Tips for a New Dominant (D/s advice)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ต.ค. 2024
- Tips for a new Dominant in D/s
Okay, so you've decided to take a stab at this whole dominant and submissive relationship thing, but you're not exactly sure how to be dominant. You think maybe being the Dom requires you to be physical, forceful, or stern. Maybe? Maybe not?
Watch this video to learn 3 of my favorite tips I tell new dominants in BDSM on how to bring your best game to the table. It's not what you think, so I'd give this a serious watch so that your ds relationship flourishes.
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Instagram: / veronicayanhs
Veronica Yanhs, Desires Laid Bare
Primary Channel Keywords: bdsm, kink, bdsm 101, bdsm for beginners, bdsm education, bdsm relationship, kink 101, kink lifestyle, kink education
Related keywords for this video: tips for new dominants in BDSM, how to be dominant in bdsm, dominant and submissive relationships, dominant and submissive, dating a dominant person, dominant submissive relationship, submissive desires, submissive, ds relationship, dom sub, dom and sub
• Tips for a New Dominan...
What questions do you have about being a new Dominant?
You mentioned the fear of being seen as abusive. That was my problem in the beginning. But it's come up again when I talk to a friend who says that she likes non consensual acts. Any advice?
I'd like to pick your brain please...I have questions.
My father abused my mother. The intensity of my desires and possible injury of a loved one scares me. How do I unlock my potential yet maintain control?
@@birdiebear1500 make me a sissy
What if you like to be both dominant and submissive at other times?
Dominance is a mindset
Be yourself
Have fun
Yes! This so much!
For new domination
Mistress_mayahl at Instagram
For new domination
Mistress_mayahl at Instagram
Here are a few more in no particular order.
- To be yourself, you have to know yourself - especially your limitations.
- Be yourself also means: be an absolutely honest person. If you can't do that, get out of BDSM.
- Don't take BDSM porn/fiction seriously.
- Listen to your sub. Talk things through while both of you still have your everyday clothes on. Have some coffee or tea.
- Don't do stuff that you're uncomfortable with. Doms have limits too. Don't let yourself be pressured and don't pressure others.
- When trying new things, pace yourself. Take it slowly. Avoid "kink frenzy".
- Take full responsibility for things that might go wrong. Apologise unreservedly when needed.
- Cherish and protect your sub, make sure they can feel safe with you (especially if you want to do scary things together).
- Even if you agree to a degree of power exchange, you're still both adult and equal partners. So don't let being a dominant go to your head. It doesn't make you special.
- It's perhaps a paradox, but BDSM is not about YOUR pleasure as a dom, silly. The sub's experience is central in all this. It's our job as doms to provide them with a good experience. Subs may disagree here but their opinion (on this) doesn't matter ;-)
- Don't go be a stupid goddamned arsehole (aka "Domly Dom") on FetLife. Goodness knows there are already way too many of those. Have some respect. Geez.
- Educate yourself widely.
I guess we could go on a little while longer.
So good!
Such a good guide. I'll show this to my boyfriend, hope it helps him!
@@AtriniaNY Glad this spoke to you, even a year after I wrote it. I wish you luck, peace and happiness.
@@olavl8827 i hope it works.. I am a very powerful woman when it comes to certain things and it's very difficult to reverse that now and enjoy the sub life i always wanted. So i was trying to find advice to be on point and this i think will be very helpful.
you are right
"there's so much more to bdsm than just sex" AMEN
What else is there? Asking for clarification.
@@tiffanywongshaiboon3663 communication
@@tiffanywongshaiboon3663 caring for each other equally
Christain grey was a wack dom,, need another movie about the dynamic!!!
I agree! I did like Professor Marston and the Wonder Women!
@@DesiresLaidBare Have you seen the movie The Duke of Burgundy?
The Secretary
Watch 365 days.
@@hakananas3412 jesus Nooo!!
Oh God pleases No!!!
Yes! Be yourself! Newbie doms will think that they're not a proper dom unless they're an asshole! My dom LOVES to make jokes and pick on me and pull pranks lol 😆
As someone who grew up with childhood abuse and has had abusive relationships being an abuser is a HUGE FEAR of mine and is a HUGE barrier for me as a budding Dominant. I have a submissive who I share/borrow from their Mistress and I FEEL like an asshole doing certain things even though they have stated that They LOVE it. Like the humiliation thing I FEEL most horrible about the humiliation and degradation about doing those things as to me they come across as being abusive but to the Sub they come across as fun and they are greatful for me doing them.
I am only doing really small parts of this though like a few sassy words here and there as I just don't have the heart to say hatefuk things to someone. Especially when they want to serve me. But I also know they enjoy it and I want to please them. I struggle with having control over others too but feel more comfortable giving orders in this way.
I guess my biggest fear is going into Dom space and doing something that is going too far and the aftermath of that as I would HATE myself and no amount of aftercare would help with that. Idk I wanna be a good dominant. Anyone with advice would truly appreciate it. As I really want to explore both dominance AND submission as I want to know what both are like and see what I enjoy most.
Yes that is a big one, which is why I brought it up! Thank you so much for sharing
Wow, it's the same thing for me. I do like seeing it like acting and an actor playing a part mixed with trying to be gentle before and after if getting into the pain parts.
Gotta get some therapy man.
@@dakotaadams189 that's rude & unhelpful. Also I'm NOT a man so DON'T refer to me as one.
@Mirabella Hollundria Thank You for your well thought out response I appreciate it. I will look into your suggestions & appreciate you & your kind words. 💖
I love this, some very good tips! I would just like to point out that men can be submissive too and women can be dominant (subs were referred to as "her").
Thank you so much for the feedback. And, as much as I practice inclusivity, I have been known to slip up. Cultural conditioning is such a bitch.
@@HolgerDanske I bet you watch hentai on one tab, PewDiePie on another, and have 4chan on the last
@@andrev.4320 You are not very smart or good at guessing or reading people. Nice try. Have a great day.
@@HolgerDanske ok incel
For new domination
Mistress_mayahl at Instagram
We gotta be ourselves, no matter where we are . .. YES>.. ... no exceptions! Great tips! ~Elizabeth
Thank you!
Exactly what I was thinking
I'm a sub, but i do have a question. If a dominant isn't feeling confident and question if they're "dominant enough," how can a submissive help encourage them? Even if we tell them they're doing great, what else can we do?
Talk. All through the night if it must be. Desires, expectations, insecurities, etc. they must all come out in the open. On both sides.
Besides that, confidence comes with skill and knowledge. That comes with experience and learning. If you both want it to work you could make it a long term project. The fun is in the journey, not in the destination.
Sabrina René. Be pro active with your giving..
Honest, transparent, and empathetic communication :)
Sometimes, stepping into a dominant role is hard because of all the baggage that comes with it from family, religion, society, etc. Encouragement and communication is invaluable.
Along with what the others have said, be sure to encourage. When your Dominant does something that you like, be sure to say so. Tell them how their handling of a situation made you feel their power and what that does for/to you, that it makes you hot, that it makes you weak in the knees, that it made you respect and revere them even more.
Another recommendation is to "give up more power." Encourage your dominant to go a little deeper, take things a little farther by letting them know that you're happy with the direction they're taking you, that you're capable of more, that you have more to give and would they would please take it. That should help take the focus off the dominant's "performance" and put them in the control seat.
It may be that subconsciously he associates dominance acting over a women is abusive, do it's a psychological issue, this can be over cum, with alittle patience and stimulation and seduction, and encouragement, slowly introduce things you want to try, talking about it, watching videos, and manipulating him into experimenting/exploration,
I’m a switch and I love being my subs owner. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m being dominant enough at times but your videos help :)
What work for me and helped me to learn, to grow both for me and for my partner. Is we tried everything. Within the legal limits of the law. And while respecting each other's limits. We experimented. Our rule was that we tried everything at least three times.
This is a really interesting matter, I've never had sexual relationships, I like women in every aspect, but when I like some men I usually imagine myself as the dom, that's the only way I can imagine a sexual interaction cuz the other way I get like turned off, but with women I'm a switch, somebody else feels a similar way?
This really helped me a lot! Love this. Thank you 😊
Your tips apply to everyone. Submissive as well as dominants. All Bdsm and kinks as well as dom/sub relationships. Vanilla people, virgins, anyone.
I hope you channel helps me. I have learned from this already. Much appreciated
My wife and me visit a BDSM-room a couple of times a year.
To my enjoyment, she more and more loves to play the dominatrix and grows into this role.
How did you find a bdsm room? Are they common enough or only in big cities?
i’m a funny person and tbh i think it’s better when the person is cute when you’re out and then in private not so cute😭
That's something you can incorporate. Talk with your partner set boundaries, what you want, etc.
I don't normally look up information about being a Dominant anymore. Because it's always the same.
"You have to be a alpha male, hard ass, super arrogant, jack ass", like those be a man self help BS.
Anyway. Glad I got bored and found this video. I realized later then most what I am, and wanted, and everything I read or heard. Just wasn't for me. This on the other hand, makes sense to me, and how I am with my GF/sub. She's happy, and so am I.
Thanks for a real advice, and not macho man bs.
4:13 helped me I don't want to hurt I want to be safe and test limits it turns me on testing someone who trusts me
I am a gay man and very new to being a dom and your video is a great introduction to get some footing with where I need to be. Thank you.
Yes to being yourself - sexual or otherwise.
+10000!
I want to be slave
If we ever do book burnings again please start with the 50 shades series
Great vid...please discuss impact play
..thanks.🎉
Absolutely brilliant video
Tysm for making these videos🖤
Thank you for taking the time to stop by
The Live Fantasy of Charmatic Mastery and Sexual Gratification through self control and care for my Sub.
I see that this video is older but I hope someone still sees this... I know I am a Dom, but being very new to the lifestyle I am fearful because I was always raised not to be aggressive or stern towards women. They are delicate, tender and precious. I am a big cuddly teddy bear inwardly to my SO and at home, but my dominate, and aggressive traits only come out when when protecting her, or helping her when we are outside the home. It somehow seems wrong for her to be the subject/recipient of these dominant traits. I have not participated in or observed real (non porn site) scenes so perhaps it is because I have no base of reference? Any direction or advice would be appreciated.
hey. I see this @watching the horizon. you are definitely having the skills to be a Dom, because the main qualities are nurturing their submissive, helping them grow! I am not entirely understanding what exactly the problem is, but it seems to be in your communication. I might be able to help you better, with a bit more info. Just write me @k1ttysub on Fet.
Thank you. This actually helped me
Awesome! Can you elaborate more on what you mean or any specifics? I want to celebrate you!
@@DesiresLaidBare There are two main things:
1. Being dominant in my own way and making it my own.
2. Not every play partner will fit, just like not every person in general will fit as a romantic partner, friend etc.
These points are quite connected, because I kind of fear that I won't be taken seriously or that I mess up, as I only recently became active in the scene. But a person that actually wants me to dominate them won't laugh at me, but will rather help me sort out what I could do better.
Just an editing comment - at the end, the word SUBSCRIBE is misspelled as SUBCRIBE - it's the proofreader in me, lol.
How to be a better dominant?
Learn to understand everything.... Everything about your sub. Learn to improve her/his and your lifestyle. If you thought the answer would have to do something with how to have more dominance. My frnd... You aren't a dom....
Being a dom is just a mindset
But you either are or you aren't
So be yourself
and practice makes perfect
The state of this place
I love the owner pet relationship
I appreciate this vid and all, but um...there are female dominants too. Guys can be submissive. But what about people who are non-binary like me? Might you be able to make a video discussing this?
All of what she said applies the same way to female dominants and non-binary people. She is obviously speaking from her own experience, you can just substitute the pronouns as needed.
Absolutely! There's a part of D/s called Femdom (female dominants). When I teach, even if I slip up and refer to specific gender pronouns, it's applicable to all relationship types.
As a male tough to find a female Dom
Thank you for your insights.
Helped me so much
My girlfriend is a switch, leaning sub, and im basically a complete sub and want to try and be dominant for her ❤️
In the same boat,except were both almost complete subs
@@caillove9184 she's expressed that she is sad that shes the dom in the relationship (not being rude about it, has said she also loves having me as her sub) but shes also a pretty big sub
@@abbeyg1904 I agreed with the statement of wanting to be a dom for them,bc I am a switch,just very afraid of being dominant
@@caillove9184 ive always felt like i could be a dom, one, because my ex was subby at times and i felt the need and want to protect them from everything, just like, my current gf and i are both bratty and i just dont know punishments v.v
Thank you for your information. I’m having my sub to watch your videos
Great tips!
Thank you!
I think I strayed away from my Dominance for a whole year in fear of the Abuse label, it’s an easier dynamic when you’re dating your Sub but if it’s circumstantial play then it’s......🤷🏾♂️
I find that my Dominance and Creativity are triggered more when I’m not only physically attracted to a person but mentally you? Positivity, Charisma and warm hearted can be an extreme turn on.
DOMINANTS SHOULD BE FIERCE!
male to male dominant i like to know!
Please do more videos
Hi, I've met someone who is submissive, we really like each other, we both are pretty much independent financially. I'm new to this D/s thing and I'm afraid to lose that someone by failing "being dominant". Is it enough to love and respect a submissive person and be honest with the person so that the person is satisfied in the relationship as a submissive? I'm used to discuss things with my ex partner and all family decisions were agreed on by BOTH of us. So, does this D/s thing mean, that the submissive partner does not influence any family decisions? I don't get the joy of the dominent person to decide everything on their own in a family.
Thank you
Depends on the type of D/s relationship you two have or want to stablish, if it's only sexual, emotional, etc; being In a financially D/s relationship is an optional part, not necessary.
And if she says "yes" , I come.
This so helped me
I can't seem to find a single person who understands I am the dominant and my boyfriend is the submissive. So he the male is a "bottom" personality wise and me the female is the "top" personality wise. Like I am the one who picks him up and touches him and holds him. Sometimes we switch because shockingly I am pretty feminine despite being the "Dom" or "top" whatever phrase you prefer. SO does anybody get this or is this just unheard of or something.
Now I will say when I am not being the "Dom" I do like a challenge. If somebody wants to dominate me then they have to show me they can handle it and actually pull it off, then I love it just as much.
Where do you get slave collars like the one you are wearing.?? I would love one
this is really helpfull
Where would I look to find a female dom in Redlands, California. I’m new a looking for a site. Hope to hear from ya. Really very new to this,
I need help getting better at being a dominant in sexting
Make it like a "roleplay" try to make it seem like youd do it irl and also make sure you make the sub know that as a dom your in control. But dont take it to far or you'll seem like an ass. Also explore the subs kinks. This will help alot. (Kinks like choking, pinning, pegging, slapping, etc.) But remember dont go to far. And let them have an opinion on what they want and what you should do. Good luck lemme know how it goes.
I like telling her what to do. 🧸
Where can you find people who are into bdsm... like a website or meetups
Seeking arrangements
Check out fetlife
Kayla Walker hmu on Snapchat Bigv3st
Hey I’m new to dom role and I’m need help for a starting point
What do you need help in? Sexual or just in general?
@@Mau5CFW sure thing, might be a bit tho sorry😅
@@Mau5CFW Here you go! I could’ve had more but I don’t have too much time, sorry😅 Dm me on discord if you need anything else! @𝓢𝓸𝓵𝓪𝓻~#9320
------------------
GENERAL:
-Have the midset you’re above (enter person)
-Work on not being so soft, although as a dom I’m “🥺💕” sometimes and “😏⛓🖤” other times
-Quiet= Edgy, Edgy= dominance
-Aside from all the shit I’m saying, keep you’re own personality
-Practice being “hard” or “edgy”, around friends or family
-(This works every time), If (Enter person) Is trying to annoy you or is annoyed at you, just look at them with a blank, serious face (big gain in dominance)
-Even without sex, don’t be scared to touch your partner! Male or female they’ll love an occasional thigh touch or arm hold.
SEXUAL:
whoo😅 this might be hard
-If you don’t know already, GET ON TOP, And look down at them, works every time.
-GRAB WRISTS!
-Don’t be afraid to be rough, 98% of people love it
-Aside from all this, remember that sex is meant to enjoy you’re partner and have fun!
Oh ok thought I’d ask
Can you be both dominant AND submissive?
Sure you can. It's often called being a "switch". This is where I differ slightly from Veronica's "you either are or aren't". You can change preference over the course of your life, or take different roles depending on the partner you're with. You can even switch roles during play with the same partner: "Here, now you take over." You can bottom in a scene while still being the dominant (or perhaps rather: the director) of that scene. For example, I quite like for my sub partner to practice her bondage skills on me - it's a nice intimate experience and it gives her confidence and trust in me. There are still some old school BDSM people who believe that every dominant should start their career as a submissive in a sort of master/apprentice relationship, before graduating to the dominant role. And of course there are many people who are just happy to have found their "natural" role which feels right for them and stick with that. All of this is valid. There is an endless variety of ways to play and/or to define your role, relationship and lifestyle. It can all be a lovely challenging experiment, and some of the cheapest & healthiest fun that can be had between two persons (or more if you're into that).
Thank you so much for this AMAZING response. I love all of what you said. In my experience, I've come across many beginners who are forced into a role they think they have to play. Like, they are 0% dominant, yet they feel they have to play it so it's always this uphill battle and doesn't honor who they are. That's what I meant by "you either are or your aren't".
@@DesiresLaidBare You're welcome. I had a suspicion that was what you meant, I guess it's hard to be comprehensive and fully nuanced in a short video.
I do believe it is important to stress in all BDSM education that matters aren't ever just black or white. That there are many shades of grey, if you pardon the reference. I've heard too many times things like "you aren't really dominant if you allow X" or "you aren't really submissive if you insist on Y". You know this type of talk I assume. As if there's only One True Way to behave or to do any of this. Usually in my experience it comes from people with limited experience who take their new found passion far too seriously and/or crave too hard for some artificial identity. I hope that makes sense to you, and that perhaps you can use this thought in a later video.
You're one of the best, please keep doing your thing.
Here's a BDSM test: bdsmtest.org/select-mode
If you're doing it right as a dom, your subs will chase you.
Are you saying Funishment based?
How do I look for a Sub to help train me to be a Dom?
To be dominant you need to find the right sub...person
Start to feel bad for mistreating people
But Also turns me on
tought i had tó bé serious ór some shit when being a dom lmao
Are you a dominant??
In the dynamic I'm currently in, no.
Have you ever been asked to "promise to punish my balls when we get through".?
I'm a sub who never try bdsm not even once :( it is too frightening to be myself
I'm gonna be master
what is a cuddly teddy bear dominant
ok, when I see a dominatrix they are not smiling why?
Because everyone's talking out there ass
Your words assume doms are only men. Other than that, this video was good
This gave me absolutely no information. Disappointing.
Is everyone just stepping up and trying to be a Dom/Master no one has been trained? No one??
It's not a college degree It's a mindset
I’m a girl and I have a dominant/a bit aggressive personality, but I would only like to be a sub though :o would it be hard?
It sounds a lot like you fall into the brat category. This basically means you'd rather be forced into submission rather than submitting willingly.
Samuel Good Oh okay, that might be right actually
Samuel Good But isn’t that like a..bad thing?
@@jiboyz6589 not at all. How can being you be a bad thing?
I just wanna know what to say
Finally
4 comments next go together
Was censored. Oh well.
I'm sorry but the gacha bear 😂
I'm a laid back guy with an authoritarian streak exploring things with a pain sub who is not accustomed to the use of safe words. How does one maintain the framework of mutual safety and satisfaction while also trying to lose themselves in the moment?
I can NEVER be a sub
I’ve never had as much fulfilling fun as I have since I embraced my z dominance. . I never saw 50 shades Beciase I assumed that for straight people
But I’ve lived in San Francisco for 60 years. It took me awhile to understand where I belonged . Every Don has their own style. And people are I to all kinds of kinks and fetishes that can or do t have to be included in Ds
You should lower your camera slightly. Don't put your face in the middle of the screen, there's a void above your head. Fill the screen with yourself a little more.
Can someone be a dom and a sub at the same time?
Good question
Amazing video, I just wish people would use gender neutral terms for subs...
I love submissive woman 😍
I want a dom so fucking bad
59 shades of grey is a piss poor example of d/s dynamic
Crazies
Hey this is stupid but i really hope you'll reply. So im not into bdsm however i used to sext and i was a bit kinky sometimes. Anyways my sister has a boyfreind but she came back for the summer. Shes leaving tommorow. Today i was stupid and i snooped a bit on her phone realizing she didnt have a password. I scroll up a bit and she was sexting her bf. I didnt see anything of her but from what i read in that moment she was dom ing him like she was being dominant and stuff in their sexts. I also saw him with a collar and plug on and stuff. I know i shouldntve been looking at her phone in the firstplace but is it bad. That my reaction was negative? I know i shouldnt think of her any less but i kinda did in that instance. Anyways i was just curious is it bad that i judged my sister and i should just move on or is it normal. Idki thought asking you would help.
I don't intend this to sound rude or harsh, I just need to say it:
You have no right to snoop on other people's phones. That isn't trustworthy at all. We all makes bad judgments and mistakes of course 😊 Please control the urge to do it again. Sex is a private thing. It isn't something to be ashamed of, either.
KewrSpotter 2006 You’re being very judgmental and what they do is none of your business. So yes, you’re not great for having that judgement but you can change by learning about how people have safe, consensual, and fun relationships that involve bdsm and the dominant and submissive dynamic. Also what your sister and her bf probably have in their dynamic is trust and consent. It’s hypocritical for you to judge what you saw when you violated your sister’s trust and consent by being on her phone. She’s keeping what see and her bf do private.
Binod
im sitting here like a deer in the road man this didnt help worth shit
I lost you at "safe words"
You have to have some sadism in your personality, also!