First time, I learned about narcissistic abuse. Second time, I learned about attachment styles. Third time, hopefully will be secure. But I'd rather be alone. It's peaceful.
I did the same thing. Learned about narcissist abuse then attachment styles. It took me 5 years then started dating. Was with one guy for 18 months but ended up breaking it off due to red flags. Learning my life lessons and will not quit at moving forward!!!!
Dr Ramani Great Conversation.as a survivor for 9 yrs. Now, and I refuse to be involved again. I've learned that if I can't please myself I can't please no one. I have a great source of friends who support me ,an for that I'm grateful for.besides it's a beautiful place to be. No demands, riddcule, come and go as you please. Thanks for this conversation. Love & light.
For me it's not just about not getting played again. I'm emotionally drained. I don't know if I have anything to give to anyone anymore. With that being said I refuse to waist someone else's time like mine was. If I'm not able to give 100 percent I feel like I'm not being fair to myself or anyone else. I spent 18 years with someone diagnosed went BPD who I suspect has NPD also. I lost my youth choosing to be with this person. It also feels that people my age are more developed than I am. I've been over 8 years no contact with this person. And the dreams/nightmares and revelations about her and my relationship keep coming. I'm not bitter because I know that every woman is not the same. Just extremely tired
Since anyone can fake empathy and an emotional connection, as many of us learned the hard way after being trapped into and surviving a narcissistic relationship, we set parameters to avoid getting hurt and betrayed again and learn what people's true intentions. On one hand, we're told to raise our standards, be more diligent, and make better choices. When we do, we are called paranoid, a snob, playing hard to get, or criticized for carrying too much emotional baggage
It's not just the getting hurt. Although that's enough. It's the loss of time and energy. The waste of our life by theft. And our family and friends supported that theft for their own personal benefits. We have had to realize that we didn't have enough value to our own support group. So trust is not realistic.
No one is perfect. No different than those closest to you have let you down I am sure you have let people down. We all have. The important part is what happens next when someone lets you down. Do they apologize and try to make it right? If so, that sounds like a great person. If they don’t and they just walk away or place blame somewhere else if it is really their mistake to own then let them go.
You either risk getting hurt again or you spend the rest of your life single. I say date again once you’ve completed your healing. Good people may be rare, but there’s still some of us out here.
Now you can recognize that Brat Victim Sociopath. Unconditional Love means nothing to these selfish predators. Stay close to Jesus to answer your prayers and send you "that" Love♡ Feel that blessing🕊
I like what Dr Ramani said about the fact that we're human beings and there is no avoiding pain given that. We don't look for it, but it has this really disconcerting way of finding us.
I agree with taking a year-plus off. After 13 months, I’m becoming acquainted with myself again and putting myself first. I’m ok on my own. I may or may not ever date again, and I’m at peace with that ❣️
I can empathize with people who choose not to date again, but for me, my healing has gone further by eventually getting back out there with knowledge that not everyone is bad. I have dated a few nice guys that just didn't work out for good reasons, and I have also dated (for a short period of time) toxic men. I trust myself even more that either way, I can handle people ND the trials and triumphs better than I could before the narcissist abuse. I am more confident inside of my own self, knowing I don't have to swear off all people to protect myself. I am capable of detecting toxicity, I am capable of leaving in a timely manner, and I am capable of being very content being alone. My healing has reached a deeper level by not giving up on people in general. Wishing everyone peace as you navigate your own very valid, personal journey.❤
Please people be very careful. Listen to what dr Ramani has to say about relationships after narcissistic abuse. Unfortunately I didn’t have this information. I spent 70 years being used and abused by narcissists. I’m done!
I've never avoided a relationship that I wanted. I have never been concerned about "getting hurt" in a relationship. That's never been an issue. I jump full in (I also jump back out if I see red flags.) What scares me is relying on another person. What scares me is having someone mess up my peace. What scares me is someone taking up my time and energy without good intentions. I'm guarded against getting played, lied to and tricked in a relationship. I'm very guarded about losing my independence. I'm great at half relationships-- relationships that are honest and real, but do not have any expectation of a deeper relationship. I think that's because of neglectful relationships in my life and family and watching other people's dynamics. I'm very sensitive to anything that appears controlling or dismissive of my feelings. Getting hurt isn't the issue. Getting lost is.
I don't know if I'll ever unconditionally trust another woman again. I'm not worried about being "hurt". I'm worried about being betrayed and disappointed. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what to look for and think many won't make it through the screening process. I just want one more chance at true love.
I hear you. It's a terrible hurt to get sucked in so deeply, only to discover they are a complete fake and fraud. They are far too adept at figuring out what you need, and exploiting that to put on an Oscar worthy act to fool you into thinking you're a match.
I agree I want my senior years to be peaceful ...there are enough people who have tried to control my.life.. bad enough I tolerated abuse.i just want to be left alone
This is timely. Thank you. It’s been a little over a year since my narc friend of 25 years and I parted ways. I just took a class in doing stand-up comedy and I met some great people there. And yeah, my self-doubt demons have been rearing their ugly heads, but maybe, just maybe, there’s a little light at the end of this dark tunnel. And now I know what narcissism is so I can hopefully catch the warning signs if a narc does show up. Maybe.
Here's what I'm going to do... I'm going to risk getting hurt, I'm going all in when I feel love again. I'm going to risk missing some red flags. I'm going to be the kind, trusting, gentle heart I am. And I'm going to trust that there are good people out there who will give and receive with all their heart as I do. ❤
I agree. I became so unwell from narcissists abusing me that now I am free of them, I am absolutely terrified of risking my physical and emotional health ever again.
In the beginning, a narcissist will overwhelm you with attention, sex, affection, endless texts and calls. They will like everything you like, send you flowers, dedicate songs to you and rejoice in having found their soulmate. Because to a narcissist YOU are perfect. And they will mean it. Narcissists fall in love and believe it is what they have searched for but have never had before they found YOU. Unfortunately, it isn't love, it's a combination of infatuation and lust. And as everyone with an ounce of common sense knows, lust and infatuation don't last. A few months into the relationship, a narcissist will start to notice that you have flaws, that you don't deserve to be on that pedestal they put you on. When this happens, the narcissist will begin to get annoyed by little things you do. Really LITTLE THINGS. Like the way you use a straw to drink, or chewing too loudly, or putting a fork on the table lopsided, putting the trash bag in the can wrong, putting toilet paper on backwards. Folding laundry so badly they must redo it, and using too much salt. Any of these sins will be magnified into being worthy of causing them to give you the silent treatment or starting an argument that goes on for hours. After which, the whole thing will be blamed on you because “YOU" like to push their buttons. Over time, your “sins" get more egregious. You are accused of being a liar, of using them, of cheating, of being selfish and worst of all: NOT LOVING THEM. Almost every time, the things you are being accused of are the things the narcissist is actually guilty of doing. When they attack you, you are confused and immediately try to defend yourself and reassure them that it isn't true. This is NARCISSISM 101: Always put your opponent on the defensive. If you are busy defending yourself, you can't look too closely at what the narcissist is doing. And that's what they want. These arguments turn into shockng rages. You will be subjected to being cursed, screamed at, threatened with them leaving you and even physical vioence.You start feeling like you have to walk on eggshells rather then provoke another of these rages. Eventually, a narcissist will revise history. Everything they once liked about you will evolve into the things they now despise. It won't matter if you worship them, take care of them and support them in every way possible. A narcissist will attach selfish and often nefarious reasons for anything you do for them and they will hate you for it. By this time, you have been devalued completely and you are regularly subjected to sarcasm, insults and belittling. If you compliment their intelligence, you're being sarcastic. If you praise their sexual prowess, you're usig them for sex. If you help them financially, you do it so you can exert your power over them. By this time, they have probably cheated on you many times but even though your gut is screaming the truth at you, a narcissist is so good at manipulating and lying to you that you can't prove anything and you live with anxiety that eats away at you until you become a shadow of yourself. They will then use your suspicions to justify more cheating because why shouldn't they cheat if you're accusing them of it? There will be more arguments started over ridiculous things. The narcissists uses these as a reason to storm out of the house and indulge in even more sex. They will start looking for a replacement for you and when a suitable one is found, you will be discarded in an abrupt and cruel fashion. The narcissist will assure you that everything is all your fault and they are leaving you because you are jealous, untrustworthy, disloyal, selfish, unfaithful, greedy and incapable of love. All things they are actually guilty of themselves. But, because you are so confused, you will accept this judgment and spend months wondering what you can do to get the narcissist to come back to you. That is the narcissist's ultimate win. They make you believe that you were the devil, not them. Additionally, If you need to find out about a Cheating Narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
@caralee2617 Hi caralee. I have read all you've typed and I have to say I absolutely agree with you. I have experienced many, if not all, of the things you mentioned but too many times for me to take any more chances. I have, unfortunately, been involved with narcissists on too many occasions and eventually I became very unwell. I cannot afford to risk my mental and physical health anymore. I'm still recovering, with the help of a very compassionate doctor and brilliant therapist, who is an expert on narcissists and the damage they cause. I hope and pray that I will find peace soon. I can't take any more risks. I really hope you continue to do really well and find great happiness. That's all I want for myself now. Best wishes to you.💐
The problem is narcissists are predators. Predators see abused, victims a mile away and it goes beyond family. It extends to the workplace, to mechanics, repairmen, contractors, scammers. The predators know exactly which buttons to push.
In my case it's not exactly fear or scared, I just don't want to let anyone to come into my mess life. I'm embarrassed of all my situation and disfuncional family situations. I already know that my family is not a lovely family like others, my mom will make many embarrassing situations to others and nobody deserves those situations. I was trying to live my life in a different way, trying, but I understand that I got in trouble and unfortunately I don't have the resources to making my way. Looks like I need to make it happen by the difficult way. I'm not scared I'm disappointed of all, I'm tired to dealing with manipulation people. I'm thankful for all professionals and support you and others great support people are helping humanity to understand each one of us to try to develop a better society a better world for our love ones. Thanks so much, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
Afraid isn't the correct word BUT RATHER BE CAUTIOUS ⚠️ WITH WIDE-EYES OPENED and LET IT BE..TRUST YOUR GUTS, HAVE FAITH'S TO THOSE ABOVE & 360 DEGREES AROUND ➕️ BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES ARE THE BEST PROTECTED ARMORS AGAINST THE DEVIL'S BEHINDS THE MASKS 🎭😷..PERIOD..
I don't like getting played, not because it affects my ego but because it waste my time and makes me sad because it is yet again another individual who is dishonest.
The only real predator that we have on the planet is other humans, the good news is that 80 percent of humans would love to share positive experiences with you and you’re going to be surprised by the fact that they will actually help make you feel loved, appreciated,safe and secure. Get out there and enjoy your journey ❤
they would love to share what they think are positive experiences. I'm sure you mean well, but from where I stand that comment is dunning-kruger fuelled toxic positivity. You simply cannot say that if you understand what life-long abuse trauma is like. I'm not knocking you for having it so easy, I'm happy for you, but don't go around giving that sort of "advice" if you want to be helpful with your positivity.
@@tinkeringtim7999 thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings ! I would love to have an adult conversation with you regarding this subject matter, I’m certain it would be interesting and we could both learn from one another! -you are accurate in your assumption that I mean well. -you are inaccurate in your assumption that I don’t understand life long abuse trauma. -you are also inaccurate in relating my comment to the dunning-Kruger effect , because your assumption that I have a cognitive bias and I am incompetent at something and I am unable to recognize my own incompetence….about my advice or performance. the truth is it has taken 40 years of hard work to become very clear and educated in the mental health field and I have enjoyed gaining the knowledge,growth and experience from my trauma. -your assumption that I have it so easy is also very incorrect and inaccurate, I am a survivor of severe childhood abuse and trauma, I have witnessed multiple murders, I have had my life threatened by someone who eventually committed suicide , I have experienced a home invasion from a drugged out guy , along with several near death experiences of my own. -in spite of my very individual and unfortunate life circumstances and experiences, I have done the work along my journey to excel in the world, to have meaningful relationships with good people, raise 3 loving children that are very happy, this trauma has afforded me the opportunity to have a fabulous career with a Fortune 500 company and create financial success and also the past trauma has allowed me to enjoy some success with my passion of competing on a national level in amateur golf. So with regards to your suggestion that I don’t go around giving advice to people, I kindly disagree with your suggestion and stand by my advice that the vast majority of people are kind and would love to share positive experiences with you. I wish you the best on your life journey and hope that you treat yourself with love and kindness as you grow and heal from your life experiences “ one day at a time “ . All the best 🙏🏻✨
I know right now that the utmost important thing for me to do is to concentrate on myself for at least a year (12mnth cleanse) before I even think about being with anyone else. I'm prioritising my recovery and self-care. I know the kind of life I want and the better wiser version that I can be and I want that, NEED that more than I want a man. 🍒
After my nightmare of my last relationship I can't see myself taking a risk again, at least not before finding out what's wrong with me that I keep choosing and attracting crappy men.
My question is how do i keep attracting narcissists..I've dated healthy ppl until I met and dated 1 narcissist , it was a downward slope afterwards...i. may be on my 4th narcissist which us still a talking stage...but I find grandiose narcissists easier to spot and easier to navigate.
Please Dr Ramani, more on moving on from narcissistic abuse from son/daughter in law, or daughter/ son in law. I have 2 sons who partnered with women who are narcissists. My sons became them too. The pain and heartache they have caused me the past 4 years is unspeakable. I lost more family and friends over this(flying monkeys), but more importantly, I lost myself! I became afraid of people, I am socially anxious and awkward. They broke me. I am struggling to heal. I would love more info/talk on this!
i dated a woman for a month. she called me a jerk. i set a boundary saying i understand i upset you but you will not name call me because the next time you do i will remove myself. she said well maybe we should break up. i said okay. i don’t think she was narcissistic like my ex but i stuck to my boundary and also stuck to my non negotiable boundary. if you think you can live life without me, cool. go do it.
I love living alone....the fear may be actually more personal wondering if you learned enough to know you, yourself will recognize the red flags & not get involved with a person like that again
After Experiencing Narcissitic Relationship It's Not Recommended To Rush Into A New Relationship. You Could Still Be Vunerable At Risk Of Getting Hurt Again. It's Crucial To Healing And Self Reflection Before Opening Yourself UpTo Someone Else.
Learning about narcissists was the best thing ever for my life! I learned to deal with these people and to set boundaries for myself. The pain from them is just a bad experience and a lesson to learn. The only thing that can really hurt me now.. is betraying myself again! Your Life is your own! 😁❤️🔥
I started learning at an early age' I couldn't get out of it' they continued their power play against me on up into my adulthood and up until most of them have passed' to the point it's totally destroyed my life. Nothing left.
I’ll be honest, I thought the 1 year rule was bit too much/long at first. I’ve decided to heal this time, I’m 6months in and now doubt I’ll be ready after 1 year 😅.
Yes. Especially looking out to people who are narcissistic on TV, in media, can’t not see it now it’s a good thing because I up my own inner life to be not that. Enough of us heal, wolf in sheeps clothing won’t make it to power because so many of us are empowered by self love and respect and it’s joy, even in heart aches.
This reminds me of a song called "Solitude" by Edwin McCain. ...He said thank you, mom, for fixing My clouded broken mind But excuse me if I seem a little rude While I was missing my childhood, My brother and my prime You enjoyed the convenience of my solitude...
I'm autistic with CPTSD; premium supply, garbage partner for (almost?) anyone else. I'm not so much afraid of getting hurt as afraid of wasting more years of my life. 3 times I thought I knew better, 3 times there were just new types/methods. Literally nobody except God understands, but most people think they do.
I was traumatized 45 yrs ago and didn't get attached again. I was only 27 at the time .I was mostly afraid of my ex and his goons interfering. He has created a wedge between me and a daughter. Comes from a brutal family of narcissists. 😢
It’s interesting that you did this video. I’ve been in a group for almost a year, and I’m still married to my Narcissist. I’ve had emotional growth. I’m surviving this situation with the support provided by Dr. Ramani, my group and other resources that I’m grateful for. I’ve learned it’s important to love and care about myself. I see there’s trusting men. My Psychologist that leads group is a very respectable man. I’ve learned the signs to watch out for, and the red flags. Also like Dr. Ramani described. My original dream was to be a Registered Nurse for Med/Surgery. The people took advantage of me, and most were Narcissist. I was heartbroken. And became fearful for a while. Then I realized I will work in a different field of a Registered Nurse such as behavioral health, especially, since I have innate experience for that. Now I’m going to further my education and work as a behavioral counselor under a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. I’m 60 years old. I look at least 10 years younger. My doctor said I’m very healthy, and I feel great. so I’m not giving up after I leave my husband, which is very soon. I admit that is the hardest step to take. If I can do that, I can do anything. Best wishes to all the survivors. I love you all for everything you’ve done to survive. Remember to love yourself. You are worth everything you deserve to do. ❤ Thanks for reading this my beautiful moms, sisters, and advocates. You all brought me to this point. 🫂🥰
I took almost a year, dated a few, started commitment, that ended because I got deployed for a year, almost got blown up month 10, was on the seattle ferris wheel with a hot pilates studio owner about 4 days after VA surgery. Best way of avoiding NPD is offline, not trying to date and literally not caring about relationships. Childhood was FSA victim,, LE and Mil gigs were hell, aero gig was Elon level workaholism, even 6+6 abs and 4br on acres with horses in NPD digger 304 prone LA county put me in the "fun zone" not hubby zone. Sold it before it burned and finally doing therapy and self care elsewhere. About to tell the fam.of origin to go self copulate again like I said in 2000 and leave again.
I don't like the concept of dating. I'd rather meet thru other ways where there isn't an agenda. Maybe she turns out to be a friend or colleague instead of a possible mate. Or maybe none of the above.
438 days since no contact with the narc husband. The divorce is 400+ days in, and not finalized yet. The narc abuse is now financial. Where am I at now, and Do i want to date again? Yes. Im not ready, but. One day at a time. I do hold space for another relationship.
Getting into a relationship with somebody reflects everything in you AND the other person. Right??!! What are you seeing when you get played? Who IS that person that's gotten played? Who was that manipulator who played you? Who WERE we when we were growing at ALL times, and continue to hopefully grow? We don't necessarily want to be hurt. Why would anybody want that? But don't we change when we get hurt too? It's all very strange sometimes! 😵💫☺️
We social animals need each other. Even us narcissists, Keeping good boundaries will draw in healthy people in your life, and then you must understand that you have to take your time with any future relationships, go very very slow.
After noting how deeply buried trauma can be before uncovering YEARS LATER? I’m nearly 70 y/o now, I want my remaining years peaceful and drama-free.
There is more in life than having a partner / spouse. If a good person shows up, fine. But I would never betray myself again just to „have“ somebody.
Remember the mantra “I wasn’t the one, it was just my turn”
@@Werderina exactly the way I feel!
Agree
I am afraid of getting hurt again. My lack of trust lays more in trusting myself not to fall for the same type of person again.
Keep looking deeper within in yourself
@@The_Pool_Guide exactly! Empaths are the prime targets of narcissists
Codependency issues need addressing
First time, I learned about narcissistic abuse.
Second time, I learned about attachment styles.
Third time, hopefully will be secure. But I'd rather be alone. It's peaceful.
I’d rather be alone, too
I did the same thing. Learned about narcissist abuse then attachment styles. It took me 5 years then started dating. Was with one guy for 18 months but ended up breaking it off due to red flags. Learning my life lessons and will not quit at moving forward!!!!
Codependency isn’t worth risking a home & a life for anymore
@@caroleminke6116 well said!
Got played & NOT doing it again. Found self love, contentment, & PEACE. Humans are crazy, PERIOD! Want a friend, get a dog!
And cat a bird, tarantula 😊
2014 Dr. Ramanni & Lisa A. Ramano both warned: Pandemic Narcissism America.
("The Other Pandemic")
🙏Bless you🕊
Especially Beagles!
I just would live my life and if someone proposes that’s cool but if people are trying to date your siblings or friends eww it gets ugly
🐈
Dr Ramani Great Conversation.as a survivor for 9 yrs. Now, and I refuse to be involved again. I've learned that if I can't please myself I can't please no one. I have a great source of friends who support me ,an for that I'm grateful for.besides it's a beautiful place to be. No demands, riddcule, come and go as you please. Thanks for this conversation. Love & light.
Some of us might not completely trust anyone again and might explore things like spirituality or finding a meaning to life.
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
My new philosophy after getting burned repeatedly by narcissists is, "Never trust your well-being to someone else - they *always* f--k it up."
Every time a covert narc slips through my narc radar, it hurts, but over time that pain slowly transforms into discernment and wisdom.
I took almost 2. Getting my diploma, changing may job, fixing my teeth, getting my medical done, being present for my teen. I love me
For me it's not just about not getting played again. I'm emotionally drained. I don't know if I have anything to give to anyone anymore. With that being said I refuse to waist someone else's time like mine was. If I'm not able to give 100 percent I feel like I'm not being fair to myself or anyone else. I spent 18 years with someone diagnosed went BPD who I suspect has NPD also. I lost my youth choosing to be with this person. It also feels that people my age are more developed than I am. I've been over 8 years no contact with this person. And the dreams/nightmares and revelations about her and my relationship keep coming. I'm not bitter because I know that every woman is not the same. Just extremely tired
Since anyone can fake empathy and an emotional connection, as many of us learned the hard way after being trapped into and surviving a narcissistic relationship, we set parameters to avoid getting hurt and betrayed again and learn what people's true intentions. On one hand, we're told to raise our standards, be more diligent, and make better choices. When we do, we are called paranoid, a snob, playing hard to get, or criticized for carrying too much emotional baggage
@@csfiskus610 yep. It's definitely a no win situation
Everyone has their own speed in recovery, and I'm thankful to hear this hopeful message from a pro.
It's not just the getting hurt. Although that's enough. It's the loss of time and energy. The waste of our life by theft. And our family and friends supported that theft for their own personal benefits. We have had to realize that we didn't have enough value to our own support group. So trust is not realistic.
“You don’t need to do the learning part anymore” Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
Codependency issues 😉
Excellent video. One to remember and watch again over time, not just in regards to relationships but coping with life in general. 😊
I trust no one and I’ve been right about that. Even my closest people have betrayed me, so it’s fine, I’m good. I trust ME
No one is perfect. No different than those closest to you have let you down I am sure you have let people down. We all have. The important part is what happens next when someone lets you down. Do they apologize and try to make it right? If so, that sounds like a great person. If they don’t and they just walk away or place blame somewhere else if it is really their mistake to own then let them go.
You either risk getting hurt again or you spend the rest of your life single. I say date again once you’ve completed your healing. Good people may be rare, but there’s still some of us out here.
Never again.
There’s nothing wrong with choosing to be single indefinitely. Some of us actually like our own company.
Now you can recognize that Brat Victim Sociopath.
Unconditional Love means nothing to these selfish predators.
Stay close to Jesus to answer your prayers and send you "that" Love♡
Feel that blessing🕊
@@Ranger526 be quiet
I feel like naming yourself narc survivor might be a red flag 😝 🚩
I like what Dr Ramani said about the fact that we're human beings and there is no avoiding pain given that. We don't look for it, but it has this really disconcerting way of finding us.
I agree with taking a year-plus off. After 13 months, I’m becoming acquainted with myself again and putting myself first. I’m ok on my own. I may or may not ever date again, and I’m at peace with that ❣️
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
I can empathize with people who choose not to date again, but for me, my healing has gone further by eventually getting back out there with knowledge that not everyone is bad. I have dated a few nice guys that just didn't work out for good reasons, and I have also dated (for a short period of time) toxic men. I trust myself even more that either way, I can handle people ND the trials and triumphs better than I could before the narcissist abuse. I am more confident inside of my own self, knowing I don't have to swear off all people to protect myself. I am capable of detecting toxicity, I am capable of leaving in a timely manner, and I am capable of being very content being alone. My healing has reached a deeper level by not giving up on people in general. Wishing everyone peace as you navigate your own very valid, personal journey.❤
Please people be very careful. Listen to what dr Ramani has to say about relationships after narcissistic abuse. Unfortunately I didn’t have this information.
I spent 70 years being used and abused by narcissists. I’m done!
I've never avoided a relationship that I wanted. I have never been concerned about "getting hurt" in a relationship. That's never been an issue. I jump full in (I also jump back out if I see red flags.) What scares me is relying on another person. What scares me is having someone mess up my peace. What scares me is someone taking up my time and energy without good intentions. I'm guarded against getting played, lied to and tricked in a relationship. I'm very guarded about losing my independence.
I'm great at half relationships-- relationships that are honest and real, but do not have any expectation of a deeper relationship.
I think that's because of neglectful relationships in my life and family and watching other people's dynamics. I'm very sensitive to anything that appears controlling or dismissive of my feelings. Getting hurt isn't the issue. Getting lost is.
Lost. That is absolutely how you end up after being in a relationship with a narcissist.
Brilliantly put.👏👏👏
I don't know if I'll ever unconditionally trust another woman again. I'm not worried about being "hurt". I'm worried about being betrayed and disappointed. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what to look for and think many won't make it through the screening process. I just want one more chance at true love.
I hear you. It's a terrible hurt to get sucked in so deeply, only to discover they are a complete fake and fraud. They are far too adept at figuring out what you need, and exploiting that to put on an Oscar worthy act to fool you into thinking you're a match.
@lynnebucher6537 then they think you're a fool for falling for their act.
Jerry Seinfeld : 90% of the population is undateable.
Elaine : How are people getting together?
Jerry Seinfeld : Alcohol! 😅
My easy simple peaceful life ☮️ no parents, no partner, no problem 💟
I agree I want my senior years to be peaceful ...there are enough people who have tried to control my.life.. bad enough I tolerated abuse.i just want to be left alone
This is timely. Thank you. It’s been a little over a year since my narc friend of 25 years and I parted ways. I just took a class in doing stand-up comedy and I met some great people there. And yeah, my self-doubt demons have been rearing their ugly heads, but maybe, just maybe, there’s a little light at the end of this dark tunnel. And now I know what narcissism is so I can hopefully catch the warning signs if a narc does show up.
Maybe.
Good luck with the stand up comedy ! 🫶🏻
Here's what I'm going to do...
I'm going to risk getting hurt, I'm going all in when I feel love again. I'm going to risk missing some red flags. I'm going to be the kind, trusting, gentle heart I am. And I'm going to trust that there are good people out there who will give and receive with all their heart as I do. ❤
I've been single for over six years now. I will never date again. It's not worth the risk.
I always hated dating anyway! No loss !
Being alone also has a cost. A cost that I'd also prefer not to pay. But the cost can be a cheap price to pay considering the risk.
I feel like this may be my Destiny. I feel how you feel
I agree. I became so unwell from narcissists abusing me that now I am free of them, I am absolutely terrified of risking my physical and emotional health ever again.
People really aren’t interested in friendships if you notice unless it’s to get something
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
In the beginning, a narcissist will overwhelm you with attention, sex, affection, endless texts and calls. They will like everything you like, send you flowers, dedicate songs to you and rejoice in having found their soulmate. Because to a narcissist YOU are perfect. And they will mean it. Narcissists fall in love and believe it is what they have searched for but have never had before they found YOU. Unfortunately, it isn't love, it's a combination of infatuation and lust. And as everyone with an ounce of common sense knows, lust and infatuation don't last. A few months into the relationship, a narcissist will start to notice that you have flaws, that you don't deserve to be on that pedestal they put you on. When this happens, the narcissist will begin to get annoyed by little things you do. Really LITTLE THINGS. Like the way you use a straw to drink, or chewing too loudly, or putting a fork on the table lopsided, putting the trash bag in the can wrong, putting toilet paper on backwards. Folding laundry so badly they must redo it, and using too much salt. Any of these sins will be magnified into being worthy of causing them to give you the silent treatment or starting an argument that goes on for hours. After which, the whole thing will be blamed on you because “YOU" like to push their buttons.
Over time, your “sins" get more egregious. You are accused of being a liar, of using them, of cheating, of being selfish and worst of all: NOT LOVING THEM. Almost every time, the things you are being accused of are the things the narcissist is actually guilty of doing. When they attack you, you are confused and immediately try to defend yourself and reassure them that it isn't true. This is NARCISSISM 101: Always put your opponent on the defensive. If you are busy defending yourself, you can't look too closely at what the narcissist is doing. And that's what they want. These arguments turn into shockng rages. You will be subjected to being cursed, screamed at, threatened with them leaving you and even physical vioence.You start feeling like you have to walk on eggshells rather then provoke another of these rages. Eventually, a narcissist will revise history. Everything they once liked about you will evolve into the things they now despise. It won't matter if you worship them, take care of them and support them in every way possible.
A narcissist will attach selfish and often nefarious reasons for anything you do for them and they will hate you for it. By this time, you have been devalued completely and you are regularly subjected to sarcasm, insults and belittling. If you compliment their intelligence, you're being sarcastic. If you praise their sexual prowess, you're usig them for sex. If you help them financially, you do it so you can exert your power over them. By this time, they have probably cheated on you many times but even though your gut is screaming the truth at you, a narcissist is so good at manipulating and lying to you that you can't prove anything and you live with anxiety that eats away at you until you become a shadow of yourself. They will then use your suspicions to justify more cheating because why shouldn't they cheat if you're accusing them of it? There will be more arguments started over ridiculous things. The narcissists uses these as a reason to storm out of the house and indulge in even more sex. They will start looking for a replacement for you and when a suitable one is found, you will be discarded in an abrupt and cruel fashion.
The narcissist will assure you that everything is all your fault and they are leaving you because you are jealous, untrustworthy, disloyal, selfish, unfaithful, greedy and incapable of love. All things they are actually guilty of themselves. But, because you are so confused, you will accept this judgment and spend months wondering what you can do to get the narcissist to come back to you. That is the narcissist's ultimate win. They make you believe that you were the devil, not them. Additionally, If you need to find out about a Cheating Narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
@caralee2617 Hi caralee. I have read all you've typed and I have to say I absolutely agree with you. I have experienced many, if not all, of the things you mentioned but too many times for me to take any more chances. I have, unfortunately, been involved with narcissists on too many occasions and eventually I became very unwell. I cannot afford to risk my mental and physical health anymore. I'm still recovering, with the help of a very compassionate doctor and brilliant therapist, who is an expert on narcissists and the damage they cause.
I hope and pray that I will find peace soon. I can't take any more risks. I really hope you continue to do really well and find great happiness.
That's all I want for myself now. Best wishes to you.💐
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
The problem is narcissists are predators.
Predators see abused, victims a mile away and it goes beyond family. It extends to the workplace, to mechanics, repairmen, contractors, scammers. The predators know exactly which buttons to push.
I agree with you 100%. You are absolutely right.
In my case it's not exactly fear or scared, I just don't want to let anyone to come into my mess life. I'm embarrassed of all my situation and disfuncional family situations. I already know that my family is not a lovely family like others, my mom will make many embarrassing situations to others and nobody deserves those situations. I was trying to live my life in a different way, trying, but I understand that I got in trouble and unfortunately I don't have the resources to making my way. Looks like I need to make it happen by the difficult way. I'm not scared I'm disappointed of all, I'm tired to dealing with manipulation people. I'm thankful for all professionals and support you and others great support people are helping humanity to understand each one of us to try to develop a better society a better world for our love ones. Thanks so much, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
Afraid isn't the correct word BUT RATHER BE CAUTIOUS ⚠️ WITH WIDE-EYES OPENED and LET IT BE..TRUST YOUR GUTS, HAVE FAITH'S TO THOSE ABOVE & 360 DEGREES AROUND ➕️ BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES ARE THE BEST PROTECTED ARMORS AGAINST THE DEVIL'S BEHINDS THE MASKS 🎭😷..PERIOD..
I don't like getting played, not because it affects my ego but because it waste my time and makes me sad because it is yet again another individual who is dishonest.
The only real predator that we have on the planet is other humans, the good news is that 80 percent of humans would love to share positive experiences with you and you’re going to be surprised by the fact that they will actually help make you feel loved, appreciated,safe and secure.
Get out there and enjoy your journey ❤
they would love to share what they think are positive experiences. I'm sure you mean well, but from where I stand that comment is dunning-kruger fuelled toxic positivity. You simply cannot say that if you understand what life-long abuse trauma is like. I'm not knocking you for having it so easy, I'm happy for you, but don't go around giving that sort of "advice" if you want to be helpful with your positivity.
@@tinkeringtim7999 thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings !
I would love to have an adult conversation with you regarding this subject matter, I’m certain it would be interesting and we could both learn from one another!
-you are accurate in your assumption that I mean well.
-you are inaccurate in your assumption that I don’t understand life long abuse trauma.
-you are also inaccurate in relating my comment to the dunning-Kruger effect , because your assumption that I have a cognitive bias and I am incompetent at something and I am unable to recognize my own incompetence….about my advice or performance.
the truth is it has taken 40 years of hard work to become very clear and educated in the mental health field and I have enjoyed gaining the knowledge,growth and experience from my trauma.
-your assumption that I have it so easy is also very incorrect and inaccurate, I am a survivor of severe childhood abuse and trauma, I have witnessed multiple murders, I have had my life threatened by someone who eventually committed suicide , I have experienced a home invasion from a drugged out guy , along with several near death experiences of my own.
-in spite of my very individual and unfortunate life circumstances and experiences, I have done the work along my journey to excel in the world, to have meaningful relationships with good people, raise 3 loving children that are very happy, this trauma has afforded me the opportunity to have a fabulous career with a Fortune 500 company and create financial success and also the past trauma has allowed me to enjoy some success with my passion of competing on a national level in amateur golf.
So with regards to your suggestion that I don’t go around giving advice to people, I kindly disagree with your suggestion and stand by my advice that the vast majority of people are kind and would love to share positive experiences with you.
I wish you the best on your life journey and hope that you treat yourself with love and kindness as you grow and heal from your life experiences “ one day at a time “ .
All the best 🙏🏻✨
Four years and counting. I have no desire for a relationship. I feel I'm done. Had my chances and now there are only my kids
I know right now that the utmost important thing for me to do is to concentrate on myself for at least a year (12mnth cleanse) before I even think about being with anyone else. I'm prioritising my recovery and self-care. I know the kind of life I want and the better wiser version that I can be and I want that, NEED that more than I want a man. 🍒
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
"Listen, you're a genius at recovering from hurt..." 9:00.
After my nightmare of my last relationship I can't see myself taking a risk again, at least not before finding out what's wrong with me that I keep choosing and attracting crappy men.
You are so right Ramani ❤️ thank you for your invaluable help and support 🥰 God bless you❤️
Not just for narcissistic abuse, for any abuse, you need to get up and keep walking. Get help if you need it, but keep moving forward.
My question is how do i keep attracting narcissists..I've dated healthy ppl until I met and dated 1 narcissist , it was a downward slope afterwards...i. may be on my 4th narcissist which us still a talking stage...but I find grandiose narcissists easier to spot and easier to navigate.
Please Dr Ramani, more on moving on from narcissistic abuse from son/daughter in law, or daughter/ son in law. I have 2 sons who partnered with women who are narcissists. My sons became them too. The pain and heartache they have caused me the past 4 years is unspeakable. I lost more family and friends over this(flying monkeys), but more importantly, I lost myself! I became afraid of people, I am socially anxious and awkward. They broke me. I am struggling to heal. I would love more info/talk on this!
You are such a caring giving Dr🙏🏻💖💖
i dated a woman for a month. she called me a jerk. i set a boundary saying i understand i upset you but you will not name call me because the next time you do i will remove myself. she said well maybe we should break up. i said okay. i don’t think she was narcissistic like my ex but i stuck to my boundary and also stuck to my non negotiable boundary. if you think you can live life without me, cool. go do it.
all this was after taking a year off from my narcissistic marriage of 4 years.
Excellent timing. I was just thinking about this today.
Thank you 🙏
We social animals we need each other. Keeping good boundaries will draw in healthy people in your life.
I love living alone....the fear may be actually more personal wondering if you learned enough to know you, yourself will recognize the red flags & not get involved with a person like that again
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
I do want a healthy relationship with a woman, one thing I've never had. Fear is holding me back.
After Experiencing Narcissitic Relationship It's Not Recommended To Rush Into A New Relationship. You Could Still Be Vunerable At Risk Of Getting Hurt Again. It's Crucial To Healing And Self Reflection Before Opening Yourself UpTo Someone Else.
At The Least One Year from dating !
@@SherryTomlinson-r2yYou Are Absolutely Right
Learning about narcissists was the best thing ever for my life! I learned to deal with these people and to set boundaries for myself. The pain from them is just a bad experience and a lesson to learn. The only thing that can really hurt me now.. is betraying myself again!
Your Life is your own! 😁❤️🔥
I started learning at an early age' I couldn't get out of it' they continued their power play against me on up into my adulthood and up until most of them have passed' to the point it's totally destroyed my life. Nothing left.
I love that ❤
I’ll be honest, I thought the 1 year rule was bit too much/long at first. I’ve decided to heal this time, I’m 6months in and now doubt I’ll be ready after 1 year 😅.
Poetic wonderful wisdom. Thank you dr Ramani
Yes. Especially looking out to people who are narcissistic on TV, in media, can’t not see it now it’s a good thing because I up my own inner life to be not that. Enough of us heal, wolf in sheeps clothing won’t make it to power because so many of us are empowered by self love and respect and it’s joy, even in heart aches.
Thank you for this episode. I love your blouse! I would love to get one for myself; can you share where you purchased it?
This reminds me of a song called "Solitude" by Edwin McCain.
...He said thank you, mom, for fixing
My clouded broken mind
But excuse me if I seem a little rude
While I was missing my childhood,
My brother and my prime
You enjoyed the convenience of my solitude...
Very extrimely difficult. Must through fear. But its not about par,dating, only as frends
hello Dear, I love your comments on this channel, Happy New Year 2025🎄 🎁 How are you doing today?
I'm autistic with CPTSD; premium supply, garbage partner for (almost?) anyone else.
I'm not so much afraid of getting hurt as afraid of wasting more years of my life. 3 times I thought I knew better, 3 times there were just new types/methods.
Literally nobody except God understands, but most people think they do.
I was traumatized 45 yrs ago and didn't get attached again. I was only 27 at the time .I was mostly afraid of my ex and his goons interfering. He has created a wedge between me and a daughter. Comes from a brutal family of narcissists. 😢
Attorney betrayed trust due to his Conflict of Interest self-Gain.
Did a relationship and it was more of the same so I'm staying with just a cat can't seem to want to try again
You never disappoint me!
It is amazing how you are so updated.
Big love❤❤❤
Im afraid of men and getting hurt. Im lost
Now we have more options w trans and non binary humans!! Whew! ❤😊
It’s interesting that you did this video. I’ve been in a group for almost a year, and I’m still married to my Narcissist. I’ve had emotional growth.
I’m surviving this situation with the support provided by Dr. Ramani, my group and other resources that I’m grateful for. I’ve learned it’s important to love and care about myself.
I see there’s trusting men.
My Psychologist that leads group is a very respectable man. I’ve learned the signs to watch out for, and the red flags.
Also like Dr. Ramani described.
My original dream was to be a Registered Nurse for Med/Surgery.
The people took advantage of me, and most were Narcissist. I was heartbroken. And became fearful for a while.
Then I realized I will work in a different field of a Registered Nurse such as behavioral health, especially, since I have innate experience for that.
Now I’m going to further my education and work as a behavioral counselor under a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. I’m 60 years old. I look at least 10 years younger. My doctor said I’m very healthy, and I feel great. so I’m not giving up after I leave my husband, which is very soon. I admit that is the hardest step to take. If I can do that, I can do anything.
Best wishes to all the survivors. I love you all for everything you’ve done to survive. Remember to love yourself. You are worth everything you deserve to do. ❤ Thanks for reading this my beautiful moms, sisters, and advocates. You all brought me to this point. 🫂🥰
I took almost a year, dated a few, started commitment, that ended because I got deployed for a year, almost got blown up month 10, was on the seattle ferris wheel with a hot pilates studio owner about 4 days after VA surgery. Best way of avoiding NPD is offline, not trying to date and literally not caring about relationships. Childhood was FSA victim,, LE and Mil gigs were hell, aero gig was Elon level workaholism, even 6+6 abs and 4br on acres with horses in NPD digger 304 prone LA county put me in the "fun zone" not hubby zone. Sold it before it burned and finally doing therapy and self care elsewhere.
About to tell the fam.of origin to go self copulate again like I said in 2000 and leave again.
I don't like the concept of dating. I'd rather meet thru other ways where there isn't an agenda. Maybe she turns out to be a friend or colleague instead of a possible mate. Or maybe none of the above.
On point
❤❤❤ we shame ourselves for feeling naive in our pasta… when we should laugh and realize how genuine we are
438 days since no contact with the narc husband. The divorce is 400+ days in, and not finalized yet.
The narc abuse is now financial.
Where am I at now, and
Do i want to date again?
Yes. Im not ready, but.
One day at a time.
I do hold space for another relationship.
I never trust...
Apologies… this small word “if” I hurt you I am sorry. Not an apology.
She used this today after I messaged her after 5 months. I didn't expect anything else.
Getting into a relationship with somebody reflects everything in you AND the other person. Right??!! What are you seeing when you get played? Who IS that person that's gotten played? Who was that manipulator who played you? Who WERE we when we were growing at ALL times, and continue to hopefully grow?
We don't necessarily want to be hurt. Why would anybody want that? But don't we change when we get hurt too? It's all very strange sometimes! 😵💫☺️
I have no support, no friends or family or anyone whatsoever, and i don't have money for therapy soo... Im doomed
7:37
😍😍😍
Ancestry is NOT a dating app!!!!
7th, 2 February 2025
DUI. Dating under the influence. It's not a good idea.
No no it's bad for USA.
I'm not interested. I'm only interested in my children being restored to me after envious and hateful religious abusers divided them from me.
We social animals need each other. Even us narcissists, Keeping good boundaries will draw in healthy people in your life, and then you must understand that you have to take your time with any future relationships, go very very slow.
Yes, always love. If someone messes with you, you get back tenfold anyways. Don't fear anything:)