"MOUNT RIZZ" by Michael R. Clem © 2023

Performed at The Local 11Dec23, Charlottesville VA
video by Jehu Martin (JEHU-TV)
Lyrics
I’m not sayin I'm homely
Just spend a lot of time at home
Might not be that much in person
But I’m gorgeous on the phone
Been that way for most my life
I’m not a sight to see
Why my mom tied a pork chop ‘round my neck
so the dog would play with me
and you can’t be an ugly person & live atop Mount Rizz
a peak for peeps with that xtra something… Just don’t know what it is
Some folks have it, others don’t… I don’t make that my biz
Just wish I could hang with pretty folks who live atop Mount Rizz
I’m not saying I’m hideous
I just have a ceptis face
That’s when someone describes me
"He’s handsome, 'cept his face"
My studly friends all get the girls
Somehow, I remain chaste
If I had the looks, I'd know I’d move
and I know just the place
I wanna live with the beautiful people, who live atop Mount Rizz
they look like von Trapp children - while I look like Les Miz
Some say charm’s not everything, but I say yes is
I wanna live with the beautiful people, who live atop Mount Rizz
So I showed up at Base Camp One
applied for my admission
they asked for a photo, a 500 word essay,
and proof of vaccination
Then asked why I should be let in
what made me qualified
Before I said a single word
They stamped by papers DENIED
So I won’t join the beautiful people, who live atop Mount Rizz
They say there’s room, but not for me, so I just say “gee whiz”
Guess I’ll hang with the valley folks who won’t make me take a quiz
Mountains look better from afar… that goes for old Mount Rizz
YEA
Mountains look better from afar… that goes for old Mount Rizz
thhhhpppptttt!