Non-binary doesn't exist. You're either a man or a woman. You can be a more feminine man or more masculine woman than the other but you're still a man or woman. Pansexual also doesn't exist. It's just bisexual.
Besides my sexuality, I feel like my autism is intrinsically connected to my gender, as well. I usually do not feel like a ''woman''. "Woman'' is just a descriptor I use to identify myself to others.
I think there are two main reasons. First off some things like gender are very much social constructs and one of the most common effects of autism is not letting social norms effect your opinions of things, and with things like sexuality you are more likely to not only accept that you are even if culture says you aren't but also since it's harder to understand social norms it may be harder to gage the consequences of coming out.
If an autistic person has a different understanding of their own gender, they probably judge gender expressions of other people differently too. Meaning the way autistic people experience sexuality is unique, directly because their experience of gender is unique. There are also some interconnections between ASD, sexuality and religion (since consequences to coming out are usually connected to religion).
@@paulinemoira8442 Didn't think about that but I guess it's possible. I'm autistic and aroace/demigender and the closest thing I've felt to sexual attraction is definitely hetero but I could see some of the gender confusion contributing to people's sexual orientation.
I don't know if me being autistic has anything to do with me never caring about what gender I end up with. Maybe autistic people are just more open minded because they already know that they're different, so they don't see another thing making them different as a problem. It's just probably annoying for the straight and cis autistic people because a lot of autistic communities talk about LGBTQ+ a lot.
It is annoying, as I couldn't care less about the LGBTQ+ society at all. Who you sleep with has nothing to do with me and a great deal of people I imagine feel the same ND/NT alike. To make it your entire personality, just further fuels the whole hyper sexualisation of society which to me is an issue, I don't want it ramming down my throat, it shouldn't be rammed down everyone else's throat. As a person who associates sex with a lot of trauma I'm sick of seeing and hearing it everywhere. But if you say you have no interest in sex you're further stigmatised, so I essentially have to double mask being NT and being 'hyper sexual'. With that said it does feel like the LGBTQ+ community has hijacked the autistic one. People who are already confused about 'fitting in'. Provide them a community they can literally be 'anything they like' so long as they spew the rhetoric, comes across almost cultish at times.
@@Dogofjudah Ya, I agree. I don't care who I date and I didn't even realise that counted as LGBTQ+ until I met someone with autism who hyper focused on it and made it their entire personality and wanted to talk about it to me all the time. I feel like they make it their entire personality because they spent so long believing that's what made them different because they hadn't been diagnosed with autism yet.
@@Dogofjudah It's already annoying to me as someone who is technically considered LGBTQ+ because I'd date any gender, so I can imagine how annoying it is to someone who isn't even LGBTQ+ to join an autistic community or such and then realise that it's mostly focused on gender and sexuality.
@@orangeyellow-me1pz true, and I'm not laughing JUST because it's funny. But because I've seen the whole interview and in the entire context, it's pretty absurd 😅
I am autistic and MTF transgender. I have always felt wrong with being male and say that if I wanted to be in a relationship, I would want it to be with a woman as a lesbian relationship.
I'm probably autistic and asexual. I self diagnosed myself at 27, If I only knew it from the start at like 15-19 years of age, things would have been different. In my teen years and early 20s, I just went along with the flow. Everyone around me was so obsessed with dating and sex. I thought this is what I'm supposed to do, date the opposite gender, have sex, get married, and have kids. But I was never able to connect emotionally or sexually to the girls I've dated. Most of the time It was the other party initiated interaction and everything else. Even when I'm dating, I couldn't keep them in my life longer than 6 months because I made them feel unwanted and unloved, then they would eventually break up with me, which happened 4 times in very similar ways. In my lifetime, I've only initiated and asked out to have a date with someone 3 times. Then, looking back, those 3 girls were extremely aesthetically beautiful and smart. Compared to most of my male friends, they, seem to ask out almost every girl and find anything and everything with "boobs" and "pussy" attractive. I've also found men to be attractive if they're also aesthetically beautiful and smart.
Someone came up with a word, ✨neuroqueer✨ which I quite like. I think the rational behind the concept is that neurodivergence is in itself self queer regardless of gender or sexuality. This makes some sense because the dominant social normativey does often treat us brain mutants with a queer otherness.
Hey Elena! 🌸 I just saw this new video pop up on autism and queerness, and I can already tell how much time, energy, and heart you poured into it. I’ve only watched the first few seconds, and I know it’s going to be amazing because you always bring such care and intentionality to your work. Right now, I’m in a bit of a complicated spot with my gender identity. It’s been a lot to manage alongside working on my autistic identity in a world with so much prejudice and stigma-it feels like enough of a challenge already. Plus, I’m focusing on these identity topics for my master’s thesis, which makes it a bit overwhelming at times. I really want to dive into your video when I feel ready because I know it’ll resonate deeply, but for now, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and the space you’re creating in this community. Your presence and the work you do mean a lot, and I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll absolutely leave a comment once I watch it, when I feel more grounded. Thanks so much for being you! 💜
I got my diagnosis and started to explore my identity and found out i'm a bisexual transfemme it's hard to find yourself if you are living up to other peoples expectations!
That’s quite the journey that you’re on! You’re in a great city to figure out your sexual orientation. You’ll have lots of access for support there. I started coming out to myself when I was 19, while with a boyfriend, and well before autism was ever considered in females. A year later, I broke it off and started being true to myself. Not easy. So I did well knowing my sexuality, especially for the time. However, while I thought it was obvious I was neurodivergent, and actually starting to say I’m on the spectrum, I didn’t understanding that did not mean I was neurodivergent but autistic. Now, with all the media, it finally occurred to me at 51 that I am actually autistic. With everything I’ve learnt, and all I’ve experienced, I view us more like the bees of the human world.
I don't know if I'm autistic, most likely but I would never admit it. I found out I was trans last year and I was convinced I was cis het man conservative, and now i'm trans woman lesbian lib... my mask personality is gone.
OOOf. right in the feels. Great video. This, too has been my experience. I denied my autism for a long time because i didn't want to be Autistic AND Queer! Welp, here we are!
I started going to therapy in my early 20's. I had several diagnosis including depression and bipolar 1. In my early 30's, I finally admitted I was trans, and came out. I started going to a different therapist. I got an autism diagnosis on the second visit, and eventually a diagnosis of ADHD too. I never could make sense of my sexuality before. Family assumed I'd be a straight guy. Kids at school all insisted I was some closet gay guy. After coming out as trans, I finally figured out I'm a lesbian. Like, I got called "lazy", "spoiled brat", and the r word growing up. Once I got the autism diagnosis, a lot of self blame suddenly disappeared. Damn, did I grow up around some ableist, abusive people. 🤷♀️🙄
Im 24 yo and Im autistic, non-binary and very bisexual. I realized I am queer before I knew for sure I am autistic. Realized im bi almost 10 years ago and realized im non-binary about 3-4 years ago (was exploring my gender identity/expression well before that but didn't admit to myself I am not cisgender till a few years ago). I started suspecting I might be autistic around 5 years ago but didn't get an official diagnosis till earlier this year (apparently also have inattentive-type ADHD). Would have been nice to get this diagnosis earlier since I really struggled in school but better late then never. Ive been to a few pride events and from personal experience I have met a decent amount of people who are both queer and neurodivergent. Im not surprised to learn there such a big overlap between those two communities.
It took me 29 years to realize how queer I am. I knew at 19 that I was... curious, then I was bi, then pansexual, and finally finallly after deconstructed comp het I now feel totally gay. Oh and I was diagnosed autistic at 28! So yeah. I felt this video hahah thanks for discussing this topic :)
I relate so hard. Because of the portrayal of hetero relationships in media when I was a kid, being with guys was never a foreign thing for me. I had hardships at home where I always wanted to escape from. When I was younger I would lock myself up in my room, but the older I became the less I could do that. So being away from home was how I continued to escape, and "being" with guys was one of the easiest ways to do that. Because of that I have always been in hetero relationships. Que to age 27, I got a burnout. Took an SSRI for several years which also suppressed sexual feelings. Broke up with then boyfriend (for other reasons). Got help left and right with getting my life on track, home management and job wise. I am now 34 and doing great, but the space I managed to create gave me space to figure out who I am. I am definitely not straight and when I am not having a crush on anyone, I am ace af. The signs that I had interest and crushes on other people besides guys have always been there, but because of lack of media representation when I was younger it was a foreign concept to me and not sure how I was supposed to approach that side, and thus I never acted on it and basically ignored it. For now I identify as pansexual and demiromantic. But if nobody is in the picture I am very ace. Also, I think neurodivergency and queerness go together is because neurodivergent people don't tend to follow social norms or the status quo, and basically just do what their feelings are steering them to, if they aren't masking hard that is.
this is one of the most incredible videos ever, and honestly its nice to know that there are others like me out there :] i just wish people were more accepting of autistic and queer people,
There definitely seems to be a connection. I’m MtF transbian, diagnosed with ADHD and I strongly suspect audhd. A huge majority of my friends are neurodivergent and It’s *much* more unusual for my ND friends to be cishet than not.
I do find that figure surprising, yet I am Intersex (47XXY) so technically slot into those stats. You may be interested to know (I read it somewhere) that 1 in 8 47XXY individuals are Autistic. I discovered that I was 47XXY first (at 45yo) and then, after starting testosterone, I realised that there was still something amiss, and after further investigation, 1 year later I stumbled across one of Orion's videos after Googling ADHD (diagnosed over 20y ago) and Social Issues, and realised that it was Autism.
May I ask how you found out your chromosomes? I'm a trans woman and I've wondered if I'm intersex due to how my body was pretty androgynous when I was cosplaying as a guy. Like, I was never the "what the hell are they" androgynous, but I do remember being "mistaken" as a girl multiple times growing up. Then again, as a demigirl, that could just be confirmation bias.
@@coastergirl98 I suppose the first signs were that I couldn't have children and small testes, but that was at the time put down to having the mumps as a child. I also couldn't develop upper body muscle as much as I tried, and my coordination playing sports was always poor at school. Ultimately it came later in life at 45yo when I started passing out from exercising, doc did a testosterone test which showed it was very low, referred me to an Endocrinologist who did a Karyotype Blood test, which came back as 47XXY.
@@coastergirl98 I suspect it's possible that many trans women could have this; another very common sign is inability to grow facial hair (my body hair however was very minimal). Many wouldn't even know it because they don't go down the child path where it is most commonly discovered. In some countries now, they do a standard check on pregnant women. In Australia it's an optional test.
@@InterDivergent Hmm. I'm not really sure if my testes were small. Hell, I never even measure my dick size until 3 yrs hrt (I don't have bottom dysphoria outside of being sexual with someone who doesn't have a dick). I've never really had upper body strength but I've also never really tried. Running cross country definitely gave me pretty damn strong legs tho. I also can relate to being hella uncoordinated. I fucking love baseball, but I always sucked ass playing, partly due to fear of the ball and partly due to my ass coordination. I've only ever gotten to the point of passing out once while exercising and that was my first ever cross country practice, so I sum that up as my body going "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US?!?!?!?" I also know that my T levels have def been, well, at least in the normal range for a male. I've never had a karyotype blood test. Honestly, I do sometimes feel like it's more that I hope I am bc it'd make me feel more valid in my gender.
@@InterDivergent Well fuck! I def grow facial hair, even 3.5 yrs on E. Luckily it's slowed way the fuck down and has lightened in color, but I still hate feeling the shit on my face. It also pisses me off that I have, uhm, down there hair, but that's probably got nothing to do with intersex conditions.
I've learned there's overlapping between the spectrum of dissociation, masking and queerness. This means if you dissociate regulary to some degree (not depending on specific diagnosis) it's more likely you question yourself and your reality (societal norms etc.). It's because your experience gives you a specific kind of view/ perspective others without that are lacking. It's easier to "think outside the box" because the problems you're facing, and the solutions for them are so different. Also in order to mask you need a kind of dissociation, that's how that works. The queerness comes into frame because of the exploration of yourself. If you ask yourself more frequently "Who am I?" because you have a hard time to make sense of yourself/ your experience its logical you discover your queerness (earlier). I can recommend the video "Anime dissociatives". I just watched it. It has some good/helpful takes that fits into this topic.
While most people have heterosexual orientation, some have same sex attraction, some bisexual, and some asexual. The reasons are still not well understood. It is what it is. Morality doesn't enter into it. Hopefully, the broader society will become more tolerant over time.
Yeah I'd love to know the reason behind it too. I think it's interesting! Too bad we always get shunned for expressing ourselves too much as that's what ND individuals love to do. An example from within my own family. If I'm too 'over the top' they don't like it. It's heartbreaking! 😢
Couple possible variations. Autistic literalness, and a tendency to apply bits of information and knowledge within very particular known contexts, can really make wading out of the "logic" of comphet difficult. There's also a high percentage of alexithymia, not having an easy time identifying your own emotions. So not only do you not realize you're missing something, cause how would you know any different, you may not even really FEEL that something is off, or notice when something is right.
Came here right after watching Jessica Kellgren-Fozard’s piece on the queer history of the color purple (a queer AuDHDer herself). I spent my whole life thinking I was cis-het. It wasn’t until I embraced my neurodivergent identity that that wall crumbled. I now proudly identify as autigender/nonbinary and gynesexual.
for me it all kind of happened at once when i came out as trans and started looking for ways to go forward my mother revealed that she had been suspecting i was autistic for awhile which led me to get diagnosed earlier this year. i previously identified as bisexual and i always had thoughts about also being trans and neurodivergent, but always told myself "Do I think I'm the outcast main character or something?" which kind of stopped me exploring my identity. I think the connection between neurodivergent and queer people is really mysterious because its not like we can be sure that its even there. What if theres something about neurodivergent people that makes us have a easier time realizing they are queer and/or vice versa? Because its not like we live in the most progressive world I think theres still plenty of closeted/undiagnosed people. It also might be as you mentioned in the video if im already a part of one oppressed group what is one more?
People in queer spaces tend to be more understanding and informed about neurodiversity so it's overall a better experience for folks just being able to be themselves, both in regards to gender/sexual orientation and neurodivergence.
I knew I was queer [just a gay] b4 I thought I was autistic. It’s kinda odd i inherently had an openness & desire 2 exploring these ideas & idk if that had 2 do with autism or just recognising I was inexplicably different that made me understand my identity extremely well. (Im also a gen z kiwi btw so the extremely open environment did help in making me feel comfortable about it 1s I was fully out of religious spaces). I’m just about 2 graduate from studying sociology & that learning has led me 2 contextualise my identity as smth i purposely want 2 embody. When I was very young, I knew I didn’t rlly have a gender attachment. I just knew I was considered a boy. (Somehow, yes, I was already viewing the world like a sociologist very young). I feel like I could’ve grown being nonbinary. But when I saw gay men kiss 4 the 1st time, it was like smth clicked in me that made me think, “I wanna b just like that.” & it’s almost like an earnest social performance. The enjoyment I get from this performance & accomplishing it makes it feel natural. So sometimes I wonder if our most natural feeling identities come from wanting 2 emul8 smth in society. Well … probably not true 4 every1, but I feel it’s true 4 me.
I do feel that my openness is inexplicable. My openness came from being hyper aware of myself. & I don’t rlly have a definitive theory y I was such. I think being queer & autistic came hand n hand in determining my psychology. Being queer in religious spaces made me know I couldn’t share certain things. Being autistic @ small made me realise I have a hard time connecting with others even though every1 was kind 2 me. I guess I was just sensitive. A lot of my queer & autistic friends r quite unlike me so I feel my case was hugely influenced by my inherent personality.
My father always tried to make a proper man out of me, but it didn't work. I'm an androgynous gender outlaw with long hair who frequently gets mistaken for a woman. Also, I'm not hetero; most of the people I find attractive are women, but not all of them, and the main reasons why there are so few men I find attractive are my long hair fetish and my disgust with traditional masculine values and behaviour.
Here are two hypotheses, for which neither I nor anyone else has any evidence. Both centre on how LGBTQ+ness and autism could be viewed as one causing the other in the brain. It's possible that LGBTQ+ feelings, which are inborn, are more likely to occur with autism, i.e. some of the same structural stuff that shifts with mental health is also connected to feelings of queerness. The second theory is that autism tends to cause typically masculine characteristics, (which is why it's diagnosed more in boys). This typical masculinity could be linked with typically masculine romantic/sexual and/or identity inclinations. Maybe this also hinges on other peopld percieving the typically masculine characteristics and doing stereotyping? I don't have any reason to believe these are true, nor that these are untrue. These are just ideas some people came up with
I’m just autistic specifically Asperger syndrome but I’m also homosexual and male no gender identity whatsoever I never needed TikTok or anything like that to know what I want and who I am
I think autistic people's personalities and identities tend to be much less influenced by what is considered normal or popular. We're more likely to gravitate towards what feels good for us regardless of what is expected. I would not be surprised if being autistic not only makes it more likely that we come out with a queer identity, but more likely that we develop one in the first place. I think it seems likely that gender and sexuality are not cemented the moment we are born, but a combination of biological and environmental factors. This is somewhat controversial since the "born this way" narrative has been a big part of lgbtq rights rhetoric and there are people who would use science about what makes people queer to prevent it if they could. So i don't wish for it to go any further than an interesting hypothesis.
I support LGBTQIA+, I really do. However, it is VERY difficult to find an online autism community that doesn't focus entirely on being queer, instead of only autism.
That's so real. I'm autistic and I don't care about gender so I guess I'm pansexual or whatever, but it is actually really annoying when people relate the two because they're completely different things, it just happens that a lot of autistic people are LGBTQ+ as well.
@mayyace Exactly. I was part of an autism support group on Facebook a while back, it was a really wonderful community with great information. One day, someone else was placed in charge of the group. It was an autistic queer, and every single post and discussion immediately became about queer issues and nothing else. I've been looking for a similar online community ever since, but to no avail.
Wrong planet has become much like that, you used to be able to have a intelligent discourse about such things and to an extent you still can, but dare mention the LGBTAQI+ and you are essentially lynched, pitchforks and torches.
@SapphireBattersea-y5z Ya, you're right. It invites creeps in with nsfw and inappropriate stuff that shouldn't be seen by autistic tweens and teens that are just trying to find friends and a community.
It does slightly surprise me since autisitic people are supposed to be more logically focused in thought processes. That is one of the things that drew my attention as i try to figure out how to deal with my issues with dealing with people. If this topic is actually the case with the autisitic community, then i am that much more isolated in this world, anything other than the typical male + female setups is a sign of corruption of the most basic nature of what it means to be biological organism. Perhaps that is the core of my issues, perhaps i channel more of the most ancient base nature of what we are supposed to be, what we once were, than most others seeing how corrupted they are by ego and other pieces of corruption.
@piggyzach they are not extreme, they are based on what goes on in the natural world, human society is not natural hence why so many things are going wrong, hence why so many has issues and suffering.
There is an evolutionary advantage to being homo- or bi-, so I’m not sure where you are going with this. As far as gender queer identities, Id explore neurobiology. You mentioned how society deals with these things is not constructive and I’d argue that is true, but in the way that neurotypical/allistic cishetero people isolate and punish us neurodivergent/autistic queer folx for openly being ourselves.
@@elking8373 if sexual relations do not result in children directly, then the advantage you are aiming for is nonexistent, and yes i know that whether or not a union results in offspring is not fully guaranteed. A population that does not reproduce at a significant level is one that does last for long. The reason people push back against in varying ways against queer or whatever label is in popular use is that it is perceived as a threat to the long term survivability to the group, old tribal habits die hard even with the corruption running rampant in society. You can see that in other species, those that have difficulty replacing those lost to whatever end up disappearing. I do not have issue with those that are attracted to their own sex but i can see how the trend of it is one that should never be promoted in the long run, at least if you want your group/species to survive when all is said and done.
Being an autistic transwoman with ADHD, i have had a big questionmark.. i can so much relate to the feeling you are feeling.. i have had been with both men and women.. i have had that feeling with the mother of my oldest child and with the mother of my three youngest.. I am not sure if i am solely to men.. or even to men.. 🫣 because i also got a big problem with feeling parts of my body "function" and feel against another, when i am intimit with another.. 🫣 and i have been sexual active for 22 years.. i have though only been openly trans for 2 years and on HRT 1 year.. still need SRS so that could might help
Sounds like decent men need to stay away from you all. This is all far too complicated and annoying. You should all just date each other and leave normal and healthy people alone. Yes, you definitely should be gay.
You’re not healthy because you are hateful to someone for no reason other than hate. Go deal with your own shit some where else. She is great and helping people like herself( like me) tf are you doing but trolling? ✌️ byeeee
Recently at 71 realized I am non-binary and pansexual. Discovered my autism at 69. If I could live my life over with that knowledge and acceptance…
Ayyy I had a similar gap of (re)discovering Autism and suddenly just now oh, I’m actually a girl
I see what you're saying. But it's never too late.
Non-binary doesn't exist. You're either a man or a woman. You can be a more feminine man or more masculine woman than the other but you're still a man or woman. Pansexual also doesn't exist. It's just bisexual.
Besides my sexuality, I feel like my autism is intrinsically connected to my gender, as well. I usually do not feel like a ''woman''. "Woman'' is just a descriptor I use to identify myself to others.
you gave a perfect description of how i feel omg
Fellow autistic bisexuals, are you out there? 🥲
Yep
Helloooooo
Yup
Howdy!
Hi :3
I think there are two main reasons. First off some things like gender are very much social constructs and one of the most common effects of autism is not letting social norms effect your opinions of things, and with things like sexuality you are more likely to not only accept that you are even if culture says you aren't but also since it's harder to understand social norms it may be harder to gage the consequences of coming out.
If an autistic person has a different understanding of their own gender, they probably judge gender expressions of other people differently too. Meaning the way autistic people experience sexuality is unique, directly because their experience of gender is unique.
There are also some interconnections between ASD, sexuality and religion (since consequences to coming out are usually connected to religion).
@@paulinemoira8442 Didn't think about that but I guess it's possible. I'm autistic and aroace/demigender and the closest thing I've felt to sexual attraction is definitely hetero but I could see some of the gender confusion contributing to people's sexual orientation.
I don't know if me being autistic has anything to do with me never caring about what gender I end up with. Maybe autistic people are just more open minded because they already know that they're different, so they don't see another thing making them different as a problem. It's just probably annoying for the straight and cis autistic people because a lot of autistic communities talk about LGBTQ+ a lot.
It is annoying, as I couldn't care less about the LGBTQ+ society at all. Who you sleep with has nothing to do with me and a great deal of people I imagine feel the same ND/NT alike.
To make it your entire personality, just further fuels the whole hyper sexualisation of society which to me is an issue, I don't want it ramming down my throat, it shouldn't be rammed down everyone else's throat. As a person who associates sex with a lot of trauma I'm sick of seeing and hearing it everywhere.
But if you say you have no interest in sex you're further stigmatised, so I essentially have to double mask being NT and being 'hyper sexual'.
With that said it does feel like the LGBTQ+ community has hijacked the autistic one. People who are already confused about 'fitting in'. Provide them a community they can literally be 'anything they like' so long as they spew the rhetoric, comes across almost cultish at times.
@@Dogofjudah Ya, I agree. I don't care who I date and I didn't even realise that counted as LGBTQ+ until I met someone with autism who hyper focused on it and made it their entire personality and wanted to talk about it to me all the time. I feel like they make it their entire personality because they spent so long believing that's what made them different because they hadn't been diagnosed with autism yet.
@@Dogofjudah It's already annoying to me as someone who is technically considered LGBTQ+ because I'd date any gender, so I can imagine how annoying it is to someone who isn't even LGBTQ+ to join an autistic community or such and then realise that it's mostly focused on gender and sexuality.
I think you’re very correct!!
Kinda homophobic tbh but go off babe
HELP the “why are you geh?” clip 🤣
That always makes me laugh because it was such an absurd question 💀
I laughed out loud, it caught me off guard 🤣
@@InakiArzalluz SAME lmao that was hilarious 🤣🤣
It's funny but if he really did not understand and was sincerely asking that question he shouldn't be laughed at.
@@orangeyellow-me1pz true, and I'm not laughing JUST because it's funny. But because I've seen the whole interview and in the entire context, it's pretty absurd 😅
I am autistic and MTF transgender. I have always felt wrong with being male and say that if I wanted to be in a relationship, I would want it to be with a woman as a lesbian relationship.
Same, except envying lesbian relationships is what it made it click that I'm trans
I am autistic, diagnosed by doctors and though I am not LGBT, I am DEFINITELY Kinky. 100% Kinky in fact :)
I'd really appreciate it if you continue to talk about this. I've never related to a video so much.
I'm probably autistic and asexual. I self diagnosed myself at 27, If I only knew it from the start at like 15-19 years of age, things would have been different.
In my teen years and early 20s, I just went along with the flow. Everyone around me was so obsessed with dating and sex. I thought this is what I'm supposed to do, date the opposite gender, have sex, get married, and have kids. But I was never able to connect emotionally or sexually to the girls I've dated. Most of the time It was the other party initiated interaction and everything else. Even when I'm dating, I couldn't keep them in my life longer than 6 months because I made them feel unwanted and unloved, then they would eventually break up with me, which happened 4 times in very similar ways.
In my lifetime, I've only initiated and asked out to have a date with someone 3 times. Then, looking back, those 3 girls were extremely aesthetically beautiful and smart. Compared to most of my male friends, they, seem to ask out almost every girl and find anything and everything with "boobs" and "pussy" attractive. I've also found men to be attractive if they're also aesthetically beautiful and smart.
Someone came up with a word, ✨neuroqueer✨ which I quite like. I think the rational behind the concept is that neurodivergence is in itself self queer regardless of gender or sexuality. This makes some sense because the dominant social normativey does often treat us brain mutants with a queer otherness.
Very relatable. I'm autistic and queer. It has been through getting comfortable with who I am that everything else just fell into place. ❤✌️
Hey Elena! 🌸
I just saw this new video pop up on autism and queerness, and I can already tell how much time, energy, and heart you poured into it. I’ve only watched the first few seconds, and I know it’s going to be amazing because you always bring such care and intentionality to your work.
Right now, I’m in a bit of a complicated spot with my gender identity. It’s been a lot to manage alongside working on my autistic identity in a world with so much prejudice and stigma-it feels like enough of a challenge already. Plus, I’m focusing on these identity topics for my master’s thesis, which makes it a bit overwhelming at times.
I really want to dive into your video when I feel ready because I know it’ll resonate deeply, but for now, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and the space you’re creating in this community. Your presence and the work you do mean a lot, and I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll absolutely leave a comment once I watch it, when I feel more grounded.
Thanks so much for being you! 💜
Your comment is why I do what I do! Thank you so very much for sharing your words
I got my diagnosis and started to explore my identity and found out i'm a bisexual transfemme it's hard to find yourself if you are living up to other peoples expectations!
That’s quite the journey that you’re on! You’re in a great city to figure out your sexual orientation. You’ll have lots of access for support there. I started coming out to myself when I was 19, while with a boyfriend, and well before autism was ever considered in females. A year later, I broke it off and started being true to myself. Not easy.
So I did well knowing my sexuality, especially for the time. However, while I thought it was obvious I was neurodivergent, and actually starting to say I’m on the spectrum, I didn’t understanding that did not mean I was neurodivergent but autistic. Now, with all the media, it finally occurred to me at 51 that I am actually autistic.
With everything I’ve learnt, and all I’ve experienced, I view us more like the bees of the human world.
I don't know if I'm autistic, most likely but I would never admit it. I found out I was trans last year and I was convinced I was cis het man conservative, and now i'm trans woman lesbian lib... my mask personality is gone.
OOOf. right in the feels. Great video. This, too has been my experience.
I denied my autism for a long time because i didn't want to be Autistic AND Queer! Welp, here we are!
I started going to therapy in my early 20's. I had several diagnosis including depression and bipolar 1. In my early 30's, I finally admitted I was trans, and came out. I started going to a different therapist. I got an autism diagnosis on the second visit, and eventually a diagnosis of ADHD too.
I never could make sense of my sexuality before. Family assumed I'd be a straight guy. Kids at school all insisted I was some closet gay guy. After coming out as trans, I finally figured out I'm a lesbian.
Like, I got called "lazy", "spoiled brat", and the r word growing up. Once I got the autism diagnosis, a lot of self blame suddenly disappeared. Damn, did I grow up around some ableist, abusive people. 🤷♀️🙄
Im 24 yo and Im autistic, non-binary and very bisexual. I realized I am queer before I knew for sure I am autistic. Realized im bi almost 10 years ago and realized im non-binary about 3-4 years ago (was exploring my gender identity/expression well before that but didn't admit to myself I am not cisgender till a few years ago). I started suspecting I might be autistic around 5 years ago but didn't get an official diagnosis till earlier this year (apparently also have inattentive-type ADHD). Would have been nice to get this diagnosis earlier since I really struggled in school but better late then never.
Ive been to a few pride events and from personal experience I have met a decent amount of people who are both queer and neurodivergent. Im not surprised to learn there such a big overlap between those two communities.
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly!!
It took me 29 years to realize how queer I am. I knew at 19 that I was... curious, then I was bi, then pansexual, and finally finallly after deconstructed comp het I now feel totally gay. Oh and I was diagnosed autistic at 28! So yeah. I felt this video hahah thanks for discussing this topic :)
I relate so hard.
Because of the portrayal of hetero relationships in media when I was a kid, being with guys was never a foreign thing for me.
I had hardships at home where I always wanted to escape from. When I was younger I would lock myself up in my room, but the older I became the less I could do that. So being away from home was how I continued to escape, and "being" with guys was one of the easiest ways to do that. Because of that I have always been in hetero relationships.
Que to age 27, I got a burnout. Took an SSRI for several years which also suppressed sexual feelings. Broke up with then boyfriend (for other reasons). Got help left and right with getting my life on track, home management and job wise.
I am now 34 and doing great, but the space I managed to create gave me space to figure out who I am.
I am definitely not straight and when I am not having a crush on anyone, I am ace af. The signs that I had interest and crushes on other people besides guys have always been there, but because of lack of media representation when I was younger it was a foreign concept to me and not sure how I was supposed to approach that side, and thus I never acted on it and basically ignored it.
For now I identify as pansexual and demiromantic. But if nobody is in the picture I am very ace.
Also, I think neurodivergency and queerness go together is because neurodivergent people don't tend to follow social norms or the status quo, and basically just do what their feelings are steering them to, if they aren't masking hard that is.
Thank you for sharing your story. Another very interesting perspective 🫶🏻
this is one of the most incredible videos ever, and honestly its nice to know that there are others like me out there :]
i just wish people were more accepting of autistic and queer people,
There definitely seems to be a connection. I’m MtF transbian, diagnosed with ADHD and I strongly suspect audhd. A huge majority of my friends are neurodivergent and It’s *much* more unusual for my ND friends to be cishet than not.
I do find that figure surprising, yet I am Intersex (47XXY) so technically slot into those stats. You may be interested to know (I read it somewhere) that 1 in 8 47XXY individuals are Autistic. I discovered that I was 47XXY first (at 45yo) and then, after starting testosterone, I realised that there was still something amiss, and after further investigation, 1 year later I stumbled across one of Orion's videos after Googling ADHD (diagnosed over 20y ago) and Social Issues, and realised that it was Autism.
May I ask how you found out your chromosomes? I'm a trans woman and I've wondered if I'm intersex due to how my body was pretty androgynous when I was cosplaying as a guy. Like, I was never the "what the hell are they" androgynous, but I do remember being "mistaken" as a girl multiple times growing up. Then again, as a demigirl, that could just be confirmation bias.
@@coastergirl98 I suppose the first signs were that I couldn't have children and small testes, but that was at the time put down to having the mumps as a child. I also couldn't develop upper body muscle as much as I tried, and my coordination playing sports was always poor at school. Ultimately it came later in life at 45yo when I started passing out from exercising, doc did a testosterone test which showed it was very low, referred me to an Endocrinologist who did a Karyotype Blood test, which came back as 47XXY.
@@coastergirl98 I suspect it's possible that many trans women could have this; another very common sign is inability to grow facial hair (my body hair however was very minimal). Many wouldn't even know it because they don't go down the child path where it is most commonly discovered. In some countries now, they do a standard check on pregnant women. In Australia it's an optional test.
@@InterDivergent Hmm. I'm not really sure if my testes were small. Hell, I never even measure my dick size until 3 yrs hrt (I don't have bottom dysphoria outside of being sexual with someone who doesn't have a dick). I've never really had upper body strength but I've also never really tried. Running cross country definitely gave me pretty damn strong legs tho. I also can relate to being hella uncoordinated. I fucking love baseball, but I always sucked ass playing, partly due to fear of the ball and partly due to my ass coordination. I've only ever gotten to the point of passing out once while exercising and that was my first ever cross country practice, so I sum that up as my body going "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US?!?!?!?" I also know that my T levels have def been, well, at least in the normal range for a male. I've never had a karyotype blood test. Honestly, I do sometimes feel like it's more that I hope I am bc it'd make me feel more valid in my gender.
@@InterDivergent Well fuck! I def grow facial hair, even 3.5 yrs on E. Luckily it's slowed way the fuck down and has lightened in color, but I still hate feeling the shit on my face. It also pisses me off that I have, uhm, down there hair, but that's probably got nothing to do with intersex conditions.
I've learned there's overlapping between the spectrum of dissociation, masking and queerness. This means if you dissociate regulary to some degree (not depending on specific diagnosis) it's more likely you question yourself and your reality (societal norms etc.). It's because your experience gives you a specific kind of view/ perspective others without that are lacking. It's easier to "think outside the box" because the problems you're facing, and the solutions for them are so different. Also in order to mask you need a kind of dissociation, that's how that works. The queerness comes into frame because of the exploration of yourself. If you ask yourself more frequently "Who am I?" because you have a hard time to make sense of yourself/ your experience its logical you discover your queerness (earlier).
I can recommend the video "Anime dissociatives". I just watched it. It has some good/helpful takes that fits into this topic.
While most people have heterosexual orientation, some have same sex attraction, some bisexual, and some asexual. The reasons are still not well understood. It is what it is. Morality doesn't enter into it. Hopefully, the broader society will become more tolerant over time.
Yeah I'd love to know the reason behind it too. I think it's interesting! Too bad we always get shunned for expressing ourselves too much as that's what ND individuals love to do. An example from within my own family. If I'm too 'over the top' they don't like it. It's heartbreaking! 😢
Wow, thank you for encapsulating my experiemce more closely than any before.
Couple possible variations. Autistic literalness, and a tendency to apply bits of information and knowledge within very particular known contexts, can really make wading out of the "logic" of comphet difficult.
There's also a high percentage of alexithymia, not having an easy time identifying your own emotions. So not only do you not realize you're missing something, cause how would you know any different, you may not even really FEEL that something is off, or notice when something is right.
Came here right after watching Jessica Kellgren-Fozard’s piece on the queer history of the color purple (a queer AuDHDer herself).
I spent my whole life thinking I was cis-het. It wasn’t until I embraced my neurodivergent identity that that wall crumbled. I now proudly identify as autigender/nonbinary and gynesexual.
for me it all kind of happened at once when i came out as trans and started looking for ways to go forward my mother revealed that she had been suspecting i was autistic for awhile which led me to get diagnosed earlier this year. i previously identified as bisexual and i always had thoughts about also being trans and neurodivergent, but always told myself "Do I think I'm the outcast main character or something?" which kind of stopped me exploring my identity.
I think the connection between neurodivergent and queer people is really mysterious because its not like we can be sure that its even there. What if theres something about neurodivergent people that makes us have a easier time realizing they are queer and/or vice versa? Because its not like we live in the most progressive world I think theres still plenty of closeted/undiagnosed people. It also might be as you mentioned in the video if im already a part of one oppressed group what is one more?
People in queer spaces tend to be more understanding and informed about neurodiversity so it's overall a better experience for folks just being able to be themselves, both in regards to gender/sexual orientation and neurodivergence.
I knew I was queer [just a gay] b4 I thought I was autistic. It’s kinda odd i inherently had an openness & desire 2 exploring these ideas & idk if that had 2 do with autism or just recognising I was inexplicably different that made me understand my identity extremely well. (Im also a gen z kiwi btw so the extremely open environment did help in making me feel comfortable about it 1s I was fully out of religious spaces).
I’m just about 2 graduate from studying sociology & that learning has led me 2 contextualise my identity as smth i purposely want 2 embody. When I was very young, I knew I didn’t rlly have a gender attachment. I just knew I was considered a boy. (Somehow, yes, I was already viewing the world like a sociologist very young). I feel like I could’ve grown being nonbinary. But when I saw gay men kiss 4 the 1st time, it was like smth clicked in me that made me think, “I wanna b just like that.” & it’s almost like an earnest social performance. The enjoyment I get from this performance & accomplishing it makes it feel natural. So sometimes I wonder if our most natural feeling identities come from wanting 2 emul8 smth in society. Well … probably not true 4 every1, but I feel it’s true 4 me.
I do feel that my openness is inexplicable. My openness came from being hyper aware of myself. & I don’t rlly have a definitive theory y I was such. I think being queer & autistic came hand n hand in determining my psychology. Being queer in religious spaces made me know I couldn’t share certain things. Being autistic @ small made me realise I have a hard time connecting with others even though every1 was kind 2 me. I guess I was just sensitive. A lot of my queer & autistic friends r quite unlike me so I feel my case was hugely influenced by my inherent personality.
I can’t relate to this one but that’s ok. I hope everyone finds themselves and whatever makes them happy.
My father always tried to make a proper man out of me, but it didn't work. I'm an androgynous gender outlaw with long hair who frequently gets mistaken for a woman. Also, I'm not hetero; most of the people I find attractive are women, but not all of them, and the main reasons why there are so few men I find attractive are my long hair fetish and my disgust with traditional masculine values and behaviour.
Here are two hypotheses, for which neither I nor anyone else has any evidence. Both centre on how LGBTQ+ness and autism could be viewed as one causing the other in the brain.
It's possible that LGBTQ+ feelings, which are inborn, are more likely to occur with autism, i.e. some of the same structural stuff that shifts with mental health is also connected to feelings of queerness.
The second theory is that autism tends to cause typically masculine characteristics, (which is why it's diagnosed more in boys). This typical masculinity could be linked with typically masculine romantic/sexual and/or identity inclinations. Maybe this also hinges on other peopld percieving the typically masculine characteristics and doing stereotyping?
I don't have any reason to believe these are true, nor that these are untrue. These are just ideas some people came up with
I’m just autistic specifically Asperger syndrome but I’m also homosexual and male no gender identity whatsoever
I never needed TikTok or anything like that to know what I want and who I am
I think autistic people's personalities and identities tend to be much less influenced by what is considered normal or popular. We're more likely to gravitate towards what feels good for us regardless of what is expected. I would not be surprised if being autistic not only makes it more likely that we come out with a queer identity, but more likely that we develop one in the first place.
I think it seems likely that gender and sexuality are not cemented the moment we are born, but a combination of biological and environmental factors. This is somewhat controversial since the "born this way" narrative has been a big part of lgbtq rights rhetoric and there are people who would use science about what makes people queer to prevent it if they could. So i don't wish for it to go any further than an interesting hypothesis.
Is that an Imperial, A Good Companion typewriter? Great video
autistic lesbians are you here🦅🦅🦅🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
t4t transbian, if I'm included
I support LGBTQIA+, I really do. However, it is VERY difficult to find an online autism community that doesn't focus entirely on being queer, instead of only autism.
That's so real. I'm autistic and I don't care about gender so I guess I'm pansexual or whatever, but it is actually really annoying when people relate the two because they're completely different things, it just happens that a lot of autistic people are LGBTQ+ as well.
@mayyace Exactly. I was part of an autism support group on Facebook a while back, it was a really wonderful community with great information. One day, someone else was placed in charge of the group. It was an autistic queer, and every single post and discussion immediately became about queer issues and nothing else. I've been looking for a similar online community ever since, but to no avail.
@@dreadpiratelenny1348 Oh no :(
Wrong planet has become much like that, you used to be able to have a intelligent discourse about such things and to an extent you still can, but dare mention the LGBTAQI+ and you are essentially lynched, pitchforks and torches.
@SapphireBattersea-y5z Ya, you're right. It invites creeps in with nsfw and inappropriate stuff that shouldn't be seen by autistic tweens and teens that are just trying to find friends and a community.
Unrelated but those Kiwi vowels are so weird, I love it
Can confirm as a mild au
Thx for sharing.
I recently realized that I am autistic and I love capitalism and try to be normal. My sexuality is a secret.
8:12 - same
😀
💚
It does slightly surprise me since autisitic people are supposed to be more logically focused in thought processes. That is one of the things that drew my attention as i try to figure out how to deal with my issues with dealing with people. If this topic is actually the case with the autisitic community, then i am that much more isolated in this world, anything other than the typical male + female setups is a sign of corruption of the most basic nature of what it means to be biological organism. Perhaps that is the core of my issues, perhaps i channel more of the most ancient base nature of what we are supposed to be, what we once were, than most others seeing how corrupted they are by ego and other pieces of corruption.
@piggyzach while that is true, operating in a manner that is contrary to the function of body is illogical, promoting such trends is illogical.
@piggyzach they are not extreme, they are based on what goes on in the natural world, human society is not natural hence why so many things are going wrong, hence why so many has issues and suffering.
@piggyzach each of those in of themselves are natural, how humanity chooses to go about it and how it represents it is not.
There is an evolutionary advantage to being homo- or bi-, so I’m not sure where you are going with this. As far as gender queer identities, Id explore neurobiology. You mentioned how society deals with these things is not constructive and I’d argue that is true, but in the way that neurotypical/allistic cishetero people isolate and punish us neurodivergent/autistic queer folx for openly being ourselves.
@@elking8373 if sexual relations do not result in children directly, then the advantage you are aiming for is nonexistent, and yes i know that whether or not a union results in offspring is not fully guaranteed. A population that does not reproduce at a significant level is one that does last for long. The reason people push back against in varying ways against queer or whatever label is in popular use is that it is perceived as a threat to the long term survivability to the group, old tribal habits die hard even with the corruption running rampant in society. You can see that in other species, those that have difficulty replacing those lost to whatever end up disappearing. I do not have issue with those that are attracted to their own sex but i can see how the trend of it is one that should never be promoted in the long run, at least if you want your group/species to survive when all is said and done.
Being an autistic transwoman with ADHD, i have had a big questionmark.. i can so much relate to the feeling you are feeling.. i have had been with both men and women.. i have had that feeling with the mother of my oldest child and with the mother of my three youngest.. I am not sure if i am solely to men.. or even to men.. 🫣 because i also got a big problem with feeling parts of my body "function" and feel against another, when i am intimit with another.. 🫣 and i have been sexual active for 22 years.. i have though only been openly trans for 2 years and on HRT 1 year.. still need SRS so that could might help
Sounds like decent men need to stay away from you all. This is all far too complicated and annoying. You should all just date each other and leave normal and healthy people alone. Yes, you definitely should be gay.
Doesn’t sound like you’re too healthy my dude 🤷🏻♀️
@@elenacarr0ll I'm not healthy because I don't want to deal with mentally unwell people? Make it make sense.
You’re not healthy because you are hateful to someone for no reason other than hate.
Go deal with your own shit some where else.
She is great and helping people like herself( like me)
tf are you doing but trolling? ✌️ byeeee
You’re far to simple and annoying. Sounds like you need to stay away from decent people. Yes, you definitely should be asexual/aromantic