That described my childhood. I never felt safe, loved, or recognized. I felt invisible to my family. And in a weird way, I was OK with it because I didn't feel loved or safe there. It was a complete loss of my childhood. I always felt like a mini adult.
@@sues3218 The worst thing is while you don't feel loved or recognized you're told that you are. And you (as a child) go like "oh okay, so this is love then, fine" and just accept things the way you were told... and then, 40 years later, you wake up...
Putting ourselves first and feeling good enough, not accepting people who doesnt put us first is the way to self love. Do not settle for less and not desiring to fix the other person is sign of self love. We should not feel obligated to please others and fix broken/ distorted partner. Find our equal...
The more I study the codependent & narcissist dynamics... the more I question which of the two I am... because I manifested both sides. I am so glad I’ve come across your material. I’ve got a lot of self work to do.
Nadine, be sure to start with my book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap, found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com. It is the foundation of all my work that will be most helpful to know before moving on to my full-length seminar videos (which you will learn more from than these short TH-cam segments). Please reach out to SLRI Director of Operations, Karla, at KarlaC@SelfLoveRecovery.com if you would like some additional information. Best, Ross
Bingo! I have been a magnet all my life. I never connected it to my childhood. Neither one of my parents ever once said a positive thing to me in my entire life. They both died when I was in my 50’s. I married a malignant narcissist and my life was hell on earth for 20 years. I stayed be because I am Catholic and my parents would have disapproved. Finally, he left for another woman who he had been living a double life with. I divorced him and then he made my life and my child even worse! It is too late for me now, and I wish I had known this long ago. At least I now understand.
I agree with JayJayK. It is never too late. Try to love and accept yourself. We all make mistakes. I wish you peace and strength and happiness and to your child also. ♥️
I wanna assire you that it's never top late to become what you might have been or should have been..... You're enough , you have been enough , you shall ever been enough for the rest of your life .i wish you good luck ....stay away from toxic narcissist etc...... Lpve y'all..........
Dear ross,i’m verry glad to find your channel,i was in 2 abusive relationships And i always thought that i was the problem.i never know anything about codependency.since 3 months ago i really work hard on my self and i watched several vidioes and go to therapy.i wish all codependent people find a good therapist.
know how people say I had a light bulb moment.... I had a Atomic bomb moment about how my childhood has everything to do with how I've been living my life now... thank you so much for your Videos XOXO
Fantastic (as usual). So thoroughly and thoughtfully expressed. Best of all, the vulnerability that Ross shares is truly inspiring and humbling. What a fantastic guy. Once again, Ross, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are just so great! I cannot wait for the next book - most psychotherapists have no idea how to get someone with SLDD cured.
Twenty years ago I read, Alice Miller's "Drama Of The Gifted Child," as I was starting to go to group for adult recovery from abusive childhoods. You didn't cause it, and you can't cure the family of abuse, but you can leave them to survive.
+ Lady Betts Your comment helped me to see where I had made a big mistake by staying with my ex after a somewhat similar situation that took place about three years ago. I should have left her then, but I stayed and suffered more abuse. Finally two months ago I left. I still love her and I miss her but I know I can't go back. We were together for seventeen years. The loneliness is hard to take but I'm getting to where I can handle it.
Jolina D Betts I had a very similar experience. My mother, also a narc, sided with my molester. I keep my distance from her. I hope we can communicate in the near future.
Therisa Strange-Collins Same thing happened with me. She died maybe 25 yrs ago. I still think, everytime I had a success, that I wish she would have lived to FINALLY see me, and be proud or care even. So I agree with Trish. Stay away from her! IMworthlessO, you will chase that dream again, likely. I know I did. And stupidly, knowing what she did and the (just learned) gaslighting she would do to me, I would still be trying to win her approval still. This is me, I don't know if you are well enough to handle it better than I would, but just telling you why I feel it is a bad idea to try. my mom's last words to me. "What are you looking at?" as I was sitting by her bed to try to speak with her. She was not mentally gone yet either, it was her choice, IMO.
My mother's second husband molested my younger sister. Not sure if my mother knew about it, but suspect she did. She made life hell for my poor younger sister, who was just an innocent child.
If it happened twice to you, I had not chance to fake charm. I didn't even know I was suffering from 'love deficit disorder', nor about narcissism. I've learned so much from this dramatic, painful experience. Thank you for being so candid, and all the valuable information, many blessings to you and Meredith. 🐣🐛 🦋
When you love yourself enough to walk away from the abuse and not fight back you won! To not allow anyone to take your happiness and contrl you won! To find yourself not filled with hate and yout at peace you won! Love & Light Yes, it is a long road as well very hurtful but when you decide I am worthy the yes you did win. You have yourself because your your own best friend.
Bought the seminar and found it so worthwhile. The funny thing is when I had trouble downloading it, I heard directly from Ross or someone in the office, immediately. I have read the HMS at least twice and keep it on my kindle. Thank You Ross for the work you do. I am healthier and happier because of it.
I had this deep loneliness. I married a narcissist. He was never around. I went to a regular therapist and a shamanic healer. The therapist help me to open up to my feelings . The shaman connected me to the divine and after that connection I never felt alone again.
Ross your description of the loneliness you felt resonated deep within. For years, far too many, I have lived with self loathing that I believe I deserved. I didn't want to blame anyone for my suffering, but me. Listening to you, I understand that the emotional wounds I have affected me negatively. I will continue to fight for myself. I must. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. It's pure. 🙇
Ross, this was incredibly meaningful and groundbreaking for me. The pathological loneliness is exactly what I have been feeling and it feels so strange. Also, when you spoke about the magnets & "The Human Magnet Syndrome" as being the perfect attraction for codependent (SLDD) & narcissist it struck a chord with me. During the relationship I was so puzzled by the powerful, yet unidentifiable draw we had to one another because it didn't make logical sense to me since, in my conscious mind, I wasn't that attracted to him for several reasons. Thank you so much for your dedicated work. I have taken major notes! ~Nancy
This is one of my favorite you tube videos! I’ve come full circle ⭕️ listened to this 2 years ago and today!! Wow the growth and understanding!! Thank you Meredith and Ross - lets all fall in love w ourselves!! 🥂
It’s not just self love it’s also self identity. Codependent children of narcissists especially, have under developed identity because it has been so controlled and puppeteered for their whole lives.
love u both...wanted to thankyou both for your knowledge and understanding. you both have helped me and continue to help me on my journey so far...I feel so positive about the idea that I can heal and live a life I was always ment to live...5 months ago I thought I was doomed. Now thanks to the both of u I have Hope. much love and gratitude to u both. cheers.
Thank you Meredith and Ross your videos are so helpful and user friendly to understand i am so grateful for people such as yourselves that are totally out there and authentic in your advice and giving to others to help them along their path of love and relationships. I have ordered the book Ross ! Look forward to receiving it. Attachment trauma is definitely the place to start Ross along with the self love at a deeper level. Meredith the gift you bring in your holistic way of working is so inspiring to me and thank you for your honesty throughout your videos it is a relief to hear other women and their experience of this. Much love x
7:26 I was the Invisible kid or the Cinderella Boy, no matter how hard I did my effort to please the orders or wishes of my parents and my entire family always was never ever good enough, and for that always I was the "Trash Can" or The Human Toillet" of them, you fellas are the dynamical duo with psychology, tremendous job fellas, just please keep it up..¡ Greetings to you guys from Virginia, The United States of America.
Oh Ross, you had me in a big belly laugh when you began with the discovery of your own pattern, "even though you are a smart guy who knows how to read a book."
Ross has some haters online calling him a narcissist... I'm still trying to figure out how anyone could believe that. He and Meredith are both such beautiful people, inside and out.
He was doing subtle power over moves with Meredith with age and you could see how much of a rush he got with her saying that she read his book after already stating she read it and how impressed he was that she understood his concepts and ran with it. Subtle, yet it's still implying that hes the authority and she is catching up. Power over moves.
You can't solve the loneliness by dealing with it as a problem on its own... Good I needed to know that when I went inside with a self love intention to discover what was there. I agreed to love myself no matter what I found and there it was. My disassociated wound of loneliness. So I thought ok, I have to be willing to feel it. I'm willing, let's go... I cried my eyes out for 8 weeks straight when I pulled out of it to avoid going into clinical depression. I told myself when I was a kid that lonely is only being alone when you don't want to be... so I built a network of people so that I could never be in a position where there wasn't someone to call I felt lonely. I also worked on learning what I enjoy doing alone so that I could have alone time I enjoyed... Since I leaned to enjoy time alone and could connect when I wanted to, I thought I had overcome loneliness. I thought I just don't feel it anymore. Facing it alone after I found it, was the most painful thing in my life. More painful than being assaulted and getting a set of twins to raise from it... Those were just more layers, because now that their 19 I can see some unintended abuse that I continued. I pay myself on the back though, got at least having awareness of subconscious development and doing things like never referring to them as good or bad and when my EMM mom would report a nice time with them she'd say they were good and I look right at her in front of them and ready what do you mean they were good? They were born good. Do you mean they behaved well? So I did well. The best I could in personal development learnings with no awareness of my SLDD problem, or even the loneliness I'd hidden from myself. I can't hide anymore and I won't let this continue. I choked up hard when you guys talked about wondering if we'll ever find love or know how to recognize it... That fear still has a fair bit of emotional charge in it for me, even though I will claim consciously that I know it's a lie. I'm sad, but I also feel better finally knowing what the problem is... Cuz I know I'm capable of healing it and shining that light of it own healing on my sons. I cannot wait until I can apologize to them through changed behavior... God am I glad I don't have grandkids yet. Thank you guys for doing this work.
"Drama of the Gifted Child" powerful book to help with healing from attachment trauma. It takes bravery, strength and willingness to do the work for "change". Ia m going through the pathological loneliness stage- pain is powerful. I am working noon this.. Thank you both.
I, as the blacksheep of the family, got my life foretold by shamans in esoteric blood sacrifice at the age of 6, basically rejected and cursed. Now, at age 40 (still financially dependent on my family), I got a forced 3rd eye awakening in esoteric blood sacrifice and shamanic voodoo. I think I need someone like Miss Miller to clear me of all programmed and blacked out memories, possibly even regressing me thru past lives in order to help me grasp why the heck I was born into this horrible family. I've woken daily for over a year (since the guru hit me), wanting to be dead and have fallen ill, apparently, with what will eventually be the death of me, actually foretold by the shamans. I need help. They have a weird system of ethics they're forcing on me and I can't put up with it anymore. After having stopped trying to live up to their wordly expectations and refused to join their cult (denouncing god), they've scrambled me. 10:35 I have to recognize that there's a problem, remember the incident where it began/developed, understand how the things in the incident affected my self actualization making me who i am, and then, start learning how to cope, or better yet, not cope, but truly address the issue, "grow up".
I love this discussion,,,, when I Left I didn't know what I was going through I just knew it was not ok,,, thanks to such platforms I can learn so much .. thanks
I was lonely in my relationship with the Narcissist..But I thought it was better than nothing... I've now been alone for 3 years...and I am not lonely... If someone comes into my life that would be nice but i'm not distressed by not being in committed relationship..... I'm happy and feel complete within myself......
Thank you so much!!! I have attracted several other codependents/narcs lately, but now I can recognize and pull away. I'm just at the beginning! It's not easy to look inside at these difficult feelings. Thank you.
Thank you for finding this video. It puts my finger on my upbringing. And how I later in adulthood fell into the same relationships as an adult. Grew up with my co-dependent mom and her covert narc. I myself have since fallen for the same type of men. Really thought this is what love should look like. Now I am almost 48 years old. Only now have I started to see patterns. And what happens.
Hey Ross, I'm a codependent. English is not my native language but i'm going to try to say this: to me, self respect express better than self love that I want to do in orther to get health, because I recognize some syntoms of narcisistic behavior of my parents in me. I thing that we must to look inside and see the characteristics that has been showing to the people that they can mistreated us; maybe my separation of my self it shows a feel of superiority or some aspect in me that I have to change. Maybe theres not only the becoming aspects like want to make happy to the others (becoming for the others). Some complex game in my mind of believe to be best than other people. Self love maybe carry me in a way not so different in that sensse. The self respect going to carry me to thing and hear my voices unessential in my mind that I still not have resolved... or dissolved. Removed. The love that appears here is the recovering of my intimicy with my self... Thanks Ross for all your work and Mera súper coatch.
Thanks for passing the positive energies all along to the world to two of you. Great conversations in depth. I m gonna search more specific definition about self-love and really looking forward to the how-to book. Thanks again.
There was one other thing I did want to mention. I took an intensive weekend course a month or so ago called The Living Course (TLC), which is in Florida. This course does some powerfully effective Inner Child work with the ultimate goal of Self Love. It helped me more than anything I have ever done. I came out of there with what felt like a new soul. Of course, there is ongoing work to be done and you are helping me there. Thanks again. ~Nancy
I love self-love. The big thing for me too was understanding the difference between self-involvement and self-love. I have had the good fortune of being an observer my entire life and recognizing the inner chatter swirling in me. I'm a natural meditator and also a mystic. I have always been very full of love swell inside, just a general love for everything, quite childlike really. I lived my life like the pied piper without a lot of protection. But when things felt bad, running to my inner love sanctuary helped me understand that that was/is me. I started seeing myself and I said, wait, I like how I feel in this space. How I felt became more important to me than how anyone else felt about me. It's really been within that last year that things started really melting away. Being on the south side of a Chiron helps to set the stage. The job where I kept navigating around a system of chaos and disorder and unclear objectives and arbitrary punishments and game playing , the SO where conversation over making coffee descends into fiction about what I lack as a human being. Long ago, I already knew that these things weren't 'me', but I just kept working around it. At work, my boss would try to use a 'tone' with me and I would respond with, "Okaaayyyy?' with no explanation for the attempted slap upside the head. The 'tone' never worked with me and there was always a little stand off because I was always kind, loved, and professional, so my bosses couldn't quite push the envelope because it would upset 'my adoring fans' lol. But I just found myself exhausted and injured over and over again and frustrated that I had a target on my back (everyone does there) and couldn't get out of the cross hairs by my wit and good nature and integrity. And then the light bulb moment, "Wait, I don't have to do this. I don't give a shit about what these people think. I just stayed because of the close relationships I have with my co-workers." Two days, after that awakening, I gave my notice. I don't even have to be in the Circus. That's even better! Rewatching the Celestine Prophecy also reminded me that even though I wasn't internalizing their opinion of me, they were still leaching on my energy. What I used to see as not backing down from a challenge transformed into me highly valuing my own energy. If I was overcoming something, I wouldn't be so exhausted. Hello. Thanks so much for the insights. It does just build. It does have a life of its own. It's the pervasive thread and I love myself. I even get a kick out of myself.
Very valuable explanations of my lifes experiences. Hope is alive and well. I shouldn't have been there. If I was healthy I wouldn't have been. I heard you have to forgive yourself in order to heal. Ok I'll try that too. Thank you guys!
Great song " Come All ye fair and Tender Ladies". Good old folk law woman new about this stuff in communities for centuries. It's now being articulated in psychological terms, which can give us a new language, and help us ancor and communicate these experiences that have been around since man said "ug" and a woman went "argh!!!!"
I got 2 books today: The human magnet syndrome from Ross Rosenberg and Illumination from Alberto Villoldo. And now I see you this! I'm on my first steps to recovery. It's difficult, but after 50 years of codependency, it has to stop. Sometimes I swim, sometimes I drown. But I don 't give up. For me and for my daughter!
What a brilliant topic of this discussion! Thank you so much. I'm a recovering codependent and I'm single. I love myself more and more. I can detect a narcissist easily now but I wonder if I ever find true and healthy love because maybe healthy men can detect me as a recovering codependent as I can detect now narcissists? Please help.
Kay 100 when you're recovered you won't have to worry about that and you shall recover you will just be a person thats worthy of love not that you're not now but you don't have to worry about people seeing you as a co-dependent
Kay 100 well, I bet that once you let go of your desire to even find a mate, and trust that he will find you...and that he will just love you for all of who you are (none of us are perfect) , you can relax and enjoy being with someone who has compassion for you ....and sees how you are always trying to grow and improve yourself. That is an attractive quality!!
Nice video thank u!! I'm going thru a breakup and it's amazing how I don't realize it and still wish to get back inspite of going thru so much of abuse and such bad things But still idk why I still miss him and still feel he fills me up like if only he's in my life I can be happy I'm doing so much bad to myself I know but still I'm ready to adjust.......and I realize that it's all a part of my healing I guess And I just realised I'm abundant and I'm happy being with me alone and its peaceful being with me I'm happy The past few weeks I just lost it I lost myself but I'm getting back now! Hopefully I will heal and feel abundant and learn to love myself Thank u for this amazing video and thank u for sharing ur story😊
2022 anyone? My god this video was made 5 yrs ago and the sequence of happening suit or familiar. I didn't know that I'm an SLD. I didn't know about this kind of recovery. All i know is i must love myself. At first i came from a toxic relationship and i encounter a covert narcissist. Damn the knowledge you put to this Mr. Rosenberg this will help us a lot.
Frankly speaking trauma has affected the vast majority in this universe !!!! Toxic folks are poisonous and destructive!!!! We gotta run for our lives before its too late !!!! Run y'all!!!!!
Thank you very much Ross and Meredith! Never knew you existed until 4 days ago. I also really appreciate everyone who contributes positive insight towards this very severe personality disorder. These videos and comments are really helping with my recovery from SLDD due to my father being a severe covert narcissist and my previous narcissistic relationships. I didn't come to realize this until a week ago when my last relationship ended and I was being accused of being a narcissist by the narcissist. I've never been called that before due to wanting to help people become better vs play the games I severely been emotional hurt. I began to do some research a week ago to see if I am a narcissist which has led up to this point of being codependent as a child leading to narcissistic people hence the human magnet syndrome. I always felt at fault and not wanted. I was the victim and victimized in so many different ways so thank you so very much and hopefully I can meet you two personally someday to do it in person. God Bless and also love how you two work so well together!
The lonliness is about healing our wounds of coming from a dis-connected child of origin relatioships. When we are connected with others and show are authentic self and are accepted by our authentic self in that community, we heal our lonliness. It is relational healing. We are finally loved by who we are.
YES!! I was raised by a alcoholic narcissistic step dad Been messed up my whole life & failed at every relationship Now in my 60’s i’ve learned a lot about myself and why this is happening but I don’t know how sure I am about going forward and dating - it’s scary My last relationship was exactly like that - narcissistic/ codependent empath - back & forth I HATED it but he would always come back and I would take him back even though I knew in my heart I’d probably get hurt again - but yes he made me feel safe and it was very familiar. I know that was MY PART staying in the relationship over & over, hard to get out
Great video. Taking notes. One thing that isn't brought out is that this can also happen with any non-romantic relationship between a codependent and a Narc of the same sex. With two women "friends", one comes from Self Love Deficiit Disorder, and her female friendship is with another female, a Narc. This can be a very toxic relationship, even though it isn't romantic. The Narc picks up all of the vibes from the SLDD/Codependent. The outcome can be horrific especially if the SLDD female sets a boundary and the Narc becomes very dangerous, flying into a narcissistic rage. When we are SLDD, we need to be careful who we allow into our life. This happened to me and I was completely flabbergasted. Devastated. My friend of 10 years gaslighted me, launched a smear campaign with all of our mutual friends, and also co-workers....we had quite a number of mutual friends. Anyway, we must be very careful when meeting new people, both romantic and just plain friendships....my two cents. I barely lived through this. Seven years later, I am still traumatized by it. I did not grieve the loss of my Narc friend, but I did grieve the state my life was in after she smeared me to everyone in our circle. It is amazing how much this dynamic permeates my life....because I'm not yet healthy enough to stop magnetizing the Narcs. One symptom that has overtaken my life is the pathological loneliness. I'm an introvert, so I do need my down time/alone time. It has never been this intense until I began reading/watching Ross Rosenberg. Actually, it's a good thing, but feels awful.
I love you both so much for the work you are doing! This describes concisely the dynamics of my marriage. I believe this will make a life-changing difference for me as a "co-dependent" and hopefully for my husband too.
Alberto Estrada where do they say co dependant's are sex addicts? I'm not a sex addict & I'm co dependant. I think you better get your information from reliable sources from here on.
I agree. Codependents can be either, but not just a sex addict. I read one of Ross's articles on this very thing today. I'm interested in this topic because my ex-husband/Narc/Psychopath was a sex addict. I've been very upset about his behavior for years....as well as the "cause" of his behavior. I was not the cause, events in his childhood caused it. Alberto, please make your comments accurate as what you wrote isn't accurate at all, according to the article.
Thank you so much again Ross :) I just love your videos :) they just give me so much inspiration & hope as I am a Co-dependent & my Boyfriend is Narcissist & a Co-dependent too. I now want to read your books :)
Great video. I've read the Human Magnet Syndrome and it's been a catalyst of insight into some (heck most) relationship choices that I've made in my life (I identify as codependent). I highly recommend the book and look forward to Ross' next book. I'll definitely be checking out Meredith's channel as well.
so well explained, thk you both, i am a co-dependent SLDD, i have found my remedy Jesus Christ, having a personal relationship with him is 100% healing, i am a nurse. thk you Dr Ross Rosenberg, your explaining is sooo beneficial, so on target.
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 Congratulations. The only reason to live with a woman is procreation which is a business partnership weighted 80-20 and not in the man's favour. The relationships I have with woman will stay platonic. I i ever feel the need for sex I will hire a beautiful Russian lady who speaks several languages for the weekend.
@@TheRealRoch108 you fool yourself. And I can say you have just been (then) severely damaged and betrayed by some women psycho-killer... I am not even makeing a question - it is obvious.
I see the wound as a parent child dynamic That the parent behaves like a child and vice versa. And its not until you parent yourself or you and your children you turn away from chasing your parents and you turn 180 towards the future rather than the past.
we talk about narcissistic parenting being the source of SLDD, but surely there are other sources. I'm thinking of neglectful parenting, parents who have low emotional intelligence and can't read their children's needs. In which case another traumatising experience leading to a self-love deficit, maybe abuse by a childhood friend, or being rejected by other children for X reasons, cannot be dealt with by the parents, and spin the psyche into pathological loneliness, a sense of deep invalidity.
I completely agree. I think there are forms of emotional withholding that are not narcissistic. And other things happen, in my case my mother did not hold me after birth for a week because of hospital rules (!!!). My parents were clueless and had no idea how to raise a child. I have all the hallmarks of a co-dependent.
I see everyone else here who comments is older but anyways I'm 18 and I'm not smart or anything but as experiencing all this in my generation made me realize that codependency people turn to narcissist I'm so sure of it it's not only about abusive parents there's one thing else too if u wanna know then let me know...
Many of us have no idea we were traumatised and entered toxic relationship. We cant take responsibility for what we dont know guys. I stumbled on this information on youtube and av been trying to understand all these dynamics. You can imagine our parents who have suffered these condition with no idea and them days in our society things like living ones matrimonial home was out of question even abit of my generation. No one around me have no understanding of this kind of information even the elite, so you can imagine the dilema for someone Like myself. Thanks anyway coz am learning.
Hello Ross. Thanks so much for putting this up on TH-cam. I am wondering what is better, to purchase the aduiobook or the hardback book? I want to get this book because I am in the process of getting out of a toxic relationship after almost 9 years and I am not wanting to go back into anything like this again. I have to heal this childhood trauma. Thanks so much and God bless sir.
Took me a long time to learn this -
If someone feels like home & as a child, home wasn’t safe for you, then that person is not safe for you.
That described my childhood. I never felt safe, loved, or recognized. I felt invisible to my family. And in a weird way, I was OK with it because I didn't feel loved or safe there. It was a complete loss of my childhood. I always felt like a mini adult.
@@sues3218 The worst thing is while you don't feel loved or recognized you're told that you are. And you (as a child) go like "oh okay, so this is love then, fine" and just accept things the way you were told... and then, 40 years later, you wake up...
Holy shit, you nailed it. Home wasn't safe., school wasn't safe.
Luckily for a few weeks per year, gramma's house was safe. She saved my life.
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 what I’ve learned is when you encounter those that feel like home, it’s a reminder to be clear about your boundaries!
I wish professionals in all fields of healthcare cooperated more with each other in the best interest of all of us. Thank you so much👏👏👏
"It ends with me"
AMEN
Adun Toredas
Live your pic it makes me laugh. 😂
looking at both of you-- your smiles- your eyes-- give me hope that there is really a future for codependents to find healthy relationships :)
Putting ourselves first and feeling good enough, not accepting people who doesnt put us first is the way to self love. Do not settle for less and not desiring to fix the other person is sign of self love. We should not feel obligated to please others and fix broken/ distorted partner. Find our equal...
Hello my dear
The more I study the codependent & narcissist dynamics... the more I question which of the two I am... because I manifested both sides.
I am so glad I’ve come across your material. I’ve got a lot of self work to do.
Nadine, be sure to start with my book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap, found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com. It is the foundation of all my work that will be most helpful to know before moving on to my full-length seminar videos (which you will learn more from than these short TH-cam segments). Please reach out to SLRI Director of Operations, Karla, at KarlaC@SelfLoveRecovery.com if you would like some additional information. Best, Ross
"Shame survives only in the dark"
LOVE IT! Thank you for that :)
Bingo! I have been a magnet all my life. I never connected it to my childhood. Neither one of my parents ever once said a positive thing to me in my entire life. They both died when I was in my 50’s. I married a malignant narcissist and my life was hell on earth for 20 years. I stayed be because I am Catholic and my parents would have disapproved. Finally, he left for another woman who he had been living a double life with. I divorced him and then he made my life and my child even worse! It is too late for me now, and I wish I had known this long ago. At least I now understand.
I agree with JayJayK. It is never too late. Try to love and accept yourself. We all make mistakes.
I wish you peace and strength and happiness and to your child also. ♥️
I wanna assire you that it's never top late to become what you might have been or should have been..... You're enough , you have been enough , you shall ever been enough for the rest of your life
.i wish you good luck ....stay away from toxic narcissist etc...... Lpve y'all..........
Dear ross,i’m verry glad to find your channel,i was in 2 abusive relationships And i always thought that i was the problem.i never know anything about codependency.since 3 months ago i really work hard on my self and i watched several vidioes and go to therapy.i wish all codependent people find a good therapist.
Both of you are just so wonderful to see and learn from. Thanks for leading the way.....to a better world. Can't wait for the book to come out....
Hello Roxy
know how people say I had a light bulb moment.... I had a Atomic bomb moment about how my childhood has everything to do with how I've been living my life now... thank you so much for your Videos XOXO
Joliveras1626 I did too!!!
Jacqueline ... me, too!!!
Fantastic (as usual). So thoroughly and thoughtfully expressed. Best of all, the vulnerability that Ross shares is truly inspiring and humbling. What a fantastic guy. Once again, Ross, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are just so great! I cannot wait for the next book - most psychotherapists have no idea how to get someone with SLDD cured.
Twenty years ago I read, Alice Miller's "Drama Of The Gifted Child," as I was starting to go to group for adult recovery from abusive childhoods. You didn't cause it, and you can't cure the family of abuse, but you can leave them to survive.
+ Lady Betts Your comment helped me to see where I had made a big mistake by staying with my ex after
a somewhat similar situation that took place about three years ago. I should have left her then, but I stayed and suffered more abuse. Finally two months ago I left. I still love her and I miss her but I know I can't go back. We were together for seventeen years. The loneliness is hard to take but I'm getting to where I can handle it.
Jolina D Betts I had a very similar experience. My mother, also a narc, sided with my molester. I keep my distance from her. I hope we can communicate in the near future.
Therisa Strange-Collins Really? You'd be better off without her
Therisa Strange-Collins Same thing happened with me. She died maybe 25 yrs ago. I still think, everytime I had a success, that I wish she would have lived to FINALLY see me, and be proud or care even.
So I agree with Trish. Stay away from her! IMworthlessO, you will chase that dream again, likely. I know I did. And stupidly, knowing what she did and the (just learned) gaslighting she would do to me, I would still be trying to win her approval still.
This is me, I don't know if you are well enough to handle it better than I would, but just telling you why I feel it is a bad idea to try.
my mom's last words to me. "What are you looking at?" as I was sitting by her bed to try to speak with her. She was not mentally gone yet either, it was her choice, IMO.
My mother's second husband molested my younger sister. Not sure if my mother knew about it, but suspect she did. She made life hell for my poor younger sister, who was just an innocent child.
If it happened twice to you, I had not chance to fake charm. I didn't even know I was suffering from 'love deficit disorder', nor about narcissism. I've learned so much from this dramatic, painful experience. Thank you for being so candid, and all the valuable information, many blessings to you and Meredith. 🐣🐛 🦋
When you love yourself enough to walk away from the abuse and not fight back you won! To not allow anyone to take your happiness and contrl you won! To find yourself not filled with hate and yout at peace you won! Love & Light
Yes, it is a long road as well very hurtful but when you decide I am worthy the yes you did win. You have yourself because your your own best friend.
It's a cool reward for my codependency to have to fall in love with myself! How cool is that!!!💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Bought the seminar and found it so worthwhile. The funny thing is when I had trouble downloading it, I heard directly from Ross or someone in the office, immediately. I have read the HMS at least twice and keep it on my kindle. Thank You Ross for the work you do. I am healthier and happier because of it.
Hello Loriliz
Meredith Miller, your ability to see it without taking it on as yours is inspiring.
Love to see you both together!
Meredith is sharp and so genuine. Thank you
Gem Jem a woman to fall in love with
I had this deep loneliness. I married a narcissist. He was never around. I went to a regular therapist and a shamanic healer. The therapist help me to open up to my feelings . The shaman connected me to the divine and after that connection I never felt alone again.
Ross your description of the loneliness you felt resonated deep within. For years, far too many, I have lived with self loathing that I believe I deserved. I didn't want to blame anyone for my suffering, but me. Listening to you, I understand that the emotional wounds I have affected me negatively. I will continue to fight for myself. I must. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. It's pure. 🙇
you've definitely overcome self love deficiency. listening to you wax about your awesome contributions to the field has been a complete eye opener..
Ross, this was incredibly meaningful and groundbreaking for me. The pathological loneliness is exactly what I have been feeling and it feels so strange. Also, when you spoke about the magnets & "The Human Magnet Syndrome" as being the perfect attraction for codependent (SLDD) & narcissist it struck a chord with me. During the relationship I was so puzzled by the powerful, yet unidentifiable draw we had to one another because it didn't make logical sense to me since, in my conscious mind, I wasn't that attracted to him for several reasons. Thank you so much for your dedicated work. I have taken major notes! ~Nancy
Hello
This is one of my favorite you tube videos! I’ve come full circle ⭕️ listened to this 2 years ago and today!! Wow the growth and understanding!! Thank you Meredith and Ross - lets all fall in love w ourselves!! 🥂
Glad you enjoyed it!
I enjoyed the interview. He has a good system worked out.
It’s not just self love it’s also self identity. Codependent children of narcissists especially, have under developed identity because it has been so controlled and puppeteered for their whole lives.
love u both...wanted to thankyou both for your knowledge and understanding. you both have helped me and continue to help me on my journey so far...I feel so positive about the idea that I can heal and live a life I was always ment to live...5 months ago I thought I was doomed. Now thanks to the both of u I have Hope. much love and gratitude to u both. cheers.
Thank you Meredith and Ross your videos are so helpful and user friendly to understand i am so grateful for people such as yourselves that are totally out there and authentic in your advice and giving to others to help them along their path of love and relationships. I have ordered the book Ross ! Look forward to receiving it. Attachment trauma is definitely the place to start Ross along with the self love at a deeper level. Meredith the gift you bring in your holistic way of working is so inspiring to me and thank you for your honesty throughout your videos it is a relief to hear other women and their experience of this. Much love x
Wow, I can tell there is a lot of attraction between you. Magnetic vibrations!
7:26 I was the Invisible kid or the Cinderella Boy, no matter how hard I did my effort to please the orders or wishes of my parents and my entire family always was never ever good enough, and for that always I was the "Trash Can" or The Human Toillet" of them, you fellas are the dynamical duo with psychology, tremendous job fellas, just please keep it up..¡
Greetings to you guys from Virginia, The United States of America.
Oh Ross, you had me in a big belly laugh when you began with the discovery of your own pattern, "even though you are a smart guy who knows how to read a book."
I am not sure what he exactly meant by saying "I can read the book and repeat it to you"...?
Ross has some haters online calling him a narcissist... I'm still trying to figure out how anyone could believe that. He and Meredith are both such beautiful people, inside and out.
He was doing subtle power over moves with Meredith with age and you could see how much of a rush he got with her saying that she read his book after already stating she read it and how impressed he was that she understood his concepts and ran with it. Subtle, yet it's still implying that hes the authority and she is catching up. Power over moves.
@Gordon Campbell not always.
Thank you Meredith and Ross for the work you do!! It is helping me so much in my journey!
I Love you for helping abused people to get peace and heal, Ross
"I really appreciate your affirmation and validation of my work." AMEN.
You can't solve the loneliness by dealing with it as a problem on its own... Good I needed to know that when I went inside with a self love intention to discover what was there. I agreed to love myself no matter what I found and there it was. My disassociated wound of loneliness. So I thought ok, I have to be willing to feel it. I'm willing, let's go... I cried my eyes out for 8 weeks straight when I pulled out of it to avoid going into clinical depression.
I told myself when I was a kid that lonely is only being alone when you don't want to be... so I built a network of people so that I could never be in a position where there wasn't someone to call I felt lonely. I also worked on learning what I enjoy doing alone so that I could have alone time I enjoyed... Since I leaned to enjoy time alone and could connect when I wanted to, I thought I had overcome loneliness. I thought I just don't feel it anymore.
Facing it alone after I found it, was the most painful thing in my life. More painful than being assaulted and getting a set of twins to raise from it... Those were just more layers, because now that their 19 I can see some unintended abuse that I continued.
I pay myself on the back though, got at least having awareness of subconscious development and doing things like never referring to them as good or bad and when my EMM mom would report a nice time with them she'd say they were good and I look right at her in front of them and ready what do you mean they were good? They were born good. Do you mean they behaved well?
So I did well. The best I could in personal development learnings with no awareness of my SLDD problem, or even the loneliness I'd hidden from myself.
I can't hide anymore and I won't let this continue. I choked up hard when you guys talked about wondering if we'll ever find love or know how to recognize it... That fear still has a fair bit of emotional charge in it for me, even though I will claim consciously that I know it's a lie.
I'm sad, but I also feel better finally knowing what the problem is... Cuz I know I'm capable of healing it and shining that light of it own healing on my sons. I cannot wait until I can apologize to them through changed behavior... God am I glad I don't have grandkids yet. Thank you guys for doing this work.
"Drama of the Gifted Child" powerful book to help with healing from attachment trauma. It takes bravery, strength and willingness to do the work for "change". Ia m going through the pathological loneliness stage- pain is powerful. I am working noon this.. Thank you both.
I, as the blacksheep of the family, got my life foretold by shamans in esoteric blood sacrifice at the age of 6, basically rejected and cursed. Now, at age 40 (still financially dependent on my family), I got a forced 3rd eye awakening in esoteric blood sacrifice and shamanic voodoo. I think I need someone like Miss Miller to clear me of all programmed and blacked out memories, possibly even regressing me thru past lives in order to help me grasp why the heck I was born into this horrible family. I've woken daily for over a year (since the guru hit me), wanting to be dead and have fallen ill, apparently, with what will eventually be the death of me, actually foretold by the shamans. I need help. They have a weird system of ethics they're forcing on me and I can't put up with it anymore. After having stopped trying to live up to their wordly expectations and refused to join their cult (denouncing god), they've scrambled me. 10:35 I have to recognize that there's a problem, remember the incident where it began/developed, understand how the things in the incident affected my self actualization making me who i am, and then, start learning how to cope, or better yet, not cope, but truly address the issue, "grow up".
mef1975 you need more than psychological help you need spiritual help you need to call on the name of Jesus first of all and then go from there.
I love this discussion,,,, when I Left I didn't know what I was going through I just knew it was not ok,,, thanks to such platforms I can learn so much .. thanks
Golden teaching, So happy and Greatful !! to find this teaching!!
I was lonely in my relationship with the Narcissist..But I thought it was better than nothing...
I've now been alone for 3 years...and I am not lonely... If someone comes into my life that would be nice
but i'm not distressed by not being in committed relationship..... I'm happy and feel complete within myself......
Thanks for sharing Annemarie.
@@RossRosenberg YOU'RE WELCOME
Thanks Meredith and Ross. Healing is an inside job.
Thank you so much!!! I have attracted several other codependents/narcs lately, but now I can recognize and pull away. I'm just at the beginning! It's not easy to look inside at these difficult feelings. Thank you.
Hi Ross and Meredith, you are both right on. You are saving the lives of others. Thank you for Being, You are Enough.
Bless your souls! May you both prosper! Pax et bonum!
Thank you for finding this video. It puts my finger on my upbringing. And how I later in adulthood fell into the same relationships as an adult. Grew up with my co-dependent mom and her covert narc. I myself have since fallen for the same type of men. Really thought this is what love should look like. Now I am almost 48 years old. Only now have I started to see patterns. And what happens.
I love Meredith too! I follow her and she is perfect!
Hey Ross, I'm a codependent.
English is not my native language but i'm going to try to say this: to me, self respect express better than self love that I want to do in orther to get health, because I recognize some syntoms of narcisistic behavior of my parents in me. I thing that we must to look inside and see the characteristics that has been showing to the people that they can mistreated us; maybe my separation of my self it shows a feel of superiority or some aspect in me that I have to change. Maybe theres not only the becoming aspects like want to make happy to the others (becoming for the others). Some complex game in my mind of believe to be best than other people. Self love maybe carry me in a way not so different in that sensse. The self respect going to carry me to thing and hear my voices unessential in my mind that I still not have resolved... or dissolved. Removed. The love that appears here is the recovering of my intimicy with my self...
Thanks Ross for all your work and Mera súper coatch.
It's pretty honest. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences...it helps! 🍁
The two of you together! My biggest helpers!! thank you both so much.
Thanks for passing the positive energies all along to the world to two of you. Great conversations in depth. I m gonna search more specific definition about self-love and really looking forward to the how-to book. Thanks again.
There was one other thing I did want to mention. I took an intensive weekend course a month or so ago called The Living Course (TLC), which is in Florida. This course does some powerfully effective Inner Child work with the ultimate goal of Self Love. It helped me more than anything I have ever done. I came out of there with what felt like a new soul. Of course, there is ongoing work to be done and you are helping me there. Thanks again. ~Nancy
I loved this interview! Gives so much hope!!! Thanks!!
You're so welcome!
Mr. Rosenberg, I just created a video Narcissist Abuse Treatment/Quantic changes/Energy Medicine. I hope you like it!
I love self-love. The big thing for me too was understanding the difference between self-involvement and self-love. I have had the good fortune of being an observer my entire life and recognizing the inner chatter swirling in me. I'm a natural meditator and also a mystic. I have always been very full of love swell inside, just a general love for everything, quite childlike really. I lived my life like the pied piper without a lot of protection. But when things felt bad, running to my inner love sanctuary helped me understand that that was/is me. I started seeing myself and I said, wait, I like how I feel in this space. How I felt became more important to me than how anyone else felt about me. It's really been within that last year that things started really melting away. Being on the south side of a Chiron helps to set the stage. The job where I kept navigating around a system of chaos and disorder and unclear objectives and arbitrary punishments and game playing , the SO where conversation over making coffee descends into fiction about what I lack as a human being. Long ago, I already knew that these things weren't 'me', but I just kept working around it. At work, my boss would try to use a 'tone' with me and I would respond with, "Okaaayyyy?' with no explanation for the attempted slap upside the head. The 'tone' never worked with me and there was always a little stand off because I was always kind, loved, and professional, so my bosses couldn't quite push the envelope because it would upset 'my adoring fans' lol. But I just found myself exhausted and injured over and over again and frustrated that I had a target on my back (everyone does there) and couldn't get out of the cross hairs by my wit and good nature and integrity. And then the light bulb moment, "Wait, I don't have to do this. I don't give a shit about what these people think. I just stayed because of the close relationships I have with my co-workers." Two days, after that awakening, I gave my notice. I don't even have to be in the Circus. That's even better! Rewatching the Celestine Prophecy also reminded me that even though I wasn't internalizing their opinion of me, they were still leaching on my energy. What I used to see as not backing down from a challenge transformed into me highly valuing my own energy. If I was overcoming something, I wouldn't be so exhausted. Hello. Thanks so much for the insights. It does just build. It does have a life of its own. It's the pervasive thread and I love myself. I even get a kick out of myself.
Very valuable explanations of my lifes experiences. Hope is alive and well. I shouldn't have been there. If I was healthy I wouldn't have been. I heard you have to forgive yourself in order to heal. Ok I'll try that too. Thank you guys!
this has been a life changing conformational explosion for me! thank you both for all the awareness your giving!!
Great song " Come All ye fair and Tender Ladies". Good old folk law woman new about this stuff in communities for centuries. It's now being articulated in psychological terms, which can give us a new language, and help us ancor and communicate these experiences that have been around since man said "ug" and a woman went "argh!!!!"
I got 2 books today: The human magnet syndrome from Ross Rosenberg and Illumination from Alberto Villoldo. And now I see you this!
I'm on my first steps to recovery. It's difficult, but after 50 years of codependency, it has to stop. Sometimes I swim, sometimes I drown. But I don 't give up. For me and for my daughter!
Thanks for sharing Margot! For more information on Ross's resources, you can visit his website: www.selfloverecovery.com/
What a brilliant topic of this discussion! Thank you so much. I'm a recovering codependent and I'm single. I love myself more and more. I can detect a narcissist easily now but I wonder if I ever find true and healthy love because maybe healthy men can detect me as a recovering codependent as I can detect now narcissists? Please help.
Kay 100 when you're recovered you won't have to worry about that and you shall recover you will just be a person thats worthy of love not that you're not now but you don't have to worry about people seeing you as a co-dependent
Kay 100 well, I bet that once you let go of your desire to even find a mate, and trust that he will find you...and that he will just love you for all of who you are (none of us are perfect) , you can relax and enjoy being with someone who has compassion for you ....and sees how you are always trying to grow and improve yourself. That is an attractive quality!!
Nice video thank u!!
I'm going thru a breakup and it's amazing how I don't realize it and still wish to get back inspite of going thru so much of abuse and such bad things
But still idk why I still miss him and still feel he fills me up like if only he's in my life I can be happy
I'm doing so much bad to myself I know but still I'm ready to adjust.......and I realize that it's all a part of my healing I guess
And I just realised I'm abundant and I'm happy being with me alone and its peaceful being with me I'm happy
The past few weeks I just lost it I lost myself but I'm getting back now! Hopefully I will heal and feel abundant and learn to love myself
Thank u for this amazing video and thank u for sharing ur story😊
2022 anyone? My god this video was made 5 yrs ago and the sequence of happening suit or familiar. I didn't know that I'm an SLD. I didn't know about this kind of recovery. All i know is i must love myself. At first i came from a toxic relationship and i encounter a covert narcissist. Damn the knowledge you put to this Mr. Rosenberg this will help us a lot.
Frankly speaking trauma has affected the vast majority in this universe !!!! Toxic folks are poisonous and destructive!!!! We gotta run for our lives before its too late !!!! Run y'all!!!!!
Connecting to the despair that was always in the background; I'm drudging through that now.
From now on nobody is able to destroy my self-love.
Thank you very much Ross and Meredith! Never knew you existed until 4 days ago. I also really appreciate everyone who contributes positive insight towards this very severe personality disorder. These videos and comments are really helping with my recovery from SLDD due to my father being a severe covert narcissist and my previous narcissistic relationships. I didn't come to realize this until a week ago when my last relationship ended and I was being accused of being a narcissist by the narcissist. I've never been called that before due to wanting to help people become better vs play the games I severely been emotional hurt. I began to do some research a week ago to see if I am a narcissist which has led up to this point of being codependent as a child leading to narcissistic people hence the human magnet syndrome. I always felt at fault and not wanted. I was the victim and victimized in so many different ways so thank you so very much and hopefully I can meet you two personally someday to do it in person. God Bless and also love how you two work so well together!
The lonliness is about healing our wounds of coming from a dis-connected child of origin relatioships. When we are connected with others and show are authentic self and are accepted by our authentic self in that community, we heal our lonliness. It is relational healing. We are finally loved by who we are.
YES!! I was raised by a alcoholic narcissistic step dad
Been messed up my whole life & failed at every relationship
Now in my 60’s i’ve learned a lot about myself and why this is happening but I don’t know how sure I am about going forward and dating - it’s scary
My last relationship was exactly like that - narcissistic/ codependent empath - back & forth I HATED it but he would always come back and I would take him back even though I knew in my heart I’d probably get hurt again - but yes he made me feel safe and it was very familiar.
I know that was MY PART staying in the relationship over & over, hard to get out
Great video. Taking notes. One thing that isn't brought out is that this can also happen with any non-romantic relationship between a codependent and a Narc of the same sex. With two women "friends", one comes from Self Love Deficiit Disorder, and her female friendship is with another female, a Narc. This can be a very toxic relationship, even though it isn't romantic. The Narc picks up all of the vibes from the SLDD/Codependent. The outcome can be horrific especially if the SLDD female sets a boundary and the Narc becomes very dangerous, flying into a narcissistic rage. When we are SLDD, we need to be careful who we allow into our life. This happened to me and I was completely flabbergasted. Devastated. My friend of 10 years gaslighted me, launched a smear campaign with all of our mutual friends, and also co-workers....we had quite a number of mutual friends. Anyway, we must be very careful when meeting new people, both romantic and just plain friendships....my two cents. I barely lived through this. Seven years later, I am still traumatized by it. I did not grieve the loss of my Narc friend, but I did grieve the state my life was in after she smeared me to everyone in our circle. It is amazing how much this dynamic permeates my life....because I'm not yet healthy enough to stop magnetizing the Narcs. One symptom that has overtaken my life is the pathological loneliness. I'm an introvert, so I do need my down time/alone time. It has never been this intense until I began reading/watching Ross Rosenberg. Actually, it's a good thing, but feels awful.
I love you both so much for the work you are doing! This describes concisely the dynamics of my marriage. I believe this will make a life-changing difference for me as a "co-dependent" and hopefully for my husband too.
Love this video! I love his book, Reading it now!
he's so nervous, I get this being post co dependant myself, I try to keep a worldly grin on my face when everyone's looking. good on ya great vid
Joanne Nilsson remember co dependents are sex addicts, what i saw was he was shy because he found her attractive
Alberto Estrada where do they say co dependant's are sex addicts? I'm not a sex addict & I'm co dependant. I think you better get your information from reliable sources from here on.
I agree. Codependents can be either, but not just a sex addict. I read one of Ross's articles on this very thing today. I'm interested in this topic because my ex-husband/Narc/Psychopath was a sex addict. I've been very upset about his behavior for years....as well as the "cause" of his behavior. I was not the cause, events in his childhood caused it. Alberto, please make your comments accurate as what you wrote isn't accurate at all, according to the article.
Thank you so much again Ross :) I just love your videos :) they just give me so much inspiration & hope as I am a Co-dependent & my Boyfriend is Narcissist & a Co-dependent too. I now want to read your books :)
I love these live chats. I learn so much.
I'm so numb to the onslaught of narcs. I was having a hard time identifying non-narcs. One must be EVER vigilant, yet not paranoid.
The second greatest commandment is agapē love your neighbor as yourself. How can we love neighbor as self if we can’t love self?
someone's crushing here
This is the best information ever! Ty both for turning my life around! Janeen
Great video. I've read the Human Magnet Syndrome and it's been a catalyst of insight into some (heck most) relationship choices that I've made in my life (I identify as codependent). I highly recommend the book and look forward to Ross' next book. I'll definitely be checking out Meredith's channel as well.
so well explained, thk you both, i am a co-dependent SLDD, i have found my remedy Jesus Christ, having a personal relationship with him is 100% healing, i am a nurse. thk you Dr Ross Rosenberg, your explaining is sooo beneficial, so on target.
I wanna be a nurse as well.....what position are you in if i may ask mum.....
Ross, Very Good Video!!! Good One! Thanks for this.
Great video. Thank you. Yes, I have to be responsible for what I accepted and create the boundaries.
Meredith Miller is the real deal.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WORK
Once we heal we don't have to "seek" any love. It's a bit off the mark. If another circle overlaps you that's great, if not life is still great.
That's where I am now, finally. Coupling up is not important to me anymore.
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 Congratulations. The only reason to live with a woman is procreation which is a business partnership weighted 80-20 and not in the man's favour. The relationships I have with woman will stay platonic. I i ever feel the need for sex I will hire a beautiful Russian lady who speaks several languages for the weekend.
@@TheRealRoch108 you fool yourself.
And I can say you have just been (then) severely damaged and betrayed by some women psycho-killer... I am not even makeing a question - it is obvious.
I see the wound as a parent child dynamic
That the parent behaves like a child and vice versa. And its not until you parent yourself or you and your children you turn away from chasing your parents and you turn 180 towards the future rather than the past.
I love you both, thank you....you're helping me so much.
Thank you for this.
I love it when somebody improve and build up based on my work. Empowering. (I'm talking about my market analysis techniques, don't get me wrong)
we talk about narcissistic parenting being the source of SLDD, but surely there are other sources. I'm thinking of neglectful parenting, parents who have low emotional intelligence and can't read their children's needs. In which case another traumatising experience leading to a self-love deficit, maybe abuse by a childhood friend, or being rejected by other children for X reasons, cannot be dealt with by the parents, and spin the psyche into pathological loneliness, a sense of deep invalidity.
I completely agree. I think there are forms of emotional withholding that are not narcissistic. And other things happen, in my case my mother did not hold me after birth for a week because of hospital rules (!!!). My parents were clueless and had no idea how to raise a child.
I have all the hallmarks of a co-dependent.
That's nice to here compliments to Meredith..
Healing as you speak❤️🙏🕉namaste
Ross, didyou ever complete the book on how to recover from codependency? Thank you for all your work!
What if such behavior is in the job place? And you're not allowed to complain? I think the answer is probably one: to leave such place.
I see everyone else here who comments is older but anyways I'm 18 and I'm not smart or anything but as experiencing all this in my generation made me realize that codependency people turn to narcissist I'm so sure of it it's not only about abusive parents there's one thing else too if u wanna know then let me know...
Junior, what are you up to, Dude?
Hola! queria pedirles si podrian subtitular esta conversacion c Dr. Ross Rosenberg?? muchas gracias!!!!!
Many of us have no idea we were traumatised and entered toxic relationship. We cant take responsibility for what we dont know guys. I stumbled on this information on youtube and av been trying to understand all these dynamics. You can imagine our parents who have suffered these condition with no idea and them days in our society things like living ones matrimonial home was out of question even abit of my generation. No one around me have no understanding of this kind of information even the elite, so you can imagine the dilema for someone Like myself. Thanks anyway coz am learning.
Hello Ross. Thanks so much for putting this up on TH-cam. I am wondering what is better, to purchase the aduiobook or the hardback book?
I want to get this book because I am in the process of getting out of a toxic relationship after almost 9 years and I am not wanting to go back into anything like this again. I have to heal this childhood trauma. Thanks so much and God bless sir.
I love you both, have a loving day.
People would always ask me why I. Stayed and I always said because I didn't want to be alone.
Shame of the night disappears in the light , I can relate