Growing Up Religious: Purity Culture, Toxic Churches + Sexuality - PRETTY BASIC - EP. 212
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
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Get ready for the first installment of the two part Siblings Series. This week, the girls are interviewing co-host of Unsolicited Advice podcast and Alisha's big sister, Ashley. They de-brief everything from prom regrets and first kisses to unpacking their religious trauma and growing up Christian. Don’t forget to tune in to part 2 on 5/10 to hear from Shane Cruz, Remi's younger brother.
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![เปิดใจ พี่ญา คนรุม หลังทัวร์ลง หนักสุดในชีวิต!! l [Nickynachat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/2-OJZRtclro/mqdefault.jpg)
I asked Ashley all your questions and here are her answers.
1. What do you ask for at the salon?
Long layers. My hair is natural I don’t color it.
2. Outfit details?
Top is skims pants are djerf - influencer brand from Sweden
3. What was the podcast you mentioned?
Root of evil. The mom left a memoir that the kids found and divorced dark secrets about their family! SOO GOOD!
I just love the two of you…I found Alisha through Remi and now Ashley through Alisha…thanks girls sometimes things can get so dry online and honestly just in life. I’m happy to be able to binge both of your channels and instagrams. Wel I’ve already binged Alisha..Ashley next! I wish I had a sister 😢
idk why but i’ve always loved ashley & alisha’s dynamic total opposite vibes but they make it work fr a slay
i just turned 23 and hearing ashley talk about how she’s finally able to say no without explaining is all i want right now 😭
I also just turned 23 in April and same haha
You’ll get there 🩷
Literally meeeee
It’s so liberating.
@@prettybasicpodcast screaming because they replied omg ily guys. Have been listening to this podcast every week since spring 2020. Has helped me through sm🥰🤗
omgggg finally someone talking about the fear of dancing 🙃i litterally hated weddings, parties and any event that includes dancing because I would just sit back awkwardly while everyone else is rocking the dance floor
I was brought up in a church as well but for me I never had any issues with people telling me what to do. Reading the Bible & having a personal relationship with God is so important. It's either you are living for God or this world. As it says in the Bible: “Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord! Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
as a christian who grew up in the church I’m so excited to hear y’all’s experiences
Let us know what you thought 👀
Same
What religion/church are they referring to
Ashley- my fiancé has this same fear of dancing in public. I never took him seriously until last fall we went to a family wedding and I forced him to go on the dance floor with me. After an hour of begging, he gave it a try and he nearly had an anxiety attack and had to walk off the dance floor. I could see it in his face and his body froze completely. I was proud of him for making an effort for me, but it wasn’t until that night that I realized this was a serious fear of his.
you encouraging him to come onto the dance floor was definitely an act of love. I’m glad he tried it but also that you’re able to now recognize that it is a genuine fear!! I definitely didn’t realize it until we filmed this
This was a great pod, honestly never thought I'd see you cover this topic but it's definitely needed. Growing up in a religious household and country where it's always heavily emphasized, it's a lot and sometimes too much from people. Love this! ❤ ps: would love to hear your mom's story whenever she is ready, adoption has always been an interesting story to me
I’ll ask mama marie if she wants to come on :’)
I couldn’t stop staring at Ashley’s hair it’s so beautiful
her hair is giving Jennifer Aniston and it’s sooo good
THIS EPISODE IS SO RELATABLE wow with the church and hating your body im so sorry but i’m so happy to see how far y’all have come
Def wanna hear your mom’s story once she’s comfortable!!!!❤
I’ve been waiting for a pod on this, I know you haven’t previously shared too much about your experience with church but I always felt like we were in similar stages in our “faith” and “spiritual journey”. Every pod feels like I’m getting advice and hearing stories from a big sis!
same. i figured it was coming so i’m so glad it’s hereee 😅😊
we love you so much🩷
my high school had a private instagram run by student council where everyone would send and then post their dress for Prom so that no one had the same one😂
omg our producer’s school had prom dress Facebook groups
My HS had a watsapp lol
21 and no first kiss yet! Let’s see how long I can keep this streak going 💪💪
slay 💗
SLAY MAMA
i love these chill conversations with sisters! my sister and i talk all the time like this
So I feel Ashley’s dance fear! I also grew up in Christian house and I feel like dancing was often over sexualized by society at the time and now I’m terrified of dancing and coming off as inappropriate in some way. And as a Christian you can totally dance but it is a mental thing for me
yess same with wearing anything slightly revealing
I love seeing this side of you two. I am a huge fan of red carpet events and talking about influencer events, but the two of you seem like you keep each other grounded and I love to see it. I would love to see more episodes like this. I can relate to you guys a lot on these topics
the episode next week is with Shane, Remi’s brother, and it’s sooo good 🩷 family is so important to all of us and there’s no one that knows us better than our siblings. :’) thank you so much for listening
Whenever I was in high school in 2015-2016, we were still going to select stores that had prom dresses. I think online shopping for dresses/gowns got super popular right after that. And luckily us girls at my school had a fb group where you posted what dress you were wearing to avoid anyone copying each other!
I have a fear of dancing too! I grew up with a similar Christian upbringing but I was also just not in touch with my feminine side until probably college? I feel like I missed the boat on dancing because my brain just won’t get out of the way and let me do it and I’ve never really heard of it being called a fear. I even paid someone to choreograph a waltz for my first dance with my husband at my wedding. It feels nice knowing there are others out there ❤
it’s such a valid experience🩷 omg did you already have your first dance?? if so how did it go?
I did! It was about 3.5 years ago and tbh I kinda blacked out, but it was really really helpful having choreography to follow because that gave me something to focus on and I knew exactly what I was supposed to do and when.
Side note though, I had a baby about 7 months ago and dancing and being silly with her has opened me up a little to dancing. I still don’t want to do it in public but I’ve been able to find some joy in letting go and being free with her-so there is hope for all of us chorophobes!
I am 33 and my sister is 35 and and we are best friends and I am so happy to see sisterhood like we have. 💜🥰
Would love to hear your moms story. And Ashley, I totally relate to you with the dancing thing 😭😭😭
One of my best friends has a fear of dancing, I used to as a teenager but as an adult I've overcome it through forcing myself to do it but also I slowly stopped caring what other people think when I dance and I just dance to enjoy myself. I tell myself that maybe if people see me dance (I'm terrible) it will make them more comfortable to dance too. I also grew up until high school going to church every Sunday but my mom had an epiphany and stopped going to church and became more spiritual than religious, but I totally relate to everything you both were saying. The shame around our bodies is real!
I understand where this is coming from and I know that it is mentioned that y’all know it is not how everyone grew up/experienced it but I just wanted to throw it out there for anyone and everyone who needs to hear it. That is not God. The trama and pressure you felt was from those twisting His words. Yes, God calls you to be modest and not lead others to sin, but…. in an all encapsulating way God is nothing but love and Jesus came to die for our brokenness and sin. I believe in the church as God says, the “church” that we have made “religion” collide with is not His will. God loves all the broken, that’s why He sent His one and only son to die for us!
I SO relate to Ashley on the fear of dancing. I’d rather die than dance. And it’s hard at 28 to be like that especially when everyone around me loves it. I find it harder to meet or talk to guys at bars cause they always want to dance and I will incessantly shut them down on it. And they usually end up dancing with my friends and I get left sitting on a barstool alone. Like I will absolutely start shutting down if people try to force me to dance. It’s the quickest way to make me want to go home, no matter how much fun we were having before
The matching thing is definitely a sister thing! I hateeee matching but my best friend (who has no sisters) wants to match constantly!
all the girls going to my prom were in a facebook group and we posted our dresses so no one would get the same one and even though we all didn't get along during school, it was a sweet girls supporting girls space.
Prom in 2006 was so simple. My dress was $20. Some girls were getting custom dresses but they were nothing like that are now.
I really appreciate y'all talking about this. So down to see a siblings episode with Remi and Shane!
I’ve danced my entire life but have social anxiety and sometimes in social situations such as weddings, I shut down too and hate dancing! So I hear you Ashley
I love this episode so much!! As someone who grew up going to Sunday morning, night, and Wednesday services I completely agree. My husband and I have had a hard time with deciding if we want to start going to church again. I did it for 25 years straight, took a few years break when Covid hit, and it’s been so refreshing and freeing. You don’t realize how brainwashed you become. I still love God, totally believe in what he did for us, I just don’t have all the condemnation with it. Love you guys and thanks for sharing!!
As an adopted child myself, if mama marie will ever share her story… i just hope only if she will be comfortable enough🤍🤍🤍
Saw the title & I’m SAT for this conversation 👏🏻
Would love to hear more about your religious upbringing and how it affected both of you! And things in your 30s! Both topics I enjoyed listening to this episode :)
I just turned 30 recently too and I can relate to Alisha's feelings about turning 30 so much.
ash goal of 2023, start dancing alone in your room & let go of the thought of ppl watching and just let yourself BE you ! It doesn’t matter who’s around, just do it !!!!
I think the church has a lot of work to do in the translation from whom we're called to be and how we're called to act. People in the church are very hypocritical and come to church one day and leave after the service acting no different, and that's sad. I think the people in the church are capable of changing the narrative, their hearts are not. I am a Non-Denominational Christian and have seen a lot of younger people leaving the church because they were not welcomed, it's heartbreaking. I'm sorry that you guys didn't have a good experience and I realize you're not alone. I try to be like Jesus and be a kind human to everybody, no matter what, every single day. Much love and prayers, Seilah ❤
I didn't think this was going to be a podcast I needed to hear or would relate to so much! Definitely do more siblings episodes in the future, loved it!
Alisha you defs never need to say “oh I know not everyone in the church is like this” bc unfortunately Christianity in America is bastardized. Your experience happens to MOST young people in the church and YOU are very valid
I never think that I’m going to show up somewhere and someone is going to be wearing the same outfit as me. It has happened. And I didn’t care. It just means we both have good taste 💁🏻♀️I think it’s really sad when people don’t believe someone when they say, they don’t want to do some thing. Like the dancing. If you have a friend doesn’t want to go on the Dancefloor, don’t make them. If they wanted to they would. Do you think she’s just being a fun sucker? No! Have you ever seen her dance? No! Just be gentle and let them be. I don’t have a dance phobia but I can see how people would.
yes! i think it’s so fun to match someone
As not only someone who grew up in the church, but am a pastor's kid as well, I really resonate with this episode. It has just been in the last year to three years that I have started to try to shift some thinking when it comes to my body. I definitely see how purity culture has done damage to the ways we as Christians think, act, and feel about many things. The church and growing up a Christian is so valuable to me and overall a very good experience, but it ain't perfect, we aren't perfect, and there's always room for improvement and different ways to view things.
i have a fear of dancing and i thought it was so weird OMG . just going to the club and my friends are trying to get me to dance i literally was dying
not weird at all!!!!
I LOVE a sibling episode, both of you slay so hard
Completely understand the matching thing! My class had a whole Facebook page where we would post our dresses so we wouldn't match.
This might be one of my favorite pod episodes! I listen to all the pods and I’ve watched the ones with both of them but this one on one was amazing!!!
Ash’s hair is SLAYINGG
like SOOO good
Britney wasn’t allowed in my house because of “christian values”. I couldn’t even get it for a gift for a friend’s birthday because it would be giving Britney money 😆
Unfortunately, people like Ashley and Alisha who had super religious, and strict environment have this view of God or Christianity that he is shaming, judging, etc. It’s unfortunately the people in the churches, religious groups that push people from the real meaning/message of God
That's why I always say I left religion/Christianity, not God. To any logical person who was not raised and indoctrinated into Christianity, the Bible portrays God as cruel, egotistical, genocidal, sadistic. And I'd like to believe that the creator of the universe isn't those things.
Relating to “having a moment to watch something church related” so much! I waited to watch this podcast for that reason. I knew I’d relate so much to this episode ❤️ thanks for validating my experiences by sharing yours! Things I felt like I was the only one to experience, you’ve shared you’ve felt the same! ❤️❤️
really curious about what your views on marriage are, after hearing you both talk about the ability to have multiple soulmates throughout the course of your life, how does that reflect in your thoughts on marriage? loved this episode and love you both! 🫶
"I am that Innocent" is how i will now forever sing that song . Epic .
This episode is now my new favorite, everything you and Ash talk abt really resonated with me and was so eye opening. Thank you for this wow!! Love u guys even more 🥰
This is hands down my favorite duo, loved this. I really hope you do more pods together. I've been watching you both since your first apartment! 💙
omg I think this is your best episode this year so far I LOVE these siblings conversations, I hope my sister and I have this kind of conection in a few years when we're on our 30s, thanks girls for this amazing episode
The Lord loves all he is not these religious folks you have experienced nor is he any church hurt. I pray everyone gets to experience the love of Jesus because he is truly amazing idk what you’ve been taught but try JESUS again asking him for a relationship and for an encounter that’s unexplainable he is really good😊in Jesus name Amen🙏🏾
I relate so much to growing up in a strict church and how that has impacted my life in a negative way! God is good but some of these places are NOT.
@ashley do you dance by yourself when you listen to music? Put on one of your favorite hits and let loose. And maybe next time you're at an event that involves dancing - you'll dance like no one's watching!
Gurl the church stuff is so relatable ❤️🔥
That’s exactly how I feel about dancing in public!! Like I literally cannot function if put in that situation at all and I also grew up in a strict religious household
Hahahaha Ashley’s description of Alisha being born is exactly how my older sister said she felt when I was born 😂😂
started sobbing at the part about soulmates for some reason 😭 but i really really enjoyed this episode !! as an older sister myself i feel like i had to navigate a lot of things on my own so listening to you felt like i was listening to the two older sisters i never had & i loved listening to everything you guys were saying 🤍
I have the fear of dancing too and I love dancing (in private), doesn’t make sense
I wonder for Ashley’s dancing if it would help her to throw on music while she’s home alone and force herself to dance a little. Literally no pressure or anything but just maybe getting into like a vibe of dancing and having it feel a little more natural in her body if that makes sense 😊❤
I would loooove a podcast for business advice for start ups! 😍 And a little more in depth about how your business journies have gone!
We need a part 2 this was soo good!!!
when alisha has kids, she can be macmama11🥹
Absolutely love hearing you talk about growing up in the Church and deconstructing! Very relatable
Not Ashley stealing Alisha’s clothes 😂😂
it’s what sisters are for ;)
Such a great conversation love y’all
I love you!!!!
To be morbid, when I turned 25 I felt like I’d be 💀 by 30. Now, I’m 26 and don’t feel that as strongly as I did when I was 25
My problem with religion is the homphobia I experienced in my church, because it made me doubt if it was from God when people were against it, because I do believe in the bible and wanna stay true to it, but also I myself seriousky struggled with it and people being hateful about it only made me think more that that's not God's will either and made me wanna rebel even more.
I graduated highschool in 2020🙃 ANYWAY each class had an Instagram account for each prom where we would send in our prom dresses and the account manager would post them so no one would be matching or repeat dresses!!
I (the pb producer) graduated in 2016 and our school had a Facebook prom dress pages hahahah
I thrifted my prom dress no one else had it and it was long enough to wear my converse , low messy ponytail!but the colour was so popular the year I graduated so it’s was teal blue and dark purple everywhere
Ashley, we're the sameeee! Thank you for speaking about it. So it's anxiety level.
I work for Disney and we all are like Disneyland > Disney world 🤣 lol
RIGHT
@@prettybasicpodcast also would have loved Disney in Burbank only because it would be closer to home but would not want the traffic!
Loved this sibling episode, I love yours and Ashley’s dynamic. Can’t wait for Remi and Shane’s too!
Prom is so crazy now a days, like my sister had her senior prom last year and the shop that we bought her dress from, we couldn't buy her dress until they knew that no one else IN OUR WHOLE COUNTY didn't also have the same dress already. It is ridiculous, thankfully no one had the dress she wanted, but if someone else already had it, we couldn't get it for her. Some girls couldn't get their dream dress because someone else, who didn't go to the same school as them, already had it.
wait please have your mom on! i’m a kid who was adopted and it’s not spoken about enough
Love the podcast OMG Ashley is giving me Jennifer Anderson vibes that really suits her I love a sibling episode ps please take care 🫶🫂👍❤️x love from Dundee Scotland 🏴
I'm not a Christian, but I feel like this pod is so helpful to those that are. You ladies are killing it!
Keep doing you, and keep the great content coming.
P.S. I'm not usually a pod kinda person, but I thoroughly enjoyed this, so thank you.
Also, RIP XO. IYKYK. 😭
Yay I woke up to a new episode! I will listen right now before work shift 😊
24:56 I have never heard anything more relatable… when I went on church camps they would allow boys to wear no t-shirts when swimming BUT made the girls wear t-shirts to make sure because the chaperones would say “we don’t want our brothers to having prying eyes.” TRULY it their own duty to not lurk
OMG I ALSO WANNA SAY ripped jeans were looked down upon when going to service…
29:28 wow this episode really did it for me. I have never relayed more. I’m almost done with high school and this still happens. The boys get all the laid blackness while the girls get more serious with conversations, when all we wanna do is go hangout with the boys and have free time. I feel like this is one of the reasons why I just don’t like going because the people who just keep on having something to say about the girl’s appearance and I’m not saying that they don’t say it about the guys too BUT I’ve seen first hand that people just LOVE to have their input on girls at my church
One thing about the matching thing, Remi and Tarynne are both the only girl and they have brothers while you two are sister (with a brother you presumably are as close to as with eachother) and I have a sister too so maybe it’s a sister thing bc I feel the same
For someone who did not grow up in a very religous environment this was such an interesting episode to listen to!! 🥰
Please put time stamps in your podcast 😭😭
I relate to this so much. I always had to hide my body. My mom always bought my close super big. And I kinda had a decent size butt but my mom always bought jeans way to big for me and made me hate my body bc I looked horrible
I hope that you’ve healed/ are healing from what you’ve been through🩷
Love that you guys have your own taste. Makes things more fun and less rivalry etc.
Ash - I have a fear of dancing too. I was also a gymnast so i can move, but pls don't make me dance. Taking barre has helped a lot! I want to take a zumba type dance class when i feel ready, but it's one step at a time :)
Thank you so much for covering this topic. It’s very relatable and much needed.
I never know I needed this episode until now. I truly loved this perspective of you and Ashley! Hope remi enjoyed Japan!!
I think that one true love is not explained properly. I think I’m married to mine! I was a serial dater and then got fed up and decided to be bluntly myself on dates, until i stumbled on this dude that loved it. He kissed the floor i walked on and he literally is my best friend, i have never met anyone in my life (friend, lover or family) who gets me as much as he gets me.
So i think true love is finding someone who gets you, provides friendship like no other and loves you how you deserve and need.
Someone that once you date them you start loving yourself more than you did before!
It takes kissing a lot of frogs to meet your dude tho! And be bluntly yourself, that way if they didn’t like it on the first date then you just move on to the next one 😅 faster and way less heart ache
I had prom last weekend and near the end of the night, I saw a girl that had the same dress as me😭I didn’t really mind cause I LOVED my dress and wouldn’t want to have any other dress. It was a lilac color (similar to aisha’s shirt) and had floral embellishments and sparkles and i felt so pretty
The way that I clicked on this SO FAST because CAN RELATE
As a girly with her own religious trauma I appreciated this episode. There is so much shame and guilt to be broken as an adult that we shouldn't have in the first place! :/
@11:54 I graduated in 2013/2014 era - our prom made a Facebook group just for prom dress photos to make sure ours weren’t matching 😮
Can’t even explain the level of church trauma I have
I’m so sorry :( we love and support you
I’m so sorry about that, hope you’re doing better now? Did you leave the church entirely or did you change church ?
I also absolutely hate the idea of dancing. It's deeply embarrassing to me and even seeing other people dance sometimes feels embarrassing too.
Omg my fear of dancing is next level! I had a Covid wedding where dancing wasn’t allowed and I was low key so happy I had that excuse
I, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE THAT CD CAME FROM!!! Def thought I made that memory up! 😂😂 also, fellow Lance crush here 😂😬
I think the bad thing we do is blame God for things we don’t like or agree with. Yes, I agree that what we wear shouldn’t feel like a burden or put fear in us but really, it’s usually not our “fault”. Most men have perverse minds- and sadly, most are usually in the church including “pastors” and people with high authority in churches. I’ve been in that position with several men in churches. However, I knew it wasn’t my place to blame God because these things happened for a reason and they helped me grow and help other girls/women too. Our walk with God is hard but not impossible. This life is about learning and having an open heart and mind to receive correction and knowledge from the Lord.
in our school, we had a facebook group where girls of the prom grade would post the picture of their dress (first come first serve) to ensure nobody was buying the same dress
“I’ll try my best to bop” 😂😂 I feel you.