew what it felt like to fade into the background of busier social situations and feeling like nobody cared if I contributed, despite desperately wanting to be engaged. It helped so much to know that someone else often found themselves trapped in their imagination having day-nightmares of worst case scenarios and to feel like a "Freakazoid" as you've call it for doing so. Even seeing someone else who is interested in a wide variety of things (baseball, playing guitar and bass, writing, accounting) like me has been encouraging.
I still have a lot of progress to make, but your sharing of your life experiences, thoughts and feelings, has really helped me step back and start processing things more clearly. I'm realizing that the ways that I am different don't make me inferior at all. I'm not supposed to be the perfect match for everyone, and not everyone is going to like or understand me, but that's okay. It doesn't mean I'm a failure.
Keep sharing. Don't burn this down. You're making a difference in the lives of a lot of people who have felt isolated for a long time, and one day they'll be able to pay it forward!
The more I think about it... Isn't this a problem that's pretty much rooted deep within our souls? I mean I can only speak for myself, but this looking around, comparing oneself to others and adapting onseself to what our surroundings (and therefore we!) perceive to be good - for me this started from childhood on, really. I don't remember a time where I was or felt free to just 'be'...it's kinda sad but then again, I dont even know if it's the same for other INFJs or if this makes any sense at all. I can only say for me this started way back in the old days of being a toddler probably haha :D and now with 21 years I still am like that.
Ouch. This video hits differently. It's just so hard to ignore the fact that others are better. I can feel as confident and proud of myself as I want, as soon as I realise that I could have done better, and that someone else actually did, I can't help but being disappointed.
I don't want to, I try so hard to not do so, but I crave recognition from others so much. Not from others in general, but from a selected few. Those few, which I feel like don't give me any recognition (you always want what you can't have). And I know that I would do everything, change the sense of earths rotation, just to hear this "wow, you did very well, I am proud of you. You were exceptional". I just...reaally want to be the best for those people and for myself. And I often feel like none of those people (me included) don't give me the affirmation I'd need.
But I am working on it. :) I try to be more conscious about my achievements and also, actually realise that people are telling me that I am doing good. Even some of those particular persons (I just was telling myself things like "nah, he doesn't mean it like that. He says that to everyone. I just were lucky").
Amen to journaling your emotional state regularly! I did that for over a year, assigning a numerical value. Turns out I was happier than I thought I was. Those negative feelings overshadow the positive if we don’t keep an eye on things.
Keeping your head down can feel impossible if the comparison habit is lifelong, but awareness of it to begin with is a great start. Great video. 👍🏼
Not sure that the feeling of being not good enough will ever go away, but about 15 years ago I began to understand how successful I am has a lot less to do with where I am or what I have - it's how much I had to overcome to get where I am.
A superb theme!!! We arw good enough! We are. We just spot judgmental attitude of others so easily.. and "they" spot us, being affected by their valuations.. they suck!
I can’t tell you how much I relate to your videos. I’m in my final semester of my degree and I was literally just sitting here thinking, “what if I did this whole thing by luck?” and this popped up. Thanks for making these🙏
This video couldn't have been more timely. I took a leave from uni because of my anxiety and depression. It's been a rough road with all the therapy and changing my thinking. However, am 4 months into it and noticed that my mood is so much better. Once I learnt to not give into my negative subconscious thoughts I started to truly recover. Thank you Frank your videos never fail to make me laugh and smile! :)
🎉 *Congratulations* 🎉
I subscribed at 7K+ and now, FJ, you get that many views in 4hrs over one vid!
You now have 190K+ and are still going strong...
We appreciate you!
thank you so much FJ, ive always felt this way my entire life and the only advice i got was “compare yourself to yourself from yesterday” and it never worked for me
Frank. I’ve been subscribed since you had less than 1000. Still here. I don’t watch all your videos, but I’ve seen a lot of them. I like this type of video the best. Im much older than you and I relate to what you are laying down here, and I will say you are doing just fine my friend.
I needed this so much. I have such a problem of comparing myself to others -- even if I achieve something I also feel like "oh it was just luck I guess... I didn't do it the right way like they did" thank you for this insight!!!
Before I saw this on my recommend page/notifications, I randomly had this thought, “I’m just scared that I’ll finally find someone that is good enough for me but I’m not good enough for them”. Wow, thanks for these videos Frank !!! They help a lot (:
Great advice for anyone that doesn’t feel good enough 👏
The last thing I would instinctively do is write down the facts and track them. Which is why it's exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks Frank
Great video and advice! Very relatable, you make a lot of INFJs feel understood. Thank you for sharing your wise thoughts and advice. !!
OMG I'm crying watching this. I work so hard and so many hours trying to succeed, this really hits home. I see other people, some of whom I've trained, in my company who are moving up, and I really get depressed. Why do I think like this? Especially when I AM succeeding in the position I'm in. I should be proud of the department I've built and the people I've shaped.
A great opportunity has recently presented itself and all I could think was, that's not how so and so did it..they got a better break than that, or why do I have to take the more difficult path, or it's probably not going to be worth the money, or worse yet that I"m not good enough to do it. Thank you FJ, these words are exactly what I needed to hear right now. You're the best! Big hugs
Don’t forget there’s other people comparing themselves to you too, everyone’s a lil insecure about something but it’s a pretty level playing field when it comes to people. Keep ur chin up infjs!
Thank you for this highlight on 'how to measure/compare yourself" theme, which we can hear many times, but this 'ST' point of view was really new to me! You're absolutely right, that we -and everyone - should improve ourselves against the weaknesses we have (and self-improvement is a key motivator for an INFJ because of the moral aspects) but it's very hard to point out the fields and the measures. It's a bit like marketing: you want to advertise something but you don't know how successfully you've spent the tonnes of money until you start to build in some measuring points. And I don't want o say that the noumbers of cars in your garage will tell how happy you are, but some more objective perspectives in our dream field would definitely help!
And yep' you're also right in the 'put your head on the table' approach: I used to say "there's always a need for someone in a swimming school who can swim too". So don't feel too much sorry for yourself just get up and go and cut those trees! ;)
Well, this hit home.
thank u so much :( just had an anxiety attack. i never feel worthy of anything
Same 😓
I just have to say, thanks for still being the same amazing FJ. I fell off from watching for a while (you were under 10K subs) but I'm
back and I still love the videos and I'm still sure your me as a dude. Thank you sir for being amazingly you.
This came right when I needed it, Frank. As an INFJ who has just started pursuing my own art and sharing it on TH-cam, the comparison piece is rough. Thanks so much for sharing some wisdom.
Ugh I've had that huge problem of guilt and what is good enough...thanks so much for these pearls of wisdom!
As an infj I've begun to realize that i started hiding my comparison as admiration. Turns out idealizing ppl can be just as bad as envying them 😒
You've opened my eyes with this comment😱 I didn't realize I was doing this, not even after watching this video, now I get it. But, well I've gotten pretty good, I'm friends with an ISTJ and whenever I rant, he's like telling me what I needed to hear. (Sounds weird for an INFJ to rant, isn't it? Well I kinda have a hard time ranting with anyone else but him)
I heard a large swath of this video as "Stay off social media."
More seriously, I don't let myself spend time on social media when I go through one of those storms.
Yeah I don't even install some social media just because they are popular but without any true meanings or benefits
My family does not understand me when I tell them social media is poison for me but life is so much better since I left.
I'd be off of social media yesterday if I didn't have a business that relies on it. 😒 Such a good point.
I am so glad I never got into any social media... I mean I guess TH-cam counts lol
Personally, I get on Instagram once a week for about an hour or so and then delete it, not to download it again until the next week. Works really well for me
Thank you. You've validated my emotional state right now. I really needed this. Btw, hope we can collab one day.
you always know what to say and how to say it, thank you bro
This is so amazing! As an INFJ myself, I’ve found this to be so helpful and understanding. I would socially compare my progress and effort and compare it to someone else, and then would end up feeling I’m not enough. I do try to set goals and find inspiration to motivate me, because I also know that everyone is different and that I shouldn’t compare my life to someone else’s.
I just love you! Everything you say makes so much sense in this huge world of “I don’t know”. If that makes any sense.... but it makes sense to me, so ok. Thank you for sharing your gifts. It’s greatly appreciated. 😊
I like your idea of tracking to help stop things that are easy to miss, easy to ignore and play down, say you don’t care about. Put your head down to focus on your own standards which you can achieve (forget others’ standards, just keep your own)
hi frank. just wanted to let u know that ur channel helped me the most and the way u explain everything is really what I'm looking for and this is the only channel for me that delivers the idea in a really smart way for me to understand. THANKS MAN you're doing amazing
Yeah buddy. One of the most profound things anyone has ever said directly to me was to throw comparing myself to the “standard” out the window. A mentor at work told me this. It wasn’t groundbreaking. But I had never experienced anyone actually telling me this. They saw me & I was in a place where I was fully receptive to it. We need that encouragement in any form we can get. Including this one. Thanks FJ 😀
"You can achieve your own standard of good enough." I need that on a shirt!
It really helps me to force myself think more logical instead of emotionally. To kind of take myself out of me and see myself as a third person and think what actionable, realistic daily steps can I take to achieve my goal? Then tracking it so I can see improvement through numbers instead of emotional comparison. Routine is so key for me --- if I have no routine with same daily time then I'm lost in my overthinking/emotions. Thank you Frank!!!
This spoke to me so hard! Thank you for explaining this so so well! You deserve the success with you’re change so much. Been here when you were at 5k 😊🙏
I was thinking about it just yesterday :(. I have always been highly "praised" by people wherever I go, and yet, I don't feel good enough. There is always a feeling that people have something I will never have.
btw the video helped me a lot, thank you frankie ❤️
ok but can we take a second and admire this... beautiful.... hair?
Came home after a really long day of school. I kept comparing my test scores and grades to others, and this video really helped me slap my brain back to reality... It’s such a simple message to just mind my own business, but it’s like an insatiable beast inside of me that just wants to look at others and base my self worth on them. Thank u for this lovely video 💕💕 I’ll try keep what u said in mind!
Good video topic, Frankie. 😎 I know it’s only Tuesday but I have been struuuuuggling with this already this week. Glad to hear your thoughts on the matter!
I try not to compare to others but i really put a high standard for myself to achieve so yeah that makes me feel im not good enough
sana lll Saaaaaaaaaaaame
Yep! I compare myself, to the person the voice inside TELLS me that I should be... And if and when I make it, the voice then expects and wants better and better!
@@tamielizabethallaway2413 Yes true!! Also I can't take compliments.When I hear one I think "No, I'm not that good."
@@sanalll2875 yeah, i think "oh that's nice thank you" nice of them to say it, but I don't agree! I wrote my own comment actually, above (further up in comments) talking about that very thing! 😘
@@tamielizabethallaway2413 I saw the comment now and yes that voice really makes us doubt everything we do. But we should not forget that we always try to give our best for every little thing so this is what really matters. 💓
You are basically referring to a concept called ”deliberate practice“. It’s like practicing not randomly and with mindless repetition (which we all do at some point) but with purpose and a system. It’s very fascinating to me, since I just read about this concept and am trying to implement it myself. And yes, I call myself and INFJ as well and I totally know what you mean and agree with you! Keep up the good work, bruh!
As an INFJ type 3, this rings really really true :( For INFJ's, one of the most important things we can do is develop our own Fi rather than relying on Fe so much.
Agree entirely that we always feel inadequate but not in a material sense. Envy, yes, as others seem so cool and confident while we feel like worms. I even strive to be "normal." Always feel unworthy of compliments and, as you say, feel any success was a fluke and I don't deserve it. However, Frank, you have done so wonderfully well, especially for an INFJ, as you have helped thousands and that is 1 of our main goals. I struggle constantly but do not want to lose sight of my main goal in life as that is who I am and I try at least to be true to myself.
I found that the past plenty year has helped a lot in limiting the comparison with others. At least socially, I am comparing myself less with others. I indulged a lot more into my hobby, and had plenty time to step up there. And with nobody around, I managed to actually see the improvement.
I still feel "not good enough". Thank you for not making me feel out of place with that.
your videos make me feel so understood (for obvious reasons) and I don't think I've ever felt so heard. I'm glad I found your channel today
This video arrived at just the right time for me. Thanks, James.
I've been feeling down lately, and you really hit the nail on the head with this video, man. Thank you for helping me understand why I feel this way.
you make such a curious, profound, articulate amount of sense
You hit it right on the nose with saying 'when I achieved it, it was just luck' eye-opening! I always felt this way but I've been trying to be kinder to myself.. So now when ever I get mean or scold myself for not improving faster I try to imagine scolding to my 5 year old self. Which really helps me. It is a lot harder to be mean to a child then the to the person you see in the mirror.
Thanks FJ giving me another piece of the puzzle 🙌
"Getting better all the ti-i-ime!" Ha! I feel better now in the last month or so, but that not looking up and out is really hard!! Great advice, Frank!👍✌💜
It's so nice to watch you speak in your videos. I really like that I can easily understand you! I tend to pause a lot while trying to find the right words to make someone understand. Most of the time people get tired of waiting for me to get to the point. People think I'm off in la la land when I speak, I think. My husband says I talk in circles and give way too much information to get my point across. (We call the added information "the middle 5" of a conversation.) He only needs the beginning 5 seconds and the last 5 seconds of my story to understand what happened and yet I always give the extras in the middle. He is an ISTP personality, where I am an INFJ. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think your videos are amazing. Thank you for making them!
Infj here, you painted this abstract concept perfectly. To be honest, your my favorite of all the infj youtubers :)
You beautiful, wise man! A super huge thank you! This helped me snap out of my self-critising rut and gave me the inspiration I needed to finish my assignment
Thank you for the encouragement to put small achievements down in clear words for myself to look back on. You can’t emotionally argue with yourself when you see it plainly like that. I downplay most if not all of my achievements because my life has not been ‘simple’ or straightforward like I feel others’ has been. Or that achievements in my life are just normal routine for others. Even when I talk about what I can do and have achieved with others, I feel like a fraud. But I feel like I should be able to do that and feel good about myself.
This helps a lot because I constantly compare myself to others especially since starting TH-cam it’s like I’ll never be good enough to myself but I have to remember that it’s only fair to compare yourself to what you used to be and that’s it.
"It's like you don't have a compass because you have been looking at the stars before, and now you have to look at your own internal system". This whole video is SO compelling and accurate: I have been stuck and trapped in this situation, feeling like I was broken, having abstract concepts in my mind and blaming myself for always looking at others and setting my standards based on theirs. Thanks for this, I know now it doesn't mean I am empty and without substance, only that I have a way of functioning and valuing things that is slightly different than others. Feel free to share other tips in another video, that is really useful (and what us, INFJs, will be looking for ;) )!
I love the metaphor! Made perfect sense to me. On the ocean - isolated from attachment to people and the world / reality. Without a sail - no way to move towards attachment to reality. These are things I have felt I am not good enough to navigate myself - without an external mechanism. It's quite isolating. I think in symbols and metaphors a lot. They describe principles to me and help me find words to communicate ideas. You're part of my therapy LOL! It's great to hear other people express the same internal workings and provide a means of overcoming that !
Found it!
*analogy. Not a metaphor!