I Didn't Want Bottom Surgery | How My Genital Dysphoria Changed
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ส.ค. 2024
- In this video, I share my thoughts about why my genital dysphoria changed and why I initially said that I didn't want bottom surgery. Sometimes our feelings about bottom surgery change, then it can be hard to make decisions and to trust our feelings. I didn't want bottom surgery at the start of my gender transition, but then my genital dysphoria changed as my gender transition progressed. I had doubts and worries about bottom surgery and worried that this meant lower surgery wasn't right for me. I finally made sense of all this and decided to have phalloplasty.
Additional resources:
📘My Phalloplasty Memoir: bit.ly/32SDYWM
🍆Phallo reveal videos: bit.ly/3QbV6xX
Other lower surgery books: finlaygames.co...
The video I mention is by @DR Z PHD • Don't Have Genital Dys...
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😎ABOUT ME 😎
Hello, I'm Finn, and welcome to my channel! I share first-hand experiences and practical advice on topics of gender transition, LGBTQ+ life, mental well-being, and lots of personal updates and daily life. Every video is served with a ton of honesty and a touch of humour! if that sounds like something you'd enjoy, please click subscribe and enable notifications to never miss a video! For instant updates, follow me on my social media accounts! Welcome to the FinnFam!
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#phalloplasty #transgendervloggers
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I’m starting T today, and just wanted to thank you for all your informational and inspiring content. It’s helped me immensely!
WooHoo!!! Congratulations! And thank you for your lovely words, that means the world to me!
@@FinnTheInfinncible I'm starting in 3 days, and I totally agree your channel is lovely :)
@@sunnyb1185 ah thank you! And congrats!
Jonah and Sunny, do not fall for this lie. You were perfectly made, don't alter your gender.
@@rebeccalavoy6655 it's too late now Rebecca I've taken the boy juice
Great video! I remember insisting I didn’t want genital surgery at the start of my transition because I was embarrassed to talk about “private parts”. I knew all along I needed surgery, just couldn’t admit it to family or acquaintances because I thought it was “bad” or made me “sexually deviant” even though genitals aren’t just about sex and are certainly not bad. I’m 7 months post final stage phallo and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!
Oh buddy I can relate! We have many comlicated issues when trans, as not only do we have societies view of sex as bad in some way, but also our own negative experiences with our body. This is something I talk about a lot in my book as I had to overcome a lot of sexual shame myself, both inward and outwardly. Amaxing you have finished your journey! I agree best decision I ever made too! Hope you are ding well and adjusting!
This is written by a bot CLEARLY
Wow! Can you tell me who gave my story to you?!? LOL! You've made me feel so much better! I never wanted bottom surgery. But as you know the dysphoria you're talking about. Thank you for sharing things like this. It really does help!
Yes! I am thrilled to read your message because this is exactly why l shared this. My coaching and mentoring clients are frequently coming to me having had the exact same experience and then are feeling confused and not trusting themselves regarding their lower surgery decisions. It's so common! I'm very very glad this video helped!
This is exactly the problem I had, with the only difference being that my bottom dysphoria was always strong. My top dysphoria really isn't too bad because I'm small chested and can easily hide things up there. But it's bothered me since high school, and I'm in college now. Before, when I had just figured out what was going on, I was in denial of everything and thought I didn't have dysphoria. I refused to believe I had it. But accepting it is very difficult. Thanks for another great video, Finn.
I can relate to all of that! This journey is a tough and it isnt any wonder we find ourselves in denial. I am very glad the video helped, thanks for watching and for kindly sharing with me
One of the most honest and self realized people I’ve ever heard.
What an absolutely lovely thing to say! Thank you so much!
Thank you Finn!
I'm ftm and planning to get phallo later, so all of your videos on it have been really helpful!
Very pleased to hear that! Makes my day! I have a ton of resources over on my website too if it helps! Finlaygames.com
This video resonates a lot with me! It took me so long to realise things that were lower dysphoria WERE, and even longer to break through the misinformation and realise that bottom surgery has so many great options and would be a great solution to me. It’s so nice to hear someone post-op tell the same story :)
Ditto my friend! Many of us have this same experience, which was a huge motivation for writing my book. We need forst hand stories to find and understand our experience dont we?
i was literally nodding along to EVERY single thing you were saying because this whole video describes my exact experience. i’m in that stage now, a year post top surgery after having no lower dysphoria prior, and it’s now EXPLODED and i have all these feelings and don’t know what to do about it :))
Ah buddy, it's such a common experience. Working through lower surgery decisions is tough, just take your time with it. If l ca help, please do send me a message on my website. I offer mentoring and coaching which can help a great deal in working through this. Finlaygames.com
I so appreciate your openness in this series! I'm nonbinary and want phalloplasty and it's so nice to see emphatically positive representations from post-op folks!
Yes! Thank you for that blooming lovely feedback!!!
Thank you for this helpful video. I needed to be aware of this.
Thanks for watching! Glad it was helpful!
I love your channel, your open and honest videos Finn! I wish I knew of a channel where they talked about meta as openly as the way you talk about phallo so I could compare.
Thanks my friend! Hopefully me writing my memoir will inspire someone to share their meta story!
Have you heard of jammidodger? He originally wanted phallo iirc but changed his mind to meta, and documented his whole experience on his youtube channel! He goes into why he chose meta, the lead up to surgery, the whole recovery process including complications. It's at least a dozen videos on the subject and he has tons of other more light hearted trans content on his channel too. Highly recommend!
@@lqa77 yeah I watch his channel too he's great! For my own personal research purposes I didn't find his lower surgery videos quite as informative as Finn's though, I don't find he goes in depth as much.
You are such a wonderful Speaker and Storyteller. As I read your book 'Top to Bottom', it gives me the same feeling as this video - raw, very honest, insightful, educational, loving and kind with how generous you are with how much you share of yourself. I find when I read your book, I can't put it down. You are a really talented writer. It was lovely attending your book launch. Will you be doing any more online book readings?
Missed this, sorry! Thank you for those lovely compliments! I do plan to do some more online readinga, I recently did a TH-cam live stream and plan to do some more Zoom events too!
Keep up to date here:,finlaygames.com/my-books/
Hello there Finn! This was really interesting for me, I've been at the stage of debating if I want to go through more surgeries or not (I'm at 20 surgeries right now for various things) and debating if I want to try metoido or just got for phallo. I am still looking for good resources, so thank you for sharing the links to these people who are willing to be open and honest as you are! 🥰
I'm still doing the whole "I'm going to lose my partner if I get lower surgery" thing as well. This I know for sure, and we've been together for 16 1/2 years now.
Not to take away from your video today, but I just had a friend who is 71 years old JUST got her lower surgery today!!! Barring a few complications with urethral things, I want to say to anyone out there that you're NEVER too old to finally get the body you want/need 💪👍✨💓
One question: I looked up in the google store for an app for ko-fi, is there one? I found a few but I wasn't sure which one was the RIGHT one!
Thank you Finn! Much love and thank you for sharing as always! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💖🤩
Hey buddy! Yes I understand, surgery is hellish and you have had so many! They become worth suffering through when we know the outcomes is worthwhile dont they?
I cannot belive someone got surgery at 71! What an amazing way to show that it is never too late to be your happy, true, authentic self!
I hear you with the relatioship worries, we just have to do what is right for us, if we try to be what someone else needs, and sacrifice our own needs, we just end up unhappy, which effects the relationship anyway. I know it is not easy though
And re kofi, there isnt an app yet but they are working on one If you are following me there, you will get notified now when I post anything there. Does that help?
Much love to you super star!
@@FinnTheInfinncible Yes it does help, thank you Finn, I hope they get an app soon just so it's easier to find you, I bookmarked the page in my browser but it asks me to sign in 3 different times, kind of confusing lol
Yes, the surgeries I have had have been worth it for sure! I do agree that so far, I'm in that stage of "Do I or don't I want to do this surgery?" I have the loose skin around my belly that they can use for a phallus, but I would have to travel 4 hours south to Minneapolis if I wanted to get a TRUE professional who knew what they were doing, and I don't drive, plus I have a geriatric kitty that you saw in our Zoom meeting that can't be left alone all day or overnight.
I had to share my friend's story with you, so far she is doing alright! She is healing well and might be coming home next week, so I am watching her apartment for her (just in case she gets any packages, they won't get stolen)
I have had MANY dreams of my partner and I breaking up, we would still be friends, but it wouldn't be the same... He's even told me that he doesn't want to bring me to any Pride festivals because he would be worried I wouldn't come home/meet someone better than him. I've told him many times that he should find someone better suited for him, but he doesn't want to put in the effort, so we're in a "holding pattern" of sorts until something new happens and we decide to readjust our relationship standing.
Much love right back to you my friend and thank you so much for all of your help!! 🥰🤗👍😎💯⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🌞😊
Can really relate to all of that - I was always uncertain whether I needed lower surgery but some time after T and top surgery it feels like the only major thing that's still wrong, now I have this wonderful relief otherwise and am more comfortable and content with most of my body every day. And you have completely changed my perspective on phalloplasty (not that I had a negative opinion before, I just knew very little really!) Still at the research stage considering phallo/meta and further specifics, but with content like yours I feel way better prepared to figure it out, so thank you!
It sounds like we have had a similar journey! I am very happy to hear that my content helps. I have a ton of resources over on my website too and you are free to contact me there anytime if I can help! finlaygames.com
@@FinnTheInfinncible Thank you very much! :)
Hopefully starting hrt soon, what a lovely and helpful telling of your emotional journey, ty!
Thank you so much for watching and for your kind comment! I hope you get a start date ASAP!
You are the best trans channel out there, just so patient and intelligent.
Like an Internet dad!
Best comment ever! Thank you!!
I agree!
@@swimswithwhales l love being an internet trans dad!
@@FinnTheInfinncible Aww!
You are such a gift from God, Finn. You have a purpose in this world and it is beautiful to see how you have documented your journey and blossomed like a beautiful flower, putting your scent out there for everyone to enjoy and benefit from. God bless you
That's such a sweet thing to say, thank you!
I’m not trans, but I found you through Adam on instagrams channel as I’ve been following him for a long time. I love your energy and I love being clued up on everything LGBTQ, my daughter is openly gay and I want to learn everything! Hope it’s okay that I stick around 🥰🙏xx
Absolutely it is! Wnderful to have you here, welcome to the FinnFam! What a lovely mum you are! I have a live stream event in half hour, 6.30, come join us!
@@FinnTheInfinncible thanks darling! honestly I’m IN LOVE with how amazing you are!!! Ahhhh! Thank you! My sons called Finley 😍🥰
Best name ever!
Hallo my dear!
How are you? I can understand the difficulties and confusion in your mind about that!!
Anyway I think that sometimes I feel that there is a sort of an hidden thread that unites our experiences to trade a personal path but we discovere that long after.
But, obviously, if we are not so strong to keep on our search we, probably, walk on a wrong way.
It’s important to keep iur mind healthy to understand, to try, to change.
Good day my dear and a big kiss!! 👍🤗
Hello lovely! I am good thank you, tired from all the book launch excitement, but happpy tired! I absolutely agree, a healthy mind is key! Much love to you!
Hi Finn. So great to see you in this video. You always cheer me up, you always educate me and it's just a pleasure to be able to hang out with you for a while. In this video I was so blown away by how if you took off the word phalloplasty and stuck in another word like anxiety as an example. Everything you shared could apply to how to deal with anxiety. I was putting in different things besides phalloplasty and I realized how wise you are. You are able to encompass a large variety of human feelings and thoughts and perceptions Etc. I wonder do you ever become curious about who your subscribers are? Let me know on that.. Thanks again. Great video. bye for now
Hello my dear friend! I always love your comments! And l love how you speak of the universal aspects of my content. I agree and this is why l speak so deeply because then folks can see that trans people are no different, all us humans have the same experiences just for different reasons!
I am always curious about my subscribers, my wonderful FinnFam! I have such a diverse audience and l love that so much! It's why l reply to comments because l like to try to get to know folks, and it's why l set up memberships so that l could get even closer to folks!
@@FinnTheInfinncible hi again. I hope you will understand what I mean when I say I don't agree with you that trans people are just like all people they have the same experiences and feelings Etc. That's what you wrote to me in your comment. But I want to say I think trans people have completely different experiences inside than the average person, No Way Around It. Trans people are in my perspective very very strong. They've had to live with a lot of very painful traumatic types of experiences in their childhood and young adult life. Trans people are so dedicated to being true to who they are. And that takes courage an immense amount of Courage. And also trans people go to such lengths and so many surgeries and so much pain just so they can be who they are. That's a special person. Do you I think the following is accurate, let's say you're FTM were you or anybody who is FTM were you always a guy always even from birth? Because I noticed in the video you said I am a man I've always been a man always. So I was wondering about that. Don't you think some people maybe think they are totally female and their getting by and then later in life they discover I'm trans. Well I guess what I'm asking is... not all people feel that they have always been the opposite sex if they're trans do you think that's true? . . Thanks my friend.
@@kavitadeva what l mean by the same is that all humans at base level just want to feel happy,and comfortable in their own skin and in that way the topics l speak about speak to everyone. Like what you said about anxiety. And every trans person understands their journey differently and that's ok. I didnt find out I was trans till I was 37 but now l realise that although I didnt know, I have always been male
@@FinnTheInfinncible thank you!!
I just watched that doctor’s video right before this one 😆 All these informations are so helpful! Thank you again!
Ah wonderful! And hello Lxcky!
@@FinnTheInfinncible 😊👋🏼
@@lxcky21 I hope you are finding all your membership perks ok!
@@FinnTheInfinncible I’m still slowly exploring it. Mainly I wanted to support you and your excellent work!😊
@@lxcky21 l am so incredibly touched by that! Thank you so much! Honestly though, if you need anything, want to access anything, please do send me a message anytime! You can do that directly through kofi now too 🌈❤
Love you man..I have the same problem..thanks for your channel.
Aw thank you for that lovely appreciation!
I think this is what's happening to me but I really don't want surgery again, I have so many things planned including traveling and just living my life and I don't want to take years off from that to heal from surgery. But at the same time, I really want surgery and I think it might be what I need. Also I'm only 18 so I guess I have time but I don't know. I also want very specific things and I don't know if they're possible. like to be able to stand to pee and for it to look nice. but anyway thanks for making this video- I definitely feel seen and heard and like I have to go take time and examine things again hahah
Brilliant! I'm so glad you got this from this video. I relate to all.of that, l didnt want more surgery, l didnt want years of having to out things on hold, but eventually the dysphoria made the choice for me.
Just take your time, there is no rush and waiting does not invalidate your need for surgery. It's a wise person who takes their time!
@@FinnTheInfinncible thank you!!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I just ordered your book and looking forward to it. What you share is very important for many to hear as dysphoria tends to shift throughout and can feel non existent one day and very overwhelming the other. Love your channel! Ohhh hell yes!!!! A penis or vagina or any organs dont define gender!!!!!!
Ah hello! How fabulous to find your message! Thrilled you have ordered my book, thank you! I hope it's really helpful! It's been so important to.me to share honestly on this because l struggled to find any info at the start of this journey. I've only recently discovered your channel and I'm so appreciative to see a therapist sharing such vital info here on youtube, and it's been incredibly validating to see.tou talk about so.many things that relate to my own experiences! Thanks for watching and for your lovely comment!
Thanks for the info
Thanks for watching!
Personally when I started the transition the genital dysphoria was worse than it is now and I thought I would have metoidioplasty as soon as I could but as the years went by, after starting hormone therapy and seeing the physical changes and after doing the mastectomy and hysterectomy I realized that my genital dysphoria had decreased a lot and that I was fine in my body as it had become and now I don't think I wouldn't have the operation. Each path is different and this is also the interesting thing. Thank you for your video and your story. 🙏
This is wonderful! Yes! This is exactly why it is so important that everyone gets to take their time and choose what is right for them in their own time and isnt judged for changing their mind. Thank you for sharing!
@@FinnTheInfinncible I definitely agree. Thank you. 👏
May the forth be with u Finn
And to you my friend!
What does that mean? I've heard it several times
@@maximellow5745 it's a star wars thing! May the force be with you. And its may the 4th today.....
While I don't agree with the whole trans issue and mutilation of your bodies and put man made hormones in you body.i believe it is a mental health issue. I watched this video to learn more the struggles trans. People go through to better my knowledge what goes on in you mind. I found your video a good video as you not only go through all the feelings and thoughts in your mind but explained everything throughly step by step. I'm starting to learn alot more the struggles of trans people. It really felt an emotional video of you life experiences. And while my opinion hasn't changed it was good to watch you and learn your struggles you face. I wish you all the best and hope your now finally excepting of your body. At the end of the day as long as your happy within yourself it's shouldn't matter what people like myself believe.
Does anyone know of any good online trans support groups for adults as I have so many questions about my own thoughts and feelings being the fact that I am trans male
Hi my friend, where arebouts are you? Uk or overseas? I have some resources on my webiste for some support places finlaygames.com/resources-tools/
@@FinnTheInfinncible hi I'm in Gloucester, UK
I don't know how to get over this.. I can't live like this and it'll never be real for me and I just don't see how I'll ever reach this point or even have surgery and I just don't know what I'm going to do. People talk about all happy things and becoming themselves but the reality is being trapped in a body that you can't change and being labeled as what you're not every day of your life and having to look in the mirror every day of your life. What did I do to deserve this. I just want it to be over.
You are so amazing, wow! This is so validating and brings me a lot of hope. I recently got into a relationship with a cis man and that's when my bottom dysphoria came into light like it never had before. I've battled with myself about my identity and the belief I could never be a man. But this video gives me hope, especially as we move forward and surgery improves. Maybe I can have a dick and be the man I know I'm supposed to be. Thank you greatly. ❤ I will definitely continue to watch as each year passes to hear more about your sensation and experiences!
Bless you, I am so glad this gives you hope! There is no doubt that this is a huge surgery with a ton of possible complications, but it does also give incredible results and changes lives. I wrote a book about my experiences, not such about the surgery but also about my relationship with my changing body as well as my experiences with intimacy and discovering mysef to be gay. If it helps you can find it here : finlaygames.com/my-books/
I would love my own Willie. But having that scar on my arm, the potential complications and number of surgeries is the major deterrent for me. Besides that I don't have dysphoria down there for now.
I hear you and I completely understand. I felt the same way for a long time!
@@FinnTheInfinncible I also know a guy who almost died after his first surgery and that scares me a little.
@@TheNibNerd well then its understandable to be worried. I'm sorry that happened
How do deal with dysplasia down there?I have not surgery down there yet.
Out of curiosity. Does losing your hair affect you the same way it might affect as cis man? Is it gender reaffirming or something you resent? Or both.
Good question! Yes, it is upsetting to lose my heair it is thinning a lot, and there is an extra sadness as I didnt transition till I was 47 and then I was propelled into male middle age! But, it is at the same time, also affirming, as it makes me just like any other man! I made a video on this a while back th-cam.com/video/I-udLpEFBAY/w-d-xo.html
I am a woman with transgender past, and I was a beautiful show girl... Then many of my friends had gender reassignment surgery🌮... So.. I dit too😁... I know it sounds silly, yet so I am natural and spontaneous... I followed my instint of following happy people, and... Bang, I have always feel great... A bit too great, if you ask me... 😁... I think is about attitude... Some people just don t follow their hearts... And I don t blame them as everyone is different... More traditional families, for instance make it much more complicated... Or doubty friends... As, on the other hand, when I hanged out with people with doubts and issues... That confuses... And it applies, I think for everyone...
It s the same as transwomen in complicated big cities... Full of wackos, pollution, etc... And then they complain about their dating life... We need to meet positive, intelligent, people... Like you, for example... Evolving and soo funny... 😁❤️❤️🌷
What is this video on dormancy you mention?
I am a man and I sit down when I pee everytime
Good for you! Some men choose too, and that's fine when you have the choice!
Then what makes u man?😊
What makes you you?
Transgender gay men? 😂 wouldn't that make you straight since you're a girl
I think you need to do some research my friend. I'm male, yes I'm transgender but still male. I'm attracted to men, so I'm gay . Its like if you are cisgender and you are male, you are still male, and as a cisgender man, if you are attracted to men, then you are gay. Does that help you to understand?