I was hesitant to watch this video. Beth and I are very similar with our backgrounds and issues and even some personality traits. It angers me to watch her videos because she reminds me of the person I used to be and who I actively try not to become. And then I get even more angry because she's claiming to be an expert in things and then giving horrendous advice. And the majority of her content appears to come from a place of bitter unhappiness. It makes me so sad for her and the women she's affecting.
Hang in there Sarah! I am fighting to come back to a form of mobility and basic fitness after back surgery and watching her videos and insta posts infuriated me. You are doing well Sarah, don't listen to her. I found her UNinspiring
You're absolutely spot on! She claims to be an expert, she isn't, she has experience - which as we know is unique to everyone. What she puts out isn't what everyone should do/listen to/commit to.
My second child in 1995 I had bad postpartum depression. Exercise saved me. I became a Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor in 1998. I currently still teach classes. I've had many setbacks. I'm not at my slimmest but I am strong. Mentally, I am stable because fitness is stable in my life.
It's so strange that Beth never mentioned in her "Most toxic person in CrossFit" video that Sevan had previously produced a video about her -- not just any video, but an inspiring video about how she saved her life through the CrossFit methodology.
Then there's Beth, right? They tell her she's this super brave soul, yada yada yada. But let's be real, she's just a regular person craving the spotlight so bad. She rambles on about her mental struggles like she's the only one dealing with it. Newsflash: there's nothing extraordinary about it. She, along with a bunch of others, thinks they're some kind of special breed. Like, come on! Someone out there has been through what you're going through and still aced their goals
agreed. she means well. but- she uses a lot of words without any respect for their meaning. this results in every argument she makes being a house of cards.
I don't know her personally, but she reminds me of myself when I was very overweight. When I lost the weight, I was still very disordered because everybody was complimenting how small I had become and I let that define my worth. I eventually overcame those things when I learned how much better it felt to be strong. I feel like Beth has received the opposite validation I did - people thought her message of fitness in a bigger body was empowering. She seems to have leaned into it too far and her mental health seems to have declined as she has become that less healthy version of herself while trying to be a bigger body in the fitness space to appease her audience.
I don't find her inspiring whatsoever. I was 453 (2013) and I'm now 213 lbs. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 10 yrs (divorced Jan 2020, 310 lbs). I started lifting in Oct 2020. It just feels like she is full of excuses to me. She's trying to find a cash/attention grab niche that is antithetical...fat acceptance "athlete". She just calls it "body positivity" 🙄🙄🙄
We all experience challenges in life. Some of us have more trouble coping than others. It doesn’t seem like Beth has learned the best way to cope with her mental struggles yet. I hope someone can help her out with that soon. It’s only going to get harder with a baby.
As someone who has also struggled with weight and body dysmorphia for a lot of my life, it sounds like Beth needs to understand that her weight and body issues is something that's never going to get figured. You live in peaks and valleys, and three years ago was a peak, remember what got you there and fight for that every damn day.
@@hillerfit I think she is. What scares me is the number of people that agree with her on her page. What really makes me angry is when someone disagrees with her she will troll them to the point of no return. And then has the nerve to call Sevan the most toxic man in CrossFit.
Shes just doing what gets her the most validation from other people. Not what makes her happy, not what makes her feel the best (which was fitness and eating right) but what gets her the most clicks and likes. I'm sure there will be another spin on things 3 years from now.
Complacency, excuses and victimization compounded with heavy pharmaceutical drugs…yikes! I pray she figures it out before she is responsible for another human. She has all the tools in her tool box to make the change. I challenge you Sporty Beth to get yourself right before your child comes into this world. ❤
Some ppl will say 'you're been mean' saying that.. Sure it's an uncomfortable truth, but it's true.. People don't help themselves at all sometimes.. You won't beat anything by not facing up to things etc.. I don't think she a bad person at all, seems a nice girl.. But i don't think she has much concept of personal responsibility.. Sure life is harsh at times, can crap on you all kinds of ways an you didn't deserve it at all etc!.. But do you just sit there, take it, let it all decide the outcome your life, like you have no control in it all!?.. Or do you stand up, tell yourself you're not letting things drag you down or off course, leave a mark on you or put you somewhere you don't want to be!!.. Take control, dig deep, say to yourself you decide who you're going to be, fight for a life you want and choose.. You can generalise massively here with this, that most ppl either fall into one camp or another here.. Some people, they will power thru all kinds of things life throws at them any way they can, they look for ways to improve themselves or their situation, not excuses etc.. They get it and understand, end of the day, it's up to them to exercise agency an take control in their own lives.. Last thing they want is to see themselves as some kind of victim, or anyone see them like that etc.. Then on the other side of things, maybe in my opinion these days the majority of ppl!??.. They let life get the better of them.. They take the same hits, but instead of fighting back, repairing, rebuilding an overcoming issues life throws them.. They will then use that as an excuse for themselves the rest of their lives.. Issues they have, why they can't try, do this or do that etc.. They then are often more than happy to then play that victim card, try make or let ppl feel sorry for them they have such low self respect etc.. It being an absolutely impossible alien concept to them in most cases, that their mental state, self respect, attitude to life can all be worked on and rebuilt and changed!!.. But only if they understand it's starts with them letting go of excuses, and accepting that it's on them.. Take control and embrace self responsibility.. Rant over!!.. 😂😂😂😂 I hope you appreciated the message and passion in my rambling YT comment there.. Is a truth of life so many ppl don't understand unfortunately.. Much love and respect to any souls out there who made it and enjoyed reading all that!!.. ❤
I feel really sorry for her. Beth if you are reading this, know that if you want to get back to your old self publicly, the CrossFit community will be 100% behind you, including the man who you called the most toxic man in CrossFit. I don't know him personally but I know his heart is good.
Want to make a comment and hopefully it wont be too long. I'm one of the many people that struggle with depression/anxiety. I've been on meds for over 20 years and have finally eliminated one medication recently, that in and of itself was a terrible experience (don't take meds if possible!). The best thing I ever did for myself about 2.5 years ago was stop drinking! Then from there, I changed my diet (lost 40lbs) and tried my best to get at least 7 hours of sleep a day. I've always exercised so nothing really changed there other than working out more days/week. I was where Beth was when I made my changes, the only way out I saw was suicide. I thank God I was able to turn my life around.
... she might not watch it. But she will have a program to sell that suits whatever ails anyone. She never fails to mention that she's selling a program..in every single video.
Ohhhh the part about her mum “constantly on a diet” hits haaaaarrddddd man. I was the kid put in a diet when I was 12 because things were my fault, AS A KID! There’s a whole generation that’s created a toxic food culture.
Don't hold your breath for her seeing the light. It reminds me of thr TH-camr Amberlynn Reid. Everyone waited for years for her to get her shit together and she just grew and grew.
Coincidence that not being on a bunch of meds and also exercising led to feeling better….. I been saying for years that a lot of the social issues we see (mass shootings included..) are due (at least in part) to an over medicated population
I see it everyday. Even with what she said. AFTER the medicated approach, she was told that she could “try a lifestyle change”. Why’s that not the first recommendation? Oh, there’s no money involved for the physician in that scenario. It’s also difficult, and changes are not overnight, which is where someone’s expectations are when they visit a physician. And then there’s the fact that the physician probably doesn’t exercise and understand how these changes can influence your health 10-fold. It doesn’t make any of it okay. But that’s where the power of CrossFit can come in, and why I am in a position to provide professional health advice to others. One person at a time, I guess!
Wow. This poor girl. Her mental health is obviously a real struggle. Not your garden variety anxiety and depression. Come on, chicky. Don't give up. Gently bring yourself back to what works one habit at a time. Some people react really well to a kick in the pants, others will crumble. Especially with what I'm hearing in her right now, she doesn't have a lot of fight in her. So little steps. She doesn't need to do burpees right now. Just take walks and clean out the sugar. Build momentum back. Take the next good step. You can find your way not only back but better, more balanced, healthy, and sustainable.
If we say we’ve healed our relationship with food and have food freedom - but we’re unable to have a healthy relationship with food when we’re making healthier choices, eating more or less to manipulate our body comp/performance, or still being triggered with certain environments or food…that is not food freedom. Completely avoiding triggers versus working through things does not mean that we are healed. It means that there’s nothing in our environment to set us off. This is coming from someone who HAS struggled with an ED. You can’t get to the other side without actually dealing with this shit.
Her situation is very common; there are TONS of overweight out of shape men who used to be BEASTS in High School. Only those men don't get any attention online
ive been up and down all my teenage and adult life lost 100 5 times over,ive made excuses to fall back into old habits.Alcoholics always think they can drink a few and be fine and before long might take months or years to fall back into it.Every time i lost weight i was cool until i started making excuses to fall back into it it im gonna give myself a cheat day that turns into weekends then im good in out of the woods ill be fine and BAM 350lbs the scale hits and then ur screwed again looking for excuses other than CRAP I DID IT AGAIN TIME TO REEL IT BACK IT,shes exhausting love you Hiller im glad we found out why they call her Sporty!
It's really sad to see people with mental illness being affirmed in their illness. This traps the person In a perpetually cycle of poor mental health. It's really easy for people with mental illness to go on the internet and find other people who will affirm their destructive behaviors and call it self love. Great video Hiller
I was also weirded out by her pregnancy videos. Come to realize she is now past the 12 week mark and then just batch posted all the vlogs from each week to insta to document it along the way for us… 🤷🏼♀️
When I hear someone say ‘my mental health’ what translates to me is ‘please give me attention and treat me like a child’ Beth is a sad person, always has been always will be. She knows she ain’t a looker so goes down the usual depression and turning into a fatty for attention and then blames it all on other people. Nothing is her fault, always someone else’s. A total lost cause.
@@erynwicks1137 why be kind? All she hears are ‘words of affirmation’ that just propel her down this path of self destruction she’s on. Now she’s living off likes and basic ‘yes you go girl’ comments (as well as a lot of food) She tried being fit and healthy but that didn’t make her happy, now she’s gaining weight and pretending she’s happy by giving herself ‘unrestricted access’ (or whatever bs term she uses) to food. We all can see she isn’t happy and is just acting like she feels better now she’s not dieting, she’s back on the old ‘mental health’ bandwagon taking pills and potions thinking that’ll help again, it’s a get out of jail free card to act, do, say whatever you like and be a constant victim. She’s a self made victim yet will blame anything and anyone before any true self reflection.
People will justify anything to make themselves feel better about their habits. It’s why we can’t even label a food good or bad, because they feel as if it attached a moral value to themselves as opposed to admitting that eating an entire bag of chips is just eating an entire bag of garbage. It’s why if you’re healthy and exercising during pregnancy, you get second guessed. How can it be healthy? It sets an expectation that’s too high for other women. What if they feel bad for not exercising? Some folks truly need meds to help with life or a brain imbalance. I won’t ever say people can never be on a medication to improve quality of life. But WAY too many people are willing to pop pills and just immerse themselves in sadness, instead of doing work to help themselves feel better. Foods that fuel instead of leave you feeling worse. Exercise that improves your quality of life instead of being sedentary. Getting outside instead of staying inside on your phone. It’s okay to not be perfect, or perfectly fit and skinny. Who is? But we shouldn’t give up trying to be better just because it’s hard work.
Its unfortunate that people go through this struggle. The real travesty is that she creates content and pushes the narrative that she's healthy and advises people to be like her. She looked fit/healthy/great 3 years ago. If she got that fit once she can do it again.... YOU CAN DO IT BETH.... JUST DO IT
Never heard of her before, I'm not into crossfit and I don't have SM. She reminds me a lot of my brother, who is the last person who should go on the internet and start giving mental health advice. It's very interesting when people like this have social anxiety but at the same time have enough self pride to go on platform and tell people how well they are doing and that they can help you, too. I would be anxious too if people were clearly seeing through my BS. She reminds me of a lot of people tbh, very average and common issues. It's a disgrace that they made an "inspiring" video with her in the spotlight, who anyone can tell is still mentally struggling, instead of someone who's excelled and stood the test of time and had achievements outside crossfit as well. I do think she looked great. But had she looked this great for a decade, I would be convinced she's got her ED under control. She was trauma dumping under a pretty light, nothing more. Loved all of your commentary.
For someone who is perpetually online like she is, she sure doesn't seem to care about what she looks like, which is kind of a good thing I guess. I just feel bad that she's killing herself and taking down people with her.
I don’t think she’s acting. I think she’s legit struggling. I relate to her in the mental health and eating disorder and how hard it can be to eat healthy. It’s really easy to say “ah f*ck it” and eat all the cheeseburgers you want. It’s really hard to say no to those and grab a handful of veggies instead. It’s like they say- choose your hard. But what she’s doing is validating her laziness by creating this notion that eating healthy and exercising is bad for her mental health. I speak from experience when I say that eating like sh*t and not doing burpees is much worse for the mental health. It’s depressing when you can’t carry your toddler up the stairs because you’re so overweight and out of shape. She’s clearing suffering and it’s really sad this is the path she chooses to take…and trying to bring others down with her.
I don’t think exercise is the problem; she’s clearly very fit even while being obese - it’s the food, the mental health enablers that prescribe medication to turn her into a lifelong client, and being chronically online
You've got the pregnancy timing wrong. She didn't post anything about her pregnancy until her second trimester. She's been posting videos after the fact to show the entire timeline of her pregnancy and she stated that on one of her posts.
This is beyond mean. I cant imagine making this video. Beth has talked about how toxic her weight loss was, that she lost her period, i.e. was in REDs. Now shes gained weight, but has gained a balance back.
Fix your health first Beth with Keto and or Carnivore...then worry about the gym.... You DONT need medication if you eat right ..NO depression NO anxiety..NO brain fog.. Go for it ....
People really don't help themselves at all sometimes.. Beth here, seems to just be mitigating the symptoms of all her problems.. Instead of trying to truly tackle her issues and possibly beat them for good it feels like she's accepted with it all!.. Feel bad saying it, but she really seems at ease playing the victim card, almost like it's very much become her brand!?.. That is a defeatist unhealthy attitude in all kinds of ways.. You won't beat anything by not facing up to things etc.. I don't think she a bad person at all, seems a nice girl.. So please don't see me as some petty hater.. But i don't think she has much concept of personal responsibility, and that is the source of 99% of her troubles.. Sure life is harsh at times, can crap on you all kinds of ways an you didn't deserve it at all etc!.. But do you just sit there, take it, let it all decide the outcome your life, like you're just a passenger in it and have no control in it all!?.. Or do you say feck that, stand up, and tell yourself you're not letting things drag you down or off course, leave a mark on you or put you somewhere you don't want to be!!.. Take control, dig deep, say to yourself you decide who you're going to be, fight for a life you want and choose.. You can generalise massively here with this, that most ppl either fall into one camp or another here.. Some people, they will power thru all kinds of things life throws at them any way they can, they look for ways to improve themselves or their situation, not excuses etc.. They get it and understand, end of the day, it's up to them to exercise agency an take control in their own lives.. Last thing they want is to see themselves as some kind of victim, or anyone see them like that etc.. Then on the other side of things, maybe in my opinion these days the majority of ppl!??.. They let life get the better of them.. They take the same hits, but instead of fighting back, repairing, rebuilding an overcoming issues life throws them.. They will then use that as an excuse for themselves the rest of their lives.. Issues they have, why they can't try, do this or do that etc.. They then are often more than happy to then play that victim card, try make or let ppl feel sorry for them they have such low self respect etc.. It being an absolutely impossible alien concept to them in most cases, that their mental state, self respect, attitude to life can all be worked on and rebuilt and changed!!.. But only if they understand it's starts with them letting go of excuses, and accepting that it's on them.. Take control and embrace self responsibility.. Rant over!!.. 😂😂😂😂 I hope you appreciated the message and passion in my rambling YT comment there.. Is a truth of life so many ppl don't understand unfortunately.. Much love and respect to any souls out there who made it and enjoyed reading all that!!.. ❤
Coming from someone that didn’t have any mental health issues I really hope she gets herself on the right track as much for herself-family and her unborn child.
She has a legitimate mental health condition. If I recall correctly, it's bipolar disorder. Read up on it and it will explain a lot. She mentioned it in one of her short IG posts. A lot of people with bipolar disorder NEED to be on meds because their brains are different than the average neurotypical brain. Things are processed very differently by the brain and no amount of exercise or healthy food will repair broken brain chemistry. A lot of mental health meds also have heat sensitivity as a side effect which could also be why heat is such an issue for her. Part of treatment should be nutritious food, exercise, healthy sleep habits, etc. Everyone needs those of course, but mental illness convinces people otherwise. Another part of treatment is therapy to learn coping mechanisms to deal with adversity. The meds are not a magical cureall; they should be used in conjunction with the other things I mentioned.
Also, I actually like her. I just finished a medical weight loss program and the licensed mental health professionals in the program actually say a lot of the same things she does. Things about not beating ourselves up over food, issues with shame, allowing ourselves to have permission to enjoy things. Not getting all of our self esteem from how our body looks. She just takes it to extremes.
I think it would be in the best interest of her mental health to leave the internet behind and focus on herself. I think she gets more attention/validation/likes/comments/views when she’s depressed and in poor shape because misery loves company and all of her followers are in the same boat as she is. She already knows the recipe that helped her get where she was 3 years ago. She needs to go back to that. There is a healthy balance in everything… she took the training and cutting calories too far and then that spiraled her back to not working out, over eating and being on all kinds of medication ect… keep yourself in the between of the 2.. you did it before do it again. I know it’s not just that simple but at least work on it instead of giving yourself unconditional permission ALL of the time not just some of the time. SMH
Follow the science!! Follow the methodology!! Do the work!! Take responsibility!! Handle your business don't let your business handle you!! I am a recovering ADDICT, I replaced all my bad habits with good ones. #CrossFit saved my life!!
Great video Hiller. I actually feel sorry for her. I really believe she has a good heart in wjat she is putting out but she shouldn't be saying to golks this is what you should believe and do. She does need therapy for whatever she is dealing with. Also who says they are having a baby firm week 1?
I believe she said she’s bipolar. Jared Enderton is bipolar, Drew Canavero is bipolar. I know bipolar Crossfit athletes personally. Most have massive fluctuations in weight. If she is emotionally regulating with food that is less destructive than illicit street drugs and alcoholism. As far as I know, you’re not a psychiatrist or highly educated in this area. I know it’s not your style, but I would leave her be.
I’d be very curious to know what switched flipped in her head that’s taken her back down this path of unhealthy eating, drug intake, lack of exercise and not holding herself accountable? You can see she’s definitely looking for validation from others…. Where I think she needs to really look at herself and go back to the person in that CrossFit film… Nothing, she’s doing now is gonna help her in her pregnancy.. my friend’s wife is having some crazy postpartum depression and I think exercise would help her a lot. So, maybe Beth will have that realization… and maybe she can stay to be more active during her pregnancy. Because I believe this would benefit her a lot. But, I have my own personal battles and I use fitness as something that will hopefully not take me down a path that my late mother went down. Another quality video Andrew. Get up the great work. I’ve enjoyed the long form highly details videos lately.
My mental problems come from APPLYING MEANING WHERE THERE IS NONE. No healthy minded person thinks this much about nothing. Imagine Sporty Beth working a normal job and taking direction…… crickets. This person having a fan base is feeding into her insanity. The best thing she can do is get offline forever.
Telling people you are pregnant at week 4 (which means you just missed your period for 2 days and had a positive test) tells me everything I need to know about you to go: You've got seriouse issues...
I never considered that physical health might become a detriment to mental health. That doesn't make sense to me but I guess that's what this person experiences. Sad for her. I hope she finds happiness and health, someday!
Nah. Not digging this video. I guess you're attacking her video because it's specifically focused around crossfit and the principles of crossfit health, but health encompasses more than just the crossfit principles of health, eg., mental health and feeling stability in one's life and dealing with things such as anxiety. Maybe Beth's TH-cams help her not feel so crazy. So, not a huge fan of this video because it is just attacking someone who is trying to manage all the stuff that is going on on their head and body. Also, this just seems to perpetuate a form of bullying that often scares (or causes anxiety) people into not wanting to share struggles. And, the pregnancy thing should be a woman's own journey and they shouldn't be criticized for deciding to share it even if it isn't society's standard. I get what you're trying to say, but I don't think this is the right way to blast whatever you're trying to hold crossfit's standards to.....not sure why you're even making this video. Seems out of place and unkind in the least.
Agreed, hopefully she reads this comment because contrary to what he believes she absolutely will watch this and she absolutely will read the comments. Beth do you, you have a bunch of supporters who want you to be at your best mentally and physically. Fcuk the bullies and the haters. This thing called life is not a sprint it’s a marathon and it ain’t over yet❤.
She needs help and I hope she watches this & see’s what you are trying to show her. Sadly I suspect the victim mindset will cloud her judgement. Having a baby is probably the worst thing she could do right now.
This working out and being healthier isn't always easy. Its hard sometimes but thats what life is hard. Tough love and a good group of like minded people can make it easier.
I sincerely feel for her. She suffers from mental illness and needs to speak with a professional to slay those demons. I hope that we can once again see the Beth from three years ago.
Much like an alcoholic or drug addict she relapsed. For that I feel bad, I hope she can embrace her community to get back on track. But she still needs to apologize for making the infamous video which shall not be named! 💥 shame on her 💥
I don’t know whether to feel sad or disgusted. Surely someone that loves her must be pointing out that the trajectory she is on is not a healthy one? Or is she actually playing a character (at the cost of her own health) and is aware of everything but is just doing it for the clicks/followers/money whatever? Either way it is irresponsible for her to ‘flaunt’ her terrible choices and claim she is healthy ‘now’ on social media as it only creates more excuses for certain type of people that follow her and agree with her.
Beth wasn’t even “skinny” when she was allegedly toxically into CrossFit. She had a completely average physique. It’s not her pregnancy, her jet lag, etc. She’s just lying to herself.
I just watched this again with my gf, and she really have an addiction to food. The same way some people absolutely cannot have a drink, she absolutely cannot just have cheat meals. Yeah it sucks to give up margaritas, but not ruining your life is better. Yeah ice cream and double cheeseburgers are awesome but… Is an hour of food satisfaction worth your life?
Sport Bethy needs love. I‘m very sure about that. Now just accepting her bs or even reinforce it, is NOT love. But first Sportster Betherelli has to see that herself.
it's ok to hide behind excuses , as long as it's only for YOU. But when you start to blame others for your so called mental health etc.... that's just plain SELFISH , IDIOTIC , COWARDICE , LACK OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ETC. In order to break that vicious cycle you're experiencing is that you MUST BE WILLING to take that first step AGAIN. We all go through phases in life but when you just constantly hiding behind your lack of self confidence , then you're just gonna stay that way. GROW UP & STOP putting your problem as class it as MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE.
I was hesitant to watch this video. Beth and I are very similar with our backgrounds and issues and even some personality traits. It angers me to watch her videos because she reminds me of the person I used to be and who I actively try not to become. And then I get even more angry because she's claiming to be an expert in things and then giving horrendous advice. And the majority of her content appears to come from a place of bitter unhappiness. It makes me so sad for her and the women she's affecting.
Sarah can you email me? Andrewhillerfit@gmail.com
Hang in there Sarah! I am fighting to come back to a form of mobility and basic fitness after back surgery and watching her videos and insta posts infuriated me. You are doing well Sarah, don't listen to her. I found her UNinspiring
Same!
I feel the exact same way.
You're absolutely spot on! She claims to be an expert, she isn't, she has experience - which as we know is unique to everyone. What she puts out isn't what everyone should do/listen to/commit to.
I feel the term 'body acceptance' is just a way to give up on hard work and justify being fat/lazy.
My favorite new term is “fat phobic”…….😂
My second child in 1995 I had bad postpartum depression. Exercise saved me. I became a Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor in 1998. I currently still teach classes. I've had many setbacks. I'm not at my slimmest but I am strong. Mentally, I am stable because fitness is stable in my life.
What a great testenony, thank you for sharing and all the best to you and your family!
I struggle with weight and depression and she aggravates me because she allows her issues and past define who she is now. Love your stuff Hiller!
It's so strange that Beth never mentioned in her "Most toxic person in CrossFit" video that Sevan had previously produced a video about her -- not just any video, but an inspiring video about how she saved her life through the CrossFit methodology.
SPOT ON!! This is coming from a former 300lber!! Obese is a mental disability that ANYONE can overcome!!! Keep up the honest work!! 🦇🦇🦇
Then there's Beth, right? They tell her she's this super brave soul, yada yada yada. But let's be real, she's just a regular person craving the spotlight so bad. She rambles on about her mental struggles like she's the only one dealing with it. Newsflash: there's nothing extraordinary about it.
She, along with a bunch of others, thinks they're some kind of special breed. Like, come on! Someone out there has been through what you're going through and still aced their goals
“If you make everyone special, then no one will be.”
agreed. she means well. but- she uses a lot of words without any respect for their meaning. this results in every argument she makes being a house of cards.
If you look at the people defending her they are also morbid
Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves.
All anything takes is a shift in thoughts and discipline.
If you actually want to help her, stop giving her attention. By that I mean, absolutely everyone
I don't know her personally, but she reminds me of myself when I was very overweight. When I lost the weight, I was still very disordered because everybody was complimenting how small I had become and I let that define my worth.
I eventually overcame those things when I learned how much better it felt to be strong. I feel like Beth has received the opposite validation I did - people thought her message of fitness in a bigger body was empowering. She seems to have leaned into it too far and her mental health seems to have declined as she has become that less healthy version of herself while trying to be a bigger body in the fitness space to appease her audience.
I don't find her inspiring whatsoever. I was 453 (2013) and I'm now 213 lbs. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 10 yrs (divorced Jan 2020, 310 lbs). I started lifting in Oct 2020. It just feels like she is full of excuses to me.
She's trying to find a cash/attention grab niche that is antithetical...fat acceptance "athlete". She just calls it "body positivity" 🙄🙄🙄
Beth is toxic and spews nothing but nonsense. I only ever hear excuses come out of her mouth. Bitter is all I see and hear.
Exercise, sleep/recovery, and nutrition is medication!!!
We all experience challenges in life. Some of us have more trouble coping than others. It doesn’t seem like Beth has learned the best way to cope with her mental struggles yet. I hope someone can help her out with that soon. It’s only going to get harder with a baby.
Obesity and a lack of physical exercise will always lead to unhappiness!
As someone who has also struggled with weight and body dysmorphia for a lot of my life, it sounds like Beth needs to understand that her weight and body issues is something that's never going to get figured. You live in peaks and valleys, and three years ago was a peak, remember what got you there and fight for that every damn day.
She is so cringe worthy. Her posts drive me crazy.
I think she may be doing that on purpose
@@hillerfit I think she is. What scares me is the number of people that agree with her on her page. What really makes me angry is when someone disagrees with her she will troll them to the point of no return. And then has the nerve to call Sevan the most toxic man in CrossFit.
Providing the blueprint for being a victim, sporty Macbeth. She just needs a hug. Good Lord!
Shes just doing what gets her the most validation from other people. Not what makes her happy, not what makes her feel the best (which was fitness and eating right) but what gets her the most clicks and likes. I'm sure there will be another spin on things 3 years from now.
Complacency, excuses and victimization compounded with heavy pharmaceutical drugs…yikes! I pray she figures it out before she is responsible for another human. She has all the tools in her tool box to make the change. I challenge you Sporty Beth to get yourself right before your child comes into this world. ❤
Some ppl will say 'you're been mean' saying that..
Sure it's an uncomfortable truth, but it's true..
People don't help themselves at all sometimes..
You won't beat anything by not facing up to things etc..
I don't think she a bad person at all, seems a nice girl..
But i don't think she has much concept of personal responsibility..
Sure life is harsh at times, can crap on you all kinds of ways an you didn't deserve it at all etc!..
But do you just sit there, take it, let it all decide the outcome your life, like you have no control in it all!?..
Or do you stand up, tell yourself you're not letting things drag you down or off course, leave a mark on you or put you somewhere you don't want to be!!..
Take control, dig deep, say to yourself you decide who you're going to be, fight for a life you want and choose..
You can generalise massively here with this, that most ppl either fall into one camp or another here..
Some people, they will power thru all kinds of things life throws at them any way they can, they look for ways to improve themselves or their situation, not excuses etc..
They get it and understand, end of the day, it's up to them to exercise agency an take control in their own lives..
Last thing they want is to see themselves as some kind of victim, or anyone see them like that etc..
Then on the other side of things, maybe in my opinion these days the majority of ppl!??..
They let life get the better of them.. They take the same hits, but instead of fighting back, repairing, rebuilding an overcoming issues life throws them..
They will then use that as an excuse for themselves the rest of their lives..
Issues they have, why they can't try, do this or do that etc..
They then are often more than happy to then play that victim card, try make or let ppl feel sorry for them they have such low self respect etc..
It being an absolutely impossible alien concept to them in most cases, that their mental state, self respect, attitude to life can all be worked on and rebuilt and changed!!..
But only if they understand it's starts with them letting go of excuses, and accepting that it's on them..
Take control and embrace self responsibility..
Rant over!!..
😂😂😂😂
I hope you appreciated the message and passion in my rambling YT comment there..
Is a truth of life so many ppl don't understand unfortunately..
Much love and respect to any souls out there who made it and enjoyed reading all that!!..
❤
Oh no, I commented on her recent post and no, she said she is not responsible for all that 😂
I feel really sorry for her. Beth if you are reading this, know that if you want to get back to your old self publicly, the CrossFit community will be 100% behind you, including the man who you called the most toxic man in CrossFit. I don't know him personally but I know his heart is good.
Thank you @hillerfit you continue to be an amazing editor, detective and truth teller. Keep doing what you are doing for all of us.
Andrew, great job. I think you did an exemplary job of showing how Bethany may need to look to the past to improve her future.
Want to make a comment and hopefully it wont be too long. I'm one of the many people that struggle with depression/anxiety. I've been on meds for over 20 years and have finally eliminated one medication recently, that in and of itself was a terrible experience (don't take meds if possible!). The best thing I ever did for myself about 2.5 years ago was stop drinking! Then from there, I changed my diet (lost 40lbs) and tried my best to get at least 7 hours of sleep a day. I've always exercised so nothing really changed there other than working out more days/week. I was where Beth was when I made my changes, the only way out I saw was suicide. I thank God I was able to turn my life around.
Good on ya! ❤
Thank you for sharing your story 💞
The child's life is already ruined before it really even started with her mindset
... she might not watch it.
But she will have a program to sell that suits whatever ails anyone.
She never fails to mention that she's selling a program..in every single video.
Came over from the live video to say, yes, this intro is probably your funniest intro, as a longtime TWD fan.
Calling yourself "Sporty" does not make you so. I truly feel sad for her.
Ohhhh the part about her mum “constantly on a diet” hits haaaaarrddddd man.
I was the kid put in a diet when I was 12 because things were my fault, AS A KID! There’s a whole generation that’s created a toxic food culture.
I was also 12 :(
Lifestyle choices... VCTM Mindset
Is VCTM next door to PRVN?😂
C'mon Beth, we can do hard things. And that makes all the difference. ❤
Love is not a feeling, it’s a decision to seek what’s best for another person.
Oh Well
Yes the sticker!
I read that in voice.
@@TheFittestLailanisame, I can’t see those two words anywhere without hearing it 😂
Don't hold your breath for her seeing the light. It reminds me of thr TH-camr Amberlynn Reid. Everyone waited for years for her to get her shit together and she just grew and grew.
Coincidence that not being on a bunch of meds and also exercising led to feeling better…..
I been saying for years that a lot of the social issues we see (mass shootings included..) are due (at least in part) to an over medicated population
100 percent. And exercise can fix all of that
I see it everyday. Even with what she said. AFTER the medicated approach, she was told that she could “try a lifestyle change”.
Why’s that not the first recommendation? Oh, there’s no money involved for the physician in that scenario. It’s also difficult, and changes are not overnight, which is where someone’s expectations are when they visit a physician. And then there’s the fact that the physician probably doesn’t exercise and understand how these changes can influence your health 10-fold. It doesn’t make any of it okay. But that’s where the power of CrossFit can come in, and why I am in a position to provide professional health advice to others. One person at a time, I guess!
You need to collaborate directly with Beth it will be a Click-Fest 👊
Wow. This poor girl. Her mental health is obviously a real struggle. Not your garden variety anxiety and depression. Come on, chicky. Don't give up. Gently bring yourself back to what works one habit at a time.
Some people react really well to a kick in the pants, others will crumble. Especially with what I'm hearing in her right now, she doesn't have a lot of fight in her. So little steps. She doesn't need to do burpees right now. Just take walks and clean out the sugar. Build momentum back. Take the next good step. You can find your way not only back but better, more balanced, healthy, and sustainable.
If we say we’ve healed our relationship with food and have food freedom - but we’re unable to have a healthy relationship with food when we’re making healthier choices, eating more or less to manipulate our body comp/performance, or still being triggered with certain environments or food…that is not food freedom.
Completely avoiding triggers versus working through things does not mean that we are healed. It means that there’s nothing in our environment to set us off.
This is coming from someone who HAS struggled with an ED. You can’t get to the other side without actually dealing with this shit.
Her situation is very common; there are TONS of overweight out of shape men who used to be BEASTS in High School. Only those men don't get any attention online
ive been up and down all my teenage and adult life lost 100 5 times over,ive made excuses to fall back into old habits.Alcoholics always think they can drink a few and be fine and before long might take months or years to fall back into it.Every time i lost weight i was cool until i started making excuses to fall back into it it im gonna give myself a cheat day that turns into weekends then im good in out of the woods ill be fine and BAM 350lbs the scale hits and then ur screwed again looking for excuses other than CRAP I DID IT AGAIN TIME TO REEL IT BACK IT,shes exhausting love you Hiller im glad we found out why they call her Sporty!
Well I feel like she is looking for attention who records themselves puking from morning sickness etc.
It's really sad to see people with mental illness being affirmed in their illness. This traps the person In a perpetually cycle of poor mental health. It's really easy for people with mental illness to go on the internet and find other people who will affirm their destructive behaviors and call it self love. Great video Hiller
Yep
Sport Beth the Harley Quinn of CrossFit?
I was also weirded out by her pregnancy videos. Come to realize she is now past the 12 week mark and then just batch posted all the vlogs from each week to insta to document it along the way for us… 🤷🏼♀️
When I hear someone say ‘my mental health’ what translates to me is ‘please give me attention and treat me like a child’
Beth is a sad person, always has been always will be.
She knows she ain’t a looker so goes down the usual depression and turning into a fatty for attention and then blames it all on other people.
Nothing is her fault, always someone else’s.
A total lost cause.
Holy shit bro.
It’s possible to be honest but also kind. Some may agree with what you’re saying but definitely not how you’re saying it. Words matter 🫶🏻
Wow, you sound like a real winner. 🤦♂
@@erynwicks1137 why be kind?
All she hears are ‘words of affirmation’ that just propel her down this path of self destruction she’s on. Now she’s living off likes and basic ‘yes you go girl’ comments (as well as a lot of food)
She tried being fit and healthy but that didn’t make her happy, now she’s gaining weight and pretending she’s happy by giving herself ‘unrestricted access’ (or whatever bs term she uses) to food.
We all can see she isn’t happy and is just acting like she feels better now she’s not dieting, she’s back on the old ‘mental health’ bandwagon taking pills and potions thinking that’ll help again, it’s a get out of jail free card to act, do, say whatever you like and be a constant victim.
She’s a self made victim yet will blame anything and anyone before any true self reflection.
meh, i skipped through the video because im tired of hearing about her
Yes Mr Hiller, well done sir!
People will justify anything to make themselves feel better about their habits. It’s why we can’t even label a food good or bad, because they feel as if it attached a moral value to themselves as opposed to admitting that eating an entire bag of chips is just eating an entire bag of garbage.
It’s why if you’re healthy and exercising during pregnancy, you get second guessed. How can it be healthy? It sets an expectation that’s too high for other women. What if they feel bad for not exercising?
Some folks truly need meds to help with life or a brain imbalance. I won’t ever say people can never be on a medication to improve quality of life. But WAY too many people are willing to pop pills and just immerse themselves in sadness, instead of doing work to help themselves feel better. Foods that fuel instead of leave you feeling worse. Exercise that improves your quality of life instead of being sedentary. Getting outside instead of staying inside on your phone.
It’s okay to not be perfect, or perfectly fit and skinny. Who is? But we shouldn’t give up trying to be better just because it’s hard work.
Well, well, well. how the turns-tables. 😮
Its unfortunate that people go through this struggle. The real travesty is that she creates content and pushes the narrative that she's healthy and advises people to be like her. She looked fit/healthy/great 3 years ago. If she got that fit once she can do it again.... YOU CAN DO IT BETH.... JUST DO IT
You have no idea what eating disorders are, do you?
Never heard of her before, I'm not into crossfit and I don't have SM. She reminds me a lot of my brother, who is the last person who should go on the internet and start giving mental health advice. It's very interesting when people like this have social anxiety but at the same time have enough self pride to go on platform and tell people how well they are doing and that they can help you, too. I would be anxious too if people were clearly seeing through my BS. She reminds me of a lot of people tbh, very average and common issues. It's a disgrace that they made an "inspiring" video with her in the spotlight, who anyone can tell is still mentally struggling, instead of someone who's excelled and stood the test of time and had achievements outside crossfit as well. I do think she looked great. But had she looked this great for a decade, I would be convinced she's got her ED under control. She was trauma dumping under a pretty light, nothing more. Loved all of your commentary.
For someone who is perpetually online like she is, she sure doesn't seem to care about what she looks like, which is kind of a good thing I guess. I just feel bad that she's killing herself and taking down people with her.
I don’t think she’s acting. I think she’s legit struggling. I relate to her in the mental health and eating disorder and how hard it can be to eat healthy. It’s really easy to say “ah f*ck it” and eat all the cheeseburgers you want. It’s really hard to say no to those and grab a handful of veggies instead. It’s like they say- choose your hard. But what she’s doing is validating her laziness by creating this notion that eating healthy and exercising is bad for her mental health. I speak from experience when I say that eating like sh*t and not doing burpees is much worse for the mental health. It’s depressing when you can’t carry your toddler up the stairs because you’re so overweight and out of shape. She’s clearing suffering and it’s really sad this is the path she chooses to take…and trying to bring others down with her.
I don’t think exercise is the problem; she’s clearly very fit even while being obese - it’s the food, the mental health enablers that prescribe medication to turn her into a lifelong client, and being chronically online
It's really quite sad ...I can kinda see what Alexis' means by her being an actress ..I can totally see it now ...
You've got the pregnancy timing wrong. She didn't post anything about her pregnancy until her second trimester. She's been posting videos after the fact to show the entire timeline of her pregnancy and she stated that on one of her posts.
she needs to read the poster Fitness in 100 words again
Nailed It!!
Great content/ analysis!
The YODELING MAN going up the hill…The price is right. That was fantastic.
This is beyond mean. I cant imagine making this video. Beth has talked about how toxic her weight loss was, that she lost her period, i.e. was in REDs. Now shes gained weight, but has gained a balance back.
😭😭😭😭 Hiller, this is gold. I do not feel sympathy for those who engage self-induced suffering and refuse to do anything about it. She needs help.
My heart goes out to this poor girl. Hope she finds a higher power to help her overcome.
A F*ing Plus!
🎉❤🎉❤🎉
Fix your health first Beth with Keto and or Carnivore...then worry about the gym....
You DONT need medication if you eat right ..NO depression NO anxiety..NO brain fog..
Go for it ....
She’s like those body positive influencers and nobody is noticing it
The most ridiculous thing about this is that she's selling programmes to people. Who the hell is buying those programmes?!
People really don't help themselves at all sometimes..
Beth here, seems to just be mitigating the symptoms of all her problems..
Instead of trying to truly tackle her issues and possibly beat them for good it feels like she's accepted with it all!..
Feel bad saying it, but she really seems at ease playing the victim card, almost like it's very much become her brand!?..
That is a defeatist unhealthy attitude in all kinds of ways..
You won't beat anything by not facing up to things etc..
I don't think she a bad person at all, seems a nice girl..
So please don't see me as some petty hater..
But i don't think she has much concept of personal responsibility, and that is the source of 99% of her troubles..
Sure life is harsh at times, can crap on you all kinds of ways an you didn't deserve it at all etc!..
But do you just sit there, take it, let it all decide the outcome your life, like you're just a passenger in it and have no control in it all!?..
Or do you say feck that, stand up, and tell yourself you're not letting things drag you down or off course, leave a mark on you or put you somewhere you don't want to be!!..
Take control, dig deep, say to yourself you decide who you're going to be, fight for a life you want and choose..
You can generalise massively here with this, that most ppl either fall into one camp or another here..
Some people, they will power thru all kinds of things life throws at them any way they can, they look for ways to improve themselves or their situation, not excuses etc..
They get it and understand, end of the day, it's up to them to exercise agency an take control in their own lives..
Last thing they want is to see themselves as some kind of victim, or anyone see them like that etc..
Then on the other side of things, maybe in my opinion these days the majority of ppl!??..
They let life get the better of them.. They take the same hits, but instead of fighting back, repairing, rebuilding an overcoming issues life throws them..
They will then use that as an excuse for themselves the rest of their lives..
Issues they have, why they can't try, do this or do that etc..
They then are often more than happy to then play that victim card, try make or let ppl feel sorry for them they have such low self respect etc..
It being an absolutely impossible alien concept to them in most cases, that their mental state, self respect, attitude to life can all be worked on and rebuilt and changed!!..
But only if they understand it's starts with them letting go of excuses, and accepting that it's on them..
Take control and embrace self responsibility..
Rant over!!..
😂😂😂😂
I hope you appreciated the message and passion in my rambling YT comment there..
Is a truth of life so many ppl don't understand unfortunately..
Much love and respect to any souls out there who made it and enjoyed reading all that!!..
❤
Why did her voice change? 🤔
Coming from someone that didn’t have any mental health issues I really hope she gets herself on the right track as much for herself-family and her unborn child.
Greatest actor
She has a legitimate mental health condition. If I recall correctly, it's bipolar disorder. Read up on it and it will explain a lot. She mentioned it in one of her short IG posts. A lot of people with bipolar disorder NEED to be on meds because their brains are different than the average neurotypical brain. Things are processed very differently by the brain and no amount of exercise or healthy food will repair broken brain chemistry. A lot of mental health meds also have heat sensitivity as a side effect which could also be why heat is such an issue for her.
Part of treatment should be nutritious food, exercise, healthy sleep habits, etc. Everyone needs those of course, but mental illness convinces people otherwise. Another part of treatment is therapy to learn coping mechanisms to deal with adversity. The meds are not a magical cureall; they should be used in conjunction with the other things I mentioned.
Also, I actually like her. I just finished a medical weight loss program and the licensed mental health professionals in the program actually say a lot of the same things she does. Things about not beating ourselves up over food, issues with shame, allowing ourselves to have permission to enjoy things. Not getting all of our self esteem from how our body looks. She just takes it to extremes.
I think it would be in the best interest of her mental health to leave the internet behind and focus on herself. I think she gets more attention/validation/likes/comments/views when she’s depressed and in poor shape because misery loves company and all of her followers are in the same boat as she is. She already knows the recipe that helped her get where she was 3 years ago. She needs to go back to that. There is a healthy balance in everything… she took the training and cutting calories too far and then that spiraled her back to not working out, over eating and being on all kinds of medication ect… keep yourself in the between of the 2.. you did it before do it again. I know it’s not just that simple but at least work on it instead of giving yourself unconditional permission ALL of the time not just some of the time. SMH
Amen
Follow the science!! Follow the methodology!! Do the work!! Take responsibility!! Handle your business don't let your business handle you!! I am a recovering ADDICT, I replaced all my bad habits with good ones. #CrossFit saved my life!!
Great video Hiller. I actually feel sorry for her. I really believe she has a good heart in wjat she is putting out but she shouldn't be saying to golks this is what you should believe and do. She does need therapy for whatever she is dealing with.
Also who says they are having a baby firm week 1?
I believe she said she’s bipolar. Jared Enderton is bipolar, Drew Canavero is bipolar. I know bipolar Crossfit athletes personally. Most have massive fluctuations in weight. If she is emotionally regulating with food that is less destructive than illicit street drugs and alcoholism. As far as I know, you’re not a psychiatrist or highly educated in this area. I know it’s not your style, but I would leave her be.
She’s getting bigger and bigger every time and still she won’t open her eyes
I’d be very curious to know what switched flipped in her head that’s taken her back down this path of unhealthy eating, drug intake, lack of exercise and not holding herself accountable? You can see she’s definitely looking for validation from others…. Where I think she needs to really look at herself and go back to the person in that CrossFit film…
Nothing, she’s doing now is gonna help her in her pregnancy.. my friend’s wife is having some crazy postpartum depression and I think exercise would help her a lot. So, maybe Beth will have that realization… and maybe she can stay to be more active during her pregnancy. Because I believe this would benefit her a lot. But, I have my own personal battles and I use fitness as something that will hopefully not take me down a path that my late mother went down.
Another quality video Andrew. Get up the great work. I’ve enjoyed the long form highly details videos lately.
Can someone link the original documentary?
Why are you focusing on this fringe person? No good comes of giving her attention.
She went from Sporty Beth to *Backwards Beth*
Fact is, she is no longer sporty.
My mental problems come from APPLYING MEANING WHERE THERE IS NONE. No healthy minded person thinks this much about nothing. Imagine Sporty Beth working a normal job and taking direction…… crickets. This person having a fan base is feeding into her insanity. The best thing she can do is get offline forever.
Telling people you are pregnant at week 4 (which means you just missed your period for 2 days and had a positive test) tells me everything I need to know about you to go: You've got seriouse issues...
I never considered that physical health might become a detriment to mental health. That doesn't make sense to me but I guess that's what this person experiences. Sad for her. I hope she finds happiness and health, someday!
Nah. Not digging this video. I guess you're attacking her video because it's specifically focused around crossfit and the principles of crossfit health, but health encompasses more than just the crossfit principles of health, eg., mental health and feeling stability in one's life and dealing with things such as anxiety. Maybe Beth's TH-cams help her not feel so crazy. So, not a huge fan of this video because it is just attacking someone who is trying to manage all the stuff that is going on on their head and body. Also, this just seems to perpetuate a form of bullying that often scares (or causes anxiety) people into not wanting to share struggles. And, the pregnancy thing should be a woman's own journey and they shouldn't be criticized for deciding to share it even if it isn't society's standard. I get what you're trying to say, but I don't think this is the right way to blast whatever you're trying to hold crossfit's standards to.....not sure why you're even making this video. Seems out of place and unkind in the least.
Agreed, hopefully she reads this comment because contrary to what he believes she absolutely will watch this and she absolutely will read the comments. Beth do you, you have a bunch of supporters who want you to be at your best mentally and physically. Fcuk the bullies and the haters. This thing called life is not a sprint it’s a marathon and it ain’t over yet❤.
This is very depressing tbh in a modern world where we have everything we are all depressed
She needs help and I hope she watches this & see’s what you are trying to show her. Sadly I suspect the victim mindset will cloud her judgement. Having a baby is probably the worst thing she could do right now.
IRONIC. . .to DINE OUT at the HERD. . . Horses, COWS . . .NO Pun INTENDED
This working out and being healthier isn't always easy. Its hard sometimes but thats what life is hard. Tough love and a good group of like minded people can make it easier.
I sincerely feel for her. She suffers from mental illness and needs to speak with a professional to slay those demons. I hope that we can once again see the Beth from three years ago.
Much like an alcoholic or drug addict she relapsed. For that I feel bad, I hope she can embrace her community to get back on track. But she still needs to apologize for making the infamous video which shall not be named! 💥 shame on her 💥
Nailed it Jody. And then justified it
I don’t know whether to feel sad or disgusted. Surely someone that loves her must be pointing out that the trajectory she is on is not a healthy one? Or is she actually playing a character (at the cost of her own health) and is aware of everything but is just doing it for the clicks/followers/money whatever? Either way it is irresponsible for her to ‘flaunt’ her terrible choices and claim she is healthy ‘now’ on social media as it only creates more excuses for certain type of people that follow her and agree with her.
Liver King part deux
Thats an Imposter. She ATE Sporty Beth . RIP
Gold
Like I said, she’s not mentally strong enough to take criticism or honest truths
Beth wasn’t even “skinny” when she was allegedly toxically into CrossFit. She had a completely average physique.
It’s not her pregnancy, her jet lag, etc. She’s just lying to herself.
Off the carbs and off the couch.
Or you'll look like beth.
How can her relationship with food be quote "hugely complicated" 😂😂😂
Its really not that complicated love
I just watched this again with my gf, and she really have an addiction to food. The same way some people absolutely cannot have a drink, she absolutely cannot just have cheat meals. Yeah it sucks to give up margaritas, but not ruining your life is better. Yeah ice cream and double cheeseburgers are awesome but… Is an hour of food satisfaction worth your life?
Has*
People watch her? Pack a suitcase?
Sport Bethy needs love. I‘m very sure about that. Now just accepting her bs or even reinforce it, is NOT love. But first Sportster Betherelli has to see that herself.
it's ok to hide behind excuses , as long as it's only for YOU. But when you start to blame others for your so called mental health etc.... that's just plain SELFISH , IDIOTIC , COWARDICE , LACK OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ETC. In order to break that vicious cycle you're experiencing is that you MUST BE WILLING to take that first step AGAIN. We all go through phases in life but when you just constantly hiding behind your lack of self confidence , then you're just gonna stay that way. GROW UP & STOP putting your problem as class it as MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE.