He explains how things like parent-child dynamics and negative reinforcement can create a cycle of defiance. Plus, he’ll share tips from his parent training program, Defiant Children to help tackle these challenges. If you're looking for more insights into managing ADHD and ODD, The ADHD Parenting Guide for Boys by Richard Bass has some solid strategies.
Seeing and hearing this in my 50s, I now know the root of some of my own issues. Luckily I have been able to function in society without very harsh circumstances, but it explains a lot about my past behavior and mental state.
I have adhd and my daughter has ODD/adhd VERY hyperactive. Constant rollercoaster of emotions leaving me soooo burnt out and physically/mentally unable to be a proactive parent... Thank you for information and the programme sounds wonderful
That is exactly what we are dealing with. My son is 7 and he’s diagnosed ADHD. From the research I’ve done he has ODD as well. It’s exhausting. He’s behavior is influencing our 5yr old. He’s only happy if he gets what he wants. Everything is a fight, then he gets violent. He has fleeting moments of kindness, but for the part he destructive and argumentative. I’m struggling and tempted to send him to live with his Dad out of state. However, I know that’s not the answer. It’s so hard for me to remain calm when he’s so defiant. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m learning as much as I can to help him and our family. Thank you for this video.
Im not in the position to advise you but i would like to recommend you check out Ross Greens method of CPS...lives in balance. He has different books on kid with problematic behaviour and how to deal with defiance. It might resonate with you. In combination with the other help you seek of course.
Such an in-depth video, this describes my 14 year old daughter who has had this diagnosis by a psychologist.this video is so real and helps me to understand her condition more. By the way, the tone of your voice is fine, the content of your message is what is important. Thanks again.
My 5 year old great nephew was recently diagnosed with ODD. He has already been suspended from Kindergarden numerous times for fighting with other students and even head butted his teacher. He was at my house for Christmas day and I had to ask them to leave after he destroyed my umbrella and jumped on the bed and was going to tear down the ceiling fan because he did not get his way. He was at my house for 4 or 5 hours and misbehaved the entire time, even having to be restrained several times because he was trying to hurt others. He sometimes screams at the top of his lungs when being told not to do something. The mother is my niece and she is a single mother. He is on medication and going to therapy so I am praying he will get better because his behavior is terrible.
The fact you had to ask your family to leave rather than them stepping up and saying to the kid, ok we are leaving, sorry fam but he can't be here, is a problem. My question with kids with ODD, how is the behavior being responded to at home, and is the behavior being reinforced. Again why did it take uncle to kick them out instead of parent addressing the behavior. Can't act right at uncles can't be at uncles should be the rule.
The parenting is disruptive because of all the noncompliance of the child. The only thing consistent is that the child will argue at every turn, taking up time and resources until the parent is completely worn down and actually chronically traumatized. There is no help for the parent. The child is tested and diagnosed and the parent is never told the gamut of what this means or does in a family. They are just given a diagnosis and left to fend for themselves. Siblings are effected, no one understands what to do.
Parents can't escape from their own kids with ODD AND WHO ARE NARCISSIST IN THE FLESH... we confuse our love with them not loving us and this causes them to win all battles and they get what they want but as they get older they still try you(the parents)... You gotta send them to a cognitive behavioral therapy inpatient or outpatient... That don't help neither they just "learn" from these institutions bc they use their manipulation skills for all... Bottom line they're Dangerous by nature like a wild animal 🐍🐍🐍 like a wild snake that devours you head first and suffocating and crushing your body just like a snake bc they MOVE LIKE A SNAKE 🐍🐍🐍 VERY UNPREDICTABLE AND VIOLENT(KIDS OR GROWN KIDS)... AND PUNISHMENT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE AND THEY EXPLODE WITH THEIR "NARCISSIST RAGE" & IT DOESN'T END WELL FOR EITHER PARTY(PARENT TEACHER SIBLINGS ANY AUTHORITY FIGURES)
As someone struggling as a dad at home on my own 8 month adhd journey, this is one of the most difficult things I've listened to. Knowing how much is my fault in all of this is such a gut punch but very needed. Thank you as always for your work.
It helps me to understand my son from his infant time to now elementary student from listening to Dr Barkley,s video. Very informative and helpful video.
Beautifully explained 👏 As a society we need to have early intervention and moreover PREVENTION. Evidence based parenting needs to be taught to ALL expecting parents. Just as commonly as we think of having baby showers and buying diapers, we need to view this preparedness as part of our normal parenting process. Just as readily as we relate McDonalds to fast food, we need to relate parenting education to expecting parents; to include identifying & addressing barriers for the parents such as underlying depression, patterns of abuse, socioeconomic condition, etc. As a society we are approaching parenting in a Wild West fashion with no blueprint and it doesn’t have to be that way. We need social programs for parent education that are widely implemented and are expectations of prospective parents. Do you realize the amount of time an expectant mother sits in the ob/gyn office over the course of her pregnancy??? This time alone could be capitalized upon in promising efforts toward improving positive outcomes for families. There is too much to lose to continue to leave ‘the blind to lead the blind’ so to speak. Even something as simple as teaching the Erikson model could have drastic changes. I know that my purpose on earth is to lay the groundwork for this and I’m working on it as we breathe. My dream is to have a blueprint and begin implementation within the next 7 years.
I was a defiant child due to lack of poor parenting skills. Simple mistakes such as spilling a glass of milk during dinner. Swift punishment was applied. The tools of punishment was a belt. Sitting in the garage. What destroyed my little heart the most was the destructive, 'silent treatment'. It has taken me decades to finally find my place of peace. Forgiveness is key! The discipline of Spiritual healing most beneficial!
That's not defiance that's trauma. You had trauma reactions due to abuse. I'm sorry that was your experience, it's so stressful and horrifically difficult to understand as a child - or even as an adult.
Yes. I hear these "parents" complaining and I wonder if it was like my situation. I can't imagine going and complaining in public to the world about some one in my charge. I see this a lot, people complaining about theur demon kid, ex, or parent online. I cannot imagine doing this in this way, but I certainly know what people who would are like ti deal with. It's a ase of a bad match only. I fear no discipline case. I welcome it.
@@owleyes71 You are deciding based on your black and white assumptions. How could it be possible that these bellowing ninnies complaining about their kids not accepting their "control" are actually doing a good job? They lost the lottery on one kid and got little versions of themselves on the rest and can't figure it out because of their biases on how life works. Your kid might be the opposite of you. If you can't handle that you shouldn't be their parent. My cousin had this ODD and I was treated as if I did and it was basically the same results because our parents had "beliefs."
My son was diagnosed with ODD but if he has it , it is a mild form. He has never one to be violent or throw tantrums, he's a good kid mostly but just won't listen to adults. He has been in trouble with the law but no one was hurt, he didn't intend to hurt anyone in fact he takes out his frustrations on himself. He's so negative for someone so young, but so bright and good hearted too. Impulsivity is his biggest problem, he's his own worst enemy.
I think he can use al the love you can give him. I hope he has a buddy he can talk to... I feel the pain in you're story as I felt similar when I was young, with the right people around you (who accept you), everything can get so much better (i dont have odd). I wish him good luck.
The world isn't made for him, that's the problem. It's made for his enemies who have nothing for him but the street, the prison, and the grave. Try to see that, it might be impossible, but it is true and that difficulty is why. Others can't see it either and they aren't his parents and don't love him and may not even like him. He needs an ally he can trust and something to work towards that he really cares about that isn't another form of punishment or force.
There's some interesting research in recent years, saying that ADHD, autism, bi polar and schizophrenia all have similar genetic roots and if you have one, you're at an increased risk of having one of the others.
Appears true from what I have seen. We need a diffrent state away from nuerotypicals. For better or for worse, we have our issues but can restrucer and find the people we function with, but the nuerotypical cannot exist with us, they destroy us. We are kept by our enemies.
Well, this all seems pretty accurate for my son and our family. I definitely feel like a crappy parent after listening though. I’ve tried everything I could think of for almost a decade and my son seems to be worse than ever. I’m completely lost as a parent.
My first thought when I hear someone's child has ODD is, "how long has their school been using isolation rooms and restraints on them?" I've seen how disabled children are treated in special ed, in group homes, in institution wards. Every single day you witness or are subject to violence. Safety and dignity are privileges and authority=abuser. They create a perfect traumatic environment for cultivating defiance, nihilism and aggression.
What a load of overgeneralising rubbish. Schools do not use restraints willy nilly, if you think thats the case how about you try actually working in a school environment. There is rigorous and strict training and a lot of emphasis placed on safety and stressing that it is a last resort to be used only when de-escalation efforts and reasonable alternatives have failed and a kid is trying to violently hurt others/ themselves. The alternative is to let them. Professionals who go into these careers don't do so out of some twisted power fantasy, they do it because they care about the vulnerable and to insinuate that they're all just waiting for the chance to oppress others for no reason is ridiculous.
@@eh.440 I was there. It happened to me. I saw it happen to others. Not one location or one bad staffer- public schools, group homes, institutions, it was the status quo. Recent statistics on the use of seclusion and restraint indicate it hasn't stopped. "Violently unsafe" behaviors that qualified for violent restraint included... resisting being restrained, fleeing from being restrained, not sitting in a chair the instructed way after being restrained. Or being in an autistic shutdown. There was always an excuse on the paperwork; there was no oversight to prevent them from simply lying. The "professionals" I interacted with were glorified orderlies with no understanding of disability, education, or psychology. Their purpose was to maintain control, that's it. You WISH what you said was true; it's not.
Thank you, that was informative. What disturbs me is that there is no discussion of reasonable vs. unreasonable parental demands. Is it not possible that in some situations defiance is the right, healthy, appropriate response? Think of a parent asking a child to do something inappropriate as part of child abuse.
The child is not capable of knowing what’s an inappropriate command. I think that’s why we instead train kids to be obedient until they come of age and train their caretakers what appropriate commands are.
I completely agree, in my case my mom was an emotionally neglectful and punitive disregulated person. She lived in delusion/denial, set me up for exploitation, raged at me and enmeshed with me. The subsequent (healthy/normal) acting out of me as a (scared with no relief) child, was labeled the problem. Like judging an abused animal instead of the abuser. Very sad. The only option i had at the time was to retreat, take on all the blame and became completely enmeshed in her pathology to stay “safe”/approved of.
@@sunder572 the way you talk about children is akin to the way you talk about a pet, incapable of certain understanding, humans are intelligent creatures, that does not stop being true when you're a child, teach and talk to your children as if they're a regular human being.
@@-HappyMelt- Yeah you should do that. But one day your child will still be upset that they have to go to bed no matter how rationally you lay it out for them.
Man..... I wish my childhood psychologist would've helped me and my family understand this. I know I had some problems with ADHD and ODD but it's not like that's the only reason my life sucked then and now. At least now that I'm married and employed with two kids, I'm finally understanding myself, my life, and how to change the cycle so my own kids aren't just set up for failure. I just hope my wife will follow suit.
All of the information here was spot to myself because (after being honest with myself) 80% to 90% of the points correspond to my own behavior almost exactly. Super helpful and easy to understand. 😁 Any general suggestions of how an adult could help themselves? (I have ADHD) I know timers work well for myself. Any suggestions like that for ODD? Thank you a million
Learn to take accountability for your actions, and how to be more responsible. Try to think and care about others more than yourself. Keep the golden rule in mind. Treat others how you want to be treated. It is actually easier to gain respect by showing respect. If you show someone respect and they disrespect you, that is when you can be "sassy" (depending on the situation and context). Walking away from toxic people is actually refreshing and shows that you are a more mature person than them, and your life will be better for it.
@dwood SAID IT WELL. ( NOT YELLING IN CAPS, I HAVE LOW VISION AND ARTH HANDS) ANYWAY THAT PERSON SUMMED IT UP VERY WELL IF I CONDUCT YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT I WILL BE FINE MY INPUT IF U R A CHRISTIAN OR EVEN IF NOT. TRY READING THE BIBLE AS IT PERTAINS TO THESE THINGS. THE GOLDEN RULE XOMES FROM THE BIBLE ITS GODS ROADMAP FOR LIVING AND ALL BASED IN LOVING KINDNESS AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE BUT ALSO TEACHES HOW NOT TO BE A FOOL EITHER. AND HOW TO SET GOOD BOUNDARIES WITH SELF AND OTHERS. ALSO... 'ALL THINGS IN MODERATION'. THAT YOU ARE EVEN REACHING OUT AND ASKING THESE THINGS IS HIGHLY COMMENDABLE. GOOD ON YOU!!! GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS PLEASE STAY SAFE AND WELL. ✝️🙏🏼🙇🏼♀️🥰💖🌹🌿🙋🏼♀️🇺🇸🇮🇱✡️
Know what triggers you, and take time to mentally prepare yourself before entering situations that might upset you. It's going to take time and practice, but it'll get easier.
Excellent lecture. Thank you. I have a 4 yo with defiant behaviour and I can see the cause id an underlying disorder (undiagnosed adhd) & parenting. I am inconsistent- but I am improving. I also have trouble regulating my own emotions - I have anxiety (ocd). My little one does have temper tantrums, aggression, and manipulation. She is clever. She is in kindy/prep this year & we are now engaging with the school to get her the referrals for speech & OT. Already she is on a behavioural plan 😢
In my case my mom was an emotionally neglectful and punitive disregulated person (with a narcissistic borderline diagnosis that she kept hidden). She lived in delusion/denial, set me up for exploitation, raged at me and enmeshed with me. The subsequent (healthy/normal) acting out of me as a (scared with no relief) child, was labeled the problem. Like judging an abused animal instead of the abuser. Very sad. The only option i had at the time was to retreat, take on all the blame and became completely enmeshed in her pathology to stay “safe”/approved of. I was never truly parented / there was no teaching, only fighting or smooching, and I became very distrustful of any incoming request or demand and disgusted with intimacy. The only thing that has helped is god, Jesus, prayer and grieving and faith. And love
It can be found in my book, Your Defiant Child. And serious violence is aggression that can cause significant bodily harm to another, such as use of a weapon.
Thanks for a fast answer. And I’m glad we aren’t to that point with our seven year old. Edit: just bought the Kazdin book a couple of days ago. But I’ve already read large sections of his clinical manual. So I’ll pick yours up this weekend and get started on it. We are late to the game in addressing our son’s concerns. Now playing catch-up. Thankfully, our psychiatrist said you are the guru, Dr. Barkley. So the first thing I watched was your three hour lecture for parents. I watched it twice and I am gleaning every bit of information that I can. Unending gratitude.
@@eschoenhals it can be found at Guilford.com or any major bookseller. The clinical manual is Defiant Children. The book for parents is Your Defiant Child. Be well
Can Adderall be the cause of my child having ODD? His Dr. also put him on Focalin & Abilify at night but is on Adderall 20mg BID and he is so defiant but had straight A's in school. He's also only 5yo and was abandoned by his Mom 2yrs ago. I've adopted him and now I feel like I'm left to pick up the pieces. She was always in volatile relationships with men and he was witness to this. She has 6 kids with 6 different men and all of the Dad's have the kids, except I have her last one. Anyone's input would be grateful. I'm taking him to a psychiatrist, neurologist, behavioral therapist and his pediatrician. I dont like him being on all these meds because he has Aortic Stenosis (heart condition), and it worries me. He hits me, tells me he hates ne, refuses to listen, refuses bedtime, getting dressed for school etc. He's being very disruptive in the household that we are living in. 😢
I would be happy to read the article you published which says that you program, the defiant child, is 65-75% effective and on which mesures. And thank you so much for your amazing job and conclusions
All of the research supporting the program can be found in the opening chapters of the manual, called Defiant Children:A Clinicians Manual for Parent Training available at major booksellers and Guilford.com. Be well.
@@russellbarkleyphd2023Do you offer consulting? Do you offer programs/apps/scripts/bot to deal with such people without developing dysfunctional manipulative habits?
Hmm🤔 How do you know its the parents that causes odd and not the odd the causes parents to try out different approaches? And family coming in from the outside and "disrupting" the parenting? Everybody has their own idea about "how the parents should do". And how do you know its not ODD that is the cause for parenting conflicks in the home? Parents seeing their approach not working, one parent thinking "ohh, the kid has a diagnosis, he can't help him self - we have to help" and the other thinking "we cannot let the kid get away with anything - its all the other parent who is too soft on him". One parent who thinks about this kid just going from one conflict to the next if you set the same requirements that they just cannot do as with other kids - the other parent who thinks that the kid cannot do them because of the first ones adaption to the kid? 🤔 One parent seeking just about all information out there about the kids conditions - the other parent just not caring to use the time on such matters? Well.. that is of course just me guessing here 🤷
I hear you. I started to look at my parenting and blaming myself thinking, maybe I have been inconsistent, but like you said, I think the ODD makes us try different things. There needs to be more help for the parents.
I know my child has a problem. It makes me want to love on him more. I've always been a sensitive being, but women are nurtures by nature. Most men believe tough love is good for children. A child needs to feel loved by both parents.
Let a professional such as a pediatrician or psychiatrist speak with them about their concerns. Also, show them the book, Straight Talk About Psychiatric Medications for Children by Tim Wilens, MD. It covers what is known about the medications without the sensational misinformation on the web. Best wishes.
Agree with anything they say no matter the truth or reason of it then walk away calmly and politely with no arguing. There is no cure. Let that sink in. They will have the last word every time and they will not stop. Your only way out of opposition is to pleasantly agree and escape the argument. And, in that moment you saved your adrenal glands and added years onto your life.
My 5 yr old son has this behavior but only at home. He is very opposed to discipline and says extremely hurtful things and is violent. My wife and i are so mentally exhausted.
What method of behavior modification, counseling or therapy would you use on an extremely intelligent 6 year old child that exhibits NPD and has outbursts of rage, including physical, to siblings and even adult family members ? I believe there is also conflicts with her friends/peers . She has VERY mature language and mental skills and uses manipulation and control tactics like I’ve never seen in another child .
My child was dx as ADHD + ODD when 6 y o, but standard approach to treatment and 2 years later, having meltdowns, extreme anger and rage fits, and fixation on objects with entitlement emerged. He was clinically evaluated by a university psychiatric clinic, and the "rigid thinking, sensory intolerances, emotional dysregulation" put him in ASD dx. He is also highly intelligent on all tests, started reading at 27 months old spontaneously, we just read together and did foam letters in bathtub, no deliberate attempt to teach. I strongly urge you to seek evaluation by a research oriented clinic because outpatient clinics seem to have relunctance to dx ASD if the kids test negative on ADOS and other assessments due to high intelligence. There is such a thing as "hyperlexia", and reading the research into "Twice Exceptional" kids will help inform the picture.
@@annak29 … a quick research indicates there is no connection to the two possibilities you suggested … It isn’t a cognitive disorder, but likely a personality disorder …
Therapy where you focus on your own family and problems and most likely neglect of your own because of the obvious overtime and obsession someone else's child you sound like a stalker and need to be diagnosed with butt in syndrome which is likely gonna attract gossip-itis and then finally death by swollen head when you finally realize how perfect you are and that everyone should be you or else they need pills and counseling 1🥸
What is the difference between a threat and a consequence? If you don't do your homework you can't have your video game system. Is that a threat or a consequence? We have a rule that if he gets violent at school or after with another child he can't play with anyone that day. Is that a threat or a consequence? What about monitoring when you are caring for a much younger child? Should I let my 9-year-old ODD son go play in the neighborhood by himself if his 1-year-old sister is sleeping. this happens a lot as she seems to go down right after he returns from school. I see 4 bad options. a) Go with my son and leave my sleeping daughter at home, b) Wake my daughter up and take her with us, c) refuse to let him go alone until his sister wakes, d) let him go by himself and be unmonitored?
I have explosive ODD with my mother. Constant criticism, nagging, judging. Like you are never good enough. So much pressure. And I already know so shut up. I already give myself a hard time more than anyone. After years and years the slightest remark or look will set me off in an explosive rage. Then shame. I love my mom to death but can't stand being around her and that makes me feel like a horrible son.
Don't feel horrible. She's looking for a reaction, like a child. Don't give in and remain calm. If she doesn't correct her behavior, distance or remove yourself from the situation until she can behave within reason. Remind her that you're not her punching bag. If she wants you in her life, she will put the work in. It will suck, but it's necessary. 😊
@@brianna094That may not be the best idea, actually. I tried that with my ex, and his response was to lock himself in the bathroom and take every pill in there. Then he came out and told me to get me to react. I calmly called 911. I don’t recommend flipping the script on an adult.
Most children and people in general (aka the gaussian curve left-to-hump people) and the "culture" and mental capacity they bring with them are not worth much but they are more often than not "typical and adjusted". There are quite a few useful and sensible parts in this video but "molding into accepting current structure" is not one of them.
Be carefull if what you are saying here (52.02). The part of "immediate consequences". THAT is bad parenting on its own. It leads to "explosive adults" that other people really distance them self from. It doesn't look good - it doesn't feel good.
Disruptive parent’s behavior ? We tray to help our teen daughter for many years with her ADHD and know ODD diagnosis .,..we are no negligent parents , we have job , we are no drink , no drugs , my older daughter is psychology and the young Son is high honor in school and he is Kind and the most respectful child , we are present parent all time ?? We Are helping and supporting her with many diferente treatments 😮. In think disruptive parents is not in general…
Do you realize that you said here that the the parents use negative behavior towards the child "all the time"? And the "children gets away with it"? That is very loaded and not so understanding words in my opinion. Its "not getting away with it" if an adult thinks "this child has challenges and can't cope with this command right now" its trying to meet the child as if the child was a human being - and not somebody "to win over". This is parenting - not supression.
Interesting topic. You have the wrong idea, about it’s “treatment”. It can’t be treated. Just roll with it. They are who they are, and no one can change that. The depression you speak of, @9:30, is caused by other factors, which are likely hormonal. I’ve had severe depression from age twelve. Thirty years later, I discovered that I have an SCA. Then, a few months later, AuDHD. And yes, I’m also defiant. I have many issues, but never created problems for others. The problems were created by others.
Let me tell you about ODD. It happens when NO ONE understands you and you are tired of trying to explain yourself and be understood. And everyone misunderstands you and thinks your just lazy or emotional. Then one day you are done with everyone's sht. Leave me alone and everyone can fk off. We are fed up and tired
LIFE IS A 2-WAY STREET. GOTTA MEET OTHERS HALF-WAY. READ THE BOOK, STUDY THE MATERIAL, TRY THE CONCEPTS, DO THE WORK. BE A GOOD LISTENER AND STOP TALKING SO MUCH. ITS NOT ALL ABOUT ' JUST Y O U !!! ' U R NOT ALONE!! SOUNDS LIKE PART OF THE PROBLEM IS POOR PARENTING ( KIDS DON'T COME W INSTRUCTION BOOKS), SO DON'T BLAME YOUR PARENTS. THEY MAY HAVE DONE BEST THEY COULD. IF U R AN ADULT, NOW U NEED THERAPY TO LEARN HOW TO ((REPARENT YOURSELF!! )) BE PATIENT W YOURSELF AND OTHERS!! . ITS NO ONES FAULT. YES, FRUSTRATING. WHEN U R AT (THAT) POINT....STOP AND TAKE A BREAK!! GET SOME EXERCISE!! IT DOES WONDERS FOR REPLENISHING YOUR EMPTY (CUP.) KEEP YOUR CUP OVERFLOWING!! THEN U HAVE ENOUGH FOR SELF & OTHERS !! TAKES TIME B PATIENT W/YOURSELF. SO, A LIL BIT EA DAY AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME PRAISE. ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY. GOD BLESS YOU. I'M SENDING YOU A LOVING, KIND, COMPASSIONATE, HUG!! 🫂💖 AND PRAYERS FOR GODS LOVING GUIDANCE TO RESOLUTION FOR YOU IN EVERY WAY. FOR YOU AND ALL INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU MY FRIEND. ✝️🙏🏼🙇🏼♀️🥰🌹🌿💖🙋🏼♀️ P. S. EXERCISE, SLEEP, AT THE RIGHT TIMES AND LOTS OF SUNSHINE!! OUTDOORS EVEN ON RAINY DAYS. IF U CAN'T GET OUT BUY A ' HAPPY LIGHT' OR EVEN THE FULL SPECTRUM LIGHT BULBS. PUT IN A LAMP OR LIGHT THAT SITS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND FACE IT FOR ABOUT AN HR EACH A. M. THIS IS YOUR INDOOR SUNSHINE DOSE. MAKES VIT D. BEST USED IN WINTER TIME. MANY OF US ARE VERY DEPLETE IN VIT D. READ- UP ON THIS AND MAGNESIUM. MANY ARE DEPRESSED BECAUSE THEIR SNOUTS ARE IN THEIR PHONES ALL DAY AND NOT OUTDOORS UNDER THE SUN. 1 HR A DAY 1ST THING IN AM. SOME BUY A TV SCREEN LIKE DEVICE THAT SITS ACROSS FROM YOUR BED ON THE WALL. IT COMES ON IN AM AND U LAY THERE X 1 HR WHILE AWAKENING. IF YOUR BED IS ON THE EAST SIDE OF YOUR HM OPEN THE CURTAINS AND LET THE SUNSHINE AWAKEN YOU! BEST THING BUT GETTING SUN ON YOUR SKIN IS ALSO VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR D SYNTHESIS. WE ALSO HAVE GLANDS IN OUR EYES THAT RECEIVE THAT SUNLIGHT TOO. ALL WORK TOGETHER. EAT FOODS HIGH IN VIT D. PLEASE READ ABOUT SLEEP, DEPRESSION AND VID D AND SUPPORTING VITAMINS, DIET AND EXERCISE. WHEN YOUR SLEEP WAKE CYCLES ARE IN SYNC YOUR BODY WILL FALL INTO SYNC AS WELL. THIS WILL HELP MOOD AND ALL ELSE AS WELL. GOOD LUCK❤😊🌅☀️🌄🌥️⛅🌤️🌞
Doc, you may be very knowledgeable and ODD but your monotone reading of your slides is very boring. You drone on and on like a slow dripping faucet. In being this type of speaker, I'd bet you lose many people who need the info. Just my opinion doc
He explains how things like parent-child dynamics and negative reinforcement can create a cycle of defiance. Plus, he’ll share tips from his parent training program, Defiant Children to help tackle these challenges. If you're looking for more insights into managing ADHD and ODD, The ADHD Parenting Guide for Boys by Richard Bass has some solid strategies.
Seeing and hearing this in my 50s, I now know the root of some of my own issues. Luckily I have been able to function in society without very harsh circumstances, but it explains a lot about my past behavior and mental state.
I have adhd and my daughter has ODD/adhd VERY hyperactive. Constant rollercoaster of emotions leaving me soooo burnt out and physically/mentally unable to be a proactive parent... Thank you for information and the programme sounds wonderful
That is exactly what we are dealing with. My son is 7 and he’s diagnosed ADHD. From the research I’ve done he has ODD as well. It’s exhausting. He’s behavior is influencing our 5yr old. He’s only happy if he gets what he wants. Everything is a fight, then he gets violent. He has fleeting moments of kindness, but for the part he destructive and argumentative. I’m struggling and tempted to send him to live with his Dad out of state. However, I know that’s not the answer. It’s so hard for me to remain calm when he’s so defiant. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m learning as much as I can to help him and our family. Thank you for this video.
Im not in the position to advise you but i would like to recommend you check out Ross Greens method of CPS...lives in balance. He has different books on kid with problematic behaviour and how to deal with defiance. It might resonate with you. In combination with the other help you seek of course.
Such an in-depth video, this describes my 14 year old daughter who has had this diagnosis by a psychologist.this video is so real and helps me to understand her condition more. By the way, the tone of your voice is fine, the content of your message is what is important. Thanks again.
The video was excellent, thanks. Where can I watch the follow up video with a guide to applying the correct parental approach?
My 5 year old great nephew was recently diagnosed with ODD. He has already been suspended from Kindergarden numerous times for fighting with other students and even head butted his teacher. He was at my house for Christmas day and I had to ask them to leave after he destroyed my umbrella and jumped on the bed and was going to tear down the ceiling fan because he did not get his way. He was at my house for 4 or 5 hours and misbehaved the entire time, even having to be restrained several times because he was trying to hurt others. He sometimes screams at the top of his lungs when being told not to do something. The mother is my niece and she is a single mother. He is on medication and going to therapy so I am praying he will get better because his behavior is terrible.
Was your niece abusing alcohol or substances during pregnancy?
@@ksailor71 Not that I know of. My niece is a radiology tech in the medical profession.
The fact you had to ask your family to leave rather than them stepping up and saying to the kid, ok we are leaving, sorry fam but he can't be here, is a problem. My question with kids with ODD, how is the behavior being responded to at home, and is the behavior being reinforced. Again why did it take uncle to kick them out instead of parent addressing the behavior. Can't act right at uncles can't be at uncles should be the rule.
His parents are responsible for
I have a nephew with ADHD and im thinking ODD after watching this. This video is really helpful 🙏
The parenting is disruptive because of all the noncompliance of the child. The only thing consistent is that the child will argue at every turn, taking up time and resources until the parent is completely worn down and actually chronically traumatized. There is no help for the parent. The child is tested and diagnosed and the parent is never told the gamut of what this means or does in a family. They are just given a diagnosis and left to fend for themselves. Siblings are effected, no one understands what to do.
Story of my life. My child is 23 and at home kicking on her grandmothers door trying to get In as we speak… with an active restraining order in place
I feel the same way. There is no help for the parents and it seems the therapists don’t even know what to do with your child.
@@amycanup3546 They don’t. Save your money.
Parents can't escape from their own kids with ODD AND WHO ARE NARCISSIST IN THE FLESH... we confuse our love with them not loving us and this causes them to win all battles and they get what they want but as they get older they still try you(the parents)... You gotta send them to a cognitive behavioral therapy inpatient or outpatient... That don't help neither they just "learn" from these institutions bc they use their manipulation skills for all... Bottom line they're Dangerous by nature like a wild animal 🐍🐍🐍 like a wild snake that devours you head first and suffocating and crushing your body just like a snake bc they MOVE LIKE A SNAKE 🐍🐍🐍 VERY UNPREDICTABLE AND VIOLENT(KIDS OR GROWN KIDS)... AND PUNISHMENT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE AND THEY EXPLODE WITH THEIR "NARCISSIST RAGE" & IT DOESN'T END WELL FOR EITHER PARTY(PARENT TEACHER SIBLINGS ANY AUTHORITY FIGURES)
Amen. I had the same thought. It's me and my son.
Such a structured and informative talk about ODD. It made a lot of essential points more clear. Thank you, Dr. Barkley.
As someone struggling as a dad at home on my own 8 month adhd journey, this is one of the most difficult things I've listened to. Knowing how much is my fault in all of this is such a gut punch but very needed. Thank you as always for your work.
Keep reading and refuse to lose to it. Change your environment change your friends change your habits change your behavior
It helps me to understand my son from his infant time to now elementary student from listening to Dr Barkley,s video. Very informative and helpful video.
Beautifully explained 👏
As a society we need to have early intervention and moreover PREVENTION. Evidence based parenting needs to be taught to ALL expecting parents. Just as commonly as we think of having baby showers and buying diapers, we need to view this preparedness as part of our normal parenting process. Just as readily as we relate McDonalds to fast food, we need to relate parenting education to expecting parents; to include identifying & addressing barriers for the parents such as underlying depression, patterns of abuse, socioeconomic condition, etc. As a society we are approaching parenting in a Wild West fashion with no blueprint and it doesn’t have to be that way. We need social programs for parent education that are widely implemented and are expectations of prospective parents. Do you realize the amount of time an expectant mother sits in the ob/gyn office over the course of her pregnancy??? This time alone could be capitalized upon in promising efforts toward improving positive outcomes for families. There is too much to lose to continue to leave ‘the blind to lead the blind’ so to speak. Even something as simple as teaching the Erikson model could have drastic changes. I know that my purpose on earth is to lay the groundwork for this and I’m working on it as we breathe. My dream is to have a blueprint and begin implementation within the next 7 years.
I was a defiant child due to lack of poor parenting skills. Simple mistakes such as spilling a glass of milk during dinner. Swift punishment was applied. The tools of punishment was a belt. Sitting in the garage. What destroyed my little heart the most was the destructive, 'silent treatment'. It has taken me decades to finally find my place of peace. Forgiveness is key! The discipline of Spiritual healing most beneficial!
Keyword: reactive abuse
That's not defiance that's trauma. You had trauma reactions due to abuse. I'm sorry that was your experience, it's so stressful and horrifically difficult to understand as a child - or even as an adult.
Yes. I hear these "parents" complaining and I wonder if it was like my situation. I can't imagine going and complaining in public to the world about some one in my charge. I see this a lot, people complaining about theur demon kid, ex, or parent online. I cannot imagine doing this in this way, but I certainly know what people who would are like ti deal with. It's a ase of a bad match only. I fear no discipline case. I welcome it.
@@owleyes71 You are deciding based on your black and white assumptions. How could it be possible that these bellowing ninnies complaining about their kids not accepting their "control" are actually doing a good job? They lost the lottery on one kid and got little versions of themselves on the rest and can't figure it out because of their biases on how life works. Your kid might be the opposite of you. If you can't handle that you shouldn't be their parent. My cousin had this ODD and I was treated as if I did and it was basically the same results because our parents had "beliefs."
My son was diagnosed with ODD but if he has it , it is a mild form. He has never one to be violent or throw tantrums, he's a good kid mostly but just won't listen to adults. He has been in trouble with the law but no one was hurt, he didn't intend to hurt anyone in fact he takes out his frustrations on himself. He's so negative for someone so young, but so bright and good hearted too. Impulsivity is his biggest problem, he's his own worst enemy.
It's a very subjective diagnosis. Very responsive to family therapy. Keep supporting him. He will become a good hard working man.
@@mannagarwal5390 Thanks for the feedback.
I think he can use al the love you can give him. I hope he has a buddy he can talk to...
I feel the pain in you're story as I felt similar when I was young, with the right people around you (who accept you), everything can get so much better (i dont have odd). I wish him good luck.
The world isn't made for him, that's the problem. It's made for his enemies who have nothing for him but the street, the prison, and the grave. Try to see that, it might be impossible, but it is true and that difficulty is why. Others can't see it either and they aren't his parents and don't love him and may not even like him. He needs an ally he can trust and something to work towards that he really cares about that isn't another form of punishment or force.
@@Deselector138 thanks. Insightful feedback.
There's some interesting research in recent years, saying that ADHD, autism, bi polar and schizophrenia all have similar genetic roots and if you have one, you're at an increased risk of having one of the others.
Well makes sense, they all run in my family
Appears true from what I have seen. We need a diffrent state away from nuerotypicals. For better or for worse, we have our issues but can restrucer and find the people we function with, but the nuerotypical cannot exist with us, they destroy us. We are kept by our enemies.
I really wish there was more in depth videos like this for adult ODD my relationships have been in shambles and my fiancee is going crazy
Thanks Doc this is very helpful,I have a 14 years old giving me problem now I understand what is ODD
Well, this all seems pretty accurate for my son and our family. I definitely feel like a crappy parent after listening though. I’ve tried everything I could think of for almost a decade and my son seems to be worse than ever. I’m completely lost as a parent.
We just learned about ODD with our child today and we are at a total loss. Damned if we try to put structure in place and damned if we don’t.
Thank you for all your educational lectures on the topic of ADHD, I am learning so much about my ADHD/ODD child.
can you write a book on how to deal with adults that show ODD?
Adults don't have it, once the hormones kick in it morphs into a more severe personality disorder if untreated
My first thought when I hear someone's child has ODD is, "how long has their school been using isolation rooms and restraints on them?" I've seen how disabled children are treated in special ed, in group homes, in institution wards. Every single day you witness or are subject to violence. Safety and dignity are privileges and authority=abuser. They create a perfect traumatic environment for cultivating defiance, nihilism and aggression.
My daughter has it and was homeschooled. She was never isolated or abused. Her father and grandfather have personality/behavior issues.
What a load of overgeneralising rubbish. Schools do not use restraints willy nilly, if you think thats the case how about you try actually working in a school environment. There is rigorous and strict training and a lot of emphasis placed on safety and stressing that it is a last resort to be used only when de-escalation efforts and reasonable alternatives have failed and a kid is trying to violently hurt others/ themselves. The alternative is to let them. Professionals who go into these careers don't do so out of some twisted power fantasy, they do it because they care about the vulnerable and to insinuate that they're all just waiting for the chance to oppress others for no reason is ridiculous.
@@eh.440 I was there. It happened to me. I saw it happen to others. Not one location or one bad staffer- public schools, group homes, institutions, it was the status quo. Recent statistics on the use of seclusion and restraint indicate it hasn't stopped. "Violently unsafe" behaviors that qualified for violent restraint included... resisting being restrained, fleeing from being restrained, not sitting in a chair the instructed way after being restrained. Or being in an autistic shutdown. There was always an excuse on the paperwork; there was no oversight to prevent them from simply lying. The "professionals" I interacted with were glorified orderlies with no understanding of disability, education, or psychology. Their purpose was to maintain control, that's it. You WISH what you said was true; it's not.
I was diagnosed with ODD as a kid but never got evaluated for ADHD or autism. My little brother is non-verbal autistic. Im a little bit irritated.
There's some very interesting research looking into how ADHD, autism, bi polar and schizophrenia may have the same genetic roots.
This is an excellent lecture, very informative and helpful. Thank you.
Thank you, that was informative. What disturbs me is that there is no discussion of reasonable vs. unreasonable parental demands. Is it not possible that in some situations defiance is the right, healthy, appropriate response? Think of a parent asking a child to do something inappropriate as part of child abuse.
The child is not capable of knowing what’s an inappropriate command. I think that’s why we instead train kids to be obedient until they come of age and train their caretakers what appropriate commands are.
I completely agree, in my case my mom was an emotionally neglectful and punitive disregulated person. She lived in delusion/denial, set me up for exploitation, raged at me and enmeshed with me. The subsequent (healthy/normal) acting out of me as a (scared with no relief) child, was labeled the problem. Like judging an abused animal instead of the abuser. Very sad. The only option i had at the time was to retreat, take on all the blame and became completely enmeshed in her pathology to stay “safe”/approved of.
@@sunder572 the way you talk about children is akin to the way you talk about a pet, incapable of certain understanding, humans are intelligent creatures, that does not stop being true when you're a child, teach and talk to your children as if they're a regular human being.
@@-HappyMelt- Yeah you should do that. But one day your child will still be upset that they have to go to bed no matter how rationally you lay it out for them.
Thank you, Dr Russel, for this very informative and useful video.
Thank you Sir for the very informative video 🙏🙏🙏
I can’t wait to hear more about how to treat
The "Gambling" example! Wow!! Thank you! But it doesn't sound like there's much hope beyond 12 year olds (adolescence). Smh
Man..... I wish my childhood psychologist would've helped me and my family understand this.
I know I had some problems with ADHD and ODD but it's not like that's the only reason my life sucked then and now.
At least now that I'm married and employed with two kids, I'm finally understanding myself, my life, and how to change the cycle so my own kids aren't just set up for failure.
I just hope my wife will follow suit.
All of the information here was spot to myself because (after being honest with myself) 80% to 90% of the points correspond to my own behavior almost exactly. Super helpful and easy to understand. 😁 Any general suggestions of how an adult could help themselves? (I have ADHD) I know timers work well for myself. Any suggestions like that for ODD? Thank you a million
Learn to take accountability for your actions, and how to be more responsible. Try to think and care about others more than yourself. Keep the golden rule in mind. Treat others how you want to be treated. It is actually easier to gain respect by showing respect. If you show someone respect and they disrespect you, that is when you can be "sassy" (depending on the situation and context). Walking away from toxic people is actually refreshing and shows that you are a more mature person than them, and your life will be better for it.
@dwood SAID IT WELL. ( NOT YELLING IN CAPS, I HAVE LOW VISION AND ARTH HANDS) ANYWAY THAT PERSON SUMMED IT UP VERY WELL IF I CONDUCT YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT I WILL BE FINE
MY INPUT IF U R A CHRISTIAN OR EVEN IF NOT. TRY READING THE BIBLE AS IT PERTAINS TO THESE THINGS. THE GOLDEN RULE XOMES FROM THE BIBLE
ITS GODS ROADMAP FOR LIVING AND ALL BASED IN LOVING KINDNESS AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE BUT ALSO TEACHES HOW NOT TO BE A FOOL EITHER. AND HOW TO SET GOOD BOUNDARIES WITH SELF AND OTHERS. ALSO... 'ALL THINGS IN MODERATION'.
THAT YOU ARE EVEN REACHING OUT AND ASKING THESE THINGS IS HIGHLY COMMENDABLE. GOOD ON YOU!!!
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS PLEASE STAY SAFE AND WELL. ✝️🙏🏼🙇🏼♀️🥰💖🌹🌿🙋🏼♀️🇺🇸🇮🇱✡️
Know what triggers you, and take time to mentally prepare yourself before entering situations that might upset you. It's going to take time and practice, but it'll get easier.
And cultivate your circle / and inner thoughts . Healthy boundaries and consequences = peace of mind
This is really great, however, as a clinician I would like to learn more on cultural considerations
I would like to see the rest of the videos in this series.
Excellent video thank you
Excellent lecture. Thank you. I have a 4 yo with defiant behaviour and I can see the cause id an underlying disorder (undiagnosed adhd) & parenting. I am inconsistent- but I am improving. I also have trouble regulating my own emotions - I have anxiety (ocd). My little one does have temper tantrums, aggression, and manipulation. She is clever. She is in kindy/prep this year & we are now engaging with the school to get her the referrals for speech & OT. Already she is on a behavioural plan 😢
In my case my mom was an emotionally neglectful and punitive disregulated person (with a narcissistic borderline diagnosis that she kept hidden). She lived in delusion/denial, set me up for exploitation, raged at me and enmeshed with me. The subsequent (healthy/normal) acting out of me as a (scared with no relief) child, was labeled the problem. Like judging an abused animal instead of the abuser. Very sad. The only option i had at the time was to retreat, take on all the blame and became completely enmeshed in her pathology to stay “safe”/approved of. I was never truly parented / there was no teaching, only fighting or smooching, and I became very distrustful of any incoming request or demand and disgusted with intimacy. The only thing that has helped is god, Jesus, prayer and grieving and faith. And love
Yikes man
I would like to know how to access the program. Also, how do you define “serious violence” in a 7 year old?
It can be found in my book, Your Defiant Child. And serious violence is aggression that can cause significant bodily harm to another, such as use of a weapon.
Thanks for a fast answer. And I’m glad we aren’t to that point with our seven year old.
Edit: just bought the Kazdin book a couple of days ago. But I’ve already read large sections of his clinical manual. So I’ll pick yours up this weekend and get started on it.
We are late to the game in addressing our son’s concerns. Now playing catch-up. Thankfully, our psychiatrist said you are the guru, Dr. Barkley. So the first thing I watched was your three hour lecture for parents. I watched it twice and I am gleaning every bit of information that I can. Unending gratitude.
Do you have any book recommendations for parents? Thank you for your assistance and video! Very helpful.
Yes, my book, Your Defiant Child 8Steps to Better Behavior is for this situation. Thanks for asking.
How do I get the program that you're referring to in this video?
@@eschoenhals it can be found at Guilford.com or any major bookseller. The clinical manual is Defiant Children. The book for parents is Your Defiant Child. Be well
I'm struggling so hard with little one.
"poor neighborhood" doesn't equal "bad neightborhood". Poor people can be very good people.
Can Adderall be the cause of my child having ODD? His Dr. also put him on Focalin & Abilify at night but is on Adderall 20mg BID and he is so defiant but had straight A's in school. He's also only 5yo and was abandoned by his Mom 2yrs ago. I've adopted him and now I feel like I'm left to pick up the pieces. She was always in volatile relationships with men and he was witness to this. She has 6 kids with 6 different men and all of the Dad's have the kids, except I have her last one. Anyone's input would be grateful. I'm taking him to a psychiatrist, neurologist, behavioral therapist and his pediatrician. I dont like him being on all these meds because he has Aortic Stenosis (heart condition), and it worries me. He hits me, tells me he hates ne, refuses to listen, refuses bedtime, getting dressed for school etc. He's being very disruptive in the household that we are living in. 😢
He also has ADHD
Who old is he and did you say he gets straight As?
Sounds like Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Are you able to diagnose a child at 4 years of age? And if so are you then able to prescribe CBT or ABA?
I would be happy to read the article you published which says that you program, the defiant child, is 65-75% effective and on which mesures. And thank you so much for your amazing job and conclusions
All of the research supporting the program can be found in the opening chapters of the manual, called Defiant Children:A Clinicians Manual for Parent Training available at major booksellers and Guilford.com. Be well.
@@russellbarkleyphd2023Do you offer consulting? Do you offer programs/apps/scripts/bot to deal with such people without developing dysfunctional manipulative habits?
Hmm🤔 How do you know its the parents that causes odd and not the odd the causes parents to try out different approaches? And family coming in from the outside and "disrupting" the parenting? Everybody has their own idea about "how the parents should do". And how do you know its not ODD that is the cause for parenting conflicks in the home? Parents seeing their approach not working, one parent thinking "ohh, the kid has a diagnosis, he can't help him self - we have to help" and the other thinking "we cannot let the kid get away with anything - its all the other parent who is too soft on him". One parent who thinks about this kid just going from one conflict to the next if you set the same requirements that they just cannot do as with other kids - the other parent who thinks that the kid cannot do them because of the first ones adaption to the kid? 🤔 One parent seeking just about all information out there about the kids conditions - the other parent just not caring to use the time on such matters? Well.. that is of course just me guessing here 🤷
I hear you. I started to look at my parenting and blaming myself thinking, maybe I have been inconsistent, but like you said, I think the ODD makes us try different things. There needs to be more help for the parents.
I'm going through the last one my partner 😪
I know my child has a problem. It makes me want to love on him more. I've always been a sensitive being, but women are nurtures by nature. Most men believe tough love is good for children. A child needs to feel loved by both parents.
If an ODD teen thinks taking medicines are dangerous to his health from his peers how can we make them understand?
Let a professional such as a pediatrician or psychiatrist speak with them about their concerns. Also, show them the book, Straight Talk About Psychiatric Medications for Children by Tim Wilens, MD. It covers what is known about the medications without the sensational misinformation on the web. Best wishes.
many thanks
How do you deal with an adult who has ADHD/ODD?
Agree with anything they say no matter the truth or reason of it then walk away calmly and politely with no arguing. There is no cure. Let that sink in. They will have the last word every time and they will not stop. Your only way out of opposition is to pleasantly agree and escape the argument. And, in that moment you saved your adrenal glands and added years onto your life.
@@colemansines9722 So far very true. It’s a nightmare dealing with this. I wish there was a way to help them.
My 5 yr old son has this behavior but only at home. He is very opposed to discipline and says extremely hurtful things and is violent. My wife and i are so mentally exhausted.
How do you know what magnesium is the right one? I have 500 magnesium by finest nutrition.
What method of behavior modification, counseling or therapy would you use on an extremely intelligent 6 year old child that exhibits NPD and has outbursts of rage, including physical, to siblings and even adult family members ? I believe there is also conflicts with her friends/peers . She has VERY mature language and mental skills and uses manipulation and control tactics like I’ve never seen in another child .
My child was dx as ADHD + ODD when 6 y o, but standard approach to treatment and 2 years later, having meltdowns, extreme anger and rage fits, and fixation on objects with entitlement emerged. He was clinically evaluated by a university psychiatric clinic, and the "rigid thinking, sensory intolerances, emotional dysregulation" put him in ASD dx. He is also highly intelligent on all tests, started reading at 27 months old spontaneously, we just read together and did foam letters in bathtub, no deliberate attempt to teach.
I strongly urge you to seek evaluation by a research oriented clinic because outpatient clinics seem to have relunctance to dx ASD if the kids test negative on ADOS and other assessments due to high intelligence.
There is such a thing as "hyperlexia", and reading the research into "Twice Exceptional" kids will help inform the picture.
@@annak29 … thank you for your reply … I will research your suggestions .
@@annak29 … a quick research indicates there is no connection to the two possibilities you suggested … It isn’t a cognitive disorder, but likely a personality disorder …
@@bluemoon8268agree
Therapy where you focus on your own family and problems and most likely neglect of your own because of the obvious overtime and obsession someone else's child you sound like a stalker and need to be diagnosed with butt in syndrome which is likely gonna attract gossip-itis and then finally death by swollen head when you finally realize how perfect you are and that everyone should be you or else they need pills and counseling 1🥸
This often becomes bipolar in adulthood
Where do we access the program? Thank you!
What is the difference between a threat and a consequence? If you don't do your homework you can't have your video game system. Is that a threat or a consequence?
We have a rule that if he gets violent at school or after with another child he can't play with anyone that day. Is that a threat or a consequence?
What about monitoring when you are caring for a much younger child? Should I let my 9-year-old ODD son go play in the neighborhood by himself if his 1-year-old sister is sleeping. this happens a lot as she seems to go down right after he returns from school. I see 4 bad options. a) Go with my son and leave my sleeping daughter at home, b) Wake my daughter up and take her with us, c) refuse to let him go alone until his sister wakes, d) let him go by himself and be unmonitored?
Do you do a corse ?
Thank you. This was very helpful 🙏🏽🌺Aloha
I have explosive ODD with my mother. Constant criticism, nagging, judging. Like you are never good enough. So much pressure. And I already know so shut up. I already give myself a hard time more than anyone. After years and years the slightest remark or look will set me off in an explosive rage. Then shame. I love my mom to death but can't stand being around her and that makes me feel like a horrible son.
Don't feel horrible. She's looking for a reaction, like a child. Don't give in and remain calm. If she doesn't correct her behavior, distance or remove yourself from the situation until she can behave within reason. Remind her that you're not her punching bag. If she wants you in her life, she will put the work in. It will suck, but it's necessary. 😊
it's ok to not have a relationship with a parent. It's ok to walk away and not look back
@@brianna094That may not be the best idea, actually. I tried that with my ex, and his response was to lock himself in the bathroom and take every pill in there. Then he came out and told me to get me to react. I calmly called 911.
I don’t recommend flipping the script on an adult.
32:00 -- indiscriminate parenting / reactive / timid discipline
Most children and people in general (aka the gaussian curve left-to-hump people) and the "culture" and mental capacity they bring with them are not worth much but they are more often than not "typical and adjusted".
There are quite a few useful and sensible parts in this video but "molding into accepting current structure" is not one of them.
Be carefull if what you are saying here (52.02). The part of "immediate consequences". THAT is bad parenting on its own. It leads to "explosive adults" that other people really distance them self from. It doesn't look good - it doesn't feel good.
Disruptive parent’s behavior ? We tray to help our teen daughter for many years with her ADHD and know ODD diagnosis .,..we are no negligent parents , we have job , we are no drink , no drugs , my older daughter is psychology and the young Son is high honor in school and he is Kind and the most respectful child , we are present parent all time ?? We Are helping and supporting her with many diferente treatments 😮. In think disruptive parents is not in general…
100s of times is a lowball estimate 7:01
The dog who barks doesn't bite.
Do you realize that you said here that the the parents use negative behavior towards the child "all the time"? And the "children gets away with it"? That is very loaded and not so understanding words in my opinion. Its "not getting away with it" if an adult thinks "this child has challenges and can't cope with this command right now" its trying to meet the child as if the child was a human being - and not somebody "to win over". This is parenting - not supression.
something about this, seems like its been developed by a domineering overly controlling parent
Interesting topic. You have the wrong idea, about it’s “treatment”. It can’t be treated. Just roll with it. They are who they are, and no one can change that. The depression you speak of, @9:30, is caused by other factors, which are likely hormonal. I’ve had severe depression from age twelve. Thirty years later, I discovered that I have an SCA. Then, a few months later, AuDHD. And yes, I’m also defiant. I have many issues, but never created problems for others. The problems were created by others.
38:11
07:28
Had to watch a 2x speed... speak faster lol
Let me tell you about ODD. It happens when NO ONE understands you and you are tired of trying to explain yourself and be understood. And everyone misunderstands you and thinks your just lazy or emotional. Then one day you are done with everyone's sht. Leave me alone and everyone can fk off. We are fed up and tired
Don't be ridiculous
Dangerously based.
LIFE IS A 2-WAY STREET. GOTTA MEET OTHERS HALF-WAY. READ THE BOOK, STUDY THE MATERIAL, TRY THE CONCEPTS, DO THE WORK. BE A GOOD LISTENER AND STOP TALKING SO MUCH. ITS NOT ALL ABOUT
' JUST Y O U !!! '
U R NOT ALONE!!
SOUNDS LIKE PART OF THE PROBLEM IS POOR PARENTING ( KIDS DON'T COME W INSTRUCTION BOOKS), SO DON'T BLAME YOUR PARENTS. THEY MAY HAVE DONE BEST THEY COULD.
IF U R AN ADULT, NOW U NEED THERAPY TO LEARN HOW TO
((REPARENT YOURSELF!! ))
BE PATIENT W YOURSELF AND OTHERS!! .
ITS NO ONES FAULT. YES, FRUSTRATING. WHEN U R AT (THAT) POINT....STOP AND TAKE A BREAK!! GET SOME EXERCISE!! IT DOES WONDERS FOR REPLENISHING YOUR EMPTY (CUP.)
KEEP YOUR CUP OVERFLOWING!!
THEN U HAVE ENOUGH FOR SELF & OTHERS !!
TAKES TIME
B PATIENT W/YOURSELF. SO, A LIL BIT EA DAY AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME PRAISE. ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY.
GOD BLESS YOU. I'M SENDING YOU A LOVING, KIND, COMPASSIONATE, HUG!!
🫂💖 AND PRAYERS FOR GODS LOVING GUIDANCE TO RESOLUTION FOR YOU IN EVERY WAY. FOR YOU AND ALL INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU MY FRIEND. ✝️🙏🏼🙇🏼♀️🥰🌹🌿💖🙋🏼♀️
P. S. EXERCISE, SLEEP, AT THE RIGHT TIMES AND LOTS OF SUNSHINE!! OUTDOORS EVEN ON RAINY DAYS. IF U CAN'T GET OUT BUY A ' HAPPY LIGHT' OR EVEN THE FULL SPECTRUM LIGHT BULBS. PUT IN A LAMP OR LIGHT THAT SITS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND FACE IT FOR ABOUT AN HR EACH A. M.
THIS IS YOUR INDOOR SUNSHINE DOSE. MAKES VIT D. BEST USED IN WINTER TIME.
MANY OF US ARE VERY DEPLETE IN VIT D. READ- UP ON THIS AND MAGNESIUM.
MANY ARE DEPRESSED BECAUSE THEIR SNOUTS ARE IN THEIR PHONES ALL DAY AND NOT OUTDOORS UNDER THE SUN.
1 HR A DAY 1ST THING IN AM. SOME BUY A TV SCREEN LIKE DEVICE THAT SITS ACROSS FROM YOUR BED ON THE WALL. IT COMES ON IN AM AND U LAY THERE X 1 HR WHILE AWAKENING.
IF YOUR BED IS ON THE EAST SIDE OF YOUR HM OPEN THE CURTAINS AND LET THE SUNSHINE AWAKEN YOU! BEST THING BUT GETTING SUN ON YOUR SKIN IS ALSO VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR D SYNTHESIS.
WE ALSO HAVE GLANDS IN OUR EYES THAT RECEIVE THAT SUNLIGHT TOO. ALL WORK TOGETHER. EAT FOODS HIGH IN VIT D. PLEASE READ ABOUT SLEEP, DEPRESSION AND VID D AND SUPPORTING VITAMINS, DIET AND EXERCISE.
WHEN YOUR SLEEP WAKE CYCLES ARE IN SYNC YOUR BODY WILL FALL INTO SYNC AS WELL. THIS WILL HELP MOOD AND ALL ELSE AS WELL. GOOD LUCK❤😊🌅☀️🌄🌥️⛅🌤️🌞
What a plainly stupid, factory worker overlord mindset of a diagnosis this is. Did a narcissist make this up?
When kids got spanked there was no such thing as ODD. Maybe that's the cure.
A child with ODD will oppose with all his might. He will literally destroy tables and chairs in the house. Children with ODD are little shits.
Doc, you may be very knowledgeable and ODD but your monotone reading of your slides is very boring. You drone on and on like a slow dripping faucet. In being this type of speaker, I'd bet you lose many people who need the info. Just my opinion doc
Hes a "professor" of "psychiatry." What did u expect. 😂
Most intellects are
Listen/watch the videos at 1.5 speed, it is super helpful
30:34