3 UPDATES: MIL Constantly Insults Me In Native Tongue Not Knowing I Can Understand & 1Day I Overhear
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
- 3 UPDATES: Mil Constantly Insults Me In Native Tongue Not Knowing I Can Understand & One Day I Overhear Her & Sil Talking About Husband’s Secret & I Thank Them And Rush To Court
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Everyone warned me against going to a different country for my husband without knowing anything about his fan, I didn't listen and suffered the consequences I guess.
I'll start with telling you guys about my relationship. I met my husband on a dating app 2 years ago. We hit it off pretty well and after a few dates, we decided to take things further and start dating. Neither of us wanted anything serious at first but things just moved in that direction and we got into a relationship.
#aitareddit #redditaita #relationships #reddit #aita
I'd get him deported and blacklisted for marriage fraud.
It depends in some cases it's only a religious ceremony that is not legally binding, so the husband can go to another country and marry and even get a certificate from the embassy that he is single (that's why I don't know how many times my father had been married and why the divorce and the aftermath took almost 7 years). Another case is with dual citizenship, you get married in one country and "forget" to update the other nationality's authority.
My cousin is a dual citizen from the EU and UK and my SIL is Kazakhstani and half Kirghiz, and where they got married there was no embassy of my cousin's EU country, so when the actual court verification came, she literally cried tears of joy. She had married him because she believed him, but it's one thing to believe and another to actually see the evidence plus it took like 3 months for the documents to arrive because of the pandemic.
Cause you a Demon.
A man would never take it that far lol.
The mil saved her with her insults at the airport 😂...
In other words remember to get background checks on spouses.
First, you'd have to be more than reasonably proficient in the language. Second, you'd have to have a lot of money. Many "local officials" in some countries don't even get out of bed before the "brown paper bag" is handed over. Thirdly, where was the red flag, the clue to follow? I personally wouldn't get involved with someone from a far away country, mostly because I'd feel isolated if I moved there, and different places have far different nuances to habits and customs; let alone certain families are toxic and have their own 'cultures', but realistically, how could OP have found out something like this? It's not like a different country's marriage register is online. And unless someone is wanted internationally, the three letter organizations of her home country wouldn't go looking him and his history up either, even if she had fame, riches and political pull to get this info. I'm a bit mystified on where all this important information is stored where regular OP can just "look it up".
So the dude knocked up a chick and dumped her, stigmatizing her life and the life of their kid, and then.. married again a woman his mother didn't like for being 'a foreigner, small and curvy'? Nice family. Decent.
I'm sensing some immigration fraud in there somewhere....
I know right! I honestly believe that’s why OP didn’t want to believe her husband, she just really wanted out of that marriage because of her MIL
He's already married. He's a bigamist , probably looking for citizenship and job ops. There was no mention of a divorce to the mother of his child...
I love that last suggestion on the last story. Alan will get eviscerated!
I think a better idea is for the friend group to all just renounce him and say they don't want to be his friend anymore and his girlfriend to break up with him. I consider her to be a villain too because she is choosing to stay in a relationship with a person that she KNOWS is an @$$H0L3. That makes her no better than him in my book, or maybe only a little bit better. I hate people who choose to be in relationships with total jerks. Total jerks should be alone and unloved.
There are many who went overseas get marrued to a citizen and when the required period is over they dumped their wives and bring the original family over
Story 1: OP needs to let others know the true story of her relationship if only to stop him from perpetrating this sham on another female. Make sure your friends know and tell them to spread the word.
So is S1 the guy is still married to Julie. That would mean that not only can the writer get an annulment, but she could claim it was a deception to get into the US, they could then deport him as well. Nice payback for his lies.
@@robertwillis4061there was no mention that either party was from the US.
@@TweSunshine at 1:12 it says meanwhile he met my family in the States. Given that the OP mentions the husband is from a different country but does not say that they themselves are, It appears OP is from the US.
1. Wow, "you understand us?" Brilliant. 2. OP should go NC with MIL.
story 2 They blamed her tantrum and the party being ruined on me talking back instead of shutting my mouth AKA sit down and be bullied HOW DARE YOU stand up for yourself!!!!!!
Someone needs to send an extensive & explicit list of every abuse your husband went through at her hands.
So many stubborn young women refuse to listen to advice of family, get it trouble then force the family to clean up their mess.
Two young Scandinavian girls wanted to travel and when advised not to visit certain countries they dismissed the advice as racist.
They went camping and were later found decapitated and raped. For those who don't believe me,
I've only covered the bare facts here, but Google it and you'll find the full story easily enough.
@@ericgrace9995 yeah I remember they went to a muslim country I am not generalizing but they the gals specifically went there to show how islamic beliefs weren't bad but ultimately got killed because they were kafirs
@@oindrilaroychoudhuri273 That's the one.
I think there were also two British girls who went to somewhere in the Middle East, got trained and trafficked, ended up in Syria I think. They want to go back to England but too bad so sad they went to become terrorists so now England doesn't trust them.
Dear Alan, it's just like YOUR relationship.... no one is the man.
S1 NTA at least you taught your husband and his family a HUGE lesson. Too bad you didn't go far enough with the family. Typical male bs, you might not need an annulment. He may still be married to Julie. If he is please have polygamy charges brought on him.
"I'm done! FOREVER!" You are doing great OP! Also I always love when people reveal they can speak the language of smarmy abusers!
Second story : Cruel MIL. OP, what you said needed saying and it is unlikely anyone else would have offered her the different perspective on her parenting style which she needed to hear. It is unlikely to have made her reflect on her decisions though. As you were LC, another opportunity may not have presented itself. People who treat their children like your poor husband was treated, are very good at hiding it from others so other relatives may genuinely not know how she really chose to behave. NTA
story 1: OP is still calling him "my husband" even at the end of the story... I hope she really forgets him
She won't tell us where the husband came from because she knows we will all say that alone was a reason for her to know better.
Too many "woke" Americans will trash on other cultures because of lack of understanding context. What may be considered oppressive or backwards to an American could be the status quote for another country for centuries.
And that comment alone is the reason she hasn’t mentioned where her husband is from. You don’t know and you are still racist.
I am guessing husband was maybe Chinese. Growing up in an Asian country and understanding some Mandarin and Cantonese, I often came across some of the older generation speaking critically of people they didn’t think could understand. I don’t understand why, because the majority of schools there offer Mandarin from kindergarten, even the international schools. My Mum would even have shop assistants coming up to her, when she was in examining clothing for her teenage daughters, openly telling her, in English, “No, too small, lah!” Or even, “Too fat! You’ll break it!”
What they said behind other’s backs was much, much more critical and blatant. The word ‘Ang Moh,’ which may be what OP was talking about, literally translates to ‘red hair,’ but is considered quite offensive, because it is used derogatively to mean ‘white person.’ At least where I lived. Many of the younger generation would scold their elders if they heard them using it and that is even with the thinking that elders should not be questioned or criticized, simply because they are your elder.
That's kinda true
@@RedPanda74 it's not racist if it's true. It's probably India or China which are well-known for how backward they are when it comes to family situations
2nd story: if those relatives are on mil side tell them since they find nothing wrong with her advices then they should follow her advices and be a shitty parent.
Correction, Husband's Wife and 1st family.
First story, I'd tell everyone anyway, not necessarily for revenge but to help the next woman he tries to lie to...er...marry.
Story 2
That MIL sounds exactly like my mom!
No to Alan,yes to your lady!
Post Allen on Gay dating sights just for giggles!!!
Love it!
Alan isn't out yet. He's Bi-curious and only at the stage of protesting too much.
Being in another country is a hard thing. I got deeply depressed living with my in-laws for the first year of our new life.
There's an old saying, just because somebody throws a ball doesn't mean you have to catch it. There's a time and a place what you should have just said was well that's your opinion and you're allowed to have it and walked away. Engagement party is not the time to unload everything you've been holding in for nine years!
Funny as hell! Offer to show him
Happy Monday Everyone from Tacoma Washington!( Stay Safe and warm )
Story 2 even though this altercation at the engagement party shouldn’t have happened, and the naysayers accusing OP of causing trouble now know that you are not about to put up with monster in law’s bullshit, the altercation needed to take place then, because monster in law would just deny everything if it happened on a one to one argument. OP doesn’t need monster in law to “reign supreme “ over OP’s household and this to me is the only way to level the playing field. You do need to apologize to the other people at the party, though.
Well no the engagement party wasn't the time or place but since op and dh are no contact with her there wouldn't be any other time or place. Mil was the one who used the event to inaporopriately start lobbing grenades about their parenting.
So you’re a second wife.... one should ALWAYS do extensive research if you’re even thinking of getting entangled with someone from a foreign country. Especially if that country/culture sees nothing wrong with multiple wives or with viewing females as property & less then.
Story 1: not that I condone lying or keeping secrets, but…… why did OP automatically assume her husband was lying about his former wife and child? Why didn’t she just ask for proof of divorce papers or something? In my opinion, she was just waiting for any excuse to leave that crazy family lol.
Good for her.
Other than all the talk by the MIL and SIL, which justifies getting out already. He forbid the family to contact with his own kid, an infant. Wow, very decent human beings/s.
OP is a good mom fear is not the way to control your kids or to any part of their life and less it’s harmful to them
Op I would not lie in this situation especially to my family.
Story 2
No OP didn't choose this event to finally snap. Firstly they were already LC well before the party so it's doubtful that OP/ her husband haven't stood up for themselves before. Second MIL is the one that chose to start this at the engagement party, every other event, every time they met up and apparently all of OPs husband's childhood.
Honestly we do a disservice to the world when we tell people that are the victims that they should be the bigger person, take the higher ground, or that this was not the right place to do this. All it does is tell the abuser that they get to choose. Its like the zero tolerance bullying policy where everyone involved in bullying is immediately suspended/expelled. Oh you just got beat up that just means you are part of the bullying cycle gotta suspend you.
story one except he should have been honest and told her about his first marriage and his daughter other than that how is it different to many other marriages she hardly needs to go nuclear and get major revenge, his family were awful so she is out of that shitstorm
Technically if u marry someone that is already married, u aren’t married to him & u don’t need an annulment r a divorce., Grown people don’t need to obey their parents.
Op is so lucky that she didn’t have kids with her husband and to leave him story1
Why I never would marry outside my country. Smh
My 'young' cousin married a Mexican and had a child, she did not find out more about the family. When she went to visit w/their daughter all communication stopped for 6 months...they actually got her and her daughter back in good time. Before making a commitment find out more about them and their way of living..be aware of such things...
16 to 18 is young to have children since some are like children themselves and immature. 23 is not too young, its perfect age.
To the contentious, the talking back to MIL was not a "choice". MIL chose to pick the moment, thinking she'd be in a safe place. Op should ask MIL to apologize to her son for being worst mother in the world.
MIL Must Have Called You An " AKATA " .
@rGirl Relationships At 14:13 there's a full screen vid of a blonde spliced into your video
"Who's the man?"
Neither. That's the point.
Aka a divorce for op right?
Annulment is faster and without consequences....
An annulment is like the marriage never happened.
@@kelf114 yes that is it. Obviously the term "null" is in the word to describe it.
should sued for compensation he was already married. it will jeopardize his stay in your country. send him packing. sounds more like he wants a card
A daughter-in-law who actually talks back and she was not this offering advice. She was insulting oh piece parenting style and it was not the first time she did it that mother-in-law needed to be put in her place and her family is enabling the mother-in-law.
OP needs a new gf, how is she mad at what OP said , but cries about being called the man in the relationship
Story 1 - OP never mentioned if ex was divorced from Julie or still married. He was from another country so he may have been allowed to have more than 1 wife ?
S1 OP is an doormat. Stand up for yourself when you’re being disrespected and those who do so will know you won’t stand for it.
When I lived in a dorm with nursing students from Haiti they all planned to marry Afro American men because they had left kids and Haitian spouses behind and would say they would divorce the American as soon as they got citizenship, then they would file to bring their kids and spouse to US. That was back in 1970s I really hope laws have changed.
If I was op I would leave this marriage because dealing with this toxic mother and dishonest husband and now op can enjoy her freedom story1
Real family I hate when people say that family is family if they’re married into it they are definitely family. What a piece husband is supposed to only spend time with his family. Well his wife is part of his family as well.
If op mother-in-law would have kept her mouth shut she wouldn’t be in this situation story2
I don't know what countries this story takes place in but , in mine bigamy is a crime.
HIGH GROUND, HIGH GROUND.......Why do people always talk about taking the Hugh ground and allowing assholes to get the upper hand, thus continuing their horseshit to continue.
For me, taking the HIGH GROUND just means finding a high enough cliff to chuck someone off of.
The guy could have married her for the legal status to stay in the US.
i can guess the other country is Philippines
Maybe your husband should make a detailed list of all the things (abuse) mommydearest has done to him over the years
Story 3
I don't think anyone should make comments about your sexuality his extremely atrusive into your relationship your friends should tell Alan to mind his own business he believes if you go to bed with him you will change your sexuality and he the worst type of macho man and next time bring the gay men in your life to the party when he sees some amazing looking macho looking men who are gay he will feel insecure and will not be so quick to make comments
Is it Asia? I bet it's Asia
India is my bet.
@@joanngreenberg3616 that is a Chong Sam she described which is Thai.
Yes, constant comment about her weight is telling me that it is somewhere in Asia. Asians have a very negative opinion about fat people. And their "fat" is just curvy by western standard. It is normal to tell others "you are fat" ,"omg, you have gained weight", "you should take care of yourself more". I hear comments like this everyday at workplace. Not directed towards me but towards others regardless of gender. But they are harsher on women. (I am in Asia too).
S2 NTA time to go LC to NC, where's your husband's backbone? You don't owe her an apology. But I hope you apologized to the hosts
I suspect mothers this attention needy and attached to their sons to be abusers.
Can someone please help me out here? I am confused? 17:34 She said "grey rock"? I have no idea what that means? Is it some kind of a euphemism? I have never heard the term?
Gray rocking is essentially giving as little information as possible. Be as boring as a rock.
For example:
"How have you been? Do anything fun?" Yes
"How's x?" Fine etc.
@@gracefultrash Bingo. Grey rocking is usually the best deterrent against nosy or hostile people looking to provoke a reaction out of you. Just going "Hmm," or "That's nice," takes away all the fun of tormenting you.
S1: I would tell everyone the reason for your divorce!!! His actions are reprehensible and immoral!! You owe him no respect. By remaining silent you put another innocent in your place!!! Please I would also report his actions to immigration?!! I’m sure there rules about behavior and fraud. Good luck.
Okay, so that 1st story is really strange. The husband divorced 1st wife and support child. The only thing I see wrong is the MIL and SIL talking as if she doesn't understand and trash talking her. And perhaps not saying anything about 1st marriage.
Story 1
You should have been wiser and eventually you got to escape and you should have hidden so money to escape so he had another wife your husband was hoping you would get him a visa and your money would have been used to support them and he did not get a divorce and so his a bigomist so you can get a divorce and you should never allow him any where you can get out and don't grieve this and make it known he was already married and not divorced he will be lovely for another word who can get him a visa stop him please
OP tell you girlfriend it's ok I'm a tom boy and proud I'm 56 years old. I'm a woman who likes guys things tell them get over it.
10:00 Sounds similar to the story of Jemima Goldsmith of UK who married Imran Khan the cricketer (and fmr PM) of Pakistan?
Marry in haste and repent at leisure. I am happy that foolish OP didn't become pregnant as soon as the honeymoon was over!
OP sounds like the type of person who goes to Morocco, Algeria, Syria or Iraq because nomads/ camels/ sand are so romantic and end up with their throats cut after being raped.
Do you do podcasts?
Umm I don't do it yet
Visa marriage.
Story 1 Op: Stupid is as Stupid Does. Story2 Op: the fact you two aren't NC instead of LC shows that Stupid is as Stupid Does.
First story : OP, I don't understand what you intended to achieve by wearing a dress which your horrible in-laws would consider immodest.
She wanted her MIL to spill the beans about her husbands secret and MIL did
She DID explain. You didn’t read carefully.
@@madgevanness4011 Rude. I did read the story accurately. Why would doing something which OP knew would provoke a negative reaction from her MIL and SIL, help her situation at all?
@@hilarymurray8741 Make them talk,. get heated. Why I would you care of opinions of those a holes anyway.
The abbreviated way of speaking is annoying. I'm not even sure what half of it means, and if stopping to Google it is even worth it. WTF (Well That's Fantastic or What The F makes a big difference)
Say what you mean so everyone understands
Yta, you don't want us to judge his culture (for being sexist garbage) and you don't bat an eye at gendered cars. You got what you wanted.
“There’s no point talking about it now..” means I need some attention and validation so I’ll talk about it on Reddit.
Op - not overly bright!
You guys got to stop saying take the high ground lol let see you take the high ground if that happened to you.
(Engagement Party): NTA.....It was a storm brewing. I know this storm. Once had a friend that I would have embraced as a sister, but she kept picking until I couldn't. So I told my mother if she was going to be around I wouldn't. My mom told her, and she was shocked that my mom picked me. The child she birth. The child who runs from causing her mother problems.....even if the problem causes her to hurt worse.
OP.....my best advice is to excuse yourself from ALL events your MIL & her flying monkeys will attend. When called\texted\emailed\messaged for reason. Don't make up any excuses. Just remind of the engagement party.