How to tell if you're in an abusive relationship? | Signs of an abusive relationship | Ask Dr Clarke
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- What to do if you are married to an abusive spouse?
In this video, Dr. David Clarke will tell you what you should do if you are in an abusive relationship.
Learn step by step how to leave an abusive relationship by getting Dr. Clarke's ebook, Enough is Enough-How to leave an abusive relationship.
👉www.davideclar...
If your marriage is in a crisis, consider doing a phone advice session with Dr. Clarke. Simply go to www.davideclar... to learn more.
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#AbusiveRelationship #HowToLeaveAnAbusiveRelationship
What’s really confusing is when it happens slowly and more frequently over time and your husband convinces you it’s normal. Until you can no longer rationalize it because it has gotten so out of control. Glad I woke up and finally left 6 months ago after 17 years.
Dont forget the reactive abuse. When the narcissist drives you crazy and the victim may snap. Then the narcissist would play the victim.
Yes! He frustrated me so badly with his bs one time I blurted, "I hate you." He brought it up constantly afterward .
EXACTLY
@narzissmus..
That's what became of me. He would provoke me to where you want to fly right on them. They try to drive you insane because they are here to poison you. They will take almost everything God gave you to guard your health and to survive in this world to where you are not you anymore.
Didn't live with my husband until after we married, never saw anything but a sweet quiet man during dating then on honeymoon he had a rage outburst and blamed me for upsetting him. Life after that included outbursts almost every day, he punched holes in walls and doors, damaged our homes and other property, sped off in the car- and ALWAYS blamed me or others for upsetting him, never ever apologized, not even once. He's moody, surly, irritable and the rage is always hovering just below the surface. He's never hit me but I stayed with him for years and didn't realize this was all abusive and I believe he is a covert narcissist.
Hope you’re out
❤❤❤❤ just for you..
Thank you. I struggle with whether breaking things, and punching holes in walls is abuse. Thank you
Take steps to leave him
@sophie-fr3xu:
The same thing is true with my husband, who is a passive-aggressive covert narcissist. People would comment, "Why would you marry him if you knew he as like this before?" He didn't act like this when we dated. People need to get educated about passive-aggressive covert narcissists. These are very dangerous individuals. Covert narcissists are good at what they hide, but even that gets out eventually. Once they married us, they thought they owned us. They are very sick creatures. I didn't live with my husband before marriage either, but my family knew him, and he was friends with a family member, and he was at many family functions for many years. They didn't know him too well considering what I know when we are behind closed doors, and I guarantee they wouldn't believe what he is really like because, in their minds, he was the nicest guy. He is a monster.
When they make a fist in front of your face and say "I could put you in the hospital," they don't have to hit you. That is still abuse. Yet they can say, "I never touched her!"
Dr. Clarke, you described my husband to a T! I wish he would have physically abused me instead because nobody could see how he emotionally pummeled me, especially since I minimized his abuse to shelter my son. Now I feel guilty that I deceived my son into thinking he had a good father and grandparents - who actually wanted me dead! I wanted them to love my son, their grandchild. I was sure stupid.😢
Sending all these videos to my sister who's been married to her narcissist for more than 20 years. He has destroyed their kids and she still there... Tried so many times to tell her to leave. Praying the Lord finally gives her some sens!
Help her , force her because she is frozen in trauma and won’t do it , she is frozen in fear
@@stephaniehall6309THIS IS SO TRUE JUST BEFORE I READ YOUR COMMENT I WAS PRAYING THAT SOMEBODY WOULD DO THAT SAME EXACT THING IN MY LIFE. PLEASE ANYONE WHO IS ON THE OUTSIDE SEEING THIS HAPPEN TO ANYONE. DONT LET FEAR OF UPSETTING THEM HOLD YOU BACK FROM STEPPING IN AND DOING WHAT THEY ARE TOO SCARED TO DO FOR THEMSELVES.PLEASE.
@evera_
She is alive but so confused. I bet she can't find the door to get out. That's what it is like with these abusive monsters. That happened to me.
You have described my first husband to a T! I wish things like this had been talked about back then.
OMG!
You nailed it Dr Clarke! How do you know all these behaviors so well?!
My narcissist husband favorite weapon is the silent treatment! He go on for weeks and months!
So guess what?!
Recently I started giving him a taste of his own medicine and I can see that it’s working for me and he hates it😂😂👏🏽👏🏽
Am just enjoying it while it lasts coz am already on a plan of action to walk away from this marriage! So for am at peace! I really don’t care if he speaks to me! In fact, I’d prefer if he doesn’t!👍🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I just need money to get out,I'm scared I'm 65.
If you've been married over 10 years you are entitled to receive his social security benefits even if you're divorced. Go to your local social security office and ask what paperwork you need etc. P.S. You can only get his benefits sent to you if you are divorced. Blessings and courage to you. No need to tell husband you're asking them for info!!! Do as much as you can to prepare in secret. It would be helpful to have his social security number.
I wish I could of had access to you in the 90s when I was in the middle of a nightmare and just needed to hear the truth of what was going on. Thank you for speaking out and educating us!
My husband to a T also plus he had been physically abusive too. I’ve decided to end it. Enough is enough. Thank you Dr. Clarke
Married to a Narcissist- Psychopath who abuses me everyday. No one believed me, still don’t. 😢
Hugs ❤
I don’t even know if 6-8 months of individual counseling is enough for the narcissist. Mine went for 15 months of counseling, showing promise…before he told me he was tired of the act and went back to square one.
They don’t change usually and if they do it is temporary. Check out Professor Sam Vaknin to educate yourself on their psychology.
Counseling is useless because they will NEVER own their behavior, and you can't change without that. I noticed the word "act" in your comment. If it was his word, believe him, it was all an act!
It isn't so much that denial is thick, as you don't have anything to compare it to, you truly don't know! I thought this was normal, in my situation. I came from a chaotic home and so I just figured it was sort of normal, not realizing it shouldn't be this way. Eventually I had a breakdown due to his abuse, but it still took years, after the divorce that I initiated, before realizing that his behavior towards me was emotional abuse.
So many of these describe my dtr in law. We haven't seen or talked w our son - only child - and our grandchildren for a yr and a half. This hasn't been the first time our dtr in law has said no contact. We aren't allowed to have his ph number. When he cld from a text number, he cried bc he won't leave his children and the abuse is overwhelming for him. But, she acts so sweet to others, works in a church, and yet abusive to my husband and I, too, no matter how much we tried to love her, to accommodate her and give to her. I had a heart attack - broken heart syndrome in Jan of 2022 from crying almost everyday and not being able to reach our son. Please speak on abusive women, too. They are out there.
Sounds like you wrote a letter about my ex husband. It's 100% accurate! To the point, it's actually scary.
Abuse always esculates!
Love this guy heard him on family life podcast this week and shared with peers
Thank you for this video. What you read sounds a lot like the man I divorced a few years ago. He already has a new victim, God help her. He was unrepentant and would not acknowledge his part in everything.
Same boat. 6 months out of a divorce and he's already dating someone in Texas. We live over 15 hours from there....
His pastors and elders don't care at all either.
Meanwhile, other pastors are placing the burden on me to fix myself by reading and doing busy homework and just read scripture for my comfort. I'm extremely traumatized right now where I sometimes am too weak to pray or read.
@@lindseydickey9282 I am related!
Divorced my narc! Feels amazing, physically and mentally. Thank you, your videos helped me a lot to understand what was going on.
OMG this sounds like my wife! Who is now threatening to divorce me! I took her to Branson, Missouri last year in January 2022 and attended Focus on the Family Hope Restored. She cut off all marriage counseling and refuses to allow anyone to help! I love my wife, but I might just need to let her go! Let her divorce me and just move on!
I found the answer to that question when I took my daughter to the salvation army clinic for prenatal care and there was a poster on the wall these are signs of an abusive relationship I broke into tears my daughter ",,come on mom it's not so bad " she had no idea about the poster she thought I was ashamed of being in the clinic
Thank you for this! My husband isn't "as bad" as many. But sarcasm is his go to language, he is very dismissive, he's so easily frustrated by EVERYTHING (I've said that no one in this world has a many technology issues as he does. NOTHING ever works right for him!), if I try to hold him accountable for any kind of wrong doing or neglect, I always get...well you do the same thing, and by the way, what about that laundry you didn't fold soon enough for my liking? He can get explosively angry just over the WAY I ask him anything, because I have an accusatory tone, and he'll go into insulting me and calling me a B and even once a whore. WE DO NOT HAVE SEX. And that's been our entire marriage. We had it more in the past because I always went after it, but once I stopped going after it, we stopped having it (but I'm blamed for our lack of sex life). In the beginning of our marriage, we had sex a lot (because I was always wanting it) but he would get angry at me for wanting it all the time and then he'd tell me how boring I was in bed because I always wanted it the same, boring way. He has NEVER been a father to our children. And we have boys (and a much, much younger daughter). He doesn't teach them anything, he doesn't lead them or show them how to be men. He doesn't take an interest in their lives. All his interaction with them is mostly relating to himself and his likes.
But he'll go through periods where he's not always like this. He'll go through periods where he doesn't direct his frustrations at me, or he doesn't talk down to me, (we still don't have sex though) and he's more patient in the way he deals with me, and THAT is what makes it so hard to leave! What if he's in the process of changing and I'm getting out just as he's starting to have real self reflection?
But...he's not admitted that he's done any damage in our marriage. He's not actively trying to lead and take charge in changing of the wreck of our marriage. He's still not a dad to our children. He still leaves me to be both their mom and dad. So I know I have to leave. But leaving is so hard.
I'm going to go now and buy your book.
I think the Enough is Enough book is the right choice. Your husband is emotionally abusive. If you want to talk to me, check out my phone advice service on my website.
I was married to a man similar to what you are describing. I was never good enough for him. He wanted me only to give him children and a green card. When I had enough of being starved emotionally I didn’t handle it the right way when I left. I wish I had followed Dr Clarke’s step by step plan
@@charlotteboyett-napper4780 Update on me. I asked him to move out in October and he did. I served him divorce papers right after Thanksgiving and I've not looked back! (Not that it's been easy though.) He told our oldest son after I served him papers that "BTW, I don't want this divorce and I'm going to fight for this marriage until the very end." And that was a balled faced lie. I knew it as soon as my son told me this that he would do no such thing, and he surely hasn't. So far he's gone along with everything without so much as a single word of protest. He's such a lying piece of garbage.
@@jenniferwarhawk7301 good for you! I hope that you find the healing and peace you deserve. The biggest side effect I have dealt with over the years is shame. He still blames me for any problems the girls have because I “broke up their family”. they always seem to find a way to continue to abuse.
@@charlotteboyett-napper4780 Ug, I'm so sorry for that! You have no reason to feel any shame at all. HE broke up the family, you just made "the family" safe after HE destroyed it! Don't let that demon take away your joy!
I don't think mine will keep on with me. It would mean that he actually cared to some twisted degree. He doesn't care...out of sight, out of mind. So long as he doesn't have to pay more money to me than he thinks is reasonable (and he WILL have to, so that'll be fun), he'll go away quietly. At least that's what I'm expecting because to fight would mean he actually cared about something. He doesn't care about anything but what's right in front of his nose. I guess all that remains to be seen. But if history is any indication of the future, this is what I'm expecting to happen.
Boy that says it all! I experienced the same thing!
Thank you for doing what you do 🙏🏼
Amazing in detail...except this was a woman, in my life! Whatcanisay? I definitely am grateful for yer videos. It helps to know that-I am not totally insane (from all the abuse/psycho-drama)!
Much love for everyone who is here and are going through all that …
Hello Dr. Clark!
Thank you so much for your awesome teaching 👏🙏🩵
It is so true all of it!
You explained everything. Thank you so much🙏🏾
He said won't do it again but Saturday was triggered for using bubble bath and put heating on he threatend to beat me I started crying so he said if I cry will end up killing me he even took picture of Jesus said he swears if u dint stop crying his mum will drop dead .so being shouted at backed into a cornor threatend to be punched stabbed and not allowed to cry or get more violent
OMG
I don't get the criticism from my narc husband. In order to criticize me he would have to notice that I exist. So don't I don't have to deal with the criticism part.
I feel like this list is more aimed at Men than women, though some can apply to woman
Thank you Man of God
You are my angel
Sorry I mente too late after 22 years of suffer 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Thank you❤
My husband goes through all my stuff . He went through my phone and because a man whom I know from childhood and have no feelings for whatsoever text me and asked how I was my husband has not spoke to me for 8 months apart from to insult me , shout at me or blame me on his behaviour. He’s drink every night, he does not give me any money and he makes my life a living hell . He tells lies about me to his family and mine and tells them I am having an affair even though he knows it’s not true . Oh and keeps saying he is going to physically hurt the guy who text me .
Unfortunately spot on...
Praise the lord ❤
A lot of what you read in your book out. Loud describes kind of of the way my husband talks or acts towards me. I tell him how I feel and how it hurts, Then he turns around and says and these exact words "oh I am such a horrible husband, your life is so hard" or he will say " your so mistreated aren't you " as if he's asking me the question. Then, I feel bad as reply usually with " Don't say those words I didn't say those you're putting those words in my mouth
It's confusing and I feel like he's gaslighting me but i'm not sure
My husband would say "I'm sorry I ruined your life" I wish I had listened cause that's what he did
Scarily 💯 accurate!
Well my husband and I are both abusive to eachother then. 😬 early on in marriage he was so violent and controlling I became nearly catatonic with severe depression. I had no one he was it so I felt like I had no choice to stay. I couldn't go back home bc the dysfunction there is much worse. So now my husband is more docile due to health issues. I control money though. I am better with money and enjoy investing but I don't tell him bc he'd spend it. He has a porn issue and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I should have left him years ago but I wasn't strong enough. So maybe I don't have an issue bc iv grown away from him bc of how he'd treat me. He would take inventory of cleaning supplies just to find something to bully me so he could take out his anger on. But he did get better. I would never tolerate behavior like that. He did take care of me a lot when I was ill. He just has his head up his a$$ about stupid stuff. This fighting he would start every single weekend like clock work. So I started working opposite hours than his and I am telling you that's why I stayed longer with him.
You are describing my estranged husband to a T.
Said if I listen to him he won't shout
80% of this sounds like my wife.
Will the financial health guide to help non-citizens? I have no work visa for earning incomes or gain access to earn money. 🥺 I will be alone and know no one I’m scared to death. I don’t have work and good faithful Christian churches in my country. I don’t have money to go back to my country. I cannot be alone in my country and no Christian churches support and I will not lose truth support and faithful instructions to Bible studies and growing the relationship with Jesus.. Christian faith in my country is illegal unfortunately.
Get yourself a consultation with an immigration lawyer. First visit is usually free.
He would kick me out
Same. Mine kicked me out twice and then third time left me with a $1330 apt and 30 say notice. Had to pay some of the rent on credit last year until I found a more affordable apt.
Sounds like my ex-wife
Can he leave the home by doing a restraining order.. Because he will not leave the house
I would assume so! Can't be within hundreds of feet of you. Hope you are free or he has changed 💔
That makes them more dangerous and they try to totally destroy you and all you love and they can try to kill you like mine did , be careful, they don’t give up , they will wait years and get you . They are like the Terminator 😢
Same !!!! My husband refuses to leave the house because that means he won’t be in control anymore
It won't let me buy your book. Says the expiration date on my card is past, but it isn't.
If you’d like to call our office and order it over the phone you can try that. Our office phone number can be found on my website. You can leave a voice message if it’s after hours and we will return your call to help you with your order.
www.davideclarkephd.com/store
@@DrDavidClarke Ok, thank you.
All,all all,all,all,all,all,all,all………..,……..
Calls me handi cap
What programmes do you have for repentant spouses?
Wow!!!!!!!!! 😲
😮😮
This guy destroys families
Only men are narcs or I just got it wrong ?
Women as well, but I believe the majority are men. The Dr. uses "he" for convenience.
Yah, it seems kind of one-sided that way ...
Mostly men
There are some female narcs as well; disgusting greedy, disagreeable creatures!