Limerence 'saved' me from age 14/15 as an escape from home and school life. Unfortunately it continues to this day which is over thirty years later. It has played a massive part of my life including maladaptive daydreaming.
Another fantastic video. Years ago, I remember reading this in some highly regarded psychoanalysis book, which always stuck with me: Romance is a perversion. Once you get over your initial shock at this statement, you realize how true and liberating it actually is. Of course, everyone will have their own slightly different explanation for this statement, but in the book, it was something like this, which I thought was bang on: We're genetically and psychologically programmed to have intimate relationships, regardless of who we are. Intimate relationships are a perfectly normal and natural part of life, just like eating, drinking, sleeping, urinating... Therefore, by pedestalizing, romanticizing, overthinking, overanalyzing, specializing intimate relationships, we make them a lot harder and foreign and weird than they actually are and should be: "I like you, you like me, let's spend time together". It's that easy. No need for expensive, elaborate gifts, dinners, vacations, or to overfocus on the person at the cost of your health, etc. Although, of course, within the relationship, if there's mutual consent these material things or grand gestures from time to time can be very enjoyable. But making them the sole focus of the relationship "perverts" the natural, human connection between two persons. After all, there are 8.1 billion people on this planet, and one can always find someone "better" and more compatible. So, no need to pedestalize anyone and lose ourselves in them. Doing this points at unresolved childhood trauma, of course, as you keep saying in your videos.
You are 100% right, I just want to experience ecstasy, with no downsides. I've been in many relationships, I have experienced some amazing connections but inevitably 'reality' kicks in and as you say I'm in a fantasy world i've created for my own protection.... the programming is deep... change seems so difficult...
The explanation about seeking resources beyond a romantic relationship and the analogy with a two-year-old child who only wants their mother was eye-opening. I've realized that I often look for my parents, especially my mother, in my relationships. I only discovered the term limerence about six months ago and have listened to various TH-camrs, but your videos resonate with me the most right now. What's been on my mind lately is my experience during a recent stay at a clinic for a cure or rehabilitation, as it's known in Germany. As soon as I entered the premises, I became limerent towards a woman who arrived with me because I found something intriguing about her. This continued throughout the five weeks, exactly like a textbook case. Although your videos were a great help during this time, it was still a rollercoaster. I even tried getting to know her, thinking it would help me escape these fantasies, but the more we interacted, the less effective it was in reducing my limerence. I knew once I left the place, it would cease. I'm searching for answers as to why this happens mostly when I am away. Particularly, my experiences during silent meditation retreats have highlighted how I start fantasizing, even though communication with others isn't possible. My current focus is not just on overcoming this, but also on understanding that due to a loveless childhood, I can be more compassionate towards myself. Thank you for your amazing content. If my text sounds a bit strange, it's due to the summarization and translation into English by ChatGPT.
Your text is absolutely fine & comprehensive. To an extent that's how attachment works; we can keep someone "internally" & interact with them, even when they are not with us, which is why this gets triggered when others aren't available to you, but possibly you are experiencing a lot of needs that remain unfulfilled.
For me silent retreat meditation also was very interesting. Only there I realize how hard it is to let go of these thoughts. In my every day life I just let them flow. I can do all my stuff perfectly but sometimes I clinge to these thoughts again to self soothe
Thank you for the video! I feel like on many occasions I now counteract my own limerence by being cynical about love, just like you mentioned being quite cynical about romantic love as well. However, my concern is that maybe this is just another extreme of the same pendulum swinging? Sounds a lot like what a wounded child (or more likely, a wounded teenager) would do when their reaction is to roll their eyes at something they secretly desire. In this sense, cynicism hits the exact same nerve that limerence does. I struggle a lot with how to perceive romantic love as I've never had an example of a healthy fulfilling partnership in front of me, so I'm worried I'm just stuck in the cycle of my childish reactions forever. No person seems to be able to give a positive definition of romance, most people can only claim "it's not what your inner child hopes it is". And yet, no traces of what it actually is and what it is supposed to look like in between two emotionally regulated adults. I find this so difficult.
Valuable perspective. I believe it is somewhat necessary to touch on the other extreme (of the pendulum) so that you can experience the broadness of what used to feel like “the only way” - which has heavily influenced by external portraits of (other’s) love. Romanticism has been injected into love - making what was supposed to be a supportive partnership in order to have a higher chance at survival to this utopia we were shown through movies & books. Fantasy movies, fantasy books - that we took on as reality because it felt good to do so. Becoming a bit of a harsh realist for a minute can help you question & dissect all you observed & have been shown since a child, address your wounds & then as you mature within your thoughts, create your own philosophy as to what love is, for you. Cynicism may well be realism laughing at what we took on as true & no longer falling for it - (at least that’s what it is for me).
I don't think loving your partner romantically, and pair-bonding for a long-term durable connection is a fantasy (if that's what you're saying). Especially if you are young and hoping to raise children. I believe, of course, that you should foster other connections to fulfill your social needs, pursue goals, share your gifts with the world, etc... Space and time and having a life is a good way to temper the bond in a romantic relationship though, and sublimating any potential obsession into a more grounded, independent personality is probably healthy.
Agreed if you can find it quite young and are somewhat mature. Everyone is so fixated on this trauma nonsense. How did anyone survive before this era?? Ridiculous.
I agree that we should not look to be rescued and want one person to be everything. I dont agree all trauma happens in childhood from mom and dad ! Romantic fantasies can be from what we've seen or read, they are what we can't act out in reality. This is way too cynical and generalized.
That system error prompt 😂 thanks, my limerence is subsiding slowly but also because im going into real quiet bpd regret…but will keep amping my dopamine and self love too, also thanks to self analysis like this 👍🏽🙏🏽✊🏽🍀
Good morning! I am learning to ask others for help and that builds community rather quickly. People like being helpful, I am realizing! We all want purpose. We want others to need us. :)
CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE ANOTHER VIDEO ABOUT LIMERENCE AND INTERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA/ GROWING UP IN A HOMOPHOBIC COUNTRY??!!🥺 Thank you very much for all of your videos, I realised that limerence is part of my C-PTSD- abandonment traumas but also the fact that I am still afraid to come out as queer made me become obsessed with girls who claimed to be bisexual but they were just bicurious- lead me on & choosed their boyfriends over me. I also became a limerent object to a bisexual friend who stays in a relationship with a guy just bc of society pressure. I like my culture but I feel so sick knowing that maybe one day I will have to leave the country to be fully happy, because the church is too much in our business😪
Thank you Evita, you have no idea how you have become an integral part in my journey of self healing. I’m truly blessed to have discovered your account. You are the person for me who introduced me to the concept of Limerence. I have heard somewhere that you grow by accepting your own reality and thats where I’m heading to. Since the road to self healing is extremely lonely, you have come as the only light. Thank you.
I am attracted to women who not only look like , but behave like my mother ( who was a manic depressive, with no boundaries and was absent, violent, cold, sometimes loving, then not) is this also the Oedipus complex? I feel locked into this pattern and its seems impossible to break even if I'm quite aware its ****ed up, its too strong!!
That was a great video to pop up surreptitiously in my YT feed. I definitely would have been in Limerance for most of my life as I always used to have that Hallmark-fantasy of finding my person. Now as a more realistic 49 year old, I see the world for what it is and I am more than acutely aware that my happiness and everything that I seek is already in me, as clichéd as it sounds. Of course, I wouldn't mind having my intimate needs met now and again instead of years-long stretches in between, but hey ho! P.S. What ethnicity are you if you don't mind my asking? Maybe Persian or Iranian? You have a great voice by the way too 😉👌
I'm the same way, I am mature and understand myself and like living with myself just fine, so the limerence stays for the most part in check. I get on with life and enjoy myself knowing my "crush" is just a fantasy of what I would like them to be. I already have what it takes to be happy in life for the most part. I am not unattractive, I have talent, live a decent life, shy away from drink and drugs, things could have turned out so much worse.
Evita I’m glad I found your channel . It would be interesting to see you do a video concerning where limerence is not based on “romance” . My situation is quite unique in the fact I’m not looking for romance but it is based on my regret for not having a family of my own . It is based on my desire to be a protector / rescuer ./ father figure . I’m not sure if you’re aware of the site/forum “living with limerence” . You’ll find my story there in the “winter coffeehouse” thread under the name “Jim”
Sounds like your experiences are not limerence at all. Maybe because you state no real family, rather than having a parent or two that are neglectful or abusive and not delivering love and support at least not very consistently, you don't have limerence for any others. Good for you! Plenty of people out there want your type. LOL
Very interesting . There’s a well known channel on here by a guy called Casey Zander , and he says “women aren’t wired to love YOU . They’re wired to love only their offspring” . Thanks for proving the point (no sarcasm)
@@bobmathews9072If that where the truth, how come there are so many callous mothers that are incapable of loving their own children. Some of them even go so far as to torture and kill them. You might want to look into some of the recent child abuse cases like Shanda Vander Ark, Ruby Franke or Jennifer Soto to get an idea what some "mothers" are capable of doing to their own flesh and blood.
Evita could you have a video about under what situations (for examples, fear, pressure, lost families, work issues, etc) LMR will easily be triggered. Thank you.
My mother loved me very much as a kid but also struggled with mental health due to her own childhood struggles. For basically a year she was bedridden with a breakdown when i was 9 years old. Maybe i developed limerance later on because of that. i remember becoming limerant on someone because they reminded me of my father. They lived in an area where my father grew up and even kinda looked liked my father in his younger years. I barely even talked to this person or knew them but i didnt understand what was going on with me. I think honestly i just really missed my father now that look back. He passed away almost 20 years ago.
Thank you so much for everything you do, you helped me a lot. I have two questions: How do I deal with these unmet needs from childhood? Can I recover from them on my own or do I have to be helped by a professional? The second question: Do you work with clients online?
You’re welcome. For your first question: I think that would require an entire video so, i’ll put something together as a response. For the second, yes I do. There’s a link for booking 1:1 sessions with me in the description box.
could you please talk about how to tarnish the idea of being unlovable, if you haven't already? as having preoccupied attachment style i feel the need to "earn" love from others. that is also, if somebody just happens to appreciate and love me without me even doing anything significant through my eyes, it feels like i don't deserve it because i didn't try to do anything to show them "hey look! i'm here! it's me!" and that i'm worth loving because i have this set of qualities. should i just give up on doing anything to be loved altogether? if so, how? how do i instill the attitude of "if they wanna love me, cool, but if they don't, i'm content in my solitude" & hence, not performing to be loved (ofc i can improve myself, but then not having a part of my brain think "oh somebody will see this struggle/talent & love me for overcoming/having it in future").
The limerence part has to do with you existing in an ongoing relationship that doesn't correspond to the one you actually have with them. So, if that's the case yes. And it's probably because they are much less boring in your mind than who they are in reality.
It has been suggested that limerence is a combination of OCD & addiction, which makes sense, considering the element of obsessive compulsion & the drive/longing to attain reciprocity.
You may be new to this channel! I talk about the aftermath of trauma a lot, the subconscious mind, addiction, & limerence here. Inevitably, I have to break down fantasies - & beyond doing so by using psychology theories, I do it with of course, encouraging questioning of what we were made to believe & using adult logic (& not childlike thinking), because trauma can keep us stuck in childhood consciousness & in an eternal loop of compulsively looking for corrective experiences. Peace to you too :)
What about Sex, can you speak in regards to this aspect, would you have included this in the topic.. i believe everything you speak of is so true but what about the need of sex not being met, and from someone that has been abstaining from porn and that practices no fap for a few weeks in a month and that is in a relationship.. what about SEX, is this not a separate need we all have other then the elision of romantic ferry tale love
Limerance is this new buzz word for obsession or juvenile fantasy. It has nothing to do with trauma it's all about how mature you actually are. People have far too much time to naval gaze than before. Hence the massive mental health issues. Not to mention the atomization of society. Add in tech and film/series/music....books.
People who come from bad homes are often immature, you can call it trauma or you can call it immaturity, they are related. The first step to getting better is to realise what it is that drives your immature behaviour, once your aware of it there is the possibility of growing beyond it. If you can grow beyond all these bad behaviours you become more and more mature.
Limerence 'saved' me from age 14/15 as an escape from home and school life. Unfortunately it continues to this day which is over thirty years later. It has played a massive part of my life including maladaptive daydreaming.
Another fantastic video. Years ago, I remember reading this in some highly regarded psychoanalysis book, which always stuck with me: Romance is a perversion. Once you get over your initial shock at this statement, you realize how true and liberating it actually is. Of course, everyone will have their own slightly different explanation for this statement, but in the book, it was something like this, which I thought was bang on: We're genetically and psychologically programmed to have intimate relationships, regardless of who we are. Intimate relationships are a perfectly normal and natural part of life, just like eating, drinking, sleeping, urinating... Therefore, by pedestalizing, romanticizing, overthinking, overanalyzing, specializing intimate relationships, we make them a lot harder and foreign and weird than they actually are and should be: "I like you, you like me, let's spend time together". It's that easy. No need for expensive, elaborate gifts, dinners, vacations, or to overfocus on the person at the cost of your health, etc. Although, of course, within the relationship, if there's mutual consent these material things or grand gestures from time to time can be very enjoyable. But making them the sole focus of the relationship "perverts" the natural, human connection between two persons. After all, there are 8.1 billion people on this planet, and one can always find someone "better" and more compatible. So, no need to pedestalize anyone and lose ourselves in them. Doing this points at unresolved childhood trauma, of course, as you keep saying in your videos.
Spot on
Thanks for the honesty. It's true...even being in a couple doesn't solve your problems. Only inner work does
You are 100% right, I just want to experience ecstasy, with no downsides. I've been in many relationships, I have experienced some amazing connections but inevitably 'reality' kicks in and as you say I'm in a fantasy world i've created for my own protection.... the programming is deep... change seems so difficult...
You are such a blessing. Very gifted at explaining this very toxic behaviour.
Wow. Holy cow. The way this is framed explains so much for me. It is so freaking true. No wonder I had my first fictional crush so young.
Yeap. It would almost be impossible not to! 😅
The explanation about seeking resources beyond a romantic relationship and the analogy with a two-year-old child who only wants their mother was eye-opening. I've realized that I often look for my parents, especially my mother, in my relationships. I only discovered the term limerence about six months ago and have listened to various TH-camrs, but your videos resonate with me the most right now.
What's been on my mind lately is my experience during a recent stay at a clinic for a cure or rehabilitation, as it's known in Germany. As soon as I entered the premises, I became limerent towards a woman who arrived with me because I found something intriguing about her. This continued throughout the five weeks, exactly like a textbook case. Although your videos were a great help during this time, it was still a rollercoaster. I even tried getting to know her, thinking it would help me escape these fantasies, but the more we interacted, the less effective it was in reducing my limerence. I knew once I left the place, it would cease.
I'm searching for answers as to why this happens mostly when I am away. Particularly, my experiences during silent meditation retreats have highlighted how I start fantasizing, even though communication with others isn't possible.
My current focus is not just on overcoming this, but also on understanding that due to a loveless childhood, I can be more compassionate towards myself. Thank you for your amazing content. If my text sounds a bit strange, it's due to the summarization and translation into English by ChatGPT.
Your text is absolutely fine & comprehensive. To an extent that's how attachment works; we can keep someone "internally" & interact with them, even when they are not with us, which is why this gets triggered when others aren't available to you, but possibly you are experiencing a lot of needs that remain unfulfilled.
For me silent retreat meditation also was very interesting. Only there I realize how hard it is to let go of these thoughts. In my every day life I just let them flow. I can do all my stuff perfectly but sometimes I clinge to these thoughts again to self soothe
You are the best Evita!
What a great video. Very helpful. Thank you.
Realizing I’ve done this my whole life is depressing…thank you so much for what you do.
Thank you for the video! I feel like on many occasions I now counteract my own limerence by being cynical about love, just like you mentioned being quite cynical about romantic love as well. However, my concern is that maybe this is just another extreme of the same pendulum swinging? Sounds a lot like what a wounded child (or more likely, a wounded teenager) would do when their reaction is to roll their eyes at something they secretly desire. In this sense, cynicism hits the exact same nerve that limerence does. I struggle a lot with how to perceive romantic love as I've never had an example of a healthy fulfilling partnership in front of me, so I'm worried I'm just stuck in the cycle of my childish reactions forever. No person seems to be able to give a positive definition of romance, most people can only claim "it's not what your inner child hopes it is". And yet, no traces of what it actually is and what it is supposed to look like in between two emotionally regulated adults. I find this so difficult.
Valuable perspective. I believe it is somewhat necessary to touch on the other extreme (of the pendulum) so that you can experience the broadness of what used to feel like “the only way” - which has heavily influenced by external portraits of (other’s) love. Romanticism has been injected into love - making what was supposed to be a supportive partnership in order to have a higher chance at survival to this utopia we were shown through movies & books. Fantasy movies, fantasy books - that we took on as reality because it felt good to do so. Becoming a bit of a harsh realist for a minute can help you question & dissect all you observed & have been shown since a child, address your wounds & then as you mature within your thoughts, create your own philosophy as to what love is, for you. Cynicism may well be realism laughing at what we took on as true & no longer falling for it - (at least that’s what it is for me).
This made me cry. Limerence is a deep, dark hole.
I don't think loving your partner romantically, and pair-bonding for a long-term durable connection is a fantasy (if that's what you're saying). Especially if you are young and hoping to raise children. I believe, of course, that you should foster other connections to fulfill your social needs, pursue goals, share your gifts with the world, etc... Space and time and having a life is a good way to temper the bond in a romantic relationship though, and sublimating any potential obsession into a more grounded, independent personality is probably healthy.
I totally agree 💯. Not all Romantic love is based on trauma.
Agreed if you can find it quite young and are somewhat mature. Everyone is so fixated on this trauma nonsense. How did anyone survive before this era?? Ridiculous.
I agree that we should not look to be rescued and want one person to be everything. I dont agree all trauma happens in childhood from mom and dad ! Romantic fantasies can be from what we've seen or read, they are what we can't act out in reality. This is way too cynical and generalized.
Thank you for your wise words divine feminine 🎖
That system error prompt 😂 thanks, my limerence is subsiding slowly but also because im going into real quiet bpd regret…but will keep amping my dopamine and self love too, also thanks to self analysis like this 👍🏽🙏🏽✊🏽🍀
Good morning! I am learning to ask others for help and that builds community rather quickly. People like being helpful, I am realizing! We all want purpose. We want others to need us. :)
CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE ANOTHER VIDEO ABOUT LIMERENCE AND INTERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA/ GROWING UP IN A HOMOPHOBIC COUNTRY??!!🥺 Thank you very much for all of your videos, I realised that limerence is part of my C-PTSD- abandonment traumas but also the fact that I am still afraid to come out as queer made me become obsessed with girls who claimed to be bisexual but they were just bicurious- lead me on & choosed their boyfriends over me. I also became a limerent object to a bisexual friend who stays in a relationship with a guy just bc of society pressure. I like my culture but I feel so sick knowing that maybe one day I will have to leave the country to be fully happy, because the church is too much in our business😪
Thank you Evita, you have no idea how you have become an integral part in my journey of self healing. I’m truly blessed to have discovered your account. You are the person for me who introduced me to the concept of Limerence. I have heard somewhere that you grow by accepting your own reality and thats where I’m heading to. Since the road to self healing is extremely lonely, you have come as the only light.
Thank you.
I am attracted to women who not only look like , but behave like my mother ( who was a manic depressive, with no boundaries and was absent, violent, cold, sometimes loving, then not) is this also the Oedipus complex? I feel locked into this pattern and its seems impossible to break even if I'm quite aware its ****ed up, its too strong!!
That was a great video to pop up surreptitiously in my YT feed. I definitely would have been in Limerance for most of my life as I always used to have that Hallmark-fantasy of finding my person. Now as a more realistic 49 year old, I see the world for what it is and I am more than acutely aware that my happiness and everything that I seek is already in me, as clichéd as it sounds. Of course, I wouldn't mind having my intimate needs met now and again instead of years-long stretches in between, but hey ho!
P.S. What ethnicity are you if you don't mind my asking? Maybe Persian or Iranian? You have a great voice by the way too 😉👌
I'm the same way, I am mature and understand myself and like living with myself just fine, so the limerence stays for the most part in check. I get on with life and enjoy myself knowing my "crush" is just a fantasy of what I would like them to be. I already have what it takes to be happy in life for the most part. I am not unattractive, I have talent, live a decent life, shy away from drink and drugs, things could have turned out so much worse.
Great comment and all the best to you, friend 👌😎@@rockrecordreport7136
I like your videos and your calm style.
Evita I’m glad I found your channel . It would be interesting to see you do a video concerning where limerence is not based on “romance” . My situation is quite unique in the fact I’m not looking for romance but it is based on my regret for not having a family of my own . It is based on my desire to be a protector / rescuer ./ father figure . I’m not sure if you’re aware of the site/forum “living with limerence” . You’ll find my story there in the “winter coffeehouse” thread under the name “Jim”
Sounds like your experiences are not limerence at all. Maybe because you state no real family, rather than having a parent or two that are neglectful or abusive and not delivering love and support at least not very consistently, you don't have limerence for any others. Good for you! Plenty of people out there want your type. LOL
Could you send me that link in a DM on my IG? It’s evitapkcoaching.
And do you suffer from these thoughts?
I have come to this realization myself, that I haven’t loved anyone but myself and my child. And honestly that’s very liberating ❤
Very interesting . There’s a well known channel on here by a guy called Casey Zander , and he says “women aren’t wired to love YOU . They’re wired to love only their offspring” . Thanks for proving the point (no sarcasm)
@@bobmathews9072If that where the truth, how come there are so many callous mothers that are incapable of loving their own children. Some of them even go so far as to torture and kill them. You might want to look into some of the recent child abuse cases like Shanda Vander Ark, Ruby Franke or Jennifer Soto to get an idea what some "mothers" are capable of doing to their own flesh and blood.
I love your videos❤!!! Im wait for more pratics tips how to stop limerence
God, so true!
Evita could you have a video about under what situations (for examples, fear, pressure, lost families, work issues, etc) LMR will easily be triggered. Thank you.
Mr. or Miss (seemingly) perfect enters the picture, says hi, appears to like you, Bingo!!! LIMERENCE has been triggered. Any other questions?
My mother loved me very much as a kid but also struggled with mental health due to her own childhood struggles. For basically a year she was bedridden with a breakdown when i was 9 years old. Maybe i developed limerance later on because of that. i remember becoming limerant on someone because they reminded me of my father. They lived in an area where my father grew up and even kinda looked liked my father in his younger years. I barely even talked to this person or knew them but i didnt understand what was going on with me. I think honestly i just really missed my father now that look back. He passed away almost 20 years ago.
I'm sorry for your loss, sending you love and good energy
@@cleoutch1 thank you 💞
Sorry for your loss 💜
@@evitapkcoaching thank you kindly 💕
Thank you so much Evita. I just went to my first therapy today and cried before I started talking.😢
That's good! I wonder how many years you've kept it all within 💜
@@evitapkcoachingthank you. It is warm.
This whole video is one big perfect definition
I love your channel!! Thank you. Helps me so much
Thank you so much for everything you do, you helped me a lot.
I have two questions: How do I deal with these unmet needs from childhood? Can I recover from them on my own or do I have to be helped by a professional?
The second question: Do you work with clients online?
You’re welcome.
For your first question: I think that would require an entire video so, i’ll put something together as a response.
For the second, yes I do. There’s a link for booking 1:1 sessions with me in the description box.
@@evitapkcoaching Thank you. 🙏🏻😊
Thank you so much that was so good
could you please talk about how to tarnish the idea of being unlovable, if you haven't already? as having preoccupied attachment style i feel the need to "earn" love from others. that is also, if somebody just happens to appreciate and love me without me even doing anything significant through my eyes, it feels like i don't deserve it because i didn't try to do anything to show them "hey look! i'm here! it's me!" and that i'm worth loving because i have this set of qualities. should i just give up on doing anything to be loved altogether? if so, how? how do i instill the attitude of "if they wanna love me, cool, but if they don't, i'm content in my solitude" & hence, not performing to be loved (ofc i can improve myself, but then not having a part of my brain think "oh somebody will see this struggle/talent & love me for overcoming/having it in future").
Where is difference between "limerance" and the "state falling in love" ? One lasts across time and the other doesn't?
Can you be in limerence with someone you have dated, but then broke up with because they seemed dull and boring?
The limerence part has to do with you existing in an ongoing relationship that doesn't correspond to the one you actually have with them. So, if that's the case yes. And it's probably because they are much less boring in your mind than who they are in reality.
Very helpful and informative video..makes so much sense
Is there a connection between limerence and OCD? Or something else?
It has been suggested that limerence is a combination of OCD & addiction, which makes sense, considering the element of obsessive compulsion & the drive/longing to attain reciprocity.
I was thinking it could also be a product of childhood emotional neglect, CEN.
Rationalization is a self defense mechanism too. Peace ✌️
You may be new to this channel! I talk about the aftermath of trauma a lot, the subconscious mind, addiction, & limerence here. Inevitably, I have to break down fantasies - & beyond doing so by using psychology theories, I do it with of course, encouraging questioning of what we were made to believe & using adult logic (& not childlike thinking), because trauma can keep us stuck in childhood consciousness & in an eternal loop of compulsively looking for corrective experiences. Peace to you too :)
@@evitapkcoachingI really admire the way you respond to people.
Thank you ❤
What about Sex, can you speak in regards to this aspect, would you have included this in the topic.. i believe everything you speak of is so true but what about the need of sex not being met, and from someone that has been abstaining from porn and that practices no fap for a few weeks in a month and that is in a relationship.. what about SEX, is this not a separate need we all have other then the elision of romantic ferry tale love
Thank you
15:02 through friendships?
wait- how do we know limerence comes mostly because of mothers? (it's true for me)
Limerance is this new buzz word for obsession or juvenile fantasy. It has nothing to do with trauma it's all about how mature you actually are. People have far too much time to naval gaze than before. Hence the massive mental health issues. Not to mention the atomization of society. Add in tech and film/series/music....books.
People who come from bad homes are often immature, you can call it trauma or you can call it immaturity, they are related. The first step to getting better is to realise what it is that drives your immature behaviour, once your aware of it there is the possibility of growing beyond it. If you can grow beyond all these bad behaviours you become more and more mature.
Thanks that was helpful, i think
You think it’s whatcauses imaginary friends
Love your voice