I really feel like this topic should be talked about more. There was a lot of feedback on the original video and reading your comments about feeling validated has been really helpful for me to see. This is a sensitive topic for all of us...
Yes! I can't speak for other religions, but in the Evangelical world, there's been a massive reckoning with religious trauma in the last few years (especially since 2016 ... I'll let you guess which major political event caused younger EV's to lose faith in their institutions)
True! And I also would be interested in a video about cults because I feel there is not talked enough about them either. I'm always shocked when I see an interview/documentation film with someone who was in a sect and how they got into it because they were not educated; because they didn't know how to seperate such a thing from an open, healthy religious space. It's soooo important to learn about how dangerous they are and that they basically destroy lives.
@@moodybassist I had a doctor who was my primary care physician tell me that my anxiety & depression made her question if I really believed in God & was saved. Like what kind of doctor are you to make such an offensive accusation on something that isn’t about faith in a religion but is a mental illness. Needless to say, I never went back to her again & got me a new doctor.
It’s not only toxic. It’s Dangerous! People who need meds and don’t take them can and do harm themselves. Some don’t take them because the pastor says no. Bad pastor. Bad!
@@Katimorton Thank you, for your videos. I'm not a Christian and I don't follow religion. I'm not judging, I'm wanting to understand. Please give me your honest opinion without fear of losing subscribers. Can trauma cause same sex attractions, like an absent parent, molestation, rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotionally unavailable parent? There is no evidence that supports a gay gene. I would appreciate it greatly if you could answer that question. I value your opinion, based on your education and caring about helping people heal from pain.
I’m physically disabled and grew up in the church. At 12, I was taken to some church event and was brought up on the stage to be “healed.” The pastor put his “healing hands” on me to get rid of my disability. I stood there so embarrassed and shamed in front of 150+ people. I remember conversations around how people with disabilities were paying for sins of ancestors. That’s a lot to process and carry. I’ve also had numerous strangers come up to me asking to pray for me, “fix my legs.” I still struggle with shame from these experiences thinking there’s something wrong with me. So glad you and others are finally speaking out about the harm that can come from religion!
I am so sorry you had that happen to you.. and happy to bring to light something that can be very harmful. xoxo I hope you have found a therapist or other support and have been able to heal. xoxo
Metaphysics like everything else often is more comforting to the person not dealing with adversity. After getting hurt i tried all kinds of stuff but some "healers" have serious wounds themselves. Sorry you had to deal with such childish adults trying to use you. As an adult i still have to remind myself that given the amount of s,-- in my head all the others have just as much or more.
Everyone who is part of the the LGBTQ+ community and grew up in a religious household I see you, I feel for you, I understand it can be so traumatizing I’m glad your still here 💗💗💗
Growing up I lost friends to suicide, drugs, cancer, and one was killed by a drunk driver, and whenever someone would say to me "God never gives you more than you can handle." it made me so angry because clearly my friends had more than they could handle, they died, and it felt like an insult to them. As if them being dead was all their fault somehow because God would never let something so terrible happen you couldn't live through it.
the thing is that’s just what life is and some people have terrible things happen to them without any say about it (me included) because we’re only human and nothing is perfect about us but the point is to grow from and help some else going through the same thing. i don’t think i can apologize in their behalf but I want you to know God understands what we are feeling and why we are feeling that way and in that way he’s a therapist too but i believe his point of life is to go through these things and keeping going strong to help others even if it’s hard because we can’t stop bad things from happening but we can heal and grow from them if that makes sense
@@jae838 I appreciate the kindness you're obviously going for & you're a sweet & sincere person. I don't get why you responded to the Orig. Commenter (who said a phrase (made by humans & not God) hurt them further whilst grieving (as it hurts to be told ones pain isn't so bad or even that their feelings are 'wrong') by saying the phrase is right & then re‐explaining it. When bad things happen, many of us feel far more comfort when we hear, "I'm so sorry that happened to you. If you need a compassionate ear? I'm here for you, my friend.", than when we're bereaved & are told that God thinks we'll be fine so how bad can it be? No matter how kind one is, I feel that to re‐word the very thing which was hurtful isn't the very best way to go. I only ask that you consider it • as I once did myself. TH-cam ‐ 2006: some Dr. did a video on psychological invalidation & it made my ability to cope with my ptsd • PLUS my dealings with others' pain • far more productive for all parties. I learnt why things had hurt me & how to not hurt others when I only wished to help. This was was a gift I didn't realise I needed; it made me a better person. So much love, peace, kindness, & good health to you & yours for Christmas & all year. 💗☮🌲🎄🌲🎄 Sincerely, Me.
@Forever Sweater Weather My heart just breaks for you & the immense pain you must have experienced from such an onslaught of loss. That phrase - "God... can handle"? It hurts so many people & I feel so sad knowing that people said that to you. Your feelings matter & that's a hurtful thing to hear when grieving. XO So many hugs & cyber love to you. Know I'm here if you ever need someone to listen; someone who felt alone ('til your comments) in my similar experiences. Always, Me.💗🫂💗
That's not a saying from the bible, but regardless you clearly misinterpret it. The one killed by a drunk driver was an accident plain and simple. Not their fault. The suicide was their choice (between them and God, and God is merciful) the part about how much we can handle was in reference to YOUR suffering over losing them.
@@carlos4087 you misunderstood what I was saying. People say that saying all the time to everyone. Not just to me. But I know that the saying is wrong. Clearly my friends had more than they could handle.
The thing is that this scripture is taken way out of context. It’s referring to work in the ministry. Not family and life trauma. Not illness. Not money problems. It means god will not ask too much from u.
....who says God 'gave' you anything?? Do people not make choices which affect our lives ??? I must be weird, because i do it and experience my choices and other peoples' choices all the time. i've never thought that God forced them or me to choose to do ....whatever... This is the weirdest non-christian 'belief' in the christian church: do we believe in free will or no?
Definitely do a video about purity culture/modesty! This part of Christianity caused me to further blame myself for much of my childhood trauma as well as blaming myself for trauma in my adulthood.
The issue is that religious leaders themselves have logs in their own eyes and bring that into the doctrine that they perpetuate to their members including sexism. The fact that they hold women accountable for a man's lust instead of the man himself, especially in light of all of the guys that are involved in p*rn, is a problem. We are only responsible for our choices that directly affect us and others, not others people's choices.
I fucking HATE when women are shamed for being sexually assaulted because they were dressed “too sexy”. How about we put less emphasis on how women dress and focus more on teaching men that it’s not acceptable to harass or assault women regardless of what the look like or what they wear!
yo what guy harass's women lmao, also im pretty sure nobody needs to be taught that, if they do assault somebody its not because they don't know better but because they are sick in the head because of whatever
To anyone who’s going to get mad because she’s talking about how religion can be toxic, please take this intro consideration: love can be toxic. Friends can be toxic. Family can be toxic. GOOD things CAN be toxic. She’s not talking bad about your beliefs. Please always open your mind before opening your mouth. Just because you haven’t experienced it, doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Wishing you all nothing but happiness❤️🩹
1000% agree with your comment, this is not something that says 'church is bad' or 'what you believe is bad,' but it says that something in a lot of churches _needs_ to change. The question is what and how exactly, and honestly I feel like I haven't found a satisfying answer yet within conservative circles. (Not saying that those beliefs are right, I have my own questions, but that's a topic for another day...) Speaking from the perspective of somebody involved in church who wants to see change happen but doesn't know what it should look like, I'm glad more people are talking about this sort of stuff now. I'm approaching this from the angle that there must be a way to hold genuine beliefs while truly welcoming/loving/relating with every single person as people inarguably worthy of love, respect, and belonging as _all of us_ are, without any of the very obvious stigma and without treating people like projects. Very open to this topic.
As a victim of torture, I absolutely abhor hearing people say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Torture is the literal definition of more than you can handle. What they mean to say is that they've never experienced more than they can handle.
The bottom line is, if you've experienced religious trauma, know it's not your fault. Some reasons why individuals experience religious trauma include: Religious teachings villainize and suppress normal developmental stages and individualized thinking. You were taught that you cannot trust yourself and feel helpless.☺☺☺
Gosh, I agree that the church can be REALLY bad about shaming people... And no, it's NOT your fault. Pastor's son here from from a very conservative Christian background, that experienced my own trauma for those EXACT reasons which drove me away from my faith - being taught you're worthless, helpless, and that if you have any stress and mental health issues, or experience same sex attractions it's just because you need to pray / read the Bible more. (I personally ended up figuring out/choosing to decide I wasn't gay, but really had to come to a point where I was 100% open to accepting it if I was.) Honestly, I understand if a lot of people are done with church. But I hope you know that not every church is toxic. That's why I never fully left, though believe me when I tell you I got close, and had many long nights over years arguing, even yelling at my father. I never left because he was truly genuine and open to talking about difficult things. To him it wasn't about being right and about control, it was about love and truly wanting the best for me as his son. My dad's church has totally not figured out how things should change around this stuff, but they're _trying_. For the first time in 10 years, my dad realized just this past week that he had trauma over his father leaving him, and he is going to see a clinical psychologist now. And he's starting to talk OPENLY in his preaching that we need to change how we relate with the LGBTQ community. (And y'all, you don't even know how CRAZY that is - Filipino church culture is NOTORIOUSLY closed off to this stuff, due to 1) being a shame based culture and 2) being a conservative Christian religious culture and all that entails as well.) I'm so sorry you were hurt by the church (as I was). I hope you know that it doesn't HAVE to be that way. That there is WONDERFUL community made possible when people share the same worldview... And yes, I agree, change has to start with the evangelical church. They need to start talking about how to view everyone, and I mean everyone, with genuine love and respect. I hope you get to experience that. Whether that's in a formal church setting or not.
@@BaritoneMonkey Asking a sincere question here: Do you think a churches can treat the LGBTQ group, or other groups, with love and respect, while not agreeing with their lifestyle, and still not be villainized by the media or society for being judgmental?
@@danielgedutis7751 I think two of those three things are more possible, especially in individual churches. Public perception is a very difficult thing to change, but I believe there's GOT to be a way to root out the toxic judgment in a church and truly love every person as they deserve without compromising basic beliefs. I think it's going to be a one-church-at-a-time thing, and a slow process -- culture, especially a conservative culture, is really hard to change. Honestly though, I have yet to find a church that has managed to strike that balance.
My Mom used to say, “You should be ashamed of yourself” after I had done or said something that wasn’t acceptable. Years and years of therapy! Finally, I have dealt with it and I feel wonderful about myself! ❤️
I definitely understand you ❤️ When I share my opinions with my family they dismiss it so easily and make me feel like my opinions don’t matter. I’m so happy you have healed 💗
@@vladimirofsvalbard9477 It wasn’t for anything I said. It was about my actions she didn’t approve of. She was a devote Christian her whole life. I commend her that. I have some of those values in my life. Some of my “hang ups”, especially overeating, was due to criticism and never feeling good enough. There a lot more to this. I had gastric-bypass surgery in 2010. I lost a lot of weight but I could not stop the emotional eating. Finally, was prescribed Behavior Modification Therapy where I worked on issues that triggered subconscious desires to eat. I finally have control of my eating and I am at a healthy weight!
I was sexually assaulted at 12 and told that having sex before marriage meant I was going to hell. Also I'm bisexual and grew up being told I would go to hell if I wasn't straight. Honestly even now as an adult I still feel like if hell is real I'm going because of those things.
There’s *nothing* wrong with you. Those beliefs aren’t from the Bible. I’m sure you know what humans often tend to do with the power of influence. And the Bible did warn about false teachers. It’s not unusual for humankind to twist things for their own benefit. Makes sense that the Bible would have a warning about that behavior. I suggest to look up “What Does The Bible Say About Homosexuality?” And hopefully whatever you find helps.
Hell isnt real at all, it was added later to the myth book, to scare and control the masses. Reject this false dogma, you are fine just the way you are! Who are they to judge you? ,,,nobody.
@@theserpentshallwin And to judge people by way of saying that an all-knowing, all-seeing divine being would put us in an eternal place of suffering just because of the *very limited* details those mortal and all too imperfect minds know about us? They’re no God. And it is stupidly dangerous for them to believe that they’re coming close that. One of the requirements to get into Heaven is genuine humility, right?
As an atheist bisexual, I tell you you won’t be alone in hell if it exists. We’ll be joined by all of my atheist LGBTQ+ or straight friends plus my catholic parents who definitely had sex before marriage. I’ll send you my address in hell. I’ve already put the down payment on a bungalow there. 😆
I told a Muslim imam about being abused by my partner. After listing all the neglect, manipulation & abuse he put me through, the imam turned to me and said, "where is your hijab?" I had to lecture him on our religion's stance on helping ppl & empathizing irregardless of their outward appearance or even faith! and another time, I sought support from a religious dude who asked me "and are you perfect?" Like no...anyway, thank you for spotlighting spiritual trauma. I feel like many diff faiths share similar expcs.
What are you trying to emphasize? This comment of yours doesn't show any religious trauma at all. You are just showing us that you met an imam who lacks empathy.
As for hijab, it would be much better for you if you considered his question as an advice. Be proud of your religion. Be proud of islam, because its the TRUTH!
Can we just validate what someone went thru & offer support before jumping to defend religion? Why is the guy in the comments more concerned about "being proud of religion" than the abuse apologists? He proves this video's point and shows an astounding lack of empathy. Allxh sure wouldn't be proud of his response...and I guarantee that.
@@shabanshabi3978 someone shares THEIR experience and instead of listening and accepting that there ARE people who have had issues with this religion you get butthurt and overdefensive trying to turn things around and shame and blame HER. you are EXACTLY why this video exists. You tell her to be proud of her religion? maybe start with yourself because all you just did is try tear her down.
To anyone who needs to hear this: There are still people out in the world who will see the best in you. People who won't judge you for stupid reasons. People who will just accept you for YOU. It feels hard to find those people sometimes. I want to do my best to be one of those people, because no one deserves to feel like a lesser human being just because they're "different", or "flawed". To anyone out there dealing with trauma or shame, know that I believe you deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy. To be free. To be who you are. Please keep going. I'm so sorry for how society has treated you, but please don't lose sense of the person you are. Because that's the person I want to meet one day.
I was raped by a guy I was dating. He was a youth leader at his church. Hours after it happened I sought for help and I was then victim blamed by the women's pastor at my church and was told "it looks like it wasn't rape because you decided to stay" and excused his inability to stop after a certain point because it was difficult for men to do so after a certain point, and kept demanding me to answer her "was it rape?!" repetitively in front of my rapist. I kept saying I don't know I don't know. Then I saw the look on my then boyfriend's face and I said no it wasn't. He was silent the whole time. Due to the teachings of the church, if we weren't able to control ourselves before marriage sexually, we should pursue marriage to keep ourselves pure. As a result, I had developed CPTSD, couldn't listen to preachers, attend church, Bible studies, listen to worship music, read the Bible or anything related to church because I would have really bad panic attacks. I eventually ended up in the hospital from a suicide attempt because all my coping mechanisms were no longer working and I was in so much pain. I had lost my virginity from the rape and my entire church community where I once felt safe (church was my life). I looked up to the women's pastor like the mother I never had. For a year and a half after being hospitalized, I still couldn't work. The leaders of a women's community therapy group invited the same women's pastor to the group for the purposes of educating her. I don't know how I am allowed to feel about it but I know I no longer feel safe there because she is there. I had a mini panic attack after finding out that news. I don't want to imagine what will happen if I cross paths with her again in this life or the next. I'd rather be in hell if she gets a "Jesus free pass card" and goes to heaven.
That was absolutely not your fault in any way, shape, or form. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Blaming the victim in a situation like that, especially being blamed by somebody whose morals are supposed to be defined by kindness, is unacceptable. You didn’t deserve what happened, and I hope you can find a new safe place.
I am so sorry that happened to you! You didn’t deserve it and it was in no way your fault. It was rape, anything that forces you into sexual activity is sexual assault. The way the church treated you is so terrible and disgusting. I can relate with growing up in an overbearing church community that is obsessed with sex, judging people, and fundamentalism. I grew up as a historical Seventh Day Adventist. My family has been in it for generations and it consumed my life. I went to SDA schools, churches, ate the SDA fake meat products, and mostly lived in an SDA college town where pretty much everyone was SDA. I’ve recently learned it’s a cult that hides behind Christianity, but I wanted to share this because I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I know how difficult it can be to have to separate yourself from an environment that was your entire life and if you leave, the entire community seems to gaslight you, shun you, claim that you’re persecuting them, and that the devil is controlling you and you will lose your salvation if you try and leave them. The SDAs also believe that women can’t really be raped because we entice men and that men can’t control their feelings and actions and everything is always the women’s fault. The SDAs are so obsessed with sex that it consumes their teaching with abhorrent purity culture rules that they terrify children with, mainly little girls, and it haunts them into adulthood. I don’t think God would prevent women from being saved just because they were raped, something that wasn’t even their fault! If anything, it should be the people who do these terrible things that need to worried about their salvation if they don’t change their hearts. I am so angry with the churches that keep hurting so many people with these messages. If God is truly a just God, I think He would be looking into our hearts and seeing if we truly love Him and our neighbors. I know the Bible says in the Old Testament that men who rape women should marry the women they rape, but I believe that was because women had pretty much no value in society and in order for the community not to kill her for the “sex before marriage” the man had to marry her. I don’t think this applies today at all because women have respectable standing in society today and Jesus’ death fulfilled the Old Testament Mosaic laws and gave us the Messianic covenant where we are saved by God’s grace through our faith. So all we have to do is have faith in him (not the church as this is something I am starting to come to terms with) and love our neighbors. I am starting to understand why loving our neighbors is so difficult when we live in a world like this. I have been doing a lot of research to undo the legalistic, fundamentalistic, cultic, controlling, gaslighting, fear mongering, child abusing, downright traumatizing doctrine. I have learned a lot (not yet enough), but I believe what I said previously is the gospel message. I think the Old Testament rules were supposed to show us sin and point to Jesus coming and Jesus gives us the new covenant with the gospel message, and I’m not really sure what this period of waiting for His return is for but I’m still learning. I know some churches have given up humanity and morality for their own theology that may not be fully correct. Maybe the message of love is meant for us to use our brains and choose to take care of each other. It seems like some people are more interested in trying to follow the Bible just by looking at the words and not by looking at the passages’ historical context or meaning behind it. I am so sorry for what happened to you. It was absolutely wrong. It is exactly what Christianity is not supposed to be. Sorry for the long reply. I realize now that this was posted like two years ago but I hope you are doing well and are in a safe place. If you ever need a friend, please reach out! ❤🙂
Trust me, she will not be going to heaven. Jesus had something very specific to say regarding people who violate little children. By enabling your rapist and covering it up, she is equally as evil as the one who violated you. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. ((hugs)) You are not impure. Jesus even loved a sexworker, and according to one of the gnostic gospels (conveniently omitted), he elevated her as the leader of the church (demoting Peter after his triple denial). Jesus is not the Jesus you are familiar with. He was an alien who came here to show us how to transcend false religions, not herd us into one.
@@scholasticqueen I was indoctrinated from birth in SDAs too! My suggestion is to look into the gnostic gospels. There's a misogynist reason the gospel of Mary Magdalene was omitted. If you still believe in the NT, you do have a lot to learn yet. I also world recommend David Wilcock books and tv series Ancient Aliens.
@@MusiCatsKing thank you! I’ve been having a difficult time lately with it because a lot of people I tell them about it don’t seem to believe me that it really happened or was really as bad as I said. I’ll look up these books and him. Sorry you were indoctrinated with the SDA world view too. You doing alright now?
Kati you are so awesome. I am 64 years old. I came out 7 years ago. The heck with the religion I was following. I played the pretend game nearly all of my life and contemplated suicide in my early years. Religion had me screwed up so bad. It still will so I stay away from the self righteousness of the church people.
As a queer man, I definitely have religious trauma from being in high liturgical communities like Roman Catholicism. I have queer friends that have been affected by purity culture and would love if you made a video or two on it. Looking forward to any way you move forward with this series.
I am so sorry to hear that, you don't belong in that church or have a family like them. If you want some real help, spirituality is your dearest motivation. It's not like motivation, it's more about your inner self and connecting to your higher self. I believe going on this path after I went through religious trauma is something I won't forget about my entire life. I thought about getting crystal gemstone as my healing and protection, and everything I wish for is now becoming true ❤ Don't give up yet. I'm just like you, I have C-PTSD and ADHD as a child, which my family never knows yet. Sometimes, they show up at an inappropriate time, which causes me to feel a sense of worthlessness and emptiness. It's okay to feel miserable, not every people is perfect and that includes you too. I'm a born rebellious and free-spirited nature, I love my rowdy and rough treatment since I never had affection from my abusive narcissistic neglectful mother. I may act cold, distant, cynical, and all, but my vulnerability is my weakness, hence I might look like a bully and just a scary sadist. That's just my surface personality. However, my real personality is deep within and it takes time to open up about my past trauma along with the religious trauma. It's not easy to be open-minded after going through relentless mental destruction and personality major changes If you still feel like life is not doing any better, try to get enough rest and journal your thoughts out, I would always be there for you once you're regained a healthy mindset. I will also continue my goals to reach whatever it takes. Yes Theory save me from my drowning of endless depression and bipolar disorder second phase, it was something I want to be a part of their adventure as a gratitude of "thank you", I was never able to forgive myself for years after surviving a hellfire, I need to start accepting myself and don't become too harsh ever again, is what I've always needed to do You're not alone, I'm right here if you needed me 😊
I got lucky in having a pretty supporting church ahead of their time for the 90's/2000's, being LGBTQ+ positive, and such. I remember my pastor bringing it up. I forget what it was about, I was young, but it was related to some event at the time, and he ended up saying, "Do you think (gay) is a sin?" A bunch of people answered yes. He then asked "Do you think that means these people have to be punished and go to hell?" General response was another yes. Then he started listing other named "sins" like lust, lying, jealousy, judging, stuff like that. At the end he said, "Do you believe Jesus died for your sins?" The group response was yes, and he then said, "And so (being gay) is a sin, right? How do you come to believe they were excluded from Jesus' sacrifice, if you believe it to be true? He did not leave an asterisk at the end of that statement. His sacrifice was to protect us from our sins. No fine print. The details aren't mixed up or confusing, and it's also not for us to determine. Jesus died for our sins. That's all." I miss that man.
When I was a kid they had a weekend at the church where the girls were taught how to properly set a table and cook a chicken dinner while the boys got to go camping. I used to beg the boys' teacher to go on one of their fishing or camping trips and was told no every time. I felt that my church really shamed the women into "putting others first" all the time where I now struggle with guilt whenever I need alone time or want something in life for myself. I felt like we were always expecting to push aside our needs for everyone else. My list of bad church experiences can go on and on...
I was considered a bad influence by my church friends' parents because I decided that I wanted to wear pants instead of skirts and dresses every Sunday
I cannot stand "God never gives you more than you can handle." So incredibly dismissive and maybe it's trying to be helpful, but it's discouraging when people then feel like they can't handle it. Just ugh. Something to be avoided all around. Also, people always misquote the passage it's supposedly from in the Bible so it's not even in there in relation to pain!
That is actually not true. It says in 2 Corinthians 1:8 ESV "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself." We can for sure face more than we can handle. Life is hard and difficult! What we have to do is rely on and find strength in God and among loving people to get through difficult things. When people say "God wont give you more then you can bear" they are not aware of real hardship. We will face more than we can bear, but God will get us through it and give us what we need if we let him.
That's not in the Bible , I agree so wrong to say on so many levels and I'd never say that to anyone but people that dont believe the Bible say this too . Seems like a cultural thing here .
I like this concept for a video of reading and responding to comments. It feels like even more support for those in the community regarding their thoughts and feelings
As a former pastor's kid, this discussion needs to be talked about waaaaay more so thank you... Christianity/religion has destroyed billions of lives...
Fellow therapist here. I think it’s worth mentioning that the comments on “developing you spiritual side” is such a broad topic. When you grow up in a religious system, spirituality and religion become enmeshed, and it’s hard when you lose your religious worldview. In my view, connecting with your own values and countering yourself on what is meaningful to you can be a very healing experience. “Developing your spirituality” can include exploring things like yoga, meditation, volunteering, and healthy relationships. This isn’t at all to discount the fact that their are shitty therapists out there who are unethically pushing their religious beliefs on their clients. And those people should lose their license.
I appreciate this comment bc I can tell you are a good therapist who cares about your clients but may I share one additional perspective to consider? When I’ve been told this comment, I knew 💯 that my therapist was meaning exactly what you’re saying. They weren’t a ‘religious person’ so I didn’t take it like that. It was still incredibly hurtful to me though. Why? Because I’m sharing about deep religious trauma in therapy and simply seeking other types of spirituality (even meditation sometimes) is still too close to the trauma and very triggering and I thought that’d be obvious to them but it wasn’t. It felt like telling a rape survivor that it’d be very helpful in healing fear of touch to try signing up for massages as a sort of ‘neutral/safe’ version of touch. It feels like exposure therapy and that doesn’t feel helpful. Those are just my feelings though.
I was adopted into a Catholic Hispanic family and then we became Pentecostal Christian. Let me tell you. I am now paranoid that God is going to snitch on me because in the last couple of years I’ve had my parents and my pastors (a married couple) come to me and tell me that God had told them things about me that he wanted me to know that he knew. I’m 21 but my parents still force me to go to church and if I don’t, then I’ll get yelled at and shamed and made to feel like a bad person by my parents, who are leaders in our church. I was also outed to my parents last month and a week after, my youth group went on a retreat in Arizona, (we’re from NJ) to a very republican, mostly white, church and my mom had someone “pray the gay away” (I’m bisexual) and I felt so guilty when it didn’t work and I felt even worse when I realized I wanted it to work. I’m not a Christian anymore, and haven’t been for a year now, so going to church is just torture for me now. Just yesterday, my pastora (female pastor in Spanish) came up to me and said that God wants me to connect with him and that he’s always been with me since I was a child and blah blah) and I felt trapped. Like my spiritual path has been set in stone for me and like the only way I’m getting anywhere in my spirituality is through Christianity, but I’m not happy in my church. I hate it here. All my friends have left our church and I only get along with the kids that I’ve watched grow up in the church with me. My therapist that I’ve had since I was 17 ghosted me in august and I haven’t seen her since and there’s just so much going on that I have no professional to talk to and I’m now starting to look for a new one now that my college semester is over. Also, it’s a trauma anniversary month for me this month and I’m low key stressed out. Had a panic attack last week for the first time in over a year due to my SA trauma, so that wasn’t fun. Sorry for the rant. I just have a lot on my mind.
wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds tragic. "I’ve had my parents and my pastors (a married couple) come to me and tell me that God had told them things about me that he wanted me to know that he knew" -- this is such disgusting gaslighting and I'm so sorry you have to endure that. I hope you are able to escape safely soon.
You don’t have to follow what they say. You were born perfect and don’t need to be saved. They use their religion to control, and as soon as you realize that, you can empower yourself. Set yourself free!!❤️❤️
I grew up Catholic and as a child, I was tormented with guilt. Everything was a sin. Then I grew up. Best thing I ever did was free myself of this prison.
I had a time period in my life where I went through a lot of traumatic stuff, and during that period of time my parents would say God would never give me more than I could handle, or that everything was happening for a reason. I was *ten*. When I eventually started to recover, instead of congratulating me for pushing through and trying my hardest and not ending it, all I got was “God have you the power to get through those hard times”. I remember thinking, but… didn’t God also put me through these hard times? I lost more and more faith in God, but it got to the point where I was scared that if I disobeyed God or stopped believing in him or whatever, that He would hurt me or something. When I told my mom I didn’t want to be in the church anymore, instead of comforting me and telling me that it was my choice, she said that she felt as if she failed God in raising me, that when I was baptized as a child she made a promise to raise me Christian. I felt so guilt tripped and hurt. I’m older now and I still think about everything that happened, but I’m trying to reconnect. I’m better now.
Being told that my baby boy’s death was “no mistake” and that God made sure we as a family were put on our toes was the most hurtful thing I ever heard this year and truly left a terrible taste in my mouth with Christianity.
Someone I love died recently. I do not know him personally, he's actually an idol, K-pop idol to be exact. But I loved him with all my heart. I feel very connected, safe and happy whenever I see him or interact with him even if it's just on screen. And his death was honestly a shock to me. The initial cause of death was suicide. And that made me even more sad. I had been struggling mentally for almost five years now. Struggling with crippling depression but everytime I ask for help they brush it off and gets angry with me because as a Christian I should not feel all that. I even tried self-harm already cause I feel as if I'm just taking it. So to see someone I saw as a safe haven die and fade away it fucked me up. Took a part of my soul with him. I felt as if I died as well. But no one understands that. I cried myself out but my family laughed at me. My dad asked what's wrong? What happened? So I told him about it. And then he shook his head and angrily muttered, " Why do you like people like that? You shouldn't like people who kill themselves. " What I heard from that was how dare you empathize with a person that committed suicide. It was the accusation lacing his voice. The disappointment. I love my dad but a small part of me harbored hatred till now. And then the rest of the hatred was thrown to christianity and well, god. Because if he really do love us just like how the Bible describe why is he so unfair? Why is his love conditional? If it's not hurting anyone, why is it a sin?
I'm just going to put this out there, a lot of people in my life don't know what I'm about to say. When I was really really little, I was "prophesied" over, saying how "special" I will be, and how "God has unfathomable grand purpose for you". As time went on this turned into apparently being some prophet that will help bring in the end of days. For years I fought hero complex, always feeling like a failure and having to save everyone. I began to absolutely hate myself. I learned eventually how it's ok to be human, and that I can learn for myself what my life is about.
This sounds so difficult I’m sorry 😢 that prophecy probably gave you a lot of personal responsibility, but very little guidance. Without the right mentoring from leaders and discipleship with your church you would be set up to fail. I think people with the biggest calling can often go through the biggest trials. But I’m really glad you see things a little clearer now. I hope you find the right support group around you to mentor your talents and skills for your calling ! 🔥
A concept best understood by Fans of Doctor Who, is that often, those fated to ensure the proper unfoldment of History over the course of Time, possess the greatest Destiny. Most of them fulfil the entirety of their destiny, just by being in the right place, at the right time and doing something absolutely mundane (such as engaging conversation with a stranger, pointing out someone's shoes are untied, forgetting to lock a door, or remembering to close the curtains during the blitzkrieg); yet they have an ESSENTIAL role in History for God's Future to come to pass"
When I tried to tell a family in church that I had been abused by my religious father, they shunned me, called me demon possessed, and informed my abusive father, leading to more abuse.
The very first thing I said to my therapist was that I was gay and I've had a lot of friends who have horror stories from therapists who told them they were sinning and going to hell for being gay and I asked what her feelings were on that. I wasn't going to waste my time or money with someone who was going to try to pull that on me. Luckily, she's been wonderful about it.
That’s so great that you found someone that accepts you for who you are and I’m so sorry that happened to your friends . That is so sad .❤ Those therapists shouldn’t be working there if they can’t be open and accepting of people for who they actually are .
I HATE when my preacher says it’s a sin to marry the same sex and says “love the person but hate the sin”. I’m like excuse me sir that’s very judge mental to call someone out on what makes them a happy whole being !And when he reads from the Bible about it’s a sin to marry the same sex he always says I’am not going to get into that. I just want to jump out of my seat and ask why don’t you want to get into that? Is it uncomfortable for you to see a woman married to a woman and a man married to a man? I want to jump out of my seat EVERY time when he reads that out of the Bible! And my parents doesn’t like the fact that I 💯% support the LGBTQ community and I’ve said I totally support in WHATEVER makes YOU happy go for it! And they immediately shut down the conversation by saying it’s still a sin in God’s eyes and say “love the person but hate the sin”. I HATE that phrase! And especially when people say you go to hell when you kill yourself! This all makes my blood boil😡!!
A friend of mine came out as gay to his pastor when he was in high school, and the pastor said “that’s ok, just don’t let it define you.” I think that dismisses a huge part of his identify and pretty much says that god will love you even though you’re flawed. Your sexuality never means that something is wrong with you
that's attachment to identity no a person's sexuality never means something's wrong with them, but it also isn't something that describes them, it's just a part of them like having blue eyes and not brown eyes only those who don't have a personality view their sexuality as "a huge part of their identity", develop hobbies, express empathy and care in what's going on in other people's lives, help out other people, then you won't feel like your sexuality is a huge part of who you are because you'll have many personality traits and qualities that can describe you think of it like how would you like your loved ones to describe you
I had to leave the church I grew up in in order to begin my healing journey. My decision to leave damaged my relationship with my family at the time (very active in said church), but now that I am in a healthier place I am able to have a better and healthier relationship with my family.
In my teen years I was so desperate for any human to care about me that I went to an evangelical church and they were all loving towards me during my high school years, especially one couple who had kids my age. I was doing well in school and the school thought I was very intelligent and wanted to help me get to college…so the church people I knew seemed to ride on my coat tails during this time as well because in church’s eyes, I must’ve been doing things right in god’s eyes. Anyway, during college I no longer had that emotional family type support, nobody from home called me on regular basis, etc and I felt alone. The depression, ptsd I had from growing up caused me to have to be hospitalized several times because I wanted to end it all. Then college graduation came and nobody from home came. I went back home trying to find that support system I once had, but people expected me (especially from the church) to be starting a family, and career. I tried going to the pastor to tell him how I was hurting and he just told me that I have an umbilical cord trying to attach it to anyone I could to suck the life out of them and that I just needed Jesus to be my friend and that I don’t need any human. I tried talking to the couple that had once wanted to spend time with me as a teenager and they told me that the lord was there for me and I didn’t need any humans to care about me and they already had their family. I wanted to say to them… well let’s take away your family and let you walk this earth all alone and see how long you last before becoming deeply wounded. I grew up with a single mom who was mentally ill and neglectful (I know she did the best she could but it was hard for my sister and I to have to do most things ourselves), and my dad was severely schizophrenic and was mostly institutionalized since I was 6 years old and didn’t see him from 6 years old until I was 39 yrs old in 2014 before he passed in 2015. I didn’t know any relatives except my mom and sister and we grew up in extreme poverty so life was already difficult. All I wanted was a human to love me. I have never wanted to get married because I saw how men expected women in the church to be there for them and be like a maid to them…I decided I just couldn’t deal with that…plus married women weren’t supposed to have a life where they had close friends because the man would be mad she wasn’t at home all the time for him. It almost seemed like the man was jealous like Christian’s said god was. Thanks for listening to me.
I’m so glad you’re talking about this! Ugh, I could go on and on about toxic religion. I was taught so many unhealthy things that I’ve had to unlearn. From women being subservient to men to being lgbt+ is a sin. From being told masturbation was from the devil to being coerced into a “purity pledge” (which I failed to uphold). I was pushed out of my youth group for listening to bands like Evanescence and for being friends with peers who were not Christians. I was told at 7 years old that God didn’t love me and I would go to hell because I tempted my sexual abuser to harm me. Amazingly, I’ve still found a place for faith and spirituality in my heart, but I don’t practice in an organized religion anymore. For his own reasons, my boyfriend is an agnostic and I know there are people in my family hoping I’ll leave him or convert him to Christianity. I’ve seen too much personally and heard about so much more involving toxic religion and it really needs to stop.
I started attending a very strict Pentecostal church when i was 18, was in it for 5 years, we were not allowed to question the elders at all, or you would risk being shamed publicly and put out of the church. Same if couples messed up and had sex when dating, public shame they were put out of fellowship and forced to marry and the whole church would know it was awful. We were not allowed to visit other churches that had different doctrines, and even had spies in the church lol, who would report back to the elders what we were doing etc if we did not attend all the meetings and events planned. Took me years after leaving, to unlearn what was taught , i consider it to be a Christian cult church. I currently do not attend anywhere these days, i consider myself a christ follower but not religious. Even jesus got mad at the religious Pharisees in his days, and jesus spent lots time with people who were considered outcasts in his time. Im sorry people have been hurt by religion, Jesus said greatest commandment was to love one another, we need more of that esp in churches.
Thank you!! Exactly spot on for me. I was raised in church my entire life. I had "several good experiences"..... But I never truly felt like I had the chance or personal choice.... to "make the right decision" or to be involved or have a personal relationship with God. It always felt more forced than anything. I remember being sick with a nasty cold one sunday.. It was obvious I was sick. My parents were gonna let me stay home at first....but I had gotten out of bed to watch tv. My dad came back in the house for something and didn't like that I was watching tv. My dad told me if I " felt good enough to watch tv, that I was ok enough to go to church. So I got dragged to church anyways looking like crap and literally not getting anything out of the service. I was so stuffy and sick. I couldn't wait to leave, so bad. When I finally did move out at the age of 18... I didn't step in any church for at least 6 years or so. Just couldn't do it. Everything we did as a family was church this church that... oh another church is having a wed meeting.. let's go to that too. Getting home at 10pm and still expected to keep up with school and homework. Everything we did was church related.
Hang in there sweets ❤️ Just take one step at a time. Everything is going to be ok. And remember nothing that you are feeling is wrong and it is not your fault
I'm so glad I found your channel. Even now I'm unable to listen to gospel music or listen to my parents talking about christianity without cringing or wincing. I'm gay and was emotionally attacked every sunday about my sexuality. I'm now almost 30 and I still have an avoidance to any type of Christian culture.
Katie Im so grateful for you and for many others addressing this important topic. I felt so alone when I left my faith. Folks need to talk about this more.
I once got forced out a job because I was having panic attacks which I was told were making my coworkers “uncomfortable” (totally illegal btw). This was right after I had taken a leave of absence to go to a PHP where I had gotten my anxiety under control. After I signed the resignation paperwork, the director smiled and said “God is giving you this opportunity to turn your life around”. It took an entire EMDR session to get over that one comment…
Ugh... I am so sorry TK.. what an invalidating comment, not to mention that their belief that your mental health struggles is something you have to "turn around" from as if panic attacks are a choice! Omg so ignorant and illegal. Ugh! xoxo
I used to go to church as a child and teen but have quit long ago, i struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and when i try to talk to my mother about it, she says it's the devil, and i need to seek God, and she's the only person i talk to. It's really horrible.
I grew up in a town that even today is mostly dont ask dont tell, and here I am a gay man. I am starting to come out today, but only after a theripist has brought up the fact that my fear of myself was holding me back
Being a pastor's kid, I can definitely relate to a lot of these questions. There was a lot of good things I got from church but also a lot of messed up experiences as well
I had the same issues with “purity culture”. It really messes with your head - and the fact that girls were held responsible if the boys were “tempted” or “sinned”. 😳
Thank you so much for putting this video out there! I think religious trauma is a massively under-acknowledged issue and it can be really hard to find good resources for it. Religions don't have off-ramps; they have escape hatches. Leaving a community and trying to fight a myriad of existential battles on your own is pretty damn rough, and we often find ourselves on our own a lot trying to navigate life afterwards.
My old church definitely scarred me for life. Me and my ex(still in the closet) got called out in the middle of a youth class. We were just sitting next to each other. Having severe social anxiety and self harm, it caused me to go downhill fast. I'm now terrified because of who I love and I am scared to talk about myself at all at church, for the fear that I will accidentally come out. I really appreciate your videos. They help me to feel less lonely. :)
as a muslim suffering from gender dysphoria ,my religion forbid everything behind it . and i am feeling ashamed since i was a kid ..... after all of these years , I can confirm religious trauma destroyed me
Thank you for following up on your previous video! This is such an important topic that never gets discussed! You're doing something amazing for the community! ❤️🙏
Great video Kati. I didn’t realise just how much impact growing up in a church actually had on me and still does. I totally remember the talks of not tempting the males with the way I dressed, acted and spoke. It is continuously on my mind even 15+ years later. It would be great to see a video on this. I resonated with a lot of these comments and realised that’s the reason I act this way, think this way and am uncomfortable with myself.
Hey Kati I just wanted to say that these videos mean a great deal to me and I’m appreciative of you for making them. I came out to my family and have been essentially disowned, having to rework my entire support structure as well as my identity due to religion. If you could make a video focusing on just LGBTQ+ coming out I think you’d find it would resonate with a tremendous amount of people. Maybe you could invite someone to talk with you, that’d be pretty cool. No matter what thank you. For everything.
Thank you soooo much for these religious videos!!!! I was very severely traumatized by my childhood church and it is still with me at age 50. It has affected my self esteem, decision making, etc. I have ptsd from the military. Even though it's awful, I feel the religious trauma is more damaging and makes my post military life trauma worse. I'm actively seeking therapy. Definitely cptsd
I unfortunately know two people from my town that had schizophrenia and were in a church. One lady who was schizophrenic was in the baptist church and the other guy was in mormon church. It unfortunately ended up tragic to them because people in church told them that they are strong and they don’t need medication because ‘god’ has helped them. They both stopped taking their medication and ended up dead, they killed themself. I too am schizophrenic and was going to baptist church my whole childhood and teens years and I never felt like I fit in there and what they were preaching was never with a lot of sense to me. I no longer go to any church and I am no longer religious. I hate religion from the bottom of my heart, it’s unnatural and toxic. I know that being spiritual can help some people, but unfortunately it’s not in my case. I felt like such a burden fell off my chest once I finally let go of Christianity and god. I feel more like myself now and I don’t believe in concept of sin, it’s fake morality. We should live by the laws of nature and respect everyone and not judge and especially not to tell a person that is severely ill to stop taking the medication because god has healed them!
Excellent video! I left the ministry partly because the theology was so abusive especially to people who genuinely struggle with a sensitive conscience. And it troubled others that although I believed in God, I did not believe that we actually know anything specific about such mysteries. I was anti-dogmatic.
Kati, thank you so much for bringing up this topic. I believe it can be a safeguard for those who are genuinely searching for real Christianity. Listening to this video made me so grateful I grew up in a church that has grown and developed in love together, and actively cleansed itself from the ills described here. I could write multiple pages about the positive, joyful opposite sides of the issues people have described here, but I will come back later.
Hi Kati...many months have past since this was posted. I could tick off my traumas and wounds resulting from the cultural and high-control religious denomination I was born into...instead, I (really, really) try to focus of the learning or opportunities. What you do with such intuitive intellect and beauty is model the "normal" emotional reactions (so many of us have trouble finding a baseline): your empathy, your educational tips and proper verbiage to work with the adversarial and conflicting, your sadness that is unfeigned for the hurt, and lastly, you show righteous anger (so many don't know anger unexpressed appropriately can be lethal). You had a moment to take a shot verbally at the youth leader's wife, who in wearing a style shirt that called more attention to a potential "immodest" zone bc of constantly readjusting-directing attn with body language rather than avoiding the "American Apparel Navel-Gazer T" (😅 I hope it's ok for me to laugh because I certainly owned that shirt after I came out). ❤ thank you for what you do.
Jesus sat with sinners, tax collectors, poor. i realized i was trans a few years ago (therefore also making me gay), and thought i was going to hell. i never went to church or grew up in church but hearing homophobic/transphobic religious leaders either online or irl, scared me enough to believe that if i took that first hormone shot, i was going to hell. i slowly realized that, as i grow in my relationship with God, the things that people say and aim to hurt people like me, those arent coming from God. and that God doesnt make mistakes and made me trans, gay in his perfect image
I’m a Christian and when I starting questioning my sexuality, I thought I was going to go to hell too. Only God can judge us, not anyone else, we were definitely made perfect in his image. Thank you for going out of your way to write this, I’m actually really happy I have found someone I could relate to. :D
Seriously, thank you for making these. I've been through various different therapists since I was 13, and only realized that my religious upbringing has played a huge role in my current mental difficulties. Even had one therapist at a public university, use my emotional breakdown as an opportunity to tell me that I "had a distorted view of Christianity" and attempted to preach to me. Needless to say that has made it even more difficult to even admit to therapists that I believe religion played a part in my mental predispositions. It means a lot to hear that this is a thing, and not feel my experiences be minimized.
Im dealing with religious trauma now and even asked people in my now religious community and I got shamed about thinking and looked up religious trauma on TH-cam glad I found this and your other video. So validating and helpful to me thank you❤️
Thank you! I definitely have shame from growing up in a strict Christian religion. I still have shame. I constantly feel like I am a bad person even if I just make a mistake or make someone frustrated with me. I am not in the church anymore, and I finally have a healthy relationship with a partner. I am much more free to choose what is right for me. But sometimes the shame thoughts come in and make me feel like I am bad for doing what is healthy for me. :: sigh :: Thank you for talking about this subject!
So many of those toxic religious expressions are so dismissive of the persons feelings and yes minimizing .... soooo toxic ..... The one that still triggers me alot is "god has a plan for you " AHHHHHHHH 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
I'm sorry to everyone who's been harmed somehow like that. The right church won't hurt you. You know you've found the right church when they take you in as family and truly love you and help you how you need. They will be there for you, they will be your family. Look for that in a church.
I'm sure you mean well by this, but in the future please keep in mind that many of us with religious trauma don't *want* to find a new church. Many choose to avoid church altogether and instead practice exclusively alone, and many walk away from the religion entirely. Saying "you just need to find a good church!" can be very invalidating for those of us who actively want to avoid churches, which were often the very place we were hurt. We don't want to the place that abused us, and it can feel like you're not listening to us. It puts the importance of church and the christian god over my feeling of safety and my new religious beliefs (which are no longer christian). Again, I don't think you meant this with anything but good intent, but just some food for thought. A better response in the future would be "I'm so sorry that happened to you. I believe you. How can I support you while honoring your experience and current beliefs?"
Thank you so much for putting my comment in the video!! ❤💜💖 I'm so glad you liked it haha! Yeah your video really helped me to try and analyse religious establishments and figure out which people are weaponsing it or using it for good. I've found a more-modern-Church that seems nice so I'm gonna go for the first time this Sunday - so fingers crossed it goes well. But thank you so much for your video - it helped more than you know 💖💖💖💖
I absolutely love that you’re addressing this topic!!! I have a lot of religious trauma due to growing up being a pastors kid. Now I am a therapist myself (social worker), and am working thru my trauma. Ultimately, my social justice values do not align with what I see in other christians. It really is, like you said, a “mind fuckery”🤯 Kati, I’d love to know what your personal views are now given your religious upbringing!
this was good and yeah i have been told being gay is bad and it is hard for me since i am gay and still so young and trying to figure out who i am. thanks for talking about this and i have relgious trauma
I am so sorry you went through all that trauma . I hope it gets better. I’m sorry these people won’t accept you for who you actually are . Just be yourself. You are beautiful.
Thank you Kati I loved that episode since it discussed a pretty important topic religion did not harm me psychologically I am now a devout Muslim but I Have always been surrounded by religious people who believe that religion can only treat that with no need to therapy this was an issue I faced as I have severely suffered from bipolar disorder and ADHD an other problems.
Kati! I love how you talk about things because you have an amazing way of adding your own personal narrative so people don’t feel “crazy” or isolated yet you don’t make it all about you in a bad way. I love your personal stories and every video feels like a personal therapy session. I know its TMI but I just think your videos are great!
I am still recovering from an experience that I now know is grooming. My gut was screaming at me all along but because this person was a church leader, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t really know where to go from here as I have been triggered at the church I now attend due to this experience. The trigger seems to be when I don’t feel im being heard or when I need help of some sort and no one is listening or bothering to help. It also angers me that this person is still out there at another church preying on vulnerable people(women and children especially). I am afraid to report them because I don’t know if this person is truly dangerous.
Kati this the first time listening to you and You are on point!! I left the church long ago after I experience a transformation and expanding open consciousness. I feel so free and I relised that I experience the religious trauma. I want to know more so I can educate and share my experience and journey. Thank you for doing this podcast
I have religious trauma from how I was treated by the church after coming forward about sexual trauma I experienced. The things that were said to me, the way people responded to me… it’s completely unforgivable. Idk if I’ll ever recover.
Yeah I would love a purity culture video! I saw through some of it at the time, but I still internalized some of it. My cousin was pretty disturbed in retrospect because she married earlier than she was ready for and then felt damned after she got divorced because she was no longer married but was also not a virgin either. Purity culture was so ridiculous.
I am a trans and panssexual person who was born and grow on a very conservative and religious family.... till today I have to go to church even if I don't want to because if I stand up for myself and say that place hurts me they will probably punish me.. They don't know i'm lgbtq+ tho because I am afraid of what will happen when they found out. I still have to fake who I am to my family and with everyone that have some contact with my family. I remember till today how I was pressured into the idea of Jesus coming back and letting me to suffer on the earth because I like girls and guys and because I don't feel like a girl. This preassure and saying that who I am is be sinfull, be a freak makes me feel so so bad and so broken that caused me a lot of trauma (I aways liked both girls and boys since i was little, my first crush was a girl). I remember when sometimes I used to hear loud sounds when I was little I would think it is Jesus coming back making me have panic crises (this probably also has something to do with my autism and sensibility with sounds). I remember how many times I asked for God to "make me normal" and never get it. I passed days in crisis because of religion.. But at least i feel better that I am getting away of this belief and that i have friends who support me and help me to go throught it.
Thank you this helps me feel not alone. I've been working with my therapist on my religious trauma & had to stop talking with many family members because it was re-traumatizing.
Besides 1.5 years of going to a public high school, I went to strict Christian schools. I have so many stories I could share, but it would take too long. I’ve realized I, myself have been negatively affected by the strict doctrine that shamed women mostly. It became normalized to be ashamed & feeling guilty bc if you’ve sinned, then you’re facing an eternity in Hell being tortured & in never ending suffering. Wow! What a horrible story for youngsters to hear!? So it installs major fears in us, especially concerning death. I’ve noticed the worry of what happens when I die, just blocks my ability to enjoy life & actually live in the present moment & find joy & peace. It really sucks, but I am working on healing & learning to self love again. Thank you for your awesome videos. 🥰❤️🌹
Another one of those things that society deems acceptable that causes tremendous suffering in the dark. And then we scratch our heads where all the pathology comes from. Glad you brought it up, I can see the sacrifice in it and it makes it all the more admirable.
when i was 15 i was manipulated by the pastor to pray for the congregation…. into the microphone…. in front of 400-500 people. he felt like the lord was telling him that i needed to pray for everyone. i couldn’t say no.. it was horrible. i ended up doing it and i was shaking the whole time
Please do more videos on this or related topics. As someone who has experienced religious trauma in many different ways I sympathize with the comment about therapists saying you have to have a spiritual side . How awful. No one should have to be told that. I've had good and bad therapists but the religious stuff thrown in the face is the worst. Great informative video as always!! Thank you!
Tysm for this video, I’m coming to realize I have some religious trauma. I went to a Christian school expecting shelter and compassion and instead I stumbled across something awful. Christians telling me it’s my fault for my mental health issues, ( I have autism, Sensory processing disorder, OCD, LD, and depression) saying that I shouldn’t be mad at god because it wasn’t his fault it was my fault. Also in the fact that it hurts so much more because you expect christains to be loving and kind, but instead you get judgmental and ppl telling you your going to hell. Ppl telling me that they will forgive me, but not forget what I had done. And also the fact that there are ppl who are like, “ god is all loving and graceful” and then there’s the fire and brimstone teaching, “ if you don’t do exactly what the Bible says your going to hell!” So I never knew which side was right and it caused a lot of anxiety in me and to this day.
As someone who has experienced [religious] trauma, I'm really happy I found your channel. I'm queer and out to my family, and I honestly really regret it. The thing for me is that my family says they'll always love and accept me, but they don't support or even validate me. It's incredibly difficult and confusing. They also think the internet turned me queer, because that was technically how I figured out I was queer. I really want to keep a good relationship with my family, but our views and beliefs keep getting in the way. I think the worst part is that when I try to stand up for myself, they're the ones who call ME toxic and disrespectful, for "not respecting their opinions and beliefs". I honestly just don't know what to do. Side note: I also didn't figure out (or at least realize??) that hell wasn't real until the end of last year (I'm 16, turning 17). Yeah. It's just so controversial and hypocritical.
Thank you so much for bringing this topic to light. my belief in god is very important to me and yet i find it very difficult to find a place and sense of community within a church due to the trauma I faced as a teenager. Being made to feel like the way I acted was wrong when all I was trying to do was reach out and find a sense of love, acceptance and friendship. It was deeply damaging to me when the people in leadership, the people I thought were suppose demonstrate God's love completely judged me wrong. Now granted I am not saying that I didn't make mistakes in my youth and I am not saying people are perfect but in the situation that happened, it was not handled well and it left me with deep emotional wounds that I to this day have not completely healed from. It still bothers me. I have forgave those people but I still find myself hurting from the experiences. Church hurt is very real.
You know, I was not raised in a church going religious family, we were raised to be individuals and have our own opinions. For example my twin brother is now a Christian but I am Athiest. BUT I do know and respect many religious people and a couple of years back, I lost a few people very dear to me and in all that grief and turmoil, my supposed 'loving' Christian friends used that opportunity to say 'Well if you turn to a path of God, you'll get to see them again in heaven'. That statement was so damaging, that whenever I think of their passing I question myself and feel guilt for my beliefs as if I'm a bad friend for not giving them an opportunity to see me again.
Kati, thank you SO much for making these videos! To me, the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin" feels very traumatic and abusive. If you say this to a person in the LGBTQ+ community, it sounds like "Everything you are is a sin, (even though you can do nothing about it) but I love you anyway (lucky you that I have decided to l love such an awful person)" I feel like these kinds of phrases are painful and can fill a person with shame (more than they already had) and it's so damaging.
Religious Trauma? Where do I begin??? Around the age of 40 after years of being away from the AofG denomination, I went to an Assemblies of God church in an act of reconciliation; my gesture towards forgiving this entity and their leaders of years of incidents to trauma. 15 minutes into the service, I grew so nauseous and left immediately. It was then I knew my trauma was real.
Likewise , I thought I was really missing my church and went to visit apologizing and showing I cared , as soon as I stepped in I got nauseous and handled the service but I felt someone was going to attack me or something . It is terrible
Thank you so much for this! Please do an episode on purity culture! There are so many of us working through the effects of the teachings from that movement.
Hi, I'm a transgender man. And it took me a lifetime to make that decision of transitioning because of religion and even though I'm happier than ever, there's days when I get scared and I even had anxiety attacks thinking that I will go to hell. That was told to me during my adolescence and childhood about LGBTQ+ community.
@imagica I know, that happens specially in Latin America where I'm from people live and breathe for religion in extreme ways that feed the hate towards people from the community, to the point of killing. They even have influence in politics where they tell you not to vote for LGBTQ candidates by saying they are sent by the devil. It's just insane.
I really feel like this topic should be talked about more. There was a lot of feedback on the original video and reading your comments about feeling validated has been really helpful for me to see. This is a sensitive topic for all of us...
Yes! I can't speak for other religions, but in the Evangelical world, there's been a massive reckoning with religious trauma in the last few years (especially since 2016 ... I'll let you guess which major political event caused younger EV's to lose faith in their institutions)
I was shamed into thinking that having anxiety and depression meant that I'm possessed by demons 🙃💀💔
True! And I also would be interested in a video about cults because I feel there is not talked enough about them either. I'm always shocked when I see an interview/documentation film with someone who was in a sect and how they got into it because they were not educated; because they didn't know how to seperate such a thing from an open, healthy religious space. It's soooo important to learn about how dangerous they are and that they basically destroy lives.
Totally agree with you! 🙌🏻💯❤️
@@moodybassist I had a doctor who was my primary care physician tell me that my anxiety & depression made her question if I really believed in God & was saved. Like what kind of doctor are you to make such an offensive accusation on something that isn’t about faith in a religion but is a mental illness. Needless to say, I never went back to her again & got me a new doctor.
Also, can we talk about religious leaders who insist prayer is sufficient and therapy isn't necessary? That's toxic.
Totally!! And agreed, so toxic!! xoxo
They arent real Christians. The church has been destroyed from the inside out
Yes we can talk about them
It’s not only toxic. It’s Dangerous! People who need meds and don’t take them can and do harm themselves. Some don’t take them because the pastor says no. Bad pastor. Bad!
@@Katimorton Thank you, for your videos. I'm not a Christian and I don't follow religion. I'm not judging, I'm wanting to understand.
Please give me your honest opinion without fear of losing subscribers. Can trauma cause same sex attractions, like an absent parent, molestation, rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotionally unavailable parent?
There is no evidence that supports a gay gene.
I would appreciate it greatly if you could answer that question. I value your opinion, based on your education and caring about helping people heal from pain.
I’m physically disabled and grew up in the church. At 12, I was taken to some church event and was brought up on the stage to be “healed.” The pastor put his “healing hands” on me to get rid of my disability. I stood there so embarrassed and shamed in front of 150+ people. I remember conversations around how people with disabilities were paying for sins of ancestors. That’s a lot to process and carry. I’ve also had numerous strangers come up to me asking to pray for me, “fix my legs.” I still struggle with shame from these experiences thinking there’s something wrong with me. So glad you and others are finally speaking out about the harm that can come from religion!
So sorry that happened to you 💔
Im disabled too. I've had this happen to me before many times.
I am so sorry you had that happen to you.. and happy to bring to light something that can be very harmful. xoxo I hope you have found a therapist or other support and have been able to heal. xoxo
I'm so sorry you experienced this... Stories like this make me angry.
Metaphysics like everything else often is more comforting to the person not dealing with adversity. After getting hurt i tried all kinds of stuff but some "healers" have serious wounds themselves. Sorry you had to deal with such childish adults trying to use you. As an adult i still have to remind myself that given the amount of s,-- in my head all the others have just as much or more.
Everyone who is part of the the LGBTQ+ community and grew up in a religious household I see you, I feel for you, I understand it can be so traumatizing I’m glad your still here 💗💗💗
Growing up I lost friends to suicide, drugs, cancer, and one was killed by a drunk driver, and whenever someone would say to me "God never gives you more than you can handle." it made me so angry because clearly my friends had more than they could handle, they died, and it felt like an insult to them. As if them being dead was all their fault somehow because God would never let something so terrible happen you couldn't live through it.
the thing is that’s just what life is and some people have terrible things happen to them without any say about it (me included) because we’re only human and nothing is perfect about us but the point is to grow from and help some else going through the same thing. i don’t think i can apologize in their behalf but I want you to know God understands what we are feeling and why we are feeling that way and in that way he’s a therapist too but i believe his point of life is to go through these things and keeping going strong to help others even if it’s hard because we can’t stop bad things from happening but we can heal and grow from them if that makes sense
@@jae838 I appreciate the kindness you're obviously going for & you're a sweet & sincere person.
I don't get why you responded to the Orig. Commenter (who said a phrase (made by humans & not God) hurt them further whilst grieving (as it hurts to be told ones pain isn't so bad or even that their feelings are 'wrong') by saying the phrase is right & then re‐explaining it.
When bad things happen, many of us feel far more comfort when we hear, "I'm so sorry that happened to you. If you need a compassionate ear? I'm here for you, my friend.", than when we're bereaved & are told that God thinks we'll be fine so how bad can it be?
No matter how kind one is, I feel that to re‐word the very thing which was hurtful isn't the very best way to go.
I only ask that you consider it • as I once did myself. TH-cam ‐ 2006: some Dr. did a video on psychological invalidation & it made my ability to cope with my ptsd • PLUS my dealings with others' pain • far more productive for all parties. I learnt why things had hurt me & how to not hurt others when I only wished to help. This was was a gift I didn't realise I needed; it made me a better person.
So much love, peace, kindness, & good health to you & yours for Christmas & all year.
💗☮🌲🎄🌲🎄
Sincerely, Me.
@Forever Sweater Weather My heart just breaks for you & the immense pain you must have experienced from such an onslaught of loss. That phrase - "God... can handle"? It hurts so many people & I feel so sad knowing that people said that to you. Your feelings matter & that's a hurtful thing to hear when grieving.
XO So many hugs & cyber love to you. Know I'm here if you ever need someone to listen; someone who felt alone ('til your comments) in my similar experiences. Always, Me.💗🫂💗
That's not a saying from the bible, but regardless you clearly misinterpret it.
The one killed by a drunk driver was an accident plain and simple. Not their fault. The suicide was their choice (between them and God, and God is merciful) the part about how much we can handle was in reference to YOUR suffering over losing them.
@@carlos4087 you misunderstood what I was saying. People say that saying all the time to everyone. Not just to me. But I know that the saying is wrong. Clearly my friends had more than they could handle.
God never gives you more than you can handle- toxic postivity.
YES!! xox
The thing is that this scripture is taken way out of context. It’s referring to work in the ministry. Not family and life trauma. Not illness. Not money problems. It means god will not ask too much from u.
....who says God 'gave' you anything?? Do people not make choices which affect our lives ??? I must be weird, because i do it and experience my choices and other peoples' choices all the time. i've never thought that God forced them or me to choose to do ....whatever... This is the weirdest non-christian 'belief' in the christian church: do we believe in free will or no?
AA tells you the same thing, it used to irritate me , in that case I must be Arnold schuartzeneger mentally
Definitely do a video about purity culture/modesty! This part of Christianity caused me to further blame myself for much of my childhood trauma as well as blaming myself for trauma in my adulthood.
The issue is that religious leaders themselves have logs in their own eyes and bring that into the doctrine that they perpetuate to their members including sexism. The fact that they hold women accountable for a man's lust instead of the man himself, especially in light of all of the guys that are involved in p*rn, is a problem. We are only responsible for our choices that directly affect us and others, not others people's choices.
Will do!! Working on it now :) xoxo
Super interested in a video on that as well...
Reject this false, immoral, cult of human sacrifice!
Same here. 😑 Its nice to know I’m not alone…🤗🤗
I fucking HATE when women are shamed for being sexually assaulted because they were dressed “too sexy”. How about we put less emphasis on how women dress and focus more on teaching men that it’s not acceptable to harass or assault women regardless of what the look like or what they wear!
Precisely.
Yeah that is disgusting that they shame women 🤮🤢💔😭🥺.
yo what guy harass's women lmao, also im pretty sure nobody needs to be taught that, if they do assault somebody its not because they don't know better but because they are sick in the head because of whatever
To anyone who’s going to get mad because she’s talking about how religion can be toxic, please take this intro consideration: love can be toxic. Friends can be toxic. Family can be toxic. GOOD things CAN be toxic. She’s not talking bad about your beliefs. Please always open your mind before opening your mouth. Just because you haven’t experienced it, doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Wishing you all nothing but happiness❤️🩹
That is true
1000% agree with your comment, this is not something that says 'church is bad' or 'what you believe is bad,' but it says that something in a lot of churches _needs_ to change. The question is what and how exactly, and honestly I feel like I haven't found a satisfying answer yet within conservative circles. (Not saying that those beliefs are right, I have my own questions, but that's a topic for another day...)
Speaking from the perspective of somebody involved in church who wants to see change happen but doesn't know what it should look like, I'm glad more people are talking about this sort of stuff now.
I'm approaching this from the angle that there must be a way to hold genuine beliefs while truly welcoming/loving/relating with every single person as people inarguably worthy of love, respect, and belonging as _all of us_ are, without any of the very obvious stigma and without treating people like projects.
Very open to this topic.
xoxox
So true
@@Katimorton omg 🥺❤️🩹
As a victim of torture, I absolutely abhor hearing people say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Torture is the literal definition of more than you can handle. What they mean to say is that they've never experienced more than they can handle.
Torture!? Omg what happened? You don’t have to tell me
I’m so so sorry ❤
The bottom line is, if you've experienced religious trauma, know it's not your fault. Some reasons why individuals experience religious trauma include: Religious teachings villainize and suppress normal developmental stages and individualized thinking. You were taught that you cannot trust yourself and feel helpless.☺☺☺
Thanks for saying this. It’s so easy to internalize that the trauma or abuse is your fault - but it’s not. It’s a good thing to say whenever possible.
Gosh, I agree that the church can be REALLY bad about shaming people... And no, it's NOT your fault. Pastor's son here from from a very conservative Christian background, that experienced my own trauma for those EXACT reasons which drove me away from my faith - being taught you're worthless, helpless, and that if you have any stress and mental health issues, or experience same sex attractions it's just because you need to pray / read the Bible more. (I personally ended up figuring out/choosing to decide I wasn't gay, but really had to come to a point where I was 100% open to accepting it if I was.)
Honestly, I understand if a lot of people are done with church. But I hope you know that not every church is toxic. That's why I never fully left, though believe me when I tell you I got close, and had many long nights over years arguing, even yelling at my father. I never left because he was truly genuine and open to talking about difficult things. To him it wasn't about being right and about control, it was about love and truly wanting the best for me as his son.
My dad's church has totally not figured out how things should change around this stuff, but they're _trying_. For the first time in 10 years, my dad realized just this past week that he had trauma over his father leaving him, and he is going to see a clinical psychologist now. And he's starting to talk OPENLY in his preaching that we need to change how we relate with the LGBTQ community. (And y'all, you don't even know how CRAZY that is - Filipino church culture is NOTORIOUSLY closed off to this stuff, due to 1) being a shame based culture and 2) being a conservative Christian religious culture and all that entails as well.)
I'm so sorry you were hurt by the church (as I was). I hope you know that it doesn't HAVE to be that way. That there is WONDERFUL community made possible when people share the same worldview... And yes, I agree, change has to start with the evangelical church. They need to start talking about how to view everyone, and I mean everyone, with genuine love and respect. I hope you get to experience that. Whether that's in a formal church setting or not.
Agreed. Thank you so much for sharing. xoxo
@@BaritoneMonkey Asking a sincere question here: Do you think a churches can treat the LGBTQ group, or other groups, with love and respect, while not agreeing with their lifestyle, and still not be villainized by the media or society for being judgmental?
@@danielgedutis7751 I think two of those three things are more possible, especially in individual churches. Public perception is a very difficult thing to change, but I believe there's GOT to be a way to root out the toxic judgment in a church and truly love every person as they deserve without compromising basic beliefs. I think it's going to be a one-church-at-a-time thing, and a slow process -- culture, especially a conservative culture, is really hard to change.
Honestly though, I have yet to find a church that has managed to strike that balance.
My Mom used to say, “You should be ashamed of yourself” after I had done or said something that wasn’t acceptable. Years and years of therapy! Finally, I have dealt with it and I feel wonderful about myself! ❤️
I definitely understand you ❤️ When I share my opinions with my family they dismiss it so easily and make me feel like my opinions don’t matter. I’m so happy you have healed 💗
Sad, however congratulations 🎉to your therapy!!
Therapy just for that? There must be more that you didn't mention.
What if you had said horrendous and insulting things?
@@vladimirofsvalbard9477 It wasn’t for anything I said. It was about my actions she didn’t approve of. She was a devote Christian her whole life. I commend her that. I have some of those values in my life. Some of my “hang ups”, especially overeating, was due to criticism and never feeling good enough. There a lot more to this. I had gastric-bypass surgery in 2010. I lost a lot of weight but I could not stop the emotional eating. Finally, was prescribed Behavior Modification Therapy where I worked on issues that triggered subconscious desires to eat. I finally have control of my eating and I am at a healthy weight!
I was sexually assaulted at 12 and told that having sex before marriage meant I was going to hell. Also I'm bisexual and grew up being told I would go to hell if I wasn't straight. Honestly even now as an adult I still feel like if hell is real I'm going because of those things.
There’s *nothing* wrong with you.
Those beliefs aren’t from the Bible. I’m sure you know what humans often tend to do with the power of influence. And the Bible did warn about false teachers.
It’s not unusual for humankind to twist things for their own benefit. Makes sense that the Bible would have a warning about that behavior.
I suggest to look up “What Does The Bible Say About Homosexuality?” And hopefully whatever you find helps.
Hell isnt real at all, it was added later to the myth book, to scare and control the masses. Reject this false dogma, you are fine just the way you are! Who are they to judge you? ,,,nobody.
@@theserpentshallwin And to judge people by way of saying that an all-knowing, all-seeing divine being would put us in an eternal place of suffering just because of the *very limited* details those mortal and all too imperfect minds know about us?
They’re no God. And it is stupidly dangerous for them to believe that they’re coming close that. One of the requirements to get into Heaven is genuine humility, right?
As an atheist bisexual, I tell you you won’t be alone in hell if it exists. We’ll be joined by all of my atheist LGBTQ+ or straight friends plus my catholic parents who definitely had sex before marriage. I’ll send you my address in hell. I’ve already put the down payment on a bungalow there. 😆
That’s so tough I’m sorry to hear that 💙 I hope you get the help you need in order to heal.
I told a Muslim imam about being abused by my partner. After listing all the neglect, manipulation & abuse he put me through, the imam turned to me and said, "where is your hijab?" I had to lecture him on our religion's stance on helping ppl & empathizing irregardless of their outward appearance or even faith! and another time, I sought support from a religious dude who asked me "and are you perfect?" Like no...anyway, thank you for spotlighting spiritual trauma. I feel like many diff faiths share similar expcs.
What are you trying to emphasize? This comment of yours doesn't show any religious trauma at all. You are just showing us that you met an imam who lacks empathy.
As for hijab, it would be much better for you if you considered his question as an advice.
Be proud of your religion. Be proud of islam, because its the TRUTH!
Do you know that there are people who have experienced trauma from therapy, because of bad therapists?! But does that make therapy bad? No!
Can we just validate what someone went thru & offer support before jumping to defend religion? Why is the guy in the comments more concerned about "being proud of religion" than the abuse apologists? He proves this video's point and shows an astounding lack of empathy. Allxh sure wouldn't be proud of his response...and I guarantee that.
@@shabanshabi3978
someone shares THEIR experience and instead of listening and accepting that there ARE people who have had issues with this religion you get butthurt and overdefensive trying to turn things around and shame and blame HER.
you are EXACTLY why this video exists.
You tell her to be proud of her religion? maybe start with yourself because all you just did is try tear her down.
To anyone who needs to hear this: There are still people out in the world who will see the best in you. People who won't judge you for stupid reasons. People who will just accept you for YOU. It feels hard to find those people sometimes. I want to do my best to be one of those people, because no one deserves to feel like a lesser human being just because they're "different", or "flawed". To anyone out there dealing with trauma or shame, know that I believe you deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy. To be free. To be who you are. Please keep going. I'm so sorry for how society has treated you, but please don't lose sense of the person you are. Because that's the person I want to meet one day.
So well said & relatable!!! Thank you so much.
I was raped by a guy I was dating. He was a youth leader at his church. Hours after it happened I sought for help and I was then victim blamed by the women's pastor at my church and was told "it looks like it wasn't rape because you decided to stay" and excused his inability to stop after a certain point because it was difficult for men to do so after a certain point, and kept demanding me to answer her "was it rape?!" repetitively in front of my rapist. I kept saying I don't know I don't know. Then I saw the look on my then boyfriend's face and I said no it wasn't. He was silent the whole time. Due to the teachings of the church, if we weren't able to control ourselves before marriage sexually, we should pursue marriage to keep ourselves pure. As a result, I had developed CPTSD, couldn't listen to preachers, attend church, Bible studies, listen to worship music, read the Bible or anything related to church because I would have really bad panic attacks. I eventually ended up in the hospital from a suicide attempt because all my coping mechanisms were no longer working and I was in so much pain. I had lost my virginity from the rape and my entire church community where I once felt safe (church was my life). I looked up to the women's pastor like the mother I never had. For a year and a half after being hospitalized, I still couldn't work. The leaders of a women's community therapy group invited the same women's pastor to the group for the purposes of educating her. I don't know how I am allowed to feel about it but I know I no longer feel safe there because she is there. I had a mini panic attack after finding out that news. I don't want to imagine what will happen if I cross paths with her again in this life or the next. I'd rather be in hell if she gets a "Jesus free pass card" and goes to heaven.
That was absolutely not your fault in any way, shape, or form. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Blaming the victim in a situation like that, especially being blamed by somebody whose morals are supposed to be defined by kindness, is unacceptable. You didn’t deserve what happened, and I hope you can find a new safe place.
I am so sorry that happened to you! You didn’t deserve it and it was in no way your fault. It was rape, anything that forces you into sexual activity is sexual assault. The way the church treated you is so terrible and disgusting.
I can relate with growing up in an overbearing church community that is obsessed with sex, judging people, and fundamentalism. I grew up as a historical Seventh Day Adventist. My family has been in it for generations and it consumed my life. I went to SDA schools, churches, ate the SDA fake meat products, and mostly lived in an SDA college town where pretty much everyone was SDA. I’ve recently learned it’s a cult that hides behind Christianity, but I wanted to share this because I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I know how difficult it can be to have to separate yourself from an environment that was your entire life and if you leave, the entire community seems to gaslight you, shun you, claim that you’re persecuting them, and that the devil is controlling you and you will lose your salvation if you try and leave them.
The SDAs also believe that women can’t really be raped because we entice men and that men can’t control their feelings and actions and everything is always the women’s fault.
The SDAs are so obsessed with sex that it consumes their teaching with abhorrent purity culture rules that they terrify children with, mainly little girls, and it haunts them into adulthood. I don’t think God would prevent women from being saved just because they were raped, something that wasn’t even their fault! If anything, it should be the people who do these terrible things that need to worried about their salvation if they don’t change their hearts.
I am so angry with the churches that keep hurting so many people with these messages. If God is truly a just God, I think He would be looking into our hearts and seeing if we truly love Him and our neighbors.
I know the Bible says in the Old Testament that men who rape women should marry the women they rape, but I believe that was because women had pretty much no value in society and in order for the community not to kill her for the “sex before marriage” the man had to marry her. I don’t think this applies today at all because women have respectable standing in society today and Jesus’ death fulfilled the Old Testament Mosaic laws and gave us the Messianic covenant where we are saved by God’s grace through our faith. So all we have to do is have faith in him (not the church as this is something I am starting to come to terms with) and love our neighbors. I am starting to understand why loving our neighbors is so difficult when we live in a world like this.
I have been doing a lot of research to undo the legalistic, fundamentalistic, cultic, controlling, gaslighting, fear mongering, child abusing, downright traumatizing doctrine. I have learned a lot (not yet enough), but I believe what I said previously is the gospel message. I think the Old Testament rules were supposed to show us sin and point to Jesus coming and Jesus gives us the new covenant with the gospel message, and I’m not really sure what this period of waiting for His return is for but I’m still learning.
I know some churches have given up humanity and morality for their own theology that may not be fully correct. Maybe the message of love is meant for us to use our brains and choose to take care of each other. It seems like some people are more interested in trying to follow the Bible just by looking at the words and not by looking at the passages’ historical context or meaning behind it.
I am so sorry for what happened to you. It was absolutely wrong. It is exactly what Christianity is not supposed to be.
Sorry for the long reply. I realize now that this was posted like two years ago but I hope you are doing well and are in a safe place. If you ever need a friend, please reach out! ❤🙂
Trust me, she will not be going to heaven. Jesus had something very specific to say regarding people who violate little children. By enabling your rapist and covering it up, she is equally as evil as the one who violated you.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. ((hugs)) You are not impure. Jesus even loved a sexworker, and according to one of the gnostic gospels (conveniently omitted), he elevated her as the leader of the church (demoting Peter after his triple denial). Jesus is not the Jesus you are familiar with. He was an alien who came here to show us how to transcend false religions, not herd us into one.
@@scholasticqueen I was indoctrinated from birth in SDAs too! My suggestion is to look into the gnostic gospels. There's a misogynist reason the gospel of Mary Magdalene was omitted. If you still believe in the NT, you do have a lot to learn yet. I also world recommend David Wilcock books and tv series Ancient Aliens.
@@MusiCatsKing thank you! I’ve been having a difficult time lately with it because a lot of people I tell them about it don’t seem to believe me that it really happened or was really as bad as I said. I’ll look up these books and him. Sorry you were indoctrinated with the SDA world view too. You doing alright now?
Kati you are so awesome. I am 64 years old. I came out 7 years ago. The heck with the religion I was following. I played the pretend game nearly all of my life and contemplated suicide in my early years. Religion had me screwed up so bad. It still will so I stay away from the self righteousness of the church people.
I am so sorry you were in such a dark place because of your religion. I am so glad you were able to finally come out and be your true self :) xoxox
I agree! Church people are so self-righteous and judgmental.
As a queer man, I definitely have religious trauma from being in high liturgical communities like Roman Catholicism. I have queer friends that have been affected by purity culture and would love if you made a video or two on it. Looking forward to any way you move forward with this series.
My church shamed me for all my childhood signs and symptoms of CPTSD.
I am so sorry.. that's terrible, especially when trauma comes with it's own shame already.. Ugh :( xoxo
They are the ones who should be ashamed, not you. It is an immoral cult of human sacrifice!
@@theserpentshallwin thank you for this comment
I know what you mean.
I am so sorry to hear that, you don't belong in that church or have a family like them. If you want some real help, spirituality is your dearest motivation. It's not like motivation, it's more about your inner self and connecting to your higher self. I believe going on this path after I went through religious trauma is something I won't forget about my entire life. I thought about getting crystal gemstone as my healing and protection, and everything I wish for is now becoming true ❤
Don't give up yet. I'm just like you, I have C-PTSD and ADHD as a child, which my family never knows yet. Sometimes, they show up at an inappropriate time, which causes me to feel a sense of worthlessness and emptiness. It's okay to feel miserable, not every people is perfect and that includes you too. I'm a born rebellious and free-spirited nature, I love my rowdy and rough treatment since I never had affection from my abusive narcissistic neglectful mother. I may act cold, distant, cynical, and all, but my vulnerability is my weakness, hence I might look like a bully and just a scary sadist. That's just my surface personality. However, my real personality is deep within and it takes time to open up about my past trauma along with the religious trauma. It's not easy to be open-minded after going through relentless mental destruction and personality major changes
If you still feel like life is not doing any better, try to get enough rest and journal your thoughts out, I would always be there for you once you're regained a healthy mindset. I will also continue my goals to reach whatever it takes. Yes Theory save me from my drowning of endless depression and bipolar disorder second phase, it was something I want to be a part of their adventure as a gratitude of "thank you", I was never able to forgive myself for years after surviving a hellfire, I need to start accepting myself and don't become too harsh ever again, is what I've always needed to do
You're not alone, I'm right here if you needed me 😊
I like what David Bowie said those who are afraid hell are the religious but spirituality is for those who went through hell and survive.
These churches that loves to condemn people are the ones that have no true Christian love in them and their theology is so screwed up as well.
I got lucky in having a pretty supporting church ahead of their time for the 90's/2000's, being LGBTQ+ positive, and such.
I remember my pastor bringing it up. I forget what it was about, I was young, but it was related to some event at the time, and he ended up saying, "Do you think (gay) is a sin?" A bunch of people answered yes. He then asked "Do you think that means these people have to be punished and go to hell?" General response was another yes. Then he started listing other named "sins" like lust, lying, jealousy, judging, stuff like that.
At the end he said, "Do you believe Jesus died for your sins?" The group response was yes, and he then said, "And so (being gay) is a sin, right? How do you come to believe they were excluded from Jesus' sacrifice, if you believe it to be true? He did not leave an asterisk at the end of that statement. His sacrifice was to protect us from our sins. No fine print. The details aren't mixed up or confusing, and it's also not for us to determine. Jesus died for our sins. That's all."
I miss that man.
Sounds like "love the sinner, hate the sin" energy, tbh - maybe rewatch the video from 5:38.
When I was a kid they had a weekend at the church where the girls were taught how to properly set a table and cook a chicken dinner while the boys got to go camping. I used to beg the boys' teacher to go on one of their fishing or camping trips and was told no every time.
I felt that my church really shamed the women into "putting others first" all the time where I now struggle with guilt whenever I need alone time or want something in life for myself. I felt like we were always expecting to push aside our needs for everyone else.
My list of bad church experiences can go on and on...
I was considered a bad influence by my church friends' parents because I decided that I wanted to wear pants instead of skirts and dresses every Sunday
I cannot stand "God never gives you more than you can handle." So incredibly dismissive and maybe it's trying to be helpful, but it's discouraging when people then feel like they can't handle it. Just ugh. Something to be avoided all around. Also, people always misquote the passage it's supposedly from in the Bible so it's not even in there in relation to pain!
That is actually not true. It says in
2 Corinthians 1:8 ESV "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself."
We can for sure face more than we can handle. Life is hard and difficult! What we have to do is rely on and find strength in God and among loving people to get through difficult things. When people say "God wont give you more then you can bear" they are not aware of real hardship. We will face more than we can bear, but God will get us through it and give us what we need if we let him.
That's not in the Bible , I agree so wrong to say on so many levels and I'd never say that to anyone but people that dont believe the Bible say this too . Seems like a cultural thing here .
"It's all part of God's plan" isn't in there either. I wish we could accept that it's no lack of faith to say "I don't know and I don't understand."
Ugh yes!!! It's just the worst!!! xoxo
@@MediaSocrates YES!!! xoxo
I like this concept for a video of reading and responding to comments. It feels like even more support for those in the community regarding their thoughts and feelings
Thanks for the feedback!! I wasn't sure if people would like it, but will do these more often now :) xoxo
As a former pastor's kid, this discussion needs to be talked about waaaaay more so thank you... Christianity/religion has destroyed billions of lives...
Fellow therapist here. I think it’s worth mentioning that the comments on “developing you spiritual side” is such a broad topic. When you grow up in a religious system, spirituality and religion become enmeshed, and it’s hard when you lose your religious worldview. In my view, connecting with your own values and countering yourself on what is meaningful to you can be a very healing experience. “Developing your spirituality” can include exploring things like yoga, meditation, volunteering, and healthy relationships. This isn’t at all to discount the fact that their are shitty therapists out there who are unethically pushing their religious beliefs on their clients. And those people should lose their license.
I appreciate this comment bc I can tell you are a good therapist who cares about your clients but may I share one additional perspective to consider? When I’ve been told this comment, I knew 💯 that my therapist was meaning exactly what you’re saying. They weren’t a ‘religious person’ so I didn’t take it like that. It was still incredibly hurtful to me though. Why? Because I’m sharing about deep religious trauma in therapy and simply seeking other types of spirituality (even meditation sometimes) is still too close to the trauma and very triggering and I thought that’d be obvious to them but it wasn’t. It felt like telling a rape survivor that it’d be very helpful in healing fear of touch to try signing up for massages as a sort of ‘neutral/safe’ version of touch. It feels like exposure therapy and that doesn’t feel helpful. Those are just my feelings though.
I was adopted into a Catholic Hispanic family and then we became Pentecostal Christian. Let me tell you. I am now paranoid that God is going to snitch on me because in the last couple of years I’ve had my parents and my pastors (a married couple) come to me and tell me that God had told them things about me that he wanted me to know that he knew. I’m 21 but my parents still force me to go to church and if I don’t, then I’ll get yelled at and shamed and made to feel like a bad person by my parents, who are leaders in our church. I was also outed to my parents last month and a week after, my youth group went on a retreat in Arizona, (we’re from NJ) to a very republican, mostly white, church and my mom had someone “pray the gay away” (I’m bisexual) and I felt so guilty when it didn’t work and I felt even worse when I realized I wanted it to work. I’m not a Christian anymore, and haven’t been for a year now, so going to church is just torture for me now. Just yesterday, my pastora (female pastor in Spanish) came up to me and said that God wants me to connect with him and that he’s always been with me since I was a child and blah blah) and I felt trapped. Like my spiritual path has been set in stone for me and like the only way I’m getting anywhere in my spirituality is through Christianity, but I’m not happy in my church. I hate it here. All my friends have left our church and I only get along with the kids that I’ve watched grow up in the church with me. My therapist that I’ve had since I was 17 ghosted me in august and I haven’t seen her since and there’s just so much going on that I have no professional to talk to and I’m now starting to look for a new one now that my college semester is over. Also, it’s a trauma anniversary month for me this month and I’m low key stressed out. Had a panic attack last week for the first time in over a year due to my SA trauma, so that wasn’t fun. Sorry for the rant. I just have a lot on my mind.
wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds tragic.
"I’ve had my parents and my pastors (a married couple) come to me and tell me that God had told them things about me that he wanted me to know that he knew" -- this is such disgusting gaslighting and I'm so sorry you have to endure that. I hope you are able to escape safely soon.
You don’t have to follow what they say. You were born perfect and don’t need to be saved. They use their religion to control, and as soon as you realize that, you can empower yourself. Set yourself free!!❤️❤️
Just quit Churches AND Start praying to Jesus Christ inside your house.You will feel his peace in you.trust My words he is a loving God.
I’m so sorry that you went the that trauma and people tried to make you suppress who you really are .💔😭🥺
You are loved you are worthy
You have purpose. That’s all 😊
I grew up Catholic and as a child, I was tormented with guilt. Everything was a sin. Then I grew up. Best thing I ever did was free myself of this prison.
I had a time period in my life where I went through a lot of traumatic stuff, and during that period of time my parents would say God would never give me more than I could handle, or that everything was happening for a reason. I was *ten*. When I eventually started to recover, instead of congratulating me for pushing through and trying my hardest and not ending it, all I got was “God have you the power to get through those hard times”. I remember thinking, but… didn’t God also put me through these hard times? I lost more and more faith in God, but it got to the point where I was scared that if I disobeyed God or stopped believing in him or whatever, that He would hurt me or something. When I told my mom I didn’t want to be in the church anymore, instead of comforting me and telling me that it was my choice, she said that she felt as if she failed God in raising me, that when I was baptized as a child she made a promise to raise me Christian. I felt so guilt tripped and hurt. I’m older now and I still think about everything that happened, but I’m trying to reconnect. I’m better now.
Being told that my baby boy’s death was “no mistake” and that God made sure we as a family were put on our toes was the most hurtful thing I ever heard this year and truly left a terrible taste in my mouth with Christianity.
I'm sorry for your loss. Sending love.
I’m so sorry you lost your son .💔😭
Someone I love died recently. I do not know him personally, he's actually an idol, K-pop idol to be exact. But I loved him with all my heart. I feel very connected, safe and happy whenever I see him or interact with him even if it's just on screen. And his death was honestly a shock to me. The initial cause of death was suicide. And that made me even more sad. I had been struggling mentally for almost five years now. Struggling with crippling depression but everytime I ask for help they brush it off and gets angry with me because as a Christian I should not feel all that. I even tried self-harm already cause I feel as if I'm just taking it. So to see someone I saw as a safe haven die and fade away it fucked me up. Took a part of my soul with him. I felt as if I died as well. But no one understands that. I cried myself out but my family laughed at me. My dad asked what's wrong? What happened? So I told him about it. And then he shook his head and angrily muttered, " Why do you like people like that? You shouldn't like people who kill themselves. " What I heard from that was how dare you empathize with a person that committed suicide. It was the accusation lacing his voice. The disappointment. I love my dad but a small part of me harbored hatred till now. And then the rest of the hatred was thrown to christianity and well, god. Because if he really do love us just like how the Bible describe why is he so unfair? Why is his love conditional? If it's not hurting anyone, why is it a sin?
I'm just going to put this out there, a lot of people in my life don't know what I'm about to say.
When I was really really little, I was "prophesied" over, saying how "special" I will be, and how "God has unfathomable grand purpose for you". As time went on this turned into apparently being some prophet that will help bring in the end of days.
For years I fought hero complex, always feeling like a failure and having to save everyone. I began to absolutely hate myself. I learned eventually how it's ok to be human, and that I can learn for myself what my life is about.
This sounds so difficult I’m sorry 😢 that prophecy probably gave you a lot of personal responsibility, but very little guidance. Without the right mentoring from leaders and discipleship with your church you would be set up to fail. I think people with the biggest calling can often go through the biggest trials. But I’m really glad you see things a little clearer now. I hope you find the right support group around you to mentor your talents and skills for your calling ! 🔥
A concept best understood by Fans of Doctor Who, is that often, those fated to ensure the proper unfoldment of History over the course of Time, possess the greatest Destiny. Most of them fulfil the entirety of their destiny, just by being in the right place, at the right time and doing something absolutely mundane (such as engaging conversation with a stranger, pointing out someone's shoes are untied, forgetting to lock a door, or remembering to close the curtains during the blitzkrieg); yet they have an ESSENTIAL role in History for God's Future to come to pass"
Video on purity culture would be awesome, it's still making a mockery of sex education in a lot of the US.
Agreed!! Will start working on it now :) xoxo
@@KatimortonIs it posted on TH-cam?
When I tried to tell a family in church that I had been abused by my religious father, they shunned me, called me demon possessed, and informed my abusive father, leading to more abuse.
The very first thing I said to my therapist was that I was gay and I've had a lot of friends who have horror stories from therapists who told them they were sinning and going to hell for being gay and I asked what her feelings were on that. I wasn't going to waste my time or money with someone who was going to try to pull that on me. Luckily, she's been wonderful about it.
I don't even think that is legal if so it's definitely not ethical
@@chocolateprincess2656 it's Mississippi...legal or not it's very prevalent.
That’s so great that you found someone that accepts you for who you are and I’m so sorry that happened to your friends . That is so sad .❤ Those therapists shouldn’t be working there if they can’t be open and accepting of people for who they actually are .
I HATE when my preacher says it’s a sin to marry the same sex and says “love the person but hate the sin”. I’m like excuse me sir that’s very judge mental to call someone out on what makes them a happy whole being !And when he reads from the Bible about it’s a sin to marry the same sex he always says I’am not going to get into that. I just want to jump out of my seat and ask why don’t you want to get into that? Is it uncomfortable for you to see a woman married to a woman and a man married to a man? I want to jump out of my seat EVERY time when he reads that out of the Bible!
And my parents doesn’t like the fact that I 💯% support the LGBTQ community and I’ve said I totally support in WHATEVER makes YOU happy go for it! And they immediately shut down the conversation by saying it’s still a sin in God’s eyes and say “love the person but hate the sin”. I HATE that phrase! And especially when people say you go to hell when you kill yourself! This all makes my blood boil😡!!
A friend of mine came out as gay to his pastor when he was in high school, and the pastor said “that’s ok, just don’t let it define you.” I think that dismisses a huge part of his identify and pretty much says that god will love you even though you’re flawed. Your sexuality never means that something is wrong with you
that's attachment to identity
no a person's sexuality never means something's wrong with them, but it also isn't something that describes them, it's just a part of them like having blue eyes and not brown eyes
only those who don't have a personality view their sexuality as "a huge part of their identity", develop hobbies, express empathy and care in what's going on in other people's lives, help out other people, then you won't feel like your sexuality is a huge part of who you are because you'll have many personality traits and qualities that can describe you
think of it like how would you like your loved ones to describe you
I had to leave the church I grew up in in order to begin my healing journey. My decision to leave damaged my relationship with my family at the time (very active in said church), but now that I am in a healthier place I am able to have a better and healthier relationship with my family.
In my teen years I was so desperate for any human to care about me that I went to an evangelical church and they were all loving towards me during my high school years, especially one couple who had kids my age. I was doing well in school and the school thought I was very intelligent and wanted to help me get to college…so the church people I knew seemed to ride on my coat tails during this time as well because in church’s eyes, I must’ve been doing things right in god’s eyes. Anyway, during college I no longer had that emotional family type support, nobody from home called me on regular basis, etc and I felt alone. The depression, ptsd I had from growing up caused me to have to be hospitalized several times because I wanted to end it all. Then college graduation came and nobody from home came. I went back home trying to find that support system I once had, but people expected me (especially from the church) to be starting a family, and career. I tried going to the pastor to tell him how I was hurting and he just told me that I have an umbilical cord trying to attach it to anyone I could to suck the life out of them and that I just needed Jesus to be my friend and that I don’t need any human. I tried talking to the couple that had once wanted to spend time with me as a teenager and they told me that the lord was there for me and I didn’t need any humans to care about me and they already had their family. I wanted to say to them… well let’s take away your family and let you walk this earth all alone and see how long you last before becoming deeply wounded. I grew up with a single mom who was mentally ill and neglectful (I know she did the best she could but it was hard for my sister and I to have to do most things ourselves), and my dad was severely schizophrenic and was mostly institutionalized since I was 6 years old and didn’t see him from 6 years old until I was 39 yrs old in 2014 before he passed in 2015. I didn’t know any relatives except my mom and sister and we grew up in extreme poverty so life was already difficult. All I wanted was a human to love me. I have never wanted to get married because I saw how men expected women in the church to be there for them and be like a maid to them…I decided I just couldn’t deal with that…plus married women weren’t supposed to have a life where they had close friends because the man would be mad she wasn’t at home all the time for him. It almost seemed like the man was jealous like Christian’s said god was. Thanks for listening to me.
I’m so glad you’re talking about this! Ugh, I could go on and on about toxic religion. I was taught so many unhealthy things that I’ve had to unlearn. From women being subservient to men to being lgbt+ is a sin. From being told masturbation was from the devil to being coerced into a “purity pledge” (which I failed to uphold). I was pushed out of my youth group for listening to bands like Evanescence and for being friends with peers who were not Christians. I was told at 7 years old that God didn’t love me and I would go to hell because I tempted my sexual abuser to harm me. Amazingly, I’ve still found a place for faith and spirituality in my heart, but I don’t practice in an organized religion anymore. For his own reasons, my boyfriend is an agnostic and I know there are people in my family hoping I’ll leave him or convert him to Christianity. I’ve seen too much personally and heard about so much more involving toxic religion and it really needs to stop.
I started attending a very strict Pentecostal church when i was 18, was in it for 5 years, we were not allowed to question the elders at all, or you would risk being shamed publicly and put out of the church. Same if couples messed up and had sex when dating, public shame they were put out of fellowship and forced to marry and the whole church would know it was awful. We were not allowed to visit other churches that had different doctrines, and even had spies in the church lol, who would report back to the elders what we were doing etc if we did not attend all the meetings and events planned. Took me years after leaving, to unlearn what was taught , i consider it to be a Christian cult church. I currently do not attend anywhere these days, i consider myself a christ follower but not religious. Even jesus got mad at the religious Pharisees in his days, and jesus spent lots time with people who were considered outcasts in his time. Im sorry people have been hurt by religion, Jesus said greatest commandment was to love one another, we need more of that esp in churches.
Thank you!! Exactly spot on for me. I was raised in church my entire life. I had "several good experiences"..... But I never truly felt like I had the chance or personal choice.... to "make the right decision" or to be involved or have a personal relationship with God. It always felt more forced than anything. I remember being sick with a nasty cold one sunday.. It was obvious I was sick. My parents were gonna let me stay home at first....but I had gotten out of bed to watch tv. My dad came back in the house for something and didn't like that I was watching tv. My dad told me if I " felt good enough to watch tv, that I was ok enough to go to church. So I got dragged to church anyways looking like crap and literally not getting anything out of the service. I was so stuffy and sick. I couldn't wait to leave, so bad. When I finally did move out at the age of 18... I didn't step in any church for at least 6 years or so. Just couldn't do it. Everything we did as a family was church this church that... oh another church is having a wed meeting.. let's go to that too. Getting home at 10pm and still expected to keep up with school and homework. Everything we did was church related.
I'm going thru severe depression and my mom still keeps saying that I am this way because I left Church and Jesus isn't with me anymore.
Hang in there sweets ❤️
Just take one step at a time. Everything is going to be ok. And remember nothing that you are feeling is wrong and it is not your fault
I'm so glad I found your channel. Even now I'm unable to listen to gospel music or listen to my parents talking about christianity without cringing or wincing. I'm gay and was emotionally attacked every sunday about my sexuality. I'm now almost 30 and I still have an avoidance to any type of Christian culture.
Katie Im so grateful for you and for many others addressing this important topic. I felt so alone when I left my faith. Folks need to talk about this more.
I once got forced out a job because I was having panic attacks which I was told were making my coworkers “uncomfortable” (totally illegal btw). This was right after I had taken a leave of absence to go to a PHP where I had gotten my anxiety under control. After I signed the resignation paperwork, the director smiled and said “God is giving you this opportunity to turn your life around”. It took an entire EMDR session to get over that one comment…
Ugh... I am so sorry TK.. what an invalidating comment, not to mention that their belief that your mental health struggles is something you have to "turn around" from as if panic attacks are a choice! Omg so ignorant and illegal. Ugh! xoxo
I used to go to church as a child and teen but have quit long ago, i struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and when i try to talk to my mother about it, she says it's the devil, and i need to seek God, and she's the only person i talk to. It's really horrible.
My father is like that with me too, I am so sorry :(
I grew up in a town that even today is mostly dont ask dont tell, and here I am a gay man. I am starting to come out today, but only after a theripist has brought up the fact that my fear of myself was holding me back
I am so sorry :( But I hope your coming out process goes well and is met with love and understanding. xoxo
how did it go ?
I am so sorry people tried to make you suppress who you really are 💔😭
Being a pastor's kid, I can definitely relate to a lot of these questions. There was a lot of good things I got from church but also a lot of messed up experiences as well
Like?
I had the same issues with “purity culture”. It really messes with your head - and the fact that girls were held responsible if the boys were “tempted” or “sinned”. 😳
Thank you so much for putting this video out there! I think religious trauma is a massively under-acknowledged issue and it can be really hard to find good resources for it. Religions don't have off-ramps; they have escape hatches. Leaving a community and trying to fight a myriad of existential battles on your own is pretty damn rough, and we often find ourselves on our own a lot trying to navigate life afterwards.
So much of purity culture and the church culture in general is severely misogynistic.
My old church definitely scarred me for life. Me and my ex(still in the closet) got called out in the middle of a youth class. We were just sitting next to each other. Having severe social anxiety and self harm, it caused me to go downhill fast. I'm now terrified because of who I love and I am scared to talk about myself at all at church, for the fear that I will accidentally come out.
I really appreciate your videos. They help me to feel less lonely. :)
as a muslim suffering from gender dysphoria ,my religion forbid everything behind it . and i am feeling ashamed since i was a kid ..... after all of these years , I can confirm religious trauma destroyed me
I'm sorry this happened to you, as Muslim i can understand and i know its complicated.
Praying for you to find peace and love
Thank you for following up on your previous video! This is such an important topic that never gets discussed! You're doing something amazing for the community! ❤️🙏
You are so welcome & thank YOU for the kind words. Have a great week Morena :)
Great video Kati. I didn’t realise just how much impact growing up in a church actually had on me and still does. I totally remember the talks of not tempting the males with the way I dressed, acted and spoke. It is continuously on my mind even 15+ years later. It would be great to see a video on this.
I resonated with a lot of these comments and realised that’s the reason I act this way, think this way and am uncomfortable with myself.
Kati, you rock! I've been a feminist therapist for 22 years and share a lot of your videos with my clients. Thanks for sharing you knowledge.
Hey Kati I just wanted to say that these videos mean a great deal to me and I’m appreciative of you for making them. I came out to my family and have been essentially disowned, having to rework my entire support structure as well as my identity due to religion.
If you could make a video focusing on just LGBTQ+ coming out I think you’d find it would resonate with a tremendous amount of people. Maybe you could invite someone to talk with you, that’d be pretty cool. No matter what thank you. For everything.
Thank you soooo much for these religious videos!!!! I was very severely traumatized by my childhood church and it is still with me at age 50. It has affected my self esteem, decision making, etc. I have ptsd from the military. Even though it's awful, I feel the religious trauma is more damaging and makes my post military life trauma worse. I'm actively seeking therapy. Definitely cptsd
I’m with you on condemning Christian cliches but some of us seeking mental wholeness still believe in Christian doctrine.
Love diving deeper into this topic
Thanks! :)
I unfortunately know two people from my town that had schizophrenia and were in a church. One lady who was schizophrenic was in the baptist church and the other guy was in mormon church. It unfortunately ended up tragic to them because people in church told them that they are strong and they don’t need medication because ‘god’ has helped them. They both stopped taking their medication and ended up dead, they killed themself. I too am schizophrenic and was going to baptist church my whole childhood and teens years and I never felt like I fit in there and what they were preaching was never with a lot of sense to me. I no longer go to any church and I am no longer religious. I hate religion from the bottom of my heart, it’s unnatural and toxic. I know that being spiritual can help some people, but unfortunately it’s not in my case. I felt like such a burden fell off my chest once I finally let go of Christianity and god. I feel more like myself now and I don’t believe in concept of sin, it’s fake morality. We should live by the laws of nature and respect everyone and not judge and especially not to tell a person that is severely ill to stop taking the medication because god has healed them!
I am mentally ill. God could have given the world medicine to help us. Would they tell someone with diabetes or cancer not to take medicine?
@@Catlily5 exactly
@@Catlily5I agree. I also have mental illness and have to take medicine . Literally if some people don’t take medicine they die .
@@aleksandracattI agree .
Excellent video!
I left the ministry partly because the theology was so abusive especially to people who genuinely struggle with a sensitive conscience. And it troubled others that although I believed in God, I did not believe that we actually know anything specific about such mysteries. I was anti-dogmatic.
Kati, thank you so much for bringing up this topic. I believe it can be a safeguard for those who are genuinely searching for real Christianity. Listening to this video made me so grateful I grew up in a church that has grown and developed in love together, and actively cleansed itself from the ills described here. I could write multiple pages about the positive, joyful opposite sides of the issues people have described here, but I will come back later.
"My" church, the one I was forced to Confirm with, forced me out as I transitioned, hard to talk about.
That’s so tough I’m sorry 😩 God’s love is beyond the boundaries your church set when they forced you out, I don’t think that was right 🙏🏼💔
Hi Kati...many months have past since this was posted. I could tick off my traumas and wounds resulting from the cultural and high-control religious denomination I was born into...instead, I (really, really) try to focus of the learning or opportunities.
What you do with such intuitive intellect and beauty is model the "normal" emotional reactions (so many of us have trouble finding a baseline): your empathy, your educational tips and proper verbiage to work with the adversarial and conflicting, your sadness that is unfeigned for the hurt, and lastly, you show righteous anger (so many don't know anger unexpressed appropriately can be lethal).
You had a moment to take a shot verbally at the youth leader's wife, who in wearing a style shirt that called more attention to a potential "immodest" zone bc of constantly readjusting-directing attn with body language rather than avoiding the "American Apparel Navel-Gazer T" (😅 I hope it's ok for me to laugh because I certainly owned that shirt after I came out).
❤ thank you for what you do.
Jesus sat with sinners, tax collectors, poor. i realized i was trans a few years ago (therefore also making me gay), and thought i was going to hell. i never went to church or grew up in church but hearing homophobic/transphobic religious leaders either online or irl, scared me enough to believe that if i took that first hormone shot, i was going to hell. i slowly realized that, as i grow in my relationship with God, the things that people say and aim to hurt people like me, those arent coming from God. and that God doesnt make mistakes and made me trans, gay in his perfect image
I’m a Christian and when I starting questioning my sexuality, I thought I was going to go to hell too. Only God can judge us, not anyone else, we were definitely made perfect in his image. Thank you for going out of your way to write this, I’m actually really happy I have found someone I could relate to. :D
this is what I needed to hear man
@@carameIonI was questioning mine too last year and I thought also that I was going to hell and I’m a Christian
Seriously, thank you for making these. I've been through various different therapists since I was 13, and only realized that my religious upbringing has played a huge role in my current mental difficulties. Even had one therapist at a public university, use my emotional breakdown as an opportunity to tell me that I "had a distorted view of Christianity" and attempted to preach to me. Needless to say that has made it even more difficult to even admit to therapists that I believe religion played a part in my mental predispositions. It means a lot to hear that this is a thing, and not feel my experiences be minimized.
Im dealing with religious trauma now and even asked people in my now religious community and I got shamed about thinking and looked up religious trauma on TH-cam glad I found this and your other video. So validating and helpful to me thank you❤️
Thank you! I definitely have shame from growing up in a strict Christian religion. I still have shame. I constantly feel like I am a bad person even if I just make a mistake or make someone frustrated with me. I am not in the church anymore, and I finally have a healthy relationship with a partner. I am much more free to choose what is right for me. But sometimes the shame thoughts come in and make me feel like I am bad for doing what is healthy for me. :: sigh :: Thank you for talking about this subject!
I loved this, I hope everyone in the world will hear this, it helps alot to hear! ❤️
So many of those toxic religious expressions are so dismissive of the persons feelings and yes minimizing .... soooo toxic ..... The one that still triggers me alot is "god has a plan for you " AHHHHHHHH 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
This was really good, and, yes, I’d love for you to continue to explore this. A lot of the shame I endured certainly related to purity culture.
I'm sorry to everyone who's been harmed somehow like that. The right church won't hurt you. You know you've found the right church when they take you in as family and truly love you and help you how you need. They will be there for you, they will be your family. Look for that in a church.
I'm sure you mean well by this, but in the future please keep in mind that many of us with religious trauma don't *want* to find a new church. Many choose to avoid church altogether and instead practice exclusively alone, and many walk away from the religion entirely. Saying "you just need to find a good church!" can be very invalidating for those of us who actively want to avoid churches, which were often the very place we were hurt. We don't want to the place that abused us, and it can feel like you're not listening to us. It puts the importance of church and the christian god over my feeling of safety and my new religious beliefs (which are no longer christian). Again, I don't think you meant this with anything but good intent, but just some food for thought. A better response in the future would be "I'm so sorry that happened to you. I believe you. How can I support you while honoring your experience and current beliefs?"
Agreed. Thank you so much for sharing :) xoxo
"they will be your family" is how people get into cults
Thank you so much for putting my comment in the video!! ❤💜💖 I'm so glad you liked it haha! Yeah your video really helped me to try and analyse religious establishments and figure out which people are weaponsing it or using it for good. I've found a more-modern-Church that seems nice so I'm gonna go for the first time this Sunday - so fingers crossed it goes well. But thank you so much for your video - it helped more than you know 💖💖💖💖
I absolutely love that you’re addressing this topic!!! I have a lot of religious trauma due to growing up being a pastors kid. Now I am a therapist myself (social worker), and am working thru my trauma. Ultimately, my social justice values do not align with what I see in other christians. It really is, like you said, a “mind fuckery”🤯 Kati, I’d love to know what your personal views are now given your religious upbringing!
this was good and yeah i have been told being gay is bad and it is hard for me since i am gay and still so young and trying to figure out who i am. thanks for talking about this and i have relgious trauma
I am so sorry you went through that and I hope you are able to find the right support and begin to heal from the trauma. xoxo
I am so sorry you went through all that trauma . I hope it gets better. I’m sorry these people won’t accept you for who you actually are . Just be yourself. You are beautiful.
Thank you Kati
I loved that episode since it discussed a pretty important topic religion did not harm me psychologically I am now a devout Muslim but I Have always been surrounded by religious people who believe that religion can only treat that with no need to therapy this was an issue I faced as I have severely suffered from bipolar disorder and ADHD an other problems.
Kati! I love how you talk about things because you have an amazing way of adding your own personal narrative so people don’t feel “crazy” or isolated yet you don’t make it all about you in a bad way. I love your personal stories and every video feels like a personal therapy session. I know its TMI but I just think your videos are great!
I am still recovering from an experience that I now know is grooming. My gut was screaming at me all along but because this person was a church leader, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t really know where to go from here as I have been triggered at the church I now attend due to this experience. The trigger seems to be when I don’t feel im being heard or when I need help of some sort and no one is listening or bothering to help. It also angers me that this person is still out there at another church preying on vulnerable people(women and children especially). I am afraid to report them because I don’t know if this person is truly dangerous.
Kati this the first time listening to you and You are on point!! I left the church long ago after I experience a transformation and expanding open consciousness. I feel so free and I relised that I experience the religious trauma. I want to know more so I can educate and share my experience and journey. Thank you for doing this podcast
I have religious trauma from how I was treated by the church after coming forward about sexual trauma I experienced. The things that were said to me, the way people responded to me… it’s completely unforgivable. Idk if I’ll ever recover.
Yeah I would love a purity culture video! I saw through some of it at the time, but I still internalized some of it. My cousin was pretty disturbed in retrospect because she married earlier than she was ready for and then felt damned after she got divorced because she was no longer married but was also not a virgin either. Purity culture was so ridiculous.
I am a trans and panssexual person who was born and grow on a very conservative and religious family.... till today I have to go to church even if I don't want to because if I stand up for myself and say that place hurts me they will probably punish me..
They don't know i'm lgbtq+ tho because I am afraid of what will happen when they found out. I still have to fake who I am to my family and with everyone that have some contact with my family.
I remember till today how I was pressured into the idea of Jesus coming back and letting me to suffer on the earth because I like girls and guys and because I don't feel like a girl. This preassure and saying that who I am is be sinfull, be a freak makes me feel so so bad and so broken that caused me a lot of trauma (I aways liked both girls and boys since i was little, my first crush was a girl).
I remember when sometimes I used to hear loud sounds when I was little I would think it is Jesus coming back making me have panic crises (this probably also has something to do with my autism and sensibility with sounds).
I remember how many times I asked for God to "make me normal" and never get it. I passed days in crisis because of religion..
But at least i feel better that I am getting away of this belief and that i have friends who support me and help me to go throught it.
Thank you this helps me feel not alone. I've been working with my therapist on my religious trauma & had to stop talking with many family members because it was re-traumatizing.
Thank you for this video. And your comment on my comment. This was really validating
Of course!! So glad it was helpful and healing :) xoxo
Besides 1.5 years of going to a public high school, I went to strict Christian schools. I have so many stories I could share, but it would take too long. I’ve realized I, myself have been negatively affected by the strict doctrine that shamed women mostly. It became normalized to be ashamed & feeling guilty bc if you’ve sinned, then you’re facing an eternity in Hell being tortured & in never ending suffering. Wow! What a horrible story for youngsters to hear!? So it installs major fears in us, especially concerning death. I’ve noticed the worry of what happens when I die, just blocks my ability to enjoy life & actually live in the present moment & find joy & peace. It really sucks, but I am working on healing & learning to self love again. Thank you for your awesome videos. 🥰❤️🌹
Another one of those things that society deems acceptable that causes tremendous suffering in the dark. And then we scratch our heads where all the pathology comes from. Glad you brought it up, I can see the sacrifice in it and it makes it all the more admirable.
I’m gonna say it, Preach! I am gay and how i didn’t realize i was being traumatized i don’t know
when i was 15 i was manipulated by the pastor to pray for the congregation…. into the microphone…. in front of 400-500 people. he felt like the lord was telling him that i needed to pray for everyone. i couldn’t say no.. it was horrible. i ended up doing it and i was shaking the whole time
That's horrible
Please do more videos on this or related topics. As someone who has experienced religious trauma in many different ways I sympathize with the comment about therapists saying you have to have a spiritual side . How awful. No one should have to be told that. I've had good and bad therapists but the religious stuff thrown in the face is the worst. Great informative video as always!! Thank you!
Tysm for this video, I’m coming to realize I have some religious trauma. I went to a Christian school expecting shelter and compassion and instead I stumbled across something awful. Christians telling me it’s my fault for my mental health issues, ( I have autism, Sensory processing disorder, OCD, LD, and depression) saying that I shouldn’t be mad at god because it wasn’t his fault it was my fault. Also in the fact that it hurts so much more because you expect christains to be loving and kind, but instead you get judgmental and ppl telling you your going to hell. Ppl telling me that they will forgive me, but not forget what I had done. And also the fact that there are ppl who are like, “ god is all loving and graceful” and then there’s the fire and brimstone teaching, “ if you don’t do exactly what the Bible says your going to hell!” So I never knew which side was right and it caused a lot of anxiety in me and to this day.
As someone who has experienced [religious] trauma, I'm really happy I found your channel. I'm queer and out to my family, and I honestly really regret it. The thing for me is that my family says they'll always love and accept me, but they don't support or even validate me. It's incredibly difficult and confusing. They also think the internet turned me queer, because that was technically how I figured out I was queer.
I really want to keep a good relationship with my family, but our views and beliefs keep getting in the way. I think the worst part is that when I try to stand up for myself, they're the ones who call ME toxic and disrespectful, for "not respecting their opinions and beliefs". I honestly just don't know what to do.
Side note: I also didn't figure out (or at least realize??) that hell wasn't real until the end of last year (I'm 16, turning 17). Yeah. It's just so controversial and hypocritical.
Thank you so much for bringing this topic to light. my belief in god is very important to me and yet i find it very difficult to find a place and sense of community within a church due to the trauma I faced as a teenager. Being made to feel like the way I acted was wrong when all I was trying to do was reach out and find a sense of love, acceptance and friendship. It was deeply damaging to me when the people in leadership, the people I thought were suppose demonstrate God's love completely judged me wrong. Now granted I am not saying that I didn't make mistakes in my youth and I am not saying people are perfect but in the situation that happened, it was not handled well and it left me with deep emotional wounds that I to this day have not completely healed from. It still bothers me. I have forgave those people but I still find myself hurting from the experiences. Church hurt is very real.
You know, I was not raised in a church going religious family, we were raised to be individuals and have our own opinions. For example my twin brother is now a Christian but I am Athiest.
BUT I do know and respect many religious people and a couple of years back, I lost a few people very dear to me and in all that grief and turmoil, my supposed 'loving' Christian friends used that opportunity to say 'Well if you turn to a path of God, you'll get to see them again in heaven'. That statement was so damaging, that whenever I think of their passing I question myself and feel guilt for my beliefs as if I'm a bad friend for not giving them an opportunity to see me again.
Kati, thank you SO much for making these videos! To me, the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin" feels very traumatic and abusive. If you say this to a person in the LGBTQ+ community, it sounds like "Everything you are is a sin, (even though you can do nothing about it) but I love you anyway (lucky you that I have decided to l love such an awful person)" I feel like these kinds of phrases are painful and can fill a person with shame (more than they already had) and it's so damaging.
I was told a lot at my Catholic school by teachers that if I committed suicide I would go to hell. That really fucked me up mentally
Religious Trauma? Where do I begin??? Around the age of 40 after years of being away from the AofG denomination, I went to an Assemblies of God church in an act of reconciliation; my gesture towards forgiving this entity and their leaders of years of incidents to trauma. 15 minutes into the service, I grew so nauseous and left immediately. It was then I knew my trauma was real.
Likewise , I thought I was really missing my church and went to visit apologizing and showing I cared , as soon as I stepped in I got nauseous and handled the service but I felt someone was going to attack me or something . It is terrible
Thank you so much for this! Please do an episode on purity culture! There are so many of us working through the effects of the teachings from that movement.
Hi, I'm a transgender man. And it took me a lifetime to make that decision of transitioning because of religion and even though I'm happier than ever, there's days when I get scared and I even had anxiety attacks thinking that I will go to hell. That was told to me during my adolescence and childhood about LGBTQ+ community.
@imagica I know, that happens specially in Latin America where I'm from people live and breathe for religion in extreme ways that feed the hate towards people from the community, to the point of killing. They even have influence in politics where they tell you not to vote for LGBTQ candidates by saying they are sent by the devil. It's just insane.