Your videos have really helped me in my relationship. I value and love my partner so much and I always want him to feel needed and appreciated. You've helped me understand him. ❤
Thanks a lot for sharing! I grew up in a household with a mother who herself had a hard time when growing up, stating to me several times that nobody was interested in her and she totally felt invisible when growing up. My father was absent a lot of the time, working his ass of since he migrated to the country I grew up and he had to blend in perfectly. I guess that these notions of uselessness and not being wanted or seen have often a lot to do with what your parents experienced themselves. I have a son and I am so aware of the importance that I play in his life. If you have kids, regardless of boys or girls, be there for them. Guide them through life. Show them that they are appreciated and loved. It will make a huge difference in their lives. And for the ones like me having suffered like so many other men: don't give up! It's a hard and long process to lean into the fear, the pain and the despair. But it's worth the struggle!
Thank You for this video. Abusive relationships whether Man / Woman, Family, social or business Will take a mental, physical and Spiritual tole on one.
I value and respect men in my life so much. I always try to show my appreciation to them. Videos like these really show me that there is a NEED to take better care of our men.
A major thing is that it is very easy to get stuck in our stories especially from early childhood and the childhood thinking which will flare up,holds it back as it is unprocessed and unnurtured.
One piece of advice from someone who works in film and advertising; I highly recommend not using stock b-roll footage to emphasize your points in these kinds of videos. The sudden insert of a random shot does not have the effect you might think it has, quite the opposite. I know a lot of big channels do this kind of stuff, but it's not the right thing to copy imo. It's cheap, tasteless and hard to get right - so it's better to omit it completely. Respectfully. I appreciate the content.
Damn, Connor - I've listened to quite a few dozen hours of your content at this point & can definitely hear the difference in your voice that tells me it was extremely hard to share this. I am a woman in a relationship with a man who has been doing the work & i just want to say how grateful I am for men like the both of you. Those ARE the types of men that i do feel like women need. I was verbally & physically abused by my dad growing up. So in my 30s, I understand where some women are coming from. But to me the solution is to get to the root of the issues plaguing the differences between the sexes & meet each other with understanding while celebrating the differences. Thank you for sharing your perspective. I'm going to continue to do my part to foster emotional safety for the men in my life like my significant other & perhaps any future sons. Thank you for doing your part. 🤎
Nor just online, it is EVERYWHERE. And has been at least 40 years. The really big evil is the being needed, doing what is needed, and not being recognised for carrying that burden.
The real issue isn't about receiving external validation for carrying the load. The real issue is that YOU yourself do not recognise the value in yourself for carrying that load. No one is handing out medals to others in life. The key to being happy is being able to look at yourself in the mirror every night and tell yourself you did a good job that you yourself are proud of. Nothing else matters.
Until you do the inner work to change your bad behaviors, like lashing out when a girl isn't giving you what you want, you'll just continue to live in bitterness and loneliness. I'm saying this as a man who used to blame society and women for all my problems. It was only when I started working on my self that things began to change. These influencers will just keep saying what you wanna hear, because your view time = money for their channel. Get off youtube, do the inner work. Figure out where your parents failed to give you enough love as a child and start providing that for yourself. THEN you can worry about dating and everything else.
Are you for real ? That may be the case for some men admittedly. There are a huge number of men who have given everything and feel worthless and unwanted or indeed not respected. Idiotic self help and 'opening up' nonsense eis what drive the male suicide rate to be 3 time higher than womens
When I read Men's Work, I found myself very interested in related topics. In this episode, you mentioned the author of Of Boys and Men, so now I am reading this book and using this issue to help me learn English. I really like Yung's perspective！！！❤
No one should ever be left questioning whether or not they are needed in the world. I fear that in recent times, our culture has focused too much on telling men what not to do and who not to be rather than what to do and who to be. I hope to see a world where both men and women enthusiastically help and support each other with their unique challenges. Love to all in the comments.
Modern men need to dig deep and find their purpose. My story is not important, although I dare say most people would have gone insane or deleted themselves had they walked in my shoes since the day of birth. I refuse to categorize myself as a 'victim' and have generally overcome the cards I was dealt. Those 'fake cards' which were forced upon me were discarded, the good ones kept, and overall replaced with a brand new fistful of cards of my choosing. It's better to ask for forgiveness than to beg for permission. Adopt and live the attitude: "Failure is not an option."
I remember my ex girlfriend tell me "I was useless in the relationship." It's been 6 years and still haven't recovered from ending that relationship. I still haven't been able to trust people enough to even date again.
@shawnmendrek3544yes it does help . And yes it does matter. I've gotten all my life help from posters and commenters. Even brotherhoods have been formed
I hear you brother. Im definitely in the same boat. My rich ex gf called the police on me because i refused to have sex with her. She lied and said I assaulted her, and because she's a doctor, the crown attorney, detective and judge believed her!!! @# (@# I can't even trust the system let alone people. It's the entire system that's rigged. Justice, education, medicine, media, labour market, movies, radio, words, propaganda, it's all bullshit now.
Nobody can be destroy or harm you except your mindset believe their critics about yourself. I was laid of from a company which I have been excited to work there. I was told "not a good fit for a role-company". Anyway, I have started to search for new jobs and believing myself %100. This is your life, no one is not going to rescue you. When you decide to give up, you are giving right to person think "I was right to dump him". Many people start to from nothing again and being successful, the woman regret to dump him because regretting of losing opportunitiy.
She didn't deserve you. And she does not deserve your pain. It is hard to find love, it was hard for me. But it is totally worth it. Things do get better if you work on yourself. I wish you the best
4:32- I felt you are talking to me . huh ! That was sudden . But i do ,all i can to make him feel he is needed and useful for me. If i will be honest , i actually do need my husband. I earlier just used to do it as an emotion but as my dream was to be a wifey at home waiting for her hubby ..left my job , now i do need him in practical sense. I need him to provide, protect me against harm especially those bugs and insects lol, teach me, guide me, help me with tight jars ,fixing appliances ,building something up , bring stuff from high shelves etc .Boss me around ..cus i love that daddy dom energy he gives off haha I make complete use of his masculinity.( yes he makes complete use of my femininity too not that only he has to do it all ..i try my best and will improve for my husband cus being at the position of husband i owe him respect irrespective of stuff at times, cus respecting him is a choice not an emotion .) He told me once that he never felt like this with anyone. Now that i watched this video i guess he was talking about this sentiment of me needing him . I need my husband. What would i do without him . Everything would be useless without his strong masculine presence. I have my sons to say to their dad that they want to be like him one day . When my husband heard his boy say it, he was so happy . I felt so in peace seeing him not in pain and feel not being useful or a strong influencing character in the family. Thanks for this vid sir. Learnt alot on how to help him out further.
Good to listen to, a man who is enough Real to dare to question stuff. Thank you! Not just accept how it seems, most is not as it seems, when we are afraid of each others. ...and women are also feeling this, I do. I have had to carry too much of both roles, male and female, over the yrs. Tired. Have been so tired of men and some females, who think it is a womans role, to be overused, carrying everything, looking after every one and doing too much, or having to explaining whats in him, if he do not want to question, or ever talk of what he has been through, as vulnerable as he can. Many just run away from difficult communications. Also, women have a problem with, daring to put words on what feels in them. I had, earlier in my life, as I too, was so indoctrinated in roles we had to adopt to. Listen to you is Good Medicine for both men and women. Equality, and differences, can if we let them be so much better than walking on each others feet, and nagging on each others. I have felt the same as you do, and I am a woman. Still curious on what Life is, or can be. And what drives I do have inside of me, and question them. We have to help each others up, on our grounded feet again. Both genders, have to help each others. Not condemning the differences.Celebrating them
Unfortunately, if man cannot produce he is deemed useless unless he's rich or famous. And even if you have a job and show you have a productive life, people still wont respect men unless theyre the best. 😢
We feel useless because we're told we are useless. No matter what the average man does as far as his career, his income, taking care of the house and family, if the woman still has to do ANY of the housework, she'll see her husband as lazy and useless. There are many times I've spend a Saturday morning doing chores such as yardwork while my wife slept. Once she's up though, the 3 hours I spent working around the house don't count. The only thing that now matters is that I do at least 50% of the cleaning.
@@drifter8800 And do you see the alligators in the pit at the zoo? Go bop a few on the nose to show them who's boss. Women have an incentive to file for divorce. Men get destroyed by one. We have to do everything to avoid one.
@@drifter8800 You've obviously never met the women that I've known. They won't be bossed around. If you told them to NOT jump off the top of the building, they'd do it just to piss you off.
@@dark_nightwing_xl2797 it’s great to not fit in, as long as you do it from a place of self validation and not disparaging others, because otherwise it is not anything other than coping and being bitter.
Completely untrue. Site even one peer reviewed study proving that. Unmarried women are by far the happiest group of people. Many peer reviewed studies show this. Unmarried women happiest, slightly higher than married men and women, with unmarried men being most unhappy.
Men can get out and volunteer their time helping ppl in need. There are a lot of needs out there that need to be filled. Volunteering to wash someone’s car, or take your neighbors trash out, maybe help neighbors too minor assistance around the house. You have many opportunities to be needed.
Most men have no one who they can talk openly to.. Talk to a woman and IT WILL be thrown at you at a later date.. Talk to friends and you aplear weak infront of your peers.. Talking to strangers/counsellors is patchy at best and usually demoralising. I'm middle aged - i feel tired, unwanted and un-needed by everyone in my life. Feels like im wasting time untl something takes me out. If i could leave or not wake up tomorrow, i would do either gladly. Dont open up to anyone as its a slippery slope
There is very little we have control over. If we buy something we may know how some of it works ,but we cant manufacture it on our own or perhaps fix it on our own. Guys need to get back to basics. Hunting, fishing, bushcraft , basic survival stuff and not necessarily with all the latest gear.
There is a lot wrong with this world so there's endless need for good men to step up. How about getting involved in the fight for universal healthcare? The US healthcare system caused about 300k excess deaths in the US during the pandemic alone. That's according the government itself, the NIH to be specific. That's just one example. So, you are needed.
Sorry come a time you just say f&$+k it when what ever you tried does not work.that when you actually start to get it . happened to me at 27 divorce no children and realize no one else will have that much control over me again for the entire journey to now at 66 don't feel I need to work hard for a society that sed we don't need you but I need me had a good life but would not follow life script being a bachelor is the safest thing for a man in the world today.just looking at the numbers of at best 20 percent of married are happy seen more men destroyed by relationship than by war? For all
The reason for the uselessness is that a good number of women have decentered men and romance in their lives due to the stress/games that can come with dating and relationships. Does the mean that men are no longer necessary to them? -- not at all. Some women have been failed in different relationships with men, that some have resolved to prioritize other, more supportive relationships or celebacy.
I am a woman who has never felt that I needed a man. But I respect the decisions of those women who do feel they need a man. We all have the right to make the choice that works best for us. This doesn't render men useless. I wonder if those men who feel useless just because some women do not want a male partner may have self esteem or other issues. However, I believe men still have too much power in the workplace, finance, healthcare, and politics. I believe including more women in those arenas would result in better decisions that would benefit us all.
I am happy that it works for you. I myself had a pretty bad experience with my now ex-wife, who is also from Colombia. But to be fair here... We both did or did not do things which messed our marriage up pretty bad 😅.
I have 4 brothers and have always had empathy for men, and have always seen the value and necessity of men.
Your videos have really helped me in my relationship. I value and love my partner so much and I always want him to feel needed and appreciated. You've helped me understand him. ❤
As man myself what feels hopeless is speaking open with a women about deep desires, but at the end the of day they don't fill the desires
Have you attempted to fulfill the desires of that woman? -- she's likely not going to fulfill those desires if there's no heartfelt reciprocation.
Thanks a lot for sharing! I grew up in a household with a mother who herself had a hard time when growing up, stating to me several times that nobody was interested in her and she totally felt invisible when growing up. My father was absent a lot of the time, working his ass of since he migrated to the country I grew up and he had to blend in perfectly. I guess that these notions of uselessness and not being wanted or seen have often a lot to do with what your parents experienced themselves. I have a son and I am so aware of the importance that I play in his life. If you have kids, regardless of boys or girls, be there for them. Guide them through life. Show them that they are appreciated and loved. It will make a huge difference in their lives. And for the ones like me having suffered like so many other men: don't give up! It's a hard and long process to lean into the fear, the pain and the despair. But it's worth the struggle!
Thank You for this video. Abusive relationships whether Man / Woman, Family, social or business Will take a mental, physical and Spiritual tole on one.
Yep, it really rewires your brain and if it has early in childhood it’s completely devastating and very difficult to overcome.
@@UTP504True
And if it’s not blatant physical or verbal abuse and is more neglect; then it’s even harder to identify.
I don't feel useless I just feel invisible lol
Concise.
I value and respect men in my life so much. I always try to show my appreciation to them. Videos like these really show me that there is a NEED to take better care of our men.
A major thing is that it is very easy to get stuck in our stories especially from early childhood and the childhood thinking which will flare up,holds it back as it is unprocessed and unnurtured.
One piece of advice from someone who works in film and advertising; I highly recommend not using stock b-roll footage to emphasize your points in these kinds of videos. The sudden insert of a random shot does not have the effect you might think it has, quite the opposite. I know a lot of big channels do this kind of stuff, but it's not the right thing to copy imo. It's cheap, tasteless and hard to get right - so it's better to omit it completely. Respectfully. I appreciate the content.
Damn, Connor - I've listened to quite a few dozen hours of your content at this point & can definitely hear the difference in your voice that tells me it was extremely hard to share this. I am a woman in a relationship with a man who has been doing the work & i just want to say how grateful I am for men like the both of you. Those ARE the types of men that i do feel like women need.
I was verbally & physically abused by my dad growing up. So in my 30s, I understand where some women are coming from. But to me the solution is to get to the root of the issues plaguing the differences between the sexes & meet each other with understanding while celebrating the differences.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I'm going to continue to do my part to foster emotional safety for the men in my life like my significant other & perhaps any future sons. Thank you for doing your part. 🤎
Nor just online, it is EVERYWHERE. And has been at least 40 years.
The really big evil is the being needed, doing what is needed, and not being recognised for carrying that burden.
The real issue isn't about receiving external validation for carrying the load. The real issue is that YOU yourself do not recognise the value in yourself for carrying that load.
No one is handing out medals to others in life. The key to being happy is being able to look at yourself in the mirror every night and tell yourself you did a good job that you yourself are proud of. Nothing else matters.
@@cazzawazzawoowoo1600 Do you not get paid for going to work? Good for you...
Until you do the inner work to change your bad behaviors, like lashing out when a girl isn't giving you what you want, you'll just continue to live in bitterness and loneliness.
I'm saying this as a man who used to blame society and women for all my problems. It was only when I started working on my self that things began to change.
These influencers will just keep saying what you wanna hear, because your view time = money for their channel. Get off youtube, do the inner work. Figure out where your parents failed to give you enough love as a child and start providing that for yourself. THEN you can worry about dating and everything else.
Are you for real ?
That may be the case for some men admittedly.
There are a huge number of men who have given everything and feel worthless and unwanted or indeed not respected.
Idiotic self help and 'opening up' nonsense eis what drive the male suicide rate to be 3 time higher than womens
Thank you brother 🙏🏽
I just found your channel man. Love the content brother
When I read Men's Work, I found myself very interested in related topics. In this episode, you mentioned the author of Of Boys and Men, so now I am reading this book and using this issue to help me learn English. I really like Yung's perspective！！！❤
Thanks so much for your sharing, as always. 🙏 appreciate you, brother.
I wish this video goes viral. ❤
Powerful video thank you for what you do 🙏🏼
No one should ever be left questioning whether or not they are needed in the world. I fear that in recent times, our culture has focused too much on telling men what not to do and who not to be rather than what to do and who to be. I hope to see a world where both men and women enthusiastically help and support each other with their unique challenges. Love to all in the comments.
We're not required anymore
Modern men need to dig deep and find their purpose. My story is not important, although I dare say most people would have gone insane or deleted themselves had they walked in my shoes since the day of birth. I refuse to categorize myself as a 'victim' and have generally overcome the cards I was dealt. Those 'fake cards' which were forced upon me were discarded, the good ones kept, and overall replaced with a brand new fistful of cards of my choosing. It's better to ask for forgiveness than to beg for permission. Adopt and live the attitude: "Failure is not an option."
I remember my ex girlfriend tell me "I was useless in the relationship." It's been 6 years and still haven't recovered from ending that relationship. I still haven't been able to trust people enough to even date again.
Praying you're able to recover soon, see your value, and then find someone who sees it too 🙏
@shawnmendrek3544yes it does help . And yes it does matter. I've gotten all my life help from posters and commenters. Even brotherhoods have been formed
I hear you brother. Im definitely in the same boat. My rich ex gf called the police on me because i refused to have sex with her. She lied and said I assaulted her, and because she's a doctor, the crown attorney, detective and judge believed her!!! @# (@# I can't even trust the system let alone people. It's the entire system that's rigged. Justice, education, medicine, media, labour market, movies, radio, words, propaganda, it's all bullshit now.
Nobody can be destroy or harm you except your mindset believe their critics about yourself. I was laid of from a company which I have been excited to work there. I was told "not a good fit for a role-company". Anyway, I have started to search for new jobs and believing myself %100. This is your life, no one is not going to rescue you. When you decide to give up, you are giving right to person think "I was right to dump him". Many people start to from nothing again and being successful, the woman regret to dump him because regretting of losing opportunitiy.
She didn't deserve you. And she does not deserve your pain. It is hard to find love, it was hard for me. But it is totally worth it. Things do get better if you work on yourself. I wish you the best
4:32- I felt you are talking to me . huh ! That was sudden .
But i do ,all i can to make him feel he is needed and useful for me. If i will be honest , i actually do need my husband. I earlier just used to do it as an emotion but as my dream was to be a wifey at home waiting for her hubby ..left my job , now i do need him in practical sense. I need him to provide, protect me against harm especially those bugs and insects lol, teach me, guide me, help me with tight jars ,fixing appliances ,building something up , bring stuff from high shelves etc .Boss me around ..cus i love that daddy dom energy he gives off haha
I make complete use of his masculinity.( yes he makes complete use of my femininity too not that only he has to do it all ..i try my best and will improve for my husband cus being at the position of husband i owe him respect irrespective of stuff at times, cus respecting him is a choice not an emotion .)
He told me once that he never felt like this with anyone. Now that i watched this video i guess he was talking about this sentiment of me needing him .
I need my husband. What would i do without him . Everything would be useless without his strong masculine presence. I have my sons to say to their dad that they want to be like him one day . When my husband heard his boy say it, he was so happy . I felt so in peace seeing him not in pain and feel not being useful or a strong influencing character in the family.
Thanks for this vid sir. Learnt alot on how to help him out further.
Good to listen to, a man who is enough Real to dare to question stuff. Thank you!
Not just accept how it seems, most is not as it seems, when we are afraid of each others.
...and women are also feeling this, I do.
I have had to carry too much of both roles, male and female, over the yrs. Tired.
Have been so tired of men and some females, who think it is a womans role, to be overused, carrying everything, looking after every one and doing too much, or having to explaining whats in him, if he do not want to question, or ever talk of what he has been through, as vulnerable as he can. Many just run away from difficult communications.
Also, women have a problem with, daring to put words on what feels in them.
I had, earlier in my life, as I too, was so indoctrinated in roles we had to adopt to.
Listen to you is Good Medicine for both men and women. Equality, and differences, can if we let them be so much better than walking on each others feet, and nagging on each others. I have felt the same as you do, and I am a woman.
Still curious on what Life is, or can be. And what drives I do have inside of me, and question them.
We have to help each others up, on our grounded feet again. Both genders, have to help each others.
Not condemning the differences.Celebrating them
Unfortunately, if man cannot produce he is deemed useless unless he's rich or famous. And even if you have a job and show you have a productive life, people still wont respect men unless theyre the best. 😢
Well yeah that’s the same for women, if she doesn’t have kids or get married she’s called a spinster or told she’ll die alone with cats.
We feel useless because we're told we are useless. No matter what the average man does as far as his career, his income, taking care of the house and family, if the woman still has to do ANY of the housework, she'll see her husband as lazy and useless. There are many times I've spend a Saturday morning doing chores such as yardwork while my wife slept. Once she's up though, the 3 hours I spent working around the house don't count. The only thing that now matters is that I do at least 50% of the cleaning.
You mean ex-wife.
Or, stop doing stuff for her, only do for yourself.
Or come over and mow my lawn.
Stop doing it and start bossing her around
@@drifter8800 And do you see the alligators in the pit at the zoo? Go bop a few on the nose to show them who's boss.
Women have an incentive to file for divorce. Men get destroyed by one. We have to do everything to avoid one.
@@drifter8800 You've obviously never met the women that I've known. They won't be bossed around. If you told them to NOT jump off the top of the building, they'd do it just to piss you off.
Guys Its okay to not fit in stick to your purpose. As cliché as it sounds
@@dark_nightwing_xl2797 it’s great to not fit in, as long as you do it from a place of self validation and not disparaging others, because otherwise it is not anything other than coping and being bitter.
@shawnmendrek3544 yikes. They know too much about you? Social connections are the largest predictor of happiness.
Women say they don't need men now but are also reporting historically low levels of happiness.
Completely untrue. Site even one peer reviewed study proving that. Unmarried women are by far the happiest group of people. Many peer reviewed studies show this. Unmarried women happiest, slightly higher than married men and women, with unmarried men being most unhappy.
@@tallspicy😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@tallspicyBecause feminism took over have a brain
@@tallspicy law.yale.edu/sites/default/files/documents/pdf/Intellectual_Life/Stevenson_ParadoxDecliningFemaleHappiness_Dec08.pdf
@@dark_nightwing_xl2797why do you need women to be less than you to feel secure? Sad.
Men can get out and volunteer their time helping ppl in need. There are a lot of needs out there that need to be filled. Volunteering to wash someone’s car, or take your neighbors trash out, maybe help neighbors too minor assistance around the house. You have many opportunities to be needed.
Most men have no one who they can talk openly to..
Talk to a woman and IT WILL be thrown at you at a later date..
Talk to friends and you aplear weak infront of your peers..
Talking to strangers/counsellors is patchy at best and usually demoralising.
I'm middle aged - i feel tired, unwanted and un-needed by everyone in my life.
Feels like im wasting time untl something takes me out.
If i could leave or not wake up tomorrow, i would do either gladly.
Dont open up to anyone as its a slippery slope
There is very little we have control over. If we buy something we may know how some of it works ,but we cant manufacture it on our own or perhaps fix it on our own. Guys need to get back to basics. Hunting, fishing, bushcraft , basic survival stuff and not necessarily with all the latest gear.
Characters with the scavenger perk receive an onion with their fries
There is a lot wrong with this world so there's endless need for good men to step up. How about getting involved in the fight for universal healthcare? The US healthcare system caused about 300k excess deaths in the US during the pandemic alone. That's according the government itself, the NIH to be specific. That's just one example. So, you are needed.
Big government is the cause of our problems, not the solution
Sorry come a time you just say f&$+k it when what ever you tried does not work.that when you actually start to get it . happened to me at 27 divorce no children and realize no one else will have that much control over me again for the entire journey to now at 66 don't feel I need to work hard for a society that sed we don't need you but I need me had a good life but would not follow life script being a bachelor is the safest thing for a man in the world today.just looking at the numbers of at best 20 percent of married are happy seen more men destroyed by relationship than by war? For all
The reason for the uselessness is that a good number of women have decentered men and romance in their lives due to the stress/games that can come with dating and relationships. Does the mean that men are no longer necessary to them? -- not at all. Some women have been failed in different relationships with men, that some have resolved to prioritize other, more supportive relationships or celebacy.
I am a woman who has never felt that I needed a man. But I respect the decisions of those women who do feel they need a man. We all have the right to make the choice that works best for us. This doesn't render men useless. I wonder if those men who feel useless just because some women do not want a male partner may have self esteem or other issues. However, I believe men still have too much power in the workplace, finance, healthcare, and politics. I believe including more women in those arenas would result in better decisions that would benefit us all.
Okay Mimi.
You should listen to swami anubhavananda or any other swami to your liking.
Get a Colombian gf. It’s wonderful. 😅🎉
I am happy that it works for you. I myself had a pretty bad experience with my now ex-wife, who is also from Colombia. But to be fair here... We both did or did not do things which messed our marriage up pretty bad 😅.
@ haha. Thats cool that you can admit you weren’t perfect. Yeah there are good people and bad in any country. Good point.
You let a girl that you were in a relationship with call you a "stupid piece of 💩 "
No way men are down THIS bad.
Oh hell nah