I Was Adopted From Korea - Here’s What It Was Like | Op-Docs
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ก.ค. 2024
- What does it mean to adopted and brought up far away from your country of birth? In “Given Away,” this week’s moving new Op-Doc by directors Glenn and Julie Morey, Korean adoptees who grew up in Western countries reflect on the complicated emotional terrain that they’ve navigated in their lives.
Glenn Morey was himself adopted from Korea in the wake of the Korean war, and the directors have channeled that connection to create a beautifully nuanced and emotional film. As the Moreys write of Glenn’s experience interviewing adoptees, “He has needed others like him … to help him make sense of his life. They have also helped him make peace with the universe.”
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"It was basically to purge the country of its human refuse" .. the way she speaks so stoically breaks my heart
Thats what these guys do, bomb countries of people of color, screw the natives there and leave them. We are garbage to them and always was. A few that actually stood and did their duty to raise their kids, respect but this is what colonialism is and always was. A way to justify the means, destroy countries by invasion under the guise of "terrorism", "communism", "religion", "oil" etc.. and then after they had their fill of murder and installed their puppet government and mcdonalds corporations, the G.I.s that had their fun leave the rest of us because who would want a native 'savage' baby...
J H but don’t you think it’s messed up for the Koreans to not care for them either and instead set them up for adoption?
@@JH-dl6vu The US and South Korea were allies, it was also Korean organisations and groups who initiated these adoptions in the first place.
Oh the children. Children are never refuse. Tears.
@@dg0210 After korean war, Korean was extremely poor and not functional. So you can’t just blame them at the time
Today is the the 31st anniversary of my "plane day" I arrived from korea to the U.S. kind of serendipitous I would find this video today.
Having just read your comment, I'm feeling such a mixture of emotions... at the same time I'm thinking 'Happy Plane Day And Welcome To Your New Home'...I'm feeling so sad for you. Even so, I can not grasp the tumult that must roil in your heart this day. I pray for peace in your heart and joyful tomorrows; may this confusing and painful aspect of your life somehow transform into peace and joy.
The video was obviously meant for you brosef
We welcome you with open arms!
Chris Smith
So funny, my name is Christine Smith now. 💁🏻♀️(Since I was abandoned, the orphanage gave me a Korean name.)
I Should Really Be Doing Something Else thank you for sharing.
The daughter of the G.I. speaks with a beautiful balance of grace and pain.
Everything about that beautiful woman is graceful, elegant and classy. She's mesmerizing.
Natasha LeGendre-Wafer AGREED.
So true
Yes, she's beautiful
She reminds me very much of a woman I worked with 30 years ago. Her name was Barbara and she was half filipino, half american. The twist here though was that she was raised by her filipino father and didn't know her mother.
wow, the last gentlemans story about his father getting drunk & calling out their names is haunting
It sure is. His pain and regret is obvious. 💔
When he said his father tried to get them back a month later I just let out this sound of pure grief.... a breath that just comes out of you. I feel so much for the father...
I barely managed to hold myself back from crying but when he tells his story at the end, I am bawling
It is..
I didn't even realize that a lot of Korean adoptees actually have memories from the time before they were adopted. I used to assume that they must all had been too young to remember. I'd imagine these memories might have made it even more confusing for them, the whole fact that they remember about having family members give them away.
It is known that people can remember things from year 3. Specially if it was a trauma. Sometimes very blurry but it's there.
I can only imagine the pain of being left behind. 💔
Nana Iqbal agreed. My earliest memory was at about 2.5yrs old.
I'm sure the gal who was 3 days old is just visualizing what she went through...she must have been told my others that was how the whole thing played out..the ones who were around 2 or 3 years old might recall something traumatic. When my mom was potty training my niece (while my sister was away in the military) my mom sat her on the toilet and made pee-pee sounds to encourage her to try to pee in the toilet. I went in the bathroom to grab a brush and overheard my mom doing this and recalled back when I was 1 or 2. The "peeshh peesh" was so distinct. Some of these people were better adjusted than others...this is all attitude and stems from parental behaviors around them...If a kid is raised with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves and were raised to handle life's disappointments and move on. The important part was they were raised by a family who cared for them, were raised by people who were able to provide for them.
@@miameow4833 Great story. 😂 So often I have heard very happy adoptions stories. No doubt some are too young to remember anything, but sadly, some remember all too clearly.
It’s hard not to cry with the interviewees, even though I’m neither Korean nor an adoptee.
You have empathy and compassion.
@Sydney Kiara Daviston-Atkins Not all humans have humanity. Just look at all the crimes committed around the world.
@@BokushingusKendoTV You do too ❤️
Not to mention this started when they were babies or very young children; and they had to live with everything that happened. My eyes are water falls at this point.
@@ton3016 Seeing people suffer breaks my heart. I wish there was less suffering in the world.
As a Korean adoptee growing up in Wisconsin, I agree that the pain I have felt, the lack of identify; it's very all real. But I never can truly understand the feelings that my birthparents had in the moment or the feelings they have had to live with. But I do know the feelings of joy my adoptive parents had the moment I came and still have.
Wow I'm from Wisconsin. I didn't know there were so many adoptees that went there. Another guy in the video said he was adopted to Wisconsin. What area of Wisconsin did you go to? I'm from outside Milwaukee
As a fellow Wisconsinite...just want to send you my well wishes and greetings!
@@joebauxer755 - wtf?
Your girlfriend and you are cute
My cousin who we all adore is half us which is Cherokee mostly and half black. I understand how it must be for you. It’s very sad.
I couldn’t hold back my tears when the man said his biological siblings told him their dad would say his and his brother’s names when he would get drunk. 💔💔💔 I’m happy he said he was ultimately grateful for the his father’s sacrifice.
Me too.
I really like that guy.
As a Korean this kills me to see this. It breaks my heart. Watching this made me just feel so emotional. It made me think of my cousins who were born to American Military men and those men stood by with my aunts to raise a family. I think about how lucky they are that my uncles stayed and did not abandon my aunts and my cousins. I truly feel for any adoptee. And I want any adoptee to know that you are loved.
Brad Choe i was adopted, not Korean, but gosh i can relate to their pain. Given away like you dont matter was hard.
Very kind words.
This is a hard video to watch. My mother - in law was Korean, father - in law was a GI he stuck with his wife and 3 kids over there and they eventually sponsored I think 4 of her brothers and sisters to move to the US in the early 70's - they are both dead know but all of the extended family is very successful and happy with a couple 4th gen. kids running around now. It's awful people have to suffer from the start and suffer for so long.
Thats what these guys do, bomb countries of people of color, screw the natives there and leave them. We are garbage to them and always was. A few that actually stood and did their duty to raise their kids, respect but this is what colonialism is.
J H The WWII happened after the colonialism... also I get your point but it applies basically to all wars even when people are the same race.
Wow. So hard to watch when the woman tells the story of how she was left on the doorstep and her interpretation of that now as an adult. Heartbreaking.
My boyfriend is also a Korean adoptee and after many years of encouraging him, he finally agreed to visit his motherland last year. We had such a beautiful time. He’s always had a negative feeling towards his adoption story but when we visited the city he was born in, he received some bit of peace. If you are adopted and you don’t intend to look for your biological family, I would still encourage you to visit the country/city of your birth.
I'm the same but I really don't have any intention to go back I have nothing there! But I'll keep it in mind! I'm happy for your boyfriend
@@lizdestefano4905 IMO, it's a cool experience just to be surrounded by Koreans. I've always enjoyed walking around Seoul alone with no destination.
(Summers are brutally humid. Winters can be bitterly cold. Spring and Summer are ideal.)
@@HKim0072 I agree with Liz- I have nothing to go back to. Being surrounded with Koreans won't fill the gap but only remind me how I don't belong. I'm happy to hear it works for others. If it brings them a sense of peace, who am I to argue.
@@badegg2914 Totally understand. I was already drifting in that path. When I was 18, I started to hang out with fobby Korean people and even worked in a Korean restaurant during college part-time (Japanese tourists).
lol, I was born a generation or so too late. Korean stuff is so trendy right now.
I’m a Korean-Swedish adoptee, I'm just confused all the time I live with a lot of guilt and anxiety, tired of feeling grateful for being adopted. Ty for this interview.
I just about lost it when I was hearing about the girl who was left as an infant on a doorstep in 1974, at the moment of finding the place she was left. Broke my heart.
her story breaks my heart everytime i watch this video.
Deliberately putting oneself in the path of a trauma is never a good idea.
idointa- Me too, And Im a Guy.
I'm a korean adoptee from MN and would like to thank NYTimes for producing something like this. Storytelling is a big buzz right now, but this shows a lot of uniqueness in each of the adoptee's testimonies. Not every adoptee feels so strongly about their narrative, some do. Not every adoptee was abandoned. Not every adoptee wishes to return or search for their birth family. Not every adoptee faces racism, prejudice, or feels misplaced, alienated, and isolated.
Grief is something that everyone interacts with - whether they go through it head first or choose to completely avoid it.
I just want to put out that your narrative is something that you and only you can decide to uncover. It's not your family's obligation, your communities, friends, or whomever's. They can certainly encourage, support, and are a part of it, but in the end, it's your narrative and you pursue it. Wherever someone is at in their journey, I hope he/she has support around them that also recognizes that.
@TheRedsun111 yeah, could be true. But I know some people that are pretty oblivious to it. Even though they may be subject to many microaggressions, stereotypes, etc, they may choose to deny or not acknowledge it.
Don't gotta find the 1 thing you disagree with :)
Also from Minnesota. My good friend from the 3rd grade through HS was a Korean Adoptee. It took me a year to see the physical difference but it didn't matter. He dealt with bitterness because he blamed his adoptive parents for taking him away from his family at the age of 5. He is married with three kids and very happy. We still get together once every few years. God bless you all.
@karljohnson2490 Thank you very much for sharing your perspective. In Europe also, before and after World War II, it was very common to give up children to convents and orphanages because families couldn't afford to take care of them or because the children were illegitimate. It was the only cultural option available at the time.
I was an older Korean adoptee. I went to 1st grade in Korea, so being a school aged child I had many memories of Korea. I missed my family & just wanted to go home all my life.
I am trying so hard to hold back tears - the sense of grief is overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your stories.
But if you look at it in a systematic way, you can decentralized the basic essence that will deviate from the path of retrobalization!
@Susan Frisinga Oh i don't even know what I meant! I'm just trying to use big words.
are you a Korean adoptee also?
I was barely breathing through a lot of this. I didn’t realize that there were so many adopted people like these folks in the U.S., and definitely had no idea how hard it is for them. Beautiful people, showing such courage and honesty. I was glad it ended on something like a positive note. Wow.
Unfortunately there are a lot of stories that ended tragically.
The older woman is so elegant and beautiful
She is! What a beauty
She is like common Korean ahjumma
@@AsamiAri not really
Now I slightly understand how adoptees have such a big loss. Thank you for good subtitles. It is well translated. I hope everyone finds their own answers.
It's like a lost of identity for me and it's a huge struggle but trying to fix it
I’m a Korean adoptee, thank you NYT for producing this. I couldn’t explain how being adopted effects me to my friends, so now I just share this video. I went to Korea in 2017, and I wasn’t going to initiate a search for my birth family. I ended up staying in hapjeong which is very close to hongdae where travel websites said I should stay. What I didn’t know was Holts headquarters was in hapjeong. I walked up to the office building and found this very nice Korean security guard. I had little information but he could understand my heart, we both cried and he hugged me, held my hand, wished me luck, and pointed me to the right location. In 2017 my birth mother told me she couldn’t accept me, and that she had a new family. In 2019 my birth mother told her new husband about me. I really felt sad for the women who was left as a baby. But thanks to her I made the decision to write back.
That’s so crazy to remember losing your birth families. I was adopted at 6 from an orphanage in Russia. I feel like I never lost a family. Just gained one really late. Sometimes I feel bad for not feeling bad that I was born unwanted and mostly I feel bad for people who feel bad for me that my family isn’t “real”
Don't listen to them... Your family is the one who took care of you and gave you love so it is real!
I'm happy that you found amazing people like your family ;)
Cherie Butler Why did you say that as if she’s supposed to feel guilty for who she was born as? That was so unnecessary.
Your new family is real...they exist! That makes them real. Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they automatically are prepared to have you or are automatically going to be great parents. Glad you accept your new family and that they accepted you too. Don't feel bad for not feeling bad. You just are capable of handling change easily and that is an awesome trait! We should be compassionate and understanding but not pity people because that is just handicapping them emotionally!
@@renea2218 Dima is a man's name btw
Dima T Do you still identify as a Russian. Because I was born in Italy and adopted by an Italian American couple. But I only ever saw myself as Italian.
I was adopted, I think how bless I was to be chosen.
you were blessed. realized that and pray about it every day. You ultimately should not have been born, and your REAL family who adopted you gave you a life in this world
"제 삶이 시작하는 순간에 혼자였던거죠"
이 말씀이 머릿속에서 떠나질 않아요...
15:05 That last guy talking about his father trying to get them back a month later... broke me down
This is really deep. Like wow
u commented this before the video was done but Ok
I'm not an adoptee. I am half Korean, half American, born in postwar Korea. I don't know my American G.I. father. My mother remarried another GI then immigrated to the U.S. I remember during the 60's and 70's when Korea was promoting Korean children to the U.S. which I thought was strange wondering why? Now I know why. When not knowing one or both genetic parent, I always felt there's a void in me, just like the people in this video. Powerful story by the way.
Adopted from Korea in 1988 during the Olympics. I was 3 months so I didn’t remember anything, but it definitely still had its hardships. Being an adoptee wasn’t really a thing so it was unusual to see a white family with an Asian kid. It was hard identity wise though, because I never felt like I fit in with white kids or Asian kids. My parents also never gave me a conversation about racism because they are white. So that’s something I had to deal with in my own way. I’ve never felt very Korean other than my looks, but I always felt that was due to my parents doing a great job on never making me feel different from them. For me I identify more as French Italian than anything. Being adopted in a weird way was like going through the stages of grieving. It’s hard and it will always be a piece of me, but it’s made me a stronger person.
God bless you. Just curious, did you ever go visit Korea
Inquisitve m no never went back. Never had a desire to.
Jgallub not even for kpop...lol... j/k
Inquisitve m haha no lol but the kimchi might make me go
항상 행복하시고 좋은 일만 가득하시기를 바랍니다
My husband is a Korean adoptee too. He recalls feeling “different” as a kid, and didn’t even know he was adopted into his now (Caucasian) family until third grade. As much as he loves his parents and is grateful for them, he still questions who his biological parents are.
13:55 I was so desperate for her to know that I was happy and that I was okay... broke me
yes , me too
💔
When I was 13, I left Korea for the first time. My whole family came with me to the Incheon airport to see me off. There, I saw a crying baby (let's call it "she" because I don't recall the gender) being adopted by a middle-aged Indian-American woman. The whole thing was very surreal. The baby was crying so much when this Korean lady (who seemed like a worker from an adopting agency) gave her to the new mom. I remember the new mom's face and her panicky laughters. To console the baby, my family took turns in holding the baby and playing with her. She would calm down for a bit and once returned to her new mom, she would begin crying again (just by being held). Since then, I have not seen anything like that - ever - at any airport around the world. I sometimes wonder as to why I had to witness such a rare event in my life immediately happening in front of me (and it was my first flight outside Korea ever) and I also wonder how that baby is doing. It's been 16 years already. She must be well into her teenage years. I wonder if she would want to know what I saw. I don't know. Whenever I watch a video of adoptees like this, it touches me in a way that it would probably not have, had I not witnessed that event that evening at the airport.
Because babies know the smell, sound, touch everything of their birth parents and therefore experience the pain of being separated.....
@@PS-gw8sm Yeah, but they don't remember it. I traveled alone at 2 from Korea to the US. Zero recollection.
All of the emotional and psychological aspects commonly felt among all of us Korean adoptees are represented in this op doc. I commend them for speaking about their experiences so candidly. I learned quite a bit and feel less alone with those deep-seeded feelings of abandonment I’ve been harboring for so long.
How old were you when you were adopted?
Just dont feel alone. Even though you were adopted into a country that isn't your native land biologically, you are still one of us in whatever nation you grew up in. National heritage and knowing such is so freaking important, but no matter who you are and who we all are, in the larger picture within the world we are all the same. Much love to you, and to all of us wherever we are or wherever we came from.
@Bob Jones dude this is not the time or place to hit on someone.
Claire C This was my first post so sorry for the delay. I just discovered the inbox. I was an infant. My birthdate is unknown but I was malnourished so the best estimate was between 4-6 months old.
As an adoptive mom to an Indian daughter, my heart goes out to you and breaks for you. Thank you for telling your story and for sharing the hard places of your lives with us.
I was adopted at 6 months therefore have no early memories prior to adoption. My adoptive parents are amazing and wonderful and have given me everything and more. I have little interest in discovering my birth family but do enjoy learning about Korea in general. I feel I have a strong sense of identity and do not think about my adoption much.
That's awesome. Think you were raised right emotionally, physically and everything. You don't have to look like the people who raised you. These people who were traumatized and having self hatred or feelings of loss were looking for something to be upset over. They can look at being given up as if their mothers didn't want them or look at it as their mothers gave them up so that they would be living in a stable home.
@@miameow4833 I think it's an identity issue but that's my opinion. I have a very strong sense of self and feel very close to my mom and dad. It makes me sad when I hear about adoptees who think mixed ethnicity adoption should be stopped. I love my white hippy parents!!
@@rachel39321 Honestly I don't think about why I was given up for adoption, it doesn't really matter to me. Whatever reason it was, it was a good one for my birth mother and/or father. I know I am loved by my mom and dad.
Lisa Hudson Do you ever feel the desire to let your birth parents know that you are doing good?
@@alice73333 That's a good question and many years ago a little after I had my daughter I left a photo of us and a brief description of me with the adoption agency in case anyone inquires. I would love to meet a close relative but I don't mind if it never happens.
Overwhelming. Deeply sad. How do we mend broken hearts of those babies living inside of us.
@@elleh3495 Thank you, Elle, for sharing this. Hugs and hugs and hugs to you.
Jee-eun Hong I'm glad to share. For me, mending with a pen and paper is more effective than needle and thread.
I revised this poem today:
"Your Hair is so Beautiful"
Profound loss: in the broken mammalian bonds; in the search for meaning; in the forever search for primal acceptance--for clan.
Family photos: Your hair is black, your face is round, your eyes are thin ribbons. An acute awareness that extended family members see me as an ornament, something exotic like a salt-water fish with blue silk tails.
Sometimes men who served in the Vietnam war will randomly say hello to me in Vietnamese; I stare at them not knowing what they just said, so they look at me and say it again, say it louder. They talk to me like a grown child talks to a parent with dementia--slowly, and as if the parent is deaf, as if I am deaf. I will also receive the Chinese "hello" greeting: I, secretly judging them and giving up defending myself against their mistakes. It's not so ridiculous, I finally concede; maybe I don't even know what to call home; maybe they are right, maybe I don't know what home is. Maybe there is a reason a homeland is also called a motherland.
Your tongue: Speaks a language that your biological relatives never spoke; knows nothing of the language embedded in your DNA. You taste Kimchi and realize your hands and heart and brain were once made of that spicy brinyness buried in the earth, bursting onto your Caucasian-trained tastebuds, choking you on garlic, bitter, heat and something ancient.
Manners: You are polite even though you are hot with the urge to scream and pull hair because you can't explain why your face is flat or your eyes are squinty.
Self: You realize you are not alone; you become protective of other adoptees; there is a similar tone to most all the stories--there is a grace in which these stories must be handled and spoken and talked about to others. Because if not for grace, hearts could break.
There is a fine line between thankfulness and bitterness. You deserved answers. You become not only your self, you become parent to that child that once was you--you replay that in your mind and then you shatter because you can't hold that child, and when you see that even if you could, words would fail.
A yellow car sped away under a blue sky and I sat on a green grass hill.
I was hot and sweaty because I was sent on a plane wearing all my clothes I owned--cereal was stuck to the inside of my tiny little palms.
I ran away at the airport when I had to meet my new mother. I don't remember that, but she does and its been 40 years.
Each year that passes I hope that my birth mother was really young when she had me, so that when I get enough courage to try, there is still a possibility that she is alive to find.
Every year I celebrate the birthday I was assigned by the agency. I don't know if I'm really a Capricorn because I feel Pisces.
I have an anniversary of my arrival day each year. It becomes more painful the older I get. The older I get I can hardly tell if it's a celebration or a funeral.
I want to know if this sense of loss is the adoption or if I am just separated from a twin I know nothing of. I sense it's the former.
I listen to Korean language videos--recognizing only one word of the "100 most important Korean words to learn". That was the word "hungry", which was the only word in Korean I could speak for many weeks when I arrived. Hungry. Yes, that word.
@@elleh3495
"There is a fine line between thankfulness and bitterness. You deserved answers. You become not only your self, you become parent to that child that once was you--you replay that in your mind and then you shatter because you can't hold that child, and when you see that even if you could, words would fail." It is most beautiful words that can only come from pain. I feel hope and courage in your poem that the child within knows she is truly loved despite of the pain. If I am wrong, I want to believe.
9:41 I can’t even imagine how lonely she must have felt there.. she deserves so much love..
As a Korean adoptee from the 80s, this really hit home for me. Thank you NYT for sharing this with me.
You were wanted. You were loved... and that was why you were adopted by your family. I hope their hearts can heal... and forgive.
Thanks for your Korean translation
I’m also a Holt adoptee. I’m always curious about other adoptees’ experiences, especially Korean.
I think they have FB groups for Korean adoptees.. lol, I was in a yahoo group a long time ago for Korean adoptees.
As a Korean, I particularly appreciate this program. Everyone here offers precious stories so heartbreaking yet life affirming at the same time. I wish I could give all of you a giant hug. Thanks for sharing.
이모할아버지 저 버리지 마세요 말 잘들을게요........
듣고 펑펑 울었다.........너무 가슴이 아프다
Jay Cc ㅠㅠㅠㅠ저두
This video is so profound and full of heavy emotions. This is the reality of the world we are living in and I'm sorry for that.
지극히 개인적이고 그 입장이 아니라면 알 수 없는 상황을 얘기하고 나눠주셔서 고맙습니다. 대단해요 그렇게 아픈 마음과 시간을 지니고 여기까지 온 모두 응원해요. 마음의 상처가 치유되어지길 바래요 그리고 그 기억으로 자신의 가치를 잘못 평가하지 않으시길 바래요😭💗
태어나고 3일 됐을 때 버려진 곳을 찾아간 이야기를 들으니 가슴이 찢어지는 것처럼 아프네요. Thank you all for sharign your stories and for staying strong.
It was painful listening to their testimonials. So much grief and pain being delivered. This is the tragic history which should never happen again.
Thank you for sharing these incredibly powerful stories. Also, thank you for providing the Korean subtitles, I can tell the translator worked hard to convey the emotions tied to the words, definitely not an easy task and very much appreciated. I hope this is viewed by many in Korea.
I was abandoned at birth from Korea....9 months later my French Canadian parents got me and brought me to Canada and then eventually to the US...my sister prior was a Vietnam war baby that her plane crashed. I would say my sister and I are ok with being adopted.
Throughout our childhood my brother being their natural born son (first born) - people would let us know how lucky my sister and I were to have struck the "lottery" with having affluent/celebrity parents. My mom was definitely the Angelia Jolie of her time in the early 70s.
PurrPurr how sad, them saying your lucky but not thinking about all you lost or how you felt about it.
@@lilndnfeather I mean if their mom really is the Angelina Jolie of her time, they definitely struck the lottery, no doubt about it. What sucks is that the people have the nerve to say it to their face though. That's just not proper manners at all, they should think it quietly.
Your mom Mia Farrow? If so, I love her. Tremendous actress and beautiful soul. If not... then idk who else would’ve been the Angelina Jolie of the 70’s. Ms. Farrow adopted so many ❤️ not many famous actresses adopted in that way.
@@youngstaffswife2008 no my mom was a model and then married my dad who won 3 Stanley Cups...
@@H37P5kY57are you happy with them
I was a journalism major in college many years ago. Unfortunately, I avoid most major news outlets today because I feel they are one-sided and only want controversy. However, I very much enjoyed this insightful video. We learned about the Korean War in school. This really brings the aftermath of that war to life. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories here.
I call my first day in America my “Gotcha Day.” My brother and I both come from Korea. He is very happy with this life, I am too but I always wonder what my life would have been like if I was never adopted.
XxFREAKY13FRIDAYxX ❤️ you are not alone in those thoughts
I met my birth family. My birth parents are married and had 2 kids. It’s very easy for me to do that comparison. And, there would have been challenges living in Korea that were much different that growing up adopted.
I don't think I've ever seen such a thoughtful and touching video before.
I wish I could say I had an amazing life after my adoption but I did not.
I was abused as an for whatever reason unwanted child in Korea. And I was mentally and psychologically and sometimes physically abused from my adoptive parents.
And I feel forever rootless. With no real birthday and left somewhere like trash as a young child. But no one understands that. They always tell me I should feel lucky I was adopted.
Miriam A. Profound loss: in the broken mammalian bonds; in the search for meaning; in the forever search for primal acceptance--for clan.
Family photos: Your hair is black, your face is round, your eyes are thin ribbons.
Your tongue: Speaks a language that your biological relatives never spoke; knows nothing of the language embedded in your DNA. You taste Kimchi and realize your hands and heart and brain were once made of that spicy brinyness buried in the earth, bursting onto your Caucasian-trained tastebuds, choking you on garlic, bitter, heat and something ancient.
Manners: You are polite even though you are hot with the urge to scream and pull hair because you can't explain why your face is flat or your eyes are squinty.
Self: You realize you are not alone; you become protective of other adoptees; there is a similar tone to most all the stories--there is a grace in which these stories must be handled and spoken and talked about to others. Because if not for grace, hearts could break. There is a fine line between thankfulness and bitterness. You deserved answers. You become not only your self, you become parent to that child that once was you--you replay that in your mind and then you shatter because you can't hold that child and use any meaningful words.
A yellow car sped away under a blue sky and I sat on a green grass hill.
I was hot and sweaty because I was sent on a plane wearing all my clothes I owned--cereal was stuck to the inside of my tiny little palms.
I ran away at the airport when I had to meet my new mother. I don't remember that, but she does and its been 40 years.
Each year that passes I hope that my birth mother was really young when she had me, so that when I get enough courage to try, there is still a possibility that she is alive to find.
Every year I celebrate the birthday I was assigned by the agency. I don't know if I'm really a Capricorn because I feel Pisces.
I have an anniversary of my arrival day each year. It becomes more painful the older I get.
I want to know if this sense of loss is the adoption or if I am just separated from a twin I know nothing of. I sense it's the former.
I listen to Korean language videos--recognizing only one word of the "100 most important". That was the word "hungry", which was the only word in English I could speak for many weeks when I arrived. Hungry. Yes, that word.
Miriam A. The world is sorry and sad for what happened to you!!! You can triumph over all tragedies!
Being adopted by abusive people is certainly not lucky.
This is so sad.. i could feel their pain. I could not stop crying..
Such heartbreaking stories I held my tears back until the very last story when the fathers cries his children's name whenever getting drunk. Thank you for opening my eyes.
I liked his attitude the best...he realized he was loved by his biological parents and his parents who adopted him and seems grateful things happened as it did.
I was separated from my biological mother when I was two and meeting her in my mid thirties wasn't the experience I had dreamed of or imagine for so long. I feel so much from my own visit to Korea and I always felt guilty about the disappointment and unanswered questions I had, why being the main one.
I was watching this at work not knowing how much this would make me cry
번역 좋네요. 좋은 영상 감사합니다.
I’m a Canadian korean adoptee. This was a beautiful accurate video.
I really appreciate this video very much as an adoptee. Most representations of adoptees focus on how lucky and how grateful we should be. While we can certainly be happy and grateful in our lives, there is also signifivant heartbreak, trauma and loss. I especially appreciated how the mixed race older women explained and approached the topic. Thank you very much to the New York Times and wish healing and happiness for all in the video.
Since Korean adoptions started early and the numbers are relatively high, many first person stories have come out in the past 10+ years. There are a lot of Korean adoptees that have created organizations and been trailblazers on these issues.
wow... this is deep, my tear is almost running down, Can't imagine had to give up a child to a stranger
I'm so sorry for all the pain they experienced. I hope they know they weren't given up lightly nor easily and that their parents suffered along with them.
I'm a korean adoptee. These stories and the pain resonates with me deeply. However I just want to say...what a crappy ending. Don't ever end adoptee stories with "I'm thankful". This is a way for viewers to get a glimps, but to also be able to go back to their carefree lives that includes NOT questioning why adoption is happening. The conversation about adoption needs to expand, and that is not done by wrapping it up with the same old mantra about "this was for the childs best" and "that we should be thankful".. Nooo America and every Hollywood-satisfying happy endings, NO! Our stories does not end with "I am thankful". Our stories deserve to be heard in the komplex ways that is the true reflection of adoption. Dare to be uncomfortable. To truly reach the viewers, and to cater TO ADOPTEES, the viewers should be left with a haunting feeling of uncertainness... Change the game. Start the conversation!
I feel the same way.
Yup, make you just dish away what these western powers did to brutalize non western ones for their war games. All around the world. Refugees and war, for what?
Childhood trauma never goes away no matter how old you are.
What a wonderful insight into their experiences. Their stories truly moved me
I feel your pain, sadness, your emptiness, and I can feel how courageous, brave you are. Thank you 🙏🏼
Thanks for sharing your lives. Interesting to hear stories of adoptees in their 40s-50s currently and their perspectives.
Thank you for sharing your stories. You have taught me many lessons.
Few things are more sad than these stories. Heartbreaking and powerful stuff.
I am so sorry for the little kids you ones were and so happy for the strong beautiful articulate adults you are now.
This was so moving. Thank you for sharing your stories.
A thoughtful piece on personal feelings of these adoptees. Thank you for making this piece NYT.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I am so impressed with what great people they have become and the forgiveness they are able to express. I appreciate being able to see this.
This is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen on NYT- excellent job.
The woman who was abandoned at 3 days old, her story just broke my heart. How can 1 not feel rejected and thats what she grieved instead of finding closure/triumph.
Thank you to all these people who shared their stories with us.
Hearing these stories are helping with my own grief story/childhood trama at the moment.
It should not be easy to share their stories. I really appreciate it. I hope the past doesn't leave as traumatic memories and you live your happy life wherever you are.
Wow, this is much sadder than I thought. But at least those who were adopted by good families were lucky ones. A couple years ago, I read the article on the middle aged guy who was deported back to Korea because his adopted parents mistreated him and did not do the proper paper work for him to be naturalized. Only one brighter side of these stories is that no more Korean kid has to shed tears like this because Korea is a wealthy nation now.
Yes, the follow up on him living in Korea is quite sad too, as Koreans are not as welcoming to foreigners. So he's a foreigner in both countries.
Is this guy, by any chance, the owner of a Mexican restaurant in Korea named El Pino?
@@SuperXmarvinX Nope, I saw the follow up video on youtube, and he was cutting hair of U.S. soldiers at the barbershop near the base.
Well, also the Korean government blocks foreigners from adopting children now because they lose culture. But there are also orphanages in Korea with children with no families, which might be worse than not having a good family
@@SuperXmarvinX No, that is another adoptee who was deported a while ago and who managed to adjust to the cultural and language changes and is doing quite well. The adoptee who Eddie Bustamante is referring to was deported as an adult and left behind a wife and children.
This is so emotional. Thank you for sharing. I had a friend in college who was adopted from Korea.
I cried so much watching this. My heart goes out to all of these people, to everyone losing their family for various reasons, and to all of the parents that had to let go.
This is so heartbreaking. Thank you for those who shared their stories. Sending healing {{Hugs}} 💖🌺🤗
Pain, so much pain. But bittersweet. I’m grateful for the people that love these children, and that they could tell their stories.
Truly wish the best for the people in the video, and every adoptee that has lost more than gained from their adoption. Hope u guys find your peace and comfort in life.
Thank you Glenn and Julie.
What an incredibly impactful and humbling video. Thank you for sharing your stories. Thank you for this piece.
You are so amazing. God bless you all. Thank you NYT.
Thank you New York Times for doing this. Can we hear from more adoptees like this please? And for the people who have chosen to "dislike" this video? ...
This is so sad my heart goes out to all the adoptees and their families
This was very powerful - thank you. As an adoptive parent of children who came to us through foster care in Canada, I know our story is different but it is so integral for adoptees to hear the stories of other adoptees. The importance of sharing these real, raw, beautiful + painful experiences is difficult to measure but so much of the stories shared resonate with other adoptees whose separation from their birth family wasn’t like the stories of planned, intentional local infant adoptions we hear so much more about in North America. The grief and loss, the trauma, the lifelong questions... these are all important to acknowledge so that we can learn to do better for children & youth NOW - and so we can do better in initial family preservation and in better processes for adoption, in education, and in support for adoptive families, and their schools, communities, employers, and places of worship, etc. Great video - thank you.
I can’t even imagine growing up with so many unanswered questions and so much self conflict as these people did. This sounds so hard.
Thank you for sharing their stories. I was touched by every single one and am amazed by each speaker's bravery and willingness to share their vulnerability. Not many people can, and I truly appreciate them for doing so.
I have been watching this video for 5 times. I feel something inside of my heart that can't be explained in words.
Awesome mini doc! I am here in Korea now at the international opening. Great job!
I support you guys.. you guys are truly strong human beings👍👍
All these stories were very moving, and it's heart breaking to think about the sheer volume of people who have this sort of pain in their lives. Although this experience is not rampant in my generation, I found these works @14:35 to be very powerful when you try to mentally grasp the lifetime of guilt that his father - and doubtless many others - have had to live through. The decisions that people make, the consequences that they bear... it's hard to digest in a single lifetime. Thank you for sharing this story, NYT, and also for the subtitles. I'm a proud subscriber to your publication for many years now and I find that you get better with each passing year.
Outstanding documentary. Thank you.
Truly beautiful, thanks all for sharing
Stunning testimonies.
these stories are so heartbreaking, parents that adopt are angels on earth
Thank you for posting this incredible doc.
Thank you all for sharing your personal stories ❤️ Hugs