Pointy Sharp things, dooky.. depends on mass and gravity etc plus can we make a slingshot, catapult, trebuchet.. adlewadl bow cross bow.. ballistas etc . Rocks dipped in something
Humans are significantly less dangerous without weapons, that IS true. Two problems with that A: "Less dangerous" does not mean "Harmless" B: Everything is a weapon
You haven't lived until you've played D&D as a barbarian specializing in improvised weapons. Chairs, tables, oars, ale tankards, flagpoles, midgets and other small humanoids... everything is your weapon. Nothing quite like beating a goblin to unlife with a kobold. Also, that thumbnail is hilarious.
I used to play AD&D 2nd edition. My elven fighter/mage had a girdle of giant strength and I had another character (dwarf battlerager) beg my character to throw him at the ogres we were fighting just so that he could be the first one to score a hit. That must have been a terrifying sight. A 185 pound dwarf in spiked plate mail laughing maniacally as he was flying thru the air right at you. 35 years later and I still get a chuckle thinking about it.
Technically, firearms are humans making mechanical and chemical based means of Yeeting small projectiles at enemies... ...Meaning that when a Gun goes "Blam!", it is saying "YEET!"
Catapults and ballistae require stretchy, springy materials that might not be available on hand. A trebuchet only needs stiff materials because the throwing action is done via counterweight. IOW, the trebuchet is easier to source building materials for.
@@AenVegra No, "is" is correct since I'm speaking of current time, just happening in the afterlife. He thought he was safe, now he is dead and wondering "WTaF?"
What the actual breeding? How is that an insult? Just cuz we only breed once in our lifetime, cuz that is in mos cases a death sentence. For our lineage is similar to the praying mantus and the black widow spider, species of Ear-ath.
I love the creative insults, the one about the period cramps made burst out laughing along with the line of "Throw humans at it until it solves the problem" part. These stories are just so amusing to listen to
Once there was a young man that got kicked out of school for throwing rocks. The only employment he could find was being a shepherd for a flock of sheep. And then one day.... there was this giant warrior named Goliath standing there challenging an entire army to send someone out to fight him. That was when David demonstrated the power of a rock.
Thats putting it lightly Slings back during that time were insane Someone who was a good shot with a sling was an extremely sought after soldier, some cities in greece even being renowned for having the best slingers. The sling was cheap, didnt require much effort to provide ammo (dirt cheap if you will) And in the hands of a good slinger, deadly accurate.
And on that day the Xenos learned that Humanity is NEVER unarmed so long as we have ground to stand on and materials to throw. And the Galaxy trembled.
Your Mother was a snow blower comes to mind. This is a great story. Agree that all these stories should be strung together to make a full length story.
By far, the best thought out, written, and voiced of these spacy stories that I have come across. And not one occurrence of the word "bristling." Bravo!
Absolutely hilarious; I love the line “Throw humans at it till it is solved” fits so well with what we humans can do, will do, and so much more. Anyway, I have been watching a lot of these now and they are amazing! Keep this up, as I just love listening to these.
Well, from the perspective of another form of life not native to this planet, it is entirely possible, once you take into consideration the wide array of climate (from extreme heat, to sub-zero cold), weather, tectonic movement, volcanos, multiple species of poisonous flora, multiple species of deadly fauna, and the gasses that life here breaths (most of life on this planet needs oxygen, yet too much is actually toxic)... so it really isn't outside the realm of possibility that our planet could be considered a "death world".
@@sinisamarovic what do you mean African or European? Monty python was British. Edited because several of you noticed I got Auto Uncorrected. Thanks for the point out!
The giggle-fest almost dropped me out of my hated wheelchair. As my brain caught up with the words, so eloquently painted in 180K pixel animation, no Ai could duplicate. Bravo, young writer, bravo! I may have to submit one of mine as well. So where to and how? Thnx again, and bravo.
I love HFY stories, but I'm going to be 'that guy'. A single galactic rotation takes about 225 million years, but (modern) humans have only been around for about 5 or 6 million years. If I'm not mistaken, a single galactic rotation ago true mammals didn't even exist yet.
And there was no joy in Kreeville, as their leader got struck out! Another very good use of an unusual story line, that will likely be plagiarized immediately by the AIs in their secret underground bases.
Starbound, Agrosquerril and Net Narrations are my top 3 of HFY. Would be awesome if they did a collaboration in the re-read of the "Beyond the Void" series
This story reminds me of a game called Interplanetary. it's a space-based artillery game with orbital mechanics, in which you start the game with railguns as your primary weapon type, but eventually develop the technology to throw rocks at your enemies.
Im a shotgun railgun main. Triple barrel optimized airburst is a great way to make the rest of the solar system target you. 3 Rounds per railgun, each with +60% AOE damage, and its still less energy than using some of the other weapons.
Galactic rotations? So it's been a couple million years I forgot how long it takes for the Galaxy to make one complete rotation on its central axis, but I can tell you right now it's longer than humanity has been evolved
Really 7:06? The taunting Frenchman? I literally stopped and started laughing hysterically I hadn't thought of that in years he's got to finish it with now go or I shall taunt you a second time. Or I fart in your general direction.
30 years ago I read a book, very similar in story to this. Are these a continuation of that book? I rather enjoyed the different approach the author took back then. I don't recall a whole lot about it other than one of the alien races were somewhat feline in feature and one of the good races was more bird like.
What would you throw at aliens to deal the most damage?
Without grenades, the roundish rock's did fine.
flat earth propaganda
Frozen cow patties, frisbee style?
depends on what's available... drain cleaner probably
Pointy Sharp things, dooky.. depends on mass and gravity etc plus can we make a slingshot, catapult, trebuchet.. adlewadl bow cross bow.. ballistas etc . Rocks dipped in something
Humans are significantly less dangerous without weapons, that IS true.
Two problems with that
A: "Less dangerous" does not mean "Harmless"
B: Everything is a weapon
The creation of new insult to enemies is the most accurate thing we would do in real life.
I am so glad he threw in a French insult too to keep us on our toes
"Don't be so sour, kraut"
"99 dead balloons"
"Hasta la vidasein"
Fun fact soldiers liked to use their tech digging shovels more then their bayonets in WW2 and this has become a meme
😂yep
@@Animationists-26 also why the entrenching tool now comes sharpened on issue.
"YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!! now GO AWAY before i taunt you a SECOND time!!"
Monty python - the holy grail
Bringeth forth the Holy Hand Granade of Antioch!
@@geraldfrost4710 Call Brother Maynard!
“We are the knight’s who say… Nee.
@@geraldfrost4710ki in
"Well that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most FOUL, CRUEL, and BAD TEMPERED rodent you ever set eyes on!"
Human be like: "It's over I have learn how to throw rock that means I won the weapon race"
You haven't lived until you've played D&D as a barbarian specializing in improvised weapons. Chairs, tables, oars, ale tankards, flagpoles, midgets and other small humanoids... everything is your weapon. Nothing quite like beating a goblin to unlife with a kobold.
Also, that thumbnail is hilarious.
I used to play AD&D 2nd edition. My elven fighter/mage had a girdle of giant strength and I had another character (dwarf battlerager) beg my character to throw him at the ogres we were fighting just so that he could be the first one to score a hit. That must have been a terrifying sight. A 185 pound dwarf in spiked plate mail laughing maniacally as he was flying thru the air right at you. 35 years later and I still get a chuckle thinking about it.
😂😂😂
Middle school PE is also where the insults came from. I laughed at all of them. Good job.
What's middle school
Me to, I laughed so hard I dam-near laughed my ass out of my wheelchair.
@@KenanLaudat-tp3bp 5th-8th grade (10-13yr olds) it’s the years between the young kids in elementary school and the teenagers in high school.
From rocks to railguns, humanity's threat to the rest of the cosmos can be summed up in one word:
*_YEET!_*
Fuck yeah
Technically, firearms are humans making mechanical and chemical based means of Yeeting small projectiles at enemies...
...Meaning that when a Gun goes "Blam!", it is saying "YEET!"
all our weapons are just better ways to throw or swing rocks, and our energy is just better ways to boil water
This made me laugh so hard...
Yeet the child?
Of course someone wanted to build a trebuche and knowing us, someone would actually build the damn thing 😂
Me .. I'm that motherfucker
Catapults or Ballistae might be easier and faster to erect, but a trebuchet can do more projectile per shot
WOLOLO!! 🧙🏽
its just like a lego game as the trebuchet is built. like, within seconds its all ready
Catapults and ballistae require stretchy, springy materials that might not be available on hand. A trebuchet only needs stiff materials because the throwing action is done via counterweight.
IOW, the trebuchet is easier to source building materials for.
I bet that Kree that insulted the Captain's mother is on the other side wondering, "What the actual fuck?!"
* Correction.
Was.
@@AenVegra No, "is" is correct since I'm speaking of current time, just happening in the afterlife. He thought he was safe, now he is dead and wondering "WTaF?"
"I was wondering why that tiny rock was quickly getting bigger.
Then it hit me."
What the actual breeding? How is that an insult?
Just cuz we only breed once in our lifetime, cuz that is in mos cases a death sentence. For our lineage is similar to the praying mantus and the black widow spider, species of Ear-ath.
no he was like "whats he do-" * head pops *
I love the creative insults, the one about the period cramps made burst out laughing along with the line of "Throw humans at it until it solves the problem" part. These stories are just so amusing to listen to
😂😂😂😂😂
These stories of Krill and Captain Virginia need to be strung together in one long form video. Love em
Agreed. Krill's Descent into Madness aboard the Human Ship UNSC Stabby. He is losing more sanity with each passing mission.
A book series and a movie . Damn i would watch that. Someting on the lines of Firefly meets Stargate
@@ZenAki Or gaining human sanity...which is probably the same thing.
How about a play list stringing the stories together in the correct order?
" Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries"
Ah, the author is clearly a man of culture.
Once there was a young man that got kicked out of school for throwing rocks. The only employment he could find was being a shepherd for a flock of sheep. And then one day....
there was this giant warrior named Goliath standing there challenging an entire army to send someone out to fight him. That was when David demonstrated the power of a rock.
Thats putting it lightly
Slings back during that time were insane
Someone who was a good shot with a sling was an extremely sought after soldier, some cities in greece even being renowned for having the best slingers.
The sling was cheap, didnt require much effort to provide ammo (dirt cheap if you will)
And in the hands of a good slinger, deadly accurate.
@@endorneyodera4366 yep in India too. They were so broken we collectively decided to stop using them eventually
And on that day the Xenos learned that Humanity is NEVER unarmed so long as we have ground to stand on and materials to throw. And the Galaxy trembled.
And when we are unarmed we got this fancy thing called MMA
"think fast chucklenuts"
*CRITICAL HIT*
"Aww, my beautiful face..."
@Jacy-dx6dx They weren't even live to have a reason to complain m8
@@DanielKuligowski-y4o it's one of scouts lines
@@Jacy-dx6dx oh
Love the Monty Python tribute!
I fart in your general direction!
WIIIIIIIIIITH.... A HERRING!
NI
@@crimsoncursor5186 eki eki eki nuwe peng nooooowam
And in an older voice.
Your Mother was a snow blower comes to mind. This is a great story. Agree that all these stories should be strung together to make a full length story.
the second I heard the word "Pitcher" i knew exactly where this was going
OMG! Couldn't stop laughing🤣. Krill's confused reaction to everything was completely hilarious 😂
By far, the best thought out, written, and voiced of these spacy stories that I have come across. And not one occurrence of the word "bristling." Bravo!
Absolutely hilarious; I love the line “Throw humans at it till it is solved” fits so well with what we humans can do, will do, and so much more. Anyway, I have been watching a lot of these now and they are amazing! Keep this up, as I just love listening to these.
*"Always Weapons can be found"*
the most terrifying is the SPOON!
lol a spork is scarier
I'm writing a science fiction trilogy, and this has got to be the funniest story I have every listened to, I'm still laughing. Great job.
The trebuchet part got me.
Aw Cmon a water balloon catapult! Bungie cords would definitely work!
Somebody has reeeeally studied the motions involved in pitching a baseball.
Not just the regular fastball pitch, but also the underhanded softball pitch.
Maybe the writer also plays baseball?
Thank the Lord for middle school P.E. am i right?
Yup. Yes’sir indeedy.
The alien version of period cramps… 😂 that’s too good to pass up, I’ma remember that one!
Kirll: HOW CAN HUMANS TURN ROCKS INTO WEAPONS?!
We arent fast, we arent very strong,
We dont have claws, or fangs. Anything is a weapon, some are just better than others
The joke that earth would be seen as a *Death World* is such a joke.
Well, from the perspective of another form of life not native to this planet, it is entirely possible, once you take into consideration the wide array of climate (from extreme heat, to sub-zero cold), weather, tectonic movement, volcanos, multiple species of poisonous flora, multiple species of deadly fauna, and the gasses that life here breaths (most of life on this planet needs oxygen, yet too much is actually toxic)... so it really isn't outside the realm of possibility that our planet could be considered a "death world".
Like they always say “You don’t know you grew up in the death world until you left one”
Australia
well considering Oxygen is setting us on fire from the inside very very very slowly, and it being an extremly slow acting poision, i dont blame them.
I live in a country that is considered oasis by MOST neighboring countries. Today there was 34 degrees of Celsius in the shadow.
Knowing humans, I'm sure they built more than one trebuche after that.
i like to think the mother insult was "Your mother is so fat, she was used as the flaming stone from your biblical era"
\
Thoroughly enjoyed that one! Thank you for considering our comments! Loved it!
Imagine the alien's perspective hearing that was all from middle school.
Not sure who the writer is but I love the succinct story telling. Poor Krill! ROFLOL
Agreed. Krill has the best of luck to be with the unluckiest crew with the most trigger happy nutjobs.
Ah yes, the Krill race. You could say they're...Krillains.
Getting the same respect Krillan did on DBZ 🤣🤣
keep the happy feet refrences abundent thats funny
They did NOT just quote Monty Python - The Holy Grail?
yup, classic
Yes, they did.🥲
You mean African or European version?
@@sinisamarovic what do you mean African or European?
Monty python was British.
Edited because several of you noticed I got Auto Uncorrected. Thanks for the point out!
African or European Swallow carrying a coconut between them on a line.
Ok now tell the aliens that not only can we doge the rocks 😂😂😂... but we can catch them to 😅😅
just had to insult the mother didnt they......also didnt quite catch it but was there also a insult towards the offspring?
I heard it as a pedo joke
Maybe it was "mama's boy"
Go procreate with your maternal parental unit.
Sabot shells are the ultimate form of throwing a rock, a depleted uranium rock. -the Russian badger
The entirety of human advancement is either finding ways to throw rocks faster or more efficient ways to boil water.
From "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" How do we win a war with earth? We throw rocks!
"throw humans at it until it is solved" so basicaly humans are nuclear detterent, got it
I'm super stoked you guys are doing this series
ok, i got to admit, this story has comedy in it which i like a lot, the stabby ship, and the "trow humans till its solved "strategy
For clever writing and expressive reading I thank you, Sir Starbound.
"It was a simpler time. We had rocks. But rocks, you see - they're surprisingly versatile." -- Thag the Immortal
Trebuchet? Random and extremely funny. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Less likely to catastrophically fail than a catapult. Just don't forget to name it. My favorite one from history was "Bad Neighbor"
@@janet6421 From the insults they were slinging along with the rocks, they could call it "The Middle Finger".
Those human insults made me LOL 😂😂
I love all these scifi channels. But this one is fully human voiced is it not? That makes it just a bit better than the rest! Well done!
5:50 Sounds like a Red Vs Blue Plot... We are just missing both sides throwing insults at one another.
6:00 Yep, Red Vs Blue Moment.
We didn’t get medieval we got prehistoric. Showed those Aliens how to get STONED.
The insults... EPIC! And I like the Monty Python reference 😂🤣😂🤣😂
Those insults are pure gold
Reminds me of a quote I often use "If it works, then it works."
"rock breathing style one: BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA"
One of the best stories so far this year!
OMFG those insults were next level good. I was laughing so hard I was almost in tears! 😂
Humans have hands and aren’t afraid to use them.
The embodiment of "Hey shitass, catch!"
7:05 gotta love the monty python reference lol.
Suddenly Monty Python 😂😂😂😂👏❤
Really fantastic story and PHENOMENAL narration!
The giggle-fest almost dropped me out of my hated wheelchair. As my brain caught up with the words, so eloquently painted in 180K pixel animation, no Ai could duplicate. Bravo, young writer, bravo!
I may have to submit one of mine as well.
So where to and how? Thnx again, and bravo.
I love HFY stories, but I'm going to be 'that guy'. A single galactic rotation takes about 225 million years, but (modern) humans have only been around for about 5 or 6 million years. If I'm not mistaken, a single galactic rotation ago true mammals didn't even exist yet.
And there was no joy in Kreeville, as their leader got struck out! Another very good use of an unusual story line, that will likely be plagiarized immediately by the AIs in their secret underground bases.
Gotta love the Monty Python insult.
ok monty python quote gets a like lol
Would have gone with a torsion catapult instead of a trebuchet but yeah bigger rocks mean bigger results
This video was incredibly entertaining and I enjoyed watching it.
Gawd that thumbnail is HILARIOUS! 🤣😂
The Galactic Baseballer surely approves of this story!
It is well that war is so terrible, otherwise we should grow too fond of it.
Robert E. Lee
you're the only one that reads this stuff yourself - at least i think you are, and that makes you stand out.
the AI Voices are kind of creepy
Not the only one. Aggrosquirrel. Not sure of the spelling.
Starbound, Agrosquerril and Net Narrations are my top 3 of HFY. Would be awesome if they did a collaboration in the re-read of the "Beyond the Void" series
Is that a rock?! Yep! Batter up!
Love the new insulting system
I want to see that 2 foot diameter square!
Good one! Well done! 🤣😂
The first one of your video's i've thumbs up'd 👍
Loved it!!😂❤
😂😂 This one absolutely made my day! I love it!😂😂
9:52 idk what the ai was thinking but thats not a rock thats a fucking boulder
6:49 NOTED NOTED NOTED NOTED NOTED!!
_"You Krees are so ugly, you can pass yourself off as a modern art masterpiece."_
This story reminds me of a game called Interplanetary. it's a space-based artillery game with orbital mechanics, in which you start the game with railguns as your primary weapon type, but eventually develop the technology to throw rocks at your enemies.
Im a shotgun railgun main. Triple barrel optimized airburst is a great way to make the rest of the solar system target you.
3 Rounds per railgun, each with +60% AOE damage, and its still less energy than using some of the other weapons.
the second i heard "welcome to starbound" all i could think of is that game i love to play.
Awesome story. Perfect read. Good times.
Dont be a menace - "Whatd chu say bout my momma!?"
Galactic rotations? So it's been a couple million years I forgot how long it takes for the Galaxy to make one complete rotation on its central axis, but I can tell you right now it's longer than humanity has been evolved
Good narration. Good story. Thank you!
The roast session is hilarious.
Xenos will see you beating their kins to death with a rock and say, "He cannot afford a blaster."
Monty Python reference is appreciated.
Very Funny Stuff - it was great - TY😂
Racism will bring us in one when aliens come
Alien: "uuh commander... what is a space ni-?"
Really 7:06? The taunting Frenchman? I literally stopped and started laughing hysterically I hadn't thought of that in years he's got to finish it with now go or I shall taunt you a second time. Or I fart in your general direction.
NI
@@crimsoncursor5186 I knew it your one of the knights who say nit
The ending made me laugh out loud! 😂😂😂
imagine being part of a galatic civilization and being scared of some rocks being thrown at u
30 years ago I read a book, very similar in story to this. Are these a continuation of that book? I rather enjoyed the different approach the author took back then. I don't recall a whole lot about it other than one of the alien races were somewhat feline in feature and one of the good races was more bird like.
UNS Stabby. Lol.
The Roomba must have got a ship
Perfect story.