Let me add my perspective as a supplement to what the Dojo says. The first place I took lessons for many styles of social dancing, there were instructors to dance with, and students who were in the same classes. So I was able to find partners. But I do remember how tough it was. I often asked many women to dance and especially those that were not dancing. But certain people will say no and wait for only the best dancers. Certain guys who only dance with young beautiful partners and are more of the groping and dipping type. What do I look for and who do I go back to ask again? 1) I value women that take lessons and do not expect me to teach her on the social dance floor. If I notice a pattern of learning from social dance partners exclusively, I will ignore them. 2) If they complain during the dance I do not know enough figures, or state they need a stronger lead (showing a lack of dance experience) 3) Are they dressed appropriately? Looking at flip flops or clothes that they will fiddle with during the dance is a turn off. 4) Are they sober? 5) Are they sitting in a convenient place to approach? Way in the back corner will tell me they are not making themselves available. 6) Do they say yes when asked by other gentlemen?
When I started taking salsa classes a few years ago, I remember going to a party and sitting in my chair watching other people dance all night. Nobody but a single man invited me to a dance. As I was still a beginner, I didn't have the courage or confidence to ask somebody to dance with me. That's why I went back home very disappointed that night. In people, in me... But that also motivated me to work harder and improve my technique and skills so that people would be thrilled to dance with me. One year later, I attended another party and I had a blast! And although I do get asked to dance now, I don't really sit and wait for that to happen. (Where I live, women often outnumber men at parties, especially with regard to Latin dances, so a girl asking a man to dance is pretty much the norm.) If I want to dance, I just go to someone and ask them politely if they would like to share that song with me on the dancefloor. It took me ages to get the courage to do so, but once I did, I was set free from all prejudice. I'm no longer wondering whether I'll spend the night dancing or sitting in the corner of the room sipping my drink. Because it is all up to me now.
Right on, way to go! We all started exactly where you did and went through the same thing. It's a great feeling to be on the other side but it's so important to remember those feelings of fear and lack of confidence. Asking a beginner to dance can be a game-changing experience for them :)
To get asked for a first dance with someone: - Stand near the dance floor, move to the music, try to look like you're having a good time, make it clear you want to dance using your body language. Do not sit! Do not stand in a far-off corner! Don't look like you're having a miserable time! - If you stand with a drink in your hand or are engaged in an in-depth conversation people might assume you will say no. - Take care of basic hygiene (tbf I've never seen a woman fail this, it's mostly the men getting sweaty and smelly). - I personally try to avoid asking drunk/tipsy people to dance because people get sloppy. One or two drinks usually don't noticeably affect someone's dance skill. - If you dance with the same person for many songs in a row, others will be less likely to ask you. Likewise, if you come with your partner and spend all the time not dancing standing next to them. To get asked for a repeat dance: - Don't backlead! - Have appropriate tension in your arms and shoulders. Stiff arms are uncomfortable for leaders. - Dance in time. - Try to adapt to the style the leader is dancing (I danced with some followers who did Colombian style basics while I was clearly dancing Cuban and it was an extremely uncomfortable experience). - Don't give advice people aren't asking for (except if the leader does a move which is dangerous/painful/inappropriate). - Make it clear you are enjoying the dance (not everyone is able to smile all the time but you can show this in other ways). - If a move doesn't work, just laugh it off. As long as you're both having fun making mistakes is fine. I don't mind dancing with beginners if they have this mindset. - Say thanks after the dance and give a high five/hug. If you give a compliment/engage in a bit of small talk and get to know leaders they are more likely to ask you again. If this doesn't get you enough dances, ask someone yourself. It's 2022! And I think very few leaders will ever refuse if you ask them.
I don't see why if you're a women and feel your not dancing enough you just don't ask a man to dance. In today's world where women want equal rights they should feel equal to ask a man to dance. Always waiting for a man to ask you to dance isn't that a bit chauvinistic? Also for all you high-level dancers don't be afraid to dance with someone at a lower-level that's the only way we'll keep dancing alive. Just remember to dance at her level not yours. by the way I'm a high-level dancer and I will many times dance with women who are the lower-level just so that they can get more time on the floor. This seems to encourage them and often makes them want to move on and learn to dance at a higher level. Just remember we were all beginners at one time.
Agreed. go for what you want, project good energy and dance with and encourage as many people as you can. Thanks for watching and the comment Jim -Robin
Let me add my perspective as a supplement to what the Dojo says.
The first place I took lessons for many styles of social dancing, there were instructors to dance with, and students who were in the same classes. So I was able to find partners. But I do remember how tough it was. I often asked many women to dance and especially those that were not dancing. But certain people will say no and wait for only the best dancers. Certain guys who only dance with young beautiful partners and are more of the groping and dipping type.
What do I look for and who do I go back to ask again?
1) I value women that take lessons and do not expect me to teach her on the social dance floor. If I notice a pattern of learning from social dance partners exclusively, I will ignore them.
2) If they complain during the dance I do not know enough figures, or state they need a stronger lead (showing a lack of dance experience)
3) Are they dressed appropriately? Looking at flip flops or clothes that they will fiddle with during the dance is a turn off.
4) Are they sober?
5) Are they sitting in a convenient place to approach? Way in the back corner will tell me they are not making themselves available.
6) Do they say yes when asked by other gentlemen?
Thanks for sharing what you look for Fishboy-all really helpful suggestions to any lady reading this!
When I started taking salsa classes a few years ago, I remember going to a party and sitting in my chair watching other people dance all night. Nobody but a single man invited me to a dance. As I was still a beginner, I didn't have the courage or confidence to ask somebody to dance with me. That's why I went back home very disappointed that night. In people, in me... But that also motivated me to work harder and improve my technique and skills so that people would be thrilled to dance with me. One year later, I attended another party and I had a blast! And although I do get asked to dance now, I don't really sit and wait for that to happen. (Where I live, women often outnumber men at parties, especially with regard to Latin dances, so a girl asking a man to dance is pretty much the norm.) If I want to dance, I just go to someone and ask them politely if they would like to share that song with me on the dancefloor. It took me ages to get the courage to do so, but once I did, I was set free from all prejudice. I'm no longer wondering whether I'll spend the night dancing or sitting in the corner of the room sipping my drink. Because it is all up to me now.
Right on, way to go! We all started exactly where you did and went through the same thing. It's a great feeling to be on the other side but it's so important to remember those feelings of fear and lack of confidence. Asking a beginner to dance can be a game-changing experience for them :)
I absolutely agree. :)
Good for you! I think my best tip for female beginners dancers - is to ask the best dancers and teachers to dance - and ask them for tips!!
To get asked for a first dance with someone:
- Stand near the dance floor, move to the music, try to look like you're having a good time, make it clear you want to dance using your body language. Do not sit! Do not stand in a far-off corner! Don't look like you're having a miserable time!
- If you stand with a drink in your hand or are engaged in an in-depth conversation people might assume you will say no.
- Take care of basic hygiene (tbf I've never seen a woman fail this, it's mostly the men getting sweaty and smelly).
- I personally try to avoid asking drunk/tipsy people to dance because people get sloppy. One or two drinks usually don't noticeably affect someone's dance skill.
- If you dance with the same person for many songs in a row, others will be less likely to ask you. Likewise, if you come with your partner and spend all the time not dancing standing next to them.
To get asked for a repeat dance:
- Don't backlead!
- Have appropriate tension in your arms and shoulders. Stiff arms are uncomfortable for leaders.
- Dance in time.
- Try to adapt to the style the leader is dancing (I danced with some followers who did Colombian style basics while I was clearly dancing Cuban and it was an extremely uncomfortable experience).
- Don't give advice people aren't asking for (except if the leader does a move which is dangerous/painful/inappropriate).
- Make it clear you are enjoying the dance (not everyone is able to smile all the time but you can show this in other ways).
- If a move doesn't work, just laugh it off. As long as you're both having fun making mistakes is fine. I don't mind dancing with beginners if they have this mindset.
- Say thanks after the dance and give a high five/hug. If you give a compliment/engage in a bit of small talk and get to know leaders they are more likely to ask you again.
If this doesn't get you enough dances, ask someone yourself. It's 2022! And I think very few leaders will ever refuse if you ask them.
all great tips!
I did all the things that you told me to do your videos about how to ask for a dance and how to handle rejection and it worked.
That's amazing!! So glad to hear it. We're so proud of you. Keep it up and keep having fun out there! 😀
I don't see why if you're a women and feel your not dancing enough you just don't ask a man to dance. In today's world where women want equal rights they should feel equal to ask a man to dance. Always waiting for a man to ask you to dance isn't that a bit chauvinistic? Also for all you high-level dancers don't be afraid to dance with someone at a lower-level that's the only way we'll keep dancing alive. Just remember to dance at her level not yours. by the way I'm a high-level dancer and I will many times dance with women who are the lower-level just so that they can get more time on the floor. This seems to encourage them and often makes them want to move on and learn to dance at a higher level. Just remember we were all beginners at one time.
Agreed. go for what you want, project good energy and dance with and encourage as many people as you can. Thanks for watching and the comment Jim -Robin
Dance by yourself… salsa can still be danced solo…