I'm Dutch but have been living in different countries for quite a few years now. I moved to the UK for a few months when I was 17, Australia for a year when I was 18, the US for 2 years when I was 19, and have now been in Australia for 4.5 years (I'm 26 now). And I can totally relate to not fitting in 100% anywhere. I came across this quote, and I think it's very fitting. "You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."
Its actually so cute you're dedicating a whole segment to a disclaimer, like me as a dutchy keeps thinking "omggg come to the point, be direct, do not stand still thinking about peoples feelings being hurt, its fineeeee". But i can appreciate it, it just shows how the american and dutch culture differ A LOT as well
Being Dutch myself i found the things you struggled with really interesting and "eye opening". Very good to share so we all understand each other better!
I think you are being very honest about your struggles and your feelings, and that’s the best you can do! Your channel is very educational and human. Thanks Jovie 🙋🏼♀️
Great video! I can relate SO much! When i lived there I was going between places a lot until I found my final apartment. On the way there I took a tram with all my bags and it was SO hot in Amsterdam that day. When im about to exit the tram the driver literally screamed at me that i was exiting through the wrong door. And when you have all this new stuff going on like you said, it will affect your mood and how you feel. I yelled something back at him. It was probably not something nice. 😄 I exit the tram, and just break down. And really felt like it was too much and nobody understood where i was coming from. I can really relate to that how hard this can be when everything is new and you have to learn everything again. But this was my peak. After this moment i just fell in love with The Netherlands. I still feel like its my second home.
In the city I live there is an expat centre. It is set up to tackle a few of the obstacles you mention. It's a social centre where locals and expats can meet each other. They organize all kinds of (social) events, but it also helps expats to find there way in Dutch society, provide Dutch language lessons etc.
Thank you for being so open about your experiences, Jovie! It's good to have this pointed out. I always enjoy your videos a lot, thank you (and Daan) for making them!
Thank you so much for these videos and your advices. I'm moving to Netherlands in a few months. My mum lives there with my brother and she is also expat but she moved there almost 2 years ago and for the beggining I'm gonna stay with her and she is gonna help me but I find your advices and expiriences very very interesting and useful. I watch your videos all the time and I'm "collecting" the informations. Sorry for my english because I'm Croatian and I know that is a little bit easier to us to move to any country in the EU because we don't need so much "papers" but your videos are so informative and can help a lot of people who are thinking about moving to Netherland :D Keep going :D
I am a Dutch woman, born and raised here. I love your videos. I wonder if there are no buddies for expats. I would like to do that. Thank you for your nice and informative videos.
Thanks for sharing your challenges Jovie, I'm European, 26 y/o, and have lived in Poland, Ireland, Colombia, and now the Netherlands. The part about not feeling like you belong somewhere resonates with me a lot. Disclaimer, I love it here, among the Dutch people I've met, I think they are great. However, it is challenging. I live with my Dutch boyfriend and cultural differences show up quite a bit when socialising with his family. I've lived here for half a year now and I feel a tightened feeling of expectation to speak Dutch in the Dutch home. I of course understand that it is expected to speak the language, however it takes time, and the language is difficult. I can understand most of the conversations, but I can't speak back. Feeling singled out in a Dutch home can be intiminating and makes me feel even more distant and aware of my alienness. I have no friends, at all, and I work from home, so it's extra hard to integrate and learn the language.
If you're living here for only 6 months now, it's hardly fair to expect you to already have acquired a lot of Dutch. If you can understand most of it, like you said, that's imo quite a lot for such a short period of time! And it shows that you're willing to learn the language and are making an effort. So in my view, your Dutch family acting in that way and making you feel pressure, is a very unreasonable and unkind way to behave. I see now the date of your post, so this was too late! But maybe the situation is better now?
I recently found your videos and they're really comforting. I'm moving to NL for my Master's degree and coming from NYC, it's a big change. Your vids have provided me both comfort and info that I didnt have and I really appreciate that!
Hello all - thank you Jovie for making these videos and this one in particular. I am thankfully pregnant after many years of trying and I have the Netherlands to thank for the healthcare and getting me here (we are from the USA originally as well). We live in Gelderland and although there are many expats, it's so true what you say about feeling comfortable asking favors, especially regarding children. The little pieces of you everywhere...I can totally relate. We have been living in the NL for the last year and just bought a house - so planning to put down roots - but it's daunting. We moved here from Germany where we really felt at home but we had no future job for ourselves there (we were there for 3 years for my husband's post doc). Just appreciating your points and your openness!
I’m living in Florida now, and really enjoy learning from you. 😍 love your Chanel!🌸 I like looking out your window as you talk. Just checking out the weather. We are traveling to the Netherlands for 3weeks on a family trip. You have been sooo helpful. Thank you👍🏻
You've become a wise nomad. You are a lot of puzzle pieces and each of them is precious and together form a wonderful you. You, belong everywhere your heart has been and still is.
when i moved to the usa several times, i never had anyone helping me to intergrate and showing or helping me with how to live there. i totally agree that one can feel overwhelmed and like having to start all over again to adjust to the usa, where i was. when i came back to the netherlands, i knew where to go to, what to do, and how to live. the experience in the usa actually overwhelmed, frustrated and made me really tired out. yes humble, definitely !! one becomes humble, especially when dealing with USCIS. But i survived this more then 2 times. Now i'm older, i'm actually happy to be back in the netherlands again, as i'm dutch. i appreciate the Netherlands much more now. But.....it is also a thing to find that you never fit in totally any more and having family and friends here and in the usa. Not knowing anymore where i really want to be.
I totally get the home-sickness, I am 74 years old and moved to the US in Dec 1959, I didn't want to go but my opinion didn't matter. The first year here at the age of 13 living in New Mexico was pure hell, I cried myself to sleep every night for a year, I spoke no English, I was told to go back where I came from, they played dirty tricks on me at school, my English teacher (old bag lol) made me read out of a book and since I didn't know how to pronounce the words the whole class would laugh in other words it was a nightmare. For many years I felt I had 1 leg in Holland and the other in the states. My Dutch-Indonesian husband came to the US in 1961 and later that year we got married (he was 24.) And I think after my son was born I started to except the states more as my home. In 1971 we made our first trip to Holland for 3 weeks (it was way to short and the first thing I wanted was haring, crocretten, lumpias and much more. Many times more I returned for a visit and have taken 2 of my grandchildren to visit. I still read 2 Dutch newspapers every day and now what I see my desire to return to Holland had disappeared, the drugs, the crime, the racism, the way the elderly are treated, the way kids talk to their parents and adults, the churches turning into mosques, that's enough to say after 61 years I am an American.
You complained about racism in the Netherlands and yet you made a basically racist comment about "the churches turning into mosques". I have lived in the USA since I was 8 months old and over the last few years have watched the crime rate in the USA spiraling out of control with murders happening in my city on a daily basis and horrible mass shootings happening regularly in this country. We are considering leaving this country because we don't feel safe here anymore, and the liberties that we have enjoyed are quickly being whittled away. Democracy here is quickly becoming a thing of the past. I grew up here and had to deal with crying myself to sleep every night because of horrible bullying....one does not have to be an expat to have that experience....I dealt with that from first grade all the way up to 11th grade in high school, and I was raised speaking English.
I'm Dutch and I recognize some of your points although it's quite different for a lot of expats. I'm 22 now and lived in 6 countries from a very young age so I don't see myself as having one definitive "home" therefore is quite easy for me to adjust to new surroundings (except Japan because of its extreme culture...) I think it's very easy to adjust to another culture by just accepting it and not do the most obvious thing which is comparing it to your home country. As for helping kids integrate... Having been an expat kid myself I can tell you that kids actually integrate much faster and better usually than adults. My parents' system was basically that inside the house I was a Dutch kid, speaking Dutch and learning all the dutch "ways of life", but when I went outside of the house I'd become a "local" speaking the language of the country I was in and going to the local school (which in my opinion is really important. There are benefits to going to an international school during the high school period if you are a fast moving expat but otherwise always go local) this is also a much better way as a parent to integrate into the local community instead of being seen as "the expat" in the neighbourhood which can create distances. As for needing supervision for kids, in Western Europe it's generally quite simple. Just ask the parents of one of your kids friends if he can sleepover there for the weekend and when you're not busy volunteer to organize a sleepover party at your house in return... By the way, your point 10 is very accurate but instead of saying that you don't belong anywhere try changing that last word to everywhere ;) Love watching your videos because I also sometimes feel like an expat in the Netherlands (even though it's "my" country...)
Serial expat here, I haven’t lived in my ‘passport country’ in almost 14 years and in my ‘home province’ for about 18! My children have never attended school in their passport countries and I worry they feel most at home in an international airport wing ;) While I have never regretted embarking on this wild adventure, your video very much resonates with me. Picking up the language is always a huge obstacle to making local friendships as is the time-limited nature of expat assignments. Thus other expats make great friends because regardless of their country of origin, we understand the loneliness and isolation that most of us, regardless of how happy and settled we are, face from time to time. That being said, I hope your Dutch viewers know that we love being here in the Netherlands, it is a beautiful country and if I could I’d stay a long, long time.
I lived in Brussels for a while, ( I am Dutch) , so close to the Netherlands and so many things are the same but also a lot of things just slightly different. I have been so terrible homesick. It might sound silly to you because Netherlands_ Belgium is nothing comparing USA_ Netherlands but I missed my previous daily life and routines. It was the same feeling that I experienced as a child when I was missing my parents so much when I stayed in the house of my uncle and aunt. The only solution was bringing me back home in the late evening in my pyjama's. So as soon we had the chance to go back to the Netherlands, we did that. The main thing what was bothering me the most is that people constantly make you aware of your nationality and where you are from. If you live in your own country you never think about that but living somewhere else it becomes at onces a part of your identity. The whole time it was in my mind that I was concidered being different as soon I started to talk.
I feel you. I am Dutch and live near a small village in Indonesia. No babysitter, no expats nor family around. I involved my kids in everything and sometimes used a big babybox for them to play in safely nearby or a babyphone when working outdoor. It gave some freedom.
Number 7 is a big one. We have 3 children and it was challenging when they were younger. My biggest culture shock in the beginning were the healthcare system and the weather.
When our kids were small we had an arrangement with friends (which they became more and more) to regularly take care of each others kids so the parents could have a weekend off or an evening. Our kids were about the same age and this worked quite well for a couple of years. I know it takes trust to get this started, but it's really really worthwhile
You are spot on ! I think that our experiences make us grow as Humans if we embrace them. I surely got a deeper understanding of being new to a country after living in NL and moving back to Denmark. I have moved over 40 times so "not belonging" is part of my Life, but for people who live in the same cirkles/place it must be terrifying to become expat! I see myself as a Cityzen of the World = an Earthling - which makes it a bit easier to grab he he
#7 I agree must be the hardest! My parents live 3 hours away so not even close to them living in another country but still not right down the street. And when your parents do come visit you want to visit with them! Not run errands or go out for a date night and ask them to babysit.
Thanks for the program miss jovie, having listened to this program l have remembered the previous programs for the unskilled workers who want to get ajob in the Netherlands....the door to door method,making anice C.V extra...which encourage those who are unskilled.thanks also for this part of skilled experts.
@@JoviesHome you always welcome,at times when am not busy at work l at times do the recap about afew videos of Jovies home and l at times do some research about the Netherlands.
@@JoviesHome Hello miss jovie,l would like you to teach us how to find a job using online when you a foreigner (unskilled) who would wish to work in the Netherlands to those who don't have their people in that country.l will be happy lf you get a program about that...may God bless you.
I enjoy watching your vlogs because our backgrounds are similar. Like you I was born and raised in the US and came to The Netherlands as an adult. But there ends what we have in common. I picked up the language quickly and well. Dutch colleagues woud come to me for questions on grammar or spelling. I had one friend when I first came here, but in no time I gained many more through my work or social life. In just a few years home meant The Netherlands, to my mother's annoyance. Yes, I had to ask a lot of questions about owning a car or finding my own home, but that seemed normal. I was lucky that I came in 1974 when getting residency and work permits was simple. I became a Dutch citizen in 1997 without having to prove I spoke Dutch or knew Dutch history, customs and government. But I'm sure I would have easily passed the exams. Though I was planning to spend just a couple of years here at a minimum, it's now 48 years. I have never regretted my decision and have never been home sick. The biggest difference between us is that I have no children; admittedly that could have made a big difference. Keep up the videos, I'm fascinated by all the subjects you find to compare.
I love this. When we moved to AZ from MI, I didn't realize that the allergy season was opposite of Michigan's, so my son was on his meds all summer. The doctor never told me. I also got super homesick. Although I long to move to the Netherlands, and we do have family there, I think that I would end up wanting to move back.
I felt the same when I relocated to the UK from Australia. I worked and lived in the UK for 6 years but when I went back to Australia for visits it seemed foreign (or changed). I felt comfortable in the UK after about a year there and I resettled back into Australian life after being back a year. My father was Dutch by birth (from The Hague) and he felt similar to you, a bit in limbo....neither one nationality or the other. My husband was born in South Africa and relocated to the UK (where we met). Now he's permanently in Australia, he's still a bit South African, British and a bit Aussie. We do adjust eventually. Thank you for your informative videos Jovie.
A kindred spirit here. American ex-pat married to a Catalan living the last seven years in Barcelona with twin boys born here. I'm so thankful they will always be able to understand each other in the three languages they speak. Having kids made me feel the cultural differences so much more strongly. There are ways of being and thinking that represent my core values that I bump up against in this society and I want to give them. "Little things" like learning all the swear words from their school playground so young (starting school at 3 - or 2 if you're born in December like mine!), the different relationship to time, the racist books their school uses, the aggressive way girls and boys are gendered and conditioned to behave. Some of the same issues must exist in the USA, but I'm from liberal Seattle and the lack of separation of church and state keeps coming up with all of the Catholic-themed celebrations in the public school - not just Christmas and Easter, but Lent and Saints days...concertada schools (kind of like Charter schools, half-private, some tax funding) tend to be MORE religious and fully private or international schools charge tuition at university rates. I just can't afford that with twins. I want them to grow up with the kids in their neighborhood and feel like they belong, but I wish they acted like their American cousins rather than their classmates. Hang in there Jovie, your earnestness and desire to help are refreshing. Thanks for your perspectives on the Netherlands.
I moved around a lot in the Netherlands and abrought..All I can say is you have to adapt to a new situation..IT van be diffucult but you have to be postive. You choose this lifestyle the consequence is adapt Stay positif .Thete are always people prepared to help and support you. Ask for help and support.
As a former member of the Netherlands foreign service, I have been an expat in many different countries in the world. I can share your feeling of constantly losing friends who were transferred to other countries. We even tried not to make new friendships, but that doesn't work at all. We had colleagues at the embassy who showed us how to get a driver's license and how to find a house. Many of the points you made are also felt by Dutch expatriates abroad.
#10 yes! I don’t identify as neither Dutch nor American - Dutch origins, living in SoCal now and totally loving it. It’s good though: I think moving cultures there’s an opportunity to shed aspects and embrace others and become more aware of one’s true nature, which is liberating. Love your vids!
Hi Jovie, Its so difficult to be a expat! I can relate with all the all that you explaning! Beside missing my parents I really miss the Winter! I live in a country that only has “summer” with a rainy season that least for 8 months! Also everybody think this kind of life its easy and few understand how much you have to give up to sick for better opportunities! I hope you can find a really good family (expat or not) that can give you more support!
Thank you! And I hear you, when you come from a place with 4 seasons, it’s very disorienting to find yourself in a place with one or two. Hope you get yo see your parents soon!
Voor een oppas zou je op een social media zoals Facebook een pagina kunnen opzoeken "maatje gezocht" stel daar de vraag voor hulp of gezelschap in je buurt.
1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10 are SO true! As to weather (9) that comparing to my land it is very good here, so I am mostly happy with the local weather (but still homesick nonetheless).
Lots of people don't have family nearby unfortunately. I think friends help each other out watching each other's kids (not that often for overnight though). I hung out at my friend's place a lot as a little kid and the other way around.
Jovie I am new to your channel but I absolutely love, love, love, LOVE you already. I've never felt inspired to pack up and move my whole life to another country until I started listening to your stories/experiences. Can you please do a video on your immigration experience to NL and explain the process, requirements, necessary procedures and documents, etc on getting citizenship there? I NEED this info as I'm getting ready to buy my first home with an inheritance but I'm genuinely looking into moving to NL instead of buying here in the USA. Everything you've told me so far sounds like a perfect fit for my family and I and I will do it if at all possible. Tell me girl- what was your process for becoming a legal citizen in NL?? 🙏😘
Hi Cristina, thank you so much for watching and for your comments. I will try to make an immigration video but just to briefly answer your question - I moved to NL to do an internship in my last semester of law school. While here I met my now-husband who is not Dutch but is from the EU. So I was able to immigrate as his wife. You might be interested in looking into the DAFT (Dutch American Friendship Treaty) possibilities for yourself. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DAFT
@@JoviesHome thank you so much Jovie! Last night I also read about the different ways to get citizenship in NL and its definitely possible. I just want a change from all the consumerism, the Kardashians, the one-for-all mentality, the feeling like I have to "keep up" and a government that is no longer "for the people".
There was a big hype in The Netherlands around 2010 or 2011 when we had two winters with a lot of snow. About 10 x more than in an average winter. Winter tires became the big seller that year and the winter tires stayed popular after that, even in winters when there was practically no snow or ice. And one big disadvantage is that some drivers think they can drive on snow the same way they drive in summer because they have winter tires but they don't.
I can tell you this, i was 19 en moved 200 km further, from home, als in the netherlands but for me strange. I went totaly alone, i didn't know anyone. I can relate to you, and yess even moving from one side to another in the Netherlands is just as loney.
Hi miss Jovie! Thank you for sharing your feelings about moving abroad. It's just so understandable and so sad that you and probably all expats have to go through this without there being a proper safety net in place to be able to fall back on, by lack of a better description for it. A place where you and other expats could go to for some guidance, or even some volunteers that you could call with all kind of questions you might have, or a social community to fall back on, even if it would probably largely consist of expats. It might sound very silly, but somehow I'm thinking of the community services that are usually offered by a 'buurthuis', which could be translated into a community centre, where they organize all kinds of get togethers. They play bingo with the elderly, arts and crafts for children, there are coffee mornings and dinners with everybody that's interested to meet new people in the neighbourhood, there are hobby clubs, second hand sale events and so much more. I would say that it's usually elderly people or people with a certain distance to society that would benefit from it, but it would be a place to get in contact with 'the community'! Even if you would just accompany your children to their arts and crafts morning for instance, you would probably not be the only mother there. Or you could have a chat with the volunteers usually working there, I'm sure they know much more about all the possibilities and services rendered there. I wouldn't be surprised if people using these facilities would be willing to lend a helping hand themselves too. In whatever way or shape, they'll probably like to get in contact with other people as well.
Ik denk dat Nederlands leren het beste is. Dan wordt het een stuk gemakkelijker om contacten te maken. Dat zie ik namelijk bij mij in de buurt. Gewoon mee beginnen. Het maakt niet uit als je gebrekkig Nederlands spreekt.
I can relate to things changing when you're gone, even in a non-international way. I lived in my previous house from birth and after moving away, I go back to that neighborhood sometimes. It's changed in small ways, so it's no longer 'mine'. And I only live 10 kms away now. Worst thing that happened was that there is now a tram stop right outside my former bedroom window. Glad I'm gone. :P Oddly, when I dream, 3 out of 4 times 'home' is still that old house though. Then again, I'm at 1/7 of my life in my new home, so that might explain it.
I returned 28 years ago and everything had changed. Public transport had to buy a 'Stripperkaart' from the tobacconist. The routes of the public transport had changed, but I had a break I made small talk with an American at Amsterdam Central Station. I know how you feel and I have never been back since.
I didn't know that it was so difficult for an expat to make local friends. It surprised me. That you don't have the feeling you don't belong in any country, i can imagine. You are a world citizen :). I am dutch, and i have never lived in a other country, so yes the Netherlands is my homeland. But the only place i am feeling really great is in my own home.
About number 1. I'm always happy to help. Not just miss Jovie, any other expats struggling with living here. I live in the middle of the North Brabant Province, so probably not that many expats here, but just in case: feel free to contact me. About not having family here to watch your kids: maybe you could ask help for the shed instead? So you can watch the kids? Take them to a park or something while you husband and the extra help do the shed? And the winter tires? You don't really need those in the Netherlands. It's only a few days per year that there is snow and ice on the road. But 99% of the time you're fine with regular summer tires. Just drive carefully and you're probably better off than the people who have winter tires and who think they are Superman on ice skates now. Winter tires aren't miracle tires. Snow and ice are still slippery. You still have to drive slowly when there is snow on the road.
There is plenty of expats actually here in Eindhoven. However it doesn't make things easier. Also locals are quite nice here I didn't yet experienced that rudeness people from Amsterdam or the Hague are mention sometimes.
@@TheKonstantinius Well, I live more in the middle of the province. Eindhoven is more to the east from here. So, I wouldn't really know about Eindhoven. I do visit the city occasionally but the last time was years ago.
I totally understand what you are talking about! I moved from the upper north of the Netherlands to just across the border in belgium (french part). I still study in the Netherlands. Though my college is very far away. So I have made friends at college. But I have no contacts whatsoever in the french part, or nearby in the Netherlands. Which makes things quite lonely. Because it is difficult to make new friends when you're in an unfamiliar place.
I came for a vacation after 25 years left as a teen and visited the place when I was 40. I was just in a foreign country but I could speak the language. I had trouble realizing that all the houses in the suburbs were of the same design. Extended family were strangers and had to visit my uncles at the cemetery. But I enjoyed not so much the Netherlands but all of Europe. The US was a lot easier for me nobody asked where I came from and just fitted in. California is a lot like West Australia. In Australia it was easy to fit in as a teen as long as you give their codes of football and cricket a go.
One of the things i've noticed as an ex-expat (dutch, lived in Russia and France) Is that you can recognize where people's ideas come from, and that they have also culturally come to them, rather than of their own creativity/ideas. It makes people a lot less interesting, because you listen to them and think : 'yes, you would say that. I think i've heard this opinion before. And it didn't make any sense in context x or y, and you're just repeating other people. That's fine. Wonder what i'm going to make for dinner tonight...'
True, a lot of locals are saying same things just replacing country name thinking they are unique. Being an expat gives this bird eye view on the humanity.
Oh I forgot the family and homesickness. Well, my parents were very old. When I moved out of Haarlem, they died, as did many of my other relatives. Be grateful you can still call or write them. I can't.
You never think about this, but I think it's easier for anyone to move to America than it is for an American to move anywhere else just because we already know so much from TV and Movies. The best thing you can do is finding a friendly neighbor, looking out your window you should have at leas one around the square. Just have a chat when you see them, and just ASK for tips and tricks. "Home is wherever I'm with you" a house is where you live, a home is what you make of it. Basically when you come to the Netherlands, Don't be afraid to ask something. Most Dutch people speak English, just expect a simpel short answer that is honest and might be a bit blunt. They don't intent to hurt your feelings but they don't feel the need to lie either. "Can I ask you something?" You either get a yes or someone says I don't speak English... Yes yes they learned that sentence 🤣🤣 How did you meet Daan? Speaking of Daan... Zou je het volume iets harder kunnen doen? Hij staat op z'n hardst en Jovie komt amper boven de achtergrond herrie uit hier 🤣🤣
I met Daan through our (former) neighbor - his grandma! If you watch our Learning Dutch while Cooking video you'll also see his grandma who was our guest that day :) I gave my mom a decorative pillow when we moved away that said "home is where your mom is". But now that I'm a mom myself, I can't consider my mom as my home, since I have to be that home for my own kids. But it's okay since I'm very, very happy that NL is our chosen home. Thanks for watching and commenting!
Hi Jovie, Although I have no experience as an expat, I think I mostly understand your - and other expats - challenges. What I'm trying to grasp has to do with the title of this video. You want us, the Dutch, to know about these challenges. My question I guess is: what do you want or expect us to do with this knowledge? Is this about more empathy, more understanding, more patience? In other words: how can we be more responsive, helpful? How can we ease you guys in, if that makes any sense? Maybe you could elaborate more on how we can be helpful to expats in general.
I think she just wants the natives around her to be more accepting and less judgemental. It is easy to pass judgement on people who relocate from other countries, but it is so much more helpful to have empathy and try to understand what expats are dealing with. My husband and I are considering relocating to the Netherlands in a few years, but we have an advantage over others who relocate, because I actually have family there and my father was Dutch. I would like to think that the Dutch community around me would be understanding and helpful and not judgemental. Just my thoughts.
Oh Jovie, my heart breaks for you and if you were my neighbour I would help you out! Just drop your kids next to mine and go do your thing or have a drink together and relax. I can imation how tough that must be at times. 🤗
My heart also goes out to you, i know what it is, blnot have the opportunity to drop tbe kids . My mom lived 200km away. If you lived near me i would help you out with the kids.
Hi. I am a Czech-American. Born in CZ, grew up in California, university in Europe, then back to the USA for 6 years and now I've been back in CZ for over 10 years, married to a nice Czech guy. Even though I have family here and he has family, I feel like an expat more and more - why? Because I have seen things, lived things, been to places that the people from my extended family have not and I have almost nothing in common with my cousins/extended family. Many many people around me have only lived in their small part of the world and have very little if any interests in other parts of the world, they seem to think that their way is the only correct way and the only way things are done anywhere - that is how it seems to me. I have much better conversations with a childhood friend who imigrated to the USA from Romania a who works for the US government. I thought that I have friends in CZ, but that has turned out to not be true - Czech men hate strong women, I find the majority of Czech men to be chauvanistic and arrogant, which makes making women friends hard. In the USA, they say that "Friends are friends for a reason a season or a lifetime". Not having grown up in a place means, no childhood friends, no one who loves you just because they have known you since forever. I am not a real expant but many times I feel like one, yet other expats from the USA are not interested in me - I am not like them either. Oh, and making friends who after a few years move far away, that is the norm in California - I made so many friends in CA and then over time they moved back to their home states... Having small kids and no family around - my parents went through that when we imigrated to the USA in the 1980s. And Yes, I also many times feel that I dont fit in anywhere, however after living where I am now for 5 years, I do feel like this is home, this is where I want to stay, yet when it comes to interperson interaction, I still feel alone and like an expat.
This post post will be a bit long and is based on watching a few of your videos. I am not sure you wil read it but if you do I hope my remarks will help. I started as a french citizen and came here when I was 15 years old. I already spoke Dutch but it was basic and I couldn’t really read or write. My parents split in France and my Dutch mother decided to go back home with her kids. I recognise some of your struggles like homesickness. But I quickly learned after a few years that Holland, The Hague was my new home. So I had to adjust quickly. I went to a Dutch school and everything is Dutch... learning to read and write was a must. I never really had any troubles after that with little and big bureaucratic issues in Holland. French bureaucracy remains a struggle so I said farewell to that. There is a Dutch saying that it is better to have a good neighbour than a far away friend. I say that because you struggle a lot with a lack of friends and people you trust around you. By sticking to other ‘expats’ who will leave the country after a few years, you are bound to loose the few friends you have. And I get the feeling that you don’t know your neighbours. And I think they might help you in many more ways than fixing a leaking tap. Furthermore sending your children to an English speaking school will not give you any incentive to know Dutch parents but only other expats. Dutch parents will in the majority not go away and could help like a good neighbour. If you have decided to make this country your home, stop calling yourself an expat. That is for international workers whose only certainty is that he/she wil move after a few years. If you live here, you are basically a migrant. Like you said you are privileged if you compare yourself with polish, Romanian, Turkish emigrants but they have the same struggles. And like you they tend to stick together. But unlike you they have less choices than yourself. I know that, because I for a while gave lessons to children with learning problems from migrant families. Basically the majority are not stupid but they have to translate a lot for their parents. They have to go to the doctor when their parents are ill to translate, help with the bureaucracy, reading the letters from the energy company etc. The children do part of the parenting and that shouldn't be the case. Those children bare a lot of worries that only their parents schold have. Your son is already correcting your English and you could see that as some early sign of him feeling that he need to do that. But I may be wrong there. Most of the comments are from other expats and they support you in what you do with what you do with your channel. I also support you. Especially because you make it with the help of a local editor. That synergy should inspire you to look further to solve some of your struggles out of your comfort zone. In your case your own home. I can’t give you a silver bullet but extending your comfort zone might be just one. I hope this long post won’t come across as rude. I wish you luck and happiness.
not as oblgatory as in Germany, however, your insurance may not cover damage to your car from an accident if you don't have wintertires fitted between November 1st and April 1st
I'm Dutch and I've lived in Norway for 3 years and in the UK for 5. No big deal to be honest, I found it an easy, enriching experience but not something that changed me or my outlook in any significant way.
But did you move your self or with your parents? Because then your parents would be those who have to pay taxes in different countries. And it would be nothing special for you your self.
#10 - I can certainly understand what it must be like for you to have the feeling that you don't fit anywhere. I am Dutch and I've lived in this house since '89 when we bought it, but the neigborhood has changed considerably. So much so that over 50% of the home owners in my street do not speak Dutch in their home (or on the street or backyard), whether they are immigrants or expats. So basically my feeling of 'self' and belonging has been watering down for a while now, which is a really unsettling feeling. Like you, I live in The Hague (born and raised), so you know about the big diversity, and although we are all Earthlings and citizens of the same world, the feeling of belonging somewhere is more of a 'local' thing, where you're surrounded by things you know and love. Also, the fact that we now live in a technologically 'advanced' society, where you do 60% (ball park) of the things online, as opposed to having to actually go talk to people to get things done, that too takes away from the integration, even if you are Dutch. For expats, I think the most important thing is to learn the language asap. Not so much for the people around you, as for yourself. You'll integrate a lot quicker, you can widen your social circle and step out of the expat-bubble (if you will) much more easily. If you can make long time friends among the Dutch, things like finding baby sitters should be less of a problem. Learning and understanding Dutch seems like it's one big hurdle, but it opens up so many benefits and adds to the feeling of belonging and your independence. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on like this ;-)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It can be difficult to watch your own neighborhood change over time and suddenly feel like an "outsider"! Thanks for watching and supporting my channel 💛
Reading this makes me feel lucky to live in a small town. Yes, people move out and others move in but they are often from the same area. Some even from the same families that lived here when I was a kid.
I definitely agree, learning Dutch would make it a lot easier. Although actually learning Dutch is quite difficult, as most people start speaking English to people who don't speak Dutch as soon as they realise. I had a friend from Germany move to Amsterdam, and she had problems trying to learn the language because everyone kept speaking in English to her. She had to keep telling people and reminding them to speak Dutch to her, and correct her when she made mistakes. But I can imagine that if you're not really comfortable speaking the language, it would make it more difficult to make yourself remind people to speak Dutch to you all the time.
I understand your struggles. I have wanted to move to an other country but that didn’t turn out right unfortunately. I understand you being homesick once in a while. I have that with the place that I wanted to live in 😳. Making new friends is also an issues for Dutch people when they move to another part of the country. My friends thought it was too long a ride to come and visit. ( and I am severly ill so am not able to go to them) And must say after 7 years I still don’t have real friends in my new hometown. What I don’t understand is that you have no one to look after your children some times. We also had no family nearby but there are always neighbours that like to look after yoyr kids esp. if you can watch their children once in a while. They are not my best friends but it is just helping eachother out. Here that is normal certainly when the kids like to play together. So I don’t understand that you can never find someone to give you some free time. Dutch are pretty relaxed in that. So maybe just try ??
I do not like changes, i just got a dutch resident permit this year i am actually living in the city of Maastricht and I've been so depressed, stressed and anxious, i don't even want to talk to my neighbors, i love this country but doing everything alone is difficult
Thank you for sharing! I moved to Belgium years ago, and still don't fit in as it's a very tight community. Yet, when I visit my old city in The Netherlands, so much has changed there, that I don't feel much at home there either! And I relate to having no family and close friends around where you just go "park" your children to run errands..
Integration is hugely difficult, because unless you have a partner who is a native, as I have, it may take a long time. Having children will help, as they will bring home friends, and you can meet the parents. But natives have relatives in the country that go way back, so they have "roots". May take a generation or two. Brian Oosterbeek Nederland. PS And don't forget, natives mostly will have no idea of your life's experiences, and may well be less wordly than you are. This can pose challenges. You have done very well I think. Brian Oosterbeek Nederland
Whereabouts in the Netherlands do you live? We may end up there and your videos are super helpful. Maybe would be nice to meet another American! I know you won't want to be too specific but, just the general area.
"Being humbled" didn't hit me that much because I'm naturally humble. ;) There's no one I ever knew before around, so being laughed at, being stared at are okay. So how did I feel the first days? Like Carl Johnson thrown out of the police car In The Beginning of GTA San Andreas. I didn't jack any cars though. :)
My last remark might be a tip for you (or not, whatever you want). Worry less about your children and the care you can give them. If they are physically and mentally healthy, some limited coaching, lots of warmth and love and stability is enough to let them blossom as you would never expect. Just you see how grateful they will be with only minimal effort. Amazing. Worry more about your choices for yourself as you can see in my first comment haha.
Hey Jovanna :-) I like you! I am a Dutchie who moved almost 20 years ago to Antwerpen, Belgium. And yes some of your remarks were very much valid for me! I still feel like a "Grens-geval" -not really Dutch anymore but also not really Belgian.. And don't you feel fed up with people that keep rubbing the same stereotypes on you? ;-) Like in Belgium they think all Dutch people eat junkfood from vending machines.. the "Kroket-uit-de-muur"... I keep reacting with : "Sure thing I eat kroketten and I live in a windmill wearing wooden clogs! " ;)
I was thinking about it, with some things i think: " just do it." But that can be the dutch practicality/ directness. With some things i think i would have less of a problem when moving to english speaking nations, because i already speak the language and can read it on a fairly well level. So i wouldnt be that depended on others for getting info. It would be different for me in other nations were i wouldnt be able to get by depending on english. Also it would be possible that because i am dutch the foreign languages can more easily be learned, Because of the dutch language we have a lot of "leenwoorden" so often words in another language have a same "shape" for a lack of better word. So even without knowing the actual language i find often that i can read in foreign languages some words. (on product packaging when there are Multi languages printed on them, i try to read the unfamiliar once to see if i can understand some of it.) I think i wouldnt mind as much, because i have a very adabtive kind of nature. Like when i in Rome do as romans do. I do understand the unrooted bit, i moved several times when i was a kid. But my the one with the biggest impact was a move of 50 km into a different city when i was 10. After that i never "belonged" anywere. All my childhood friends were gone. In the new school i was there for only 2 years because then we went our seperate ways to mavo, havo, atheneum, or gymnasium, so i couldnt "bond" with them as well as i did with kids before i moved. And the rest of my schoolyears i didnt like much, but thats a different story. If i have that with a move of 50 km in the same country between 2 cities...i cant imagine how it must be if you go all across the world. But with that said, Home is were the heart is. And that will Always be your own home. If you keep that in mind you can make it anyywere.
I'm a single mother who is considering moving to the Netherlands. Can you do a video or give some points on how the immigration process is please please please. I'm feeling overwhelmed.
you should begin with studying the site ind.nl/en and then to find your case and understand your chances. the country is not easy to move into. other countries of EU are simpler.
Most important is a job. Since you got it legal stuff is being taken care by employer usually and it's really easy. Don't forget to translate and legalize your documents. Also make sure your kids are more than 4 so you don't have to hassle with expensive day care.
What exists in the NL for childcare as far as maybe hiring a sitter to come into your home and watch the kids or to send them to their place....like it's easy here if you don't have family or need a good source of childcare you can even try care.com.....what exists in the NL to find people to do that? Even like petsitting....here it's super easy to find someone to stay in the home with your pets while you are away, or send your pets to a sitter's house for a period of time. Do those things not really exist there? Is it easy to find young people to babysit, and is it like here where you find a beloved sitter and that person is "your" trusted sitter (I know you gotta have a backup or two).
Mostly neighbor kids babysit (obviously not newborns but older kids). Or you can join some Facebook groups for expats in your area and ask for recommendations from other mamas. There is a babysitter website but I’ve never used it and am not sure it covers the whole of NL (probably just in the bigger cities). I live in The Hague. Where are you looking to move?
OK this might seem harsh (or Dutch direct) but it comes from a good heart. The moment you choose for an international career of you choose to have children, many of the points flow logically from those life choices. I think the Dutch way of dealing with it is to shrug your shoulders and say: Yep, that is the life I chose to live. I was on the verge of an international career inside the EU. I did not make it, but I was extremely aware of all the points you mentioned beforehand. That is part of the reason why I did not pursue it further (my ex-wife did not want to leave). And on your last point, about not being home, I think that is normal for grown ups who even leave their home town. I come from Haarlem, lived in The Hague for 10 years and now in Zoetermeer for 20 years. Haarlem has changed, physically and atmosphere. I do not feel at home anymore in Haarlem, but I will never be a born Zoetermeerder either. It is part of being an adult. I understand that it is a stronger feeling if it is another culture. But hey, also that was a life choice.
The fact most expats are here only temperary is also something that can make becoming friends with Dutch people more difficult. Dutch people will often think, this person is going to leave again soon so why put in any effort to become friends with them? It's simply not worth it! We have 3 kids (adults now) and also no family around to help us. One of our kids being born with several severe disabilities didn't make things easier. But you learn how to cope with it. You just have to.
In my own experience, I had to use humor (laugh at myself) if I was to get through the embarrassing moments. One of the benefits of being two expats in a foreign country is that you can laugh at the natives without offending anybody. I don't know why, but I never experienced homesickness (except for Holland when I was back in the States). You know, I felt like a foreigner in my own country too when I moved from California to Virginia, but soon developed a true love for the East Coast as well. Darling girl, I have the same feeling as you (not really belonging anywhere) whenever I go to a new place. You and I are world citizens so will be able to adjust to whatever circumstance we find ourselves. P.S. You really made me laugh about the bbq! 🌹
I am dutch and even i felt that moving from Dordrecht (big city near Rotterdam ) to a little town on the other side of the country. You know that Holland is a small country but it is very different one hour north or east. In the years Dordrecht had changed zo much that now i too feel like i am nothing 100%. Accept at home. You are right about that 😂 Ps sorry for my english😬
Hi Jovie, you are living quite a while now here in europe / NL did you having also a little bit of a struggle about the clock notations 24h. see this video , funny, she is living in germany th-cam.com/video/h-tQEUyUDqw/w-d-xo.html
My roots identity is something I struggle with as well...I know what my parents were BUT me...I say I am a bit of everything...not because I want to sound interesting but because I really do not know... 😁
OMG YES!! Whenever someone says "where are you from " I kind of hesitate to decide whether to give the long (accurate) version or the short version! It's so difficult to tell at this point "where" I'm from since I've collected life experiences from so many places. I love how you referred to this as roots identity, so true. Thanks for watching and commenting!!
Especially when you move from the USA to NL I can so imagine the homesickness. The culture shock is real. I never met an expat, so I can not really relate but I lived 6 months in Spain for my study and indeed we always were with the other Dutch people instead of the local people, because it was feeling like home.
9:25 Please, don't cut too early. 10:46 It makes sense to me. Listening to what you said at the end makes me want to share a Vulcan teaching: We are different. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us.
My parents moved to Florida for medical reason (warm climate) but the came back home every year. Everything is different, from the brand of milk to buy to your appliances being crap. It was a fun adventure but also very difficult at times. I visited them often and one time I got pneumonia. I have asthma so it was a huge issue. The doctors office was full so we where in for a wait we thought. I reproached the desk to announce myself when the woman looked up and asked me how I was going to pay. I had travel insurance but I decided to pre pay it myself with a credit card. Less than a minute I was in. I had to change into a stupid blue hospital robe and they did some things like my length and weight, all very different from what I knew. To get sick leave I needed a written statement and that stated 3 day (really insane because in the Netherlands I'll be home for 2 weeks. So yeah everything is different but that is also the fun of it. In the end everyone comes to another country by choice or you are fleeing a terrible country for your safety. In any case you instigated it, you take responsibility to your new country and to yourself and the people you came with.
I can imagine your shock at the medical system/treatment in the US compared to NL! Sick leave is a really strange thing in the US where the employer "gives" you a certain number of days (usually 5) per year where you can be "sick" and get paid time off from work. This is probably why you got that 3 days sick note. You didn't mention it but I presume you also got some seriously strong medicines that Dutch doctors would (rightfully) hesitate to give so quickly. Thanks a lot for watching and commenting!
@@JoviesHome Yes, the medication was good for a horse. My niece works in Switzerland as a nurse and the was shocked. She was also shocked about the over the counter drugs that could be bought without a subscription (or necessary blood tests to see if your kidneys or other organs can handle the drug).
I found it very insensitive when my sport instructor reminds me that my country has been colonized and that i should be able to speak Dutch... ouch!!!!
The most dificult is with the children no grandparents no family at school they always dead great especily with other children. They where 4 and 7 when we move and they like of here.
Whilst I recognise most of the things you mentioned, having been an expat or at least lived abroad for a very long time... this is all part and parcel of being an expat... Not entirely sure why Dutch people would need to be aware of this though. Think it's on the expat to try to fit in where ever they are. Either way, really do enjoy your videos. Interesting to see an American expat perspective on the Netherlands. Side note; have a look at "the undutchables", a book I think you'll enjoy
It must have been overwhelming in the beginning. And I can't imagine me moving anywhere else. All you can do is your best every single day. And i never thought about the things you said in this video. But about the weather I can get you have to get used to. it.
You said that very well, all you can do is try your best every day. It gets easier as time goes on but it's not always as wonderful as people tend to assume. Thank you for watching Antje and I hope you have a great day!
I will have a very good day even though is a gloomy day. Just some normal Dutch weather, we can complain all we want. But our weather does what it wants, I'm very used to it by now
Thanks so much! I am doing great but certainly these are some things I didn't think about before becoming an expat :) Hopefully it can help someone else adjust quicker or help the locals understand that expats aren't all bad ;) Thank you for watching!
The not belonging part is something i think everybody has...Things change but you also change..Your likes and dislikes change and i think you can adjust to a certain point (wherever you are) but to feel like you belong is difficult...Even as a dutch person like me it is difficult to belong here as black lesbian fat woman..My skin color is very light brown so i do not "belong" with black people or white people. And people do sometimes give you that feeling that i don't belong even though i was born in this country. People would ask me all the time were i am from. From the Netherlands..No where are your roots? My roots? Don't have roots..Were are you parents from ( i am adopted and have white parents) and i have to constantly tell people my situation. It is annoying but after 44 years i got use to it i guess....In my opinion i do not think it will ever be 100% the feeling of belonging somewhere. But question..Do you think you would feel the same way about all the 10 things you mentioned if you would have moved to New York or Chicago..Example the weather is also different there and you do not have your family there also..Or does it help that you are still in the states even though the missing of family is probably the same feeling and also the homesickness. I know a lot of americans like church..Maybe (if you are religious) go to a church and meet some people or have like a hobby so you can meet more people. Take care.
Generally: the same for any expat in any country. 1: knowing how to do stuff in a strange place. Isn't this argument valid anywhere? It is a question of asking. People will help. I'm als humble, but hey, asking never hurts. I find American -by the way- quite outspoken and not too humble.... 2: But is it not the same as just moving to a new town, even in the USA. You don't know anybody. So, I guess it is a language barrier that makes you feel more at ease with fellow country expats. Easiest to do is immediately enroll into a club that is about your hobby (I always join a baseball team for every new city I came in). You immediately meet many others. 3. Short period of time stay. Can't really help you there. I guess that really is the case. 4. Home sickness. As with 2. Best is to join something (whatever the hobby is) right away. But I understand that it may be difficult. 5. It could be. I know a lot of expats only working here. No kids and leave after 3 years. I can assume every expat may experience it differently. Money doesn't make up for anything by the way. 6. Yep. You're dealing with twice the issues.... 7. Not really an expat thing. We raised two kids and no family around. A matter of organizing. 8. I came here when I was 13 in a time there was hardly integration in NL. In NL die to a lot of immigrants handles it wat better now, but I get your point. 9. Isn't this about preparing up front?. I know that if I would go to Arizona that I know what to expect. Good preparation is key here. Do your channel may help others (Oh I do enjoy the channel, just to learn how others experience integration) 10. Yes, that happens as what you say. Things change very rapidly and going back is just different (after a while it will go back to normal if you stay), but I also have the same just here. Going back to my hometown in NL is not the same anymore as where I spend my first years in NL. It's just not the same anymore. Usually you feel Ike belonging to the place you are currently living in (once settled and off course need to be there for a while). Integration is a difficult issue regardless of background. The first step needs to be from yourself. Things are simply not handed to you. Good luck with the channel. Think it will help many.
I'm Dutch but have been living in different countries for quite a few years now. I moved to the UK for a few months when I was 17, Australia for a year when I was 18, the US for 2 years when I was 19, and have now been in Australia for 4.5 years (I'm 26 now). And I can totally relate to not fitting in 100% anywhere. I came across this quote, and I think it's very fitting.
"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."
exactly !! have the same experience. Never be completely home again, and missing family and friends here and also there. it is never the same again.
Its actually so cute you're dedicating a whole segment to a disclaimer, like me as a dutchy keeps thinking "omggg come to the point, be direct, do not stand still thinking about peoples feelings being hurt, its fineeeee". But i can appreciate it, it just shows how the american and dutch culture differ A LOT as well
AAAAAAA-fucking-MEN!
It's like the "Hi, how are you" of disclaimers :')
Yes that's exactly what I was thinking too. Is it a very "karen" way of thinking? But - is being a karen a bad thing IF you try to move away from it?
Being Dutch myself i found the things you struggled with really interesting and "eye opening". Very good to share so we all understand each other better!
😉🍀
I think you are being very honest about your struggles and your feelings, and that’s the best you can do! Your channel is very educational and human. Thanks Jovie 🙋🏼♀️
Great video! I can relate SO much!
When i lived there I was going between places a lot until I found my final apartment. On the way there I took a tram with all my bags and it was SO hot in Amsterdam that day. When im about to exit the tram the driver literally screamed at me that i was exiting through the wrong door. And when you have all this new stuff going on like you said, it will affect your mood and how you feel. I yelled something back at him. It was probably not something nice. 😄 I exit the tram, and just break down. And really felt like it was too much and nobody understood where i was coming from.
I can really relate to that how hard this can be when everything is new and you have to learn everything again.
But this was my peak. After this moment i just fell in love with The Netherlands.
I still feel like its my second home.
In the city I live there is an expat centre. It is set up to tackle a few of the obstacles you mention. It's a social centre where locals and expats can meet each other. They organize all kinds of (social) events, but it also helps expats to find there way in Dutch society, provide Dutch language lessons etc.
Thank you for being so open about your experiences, Jovie! It's good to have this pointed out.
I always enjoy your videos a lot, thank you (and Daan) for making them!
Haha I love that you're doing a disclaimer for us Dutchies, like bring it on. Roast me like no other😂😂
Thank you so much for these videos and your advices. I'm moving to Netherlands in a few months. My mum lives there with my brother and she is also expat but she moved there almost 2 years ago and for the beggining I'm gonna stay with her and she is gonna help me but I find your advices and expiriences very very interesting and useful. I watch your videos all the time and I'm "collecting" the informations. Sorry for my english because I'm Croatian and I know that is a little bit easier to us to move to any country in the EU because we don't need so much "papers" but your videos are so informative and can help a lot of people who are thinking about moving to Netherland :D Keep going :D
I am a Dutch woman, born and raised here. I love your videos. I wonder if there are no buddies for expats. I would like to do that. Thank you for your nice and informative videos.
Thanks for sharing your challenges Jovie, I'm European, 26 y/o, and have lived in Poland, Ireland, Colombia, and now the Netherlands. The part about not feeling like you belong somewhere resonates with me a lot. Disclaimer, I love it here, among the Dutch people I've met, I think they are great. However, it is challenging. I live with my Dutch boyfriend and cultural differences show up quite a bit when socialising with his family. I've lived here for half a year now and I feel a tightened feeling of expectation to speak Dutch in the Dutch home. I of course understand that it is expected to speak the language, however it takes time, and the language is difficult. I can understand most of the conversations, but I can't speak back. Feeling singled out in a Dutch home can be intiminating and makes me feel even more distant and aware of my alienness. I have no friends, at all, and I work from home, so it's extra hard to integrate and learn the language.
Is it possible for you to find a hobby? Where you can meet people every week? So sorry you feel lonely at times ❤️
If you're living here for only 6 months now, it's hardly fair to expect you to already have acquired a lot of Dutch. If you can understand most of it, like you said, that's imo quite a lot for such a short period of time! And it shows that you're willing to learn the language and are making an effort.
So in my view, your Dutch family acting in that way and making you feel pressure, is a very unreasonable and unkind way to behave.
I see now the date of your post, so this was too late! But maybe the situation is better now?
I recently found your videos and they're really comforting. I'm moving to NL for my Master's degree and coming from NYC, it's a big change. Your vids have provided me both comfort and info that I didnt have and I really appreciate that!
Hello all - thank you Jovie for making these videos and this one in particular. I am thankfully pregnant after many years of trying and I have the Netherlands to thank for the healthcare and getting me here (we are from the USA originally as well). We live in Gelderland and although there are many expats, it's so true what you say about feeling comfortable asking favors, especially regarding children. The little pieces of you everywhere...I can totally relate. We have been living in the NL for the last year and just bought a house - so planning to put down roots - but it's daunting. We moved here from Germany where we really felt at home but we had no future job for ourselves there (we were there for 3 years for my husband's post doc).
Just appreciating your points and your openness!
Hello, I have been watching your videos, but this video is really special. And point number 10 just touched my heart.
I’m living in Florida now, and really enjoy learning from you. 😍 love your Chanel!🌸
I like looking out your window as you talk. Just checking out the weather.
We are traveling to the Netherlands for 3weeks on a family trip. You have been sooo helpful.
Thank you👍🏻
You've become a wise nomad. You are a lot of puzzle pieces and each of them is precious and together form a wonderful you. You, belong everywhere your heart has been and still is.
Such a great video, I can relate on so many levels!
Thank you so much Antoinette! I think making YT videos about our experiences definitely helps too :)
@@JoviesHome I feel the same way about YT. It's also an amazing way to connect with fellow expats. I'm enjoying your videos so much! ❤️
when i moved to the usa several times, i never had anyone helping me to intergrate and showing or helping me with how to live there. i totally agree that one can feel overwhelmed and like having to start all over again to adjust to the usa, where i was. when i came back to the netherlands, i knew where to go to, what to do, and how to live. the experience in the usa actually overwhelmed, frustrated and made me really tired out. yes humble, definitely !! one becomes humble, especially when dealing with USCIS. But i survived this more then 2 times. Now i'm older, i'm actually happy to be back in the netherlands again, as i'm dutch. i appreciate the Netherlands much more now. But.....it is also a thing to find that you never fit in totally any more and having family and friends here and in the usa. Not knowing anymore where i really want to be.
Absolutely relate to not having roots or “home country” in one place after being an expat for 10 years
I totally get the home-sickness, I am 74 years old and moved to the US in Dec 1959, I didn't want to go but my opinion didn't matter. The first year here at the age of 13 living in New Mexico was pure hell, I cried myself to sleep every night for a year, I spoke no English, I was told to go back where I came from, they played dirty tricks on me at school, my English teacher (old bag lol) made me read out of a book and since I didn't know how to pronounce the words the whole class would laugh in other words it was a nightmare. For many years I felt I had 1 leg in Holland and the other in the states. My Dutch-Indonesian husband came to the US in 1961 and later that year we got married (he was 24.) And I think after my son was born I started to except the states more as my home. In 1971 we made our first trip to Holland for 3 weeks (it was way to short and the first thing I wanted was haring, crocretten, lumpias and much more. Many times more I returned for a visit and have taken 2 of my grandchildren to visit. I still read 2 Dutch newspapers every day and now what I see my desire to return to Holland had disappeared, the drugs, the crime, the racism, the way the elderly are treated, the way kids talk to their parents and adults, the churches turning into mosques, that's enough to say after 61 years I am an American.
What drugs? What "how the older people are being treated"? What crime?
You complained about racism in the Netherlands and yet you made a basically racist comment about "the churches turning into mosques". I have lived in the USA since I was 8 months old and over the last few years have watched the crime rate in the USA spiraling out of control with murders happening in my city on a daily basis and horrible mass shootings happening regularly in this country. We are considering leaving this country because we don't feel safe here anymore, and the liberties that we have enjoyed are quickly being whittled away. Democracy here is quickly becoming a thing of the past.
I grew up here and had to deal with crying myself to sleep every night because of horrible bullying....one does not have to be an expat to have that experience....I dealt with that from first grade all the way up to 11th grade in high school, and I was raised speaking English.
I can relate to these, but I feel that my story is going to be darker when I finally share it on here! 😂 Thanks for sharing!
Looking forward to hearing your experiences too Kelly!
I'm Dutch and I recognize some of your points although it's quite different for a lot of expats. I'm 22 now and lived in 6 countries from a very young age so I don't see myself as having one definitive "home" therefore is quite easy for me to adjust to new surroundings (except Japan because of its extreme culture...)
I think it's very easy to adjust to another culture by just accepting it and not do the most obvious thing which is comparing it to your home country.
As for helping kids integrate... Having been an expat kid myself I can tell you that kids actually integrate much faster and better usually than adults. My parents' system was basically that inside the house I was a Dutch kid, speaking Dutch and learning all the dutch "ways of life", but when I went outside of the house I'd become a "local" speaking the language of the country I was in and going to the local school (which in my opinion is really important. There are benefits to going to an international school during the high school period if you are a fast moving expat but otherwise always go local) this is also a much better way as a parent to integrate into the local community instead of being seen as "the expat" in the neighbourhood which can create distances. As for needing supervision for kids, in Western Europe it's generally quite simple. Just ask the parents of one of your kids friends if he can sleepover there for the weekend and when you're not busy volunteer to organize a sleepover party at your house in return...
By the way, your point 10 is very accurate but instead of saying that you don't belong anywhere try changing that last word to everywhere ;)
Love watching your videos because I also sometimes feel like an expat in the Netherlands (even though it's "my" country...)
Serial expat here, I haven’t lived in my ‘passport country’ in almost 14 years and in my ‘home province’ for about 18! My children have never attended school in their passport countries and I worry they feel most at home in an international airport wing ;) While I have never regretted embarking on this wild adventure, your video very much resonates with me. Picking up the language is always a huge obstacle to making local friendships as is the time-limited nature of expat assignments. Thus other expats make great friends because regardless of their country of origin, we understand the loneliness and isolation that most of us, regardless of how happy and settled we are, face from time to time. That being said, I hope your Dutch viewers know that we love being here in the Netherlands, it is a beautiful country and if I could I’d stay a long, long time.
In Groningen i had to learn the bike rules on my own. Thankfully there is a biking tutorial program now for newcomers.
Hi, I'm Dutch and living in Groningen, you need a hand with anything?
Wiould love to see a get ready with me video. x
I lived in Brussels for a while, ( I am Dutch) , so close to the Netherlands and so many things are the same but also a lot of things just slightly different. I have been so terrible homesick. It might sound silly to you because Netherlands_ Belgium is nothing comparing USA_ Netherlands but I missed my previous daily life and routines. It was the same feeling that I experienced as a child when I was missing my parents so much when I stayed in the house of my uncle and aunt. The only solution was bringing me back home in the late evening in my pyjama's. So as soon we had the chance to go back to the Netherlands, we did that. The main thing what was bothering me the most is that people constantly make you aware of your nationality and where you are from. If you live in your own country you never think about that but living somewhere else it becomes at onces a part of your identity. The whole time it was in my mind that I was concidered being different as soon I started to talk.
Oh yes! That's such an interesting point about being constantly aware of your nationality. Thank you for watching and sharing your experiences. 💛
I feel you. I am Dutch and live near a small village in Indonesia. No babysitter, no expats nor family around. I involved my kids in everything and sometimes used a big babybox for them to play in safely nearby or a babyphone when working outdoor. It gave some freedom.
Number 7 is a big one. We have 3 children and it was challenging when they were younger. My biggest culture shock in the beginning were the healthcare system and the weather.
When our kids were small we had an arrangement with friends (which they became more and more) to regularly take care of each others kids so the parents could have a weekend off or an evening. Our kids were about the same age and this worked quite well for a couple of years. I know it takes trust to get this started, but it's really really worthwhile
You are spot on ! I think that our experiences make us grow as Humans if we embrace them. I surely got a deeper understanding of being new to a country after living in NL and moving back to Denmark. I have moved over 40 times so "not belonging" is part of my Life, but for people who live in the same cirkles/place it must be terrifying to become expat! I see myself as a Cityzen of the World = an Earthling - which makes it a bit easier to grab he he
#7 I agree must be the hardest! My parents live 3 hours away so not even close to them living in another country but still not right down the street. And when your parents do come visit you want to visit with them! Not run errands or go out for a date night and ask them to babysit.
Thanks for the program miss jovie, having listened to this program l have remembered the previous programs for the unskilled workers who want to get ajob in the Netherlands....the door to door method,making anice C.V extra...which encourage those who are unskilled.thanks also for this part of skilled experts.
Thank you so much! What a lovely comment to read. Thank YOU for watching all of my videos, I appreciate you!
@@JoviesHome you always welcome,at times when am not busy at work l at times do the recap about afew videos of Jovies home and l at times do some research about the Netherlands.
@@JoviesHome Hello miss jovie,l would like you to teach us how to find a job using online when you a foreigner (unskilled) who would wish to work in the Netherlands to those who don't have their people in that country.l will be happy lf you get a program about that...may God bless you.
I enjoy watching your vlogs because our backgrounds are similar. Like you I was born and raised in the US and came to The Netherlands as an adult. But there ends what we have in common. I picked up the language quickly and well. Dutch colleagues woud come to me for questions on grammar or spelling. I had one friend when I first came here, but in no time I gained many more through my work or social life. In just a few years home meant The Netherlands, to my mother's annoyance. Yes, I had to ask a lot of questions about owning a car or finding my own home, but that seemed normal. I was lucky that I came in 1974 when getting residency and work permits was simple. I became a Dutch citizen in 1997 without having to prove I spoke Dutch or knew Dutch history, customs and government. But I'm sure I would have easily passed the exams. Though I was planning to spend just a couple of years here at a minimum, it's now 48 years. I have never regretted my decision and have never been home sick. The biggest difference between us is that I have no children; admittedly that could have made a big difference. Keep up the videos, I'm fascinated by all the subjects you find to compare.
I love this. When we moved to AZ from MI, I didn't realize that the allergy season was opposite of Michigan's, so my son was on his meds all summer. The doctor never told me. I also got super homesick. Although I long to move to the Netherlands, and we do have family there, I think that I would end up wanting to move back.
I felt the same when I relocated to the UK from Australia. I worked and lived in the UK for 6 years but when I went back to Australia for visits it seemed foreign (or changed). I felt comfortable in the UK after about a year there and I resettled back into Australian life after being back a year. My father was Dutch by birth (from The Hague) and he felt similar to you, a bit in limbo....neither one nationality or the other. My husband was born in South Africa and relocated to the UK (where we met). Now he's permanently in Australia, he's still a bit South African, British and a bit Aussie. We do adjust eventually. Thank you for your informative videos Jovie.
A kindred spirit here. American ex-pat married to a Catalan living the last seven years in Barcelona with twin boys born here. I'm so thankful they will always be able to understand each other in the three languages they speak. Having kids made me feel the cultural differences so much more strongly. There are ways of being and thinking that represent my core values that I bump up against in this society and I want to give them. "Little things" like learning all the swear words from their school playground so young (starting school at 3 - or 2 if you're born in December like mine!), the different relationship to time, the racist books their school uses, the aggressive way girls and boys are gendered and conditioned to behave. Some of the same issues must exist in the USA, but I'm from liberal Seattle and the lack of separation of church and state keeps coming up with all of the Catholic-themed celebrations in the public school - not just Christmas and Easter, but Lent and Saints days...concertada schools (kind of like Charter schools, half-private, some tax funding) tend to be MORE religious and fully private or international schools charge tuition at university rates. I just can't afford that with twins. I want them to grow up with the kids in their neighborhood and feel like they belong, but I wish they acted like their American cousins rather than their classmates. Hang in there Jovie, your earnestness and desire to help are refreshing. Thanks for your perspectives on the Netherlands.
I moved around a lot in the Netherlands and abrought..All I can say is you have to adapt to a new situation..IT van be diffucult but you have to be postive. You choose this lifestyle the consequence is adapt Stay positif .Thete are always people prepared to help and support you. Ask for help and support.
As a former member of the Netherlands foreign service, I have been an expat in many different countries in the world. I can share your feeling of constantly losing friends who were transferred to other countries. We even tried not to make new friendships, but that doesn't work at all. We had colleagues at the embassy who showed us how to get a driver's license and how to find a house. Many of the points you made are also felt by Dutch expatriates abroad.
#10 yes! I don’t identify as neither Dutch nor American - Dutch origins, living in SoCal now and totally loving it. It’s good though: I think moving cultures there’s an opportunity to shed aspects and embrace others and become more aware of one’s true nature, which is liberating. Love your vids!
I'm from SoCal living in noord-brabant
Hi Jovie,
Its so difficult to be a expat! I can relate with all the all that you explaning! Beside missing my parents I really miss the Winter! I live in a country that only has “summer” with a rainy season that least for 8 months!
Also everybody think this kind of life its easy and few understand how much you have to give up to sick for better opportunities!
I hope you can find a really good family (expat or not) that can give you more support!
Thank you! And I hear you, when you come from a place with 4 seasons, it’s very disorienting to find yourself in a place with one or two. Hope you get yo see your parents soon!
Voor een oppas zou je op een social media zoals Facebook een pagina kunnen opzoeken "maatje gezocht" stel daar de vraag voor hulp of gezelschap in je buurt.
1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10 are SO true! As to weather (9) that comparing to my land it is very good here, so I am mostly happy with the local weather (but still homesick nonetheless).
Lots of people don't have family nearby unfortunately. I think friends help each other out watching each other's kids (not that often for overnight though). I hung out at my friend's place a lot as a little kid and the other way around.
Jovie I am new to your channel but I absolutely love, love, love, LOVE you already. I've never felt inspired to pack up and move my whole life to another country until I started listening to your stories/experiences. Can you please do a video on your immigration experience to NL and explain the process, requirements, necessary procedures and documents, etc on getting citizenship there? I NEED this info as I'm getting ready to buy my first home with an inheritance but I'm genuinely looking into moving to NL instead of buying here in the USA. Everything you've told me so far sounds like a perfect fit for my family and I and I will do it if at all possible. Tell me girl- what was your process for becoming a legal citizen in NL?? 🙏😘
Hi Cristina, thank you so much for watching and for your comments. I will try to make an immigration video but just to briefly answer your question - I moved to NL to do an internship in my last semester of law school. While here I met my now-husband who is not Dutch but is from the EU. So I was able to immigrate as his wife.
You might be interested in looking into the DAFT (Dutch American Friendship Treaty) possibilities for yourself. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DAFT
@@JoviesHome thank you so much Jovie! Last night I also read about the different ways to get citizenship in NL and its definitely possible. I just want a change from all the consumerism, the Kardashians, the one-for-all mentality, the feeling like I have to "keep up" and a government that is no longer "for the people".
Winter tyres? I didn't think the Dutch climate was that different from the UK, but I've never heard of these.
There was a big hype in The Netherlands around 2010 or 2011 when we had two winters with a lot of snow. About 10 x more than in an average winter. Winter tires became the big seller that year and the winter tires stayed popular after that, even in winters when there was practically no snow or ice. And one big disadvantage is that some drivers think they can drive on snow the same way they drive in summer because they have winter tires but they don't.
I can tell you this, i was 19 en moved 200 km further, from home, als in the netherlands but for me strange. I went totaly alone, i didn't know anyone. I can relate to you, and yess even moving from one side to another in the Netherlands is just as loney.
Hi miss Jovie! Thank you for sharing your feelings about moving abroad. It's just so understandable and so sad that you and probably all expats have to go through this without there being a proper safety net in place to be able to fall back on, by lack of a better description for it. A place where you and other expats could go to for some guidance, or even some volunteers that you could call with all kind of questions you might have, or a social community to fall back on, even if it would probably largely consist of expats. It might sound very silly, but somehow I'm thinking of the community services that are usually offered by a 'buurthuis', which could be translated into a community centre, where they organize all kinds of get togethers. They play bingo with the elderly, arts and crafts for children, there are coffee mornings and dinners with everybody that's interested to meet new people in the neighbourhood, there are hobby clubs, second hand sale events and so much more. I would say that it's usually elderly people or people with a certain distance to society that would benefit from it, but it would be a place to get in contact with 'the community'! Even if you would just accompany your children to their arts and crafts morning for instance, you would probably not be the only mother there. Or you could have a chat with the volunteers usually working there, I'm sure they know much more about all the possibilities and services rendered there. I wouldn't be surprised if people using these facilities would be willing to lend a helping hand themselves too. In whatever way or shape, they'll probably like to get in contact with other people as well.
Ik denk dat Nederlands leren het beste is. Dan wordt het een stuk gemakkelijker om contacten te maken. Dat zie ik namelijk bij mij in de buurt. Gewoon mee beginnen. Het maakt niet uit als je gebrekkig Nederlands spreekt.
I can relate to things changing when you're gone, even in a non-international way. I lived in my previous house from birth and after moving away, I go back to that neighborhood sometimes. It's changed in small ways, so it's no longer 'mine'. And I only live 10 kms away now. Worst thing that happened was that there is now a tram stop right outside my former bedroom window. Glad I'm gone. :P
Oddly, when I dream, 3 out of 4 times 'home' is still that old house though. Then again, I'm at 1/7 of my life in my new home, so that might explain it.
I returned 28 years ago and everything had changed. Public transport had to buy a 'Stripperkaart' from the tobacconist. The routes of the public transport had changed, but I had a break I made small talk with an American at Amsterdam Central Station. I know how you feel and I have never been back since.
I didn't know that it was so difficult for an expat to make local friends. It surprised me.
That you don't have the feeling you don't belong in any country, i can imagine. You are a world citizen :). I am dutch, and i have never lived in a other country, so yes the Netherlands is my homeland. But the only place i am feeling really great is in my own home.
About number 1. I'm always happy to help. Not just miss Jovie, any other expats struggling with living here. I live in the middle of the North Brabant Province, so probably not that many expats here, but just in case: feel free to contact me.
About not having family here to watch your kids: maybe you could ask help for the shed instead? So you can watch the kids? Take them to a park or something while you husband and the extra help do the shed?
And the winter tires? You don't really need those in the Netherlands. It's only a few days per year that there is snow and ice on the road. But 99% of the time you're fine with regular summer tires. Just drive carefully and you're probably better off than the people who have winter tires and who think they are Superman on ice skates now. Winter tires aren't miracle tires. Snow and ice are still slippery. You still have to drive slowly when there is snow on the road.
There is plenty of expats actually here in Eindhoven. However it doesn't make things easier. Also locals are quite nice here I didn't yet experienced that rudeness people from Amsterdam or the Hague are mention sometimes.
@@TheKonstantinius Well, I live more in the middle of the province. Eindhoven is more to the east from here. So, I wouldn't really know about Eindhoven. I do visit the city occasionally but the last time was years ago.
this is sooo interesting!
Thanks so much!
I totally understand what you are talking about! I moved from the upper north of the Netherlands to just across the border in belgium (french part). I still study in the Netherlands. Though my college is very far away. So I have made friends at college. But I have no contacts whatsoever in the french part, or nearby in the Netherlands. Which makes things quite lonely. Because it is difficult to make new friends when you're in an unfamiliar place.
I came for a vacation after 25 years left as a teen and visited the place when I was 40. I was just in a foreign country but I could speak the language. I had trouble realizing that all the houses in the suburbs were of the same design. Extended family were strangers and had to visit my uncles at the cemetery. But I enjoyed not so much the Netherlands but all of Europe. The US was a lot easier for me nobody asked where I came from and just fitted in. California is a lot like West Australia. In Australia it was easy to fit in as a teen as long as you give their codes of football and cricket a go.
One of the things i've noticed as an ex-expat (dutch, lived in Russia and France) Is that you can recognize where people's ideas come from, and that they have also culturally come to them, rather than of their own creativity/ideas. It makes people a lot less interesting, because you listen to them and think : 'yes, you would say that. I think i've heard this opinion before. And it didn't make any sense in context x or y, and you're just repeating other people. That's fine. Wonder what i'm going to make for dinner tonight...'
True, a lot of locals are saying same things just replacing country name thinking they are unique. Being an expat gives this bird eye view on the humanity.
Ga vooral het land in, er is veel meer te zien dan de randstad. We hebben ook watermolens in het oosten en zuiden van het land
Hi Jovie, where is your husband orginally from and where did you meet?
Oh I forgot the family and homesickness. Well, my parents were very old. When I moved out of Haarlem, they died, as did many of my other relatives. Be grateful you can still call or write them. I can't.
You never think about this, but I think it's easier for anyone to move to America than it is for an American to move anywhere else just because we already know so much from TV and Movies.
The best thing you can do is finding a friendly neighbor, looking out your window you should have at leas one around the square. Just have a chat when you see them, and just ASK for tips and tricks.
"Home is wherever I'm with you" a house is where you live, a home is what you make of it.
Basically when you come to the Netherlands, Don't be afraid to ask something. Most Dutch people speak English, just expect a simpel short answer that is honest and might be a bit blunt. They don't intent to hurt your feelings but they don't feel the need to lie either.
"Can I ask you something?"
You either get a yes or someone says I don't speak English...
Yes yes they learned that sentence 🤣🤣
How did you meet Daan?
Speaking of Daan... Zou je het volume iets harder kunnen doen? Hij staat op z'n hardst en Jovie komt amper boven de achtergrond herrie uit hier 🤣🤣
I met Daan through our (former) neighbor - his grandma! If you watch our Learning Dutch while Cooking video you'll also see his grandma who was our guest that day :)
I gave my mom a decorative pillow when we moved away that said "home is where your mom is". But now that I'm a mom myself, I can't consider my mom as my home, since I have to be that home for my own kids. But it's okay since I'm very, very happy that NL is our chosen home. Thanks for watching and commenting!
Hi Jovie,
Although I have no experience as an expat, I think I mostly understand your - and other expats - challenges. What I'm trying to grasp has to do with the title of this video. You want us, the Dutch, to know about these challenges. My question I guess is: what do you want or expect us to do with this knowledge? Is this about more empathy, more understanding, more patience? In other words: how can we be more responsive, helpful? How can we ease you guys in, if that makes any sense?
Maybe you could elaborate more on how we can be helpful to expats in general.
I think she just wants the natives around her to be more accepting and less judgemental. It is easy to pass judgement on people who relocate from other countries, but it is so much more helpful to have empathy and try to understand what expats are dealing with. My husband and I are considering relocating to the Netherlands in a few years, but we have an advantage over others who relocate, because I actually have family there and my father was Dutch. I would like to think that the Dutch community around me would be understanding and helpful and not judgemental. Just my thoughts.
Oh Jovie, my heart breaks for you and if you were my neighbour I would help you out! Just drop your kids next to mine and go do your thing or have a drink together and relax. I can imation how tough that must be at times. 🤗
😂 😂 I had the same feeling! 😂😘
em be 😘
My heart also goes out to you, i know what it is, blnot have the opportunity to drop tbe kids . My mom lived 200km away. If you lived near me i would help you out with the kids.
Hi. I am a Czech-American. Born in CZ, grew up in California, university in Europe, then back to the USA for 6 years and now I've been back in CZ for over 10 years, married to a nice Czech guy. Even though I have family here and he has family, I feel like an expat more and more - why? Because I have seen things, lived things, been to places that the people from my extended family have not and I have almost nothing in common with my cousins/extended family. Many many people around me have only lived in their small part of the world and have very little if any interests in other parts of the world, they seem to think that their way is the only correct way and the only way things are done anywhere - that is how it seems to me. I have much better conversations with a childhood friend who imigrated to the USA from Romania a who works for the US government. I thought that I have friends in CZ, but that has turned out to not be true - Czech men hate strong women, I find the majority of Czech men to be chauvanistic and arrogant, which makes making women friends hard. In the USA, they say that "Friends are friends for a reason a season or a lifetime". Not having grown up in a place means, no childhood friends, no one who loves you just because they have known you since forever. I am not a real expant but many times I feel like one, yet other expats from the USA are not interested in me - I am not like them either. Oh, and making friends who after a few years move far away, that is the norm in California - I made so many friends in CA and then over time they moved back to their home states... Having small kids and no family around - my parents went through that when we imigrated to the USA in the 1980s. And Yes, I also many times feel that I dont fit in anywhere, however after living where I am now for 5 years, I do feel like this is home, this is where I want to stay, yet when it comes to interperson interaction, I still feel alone and like an expat.
This post post will be a bit long and is based on watching a few of your videos. I am not sure you wil read it but if you do I hope my remarks will help.
I started as a french citizen and came here when I was 15 years old. I already spoke Dutch but it was basic and I couldn’t really read or write. My parents split in France and my Dutch mother decided to go back home with her kids.
I recognise some of your struggles like homesickness. But I quickly learned after a few years that Holland, The Hague was my new home. So I had to adjust quickly. I went to a Dutch school and everything is Dutch... learning to read and write was a must. I never really had any troubles after that with little and big bureaucratic issues in Holland. French bureaucracy remains a struggle so I said farewell to that.
There is a Dutch saying that it is better to have a good neighbour than a far away friend. I say that because you struggle a lot with a lack of friends and people you trust around you. By sticking to other ‘expats’ who will leave the country after a few years, you are bound to loose the few friends you have. And I get the feeling that you don’t know your neighbours. And I think they might help you in many more ways than fixing a leaking tap. Furthermore sending your children to an English speaking school will not give you any incentive to know Dutch parents but only other expats. Dutch parents will in the majority not go away and could help like a good neighbour.
If you have decided to make this country your home, stop calling yourself an expat. That is for international workers whose only certainty is that he/she wil move after a few years. If you live here, you are basically a migrant. Like you said you are privileged if you compare yourself with polish, Romanian, Turkish emigrants but they have the same struggles. And like you they tend to stick together. But unlike you they have less choices than yourself. I know that, because I for a while gave lessons to children with learning problems from migrant families. Basically the majority are not stupid but they have to translate a lot for their parents. They have to go to the doctor when their parents are ill to translate, help with the bureaucracy, reading the letters from the energy company etc. The children do part of the parenting and that shouldn't be the case. Those children bare a lot of worries that only their parents schold have. Your son is already correcting your English and you could see that as some early sign of him feeling that he need to do that. But I may be wrong there.
Most of the comments are from other expats and they support you in what you do with what you do with your channel. I also support you. Especially because you make it with the help of a local editor. That synergy should inspire you to look further to solve some of your struggles out of your comfort zone. In your case your own home. I can’t give you a silver bullet but extending your comfort zone might be just one.
I hope this long post won’t come across as rude. I wish you luck and happiness.
I think wintertires are not obligatory in NL :)
not as oblgatory as in Germany, however, your insurance may not cover damage to your car from an accident if you don't have wintertires fitted between November 1st and April 1st
I'm Dutch and I've lived in Norway for 3 years and in the UK for 5. No big deal to be honest, I found it an easy, enriching experience but not something that changed me or my outlook in any significant way.
But did you move your self or with your parents? Because then your parents would be those who have to pay taxes in different countries. And it would be nothing special for you your self.
#10 - I can certainly understand what it must be like for you to have the feeling that you don't fit anywhere. I am Dutch and I've lived in this house since '89 when we bought it, but the neigborhood has changed considerably. So much so that over 50% of the home owners in my street do not speak Dutch in their home (or on the street or backyard), whether they are immigrants or expats. So basically my feeling of 'self' and belonging has been watering down for a while now, which is a really unsettling feeling. Like you, I live in The Hague (born and raised), so you know about the big diversity, and although we are all Earthlings and citizens of the same world, the feeling of belonging somewhere is more of a 'local' thing, where you're surrounded by things you know and love.
Also, the fact that we now live in a technologically 'advanced' society, where you do 60% (ball park) of the things online, as opposed to having to actually go talk to people to get things done, that too takes away from the integration, even if you are Dutch.
For expats, I think the most important thing is to learn the language asap. Not so much for the people around you, as for yourself. You'll integrate a lot quicker, you can widen your social circle and step out of the expat-bubble (if you will) much more easily. If you can make long time friends among the Dutch, things like finding baby sitters should be less of a problem. Learning and understanding Dutch seems like it's one big hurdle, but it opens up so many benefits and adds to the feeling of belonging and your independence.
Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on like this ;-)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It can be difficult to watch your own neighborhood change over time and suddenly feel like an "outsider"! Thanks for watching and supporting my channel 💛
Reading this makes me feel lucky to live in a small town. Yes, people move out and others move in but they are often from the same area. Some even from the same families that lived here when I was a kid.
I definitely agree, learning Dutch would make it a lot easier. Although actually learning Dutch is quite difficult, as most people start speaking English to people who don't speak Dutch as soon as they realise. I had a friend from Germany move to Amsterdam, and she had problems trying to learn the language because everyone kept speaking in English to her. She had to keep telling people and reminding them to speak Dutch to her, and correct her when she made mistakes. But I can imagine that if you're not really comfortable speaking the language, it would make it more difficult to make yourself remind people to speak Dutch to you all the time.
I understand your struggles. I have wanted to move to an other country but that didn’t turn out right unfortunately. I understand you being homesick once in a while. I have that with the place that I wanted to live in 😳. Making new friends is also an issues for Dutch people when they move to another part of the country. My friends thought it was too long a ride to come and visit. ( and I am severly ill so am not able to go to them) And must say after 7 years I still don’t have real friends in my new hometown. What I don’t understand is that you have no one to look after your children some times. We also had no family nearby but there are always neighbours that like to look after yoyr kids esp. if you can watch their children once in a while. They are not my best friends but it is just helping eachother out. Here that is normal certainly when the kids like to play together. So I don’t understand that you can never find someone to give you some free time. Dutch are pretty relaxed in that. So maybe just try ??
I do not like changes, i just got a dutch resident permit this year i am actually living in the city of Maastricht and I've been so depressed, stressed and anxious, i don't even want to talk to my neighbors, i love this country but doing everything alone is difficult
Are u still feeling home sick now (feb 2020)?
Thank you for sharing! I moved to Belgium years ago, and still don't fit in as it's a very tight community. Yet, when I visit my old city in The Netherlands, so much has changed there, that I don't feel much at home there either! And I relate to having no family and close friends around where you just go "park" your children to run errands..
Integration is hugely difficult, because unless you have a partner who is a native, as I have, it may take a long time. Having children will help, as they will bring home friends, and you can meet the parents. But natives have relatives in the country that go way back, so they have "roots". May take a generation or two. Brian Oosterbeek Nederland. PS And don't forget, natives mostly will have no idea of your life's experiences, and may well be less wordly than you are. This can pose challenges. You have done very well I think. Brian Oosterbeek Nederland
Whereabouts in the Netherlands do you live? We may end up there and your videos are super helpful. Maybe would be nice to meet another American! I know you won't want to be too specific but, just the general area.
So sorry for technical difficulties.
"Being humbled" didn't hit me that much because I'm naturally humble. ;) There's no one I ever knew before around, so being laughed at, being stared at are okay.
So how did I feel the first days? Like Carl Johnson thrown out of the police car In The Beginning of GTA San Andreas. I didn't jack any cars though. :)
My last remark might be a tip for you (or not, whatever you want). Worry less about your children and the care you can give them. If they are physically and mentally healthy, some limited coaching, lots of warmth and love and stability is enough to let them blossom as you would never expect. Just you see how grateful they will be with only minimal effort. Amazing. Worry more about your choices for yourself as you can see in my first comment haha.
Hey Jovanna :-) I like you! I am a Dutchie who moved almost 20 years ago to Antwerpen, Belgium. And yes some of your remarks were very much valid for me! I still feel like a "Grens-geval" -not really Dutch anymore but also not really Belgian.. And don't you feel fed up with people that keep rubbing the same stereotypes on you? ;-) Like in Belgium they think all Dutch people eat junkfood from vending machines.. the "Kroket-uit-de-muur"... I keep reacting with : "Sure thing I eat kroketten and I live in a windmill wearing wooden clogs! " ;)
I was thinking about it, with some things i think: " just do it." But that can be the dutch practicality/ directness.
With some things i think i would have less of a problem when moving to english speaking nations, because i already speak the language and can read it on a fairly well level. So i wouldnt be that depended on others for getting info.
It would be different for me in other nations were i wouldnt be able to get by depending on english.
Also it would be possible that because i am dutch the foreign languages can more easily be learned, Because of the dutch language we have a lot of "leenwoorden" so often words in another language have a same "shape" for a lack of better word. So even without knowing the actual language i find often that i can read in foreign languages some words. (on product packaging when there are Multi languages printed on them, i try to read the unfamiliar once to see if i can understand some of it.)
I think i wouldnt mind as much, because i have a very adabtive kind of nature. Like when i in Rome do as romans do.
I do understand the unrooted bit, i moved several times when i was a kid. But my the one with the biggest impact was a move of 50 km into a different city when i was 10. After that i never "belonged" anywere. All my childhood friends were gone. In the new school i was there for only 2 years because then we went our seperate ways to mavo, havo, atheneum, or gymnasium, so i couldnt "bond" with them as well as i did with kids before i moved. And the rest of my schoolyears i didnt like much, but thats a different story.
If i have that with a move of 50 km in the same country between 2 cities...i cant imagine how it must be if you go all across the world.
But with that said, Home is were the heart is. And that will Always be your own home. If you keep that in mind you can make it anyywere.
I'm a single mother who is considering moving to the Netherlands. Can you do a video or give some points on how the immigration process is please please please. I'm feeling overwhelmed.
you should begin with studying the site ind.nl/en and then to find your case and understand your chances. the country is not easy to move into. other countries of EU are simpler.
Most important is a job. Since you got it legal stuff is being taken care by employer usually and it's really easy. Don't forget to translate and legalize your documents. Also make sure your kids are more than 4 so you don't have to hassle with expensive day care.
What exists in the NL for childcare as far as maybe hiring a sitter to come into your home and watch the kids or to send them to their place....like it's easy here if you don't have family or need a good source of childcare you can even try care.com.....what exists in the NL to find people to do that? Even like petsitting....here it's super easy to find someone to stay in the home with your pets while you are away, or send your pets to a sitter's house for a period of time. Do those things not really exist there? Is it easy to find young people to babysit, and is it like here where you find a beloved sitter and that person is "your" trusted sitter (I know you gotta have a backup or two).
Mostly neighbor kids babysit (obviously not newborns but older kids). Or you can join some Facebook groups for expats in your area and ask for recommendations from other mamas. There is a babysitter website but I’ve never used it and am not sure it covers the whole of NL (probably just in the bigger cities).
I live in The Hague. Where are you looking to move?
@@JoviesHome Probably outside Amsterdam like maybe one of the lake towns to the southwest of Amsterdam. :)
Is that far? LOL
Well I get homesick when I'm away from home for more than a week so I could never leave for a different country to live there.
I can imagine all of your points. Thank you for your honesty. And BTW: Nobody can cope with the weather around here.
OK this might seem harsh (or Dutch direct) but it comes from a good heart. The moment you choose for an international career of you choose to have children, many of the points flow logically from those life choices. I think the Dutch way of dealing with it is to shrug your shoulders and say: Yep, that is the life I chose to live. I was on the verge of an international career inside the EU. I did not make it, but I was extremely aware of all the points you mentioned beforehand. That is part of the reason why I did not pursue it further (my ex-wife did not want to leave). And on your last point, about not being home, I think that is normal for grown ups who even leave their home town. I come from Haarlem, lived in The Hague for 10 years and now in Zoetermeer for 20 years. Haarlem has changed, physically and atmosphere. I do not feel at home anymore in Haarlem, but I will never be a born Zoetermeerder either. It is part of being an adult. I understand that it is a stronger feeling if it is another culture. But hey, also that was a life choice.
I don't think she is complaining. She is just sharing😉
The fact most expats are here only temperary is also something that can make becoming friends with Dutch people more difficult. Dutch people will often think, this person is going to leave again soon so why put in any effort to become friends with them? It's simply not worth it!
We have 3 kids (adults now) and also no family around to help us. One of our kids being born with several severe disabilities didn't make things easier. But you learn how to cope with it. You just have to.
In my own experience, I had to use humor (laugh at myself) if I was to get through the embarrassing moments. One of the benefits of being two expats in a foreign country is that you can laugh at the natives without offending anybody. I don't know why, but I never experienced homesickness (except for Holland when I was back in the States). You know, I felt like a foreigner in my own country too when I moved from California to Virginia, but soon developed a true love for the East Coast as well. Darling girl, I have the same feeling as you (not really belonging anywhere) whenever I go to a new place. You and I are world citizens so will be able to adjust to whatever circumstance we find ourselves. P.S. You really made me laugh about the bbq! 🌹
I am dutch and even i felt that moving from Dordrecht (big city near Rotterdam ) to a little town on the other side of the country. You know that Holland is a small country but it is very different one hour north or east. In the years Dordrecht had changed zo much that now i too feel like i am nothing 100%. Accept at home. You are right about that 😂 Ps sorry for my english😬
I'm always amazed how people managed to make things different in just one hour driving distance :-)
Hi Jovie, you are living quite a while now here in europe / NL did you having also a little bit of a struggle about the clock notations 24h.
see this video , funny, she is living in germany
th-cam.com/video/h-tQEUyUDqw/w-d-xo.html
My roots identity is something I struggle with as well...I know what my parents were BUT me...I say I am a bit of everything...not because I want to sound interesting but because I really do not know... 😁
OMG YES!! Whenever someone says "where are you from " I kind of hesitate to decide whether to give the long (accurate) version or the short version! It's so difficult to tell at this point "where" I'm from since I've collected life experiences from so many places. I love how you referred to this as roots identity, so true. Thanks for watching and commenting!!
@@JoviesHome and the long version is loooooooong, in our both cases I guess... 😁
Especially when you move from the USA to NL I can so imagine the homesickness. The culture shock is real.
I never met an expat, so I can not really relate but I lived 6 months in Spain for my study and indeed we always were with the other Dutch people instead of the local people, because it was feeling like home.
9:25 Please, don't cut too early.
10:46 It makes sense to me.
Listening to what you said at the end makes me want to share a Vulcan teaching: We are different. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us.
My parents moved to Florida for medical reason (warm climate) but the came back home every year. Everything is different, from the brand of milk to buy to your appliances being crap. It was a fun adventure but also very difficult at times. I visited them often and one time I got pneumonia. I have asthma so it was a huge issue. The doctors office was full so we where in for a wait we thought. I reproached the desk to announce myself when the woman looked up and asked me how I was going to pay. I had travel insurance but I decided to pre pay it myself with a credit card. Less than a minute I was in. I had to change into a stupid blue hospital robe and they did some things like my length and weight, all very different from what I knew. To get sick leave I needed a written statement and that stated 3 day (really insane because in the Netherlands I'll be home for 2 weeks. So yeah everything is different but that is also the fun of it.
In the end everyone comes to another country by choice or you are fleeing a terrible country for your safety. In any case you instigated it, you take responsibility to your new country and to yourself and the people you came with.
I can imagine your shock at the medical system/treatment in the US compared to NL! Sick leave is a really strange thing in the US where the employer "gives" you a certain number of days (usually 5) per year where you can be "sick" and get paid time off from work. This is probably why you got that 3 days sick note. You didn't mention it but I presume you also got some seriously strong medicines that Dutch doctors would (rightfully) hesitate to give so quickly. Thanks a lot for watching and commenting!
@@JoviesHome Yes, the medication was good for a horse. My niece works in Switzerland as a nurse and the was shocked. She was also shocked about the over the counter drugs that could be bought without a subscription (or necessary blood tests to see if your kidneys or other organs can handle the drug).
I found it very insensitive when my sport instructor reminds me that my country has been colonized and that i should be able to speak Dutch... ouch!!!!
You should at least try learning dutch if you’ re living in the Netherlands!
The most dificult is with the children no grandparents no family at school they always dead great especily with other children. They where 4 and 7 when we move and they like of here.
Whilst I recognise most of the things you mentioned, having been an expat or at least lived abroad for a very long time... this is all part and parcel of being an expat...
Not entirely sure why Dutch people would need to be aware of this though. Think it's on the expat to try to fit in where ever they are.
Either way, really do enjoy your videos. Interesting to see an American expat perspective on the Netherlands.
Side note; have a look at "the undutchables", a book I think you'll enjoy
It must have been overwhelming in the beginning.
And I can't imagine me moving anywhere else.
All you can do is your best every single day.
And i never thought about the things you said in this video.
But about the weather I can get you have to get used to. it.
You said that very well, all you can do is try your best every day. It gets easier as time goes on but it's not always as wonderful as people tend to assume. Thank you for watching Antje and I hope you have a great day!
I will have a very good day even though is a gloomy day.
Just some normal Dutch weather, we can complain all we want.
But our weather does what it wants, I'm very used to it by now
Hang in there ! If I can help with anything PM me :)
Thanks so much! I am doing great but certainly these are some things I didn't think about before becoming an expat :) Hopefully it can help someone else adjust quicker or help the locals understand that expats aren't all bad ;) Thank you for watching!
@@JoviesHome I have helped several people in the tribunal with mysterious bills and other assorted "stuff" :)
The not belonging part is something i think everybody has...Things change but you also change..Your likes and dislikes change and i think you can adjust to a certain point (wherever you are) but to feel like you belong is difficult...Even as a dutch person like me it is difficult to belong here as black lesbian fat woman..My skin color is very light brown so i do not "belong" with black people or white people. And people do sometimes give you that feeling that i don't belong even though i was born in this country. People would ask me all the time were i am from. From the Netherlands..No where are your roots? My roots? Don't have roots..Were are you parents from ( i am adopted and have white parents) and i have to constantly tell people my situation. It is annoying but after 44 years i got use to it i guess....In my opinion i do not think it will ever be 100% the feeling of belonging somewhere.
But question..Do you think you would feel the same way about all the 10 things you mentioned if you would have moved to New York or Chicago..Example the weather is also different there and you do not have your family there also..Or does it help that you are still in the states even though the missing of family is probably the same feeling and also the homesickness. I know a lot of americans like church..Maybe (if you are religious) go to a church and meet some people or have like a hobby so you can meet more people.
Take care.
it's not that the Dutch are not aware of the challenges, it's that they simply do not care
Generally: the same for any expat in any country.
1: knowing how to do stuff in a strange place. Isn't this argument valid anywhere? It is a question of asking. People will help. I'm als humble, but hey, asking never hurts. I find American -by the way- quite outspoken and not too humble....
2: But is it not the same as just moving to a new town, even in the USA. You don't know anybody. So, I guess it is a language barrier that makes you feel more at ease with fellow country expats. Easiest to do is immediately enroll into a club that is about your hobby (I always join a baseball team for every new city I came in). You immediately meet many others.
3. Short period of time stay. Can't really help you there. I guess that really is the case.
4. Home sickness. As with 2. Best is to join something (whatever the hobby is) right away. But I understand that it may be difficult.
5. It could be. I know a lot of expats only working here. No kids and leave after 3 years. I can assume every expat may experience it differently. Money doesn't make up for anything by the way.
6. Yep. You're dealing with twice the
issues....
7. Not really an expat thing. We raised two kids and no family around. A matter of organizing.
8. I came here when I was 13 in a time there was hardly integration in NL. In NL die to a lot of immigrants handles it wat better now, but I get your point.
9. Isn't this about preparing up front?. I know that if I would go to Arizona that I know what to expect. Good preparation is key here. Do your channel may help others (Oh I do enjoy the channel, just to learn how others experience integration)
10. Yes, that happens as what you say. Things change very rapidly and going back is just different (after a while it will go back to normal if you stay), but I also have the same just here. Going back to my hometown in NL is not the same anymore as where I spend my first years in NL. It's just not the same anymore. Usually you feel Ike belonging to the place you are currently living in (once settled and off course need to be there for a while).
Integration is a difficult issue regardless of background. The first step needs to be from yourself. Things are simply not handed to you.
Good luck with the channel. Think it will help many.
Expats????