They twist things around in a Circular argument that solves nothing! Torturing you and frustrating you it a game to them . I refuse to talk to people like this anymore my mother and my husband have made me sick.
My STBX caused me to: 1) Feel completely exhausted. 2). Have constant stomach upset. 3). Feel like I was always apologizing. 4). Walk on eggshells. 5). Completely hate when his truck pulled into the driveway. 6). Repeat myself constantly. 7). Feel like a freight train was roaring in my ears when he started his put downs and accusations. The greatest gift I’ve ever given myself was permission to leave. Freedom from that oppressive energy zapper has been so great I’m sorry I didn’t do it 25 years ago.
That looks like my list with my wife. The freight train depiction is spot on , a runway-train-down-hill constantly running over you, I hear the same thing. I have learned to live a double life, I share very little with my wife, it’s not worth the risk. I do share of course house running business with here but not much else. I DO NOT like going out to eat with here or worse yet ridding in the same car with her. I find that when we are in the car going’s someplace she starts unloading on me, damn does she every.
I can totally relate to all of this. I felt such freedom when we separated & then divorced. My often physical complaints went away & I had much fewer migraines.
I found myself constantly feeling "in trouble" with her. I could not feel relaxed, or safe emotionally, with her. When I would remember we had a date coming up, I was aware of a feeling of "Oh no" running through my mind. About that, "in trouble feeling" -- I realized this is not an appropriate feeling for a relationship between supposed adults. It was more like the feeling of emotional unsteadiness as a child with my mother -- and guess what -- yep, you guess it. My mother was a narcissist, too.
YES!! This is exactly it. Our dates were perfectly fine but leading up to a date and immediately after a date, I always felt that "in trouble" feeling as well. Like something I was doing or saying just wasn't right. It's so stressful living in a constant state of "Oh no. What now?"
@@kellymoorewith4 Kelly, if I may ask, why not fully liberate yourself and come home to yourself and heal and recharge, and find joy within and start creating that in your life? A new life with new people, with new decisions, with new rules, with... that feels different and beautiful? Sunshine?
Wow !! My wife I just married I feel the same way . Like walking on eggshells . She’s never wrong and always starts . And my mother was the same . She threatens me if I don’t give her money
That's because we're nice and they're not. We hope to get through to them and make them a better person but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. We're in a constant spiritual battle and until people realize it and embrace it, it will continue. It's a battle of good and evil. They embrace the evil and use it in any way they can to benefit themselves. Don't enable them.
Wow that seems to happen with me no matter how painful I am draw to stand by hoping to get through to them thinking that maybe if someone was there for them they can get over the negativity self hate and using others for handouts cause they fight against keeping jobs no matter how there family with good connections is always setting them up to get jobs he will show up late or bully people and blame it on the ADD but it the girl he likes is working with him he is capable of doing his job well if he don't have a baby sitter he will pretend to work on one small thing for hours so someone else has to to the hard work.
@Lisa Stalnaker This is so very true. They cannot give what they do not have inside and ALL our efforts to model goodness, reciprocity and generosity of spirit is more supply for them, not a means of building a close bond. It's a recipe for insanity.
They're still God's child, but sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let people suffer the consequences of their actions. Also we must still have energy to serve God instead of having the life drained from us. Reminds me of someone drowning trying to save someone who's drowning... When there's plenty of floated near by!!! They can always walk into a therapists office themselves! Not my job!
One of the things that keeps us tethered is... we're ashamed at ourselves for having chosen these people. "How could we have been so blind?," we think. 🤦🏼♂️
We had been blind because the love bombing stage seemed real.... but only when we revealed the truth, that’s when we realize why things happen the way they did.
I guess it was hope, maybe? Hope that they will see it and ignorance of the fact that they never will.. Of course I could just be trying to convince myself that's what it is simply because if I was watching a friend go thru the same thing, I would shake him around going, "what are you thinking man, let this one go!!" It's always easier to see what someone else should do than it is for us to actually do it, I think.. Did I explain that right?
@@wowreally6556 Hope was the last curse in Pandora's box. The lid was closed on it...and you should beware of opening the box and letting it out. Hope will destroy you. Once you realise you are dealing with a toxic individual you have acknowledged you are at war. Win or withdraw are your only options. Defeat is a killer.
@@wowreally6556 Long after I gave up hope that things would work out with my narc, I still wanted to believe that I could reach that tiny bit of good inside him. I still hope he'll see the light someday and realize why he's miserable, but I know it's up to him.
Sadly, you are right. I guess the point where I should have learned SHOULD have been when I knew I didn't want my friends to know I had taken her back, I kept it a secret, telling myself, they wouldn't understand but I think now, that was just a way to justify it to myself thinking that, "I'm making progress," and "everyone else, even her own kids want nothing to do with her, I told her I would never abandon her too." But progress never happened and the more extreme her actions became, the harder it was for me to justify them especially when she would pull other people into it simply because the version of reality she lived in, didn't coincide with the ACTUAL reality everyone else would see. If you guys could see some of the text messages I have or some of the voice messages I saved to help me get over this, you guys would think me crazy to have ever gone back to her the first time. I guess that's where the saying comes from, "love is blind." I think it's blinded me to the point now where I have to keep reminding myself that this is the way it would be for the rest of my life if I were to continue this endeavor and if her own kids leaving her didn't make her realize what's going on, surely nothing I can do ever would. I hope I'm replying to this right, it was in an email but I do want to say thanks for listening, I've had this bottled up for years now and just getting this off my chest to people who know what I'm talking about feels better than I could have imagined. I didn't want to tell anyone who may not have had similar experiences for the simple fact that, if anyone else would have told me some of the things that I went thru before I had a chance to experience them myself, I honestly don't know if I would have believed them or not. So thank you for allowing me that opportunity. Oh, my name is Kevin, btw.
E.Tolle says. If you are in a really difficult situation you have three choices. 1 Put up with it. 2 Complain bitterly 3 Get out. Easy to say but hard to do 3.
@Lisa Stalnaker shout that message. It needs to be heard by any who are still trusting and trying to ‘be a good person’ For me, it felt kinda awful knowing I was surreptitiously but very actively planning my divorce for 5 years, had contemplated it for 16🙄 afraid to ‘be’ ‘that person’ who failed to honor her commitment. Got woke when I paused and contemplated hmmm he sure as heck hasn’t had any conscience troubled by his eviscerating his ‘promises’ I struggled to lower myself to his level. Then realized I wasn’t being deceptive to get anything from him, I was being deceptive to get something for me. Freedom peace safety my identity. There’s a big difference.
I love this channel. It's the only place I feel that other people not only get it but I finally have a toolkit I can use to deal with these psychic vampires. Thank God for Dr. C and Laura.
Agree 100% Chelle! Some others in this community were so helpful to me, as well, when I first began this journey. When I kept hearing identical stories & terms like Silent Treatment, Gaslighting, Love Bombing, Bread Crumbing, etc., I quickly realized Narcs ALL use the same playbook to varying degrees. Quite sick- to realize that they do these things on purpose!🤯🤯🤯 I am more grateful to Dr. C. than he will ever know. You're right, the community here is wonderful. They get it - while most have no clue.
@Lisa Stalnaker It seems crazy that we need strangers to validate us but when you are raised by narc parents and it's all you know, you kind of do need outside help. It took me way too long to find it though. It's going to take longer to get over that than it will over the damage done by the narcs, I think
You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, Gus You don't need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free Taken from the song, 50 ways to leave your narc
All last year, I did not understand why getting out of bed was so absolutely difficult! Dealing with two narcs simultaneously is draining, to say the least!
Make a plan, stick to it, when you meet your goal, burn rubber out of there! I know how incredibly difficult it is, but you are the only one that CAN save you! You ARE worthy, you have much to offer, save yourself. Much Love & Strength to you ♥
I also lived with 2 narcs, my ex and his dad. I couldn't get out of bed for 2 years. I almost killed myself. Fast forward to today. Both narcs died and I inherited all their stuff, house, cars, cash. I set myself up for my future. I am set for the rest of my narc-free life thanks to those two.
@@lindsayschilling8707 It often purely comes down to a lack of money that stops us from leaving. Only getting worse by the year as housing prices skyrocket. All by design so the battery is locked up with the drainer.
Yoy are RIGHT! That's EXACTLY what happened to me and it got so bad that the stress caused me to become so inflamed that it woke up a dormant epstein barr virus that corkscrewed into my thyroid that eventually grew into thryoid cancer that almost killed me twice due to thryoid Storm. I lost over a 100 pounds because of it. He LITERALLY almost killed me via cancer. My own endocrinologist told me this!
@@audra1976oliver it is ok! I thank you for your VERY kind words, and even though it almost killed me, I LEARNED SO MUCH and I'm able to have compassion and forgive him because of Jesus! He helped me all the way through!
@@flamingsword777 so glad you believe in Jesus. I asked him to please get me out of that situation...and he did. No contact. Have no desire or reason to contact again. Belief in Christ is everything. Thats a proud thing!
My MOM AND DAD are Narcs......I had to put up with their CRAP all my young life and they were Harsh to me and all it was a real Toxic family....I just need to heal.
@Lisa Stalnaker they really don't have souls. how could you have a soul and abuse your own child? It's like abusing yourself. I remember (like it was yesterday) my own mother cruelly taunting & mocking me when I expressed that she'd hurt my feelings when I was 4 years old. She demanded to know where my feelings were if I thought she'd hurt them. I pointed to the lump in my throat.
@Lisa Stalnaker same. entire family is mentally ill/deranged and the funny part is, my mom's extended family is the more dysfunctional one, but she blames my dad's side for the "family curse". I think my maternal grandmother was a narc...probably not a malignant one, but she raised a malignant one - my mother. But my dad is also abusive...he sees himself as a victim of my mother and vice versa. He rubbed my nose in my urine when I was 4, which I could not even do to a dog. I can not imagine how a grown man could be SO hostile, aggressive and abusive to a 4-year old. The carpet mattered more than my emotional well being or my relationship with him and he is still aggressing against me as a 76-year od man, i am in my mid-50's. Thinks he is entitled to make decisions for me, run my life, tell the neighbourhood my business and even lied to a judge to have ME committed in 2017. Considering trying to have him charged with perjury but not sure what my chances for success would be. I just want to be free of them, they don't want me to be free, which means I will probably die before them, which I just told him yesterday, as well as that I am disabled because of their lifelong abuse. and today is my 54th birthday. not feeling very festive, expecting some sort of abuse actually.
@@marybeth9394 Congratulations. It takes tremendous courage. We need to honor and love ourselves to be able to love others and be loved. Best wishes and strength to you. ❤
@Mb 😔 I'm sure it's so hard.. Looking back, I thought about it many times, still do. Fortunately, he was a great dad. Your heart knows better than your head dear one. I am truly thankful for women who are courageous enough to walk away from any abuse. I hope you have a good support system. Much love and strength for this difficult time. Your daughters are watching, this will be hard, and you will get through this and set a beautiful example. Thank you. 🕊❤💪🏼 🌹
You feel ignored? Speak your truth . Expect NOTHING. Hear yourself. Understand you. Show up FOR YOU AS YOU. BE KIND. We all are warriors in unseen wars. Find peace in your battlefields. Comfort your inner casualities. Celebrate the victor within.
@@jl4091 that is exactly what I went through with my ex husband of 30 years, now going through the same thing with my adult son. It's simply exhausting. I love him dearly but it seems like a one way street with him, he wants praise and simpathy all at the same time and you could be standing with your arm cut off and never get a are you okay? Just exhausted and it hurts.
@@klev1111 Nature will always return to a state of balance, if we let it be. There will be ‘healing crises’ along the way, but they pass if we keep moving forward. The balance I speak of is a dynamic one of perpetual movement. When health returns we simply forget we were ever ill. So, yes, everything passes. Be true to yourself, be kind to yourself, and be patient too.
My God, that is so true. I have to live with a narcissist and in the last few months, I can’t do anything right: I laugh too loud, I drop crumbs when I eat, I was accused of being disrespectful to her son in law for no good reason, I held her ice cream cone the wrong way, when I tried to help her with a garden hose, I was too rough......it never ends....this person is the laziest, sloppiest, loudest,rudest person but projects like crazy, and likes to be superior
I work with a person that needs constant narcissistic supply. If the room is silent, she will fill it with some kind of noise or incessant chatter. We hear about the same 5-7 subjects over and over again. I am so drained at the end of the day I can hardly think. There is nothing we can do to stop the noise other than leave her work area and hide.
I was so drained I totally forgot who I was because he sucked the life out of me so much I became paralyzed in my thinking where I stopped functioning. Only after listening to you did I find my place of peace but putting him out of my life. Haven't quite cut the 28 year life sucking leach completely of as legal matters to attend to but I have taken action to take me and my life back! I thank God everyday for putting you in my path to get me back on the road to recovery!! My physical health is so much better too!!
This is so true, they are room suckers, when they walk in all the joy goes out of the room. My plan is to ignore them and keep being who I am, that joyful happy person.
And yet the one I knew accused me of being the negative one as in " if you're going to be negative we can't even be friends". I realized it wasn't me. It was him!
@@gailrosenberg48 It works to ignore them because they look very silly when you are not responding to their foolishness. The narcissist wants to make us out of control or respond, its like food to them. When there is no response eventually they give up. I have seen this work well.
@@barbaralemarier4421 the narcissist is hoping their accusation of "being negative" will make you angry. They are describing themselves when they do this.
They walk into the room and now you have front row to their show. Everything stops. Forget typing lesson plans, syllabuses or emails.....Your concentration cannot compete with the toxic malevolence of their miserable presence.
Once I realized I was being played I stopped caring what she thought of me. Now I think everything is manipulation. Sad because I loved her but I reached a point of no return. And now I know I can never make her happy so I work on making me happy. She can move onto other suckers
Exactly how I feel about my soon to be ex husband! When I 1st started learning about this & all the same tricks they use - I was really angry at first. Then it became almost comical - the Silent Treatment, the spontaneous amnesia "I didn't say that," the lies by omission & overt, the gaslighting, his rages, the hyper defensiveness, word salad, etc., etc. At one point last summer I actually said ( I knew he wasn't going to go full on rage, so do carefully pick your moment, if ever) - and I said "oh, are we doing the Silent Treatment today? Let me know when you're done & I'll get back to you." He looked so startled, I walked back to the house. Priceless!!! He hasn't done that since - but too late, I'm totally over him... & his damaged self. 👍
M. Dee..damaged self us not an excuse! It.s simply evil. They know exactly who, what,where and how to plan their treat here in against. I wish you strength and that you get educated on the dangers you face across the board by dealing intimately with someone who lacks empathy, a conscience, honor, value, and fairness.
@@mdee860. Yes. As soon as I told her enough of the controlling and belittling she started her mid life crisis and abandoned our relationship. And then funny enough she said I abandoned it. What I abandoned was the abuse. You work on you and let him find another supply
My ex discarded me because I did not want to go out at night and travel all the time. I wanted to rest. I was always exhausted. Now that I don’t have to manage everyone’s emotional life, I am full of energy. IWANT to meet new people and go to new places. I’ve planned 3 overseas trips since I divorced. He was an energy parasite. I am so much better off.
this is actually really accurate and even just having this visual in my head has actually helped me indentify that weird nagging feeling that exists even in the silence and "take it off"
...or a solid oak bed post, or a floor. How do I know? Because I did it for about 2 hours, then drove myself to the ER and had to convince everyone that no, I did it to myself.
I rarely listen to you anymore because you’ve helped me so much over the years. This is a good thing. So glad that many others will be getting benefit from you and graduate from the school of narcissism I can spot them at 100 yards now. And I can manage them while not investing in one ever again.
The problem is, they set off your fight flight so you end up feeling like you are in imminent danger and your entire life skids out accordingly. Resetting your amygdala fight flight is the most important process once you figure out one of these weirdos is in your life-which is very difficult if it is someone you love.
Thing is - we ARE in danger near these creatures! Never underestimate what these things are capable of. If I told you my experiences with them, you'd think you are reading a horror story. Real horror I mean! These things have no boundaries, no moral compass. Your intuition is always right - you actually are in danger near these things!
Narcs used to leave me dumbfounded that an adult could be so callous, indifferent, and selfish. I can always spot them coming now so it was not for nothing to come to the realization that there are truly evil people who walk among us and are totally ok with themselves.
It's hard to see it, but narcissists suffer greatly. They do these horrible and hurtful things to good people because the validation we give them temporarily soothes thier insecurities which are so strong and painful. I don't think they are evil as a whole, just in desperate need of help without knowing how much they need help.
@@Meenaia yup. And most of them don’t sleep. Much. I remember years ago, one of my ex boyfriends criticized how honest I was .. my response :”maybe I am too honest , but I sleep at night “. He was stunned. P.S: my narc mother has never been “a sleeper” , either. Every day the same refrain “ I was awake all night”. One time she actually said to me when asked “ I was worrying about what I said to this one and that one”. HA!! If THAT isn’t telling...😆😆
For those of you who may be put off by Dr. C using the term "psychic" in his title, he is referring to the definition of "relating to the soul or mind" - not the paranormal. He is not going "woo-woo" on us, he's using this term in a different way than you may be accustomed to hearing. That's all. 😊❤
Intense stress actually enhances my intuition. So while my body and brain are being drained, somehow the stress puts me in an interesting frequency so that I am able to “know” things that I otherwise wouldn’t see. I actually find it very calming, almost like it was meant to.
@@bzmama9893 That's trauma talking - Bessel van der Kolk describes it in The Body Keeps the Score, about CPTSD. The "reptile brain" takes over, fight, flight, freeze, fawn - it gives you an energy boost, but sets you up for debilitating medical conditions and shortened life span in the long run - check out the ACES study, 1999.
I had a medical file an inch thick 20 years ago.Panic attacks, every kind imaginable for years. Finally, God opened the door for me to get out and be free.Now I'm fine!
I wish this information had been available decades ago! Thank you, Dr. Les for speaking a difficult truth in love. After a lifetime, and 2 long term marriages with narcissists, I am finally on my way to my legitimate self! God bless you!
My narcisistic daughter has tortured med for 30 years. NOW I know she is a narc :( Iv felt so bad when being with her, my stomach reacted and I felt as I wanted to cry all the time. I havent spoken to her for 7 months and I feel a little better.
I'm aware more, now. I can see him coming long before he starts. I don't talk to him about me because he's always going to change the subject. Doesn't engage in my words but only talks about him. Interrupts everytime I speak, no joke. Everytime!
My boss would thank me for my insight but that was only 1. if I pointed something he was going to do is actually illegal or 2. after I gave my notice and would in the last meetings really hammer my point down (plus he really needed me to do the work he deemed below him) And still there had to be other people present for both of thoses.
They have Little sense with reciprocity 1 - You are Causious 2 - You play Peacekeeper 3 - Drawn in same argument 4 - Less effective with other relationships 5 - Dropped self Esteem
Years ago ,when I was still ignorant about narcissism, I had that vague feeling, that the narcissist was mentally exhausting me in very hard to detect way. He fought tooth and nails to keep me from seeing a psychologist.
Yea my brother, sister, mom, and son all became alienated from me. They later said I was not ME anymore with him ! Hindsight is 20 20 huh. Anytime someone you know for a short period can convince you people you have known your while life are bad is a red flag
My wife told me that I was acting totaly different (less alive) around my parents and I started to getting aware of that. Feeling free now without/less contact with my parents.
I noticed how different the Pathological Narcissist was when he was NOT around his wife. (no affair!) just neighbors...he always put on an air of control around her, when I visited them.
Years before I identified my “friend”as a covert narc, I began taking steps to protect my young daughters from her and her desire to compete with everything.
Me too, this guy has a way at explaining his craft ,where it’s easy to understand. Really easy, it’s funny at this point. Not my circus 🎪, flying monkeys scare me.
I love his personality more than the other experts on narcissism. Nothing against them, but I feel like he's the most genuine and down-to-earth one. Some of the others come across as narcissistic themselves (maybe it's just me being hypersensitive IDK). It's seriously life changing to find someone like him!
I just ended a relationship that was supposed to lead to marriage... with a narcissist. Things would stay smooth if I always agreed, always went along, always accepted his cold fish, inattentive and unaffectionate behavior, and always told him how grateful I was for everything he did. I couldn’t take it anymore. Walking on eggshells was killing me. It’s over.
Ditto!!! Engaged for six months lived in a house with him for two days and all hell broke loose with his control. Just moved back into my old place. by myself for six weeks now I didn't realize how physically sick I was. I was thinking of quitting my massage therapy job because my body was hurting so bad. Oddly enough, these last two weeks, I have felt physically the best I have felt in the last couple years. I actually mentioned this to my daughter two days ago and said how weird it was that I all of a sudden felt so much physically better. Now it all makes so much sense!!!!! 🤯
I spent 33 years over explaining, defending myself, trying to convince him he really DID say something, all while trying not to lose myself in the process!
Yes, don't you just love (NOT) the total denial they always come up with when you repeat to him something that he said (often just minutes ago) and he denies it?!
I think they even love the upset they are causing.I’ve been arguing with a narc thinking they were as upset and angry as me and turned around unexpectedly to see them with a little smile on their face that totally shocked me. I’m sure it’s been said but they really are ‘acting’ and love you being upset!
Your energy levels are low, you feel upset and tearful, you get infections and sore throats often . Eating is either skimpy or over the top with sweet and sugary items for carbs too if the list even though you know that fruit and healthy better. You feel like you just can’t be bothered to engage with the world. Everything’s just too much trouble. Horrid isnt it to think one person can make you feel like blah 🙁... you just have to rise above it by treating yourself kindly and pulling away from the serious cause of your stress , the narc. Have little walk, play nice music , take a few vitamins prepare food at beginning of day when you have more energy and make sure it’s wholesome . Little by little your mojo returns 🌸
He worn me out so much...it broke my whole universe. I got cervix cancer, The Good Lord Jesus✝️🙏 saved me and now I'm discarding my covert narc husband... Hope everything goes well especially for my two kids who are used to be taken care of only by me. Your advices help me so so much. Thank you again , dr Carter ! 👏💐💕P.S. I literally ticked off all indicators 🤭😑😔.
They sucked the life out of me, slowly over the years...Then starting in 2017-2020, they Totally drained me...Abuse and threats, gaslighting and projection, deflection over and over...on a daily, weekly, yearly basis, really takes it toll on you...I’m trying to heal, but the PTSD I think is keeping me stuck.
I hate it when they piss me off so badly that I become verbally aggressive. I get sarcastic and can hardly stop myself. Oops. Then I’m mad at myself. 😕
Yes, they’ll decimate your emotional landscape over and over, act like it never happened and if you have the gaul to turn round and eventually defend yourself, they turn round and say “ooooh, look at you, such an angry person”. Stay silent, your words feed them. Just Remember “don’t feed the animals”
@@marybeth9394 Where do someone thats poor with bad insurance go mine only cover therapist that openly say they get payed either way hinting they prefer you not to show for the session and they refuse to talk about any thing related only want to talk about vain shallow things looks fashion. have no person in my life that cares about others problem they will only share theirs and come around when they need something and I have to stay positive cause they don't want anyone bring down their vibe. I have tried getting thing out by chatting with friendly bums collecting money in front of stores that seems helpful just a little bit of understanding lift so much weight but its rare for me to see a bum most store don't allow that and I am not going near someone drugged up without being in front of a busy public place.
I always felt a lot of stress and anxiety and I felt emotionally and mentally drained and physically worn out when I was around the narcissist it just felt like I was about to collapse every time I was in his presence and I just couldn't take it it's almost like you feel like you're going to die with this kind of feeling but I'm thankful to God I'm not with him anymore and I will always thank God for that
My boss made me took the risk and resigned from my job (second highest payment scale) without having a new job and honestly am a single mother but that man truly drained!!! This experience is really on me, because am going back on the same „power relation“ with my new boss. God has been merciful with me and I got a new job same position!!! Listening to such input makes me realise that I wasn’t insane and haven’t overreacted!!!
No ur not insane . My husband tried to tell me I needed medication , that I was mentally ill, always called me psycho etc. I know now he is talking about himself .
Perfect timing with this video! I worked a 14 hour day yesterday. I arrived home to find him only with a self absorbed drunkeness! He had no empathy that my legs were collapsing!
And I'm sorry to say it but he truly DOES NOT CARE either.....oh, he may pretend to be interested but that could never be the case, he's too busy planning how she's going to impress everyone....does anyone have a problem with lateness?!?!! I'm talking HOOOUUUURRRRSSS....example: we're going to Wal-Mart it's 10 a.m. I mentally resolve myself to actually getting there in the 5-7P.M. range....unfortunately I'm neither lying nor exaggerating
Telling my life story as usual. Most of my teens and twenties were spent using heavy drugs to try to create a space in my head that this person couldn’t touch, as well as just trying to get some energy to make it through the day. It’s my mom. And of course the narrative she tells is that I went “off the path” and “went to the devil”. She still says that. Tells anyone who will listen.
Projection is extremely common with narcissists. And projection is confession.... devil worship is also common with these creatures. Are you okay now, and are you off the drugs?
Do like I did fuck anyone that's not for you point blank I feel so much better I lost my son 4 years ago my 2 daughters turned against me cause I don't cater to them anymore my 1 daughter took my grandson to hurt me but iam still standing I have a friend act like she was supporting me but only what she could get I had to cut some people off my mom is evil as hell but God still good iam in a lot of pain from losing my son but I have the 1 that past even he not here on earth but in my heart and my 24 year old thank you god amen I will win
Thank you for your insight and VALIDATION Dr. C! I'm sad about the years of psychological torture I endured thinking it would stop if I proved to my dad that I was good enough. A completely ridiculous and hurtful waste of my time and sanity
I am getting chest pains hearing this. These are ringing bells of truth for me. My husband is a Narcissist. Right now he is kissing my ass because he knows I need get him out of my life. I don't want alimony my half of the house. Just a few things from the house and peace of mind to be left along with my daughters.
That is exactly how it becomes. One day they say the one thing that becomes the last straw on the camels back. This voice unknown even to yourself says “Out”. I want nothing, just give me my freedom. But, please trust me. Rationale will return when you heal. Do it the right way after the “ just get out” passes. You do deserve your fair share.
Fight for what belongs to you. You earned it. Watch Rebecca Zung, a divorce lawyer and find a good one for yourself to be the go between and go no contact.
It really had affected my health very much because I was enmeshed with several " narcs" in my circle of extended family and friends. I made a clean sweep about three years ago and cut myself off from them all. And I am so much happier and healthier! And wealthier! I just quit taking responsibility for other " adults".
Thanks Doc. Love your channel. Your wisdom and your calm voice gives me hope after 22 years of a narcissist who argued over and over each week the same ideas. She would say " I win. You lose" then pat herself on the back. Thank God I left. Thank God.
It started after the 'love bombing' period in my relationship with a covert narcissist person. She was complaining about almost everything in a passive agressive way after that period. For example: When we had a conversation she thanked me that we talked about it. A day later she came back on the topic again and several times she was really angry and started to use new arguments. I am a healthy and mature person and I started wondering what I was doing to myself. This is not what I was looking for in a relationship and partner. I was happy that I ended my relationship with her. What a fake and sick person.
You're the Bob Ross of the therapy world. So soothing, calm, exuding love and positivity. A true joy to listen to, and so effective. Bravo sir. Thank you.
The narc was a chronic complainer, but they felt too good to get advice from me to solve their problem. They started invalidating me. They started mocking me. They started calling me names. I realized at that point I would never accept being called names. That's the moment when I let go of the narc.
I quit responding to the guilt trips from the narcs in my family. Especially my brother who kept bringing up our dead parents and how upset they'd be if I refused to let him boss me around. Mind you, we're both in our 70s and our parents have been dead for more than two decades. I bit my lip but made no reply back. I owe him no apology or explanation.
@@HappySunshineDay I had for about three years even though he lives next to me. Now we interact some as he has become very crippled up with chronic illnesses. Bad living ages one pretty fast! He has become quite meek as the narcissists he was toadying for pretty much abandoned him when he was no longer useful and he himself needed help. Still, I am super cautious in my dealings with him. I don't divulge much.
I’m still stuck trying to remember who I was. The self care part really opened my eyes. I’m still in shutdown mode I think and I need to get out of my shell. But I literally don’t trust anybody lol. I’m so scared that I’ll meet another one, after the last two I just can’t do it. Sigh
I'm a caregiver. Last year I had two narcs. This year helping out a church family with their elderly aunt who is a narc. Also the neighbor lady who knows this lady is also a narc. I'm going crazy. I lost myself and don't even know who I am anymore and what I enjoy doing. I just want to hide on my days off and stay in bed.
@Marianna Piptová I'm making myself less available and pray God sends mea positive client next. I will be more picky who I take care of. I'm done with narcissist. Thanks for encouraging comment.
Amen, Dr. Carter. You hit the nail on the head. I lived through everything you talked about and followed a path of self-care and then one day I said to myself, "What am I doing in this relationship, for heaven's sake!"
Nailed it. Our whole store is in this condition after the events of last year fed the ego of our narcissistic bosses and magnified their nonsense by 500%. We’re all walking around like we’re already dead. Don’t see a solution to this involving leaving... they have a vast network to thwart that. In a nutshell, it really sucks.
FANTASTIC video. Truuuuuth The cognitive dissonance from the gaslighting and taking on shame for the both of you is probably one of the hardest things to overcome. I'd recommend getting help!
There was never any reasoning with or logic to the behavior of the malignant narcissist alcoholic ex It was exhausting and I lost my true authentic self and was replaced with my worst unrecognizable side of me that he drew out as I was constantly lured and baited into reacting to his never ending never any resolution antagonized rabbit hole Arguments where I’m constantly explaining defending and trying to get any accountability from him for his abuse cheating malevolent irresponsible self serving behavior
Yes, that is exactly what they do. Narcissists do not want to cooperate , find solutions and build trusting, meaningful relationships. They find it amusing to talk you in circles.
Hi Dr. Carter - your message was very poignant to me, today. Thank you for the knowledge that you have so freely shared. Today's lesson felt like balm to my ♥️ & soul. With much gratitude, namaste 😊
@@lindyf3318 - I'm sorry you're going thru this too, Lindy. Family stuff ( entrenchment) is very difficult to sort out. Sadly, I have accepted that less contact is best. Dealing w/ Covert Narc as we start divorce. Scary, dangerous time for me, but I am determined. Sending you strength, hugs & wisdom!
When I found 3 new guys on her Snapchat all added at the same time, that’s when I knew I had to walk away. I took enough manipulation, the validation these narcissist seek is ridiculous, just walk away and find healing.
One evening he was on a rant, and I said, “Please, M, just stop.” “I will if you will.” “Well, M, the thing is, I’m not doing anything.” Silence, blessed silence. Momentary, of course. It is so wearing.
Thanks Nancy. I can see from the volume of comments that a lot of women (some men too) are burdened with narcissists. I "know" I'm not alone but I "feel" alone. I'm embarrassed and exhausted.
Yes, it can be so draining, you actually can feel quite numb mentally/emotionally. I've been there numerous times, listening to and being made to feel like you have to adhere to the egocentric demands of a mostly unpleasable partner is exhausting. It's toxic and completely unhealthy.
Thank You for such a great video. I feel like I relapsed so to speak and have beem emotionally affected even though I don't speak to a family member but whenever his name is mentioned or something he has done to someone else, I find it triggers me. Hello from Australia 😎
That's what makes getting away from them so refreshing. Like a swig of non-Narco-cola...on a hot Summer day... ...in the shade... ...with a breeze blowing through your hair.
His wife should listen to Neil Young's classic album After The Gold Rush obviously. My personal opinion is that you and Dr Joe Dispenza are helping to save lives and that's no understatement. Any flat earth society members subscribed yet by the way ?
Brilliant video, and exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I woke up dreading how the Narc was going to try to squash my Feel Good, and I decided I was going to feel good no matter what. I was playing one of my favorite TH-cam videos, a compilation of scenes from Titanic set to Celene Dion's My Heart Will Go On. Of course he didn't like me singing and feeling good, so he said, "Is that Celene Dion? That's really old". It was obvious he was just trying to get me to stop singing, so I said, "Oh yeah, it's old", and just kept right on singing. He walked away.
Be really careful not to become “the medicated (I’ll) one” and the narcissist, “the reporting family member “. Because once you take that first pill, the ability to judge what you’re facing is gone. Then they will continue to drain you. Better to Leave it before trying meds, from what I’ve observed.
My covert N mother used to rage at me , lying and gaslighting , accusing me of all sorts - often things she had done , screeching that I has no right to feel angry or anything else . Then after all this she would scream at me ' What's wrong with you ? You're always so MISERABLE !' . There weren't even words to describe her behaviour . No kid should have to put up with this . What a relief when she died .
My N sister left me a voicemail that my mother had died. She lived five minutes away. But all I did was listen to the message and sit back on the couch and think wow...that was easy. And now I'm free. And so I am. That was 21 years ago. No contact with my sister since the funeral. I feel guilty sometimes but learning all this stuff reminds me it's the right thing for me. And you're right...people with normal mothers are horrified by our feelings.
This hits home with me...finally free after 15 years of this exhausting behavior. Never once did he utter the words "I'm sorry". I realized I was always the one apologizing even if I didn't do anything wrong just to keep the peace!
Or when they are rude or disrespectful to you and you express how it made you feel and that you don't appreciate it, but they say "I didn't say that. Your just being too sensitive."
Besides the loss of my son this is by far the most brutal tragedy in my life .. In the midst of it... She’s totally aware now that I know who she is.. My eyes are wide open, but this is extremely dangerous . I need my sanity ...
I lost my daughter still fighting. She has changed blocked my phone. That psyco man is dangerous. I'm going mad. I don't know what to do. He is dangerous and I fear for my daughter. God help us
You must know my ex. I feel guilty for the built up anger he's made ...trying to be a friend to him is still draining and I don't even go around him. I block him all the time. He's trying to be nicely nicey and its too late for that crap. Makes me sick Inside
Love the analogy of the narcissist being like a tick 🐜. My dog 🐕🐾gets these loathsome bloodsucking parasites which I painstakingly remove after walks. Yep. That just about sums up my ex 😂🐜
These videos great in understanding NPD. Thank you for posting. Would be great if you could also do more on action/ next steps on dealing with them, especially close contacts such as family members etc
I get, when trying to do something independently’,”Can I make a suggestion?,”and now answer,” No!” He wants so badly to correct or add to something I’ve taken care of.
When you are with the "right " person ,you bring out the best in each other,& there is love & respect as an individual & a human being.when you are with a narcassist or toxic person you bring out the worst in each other,& that can mean draining you untill you become an empty shell,they destroy you from the inside out till you don't even recognise yourself that even when you look in the mirror you have trouble seeing that "you" actually exist.boundries,self respect...& Distancing yourself as much as possible is the only solution .thank you for another great & helpful vid.🙏❤️
my dad is a narcissist, i am 19 now and stil live with him. it’s becoming clearer and clearer every interaction we have. he plays these mind games, and gaslights me, and he will literally admit to “just messing around” ... but that’s exactly what is hurting me so much. no matter how much i explain to him he continues this behavior everyday :( it’s becoming more of mental and psychological abuse at this point.
They twist things around in a Circular argument that solves nothing! Torturing you and frustrating you it a game to them . I refuse to talk to people like this anymore my mother and my husband have made me sick.
Same, so sick and tired
First one's not your fault. Second...ehh
@@iamfree3781 Oh god...sorry for you. Living quite the same....it's soul destroying. Hugs to you
My mother and husband
Absolutely Alice
My STBX caused me to:
1) Feel completely exhausted.
2). Have constant stomach upset.
3). Feel like I was always apologizing.
4). Walk on eggshells.
5). Completely hate when his truck pulled into the driveway.
6). Repeat myself constantly.
7). Feel like a freight train was roaring in my ears when he started his put downs and accusations.
The greatest gift I’ve ever given myself was permission to leave. Freedom from that oppressive energy zapper has been so great I’m sorry I didn’t do it 25 years ago.
What you go about the stomach issue I cant figure out what Im got do they want me to not cook that pork I dont eat pork like that no way
That looks like my list with my wife. The freight train depiction is spot on , a runway-train-down-hill constantly running over you, I hear the same thing. I have learned to live a double life, I share very little with my wife, it’s not worth the risk. I do share of course house running business with here but not much else. I DO NOT like going out to eat with here or worse yet ridding in the same car with her. I find that when we are in the car going’s someplace she starts unloading on me, damn does she every.
God bless you! Glad you got away
I can totally relate to all of this. I felt such freedom when we separated & then divorced. My often physical complaints went away & I had much fewer migraines.
Yes!! Stomach problems because of the stress they provoke you
The person who instantly makes you feel like an exhausted, passive, nervous shadow of yourself..
Exactly well worded
...you have used the right words to describe the feeling of having your self esteem being whittled away...
I found myself constantly feeling "in trouble" with her. I could not feel relaxed, or safe emotionally, with her. When I would remember we had a date coming up, I was aware of a feeling of "Oh no" running through my mind. About that, "in trouble feeling" -- I realized this is not an appropriate feeling for a relationship between supposed adults. It was more like the feeling of emotional unsteadiness as a child with my mother -- and guess what -- yep, you guess it. My mother was a narcissist, too.
YES!! This is exactly it. Our dates were perfectly fine but leading up to a date and immediately after a date, I always felt that "in trouble" feeling as well. Like something I was doing or saying just wasn't right. It's so stressful living in a constant state of "Oh no. What now?"
@@kellymoorewith4 Kelly, if I may ask, why not fully liberate yourself and come home to yourself and heal and recharge, and find joy within and start creating that in your life? A new life with new people, with new decisions, with new rules, with... that feels different and beautiful? Sunshine?
That’s EXACTLY how things are with my roommate 😣
@@kellymoorewith4 you sound like you may be trauma bonded with him.. I hope for your sake that he is changed and will continue the changes..
Wow !! My wife I just married I feel the same way . Like walking on eggshells . She’s never wrong and always starts . And my mother was the same . She threatens me if I don’t give her money
That's because we're nice and they're not. We hope to get through to them and make them a better person but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. We're in a constant spiritual battle and until people realize it and embrace it, it will continue. It's a battle of good and evil. They embrace the evil and use it in any way they can to benefit themselves. Don't enable them.
Wow that seems to happen with me no matter how painful I am draw to stand by hoping to get through to them thinking that maybe if someone was there for them they can get over the negativity self hate and using others for handouts cause they fight against keeping jobs no matter how there family with good connections is always setting them up to get jobs he will show up late or bully people and blame it on the ADD but it the girl he likes is working with him he is capable of doing his job well if he don't have a baby sitter he will pretend to work on one small thing for hours so someone else has to to the hard work.
@Lisa Stalnaker This is so very true. They cannot give what they do not have inside and ALL our efforts to model goodness, reciprocity and generosity of spirit is more supply for them, not a means of building a close bond. It's a recipe for insanity.
Flora-yes, in a nutshell! 😢😡
Oh so, so true!!!!
They're still God's child, but sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let people suffer the consequences of their actions. Also we must still have energy to serve God instead of having the life drained from us. Reminds me of someone drowning trying to save someone who's drowning... When there's plenty of floated near by!!! They can always walk into a therapists office themselves! Not my job!
One of the things that keeps us tethered is... we're ashamed at ourselves for having chosen these people. "How could we have been so blind?," we think. 🤦🏼♂️
We had been blind because the love bombing stage seemed real.... but only when we revealed the truth, that’s when we realize why things happen the way they did.
I guess it was hope, maybe? Hope that they will see it and ignorance of the fact that they never will.. Of course I could just be trying to convince myself that's what it is simply because if I was watching a friend go thru the same thing, I would shake him around going, "what are you thinking man, let this one go!!"
It's always easier to see what someone else should do than it is for us to actually do it, I think.. Did I explain that right?
@@wowreally6556 Hope was the last curse in Pandora's box. The lid was closed on it...and you should beware of opening the box and letting it out. Hope will destroy you. Once you realise you are dealing with a toxic individual you have acknowledged you are at war. Win or withdraw are your only options. Defeat is a killer.
@@wowreally6556 Long after I gave up hope that things would work out with my narc, I still wanted to believe that I could reach that tiny bit of good inside him. I still hope he'll see the light someday and realize why he's miserable, but I know it's up to him.
Sadly, you are right. I guess the point where I should have learned SHOULD have been when I knew I didn't want my friends to know I had taken her back, I kept it a secret, telling myself, they wouldn't understand but I think now, that was just a way to justify it to myself thinking that, "I'm making progress," and "everyone else, even her own kids want nothing to do with her, I told her I would never abandon her too." But progress never happened and the more extreme her actions became, the harder it was for me to justify them especially when she would pull other people into it simply because the version of reality she lived in, didn't coincide with the ACTUAL reality everyone else would see. If you guys could see some of the text messages I have or some of the voice messages I saved to help me get over this, you guys would think me crazy to have ever gone back to her the first time. I guess that's where the saying comes from, "love is blind." I think it's blinded me to the point now where I have to keep reminding myself that this is the way it would be for the rest of my life if I were to continue this endeavor and if her own kids leaving her didn't make her realize what's going on, surely nothing I can do ever would. I hope I'm replying to this right, it was in an email but I do want to say thanks for listening, I've had this bottled up for years now and just getting this off my chest to people who know what I'm talking about feels better than I could have imagined. I didn't want to tell anyone who may not have had similar experiences for the simple fact that, if anyone else would have told me some of the things that I went thru before I had a chance to experience them myself, I honestly don't know if I would have believed them or not. So thank you for allowing me that opportunity. Oh, my name is Kevin, btw.
E.Tolle says. If you are in a really difficult situation you have three choices. 1 Put up with it. 2 Complain bitterly 3 Get out. Easy to say but hard to do 3.
TRUTH right there.
@Lisa Stalnaker shout that message. It needs to be heard by any who are still trusting and trying to ‘be a good person’ For me, it felt kinda awful knowing I was surreptitiously but very actively planning my divorce for 5 years, had contemplated it for 16🙄 afraid to ‘be’ ‘that person’ who failed to honor her commitment. Got woke when I paused and contemplated hmmm he sure as heck hasn’t had any conscience troubled by his eviscerating his ‘promises’ I struggled to lower myself to his level. Then realized I wasn’t being deceptive to get anything from him, I was being deceptive to get something for me. Freedom peace safety my identity. There’s a big difference.
in stage #2 lol ..hoping for a financial miracle so I can move onto stage#3.
In the planning stage of 3.
3
I love this channel. It's the only place I feel that other people not only get it but I finally have a toolkit I can use to deal with these psychic vampires. Thank God for Dr. C and Laura.
Thanks for these good words! Dr. C
Agree 100% Chelle! Some others in this community were so helpful to me, as well, when I first began this journey. When I kept hearing identical stories & terms like Silent Treatment, Gaslighting, Love Bombing, Bread Crumbing, etc., I quickly realized Narcs ALL use the same playbook to varying degrees. Quite sick- to realize that they do these things on purpose!🤯🤯🤯 I am more grateful to Dr. C. than he will ever know. You're right, the community here is wonderful. They get it - while most have no clue.
@Lisa Stalnaker It seems crazy that we need strangers to validate us but when you are raised by narc parents and it's all you know, you kind of do need outside help. It took me way too long to find it though. It's going to take longer to get over that than it will over the damage done by the narcs, I think
The little shaman is good too
RC Blake’s, is another on here.
and don't forget Gus! 😊 many blessings to you
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Taken from the song, 50 ways to leave your narc
I forgot about this song. I uses to love it so much 💕
😂😂💯
I so love this song.
😀😃😄😁😆😅😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥲☺️😊WONDERFUL!!!!!!!
Best song ever
All last year, I did not understand why getting out of bed was so absolutely difficult! Dealing with two narcs simultaneously is draining, to say the least!
Same.
Make a plan, stick to it, when you meet your goal, burn rubber out of there! I know how incredibly difficult it is, but you are the only one that CAN save you! You ARE worthy, you have much to offer, save yourself. Much Love & Strength to you ♥
I also lived with 2 narcs, my ex and his dad. I couldn't get out of bed for 2 years. I almost killed myself. Fast forward to today. Both narcs died and I inherited all their stuff, house, cars, cash. I set myself up for my future. I am set for the rest of my narc-free life thanks to those two.
@@lindsayschilling8707 It often purely comes down to a lack of money that stops us from leaving. Only getting worse by the year as housing prices skyrocket. All by design so the battery is locked up with the drainer.
@@blisteredblues1255 You really had to earn it though. I'm glad you got something in the end.
Wow. This is all so true. They drain to a point of physical exhaustion too and it can physically wear you out and even effect the immune system.
Yoy are RIGHT! That's EXACTLY what happened to me and it got so bad that the stress caused me to become so inflamed that it woke up a dormant epstein barr virus that corkscrewed into my thyroid that eventually grew into thryoid cancer that almost killed me twice due to thryoid Storm. I lost over a 100 pounds because of it. He LITERALLY almost killed me via cancer. My own endocrinologist told me this!
@@flamingsword777 I'm so sorry that happened to you! Yes, they can wreck havoc in all areas of your life. It's awful. They destroy.
@Lisa Stalnaker exactly. Yes, no matter how small or big, they take a toll and sometimes we aren't even aware till it's real noticeable.
@@audra1976oliver it is ok! I thank you for your VERY kind words, and even though it almost killed me, I LEARNED SO MUCH and I'm able to have compassion and forgive him because of Jesus! He helped me all the way through!
@@flamingsword777 so glad you believe in Jesus. I asked him to please get me out of that situation...and he did. No contact. Have no desire or reason to contact again. Belief in Christ is everything. Thats a proud thing!
Narcs and sociopaths are energy vampires for sure.
I got sucked dry again.
Many of the narcissists are actually psychopaths, and all psychopaths are narcissists.
Their getting built up while tearing you down.
@@annehynynen8153 yup my sister. Evil narcissist and psychopath
My MOM AND DAD are Narcs......I had to put up with their CRAP all my young life and they were Harsh to me and all it was a real Toxic family....I just need to heal.
Energy vampires ... they would suck out your soul if they could!
I beleive that' exactly what they attempt to do. some of us have resilient souls though, which means the abuse never ends.
They want us to give in and collapse. Like it's their ultimate triumph to have a puppet.?
@@joywebster2678 Exactly ... you the puppet and them pulling the strings!
@Lisa Stalnaker they really don't have souls. how could you have a soul and abuse your own child? It's like abusing yourself. I remember (like it was yesterday) my own mother cruelly taunting & mocking me when I expressed that she'd hurt my feelings when I was 4 years old. She demanded to know where my feelings were if I thought she'd hurt them. I pointed to the lump in my throat.
@Lisa Stalnaker same. entire family is mentally ill/deranged and the funny part is, my mom's extended family is the more dysfunctional one, but she blames my dad's side for the "family curse". I think my maternal grandmother was a narc...probably not a malignant one, but she raised a malignant one - my mother. But my dad is also abusive...he sees himself as a victim of my mother and vice versa. He rubbed my nose in my urine when I was 4, which I could not even do to a dog. I can not imagine how a grown man could be SO hostile, aggressive and abusive to a 4-year old. The carpet mattered more than my emotional well being or my relationship with him and he is still aggressing against me as a 76-year od man, i am in my mid-50's. Thinks he is entitled to make decisions for me, run my life, tell the neighbourhood my business and even lied to a judge to have ME committed in 2017. Considering trying to have him charged with perjury but not sure what my chances for success would be. I just want to be free of them, they don't want me to be free, which means I will probably die before them, which I just told him yesterday, as well as that I am disabled because of their lifelong abuse. and today is my 54th birthday. not feeling very festive, expecting some sort of abuse actually.
It's basically the movie 'Ground Hog's Day'. Sounds like 40 years of my experience. 😔
@@marybeth9394 Congratulations. It takes tremendous courage. We need to honor and love ourselves to be able to love others and be loved. Best wishes and strength to you. ❤
@Mb 😔 I'm sure it's so hard.. Looking back, I thought about it many times, still do. Fortunately, he was a great dad. Your heart knows better than your head dear one. I am truly thankful for women who are courageous enough to walk away from any abuse. I hope you have a good support system. Much love and strength for this difficult time. Your daughters are watching, this will be hard, and you will get through this and set a beautiful example. Thank you. 🕊❤💪🏼 🌹
The cycles really do feel like groundhog day!! perfect description
You feel ignored?
Speak your truth .
Expect NOTHING.
Hear yourself.
Understand you.
Show up FOR YOU
AS YOU.
BE KIND.
We all are warriors in unseen wars.
Find peace in your battlefields.
Comfort your inner casualities.
Celebrate the victor within.
SO TRUE! This is hard won advice.
Wow! Beautiful comment! Thanks!
Very GOOD !!!
@@jl4091 that is exactly what I went through with my ex husband of 30 years, now going through the same thing with my adult son. It's simply exhausting. I love him dearly but it seems like a one way street with him, he wants praise and simpathy all at the same time and you could be standing with your arm cut off and never get a are you okay? Just exhausted and it hurts.
@@jl4091 tough road. I am here with you.xo
Happened to me. My world turned grey, my heart was broken. But I’m slowly getting happier again. Time heals.
Same here
6 month progress report? I hope you are healthy and happy, and I hope to get there too 💜
@@klev1111 Nature will always return to a state of balance, if we let it be. There will be ‘healing crises’ along the way, but they pass if we keep moving forward. The balance I speak of is a dynamic one of perpetual movement. When health returns we simply forget we were ever ill. So, yes, everything passes. Be true to yourself, be kind to yourself, and be patient too.
Andrew, you're not alone.
Sending you my love ❤️
Also, a relationship with a narc is like having someone sitting on your head all the time
My God, that is so true. I have to live with a narcissist and in the last few months, I can’t do anything right: I laugh too loud, I drop crumbs when I eat, I was accused of being disrespectful to her son in law for no good reason, I held her ice cream cone the wrong way, when I tried to help her with a garden hose, I was too rough......it never ends....this person is the laziest, sloppiest, loudest,rudest person but projects like crazy, and likes to be superior
To me it felt more like a Damocles Sword.
They try so hard to keep you down!
I work with a person that needs constant narcissistic supply. If the room is silent, she will fill it with some kind of noise or incessant chatter. We hear about the same 5-7 subjects over and over again. I am so drained at the end of the day I can hardly think. There is nothing we can do to stop the noise other than leave her work area and hide.
I was so drained I totally forgot who I was because he sucked the life out of me so much I became paralyzed in my thinking where I stopped functioning. Only after listening to you did I find my place of peace but putting him out of my life. Haven't quite cut the 28 year life sucking leach completely of as legal matters to attend to but I have taken action to take me and my life back! I thank God everyday for putting you in my path to get me back on the road to recovery!! My physical health is so much better too!!
This is so true, they are room suckers, when they walk in all the joy goes out of the room. My plan is to ignore them and keep being who I am, that joyful happy person.
Good luck. I tried that for a very long time. It was still exhausting. And demonic. Had to move out.
And yet the one I knew accused me of being the negative one as in " if you're going to be negative we can't even be friends". I realized it wasn't me. It was him!
@@gailrosenberg48 It works to ignore them because they look very silly when you are not responding to their foolishness. The narcissist wants to make us out of control or respond, its like food to them. When there is no response eventually they give up. I have seen this work well.
@@barbaralemarier4421 the narcissist is hoping their accusation of "being negative" will make you angry. They are describing themselves when they do this.
They walk into the room and now you have front row to their show. Everything stops. Forget typing lesson plans, syllabuses or emails.....Your concentration cannot compete with the toxic malevolence of their miserable presence.
When the issue is control, no amount of reasoning will overcome all their endless objections.
👍 👍
Absolutely Lisa
Truth.
You can win a narcissist by not trying to win. Move on. Gather your power
Absolutely. Any form of reasoning with them becomes unreasonable to them - you may as well talk to a wall.
Once I realized I was being played I stopped caring what she thought of me. Now I think everything is manipulation. Sad because I loved her but I reached a point of no return. And now I know I can never make her happy so I work on making me happy. She can move onto other suckers
Billy thank God you are young and didn.t have her spawn
Exactly how I feel about my soon to be ex husband! When I 1st started learning about this & all the same tricks they use - I was really angry at first. Then it became almost comical - the Silent Treatment, the spontaneous amnesia "I didn't say that," the lies by omission & overt, the gaslighting, his rages, the hyper defensiveness, word salad, etc., etc. At one point last summer I actually said ( I knew he wasn't going to go full on rage, so do carefully pick your moment, if ever) - and I said "oh, are we doing the Silent Treatment today? Let me know when you're done & I'll get back to you." He looked so startled, I walked back to the house. Priceless!!! He hasn't done that since - but too late, I'm totally over him... & his damaged self. 👍
M. Dee..damaged self us not an excuse! It.s simply evil. They know exactly who, what,where and how to plan their treat here in against.
I wish you strength and that you get educated on the dangers you face across the board by dealing intimately with someone who lacks empathy, a conscience, honor, value, and fairness.
@@miraclesforus2 . Actually I am 62 and didn't have children. Thank God.
@@mdee860. Yes. As soon as I told her enough of the controlling and belittling she started her mid life crisis and abandoned our relationship. And then funny enough she said I abandoned it. What I abandoned was the abuse. You work on you and let him find another supply
My ex discarded me because I did not want to go out at night and travel all the time. I wanted to rest. I was always exhausted. Now that I don’t have to manage everyone’s emotional life, I am full of energy. IWANT to meet new people and go to new places. I’ve planned 3 overseas trips since I divorced. He was an energy parasite. I am so much better off.
🙌🙌
It is the same for me!! I’m so thrilled to read your comment!! It’s so weird! As I’m now well I feel like doing all the things he demanded I do!
One of the definitions of the word “psychic” is “relating to the soul or mind.” Give Dr. C some credit! He knows what he’s saying!
Maggie Baker,Your lovely smile can make the news
Being with a narc is like wearing a large furry heavy coat that's wet and you can never take it off
That is a great and accurate description!!!
And it's the middle of summer and you're locked out of the house.
this is actually really accurate
and even just having this visual in my head has actually helped me indentify that weird nagging feeling that exists even in the silence and "take it off"
It's like repeatedly slamming your head against a cement wall. Just like that.
LMAO! 😂
Exactly!
Absolutely Ann
Sometimes the cement wall slams itself against your head, too.
...or a solid oak bed post, or a floor. How do I know? Because I did it for about 2 hours, then drove myself to the ER and had to convince everyone that no, I did it to myself.
I think that the wall would do less damage. Lol
I rarely listen to you anymore because you’ve helped me so much over the years. This is a good thing. So glad that many others will be getting benefit from you and graduate from the school of narcissism I can spot them at 100 yards now. And I can manage them while not investing in one ever again.
Angel By Your Side,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
The problem is, they set off your fight flight so you end up feeling like you are in imminent danger and your entire life skids out accordingly.
Resetting your amygdala fight flight is the most important process once you figure out one of these weirdos is in your life-which is very difficult if it is someone you love.
That’s the way they affect me. Spot on. My muscles immediately begin to tense up; I want to flee.
Thing is - we ARE in danger near these creatures! Never underestimate what these things are capable of. If I told you my experiences with them, you'd think you are reading a horror story. Real horror I mean! These things have no boundaries, no moral compass. Your intuition is always right - you actually are in danger near these things!
Narcs used to leave me dumbfounded that an adult could be so callous, indifferent, and selfish. I can always spot them coming now so it was not for nothing to come to the realization that there are truly evil people who walk among us and are totally ok with themselves.
Spot on
It's hard to see it, but narcissists suffer greatly. They do these horrible and hurtful things to good people because the validation we give them temporarily soothes thier insecurities which are so strong and painful. I don't think they are evil as a whole, just in desperate need of help without knowing how much they need help.
@@Meenaia yup.
And most of them don’t sleep. Much.
I remember years ago, one of my ex boyfriends criticized how honest I was .. my response :”maybe I am too honest , but I sleep at night “.
He was stunned.
P.S: my narc mother has never been “a sleeper” , either. Every day the same refrain “ I was awake all night”. One time she actually said to me when asked “ I was worrying about what I said to this one and that one”.
HA!! If THAT isn’t telling...😆😆
@@bigred4379 oh yes, mine had weird sleep patterns. Of course the constant drinking and whatever drug use didn't help.
@@bigred4379 You're right!! My mother and my sister never slept ....My two torturers
The classic definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over yet expecting that the outcomes to be different.
The same just different
For those of you who may be put off by Dr. C using the term "psychic" in his title, he is referring to the definition of "relating to the soul or mind" - not the paranormal. He is not going "woo-woo" on us, he's using this term in a different way than you may be accustomed to hearing. That's all. 😊❤
Yes, and thanks, Chelle. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism You're welcome!
Intense stress actually enhances my intuition. So while my body and brain are being drained, somehow the stress puts me in an interesting frequency so that I am able to “know” things that I otherwise wouldn’t see. I actually find it very calming, almost like it was meant to.
@@bzmama9893 That's trauma talking - Bessel van der Kolk describes it in The Body Keeps the Score, about CPTSD. The "reptile brain" takes over, fight, flight, freeze, fawn - it gives you an energy boost, but sets you up for debilitating medical conditions and shortened life span in the long run - check out the ACES study, 1999.
@@elkekirkpatrick6481 Completely not surprised to hear this. I’m a “freeze”. 😔
Wish I knew all this 40 years ago. Every word applies to my experience. It took me years to recuperate.
LOL I was always drained and low energy from the narcissist
Absolutely. The energetic drain when permitted to last over years or decades will result in health issues - most often auto-immune disorders. #freedom
CNS vasculitis and Rheumatoid arthritis
I had a medical file an inch thick 20 years ago.Panic attacks, every kind imaginable for years. Finally, God opened the door for me to get out and be free.Now I'm fine!
I was finally able to put my well being first by removing some narcissistic abusive people from my life. 💖
Good for you. I did the same. It definitely makes life easier and more enjoyable.
I wish this information had been available decades ago! Thank you, Dr. Les for speaking a difficult truth in love. After a lifetime, and 2 long term marriages with narcissists, I am finally on my way to my legitimate self! God bless you!
My narcisistic daughter has tortured med for 30 years. NOW I know she is a narc :( Iv felt so bad when being with her, my stomach reacted and I felt as I wanted to cry all the time. I havent spoken to her for 7 months and I feel a little better.
I'm aware more, now. I can see him coming long before he starts. I don't talk to him about me because he's always going to change the subject. Doesn't engage in my words but only talks about him. Interrupts everytime I speak, no joke. Everytime!
"Hey, thx for that insight!"
Totally.
I literally laughed out loud!! 🤣🤣🤣
My boss would thank me for my insight but that was only 1. if I pointed something he was going to do is actually illegal or 2. after I gave my notice and would in the last meetings really hammer my point down (plus he really needed me to do the work he deemed below him) And still there had to be other people present for both of thoses.
They have Little sense with reciprocity
1 - You are Causious
2 - You play Peacekeeper
3 - Drawn in same argument
4 - Less effective with other relationships
5 - Dropped self Esteem
Years ago ,when I was still ignorant about narcissism, I had that vague feeling, that the narcissist was mentally exhausting me in very hard to detect way. He fought tooth and nails to keep me from seeing a psychologist.
or they try to keep you socially isolated and demoralized.
My friends started telling me how different I was in his presence....I noticed they were right.
Yea my brother, sister, mom, and son all became alienated from me. They later said I was not ME anymore with him ! Hindsight is 20 20 huh. Anytime someone you know for a short period can convince you people you have known your while life are bad is a red flag
Wow-my Single Sibling 57 years wrote letters-printed, unhinged rants3 pages long-telling my SISTER AND ME , we made him unhappy. Mom enabled him.
@@HeatherDMorris Jo
My wife told me that I was acting totaly different (less alive) around my parents and I started to getting aware of that. Feeling free now without/less contact with my parents.
I noticed how different the Pathological Narcissist was when he was NOT around his wife. (no affair!) just neighbors...he always put on an air of control around her, when I visited them.
Years before I identified my “friend”as a covert narc, I began taking steps to protect my young daughters from her and her desire to compete with everything.
Me too, this guy has a way at explaining his craft ,where it’s easy to understand. Really easy, it’s funny at this point. Not my circus 🎪, flying monkeys scare me.
Dr. Carter is excellent.
I love his personality more than the other experts on narcissism. Nothing against them, but I feel like he's the most genuine and down-to-earth one. Some of the others come across as narcissistic themselves (maybe it's just me being hypersensitive IDK). It's seriously life changing to find someone like him!
I love when the Doctor just shrugs his shoulders and sighs (2:38).... Says it ALL!!!
I just ended a relationship that was supposed to lead to marriage... with a narcissist. Things would stay smooth if I always agreed, always went along, always accepted his cold fish, inattentive and unaffectionate behavior, and always told him how grateful I was for everything he did. I couldn’t take it anymore. Walking on eggshells was killing me. It’s over.
Ditto!!!
Engaged for six months lived in a house with him for two days and all hell broke loose with his control. Just moved back into my old place. by myself for six weeks now I didn't realize how physically sick I was. I was thinking of quitting my massage therapy job because my body was hurting so bad. Oddly enough, these last two weeks, I have felt physically the best I have felt in the last couple years.
I actually mentioned this to my daughter two days ago and said how weird it was that I all of a sudden felt so much physically better.
Now it all makes so much sense!!!!! 🤯
Good for you for being emotionally intelligent enough to end the engagement!
I spent 33 years over explaining, defending myself, trying to convince him he really DID say something, all while trying not to lose myself in the process!
Yes, a waste of time, it's always our fault .Sorry .
Yes, don't you just love (NOT) the total denial they always come up with when you repeat to him something that he said (often just minutes ago) and he denies it?!
Crazy making behavior is what I call it.
I think they even love the upset they are causing.I’ve been arguing with a narc thinking they were as upset and angry as me and turned around unexpectedly to see them with a little smile on their face that totally shocked me. I’m sure it’s been said but they really are ‘acting’ and love you being upset!
Your energy levels are low, you feel upset and tearful, you get infections and sore throats often . Eating is either skimpy or over the top with sweet and sugary items for carbs too if the list even though you know that fruit and healthy better. You feel like you just can’t be bothered to engage with the world. Everything’s just too much trouble. Horrid isnt it to think one person can make you feel like blah 🙁... you just have to rise above it by treating yourself kindly and pulling away from the serious cause of your stress , the narc. Have little walk, play nice music , take a few vitamins prepare food at beginning of day when you have more energy and make sure it’s wholesome . Little by little your mojo returns 🌸
He worn me out so much...it broke my whole universe. I got cervix cancer, The Good Lord Jesus✝️🙏 saved me and now I'm discarding my covert narc husband... Hope everything goes well especially for my two kids who are used to be taken care of only by me. Your advices help me so so much. Thank you again , dr Carter ! 👏💐💕P.S. I literally ticked off all indicators 🤭😑😔.
U are a strong woman .
Praying for u.🙏🙏🙏
They sucked the life out of me, slowly over the years...Then starting in 2017-2020, they Totally drained me...Abuse and threats, gaslighting and projection, deflection over and over...on a daily, weekly, yearly basis, really takes it toll on you...I’m trying to heal, but the PTSD I think is keeping me stuck.
I hate it when they piss me off so badly that I become verbally aggressive. I get sarcastic and can hardly stop myself. Oops. Then I’m mad at myself. 😕
Yes, they’ll decimate your emotional landscape over and over, act like it never happened and if you have the gaul to turn round and eventually defend yourself, they turn round and say “ooooh, look at you, such an angry person”. Stay silent, your words feed them. Just Remember “don’t feed the animals”
I'm experiencing anxiety and fear of the future as well as the outside world, could this be one of the symptoms?
Yes!!!
@Lisa Stalnaker I guess that's how I feel. Thank you for giving me an explanation.
@@marybeth9394 I just started therapy. Thank God I don't live with this person
I have that too
@@marybeth9394 Where do someone thats poor with bad insurance go mine only cover therapist that openly say they get payed either way hinting they prefer you not to show for the session and they refuse to talk about any thing related only want to talk about vain shallow things looks fashion. have no person in my life that cares about others problem they will only share theirs and come around when they need something and I have to stay positive cause they don't want anyone bring down their vibe. I have tried getting thing out by chatting with friendly bums collecting money in front of stores that seems helpful just a little bit of understanding lift so much weight but its rare for me to see a bum most store don't allow that and I am not going near someone drugged up without being in front of a busy public place.
I always felt a lot of stress and anxiety and I felt emotionally and mentally drained and physically worn out when I was around the narcissist it just felt like I was about to collapse every time I was in his presence and I just couldn't take it it's almost like you feel like you're going to die with this kind of feeling but I'm thankful to God I'm not with him anymore and I will always thank God for that
My boss made me took the risk and resigned from my job (second highest payment scale) without having a new job and honestly am a single mother but that man truly drained!!! This experience is really on me, because am going back on the same „power relation“ with my new boss. God has been merciful with me and I got a new job same position!!!
Listening to such input makes me realise that I wasn’t insane and haven’t overreacted!!!
No ur not insane .
My husband tried to tell me I needed medication , that I was mentally ill, always called me psycho etc. I know now he is talking about himself .
Perfect timing with this video! I worked a 14 hour day yesterday. I arrived home to find him only with a self absorbed drunkeness! He had no empathy that my legs were collapsing!
And I'm sorry to say it but he truly DOES NOT CARE either.....oh, he may pretend to be interested but that could never be the case, he's too busy planning how she's going to impress everyone....does anyone have a problem with lateness?!?!! I'm talking HOOOUUUURRRRSSS....example: we're going to Wal-Mart it's 10 a.m. I mentally resolve myself to actually getting there in the 5-7P.M. range....unfortunately I'm neither lying nor exaggerating
Telling my life story as usual. Most of my teens and twenties were spent using heavy drugs to try to create a space in my head that this person couldn’t touch, as well as just trying to get some energy to make it through the day. It’s my mom. And of course the narrative she tells is that I went “off the path” and “went to the devil”. She still says that. Tells anyone who will listen.
Projection is extremely common with narcissists. And projection is confession.... devil worship is also common with these creatures.
Are you okay now, and are you off the drugs?
It's sounds like you're in a better place now. I hope you find the joy and beauty in this world that you were made to enjoy!!!
Do like I did fuck anyone that's not for you point blank I feel so much better I lost my son 4 years ago my 2 daughters turned against me cause I don't cater to them anymore my 1 daughter took my grandson to hurt me but iam still standing I have a friend act like she was supporting me but only what she could get I had to cut some people off my mom is evil as hell but God still good iam in a lot of pain from losing my son but I have the 1 that past even he not here on earth but in my heart and my 24 year old thank you god amen I will win
Thank you for your insight and VALIDATION Dr. C! I'm sad about the years of psychological torture I endured thinking it would stop if I proved to my dad that I was good enough. A completely ridiculous and hurtful waste of my time and sanity
Why are they so similar to a really really old computer, takes a lot of power to charge, but can’t run very well. Very easy to fall apart anytime. 😂
They come in all shapes and forms .....Slithering in 🐍 in the grass 🕊💕
I am getting chest pains hearing this. These are ringing bells of truth for me. My husband is a Narcissist. Right now he is kissing my ass because he knows I need get him out of my life. I don't want alimony my half of the house. Just a few things from the house and peace of mind to be left along with my daughters.
Best of luck.-Truly.
Get your alimony and assets girl! You deserve it.
That is exactly how it becomes. One day they say the one thing that becomes the last straw on the camels back. This voice unknown even to yourself says “Out”. I want nothing, just give me my freedom. But, please trust me. Rationale will return when you heal. Do it the right way after the “ just get out” passes. You do deserve your fair share.
Fight for what belongs to you. You earned it. Watch Rebecca Zung, a divorce lawyer and find a good one for yourself to be the go between and go no contact.
Mary, I am in the same situation. You are not alone.
"Just Passing Thru!"
They are the most Worrisome, Aggravating, Attention seekers, on top of other things.....
"Thanks for sharing!"👍🏾
It really had affected my health very much because I was enmeshed with several " narcs" in my circle of extended family and friends. I made a clean sweep about three years ago and cut myself off from them all. And I am so much happier and healthier! And wealthier! I just quit taking responsibility for other " adults".
Thanks Doc. Love your channel. Your wisdom and your calm voice gives me hope after 22 years of a narcissist who argued over and over each week the same ideas. She would say " I win. You lose" then pat herself on the back. Thank God I left. Thank God.
@Lisa Stalnaker Thanks Lisa. Its taken 11 years to get over the pain.
It started after the 'love bombing' period in my relationship with a covert narcissist person.
She was complaining about almost everything in a passive agressive way after that period.
For example:
When we had a conversation she thanked me that we talked about it. A day later she came back on the topic again and several times she was really angry and started to use new arguments.
I am a healthy and mature person and I started wondering what I was doing to myself.
This is not what I was looking for in a relationship and partner.
I was happy that I ended my relationship with her.
What a fake and sick person.
You're the Bob Ross of the therapy world. So soothing, calm, exuding love and positivity. A true joy to listen to, and so effective. Bravo sir. Thank you.
You're welcome. Dr. C
The narc was a chronic complainer, but they felt too good to get advice from me to solve their problem. They started invalidating me. They started mocking me. They started calling me names. I realized at that point I would never accept being called names. That's the moment when I let go of the narc.
Arguing with a narcissist is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After awhile you realize that the pig loves it ~ unknown
I love your quote; it's so true!
Especially if you are an Empath-and you have to deal with a Narc ...been there, but not anymore!
Yep. Empaths and codependents are a narcissists favorite target.
Thank you Dr. Carter for your healing content☘️💕🙏🏼
I quit responding to the guilt trips from the narcs in my family. Especially my brother who kept bringing up our dead parents and how upset they'd be if I refused to let him boss me around. Mind you, we're both in our 70s and our parents have been dead for more than two decades. I bit my lip but made no reply back. I owe him no apology or explanation.
@Janet Stonerook - I hope you can put some distance between yourself and your brother. You don't have to tolerate that abuse. Not from anyone.
@@HappySunshineDay I had for about three years even though he lives next to me. Now we interact some as he has become very crippled up with chronic illnesses. Bad living ages one pretty fast! He has become quite meek as the narcissists he was toadying for pretty much abandoned him when he was no longer useful and he himself needed help. Still, I am super cautious in my dealings with him. I don't divulge much.
I’m still stuck trying to remember who I was. The self care part really opened my eyes. I’m still in shutdown mode I think and I need to get out of my shell. But I literally don’t trust anybody lol. I’m so scared that I’ll meet another one, after the last two I just can’t do it. Sigh
I feel the same way...
I'm a caregiver. Last year I had two narcs. This year helping out a church family with their elderly aunt who is a narc. Also the neighbor lady who knows this lady is also a narc. I'm going crazy. I lost myself and don't even know who I am anymore and what I enjoy doing. I just want to hide on my days off and stay in bed.
@Marianna Piptová I'm making myself less available and pray God sends mea positive client next. I will be more picky who I take care of. I'm done with narcissist. Thanks for encouraging comment.
Amen, Dr. Carter. You hit the nail on the head. I lived through everything you talked about and followed a path of self-care and then one day I said to myself, "What am I doing in this relationship, for heaven's sake!"
Nailed it. Our whole store is in this condition after the events of last year fed the ego of our narcissistic bosses and magnified their nonsense by 500%. We’re all walking around like we’re already dead. Don’t see a solution to this involving leaving... they have a vast network to thwart that. In a nutshell, it really sucks.
Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you and your coworkers find some good relief somehow.
Yall need a revolt up on that job
FANTASTIC video. Truuuuuth
The cognitive dissonance from the gaslighting and taking on shame for the both of you is probably one of the hardest things to overcome. I'd recommend getting help!
There was never any reasoning with or logic to the behavior of the malignant narcissist alcoholic ex
It was exhausting and I lost my true authentic self and was replaced with my worst unrecognizable side of me that he drew out as I was constantly lured and baited into reacting to his never ending never any resolution antagonized rabbit hole Arguments where I’m constantly explaining defending and trying to get any accountability from him for his abuse cheating malevolent irresponsible self serving behavior
Yes, that is exactly what they do. Narcissists do not want to cooperate , find solutions and build trusting, meaningful relationships. They find it amusing to talk you in circles.
Hi Dr. Carter - your message was very poignant to me, today. Thank you for the knowledge that you have so freely shared. Today's lesson felt like balm to my ♥️ & soul. With much gratitude, namaste 😊
Thanks for this good feedback. Dr. C
I felt this way, too, today…a very rough day with my family member narcissist
@@lindyf3318 - I'm sorry you're going thru this too, Lindy. Family stuff ( entrenchment) is very difficult to sort out. Sadly, I have accepted that less contact is best. Dealing w/ Covert Narc as we start divorce. Scary, dangerous time for me, but I am determined. Sending you strength, hugs & wisdom!
When I found 3 new guys on her Snapchat all added at the same time, that’s when I knew I had to walk away. I took enough manipulation, the validation these narcissist seek is ridiculous, just walk away and find healing.
Absolutely Travis
They are sick,get rid of them
It’s the intention, the mindset, the attention seeking from so many men, emotionally cheating, if not already physical. Protective yourself.
@@travis6694 yes i have faced it too,its pretty toxic,they are proof that devil exists.
One evening he was on a rant, and I said, “Please, M, just stop.” “I will if you will.” “Well, M, the thing is, I’m not doing anything.” Silence, blessed silence. Momentary, of course. It is so wearing.
Wow Nancy, that EXACT SAME dialogue happened to me 2days ago! Why do they want to make it so Difficult? It is So Tiring.
@@suex9088 His 1st X calls SIS. We are Sisters in Suffering. So many stories are similar. Just know you are not alone.
Thanks Nancy. I can see from the volume of comments that a lot of women (some men too) are burdened with narcissists. I "know" I'm not alone but I "feel" alone. I'm embarrassed and exhausted.
@@suex8075 I feel similarly: embarrassed and exhausted, but also angry and the anger is helping me focus so I can make plans for an "after".
So true.
Yes, it can be so draining, you actually can feel quite numb mentally/emotionally. I've been there numerous times, listening to and being made to feel like you have to adhere to the egocentric demands of a mostly unpleasable partner is exhausting.
It's toxic and completely unhealthy.
Thank You for such a great video. I feel like I relapsed so to speak and have beem emotionally affected even though I don't speak to a family member but whenever his name is mentioned or something he has done to someone else, I find it triggers me. Hello from Australia 😎
That's what makes getting away from them so refreshing.
Like a swig of non-Narco-cola...on a hot Summer day...
...in the shade...
...with a breeze blowing through your hair.
Greetings Dr C. I hear Prince Harry has subscribed to your channel now. Best wishes from Slovenia as always. Keep on rockin'
Might help him if he plays "Banjo Oddesy" by The Dead South by the way.
His wife should listen to Neil Young's classic album After The Gold Rush obviously. My personal opinion is that you and Dr Joe Dispenza are helping to save lives and that's no understatement. Any flat earth society members subscribed yet by the way ?
Brilliant video, and exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I woke up dreading how the Narc was going to try to squash my Feel Good, and I decided I was going to feel good no matter what. I was playing one of my favorite TH-cam videos, a compilation of scenes from Titanic set to Celene Dion's My Heart Will Go On. Of course he didn't like me singing and feeling good, so he said, "Is that Celene Dion? That's really old". It was obvious he was just trying to get me to stop singing, so I said, "Oh yeah, it's old", and just kept right on singing. He walked away.
You go!
Good for you!! Take good care of yourself!! 🤗
Thank you so much, Dr. Carter! You don‘t know how much you helped me with this video. I am practicing...!
Thanks, Giulia! Dr. C
Be really careful not to become “the medicated (I’ll) one” and the narcissist, “the reporting family member “. Because once you take that first pill, the ability to judge what you’re facing is gone. Then they will continue to drain you. Better to Leave it before trying meds, from what I’ve observed.
Two years free of narcissist ex!! I STILL feel relief! It was mentally exhausting constantly.
Congratulations on your freedom!
My covert N mother used to rage at me , lying and gaslighting , accusing me of all sorts - often things she had done , screeching that I has no right to feel angry or anything else . Then after all this she would scream at me ' What's wrong with you ? You're always so MISERABLE !' . There weren't even words to describe her behaviour . No kid should have to put up with this . What a relief when she died .
Yes I understand this. I am still waiting to be free. It's impossible to explain this to people that have normal mothers.
My N sister left me a voicemail that my mother had died. She lived five minutes away. But all I did was listen to the message and sit back on the couch and think wow...that was easy. And now I'm free. And so I am. That was 21 years ago. No contact with my sister since the funeral. I feel guilty sometimes but learning all this stuff reminds me it's the right thing for me. And you're right...people with normal mothers are horrified by our feelings.
I completely understand! ❤
Mines the same. Except alive. It's like the went to the same school to learn to be narc ☮
exactly I was feeling literally like a shell of who I use to be .....
This hits home with me...finally free after 15 years of this exhausting behavior. Never once did he utter the words "I'm sorry". I realized I was always the one apologizing even if I didn't do anything wrong just to keep the peace!
Or when they are rude or disrespectful to you and you express how it made you feel and that you don't appreciate it, but they say "I didn't say that. Your just being too sensitive."
Besides the loss of my son this is by far the most brutal tragedy in my life .. In the midst of it... She’s totally aware now that I know who she is.. My eyes are wide open, but this is extremely dangerous . I need my sanity ...
I lost my daughter still fighting. She has changed blocked my phone. That psyco man is dangerous. I'm going mad. I don't know what to do. He is dangerous and I fear for my daughter. God help us
Omg you just described my family!
You must know my ex. I feel guilty for the built up anger he's made ...trying to be a friend to him is still draining and I don't even go around him. I block him all the time. He's trying to be nicely nicey and its too late for that crap. Makes me sick Inside
It felt like I was gasping for air, like I was deflated, lifeless.
Love the analogy of the narcissist being like a tick 🐜. My dog 🐕🐾gets these loathsome bloodsucking parasites which I painstakingly remove after walks. Yep. That just about sums up my ex 😂🐜
These videos great in understanding NPD. Thank you for posting. Would be great if you could also do more on action/ next steps on dealing with them, especially close contacts such as family members etc
Ah Dr Carter, so true, so very true. I need a time machine with your message back to the 80's. 🚀
I get, when trying to do something independently’,”Can I make a suggestion?,”and now answer,” No!” He wants so badly to correct or add to something I’ve taken care of.
When you are with the "right " person ,you bring out the best in each other,& there is love & respect as an individual & a human being.when you are with a narcassist or toxic person you bring out the worst in each other,& that can mean draining you untill you become an empty shell,they destroy you from the inside out till you don't even recognise yourself that even when you look in the mirror you have trouble seeing that "you" actually exist.boundries,self respect...& Distancing yourself as much as possible is the only solution .thank you for another great & helpful vid.🙏❤️
my dad is a narcissist, i am 19 now and stil live with him. it’s becoming clearer and clearer every interaction we have. he plays these mind games, and gaslights me, and he will literally admit to “just messing around” ... but that’s exactly what is hurting me so much. no matter how much i explain to him he continues this behavior everyday :( it’s becoming more of mental and psychological abuse at this point.