I experience the SAME THING. I get SICK with worrying when I hear my mom's drunk voice. At 41 years old I HATE that my brain makes me OBSESS over what my mom will do.
My mother is also a alcoholic, i just told her that if she is ever drunk again infront of me i will just go. Im 36. I feel sad,angry,relief, grief and a new feeling of strenght i did not know i had. All storys are different. Good luck to you
It really is horrible how much our alcoholic parent affected our entire lives. I was always filled with shame, embarrassed to have other kids over to play or to hang out because I didn't know how my drunken father would act. He was horribly verbally abusive for years, both to my mom and all of his kids. To this day, I never trusted any man I was ever involved with and it cost me every relationship I had. I have super low self esteem and always feel I'm on the outside looking in, never participating in real life like everyone else is. I hate it.
Thank you for this... I grew up with my dad being an alcoholic and people always telling me “you aren’t the adult” and “stop worrying about your dad. You’re not responsible for him” and I never new why I had this need to take care of him and I was able to relate to this so much...
What I don't understand about those words is how can people expect you to not care about your dad? Yes, you're not responsible for his actions, but you can just switch off your love for him and thus your worry for him.
@@ladybaabaa3294 another thing is that I couldn’t live with myself and if something happened to him and I knew about it if that makes sense... he’s sober now and doing good. But as we all know, it’s a constant battle
@@skyleranh9080 Yes, exactly. My dad stopped drinking abruptly 28 years ago and hasn't touch a drop since, thank goodness, and I'm proud of him for doing it. I always worry though still, and continue to have nightmares that he starts again. I was 14 when he stopped and I'm 42 now. It will never go away.
Yes, and the same kind of things are said to parents of people with substance use disorders. It's very hard to detach and it feels wrong - like we're abandoning. It's so painful when a loved one suffers from addiction. But sometimes, it has to be done to save your own life.
I 100% agree. You’re correct. It’s sad but true that people with grew up with an alcoholic parent think differently than others who did not. But I’m happy that we can see other things that others can’t.
Hello jody, i'm a 27 years old from Italy, i feel so close to what you said in this video, especially the part when you say that you're constantly worried about your mom killing someone or been killed by someone. When my mom drinks became extremely violent and as a consequence people around her became violent as well against her. She now lives with her partner who is an alcholic as well and they fight a lot when they are drunk and they often comes to blows. I always think that one day things will get bad and one of them will kill the other with a knife or something like that. I don't know what to do, one part of my brain tells me to just leave her in her shit but then the thought of her been killed from him or viceversa made me so anxious that i instantly change my mind and try to find a solution. This continuos thinking drives me crazy. Sometimes i'm so angry that i'm really one step from change my telephone number and go to the police to ask for a restrictive order for both of them but there's always something stopping me from taking that further step. I am their anchor, when they have a problem(especially my mother) they always call me even at 4:00 of the morning and i have this feeling that i am the only one who prevent them from going into the oblivion and getting things even worst then now. I really want to help her but if i can't i don't want to be dragged in the shit with them. My question is, how can i stop caring so much, or if there's a way, how can i help her? p.s. sorry for my english, as i said i'm Italian and not a mothertongue and in this moment i wasn't really in the mood for make a good, errorless translation with the help of google.
Hi there. So sorry about your experience. Everytime I start to panic or imagine the worst thing that could happen to my mother or someone around her, I remind myself that I can't control any of it. I remind myself that I have to take care of myself. I wish you well.
Get over that? Walk it off. Nope. I am not going to minimize the negative and harmful impact of what happened to me when I was tiny. I got programmed to fail me.
The very worst part of being raised by an alcoholic mother is when you are finally an adult and all you want is your mom to admit that her addiction was wrong and apologize for all the ways it messed you up. Then there's all the horrible stuff you go thru as an adult due to your mom still being an addict. I just want my feelings validated by her and an apology.
Thanks so much for these new videos! I'm an ACOA and I've found it somewhat hard to find resources. I so relate to the idea of reprogramming your brain. Beyond that, I think one of the biggest things that has helped me cope and deal with the past was realizing and understanding that my programming was TOTALLY NORMAL, given the environment in which I grew up. I adapted in a way that COMPLETELY MAKES SENSE -- it just "doesn't work" outside of my family structure. But realizing that my brain adapted to my environment in a way that would be expected was a really huge moment in helping me trust my own judgment of the world :) Just my two cents to the conversation.
ACOAs need to speak more! Thanks for the encouragement. Great point about ACOAs' brain programming being totally normal! You're absolutely right. It's super powerful to recognize this, since most ACOAs spend their whole lives feeling like they're the only ones who feel the way they do. I hope you're doing well today!
My parents weren’t alcoholics in the traditional sense. As parents in the 70s they would have a drink nearly every night, but not to the point of being out of control. I do believe children of narcissists can be affected similarly. I am in my 50s, have recently learned a lot about emotional manipulation, and yet I still have a hard time shaking feeling responsible for my mom’s feelings. It’s almost as if I sense her feelings and feel them as if they are my own.
Greetings from Russia! Thank you for your words! It made me think about my life, like i should change the way of thinking about that. I'm 21 y.o. and i guess i'm an ACOA as well :). But my situation isn't regular, which makes it even harder. My parents are deaf, and my father has a big problems with his brain that he really thinks that i'm a devil/demon, terrorist, etc, and that i'm not his son, that i'm someone who did something to his son and took his place. My mother on the other hand has no alcohol addiction, but she always cares about my father. My grandparents was the ones who was raising and teaching me, but i lost them pretty early. My grandma died when i was 10, and my granpa died when i was 14, and they died at the same day of the same month, which is an extraordinary coincidence. And i don't talk (and don't even know them much) with my father's natives. Because deaf people here had bad education, conditions etc, i already understood everything better than my mom when i was only 13 y.o., and because of that she was (and still) like a younger sister for me. So i was on my own all these years, trying to help and defend my mom, because my father is dangerous. He broke so much stuff in our home, and made me scared for my life so many times that i got used to it. I thought about suicide almost every day, because i had no desire to live. Fun fact - where i was born thinking about suicide in our society is something regular, so my friends told me something like "stop crying, you won't do it because you're too weak to do that". For all these years i tried so many things, but it didn't work, none of it. He keeps coming back, and mom always lets him. Now i want to move to our captital, so i could start a new life, and find a better job (because my home town is a place to die there, not to live) so i could help my mother too. But this situation made me think everyday about stuff that something bad will happen and i won't be there to defend her. In this video you said something that i knew for a long time on a subconcious level. You are definetely right that it's their choice, and no matter how much more i will try - i won't be able to change it. And i've noticed too that we are thinking differently, and many people just don't understand us. I just wanted to thank you for your words. Sometimes it's important to hear something, even if you're already know it. You're doing a great job in ispiring people who are suffering the same fate! I wish that i would knew english and learn about you channel much more earlier :D! I hope that someday i would be able to do something to help people like us too :). I wish you, and everyone like us the best luck and happiness in the world :) And as always - sorry for my bad english :D
Forgot to mention that you're also right about people who are saying stuff like "you should let it, and your past go", but they don't understand that it's a much harder for us to do.
Hi Tarkvinni, thank you for sharing everything you went through that sounds like you overcame a lot. I wanted to commend you on being so strong that was not an easy thing to go through all those years. Those of us who have gone through a lot of pain with family members can relate. I hope you are doing better:)
Your brave, I as someone from with a similar past do understand how hard it is to explain this to other ppl, it's like being a minority in your family where you stand alone as the only normal person.
Wow thank you. I just found out about ACA and I definitely fit the criteria. O found out cause I found out I am codependent which lead to me to find out about love deficit disorder which caused me to learn about adult children of alcoholics. Man alive! Thanks for the videos! Day 1 of awareness 💙 ❤
I live in a society where we stay together with our parents .I cant find a way to escape to take care of myself. What should i do?Even if my dad drpve and hit someone it is we who have to pay for all the damage.its is very tough to control him.I dont know what i should do
My dads been sober for 2 years now (at 68 years old), but yes I still feel responsible for him. My sisters and I went to a heavy metal show with him a few months ago and he wasn’t sticking with us so I was anxious the whole show. I had to keep an eye on him the whole time because I was worried. My anxiety became justified because later in the show I see a guy pulling his arm back in a fist and my dad being pushed around by other people, and I pushed through the crowds of people between us to grab by dad and physically pull him out and to the back of the venue. I was distraught. My dad has a confrontational personality, which was obviously worse when he was drinking, but it’s part of him. Which is why I always worry about him. He was pushing some guy around and they were about to fight him. My dad ended up going and apologizing to the guy and they shook hands, but my night was ruined. I always feel like it’s my job to keep him safe and to do everything I can to (now) keep him sober. I know that’s not a good thing.
definitely. this takes a lot of effort to work through. chi quong and such pracicee might help. also yoga nidra may be helpful. but for sure this is a whole body thing. be well
Congrats on being on the road to recovery. For me, reading books on the ACOA and co-dependency topics were very helpful. The meetings were also very helpful for me early on. Focus on taking good care of yourself - mind, body, spirit and the rest will fall into place.
wow..cant speak and so much to say still very shameful and so many regrets of how i couldnt change what i was condition to control and fix while leaving myself at the end of the line i am 44 dad broke his neck drunk died when i was 19 and my mom died when i was 41 my little sister was born 17 months after me and before i was 2 i was fully aware of my responsiblity and always had trouble being away from her. she was 13 when she started heavily drinking chronicly, i had my son at 16 and got away from there i took care of my mother by myself when she she got sick at 55 lung cancer by myself as my sister was so far gone and i couldnt rely on her even in the sober moments cause she relied me for so much herself.. i choose now and for the last 3 years to focus on me and as my son is 27 now and could never have recieved the care i shuda gave him between the way i was spread so thin...this not even the half of it as the man i lived with for 15 years was addicted to cocaine and i was fully alone in the efforts i extended to him as well..i regret i couldnt give them all the one on one they needed from because it was there for all of them just so impossible because im one person...u said it because i cant explain.. after my mom died my boyfriend spiraled out of control and my sister cant even admit to this day she has a problem showing up constantly drunk out of mind causes so much trouble me cant get a break i choose again push her away because i cant keep it up and i know from experience how it ends and my efforts can never help them i hate the thoughts of her by herself she burned the house down 1 year after my mom pass and SHE cant remember how she did it...omg this story never ends...my son acts ok but very independent and i kno he resents me i just wish i had the means to justify it all but i did my best maybe not with what i could i sure never ran away and maybe it wouldnt have made a diffrence if i did or not i have regrets still thinking i didnt do enuff and i agree about MY BRAIN BEING DIFFRENT I FELT THE NEED TO TELL U THIS BECAUSE I WATCHED U SAY IT ALL FIRST.. I HOPE U FIND TIME FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE I DONT THINK ITS POSSIBLE FOR ME EVEN THOU THEY ARE ALL GONE MY SON IS GROWN I LIVE WITH MY BRAIN IT NEVER ENDS...CONSTANT CAOS STAYING AWAY FROM THEM AND TIME BY MYSELF DOESNT CHANGE THE PAST 44 YEARS OF CONDITIONING MY SELF TO TAKE IT ALL ON ITS WHO I AM TODAY AND FEELINGS OF SHAME REGRET AND SO MUCH LOSS STAY WITH ME..I CHOOSE NOT TO BE REMINDED AND CHANGE MY THOUGHTS TO PROTECT MYSELF I TRY TO FIND HAPPY IN MY PLACES AND TIME I CANT EXPLAIN NO MORE. the bottom porttion of my long letter wriiten first and was originally the second paragrah i felt the strong to add to it and i will leave it split...sorry to rant i swear i tried not to and i dont speak about this very often it such along story and my brain makes it longer...these experiences for children are very hard to forget..Alcoholic Parents are worst i believe than most addicts...its the scariest the feelings are something not to be desired..i pray the children today can get thru it with any support nothing was availble to me and i was always embassed i never taliked about or mention to friends or family ... even though they knew , i was the only one trying to cover it up and hide it... %100 same thing .. i hesitate with all my words to continue i cant in this public forum, still way to much so hard to talk about.. i couldnt have explained all that in 8 min i hestated on comment for 12 min and it took 10 min to say this and respond to the comment below and i will probly go on to read the rest and comment on all agreeing with what u said..very real.. im truely shocked
I experience the SAME THING. I get SICK with worrying when I hear my mom's drunk voice. At 41 years old I HATE that my brain makes me OBSESS over what my mom will do.
My mother is also a alcoholic, i just told her that if she is ever drunk again infront of me i will just go. Im 36. I feel sad,angry,relief, grief and a new feeling of strenght i did not know i had. All storys are different. Good luck to you
It really is horrible how much our alcoholic parent affected our entire lives. I was always filled with shame, embarrassed to have other kids over to play or to hang out because I didn't know how my drunken father would act. He was horribly verbally abusive for years, both to my mom and all of his kids. To this day, I never trusted any man I was ever involved with and it cost me every relationship I had. I have super low self esteem and always feel I'm on the outside looking in, never participating in real life like everyone else is. I hate it.
I was too…so embarrassed
I am amazed by your honesty and openness. As an ACOA, I bore so much shame for decades.
I'm not, I appreciate it cuz my life was the same, mine actualy went so far as burning my visa so I could not leave europe....family love 👌
Thank you for this... I grew up with my dad being an alcoholic and people always telling me “you aren’t the adult” and “stop worrying about your dad. You’re not responsible for him” and I never new why I had this need to take care of him and I was able to relate to this so much...
What I don't understand about those words is how can people expect you to not care about your dad? Yes, you're not responsible for his actions, but you can just switch off your love for him and thus your worry for him.
@@ladybaabaa3294 another thing is that I couldn’t live with myself and if something happened to him and I knew about it if that makes sense... he’s sober now and doing good. But as we all know, it’s a constant battle
@@skyleranh9080 Yes, exactly. My dad stopped drinking abruptly 28 years ago and hasn't touch a drop since, thank goodness, and I'm proud of him for doing it. I always worry though still, and continue to have nightmares that he starts again. I was 14 when he stopped and I'm 42 now. It will never go away.
Indeed. It's so, so difficult for people who've never experienced addiction in their families to understand.
Yes, and the same kind of things are said to parents of people with substance use disorders. It's very hard to detach and it feels wrong - like we're abandoning. It's so painful when a loved one suffers from addiction. But sometimes, it has to be done to save your own life.
As the oldest child of alcoholic this how I would reach. Thank you for your sharing
I am having a lot of triggers this holiday season. This is the time my dad would have extra time off and he would go on a huge binge
Same here. Some people don’t realize that the holidays can be hard. It’s not always nice for everyone.
Me too
I 100% agree. You’re correct. It’s sad but true that people with grew up with an alcoholic parent think differently than others who did not. But I’m happy that we can see other things that others can’t.
Hello jody, i'm a 27 years old from Italy, i feel so close to what you said in this video, especially the part when you say that you're constantly worried about your mom killing someone or been killed by someone.
When my mom drinks became extremely violent and as a consequence people around her became violent as well against her.
She now lives with her partner who is an alcholic as well and they fight a lot when they are drunk and they often comes to blows.
I always think that one day things will get bad and one of them will kill the other with a knife or something like that.
I don't know what to do, one part of my brain tells me to just leave her in her shit but then the thought of her been killed from him or viceversa made me so anxious that i instantly change my mind and try to find a solution.
This continuos thinking drives me crazy.
Sometimes i'm so angry that i'm really one step from change my telephone number and go to the police to ask for a restrictive order for both of them but there's always something stopping me from taking that further step.
I am their anchor, when they have a problem(especially my mother) they always call me even at 4:00 of the morning and i have this feeling that i am the only one who prevent them from going into the oblivion and getting things even worst then now.
I really want to help her but if i can't i don't want to be dragged in the shit with them.
My question is, how can i stop caring so much, or if there's a way, how can i help her?
p.s. sorry for my english, as i said i'm Italian and not a mothertongue and in this moment i wasn't really in the mood for make a good, errorless translation with the help of google.
Hi there. So sorry about your experience. Everytime I start to panic or imagine the worst thing that could happen to my mother or someone around her, I remind myself that I can't control any of it. I remind myself that I have to take care of myself. I wish you well.
Get over that? Walk it off. Nope. I am not going to minimize the negative and harmful impact of what happened to me when I was tiny. I got programmed to fail me.
The very worst part of being raised by an alcoholic mother is when you are finally an adult and all you want is your mom to admit that her addiction was wrong and apologize for all the ways it messed you up. Then there's all the horrible stuff you go thru as an adult due to your mom still being an addict. I just want my feelings validated by her and an apology.
or even worse, when she plays the victim and blames you for everything.
We tend to be rescuers don’t we.
We sure are!
Thanks so much for these new videos! I'm an ACOA and I've found it somewhat hard to find resources. I so relate to the idea of reprogramming your brain. Beyond that, I think one of the biggest things that has helped me cope and deal with the past was realizing and understanding that my programming was TOTALLY NORMAL, given the environment in which I grew up. I adapted in a way that COMPLETELY MAKES SENSE -- it just "doesn't work" outside of my family structure. But realizing that my brain adapted to my environment in a way that would be expected was a really huge moment in helping me trust my own judgment of the world :) Just my two cents to the conversation.
ACOAs need to speak more! Thanks for the encouragement. Great point about ACOAs' brain programming being totally normal! You're absolutely right. It's super powerful to recognize this, since most ACOAs spend their whole lives feeling like they're the only ones who feel the way they do. I hope you're doing well today!
With all due respect, I would like to know if you have done the ACA program? It has slowly giving me peace and serenity working it.
My parents weren’t alcoholics in the traditional sense. As parents in the 70s they would have a drink nearly every night, but not to the point of being out of control. I do believe children of narcissists can be affected similarly. I am in my 50s, have recently learned a lot about emotional manipulation, and yet I still have a hard time shaking feeling responsible for my mom’s feelings. It’s almost as if I sense her feelings and feel them as if they are my own.
Not saying what you're feeling is this, but it sounds similar to survivors guilt
Working the 12 steps in ACA helped me....hang in there
Greetings from Russia!
Thank you for your words!
It made me think about my life, like i should change the way of thinking about that. I'm 21 y.o. and i guess i'm an ACOA as well :). But my situation isn't regular, which makes it even harder. My parents are deaf, and my father has a big problems with his brain that he really thinks that i'm a devil/demon, terrorist, etc, and that i'm not his son, that i'm someone who did something to his son and took his place. My mother on the other hand has no alcohol addiction, but she always cares about my father. My grandparents was the ones who was raising and teaching me, but i lost them pretty early. My grandma died when i was 10, and my granpa died when i was 14, and they died at the same day of the same month, which is an extraordinary coincidence. And i don't talk (and don't even know them much) with my father's natives. Because deaf people here had bad education, conditions etc, i already understood everything better than my mom when i was only 13 y.o., and because of that she was (and still) like a younger sister for me. So i was on my own all these years, trying to help and defend my mom, because my father is dangerous. He broke so much stuff in our home, and made me scared for my life so many times that i got used to it. I thought about suicide almost every day, because i had no desire to live. Fun fact - where i was born thinking about suicide in our society is something regular, so my friends told me something like "stop crying, you won't do it because you're too weak to do that". For all these years i tried so many things, but it didn't work, none of it. He keeps coming back, and mom always lets him. Now i want to move to our captital, so i could start a new life, and find a better job (because my home town is a place to die there, not to live) so i could help my mother too. But this situation made me think everyday about stuff that something bad will happen and i won't be there to defend her. In this video you said something that i knew for a long time on a subconcious level. You are definetely right that it's their choice, and no matter how much more i will try - i won't be able to change it. And i've noticed too that we are thinking differently, and many people just don't understand us.
I just wanted to thank you for your words. Sometimes it's important to hear something, even if you're already know it. You're doing a great job in ispiring people who are suffering the same fate! I wish that i would knew english and learn about you channel much more earlier :D! I hope that someday i would be able to do something to help people like us too :).
I wish you, and everyone like us the best luck and happiness in the world :)
And as always - sorry for my bad english :D
Forgot to mention that you're also right about people who are saying stuff like "you should let it, and your past go", but they don't understand that it's a much harder for us to do.
Hi Tarkvinni, thank you for sharing everything you went through that sounds like you overcame a lot. I wanted to commend you on being so strong that was not an easy thing to go through all those years. Those of us who have gone through a lot of pain with family members can relate. I hope you are doing better:)
Thank you 🌈
Thank you so much for sharing! That feeling of responsibility for anything and everything outside of myself is extremely relateable!
As a woman who was raised by two alcoholics and has a developmentally disabled brother ... this video hit me hard.
I also have alcohol parents and a disabled brother
I resonated with this a lot. It takes a lot of work to reprogram this.
Your brave, I as someone from with a similar past do understand how hard it is to explain this to other ppl, it's like being a minority in your family where you stand alone as the only normal person.
That was beautiful thank you so much! I'm just coming to terms now with being an adult child of an alcoholic and why I am like I am.....
LiquidDrumnBreaks ... Me too...
Amazingly true...every beautiful word.Thank you for articulating the experience so clearly. This is classic 👌
Glad it was meaningful for you.
Thank you so much for putting this content out there. You’re helping a LOT of people ❤️
I appreciate that!
Thank you so much! You are courage:)
Wow thank you. I just found out about ACA and I definitely fit the criteria. O found out cause I found out I am codependent which lead to me to find out about love deficit disorder which caused me to learn about adult children of alcoholics.
Man alive! Thanks for the videos!
Day 1 of awareness 💙 ❤
Yesss!! The wheels are in motion now. Knowledge is power! Best wishes to you on your journey!
Thanks for the video. Everything you said makes so much sense to me.
Angela Gabell Glad to know it made sense to you!
Thank you. Spot on.
I live in a society where we stay together with our parents .I cant find a way to escape to take care of myself. What should i do?Even if my dad drpve and hit someone it is we who have to pay for all the damage.its is very tough to control him.I dont know what i should do
My dads been sober for 2 years now (at 68 years old), but yes I still feel responsible for him. My sisters and I went to a heavy metal show with him a few months ago and he wasn’t sticking with us so I was anxious the whole show. I had to keep an eye on him the whole time because I was worried. My anxiety became justified because later in the show I see a guy pulling his arm back in a fist and my dad being pushed around by other people, and I pushed through the crowds of people between us to grab by dad and physically pull him out and to the back of the venue. I was distraught. My dad has a confrontational personality, which was obviously worse when he was drinking, but it’s part of him. Which is why I always worry about him. He was pushing some guy around and they were about to fight him. My dad ended up going and apologizing to the guy and they shook hands, but my night was ruined.
I always feel like it’s my job to keep him safe and to do everything I can to (now) keep him sober. I know that’s not a good thing.
I would say in my case that it is more than just my brain. The trauma is stored deep throughout my body and my body is on autopilot..
definitely. this takes a lot of effort to work through. chi quong and such pracicee might help. also yoga nidra may be helpful. but for sure this is a whole body thing. be well
Thank You!!!
I believe I'm an ACA. I've been attending meetings. can you tell me the best way to proceed in my recovery? thank you
Congrats on being on the road to recovery. For me, reading books on the ACOA and co-dependency topics were very helpful. The meetings were also very helpful for me early on. Focus on taking good care of yourself - mind, body, spirit and the rest will fall into place.
Well put thank you
how is your recovery going?
It's going well! Most recently, I challenged myself to do something new every day: th-cam.com/video/gnI8e0XP_dY/w-d-xo.html
wow..cant speak and so much to say still very shameful and so many regrets of how i couldnt change what i was condition to control and fix while leaving myself at the end of the line i am 44 dad broke his neck drunk died when i was 19 and my mom died when i was 41 my little sister was born 17 months after me and before i was 2 i was fully aware of my responsiblity and always had trouble being away from her. she was 13 when she started heavily drinking chronicly, i had my son at 16 and got away from there i took care of my mother by myself when she she got sick at 55 lung cancer by myself as my sister was so far gone and i couldnt rely on her even in the sober moments cause she relied me for so much herself.. i choose now and for the last 3 years to focus on me and as my son is 27 now and could never have recieved the care i shuda gave him between the way i was spread so thin...this not even the half of it as the man i lived with for 15 years was addicted to cocaine and i was fully alone in the efforts i extended to him as well..i regret i couldnt give them all the one on one they needed from because it was there for all of them just so impossible because im one person...u said it because i cant explain.. after my mom died my boyfriend spiraled out of control and my sister cant even admit to this day she has a problem showing up constantly drunk out of mind causes so much trouble me cant get a break i choose again push her away because i cant keep it up and i know from experience how it ends and my efforts can never help them i hate the thoughts of her by herself she burned the house down 1 year after my mom pass and SHE cant remember how she did it...omg this story never ends...my son acts ok but very independent and i kno he resents me i just wish i had the means to justify it all but i did my best maybe not with what i could i sure never ran away and maybe it wouldnt have made a diffrence if i did or not i have regrets still thinking i didnt do enuff and i agree about MY BRAIN BEING DIFFRENT I FELT THE NEED TO TELL U THIS BECAUSE I WATCHED U SAY IT ALL FIRST.. I HOPE U FIND TIME FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE I DONT THINK ITS POSSIBLE FOR ME EVEN THOU THEY ARE ALL GONE MY SON IS GROWN I LIVE WITH MY BRAIN IT NEVER ENDS...CONSTANT CAOS STAYING AWAY FROM THEM AND TIME BY MYSELF DOESNT CHANGE THE PAST 44 YEARS OF CONDITIONING MY SELF TO TAKE IT ALL ON ITS WHO I AM TODAY AND FEELINGS OF SHAME REGRET AND SO MUCH LOSS STAY WITH ME..I CHOOSE NOT TO BE REMINDED AND CHANGE MY THOUGHTS TO PROTECT MYSELF I TRY TO FIND HAPPY IN MY PLACES AND TIME I CANT EXPLAIN NO MORE. the bottom porttion of my long letter wriiten first and was originally the second paragrah i felt the strong to add to it and i will leave it split...sorry to rant i swear i tried not to and i dont speak about this very often it such along story and my brain makes it longer...these experiences for children are very hard to forget..Alcoholic Parents are worst i believe than most addicts...its the scariest the feelings are something not to be desired..i pray the children today can get thru it with any support nothing was availble to me and i was always embassed i never taliked about or mention to friends or family ... even though they knew , i was the only one trying to cover it up and hide it...
%100 same thing .. i hesitate with all my words to continue i cant in this public forum, still way to much so hard to talk about.. i couldnt have explained all that in 8 min i hestated on comment for 12 min and it took 10 min to say this and respond to the comment below and i will probly go on to read the rest and comment on all agreeing with what u said..very real.. im truely shocked