My husband has NPD, he's a ten out of ten. I've been married to him for 30 years and loved him like crazy, did everything I could for him without realizing what I was doing. The last ten years have been a nightmare. I've been studying this both in psychology and in the Bible and have decided it's too dangerous for me to stay. Please pray for me as I find my way out, while trying to keep my eyes on Jesus every step of the way.
Praying! 🙏 I'm 40 yrs in met when 18, friends for 7 yrs before dating...never saw it coming. God is good, 3 beautiful children who are almost out of the house, seems too dangerous to live alone with him. Pray for God to guide me too. ❤️
@@robinredmond9642 I’m sorry you and your children are suffering. May you sense the presence of the Holy Spirit and receive courage and confidence to do what He leads you to. And may you have the peace that surpasses all understanding as you walk in obedience and love. I’m not saying what He’s leading you to do except that Jesus wants you to know Him and trust and walk with Him as He leads you.
Was married to an npd for 30 yrs. Decades of praying, begging him to listen to the Bible, get wise counsel (let’s face it, in his eyes who was going to be smarter than him). Left him 9 yrs ago. The peace, thankfulness, not pulling up to wherever I’m living being in fear or chaos. Leaving is a definite process. But I’m grateful to God for Him being nothing like anyone here on earth (in spite of my ex thinking he and Jesus being some kind of twins). I’m praying for you. May you grow in the Word of God to discover who He is and be able to live in the fruit of the Spirit ❤️
I know your comment was over a year ago, just wondering if you got out? And how it was going through the divorce. I am 29 years and did the same as you, and have been separated for almost 2 years and he just won’t divorce me. He lives with a woman he had an affair with many years ago. And seriously just told me how he missed me and loves me. My fog that i was in has definitely lifted. I just need help on how to finally cutting the last tie with him , getting divorced
@@TheMoms4 I am living in my own apartment with a cat 🐈 and a dog 🐕 and I have peace! I live about two miles from the house and see my husband about twice a week. When he becomes mean and angry I hang up on him and won’t see him for several days. All of a sudden it’s “Let’s have sushi!” again. 🍱 He hasn’t stopped drinking, hasn’t seen his therapist, hasn’t gone back to church. I’m in limbo. 🤔. I’m trying to stay extra close to Jesus and He is taking excellent care of me!
I left my home 2020. He was having another affair with a married Woman. Never heard of Narcissist. Asked Why this happened? Learned about Narcissists. Was married for 42 years. Always did what he wanted. Took all of his abuse. Then said I’m done. I’ve been set free from a toxic unhealthy man. I’m free and living my best life!!❤ God is good!
I was married to a covert narcissist for 32 years and finally divorced him October 2023. I began to confront him without backing down. He would not face his shame and I would no longer hide his true self behind the pain of his shame. I am no longer ashamed! No longer fearful of his sexual immorality being exposed! I am free!
A person with narcissism or narcissistic behaviors/tendencies will weaponize ANYTHING you tell them, any thing they know about scripture, anything they read they will twist it, they are conniving and deceitful. Guard your heart against these types of people.
When I was a child immediately after birth my mother went to travel for job purpose. She did not stay home, other women were taking care for me as a baby. Once she came home from a week long trip and she wanted to see me. I looked always away. When she came from the right I looked to the left, when she came from right, I looked to the left. So she held my head and I answered her “Nie da, nie da.” (Never here, never here in German). These were the very first words my mother heart from me. She thought it very funny and told thes story often. I was sad when I heard it and to be honest, it made me very angry. Many years my problem was the abandonment. It took decades to be healed by Christ.
@Lisa E Amen! Spent 31yrs with a covert narc spouse. Greatful to be out but he still tries to stalk me, keeps dragging me through court and consuming my finances. I thought it would be over when the divorce was issued...not so far.
Yeah I was extremely surprised to hear that as well.. I'm just one person in this world and I have met countless narcissists / psychopath... It is an epidemic...
Personally in seeing the history of the church & how it's abandoned those who needed help - I've asked many many times through my 45 years of abusive marriage & got nothing, zilch, told to go back, ignored completely, & society praying on that with all this now new age stuff, & the enmy finding his way in. It's actually very scary & at times terrifying after my own experience with my ex-husband. Many have walked away from the church becuase they're not cared for. The only reason I'm still a Christian is I got Saved at 6 through a miracalous way & know Jesus is the only truth. But I tell you it's been really hard & really lonely.
I was blown away reading comments from people who were in marriages for 25 plus years with partners with narcissistic traits or worse. They gave me hope to heal. I am so grateful for the wisdom shared here.
I was 24 year with my husband. It was so dangerous to my well being and health of myself and my children. I have gotten curable (thank you Ahayah!) Std’s. Being cheated on multiple times. And blamed for it. Lied and manipulated the whole nine. It has been 5 months of us being separate and on the way to divorce. And it is both beautiful and sad and I am doing so much better without him. Mind you we have been separated before for years and decided to make it work or that’s what I thought it was. It was more love bombing than anything else I am on my way to Health. I am dropped 18 pounds in five months. I look younger I’m growing I have more confidence I can think straight. My house doesn’t have a heavy darkness inside of it. Depression is gone, anxiety is gone. Doors and blessings have been opening. It’s unfortunate but I praise the father for getting me out of this situation. It was him after all that showed me the things I needed to see in order to know the truth. Those are you keep speaking the truth, and Ahayah will reveal it too you.
Me too, I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 4 years. I left my secure, healthy, happy and loving environment and trusted him with me and my kids lives. The horror that we have lived through and are still going through but God willingly not for long. Please pray for me and my two girls
They project their own thoughts, choices, actions onto you as well. The best way to know what a narcissistic type person is up to -- listen to what they accuse you of because they are doing it.
I am so pleased to watch this topic from a Christian perspective. Lysa said it exactly, the charm draws you in and fills you up in the beginning, but then they turn around to suck the life out of you emotionally. Yet you long to get the charmer back and you change in hope that if you do this or that you’ll get back the amazing person you were so attracted to in the beginning. Unfortunately, that is the false persona that was an act, this person never exited and was a delusion.
Ohhh my goodness. You just described my life . I wanted my ex-husband back so badly. Not the person he is now....the old him....the one I married. I just wanted everything to go back to then. I only recently realized, that doesn't exist, simply because I stopped being the doormat and accepting ALL the blame and taking ALL the responsibility for everything that was wrong in our marriage. And suddenly....I wasn't hos biggest cheerleader and he went off to charm someone else who would inflate his ego.
No the personality never existed. It take counseling and everything else in order to be healed from the abuse that you endured. We have to learn to slow things down, and pay attention to the red flags that the Holy Spirit reveals to us. We have to learn how to be okay with letting people go, and walk away from them when the Lord lead us to. This even mean walking away from family and so call friends that are toxic and dysfunctional as well. Everyone have a blessed day/week, and always know that the joy of the Lord is your strength.
This is one of the toughest bones to swallow, but as the saying goes, sometimes the truth hurts. I lost a lot of trust in my own perception of a person/people, during and after I ended the rollercoaster dance from the deep dark depths. I will never be able to trust blindly again. My new saying is treat them like a predator, until they show you they aren’t, through their actions/behavior/character. This will take a lot of time and patience and friendship first, to prove a person can be trusted.
That is because narcissist has established a "trauma bond." Or if you are looking at it from a spiritual perspective, a "soul tie." It's basically an addiction. The beautiful news is that God can break this. For some it may have to happen in counseling. For some it will be on more of a spiritual level. I had to do both. Check out Pastor RC Blake's TH-cam channel. He has a lot of videos in which he talks about narcissism and soul ties.
The core of narcissism is shame in people with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism in sociopaths/psychopaths is not based on shame it is based on superiority. Sociopaths/psychopaths are incapable of feeling shame. This is a very important distinction.
28 years with my narcissist husband, married 27. I didn't find out he was a narcissist until a year after he walked out on us. I don't need him to have a professional diagnosis to confirm it, I lived through it. He's a classic covert narcissist, textbook!
Im so sorry you have suffered for so many years. Did this discussion help you understand why he is so narcissistic? I think it's so helpful to be able to see the underlying roots that led the person to have so much self hatred and shame that they need to project themselves onto others as amazing in order to fill their bucket. This talk helps us have empathy.
I just found out about this video. Have been searching info since a week now. My friend told me , could u husband be narcissistic ? And it blew my mind how these video described his behavior . I'm 63, have been married 27 years, I'm exhausted , depressed at time, can't wait for Jesus to come back. I tried to separate twice, but could not go through knowing the hell my kids would suffer . I confess , anger and resentment every day. I feel like God has not heard my prayers for years , but that's probably a lie from the ennemy. I'm grateful for my friends and my church, but they can't really understand what's going on.
@@estherjennings1655 Empaths are the people narcissists look for and prey on. I don't think the problem is that we need to have empathy. Empaths spend too much energy trying to affirm and fill the narcissist. They end up suffering because they do not understand that loving someone well includes consequences for sinful behavior. Remember the Proverbs quoted...
I'm a covert/vulnerable narcissist, and this SERIOUSLY hinders my faith in Christ. I've been questioning my whole life, how I've treated people, whether my faith has been genuine, why I am the way I am, etc. I need to change, and this is because I am absolutely terrified of ultimately being abandoned by God in Hell. I understand intellectually that I am responsible for my sin, but deep in my heart is this sense of entitlement and hostility towards God for not snapping His finger and helping me. I hate this, and it can be torture. I've even questioned if me seeking help from my church is a way just to fill my "supply." I need Christ to change me, because I really don't see how I can do this by myself. Please pray for anyone struggling with this. It is a HUGE hinderence on dying to self. It seems almost impossible to die to myself, no matter how bad I want to. There is always a selfish motive behind everything, and that is discouraging.
I think if you are aware of all that you may not actually BE a narcissist but just have the tendencies. The Holy Spirit empowers you to do all that you are struggling to do. If you are struggling, know it's not you that's going to overcome. The spirit of God will overcome it with you. Shift your mindset from striving/working to be a better person to surrender. I worked at being "good" but like you I questioned my own motives. Once I was baptized in the Holy Spirit the power struggle shifted for me. It's still hard to grow and become more self aware and set boundaries, but it's no longer an overwhelming or drowning feeling. If you haven't been baptized with the Holy Spirit I recommend looking at TH-cam for some videos about that. I know the younger guys like Isaiah Saldivar, Daniel Adams, and Vlad at Hungry generation commonly have videos about this. Or ask God. [Luk 11:13 NASB95] 13 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will [your] heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" [Jhn 20:22 NASB95] 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit.”
I also recommend the book Soul Care by Rob Reimer. Absolutely life changing for me and a very practical roadmap to identifying the issues that are hindering you with God.
It is by the grace of God alone that any of us will overcome anything. REST in the finished work of Christ and trust the Holy Spirit to move you forward moment to moment. Praying for you! Keep fighting and leaning into His good promises.
I thank God for this message. I have struggled with my husband displaying narcissistic behaviors . This topic message confirms my assumptions. He was deeply wounded as a child and this has carried into his adult life and now into our marriage. Praying God’s divine healing for deep wounds inflicted upon as a child.
I'm still trying to deal with my now ex-husband who had a terrible childhood. We were together for 13 years and divorced 2 years and he keeps pulling me back in and I'm desperately seeking God to help me get out of this web or to set him free. It also affects our son because he promises so much to him & never follows through. I'll be praying for you & your marriage.
Stephanie, for the sake of your son also, please create consistent and safe distance until he is willing to acknowledge his harmful behaviors and commit to changing them. For me it was helpful to only communicate via email or text so that I could reread things to prevent being confused from the gaslighting. Refer him to previous emails of yours if he keeps wanting to write in circles.
Same here , I am contemplating divorce at this point we've been together for 4 years and have a three-year-old son. Trying to find a free Christian marriage counseling but haven't found one yet
Lysa said it exactly, “The ultimate narcissist is Satan.” I wholeheartedly agree. Narcissist don’t have a real identity, they are empty. With Jesus there is hope. It may not come for the narcissist, but at least for us victims of their abuse.
@@lisacurtis8162 that is no way to live. Living in denial is a playacting thru life. I am positive Christ has saved many narcissists though. Im not saying theyll all receive Christ, just that it is possible. Hope that made sense : )
@@somethinggood9267 you have obviously never had a long(too) close(fake) relationship with a narcissist. Or had to deal with all the awful emotions that came from the destruction incurred by them and somehow(I don't know how) allowed by yourself. It's horrible. Go ahead and pray for them I guess. But if you really know one you will never get one authentic transparent emotion from them except anger.
They are emotional vampires, can be very charming, gregarious, seem fun and also like they are interested in everything you are interested in. They file away all of the information you give them about yourself but they use it against you later. They make it seem like they really get you and understand you.
The most interesting definition of narcissism I've read is by Mia Puolimatka: "the inability to see any evil in one's self." That can be done kind of low profile - doesn't look like bloated self-image or anything. But the result still is that other people are required to be emotional scapegoats for such a person. If someone denies their sin, they imply that others should take the load.
I found that I became a person I did not like while with my narcissistic husband. My marriage of 23 years is presently ending after 1 1/2 years of counseling that educated me and helped me to understand this mental disorder. I didn’t feel I was strong enough to deal with the continued behaviors. Praying for those misguided folks and breaking away is all we can do.
I can definitely relate to that as they do everything they can to get you to react so they look like the victim. They were doing everything for you, not the other way around. They tell everyone how much they really cared about you and you betrayed them. I didn't like my reactions because it caused me even more shame along with figuring out it was my choice to stay and put up with it. Overcome by shame and guilt. They take revenge by ruining your reputation. Then they replace you with something or someone else. I have noticed they always have a group of fans or others supporting them. I am trying to isolate and recover from people who play me like this. Now I am being called a narcissist for trying to heal by myself. I care deeply for everyone, but have no boundaries and attract people who see my vulnerability for their own gain. I never was allowed to take care of myself. I believed it was my duty ,from family and religion, to sacrifice my life for others. I only just realized Jesus doesn't mean for us to be used and abused for others. He does, however, want us to forgive and move on. We are supposed to PUT GOD before anything or anyone else. He loves us unconditionally and we never stop disappointing Him. He just doesn't throw us away for it. Life is so full of profound lessons for all of us. We all act like children in one way or another at times. What causes that behavior has to be addressed within our inner self. Our Job in the Kingdom of God is to love and forgive everyone. Guard your heart while you are doing lest you end up sinning against people because you didn't do that.😢❤
I watched this video last night and just again now this morning. It describes perfectly why my relationship with my friend, soon-to-be husband I thought, had to end. I see everything so clearly now. I was his supply, and the moment he thought he was losing me, he ran to as many other women as he possibly could to be friends with them and start complimenting them and talking to them.
I've spent 31 years in my marriage trying to make it work with a functioning alcoholic. When I saw that the alcohol was a problem I learned all I could to cope. There was something beyond the alcohol behavior I couldn't understand. Someone mentioned my husband sounded like a narcissist. As I learned about that subject I was blown away. I see the narcissistic behavior all over him. I feel sorry for him but don't want to be sucked in anymore. It's sad and it's going to take a miracle for him to change!
I think where the Church failed miserably is that victims and wives/women get all the teaching (love more, submit more, deny yourself more, endure more, forgive, hope, pray etc etc etc), while men and abusers get to biblically judge the ones who aren't sanctified enough to put up with their bs, then pep themselves up with messages of courage, faith, boldness, leadership, endurance etc. All biblically and church "backed up" and carelessly preached from the pulpet. And of course, many pastors and leaders are narcissistic and misogynistic themselves... The Church seriously needs to get its act together and keep up with down-to-earth research on the depravity of humans and PRACTICAL ways to change.
This has been my experience as well. I was abused for 30 years by my narc ex. When I finally got the courage to leave and divorce him 3 years ago I had no idea what he was. I had been programmed by him and the church that it was my fault, Until I read Dr.Simon’s book, In Sheep’s Clothing. I cried through the entire book. I had lived every scenario and I finally realized I wasn’t crazy, he is a narc, maybe even a psychopath. The church has done a huge disservice to the victims of these people. The best advice is to get away. They do not change.
@@merrichandler5170 My heart goes out to you. 💔 So true.. so happy for you, you had the courage to persevere and do the right thing for you. So excited for the relief and closure you got from finding out what was done to you. You can be proud of yourself and the hard healing journey you've embarked on, truly 👏 Thanks for the book tip!
I feel you. However, not all narcissists are men. Mine is my mother. I have not lived with her for 20 years, and I am still dealing with thr personal damage she did to me as a child.
Some narcissists use religious behavior to get more adulation and supply. They seek that involvement out to show others just how good they are and prove that any thoughts about them that are contrary just couldn't be true.
The intersection of biblical theology and emotional/mental health and therapy has been a long neglected arena of dialogue. I’m so grateful to stumble upon this channel. Ty for all the good work!
While I agree it is a medical diagnosis the problem is what narcissist will go to a Dr to be evaluated for a personality disorder. They'd have to first admit something is wrong which is something a true narcissist will never do.
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This is also dangerous for the one(s) being abused by an NPD. There is a spirit of abuse behind these people & so obstinate they would rather destroy you then deal with their true self. Religion keeps people in bondage but the Spirit brings life & Jesus ) the Truth sets captives free. Jesus confronted people to get them to see there wrong & bring them to their true self God created them to be- whole. Catering to a NPD is like catering to an addict .
The writer of Hebrews tells us "mirroring" is what Jesus does with us. "For we do not have a high priest who can not sympathize with our weaknesses but was in all points tempted as we are yet without sin." Yet was without sin ". What a sweet Savior we have ♡
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I am still praying for my parents and sister who persist in these spirits. My brother may have been covert. He took his life in September 2018, the day before my daughter's birthday.
the Holy Spirit is indeed many-faceted. Our Lord God may explain if Tesla's perspective is genuine of God. He was exposed to believers as a child. Perhaps that's why free energy was free. As God's provision is free we are to freely give. Not to be confused with our wages for work. Any way you slice it we are to be joyful in our giving.
It's so good to hear Christians actually discussing this. For so long this issue was just swept under the rug and we were told to be forgiving, which to me felt like I was being told that the Narcs in my life had hard childhoods and so I needed to forgive and forget what they were doing to me and my children. It was used it shirk duties, excuse alcoholism and putting my babies lives at risk and it never should have happened in the name of patience and forgiveness. I have had a few Narcs in my life and they were destructive though I've certainty heard of worse. My grandpa and step dad got away with lying, adultery and stealing. My MIL was a Covert narcissist who grew up with a very harsh mother but the family was well off. MIL was spoiled from what I can tell. She seemed like the Golden Child and she was beautiful in her youth. Sadly she ruined her looks with cigarettes and alcohol and I know she took excessive amounts of prescription drugs as well. She was jealous and sneaky and would do mean things to take others down a few notches if she thought they were out of their place and did things she was never able to do. She would pretend to be very drunk and yet she would lie in wait for the perfect time to strike. She was inhumanly fast especially for her age and she'd watch for the split second and scoop in and snatch up my babies and run off to stumble around nearly falling. The last time it happened she literally played drunken tug of war with my youngest baby when I tried to take my baby away from her. She had a death grip on my baby and was hanging down from me at a 45 degree angle. When I ran to get help MIL simply handed the baby to my husband and turned around and walked away like nothing happened. It was so creepy. I think it was demonic.
I will never forget, going to a restaurant with my father, who tried to order a salad supposedly named after him…. Unfortunately, for our waitress, who was new, didn’t know the salad he was referring to. He became angry and irritated. I don’t know if she ever lost her job or not, but I suspect she did. I was so embarrassed! He is the kind of narcissist with absolutely no self awareness. Or doesn’t care? I remember he also tried to tell someone that he was recruited for a coaching position for a hockey team and that never happened. He also lied about being in the military. He would say these things in front of me and my siblings, and not one of us ever corrected him or ever called him out. We knew better. There were times where he used Italian accents and southern accents, depending on who he was talking to. I don’t know how, but he is incredibly wealthy and acquired his wealth as a functioning alcoholic. You were only allowed in his circle if you never challenge him and show unwavering loyalty. If you don’t, you are out. I am out, and totally fine with that!
My husband passed away in 1996. I have had time to think & I have to admit that I never stopped loving him. When he left me with 3 small children. I tried hard to get him to come back. Later I realized that it was a mercy that our children didn't have to grow up in his household. His childhood was very traumatic. His dad was sadistically abusive both emotionally & physically. His stepmom was emotionally unavailable. His mother ran away from his dad & left him. He didn't know where she was. No wonder he was so broken. That doesn't excuse him. He got leukemia in 1994, I was his transportation to cancer treatments. We had a lot of time to talk. He didn't actually apologize but we talked alot & he said he realized he made my life harder. He really began to seek to know God. Finally he got some self awareness so late. He passed away in 1996.
Shame is a product of it like pride. The real root of it is Fear. That fear was introduced once they experienced their trauma. That fear is then covered by pride to protect their vulnerabilities. Deep down you are dealing with an adult that is still afraid of what happened to them in their past.
Exactly. It's Terror, buried in their subconscience. You're dealing with a a shame-based, arrested developmental, Profoundly hurt and terrified child in an Adult body, who checked out/disassociated from the life threatening experience of being abandoned, which means Death, that happened long ago, and compensated by adapting to Narcissism as a way of surviving. They don't have any empathy, because noone had empathy for them. They are comparable to a drug addict, in the sense of looking for their next fix (narcissistic supply) to avoid the profound pain and shame that is a result of the abandonment trauma.
I wish God would set me free everytime I think I can move on from my 24 year marriage I fall right back into his trap, everytime. I never thought of myself as week or stupid, but I'm feeling like I am these days/ years. I know I've been under a lot of emotional abuse and it has really taken a toll on my soul.
I appreciate how Lisa is so humble. I have read a few of her books and knew her name for over 10 years. She is not really an average person. Yet, just as the Lord was humble she doesn't let her position go to her head. Its valuable to see as a young person and quite the wonderful example of being right sized in context of this video.
I appreciate this so much. My husband, whom i am in the midst of divorcing, may definitely be a narcissist. I am very concerned about my children. They are old enough to see the abuse he has perpetrated on our family, and he is continuing to perpetrate on them and myself. What advice do you have for getting out of this type of tumultuous relationship, especially with children?
"In Jesus, there is always hope." Thank you for this. I married a person that fits all of your descriptions. Of course I'm not one to diagnose as I'm not a professional in psychology. It's been extremely difficult to become less as I feel abused. Pride says get as far away from her as possible. Humility says surrender yourself to Christ and let him guide your marriage.
My brother walks on me yet wants me to clap fir him and I am exhausted. No more. He has anger, rage and fury issues and is demeaning with his words and actions. I cannot take it anymore so I have blocked him from all ways of communications. He never has said I am sorry or apologized, just keeps wanting the relationship to continue as if nothing has happened. I pray for him and I thank God that I have no unforguveness in my heart. God told me to let him suffer the consequences of his actions (reap what you sow). I am finally at peace, God has given me a time of rest so my heart can heal. Thank you for such an informative program.
Often yes, It's rare a person with NPD will a) sincerely seek diagnosis, b) answer evaluation honest, c) accept the truth, receive feedback, and exact change on purpose -- BUT some people, especially Believers who are seeking a way to be freed/forgiven/empowered by God, seek to be less selfish and DESIRE to change and be changed by the Holy Spirit. @Martin Anderko, if you're doing this hard, humbling, courageous work, BIG KUDOS to you. You are an exception to the norm! May everyone be gentle with you, and may you be willing to be vulnerable and sincere to offer insight here to hurting one's who've been betrayed by NPD/Narctypes, so we can all better understand each other in love and grace!
Thanks to dome knowledge on narcissism combined with the filling love of Jesus I have been able to identify the narcissism in myself and close family members and have freed myself from it, and also from a lifetime struggle of depression. I have never been happier in my life. 💝
Be led by the spirit of God. Sometimes we marry people in our flesh. If God is telling you to let go of this person and marriage then be led by His spirit. God do not want His children to live in misery. Let go and let God have His way. You can pray that your husband is saved and delivered when the spirit of God lead you to do so even if you all are not married.
@@mhba9047 Nothing is impossible with God, that is absolutely correct. But everyone's situation is not the same. I pray that she is led by the spirit of God above everything.
Good for you! 💕 May God grant you the desire of your heart - to see him saved. My husband said he was a Christian, but didn’t display good fruit. If he did something good for someone, he would continuously brag on himself and expect thanks and praise from that individual and everyone else, too. One of his favorite phrases was, “There’s a fine line between faith and foolishness.” He didn’t want to express faith in believing and waiting for things. Instead, he would bully people to get what he wanted or go out right away and provide things with his money.
Recently found out I been married almost 9yrs to a covert narcissist and I'm a Empath. I finally put my foot down and we are finally separating. He has found a new supply at work and he hasn't moved out yet. She knows he married.... Smh I'm not even mad. I'm down 42lbs and he knows I'm done. I want my life back.
Good for you! That was exactly how I felt when I broke up with the narc, I got my life back! I kept thinking I was going to break down crying, and feel sad that he was gone. But I never did, I was happier and more at peace than I'd been in a long time.
I'd like to see them also discuss the deep effects these relationships have you personally. Plus go in depth on how Christians are to handle these kind of people or relationships. Also this personslity has really close ties, if not the same as Jezebel.
Compassion for a narcissist is best served from a distance...of more than 300 miles. Boundaries and no contact are the only route to self preservation. Read Henry Cloud works on same subject.
Sadly, this is what I have found to be true. As a 56 year old woman, 3 years ago I had to break contact with my malignant narcissist mother. It breaks my heart, because I really want to have a relationship with her, but I finally had to realize that it will never be possible. I pray for her every day that she would turn to Jesus and be saved.
Charming. Need admiration. Yes yes. I've identified this in someone I encountered. I was told to get away from them by a friend who said this person was a sociopath from what they did to me. It's mind boggling. Thank you for your information.
Thank you so very much for bringing this up. This makes sense, shame. I thought it was so much pride. It's really hard living with someone who just won't get help. I not sure how I can go on.
The problem is the True Narcissist believes they do not need helping but convince you that YOU are the one with the problem. They will pull you in and entangle you in their web of deceit and lies they want you to believe . It’s TOXIC and All you can do is manage the damage and pray for them and you yourself stay healthy and whole.
Thank you Joel! Your words spoke to my heart. You shared so much with the little time allotted. Thanks for helping us to see the Mirroring of Jesus. Thank you for answering sensibly and so concisely. I would love to hear more. Thanks again, I am inspired.
This young man cuts through the mist to the Truth! If we carefully listen to and believe and act upon these words, they will set us free! In Christ, if any are set free in Him are free indeed!
The person I was, before my rebirth in Christ, was very narcissistic, not sociopathic nor psychopathic, yet very narcissistic. I see there is a whole wide spectrum of being aware of this in self and in how others may mistreat us. I don't think we can say with certainty that someone will deal with such a condition for the rest of their life; a change of mind initiated and perpetuated by Truth can heal and establish a new security of mind, and I think a key resource such one needs is place(s) and person(s) both truthful and free of shame; a safe place to follow Truth to His healing.God bless in Yeshua (Jesus) name.
What an excellent video, for those of us who have been wounded by narcissists, I pray the their void gets healed and that they come to an understanding of their identity in Christ and how,He can fill the void in their life’s that they try to fill with worldly things. Amen.
Thank you so much for the Biblical perspective. I have some knowledge from counselors and my own research, but not a Biblical perspective. My husband and I have a son who has been diagnosed with narcissistic histrionic personality disorder. To say their has been judgement is an understatement. It is incredibly sad to watch the poor decisions my son has made, coupled with the shame of his father and I. Most people assume we did something wrong and that one or both of us must have the disorder as well. I am very interested in your ideas on how to deal with the situation in your next video. Thank you so much for tackling a problem that affects many families.
I completely understand the deep shame and insecurity that the person I have to deal with that displays a lot of the signs of NPD -- and for a long time I did my best to show empathy, have patience, etc.. but the emotional abuse became too much and now I am wounded and broken, struggling..... it isn't practical to think we can stay close to these types of people
I understand. I tried so hard to be understanding and compassionate, to build him up and bless him, and I finally had to say, nothing I do will EVER be enough. Jesus is the only one who can minister to a wound like that, if he’ll ever truly turn to Him.
And I completely understand why you’re struggling! Dealing with this for so many years turned me into something I really didn’t want to be, and I’m really working hard to get free of that! I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness and where He is walking me now!
This is great information! I love the description they give because they tell you what it is so then you can pray for them instead of be against them. If you or a loved one is experiencing these traits pray against them feeling that emptiness, pride, fear of abandonment, hurt/pain, self hatred and the lack of identity🙏
Sometimes, I believe, we are misunderstanding peoples needs, then calling them narcissistic. My love language is words of affirmation and praise. My husbands is gifts then acts of service. Acts of service does not fill me up, words do. It’s hard for us to understand each other. Knowing love languages for my spouse and children has made a world of difference.
My hubs is an alcoholic with Narcissistic tendencies, not sure hes like "full blown" but hes a pro at gaslighting, never takes accountability, hes emotionally & verbally abusive. He is also emotionally immature & when hes mad he'll slam doors. Mope, drink more etc. Its been exhausting. He also makes fun of my relationship with the Lord. Ive prayed & prayed & tried all i could but he is dragging me down with him & im at a point that i cant do it any longer 😢😢
My wife has told me that I’m a narcissist and after hearing it several times I started to believe it. Fortunately being a child of God and a faithful believer in Christ I can drown out that belief. Although I made mistakes in our marriage, I am taking responsibility for the guilt of my mistakes and getting professional help for my actions. I would love to reconcile and rebuild marriage, but I need to get Me straight first and also remember that it might take a long time for my wife to also heal. That’s not what a true narcissist would do I don’t think !! Great videos on all these topics 👍👍
@Larry Turner If you have the ability to admit your mistakes and feel regret for inflicting hurt on a loved one, you are NOT a narcissist! You might have other issues to deal with (we all do), but true narcs NEVER admit fault, and they feel NO remorse for bad, hurtful behavior. Good for you for getting help, and I hope that you have been able to reconcile with your wife!
You are only discussing one type of narcissism. What about the covert narcissist? Dr. Ramini identities seven types so it’s important to know that it’s not limited to grandiose narcissists who are the classical example.
Yes!!! These ones, especially cerebral coverts are the most pernicious in churches. Their false self masquerades perfectly as the "saved by grace super Christians". They're often the most loved, active, humble pillars of the church. While the insignificant other has the perfect codependent storm to make sure she (usually female) never exposes or complains. She has her own perfect Christian narrative - if only you did 1Cor 13 better and had more of the fruit of the Spirit, and if only you weren't such a rotten selfish spouse and died to yourself, and prayed more, you would be able to endure more, all joyfully of course, and you would love him out of his sinfulness; but fear not the Lord is with you, and you can always make this whole "godly", submissive spouse your life mission.. No one has to know, and with time and practice, you would have died and lost yourself so much, not even you will. Match made in hell.
@@Elethia441 hguhgghgih hnhjhhtgtyt Aasgfgrggggd is the best thing to do with the family and the family of them in our apartment very very clean for our guests to our house to our yyyyy
So true. I was the codependent married to the narcissist who the perfect Christian at church but a different man at home. He was raised up to an assistant pastor then fell into sin. I’ve seen time and time again the same thing with other people who look great and the church elevates them to leadership positions quickly. They are the wolf’s in sheep’s clothing. They leave devastation in their path.
My mother is a narcissist NCPD but she is also a baby Christian. She does not know or acknowledge her NCPD so I don't believe she is looking to change at 72 years. How do I honor a parent without letting the parent destroy me? I am so tired. I have started self sacrifing myself to give her what she wants, financial support etc... but it feels like I am dying inside and I am losing who I am again. If I let her, I think she will use me until I die ... and she will still somehow think she is the victim. Where is the healthy boundary? What is my obligation to a verbally, emotionally, psychologically abusive mother with NCPD who decided that she is a lonely Christian and is looking to the Scapegoat child to take care of her?
Check out the Dr. Henry Cloud Boundaries book. He also has a website called boundaries.me and a daily TH-cam broadcast where you can call in & can ask specific questions. I have found them all very helpful.
I am being lead to start a support group for women going thru this like us. My mother also is though seemingly a baby christian as well searching it's so hard to know if its genuine. If you have an email or way to contact you and woukd like to it would be a blessing to connect with you & others. I believe the biggest weapon they use us isolation & then always seems those with strong love & empathy find themselves surrounded by them & never really had anyone true around them ever so I believe the best way to fight is together by forming our own family in Christ. Prayers for you🙏💙
Dr. Ramani discusses this issue directly. Family dynamics with a narcissistic parent. I also think the book by Dr. Cloud would be helpful. We aren’t called to reconcile with others, just forgive and we are not called to let anyone or anything spiritually bludgeon us. We are warriors for Christ, we are deeply loved by our Great Savior. Pray for His leading and remember Sister Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, stand firm then, and do not take up again a yoke of slavery. Our God is so good, we walk in freedom because that is His heart for us. That’s why He came for us and paid the price we could not. I pray you walk in freedom Sister, trade your chains for His yoke and burden for it is easy and light and walk in freedom!
Not shame at all, Narcissists have no empathy and do not have a single thought about the feelings, safety or their responsibility toward others. Everything is about them and only them. They are not wounded, but rather have been spoiled by a doting mother who thinks her precious boy can do no wrong. They are often handsome and have been praised for their looks their whole life.
I agree...they know exactly what they are doing. When they come across people that allow to get stepped on the cycle keeps going. I know longer tolerate this behavior. I nip it in the bud immediately and if they have a problem with this..I simply walk away and I do not pitch a tent there...hoping I can change them!! Not going to happen!
I am glad you mentioned the excess praise I have a parent w this....and they grew up w excess praise are so different from my now deceased grandparents
Lord is there hope for a Narcissistic and can God save them or can they be saved period? Lord deliver me from self hatred and the emptiness inside. I have all these walls that I don’t know how to let Christ in to love me. I don’t want to be this way. I want to love and be loved.
This is an amazing testimony that gave me much hope. A sociopath finds Jesus & now actually spends his life ministering and bringing others to Christ.. th-cam.com/video/3tSQdG2umIQ/w-d-xo.html
Washing yourself with the word of God is the best place to start. Let it play while you sleep. Listen while you drive, do chores, any time you can. God promises to do a work and renew your mind. We have to do our part. It will change you. Ask the Holy Spirit to complete this work. To bring to mind each action you take and how you can change it.
@@bizarroworld3974 plus, the narc has to admit he needs help, admit he's a sinner, as we all are. They think they do nothing wrong, so them admitting to God that they are a sinner is not likely. We need to pray for them, and shake the dust off our feet.
My siblings and other relatives have been so cruel to our family after our mother died. I had always thought my mother was a narcissist but when the funeral was being planned by my sister, I was lied to, lied about etc because I was not willing to be used and abused anymore. I pretty much lost all of my family because my sister turned everything around and made me the "enemy" All this sounds so ridiculous when I write it out. There is so much detail I can't write out here. I'm trying to give it all over to God, because I can't deal with this any longer. What I learned through all this mess is that I don't want to be the kind of person that treats people the way I have been treated, just to look good to other people.Please pray for me as I try to heal and forgive. That is the hardest part, forgiving without replaying the whole incident over and over in my mind.
I have an 83 yr old diagnosed Narcissist that has a shopping addiction and Never has drank, was unfaithful, and has never did any drugs nor pain meds after surgery--she never wanted to be out of control insuring that the mask wouldn't slip. She also Never used the cruise control on her car b/c she said she had to have control. Mine is a Covert Narcissist and as Deadly as a snake. She Always violates your boundaries and lies so easily with a spin move--mostly trying to change the subject and ask questions not pertinent to the conversation which causes confusion. When she enters the room, We feel like at any moment a grenade will roll into the room and we cant tell if it's a live grenade or Not. It's Hell. This is my Mother in law which we take care of. When her best friend died, she said Oh, she wasn't my friend. Never thankful, nor grateful--always the victim, never the villain. Her expectations are so high, she would expect us to light ourselves on fire just to keep her warm & then kick us b/c we burned up to quickly. Get Away from these people, they don't change b/c they cannot separate their personality from their narcissism. They will cause you to become sick. They are Lazy and Demanding. They Expect to be served like kings and Queens. They Never : say they are Sorry, yet, Never forgiving. Very Vengeful b/c they are very angry, and if you criticize them at all, they will immediately go straight to anger and passive aggressive behavior like putting lemon cleaner in the pot of soup and watch you sip it off a spoon. (totally happened to us) . We are stuck w/ her. Get Out While You Can. They will suck the life right out of you!
I have been married to a “covert” narcissist for 24 years. They are definitely harder to spot and to diagnose, but they are none the less destructive. It was actually GOD who gave him the diagnosis, and he jokingly shared it with me. I began researching the topic and was amazed and grateful to GOD for helping me understand that the problem in our relationship was NOT me, as my husband always tried to make me believe. I am glad to see in these comments that so many other women and getting understanding about the disorder and allowing GOD to heal them as well. ❤
Thankyou Lysa, Jim, and Joel. I appreciate that you have taken this topic on. What you are discussing so needs to be heard. All of what you said describes how I functioned in the past and I was unaware that I was the cause of pain for my family and myself for most of my 50 years. i became aware my toxicity soon after being told the marriage was over and to leave. It’s incredible what the cost of one persons sins is and the pain and loss others have to bear and will continue to experience because of the sins. I still don’t understand love or empathy; as Jim said, maybe that will never come to pass. But I do hope to never cause pain or hardship to anyone again. To those suffering in a relationship with a narcissist… I’m sorry for what you are going though. Please pray and ask and obey the Holy Spirits leading to protect your children and your heart; He is faithful to keep His promises to provide and never leave you as well as plan a bright future for you. To those just becoming aware of your narcissistic condition. It’s worse than you think. Your only hope is to read the Word of God and pray for His Word to pierce you, revealing your sins and depravity, the obeying what is heard. This will seem Impossible yet it is the only thing that has brought me any peace in the past three years.
I could be wrong, but you don't talk like a narcissist, you are too self-aware. There are other conditions that exhibit narcissism-like symptoms, like some forms of ADHD or being on autistic spectrum. There is even such a thing as religious narcissism, caused by having been sheltered/isolated from the TV, media, books, outside information, social interactions, education, etc, while being excessively focused on religion. It is actually a huge problem within the religious circles. This type of narcissism can be successfully managed, though, even greatly minimized. One needs to abandon the toxic environment and its associated worldview, habits and traditions.
@@ezbody That's a great point. And your words are encouraging. I cannot take credit for anything, the awareness is by the grace of God and so is the courage to stay in the life he saved and choose to endure the consequences of my sin and failure. You seem to have experience with narcissism and it's management and I'd like to believe it can be managed or minimized for the sake of those in it and their loved ones. When you say abandon, would that be like the complete removal of everything in the persons life ( possibly even memories) so they literally have to start over... I recall the Meir Clinics can diagnosis and have a program like that for 24 hour medium term therapy. I thought about going there in 2020 but the pandemic closed the borders. Did you know ADD and Narcissism overlap 60% of the time; just learned this today and it explains why I'm so confused every day now; I have no idea how I could have been a part of a functioning (albeit dysfunctional) family with all that happens and gets accomplished. I was inspired to share a piece of what God has done in my story but refrained. Let me know if that's something you think could be shared here. Wishing you peace and an endearing memory filled Remembrance/Veterans day.
At the 3:45 mark This is what I experienced looking back I see how it was absolutely impossible thst he actually loved me he didn’t know me whirlwind dating to engagement to wedding all under 11 months.. fairytale. He was buying me an entire ski outfit and skis whatever I wanted 4 months in.. huge rock next few weeks after planned a wedding in 5 months and he wanted to move it up 3 months sooner I refused. It was all to make him look normal, and accepted and important. Immediately after wedding my 6 year old daughter and I experienced shocking devaluation and terrible treatment which caused me to react and be not very nice. 😢
Thank you for this video. I am married to someone that was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He left our house and is with the woman he was cheating on me. I so much needed awareness to go through this very hard season of my life. I never left him because I was believed God had a big plan for his life. I cant wait for next video. Thank you
Hi Sister, God has a big plan for your life as well. Please look into Dr. Ramani’s videos. She’s done extensive work on narcissists and narcissistic abuse. Take your time and listen. Let the Lord lead you and I pray that you walk in freedom. God bless you
I’ve read this happens around 8or9 years old. We witness abuse and choose either to gain power through being abusive or we develop maturity through choosing to never abuse.
In 2003 I saw a therapist in only the 3rd year of my marriage. She told me she believed my husband was a narcissist. That terminology wasn't in the social awareness like it is now. I had no idea what she meant and unfortunately I didn't keep going to therapy with her as my husband wasn't supportive. Almost 17 years later...divorce. I wish I'd had these resources back then.
My mom is and I was sending my dad some videos explaining the disturb, and she opened his e-mail and saw it. She got unmasked and came to talk to me, and confront me as a good Narcissist does. Of course that was a accusation section from her, but I could calmly tell her that what she was trying to do was part of her disturb. Accusing me of being rebel ( yeap, I am the black sheep!) And trying to manipulate me into guilt and fear of the future, with what might be of my life in the future, saying she is going to die, saying that I am setting an example to my children. But the Holy Spirit kept repeating in my heart to tell her: Galatians 6:7 -Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. I felt so in peace, and once se was gone, I was happy, she wasn't able to flip my emotions. I am fine, and I know God is taking care of me, and of her.
Thank you for talking about this topic through a Christian lens. There is a reason you’re talking about it; narcissistic people are hurting us. I agree you should never tell a person they’re a narcissist. But the reason the percentage diagnosed with NPD is so low is because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. It’s the people around them in pain and discomfort.
Filed for divorce after 21 years and two affairs in the last year. They pull you in and beat you down. Highs are awesome, lows are unbearable but the comes another high, you hold onto that hoping the highs will eventually turn into continuum
Lysa, you have such a great perspective and understanding of this topic. I wish that you would ask more questions of your guests then allow them to develop their thoughts as well.
It's interesting that the Jezebel Spirit never came up in this video as a spiritual component. Narcissist are said to have the Jezebel Spirit. All the characteristics mirror each other. This is why therapist say you can't help a Narc with therapy because deliverance is what they really need to get rid of that spirit. How does one become affected by that spirit. Past hurts, rejection, abuse, early sexual exposure etc....same as NPD.
That's because the concept of a "Jezabel spirit" isn't biblical. Unfortunately so many Christians fall for false teachings or beliefs without checking what the Bible actually teaches. You wouldn't find NPD in the Bible either, as it's a man made concept. Man made concepts become false teachings when people attach bible verses out of context onto those theories and try and force the Bible to say something it doesn't. It's not hard to see that the Bible doesn't teach that there's a Jezebel spirit.
Yes it is and I would counter that you are false. You need to study your bible (Rev 2)and get an understanding of Gods Word before you start going around slandering God's people. Don't just read the bible but study it, meditate on it and pray and ask God to speak to you. And get God's understanding, NOT your own!🙄
@@twinmama997 you might want to understand what exegesis and eisegesis is. Secondly I spent years involved in deliverance ministries until God showed me how false they were. My basic question when people make claims is "where in the Bible is that?" And "how has that verse/ passage been interpreted?" Usually people won't take responsibility for what they are claiming. Revelation 2vs 20 refers to her as "that WOMAN" it doesn't say she has or is a Jezebel spirit. The only Spirit referred to Revelation 2 is that of the Holy Spirit. Thirdly if a Jezabel spirit is Biblical how come the only references in the entire Bible are the story of the woman Jezebel & the reference in Revelation 2? Don't you think the Bible would have been more explicit in explaining demonic spirits and given specific instructions for dealing with them? But actually he did. And those teachings aren't what deliverance ministries teach. The Bible does on the other hand speak extensively about forgiveness, repentance, behaviour & true and false teachings/leaders / followers. Revelation ch2 is a judgment (good & bad) on those things.
Im reading a book, "It's Not You" by Dr.Ramani its an amazing book. She talks about how to deal with them when you cannot leave. Not everyone can just pack up and leave depending on their situations, culture, and others.
How I wish I would have access to all this videos when I first became a Christian before I got married. It is so sad to see many Christian marriages fail because of Narcissistim.
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My husband has NPD, he's a ten out of ten. I've been married to him for 30 years and loved him like crazy, did everything I could for him without realizing what I was doing. The last ten years have been a nightmare. I've been studying this both in psychology and in the Bible and have decided it's too dangerous for me to stay. Please pray for me as I find my way out, while trying to keep my eyes on Jesus every step of the way.
Praying! 🙏 I'm 40 yrs in met when 18, friends for 7 yrs before dating...never saw it coming. God is good, 3 beautiful children who are almost out of the house, seems too dangerous to live alone with him. Pray for God to guide me too. ❤️
@@robinredmond9642 I’m sorry you and your children are suffering. May you sense the presence of the Holy Spirit and receive courage and confidence to do what He leads you to. And may you have the peace that surpasses all understanding as you walk in obedience and love. I’m not saying what He’s leading you to do except that Jesus wants you to know Him and trust and walk with Him as He leads you.
Was married to an npd for 30 yrs. Decades of praying, begging him to listen to the Bible, get wise counsel (let’s face it, in his eyes who was going to be smarter than him). Left him 9 yrs ago. The peace, thankfulness, not pulling up to wherever I’m living being in fear or chaos. Leaving is a definite process. But I’m grateful to God for Him being nothing like anyone here on earth (in spite of my ex thinking he and Jesus being some kind of twins). I’m praying for you. May you grow in the Word of God to discover who He is and be able to live in the fruit of the Spirit ❤️
I know your comment was over a year ago, just wondering if you got out? And how it was going through the divorce. I am 29 years and did the same as you, and have been separated for almost 2 years and he just won’t divorce me. He lives with a woman he had an affair with many years ago. And seriously just told me how he missed me and loves me. My fog that i was in has definitely lifted. I just need help on how to finally cutting the last tie with him , getting divorced
@@TheMoms4 I am living in my own apartment with a cat 🐈 and a dog 🐕 and I have peace! I live about two miles from the house and see my husband about twice a week. When he becomes mean and angry I hang up on him and won’t see him for several days. All of a sudden it’s “Let’s have sushi!” again. 🍱 He hasn’t stopped drinking, hasn’t seen his therapist, hasn’t gone back to church. I’m in limbo. 🤔. I’m trying to stay extra close to Jesus and He is taking excellent care of me!
I left my home 2020. He was having another affair with a married Woman. Never heard of Narcissist. Asked Why this happened? Learned about Narcissists. Was married for 42 years. Always did what he wanted. Took all of his abuse. Then said I’m done. I’ve been set free from a toxic unhealthy man. I’m free and living my best life!!❤ God is good!
So happy for your freedom and blessings.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 32 years and finally divorced him October 2023. I began to confront him without backing down. He would not face his shame and I would no longer hide his true self behind the pain of his shame. I am no longer ashamed! No longer fearful of his sexual immorality being exposed! I am free!
A person with narcissism or narcissistic behaviors/tendencies will weaponize ANYTHING you tell them, any thing they know about scripture, anything they read they will twist it, they are conniving and deceitful. Guard your heart against these types of people.
When I was a child immediately after birth my mother went to travel for job purpose. She did not stay home, other women were taking care for me as a baby. Once she came home from a week long trip and she wanted to see me. I looked always away. When she came from the right I looked to the left, when she came from right, I looked to the left. So she held my head and I answered her “Nie da, nie da.” (Never here, never here in German). These were the very first words my mother heart from me. She thought it very funny and told thes story often. I was sad when I heard it and to be honest, it made me very angry. Many years my problem was the abandonment. It took decades to be healed by Christ.
Das ist herzzerreißend. Das tut mir so leid ❤
I was married to a Narcissist for 25 years. God set me free a couple years ago. I am living my best life now.
Thanks for this Lysa
Amen!
Wow!! I bet it was really hard.
@Lisa E Amen! Spent 31yrs with a covert narc spouse. Greatful to be out but he still tries to stalk me, keeps dragging me through court and consuming my finances. I thought it would be over when the divorce was issued...not so far.
@@user-ir5ul1ph1c remember, still a pretense not a picture of all the time, only a few seconds.
I’m grateful you are talking about this! I don’t think this is a tiny percent of the population. It seems to be rampant.
Thanks for watching!
Yeah I was extremely surprised to hear that as well.. I'm just one person in this world and I have met countless narcissists / psychopath... It is an epidemic...
Personally in seeing the history of the church & how it's abandoned those who needed help - I've asked many many times through my 45 years of abusive marriage & got nothing, zilch, told to go back, ignored completely, & society praying on that with all this now new age stuff, & the enmy finding his way in. It's actually very scary & at times terrifying after my own experience with my ex-husband. Many have walked away from the church becuase they're not cared for. The only reason I'm still a Christian is I got Saved at 6 through a miracalous way & know Jesus is the only truth. But I tell you it's been really hard & really lonely.
I was blown away reading comments from people who were in marriages for 25 plus years with partners with narcissistic traits or worse. They gave me hope to heal. I am so grateful for the wisdom shared here.
I was 24 year with my husband. It was so dangerous to my well being and health of myself and my children. I have gotten curable (thank you Ahayah!) Std’s. Being cheated on multiple times. And blamed for it. Lied and manipulated the whole nine. It has been 5 months of us being separate and on the way to divorce. And it is both beautiful and sad and I am doing so much better without him. Mind you we have been separated before for years and decided to make it work or that’s what I thought it was. It was more love bombing than anything else I am on my way to Health. I am dropped 18 pounds in five months. I look younger I’m growing I have more confidence I can think straight. My house doesn’t have a heavy darkness inside of it. Depression is gone, anxiety is gone. Doors and blessings have been opening. It’s unfortunate but I praise the father for getting me out of this situation. It was him after all that showed me the things I needed to see in order to know the truth. Those are you keep speaking the truth, and Ahayah will reveal it too you.
Me too, I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 4 years. I left my secure, healthy, happy and loving environment and trusted him with me and my kids lives. The horror that we have lived through and are still going through but God willingly not for long. Please pray for me and my two girls
They project their own thoughts, choices, actions onto you as well. The best way to know what a narcissistic type person is up to -- listen to what they accuse you of because they are doing it.
CORRECT!!! My husband does it allllllll the time
I am so pleased to watch this topic from a Christian perspective. Lysa said it exactly, the charm draws you in and fills you up in the beginning, but then they turn around to suck the life out of you emotionally. Yet you long to get the charmer back and you change in hope that if you do this or that you’ll get back the amazing person you were so attracted to in the beginning. Unfortunately, that is the false persona that was an act, this person never exited and was a delusion.
The initial love-bombing phase is so deadly. Leaves you holding out for the exception, not the reality. Hanging onto the dream of “what was”
Ohhh my goodness. You just described my life . I wanted my ex-husband back so badly. Not the person he is now....the old him....the one I married. I just wanted everything to go back to then. I only recently realized, that doesn't exist, simply because I stopped being the doormat and accepting ALL the blame and taking ALL the responsibility for everything that was wrong in our marriage. And suddenly....I wasn't hos biggest cheerleader and he went off to charm someone else who would inflate his ego.
No the personality never existed. It take counseling and everything else in order to be healed from the abuse that you endured. We have to learn to slow things down, and pay attention to the red flags that the Holy Spirit reveals to us. We have to learn how to be okay with letting people go, and walk away from them when the Lord lead us to. This even mean walking away from family and so call friends that are toxic and dysfunctional as well. Everyone have a blessed day/week, and always know that the joy of the Lord is your strength.
This is one of the toughest bones to swallow, but as the saying goes, sometimes the truth hurts. I lost a lot of trust in my own perception of a person/people, during and after I ended the rollercoaster dance from the deep dark depths. I will never be able to trust blindly again. My new saying is treat them like a predator, until they show you they aren’t, through their actions/behavior/character. This will take a lot of time and patience and friendship first, to prove a person can be trusted.
That is because narcissist has established a "trauma bond." Or if you are looking at it from a spiritual perspective, a "soul tie." It's basically an addiction. The beautiful news is that God can break this. For some it may have to happen in counseling. For some it will be on more of a spiritual level. I had to do both. Check out Pastor RC Blake's TH-cam channel. He has a lot of videos in which he talks about narcissism and soul ties.
The core of narcissism is shame in people with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism in sociopaths/psychopaths is not based on shame it is based on superiority. Sociopaths/psychopaths are incapable of feeling shame. This is a very important distinction.
Your response is very true. I am living with one.
Problem worth narcissistists is that they rarely ever get help bcuz they think nothing is wrong with them
I agree mine thinks he is never wrong and will argue with you until you just let it go
⚠️⚠️⚠️
Crazy ppl don't know there crazy.
Yes, that is at the crux of personality d/o, inflexibility to treatment.
Narcissist very rarely respond to therapy or treatment even if they go. It is basically untreatable at this point in time.
28 years with my narcissist husband, married 27. I didn't find out he was a narcissist until a year after he walked out on us. I don't need him to have a professional diagnosis to confirm it, I lived through it. He's a classic covert narcissist, textbook!
Right? We know, because we live it day in and day out, year after year. We are the ones dealing with all the fall-out and issues in our children.
Im so sorry you have suffered for so many years. Did this discussion help you understand why he is so narcissistic? I think it's so helpful to be able to see the underlying roots that led the person to have so much self hatred and shame that they need to project themselves onto others as amazing in order to fill their bucket. This talk helps us have empathy.
I just found out about this video.
Have been searching info since a week now.
My friend told me , could u husband be narcissistic ?
And it blew my mind how these video described his behavior .
I'm 63, have been married 27 years, I'm exhausted , depressed at time, can't wait for Jesus to come back.
I tried to separate twice, but could not go through knowing the hell my kids would suffer .
I confess , anger and resentment every day. I feel like God has not heard my prayers for years , but that's probably a lie from the ennemy.
I'm grateful for my friends and my church, but they can't really understand what's going on.
Mine is discarding me. After 3 yrs of trying to make me leave him.
@@estherjennings1655 Empaths are the people narcissists look for and prey on. I don't think the problem is that we need to have empathy. Empaths spend too much energy trying to affirm and fill the narcissist. They end up suffering because they do not understand that loving someone well includes consequences for sinful behavior. Remember the Proverbs quoted...
I'm a covert/vulnerable narcissist, and this SERIOUSLY hinders my faith in Christ. I've been questioning my whole life, how I've treated people, whether my faith has been genuine, why I am the way I am, etc. I need to change, and this is because I am absolutely terrified of ultimately being abandoned by God in Hell. I understand intellectually that I am responsible for my sin, but deep in my heart is this sense of entitlement and hostility towards God for not snapping His finger and helping me. I hate this, and it can be torture. I've even questioned if me seeking help from my church is a way just to fill my "supply." I need Christ to change me, because I really don't see how I can do this by myself. Please pray for anyone struggling with this. It is a HUGE hinderence on dying to self. It seems almost impossible to die to myself, no matter how bad I want to. There is always a selfish motive behind everything, and that is discouraging.
Therapy??
I'm the exact same
I think if you are aware of all that you may not actually BE a narcissist but just have the tendencies. The Holy Spirit empowers you to do all that you are struggling to do. If you are struggling, know it's not you that's going to overcome. The spirit of God will overcome it with you. Shift your mindset from striving/working to be a better person to surrender. I worked at being "good" but like you I questioned my own motives. Once I was baptized in the Holy Spirit the power struggle shifted for me. It's still hard to grow and become more self aware and set boundaries, but it's no longer an overwhelming or drowning feeling. If you haven't been baptized with the Holy Spirit I recommend looking at TH-cam for some videos about that. I know the younger guys like Isaiah Saldivar, Daniel Adams, and Vlad at Hungry generation commonly have videos about this. Or ask God. [Luk 11:13 NASB95] 13 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will [your] heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"
[Jhn 20:22 NASB95] 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit.”
I also recommend the book Soul Care by Rob Reimer. Absolutely life changing for me and a very practical roadmap to identifying the issues that are hindering you with God.
It is by the grace of God alone that any of us will overcome anything. REST in the finished work of Christ and trust the Holy Spirit to move you forward moment to moment. Praying for you! Keep fighting and leaning into His good promises.
I thank God for this message. I have struggled with my husband displaying narcissistic behaviors . This topic message confirms my assumptions. He was deeply wounded as a child and this has carried into his adult life and now into our marriage. Praying God’s divine healing for deep wounds inflicted upon as a child.
I'm still trying to deal with my now ex-husband who had a terrible childhood. We were together for 13 years and divorced 2 years and he keeps pulling me back in and I'm desperately seeking God to help me get out of this web or to set him free. It also affects our son because he promises so much to him & never follows through. I'll be praying for you & your marriage.
severe childhood wounds for my narcopath ex-husband as well. No empathy for humans or animals
Stephanie, for the sake of your son also, please create consistent and safe distance until he is willing to acknowledge his harmful behaviors and commit to changing them. For me it was helpful to only communicate via email or text so that I could reread things to prevent being confused from the gaslighting.
Refer him to previous emails of yours if he keeps wanting to write in circles.
Same here , I am contemplating divorce at this point we've been together for 4 years and have a three-year-old son. Trying to find a free Christian marriage counseling but haven't found one yet
@@jenniferribeiro9568 Focus on the Family can help you. ...
Lysa said it exactly, “The ultimate narcissist is Satan.”
I wholeheartedly agree. Narcissist don’t have a real identity, they are empty. With Jesus there is hope. It may not come for the narcissist, but at least for us victims of their abuse.
I think narcissists can definitely recover if they have a real encounter with Jesus
@@somethinggood9267 I am praying for this to be true!
@@somethinggood9267 the problem is that their greatest fear is knowing their real selves and their real emotions.
@@lisacurtis8162 that is no way to live. Living in denial is a playacting thru life. I am positive Christ has saved many narcissists though. Im not saying theyll all receive Christ, just that it is possible. Hope that made sense : )
@@somethinggood9267 you have obviously never had a long(too) close(fake) relationship with a narcissist. Or had to deal with all the awful emotions that came from the destruction incurred by them and somehow(I don't know how) allowed by yourself. It's horrible. Go ahead and pray for them I guess. But if you really know one you will never get one authentic transparent emotion from them except anger.
They are emotional vampires, can be very charming, gregarious, seem fun and also like they are interested in everything you are interested in. They file away all of the information you give them about yourself but they use it against you later. They make it seem like they really get you and understand you.
Biblically that is witchcraft manipulation
The most interesting definition of narcissism I've read is by Mia Puolimatka: "the inability to see any evil in one's self."
That can be done kind of low profile - doesn't look like bloated self-image or anything. But the result still is that other people are required to be emotional scapegoats for such a person.
If someone denies their sin, they imply that others should take the load.
This resonates with me, thank you.
Well said!
Spot on!
That explains alot actually. Wow! Great explanation
I found that I became a person I did not like while with my narcissistic husband. My marriage of 23 years is presently ending after 1 1/2 years of counseling that educated me and helped me to understand this mental disorder. I didn’t feel I was strong enough to deal with the continued behaviors. Praying for those misguided folks and breaking away is all we can do.
I can definitely relate to that as they do everything they can to get you to react so they look like the victim. They were doing everything for you, not the other way around. They tell everyone how much they really cared about you and you betrayed them. I didn't like my reactions because it caused me even more shame along with figuring out it was my choice to stay and put up with it. Overcome by shame and guilt. They take revenge by ruining your reputation. Then they replace you with something or someone else. I have noticed they always have a group of fans or others supporting them. I am trying to isolate and recover from people who play me like this. Now I am being called a narcissist for trying to heal by myself. I care deeply for everyone, but have no boundaries and attract people who see my vulnerability for their own gain. I never was allowed to take care of myself. I believed it was my duty ,from family and religion, to sacrifice my life for others. I only just realized Jesus doesn't mean for us to be used and abused for others. He does, however, want us to forgive and move on. We are supposed to PUT GOD before anything or anyone else. He loves us unconditionally and we never stop disappointing Him. He just doesn't throw us away for it. Life is so full of profound lessons for all of us. We all act like children in one way or another at times. What causes that behavior has to be addressed within our inner self. Our Job in the Kingdom of God is to love and forgive everyone. Guard your heart while you are doing lest you end up sinning against people because you didn't do that.😢❤
I watched this video last night and just again now this morning. It describes perfectly why my relationship with my friend, soon-to-be husband I thought, had to end. I see everything so clearly now. I was his supply, and the moment he thought he was losing me, he ran to as many other women as he possibly could to be friends with them and start complimenting them and talking to them.
I've spent 31 years in my marriage trying to make it work with a functioning alcoholic. When I saw that the alcohol was a problem I learned all I could to cope. There was something beyond the alcohol behavior I couldn't understand. Someone mentioned my husband sounded like a narcissist. As I learned about that subject I was blown away. I see the narcissistic behavior all over him. I feel sorry for him but don't want to be sucked in anymore. It's sad and it's going to take a miracle for him to change!
did you end it
I think where the Church failed miserably is that victims and wives/women get all the teaching (love more, submit more, deny yourself more, endure more, forgive, hope, pray etc etc etc),
while men and abusers get to biblically judge the ones who aren't sanctified enough to put up with their bs, then pep themselves up with messages of courage, faith, boldness, leadership, endurance etc.
All biblically and church "backed up" and carelessly preached from the pulpet. And of course, many pastors and leaders are narcissistic and misogynistic themselves...
The Church seriously needs to get its act together and keep up with down-to-earth research on the depravity of humans and PRACTICAL ways to change.
This has been my experience as well. I was abused for 30 years by my narc ex. When I finally got the courage to leave and divorce him 3 years ago I had no idea what he was. I had been programmed by him and the church that it was my fault, Until I read Dr.Simon’s book, In Sheep’s Clothing. I cried through the entire book. I had lived every scenario and I finally realized I wasn’t crazy, he is a narc, maybe even a psychopath. The church has done a huge disservice to the victims of these people. The best advice is to get away. They do not change.
@@merrichandler5170 My heart goes out to you. 💔
So true.. so happy for you, you had the courage to persevere and do the right thing for you. So excited for the relief and closure you got from finding out what was done to you. You can be proud of yourself and the hard healing journey you've embarked on, truly 👏
Thanks for the book tip!
@@m.e.b9 🙏💗
@@merrichandler5170 i had the same experience
I feel you. However, not all narcissists are men. Mine is my mother. I have not lived with her for 20 years, and I am still dealing with thr personal damage she did to me as a child.
Some narcissists use religious behavior to get more adulation and supply. They seek that involvement out to show others just how good they are and prove that any thoughts about them that are contrary just couldn't be true.
Wolves in sheep’s clothing. I I Timothy 3 warns about these types of people
Sounds like my ex bf.
The intersection of biblical theology and emotional/mental health and therapy has been a long neglected arena of dialogue. I’m so grateful to stumble upon this channel. Ty for all the good work!
Amen! This is why I’m in school for Christian counseling. It seems like it’s just now emerging.
While I agree it is a medical diagnosis the problem is what narcissist will go to a Dr to be evaluated for a personality disorder. They'd have to first admit something is wrong which is something a true narcissist will never do.
Yes, zip my lips and pray for people. Only Jesus can change a person, their heart, and the renewal of their mind by reading His Word/Bible.
Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👨🎓👩🎓science described water memory 🌊👩🎨👨🎨existence reflecting psychologically, psalms16:24 k,j proverbs 27:19👻💎👨🎓👩🎓🤍🗽💖🧮🗡🛡⚖☄🌪🌬
This is also dangerous for the one(s) being abused by an NPD. There is a spirit of abuse behind these people & so obstinate they would rather destroy you then deal with their true self. Religion keeps people in bondage but the Spirit brings life & Jesus ) the Truth sets captives free. Jesus confronted people to get them to see there wrong & bring them to their true self God created them to be- whole. Catering to a NPD is like catering to an addict .
Jesus was a classic example of a narcissist! He Gets his power (like a battery) from those who (suck up )and give it to him freely! Cult Members!
@@jenniferribeiro9568 starts with honesty facts psychologically define differences name existence reflecting psychologically 👻💎👨🎓👩🎓🧮⚖🌬☄🌪👩🎨👨🎨
@Dan Dotson look at part 2 .it explains why god is not a narcissist
20:00 - That's why prayer and spending time in the presence of God is imperative. Mirroring happens in His presence.
2 Tim 3 PERFECTLY describes the narcissist...EVERY WORD!
...a 2-time narc survivor
The writer of Hebrews tells us "mirroring" is what Jesus does with us.
"For we do not have a high priest who can not sympathize with our weaknesses but was in all points tempted as we are yet without sin." Yet was without sin ". What a sweet Savior we have ♡
Yes!!
Amen.
Amen, that's so so so good!
Thank you so much for the Christian perspective, it's comforting to know there's hope....Jesus will fill up the emptiness.
Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👨🎓👩🎓science described water memory 🌊👩🎨👨🎨existence reflecting psychologically, psalms16:24 k,j 👻💎👨🎓👩🎓🤍🗽💖🧮🗡🛡⚖☄🌪🌬
God can only do what their will will allow. They have to want Him
I am still praying for my parents and sister who persist in these spirits. My brother may have been covert. He took his life in September 2018, the day before my daughter's birthday.
the Holy Spirit is indeed many-faceted. Our Lord God may explain if Tesla's perspective is genuine of God. He was exposed to believers as a child. Perhaps that's why free energy was free. As God's provision is free we are to freely give. Not to be confused with our wages for work. Any way you slice it we are to be joyful in our giving.
I love the way the Gospel works to reconcile all these issues in our humanity....
It's so good to hear Christians actually discussing this. For so long this issue was just swept under the rug and we were told to be forgiving, which to me felt like I was being told that the Narcs in my life had hard childhoods and so I needed to forgive and forget what they were doing to me and my children. It was used it shirk duties, excuse alcoholism and putting my babies lives at risk and it never should have happened in the name of patience and forgiveness.
I have had a few Narcs in my life and they were destructive though I've certainty heard of worse.
My grandpa and step dad got away with lying, adultery and stealing.
My MIL was a Covert narcissist who grew up with a very harsh mother but the family was well off. MIL was spoiled from what I can tell. She seemed like the Golden Child and she was beautiful in her youth. Sadly she ruined her looks with cigarettes and alcohol and I know she took excessive amounts of prescription drugs as well. She was jealous and sneaky and would do mean things to take others down a few notches if she thought they were out of their place and did things she was never able to do. She would pretend to be very drunk and yet she would lie in wait for the perfect time to strike. She was inhumanly fast especially for her age and she'd watch for the split second and scoop in and snatch up my babies and run off to stumble around nearly falling. The last time it happened she literally played drunken tug of war with my youngest baby when I tried to take my baby away from her. She had a death grip on my baby and was hanging down from me at a 45 degree angle. When I ran to get help MIL simply handed the baby to my husband and turned around and walked away like nothing happened.
It was so creepy. I think it was demonic.
Thank you for talking about this topic. Very much needed in the Christian community bc it affects many of us women. Thank you!
I will never forget, going to a restaurant with my father, who tried to order a salad supposedly named after him…. Unfortunately, for our waitress, who was new, didn’t know the salad he was referring to.
He became angry and irritated. I don’t know if she ever lost her job or not, but I suspect she did. I was so embarrassed! He is the kind of narcissist with absolutely no self awareness. Or doesn’t care?
I remember he also tried to tell someone that he was recruited for a coaching position for a hockey team and that never happened. He also lied about being in the military. He would say these things in front of me and my siblings, and not one of us ever corrected him or ever called him out. We knew better. There were times where he used Italian accents and southern accents, depending on who he was talking to. I don’t know how, but he is incredibly wealthy and acquired his wealth as a functioning alcoholic. You were only allowed in his circle if you never challenge him and show unwavering loyalty. If you don’t, you are out. I am out, and totally fine with that!
We're praying for you right now, Ally. Thank you for sharing part of your story with us.
My husband passed away in 1996. I have had time to think & I have to admit that I never stopped loving him. When he left me with 3 small children. I tried hard to get him to come back. Later I realized that it was a mercy that our children didn't have to grow up in his household.
His childhood was very traumatic. His dad was sadistically abusive both emotionally & physically. His stepmom was emotionally unavailable. His mother ran away from his dad & left him. He didn't know where she was. No wonder he was so broken. That doesn't excuse him.
He got leukemia in 1994, I was his transportation to cancer treatments. We had a lot of time to talk. He didn't actually apologize but we talked alot & he said he realized he made my life harder. He really began to seek to know God. Finally he got some self awareness so late. He passed away in 1996.
Shame is a product of it like pride. The real root of it is Fear. That fear was introduced once they experienced their trauma. That fear is then covered by pride to protect their vulnerabilities. Deep down you are dealing with an adult that is still afraid of what happened to them in their past.
Exactly. It's Terror, buried in their subconscience. You're dealing with a a shame-based, arrested developmental, Profoundly hurt and terrified child in an Adult body, who checked out/disassociated from the life threatening experience of being abandoned, which means Death, that happened long ago, and compensated by adapting to Narcissism as a way of surviving. They don't have any empathy, because noone had empathy for them. They are comparable to a drug addict, in the sense of looking for their next fix (narcissistic supply) to avoid the profound pain and shame that is a result of the abandonment trauma.
I wish God would set me free everytime I think I can move on from my 24 year marriage I fall right back into his trap, everytime. I never thought of myself as week or stupid, but I'm feeling like I am these days/ years. I know I've been under a lot of emotional abuse and it has really taken a toll on my soul.
You are Not alone-🙏✝️💪pray constantly Not to lose your spirit🥹🌹❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️I’m tired too🥲❣️
pray and leave!
I appreciate how Lisa is so humble. I have read a few of her books and knew her name for over 10 years. She is not really an average person. Yet, just as the Lord was humble she doesn't let her position go to her head. Its valuable to see as a young person and quite the wonderful example of being right sized in context of this video.
Thanks for watching, friend!
I appreciate this so much. My husband, whom i am in the midst of divorcing, may definitely be a narcissist. I am very concerned about my children. They are old enough to see the abuse he has perpetrated on our family, and he is continuing to perpetrate on them and myself. What advice do you have for getting out of this type of tumultuous relationship, especially with children?
"In Jesus, there is always hope." Thank you for this. I married a person that fits all of your descriptions. Of course I'm not one to diagnose as I'm not a professional in psychology. It's been extremely difficult to become less as I feel abused. Pride says get as far away from her as possible. Humility says surrender yourself to Christ and let him guide your marriage.
But God also does not believe abuse should be in marriage either. Save your self
My brother walks on me yet wants me to clap fir him and I am exhausted. No more. He has anger, rage and fury issues and is demeaning with his words and actions. I cannot take it anymore so I have blocked him from all ways of communications. He never has said I am sorry or apologized, just keeps wanting the relationship to continue as if nothing has happened. I pray for him and I thank God that I have no unforguveness in my heart. God told me to let him suffer the consequences of his actions (reap what you sow). I am finally at peace, God has given me a time of rest so my heart can heal. Thank you for such an informative program.
I have NPD. You were talking about compassion with narcistic people. Thanks a lot for advice. Only God and human compassion can help us.
EMDR Therapy has been shown to be a highly efficacious treatment for NPD.
AnswersFromGod.com/?youtube=xBQbXyeNSjk
@Martin Anderko
You are a narcissist and want to change?
Is this not contradictive in itself?
How can that be?
@@e.l.243 Maybe this person is low on the spectrum? My narc is not at all interested in changing!
Often yes, It's rare a person with NPD will a) sincerely seek diagnosis, b) answer evaluation honest, c) accept the truth, receive feedback, and exact change on purpose -- BUT some people, especially Believers who are seeking a way to be freed/forgiven/empowered by God, seek to be less selfish and DESIRE to change and be changed by the Holy Spirit.
@Martin Anderko, if you're doing this hard, humbling, courageous work, BIG KUDOS to you. You are an exception to the norm! May everyone be gentle with you, and may you be willing to be vulnerable and sincere to offer insight here to hurting one's who've been betrayed by NPD/Narctypes, so we can all better understand each other in love and grace!
@@EmDionneify Many thanks for your support. I appriciate it a lot.
Thanks to dome knowledge on narcissism combined with the filling love of Jesus I have been able to identify the narcissism in myself and close family members and have freed myself from it, and also from a lifetime struggle of depression. I have never been happier in my life. 💝
I’ve been living w one for 20 yrs n I’m waiting for a miracle before year ends for him to be born again
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 nothing is impossible with God. God is changing my husband. Have hope. Keep trusting God and forgiving & loving.
Be led by the spirit of God. Sometimes we marry people in our flesh. If God is telling you to let go of this person and marriage then be led by His spirit. God do not want His children to live in misery. Let go and let God have His way. You can pray that your husband is saved and delivered when the spirit of God lead you to do so even if you all are not married.
@@mhba9047 Nothing is impossible with God, that is absolutely correct. But everyone's situation is not the same. I pray that she is led by the spirit of God above everything.
@@ladennayoung2939 i agree🙏🙏🙏
Good for you! 💕 May God grant you the desire of your heart - to see him saved. My husband said he was a Christian, but didn’t display good fruit. If he did something good for someone, he would continuously brag on himself and expect thanks and praise from that individual and everyone else, too. One of his favorite phrases was, “There’s a fine line between faith and foolishness.” He didn’t want to express faith in believing and waiting for things. Instead, he would bully people to get what he wanted or go out right away and provide things with his money.
this is the best on this toppic I heard so far. Realy to the root of it. Great !!
Joel Muddamalle had so much wisdom to share...Jim Cress also. Thanks for having them on your podcast.
Thank you for watching, Penny! We agree.
Recently found out I been married almost 9yrs to a covert narcissist and I'm a Empath. I finally put my foot down and we are finally separating. He has found a new supply at work and he hasn't moved out yet. She knows he married.... Smh I'm not even mad. I'm down 42lbs and he knows I'm done. I want my life back.
Good for you! That was exactly how I felt when I broke up with the narc, I got my life back! I kept thinking I was going to break down crying, and feel sad that he was gone. But I never did, I was happier and more at peace than I'd been in a long time.
🙏✝️💪💪💪👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❣️
I'd like to see them also discuss the deep effects these relationships have you personally. Plus go in depth on how Christians are to handle these kind of people or relationships. Also this personslity has really close ties, if not the same as Jezebel.
@Mary Carroll which is?
Roberta Morrison has a great series on narcissism from a Christian perspective
Compassion for a narcissist is best served from a distance...of more than 300 miles. Boundaries and no contact are the only route to self preservation. Read Henry Cloud works on same subject.
Sadly, this is what I have found to be true. As a 56 year old woman, 3 years ago I had to break contact with my malignant narcissist mother. It breaks my heart, because I really want to have a relationship with her, but I finally had to realize that it will never be possible. I pray for her every day that she would turn to Jesus and be saved.
100%
Charming. Need admiration. Yes yes. I've identified this in someone I encountered. I was told to get away from them by a friend who said this person was a sociopath from what they did to me. It's mind boggling. Thank you for your information.
Thank you so very much for bringing this up. This makes sense, shame. I thought it was so much pride. It's really hard living with someone who just won't get help. I not sure how I can go on.
The problem is the True Narcissist believes they do not need helping but convince you that YOU are the one with the problem. They will pull you in and entangle you in their web of deceit and lies they want you to believe . It’s TOXIC and All you can do is manage the damage and pray for them and you yourself stay healthy and whole.
This helps me understand my prodigal husband SO much.
Thank you Joel! Your words spoke to my heart. You shared so much with the little time allotted. Thanks for helping us to see the Mirroring of Jesus. Thank you for answering sensibly and so concisely. I would love to hear more. Thanks again, I am inspired.
Thank you for watching, Cynthia!
There is so much in the Bible on narcissism. Shaneen Megji has a TH-cam channel on this very topic. Very enlightening.
This young man cuts through the mist to the Truth! If we carefully listen to and believe and act upon these words, they will set us free! In Christ, if any are set free in Him are free indeed!
This is a perfect explanation of someone I know. Spot on why he acts the way he does.
The person I was, before my rebirth in Christ, was very narcissistic, not sociopathic nor psychopathic, yet very narcissistic. I see there is a whole wide spectrum of being aware of this in self and in how others may mistreat us. I don't think we can say with certainty that someone will deal with such a condition for the rest of their life; a change of mind initiated and perpetuated by Truth can heal and establish a new security of mind, and I think a key resource such one needs is place(s) and person(s) both truthful and free of shame; a safe place to follow Truth to His healing.God bless in Yeshua (Jesus) name.
How is that possible, though? Narcissists neither want to be introspective nor intimate (in the sense of revealing their true selves).
So interesting, thank you! More like this please 😊
What an excellent video, for those of us who have been wounded by narcissists, I pray the their void gets healed and that they come to an understanding of their identity in Christ and how,He can fill the void in their life’s that they try to fill with worldly things. Amen.
Thank you so much for the Biblical perspective. I have some knowledge from counselors and my own research, but not a Biblical perspective. My husband and I have a son who has been diagnosed with narcissistic histrionic personality disorder. To say their has been judgement is an understatement. It is incredibly sad to watch the poor decisions my son has made, coupled with the shame of his father and I. Most people assume we did something wrong and that one or both of us must have the disorder as well. I am very interested in your ideas on how to deal with the situation in your next video. Thank you so much for tackling a problem that affects many families.
I completely understand the deep shame and insecurity that the person I have to deal with that displays a lot of the signs of NPD -- and for a long time I did my best to show empathy, have patience, etc.. but the emotional abuse became too much and now I am wounded and broken, struggling..... it isn't practical to think we can stay close to these types of people
I understand. I tried so hard to be understanding and compassionate, to build him up and bless him, and I finally had to say, nothing I do will EVER be enough. Jesus is the only one who can minister to a wound like that, if he’ll ever truly turn to Him.
And I completely understand why you’re struggling! Dealing with this for so many years turned me into something I really didn’t want to be, and I’m really working hard to get free of that! I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness and where He is walking me now!
Awesome video and perspectives!! The three of you working together is so wonderful to listen to, so helpful and insightful :)
This is great information! I love the description they give because they tell you what it is so then you can pray for them instead of be against them. If you or a loved one is experiencing these traits pray against them feeling that emptiness, pride, fear of abandonment, hurt/pain, self hatred and the lack of identity🙏
Sometimes, I believe, we are misunderstanding peoples needs, then calling them narcissistic. My love language is words of affirmation and praise. My husbands is gifts then acts of service. Acts of service does not fill me up, words do. It’s hard for us to understand each other. Knowing love languages for my spouse and children has made a world of difference.
This is the most helpful video I've ever seen on narcissism. Thank you.
Thanks for watching, Kathleen!
This is very good info from a Christian perspective.
My hubs is an alcoholic with Narcissistic tendencies, not sure hes like "full blown" but hes a pro at gaslighting, never takes accountability, hes emotionally & verbally abusive. He is also emotionally immature & when hes mad he'll slam doors. Mope, drink more etc. Its been exhausting. He also makes fun of my relationship with the Lord. Ive prayed & prayed & tried all i could but he is dragging me down with him & im at a point that i cant do it any longer 😢😢
Just started watching. I hope you'll address retaliation in narcissists, it kills me. That's my husband's problem.
My wife has told me that I’m a narcissist and after hearing it several times I started to believe it. Fortunately being a child of God and a faithful believer in Christ I can drown out that belief. Although I made mistakes in our marriage, I am taking responsibility for the guilt of my mistakes and getting professional help for my actions. I would love to reconcile and rebuild marriage, but I need to get Me straight first and also remember that it might take a long time for my wife to also heal.
That’s not what a true narcissist would do I don’t think !!
Great videos on all these topics 👍👍
Being obsessed with religious rules and dogmas can lead to a narcissistic behavior, as well. Jesus called such people "Pharisees".
@Larry Turner If you have the ability to admit your mistakes and feel regret for inflicting hurt on a loved one, you are NOT a narcissist! You might have other issues to deal with (we all do), but true narcs NEVER admit fault, and they feel NO remorse for bad, hurtful behavior.
Good for you for getting help, and I hope that you have been able to reconcile with your wife!
Best explanation of narcissism I've come across yet!
You are only discussing one type of narcissism. What about the covert narcissist? Dr. Ramini identities seven types so it’s important to know that it’s not limited to grandiose narcissists who are the classical example.
Yes!!! These ones, especially cerebral coverts are the most pernicious in churches. Their false self masquerades perfectly as the "saved by grace super Christians". They're often the most loved, active, humble pillars of the church.
While the insignificant other has the perfect codependent storm to make sure she (usually female) never exposes or complains. She has her own perfect Christian narrative - if only you did 1Cor 13 better and had more of the fruit of the Spirit, and if only you weren't such a rotten selfish spouse and died to yourself, and prayed more, you would be able to endure more, all joyfully of course, and you would love him out of his sinfulness; but fear not the Lord is with you, and you can always make this whole "godly", submissive spouse your life mission.. No one has to know, and with time and practice, you would have died and lost yourself so much, not even you will.
Match made in hell.
@@Elethia441 hguhgghgih hnhjhhtgtyt
Aasgfgrggggd is the best thing to do with the family and the family of them in our apartment very very clean for our guests to our house to our yyyyy
So true. I was the codependent married to the narcissist who the perfect Christian at church but a different man at home. He was raised up to an assistant pastor then fell into sin. I’ve seen time and time again the same thing with other people who look great and the church elevates them to leadership positions quickly. They are the wolf’s in sheep’s clothing. They leave devastation in their path.
@@Elethia441 True that happened to me I'm set free from that relationship
I love Dr Ramani. She's very informative
Pray for them! Yes!
My mother is a narcissist NCPD but she is also a baby Christian. She does not know or acknowledge her NCPD so I don't believe she is looking to change at 72 years. How do I honor a parent without letting the parent destroy me? I am so tired. I have started self sacrifing myself to give her what she wants, financial support etc... but it feels like I am dying inside and I am losing who I am again. If I let her, I think she will use me until I die ... and she will still somehow think she is the victim. Where is the healthy boundary? What is my obligation to a verbally, emotionally, psychologically abusive mother with NCPD who decided that she is a lonely Christian and is looking to the Scapegoat child to take care of her?
Came here with the same question Lissette.
Check out the Dr. Henry Cloud Boundaries book. He also has a website called boundaries.me and a daily TH-cam broadcast where you can call in & can ask specific questions. I have found them all very helpful.
I am being lead to start a support group for women going thru this like us. My mother also is though seemingly a baby christian as well searching it's so hard to know if its genuine. If you have an email or way to contact you and woukd like to it would be a blessing to connect with you & others. I believe the biggest weapon they use us isolation & then always seems those with strong love & empathy find themselves surrounded by them & never really had anyone true around them ever so I believe the best way to fight is together by forming our own family in Christ. Prayers for you🙏💙
Dr. Ramani discusses this issue directly. Family dynamics with a narcissistic parent.
I also think the book by Dr. Cloud would be helpful. We aren’t called to reconcile with others, just forgive and we are not called to let anyone or anything spiritually bludgeon us.
We are warriors for Christ, we are deeply loved by our Great Savior. Pray for His leading and remember Sister Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, stand firm then, and do not take up again a yoke of slavery.
Our God is so good, we walk in freedom because that is His heart for us. That’s why He came for us and paid the price we could not. I pray you walk in freedom Sister, trade your chains for His yoke and burden for it is easy and light and walk in freedom!
Where is the golden child?
Off and On relationship for 30 yrs!! Recently we came in contact again! I drove 3 hrs to visit this man! Again, I feel in the trap!!
I believe insolence is another word for narcissism in the Bible. Thank you for this excellent discussion.
Not shame at all, Narcissists have no empathy and do not have a single thought about the feelings, safety or their responsibility toward others. Everything is about them and only them. They are not wounded, but rather have been spoiled by a doting mother who thinks her precious boy can do no wrong. They are often handsome and have been praised for their looks their whole life.
I agree...they know exactly what they are doing. When they come across people that allow to get stepped on the cycle keeps going. I know longer tolerate this behavior. I nip it in the bud immediately and if they have a problem with this..I simply walk away and I do not pitch a tent there...hoping I can change them!! Not going to happen!
I disagree, not ever narc has a doting mother. Narcissist are also made by neglectful parents too
I am glad you mentioned the excess praise I have a parent w this....and they grew up w excess praise are so different from my now deceased grandparents
@@allisonthomas3910 they can be w excessive praise
@@MTMN-ny4tx I agree. They also can be raised by neglectful parents
Lord is there hope for a Narcissistic and can God save them or can they be saved period? Lord deliver me from self hatred and the emptiness inside. I have all these walls that I don’t know how to let Christ in to love me. I don’t want to be this way. I want to love and be loved.
The Bible states that nothing is impossible for God. Believe. God is our healer.
This is an amazing testimony that gave me much hope. A sociopath finds Jesus & now actually spends his life ministering and bringing others to Christ..
th-cam.com/video/3tSQdG2umIQ/w-d-xo.html
Washing yourself with the word of God is the best place to start. Let it play while you sleep. Listen while you drive, do chores, any time you can. God promises to do a work and renew your mind. We have to do our part. It will change you. Ask the Holy Spirit to complete this work. To bring to mind each action you take and how you can change it.
Tracking
All things are possible with God though as the Bible says. He can change anyone who comes to Him.
But that person has to want to change.
@@bizarroworld3974 plus, the narc has to admit he needs help, admit he's a sinner, as we all are. They think they do nothing wrong, so them admitting to God that they are a sinner is not likely. We need to pray for them, and shake the dust off our feet.
My siblings and other relatives have been so cruel to our family after our mother died. I had always thought my mother was a narcissist but when the funeral was being planned by my sister, I was lied to, lied about etc because I was not willing to be used and abused anymore. I pretty much lost all of my family because my sister turned everything around and made me the "enemy" All this sounds so ridiculous when I write it out. There is so much detail I can't write out here. I'm trying to give it all over to God, because I can't deal with this any longer. What I learned through all this mess is that I don't want to be the kind of person that treats people the way I have been treated, just to look good to other people.Please pray for me as I try to heal and forgive. That is the hardest part, forgiving without replaying the whole incident over and over in my mind.
No narcissist ever wonders if the problem might be them.
Can't wait to hear your sermon on Proverbs 31: 5-6!!
I have an 83 yr old diagnosed Narcissist that has a shopping addiction and Never has drank, was unfaithful, and has never did any drugs nor pain meds after surgery--she never wanted to be out of control insuring that the mask wouldn't slip. She also Never used the cruise control on her car b/c she said she had to have control. Mine is a Covert Narcissist and as Deadly as a snake. She Always violates your boundaries and lies so easily with a spin move--mostly trying to change the subject and ask questions not pertinent to the conversation which causes confusion. When she enters the room, We feel like at any moment a grenade will roll into the room and we cant tell if it's a live grenade or Not. It's Hell. This is my Mother in law which we take care of. When her best friend died, she said Oh, she wasn't my friend. Never thankful, nor grateful--always the victim, never the villain. Her expectations are so high, she would expect us to light ourselves on fire just to keep her warm & then kick us b/c we burned up to quickly. Get Away from these people, they don't change b/c they cannot separate their personality from their narcissism. They will cause you to become sick. They are Lazy and Demanding. They Expect to be served like kings and Queens. They Never : say they are Sorry, yet, Never forgiving. Very Vengeful b/c they are very angry, and if you criticize them at all, they will immediately go straight to anger and passive aggressive behavior like putting lemon cleaner in the pot of soup and watch you sip it off a spoon. (totally happened to us) . We are stuck w/ her. Get Out While You Can. They will suck the life right out of you!
It’s a fruit of childhood trauma and an attachment disorder. Narcissists, love avoidants detach and love addicts cling.
in love, would love to have seen Joel be given more opportunity to share and speak:) Thank you so much for covering this
I have been married to a “covert” narcissist for 24 years. They are definitely harder to spot and to diagnose, but they are none the less destructive. It was actually GOD who gave him the diagnosis, and he jokingly shared it with me.
I began researching the topic and was amazed and grateful to GOD for helping me understand that the problem in our relationship was NOT me, as my husband always tried to make me believe.
I am glad to see in these comments that so many other women and getting understanding about the disorder and allowing GOD to heal them as well. ❤
Thankyou Lysa, Jim, and Joel. I appreciate that you have taken this topic on. What you are discussing so needs to be heard.
All of what you said describes how I functioned in the past and I was unaware that I was the cause of pain for my family and myself for most of my 50 years. i became aware my toxicity soon after being told the marriage was over and to leave.
It’s incredible what the cost of one persons sins is and the pain and loss others have to bear and will continue to experience because of the sins.
I still don’t understand love or empathy; as Jim said, maybe that will never come to pass. But I do hope to never cause pain or hardship to anyone again.
To those suffering in a relationship with a narcissist… I’m sorry for what you are going though. Please pray and ask and obey the Holy Spirits leading to protect your children and your heart; He is faithful to keep His promises to provide and never leave you as well as plan a bright future for you.
To those just becoming aware of your narcissistic condition. It’s worse than you think. Your only hope is to read the Word of God and pray for His Word to pierce you, revealing your sins and depravity, the obeying what is heard. This will seem Impossible yet it is the only thing that has brought me any peace in the past three years.
I could be wrong, but you don't talk like a narcissist, you are too self-aware.
There are other conditions that exhibit narcissism-like symptoms, like some forms of ADHD or being on autistic spectrum.
There is even such a thing as religious narcissism, caused by having been sheltered/isolated from the TV, media, books, outside information, social interactions, education, etc, while being excessively focused on religion.
It is actually a huge problem within the religious circles. This type of narcissism can be successfully managed, though, even greatly minimized. One needs to abandon the toxic environment and its associated worldview, habits and traditions.
@@ezbody That's a great point. And your words are encouraging. I cannot take credit for anything, the awareness is by the grace of God and so is the courage to stay in the life he saved and choose to endure the consequences of my sin and failure.
You seem to have experience with narcissism and it's management and I'd like to believe it can be managed or minimized for the sake of those in it and their loved ones. When you say abandon, would that be like the complete removal of everything in the persons life ( possibly even memories) so they literally have to start over... I recall the Meir Clinics can diagnosis and have a program like that for 24 hour medium term therapy. I thought about going there in 2020 but the pandemic closed the borders.
Did you know ADD and Narcissism overlap 60% of the time; just learned this today and it explains why I'm so confused every day now; I have no idea how I could have been a part of a functioning (albeit dysfunctional) family with all that happens and gets accomplished.
I was inspired to share a piece of what God has done in my story but refrained. Let me know if that's something you think could be shared here.
Wishing you peace and an endearing memory filled Remembrance/Veterans day.
At the 3:45 mark
This is what I experienced looking back I see how it was absolutely impossible thst he actually loved me he didn’t know me whirlwind dating to engagement to wedding all under 11 months.. fairytale.
He was buying me an entire ski outfit and skis whatever I wanted 4 months in.. huge rock next few weeks after planned a wedding in 5 months and he wanted to move it up 3 months sooner I refused. It was all to make him look normal, and accepted and important.
Immediately after wedding my 6 year old daughter and I experienced shocking devaluation and terrible treatment which caused me to react and be not very nice. 😢
We're so sorry you've had to walk through this, friend. We're praying for you!
Thank you for this video. I am married to someone that was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He left our house and is with the woman he was cheating on me. I so much needed awareness to go through this very hard season of my life. I never left him because I was believed God had a big plan for his life. I cant wait for next video. Thank you
Please know we are praying for you in this hard season. We hope this series is encouraging and helpful
Hi Sister,
God has a big plan for your life as well.
Please look into Dr. Ramani’s videos. She’s done extensive work on narcissists and narcissistic abuse.
Take your time and listen. Let the Lord lead you and I pray that you walk in freedom. God bless you
I’ve read this happens around 8or9 years old. We witness abuse and choose either to gain power through being abusive or we develop maturity through choosing to never abuse.
In 2003 I saw a therapist in only the 3rd year of my marriage. She told me she believed my husband was a narcissist. That terminology wasn't in the social awareness like it is now. I had no idea what she meant and unfortunately I didn't keep going to therapy with her as my husband wasn't supportive. Almost 17 years later...divorce. I wish I'd had these resources back then.
This is an EXCELLENT video!!! Thank you for doing this. We'll explained and so very helpful.
My mom is and I was sending my dad some videos explaining the disturb, and she opened his e-mail and saw it. She got unmasked and came to talk to me, and confront me as a good Narcissist does. Of course that was a accusation section from her, but I could calmly tell her that what she was trying to do was part of her disturb. Accusing me of being rebel ( yeap, I am the black sheep!) And trying to manipulate me into guilt and fear of the future, with what might be of my life in the future, saying she is going to die, saying that I am setting an example to my children. But the Holy Spirit kept repeating in my heart to tell her: Galatians 6:7 -Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. I felt so in peace, and once se was gone, I was happy, she wasn't able to flip my emotions. I am fine, and I know God is taking care of me, and of her.
We're praying for you today, friend!
@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries i appreciate that.
Thank you for talking about this topic through a Christian lens. There is a reason you’re talking about it; narcissistic people are hurting us. I agree you should never tell a person they’re a narcissist. But the reason the percentage diagnosed with NPD is so low is because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. It’s the people around them in pain and discomfort.
Was just broken up with by my narcissistic ex. It hurts more than I can express and need help with healing.
GOD is good friend . HE loves you and will take care of you till the end ❤️❤️
@@_.tabitha thank you
@@queenchels7669
Psalm 34:18
The LORD near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit
DONT go back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Filed for divorce after 21 years and two affairs in the last year. They pull you in and beat you down. Highs are awesome, lows are unbearable but the comes another high, you hold onto that hoping the highs will eventually turn into continuum
There are highs?
Lysa, you have such a great perspective and understanding of this topic. I wish that you would ask more questions of your guests then allow them to develop their thoughts as well.
Very good. Thanks God Bless😉
It's interesting that the Jezebel Spirit never came up in this video as a spiritual component. Narcissist are said to have the Jezebel Spirit. All the characteristics mirror each other. This is why therapist say you can't help a Narc with therapy because deliverance is what they really need to get rid of that spirit. How does one become affected by that spirit. Past hurts, rejection, abuse, early sexual exposure etc....same as NPD.
That's because the concept of a "Jezabel spirit" isn't biblical. Unfortunately so many Christians fall for false teachings or beliefs without checking what the Bible actually teaches. You wouldn't find NPD in the Bible either, as it's a man made concept. Man made concepts become false teachings when people attach bible verses out of context onto those theories and try and force the Bible to say something it doesn't. It's not hard to see that the Bible doesn't teach that there's a Jezebel spirit.
Yes it is and I would counter that you are false. You need to study your bible (Rev 2)and get an understanding of Gods Word before you start going around slandering God's people. Don't just read the bible but study it, meditate on it and pray and ask God to speak to you. And get God's understanding, NOT your own!🙄
@@twinmama997 you might want to understand what exegesis and eisegesis is. Secondly I spent years involved in deliverance ministries until God showed me how false they were. My basic question when people make claims is "where in the Bible is that?" And "how has that verse/ passage been interpreted?" Usually people won't take responsibility for what they are claiming.
Revelation 2vs 20 refers to her as "that WOMAN" it doesn't say she has or is a Jezebel spirit. The only Spirit referred to Revelation 2 is that of the Holy Spirit.
Thirdly if a Jezabel spirit is Biblical how come the only references in the entire Bible are the story of the woman Jezebel & the reference in Revelation 2? Don't you think the Bible would have been more explicit in explaining demonic spirits and given specific instructions for dealing with them?
But actually he did. And those teachings aren't what deliverance ministries teach. The Bible does on the other hand speak extensively about forgiveness, repentance, behaviour & true and false teachings/leaders / followers. Revelation ch2 is a judgment (good & bad) on those things.
Yes, these narcissists need the power of God through deliverance to be healed. It is possible!! We need to intercede in prayer for them.
Thank you for a biblical perspective on these tendencies, it makes a lot of sense. Looking forward to the counsel next week.
Im reading a book, "It's Not You" by Dr.Ramani its an amazing book. She talks about how to deal with them when you cannot leave. Not everyone can just pack up and leave depending on their situations, culture, and others.
How I wish I would have access to all this videos when I first became a Christian before I got married. It is so sad to see many Christian marriages fail because of Narcissistim.