Understand The Pain The Unfaithful Partner Experiences After An Affair
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ส.ค. 2024
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I totally don't think that unfaithful partners feel anything since they chose to cheat on their spouses knowing the consequences. They just pretend
Some of them truly act evil, wicked and have intentionally gone out and looked for another person. My ex-spouse put himself on a dating website after about 17 years of marriage because he was "curious." After I discovered one of his affairs, he pretended to be working on our marriage while still in a full blown relationship with one of his affair partners. The lies he told me and the level of deception are beyond words.
They SHOULD feel pain and all the emotions he described ..
They chose to destroy their relationships .. They need to feel the weight of their actions
This was great, I been tryin to find out about "healing after cheating" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Ever heard of - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (search on google ) ? Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my buddy got cool success with it.
Totally true
Let me share this on here cuz it might benefit someone going through hard times in his or her relationship. I was going through terrible times with my partner. I suspected he was cheating and I needed proof of this to back my claims. I couldn’t continue with this. All I wanted was to be sure of what was going on before I make any decision. I don’t make blind conclusions; I always want to see the proof for myself. I took the pain of searching for a professional IT expert who can help me spy and track all communication applications on his phone ( WhatsApp,Text messages, call logs and email). I was able to meet an amazing hacker named Webhubghost (@) gmaiilcom his hack services was professionally executed. All the hack was done remotely. He didn’t need physical access to the phone before it was hacked. Under 6 hours, the hack was done. Between these 6 hours, I was given updates about the progress of the hack work. This gave me rest of mind; it was very easy to trust his work. You can reach out to him at Webhubghost (@) gmaiilcom If you are interested in any of his services which ranges from phone hacking to social media account hacking, he will definitely deliver a perfect and swift service for you. I recommend Ben as the best option now because he is fast and reliable. I promised him to share his reputation across all online platforms for getting this done for me at last cause his services are untraceable and efficient not like those fakers I met previously.
Email: WEBHUBGHOST (@) Gmailcom
Text/WhatsApp: +19044177214....,,,,,,
@@smithwilliams545 thank you for this info ... I will use it for sure !!!
I agree!
Can't buy this. They're stuck in shame, guilt, dust, etc. and we're stuck in deceit, unfaithfulness, distrust, disgust, triggers, but we have to stop our healing to help them in theirs. We put ourselves second once again. Please make it make sense.
Yes, i have the same sentiment🙁... i believe this will only apply if someone wanted to stay in a relationship. It would take a lot of effort to demonstrate love like setting aside your pride and ego while hurting and in pain which sometimes we think we're loosing self-worth and self-respect all at the same time. But i guess that's what it is... Sometimes it is easier to show hate than to show love.
Haydee, I completely agree. I cannot relate at all. It just sounds like a cop-out. Where was all this before they stepped out? After you've had your fun..."oh, I regret it"... bs. You already got what you wanted and you can't unexperience your pleasures...so now you want the relationship so you say what you need to say to get what you want yet again. Just stay single and have a different partner every weekend if that's what is important to you.. at least that is honest and you aren't lying or hurting anyone else.
Haydee Johnson Beautifully said!
Join the fellowship of His (Jesus) suffering. If you walk in love you will suffer persecution. Can you have the compassion of Jesus and surrender to His calling?
Or they just want to wash over it like it never happened.Patronizing at its finest.Do the unfaithful truly believe we want to be "stuck" in this pain? For heavens sake, we do not! This was done to us!
The one who was cheated on never stops hurting either. Even years later the hurt is still there.
I attest to that!! Both my Great Mother and Grandmother both mistreated their elderly spouses to the end based in the hurt of being cheated on
😢 I know. I feel that.
It will only work if the cheater is truly done with being unfaithful. The unfaithful partner has a lot of inner work to do. They want be able to overcome their temptation to cheat without going through a complete recovery process. The unfaithful partner has to do the work.
Error and mistake are synonyms and infidelity neither is an error nor a mistake. It is just an evil decision because even a child knows cheating is wrong
Well said
Cheating isn’t a mistake it is done on purpose.
I agree. Especially if it's done over and over.
Thank you
Let me share this on here cuz it might benefit someone going through hard times in his or her relationship. I was going through terrible times with my partner. I suspected he was cheating and I needed proof of this to back my claims. I couldn’t continue with this. All I wanted was to be sure of what was going on before I make any decision. I don’t make blind conclusions; I always want to see the proof for myself. I took the pain of searching for a professional IT expert who can help me spy and track all communication applications on his phone ( WhatsApp,Text messages, call logs and email). I was able to meet an amazing hacker named Webhubghost (@) gmaiilcom his hack services was professionally executed. All the hack was done remotely. He didn’t need physical access to the phone before it was hacked. Under 6 hours, the hack was done. Between these 6 hours, I was given updates about the progress of the hack work. This gave me rest of mind; it was very easy to trust his work. You can reach out to him at Webhubghost (@) gmaiilcom If you are interested in any of his services which ranges from phone hacking to social media account hacking, he will definitely deliver a perfect and swift service for you. I recommend Ben as the best option now because he is fast and reliable. I promised him to share his reputation across all online platforms for getting this done for me at last cause his services are untraceable and efficient not like those fakers I met previously.
Email: WEBHUBGHOST (@) Gmailcom
Text/WhatsApp: +19044177214.....,,..
AGREED
Yes but the uncomfortable truth of this is that usually both people play a role in the person desiring to move on or experience something else. After a longer enough time ppl take action on that feeling if the problems aren’t resolved in the relationship.
Really not on board with this…at all. So you’ve had your fun, your great time, and now there’s pain I’M supposed to help you get through?!?! Are you kidding me?!
They abandoned their sense of morality and faithfulness for “amazing sex” that “I don’t care it if it’s right or wrong it’s my life”…yes actual shit I read in her journal…now I’m supposed to feel sorry and compassionate because they’re in pain?! WHAT PAIN?!?! Ahh…no, sorry does not compute.
Awwww...., the unfaithful partner has feelings!!!???
No, the unfaithful only have feelings for them self. They don’t care about their spouse at all. There’s no love for their spouse or they wouldn’t cheat. They wouldn’t want to. Probably just sorry they got caught.
@@BKP62 Okay, that makes more sense now👍
I didnt get caught, I told my girlfriend, I told her answers to the questions she provided & asked for. She said she will think about us (understandably) but, I wanted to feel loved, to be kissed more then 5 seconds, to be cuddled, to just feel something. With my girlfriend ever since we moved into our apartment 4 years ago, for 4 years straight I've felt neglected (I've told her plenty of times, nothing changed) we have sex once every 2-5 months, sometimes longer. We never kiss more then 5 seconds, we never cuddle & trust me, I try to do all this. She says "maybe you should go & take the driving test" even though she'll say she'll get me driving but never does, even when i tell her "I'm driving" she'll say "no, i just wanna get home & go to bed" if i clean the bathroom, kitchen & vacuum, she'll be like "why didnt you do the litterbox? Back of the toilet ? Like all this little stupid shit & that's constantly everytime I clean...but guess who does the same shit? Guess who vacuumed, did litterbox, toilet, but didnt do the kitchen, sinks & bath tub...her. should I start bitching & complaining at every little thing she does? Cause I never do, why? It's stupid petty little shit. But she'll threaten our relationship over it, when we dont have sex for 2-5 months & I want something, literally anything she'll say "then go find a girl that'll please you" or "dont be surprised if you find me with another guy" literally, she's said this shit. So, obviously, cheating is wrong BUT I will say, sometimes cheating puts into perspective the seriousness of both sides of the relationship. Like I cried my fucking heart out for 3 hours straight after I told her, I regret it all, I feel guilt. Trust me on that. She's the 1st girl I've ever cheated on & the last one. I still cry when I think about it because I did fuck up. But even she said "I understand why you did it, but still doesnt excuse your actions" well no shit, but if you understand then?????? You gonna fix yourself too? You gonna stop bitching at everything little thing I dont do. You gonna not wait for sex every 2-5 months? Again, I dont excuse my actions...I honestly dont know why I did it. But I think it was because I wanted to get her attention on what she was doing wrong in the relationship too & that it wasnt just me building up negative tension. Idfk though, definitely wont happen again. Shit was awkward as fuck & that's not me.
Amen. They don’t have feelings at all.
Hopefully you found a better partner for you. A litter box was never an excuse to cheat. @@inactive2305
I am currently going through this. I am the hurt one and she is the unfaithful one. Your video is exactly what I needed right now. Thanks for taking the time to share this.
Im going through it now i just find out few days ago it been going on for 4 years i been married almost 11 years i been the one faithful all this time.
3 years later and im in the same place as you guys live is great
What if he had just left? Just gone… your barely realize what just got burned onto your soul, when you walk in on him… naked with another woman, would that be better or just as horrible? Hypothetically speaking, of course…🤓☹️
I've seen their pain first hand and it is unbearable. I recommend not cheating because it is never easy to trust anyone again cheating makes the cheater insecure and they regret cheating on the person they were with it's not love because cheaters are so selfish to care about anyone other than their own selves. The punishment of the cheater is believing everyone cheats and they will always be insecure.
That's the reason you reccomend not cheating? 🤦♀️
@@chrissyamaral yes because everyone reaps what they sow...what you give you receive if you give someone pain it comes right back to you the world is set up this way regardless if you believe it or not
@@MsDianneMaryWilkerson Well that may or may not be true. But thats besides the point. The reason you shouldn't cheat isn't because YOU never forget the pain you caused somebody. The reason should be because you dont want to cause SOMEONE ELSE pain that they will never forget. You shouldn't do it because you don't want to hurt someone you love.
@@chrissyamaral if they cheat they don't know how to love so if you don't understand that then you don't understand the cheaters mindset. They are not in love with the person if they cheat if it's not from God it's lust from the devil. If someone is in love they will never cheat. So you are confusing lust with love. Cheaters don't love their own selves so they can't love anyone else. Cheaters do hurt after cheating and they live with their pain those that were cheated on if they are wise they will not take it personally because they would understand it has nothing to do with them.
@@chrissyamaral if God doesn't bring the two together then it's lust from the devil and this is not love and the cheaters don't care if they hurt anyone's feelings they only care about their own feelings.
It is true that an unfaithful person goes through pain. I witnessed my oil brother go through this pain and it was so great it made him hurt himself. Now I understand all his actions through this episode of his life. It wasnt just because he was drunk. He wanted to forget, he couldn't forgive himself.
I disagree that ALL UNFAITHFUL PARTNERS ARE GOING THROUGH PAIN. The fact is that there are many unfaithful partners who have made an art of being unfaithful. Many actually get pleasure out of being able to sneak around behind their spouses back and have side affairs without getting caught. The feel as if theyve actually done such a great job that they are unique in some way and DESRVE a prize. Some even brag to their cheating friends also. Yes, there are many cheaters like that, the get a kick and a thrill out of deceiving their partners without getting caught.
I just wanna let you know! You are helping save my marriage as I'm leaving my comment! God bless you and your wife! God is using you!! I thank God for your words of wisdom/scriptures you put out into the atmosphere, this was one I can really relate to! I kick myself every day, for a year and a half before she knew, and still going! This helped me out, cause I don't think people really think about the ones who did the act! Who cheated! I stressed myself out so much, in rage anger, hurt for her, I had to have a emergency surgery 3 days later! From a cyst in my abdominal area! I'm in recovery now! Nothing but God had me strolling through TH-cam trying to find somebody who was taking about the ones who did it, what we go through, and your stood out! Thank you BROTHA! Even if you NEVA been through it! God have you the words to hit it right on the mark! God bless/1 Luv
How's everything today?
Most of the things you say are really beneficial, but to call it an equal journey for both partners is not the way I would see it... He chose a journey to deceive me for nearly 37 years.. It was not any roller coaster ride that I would have wanted to share with him, if I had known!
I can totally relate
WOW I am so sorry you had to have gone through that, that's a Long time I truly hope things have work in your face in the present TIME,
He said same journey different feelings, pains.
So sorry to hear. When someone leads you to believe they love you then betray you, it's truly the worst feeling ever and a waste of your time.
@@LareesieAlice how did you heal?
I don't know if I could ever move on from this if it happened to me. To know and remember the pain and shame that he inflicted on me, I couldn't stay. Married or dating I couldn't stay.
I think they might feel guilty if it was a one night stand. But when it’s carried out for 2 years.
I don’t buy it. This is why my dad said you can’t be friends with the opposite sex cuz things happen.
As a cheater here I regret it so much I said sorry explained everything and she decided to cut ties, I’ve been screaming at myself,insomnia and constantly feeling guilt and regret I reach out to her telling her I love her but it doesn’t change anything, I wish I had more sexual self control and truly knew what was at stake I learned a lesson but at the cost of losing the loml. But life does go on and I pray she heals properly
Just a question. If you love her how could you cheat on her? You had to know you was putting your relationship in jeopardy
@@jensbornagain you know It was like tunnel vision man I wasn’t thinking about the risk,results, it was a selfish one lane thought if I could’ve seen a slight episode of what might have happened if I went through with this. i would’ve probably left the entire state but it was immature and ignorant of me and it’s something that im gonna regret for a very long time but my love for her never change I did everything for her I would’ve later down my life for her
@@jensbornagain honestly if I knew the emotional damage that would come with it , I feel as if I most definitely wouldn’t have done it, it was not worth what I put her through I was just so caught up in lust and selfishness
@@ez-cg2dh thank you for speaking your truth as the betrayer. It gives perspective from one who is TRULY remorseful, but also HONEST as to how this could happen, in the midst of still feeling that you truly loved your partner. Praying for her peace and your peace. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
how are you doing now?
Cheaters reap what they sow which is horrible pain so they will not cause pain ever again no one gets away with evil.
Psalm 37: 12 The wicked plots against the just,
And gnashes at him with his teeth.
13 The Lord laughs at him,
For He sees that his day is coming.
Amen.
If cheaters are truely remorseful, then if they honestly do regret causing their spouse & kids pain......then there should be a whole lot of groveling & apologies. If they had a great spouse, they have caused tremendous pain! They need to make up for it, because their spouse will always wonder if the cheater will do it again.
My man didnt really love me. He never made me a priority, ever!
$ was more important to him. He never made an effort. He knew i would always be there for him, he took advantage of my love & used me. No point in getting back with this man. He will never make an effort.
If a cheater is willing to get help, sincerely sorry & really wants to work on their marriage, then i agree to work on it. You're right on not making them a punching bag. I would give encouragement if i thought he really loved me before.
Literally in this situation!
In this situation. He is getting help and has so much regret. He is trying so hard and is doing everything he can to make it up to me and fix things but I just don't know if I can let it go.
I was good with what you were saying until the rollercoaster analogy. HORRIBLE. That analogy could not be any worse in my opinion. Both parties did not choose to get on this ride, only one did. They did not experience the same journey because while one partner was safely fastened in their seat on the ride they chose to get on the other partner was hanging off the back end of the roller coaster for dear life...trying to get back into a seat, let alone the front seat with their partner on a ride they didn’t even agree to get on!
Now somebody please tell me why it’s the hurt person that has to do all the work to get back from a place they didn’t even know they were going to while dude has been on vacation the entire time?!
Ya, trying to hang on for dear life, while trying to climb back in, only to find another woman sneaking out of the seat next to your husband, with her lipstick in his d***.
Beautifully said.
This is an amazing eye opener video for me but yes I am constantly feeling like this person you describe, that was unaware that they were even in the amusement park and is having to pay for the whole day and then some... But I do see the just of this video and I feel like I'm going to benefit from what I've learned from it...
Totally agree its just a bunch of excuses
If they weren't expose, they will not feel any shame
Just got off the phone with Hasani himself and I cant wait to talk to my spouse about getting his help
It is a a spirit of regret and Shame and guilt. It is painful. And the ruminating thoughts. I am praying so hard. Our relationship was not where we needed to be. Yes it is crippling. I pray that rise up in Jesus love. That we rebuild us together in love .
I guess my soon to be X is the exception to this rule. She isn't feeling any hurt. She hooked up with some old rich dude traveling all over the world. Left me and 5 adult children. All I said to her was I hope your decision is worth it. It's going on 2 year's since she left our home. So it seems it is worth the decision to her. (HEARTLESS is what she is)
Not all unfaithful partners experience pain (as it relates to the infidelity)...that is an impossible statement to make. It only makes sense that some do and some don't and the ones that do, do so to varying degrees and what they say (admit to) and they actually feel could be completely different things. That is humanity.
Best thing to do is not betray the next person.
I am grateful that you and your wife seem to be restoring relationships. This is great! If I understand you correctly, the journey that an unfaithful spouse and a faithful spouse is NOT the same. Both are experiencing pain for sure in many cases. People who are in the midst of healing must be heard where they are in their pain which because they can feel unheard.
A roller coaster ride for both of them for sure! Different experiences are really probable. Marriage, with fallen humanity, can be like this. This is not the same as the journey of healing from pain. The journey of healing may be what you are referring to in your speech. I agree that the journey of healing must not be minimized for neither party.
Error in judgement? TO CHEAT is a conscience DECISION/CHOICE to cheat. They make decisions and better judgement on a DAILY BASIS...mangers @ wok, Owners of major/small corporations, hell the old lady that works at the front desk of the daycare . These individuals have THE RESPONSIBILITY to uphold MORALS as well as character & Integrity.
I truly believe you cannot cheat on someone you love.
😂😂😂. They are born cheaters always. But they don’t love their spouse when they cheat. When you love someone you want to be with that person. You won’t rip their heart out. That’s not love.
BKP62 you sound like a feminist that’s really into man bashing. 🤔
@@Renegade-jk4ux men are not the only cheaters, it's not man bashing to say you don't love someone and cheat on them.... It's cheater bashing, and totally fair🤣
@@Renegade-jk4ux sounds like you a cheater. You don’t hurt some one you love. No way you walk away from doing it.
Agree 100%
My prayer for the unfaithful unrepentant serial cheater of a husband is ‘Father, punish him speedily’. Ecc8:11 When a crime is not punished quickly, people feel it is safe to do wrong.
I prayed and asked God for this sign! Hallelujah! Thank you Hasani. God bless you!
If they were not unfaithful to begin with, guess what?? They would not be living in any form of Regret, Shame, or Guilt
Thanks so much for this video. Am going thru this and really grateful for the helpful insights shared. you doing a great work. God bless your ministry.
Good video!!!! Excellent content! When you are married, i dont blame ppl to stay together but, when your single with no kids its better to walk away! If you want to get married you dont marry someone who cheats on you while dating.
My wife betrayed my everything. I am homeless in a home, alone in a marriage. I am not trusting due to the unraveling of lie after lie after lie. Traumatized by the emotional abuse she put me through. Now damaged to any future. Where I was living in a peace. I now am now living in disparity. I look at our kids and feel so bad for them. She have robbed me of the peace I had. What ever pain and emotion she feels is all on her.
What happened? My I feel those exact same emotions sans children.
@@elijahmeza2479 I caught her emotionally cheating. She said she would never talk to the guy again. Then a few months later she told me she needed a girls weekend with her friend. See the guy and has sex with him. I am so in raged and depressed at the same time. Probably just going to leave her if I can’t get past it. She is remorseful and begging me not to leave. Says she will do anything, but I can’t shake it out of my head. Such a betrayal just let it go like that? No I don’t see how I can ever do that. I may start fresh with someone else later and focus on my kids and job. Been married 6 years 2 kids. I love her but actions show I did more than her....
@@madsonic13 I'm in the EXACT situation bro, to a T... I want to forgive but I just can't seem to. I can say the words but I wouldn't mean them. We have two young boys, they're the only reason I stay alive tbh, I feel like she destroyed me mentally and emotionally... but I still love her. Wtf is wrong with me 🤦
@@shanec4494 nothing is wrong with you. You have a heart, are loyal, respect relationships. You're not tarnished, weak, or selfish like her (not to bash her, but this what cheaters are ). I feel dumb too, but you were true and though angry, it's hard to not love her or who she was or portrayed herself to do. Pray about it, truly. If it eats you up, I think you should grieve but go your boys will see it sooner or later... I found out the guy who was courting me, 58 yr old has been cheating for several months out of our year relationship. I really trusted him more than I have any guy. It's tough out here .
@@madsonic13 💯 it's gut wrenching to go through but cheaters show you how little they think of you and feel they deserve an extra person while you just be loyal to them.
thanks man, needed to hear that.
Thank U so much ♡ I appreciate and I like the intelligent way U explain all of this important messages.
The truth is, every unfaithful partner already played a scene at least once inside their crooked head that they might be exposed but they're just brushing it off(or it excites them). They already anticipated the shame or guilt that's why they have more fear of getting caught than listening to their conscience. But what they couldn't forsee is the VASTNESS of total damage caused by their poor judgement. Their pain is far less compared to the pain of betrayed spouses who never saw it coming.
Its like they hit you with a bottle on your head and when they got hurt, they asked you to kissed their boo-boo. This is what they want you to understand... Like Whaattt?!
Yup.
I stumbled upon your channel today. I am glad ❤
Thanks for this much needed information to recovery.
The unfaithful partner has already disconnected and easily licks their own wounds leaving the betrayed without appropriate support. The betrayed who has usually been in a manic mode of trying to save their marriage due to a period of gaslighting, stonewalling, outright lying, and hyper critcism while suffering themselves searches desperatly to find anything they can do to restore their spouse and marriage. This leaves both people in the same place that put them in this situation. The unfaithful deserves compassion and healing but their first priority should be repairing the damage they have caused.
"The unfaithful deserves compassion and healing but their first priority should be repairing the damage they have caused." Amen to that!!
Cycles of adultery through 22 yrs of marriage I realized my ex became callous and became uncaring to my needs. Thus causing me to file for divorce. In ministry together also this time it was a 2 fold humiliation and embarrassment to my son hearing about his father chasing after an unstable college student, I'm seeking for God's healing and grace to walk in forgiveness. I feel my son's pain going off to college and not communicating with his father.
The journey is NOT the same. I am very empathetic and supportive of my husband, and we may both be recovering, but I did not have a journey of keeping secrets and deceiving. His recovery is important, but our journey is not the same.
It’s all about their own selfish interests and if they cared one ounce about their spouse they wouldn’t CHOOSE to betray the person they vowed to be with till death do they part. They have no empathy toward their spouse. How can they touch another person in that way and not think about the person they married? And for them to still tell you they love you… every thing you believed in your heart about this person you trusted, had faith in, is a lie! There are no excuses for betrayal! None! They walk away from a marriage and start a new relationship, so things with the new person they never done with you, they’re happy in their new relationship while the betrayed partner is dying inside trying to pick up shattered pieces of their heart, their life they once had. The mental damage they caused, we have to find our own way to heal, it doesn’t matter how good a spouse you were, unconditional love, they will blame you still to justify their actions, put it all on you, they feel no guilt, no remorse, the person you married is gone, I will never accept they feel pain, guilt, shame or anything for what they’ve done. They are hard hearted, resentful, selfish people, they deserve every ounce of Karma they get.
Very informative. Thank you so much 🙏🏾
This is great information and offers a different perspective. Thank you!
yeah till you've get cheated on then you'll think different.
This only works if the unfaithful partner is completely honest and transparent. Is my H remorseful.... I'm sure he is. But since getting caught 2 years ago...he continues to lie about everything during his affairs. Last lie was 2 weeks ago! And he avoids avoids avoids.... never wants to talk about it. Every day is a good day as long as I don't bring anything up. So I don't. And now there is always a huge elephant in the room.... this is the choice he is making once again.
cathy carnes have you considered counseling?
I went to 2 different counselors for 6 weeks each time. The first one kicked us out because he wasn't really participating. The second one kicked me out because she said I had already done all of the "work" I was supposed to do and she needs to work with him one on one. He continued seeing her for a couple of months but had never told her the whole truth either.
So helpful. Thank you so much!🙏
As much pain as I have been having to deal with for the past 31 years porn strip clubs and an affair. I hope they do suffer. They chose what they did that’s called consequences you deserve to feel like crap. We had a a lot of ups and downs in our marriage I am sexually starved and emotionally but I wouldn’t cheat. I don’t feel bad for anyone who cheats.
Stop defending cheaters. They just don't care and after it's done it's only then their conscience beats them. Not everyone is repentant. If you have the intention of cheating please break up with your partner first. Then go ahead and do whatever the heck you want. No blame's on you. People who do evil love this sin
I'm not religious but agree with this....just stay single and do what you want without destroying others.
Sometimes there's a stronghold and a cry for help to get out of the sin that you're in.
I thank God for a loving and forgiving husband who is truly here with me and our family. It is a different process for the unfaithful who must stay humble at all times and just take whatever comes and does whatever needs to be done to rebuild the marriage. Some of you won't understand, and committing infidelity isn't something that just happens...it can slowly start with an innocent conversation where you've never thought anything would go as far as it does...something happens at the right place and time and during your weakest moment... :/
Totally understand....I've been through this as the cheater. The weight of regret is real. Has taken years to get to the start of healing. There is a different healing process for both parties. Everything you said for the offender was correct only someone who's remorseful. Some people dont give a damn and does not really love the person they are with..... THATS A DIFFERENT OUTCOME!
Did your marriage survive? Curious
How can u say u love ur partner if u cheated.on them?
Any updates?
Not a mistake. Not an error in judgment. A decision which they may or may not regret but in these cases say they do regret. Do they regret it simply because they were discovered or knew it would eventually be discovered? Do they regret it because now their lifestyle is at risk? Because of the judgment and condemnation of friends, family and community? Maybe the person they had the affair with turned out not to be the person they thought. Some or all of these are usually a big part of the "regret" but will not be admitted to be. They betrayed will NEVER know the truth because if it is not beneficial to the betrayer to admit and it resides only in their mind then they never have to and can only lose more by doing so. Yeah, people lie especially when they know they cannot be proven wrong.
“Especially when they know they cannot be proven wrong.”
That is so very true!!!
Thank you for this information.
Oh, no. No, no, no. The unfaithful partner is sorry he or she got caught, nothing more.
How about: unfaithful partners need to understand the pain they cause and fuck their feelings, because that's what they said when they did the act:"fuck their feelings".
Not all unfaithful partners have guilt and shame. I don't believe my unfaithful wife is truly sorry, and she told me very early on, like a couple months after discovery that "she no longer thinks about it" and so this narrative of the unfaithful beating themselves up every day does not apply to everyone. If anything, some unfaithful are simply in denial of the hurt and pain they've caused, and grow frustrated and impatient that their infidelity is still an issue after a few months.
Amen. That's the truth!
Pain??
Pain??
You must be kidding!
It was meticulously planned.
Couldn't care less about the IT that hurt me so much.
PERIOD.
Lord please restore our marriage.
and i was trying to find someone that would understand. and sure enough other guys wanted to date me . finally i just decided to stay in the marriage. because we’re all going to make mistakes... and we all need forgiveness....
Adultery is no mistake however your willingness to forgive and stay in the marriage is great and your choice.
So what ?, who cares what kind of pain a cheater feels, whatever it is, it's not enough.
Very well said
Amen, God bless you!!
I’m the one that got cheated on and I’m at a stage we’re it’s suppressed and I’m not trying to think about it . When I go through hurt it’s stages like ok I found out then next it’s dealing with these conflicted emotions . And I’m trying so hard not to be revengeful because if I turn it on it won’t be turned off . Like I’ll keep trying to hurt them 😒 because they hurt me
You're wasting too much energy on the unfaithful. Love yourself first and foremost. You are worthy💛
This is hard. I feel my voice/choice was taken away. My heart literally felt it broken. I hear what your saying. We decided to stay together. I'm emotional by the mi ute how long will this hurt last.
Love yourself first and foremost.
Sorry love, it will hurt for along time if everytime you look at them there pupils close and get small that means there hiding and still lying but if there pupils get bigger and bigger than there trying!!!!
@@omeccaasep8045 Really? I hope this is true... I kerp looking hard into his eyes like some truth will reveal itself and make this thing he did make sense. His eyes widen and pupils actually do get bigger when he answers my questions. I don't want to cling to that but it does give me some sense of relief.
It took me 2-3 years.
If you stay you'll never get over it.
thanks for you conciling
If people can't forgive, it's best to just move on and start over again with a new relationship. Too much baggage and problem trying to fix an old dying car. I recommend all people who have been cheated on to find a new relationship. Stop living in the past. Stop wishing/praying for people to be something they are not. You're not God and it's not your job to be any body's savior. Not all cheaters are evil, but most if not all are narcissists who have no true empathy for feeling for any body but themselves. Check out videos on psychopaths and narcissists personality disorders. They do not change. Stop enabling abusive behavior is your key to happiness.
Yeah, this is pretty much right.
I cheated on my husband and was extremely remorseful before I told him and of course when I did the guilty weighed heavy: he’s chosen to stay with me and forgive me: it’s a process he has to forgive me either daily or on days he feels bitter. 4 months after telling him he said the word I realized he never said when he supposedly forgave me the first time: “ I forgive you for cheating one me.” He’s said this a few times since then followed by “ I release you from the spirit of guilt and shame because God has forgiven you” It’s a heavy sentence but I know he means it. I don’t deserve anything, actually no one deserves anything because we are sinners, all of us; Jesus died for our sins and when we truly repent, there’s forgiveness: for the lier, murderer, rapist, adulterer etc.
I am trying to understand your points.....the fact ia murders and rapist deserve cruel punishment....I.e life sentence or hanged in some of the countries....how do you relate with them and say you don't deserve anything?
Curious, why did you cheat? My wife recently cheated. So I'm curious.
@@elijahmeza2479my husband had an affair with a married woman. Will it be proper for me to tell her husband what she did?
I was concerned for a minute @hasani ... in the end I agree with you. I'm not in the mood at this time to be the cheerleader...but that will change soon I have stubborn love that won't let me stay stuck long...its the taking me for granted that's painful for me.
Mr. Hasani, do you & your wife have a dating/match making service where faithful ppl (Men and women) are betrayed (like it could be folks who you know have been cheated on, show themselves to be true, can go through a recovery process and meet each other. It'd be wonderful if they truly have the desire to respect boundaries, are transparent, etc or where this is also reinforced periodically or something to those betrayed and willing to try again. Cuz Lord it's rough out here. Your advise is golden Like bump the cheaters to heck with them.😢😅! Esp for those 35 and up to more mature adults. Great idea 💡 if not.
Im his punching bag and someone that gets yelled at screamed at and everything that goes wrong in his life im the blamed for everything
Suck it up cupcake
If I did this, or if I didn't do that, she would not have committed adultery over and over.
what ???
She divorced me 12yrs ago. And apparently it's all my fault.
It still hurts to the day.
So I say , F the unfaithful.
what if neither person can admit there was a wrong....i was in an abusive relationship but i didn’t know how to move on to a different relationship
I still don’t believe a cheaters feels pain
No they dont there too focused on the other women
that person need to do the same, so the first cheater will feel the same....
@@Irishkisskiss4u shut up cheater
@@omeccaasep8045 other people you mean.women cheat too. sexist......
Shelia Tubbs Infidelity is an awful thing, my husband cheated on me last weekend with a woman he went to high school with..... I’m pregnant with our third.. But Christ died so that you and I, we don’t have to stay hurting, if your partner has forgiven you, that’s amazing.. but don’t expect it. Draw close to Jesus FIRST, He alone can heal you, remind you who you are meant to be.... We all have our sins, strongholds and things that make us tick, stuff that gives the devil pieces of our hearts.. NONE of us should judge, we all sin, just differently. Anyhow, maybe God has a plan where your relationship is healed and restored, or maybe not. Some people can’t heal properly after adultery... I cried for days straight, couldn’t eat, nightmares, etc. After I found out.... it was days before our anniversary too! How awful, right? I wouldn’t do that to him, and that’s what makes it hurt more, but regardless, Forgiveness IS key here. LOVE IS KEY. Who holds the keys? Love holds the keys, remember His name and go to Him, let Him heal you, just because you wronged your partner, that fact does not dampen Gods love for you. “None of us are good, no, not one.” I hope you understand that our sin doesn’t change Gods plan, it just goes off road for a little while, We will always be back on track, so take comfort in that!! XOXO. ☺️❤️
What if anger is displayed instead?
So, they feel none of this Shame, Guilt and Regret while they are cheating, only after they've gotten caught.
You at least get a point for not referring to infidelity as simply ' one mistake'.
Just for found out my husband was having an affair for over a year. He refuse to go to counseling he just wants me to forget about it and moved on. I just don't understand that he doesn't want to talk about it
Funny how I just avoid being in crazy emotional states, I simply don’t cheat on my partner.
It makes it so easy to not cheat.
First I would never want to inflict this kind of pain to the person I love and then I would never want to feel the remorse, and shame and guilt for MYSELF. So the cheaters how do they don’t have any of that capacity in their freaking head to just think about it? Because they have to think about it because it’s not logic to them to not cheat.
At least think about it before acting!!!!
Hi. Is there a way yo send you a message?
I have a few questions
My husband doesn't want to discuss any part of either of our issues, not only used this as an excuse to continue having affairs, and lying intentionally as well as physical violence. How can there be any resolve if the behavior didn't make effort for change or open communications? One would think it needs to be a two way street. Your feelings, and my feelings... not a one sided hurt.
He cheated on me while we were dating 13 years. I was taking care of my dying mother when he finally broke up with me. A few days after she died i found a pic of him & his new girlfriend in a obscure website. I called him on it! He was flirting w/this stranger all the while i was in & out of hospitals & nursing home every month! He was happy with his new girlfriend while i was going through hell! He didnt care because he is selfish! Did he intentionally go looking for this girl.....maybe not. But he shouldnt have cheated, he should have had couage enough to be honest with me. I loved him & wanted to stay with him for the rest of this life & into heaven.
2 months later he is calling me asking if i still love him. No apology. No remorse.
He kept saying how lonely he is. So he is coming back not because he loves me. He is coming back because he is lonely!
Part of me hopes he is miserable! He should hurt like i have & more for what he put me through while i am literally walking through the valley of the shadow of death with my mom. He is a coward, as Adam in the Garden was a coward. Re read genesis 1. Adam is standing right there the whole time the snake is talking to Eve. The Bible doesnt say Eve had to look for Adam. She turn around to Adam. Adam had full control to kick the snake out on its butt. But he didnt.......because Adam was a coward
She is happy cheating and has expressed a sort of sick desire to continue her behavior and still reap the rewards of being a faithful married dedicated and devoted wife.
At this point, I believe that she is enjoying herself.
Let her go brother…😢
Great video, very helpful 😁
I have a question. What do you do when an unfaithful partner is not willing to talk about what has happened? How will both heal? I have seen a couple of examples around me.
He may never give you closure. Pray and ask God to show you he will.
Dealing with this myself. He denies sex but messages say there was. I have emotionally built a wall I will not get hurt again. Absolutely trust will not be given
My husband is accusing me of cheating on him based on an audio recording of me and him in my phone, which he is saying that it's someone else. He is delusional is cheating on me and is dogging me and our five children out!! We can't even move into the house that we picked to rent on 03/01/2018, plus he is putting a restraining order on me because I broke his window after her brought this woman to our apartment and I said where in the car. And now I can't move into the house that has my name on it!
Oh honey, I am so so sorry. You posted this a year ago. I pray things were able to get better for you. You don't need that loser unless he somehow was able to change
And since the exposed cheater now has a lot of free time on their hands, they should use it to work on themselves, with the help of a good counselor. They can work through their GuIlt, Shame and Regret by helping the betrayed spouse or partner get through their pain and anguish. It can't be about them now.
What if they don’t take responsibility or act remorseful or sorry?
Then you have no choice but to leave. This will be true in every instance that they are not sorry.
Doreen Augsburger good question and answer
Doreen Augsburger-Lane I think they could feel like they have to be defensive to not feel powerless protecting themselves from feeling guilt & hurt or be a narcissist and in that case there is little hope.
They are not sorry for the action means they will do it again, and if they are really not they sorry they got caught.
Maybe that's there way of telling you they really don't want you!!!!
All along i thought that faithful spouse is the only one that suffers. as i piece the experiences and relate to your points, i realize that the unfaithful also suffers, now this helps me in our struggle to mend this broken cord of oneness and renew our marriage to a new heights. thanks again and blessings
All parties suffer, the guilt and everything. The pain of asking someone to forgive you and give you a second chance, it's traumatic
What if he is chosing the affair over his spouse? Will he ever feel these emotions? No right. What you are saying here is 100% true if the partner still choses the spouse.
How can I deal with my wife kept on communicating her ex boy friend. I felt so jelous and felt betrayed. I am hurt and broke my trust. We are married 2 years with 2 kids. Please help me through your video.
Hows your marriage?
What if the unfaithful partner keeps being unfaithful? Even after the hurt partner shows empathy for there pain of cheating?? The hurt partner shows forgiveness to them an yet they still continue to do this? Then what??
leave him the fuck
Run
Am a cheater myslf and will say the pain is real, I just lost the love of my life because of a one crazy night wth dis new guy, am ashamed of myself
I guess you regret a few minutes of passion that resulted in you losing your loved one
Just move on and try not to do it to the next guy. Maybe you learn something. Perhaps you'll fall in love again and feel the other side of it. If you have someone you love worth keeping you should treat them that way. You may look back 10 years from now still single asking where have all the good men gone.
Armo Shalik I really really regret but am now trying to forgive myslf and move on with life, for that alone was a lesson learnt
mlj rotag yah will definitely not cheat again and try to talk if things ain’t going well in my relationship
Hi, I am the cheater and is going through it day number 2 I have a counselor and I'm giving my wife her space but when is it time to start talking?
Is it normal for the unfaithful partner to have thoughts of suicide when seeing the pain of there spouse is so much they don’t deserve to live or the feelings are so strong you can’t live without them? Just wondering if that’s normal?
Depends. The guilt might be too much
Yes! Totally. Depression and thoughts of suicide! God forgives us. God is mercy. God can restore us. It is work. But we have the ability with God.
i would HIGHLY recommend you get help for yourself and for your marriage along with your spouse. You should never consider suicide.
😮he has no regret, i wish he would have a guilt trip he has none of that, he doesnt care at all about what he did to me
I wish people just wouldn't cheat
What if anger is displayed after being caught? From the unfaithful one
Imagine how ridiculous it would be if the title was Crime Victims Need to Understand the Shame of the Mugger.
Never thought of it this way but truly on point!!! Wow!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🗣️🗣️🗣️
And what does the hurt partner feel nothing?
What about an unfaithful spouse who says an emotional affair shouldn't be a big deal. It was wrong but shouldn't have the same affect as a physical one? And doesn't seem to be experiencing any pain....
Emotional and physical affair are still the same: CHEATING.
im going to do a video on this in full detail but an emotional affair is just as painful as a physical one