Honey, Your Kids Don't Want Your Stuff... (3 Healthy Ways To Cope)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- Here are some healthy ways to deal with the reality that our adult kids may not want our stuff. :-)
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What we have to get over is wanting our kids to want our stuff. We need to let them live their own lives and make their own choices. They don’t want to live in the museum of Grandma any more than we did. ❤❤
Well said. I'm old myself and I want to be minimal as possible.
I want to get rid of a lot of “things”, but I enjoyed my grandmas house, and I heard the stories of all the people that pioneered across the world, then across America. It’s our history and I learned so much. So the furniture I can ditch, it’s our history I want to pass on.
PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the surviving son of 2 class A HOARDERS
!!! Don't do this to your children. Give them the things they like now, so they can enjoy them. Waiting until you pass on is such an overwhelming challenge to deal with. My sister and I worked 8 weeks to clean out my widowed mother's 2 bedroom condo. We donated 65 bags of clothes ( all in good repair) and threw out 225 lawn and leaf bags of junk. We gave away, threw away, donated and absorbed all we could as a family. It did help with processing my mother's sudden passing but we could have processed just as easily over a cup of coffee and photo albums. Your kids DON'T WANT your stuff. They want to decorate in their own style. Sorry for the rant, but what you've shared is the TRUTH!!!!!!
We just did a major downsizing last summer, moving to a senior living apartment from an 8 room house. We were pleasantly surprised that our son and wife not only wanted a few of our things but actually bought our house. They told us to shop our house and whatever they or their kids didn't want they would sell or donate! It made the move so much easier.
Wow, that must have been truly a blessing! 🤍
@@TheLifeTidy Yes it truly was a blessing. And having them closer by us now is another blessing!
Ohh, how MARVELOUS was THAT! I’m so happy for you!
That is just wonderful! So happy for you! ❤️
I am very much into decluttering and getting rid of things I no longer want, need or use. Here is what I have done.
1. Set up a table out by the street.
2. Loaded the table with all those things I no longer had a need.
3. Put a sign on the table which said: "FREE STUFF - Return Policy - You can't"
By the end of the day, it was all gone. I'm not yard sale-ing to argue over a 25 cent dish.
That is the spirit I want and have thought of doing that same thing. So many people sell things online, I feel pressure to sell things but it just keeps me stuck. I need to give things away regardless of what I paid for it. Bless someone else and be free of it.
I love the 'you can't'!!
@@jackieblue6116 We have to remember, things are just things. We can keep the memories forever.
Generic furniture that is not a collectable or antique can often be difficult to sell for much money, and buyers can be very picky. So, one way I have thinned out unwanted furniture is to find someone in need and just give it to them. One of my neighbors sons has a business that regularly hires laborers. One day I asked him if any of his laborers might have a need for a bedroom set of furniture that I no longer needed because my current house is smaller than my previous house - this furniture was just stacked up in my garage taking up space. A couple of weeks later he came by with one of his newer laborers who was apparently just sleeping on the floor of his apartment. The young man couldn't believe that I was just giving away good furniture - I told him that seeing his happy smile was worth more to me than the $100 or so I might have gotten from selling the furniture.
Former professional organizer - One thing to add is that if you're going to ask your kids to help you, don't sit and argue over everything, and the flip side is that some children are incredibly bossy. If everyone can be reasonable and graceful it can be a good experience, but be honest about what category you and your kids are in, and what your relationship can handle. If you aren't solid on that, hire a stranger who can put a different spin on your thought process and not take it personally. If that's not an option, ask a friend to help. The last thing you need at this stage of your life is to sour a relationship over trinkets and trash.
Excellent point!
After my parents died I couldn't let go of their things, but after a 'right amount of time' and with support of a caring friend, I find it is now possible.
An old cliche…give it time. I regret not having done that. With the time you personally need, you will have a peaceful departure from past things that you need to let go. Time has its own reward.
Bless your heart. It is so hard. Those “things” represented them. But who they really are lives in you. Hugs❤️🩹
I’m 62 and have regularly decluttered for years. I’m thankful my mother did the same, so dealing with her stuff was so much easier when she passed. I want to bless my own children with the same gift. It’s really true they don’t want my stuff.
Well Said, I will never leave my kids with "our stuff". After going to local Estate sales, etc and seeing what your kids have to deal with after your gone. Will not do that to my kids.
One thing that I would appreciate hearing you address is: the fear of decluttering something that you later regret and can’t afford to repurchase
That is a legitimate fear. I can honestly say that of all of the hundreds or maybe thousands of things I've decluttered, I've only regretted one or two. That fear is most potent when decluttering sentimental stuff because you can't replace that. I'll think about that and maybe address it in the future video!
I found an answer to the sentimental stuff...
I click pictures and upload them as a private album online.
Then I get rid of the stuff.
I can always look at the pictures If I miss my stuff.
I am one of your new subscribers, and it was the 'three things' video that caught my attention. Not sure why, but the algorithm brought it to me. Sorry to hear you have such trouble with your vision. Glad that it is not stopping you from making videos. :)
🥰
We will be moving across country for a new life near our kids. I have 8 generations of photos of our family and ancestors. I would like to take them, but should I? My kids can toss them after I’m gone, but I know the stories of each group and I’ve learned so much from them. That’s why I’d like to keep them, and the stories are more real when there are faces to connect them with.
Keep them, and write stories or record yourself talking about each group. I have albums of photos from my parents, however there is no writing talking about who is in each photo, or the stories they shared.
I'll be 58 in July, and my mother passed a few years ago. Both my FIL and my MIL passed in the last 5 years. The pain and hassle and anguish associated with dealing with their stuff was enormous! So since a couple years ago, I've been methodically eliminating stuff from my life. Every now and then I'll regret getting rid of something, but more often than not I really feel good about letting stuff go. It feels so good knowing that every time I part with something, it's one more thing my daughter and SIL won't have to deal with. I'm also leaving a note to my daughter to be opened upon my death that tells her in no uncertain terms that she needn't take anything AT ALL home with her that she doesn't want, and should reject any feelings of regret she might feel about not taking something if she gets sentimental about some of my stuff later. We need to support our children in their desire to be tidy!
My MIL was a hoarder like you see on TV. One day she said to me and my husband (her only child), “One day all this will be yours and you can just move in and be at home.” 🤯😳 We have spent six years digging out her house. We do not live there. It’s not livable. There is very little we have unearthed that we want. Much of it is ruined by bugs and rodents. I never want to burden my children with stuff. By the time I’m gone, they will have their own homes full of the things they enjoy and have curated in their own styles. My MIL bought super fancy baroque knickknacks, china, figurines, paintings, furniture to give people the impression of wealth. It’s all going to a donation center. Not our style in the least. Most certainly not the style of her Millenial and Gen Z grandkids.
That's sad they could not see the burden they were leaving. It's to bad that appearance was important. I hope you can soon have it completed and behind you.
@@lindam7518 Thank you! It’s quite a problem with all the little old ladies in this small town. My MIL’s home health nurse (who has worked in several states) said she’s never seen anything quite like the elderly ladies in our community. All their homes are jam packed with ornate trinkets, furniture, jewelry, clothes, etc. all of them trying to outdo the others. Funny story: When my husband was a child in the 70’s, his family visited a neighbor lady who lived in a small nondescript white wooden house. Very plain on the outside. He said when he walked in, it was like Buckingham Palace! Fancy wallpaper, ornate rugs, gold light fixtures dripping in crystals, figurines on all the tables, gilded framed art on the walls, velvet sofas, he was afraid to breathe lest he break something!! 😂😂 Oh man, this is a quirky small town for sure, lol. I grew up in a city and my parents were MCM minimalists. This has been crazy nerve-wracking experience for sure. 🤪
I'm 74 and I have one surviving son. He and his wife want NOTHING of mine!😂😂. Their style is totally different. Now I take care of my 94 year old mother. She has SO much stuff!! She is ill and I know the time is coming soon that I know I will have to make decisions about her things. I am loving your videos!! Thank you!
So glad you are here! 🤍
It´s being 20 years ago, asking my children, what they want from my old stuff. It was really antique stuff - they said - No. took them to an antique market and devidet the money. All we need is respect, human beings around us and LOVE.
My mom asked me last summer if there was anything of hers I’d like to have after she’s gone. I told her just her much used Bible and our childhood photo albums. My older brother also wanted her Bible, and that’s ok because I love him 😊 She passed away 2 months ago. What we came across in her jam packed cluttered and dusty home “office” was a treasure trove of family genealogy (sp?) both written and photos, as well as copies of articles she had written over a period of years called, ‘My Life, God’s Garden’. I’ve come to the conclusion in recent years that it’s not so much our parents’ things that we’ll cherish, but the items from a generation or two (or three!) before them/us that make us feel a connection and appreciation for our family history.
I wish my Mom had been a writer, that would be so awesome to find stories that she wrote. You are blessed.
I am so thankful for your videos I am 74 and have brittle bones. I had my first fall with broken bones at 70. It took me 2 more falls to make a change with clutter I only wear tennis shoes now. I need your encouragement. I am still in the process of letting go and you are helping me so much..
Thank you for motivating and inspiring me to get serious about decluttering. My late husband and I started married life in 1966 with almost zero possessions but here I am now at 80 with way too much stuff. After watching you I've begun the process. Thank you.
Best wishes to you on your journey to health. As someone who also suffers from vision issues, I applaud your energy and your zest for life. And thank you for your wonderful advice on decluttering. I am in my 70s and your wisdom is greatly appreciated. I am a new subscriber.
So glad you are here!
Good timing: my daughter + grandson are visiting the end of June and I’m going to ask them specifically what they do want if anything.
I helped my partner clear his parents' house after they passed, and it was an eye-opener for me - huge house, so little stuff. Mine is a little house with way more stuff than they had. It made me see my own possessions very differently.
Not only do my kids not want most of MY stuff, I have a hard time getting them to take THEIR stuff. My basement is full of my son and daughter’s things from birth to college graduation.
I had the same thing going on. When my son bought his house, I just brought all his stuff over there and put it in his garage. I told him of course LOL. And when all my other kids visited, if they were driving, I gave them their bins of stuff to take home with them. Granted I had gone through most of it already and downsized it to one bin per child of sentimental stuff. I still have one box of one of my daughters' stuff but this year she is moving back to the area and I am going to bestow it upon her when they move into their new place 😊. Before doing that I had encouraged them when they were visiting to go through the stuff with me, which only one of them took me up on. It is hard. You could let them know that you are decluttering and that if they want their stuff or to go through their stuff they need to do so by such and such a date? 🙃😊
Just a thought, that may or may not be helpful. After I hit my noggin the first time, I thought I was fine. But a week or so later I started experiencing Vertigo. I didn't relate it to the fall and just thought, well, this is my new normal as I have other health issues. My VA PCP referred me to an Audiologist about 6 months later when I mentioned my symptoms. The Audiologist performed what is called an Eply sp? maneuver on me. It didn't hurt, just a series of moments she helped me do to clear "the floating crystals" that were causing the Vertigo, from my inner ear tubes.
I was immediately cured! And actually started crying because it was the first time something was so easily and quickly fixed that was seriously affecting my quality of life.
She taught me how to do it and told me that if the Vertigo came back and I couldn't fix it on my own with the Eply maneuver that I could come right back in, even without an apointment and she'd help me do it again.
Thank you! That was one of the things I was tested for and it was determined that my crystals are not the problem. But I am so thankful that it helped you!! 🤍🤍🤍
@@TheLifeTidy You're welcome. I will be praying that they eye surgery works. God bless.
I attached to my things in a sentimental way and that is why I have joined this channel ! Recently, I cleaned out my parents home and too many things ended up at my place but I am not dealing with. You are giving me courage to tackle this!
Thank you!
You said recently ,maybe waiting and in time when grief isn't to fresh go back to it
I’ve been staring to give away anything my kids want. My son took my really long dining room table (I bought it off my uncle, who was his Godfather, passed 11 years). He does need the really large hutch that goes with it, but is taking the bar that goes with the set. Also took my hope chest. My daughter and son each took “end” like tables that my Dede (grandfather) handmade. I’ve gone through my kitchen once but after watching this realize there is more I can do. Last time I put it out for daughter, son & daughter in love and granddaughter to go through. Rest went to St Vincent DePaul (local church donation site).
I have been in a major slump lately, May 2nd was my Mom birthday and May 4th was 12 years for her passing and Mother’s Day Sunday. I also live with pain 24/7 d/t MS & fibromyalgia it’s just getting to me. But I thank God every day my feet can still hit the ground bc someone has it worse than me
It is difficult navigating chronic health issues. 🙏🙏🤍
Hi from Missouri! I am in my late 50s and currently live in a one bedroom apartment. I took some of my parents' items. I have gradually got rid of them. I have kept sentimental items that are meaningful to me. I decided to seriously start decluttering two years ago. I have decided to let go of a lot of things. My goal is not to be minimal but simplified. I am good with whatever my family decides.
I am glad that you are doing this video because I have been thinking of decluttering as I also don't want to leave my things for my 4 daughters to have to dispose of when I go to be with the Lord one day. 🥰
Very wise Judi! It's a loving gift you will give your daughters to not leave them a lifetime accumulation of possessions.🤗
You are so kind to do that. I just moved my mom from an upstairs apartment to a downstairs apartment and was really upset because she has SO much stuff and I was overwhelmed and exhausted and wound up in the ED with stroke-high blood pressure from the stress. I can't believe that I have to do it all again after she passes and am pretty resentful about it because I have been trying to get her on board with minimalism since I moved her to my State six years ago. I had to pack and move her things three times now and am ready to just give everything away when the time comes rather than ever have to go through it again. I have my own small cottage and even though I am 62, I am minimizing now so that my son will never have to go through this. I don't ever want him to have to go through my stuff.
@@smallhouseinthemeadow6131 I can relate a lot to what you are going thru .....I've been decluttering for my mom with alzheimers who hoards stuff & it's very stressful
small house
💛Shows you are caring. That your Sons is more important then things.
My mother is much the same as yours. Not a hoarder but stuff is were her treasure is. Scripture tells us where our treasure is there our heart is also. She doesn't care if it's a burden for us.
Young people who drink out of paper cups are clueless as to the value of Fostoria crystal glassware.
So sell it, as I am doing, and WE are going on vacation again this Fall!
Let them earn their own way. We are donating our money to causes we believe in and they don’t get a dime.
We have no children. This is family waiting for us to die and claim the cash.
So there won’t be any left. Animal shelters, hospitals, many places will receive the cash from our estate.
Pat in Colorado
I remember giving away a table I had gotten from my mom to a neighbouring immigrant family who didn’t have one. The table had been my uncles, he had given it to my mom who then passed them on to me. I had gotten my own table that I liked and didn’t need the old table. My mom was quite upset that I had given the table away. It was really quite hurtful and confusing to me. I felt I had done a good and helpful thing. My mom acted as if the table was a priceless piece of great value when it was (in my eyes) a 30 year old generic table.
Grandma begged me to take her dining room set (table and sideboard) because it was a wedding gift from her husband. It was very old, dark and ornate. I did take it after she died and kept it for many years. Eventually I started to hate antiques and sold it to a couple who absolutely loved it. It may still be around in someone’s home. Grandma - your beloved dining room set lives on.
I bought a giant heavy golden ish oak table that's bar hight with leaf and 6 chairs for cheep from a couple had who were downsizing and moving. They had alot of happy memories at that table and were thrilled I would give it a second life. I'm restaining it and sanding the scratches out this summer.
My parents came to Canada after WWII from Poland with absolutely nothing. Therefore everything was valued that they bought as they started their life in their new home. As I’m the youngest in the family and neither my brother or I have kids, I asked my mom once what should I do with everything as I get older (I’m now 61) and she said “ sell it and get rid of it all and enjoy your life”. I have purged along the way and each time it is so freeing. My brother left home at an early age and has zero attachment to my or our parents stuff that I still have. So I ask your followers to practice detachment, at the end of the day it is just stuff that we have put meaning to, and trust me I still have things that my mom cherished, but I am fully aware if I don’t do something with it, it will end up in the trash. So I love your recommendations in your video. Lastly I saw a comment asking about historical items, in my case I have a few such items and I will be approaching my local library for direction or they may want it for their archives, check with specific College or University departments and approach museums as well. One more thing that I learned, it was tough to get rid of things and furniture as no one wanted most of it, so I sold what I could, donated what was wanted and had to discard the rest. So good luck to everyone on this journey. 💕🤗
Same here - my parents & Babcia came here (America) from Poland after WWII . I am the keeper of our family history and the Photographs are the most important! Getting the "stuff" out of the way has been / is my current adventure . I am looking forward to a lighter, more spacious lifestyles. One box , one drawer at a time. 😊
@@wordgirl6267 yes the important stuff takes time. Enjoy those photos as I do the ones I have. We are lucky to have them as so much was destroyed during the war. They represent our history and ancestors. 💕 I like that you use the word adventure 👍
Dear Ms Life Tidy - I often hear youtubers apologize for not uploading regularly, and my response is always that I am way too busy to notice or remember when someone posts. It is not like I am checking, no matter how much I enjoy someone's videos, that "every wednesday Jane Smith posts". So I would say, don't worry about it.
Thank you! 😊
Exactly. Once we subscribe and request notification, we will get notification for new uploads or they will be presented on the selections column to view at our leisure. No rush. It is what it is.
We completely cleared out our loft about a month ago because we don’t want our children to deal with the rubbish . It feels sooo good! I am so pleased that I came across your video and subscribed. I feel the same as you. Our kids do not want our stuff,😊
Questions: what do you do with things like an antique Daisy churn or your grandmother’s huge set of China that you can’t put in the microwave or dishwasher? What do you do with these relics from the past such as a quilt your grandmother made when she was 90? What do you do with all these pictures and picture frames that you have stored in a box just in case you ever need them? I have an entire closet full of pictures that I need to do some thing with. I have 6 kids and had such grandiose ideas of individual Creative Memories scrapbooks. Now I have 13 grandkids and nobody cares about their second grade report card. 😭I have been decluttering for about five years and I am 65 and have got a lot of it down to a science, but these last sentimental things I just don’t know what to do with. Thank you for sharing!!
😢I can relate
As a quilter, I would say that if you want to get rid of a quilt that your grandmother made in her 90’s 😢, call a local quilt guild and someone there will find a good home for it. It might even go to a nursing home depending on the size etc. They will have ideas.
I am a 74 year old realist. I realized long ago that my kids have different tastes and needs than I have. Although I treasure my mother in law’s china and other things, I don’t expect my kids to want them.I have already got rid of all my card making equipment and my attic and garage are minimized. No biggie. 💓
I'm in my mid-70s. A while back, my DIL told me to start going through my stuff because they weren't going to have time to do it and everything would be thrown away. That was enough warning for me. [Going through a lifetime of stuff and deciding what to get rid of and what to keep could be a video all by itself.] After deciding what I did want to get rid of, I took them to thrift stores, rented tables at a local firehouse's weekly flea markets and offered the items for free, and loaded up my car to take items to a town's semi-annual free-for-all. What I have on hand now are items that I use or have the possibility of being used in the future. I recalled reading online that if you didn't use an item within a certain period of time -- one year, two years? -- get of it. I got rid of my table fan following that advice and then ended up cremating some food in the microwave oven and had no way to blow out the smoke. I've become more prudent about getting rid of stuff since then.
I hope you don’t take offense at my saying this, but I wouldn’t appreciate anyone telling me to declutter with the future threat of “throwing everything out” later.
@@anng4665 Well, I know my DIL would do exactly as she promised. And the items I have left are just too good to be thrown away. I plan to ask my other son and DIL to hold a free-for-all or donate my items. I saw what happened to my gentleman friend's possessions (some going back to the 60s and some new still in unopened boxes) after he died. His sister and family friend took what they wanted and trashed the rest. My heart still hurts over everything that could have been taken to thrift stores.
Absolutely spot on! My mom was ALWAYS offended if I didn't want what she offered to me. I learned to just say "yes" and then dispose of it quietly later on (I did keep some things) She grew up in the Great Depression so it appalled her to think of getting rid of anything.
This taught me to separate myself from my things - I offer but if/when the kids say "no but thanks" I don't take offense.
Good video!
Hi from Japan! Sooo happy that you are posting more content! Love your practical and gentle advice! After decluttering my mom’s stuff while moving her from her apartment to live with us because of her deteriorating health, I vowed to never to do this to my children. Well, I managed to clear out all of her remaining things from my house in ten years after her passing, but still working on decluttering my own things! Your advice helps me to have a different point of view on keeping things for the future and maybe giving things to my children now.
So agree with this,…
My parents are sad that I don’t want their stuff. I’ve spent a lot of time and thought into making my own home very minimal which makes me very happy and at peace in our home. Their stuff has meaning to them, but not necessarily to me.
We are Swedish death cleaning ourselves. I won’t do that to my children.
I told my son that he can throw everything in a dumpster when I'm dead, if he wants, except for the real silverware and my gold jewelry. I cherish my stuff, but I don't expect anyone else to.
I've been praying a ton for discernment/energy as I have a hard time letting go of stuff (some of mine & some my mom passed on)....and, your channel popped up a week or two ago... you're a tremendous blessing & I hope you're feeling much better soon, may the Lord direct the hands of all involved in your surgery! No need to reply, I'm content just following your advice. I don't want to pass on the burden of my son having to sort through all my old belongings, papers, books etc. & it certainly does become a burden (I've found) : ) Thank You!
Perhaps it would help to put into words what is blocking you from letting go of things. For example "I feel like letting go of my mom'sOr Matthew stuff is like letting go of my mom" or "what if I need this object later?" etc. Each of the concerns often has a different answer - for example one answer to "what if I need it?" is to ask the question "what would I do if I did not have this item? and what is the worst thing that could happen if I don't have this item?" if your difficult is emotional, you might concentrate on Luke 3:11 "If you have two coats, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry.” Or Matthew 25:31-40 "Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (NIV)
It is indeed helpful to be able to feel like you are helping when you get rid of stuff. I like to donate to thrift stores that are run by organizations which help people such as a rescue mission etc. Also there are always organizations having garage sales to raise money to help people and donating to them feels good as well. Then you know that not only the item will potentially go to someone who will benefit from it, the money raised from selling it will also benefit people through with the work of the organization. Plus you've decluttered! Win-win-win. 😊
@@TheLifeTidy Also one can donate directly to people who need the items (for example, orgs that help people moving into housing - the people need kitchen and other home items, also women at womens shelters need nice clothes to get jobs, etc).
@@ros8986 Sorry for late reply, just saw this...I've had the blessing of being involved w/a homeless org. for many, many yrs. As for clothes, food, well all types of 'stuff' I donate regularly. For me it is old letters (my mom was an immig. who corresponded w/her parents regularly via letter & my grandma wrote back reg.) Well, I've got a few suitcases of those letters (decades worth). I have boxes & boxes of old family videos, and while you can have them transferred digitally, the cost is prohibitive for me at this point. My sister passed away unexpectedly & young...I have so much from her & well, I struggle w/those sentimental items. That's why I'm trying to learn to let go. I truly do appreciate your suggestions & the Biblical references though! God Bless You Ros & The Life Tidy!
❤❤❤
I need help with letting go of things I’d purchased to resell because at 50 I thought it would be a great way to make extra income…now I’ve gifted a coworker the bedroom set in my way of all my stuff. Then I was away for about 18 months, moved in belongings of 2 family members that passed during that time & here I am. And it’s giving me more anxiety than I can admit to. It’s easier to ignore it. You know? In case it just goes away on its own from neglect 😂.
Fix it or nix it ! Sell to a person or couple who love that kind of stuff or need something cheep for their first place
That’s what I think of. I’ll be moving soon & do not want to move this stuff. Where I live a garage sale is out of the question. 😢
Because most minimalist are younger and children at home are involved. We older folks relate more to you because of our ages. Good job. I enjoy your page
Ugh... I am a maximalist & recently had a blow up with my youngest. She said she wants me to start downsizing NOW as she feels the brunt of things will be on her should I, or worse both my husband & I pass. I already know probably only my older son might want some of our furniture. Plus my husband comes from very long livers. His dad lived tp 104!! I am 66 & he is 75 & he is still working. I was planning to continue living here for 5-7ish years & then move to Florida.where I would like to take some of our furniture. Plus my older son lives in Florida.(He would also like for me to downsize so we can move to Florida sooner, but I do not feel ready to give up my big house yet!) But I told her & my younger son who had broached me on the subject several months ago, that if I go prior to these plans, just hire one of those companies that does a clean out & then auctions off the stuff. I am not ready to just close up my life & call it a day. I would like help cleaning out the garage & basement though. I wanted to do the garage first & then the basement, my 2 youngest were arguing they wanted the basement done first, so we have not done either! I have started improving the basement myself doing a little bit every time I go down to do laundry, which is most days. I am hopeful I will be able to get it done EVENTUALLY! New subscriber.
My sister and I ended up cleaning out our aunt and uncle’s home when they had to go into a nursing home. They had no children and the house had to be sold. It was an incredible amount of work! They never had trash pickup and there was so many papers. We had to go through it all to make sure we did not through out anything important. We ended up renting a dumpster to put junk in and free stuff by the road. I am getting my important papers in a binder for our kids and trying to get rid of excess stuff. Last week as I was cleaning downstairs I found two totes of college books and other books that were quickly dropped off to Goodwill. Decluttering is an ongoing process.
you're 100% correct. I loved my Parents & Grandparents....BUT, I don't want 123 Crystal vases, Glass bowls, UGH...7 sets of Dishes no one ever used. hundreds of nic-nak wall hanging plates, Grandmas Doilies. I've asked my Daughter, she has selected several items, but the rest, sell it, let it go! It's just stuff. It's not a human being, it's stuff!
***one item to note: I inherited ALLOT of Crystal from my Mom, it's not worth that much anymore...Smaller items can be sold, Antiques yes, but common, Crystal vases & bowls once a big purchase in the 60's or 70's aren't worth much anymore, no one wants them...
I am 67 and have dealt with loss of both parents and both in-laws. What you say is 100% Correct! Thanks for your videos. Also I do like your new hairdo❤
My mom is in her mid-80's and has a 5 bedroom house packed to the rafters. When we visit, we all stay in hotels because there is not one bed available for company. I so wish she could get it...that we don't really want her stuff. While there are a few things that have sentimental value, the rest are things that she just has collected over 60 years of being in the same home. I try so hard to get her started on downsizing, but she has such an emotional connection to her things, it makes it very difficult to even approach her. But I do want to try some of your ideas on her next time I go to see her. Thanks for continueing to send out such positive energy through your videos.
I never got cluttered until I had to empty my parents house. 58 and only just started listening. Really needed the help of places to start and it's started me trying because you likened it to working a muscle. Through bringing up 4 children I always used one afternoon or morning on a shelf or cupboard, just kept at it for 20+ yrs. Then suddenly overwhelmed
I told my son and his wife that they have my permission to throw everything (except the real silver) into a dumpster if they wish. I told them that I cherish my stuff, but I don't expect anyone else to. That way, when I die, they won't feel obligated to treat my belongings like a shrine.
I think your Chanel hits a need. A lot of people want to see normal people minimizing. Not twenty year olds who have no experience in life. Personally, I’m interested how to share this story with parents. They are quite frankly more interested in keeping their stuff -MINE!- rather than starting the downsizing. Keep them coming. I would really like a video about electronic clutter. Take care.
A video about encouraging our parents to declutter is on my schedule. 😊
I'm in my 60's, and in a previous career of home service insurance I visited with clients at their homes. If I was visiting an open minded senior I would sometimes broach the subject of their "stuff." Not that I'm any better than them, I certainly have my own personal collection of "stuff." We live in an era of abundance and our children are already well on their way with their own collections of "stuff." I was often the first person to tell the seniors I was visiting that their kids really do not need or want their stuff. I live by myself in a smaller 864 sq. ft. two bedroom house with an attached 624 sq. ft. garage/shop. I previously lived in a slightly larger home before down sizing on purpose - I didn't want anyone to be especially burdened with clearing out my estate when my time is done. The truth is that when we pass most of our possessions will quickly and unceremoniously be jettisoned. I have been slowly thinning down my possessions, which honestly filled my home to overflowing. In the process I have gained a more useable house that doesn't necessitate digging through piles of stuff to find whatever I needed. The extra bonus came from the sale of items I no longer needed or wanted netting about $20k that was nice!
I currently netted $9k, from selling some of my stuff. I hope to catch up to you 😊
@@sct4040 Yay - keep on selling! By the time we become seniors, and especially if we have lived in the same house for many years, it is easy to over accumulate too much stuff. Just last night I was looking at my stuff and thinking why do I have multiple TV's? 100% of the time I only watch TV on just one of the TV's, I'm not even using the other. As soon as I find a missing remote control I'll sell off the unused TV. I've been a capable DIY'er who has also accumulated tools and shop equipment in excess. I've overhauled several car engines and taken on complicated projects over the years. The truth is I no longer do the heavy work, so another category of items I've been selling off is shop equipment. I had several air compressors, but with my reduced DIY work I've thinned that down to just one quiet compressor that can operate the air tools I still use.
Showed this to my hoarder husband. Hopefully it sticks. We are in our 70's and truly need to clear out.
You are so right about people having to dispose of belongings quickly and leaving valuables in dressers etc. I had broken gold jewelry/chains. I knew what they were but had my daughter found the bag, she probably would have tossed it. I took it to a reputable pawn shop, got it out of my way, and blessed our daughter early with part of the proceeds. If you don't want to part with something, be sure to mark what it is and tell someone where it is, especially if it is of significant monetary value.
As I go on in life, I become less sentimental about things. Health has affected my decisions, and I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. There are some things I can't do anymore. The main thing is to just keep working at it.
A few years ago, I started down sizing - bulky desks and other stuff was given away on Nextdoor. Then covid-19 hit. My mother, in early stage dementia moved into our home and poof! more stuff!
Mom passed away, and I've been giving away her and her and her mom's stuff. Siblings, nieces, cousins, and thrift stores have received stuff.
We're moving and downsizing some more. I gave records, my good quality turn table to a record store. He will give them away for me. Other hobbies stuff have gone to hobbiests who can use them. Now I have one or two major hobbies.
I love books and now love them on kindle and nook. No piles or boxes of books-to-be-read. We might even put our television up in our new home. News is on our tablets, newspapers are on our tablets. In the last few years, we have only watched the TV a couple of times a year.
Boy my mom was under the impression we would want everything. And she was very hurt we didn’t. Also a lot of crystal dishes that she loved and collected sold for pennies. Had to make her leave the sale. I hope she doesn’t meet me at the gates into heaven still mad.ha
Praying your eyes go back or even get better and the weight loss looks good on you, just praying it stops now.
Catherine, thank you for filling a hole in TH-cam content with ideas that help more senior folk declutter their many years of accumulated stuff. I would like to see you address the issue of family “historical stuff”. My kids (in their 30s and 40s) have no interest in even small items that have stories about their family history e.g. war medals from their great-grandparents, a wedding brooch handed down for 3 generations, photos of ancestors dating back to 1800s. My concern is that, even if my kids don’t want these items, they will be lost to future generations, who may be interested, if just thrown away now.
I have the same situation. I have no idea what to do. Pictures from the 1890s, letters ,cards, marriage certificates etc. so hard. I’m so interested in that family history. I’m the only one who has these types of documents and when they are gone they are gone. So sad.
I look at these videos and comments as encouragement. I'm so grateful for encouragement and nudging.
I love the stories from family history. My approach has been to (be selective) make photo/scrapbook writing stories to go with the items or memorabilia - to share it's significance. Some do not fit well so sometimes making a copy or reducing the size so it will fit. I do have a plastic tub for a few things of family history- plan to label items with their story. Enjoying hearing stories from siblings and spouse about items. Some items passing on to others now. There are photos that may have historical value that I'm not using- some of these l have put in an envelope or container to pass on to historical society or museum of the county if l know it. l'm almost 75 and do not want our children to have so much stuff to dispose of. We've had the conversation with our children as we go through things "lf/when we move what would you be interested in ". Simplifying is making life more enjoyable. Thank you to all for the encouragement.
Something I have noticed is that as my grandchildren get older, one of them in particular, there is some interest in those family things. We've kind of made a special occasion out of giving those things to her when she expresses that interest. I think if we ourselves can minimize our things down to the most important, our placing value on them might help our children to realize that those family things are valuable. But when there's a ton of it, they just see it all as old stuff and not as treasure.
A museum may be interested...
@@smallhouseinthemeadow6131 I can see that museums could be interested in rare items. However, sometimes “historical items” only have relevance and/or interest to the family to whom they have a connection. For example, my father was a POW in WW2 and we have his German POW tags. There are probably thousands of these still in circulation, but ours tells a very specific story of the 4 years of imprisonment that a member of our family experienced due to his loyalty to his own country.
I'm not 50 yet, but I've been helping my mother declutter after my father died. I was already a minimalist, but I like how your channel looks at minimalism differently.
limited mobility creates the need to de-cluter. The flat surfaces must hold the things I can no longer bend down to get out of a cabinet.
My in-laws so needed to watch this video about 10 years ago! We have had to take on so much stuff when they downsized (twice!). My mother in law especially was visibly offended if we didn’t want something so sometimes we would take the item but get rid of it ourselves later. My husband had said he didn’t want things but, once he had it, then had an attachment to it so we’ve hung to it. We have one child(who is 19 now). What motivates me the most is not leaving stuff for him to deal with. Thank you for this channel!
Prayers for your upcoming surgery. After learning recently about the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning, et al, your videos for the 50+ popped up. Very timely and so helpful. Continue to offer decluttering, bite-sized tips (< 10 per video!) about getting motivated for different rooms and clothing. Thank you.
Would you prefer shorter videos? More to the point and less personal introduction? I know I can be chatty 🤣🤍
No, because getting to know you makes what you teach us gives more weight to it. Most of us that are going thru this or about to need guidance.
@@TheLifeTidy Please continue with personal introductions. I suggested
I have close to 70 years of my parents home now stuffed in my living room. What a nightmare. I am now tasked with going through it all a second time. - and BTW selling stuff where I live is close to impossible.
One thing we have done is ask the kids (6 of them) if there is anything they want. If it’s something I’m still using daily I have them put their name on the back of it. Our executor knows that and will make sure those things are given to that child.
Only 1 thing in my house has a name on it 🤷🏼♀️ an old picture that I picked up at a rummage sale. It’s been in the house and the kids grew up with it on the wall.
I’ve given several things in the house to them but most of our stuff has gone to Salvation Army or the Buy Nothing site of Facebook. It doesn’t bother me at all that the kids don’t want my stuff.
Because after all it’s just stuff.
Another thing is to tell your kids that your decluttering for yourself and for them… so that they don’t have to later. But reassure them your not dying presently. I didn’t and my kids thought I got bad news after some tests. Nope. 😊
That is a great point!
True. If you start giving things away without explanation it can be a bit scary if it's out of the blue.
I love the video where you're playing guitar and singing "What Child Is This". If you ever feel overwhelmed and need a break from producing content, I'm sure your fans/followers would enjoy the simple peace of your singing and beautiful music.
Thank you so much. I do like to be a peacebringer because we all need peace. 🤍
Hi from NC! I am a little south of 50, but I am a minimalist and cheerleader of older folks doing great things! Do you watch Diane in Denmark? She is an empty nester who has been on the decluttering journey for a long time, but still constantly keeping an eye out for what she no-longer needs. She just recently did a whole month of decluttering each day. I enjoyed watching to see what she was getting rid of and why. So, feel free to make videos showing you decluttering your already minimalist home.
I was one of those people who clicked that popular video! I’ll hop in and subscribe now!
I so appreciate your channel. I've tried other channels before and most were done by young people that don't understand the emotional and financial guilt attached to "stuff" that I learned as a child. I can still hear my mother tell me how much she sacrificed to buy an certain item... So when it came to sorting through stuff, I heard that over and over every time I wanted to throw something out. Well, retirement is almost here, and I really need to start getting rid of things for me as well as for the kids. I have things that go way back to my great grandparents plus many extended members of my family. When they died, it seemed lots of things were dumped on us - and I mean that literally. We said no to things and came home to find our patio filled with boxes of stuff stacked up for us to deal with.
Moving things I love forward gets easier when I think of all of us being connected in a way and family. So i bless the item and that someone will pick it up who truly enjoys it...Its kind of fun imaginings who's home it might be in next.....and Catherine..may you have victory over what is causing diminished eye sight a d a quick recovery...
Hi there Tidy Lady😃. Congratulations on your channel. I’m confident all will go well with your health. Have you considered an assistance dog? Then you can make dog videos too. They’re all the rage $$.
I am single, and have no children. My house is paid for and I have lots of stuff - really expensive high end stuff. I do have a favorite nephew which I would leave everything to but he is lousy with money and his job does not pay enough for him to run the house. It’s even more heartbreaking to imagine all that stuff being sold to some lowballing sleazy dealer who will “take it off his hands” for pennies on the dollar. I might just sell some lower priority stuff to mitigate the pain. If you read this far, thanks!
Yes excellent I have become a minimalist in the last 3 years! Downsized and everything! My in-laws are all Hoarders! I can't even go into their house without something falling on me something falling on me! LOL😂
You need to take time to take care of yourself. I enjoy your videos, and the bell lets me know when you post so I don't miss them when you need to take some time off.
I've been decluttering for the past few years and it helped when it came time to move at the end of 2021.
I've asked my daughter if there were things she wanted that were her grandmothers. Some she did, and others we donated. We've traded things with each other and donated other things. I've let her know when her dad and I have gone that she doesn't have to feel like she should keep something just because we did. We've both been getting rid of things, and realize we don't want the added burden of things coming into our homes that we don't want.
Glad to see you back posting Catherine. My brothers and I have just decluttered my mothers house since she passed away in December, so I know exactly the stress and pressure of decluttering over seventy to eighty years of stuff. My brothers and I all took things from the house for our own houses, but there was still so much left. As a minimalist I found it hard that my mum bought so many items she never used, but thankfully we donated a large amount of them to a local charity that helps children with health difficulties and through hospices offering end of life care. We were so grateful that the items didn’t go to waste or into landfill and that someone else would benefit. However, I did wish that my mum had managed her things better whilst she was still alive and decluttered meaningfully for herself, as my brothers especially have a lot going on in their lives at present and they were forced to derail their own plans to get the job of emptying mum’s house and readying it for sale done.
Catherine I’m so sorry you are continuing to deal with these health problems.😢 It can be such a snowball effect how one problem can cause another and son on and so forth. I hope your eye surgery will sort these things out and make your quality of life better.❤️🙏 Also congratulations on what is happening with your channel. I went back to see how your previous video is doing and how amazing to have that many views. I think titling it with the age 50 really drew the attention. People are looking how to simplify their lives especially as they get into their fifties and start to think about retiring and their golden years. Wishing you continued success.❤️🙏👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I'm a new subscriber. TH-cam placed your "3 legit reasons" video on my feed today. It certainly hits home with me. I'm overwhelmed with all the crap in my house and yet can't seem to get rid of any of it.
Wish you all the best on your eye health. Hope you do another video going into more details after you heal.
Thank you Catherine/Katherine for sharing these tips. I hope and pray that you've found some relief from the dizziness and nausea and whatever. The sunglasses 😎 look great on you.
Yes, your channel is bringing something that I haven't seen before, from a perspective that I hadn't heard before and I find it very informative and insightful.
I've been doing what you suggested here and talking with my daughter and son-in-law about what they may like to have now, what they might want in the future and what they really aren't interested in. Even valuable things hold no real value unless they plan to sell them or there is a market for them.
One thing that I'm not sure if you've mentioned before or not, is that as we get older we really need to reduce trip hazards in our homes. Not only due to possible visual issues, but also because a fall can be way more serious as we age. Recoveries longer and more difficult. The pretty coffee table with all the nick knacks that you've hit your shin on a dozen times, probably needs to go.
Take care and God bless.
I just started watching your videos this last week. I am so enjoying your talking about decluttering above the age of 50. I am over 60 and trying to start. Your encouragement is giving me a lot to consider. Thank you 😅
I love how your taking about the reasons for decluttering over 50, you really don’t want the stress, for your family when they are already suffering the loss. I’m 71 and seen this happen to families before, and the tears while decluttering their moms home.
Just today I took my grandmother’s pie crust end table to Goodwill. It served a purpose for me for decades in a different home, but I recently downsized and it didn’t really go with the new house. It was a difficult decision, but I feel free for getting it out of the house.
Thank you for this content. We don't connect on everything (minimalism is not something I grok, but I am very much in the world of minimizing solid waste; rescuing food, etc. I enjoyed your discussion about passing on furnishings, but I thought I would mention what is easily my toughest challenge: papers. I'm a writer, recently retired from teaching writing, and I was training early on the save (document) everything. Now, as I near my mid-60's I have boxes of work product and unfinished (as well as published) work. My son said he'd burn my papers when I die, and I found myself saddened and hurt -- but then I asked, who will read my journals and first drafts, grad school writing, flyers and chapbooks? My grandaughters? So I turned back to my son and said, I think we should do it together! He said, "Like in the fire pit?" and I thought, yes, in the firepit, in the backyard, on a cold crisp autumn night. Maybe a box a year or so, together. A ritual. I never considered what I'd do with my papers. I already donated many books and collections to archives that can use them. But the stuff, about me, that can go, before the body does.
If you keep out a few select ones, those will stand out as treasure to your children. They just get over whelmed when there is a ton of stuff which they have no way of knowing what was and wasn't really valuable to you. 🤍
And it's funny that you should mention this because I am also a writer, and I was literally just thinking about how my kids would feel about my tote of all my published articles and unpublished things. Probably the next area to declutter! At least at this point I'm kind of down to only one bin left 😊
your hair looks nice, i just cut mine to a short mid ear page boy. had to get my new ID this week. i have a phone for now. its just a flip phone but so many things need apps now i know i will have to change. i just dont have the mental energy to go to phone store to look at everything. Blessings & prayers for your surgery. have a blessed week. i will be 62 on tuesday . 🙃
You're so right. I'm deeply grateful that my grandparents (Greatest Gen) weren't "stuff people." Because of their Christian faith, stuff was valued according to Matthew 6: 19-21. I helped my brother clear out their home when they had to move in with my mother due to his leukemia and her dementia. It was a lot to juggle with their medical issues and the logistics of getting their house updated and rented out quickly.
If there had been the usual amount of stuff in older people's houses, it would've been an incredible burden to everyone. My mother was elderly herself, so taking care of her parents was a strain. My brother and his wife had full time jobs and a young child at home. I had 3 school aged kids at home that I homeschooled K-12 and my husband was working full time. We weren't people with a lot of extra time and energy on our hands.
Just clearing out my father’s house following his death. What a nightmare!
It is very difficult. I hope you will be able to find some joy in it somehow. 🤍
Thank you for your advice. I firmly believe in giving our adult children and grandchildren things while we are alive. The lack of clutter helps with clarity and helps us appreciate the things that truly matter; family, relationships and God. No uhauls on hearse! The look on their faces is something you can enjoy now! The love that you take with you that someone would want something that belonged to you....precious.
I love things. But I love organization and lack of clutter more. If you love your family and friends... declutter.
Blessings for your eye surgery. This lady has a great message. Gratitude and blessings. ❤
Thank you so much, you're just what I needed !! I love all minimalizing TH-cams, but I'm 70, and this is exactly what I need❤
Thanks for doing this. I really need this. I inherited all my great grandmothers, grandmothers and mothers stuff and my kids don’t want any of it. You are helping me let go of a lot of it!!!!
Ask nieces, nephews, & cousins if they would like to have any heirloom items passed down. Someone might be delighted to accept them & keep them in the family.
Sending many blessings as you head into surgery on your eyes. Please update us as you move along your path to healing.
Sentimental items are an issue. I have storybooks and toys which were mine or my children's and now my grandchildren have outgrown them too. I have no use for them but have trouble saying goodbye to those memories.
Thank you for these videos. I have cleaned out for my parents, but ended up hanging onto a fair amount of stuff. 20 years ago for my Mom and 13 years for my Dad. I am at the stage where I can let go of these things and also plenty of my own stuff. I do not wish to burden my children .Thank you for your wisdom and tips. Praying for a successful surgery.
How do I convince my parent that decluttering is a good thing. They have so much stuff and they just see it as me trying to throw their stuff away. Any advice??
This is so important. I am in my 30's with young kids and aging parents/ in-laws. I have a lot I want to say about all of this, but I'll try to be concise. My dad, as a hospice chaplain has seen a lot of difficult situations around this topic. Not wanting to burden me and my siblings with things, they cleared a lot of stuff when they moved a few years ago. Each kid got a special day to go through memory boxes and things my parents didn't want. It was wonderful. It will be much more difficult on my husband's side, where many generations have kept a lot of belongings from the previous ones. Everything has value either sentimental to someone, or monetarily. Still not sure how we will handle that, and I'm somewhat burdened by it, even now.
I Katherine.. I just found your channel and I love it. One thing I learned is what is important to me from my kids childhood is not necessarily important to my adult kids. It was hard for me to accept this because it’s the memories I was holding on to. I am going through items with them and determining what is meaningful to them. I also have my kids get rid of the items. It’s easier for me.
Going through things with a child will bring up my memories of the item, and sometimes of stories about the past. My daughter and grandchildren get excited about “the past” experiences of us and ancestors. History of our family. Thank you.
I saw your video yesterday and today when I was out shopping I thought about what you said about what it does to your children you leave and they have to deal with it all . 😢😢😢it's not fair to do this to our children. I love my child and I think he will be to sad to have to deal with all my stuff. Thank you for what you said. I appreciate you put this out there. God bless you for doing this video. ❤❤❤
Congratulations on your attitude. I am legally blind, and am well aware of the issues one faces when usable vision slips away. I have been using the white cane for about 13 years and it was the best life choice I made in response to the slippage, even though I can still fake being fully sighted in many situations. It has helped me stay independent and capable. Keep on!
It is definitely an adventure! Glad to have you here!!
Just jumped on board here the past month! love the title of this episode and thank you for great tips!
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Prayed for your healing.
What a lovely person you are. Wonderful advise!
I am currently binge watching your wonderful videos. I pray that you have had your eye operation by now and that your health has improved. Much love and thanks from Scotland x
I don’t have any questions. Your really thorough.
I love your videos. Your wonderful attitude is a breath of fresh air!
Congratulations on all the new subscribers! I’ve been following your advice for a couple years and find your videos practical and encouraging. Prayers for successful surgery, Catherine.