My fears as an INTJ *Being a failure at life *Dying before I accomplish my life goals. *Having children who end up being failures and who undo all my hard work and make it pointless.
I'm certainly a failure in the eyes of my ESXJ parents... it's not fun, but ironically it's because of their relentless abuse and neglect since I was a toddler. If they had done their job as parents I certainly would've had more of a chance. In other hand, their definition of failure falls directly into what society dictates it to be. In that way I failed.
I don’t know, I actually feel like I’ve been deprived of “fun” in my life, and have this feeling I’m missing out because I do remember how wonderful those few party/hangout/dancing/karaoke instances were ... I might have such experiences once every few years, but I feel like once a year would be better. I love swing/salsa dancing every now and then, but the pandemic has made that impossible. :(
INTJ's are stubborn and controlfreaks in a very specific way. Tell us to change or abandon our goal and we will resist. Show us there's a better way in the physical world to reach the goal and we will gladly go with the flow.
Very true. It's like, the boat is going towards this destination and that's that. If you want to get on and help steer or row, or just come along, great, but if you try to change the coarse you will be pushed overboard. 😃
I disagree. Intjs are open minded people and adaptable and easy to change. This is the opposite of stubbornness and controlling. However, they do have high standards and expectations of others and this can be misconstrued as control freaks, arrogance, etc and this can often make them alone.
@@kq1777 There are different kinds of INTJs, every person in a category isn't a clone of one another. Some INTJs certainly seem like control freaks, others are pretty easy going and not too concerned with anything outside of their own minds- let other people do what they want, live and let live. From all I've seen and studied we are for the most part pretty strong-willed and determined when we have our sights on something, and not likely to beat ourselves up for not pleasing others.
Me, an INTJ, having fun: - Playing games: what's the best way to get all the achievements in the least amount of time? What's the general strategy? Can I improve it? - Watching TV: what's the principle being discussed in this show? What is the connection between this series and other works? What the director took from the book? How is my backlog of movies? What will I watch next? What would be my score for this episode? - Playing Sports: MUST IMPROVE. MUST HAVE BETTER TECHNIQUE.
As an older INTJ, I can definitely say that I have lived my life future oriented. And, to a degree, I have achieved about 95% of my goals. But the cost and sacrifice was living in the present. I have to think hard about past life experiences because I wasn’t always present internally when they happened. I’m 48 now, but my 20 and 30’s are a blur with no distinct memories. There is something to be said for enjoying the journey, unfortunately I can barely remember the journey.
I e-journal for that very reason. I want to do a brain dump to capture all the intricacies of an experience, that I know I won't remember later, so I don't have to carry it around in my body, nor have no memories of my lived life.
This is exactly what pisses me off the most about myself. I know what I want to do, but I recognize it's a lot of work to get there, then I ask myself if all that work is worth my time and since I can't answer that I end up doing nothing with my time, which ironically means wasting the time I could have been working on achieving that which I don't know is worth wasting my time on. It's an infinite loop of wasted potential!
Exact reason I got constant lectures from teachers growing up that I didn't meet my potential. I pick and choose what's worth my time. I know I can learn almost anything and do it pretty well given enough time. But I'm also smart enough to know when I've had enough of a topic and to stop and pursue something else.
@@davidchidester5463 in my case, it is not about getting fed up, it is more of i forgot i was doing that. i am somehow doing this new work now without finishing that. i just think that the previous one is insignificant for me now
Better waste time doing something and realizing you were wrong but at least leamerd new things along the way thatay help you with doing the right thing since now you know that option A was a waste of time.
INTJs are not necessarily misanthropic, they are just not comfortable with the give and take of social relationships. They are not comfortable with sacrificing talking facts in favour of maintaining a relationship.
@@Kima344 Everything's hard to explain when it seems like everyone else should be able to understand in a few simple words. Just connect the pieces, it's obvious really.
Technically I'm an extrovert (ENTP) but open plan offices are the bane of my existence. One of the main reasons I decided to go freelance, actually. I don't know how people can stand it.
They really are ! You have mastered the art of making beautiful ones while making it meaningful for each type. It's amazing ! (btw I was wondering if you would do videos about the whole Zelfium thing ? And the enneagram ? )
I'm a big fan of this comment. Often I'll make the thumbnail before the video because it acts like an incentive to try to make the content live up to it! ~ Nathan
These stag horns on top a head of an INTJ, It's been shown on Dr. Hannibal many times through the series and he is of course an INTJ and plays it perfectly.
If your mind and heart is open you will never be stagnant I have BPD and throw myself at self growth because of this need to be perfect to make up for it all. It's ok to make mistakes and to not be a perfect person because they don't exist. There is perfection in process and in trying your best even if the results are internal rather than external.
Small addition regarding Chaos vs Control. INTJ don't necessarily seek to control people, but we do have high standards of others and may seek to improve their actions and thinking unsollicited. A controlled environment merely breeds laziness. We truly strive in chaos, I had to learn this the hard way. Never get stuck, keep moving. Can chaos be stressful? Sure. Does it allow for progress? Yes.
WE DO LIKE FUN!!!! It's just that our kind of fun is usually very different from the things most people consider fun! Reading, researching and working can be fun too! Occasional social games with our closest friends are fun too! I wish they wouldn't have stopped playing room escape games with me because I'm taking it way too seriously and I'm overly competitive about it though... 🤣🤣🤣
Haha! The phrase "work is more fun than fun" comes to mind. Let's start a petition to get "INTJ Fun" as an alternative definition in the dictionary ~ Nathan
Research is what I do for fun. It's my favorite past time. Because whatever I am "into", I am full in until I understand it. And I find that a most rewarding past time. I also find my work fun, like you mention. I work two jobs, one as a technical library aide, where it is quiet and structured and I am left to my own devices to get done what needs to be done. My other job is as a personal assistant to a disabled university psychology teacher. It encompasses so many different things that I need to figure out how to do, and I never really know what it will be next. Will I be replacing doorknobs? Sorting medication? Selling things for her on Craigslist? Doing background checks on possible roommates? Assembling a giant tool chest with no prior experience? Helping run the online classrooms so she can work with students and grade? Researching how to take jackholes to court and preparing a casefile? Setting up a new printer? Returning Amazon purchases? That are from months ago? Without their boxes because she burned them? Bring it on! It is challenging in a way that expands my knowledge base and improves my problem-solving skills. I am given tasks without being told how to complete them. I have the freedom to figure it all out on my own. It is challenging but a blast. Plus my "boss" is also an INTJ, so we cackle a lot as we toss around sarcasm and dark humor. In short, yes, I completely agree with what you said about fun.
Interesting video. I can tell you from personal experience that many of these INTJ “fears” can make family life especially difficult. When an INTJ has a family to look after (spouse and children), they are often unable to focus on the future and are forced, sometimes quite uncomfortably, to live in the here and now. I struggle with this every day. Fortunately for me though, I do have a job that allows me to work by myself and a boss who despises micromanagement. Therefore, I do get a break from the daily struggle of home life and have an outlet for my need to plan and be productive.
I love the honesty of this and I couldn't agree more. Nothing consumes attention in the here and now like children do and it can put INTJs in a state that is very unnatural to them ~ Nathan
You're right kids really do tether you to the moment. As an INTJ parent I spend plenty of time eager to see what comes next with my kid and how he will grow, and I can put plenty of energy into planning something fun or planning what he will need, but as sad as it sounds sometimes it's a struggle to just sit and BE with him and do the same play thing for a few hours. My restless brain gets bored and feels like it's doing somersaults and banging around in my head like a caged animal. 😔
My fears as an INTJ -Failure -The Unknown(which would obviously include negative unforeseen circumstances) -Death before success -FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......
INTJ "fun": One of the most fun nights of my life was when I first learned about string theory- the section of the book I was reading started talking about it, then I took a break to watch an episode of Through the Wormhole and COINCIDENTALLY it also ended up being about the same things. It was years ago but I still remember that night. Ahhh...
Which is actually quite scary, as most people would turn away as I'm not as much 'fun' to hang out with, so I try to fake some excitement and fun and craziness, but it's just exhausting
@@dexdalador I completely understand how you feel. Many times people ask how I accomplish so many things. But really it is more of a fear that anytime I am not spending towards a goal is time wasted.
I appreciate the way you "spoke in INTJ" regarding the financial support on Patreon. If I didn't know I'm on the wrong career path thus my finances are endangered, I would truly support. Let me get back to you when it is solved. - INTJ
I've always been fairly shameless in asking (don't ask don't get!) but watching our videos and taking the time to leave a comment means a great deal to us and helps the channel too! Hope you're enjoying the videos and do for a long time to come ~ Nathan
Biggest fear: myself To go the downward spiral, to allow myself into a bad situation be it outwardly or self-imposed. Many troubles are easily avoided. Some troubles are random or unavoidable and as such are not to be feared until they happen. Then there is the bad frame of mind that is like an open invitation for trouble. I'd like to avoid that.
Yeah, they are very true. There is also the fear of how I will REACT to a bad situation because the problem is not completely on the situation but our reactions can define how that will end as well. I just want to add this one too.
I'm reclusive because it is difficult to find people that I can relate to or that can relate to me. It is more comfortable to be alone. I sometimes force myself into social situations and find that I have enjoyed interacting with others. I just cannot do that too often. Give us a problem to solve and we will be in our element. All the people that wish that they were an INTJ have no idea what it is like.
I struggle with *not* trying to solve others’ problems. I’m having to learn to bite my tongue a lot and it’s exhausting. If they would just listen to me, their problems would be more manageable. But I have to be quiet. My husband is an INFP, my 24yo daughter is an INTP. We don’t get out much.
I was lucky to have a dad who got me (I'm pretty sure he was an ENTJ) and he told me to always have at least one goal to be working toward (no problemo, Dad, I have many), but he added that as we grow we change and always be ready to let go of what no longer works for you. It's Never a failure;it was a learning experience that will help you define where you need to go next. His main point that always resonated too was that especially failures where we gave it everything we had, we did everything right, and it still went south...he told me that then it's not a test of intellect or capability, but a test of character...will you get back up and keep moving, whether it's to try again or to walk away, get up from the ground, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Priceless advice that has held me together through many of the opportunities to learn that Life has afforded me.
I struggle with cynicism and depression. I hate that feelings of grief and loss can hijack my plans. With the pandemic, the future isn’t predictable, so I have trouble planning things. Few things are still “ normal.” This haiku is my roadblock now: What is wrong with me? I am loathe to explain it. At least I’m alive.
I, as an INTJ, know that my biggest fear is the loss of one's self and identity. Like, succumbing to insanity and forgetting your loved ones, your past, what you've built up, hallucinating thing different from reality. I also find the idea that what's after death is just black, nothingness, the end of oneself, the cutting off point of consciousness. I loathe the feeling of inevitability and dread it brings me, and I would take any opportunity to prolong my life, even if unatural.
Because goals give my life purpose, making progress towards them is what is fun for me, and unless I'm burnt out and run out of energy, everything else feels irrelevant.
I think one of the biggest intj fears (at least for me) is aging... I think we're much more aware of the dire consequences of aging as we're such future oriented, and we can already see that it'll end sooner or later.
thats actually a dailly fear yes, that sums it up very well. often I fear that when I die, I haven't even noticed my life went by and I lived achieving my goals and that is good enough
I 100% agree. I am very conscious of the fact that one day I might be old and regretful about all the things I should have achieved. I try to prepare for that time as well as I can but I fear I just won`t always have the time or energy to do so.
"They care more about their future selves than their present selves." Yes! This is very true. I think of doing things for my future self because I love myself, the same way you might go out of your way to do something for another person you care about. About that though, I had an epiphany once where I realized that, since life is finite, someday there simply will be NO MORE FUTURE. Eventually most of your life will be the past. I don't want to get old and think gee I wish I had enjoyed myself more but now it's too late. So I've been trying to be more in the moment, enjoy my SFP lower functions more. I don't see many INTJs do this. But in order for your efforts to be worth it, you've got to have a time where you sit back and sow what you reap too.
As an INTJ, I have found you genuinely have a pretty good grasp of this MB personality. Though I know it is claimed there is not a lot of substantial research to give much validity to MB, but INTJ fits me to a tee and has been one of the most helpful tools to help me a) accept myself and b) improve on who I am as a person. I appreciate your diligence. Here is a "topic" you might ponder on: "INTJs and restless periods."
I would say that I don't fear "chaos" so much as "uncertainty", which certainly can be a companion of types of chaos, but so much is chaos, some things I quite enjoy, but throw uncertainty in the mix, and fear begins to enter very quickly.
The goals I set are based on good probability of success (like 70% plus) and reaping great reward from minimal to slight risk. I will play out all possibilities in my head to foresee bumps in the road. I often have contingency plans set in place as well (and I don’t like it if I can’t come up with one). Yes, I am a total recluse and fun sucker although I do enjoy a good game of code names or deception now and again. I admittedly find pleasure in what others view as work (like hiking, working out, etc.)
Honestly, having a dog as an INTJ has helped me to return to the present because otherwise I'd be working or planning stuff while staring at my monitor until I faint from hunger.
I guess you would just have to reach a certain point in your life where you're accomplished in your work life so you could possibly open up time enough to raise a new individual But work first
"Is it worth it?" In my mind, I've taken to referring to this idea as "economy of effort". When I get into something, it can be to the point of near-obsession, so I feel the need to ensure everything I do is worth the time I'm spending on it. Am I getting more out than I'm putting in or, at the very least, breaking even? If the answer is no, I'm already gone. Unfortunately, it isn't always clear what is or is not worth it, so we're forced to gamble our effort on a project (etc.) that could very well be a complete waste of time. Finding out I, for example, wasted years/decades of my life studying writing, with the goal of being a novelist, only to end up hitting a dead-end...THAT is my greatest fear. Nothing demoralizes me more than realizing I wasted a large portion of a finite life on something that never bore metaphorical fruit.
You're on point Nathan! 😌 The question "Is it all worth it in the end?" is my biggest fear. Once I decide to do something, I go all in and can't quit mid-way so I get caught up in a perpatual self-doubt of not knowing if what I'm pursuing is the 'right thing' and the 'best' way to do it. P.S I'm watching this video while working with my lab coat covered on top of my head and my computer to remove visual distractions like office light and people with earphones plugged in to remove background noise. 😁
Okay, I loved this video. I'm an INFJ and had not realized until now the extent of how much my Ni makes me value my future self more than my present self. I am so scared of the possibility that eventually I will find that I chose the wrong career, the wrong boyfriend or even the wrong book to read, that I forget to think about how I feel now. It seems that if I just let things flow, I'll be overwhelmed by the reality of the world and soon I'll no longer exist (dramatic, I know, but this type of video invites drama).
INTJ here; I appreciate your shameless capitalism and the content of your videos and I am now a Patreon subscriber. I don’t know how you can absolutely nail us, but you do and it’s amazing. Please keep it up.
I thought I was an INTJ for a long time because I share a lot of these fears, and maybe because of them every test I took told me I was an INTJ. It took me a few months of studying the cognitive functions in more depth to realize I was actually INTP, and a quarantine to confirm my real behaviour when I'm away from other people and not working all the time. I don't know if it's good or not, but I used to put on an INTJ facade at work in order to get things done quickly and effitiently, but it would stress me out quite fast. No wonder I felt like being close to a burn out once or twice a year. What I gained in mental health during this quarantine actually compensates the financial setback I had working at home.
Interesting: I almost always got INTP results, whereas I started considering myself as an INTJ after studying cognitive functions. Also I used to play an INTP role at uni, maybe because of professors' influence (being a math major, not being able to explain an intuition was regarded as madness). Seems like we experienced the opposite course of action, I always loved quick and efficient explanations/solutions whilst my (most brilliant) peers or prof.s (except a few) where more inclined towards exploiting details and valuing the process that led to a conclusion. Much stressful to be obliged to explain every detail, even the trivial one
I always thought I am an INTP, but my Fi on the third stack is just giveaway. I procrastinate every now and then, but eventually i always go back to work. That's Te aux for you.
My INTJ fear: What if all I did was for nothing. That all of it was undone later, or that it served a purpose I didn't intend, i.e. probably an alternative evil purpose
2:54 Shit. I've been denied this for much of my life. You know things are desperate when an INTJ finds radical extremism appropriate in order to declutter environmental noise. Paves a brilliant path to psychopathy.
I must admit, this is very accurate ! Great job! Possible elaborations and things I can add: - Fear of not being good enough or worthy of your goals. You have been working towards this vision of yours but you forgot to take into account other factors , maybe that you aren't as smart as you thought and can't get the PERFECT grade you so wanted. This crushes you, as you associate yourself kind of with the goal and your POSSIBLE SELF in the future. You gain confidence through the knowledge of your own potential that you can achieve these things. If you turn out wrong - your identity gets hurts/crushed. And you have to rethink everything and learn to accept. + This is why INTJ prefer people with goals and a growth oriented mindset (that's the case for me). A person being stuck in their ways without the strive for change is the worst that can happen. I am sorry for all the people who are living in their delusional world, not dealing they might be wrong sometimes or need change. -Battle with the world was on point. But also the sad thing is... You don't know how to balance real life with potential and are never sure if your sacrifice was worthy enough. Should you hang out with the person that seems okay but you don't get immediate emotional reward? Your current friends might be enough, why find new ones who will potentially waste your time? You don't know and by investing time into people, you are essentially investing in yourself (the people you spend the most time with will shape your character) -Maybe striving to this somewhere, to some random future is not the way to become happy. (spoiler: it isn't) - Fear of loosing your strive for change and ambition and improvement and loosing sight of the goal :o Those are all small variations of the same problem I think, you already mentioned all of those in some way - great job! If I think of anything more I'll add it. BC you focused more on the goal and future mindset, that's why these are the first things that came to my mind :p
-I don't know what vacation is. I don't know how to mindlessly relax. Example: during my vacation I always (accidentally, subconsciously ) plan what I am going to do during my free time: taking books to read with me, downloading ebooks, drawing supplies, this and that. During my holidays I might study something else than school. Breaks are for me a change of activity, not doing NOTHING. Of I want to do nothing, you meditate with Headspace or you go and sleep. If you have 10 Minute break you go watch a scientific TH-cam video or do the daily quests in your favourite game. The most important thing is: you fill your arsenal with those small tools and opportunities to improve yourself by doing those small things. When unsure what to do, you take a mental note you could do some eye exercise to improve vision, remember to meditate and stay aware etc. Before sleep instead of lying aimlessly here you have a book by your side all the time in case you decide to improve at any moment and can't sleep. Every free moment is an opportunity for you to come closer to your goal
Hey come on, I haven't watched the video yet, but you better not be giving away straight-up fears on the INTJ. You are getting NFP's to be all mushy and "oooooh, I get your struggles, come here love!"... NO, get away from me
And all the information we have to compare and gauge against to make decisions about what we commit to are almost always either misconceptions, lies/flasehoods, or others trying to manipulate you to their perceived benefit. Hence why we withdraw.
I love the video. With the being alone point, (I'm guessing because of Fi) one of my biggest fears is not being accepted, so I want to do stuff and create stuff as I think that's going to get me accepted and "loved". I need to understand Fe more, that would be useful. Wanna hear something funny? Reason I haven't subscribed yet is because I've been thinking if in the future, where I'm in a different headspace and not searching for it, would I want to see the video recommendations? As probably I would be tempted to click on an interesting topic when it's there, not when I search for it. But TH-cam just tricked me, and recommended your video regardless, which I'm actually grateful for now haha And you made an irresistible hook at the end, so after 6 months of watching your channel, I subscribed. It is worth it haha Amazing quality, keep up the good work :)
Honestly, watching and commenting is a really big deal for us, especially when the comments are interesting and informative like this one although... 6months, that was some serious resistance you were putting up there. You can always unsubscribe if I fall below the INTJs high standards ~ Nathan
Haha, the government part is great. Obviously, I only speak for myself, but you are partly correct. However, understanding that human needs are vast. I believe a council is preferred instead of direct control over everything.
I scoffed a bit at your suggestion that we fear loneliness. I locked down for 3 months by myself no problem. However, that loneliness in crowds did hit home. It's a rare and refreshing event when you meet someone who thinks like you.
INTJ here. Very accurate video indeed. I literally laughed out loud at 6:02. The "fun" word just always seems like a foreign word, which is yet to be explored. But it is ok to relax every once in a while in order to maximize efficiency for future tasks. My top fears include: 1) Unexpected chaos 2) Being controlled by someone 3) Wasting time 4) Waiting for results to happen 5) Remorse from wrong decisions 6) Emotional blackmail 7) Fake and dumb people 8) Over-emotional people By the way, I love all of your INTJ videos. I have a personal question: What is your own type? I think you are INTP, but I am not sure. Please let me know. Thanks.
I got a feeling some INTJs are likely to develop an avoidant attachment style with what you've pointed out in this video (to overly simplify, they'd rather not engage with their own emotional needs or other people in fear their needs won't be met, or they won't feel understood) but maybe that'd too much of a leap ! Great video btw - an INFJ that really digs INTJs
That is a very interesting idea, you may be right. Sometimes I feel like people won't understand what I need as an INTJ, because it's not usually a need for warmth and fuzziness it's a cerebral sort of need that I don't think a lot of people share. 😔. A need for sharing and understanding ideas and concepts. "What do you think will be the result of X, or what do you think X means," and people just dismiss it as unimportant charming but goofy rambling that doesn't really require them responding let alone trying to understand. And I'm occasionally concerned that people also don't know how much they mean to me because I'm not effusive very often- being gushy just feels fake.
My INTJ partner of 15yrs often feels and acts this exact way when he perceives that I, an ENTP who can easily achieve this unknowingly, have rejected him in some way. It almost always takes him many years to relearn the trust he feels has been broken. It’s not easy for either one of us.
You are correct. We are quite miserly with our energy and value isolation and order so we will frequently withdraw and not communicate well. I always have to resist this tendency because it is not healthy.
I like being alone, as it is a state I deliberately chose to be in, yet I am extremely scared of being lonely. Loneliness is something you don’t chose, it just happens. It will eventually slow you down, make you less productive, less efficient and of course way less happy/content. It is an incredibly depressing feeling, when you are passionate about something and have all these great ideas but feel like no one understands them, or wants to hear about them. As confident as I am in my own decision making, at times I really would like to hear the opinion of someone who is competent, as well as interested in my project. Someone that gets passionate with me.
Great video! It's taken me quite a bit of mental training to shift from an overly perfectionistic (often to the point of not acting at all) approach to life to one that is slightly more flexible and allows me to accommodate the world and all its messy competing processes.
The focus thing scares me. I can see myself getting lost in painting & I won't come out. In stead, I work in horticulture/landscaping. I get to create order out of chaos in real time for future enjoyment.
I'm an INTJ, and i have to say that I really like the content you create. It adds a lot of value for me and helps me process things that I'm struggling with. An honest and massive thanks.
Nathan this is one of the most accurate description of the INTJ Yet Especially people you befriend Should be people you work with chosen wisely and getting straight to the point of saying give me money I like it
Living an almost completely connection-deficient life (social media is the only source of different opinions talked in depth and where I've found some people that share some of my values) is very hard and it requires me to question my mental sanity multiple times in a week to be sure to stay in reality with my thoughts. As an INTJ loneliness and isolation are fundamental (to form an hypothesis independently) but then profound connection is always seeked with the purpose of challenging my ideas and opening my sight to other views.
What has helped me with an answer to 'Is it worth it?' is remembering the mantra that 'the best result isn't always the best outcome'. It tones things down somewhat
INTJs are one of the types I find most intriguing, because as an INFJ we both have that Ni Se tension but are still so different in many ways. I defo relate to the 'Is it going to be worth it?' investment question. Am pretty new to MBTI and a bit frustrated sometimes by not being able to type people intuitively like I can with the enneagram (as have so much more experience with that). There are whole types I don't really 'get' yet. Think I'm drawn to analysing INTJ because it feels like a type I've almost unlocked intuitively but am not quite there! I wonder if other people have had a tipping point where MBTI just clicked and they could easily map all the functions they observe in others and relate them back to the types without too much conscious analytical effort?
A boring answer maybe, but I never had a clear tipping point about things like learning functions, but insights do just grow without you really knowing it. Now it's hard to imagine not seeing things in RL and how they relate to functions. However, in a few years it's possibly hard to imagine not knowing things I know by then. I must say though that I tend to learn these things more easily by intuition rather than concious 'learning it' , but that might just be the Ne way of doing it. (exposing yourself to something and then you see start to see patterns).
@@PowerRedBullTypology 'insights do just grow without you really knowing it. " My keyboard is wonky and I am missing my many words. Synchronicity is meaningful Coincidences I think I have always understood this.
@@PowerRedBullTypology maybe I just need to be a little more patient then - keep engaging with content that gives good examples of the functions in action and perhaps eventually my Ni will figure out the patterns and do the work for me ;)
I write this understanding that even as INTJs, we conceptialize worth differently. As an INTJ, it is difficult for me to live in the present. Unfortunately, for me, I have realized that giving up the present constantly and orienting towards a future with too many variables that I cannot control nor conceive of was not worth it. I have come to trust my instincts instead of thinking of the variables I cannot control, think about the ones I can, and live in the present moment at the same time. I think INTJs have a difficulty with trusting their own instincts im times of chaos even though they work well in those times.
When I(INTJ) was talking to my INFP sister we ended up saying," we can say what we think is wrong, praise what we think is right, make ideas on how to fix the world, the hard part is putting ideas in practice and in the physical for these places only exist inside our heads"
Out of the fears you listed, I would say the one I resonate with is "is this the right ___." Worth is something I consider pretty often mainly because I hate for my time to be wasted - even when I do it. There has to be a reason for nearly anything I do. Even for mundane things, I like to find multiple reasons for why this thing should be done to feel at ease for spending my time doing it. For example, I turned down an mentorship opportunity years ago bc I didn't respect the selection process or the participants. However, the next time around, I found a reason to join: I still felt the same as before, but I figured since I'm weak at self-promotion, I could work with a mentor who would do it for me, improve my social skills and have a longer break from work since it was too draining at that time. That made all those hours "bonding" slightly bearable. Anyway, your cadence is worth a follow, but I'll see about the patreon.
Thank You!!!! i misstyped at 16personalities as INTP... but after watching your intj vids i am really really really really really sure, to be an intj.... this is so me... and i like it
Man...you hit the nail on the head with every sentence! Imagine me, an INTJ, dealing with the uncertainties and anxiety from this pandemic, a job loss, moving to a new country, and trying to find my career goal. :) Sometimes I really do hate my personality. It’s like I’m missing out on life, and it always gets worse whenever I’m lost about “the goal”.
That pressure that you put on yourself will ultimately get you to where you need to be although I 100% agree that a lot of pain is involved in that process! ~ Nathan
I’m still stuck on the “Is it worth it,” stage of things with an overwhelming fascination with psychology, namely the role of self in perception of one’s self, the world around it, reference points they build, what roles they best suit and how they can cope with their construct. I have this endless fascination with a singular thing, with bringing it somewhere. Seeing the branches I’ll be passing along the way, I will always end up asking “Is it worth it?”. I’m thankful every time I’m reminded of this construct, the jungian functions, the intj type. It reminds me that I’m not psychopathic. Although the archetype, in a healthy individual, is lacking some key aspects of psychopathy, there are enough parallels to bring about the thought. The thought is entrancing, abandoning the search for genuine connection, living in the mask, learning to enjoy acting, forging your path with such a tool at your disposal. Being reminded that the speck of humanity I have is nothing minor, but holds my very core together? That’s an important detail, quite possibly the key to fulfillment for an intj who’s felt lost on their journey.
My fears 1. The Unknown 2. Failure 3. My goals and dreams being crushed before my eyes 4. Being hated by everyone (not a feeler I just don’t wanna get on the bad side of everyone) 5. How I die
Not an INTJ but the whole is it worth it and the misanthropy I can relate to, if you been burnt so many times, and talking about people here, you tend to develop this attitude. But that was a learned behavior for me. But I can imagine walking up to an INTJ and they probably saying in their mind, is she worth it, it answers many questions actually. And to think when you finally do climb that mountain and they do find you worthy, feels so good lmao ain’t gonna lie. They put the “work” in relationships, not for the faint of heart.
Great. I'd like you, sometime, to contrast the Fi (introverted feeling) -- focus on me, the self (selfish?) of INTJs, with the Fe (extroverted feeling) -- others first, always (selfless?) of INFJs, as both have introverted intuition as the dominant function and extroverted sensing as the inferior function. The hair, Nathan.
I wouldn't say that Fe is selfless or that Fi is selfish. Fe is being concerned with other peoples emotions towards you or others, and this is not selfless because Fe users are concerned with others having good feelings towards them.
That’s a great video and view of how we (INTJ’s) think. Everything is weighed out to what is the purpose. Even my recreation and down time is the cost benefit. Relationships, jobs, religion, downtime is all a cost benefit relationship. I am completely indifferent to religion and politics because, to me, there is no answer so therefore there is no point. I seek out Ni doms to draw into my inner citadel. Good video. Thanks.
infj here, i toi am ALWAYS second guessing myself. nothing is ever "just in the moment" its always "how is this gonna affect me in the next hour? next day? next year? will it be worth it?"
That was pretty accurate. I hate to be controlled, but I would love to be omnipotent. Because I would clean this mess up, fast. And there'd be a body count.
Thanks for the video guys. I really relate to your insights, and I find what you explained about control insightful. You also touched on it being a difficult way to live. It can be. I mean - suffer you will suffer: either when you sow or when you reap. Keep up the good work guys.
I can relate to a lot of this as an INTP which is probably why I have been confused in the past about my type. Also would love to see more Fears videos!
It's videos like this one that makes it seem like I am transitioning from INFJ to INTJ somehow.... This has happened a few times in my life, but only between these two type/behaviour/motivational clusters. My motivations seem to be changing, perhaps it's age and hormonal changes.... but anecdotally it doesn't seem to be that. Maybe it's some of the people that have vacated my life recently, and now I am becomming me again.
4:36 lol you're not wrong, dude. Although, I would be a just ruler; ordinary good folk like yourself would have nothing to worry about. Sure, things would be very, very shaken up at first, but I would ask you to pardon my unflinching ruthlessness during this phase. A terrible mess like this cannot be cleaned up easily. Gonna have to crack a few eggs to make an omlet. Honestly, then after everything is fixed and the course has been corrected, my interest in administering would be low and I'd probably resign to go live in the woods or something.
I have never subscribed to a channel so fast. My jaw dropped half way through. I feel completely called out by this video and that is wonderful to be understood. sincerely, an introvert who pretends to be an extrovert because it is more lucrative.
Ah, a good one - I was quietly weighing (1) whether I'd invested too much time and effort on one job this month, with no sign that things would pay off down the road (2) whether I was in a bad spot in life for having taken a non-standard path that made sense to me at the time, instead of single-focus career path in life, and (3) what foods I should best make today so I won't have to bother with cooking tomorrow, and thus possibly make time and have energy to finish one of several projects I have going.. I don't always agree with everything you have to say about us INTJs, but the start of this video today was very accurate.
Bahahahaha! Yeah, you are right about that whole dictator comment. I hate to admit it, of course, because I know its wrong headed, but I have had many a day dream about how I'd fix everything if they just let me be in charge for, like, a day even.
5:22 very true. i’m an intj too and even tho i do have friends, i don’t have a kindred spirit in any of them. i truly feel kinda alone, i’d like to have someone to chat with everyday, be it in person or through texts. my friends just don’t click with me on that level so it’s not possible to call anyone of them “bff” or kindred spirit.
My fears as an INTJ
*Being a failure at life
*Dying before I accomplish my life goals.
*Having children who end up being failures and who undo all my hard work and make it pointless.
Those are some legit fears there ~ Nathan
Your not a failure and your children will not be failures
Mel B Thanks bro 👍
I'm certainly a failure in the eyes of my ESXJ parents... it's not fun, but ironically it's because of their relentless abuse and neglect since I was a toddler. If they had done their job as parents I certainly would've had more of a chance. In other hand, their definition of failure falls directly into what society dictates it to be. In that way I failed.
As an INTJ who had suicidal thoughts during highschool, that second one is literally what was keeping me alive during that time
I really liked it when he said"INTJs are not fans of, what's the word.....fun."
We just have a very different definition of fun.
I think I prefer the INTJ definition of fun to be honest ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Thanks! Not many people do.
@@zirwasiddique7658 hmmm yea ppl just can't seem to understand it
I don’t know, I actually feel like I’ve been deprived of “fun” in my life, and have this feeling I’m missing out because I do remember how wonderful those few party/hangout/dancing/karaoke instances were ... I might have such experiences once every few years, but I feel like once a year would be better. I love swing/salsa dancing every now and then, but the pandemic has made that impossible. :(
@@justsomenobody889 Well every human being is different. To me, the things you listed are horrible and not at all fun.
Not liking fun is pretty spot on. There are a bunch of reasons for it. I'm not good at it. Most "fun" isn't fun. Work is incredibly fun.
INTJ's are stubborn and controlfreaks in a very specific way. Tell us to change or abandon our goal and we will resist. Show us there's a better way in the physical world to reach the goal and we will gladly go with the flow.
Agreed ~ Nathan
Very true. It's like, the boat is going towards this destination and that's that. If you want to get on and help steer or row, or just come along, great, but if you try to change the coarse you will be pushed overboard. 😃
I disagree. Intjs are open minded people and adaptable and easy to change. This is the opposite of stubbornness and controlling.
However, they do have high standards and expectations of others and this can be misconstrued as control freaks, arrogance, etc and this can often make them alone.
@@kq1777 There are different kinds of INTJs, every person in a category isn't a clone of one another. Some INTJs certainly seem like control freaks, others are pretty easy going and not too concerned with anything outside of their own minds- let other people do what they want, live and let live. From all I've seen and studied we are for the most part pretty strong-willed and determined when we have our sights on something, and not likely to beat ourselves up for not pleasing others.
@@andreagreenwood93 are you sure you are not an ISFP?
Me, an INTJ, having fun:
- Playing games: what's the best way to get all the achievements in the least amount of time? What's the general strategy? Can I improve it?
- Watching TV: what's the principle being discussed in this show? What is the connection between this series and other works? What the director took from the book? How is my backlog of movies? What will I watch next? What would be my score for this episode?
- Playing Sports: MUST IMPROVE. MUST HAVE BETTER TECHNIQUE.
Wow! This is so accurate! ~ Nathan
Truest truth I’ve heard all day. 🍻
@Luce M
LMFAO 🤣
THE STRATEGIZING *_NEVER_* STOPS!!
That was way accurate and relatable!
My INTJ fear: This is the best that humans are capable of...
Ooooh, yeeeees!
This will be in my nightmares 😖
That...would...be...concerning ~ Nathan
True 100%. How much improvement is too much improvement? One can only find out by perfecting ourselves.
This is a fear I never realised I had😢
As an older INTJ, I can definitely say that I have lived my life future oriented. And, to a degree, I have achieved about 95% of my goals. But the cost and sacrifice was living in the present. I have to think hard about past life experiences because I wasn’t always present internally when they happened. I’m 48 now, but my 20 and 30’s are a blur with no distinct memories. There is something to be said for enjoying the journey, unfortunately I can barely remember the journey.
This is fascinating! ~ Nathan
Love Who Thanks. I try to teach my kids to slow down. I have three girls and I think one of them may be an INTJ as well.
I’m close to 30 but feel I have the same problem. Your comment was insightful-thank you-and it’s not late for us to enjoy the journey more!
I e-journal for that very reason. I want to do a brain dump to capture all the intricacies of an experience, that I know I won't remember later, so I don't have to carry it around in my body, nor have no memories of my lived life.
Mo Poppins That’s a great reason to journal actually! Maybe this will give me the motivation to keep the habit..
This is exactly what pisses me off the most about myself. I know what I want to do, but I recognize it's a lot of work to get there, then I ask myself if all that work is worth my time and since I can't answer that I end up doing nothing with my time, which ironically means wasting the time I could have been working on achieving that which I don't know is worth wasting my time on. It's an infinite loop of wasted potential!
Exact reason I got constant lectures from teachers growing up that I didn't meet my potential. I pick and choose what's worth my time. I know I can learn almost anything and do it pretty well given enough time. But I'm also smart enough to know when I've had enough of a topic and to stop and pursue something else.
@@davidchidester5463 in my case, it is not about getting fed up, it is more of i forgot i was doing that. i am somehow doing this new work now without finishing that. i just think that the previous one is insignificant for me now
I face this too, so what I’ve started doing is chopping tasks into smaller ones, schedules are organised to allow a once in x of times rest.
The EXACT same thing happens to me.
Better waste time doing something and realizing you were wrong but at least leamerd new things along the way thatay help you with doing the right thing since now you know that option A was a waste of time.
INTJs are not necessarily misanthropic, they are just not comfortable with the give and take of social relationships. They are not comfortable with sacrificing talking facts in favour of maintaining a relationship.
As an intj, it depends on the relationship, the facts, the moment in life, etc etc ahahah Hard to explain
@@Kima344 Everything's hard to explain when it seems like everyone else should be able to understand in a few simple words. Just connect the pieces, it's obvious really.
I am absolutly a misanthrope
Sum of all fears that almost no one mentions has to be the open space office where it is basically adult daycare for extroverts.
Technically I'm an extrovert (ENTP) but open plan offices are the bane of my existence. One of the main reasons I decided to go freelance, actually. I don't know how people can stand it.
There is no privacy and it’s terrifying like a small town or a close-knit suburb
To say it was maddening would be an understatement.
I’m dead 😂 never thought of it because my ENFP self is so excited to work with people around me!!!!!!
Oh dear yes. 1 year in a cube farm recently nearly drove me over the edge. So. Much. Drama.
Nathan, a lot of people probably say that here, but your thumbnails are really a piece of artwork. I love them!
They really are ! You have mastered the art of making beautiful ones while making it meaningful for each type. It's amazing ! (btw I was wondering if you would do videos about the whole Zelfium thing ? And the enneagram ? )
I'm a big fan of this comment. Often I'll make the thumbnail before the video because it acts like an incentive to try to make the content live up to it! ~ Nathan
Is there an insta page with all of these?
These stag horns on top a head of an INTJ, It's been shown on Dr. Hannibal many times through the series and he is of course an INTJ and plays it perfectly.
As an INTJ, my greatest fear is reaching a point to where I cannot improve anymore.
Wow, that is actually a terrifying thought ~ Nathan
Good fucking luck, the world is full of things to improve on 😂
If your mind and heart is open you will never be stagnant
I have BPD and throw myself at self growth because of this need to be perfect to make up for it all. It's ok to make mistakes and to not be a perfect person because they don't exist.
There is perfection in process and in trying your best even if the results are internal rather than external.
Well we all die
Small addition regarding Chaos vs Control.
INTJ don't necessarily seek to control people, but we do have high standards of others and may seek to improve their actions and thinking unsollicited.
A controlled environment merely breeds laziness. We truly strive in chaos, I had to learn this the hard way. Never get stuck, keep moving.
Can chaos be stressful? Sure.
Does it allow for progress? Yes.
Spot on!
Fascinating. It makes sense that chaos is the biggest opportunity for growth in INTJs. This comment is really excellent. ~ Nathan
we don't see it as control, but every INFP and INFJ i was ever in a band with certainly did.
I agree. The control thing is much more ENTJ.
All these comments are great! Again, spot on. Very high standards look like 'controlling' to many people who don't set so high a bar.
WE DO LIKE FUN!!!! It's just that our kind of fun is usually very different from the things most people consider fun! Reading, researching and working can be fun too! Occasional social games with our closest friends are fun too! I wish they wouldn't have stopped playing room escape games with me because I'm taking it way too seriously and I'm overly competitive about it though... 🤣🤣🤣
Haha! The phrase "work is more fun than fun" comes to mind. Let's start a petition to get "INTJ Fun" as an alternative definition in the dictionary ~ Nathan
Research is what I do for fun. It's my favorite past time. Because whatever I am "into", I am full in until I understand it. And I find that a most rewarding past time.
I also find my work fun, like you mention. I work two jobs, one as a technical library aide, where it is quiet and structured and I am left to my own devices to get done what needs to be done. My other job is as a personal assistant to a disabled university psychology teacher. It encompasses so many different things that I need to figure out how to do, and I never really know what it will be next. Will I be replacing doorknobs? Sorting medication? Selling things for her on Craigslist? Doing background checks on possible roommates? Assembling a giant tool chest with no prior experience? Helping run the online classrooms so she can work with students and grade? Researching how to take jackholes to court and preparing a casefile? Setting up a new printer? Returning Amazon purchases? That are from months ago? Without their boxes because she burned them? Bring it on! It is challenging in a way that expands my knowledge base and improves my problem-solving skills. I am given tasks without being told how to complete them. I have the freedom to figure it all out on my own. It is challenging but a blast. Plus my "boss" is also an INTJ, so we cackle a lot as we toss around sarcasm and dark humor.
In short, yes, I completely agree with what you said about fun.
For sure, 'fun' isn't fun, but other things are :D
@@jessicarose4923 You sound more like an ISTJ than an INTJ to me ;)
I hate boredom. It’s like I’m not doing anything worthwhile and I despise it.
There was no need to let the world know we have fears too sometimes pff
....destroyed our chances to manipulate them more efficiently smh...
Now they can use our weaknesses against us.. *annoyed noises *
My bad, I will endeavour to make it up to you! ~ Nathan
Interesting video. I can tell you from personal experience that many of these INTJ “fears” can make family life especially difficult. When an INTJ has a family to look after (spouse and children), they are often unable to focus on the future and are forced, sometimes quite uncomfortably, to live in the here and now. I struggle with this every day. Fortunately for me though, I do have a job that allows me to work by myself and a boss who despises micromanagement. Therefore, I do get a break from the daily struggle of home life and have an outlet for my need to plan and be productive.
I love the honesty of this and I couldn't agree more. Nothing consumes attention in the here and now like children do and it can put INTJs in a state that is very unnatural to them ~ Nathan
That's one reason I'm staying unmarried for a long time, or until I find a spouse who can be present when I'm absent for the future
You're right kids really do tether you to the moment. As an INTJ parent I spend plenty of time eager to see what comes next with my kid and how he will grow, and I can put plenty of energy into planning something fun or planning what he will need, but as sad as it sounds sometimes it's a struggle to just sit and BE with him and do the same play thing for a few hours. My restless brain gets bored and feels like it's doing somersaults and banging around in my head like a caged animal. 😔
Lol yeah work is such a haven. I damn near sprinted back to my job at a research lab just four weeks after giving birth, I couldn’t WAIT to get back
My fears as an INTJ
-Failure
-The Unknown(which would obviously include negative unforeseen circumstances)
-Death before success
-FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......
INTJ "fun": One of the most fun nights of my life was when I first learned about string theory- the section of the book I was reading started talking about it, then I took a break to watch an episode of Through the Wormhole and COINCIDENTALLY it also ended up being about the same things. It was years ago but I still remember that night. Ahhh...
Not knowing how to have fun is so relatable.. I always get that, apparently I'm robotic and don't know how to losen up.
Which is actually quite scary, as most people would turn away as I'm not as much 'fun' to hang out with, so I try to fake some excitement and fun and craziness, but it's just exhausting
Fun is overrated in my opinion ~ Nathan
@@dexdalador I completely understand how you feel. Many times people ask how I accomplish so many things. But really it is more of a fear that anytime I am not spending towards a goal is time wasted.
Alcohol helps
I appreciate the way you "spoke in INTJ" regarding the financial support on Patreon. If I didn't know I'm on the wrong career path thus my finances are endangered, I would truly support.
Let me get back to you when it is solved. - INTJ
I've always been fairly shameless in asking (don't ask don't get!) but watching our videos and taking the time to leave a comment means a great deal to us and helps the channel too! Hope you're enjoying the videos and do for a long time to come ~ Nathan
Biggest fear: myself
To go the downward spiral, to allow myself into a bad situation be it outwardly or self-imposed. Many troubles are easily avoided. Some troubles are random or unavoidable and as such are not to be feared until they happen. Then there is the bad frame of mind that is like an open invitation for trouble. I'd like to avoid that.
Yeah, they are very true. There is also the fear of how I will REACT to a bad situation because the problem is not completely on the situation but our reactions can define how that will end as well. I just want to add this one too.
I'm reclusive because it is difficult to find people that I can relate to or that can relate to me. It is more comfortable to be alone.
I sometimes force myself into social situations and find that I have enjoyed interacting with others. I just cannot do that too often.
Give us a problem to solve and we will be in our element. All the people that wish that they were an INTJ have no idea what it is like.
Having a problem to solve is the BEST thing ~ Nathan
I struggle with *not* trying to solve others’ problems. I’m having to learn to bite my tongue a lot and it’s exhausting. If they would just listen to me, their problems would be more manageable. But I have to be quiet. My husband is an INFP, my 24yo daughter is an INTP. We don’t get out much.
I was lucky to have a dad who got me (I'm pretty sure he was an ENTJ) and he told me to always have at least one goal to be working toward (no problemo, Dad, I have many), but he added that as we grow we change and always be ready to let go of what no longer works for you. It's Never a failure;it was a learning experience that will help you define where you need to go next. His main point that always resonated too was that especially failures where we gave it everything we had, we did everything right, and it still went south...he told me that then it's not a test of intellect or capability, but a test of character...will you get back up and keep moving, whether it's to try again or to walk away, get up from the ground, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Priceless advice that has held me together through many of the opportunities to learn that Life has afforded me.
I'm not a "control freak";I'm a "chaos coordinator"!
and thank god for the internet wherein I find the others of my tribe.
Good life advice
I struggle with cynicism and depression. I hate that feelings of grief and loss can hijack my plans. With the pandemic, the future isn’t predictable, so I have trouble planning things. Few things are still “ normal.” This haiku is my roadblock now:
What is wrong with me?
I am loathe to explain it.
At least I’m alive.
I, as an INTJ, know that my biggest fear is the loss of one's self and identity. Like, succumbing to insanity and forgetting your loved ones, your past, what you've built up, hallucinating thing different from reality. I also find the idea that what's after death is just black, nothingness, the end of oneself, the cutting off point of consciousness. I loathe the feeling of inevitability and dread it brings me, and I would take any opportunity to prolong my life, even if unatural.
Because goals give my life purpose, making progress towards them is what is fun for me, and unless I'm burnt out and run out of energy, everything else feels irrelevant.
I think one of the biggest intj fears (at least for me) is aging... I think we're much more aware of the dire consequences of aging as we're such future oriented, and we can already see that it'll end sooner or later.
I am an INTJ and yes that is also my biggest fear. I want my funeral to just be alot of red and have all my favourite snacks.
thats actually a dailly fear yes, that sums it up very well.
often I fear that when I die, I haven't even noticed my life went by and I lived achieving my goals and that is good enough
I 100% agree. I am very conscious of the fact that one day I might be old and regretful about all the things I should have achieved. I try to prepare for that time as well as I can but I fear I just won`t always have the time or energy to do so.
You can't optimize your way out of mortality sadly
"They care more about their future selves than their present selves." Yes! This is very true. I think of doing things for my future self because I love myself, the same way you might go out of your way to do something for another person you care about. About that though, I had an epiphany once where I realized that, since life is finite, someday there simply will be NO MORE FUTURE. Eventually most of your life will be the past. I don't want to get old and think gee I wish I had enjoyed myself more but now it's too late. So I've been trying to be more in the moment, enjoy my SFP lower functions more. I don't see many INTJs do this. But in order for your efforts to be worth it, you've got to have a time where you sit back and sow what you reap too.
"They need to control their environment so it doesn't impose upon them." hahaha that is... that is apt.
/intj
Glad you think so ~ Nathan
As an INTJ, I have found you genuinely have a pretty good grasp of this MB personality. Though I know it is claimed there is not a lot of substantial research to give much validity to MB, but INTJ fits me to a tee and has been one of the most helpful tools to help me a) accept myself and b) improve on who I am as a person. I appreciate your diligence. Here is a "topic" you might ponder on: "INTJs and restless periods."
Yes they are agonizing!
I agree with this list.
The main fear is not being significant. Dying with the music still in you.
True Detective vibes from the thumbnail, love it!
I would say that I don't fear "chaos" so much as "uncertainty", which certainly can be a companion of types of chaos, but so much is chaos, some things I quite enjoy, but throw uncertainty in the mix, and fear begins to enter very quickly.
That’s an excellent distinction. Totally agree! ~ Nathan
The goals I set are based on good probability of success (like 70% plus) and reaping great reward from minimal to slight risk. I will play out all possibilities in my head to foresee bumps in the road. I often have contingency plans set in place as well (and I don’t like it if I can’t come up with one). Yes, I am a total recluse and fun sucker although I do enjoy a good game of code names or deception now and again. I admittedly find pleasure in what others view as work (like hiking, working out, etc.)
I would say i definitely fear not being able to find a kindred spirit very much. Thats probably one of my biggest fears
Yes that is certainly a tough one for certain types of people in general ~ Nathan
One of my biggest fears is to have kids. A dog distracts me from my work enough that if a child were present, I'd never get anything done.
Kids can be just about the most distracting thing there is! ~ Nathan
Honestly, having a dog as an INTJ has helped me to return to the present because otherwise I'd be working or planning stuff while staring at my monitor until I faint from hunger.
I guess you would just have to reach a certain point in your life where you're accomplished in your work life so you could possibly open up time enough to raise a new individual
But work first
"Is it worth it?"
In my mind, I've taken to referring to this idea as "economy of effort". When I get into something, it can be to the point of near-obsession, so I feel the need to ensure everything I do is worth the time I'm spending on it. Am I getting more out than I'm putting in or, at the very least, breaking even? If the answer is no, I'm already gone.
Unfortunately, it isn't always clear what is or is not worth it, so we're forced to gamble our effort on a project (etc.) that could very well be a complete waste of time. Finding out I, for example, wasted years/decades of my life studying writing, with the goal of being a novelist, only to end up hitting a dead-end...THAT is my greatest fear. Nothing demoralizes me more than realizing I wasted a large portion of a finite life on something that never bore metaphorical fruit.
You're on point Nathan! 😌 The question "Is it all worth it in the end?" is my biggest fear. Once I decide to do something, I go all in and can't quit mid-way so I get caught up in a perpatual self-doubt of not knowing if what I'm pursuing is the 'right thing' and the 'best' way to do it.
P.S I'm watching this video while working with my lab coat covered on top of my head and my computer to remove visual distractions like office light and people with earphones plugged in to remove background noise. 😁
INTP worries - will this work?
Does it makes sense? - INTP Joke (from the point of view of an INTJ)
Okay, I loved this video. I'm an INFJ and had not realized until now the extent of how much my Ni makes me value my future self more than my present self. I am so scared of the possibility that eventually I will find that I chose the wrong career, the wrong boyfriend or even the wrong book to read, that I forget to think about how I feel now. It seems that if I just let things flow, I'll be overwhelmed by the reality of the world and soon I'll no longer exist (dramatic, I know, but this type of video invites drama).
Your drama is always welcome here! Feel free to email us if you have any INFJ insights: contactlovewho@gmail.com ~ Nathan
INTJ here; I appreciate your shameless capitalism and the content of your videos and I am now a Patreon subscriber. I don’t know how you can absolutely nail us, but you do and it’s amazing. Please keep it up.
I thought I was an INTJ for a long time because I share a lot of these fears, and maybe because of them every test I took told me I was an INTJ.
It took me a few months of studying the cognitive functions in more depth to realize I was actually INTP, and a quarantine to confirm my real behaviour when I'm away from other people and not working all the time.
I don't know if it's good or not, but I used to put on an INTJ facade at work in order to get things done quickly and effitiently, but it would stress me out quite fast. No wonder I felt like being close to a burn out once or twice a year. What I gained in mental health during this quarantine actually compensates the financial setback I had working at home.
Interesting: I almost always got INTP results, whereas I started considering myself as an INTJ after studying cognitive functions. Also I used to play an INTP role at uni, maybe because of professors' influence (being a math major, not being able to explain an intuition was regarded as madness). Seems like we experienced the opposite course of action, I always loved quick and efficient explanations/solutions whilst my (most brilliant) peers or prof.s (except a few) where more inclined towards exploiting details and valuing the process that led to a conclusion. Much stressful to be obliged to explain every detail, even the trivial one
I always thought I am an INTP, but my Fi on the third stack is just giveaway. I procrastinate every now and then, but eventually i always go back to work. That's Te aux for you.
My INTJ fear:
What if all I did was for nothing. That all of it was undone later, or that it served a purpose I didn't intend, i.e. probably an alternative evil purpose
Totally agree with this! ~ Nathan
2:54 Shit. I've been denied this for much of my life.
You know things are desperate when an INTJ finds radical extremism appropriate in order to declutter environmental noise. Paves a brilliant path to psychopathy.
As an INTJ that's been simply lurking on the channel you've convinced me to like and subscribe 👍
Speaking as a serial lurker myself, thank you for temporarily coming out of the shadows to subscribe ~ Nathan
Thanks to people like you I have discovered that I am an INTJ, whereas I had thought I was an INFJ before. Your knowledge about INTJs is commendable.
This is absolutely awesome to hear! ~ Nathan
I must admit, this is very accurate ! Great job!
Possible elaborations and things I can add:
- Fear of not being good enough or worthy of your goals. You have been working towards this vision of yours but you forgot to take into account other factors , maybe that you aren't as smart as you thought and can't get the PERFECT grade you so wanted. This crushes you, as you associate yourself kind of with the goal and your POSSIBLE SELF in the future. You gain confidence through the knowledge of your own potential that you can achieve these things. If you turn out wrong - your identity gets hurts/crushed. And you have to rethink everything and learn to accept.
+ This is why INTJ prefer people with goals and a growth oriented mindset (that's the case for me). A person being stuck in their ways without the strive for change is the worst that can happen. I am sorry for all the people who are living in their delusional world, not dealing they might be wrong sometimes or need change.
-Battle with the world was on point. But also the sad thing is... You don't know how to balance real life with potential and are never sure if your sacrifice was worthy enough. Should you hang out with the person that seems okay but you don't get immediate emotional reward? Your current friends might be enough, why find new ones who will potentially waste your time? You don't know and by investing time into people, you are essentially investing in yourself (the people you spend the most time with will shape your character)
-Maybe striving to this somewhere, to some random future is not the way to become happy. (spoiler: it isn't)
- Fear of loosing your strive for change and ambition and improvement and loosing sight of the goal :o
Those are all small variations of the same problem I think, you already mentioned all of those in some way - great job! If I think of anything more I'll add it. BC you focused more on the goal and future mindset, that's why these are the first things that came to my mind :p
-I don't know what vacation is. I don't know how to mindlessly relax. Example: during my vacation I always (accidentally, subconsciously ) plan what I am going to do during my free time: taking books to read with me, downloading ebooks, drawing supplies, this and that. During my holidays I might study something else than school. Breaks are for me a change of activity, not doing NOTHING. Of I want to do nothing, you meditate with Headspace or you go and sleep. If you have 10 Minute break you go watch a scientific TH-cam video or do the daily quests in your favourite game. The most important thing is: you fill your arsenal with those small tools and opportunities to improve yourself by doing those small things. When unsure what to do, you take a mental note you could do some eye exercise to improve vision, remember to meditate and stay aware etc. Before sleep instead of lying aimlessly here you have a book by your side all the time in case you decide to improve at any moment and can't sleep. Every free moment is an opportunity for you to come closer to your goal
These comments are epic!!! Thank you very much for taking the time to leave it, I love getting insights from people ~ Nathan
Yes all very true!
Hey come on, I haven't watched the video yet, but you better not be giving away straight-up fears on the INTJ.
You are getting NFP's to be all mushy and "oooooh, I get your struggles, come here love!"... NO, get away from me
StrangePicks EU ooh a salty one aka ”challenge” 😆
Ha ha, no, totally come here NFP! 😁🤗❣️
Ok my bad, I will have you vet any future INTJ reveals ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Loading INTP response sequence..
"Thank you, that will be satisfactory."
😂😄 ikr that's a nightmare for me
And all the information we have to compare and gauge against to make decisions about what we commit to are almost always either misconceptions, lies/flasehoods, or others trying to manipulate you to their perceived benefit. Hence why we withdraw.
I love the video.
With the being alone point, (I'm guessing because of Fi) one of my biggest fears is not being accepted, so I want to do stuff and create stuff as I think that's going to get me accepted and "loved". I need to understand Fe more, that would be useful.
Wanna hear something funny? Reason I haven't subscribed yet is because I've been thinking if in the future, where I'm in a different headspace and not searching for it, would I want to see the video recommendations? As probably I would be tempted to click on an interesting topic when it's there, not when I search for it.
But TH-cam just tricked me, and recommended your video regardless, which I'm actually grateful for now haha
And you made an irresistible hook at the end, so after 6 months of watching your channel, I subscribed. It is worth it haha
Amazing quality, keep up the good work :)
Honestly, watching and commenting is a really big deal for us, especially when the comments are interesting and informative like this one although... 6months, that was some serious resistance you were putting up there. You can always unsubscribe if I fall below the INTJs high standards ~ Nathan
Haha, the government part is great. Obviously, I only speak for myself, but you are partly correct.
However, understanding that human needs are vast. I believe a council is preferred instead of direct control over everything.
I scoffed a bit at your suggestion that we fear loneliness. I locked down for 3 months by myself no problem. However, that loneliness in crowds did hit home. It's a rare and refreshing event when you meet someone who thinks like you.
INTJ here. Very accurate video indeed.
I literally laughed out loud at 6:02. The "fun" word just always seems like a foreign word, which is yet to be explored. But it is ok to relax every once in a while in order to maximize efficiency for future tasks.
My top fears include:
1) Unexpected chaos
2) Being controlled by someone
3) Wasting time
4) Waiting for results to happen
5) Remorse from wrong decisions
6) Emotional blackmail
7) Fake and dumb people
8) Over-emotional people
By the way, I love all of your INTJ videos. I have a personal question: What is your own type? I think you are INTP, but I am not sure. Please let me know. Thanks.
Oh that list is awesome! ~ Nathan
Great list
I got a feeling some INTJs are likely to develop an avoidant attachment style with what you've pointed out in this video (to overly simplify, they'd rather not engage with their own emotional needs or other people in fear their needs won't be met, or they won't feel understood) but maybe that'd too much of a leap ! Great video btw - an INFJ that really digs INTJs
That is a very interesting idea, you may be right. Sometimes I feel like people won't understand what I need as an INTJ, because it's not usually a need for warmth and fuzziness it's a cerebral sort of need that I don't think a lot of people share. 😔. A need for sharing and understanding ideas and concepts. "What do you think will be the result of X, or what do you think X means," and people just dismiss it as unimportant charming but goofy rambling that doesn't really require them responding let alone trying to understand. And I'm occasionally concerned that people also don't know how much they mean to me because I'm not effusive very often- being gushy just feels fake.
My INTJ partner of 15yrs often feels and acts this exact way when he perceives that I, an ENTP who can easily achieve this unknowingly, have rejected him in some way. It almost always takes him many years to relearn the trust he feels has been broken. It’s not easy for either one of us.
You are correct. We are quite miserly with our energy and value isolation and order so we will frequently withdraw and not communicate well. I always have to resist this tendency because it is not healthy.
I like being alone, as it is a state I deliberately chose to be in, yet I am extremely scared of being lonely. Loneliness is something you don’t chose, it just happens. It will eventually slow you down, make you less productive, less efficient and of course way less happy/content.
It is an incredibly depressing feeling, when you are passionate about something and have all these great ideas but feel like no one understands them, or wants to hear about them. As confident as I am in my own decision making, at times I really would like to hear the opinion of someone who is competent, as well as interested in my project. Someone that gets passionate with me.
Great video! It's taken me quite a bit of mental training to shift from an overly perfectionistic (often to the point of not acting at all) approach to life to one that is slightly more flexible and allows me to accommodate the world and all its messy competing processes.
Very well said, productivity over perfectionism is definitely the way forward ~ Nathan
The focus thing scares me. I can see myself getting lost in painting & I won't come out. In stead, I work in horticulture/landscaping. I get to create order out of chaos in real time for future enjoyment.
It is indeed an issue. Developing systems or methods to take yourself out of your head is always a good move for intuitive types ~ Nathan
This is very real
I'm an INTJ, and i have to say that I really like the content you create. It adds a lot of value for me and helps me process things that I'm struggling with. An honest and massive thanks.
That’s really lovely to hear. Long may it continue! ~ Nathan
Nathan this is one of the most accurate description of the INTJ Yet Especially people you befriend Should be people you work with chosen wisely and getting straight to the point of saying give me money I like it
Really great to hear! ~ Nathan
Living an almost completely connection-deficient life (social media is the only source of different opinions talked in depth and where I've found some people that share some of my values) is very hard and it requires me to question my mental sanity multiple times in a week to be sure to stay in reality with my thoughts. As an INTJ loneliness and isolation are fundamental (to form an hypothesis independently) but then profound connection is always seeked with the purpose of challenging my ideas and opening my sight to other views.
1:20 missing word, “Is *this* the right path?”
That said, as an INTJ, this video is refreshing to watch. Thank you, Nathan.
Thank you very much! ~ Nathan
What has helped me with an answer to 'Is it worth it?' is remembering the mantra that 'the best result isn't always the best outcome'. It tones things down somewhat
I like this Margo Mantra! ~ Nathan
What does that mean?best result isn't the best outcome
Thank You! You just put all of my fears and negative behaviors in words. *Not sarcastic* (I'm just an INTJ)
INTJs are one of the types I find most intriguing, because as an INFJ we both have that Ni Se tension but are still so different in many ways. I defo relate to the 'Is it going to be worth it?' investment question. Am pretty new to MBTI and a bit frustrated sometimes by not being able to type people intuitively like I can with the enneagram (as have so much more experience with that). There are whole types I don't really 'get' yet. Think I'm drawn to analysing INTJ because it feels like a type I've almost unlocked intuitively but am not quite there! I wonder if other people have had a tipping point where MBTI just clicked and they could easily map all the functions they observe in others and relate them back to the types without too much conscious analytical effort?
yes, both my husband and son play D&D.
A boring answer maybe, but I never had a clear tipping point about things like learning functions, but insights do just grow without you really knowing it. Now it's hard to imagine not seeing things in RL and how they relate to functions. However, in a few years it's possibly hard to imagine not knowing things I know by then. I must say though that I tend to learn these things more easily by intuition rather than concious 'learning it' , but that might just be the Ne way of doing it. (exposing yourself to something and then you see start to see patterns).
@@PowerRedBullTypology 'insights do just grow without you really knowing it. " My keyboard is wonky and I am missing my many words.
Synchronicity is meaningful Coincidences
I think I have always understood this.
@@PowerRedBullTypology maybe I just need to be a little more patient then - keep engaging with content that gives good examples of the functions in action and perhaps eventually my Ni will figure out the patterns and do the work for me ;)
@@corihallock6780 think I've seen it before as I love Nathan and Lu's stuff, but I just rewatched - thanks!
This video is a scam. nobody has ever gotten an answer out of an INTJ concerning their feelings!
hypothetical INTJ fears** ~ Nathan
"i want your money" is certainly a valid feeling,
@@blackoceancreativeuniverse haha good one!
Lol it's cos u didn't get the answer u want.
Do you understand how long it would take me to actually organize my thoughts well enough to even convey how im feeling through speech?
😝 random recommendation video in TH-cam
intj : “ is it worth it ? “
Like your channel bdw 💙
Haha! Hopefully it was in this case ~ Nathan
I write this understanding that even as INTJs, we conceptialize worth differently. As an INTJ, it is difficult for me to live in the present. Unfortunately, for me, I have realized that giving up the present constantly and orienting towards a future with too many variables that I cannot control nor conceive of was not worth it. I have come to trust my instincts instead of thinking of the variables I cannot control, think about the ones I can, and live in the present moment at the same time. I think INTJs have a difficulty with trusting their own instincts im times of chaos even though they work well in those times.
When I(INTJ) was talking to my INFP sister we ended up saying," we can say what we think is wrong, praise what we think is right, make ideas on how to fix the world, the hard part is putting ideas in practice and in the physical for these places only exist inside our heads"
Out of the fears you listed, I would say the one I resonate with is "is this the right ___."
Worth is something I consider pretty often mainly because I hate for my time to be wasted - even when I do it. There has to be a reason for nearly anything I do. Even for mundane things, I like to find multiple reasons for why this thing should be done to feel at ease for spending my time doing it.
For example, I turned down an mentorship opportunity years ago bc I didn't respect the selection process or the participants. However, the next time around, I found a reason to join: I still felt the same as before, but I figured since I'm weak at self-promotion, I could work with a mentor who would do it for me, improve my social skills and have a longer break from work since it was too draining at that time. That made all those hours "bonding" slightly bearable.
Anyway, your cadence is worth a follow, but I'll see about the patreon.
I like that story about how you felt the same way yet managed to reframe it the second time around. Great comment!! ~ Nathan
Holy shit, that government analogy caught me off guard. Its kinda accurate.
Thank You!!!! i misstyped at 16personalities as INTP... but after watching your intj vids i am really really really really really sure, to be an intj.... this is so me... and i like it
Man...you hit the nail on the head with every sentence! Imagine me, an INTJ, dealing with the uncertainties and anxiety from this pandemic, a job loss, moving to a new country, and trying to find my career goal. :) Sometimes I really do hate my personality. It’s like I’m missing out on life, and it always gets worse whenever I’m lost about “the goal”.
That pressure that you put on yourself will ultimately get you to where you need to be although I 100% agree that a lot of pain is involved in that process! ~ Nathan
Love Who Thanks Nathan it feels better just to be understood!
I’m still stuck on the “Is it worth it,” stage of things with an overwhelming fascination with psychology, namely the role of self in perception of one’s self, the world around it, reference points they build, what roles they best suit and how they can cope with their construct. I have this endless fascination with a singular thing, with bringing it somewhere. Seeing the branches I’ll be passing along the way, I will always end up asking “Is it worth it?”. I’m thankful every time I’m reminded of this construct, the jungian functions, the intj type. It reminds me that I’m not psychopathic. Although the archetype, in a healthy individual, is lacking some key aspects of psychopathy, there are enough parallels to bring about the thought. The thought is entrancing, abandoning the search for genuine connection, living in the mask, learning to enjoy acting, forging your path with such a tool at your disposal. Being reminded that the speck of humanity I have is nothing minor, but holds my very core together? That’s an important detail, quite possibly the key to fulfillment for an intj who’s felt lost on their journey.
Excellent comment ~ Nathan
I feel manipulated to subscribe and donate
Hopefully it's successfully motivated ~ Nathan
My fears
1. The Unknown
2. Failure
3. My goals and dreams being crushed before my eyes
4. Being hated by everyone (not a feeler I just don’t wanna get on the bad side of everyone)
5. How I die
Not an INTJ but the whole is it worth it and the misanthropy I can relate to, if you been burnt so many times, and talking about people here, you tend to develop this attitude. But that was a learned behavior for me. But I can imagine walking up to an INTJ and they probably saying in their mind, is she worth it, it answers many questions actually. And to think when you finally do climb that mountain and they do find you worthy, feels so good lmao ain’t gonna lie. They put the “work” in relationships, not for the faint of heart.
It's certainly a scary idea indeed regardless of what type you are! ~ Nathan
Great.
I'd like you, sometime, to contrast the Fi (introverted feeling) -- focus on me, the self (selfish?) of INTJs, with the Fe (extroverted feeling) -- others first, always (selfless?) of INFJs, as both have introverted intuition as the dominant function and extroverted sensing as the inferior function.
The hair, Nathan.
Lol, I didn't notice the hair until you pointed it out.
I wouldn't say that Fe is selfless or that Fi is selfish. Fe is being concerned with other peoples emotions towards you or others, and this is not selfless because Fe users are concerned with others having good feelings towards them.
That's a great suggestion, I shall ponder it. The hair is just...ridiculous currently, I'm going to get my mother to cut it soon ~ Nathan
That’s a great video and view of how we (INTJ’s) think. Everything is weighed out to what is the purpose. Even my recreation and down time is the cost benefit. Relationships, jobs, religion, downtime is all a cost benefit relationship. I am completely indifferent to religion and politics because, to me, there is no answer so therefore there is no point. I seek out Ni doms to draw into my inner citadel. Good video. Thanks.
Glad you enjoyed it and great comment ~ Nathan
infj here, i toi am ALWAYS second guessing myself. nothing is ever "just in the moment" its always "how is this gonna affect me in the next hour? next day? next year? will it be worth it?"
Watched the video. I saw no actual fears listed. I approve.
So true. I’m 30 years into my 50-year life plan. Every single decision I’ve made either supports it or is reconsidered.
I am a textbook INTJ in every way. If you ever want to pick my brain, im game.
That was pretty accurate. I hate to be controlled, but I would love to be omnipotent. Because I would clean this mess up, fast. And there'd be a body count.
Thanks for the video guys. I really relate to your insights, and I find what you explained about control insightful.
You also touched on it being a difficult way to live. It can be. I mean - suffer you will suffer: either when you sow or when you reap. Keep up the good work guys.
Agreed! The suffering is inevitable which gives even more incentive to make it worth it ~ Nathan
I can relate to a lot of this as an INTP which is probably why I have been confused in the past about my type.
Also would love to see more Fears videos!
That would sense actually for INTPs to relate to this since they have Se PoLR and Fe inferior ~ Nathan
Oh, and I wanted to add that you find the best quotes! ☺️ They are always on point and are very thought-provoking. 👍
All too true, Nathan, love the INTJ videos, great insights /INXJ staying in today, avoiding all sorts of fun 😉
Amen to that! ~ Nathan
It's videos like this one that makes it seem like I am transitioning from INFJ to INTJ somehow.... This has happened a few times in my life, but only between these two type/behaviour/motivational clusters.
My motivations seem to be changing, perhaps it's age and hormonal changes.... but anecdotally it doesn't seem to be that. Maybe it's some of the people that have vacated my life recently, and now I am becomming me again.
4:36 lol you're not wrong, dude. Although, I would be a just ruler; ordinary good folk like yourself would have nothing to worry about. Sure, things would be very, very shaken up at first, but I would ask you to pardon my unflinching ruthlessness during this phase. A terrible mess like this cannot be cleaned up easily. Gonna have to crack a few eggs to make an omlet. Honestly, then after everything is fixed and the course has been corrected, my interest in administering would be low and I'd probably resign to go live in the woods or something.
Consider your unflinching ruthlessness pardoned in advance ~ Nathan
Nice video. Spot on. Thanks for the advices at the end.
Glad you enjoyed it!! ~ Nathan
I have never subscribed to a channel so fast. My jaw dropped half way through. I feel completely called out by this video and that is wonderful to be understood. sincerely, an introvert who pretends to be an extrovert because it is more lucrative.
Well this is great to hear. Also, cool videos btw, definitely keep posting more!! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho thanks!
Ah, a good one - I was quietly weighing (1) whether I'd invested too much time and effort on one job this month, with no sign that things would pay off down the road (2) whether I was in a bad spot in life for having taken a non-standard path that made sense to me at the time, instead of single-focus career path in life, and (3) what foods I should best make today so I won't have to bother with cooking tomorrow, and thus possibly make time and have energy to finish one of several projects I have going.. I don't always agree with everything you have to say about us INTJs, but the start of this video today was very accurate.
Thank you for this comment ~ Nathan
Bahahahaha! Yeah, you are right about that whole dictator comment. I hate to admit it, of course, because I know its wrong headed, but I have had many a day dream about how I'd fix everything if they just let me be in charge for, like, a day even.
I'm an INTP (I think) but I'm just subscribing now because I just found your channel.
Well this is awesome to hear! We have lots of INTPs videos - feel free to go and check them out ~ Nathan
I feared watching this video incase it was going to say something nice about us. lol
Hopefully it didn't disappoint ~ Nathan
I'm an INFP & my INTJ bf & I got on well at surface level. But yeah, controlling....which I naturally resisted!
Thanks Nathan really good insights. Met my INTJ best friend at work.
Thank you very much!! ~ Nathan
5:22 very true. i’m an intj too and even tho i do have friends, i don’t have a kindred spirit in any of them. i truly feel kinda alone, i’d like to have someone to chat with everyday, be it in person or through texts. my friends just don’t click with me on that level so it’s not possible to call anyone of them “bff” or kindred spirit.
Do more ESFP videos! Would love to see one on their dark side and another on their fears.
I will certainly do that video at some point ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Yay! Thank you! :) Love the channel btw