Iyanla's Fixins : How to Handle When Someone You Love Doesn't Love You Back.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2024
- on Iyanla's Fixins we discussed how to deal with loving someone who just doesn't love you back. Join me as I take you questions around this topic and address guests who join the hangout to tell their story. If you would like to join me on camera in the hangout to tell your story email info@maxlevsolutions.
" You don't get to tell people how to love you. You get to choose whether or not to participate in the way they're loving you. "
This is good ,thx for leaving this comment
Exactly th-cam.com/video/2lajpEhWVJQ/w-d-xo.html
POWERFUL
I read this and it hit Home
Thank you for good advice
Mary
Hello
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is one of the most painful things😿. Letting go is painful but necessary
Yes! Honestly for me, letting go was harder than being with him knowing he didn’t love me. My attachment was so strong. It’s still hard being away from him.
VERY necessary
How please tell me how you deal with that pain of being without him
How can u give everything to someone and they don’t even see it
Sho nuff.
"You don't get to tell people how to love you. You get to choose whether or not to participate in the way they love" is revolutionary!
The best thing I've ever heard.
I choose to remain as Iam l won’t merry it’s better to be single because you have your freedom and get on with love l kinder feel sorry for all the woman l broke their hearts hope they learn from their mistakes
Reposting
Our lives and families are similar
I disagree. The Bible is available. TV You can change no excuses
A good starter : SEPARATE YOURSELF from the source of pain.
Absolutely!💜
✌
💯 regardless of their role in your life... even if it’s one who supposed to be there for a “lifetime” ie. mother, sister ... etc
Yup, especially when that person or even the mere thought of him becomes synonymous with _P-A-I-N._
@@bkbabemg Indeed !!
You've got to LOVE yourself.
If you want so badly to be with the wrong person, imagine how good it will feel when the right person shows up - iyanla
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
What happens if you're scared of them coming? Or you dont recognise them as someone that is right for you?
@@terraslife6270 stay single until you're ready. Otherwise you're about to waste your and their time...
This speaks volumes to me!!!
@@smithieboy10 thank you :)
"you don't get to tell people how to love you or how to love. You get to choose whether or not to participate in the way they are loving you." This right here when digested can save a lot from heartbreak. Deep
very true...even More simply put, everyone has a different definition of love
Speechless
I agree
ok
DailyWear True that. Remove. The. Victim.
Men are not confused about who they love , or who they want to be with, his actions will tell you what is true, asking him questions he will continue to lie, but find the answers in his actions
Ouch
I agree,men will pretend till the last day they breath to love and care about you they will act like nothing is wrong. Or if you are pushing him to be honest and tell you if he does care. Oh they know right in there head who they love how much and what they would do for them. They will just wont tell you so you wont judge them.
So true
Agree.
You know if someone loves you 🔆
"Why cope with less when you can have more?" ~Iyanla
Let me introduce you to someone that help me restore my relationship with my ex after two month of separation
Let me introduce you to someone that help me restore my relationship with my ex after two month of separation
I love this analogy
@@brotherlast9381 whàt up
@@brotherlast9381 thank God bless
"People love u based on who they are, how they learnt about love and the information they have at the time.....don't take it personally."
THISSSSSSSSSSSSS
This is so true. Its a problem when u can't get back what u need. So now what? If u need a return love, they will loose. Can u teach them? Wow. I say, they can learn if they want to like anything else they like to do. Heavy...heavy...deep...
This makes so much sense to me,thank you.
Don't take it personal. Its not because its you
This is absolutely 100% true.
I've learned to walk away, I know my self worth.
I wish I would have done that sooner but there's always the hope that things will get better ....life lesson
One important step about love is never love someone SOOOO much that you end up loving them more than you do yourself.
Wow thank you
Im a daddyless daughter who never felt true love from a man. I stay single n isolate because i dont feel loved back. Im afraid to be used, mistreated n left for another someone he has or knows. Im single n unattached b/c i feel so alone in situationships. I cry as i heard this video
I overcompensate in situationships n i feel i dont get enough in return. I choose solitude n distance for my well being. Its been a long, slow, gradual n painful process.
My current situation 🤷🏿♀️
@@anndavis2920 I’m the same way . Now I have so much resentment and anger towards him . Trying to heal now as a Grown Woman is VERY Hard .. And I’m definitely more of an Alpha Female than I ever thought I would have been . And for his absence and not being there for me , teaching me growing up , I don’t know how to have Healthy Relationships with Men . It’s so easy for me to push them away , not put in effort , not care . I see one sign of BS from a Man or any Wrong-doing and I’m out . I was abandoned as a child by him , so it’s easy for me to let go of a man and do to them what he did to me .
“I am not a Lunchable. I am a full course meal!” Hahahaha! Perfect!
Know that's right!
Yes she nailed it
I got pregnant at 18 on purpose because I wanted someone to love me. I didn't come from a house hold where I was told I love u. So I had a baby because I wanted love. But I now understand that my mother didn't come from a house hold where she was told she was love. So I finally realized I had to forgive my Mother and be grateful because she did the best she could. God bless u all that came from hurt to victory. You shall make it.
I’ve done that but it hasn’t healed the pain
This is my story too..wow
Don’t feel dumb. Others would had judged you so hard like who does that. I’d never do that but I understand and you have my heart and God. Take so good care of you love and your baby.
You're right darling.
Same
love yourself enough to let them go.
Your comment is so true. Thanks
PretttyProudJamerican exactly!
So true, hard thing to do
not so easy when the person is your mother
PretttyProudJamerican it's so hard because I'm hurt so much.
You have the opportunity to walk away, trust God to heal you & strengthen you to move on
Yes
Trust God
AMEN
I was in love with the comfort of having someone there, good or bad. It’s been a year I finally let go & appreciate me, myself and I.
I can recommend you to Dr.frank who is a relationship counselor who helped me restore back my relationship and heal my marriage back permanently after 3years of separation
Text him on WhatsApp
+ 2 3 4 7 0 4 4 5 0 9 7 9 2!!
You said a mouthful right there 😑🤔😒
@Adamu Abubakar I’m good now. He came back & I don’t want him
"If you want so badly to be with the wrong person, imagine how good it'll feel when the right person shows up."
That totally resonated with me, thanks for that, it really brightened up my outlook.
This resonates with me too. I can't wait to meet the right person but in the mean time I am working on myself!!!
Yesss Amen
abcfundamentals told myself this and it helps a lot. The heartbreak still hurts but this made it a litttle less painful
abcfundamentals a
Many miss the right one, being with the wrong one.
Watch how he treats you, love is an action, period, enough said
Period
It is not always that simple. Some people weren't taught how to love. Or, they weren't taught to love the way that you are expecting.
@@jenasaisquoi9202 believe me, I agree with you. My husband of less than a year left me. He has a lot of childhood trauma that he wouldn’t address. The behavior put a wedge between us quickly after moving in together, why? Because I got close enough to see the things he wanted to keep hidden. I loved him unconditionally and wanted to work on us he refused. Love, real love- has no ego, it’s humble etc. real love will at least say- baby I don’t know how to do this, but I will do what it take to work through things. This is a marriage not a boyfriend. Now, he’s off as if he’s not married. Sleeping with other women and gift bombing the new girl - that’s what he does because he doesn’t even believe someone could live him for him so he over compensates with gifts, trips and love bombing
@@pamelapoe7441 exactly.
I truly am sorry that this has happened to you. I pray God mends your heart and gives you peace, through this.
Men who suffer from past trauma, are most times super insecure. They are afraid little boys, who cannot deal with real emotions. Everything that has happened to them, is everyone else's fault. They will do whatever it takes to avoid feeling the hurt they have felt on their past. Even if it means pushing the ones who won't ever hurt them away. Instead, they go back to what they know, to what feeds their egos, even if it is fake. It is all they know. They know nothing other than being manipulated, although their mouth say it is Not what they want. It is absolutely what they gravitate toward. We as empaths, can no longer agree with them who love us HOW THEY CHOOSE TO LOVE US. We must FIRST love ourselves....
Well wishing Queen.👑❤
@@jenasaisquoi9202 thank you very much, I appreciate your payer.
This is why learning to love self and knowing the love of God is so very important. Thank you for your wisdom....Momma Iyanla!
My husband and I dated for 3+ years before getting married. He had been amazing before that day. He had (in his childhood) been the youngest ordained minister in the US, and knew the word better than anyone I've ever known or even heard of. He knew of my love of God and also (because of that love) that I do not believe in divorce. His gentle, loving, fun, kind, etc. ways were instantly gone the day we got married. He hit me so hard that day for absolutely no reason (I'm not saying there is a reason to hit someone). When I was knocked to the floor, holding my jaw, and said, ''why did you hit me'', he answered, ''I love you Cinder, I'd never hurt you''. I asked the same thing once again, he answered, ''I love you, I'd never hurt you...Jeffrey did it''. I responded, ''who's Jeffrey?'' These many long years have been a nightmare. I finally had him leave (after 38 years) but still feel the bible clearly states we are not supposed to divorce. He moved exactly 2 blocks from me and continues to ruin my reputation with lies everywhere he goes. He even will hurt himself and claim I'd hurt him (even though I would be nowhere near him, oddly, even strangers will say they witnessed this so-called abuse by me. In psychiatry these people are referred to as,''flying monkeys'', they really do exist. My ''husband'' was born with a charisma I also have yet to see in anyone else (documentaries on these charismatic cult leaders and the like...don't even come close to describing the narcissistic, borderline personality, psychopath, actor I am still married to. Iyanla says, if the marriage is bad, divorce him and move on. I want to be free from being married to him. If you know of anywhere in the bible where it states that God condones divorce, please (I'm really asking) please let me know. Thank you for reading this, even though it is very long. God Bless.
@@alocinder6573 Pray for him, fight with the Holy spirit, Ask Jesus and believe. Dont give up, a wife and a husband are meant to be together, this is God Will, pray for him to be cleaned în Jesus name from his demons inside and come back to you as a clean man. Sorry 4 my english
Amen..⚘💯
I think the hardest thing for me to realize or accept is that some people are only here for a season. I just hate to have to accept that. It’s just so hard for me. It’s hard to picture a life without someone you really love. Even if things are just never going to work.
I love them anyways, but I accept that they don't love me and that thats okay .
I am one of those unemotional people. I am now by myself at an older age, just starting to deal with my deficient personality. I may have to stay by myself, however.
@@nichollawrence9584 I kinda relate to this
Me too,I get attached and love like alot,and I just wonder does it matter in the end,and I'm not sure where the love goes within the relationshipsI'm just becoming numb to wanting meet others people, because this emotional rollercoaster makes me to dizzy
You can love them afar, but not be a doormat
If a man tells he doesn't love you or want you anymore just walk away never beg a man to stay in your life cause there's plenty good fish in the sea
Same advice for the guys out there too.
If only it is that easy. I love my ex-wife, but she does not love me. She has gone back and forth telling me she does then she doesn't. I know she doesn't love me by her actions. She is not doing good in life right now and it kills me to see her in the condition that she is in. I've gone against all the advice from friends and family telling me to forget about her. But, I cant forget about her. I still go out and find her, buy her meals and get her somewhere to stay for a few days. She rather be out on the streets battling her demons than to be home with us. She treats me as if I dont exist when we are sitting next to each other. She has given me every reason to hate her, but I cannot hate her. I know she hurts, because I can feel her pain wherever she is. I dont know how or maybe I'm delusional like she has told me many times. I've tried to move on, but I'm not able to push her out of my heart to make room for someone else. I dont believe in divorce, I believe that when you find that special person...that person that you would go to the ends of the earth for, you keep them. Now that person is not in my life, and I feel lost. I have failed her and her family, and I especially failed our children. I've been told that I'm stupid for helping her when I can, but I will not let her sleep on the street. I vowed to take care of her for the rest of her life, and I still feel obligated to do so. But, there is no pain like the pain of loving someone that doesn't love you back.
@@motif5775 God Bless You. She may not appreciate it now but someday she will realize your efforts if/when you are not able to care for her any longer.
GorillaSnot she may love you but just not in love.
Shenyae Turner especially in this day and time
Jesusssssssss, I love this woman. She speaks into my dysfunctional relationships, unhealthy upbringing, and horrific childhood.
Lisa Ross your not the only one can't believe I'm not the only one either we have to support each other
kemykat100 My life has been one constant battle after another one. Rape, verbal abuse, homelessness, teenage pregnancy, depression, along a host of other issues. But everyday I make the choice of getting better even though it's a battle. I keep watching and listening to Iyanla and hoping just one day I can smile thru it all because you can't have a testimony without a test.
We are with you hun. We must support each other. You can private message me on instagram if you want to connect(londonicecream) xxx keep your head up
lisa you don't know it but your last sentence is something of a breakthrough for me. thankusister
So true
I learned long ago to stop expecting someone to love you the way you want them to. I am ok with walking away when I am not being loved/valued.
I just move on. I can't waste my energy on someone who "doesn't want to show or appreciate any 💘 love for me. It doesn't matter who it is anymore because I have experienced it from outsider's as well as family members
💯💯💯💪🏽🙏
It’s 2019, Who’s watching and gathering these pearls of wisdom 🙌🏼🥰🙏🏾
🙋
Why do people keep asking this same question? Is it a young people's thing or what? It's super annoying 😒
2020
2020
Happy Jubilee just watching this 😆2020. Yes, Lesson still applies 🙂
When a man loves you you'll know his actions speak words are wind
Hahaha Sis! That’s the same things I saw. Words are wind
@@pamelapoe7441 8 v8vvvvvv8vv vv8v:c8vvvvvvvvv8vvvv8vvv8vv7cinc. O g upon 9bb8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:to > pipp 9v8:9v88vvvvvvvvv8vvvv8vvv8vv7c7 8:::v8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8v8:8:v8:8:8:8:8:8v8:8:8::8:8:8v8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8: I'll o8vvvvvvvvv8vvvv8vvv8vv7c7
Actions show in the wind. Which way the wind blows.
So Blessed by these Words of Wisdom and Encouragement. Thank you Much.💝😊
@@delceniajohnson9085 your welcome my dear
You have no idea how you set me free from the moment you said "nobody has the obligation to love you the way you want it, however, you have the freedom to choose if you want that kind of love that is given to you or no". Sometimes we think we are being selfish for asking for more and then we try to get used to the situation we are in, but sooner or later we want that again and from the moment we don't have it we start the same fight and end up on the same dejavu over and over. Thank you very much
Iyanlas self awareness, honesty, transparency and wisdom is a divine gift - Thank you 😊
Yes!
why would you cope with less, when you can have more!! Preach - I received that!
1. "People do what they do the way they do it based on who they are and the information they have at the time. It's not personal."
2. Assess the kind of people you're attracting.
3. "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
Rrr
Its bullshit.
God bless you wow
Needed this
Thanks
Love people enough to let them go if and when they choose to not treat you with love and respect. Not easy but doable and worth it for the benefit of both.
ASAP Amen
I LITERALLY just had to let someone go that I admire, cared for & liked a great deal. It hurts like HELL but was very necessary. I'm so happy I did this, I FINALLY have PEACE!
I know that's right 🙂
ASAP Amen
What about family. That’s hard when you really really want and need to be be loved respected accepted and nurtured by them. When you can see they give others what you can’t get from them despite how loving you’ve to them. All I get is mocking, bullying, disrespect and played.
@@darlynnlyons742 I can relate here. I find being real frank with them in a gentle way. Have to release them and get on with my life if I continue to feel unworthy.
Was stuck on stupid for 3 years. Stopped talking to him 21 days ago. It hurts but it hurts more dealing with him.
How are you doing now? Perhaps not stupid just ignorant. Lack of knowledge.
Yep yep yep
I can relate! I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
Truth here!
Lol😂
Wow! 6 years later this message is still helpful. Thank you.💞
Yea!
Eight years now. I revisit throughout the years. Just to hear the wisdom. Queen Mother Iyanla Vanzant.
It's ain't personal. YOU saved me a lot of tears with that one.
Actions speaks louder than words. It hurts when you love him and he do not love you back. I call him and I should not but I want him to be something he cannot be.
OMG that is me. I want him to be something he cannot be.
+Paper Mario true. You can't make them be something they don't want to be TO YOU! They can be that person just not for you. Sad
Author Janae Marie living that truth now and it hurts deeply
Trinee Brown stay strong💗
Thank you Jasmine...I know eventually I will be. There is only so much one can take before you have no choice but to accept things for what they are and move on.
I had to realize forgiveness doesn't require an apology from the 1 that hurt you! And I THANK GOD for that.
Let me introduce you to someone that help me restore my relationship with my ex after two month of separation
Sometimes it's harder to forgive one's self for not being the one walking away.
Wish I could watch this when I was 20's😭😭😭😭😭😭
I am very grateful here, just turned 20
Yes 👍 that would of helped me understand better and avoid situations that could have been left and avoided
Sis
Sis!!!!!!!!
Tell me about it
"Forgive and learn to mother yourself", the best free advice (or paid) on planet Earth!
I wish this conversation had been available to me a few years ago, but I'm happy to be with someone who loves me back now.
Leaving a relationship where your partner doesn't love you, is the best choice that can be made.
Wow, I was about 25 when I learned this from my ex. I told my ex that he didn’t know how to love me. He replied and said maybe I love you the only way I know how to love you. That open my eyes to everyone around me, especially my parents. I grew up thinking no one loved me but in all actuality they loved me the only way they knew how.
Darling, I've tried this so many times and it didn't work until I met a powerful man👱 who helped me bring back my ex-husband who left me a few months ago and now my ex-husband is back. I am very grateful. Send him a message for any help💁 whatsapp @ ( +2347044509792) 👪💖💯
This is truth.
And, I have found out some people I know, do not appreciate the way I love.
@@jocithaljane7344 I personally do not need Whatsapp or any powerful man. I have my Strong Powerful women.
That's good!!
Accept, let go, move on without anger, people treat us the way we allow!!!!! We are responsible for garding our own hearts. When folks are incapable/refuse to give us what we feel we deserve, we must move on without the relationship. Eveyone has the right to be who they are without others trying to change them. Everyone has the right to move on to receive what they need. Love is action, not words, we must decide what we need from relationships, what we will accept from others. We are responsible for how we allow others to treat us!!!!!!!
Boney. But it's a really shame that most people are inherently evil. They will automatically treat you horribly just because you have kindness in your heart for them. This life is a shameful mess. Especially, this society.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
HERE HERE!!! 😊 I WHOLE HEARTEDLY ❤ AGREE!!!
I so agree, I wasted 35 years with my ex-husband, hoping and praying he would change, he never did , he was a percot narcotic seeker, a raging alcoholic, he would not work and was extremely verbally abusive to me and I believe every word he said to me, as I also came from an verbally abusive biological family with my father abusing my mother, I am now 60 years old and just beginning to learn my self worth. I have been divorced 9 years and they have been the scarcest and happiest, I have ever been.Thank you Jesus
@@rosemaryjohnson6308 I trust/ pray in the FATHER, two years since, you are doing well in Christ....You are someone in GOD!!!!!! Peace be with you sister, always!!!!!
I learned that by loving myself and treating myself with dignity and love I can survive without a man and I am raising two kids on my own without a thought and I love them both. for me being alone isn't a sign of weakness or venerability but of strength it took me a while to realize this being a victim of sexual and emotional abuse but I survived and I am happy.
cnadyapple53 Bullock And I am happy for you.. I'm trying to get where you are right now as a single mother of two who just got out of a four year relationship and it's very hard to keep pushing but I'm getting there.... Be blessed
blackbeauty89 and you can it won't be easy but you will get there I will pray for you and remember you are loved God bless
cnadyapple53 Bullock thank you...
cnadyapple53 Bullock Your amazing and I admire your strength
❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹
First time in my life to ever consider that my mom has any ounce of love towards me. “She held on to me. Even in her disfunction.” Oh this is HUGE. 🙌🏽
" love is action...not words " ...This made me feel better...
If you love yourself; you can love everyone. Don't wait to be loved. Simply be love. Love yourself. Always. No matter what. Life is made of love. Stop loving; stop living. Peace
+Charlie Chase...I never heard or read that before...Stop loving; stop living.
Nice way to put it charlie
Beautifully put. Touching.
Know your worth, love thyself and be connected to the Most High. Good insight!
Yes!
“When they said that their love for you is dead, why u didn’t leave the cemetery?...” Lol 💀😩 So true!
Damn this deep
That’s deep
What second did she say this at !
@@charlesdavis6316 32:08
We learn how to love from those who we’re around in our Early (Formative) years, but we can be Rewired through...Loving friends, loving siblings, etc. But there is The Ultimate, Unconditional Love that comes from Father GOD that is The Greatest Love of All! Seek HIM, Ask-You Will Never Be The Same😍💯🙏🏽
I went through this my whole life only because I was the darkest child in my family but when I turned 50 I had to cut my family off because I was tired of me giving my siblings love but I didn’t get it back I’m lonely now but I feel good mentally and physically it’s been a whole year but I’ll be ok 👍
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰81407𝟵9323
🤗🤗🤗 You will be okay. Happy New Year! #2022 #NewYearNewExperiences
I've learned those that don't know God don't know how to truly Love because God is Love.
I just had to reply ... you are absolutely right I truly believe that's why I'm in the situation I am In today... he doesn't know God so he could never love me with the true meaning of love for God is love
Tai Lyte I love god and my only true love doesn't. I'm depressed.
+THAT ONE AND ONLY ORIGINAL NO VIDEO CHANNEL sorry but he ain't your true love
Nothing is more frustrating than loving someone who can't afford to love you back but I guess it's just part of life. That's what life is. We tend to like something we don't have or the people who aren't into us. Don't worry, I know it hurts, but time will heal you.
I'm afraid to trust anyone with my heart.
TRUST GOD and ask Him for who you want in your life.
+Kai Bryant wrestling fans need love too lol.
+KPnDC lol you're correct lol
Trust God.
+acajudi100 yes
This topic still reigns. Ladies stop settling and be present in your life ask the questions to the person and inquire about confusing replies. If he leaves because you want your worth or because you have questions wish him well.
Needed this comment thank you. Someone left me because they claimed I was “drama” because I could never question what wasn’t right in the relationship. I wanted my worth and he left me. Thank you.
@@jenesisjene6343 he did you a favor
I don't trust love anymore it has never done me any good even when I give it my all
I said the same.. the vulnerability required to be in a relationship is something I’m not willing to give anymore- it’s too risky. This pain has changed me for life. And I’m ok with it
I understand. I've just been working on me and taking care of my kids. Self love is a must.
Salt Moon, beloved were you willing to look back at the family you were raised in as this teacher taught inorder for you to begin to heal? IF NOT, it must not have been time FOR YOU TO LEARN THAT LESSON. There is an old motto: that says; "WHEN THE STUDENT📝( IS ) READY THE TEACHER' WILL APPEAR"!🙏🏽♥️♥️🙏🏿
Pick your friends like you pick your fruit..
Update: what I’ve learned during this time in the valley is that - my heartbreak was my fault! My husband showed exactly who he was in the very beginning of our relationship. I rationalized his behavior, I excused things, hoped on things and felt God would make it alright. Were these “ things” blaring offenses in the beginning, no. My husband was very loving, thoughtful etc. but! A lie here and there about small things. Signs of self puffing up. In the beginning there isn’t enough experience for those signs to be Hugh flags. But later they became the very flags that destroyed the marriage. I wasn’t confident enough in myself to walk away from a liar. He had everything I prayed for- but the devil won’t tempt you with something you don’t desire. God wanted me to adhere to the Holy Spirit that guides me. And I didn’t. I wanted my husband but deep down , my spirit was telling me no. And there were other things as well. I married him anyway.. putting my world on the line for someone’s words. Ignoring the actions!!! Not even married a year and going through a divorce. The answer to all of this relationship heartbreak- follow your gut feeling, that still small voice that you so desperately want to ignore, because 10 / 10 that voice is God trying to protect you from your desires when they don’t align with His will for your life💜
Its up to you how you choose to love a person. Love cannot be something you force on somebody.
This is why many are stuck in dead end relationships and they choose to stick with that person thinking they are going to change... 👍
Right.. absolutely
"Why am I loving boo-boo the fool?!" 😂😂😂 She better say that. All that she said right after- wow!
Darling We've all made that Mistake.
Iyanla is incredible - I’m so absorbed with everything single word she says.
you don't get to tell ppl how to love you BUT you get to choose!! Amen to that....
Yes, describing codependents being abused or mistreated by narcissists(emotionally unavailable people, incapable of love).
Healing childhood wounds will gets us to place where we can make better choices, love and honour ourselves & avoid narcissists like a plague.
This is why love hurts so much, there is too much damage underneath
Not acknowledging that you need healing, and inflicting that pain that you feel inside onto others hurt. True love never hurt in any fashion, shape, or form.
I know why mom feels uncomfortable expressing love, it's because she wasn't taught to love. At the same time, it still hurts so bad!
@johnderek it's hard, I understand... but I had to come to the conclusion that she will NEVER say "I'm proud of you" or "you know you're right". She is treating you the way she feels about herself. Our job is to focus on The (heavenly) Fasther's love... HE has the final say-so. what does HE say? Read psalms 139... THAT'S your truth.
Here's my interpretation of it:
Papa God has searched and known all of you and your ways... whether you're sitting down standing up, walking, or lying down,
He knows every single thought before you even think it. He knows every word your going to say before you even speak iit.
He's placed you in the palm of His hand and securely enclosed you... He's got your back and He holds your future
Can you even comprehend the heights and depths of His love for you?
You can't go anywhere to flee from Gods presence. If you go to heaven or hell or drown in the depth of the sea, He's there.
Yes, when jonah was running from God, he ended up in the bottom of the sea... in the belly of a big fish! it was so awful, he thought he was in hell.
Yet God managed to use that big fish to transport Him to exactly where He needed him to be.
Smart fish? Obviously smarter than jonah... smart enough to just do what God said and not rebel.
Whatever you're going thru right now, He's using it to transport you to exactly where He needs you to be
Whether you're in darkness or light, they're both the same to God. Because He's light and has no darkness.
Even before you were conceived, He fearfully and wonderfully knit you together in your mother's womb, and wrote all your days in His book .
He knew every single screw up you'd ever make. None of it was a surprise to Him. It was all an opportunity to prove Roman's 8:28 in your life
You're constantly on His mind... in His every single thought
Wicked people may try to destroy you, and don't you hate their wicked ways? They speak and do horrible things against God, His Word and you, but He promised in Psalm 91, that He'll cover and protect you from any harm.
So let Him search you, and know your heart: try you, and know your thoughts: and show you if there's any wicked way in you. He knows what they are and all He wants to do is lead you in His way everlasting.
i walked away i know my worth and wasting time on someone whom doesnt love u bck keep it moving
Agree! with regard to men, not my parents. They loved me. R.I.P.
yep. good bye!
Tell em, Boy BYE!!!
it's real people don't give a fuck anymore
Lynn russsell does my love life looks like it's going to make it to the fullest. White picket fence etc.? AM I gonna make it in life financially, looking for a good money comeup?
sometimes I just listen to feel your warmth and energy, even after the
understanding has taken hold. Thank you for being here, for those of us
with a serious shortage of wise mother/sister/elders in our lives.
I second that
Keasha274
Keasha274 Amen!
Lol! Are you a lunchable or a meal! I love that! 💜💜💜
Speaking out of my heart!... thank you
I’ve dealt with this for the last time.
I will never fall in love again. In order to protect myself, I can never allow this to happen again. Prayers for strength and healing.
Same here
Awww don't say that love is still out there
Just imagine yourself with the right person dear.
After my toxic relationship, I felt same, after I met the right person,I am Soo happy
Really?
Never ever is a very long time. Perhaps one day you will reconsider. Forgive and be willing to trust again.
You’re truly an amazing woman! I’ve been through my mother being an abusive drug addict, her husband molesting me from the time I was 3/4 till I was 13/14. My real father didn’t want anything to do with me or my siblings. And Any relationship I’ve gotten into it’s been some type of abuse from physical to mental. I’m currently ending a 11 year relationship with someone who’s done both physical and mentally abused me. And this video has been on replay for two weeks now. Thank you for all you do.
TV
Prayers up keep your eyes to the hills which cometh your help 🙏
Very sad
Ur mom loved u her way ...nottin personal
Ur mom loved u her way ...nottin personal
Iyanla is absolutelly amazing! As a psychology graduate I can say she is right and the way she presents it and communicates is best practise ever, I wish therapist would be as good as she is.
I know that feeling , I once felt if I didn’t leave my last relationship I would suffocate. Now I’m finally learning to love ❤️ myself more embrace myself often.Self love, self care ,self awareness, all these traits are so important.
Wow... The analogy of the mother feeding the best trash to her children. What an amazing way to explain another persons struggle. And their humanity even in the darkness. Reaching to understand their way to show love rather than judging and banishing their way.
Men don't know what love is. Disrespecting ones family isn't love controlling your spouse isnt love. I have never been with anyone who truly loved me. I've never experienced someone I love truly loving me back and this is a true fact.I rather be alone then be in a relationship that's toxic and not healthy.
Agree!
I do not want to group together a certain sex. Man or Woman can and do hurt.
Absolutely know without a shadow of doubt there are those that love and adore you, Margaret.
😍
What you mean men,you need to be saying some men, real love comes with time I have to take time to get to know the man.. get off the playing the Victim Card an accept some responsibility ..if you kept making the same mistake itS your fault ..
I love this. I believe that a man or a woman isn't going to be able to heal every part of you, only God can do that and bring you back to your rightful place.
I agree!
Iyanla is so beautiful and wonderful. I want to cry tears of joy every time I see her face because I am convinced she is an ANGEL from HEAVEN. I hang on each word that comes out of her mouth. I pray for her everyday. God Bless Iyanla Vanzant, keep her safe and continue to bless her finances. Amen!! I LOVE HER SO VERY MUCH. Someone gave her book "Every Day I Pray" years ago this is before her show. I will cherish it forever.
You can love yourself and people get attracted to you thinking they can tear you down because they are resentful. People do pretend.
Some people fixate on one person to be there everything even before they know who the person really are or what they stand for . Don't love someone before you know if you are compatible. Love is hard enough without adding confusion to the mix.
Love yourself before you love others.
I love her spirit. Such a sweet spirit and down to earth too.
You must still love them, but do not push yourself on anyone. Give them space, and if they return, then it is up to you to decide, where they fit in your life. I want people to be happy.
“I want people to be happy” aww u cute 😭🙂
💯
Watched that video in 2019, it was the beginning of a long journey to loving myself. Thanks Iyanla, be blessed!
The more you love the more they take advantage of you
Yes So True 😭. 😝
Thank you, Iyanla! The wisdom you shared helps me and my kids after their father abandoned us. You help me with my ongoing choice to model strength, resilience, boundaries, and gratitude in our new, loving family reality. I appreciate you!
My main take-aways:
1. People do what they do based on who they are and the information they have at the time.
2. Forgive and understand everybody is doing the best they can at the time. Choose your people wisely!!! Sometimes people’s “good” is not with YOU. Some people are there for a reason and a season, not for a lifetime.
3. Ask yourself: Do I want to be a better person in this person’s presence? Do I have to work (too much) to get the love? Is your relationship nurturing and peaceful? If not, that might not be love.
4. Don’t expect someone to do for you what you can’t do for yourself. Your partner shouldn’t be your crutch.
5. Be a full-course meal, not a Lunchable!
6. Examine and clean up your own issues with love so you can be a whole, healthy person and not attract the same problems or problem people.
Again...So much gratitude for you, Iyanla!
I actually needed this.When people show u who you are ,believe them;don’t try to change them cuz we can’t change anyone except God.l almost suffocated,but thank God l’m free now.just learning how to love and embrace myself #selflove#
Yes darling You Right!
This is pure truth
Today is a Wednesday and this is exactly what I'm going through. Overthinking of someone I love whom I know is just wasting my time and is just not as 100% as I am. Thank ypu for this one Iyanla🙏💜
We are in the same boat 😞 we will be healed 🙏 🙌
Healing to all of us
Currently dealing with the same situation 😢😢😢
@@kekehaleeey1391 Im already over him, I found someone who cant even compare and now I know I am deserving of love. I hope you heal and find all that you ever deserve, may you be happy always.
I would give anything, to have you around! My mother passed away 16 years ago, and even though Im getting older (35 next dec) No a day goes by, without me needing her advice. Thank God for TH-cam and lovely women like you who give us, this wonderful life gifts!
GOC EP God said , He is a father of fatherless and a mother to the motherless. Do not think too much......take whatever life offers. I lost my dady and mom when I was just 2 years. But am mentally healthy and spiritually 👌 by God’s Love and Grace. Be strong and move forward.
My husband said to me "I am trying to show you how to love me not how you want to love me." That was amazing to me because ive never heard it like that before. Ive heard ppl say i love you and i did everything for you and you still dont apreciate me. I cant apreciate you if you not giving me what i need in a relationship. Ive learn to luv my husband the way he needs it and now i do it naturally we been married 4 years now and its been good.
chervine byers That's so great. Blessings upon your marriage God bless.
That is beautiful. So happy for you!! Thanku for sharing 💖 Many blessings to you and your hubbie*!!!
And what did you have to do in order to show him that you loved him??????
@annette lathan
You nearly took me to my early grave😂😂😂😂
Interesting.
Analogy: " I am trying to show you how to feed me this food called "love" and not how YOU want to feed me this food!" I guess its like saying, "the way you feed me makes me gag and I may reject the food"?😁🤷♀️
Beautiful ❤️️ ... crying 😭 my eyes out. Everything that was mentioned is so on point , omg . Let the healing begin.
My friend sent this to me this morning and I thank you for the confirmation of what I've known all along. I get to choose how I let people love me not make them love me in a way that I want to be loved. I am the thermostat, not the thermometer!
Darling, I've tried this so many times and it didn't work until I met a powerful man👱 who helped me bring back my ex-husband who left me a few months ago and now my ex-husband is back. I am very grateful. Send him a message for any help💁 whatsapp @ ( +2347044509792) 👪💖💯
Sometimes, many times we are not equally yoked. When we find that whom we love does not love us the way that we want, we must make a decision within. One must decide if what a person is offering us is ok, can we be happy in living with what they are giving us? Stay if it's enough/leave if it's not enough. Do not be angry with someone who chooses to give their love to someone else, that's their right! Let go, set that part free, move on. We have one life, if what we do/accept. leaves us feeling void, unappreciated, not valued, compromised, etc...let go, let God. Sacrafice, ask God for what you deserve!!!!
The Ego wants to stop loving to aleviate or avoid the pain of separation.
This!
Correct. Our need to survive so I isolate to repair and heal.
I'm angry. and hurt and so disconnected with people!
Me too
Why did u disconnected with people
Who hurt you honey? Did you ever feel powerless? Or were you around angry people and angry people can scare people away and they don’t realize it so they just disconnect with people.
This is me
Jesus Christ heals and delivers. He will heal your broken heart of you ask him. He did it for me. I was betrayed by my ex husband and serve unexpectant with Divorce papers whilst he abroad and decide not to come back. God heal me and I would love again once the person is worth my time and energy. I will not be so trusting though.
This is a Doctor, her words and empathy saves lives. PERIODT! Helped me so much. An amazing queen helping princesses become and princes to become kings and queens!
Don't be carried away by all this videos stop wasting your time here , I've tried this so many times and it didn't work until I met a powerful man👱who helped me bring back my ex who left me a 3 year ago and now we are back together through his help
Wh@tsApp him for help.
+19177227027l⏯⏯
+19177227027⏩⏩⏭⏭
Oh my god I love this woman. I've never seen you before, just found you on TH-cam I'm in such a bad place right now, I was feeling like I couldn't cope. Suddenly there you are, you're energy, your love, your insight, is excatly what I needed, thank you Lord for this amazing woman xx 😘
Hope you are well now
Would be nice to hear from you : )
Yes and i feel the same way as i have been desperately trying to get away from someone who tells me they love me but doesn t demonstrate it at all...and after 11 months of waiting i just really gave him his walking papers yesterday and let him know there is no way of changing my mind....he never even responded to me...it may be better that way cause he usually tries to sweet talk me with alot of empty i love yous sweetheart that just ring hollow and more hollow as the months have gone by...so i m in a very sensitive raw state of mind at the moment...feel free to share with me as i know you are feeling pretty raw yourself at the moment like me..sometimes it helps to just share it with an independent party.
Much love to you
Alexandra
My parents never loved me. Now (in my mid 50's), I've learned to choose my relationships wisely.
Same!
my heart hurts watching this right now.
I love this.Young adults need to head this. Especially the ones in foster care. I wish I wasn't so stubborn when I was young to get this type of message.
Same tbh
love yourself first girls and don't let nobody call you selfish!U need to quit pleasing people. period
There are mothers who don't love their child....that's a fact!
mine doesn't she does not like me at all
and it used to hurt
DorDor wes I can relate. Stay strong!
+DorDor “WeS” wes mines also
+DorDor “WeS” wes lol girl mine only calls when shes deathly ill and needs carr as Im a nurse, or when she wants money. Its not you baby.
what a WEALTH of KNOWLEDGE!!!???!!!
I’m learning that many times I expect someone to give me what they are not capable of giving......
Yes!
I know this video was from 2014 but I just found it on TH-cam today so I hope you see my message 🙇🏽♀️💞❤️💯🙌🏼
A lot of people dont love themselves, so they are unable to show or give love to another.
Now. You have said a mouthful. Love thy self first. Forgive yourself.
BINGO
Sad
So glad I stumbled upon this video.
God is good trust me, I just needed to hear this (:
me 2
Sleven Jay
Nubian Goddess 😃
People come into our lives for a Reason, Season or Lifetime.
Our lives are a teaching session.
We are to learn a lesson or teach a lesson to one another.
I know o f a man how help me gat my ex back..........
W.h.z.t.s.a.p.p h.i.m.
+2348114131563.