I cannot begin to describe how AMAZING it is to hear Hank Green curse! It's like finally experiencing him as a friend in a conversation I would have in everyday life.
Kittie Yang THANK YOU! I felt the same way! Hearing people typically so scripted to their show, being able to be free and speak their minds for the world to hear, I find great
You are an awesome human being Hank! Thanks for letting us in. Your vulnerability is always inspiring to me. People need to have more moments like this. You matter!
I've probably watched this video a dozen times, but for some reason, this time the ending just made me burst out laughing. Maybe it's because I unpaused it right before Hank said "You're not trying to matter to the world, you're trying to matter to people." I've watched Hank and Ze, and of course John, for several years now. I've probably watched their videos more than any other creator's, or at least paid attention to their videos more than any other creator's. I find I spend most of what little free time I have these days on TH-cam, so the content on this platform has a fairly significant influence on who I am. Aside from the content they make, I don't really know Hank or Ze very well. I've never met them, I've never had any deep conversations with them, I've never belted out an old song with them on a car ride to nowhere important. But in a way I do know them. I know them because of the content they make and which parts of themselves they give to their audience. I've noticed how Hank will dramatically increase the pitch of this voice and flail his arms around when he's trying to make a silly point and how he readjusts his glasses whenever he collects himself. I've noticed how Ze mostly talks with his eyes, and how they can go from nearly bulging out of his skull, with his eyebrows jumping all over his forehead, to calm and tired but experienced and kind in almost an instant. In a way, they do matter to me, a lot. Maybe not on a personal level, but on a level that does mean something. Maybe I laughed because, for a brief second, I got a glimpse into who they are with each other when the camera isn't on, and it was like I was sharing a laugh with friends I'd known for years and have had plenty of silly but unforgettable experiences with. For a brief second, I felt like I knew who they were, like I had connected with them on a real personal level. Hank, Ze, I don't expect either of you to read this, due to the nature of the comment section for videos posted nearly three years ago on recently inactive channels, but in the unlikely case you do read this, I want to thank you for the laughs, for the triggerings of countless philosophical marathons, and for the little but important ways your videos have shaped my life. I want you to know you defiantly matter to someone, and to that someone it means the world. Thank you.
+tim sarro Have you ever had that feeling when something constricts just below your throat in a happy-hurt kind of way, and you feel for a few seconds really connected to all the strangers around you? That's how reading this comment made me feel. Thank you for writing that word-wall, and I'm glad I read it :)
Angelina Li I love this video for so many reasons: -This gave the idea to Hank to make the song Marilyn Hanson, which is one his bests. -It has Hank Green in it -The comment I am commenting on. - And now, the comments that are on this comment or those in the future. Thank you.
As the Doctor says "I've never met anyone who's not important." I know, I'm a Whovian spewing Whovianisms, but you know, I've always loved that line, because it's so true. Everyone's important to someone or something, even if they don't realize it, and in that way, everyone's the most important person in the world.
Though anonymous comments on youtube don't carry much weight, I still feel the need to say this. Your monologue touched very close to heart. After watching I was overwhelmed with a sense of shame for not contacting the people that truly matter to my life. I'm going to write them an e-mail tonight. Thanks for reminding me, Hank.
This just felt so authentic and human that I feel like I never want to watch a highly polished, throughly edited video ever again. It seems trivial but sometimes the best way to make an impact is to just be brutally honest about your self, because people pick up on that, and they relate so much more to people that feel similar to them than to perfected idols. You matter to me Hank. :) Today more than ever.
"How do you matter to people?" I think the answer to that is to remember some of the particular times that individuals have done or said something that really mattered to you. Doesn't have to be anything big. I had a friend in college who was in love with a guy. She came home with a literary magazine and said with glee, "he writes poetry! It's bad poetry but he writes it." The love and sprit of that one statement has never left me. When you look back on exchanges you've had in the past with friends, family, coworkers, even strangers, if you look with compassion, I bet you'll recognize not only the small but important times people have mattered to you, but also when you've mattered to them. It doesn't have to be a big event to have lasting impact.
I've always found my meaning in the smaller things. I absolutely agree with the whole sentiment of this video. Life is hard and if I can make a friend or even a stranger smile that's what matters to me, making life just a little bit brighter to the people I come across. If you're reading this 10 years late comment, I hope you're having a great day! If you're having a rough go at it, take a step back, take a breath and figure it out, you'll do alright :)
I had a recent revelation in my life where I looked back over my past and I realized how much of an effort I was making to get people to both acknowledge that I exist and care that I exist. The problem was, I was never stopping to ask whether I knew that I existed or cared that I existed. It was shocking when I realized that I wasn't sure whether I cared that I existed.That, I think, is the root. Relationships matter but caring about yourself matters more.
I dont care much about "mattering". All I really want from life is self fulfillment. I want to be "freed" of my depressions, insomnia and axiety. I simply want the "freedom" to learn and to express myself.
I love the raw quality of these videos. The long unedited cuts. The pauses to think. BLINKING. Looking away from the camera. Even more so than normal ze frank videos these feel like a real conversation with a real person.
I have had that same fantasy more times than I can count. Somehow it comforts me. I think that in that world I can get more out of the pitiful existence we all call life. A world where I'm free to do what I wish.
One of the most beautiful things that happened to me in my life is that I found people like Hank, John and Ze that are not only full of wisdom but also are willing to share that wisdom to everyone else in the world. And it is so comforting to know that someone else had the same dream.
I think my fears on this do to the fact I had two people say I got the out of depression, which I still do not know how did it but it happened and kind of unintentionally. I explained this and I said that it was only perhaps a few people and I was told I was wrong, their lack of sadness or anger effect all they came in contact with and so fourth with the people their contacts came in contact with. I made perhaps hundreds of days better and may never have known, I think many have but few know.
"how do you matter to someone?" to me, the more important question to focus on is how do I show the people who matter to me that they do matter, so so much. With friends, sometimes I just say it directly. You are important to me. You matter to me. I love you. I'm so happy I get to see you. I got to see one of my high school teachers, 15 years after high school, and I brought my class notes to show that I still had them and valued them. I talked about life lessons and anecdotes he had told us in class; I kept them in my memory after 15 years because they mattered to me, and I wanted him to know. I emailed a musician recently to let him know I had listened to his album over and over again in 2020, it was so calming and helped me get through the pandemic. He messaged me back that that made his day. We encounter a lot of media that we just listen to once, but that album connected with me, helped me, mattered to me. I wanted him to know that.
I came to this realization just years ago, and it was an amazing experience. I blurted it out one night while I was surrounded by my loved ones. "What matters to your matter my friends made of matter? Could it be, quite possibly, the matters at hand, and the matters we share? All that matters are the matters that matter to your matter! What matters most to me are the matters that keep my matters in place; that is all of you, who matter to me."
Like someone else said in the comments, i've never understood the need to matter to the world or finding life's purpose. To me, life's purpose should just be for you to live the best life you can. Be a kind person. Help others that need it if you're able. Excel at what you want to do or love. Be happy. And I'm certainly not an always happy-go-lucky type of person. My friends describe me as reserved and grounded. And I certainly have my times of stress and worry too, but I've just never been consumed by fear of finding life's purpose or being remembered by the world.
That was so awesome - I was giggling with embarrassment & relief that I'm not the only nut who wants to change the world. I'm still waiting for the appocalypse! You just made yourself matter more to a fair few people, by offering connection :) SO BRAVE!
This is something I struggle with a lot, it can be crippling sometimes when it catches me off gaurd...Thank you Thank you Thank you Hank for speaking openly and honestly, not just about this, but about the things that we sometimes don't have the courage to talk about with the people in our lives.
Love you, Hank! This video reminded me of the times I've been on retreats or trips where there's group reflections and everyone talks about what they fear and how they feel and everyone ends up etched in my mind forever and then we all hug. So now I want to hug you and say that your fantasy is not uncommon even though it is strange.
I love that even after watching years of vlogbrothers videos, we're still getting to know Hank and John a little bit more through each video. This was awesome, Hank. Thank you.
I have a similar concept of mattering that Hank has when he says that you need to matter to people. I remember talking with someone who turned to me after talking about what we wanted to do when we grew up. He asked me how I would leave my mark on the world. I said that I don't really care to leave my mark on the world, I just want to help my friends and those around me just be better. I took it upon myself to just be kind friendly and generous, holding doors, and setting examples.
I'm something of a paradox in this arena. Or more perhaps that I Was more so in the past. Because on one hand, I don't matter and never will and was okay with that... Most of the time. As in I didn't think about it one way or another. But on another hand, I didn't want to be forgotten. I didn't want to simply be a hole in the ground people in the future step around and avoid but never see. ... But then I realised something. I live on a great big ball of life. This huge place in space where even Space isn't truly a vacuum. I talk to you. I talk to her. I talk to him. Even if it's just through this forum or message board or whatever. My opinion, my thoughts, my feelings, my Personality is Out there. Free falling, floating through the ethers and bumping into the minds of many. It may not be Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. or the Pope, but it's being seen. It's being absorbed. And the good bits, the Important bits, the ME bits are being carried forward into those minds. And they in turn send their thoughts, like dandelion fluff on the winds of Humanity, out into the ethers. And on them, a tiny seed, a germ of who is ME is being carried forward to spread and germinate and share all that was important to me and good about me... And long after I am no longer, long after this message is dumped for "more important" data... That seed that was ME will still be growing and making things just a tiny bit better, a tiny bit more beautiful... Shedding just a tiny bit of the light of Life I hoped to share with the world at large... And one day, that seed will flower for somebody who needs it and even though /I'm/ not there, I will have helped. I will have shared the best that is ME to share... And, though no one will ever know my name... Matter.
Your words today provide such fodder for introspection and I want to respond but am finding it difficult. It is only in my adult life I have found people to whom I matter, people for whom I am not invisible. So for me, it is not a reaching back for something pure in the past, but an often fear of slipping back into invisibility. Fortunately, in those moments those closest to me are there to remind me of what we are to each other, and I strive to do the same for them at every opportunity.
This is something I've always personally struggled with. I've wanted to leave a mark on the world, to be remembered after I die. The thought of, after death, the whole idea of my existence eventually just vanishing as time goes on, is terrifying to me. I haven't had my moment yet, where did doesn't matter that I don't matter. But I'm young, and I'm sure it will come. It's consoling to know that I'm not the only person who struggles with this. This video brings hope.
I've felt like that many times, and 1: It's almost certainly better than you think. People are bad at showing affection, it doesn't mean they don't care. Actually it's worth everyone remembering to express their enjoyment of other people (in a positive, non-needy way) 2: Try not to hide, or despair. Enjoy being yourself (even if you don't know who that is), and be someone you would want to know -which you probably are. And be generous with yourself. Good people will respond in kind.
These are the types of Ze Frank videos that I miss. Thank you, Ze, and thank you, Hank. You both matter to me and to many other people. Sorry that we sometimes take you guys for granted.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and it has pushed me towards trying to be a better person and a better friend. It has also made me realize the extent of the horror of acts of violence. Each person matters because they have or have had some they matter to. They may matter to you just seeing their name on the news. The world can be a scary place but people matter. relationships matter. goodness matters.
this is something i've been thinking about a lot lately, especially going into college next year and thinking about my career. but i think that, whatever you do, you matter - first of all because your actions affect those around you (hopefully in a positive way, through kindness and compassion), second of all - even if you find yourself in a career which might not seem like you're serving others directly (example: artist), you are actually helping people, because you can inspire them.
I added this to my favorites playlist so that whenever I'm feeling sad, or like I don't matter, or having an existential crisis, I can watch it. And remember that "really what it comes down to is mattering to the people who matter to you."
Hank, you are literally in every video from everybody I'm subscribed to. I'm half-expecting you to show up on TEDEducation, Toby's channel, or SuperCarlinBrothers.
I agree completely, but I know for me there was an added step of discerning when a person truly mattered and when I'd attached an ideal to a person or set of people. It was quite a shattering blow to realize I couldn't fix all the injustice of the world no matter how much I thought a people group should matter.
Thank you, thank you. I've be destroying myself with self doubt about past decision. This video allowed me to understand why. Now I can resolve my issue. Thank you.
The story at the beginning really reminded me of Bob Dylan's Dream from "Freewheelin". A story of simpler days and not worrying about what mattered, and one of my favourite Dylan songs.
Hank.... "How do you matter to someone?" You Teach ! You found it and so did I. I am 74.... This IS what matters ! Most Students just slip away with time... but some find you again....and what they tell you BLOWS YOUR MIND. One sweet, bearded dude with long curly hair and a cowboy hat told me, "You saved my life". To be fair, I chose to teach one-to-one with highschool kids who each needed a different approach to science or math. And still, a decade later, they find me and I cry with joy. Because THAT is how you make a difference. One life at a time.
Hank, I think that where your go wrong in your thinking is in attaching mattering to the how other people think about you. Your life is your work of art. The world your you live in is constructed by your acts. I think that a more appropriate approach is to just be the best person you can be and try to make the world a better place without concern about how it will be regarded by others.
I can say that age tempers such philosophical questions with perspective. It's enough to be good. Keep your promises, treat others with respect, listen, share, learn, teach, love. Lamenting whether any of it "matters" is a waste of time. "Why" questions are a waste of time. Be satisfied with the "how" questions, and in knowing that there really is no "why." If you can pass that on, you've mattered.
Sometimes the people you care about don't care about you. I had a friend this summer who I did everything I could for. I pulled several all-nighters to help her study and keep her company, sacrificed my own scholastic well-being to show her support, even attended some of her classes to take notes, and in the end she admitted that she was embarrassed to be seen in public with me because I was weird, and that she didn't respect me. I stayed on Skype, Facebook, and MSN 24/7 for a couple weeks in
I love how Dan Gilbert's Stumbling on Happiness is right behind your head and peaks out from time to time. I also love this video, it matters to me (genuinely, no cynicism or sarcasm there)
It's interesting how many people - including myself - have had the same fantasy. I felt as though Hank was speaking right to me when he started talking about it. This lead me to remembering a quote from Looking for Alaska - "It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn't the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things."
Hank, don't be too hard on yourself. We all have fantasies that seem to be fucked up. I think yours just represented your wish to make a difference in the world, it was just a symbol for that wish. I think it's wonderful that you shared this. Your last lines do weight heavy on me... I'm pretty insecure about that in my own life.
As a child I had a elf ninja death squad from lord of the rings to protect me whilst staying hidden. And yes I know there were no Ninja Death squads in LOTR, but I simply combined a few cool things and imagined a situation where I could feel "safe".
"It is enough that I am of value to somebody today." -Hugh Prather (?) I have found recently that I want to matter because of what I accomplish independently, but also that I don't happen to be surrounded by a lot of people to whom I matter. I have become so accustomed to this loneliness that when surrounded by friends who care, I become self conscious, unsure of what to do with myself because I don't want to break the spell.
This feels really relevant to me as recently I have felt like I do not matter and it does not matter whether I exist at all, like if I went out tonight and never came back it wouldn't matter. But you have given me quite a bit to consider.
I've had similar horrible fantasies. I've had days where I would just constantly think about how great it would be if I had cancer. I wouldn't have to go to school, people would always listen to me (because I was going to die), and I would essentially be able to do what I want and have people who care a lot about me. I'm still not sure how to banish this thought, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Good to hear the vlogbrothers hitting similar conclusions, there's something very Hazel Grace about knowing that really, you only should want to matter to those who mean most to you. It's a good message.
hank is so endearing and such a good role model and so ze-orange and i just. feel really calm. when he's talking about things that matter to people who matter and in turn matter to me. stories about hank's high school friends make me happy inside. mmm.
I agree with this sentiment so much. It's actually why I've always wanted to be a teacher. In my life, teachers are the people who have made the greatest impact on me, and I want to be in a position where I am able to help and change others. I'm not a great innovator who can change the structure of this world, but maybe one of the people I impact will be able to. Maybe I can motivate someone to make a difference, just like others have motivated me. That's how I want to matter.
Very enlightening video Hank, I agree with you on the fact that we only need to feel like we matter in the little universes we create, but I am eternally plagued by a question."What if I am the only person in my universe"? We are Nerds after all, destined to form the forever alone flock, what if despite my sincerest efforts "my universe" shrinks to nothingness? Those who are there now get get busy with their lives and I am left in the lurch, with an empty universe! - echoes of an empty heart
True. I thought about this for awhile after posting. I think the level of mattering-ness should be equal on both ends. A hold the door open for random strangers because I care, even though it is a small amount in comparison to family. And hopefully, due to the door being held, I matter to them on the same small level that they mattered to me. I think that gives me satisfaction enough. However, with family I give them all my heart and soul because they matter more and they deserve it.
In listening to you talk about "mattering to the people who matter to you," it reminds me of one of my favorite Beach Boys songs (off of Pet Sounds) called "That's Not Me." One of the lyrics hits particularly close to this video's home: "I could try to be big in the eyes of the world. What matters to me is what I could be to just one girl." Sure, Brian Wilson is talking about monogamous, romantic love but I've always thought about it in regards to your people: family, close friends, etc.
Okay, so I'm the first one back here to comment since the release of "Incongruence" and am wondering, did this video come first, or did the song? (The obvious link being the "Hanson & Marilyn Manson" rhyme, and the whole mattering thing...Anyone else wondering?
I like how you use the "apocalypse fantasy" to illustrate your point... and I think this very issue is why that artistic genre has become so popular... a clean slate for the Big Picture, where our individuality and our unique skills and strengths become intensified and valued as we struggle to survive... we become overwhelmed by the enormity of our existence, but sometimes we need to reframe the size of our bigger picture... Embrace the moment and the ones we share it with. That Matters.
I feel like i've had that fantasy before. I always grew up telling people that i was going to save the world and now that i'm a teenager i realize that I can't save everybody. It is crushing and i can't help but feel like I'm going to feel unfulfilled forever.
After not having had friends for a few years, I made one a while back. When I'm hanging out with her, that's honestly the only time I'm not worrying about my future, or my general significance. I used to see hanging out with people as a waste of time, but it's not. It's the most powerful way to use your life to influence something.
It's extremely related- I think everyone feels like this to an extent. Most of us agree that some people achieve more in their lives than others, and there's this terrible fear of reaching the end and not having achieved as much as you'd like. I like Hank's point about caring about the people around you, who matter to you.
that is why I miss my childhood. it seems like adulthood forces you into that mental state. wise words..... so long as we matter to the ones who matter to us.
I feel the same. I remember when that teacher said that his students weren't special. I understand where he's coming from, but there are times when I want to feel special. There are times when I want to glitter while everyone else is gray.
"Mattering to the people who matter to you." That pretty well sums it up. Figure out who is important to you and then build your life around serving their needs and everything else will fall into place.
I think about this concept all the time, and I had similar fantasies where I would have an untimely death and then everyone who knew me would be forced to reflect on how wonderful I was. I'm nearing the end of my senior year to move on to an internship at a rigorous production company (my first job) and then to college. It's scary--on one hand, I know it shouldn't matter now. On the other, it's all I think about. But now, I know I'm not alone. Thanks a million, Hank.
Intelligent, and wise, benevolent leadership is incredibly important. The world does not work that way. Most people are focused on small groups. That's their people. Others may be on the larger populace, but many are angsty and politically focused because politics seems like the only mechanism of power to affect change. We also have to remember, as sociologists, we are on bigger picture things. It is a burden to have so much effective knowledge and so little power to implement it, but we have to remember that they, are not like us. That's why they need alpha leaders who understand them better, while we sigma types (like a priest or a shaman or professor or whatever that role is) are for consult. When they don't consult us, it hurts our ego a little, but the real pain is knowing how much better things could be, and really knowing how much better they can be, not just spit balling ideas while lying on one's sofa. Sigma keeps alpha in check, but I'd like to see alpha keep sigma in check instead. What I mean is that Sigma thinks different than Alpha. Sigma makes things work better, but may take the life out of the party, whereas alpha is more in touch with the group and can give you information that you wouldn't pick up on, and help you make decisions that would be better for the populace. Unless you have an overlord/tyrant type, which happens from time to time. Unfortunately, power motivated people (the power just feels good and gets people what they want sort of folks) can be and often are successful. Then, when they have the power, they use it for what they want, instead of what is better for the populace. [Apologies for the "street" sociology lingo - it's public discourse]
I find this discussion so super interesting. I would be very interested in what other kinds of "big picture" sorts of motivations people have and how that might affect their choices. Like, I have chosen a career that I think could easily have been a reaction to this kind of need (helping sick kids), but for me, I've really never felt this pull to big-picture "matter;" for me it's been primarily a desire for knowledge and challenge that has driven most of my decisions.
"Dancin to Hanson, and Marilyn Manson. And I know that doesn't make even a little bit of sense, That was the point, our beautiful incongruence. And it didn't matter, it didn't matter, to anyone but ourselves."
I've had that fantasy too, of hoping that some catastrophic thing will happen and then securing a position of leadership due to my charisma. For me this stems from not feeling like I mattered to people that mattered to me. My friends would have a conversation, I'd be talking, they'd cut me off and I couldn't talk again. It's a shitty feeling, not feeling mattered. But I guess you're right. Don't aim for the world, aim for those important to you.
I had the same fantasy when I was around 14. I deeply felt it was one of the only ways I would've made an impact to the world. When I was 16, my boyfriend told me about his longing for the same fantasy and how he craved to leave a marking of significance to the world. Now, at 18, we realize it's silly and pretty selfish how we would've risked many lives just to feel important. *sigh* Well excellent video you guy :)
confirmed.
I cannot begin to describe how AMAZING it is to hear Hank Green curse! It's like finally experiencing him as a friend in a conversation I would have in everyday life.
Kittie Yang It's like hearing a teacher/professor swear.
Kittie Yang THANK YOU! I felt the same way! Hearing people typically so scripted to their show, being able to be free and speak their minds for the world to hear, I find great
You guys should see him when he guest stars on Beer and Boardgames....lol
7 years later Hank Green shows up on my feed and hits me in my feelings exactly when I needed to hear what he had to say.
You are an awesome human being Hank! Thanks for letting us in. Your vulnerability is always inspiring to me. People need to have more moments like this. You matter!
I've probably watched this video a dozen times, but for some reason, this time the ending just made me burst out laughing. Maybe it's because I unpaused it right before Hank said "You're not trying to matter to the world, you're trying to matter to people." I've watched Hank and Ze, and of course John, for several years now. I've probably watched their videos more than any other creator's, or at least paid attention to their videos more than any other creator's. I find I spend most of what little free time I have these days on TH-cam, so the content on this platform has a fairly significant influence on who I am. Aside from the content they make, I don't really know Hank or Ze very well. I've never met them, I've never had any deep conversations with them, I've never belted out an old song with them on a car ride to nowhere important. But in a way I do know them. I know them because of the content they make and which parts of themselves they give to their audience. I've noticed how Hank will dramatically increase the pitch of this voice and flail his arms around when he's trying to make a silly point and how he readjusts his glasses whenever he collects himself. I've noticed how Ze mostly talks with his eyes, and how they can go from nearly bulging out of his skull, with his eyebrows jumping all over his forehead, to calm and tired but experienced and kind in almost an instant. In a way, they do matter to me, a lot. Maybe not on a personal level, but on a level that does mean something. Maybe I laughed because, for a brief second, I got a glimpse into who they are with each other when the camera isn't on, and it was like I was sharing a laugh with friends I'd known for years and have had plenty of silly but unforgettable experiences with. For a brief second, I felt like I knew who they were, like I had connected with them on a real personal level. Hank, Ze, I don't expect either of you to read this, due to the nature of the comment section for videos posted nearly three years ago on recently inactive channels, but in the unlikely case you do read this, I want to thank you for the laughs, for the triggerings of countless philosophical marathons, and for the little but important ways your videos have shaped my life. I want you to know you defiantly matter to someone, and to that someone it means the world. Thank you.
I could have said more... but.... Wow.
You have well worded the emotions of many people.
+Aditya Khanna Thanks. It was just one of those nights where I had something to say and words to say it.
+tim sarro Have you ever had that feeling when something constricts just below your throat in a happy-hurt kind of way, and you feel for a few seconds really connected to all the strangers around you? That's how reading this comment made me feel. Thank you for writing that word-wall, and I'm glad I read it :)
Angelina Li I love this video for so many reasons:
-This gave the idea to Hank to make the song Marilyn Hanson, which is one his bests.
-It has Hank Green in it
-The comment I am commenting on.
- And now, the comments that are on this comment or those in the future.
Thank you.
I'm betting $10 you learned writing like that by reading John.
As the Doctor says "I've never met anyone who's not important." I know, I'm a Whovian spewing Whovianisms, but you know, I've always loved that line, because it's so true. Everyone's important to someone or something, even if they don't realize it, and in that way, everyone's the most important person in the world.
Though anonymous comments on youtube don't carry much weight, I still feel the need to say this. Your monologue touched very close to heart. After watching I was overwhelmed with a sense of shame for not contacting the people that truly matter to my life. I'm going to write them an e-mail tonight.
Thanks for reminding me, Hank.
This just felt so authentic and human that I feel like I never want to watch a highly polished, throughly edited video ever again. It seems trivial but sometimes the best way to make an impact is to just be brutally honest about your self, because people pick up on that, and they relate so much more to people that feel similar to them than to perfected idols.
You matter to me Hank. :) Today more than ever.
"How do you matter to people?" I think the answer to that is to remember some of the particular times that individuals have done or said something that really mattered to you. Doesn't have to be anything big. I had a friend in college who was in love with a guy. She came home with a literary magazine and said with glee, "he writes poetry! It's bad poetry but he writes it." The love and sprit of that one statement has never left me. When you look back on exchanges you've had in the past with friends, family, coworkers, even strangers, if you look with compassion, I bet you'll recognize not only the small but important times people have mattered to you, but also when you've mattered to them. It doesn't have to be a big event to have lasting impact.
I've always found my meaning in the smaller things. I absolutely agree with the whole sentiment of this video. Life is hard and if I can make a friend or even a stranger smile that's what matters to me, making life just a little bit brighter to the people I come across. If you're reading this 10 years late comment, I hope you're having a great day! If you're having a rough go at it, take a step back, take a breath and figure it out, you'll do alright :)
I had a recent revelation in my life where I looked back over my past and I realized how much of an effort I was making to get people to both acknowledge that I exist and care that I exist.
The problem was, I was never stopping to ask whether I knew that I existed or cared that I existed. It was shocking when I realized that I wasn't sure whether I cared that I existed.That, I think, is the root. Relationships matter but caring about yourself matters more.
I dont care much about "mattering". All I really want from life is self fulfillment. I want to be "freed" of my depressions, insomnia and axiety. I simply want the "freedom" to learn and to express myself.
that is a really good goal.
did you ever figure it out?
It's so cool to come back to a youtube video or a podcast you consumed a long time ago and realize you got to watch a song be written
Listening to this after Hank announced his cancer diagnosis just hits different
I love the raw quality of these videos. The long unedited cuts. The pauses to think. BLINKING. Looking away from the camera. Even more so than normal ze frank videos these feel like a real conversation with a real person.
I have had that same fantasy more times than I can count. Somehow it comforts me. I think that in that world I can get more out of the pitiful existence we all call life. A world where I'm free to do what I wish.
One of the most beautiful things that happened to me in my life is that I found people like Hank, John and Ze that are not only full of wisdom but also are willing to share that wisdom to everyone else in the world. And it is so comforting to know that someone else had the same dream.
I think my fears on this do to the fact I had two people say I got the out of depression, which I still do not know how did it but it happened and kind of unintentionally.
I explained this and I said that it was only perhaps a few people and I was told I was wrong, their lack of sadness or anger effect all they came in contact with and so fourth with the people their contacts came in contact with.
I made perhaps hundreds of days better and may never have known, I think many have but few know.
"how do you matter to someone?" to me, the more important question to focus on is how do I show the people who matter to me that they do matter, so so much.
With friends, sometimes I just say it directly. You are important to me. You matter to me. I love you. I'm so happy I get to see you.
I got to see one of my high school teachers, 15 years after high school, and I brought my class notes to show that I still had them and valued them. I talked about life lessons and anecdotes he had told us in class; I kept them in my memory after 15 years because they mattered to me, and I wanted him to know.
I emailed a musician recently to let him know I had listened to his album over and over again in 2020, it was so calming and helped me get through the pandemic. He messaged me back that that made his day. We encounter a lot of media that we just listen to once, but that album connected with me, helped me, mattered to me. I wanted him to know that.
Help. I've gotten the feels and I can't get up.
🤝 here's a hand
I came to this realization just years ago, and it was an amazing experience. I blurted it out one night while I was surrounded by my loved ones. "What matters to your matter my friends made of matter? Could it be, quite possibly, the matters at hand, and the matters we share? All that matters are the matters that matter to your matter! What matters most to me are the matters that keep my matters in place; that is all of you, who matter to me."
Like someone else said in the comments, i've never understood the need to matter to the world or finding life's purpose. To me, life's purpose should just be for you to live the best life you can. Be a kind person. Help others that need it if you're able. Excel at what you want to do or love. Be happy. And I'm certainly not an always happy-go-lucky type of person. My friends describe me as reserved and grounded. And I certainly have my times of stress and worry too, but I've just never been consumed by fear of finding life's purpose or being remembered by the world.
So awesome seeing Hank in Ze's videos and Ze in Hank's! These were beautiful thoughts, Hank. Thank you for being so open for us. :)
This is sincere, authentic, beauty. Your uncertainty is powerful. Don't ever lose that.
That was so awesome - I was giggling with embarrassment & relief that I'm not the only nut who wants to change the world. I'm still waiting for the appocalypse! You just made yourself matter more to a fair few people, by offering connection :) SO BRAVE!
This is something I struggle with a lot, it can be crippling sometimes when it catches me off gaurd...Thank you Thank you Thank you Hank for speaking openly and honestly, not just about this, but about the things that we sometimes don't have the courage to talk about with the people in our lives.
Two of my favorite people. Thanks, guys. You really made my day (this particular one really needed some making).
Love you, Hank! This video reminded me of the times I've been on retreats or trips where there's group reflections and everyone talks about what they fear and how they feel and everyone ends up etched in my mind forever and then we all hug. So now I want to hug you and say that your fantasy is not uncommon even though it is strange.
This is exactly the place I'm in right now and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much Hank.
I don't think I've ever seen Hank be this real. It's amazing. Also, I'm really glad that this channel is a thing.
I agree. He's usually so.. effervescent. It's so comforting and sad at the same time to see him in such a normal, human, personal place.
I love that even after watching years of vlogbrothers videos, we're still getting to know Hank and John a little bit more through each video. This was awesome, Hank. Thank you.
I have a similar concept of mattering that Hank has when he says that you need to matter to people. I remember talking with someone who turned to me after talking about what we wanted to do when we grew up. He asked me how I would leave my mark on the world. I said that I don't really care to leave my mark on the world, I just want to help my friends and those around me just be better. I took it upon myself to just be kind friendly and generous, holding doors, and setting examples.
This video really hits home. Thanks Hank and thanks Frank :D
Ze and Hank: two of my favorite people.
I'm something of a paradox in this arena. Or more perhaps that I Was more so in the past.
Because on one hand, I don't matter and never will and was okay with that... Most of the time. As in I didn't think about it one way or another.
But on another hand, I didn't want to be forgotten. I didn't want to simply be a hole in the ground people in the future step around and avoid but never see.
...
But then I realised something.
I live on a great big ball of life. This huge place in space where even Space isn't truly a vacuum.
I talk to you. I talk to her. I talk to him. Even if it's just through this forum or message board or whatever. My opinion, my thoughts, my feelings, my Personality is Out there. Free falling, floating through the ethers and bumping into the minds of many. It may not be Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. or the Pope, but it's being seen. It's being absorbed.
And the good bits, the Important bits, the ME bits are being carried forward into those minds. And they in turn send their thoughts, like dandelion fluff on the winds of Humanity, out into the ethers. And on them, a tiny seed, a germ of who is ME is being carried forward to spread and germinate and share all that was important to me and good about me...
And long after I am no longer, long after this message is dumped for "more important" data...
That seed that was ME will still be growing and making things just a tiny bit better, a tiny bit more beautiful... Shedding just a tiny bit of the light of Life I hoped to share with the world at large...
And one day, that seed will flower for somebody who needs it and even though /I'm/ not there, I will have helped. I will have shared the best that is ME to share...
And, though no one will ever know my name...
Matter.
Your words today provide such fodder for introspection and I want to respond but am finding it difficult. It is only in my adult life I have found people to whom I matter, people for whom I am not invisible. So for me, it is not a reaching back for something pure in the past, but an often fear of slipping back into invisibility. Fortunately, in those moments those closest to me are there to remind me of what we are to each other, and I strive to do the same for them at every opportunity.
This is something I've always personally struggled with. I've wanted to leave a mark on the world, to be remembered after I die. The thought of, after death, the whole idea of my existence eventually just vanishing as time goes on, is terrifying to me.
I haven't had my moment yet, where did doesn't matter that I don't matter. But I'm young, and I'm sure it will come.
It's consoling to know that I'm not the only person who struggles with this.
This video brings hope.
I've felt like that many times, and 1: It's almost certainly better than you think. People are bad at showing affection, it doesn't mean they don't care. Actually it's worth everyone remembering to express their enjoyment of other people (in a positive, non-needy way) 2: Try not to hide, or despair. Enjoy being yourself (even if you don't know who that is), and be someone you would want to know -which you probably are. And be generous with yourself. Good people will respond in kind.
These are the types of Ze Frank videos that I miss. Thank you, Ze, and thank you, Hank. You both matter to me and to many other people. Sorry that we sometimes take you guys for granted.
This video just makes me so happy. One more thing I can relate to you, Hank. You make me happy in general.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and it has pushed me towards trying to be a better person and a better friend. It has also made me realize the extent of the horror of acts of violence. Each person matters because they have or have had some they matter to. They may matter to you just seeing their name on the news. The world can be a scary place but people matter. relationships matter. goodness matters.
this is something i've been thinking about a lot lately, especially going into college next year and thinking about my career. but i think that, whatever you do, you matter - first of all because your actions affect those around you (hopefully in a positive way, through kindness and compassion), second of all - even if you find yourself in a career which might not seem like you're serving others directly (example: artist), you are actually helping people, because you can inspire them.
I added this to my favorites playlist so that whenever I'm feeling sad, or like I don't matter, or having an existential crisis, I can watch it. And remember that "really what it comes down to is mattering to the people who matter to you."
Hank is becoming a leader in the post apocalyptic world.
Your videos always come in time for me, this is exactly what I'm dealing with...
I think that's exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Thank you.
Hank, you are literally in every video from everybody I'm subscribed to. I'm half-expecting you to show up on TEDEducation, Toby's channel, or SuperCarlinBrothers.
I agree completely, but I know for me there was an added step of discerning when a person truly mattered and when I'd attached an ideal to a person or set of people. It was quite a shattering blow to realize I couldn't fix all the injustice of the world no matter how much I thought a people group should matter.
Thank you, thank you.
I've be destroying myself with self doubt about past decision. This video allowed me to understand why. Now I can resolve my issue. Thank you.
both. To me he definitely feels vulnerable at times. I think thats part of being genuine, especially about things that worry and bother you.
hank this makes me respect you so much more. it couldnt have been easy to share those memories, but I liked it
Hank, I feel feelings towards you for speaking of this. Thank you.~
Nice cut at the end there. Oh, format humor. :^) And is that a wedding band on Hank's hand? That changes one's perspective, too, I'd imagine.
The story at the beginning really reminded me of Bob Dylan's Dream from "Freewheelin". A story of simpler days and not worrying about what mattered, and one of my favourite Dylan songs.
Hank.... "How do you matter to someone?" You Teach ! You found it and so did I. I am 74.... This IS what matters ! Most Students just slip away with time... but some find you again....and what they tell you BLOWS YOUR MIND. One sweet, bearded dude with long curly hair and a cowboy hat told me, "You saved my life". To be fair, I chose to teach one-to-one with highschool kids who each needed a different approach to science or math. And still, a decade later, they find me and I cry with joy. Because THAT is how you make a difference. One life at a time.
Hank, I think that where your go wrong in your thinking is in attaching mattering to the how other people think about you. Your life is your work of art. The world your you live in is constructed by your acts. I think that a more appropriate approach is to just be the best person you can be and try to make the world a better place without concern about how it will be regarded by others.
I can say that age tempers such philosophical questions with perspective. It's enough to be good. Keep your promises, treat others with respect, listen, share, learn, teach, love. Lamenting whether any of it "matters" is a waste of time. "Why" questions are a waste of time. Be satisfied with the "how" questions, and in knowing that there really is no "why." If you can pass that on, you've mattered.
Sometimes the people you care about don't care about you. I had a friend this summer who I did everything I could for. I pulled several all-nighters to help her study and keep her company, sacrificed my own scholastic well-being to show her support, even attended some of her classes to take notes, and in the end she admitted that she was embarrassed to be seen in public with me because I was weird, and that she didn't respect me. I stayed on Skype, Facebook, and MSN 24/7 for a couple weeks in
I love how Dan Gilbert's Stumbling on Happiness is right behind your head and peaks out from time to time. I also love this video, it matters to me (genuinely, no cynicism or sarcasm there)
It's interesting how many people - including myself - have had the same fantasy. I felt as though Hank was speaking right to me when he started talking about it. This lead me to remembering a quote from Looking for Alaska - "It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn't the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things."
Hank, don't be too hard on yourself. We all have fantasies that seem to be fucked up. I think yours just represented your wish to make a difference in the world, it was just a symbol for that wish. I think it's wonderful that you shared this. Your last lines do weight heavy on me... I'm pretty insecure about that in my own life.
As a child I had a elf ninja death squad from lord of the rings to protect me whilst staying hidden. And yes I know there were no Ninja Death squads in LOTR, but I simply combined a few cool things and imagined a situation where I could feel "safe".
"It is enough that I am of value to somebody today." -Hugh Prather (?) I have found recently that I want to matter because of what I accomplish independently, but also that I don't happen to be surrounded by a lot of people to whom I matter. I have become so accustomed to this loneliness that when surrounded by friends who care, I become self conscious, unsure of what to do with myself because I don't want to break the spell.
Look at those who you HAVE helped and inspired and loved ! THAT is real life !
This feels really relevant to me as recently I have felt like I do not matter and it does not matter whether I exist at all, like if I went out tonight and never came back it wouldn't matter. But you have given me quite a bit to consider.
"Really what it comes down to is mattering to the people who matter to you." Truth.
I've had similar horrible fantasies. I've had days where I would just constantly think about how great it would be if I had cancer. I wouldn't have to go to school, people would always listen to me (because I was going to die), and I would essentially be able to do what I want and have people who care a lot about me. I'm still not sure how to banish this thought, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one.
This is probably the slowest I've ever heard Hank talk in a video, but I like it. Well done :)
Good to hear the vlogbrothers hitting similar conclusions, there's something very Hazel Grace about knowing that really, you only should want to matter to those who mean most to you. It's a good message.
hank is so endearing and such a good role model and so ze-orange and i just. feel really calm. when he's talking about things that matter to people who matter and in turn matter to me. stories about hank's high school friends make me happy inside. mmm.
I agree with this sentiment so much. It's actually why I've always wanted to be a teacher. In my life, teachers are the people who have made the greatest impact on me, and I want to be in a position where I am able to help and change others. I'm not a great innovator who can change the structure of this world, but maybe one of the people I impact will be able to. Maybe I can motivate someone to make a difference, just like others have motivated me. That's how I want to matter.
"What do you do if you're never gonna matter?" In fact, in a few decades, we are not even gonna *be* matter.
I doubt I'll just be energy
Very enlightening video Hank, I agree with you on the fact that we only need to feel like we matter in the little universes we create, but I am eternally plagued by a question."What if I am the only person in my universe"?
We are Nerds after all, destined to form the forever alone flock, what if despite my sincerest efforts "my universe" shrinks to nothingness? Those who are there now get get busy with their lives and I am left in the lurch, with an empty universe!
- echoes of an empty heart
True. I thought about this for awhile after posting. I think the level of mattering-ness should be equal on both ends. A hold the door open for random strangers because I care, even though it is a small amount in comparison to family. And hopefully, due to the door being held, I matter to them on the same small level that they mattered to me. I think that gives me satisfaction enough. However, with family I give them all my heart and soul because they matter more and they deserve it.
oh god hank i was gonna cry if you had went on. you were..deep. you dont know how much you and john affect me when you guys talk like this.
In listening to you talk about "mattering to the people who matter to you," it reminds me of one of my favorite Beach Boys songs (off of Pet Sounds) called "That's Not Me." One of the lyrics hits particularly close to this video's home: "I could try to be big in the eyes of the world. What matters to me is what I could be to just one girl." Sure, Brian Wilson is talking about monogamous, romantic love but I've always thought about it in regards to your people: family, close friends, etc.
Okay, so I'm the first one back here to comment since the release of "Incongruence" and am wondering, did this video come first, or did the song? (The obvious link being the "Hanson & Marilyn Manson" rhyme, and the whole mattering thing...Anyone else wondering?
Obviously this came first, otherwise it would all be rhyming and stuff. Also, he wouldn't have just recycled things for a song.
Hank. YOU matter. And you matter in the world by how you show up for yourself and others. One person at a time my friend.
I like how you use the "apocalypse fantasy" to illustrate your point... and I think this very issue is why that artistic genre has become so popular... a clean slate for the Big Picture, where our individuality and our unique skills and strengths become intensified and valued as we struggle to survive... we become overwhelmed by the enormity of our existence, but sometimes we need to reframe the size of our bigger picture... Embrace the moment and the ones we share it with. That Matters.
I feel like i've had that fantasy before. I always grew up telling people that i was going to save the world and now that i'm a teenager i realize that I can't save everybody. It is crushing and i can't help but feel like I'm going to feel unfulfilled forever.
After not having had friends for a few years, I made one a while back. When I'm hanging out with her, that's honestly the only time I'm not worrying about my future, or my general significance. I used to see hanging out with people as a waste of time, but it's not. It's the most powerful way to use your life to influence something.
"It didn't matter that we didn't matter."... Very beautiful.
You matter to me Hank. So much. I think you're my favorite person even, my role model.
It's extremely related- I think everyone feels like this to an extent. Most of us agree that some people achieve more in their lives than others, and there's this terrible fear of reaching the end and not having achieved as much as you'd like. I like Hank's point about caring about the people around you, who matter to you.
that is why I miss my childhood. it seems like adulthood forces you into that mental state. wise words..... so long as we matter to the ones who matter to us.
Inspiring as always with flawless communication as always
I feel the same. I remember when that teacher said that his students weren't special. I understand where he's coming from, but there are times when I want to feel special. There are times when I want to glitter while everyone else is gray.
"Mattering to the people who matter to you."
That pretty well sums it up. Figure out who is important to you and then build your life around serving their needs and everything else will fall into place.
I think about this concept all the time, and I had similar fantasies where I would have an untimely death and then everyone who knew me would be forced to reflect on how wonderful I was. I'm nearing the end of my senior year to move on to an internship at a rigorous production company (my first job) and then to college. It's scary--on one hand, I know it shouldn't matter now. On the other, it's all I think about. But now, I know I'm not alone. Thanks a million, Hank.
Hank, I've had that exact same fantasy... that really hit home.
Intelligent, and wise, benevolent leadership is incredibly important. The world does not work that way. Most people are focused on small groups. That's their people. Others may be on the larger populace, but many are angsty and politically focused because politics seems like the only mechanism of power to affect change. We also have to remember, as sociologists, we are on bigger picture things. It is a burden to have so much effective knowledge and so little power to implement it, but we have to remember that they, are not like us. That's why they need alpha leaders who understand them better, while we sigma types (like a priest or a shaman or professor or whatever that role is) are for consult.
When they don't consult us, it hurts our ego a little, but the real pain is knowing how much better things could be, and really knowing how much better they can be, not just spit balling ideas while lying on one's sofa. Sigma keeps alpha in check, but I'd like to see alpha keep sigma in check instead. What I mean is that Sigma thinks different than Alpha. Sigma makes things work better, but may take the life out of the party, whereas alpha is more in touch with the group and can give you information that you wouldn't pick up on, and help you make decisions that would be better for the populace. Unless you have an overlord/tyrant type, which happens from time to time.
Unfortunately, power motivated people (the power just feels good and gets people what they want sort of folks) can be and often are successful. Then, when they have the power, they use it for what they want, instead of what is better for the populace.
[Apologies for the "street" sociology lingo - it's public discourse]
for a new channel . its great to see this number of views . great content
I haven't seen Hank this transparent before... this is fantastic. I just want to cry now ;_;
I've been seeing quotes of this video on tumblr for days now, and I'm just so happy to have finally found it.
I find this discussion so super interesting. I would be very interested in what other kinds of "big picture" sorts of motivations people have and how that might affect their choices. Like, I have chosen a career that I think could easily have been a reaction to this kind of need (helping sick kids), but for me, I've really never felt this pull to big-picture "matter;" for me it's been primarily a desire for knowledge and challenge that has driven most of my decisions.
"Dancin to Hanson, and Marilyn Manson. And I know that doesn't make even a little bit of sense, That was the point, our beautiful incongruence. And it didn't matter, it didn't matter, to anyone but ourselves."
This moment clearly gave him the idea for that song.
I've had that fantasy too, of hoping that some catastrophic thing will happen and then securing a position of leadership due to my charisma.
For me this stems from not feeling like I mattered to people that mattered to me.
My friends would have a conversation, I'd be talking, they'd cut me off and I couldn't talk again. It's a shitty feeling, not feeling mattered. But I guess you're right. Don't aim for the world, aim for those important to you.
I had the same fantasy when I was around 14. I deeply felt it was one of the only ways I would've made an impact to the world. When I was 16, my boyfriend told me about his longing for the same fantasy and how he craved to leave a marking of significance to the world. Now, at 18, we realize it's silly and pretty selfish how we would've risked many lives just to feel important. *sigh* Well excellent video you guy :)
"and listen to reel big fish" You are awesome Hank!