Destiny And Cohosts Argue About CHEATING, Aba Calls Out Host For Her Relationship Behavior
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ก.ค. 2024
- Destiny and cohosts discuss and debate cheating before callers come on the show to discuss relationship problems...
Date: 21 Aug, 2022
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NotSoErudite AKA Kayla
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00:00:00 Teaser / Intro
00:00:26 Destiny bullies cohost
00:02:05 Destiny and cohosts debate/discuss cheating
00:48:01 Caller 1
01:14:31 Caller 2
01:28:02 Aba calls out host
#destiny
Part 2 ►th-cam.com/video/_y0vKwA0-P8/w-d-xo.html
Referenced video of Destiny reacting to Caleb Maupin being exposed for abuse and sexual assault▼
►th-cam.com/video/Ke94iUsExKA/w-d-xo.html
i dont like your twitch chat
L+ratio+you fell off
Destiny do you just laugh as a debate tactic?
Im digging this new project. Just one thing. Having factoria be on the screen for this doesn't seem rite. Don't mind it at all in his other content.injust feel it takes away from the show. Makes it feel like a regular video pulled from his stream. I loved the editing in the video by the way! Great work August :)
@@abrainlet4469 Lmao found the LEAKO chatter
Wanna say as someone who’s been watching fresh and fit for awhile now and is right leaning, I didn’t know much about Destiny before this podcast. However, based on his maturity, how he was able to hold a conversation and defend his opinion in a non argumentative way, makes me respect him a lot. I’m going to be listen to him more now and keep an open mind with the things he Obamna
LULW good one
Damn...you got me
I lean left. Destiny is dope. He doesn’t attack people for their beliefs. He attacks people for being ignorant.
Letting “Boba the Fett” slip was mature.
Best copy pasta ever
We need more Aba x Destiny content (maybe even irl)
Of all Destiny's recent shoulder rubbings, the Aba ones are the most wholesome and least enraging.
Also its be great to see ABBA, the band, being interviewed by destiny
We need some rule34 of them
Am joking, but I only tune in for the content where aba shows up
Yeah for sure
@@PJF1981 I think you mean “hilarious”
I don't know if I'd be the same way as Dan is here, but I absolutely understand the thought process. I guess to Dan, his relationship is like a bridge. He trusts that the bridge is strong, but he sure as hell isn't going to load it up with a billion tons of shit just to test how strong it really is and risk breaking it. I think for most people, a strong bridge is all they need. And they don't want to risk breaking a perfectly good bridge they're happy with just because there might be a stronger bridge somewhere else.
this
My viewpoint as well
Yeah, I understood and mostly agreed but not with his explanations
Letting your partner be friends with people of the opposite sex is not "a billion tons of shit". That's light shit. If you can't handle that, I don't know why you would even want to be in a relationship with that person.
@@user-uq4gr5nl5o men and women cant be friends
Imagine you've been together with your partner for 3 years. Then your partner SUDDENLY becomes friends with someone of the opposite sex. You notice they've been talking a lot, even hanging out a lot. They PROMISE YOU that this isn't going anywhere, that they're "just a friend", etc.
A FEW MONTHS LATER, you start to notice that your partner isn't treating you the same. They're acting a bit distant, not replying to what you say as much, not sharing things with you as often. You guys haven't broken up yet, but it doesn't take a dating guru to see where the fuck this is going.
Now the real question is - would this still have happened if the friendship mentioned earlier was prevented from developing?
I think if your partner cant control themselves enough to not cheat then they werent for you. Im 5 years into my relationship amd had aloooot of offers while out with the lads or at raves and about even dms and I politely decline because im committed to what im in if i ever feel like i need to have sex with someone else so bad that I cant help myself then im ending the relationship because obviously im not about it anymore. Ultimately i trust my partner to make the right decision and she so far trusts me as well but i guess shit can happen thats life.
To me it’s cheating I guess.. but I wouldn’t divorce my wife over it. We got a long way to go. Shits gonna happen
This is a tough one
This isn't a tough one. Too many blokes are afraid of being on thin ice because you can't do shit without getting into trouble. Not having commitment issues isn't something to be ashamed of. It isn't difficult to keep to yourself amongst those of the opposite sex.
>inb4 yeah I'm not surprised isn't for you muh inkwell/misogynist/sexually impotent/backwards whiny eunuch. Don't be afraid to lay down the law.
@@xstonedsoberx the problem with the whole “well they aren’t for you” thing is that you’re ignoring sometimes years of love and memories possibly children not everyone is just going to be able to walk away immediately after so much emotional investment
Likely they will make it work and one person will be full of pain. It’d be better if it just wasn’t allowed to develop imo
aba was correct on ppl cheking on their partners phone without consent being a little bizarre. obviously if both parties consent to show the conversations on their phone its fine .
I think it sucked for caller 2, because there is a lot of fatigue that comes with dating app responses. When you feel like you need to keep pushing in effort and you aren't getting much
I think that’s what Kayla was saying about giving a dry response. If they said “My favorite superhero is black widow” you could try to get them to elaborate. That makes them put in a little effort. Maybe they like Black Widow because of her backstory or what she stands for, maybe they had an experience involving a Black Widow, you never know. Then you can delve into that and maybe get the conversation off superheros and into something more serious. The point of is, get them talking, make it seem like your interested in them and that they’re somewhat invested in the conversation and asking you questions as well.
Of course if they give a really bland response like “lol idk” I think that’s when you try changing the topic, but if that doesn’t work and the responses are dry as well ghosting is probably the #1 option.
A conversation should be back and forth, I think this person had an opportunity to make it interesting but failed miserably.
Better option is get a hobby outside of online bullshit, and meet people there.
@@legin777 A lot of people doing their hobbies today just wanna do their hobbies they dont wanna meet people, you're way more likely to meet someone you match up with in more aspects of your life than just this one hobby if you go through tinder or more "serious" dating apps.
@@hybridpsychoAnd a lot of people that do hobbies are just people. If they like you, it's not like they are gonna reject you because "oh i met them at a hobby and i don't do hobbies to find dates"
Meeting and liking people is just a byproduct of being at the same place as them consistently over a period of time.
All Aba content is great. Really cool dude.
Finally found somebody to step it for Hasan after all these years
I think you do need to tell them if you cheat. One, the biggest problem with cheating is the violation of trust and lying to someone for years is arguably even a worse example of that. You're just proving that you are still that person, whether sex is still happening or not. Two, it's kind of a violation of consent if you lie to someone to keep them in a relationship and keep sleeping with you under ostensibly false pretenses. Just bad all around. You made a bad decision, now they should get a chance to make a decision, too.
i think it's probably the objectively moral thing to do in most circumstances where you cheat for sure. i don't think it's always necessarily the best decision though, for yourself or your partner. the term 'white lie' is specifically referring to a type of deception used to avoid harming someone with the truth. i think in those situations you have to introspect HARD on what you're planning to do, why you're planning to do it, and whether or not you're going to do more harm by telling the truth
IMHO, i think in circumstances where you cheat, especially if someone is either super insecure about you potentially cheating or any number of relationship permutations where that would destroy the person (which is a lot of relationships honestly) you MIGHT be better off not telling them about the cheating but potentially breaking off the relationship if there's even a 5% chance you could do it again. this honestly is hugely relationship dependent though - i don't think i could live with myself if i cheated on a partner, then didn't tell them, but yet still stayed with them. to me that's much worse than cheating and telling. so in that instance it'd be more like this (in order of most egregiously harmful of the 3 to least) cheating, not telling, staying in relationship > cheating, telling, staying in the relationship (or breaking up after telling, either way) > cheating, not telling, breaking up
what they dont know wont hurt them, ideally you dont cheat at all but shit happens
@@deensama7718 nah man sorry, u need to let the other person know its so fucked up to violate their trust and not even let them know their trust has been violated forever. u might be able to live with it but its not fair for the other person to walk around thinking you've been loyal the whole time
A relationship doesn't need trust to work.
@@tubblestop414 .....no words...
I had two coworkers who were both long term married, both had kids with their spouses, in their 50s… they cheated on their spouses with one another… it ruined both marriages, fucked up the kids.
Idk. It becomes difficult to trust after that.
i've seen and heard about stuff like this soooo many times
I feel like couple friends are more likely to cheat then single friends. Everyone lets their guard down around people in relationships.
As gross and red-pill as it may sound, this really is one of the things we haven't figured out yet about having a co-ed workforce. Women have always worked, but it was either in the home (e.g. a laundry service, daycare, farming, clothesmaking, etc.) or in workspaces that were almost exclusively women (e.g. switchboards, factories at the turn of the century, etc.).
It really is easier than people think for this sort of thing to happen for even happily married colleagues. You're spending 40+ hours a week together, problem-solving, relying on one another, and having shared experiences (including triumphs and disappointments). You both are making an effort in your physical appearance every day. And you have no fights about yardwork undone, constant take-out, budget-breaking graphics card purchases, raising children, or undermining in-laws.
In fact, maybe you know how important the yard project was to her, so you buy a little potted plant and promise you'll be the one to water it. Or you know how much he misses home-cooked meals, and you understand how busy his wife is with homeschooling, so you cook a little extra dinner and bring it to him for lunch. And look at that! you're halfway there, even without a single nefarious intention.
@@jacksyoutubechannel4045 Yeah, I don’t see how some people don’t understand that prevention is better than cure.
Avoid unnecessary contact with the opposite sex and you don’t have to worry about anything happening.
How did it end for them?
Steven and Dan in the first 10 minutes are like "me and my friend when the teacher tells us to be quiet" holy fuck
As a teacher... this checks out
@@Nikifuj908 🫡 great Teacher for watching things like this
I think at the end Aba and Destiny were talking about two different things. When I hear "open phone policy", I immediately think it's about letting your partner go through your phone whenever they want for whatever reason(within limits).
What Destiny and Kayla were describing was not what I would think of when someone says "open phone policy", it's more like general openess with their phones, if that makes sense. I could be wrong though!
Yeah I wouldn’t consider letting someone use your phone while your driving, or asking someone if you could google something on your phone as an “open phone policy”. I feel like you would really ever need one to check on any suspicions, but if you’re already asking to use it, it dosent sound like it’s “open”
@@PoliMaster64 Taking with potential partners is not the only highly personal thing you can do on your phone. You can talk to friends, search for entertainment, post content to social media, or other stuff. Seems like Destiny and his wife simply like to share that those highly personal parts of their lives with each other, and are intimate and trustful enough to just let the other person look at whatever they want.
But they describe what they would do on their partners phones so idk I just think generally aba isn't about that life I guess.
I think the only important difference between these two happens when one partner wants to spy on another. That is both hard to hide and problematic in itself.
Nah, you're absolutely on point imo
Watching this on TV made the cameras so much bigger. This in turn made Dan's shenanigans bigger. Top content.
12:05 "what we do do" I almost thought Destiny was going to laugh again, but I guess that's just my juvenile sense of humor
Facts
Feels like Destiny walked back his statement about checking phones when he realized it was going to be directed at Erudite. He definitely didn't go into any exceptions or detail previously and he's generally not one to slip like that. Smells like a coverup.
Exactly. What he said and the example he gave were totally different
Lmao, Destiny not being one to slip like that? We must not be talking about the same destiny🤣 Catch him at the wrong time of day and he'll give vastly different answers
@@egusisoup1826 examples?
@@egusisoup1826 I'll take your word on it. I have better things to do than to try to gauge his responses on one issue at different times of the day.
I have, however, heard him go on at length about a lot of different things enough to understand that he claimed that the phone messages issue was something he mentioned, didn't expand on it, and now that the issue is being pointed at Erudite Destiny now has a lot more distinction and nuance to lay down on the matter.
@@LuridContent What usually happens is two fold. He has an off the cuff emotional response to some question or topic that is he states in an inflammatory manner. And then he'll have his nuanced position with many caveats.
He's often says that he doesn't like having to add caveats when giving his candid thoughts, but he recognizes that without them, something he says can be taken on it's own as his full belief.
So to be fair, it's not that he changes his position, it's that he'll leave out certain parts of his full stance depending on who he's responding/referring to, and his own state of mind. This is especially true when talking about sex.
For example, one day he'll say something along the lines of "most guys don't enjoy sex" usually out of frustration of people's "boring" sex stories. But when pushed on his stance, he'll amend it to "it seems like a lot of the pleasure guys get from sex comes from the feeling of validation it brings them to be wanted rather than the actual act. We can see this because they often more excited to be having it rather than exploring their partners and their own bodies and sensations" or something along those lines.
If you ever hop into a stream it happens semi regularly and often causes some confusion
I don't like the thought of my partner having sex with someone else. It would make me throw up, and I can't control that. And also, sex is a special activity. Sex can absolutely build passionate loving relations with other people in and of itself, anyone who denies that is dishonest. Generally, people don't want there partner loving and having stronger feelings for someone else. It's literally that simple...
@Kate Moore did it make you throw up because he was doing something gay? Lol
People like Vaush would argue that you only feel that way because you’re insecure tho lol
@@WhoBlah21 If I was having sex with my girl's best friend, she'd have every right to be "Insecure" and not to be made fun of for it. Losing your love is a legit valid fear.
I can't do that either. I know how it would make me feel and I would leave as soon as it happens. Same for her, if I ever did that to her
@Kate Moore then why is your name a woman's name?
Seeing destiny laugh warms my heart.
@@bh1935 super awesome I loved every second of it
@@bh1935 you mean the guy he argued against?
@@bh1935 All your comments talk about Fuentes, Destiny doesn't "promote" him. You don't just ignore people who have nazi beliefs. If you ignore it, the message gets spread anyway, you have to challenge it, destroy their arguments so people see how crazy the message is.
Gay. You might as well confess your love for him since your heart is so warm.
@@bh1935 I don’t think you know what the word “promote” means
I feel like the concept of trust has been twisted a lot to encompass what amounts to blind faith. Relationships are a lot of work, there are ups and downs, people can be manipulated, and even good people or people you love can lie. Trust, but verify.
Sometimes you lie because you believe that's what's best for your partner. Shit can get really twisted
A good relationship that rises to the level of a marriage or something equally deep and intimate is suppose to have built up a special level of trust, among other things, that is completely unique to that relationship. An advantage of a well built romantic relationship is that you have done enough trust building that you no longer need to waste the energy and time to verify that the other person isn't doing anything against you. Of course, there is maintenance and you need to work to keep that relationship at that deep level, but on the day-to-day you can just blindly trust the other person. A relationship where you cant do that is one that needs further development.
@@the_inquisitive_inquisitor Nah, anyone corresponding with this thinking is literally killing their relationship. Your lying isn’t defendable. People like you are the reasons for such mistrust within relationships. How does your brain not understand that. Lying to prevent them from being hurt = likely to prevent yourself from your self inflicted pain.
@@LrdKov What?
Do you understand the difference between _stating how somebody justifies an action to themself_ and *me actually trying to justify that action?*
@@LrdKov Is "shit can get really twisted" not an idiom where you live?
It means "that's fucked up" or "that's not good"
Why does Dan look like what Mr. Fantastic would look like if he went through a divorce?
outstanding observation
Based
The real argument is whether Destiny is a women’s name.
Some people even say it's a stripper's name.
Who's debating?
Well played sir
Just find a new joke ffs
Amazin
If people in relationships want to have friends of the opposite sex, that’s fine. But, I don’t. I ignored a lot of things, and let a lot of things slide for the sake of not being insecure. Wasn’t worth it.
I was going to agree but your name makes me not agree now
@@brent3086 Thanks bro.
@@thecrownprince888 I don’t care. But, understandable lol.
@@thecrownprince888 The name is fine. He made a good point
@@feliz2564 nigga how you going to tell me the name is fine when my opinion is different about it? You good
Argh, it's sad they were missing the 2nd caller's point! It wasn't so much about how to improve your communication skills, but feeling sort of aimless and easily exhausted when dating.
Especially when you're not just looking for a quick hookup, dating as this artifical way of trying to get to know someone new - over and over - without a real idea what you're even trying to build towards, can really be a numbing experience.
just having heard them talk about this in the past - my guess their response is that Tinder simply isn't for building towards long-term relationships. i mean it can be done, but it's very unlikely and you're better off either switching apps/sites to one that's more focused on that if you HAVE to use dating apps at all, OR (and this is much more ideal) finding dates in person is the best way.
Aba 100% correct. Casually scrolling through people's conversations in any context is just weird af.
Oh god I scroll through my msg log with my wife and alot of it is cringey as hell, but at the time made sense. I talk about raping and butt fucking her which to anyone else would seem super disrespectful and fucked up however between us is all jokes.
Neah it just depends on your level of relationship. In a marriage, i wouldn't bat an eye, in a pre-marriage relationship sure it would be a bit weird but not impossible if you have a lot of trust.
I am scrolling through comments :/
Well if they're just doing it "casually" I wouldn't see it as a weird thing. Especially if they're married.
@@trololkhil9868 no, it is always weird. Someone just not use someone phone and go through messages.
Been really enjoying the new destiny content.
Do this every week!
this is fucking fantastic please keep it up.
These conversations defintely arent confusing af when you have to ask "wait, are you a girl or nah???" 5 minutes in the conversation xd
I saw this live and it was super fun!
this needs to be a weekly show
I haven't watched a single star wars all the way through, and still snorted my drink laughing at "Boba The Fett". I love Dan.
Cheating: When a person, in a relationship, engages in emotional or sexual activity with at least one other person without consent from the other partner. (SpinMaster’s edition)
Or camping the spawn points.
@@PJF1981 😤
Like what? Bowling?
I got in a physical fist fight activity with my friend, did I just cheat on my girl?
Can we just say romantic or sexual since that would definitely include emotional/physical? Bowling and Fighting are cheating by this def.
Just subscribed! Gotta give credit to aba for showing me enough Destiny content to get me over here 👍🏼
Now that was content!
Yeah I dont think my husband would ever cheat on me, but I'm like Dan. There are malicious people out there who get off on sabatoging marriages. Even if my husband has zero chance of saying yes, I still don't want him around those kinds of people. There are chances of false accusations also. She could accuse him of doing something to her if he says no. Married friends and family friends are a good solution for us.
“Even if he has a zero chance of saying yes”
Are you saying its not a zero chance? Like do you think if (insert famous 10/10 actress here) spent time with him and made a move he might say yes
@@Oldhandlewasabitcringe Saying it's a zero chance would be a lie. How could she know for certain that there is no possibility of him ever cheating on her? She's not a mind reader.
Your and Dan's point feels like either not trusting your partner to not fuck you over, or even worse, infantiliszing them as to any Joe Schmoe off the street could walk up to your partner and start shit talking you and that causing your partner to drop their opinion of you.
If you're receptive to shit talking of your partner, it's for a reason, and that's an underlying cause in the relationship that causes symptoms such as them talking shit about you with coworkers or whatever.
Like I've told some of my GOOD friends to stfu because they don't know what they are talking about, letalone some chick at school
If you partner has a friend thats the other gender but won't let you meet/be friends with said person, something is wrong.
Dan's panels are always the best
Bro amazing content. Like for real funny and interesting.
Really frustrating convo about cheating when no one raised the other side of the question. It's not just about how safe it is to do behavior X or Y, it's also about how much you gain by engaging in them. The reality of the situation is that you don't get much value out of being friends with exes, so you probably shouldn't do it. Same thing for everything else that was discussed. If you have a hard time dealing with with certain freedoms from your SO, you can definitely find people who get no or very minimal value out of said freedoms.
I don’t understand why the insecurity thing is always brought up.
Prevention is better than a cure. Are there not enough same sex people out there you could befriend that you need to go befriend the opposite sex?
No thank you, I’m gonna avoid unnecessary contact with women and I’d expect her to avoid unnecessary contact with men.
What's unnecessary contact? Should men and women only interact when they want to be in a relationship, and outside of that it's unnecessary contact?
Friendships are actually really important though. You definitely need your own hobbies and experiences to improve your relationship. Imaginebeing with your s/o 24 hours a day, every day. That is a suffocating nightmare. We need other support networks too.
Who will the bisexuals befriend? 🤔
@@mielipuolisiili7240 Friendships are fine. Suspect behaviour is not. Diff between casual hangouts or genuine close friends to -> coworkers or randoms i'm suddenly spending almost all day with, or even cancelling plans with your partner for others constantly for example.. And I'm bi. Communication is also obviously apart of it. Sometimes being the one to first say "I'm doing x thing with y friend" is just nice behaviour?
@@sommerblume9671 I don't see why you are taking all that out on me when the message I was commenting under pretty literally said that people in relationships should only befriend people of the same sex.
TH-cam been on fire lately!!!!🔥🔥🔥
hell yeah good shit
To everyone saying that scrolling to your partener "casually" is not controlling and an invasion of privacy, I would love for people to argue the same thing when parents touch and snoop around in your room when you are a teen. Even if you have nothing to hide and the parent is not looking for anything specific, almost no teen is ok with their parents doing that without asking. It's a violation of privacy that people tend to not like even if they are not hiding anything.
I'd ask can I check your phone and if they have to delete shit first or they dont wanna then u just know 100% sure shes up to something
Dude you're comparing a parent going through their teen's phone or space to a romantic and intimate partner casually using their partner's phone and maybe seeing msgs. These are two pretty different things with different levels and trust and dynamics in general. You can think its weird (which is totally valid) and not want it to happen (again, valid) but to compare these two things requires a misunderstanding of whats being said.
Depends on what your relationship boundaries are. My phone & my SO's phone is the same thing to us. If I'm going out & I need a phone but mine is flat I can just grab his or he mine. If it rings & he is near it. He will answer it.
I agree mostly, and it's not how I would go through life, but if you have an understanding with your partner, or in your hypothetical, with the parent, that you can also go through their stuff casually that would be more acceptable because the openness is a two way street
@@mathiasstone Yes it goes to his point, you're a teen and your parents have the responsibility and are the most trustworthy people in your life. AND EVEN THOSE are not allowed to go through your private shit.
Good stuff.
Noti gang
The weird thing with the "should you admit you cheated?" question is that it always presupposes that breaking your partners trust in the most intimate way possible - a way that no other person in existence can except you- and then lying to them every day for the next five/ten/twenty years will have no negative fallout on the relationship.
its an absolutely wild take. and then to further state that 'assuming you somehow know you would never cheat again'. you cant know that, ESPECIALLY if you already did it once. better to work through a bump in the relationship then to BOTH live a lie because you are pretending "its for their sake that i dont tell them"
God destiny and Dan are amazing, such banter
aww come on the second topic was gonna be the best
"My insecurities are creating a ceiling for his experiences" - Kyla
Very insightful language there.
These cats are gonna get blind-sided when their significant other hooks up with someone of the same sex...
Yep
I'm amused by how kyla's username is "not so erudite" and people always default to the shorthand "erudite", the opposite of what she wanted lol
Dan's comebacks are the best: "can you get any more.. height?" lolol Love u Dan
Oh yeahhhhhh in my feed
As a FnF fan I'm pleasantly surprised by destiny's content so far.
As a Destiny fan, I'm still horrified by FnF content.
You like FnF? Sheesh that's cringe
Glad you are here! Hope you stay.
@@blurryperson2685 goes both ways for people
@Kate Moore I'm forever wondering why Magic: The Gathering is in the news, only to realise it's Marjorie Taylor Greene again!
Going through your partner’s phone is a massive red flag. First time that Destiny sounded so insecure. He also immediately tried to backpedal his statement when Aba called him out and tried to make Aba seem like the crazy one. Not a good look
what are you on about? he NEVER talked about going through a partners phone, what he and erudite are doing is sharing a phone. with examples given like in a car for example, is that really that hard to understand???
It's a massive based flag
@@peperoni_slayer8918 He literally said if you leave your phone near him he will read through your shit. That's word for word what he said lmao
@@MrRazmut with what intentions to be exact? to check for cheating? do you honestly belive that? a guy with an open relationship checks his parnters phone for cheating traces?
@@peperoni_slayer8918 You said he never talked about going through a partners phone. He literally said if you leave your phone around him he's gonna look at your shit because he's snoopy like that. I didn't even say anything about WHY he would looking through someones phone lmao
Destiny, you got to answer your own questions.
As someone who is currently going through a divorce, this one hit pretty close to home
Second caller should try to meet people using avenues other than in clubs and on tinder. She works and studies part time, that should be enough social exposure to create more organic relationships.
I’m gonna have to agree with Aba here. Looking through your partner’s phone and reading “funny” convos and looking through messages is a little odd. Maybe they genuinely don’t have ill intent but I wouldn’t check anyone’s phone behind their back
I mean its not just odd, its a sign of deep mistrust and that your relationship is essentially fucked, no matter if the mistrust is justified or not. Who knows if it can be repaired.
But im also confused AF. Like how the fuck are they so scared about everyone cheating? Is that just an american thing or so to cheat all the time by "accident"?
@@termitreter6545 50% of marriages end in divorce, and often times cheating is involved. It's something to look out for. And yes the US does have more cheating, primarily b/c of individualistic culture probably.
@@AbsentMindedA Thats so strange tho. I tought the US had more conservative values and stuff, and would be more... restrained?
Like I dont wanna dunk on the US or anyhting, but I genuinely thought they were ahead of us in that regard.
But who knows, maybe a restrained culture produces stronger counter-reactions in turn?
Ive checked divorce rate where I live (germany) and its also 40%, so closer to the US. Thats kinda sad :/
@@AbsentMindedA If you are considering checking their phone you should just break up.
Love this content. Red pill, dating, cheating… so juicy.
1:31:10 Dan and that woman on the right were so in sync there
As a guy whose closest friends have always been girls, I would instantly end the relationship if my girlfriend/wife said I couldn't have them as my close friends.
They were in my life before my partner was, and she needs to trust that I'm not going to cheat just because there are girls close to me. It also comes off as pretty abusive to want to isolate me like that... friendships are important to someone's mental well-being.
Lmao
Fucking thank you. This is quite literally one of the few things that is non-negotiable in a relationship for me. I tell everyone I date right off the bat that my closest friends are women and that, sometimes, I’ll need to spend some alone time with my closest friends. If they ever get weird about that, the relationship is over without further conversation.
@@ImpulsesOG What?
@@unconcernedcitizen4092
True friends are for life! Stay strong, you will (if you haven't already) find someone who respects your friendships.
@@tomasroque3338 Yes, absolutely. I am unwilling to sacrifice the integrity of friendships that have stood the test of my heroin addiction, benzo addiction, alcoholism, anorexia, depressive psychosis, etc. for a person who has recently come into my life. I know I can rely on the people who stood by me and saw me through to the other side. It takes a while to build that rapport with a new individual and when romantic feelings are involved, how long that rapport will realistically last is always a question.
First caller was on some clown shit. Didn't even have the integrity to be honest with girl, and also to scared to leave his "friends" who don't want to get rid of the "toxic" girl.
I think the example of drinking alcohol works in Kyla's favor. Dan uses stats saying if statistically people get into dangerous situations after 3 drinks so I won't let people drink past 3 drinks. Kyla is saying I understand the statistics but I gauge the individual instead. So if I know someone can drink 3 drinks I'll let them, but if I know that the person can't drink it because they get reckless Ill tell them not to drink that much
More aba. Every day please
Aba came in with the malicious context of looking through partners phone, so many people in these comments giving sus vibes with “never touch my phone” mentality
No female friends, not allowed to meet one-on-one at all, seems pretty intense to me. I made some great friends through uni and work who I’ll catch up with for a coffee, lunch or (shock horror) early dinner from time to time.
Maybe this is just an Australian thing but its never been an issue with partners.
I think what wasn't covered in the 'friends with ex' Convo was, what was their communication/continued contact after breaking up and how did that go/why? If the two kept in consistent contact because they were both part of a larger friend group/had mutual friends and even while both of them were single there weren't incidents of them sliding back into sexual or romantic stuff then it's probably fine(if someone didn't sleep with their ex when both of them were available for years and hanging out from time to time then your relationship just adds another layer of disincentive). If the same situation but there were incidents of relapses into the relationship stuff then a continued friendship is a big red flag. If after break up the two people didn't keep in contact/friendship with each other and then there's a concerted effort to reestablish the relationship without a reason, then like why? That'd be concerning. If there's a reason like say they are in a small industry and time elapses after the breakup/falling out but ultimately they will come into contact with each other in the future and it's better to re-establish limited friendly communication for that reason then its fine to have that limited type of relationship, they probably shouldn't be besties but could grab a coffee, chat etc..
The no video/no real names thing is a really good and responsible idea
Props to all the early 20 year olds in the dating scene,
That stuff sucks, it's a very painful and lonely time and that's only because none of you know what you want in a partner yet, you may think you do but you don't
It gets way better as you mature I promise👍
Be honest and true because people don't forget things and this world is way smaller then you think you don't know who's going to cross your path in 10 years
And most importantly, if its not working and your not happy let it go, you'll find a better fit 👍
best advice here
I really hate the framing that men being worried about their woman being put in a bad situation that could jeopardize the relationship is always "insecurities". I don't agree with many red pill ideas but one I do agree with is that men are certainly allowed to set boundaries and stick to them and that doesn't automatically mean you're "insecure". I think there's definitely a point you can reach where that may be the case but I feel like male boundaries in heterosexual relationships are always judged more harshly for whatever reason.
If you hold out your child over shark-infested waters, you're asking for trouble and people will go crazy at you.
If you hold out your girlfriend over fuckboy-infested situations, thinking that might cause issues is apparently an insecure thing.
This is clearly just another case where women's liberation has pushed into the realms of wanting to be liberated from accountability and consequences. There's a reason people go crazy if you talk about wanting your girlfriend to not be alone with guys, but don't see anything wrong with a girl going through a guys phone every single day. One of these is treated as insecure paranoia, and the other one is "'if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear :)"
Hate that we the viewers can't see the pictures that are related to the discussions. Really off-putting, just my input. But good interesting overall =)
so for me
In my own thinking
could be so different
Just be how I would view a relationship to be an agreement
Just to be an unspoken word that a person could be hearing from me
as my own interactions
With a person
As though I was knocking on someone's doorknob
Just to reflect a personality that another person would be thinking about me
This feels really sad. Honestly, do people really not trust thier spouse more than this? I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) or cheated on someone. Sure, if she basically went on "dates" with some dude from work all the time, weird. But having a close workfriend? Hell, I'm the close workfriend with a married woman at work and neither of us have any plans to cheat. This felt really sad to listen to.
bruh Dan wild. If there's a 50% chance you're going to cheat on you wife there's an issue with selfcontrol.
Which doesn't always discourage a person from making a decision
that another person wouldn't be aware of
43:36 🎶 I don’t wanna know, if you’re playing me keep it on the low 🎶
Erudite works so well as a foil to Dan and Destiny. If this show lasts more than a month, it's gonna be fantastic
Question for everyone, I get mixed responses every time I ask. Say your wife/husband cheats on you with someone that knew they were married. Who do you primarily get "angry" at or blame? For me there's no question - it's 100% the spouse. Like literally 0 percent concern with the person they cheated with, they don't exist to me. Because the spouse crossed the boundary, the spouse broke the promise, the spouse had the commitment.
There is usually some blame given to a person who knowingly enables or helps another person to do something harmful and/or immoral. Why do you think it is different when it comes to cheating? The only situation I can think of is if they cheat with a sex worker since I do not believe private providers of goods or services should go around trying to enforce moral codes onto their customer base.
It's a hundred percent the spouse, but I would understand if you had smoke for the person they cheated with too... after all, making that person disappear is the closest you're going to get to making it as if it never happened😉
People that say it's the person that they cheated with are the types that get into relationships where they get cheated on and are too weak to leave, so the ofiscate the responsibility to the person they don't care about so they don't have to leave the person they are with
@Arjun Ravichandran Seems rather insane to give oneself 25% blame lol
@@frogray7929 because you aren't in a relationship with the person they cheated with, and unless you had some other relationship with them (if it was your friend too or something I understand), you should have higher standards for your partner. Maybe you can not like the other person to some extent, but I'd be extremely more disappointed in/upset with my partner.
Dan the man! Spot on
25:58 I’ve seen that scenario in a dhar mann video, looks like I know where to find all my relationship advice from now on!
Can we remove the word 'insecurity' from dictionary? It will make every conversation on the internet more meaningful. Thanks
Im just happy to see a non-sneako, mike discussion for once.
Agree with everything Dan said
So, are they going to get a studio?
28:46 TIL if your significant other is trying to be friends with their dead ex; that's a deal breaker
I still don’t understand that.
Unkle Adams saved my life
I need to see this picture.
I’m super glad I went through my exs phone but it also proved the point that if you’re at that point you should just already be broken up. But I’m glad I did it because I would’ve never known for sure whether I was being crazy or not to think she was cheating and she would’ve never admitted it. Sometimes it’s the right move, generally very bad idea
42:18 this hypothetical is so useless.
The whole issue in real life is that *you are* the kind of person that would cheat in a certain situation(because you did); so do you have the obligation to tell your partner so *they* can make an *informed decision* to either accept who you are, work with you to try to avoid that situation, work with you to change who you are(whatever that means) or break up with you...or do you lie and try your best to not cheat anymore.
lie and inevitably cheat again*
if you do it once and dont work through it then you havent improved past being the kind of person who cheats, just swept it under a rug and pretending it never happened
Between these 3, Dan definitely has the best advice for people. He's real with healthy boundaries, and recognizes that your partner should respect you and not be close friends with someone who they could possibly date
Maybe I'm an outlier but he came off over the top on a lot of things. But with this kind of stuff I think it's hard to give blanket advice as each situation is so dependent on the context
Dan: Successful long term monogamous relationship.
The others: ...
He has the credentials for it, too.
@@xJ0LLYR0GERx your an outlier
Dan's advice is insane. If you can handle your spouse having an unmarried friend of the opposite sex, you have emotional issues. Dan says something like "there might be like a 15% chance they cheat normally, but if they hang out with the opposite sex its 60%". Like yea if you are already pegging your partner at a 15% chance to cheat WITHOUT having any contact with the opposite sex aside from married people, the relationship is fucked anyways.
So if your partner is bisexual they should have no close friends ?
What’s the game Destiny is playing on stream?
I love Dan
Maybe I'm odd but part of me thinks there no point in worrying about it.
If they are gonna do it, there's very little or nothing in the world you can do to stop it. If someone is whispering in their ear and that alone is enough for them to doubt the relationship.. is that a relationship you want to be in?
The most you can do is set boundaries and trust everything will be okay. Talk about "weird stuff". Let them know how you feel and let them decide what they'll do out in the world.
So they cheat. Then what? You either leave the relationship or you don't.
Again. I'm weird but to worry so much about it.. tells me that most relationships are about monopolizing a source of need/want/affection and trying to protect your own sense of self/ego/feelings because you've wrapped so much of your sense of worth into the outcomes of your romantic endeavors.
None of that to say I wouldn't be upset or feel some kind of way about it. It's a normal desire to want to be wanted. And this can make it feel like you are being rejected.
But I think I can separate myself enough from what took place to understand, it wasn't about me. It was about them and what they felt they needed/wanted. And there's worse things in the world.
It's similar to doing a drug like meth. Just because you do it doesn't mean you truly wanted to. People who struggle with addictions don't put themselves in situations that will put them in a bad position like that, same thing with relationships. If you care about your relationship you can set healthy boundaries that will act as a safeguard in case stuff could happen. Humans aren't perfect and oftentimes you might do shit you truly didn't want to in the moment. But I get your point, it's just a matter of if you value the relationship enough to set things in place for it.
I follow the same thought process as you when it comes cheating. The only reason you'd need to worry about it is if you want to build a long term relationship. You kind of have to monitor your partner in their interactions with other people, not to control them but to be aware if they ever break your trust. If theyre cheating but you never find out about it and get married, you're already in a failed marriage and are at risk of losing your time, effort, mental health, and money. If it's just a casual relationship that you know isn't gonna lead to marriage, then yeah whatever if they cheat they cheat.
44:30 well something did change, you found out that your partner has been hiding something...right?
It's up to each individual what they want to do about that, and I imagine it's subjective whether they care that someone wasn't entirely open about something like that especially if it was a college affair but. That's what changed. Now you know your partner is the kind of person who doesn't share certain things.
45:07 if the partner doesn't want to date someone who is interested in and/or willing to do certain sexual acts then they should know that and be allowed to choose whether they want to date them. You're not nuking something for no reason, you're being honest, respectful and loving towards your partner. I really don't understand Destinys take on this stuff. That's not a minor thing like "I once masturbated to [insert weird thing] and thought it was kinda weird and never felt the pull to do it again".
Exactly! you don't get to decide what other people's values and preferences are.
Dan out here looking like MR.FANTASTIC
Dan is now referred to as "Co-Host" Ouch
I actually disagree with most of the hot takes except some of the stuff erudite said. If you have to run laps around your partner to make sure that they won’t end up in enticing positions of where they hypothetically could cheat you already putting way too much stress and anxiety on yourself and ultimately damage your relationship. If your partner chooses to screw you over and get with someone else you simply break it off and if you are married you divorce and collect settlements and alimony. If you already feel like your partner is cheating on you call it quits. It’s simple not worth the hassle. A good partner won’t let it come to this.
I don’t know if I want to build a relationship all the way to the point of marriage and then find out my partners a cheater or has weird texting tendos
Man I gotta say, the way most people seem to look at relationships is depressing as fuck.
Man I wish I had these kinda problems.
I had 10 bees in my house today but now realise I need at least 100% more bees for it to count as an infestation