What a Healed Betrayed Spouse Looks Like
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ส.ค. 2024
- If you have been impacted by infidelity, whether it happened recently or even years ago, your emotions can be all over the place. When you decide to commit to heal yourself, no matter what your spouse decides to do, there are some things you’ll need to change in order to get to a healthier place mentally. Some betrayed partners feel the overwhelming need to control everything about the unfaithful, including their schedules, email or social media activity, how they dress, and even their spouse’s recovery. While these urges are very common and a normal reaction to trauma, as you heal, you will find yourself more able to let go of some of your fear-based behaviors and replace those with the peace that you are longing for. Today, Stephanie, in her twenty plus years of experience, shares how she moved past hurt to healing on her recovery journey, and how you can too.
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Yes, Broken. Shattered trust, not only of him but of myself. I always thought of myself as highly perceptive but blindsided. I was easily deceived for years.
I was in denial for 7 years! Then the truth came out and I suffered depression for 30 years. Still married, stayed married for the 4 young children. I am glad that I did stay but it was very difficult. Lost most of my life.
You brought me to tears. I am battling my own urge to sin against the AP, she was a friend of mine and not only participated in an ongoing affair with my husband she also used me to facilitate some awful travesties against her husband when all the while her husbands suspicions were accurate. I am walking God's path though and this video showing up for me today is my next stepping stone, thank YOU all of you for providing the free content.
I’m still angry 3 years later at AP. She was a friend and denied everything and to this day has never apologized.
I do not owe her anything but ill will and it actually makes me feel better. Go figure, we all heal differently.
I’d really like more videos from Stephanie. Fantastic
I hold a grudge against my husband for all the time I have waisted depressed and sad and focus on that. Even if I tried not to. We are 18 months After D date . And our kid was only 4 months I have never been the same . I try hard every day to give my daughter the best
I understand where you coming from I am 12months agter D day and it still feels like yesterday...I try to smile through it all knowing that the affair partner was my half sister
I suggest you let it go so that YOU can be free. They'll never understand what they've done until the Lord shows them on their heart last day.
I never would have believed it, but you can & will heal. Hang in there. It breaks my heart that anyone has to suffer this
I have healed, however, it took 34 years for the reminders and triggers to be less painful.
thank you so much for this Stephanie. I am 5 months in since the last relapse and have those scenarios going on in my head. You have given me great wisdom for the path forward.
I needed this so desperately today. Thank you.
Great video Stephanie! Thanks for sharing your experience, strength, and hope.
Appreciating your share, Stephanie. 🙏🏽
Thank you for all of the videos Stephanie. They are much appreciated
How on earth can we focus on the “truth or fact’s” when we do not know the truth or the fact’s? The life I thought I was living was just a lie. I have already forgiven and worked through this hundreds of times for 20 years so trusting again is not something I am going to do again.
My husband has been in recovery from his addiction for four years and just had a relapse last week. It shattered me. I’m still working on healing while he works to get back into recovery and fix the holes in his armor. But that relapse brought me to this series. I’ve been binge watching ever since. It’s helped me so much, and I’m realizing that, despite the four years of intense, effective therapy, I still have a lot of healing to do. I think I stopped progressing when we graduated from the therapy program. I’m very grateful for this series that is helping me to know what my own recovery as the betrayed spouse should look like. I look forward to healing more.
And it’s true. The amount of healing he and I have done in the past years has made our relationship so much better. I look forward to what it can be as we continue to heal more.
I’m literally living my life an hour at a time…it’s almost been 2 months from D-Day and husband and I were doing well…then I had a major meltdown a few days ago and I’m certain my husband is thinking twice about recovery from me bc “I sacred him” and “he’d never seen me like that before”….I feel like if he ends this recovery process it’s all my fault and my meltdown
You just described my life right now. 10 weeks out and I am going through exactly what she talked about. I pray for healing and I pray. I hope it comes soon. My husband seems dedicated but I am scared to death to scare him so I am not living my true self right now all the time and I know that will hinder my progress. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
At 2 months I was a disaster. 3 years now from D-Day and I feel as calm and confident as Stephanie, but there are triggers still. She's spot on in this video IMHO. This has been my favorite video in 3 years of getting help from the content.
My general thoughts: Don't control. The other person has to show up and you use your boundaries to know when they don't. Love your self as much as Jesus does. Find inner peace as quickly as possible through mindfulness and grounding. The universe is as you perceive it, so it's helpful to control impulsive perceptions. Respond, don't react to people, situations, or your emotions. I sincerely wish you a fast and full recovery!
I'm curious how you are doing now. I read your comment at 5 months from d day and wanted to tell you that the breakdowns happen bit become less frequent and intense, as long as he is being empathetic and patient with you. I see you said this 1 year ago, so I am curious what my future may hold. I sincerely hope you are more healed 🙏 ❤️
So so good! Thank you!
Thank God for your healing. Amen
I find myself having episodes one simple Argument I bring up the other women I wanna stop but I’m so hurt & want revenge 😔 I was betrayed for years idk how to come from out the dark space I am in
Excellent. Time.
Thanks for your comment!
Stephanie mentions that when healed she focused on TRUTH, rather than suspicion, etc. How did she know what was TRUTH? If all you have is the word of someone who has lied to you in the past, how do you script that as TRUTH?
The life YOU were living was not a lie. If you were being your authentic self through it all, then your life was the truth. Were you happy at that time even though this was going on? If yes, then you had a happy marriage. Your spouse was not living their truth. Their life was a lie. Not yours. They weren’t being authentic with themselves. If you were being authentic with yourself, then that was the truth!
Thank you....
I wish there was a way I could just click on videos for Stephanie like this. I really get so much out of watching videos with her in them. Can you guys put her name in the title?
Each of our video bloggers have their own playlist on our channel :)
I want the healed me...
This was me in Jan. 2024. When everything blow up in my face.
That's is a good reminder.
This explains the ordeal the betrayed has to go through just to live normally again after having her life foundation and soul destroyed. It is horrible to have to not by her actions but her spouse. Does the spouse work as hard? Mine didn't
*his or her
Is this Samuel's ex wife, Stephanie? It's quite odd to hear her talking about working through everything but divorcing him anyway and I wonder how much of the healing came from leaving as opposed to staying and working. It seems.... oxymoronic to the overall message.
Stephanie is not Samuel's ex wife. She is married to Mickey. You can find the videos they have filmed here:
th-cam.com/play/PLB2jgAdcrWkUOXjFdX-HongVaoWlSOhre.html
th-cam.com/play/PLB2jgAdcrWkX8GDuhUcENci4MZbWeJhxb.html
Samuel was married to Samantha not Stephanie.
Divorced or not, the healing needs to be done. None of it goes away on its own. You’ll carry it into the next relationship
Stop obsessing is a game changer.
My Lord, is there anybody on this channel that isn't a bible thumping betrayed spouse or cheater? Any actual therapist or councilors who can be an unbiased source of information?
This is a christian organisation, but I am an atheist and this was the only source that truly helped me get through the past two years. I never perceived them as pushy and Samuel always “translates” christian sayings “for those, that do not believe in God”. They are biased in the way that they don’t want people to give up too easily on their marriages. For me, as a non-Christian hugely traumatised betrayed spouse, this has been a huge help. Maybe you should try some of Samuels Videos.
I hope you will feel more oriented soon. I’m sorry for the pain you are probably experiencing.
I feel sorry for you that you can use the Lord’s name but want to get information on how to do life but don’t want it from the source of the actual creator of life! God bless you.
Sorry you feel this way. Hope you heal
Hey Mustang…..I’m hearing you. I’m having great trouble myself, even as a Christian, reconciling “Healing through Christ” and a book I recently finished called “Cheating in a Nutshell”. The authors contend that repairing the damage from infidelity means questioning many folks’ deeply held beliefs and their own core values of honesty, trust, loyalty, compassion, not intentionally hurting another.
By “accepting” and “forgiving” the unfaithful partners behavior these authors maintain this very idea alone creates an emotional disturbance, a chasm, in the suffering individual. Everything about the affair secrecy and fallout asks the individual to find a way to “compromise” their core beliefs.
Stephanie does not compromise those core beliefs. She found a way to do this - her way- through the Christian beliefs that we are all sinners, no one is perfect, we will experience grief, loss, hurt, anger just as Christ did. I can’t speak for Stephanie but she is telling us here that she (maybe others will not) had the courage to see this affair both as a great danger and a great opportunity. The danger was remaining her old, controlling self and possibly not resolving the hurt and anger of the infidelity. Instead she made for herself the opportunity to look deep inside, holding to her faith. No matter what decision she made Mustang, she walks out of this healing a more peaceful, settled, growing and faith-directed individual.
The huge other part of her healing was that her spouse was willing to do the hard work on himself too. That is critical in relationship repair.
Sadly, in my case I have spent two years working very hard on “me” but my spouse will not. He ended the affair but it took a long time. My core beliefs are still my beliefs, but he continues to dishonor our relationship by stonewalling, burying himself in his work, continuing to engage in singular activities and will just not open up to me. This is no way for a marriage to be. My therapists have never asked me to accept this. With their help I’m making plans to move on.
If you watch enough Affair Recovery teaching videos you do learn it takes the humble, hard work of both individuals to attempt repair. Not all marriages will survive but you never know unless an attempt is made.
You don’t have to even follow religious tenets to do this. You can think of the healing process as bringing back together as partners, the core beliefs you MUST have and share, working on yourselves and together strengthening the partnership in this way.
I wish you peace, and good thoughts about the way the healing process may impact your life for the better.
if you look on their website you will see that there are many qualified therapists I Affair Recovery. Their programs are based on sound research and follow a lot from the Gottman Institute. My husband, who is not a Christian has found these programs incredibly helpful and life changing.