If you have a mind of your own it's a threat If you have your own opinion it's a threat If you are different in any way, shape or form ...it's a threat You and your independent thought is a threat Being YOU is a threat
You can't be yourself around them, but hold onto your own self worth!. Don't let them destroy your confidence. Keep your distance, and be with others who respect you, where you can be yourself! You are special. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist or covert narcissistic family or group, that's what you have to do. Enjoy your own company, and limit your time with any covert narcissist in your life.
Every time I tried to contact her, by any means, she raged that I was violating her boundaries. She’s never told me her boundaries!! Implicit moving goal posts: whatever she says at the moment.
They love that you are “independent” then they hate you for it. He yelled at me one time for walking into the post office with him to get our PO box mail. He yelled "I can't get 30 seconds of alone time". You just sit there confused, like WTF? You are damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Isn't that the weirdest thing? P is especially strange considering how blown away and confused we can be by their apparently random and insane behavior and demands until suddenly it clicks. Then they just become boring and annoying.😂.
trying to make a narcissist happy is a fruitless endeavor. nothing works. it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. exhausting is putting it mildly. when you finally see what you're up against, save yourself. leave and don't ever look back.
Excellent topic and video! Not being "allowed" to be yourself is one of the most painful aspects of being involved in the life of a narcissist. The constant invalidation and arguing when you try to assert a normal response is exhausting and not worth the back and forth that you get into with them.
They lie about what they lie about and accuse you of lying. The accuse you of the most insulting things. You tell them your deepest darkest secrets and they throw it all in your face. And youre so right, just let them do what they want. As its just sooooooo pointless and tiring to go against it. The contradictions are tiring as well. They're exhausting. Time consuming and mentally draining.
You really have nailed the definition of a person with narcissistic traits. I don't think u need to be a professional to figure this out. I have studied narcissism for 2 years on my own. I can recognize them now.
Pushing back and calling them out about the neglect, silent treatments, rudeness and confusion will land you in discard. So it forces you to play into their hand
All your time is spent dealing with their latest crisis. And then on to talking them down from their newest meltdown.... It's exhausting!!! He regulated himself via my groundedness.
That is how the past 30 years and more have been with my sibling. And like you, I was grounded and had so much more emotional intelligence and maturity and this was used.
@@antheredhen Yes! Unbelievable! In the year I was with my ex, he had 3 jobs. Then, out on his own, he got another job, started to complain about his bosses, and as soon as he had 4 months in and was steady, went on sick leave (depression) for the next 4 months. He couln't stalk me any more because he'd been arrested for it July 1st, so he got bored and went back to his home town. Several years had passed since he'd left there and I'm guessing that enough of his fires had gone out that he dared go back..... What a life!
She always told me to turn the t.v. down when i was in a different room away from her. I never did that to her with loud t.v. or her loud music. It's all about controlling you.
They are so on a 5 minute loop about themselves that they just can't stop long enough to validate or listen to you. It's crucial to them not to miss a single moment of their own dialogue.
The narc devotes their life to self boosterism, i.e., 24/7/365 they sure are hypersensitive to criticism even to imagined criticism and react with instant rage followed by months of passive aggressive acts and ghosting! You are dealing with a concrete hard pathology that even mental health professionals tend to avoid treating 🤔
The most hysterical thing I've seen is when there's a family get together.. My in laws are narcs and they raised 4 narcs.. Watching them all fight for the limelight at a family get together is worthy of Jerry Springer. If one has a spranged wrist the others have a broken back.. It's all 1 upmanship.. I was just sitting there smirking my but off...
OMG the music thing! I can't believe you mentioned it!😱 My sister always said if I like a song she hates it's just to spite her, and if I hate a song she likes it's also to spite her! All narcissists really do live by the same code book lol😂😂😂
My ex used to snoop through my CD collection when he came over. He must have noticed I had a few by The Beatles and I'd told him my late Dad was Liverpudlian. When he went on a trip to Liverpool he smirked at me about wanting to avoid any Beatles-themed things because he didn't think much to them. I felt it was a deliberate dig at me.
So true, So true, 40+ years in just coming to the realization of what I’ve been dealing with. So much time spent trying to fix everything; too many broken pieces to fit together perfectly. Especially, not knowing what the thing was in the first place!!!
May I just say a reminder t remind us all - don't get sucked in. They have wasted whatever time we have given them already trying to get our needs met. Don't waste any more time on them now. May be cold as ice but I say, screw em!!
I can’t believe how other people have figured all this out so much younger than me. I guess it took someone _more_ narcissistic that my mother for me to finally see what the problem was all these years. Good, Lord. 🤦♂️ My most recent survival tactic was to leave the house before the monster woke up. I would breath a sigh of relief each time I was able to manage it.
I felt this exact way with my ex year's ago she made me feel I wasn't what she wanted. But at first she made me feel special and made me feel I had a talent when it came to dressing up and my fashion sense, but after the love bombing she began making jabs at me for looking nice going on dates with her, saying that she never met a man who's so obsessed with looks and that it's reserved for only women should care about things like that.... but year's later I'm now developing designs to soon set up a fashion brand, with a unique concept and play on t-shirts and denim jeans, and I'm getting alot of positive feed back and I have people telling me that they really feel I should take my concepts and try to capitalize on my creativity. But anytime I tried to express myself with my ex about a new designer or new product I thought was interesting she would roll her eye's at me.. I never felt like I was welcomed to mention anything I felt passionate about, I just was only allowed to be her cheerleader for her and her family and boost her up on her passion which was photography but I never once put her down about what she was passionate about 🤷♂️
Sounds very familiar. As well as not being able to reciprocate/support you, just use empty flattery in the lovebombing, I think they're insanely jealous and resentful of you. Glad you didn't let her destroy your passion and belief in your talent for fashion.
Although she helped you with dressing at first ,you took it to another level ,,,,she may be a narc,an you definitely need to be you ,,BUT most women are turned off by a guy who’s super soft lol another word’s feminine meet masculine,not feminine meet feminine,,,you are the man in the relationship,the protector the provider,an your playing in the closet ,,literally,,maybe u need a man ,not a girl ,seriously
Spot on!!! Going thru it now, after spending 9 years together & trying to make sense of what all this crazy making is about. I'm glad we don't live together & I don't have to depend on him for anything (starting to make my decision easier to get OUT). They are so exhausting & I'm exhausted.
You have SUCH A GIFT for articulating the reality of the narcissistic relationship. Thank you for sharing your gift with thoughtful video after thoughtful video. SO HELPFUL.
Once he was listening to my conversation on the phone and I made a comment regarding a vibrator (girl talk). Nothing crass. He knows I have toys. He said what if the guys at the barbershop heard u say that? He said it mean and nasty. I said what if they heard u treat me like s@it...crickets. I said I'm just being myself. He said well u need to be urself by urself. I was thinking...just give it time sir😂
OH MY GOSH.. YOU'VE NAILED MY HUSBAND.. I HAVE TO ACCOUNT FOR EVERY MINUTE.. IF I READ A BOOK IT'S A WASTE IF TIME.. if we put in a movie to entertain him and I try to read while he watches it he has a fit.. I put in the movies to try and get him to shut up.. He literally (I timed him) will talk up to 4 hours without me saying 1 word just nodding my head... I could be replaced with a bobble doll and frankly I wish he would.. 33 years.. He does all these things.. He never belittles me or yells but then I never bend the rules.. I go along to get along.. I spend ALL my time listening to him waiting on him hand and foot.. Even when he's outside he will text me non stop... I went to see my mom 1,500 miles away she's very sick.. He text me the whole time I was there nonstop so I couldn't relax and be with family.. He quit his job right before I left so he could harrang me non stop. I should be lucky he didn't go with me..
You sound like a really really nice person and I really really wish you could find a way to leave and stop squandering that beauty on an unappreciative Narc!!
Great awesome ACCURATE realistic video!!! I have been through ALL of this!!!!! UNFORTUNALLY it's all about them!! They need US caring empaths to regulate them and their fragile egos and INSECURITIES!!It's SO energy draining as you know!! I worked so hard for her for several years to PLEASE,comfort, care, be ultra affectionate for her needs as she sucked all my beautiful LOVING,CARING energy all out of me like an ENERGY vampire !!!As you KNOW too well this terrible cycle we go through with a NARC!!!!! As you have heard this many times the harder I worked to please her all for her the worse she got from year to year and it has EMOTIONALLY drained my every fiber of my warm heart on this relationship,if you even call it that.I STILL WON'T EVER LET THIS ROB MY BEAUTIFUL EMPATHETIC LOVING HEART AND SOUL. I WILL JUST AIM MY BEAUTIFUL,SINCERE, CARING LOVE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION!!!THX FOR YOUR WONDERFUL VIDEO!!!💖🙏💯💯
In my 20's and was being screamed at "That is not how we chop an onion in this family!" I am not a fan of AC/DC, just not into heavy metal. Guess what I would get as gifts...yup, AC/DC
Sounds familiar...i was 34 and being yelled and scolded about how to cut apples and vegetables exactly the way they wanted them in what shape and size, and how high to fill the water in the pot. I couldn't even boil water correctly according to them, among every other thing.
I was just in a "friendship" with a narcissist for the last three years, and then found out he was screwing the person/friend I was working for, as a "friend" I exposed both of them actually, and quit the job and him, but then he tried hovering me back in with a song, then another song that was supposed to trigger me, and then he totally lost it on me and claimed to say I was spreading rumors about them fucking which was true, and called me all kinds of names and told me to leave him alone just rude and ignorant to someone whom he didn't want to be any more than just a friend but yet lives to make me jealous with all the other women he wants, how about leave me alone!! And I did nothing wrong, I was good to him, but wasn't good enough for him
Yep, you nailed it. I only realized the full extent of what was going on 4 years ago and even prior to that I had been establishing boundaries of sorts and in small ways starting to peel myself off the velcro-like interface that this relationship entails. But, I would say that in doing the hard work of establishing those boundaries there really isn't any relationship left, other than that of roommates. As you said, I can't be myself around the narcissist and if I am I can't care what they think. Sad, really sad.
What about the silent narcissist that thinks of you with contempt but doesn’t verbally express it unless it’s an eye roll. Then when they do start talking because you have blown your stack. You discover they hated you for years!
OMG thank you so much for saving my life. I was in this situation with someone that was as you were saying. Thank you. I am now out of the bs. Thank you thank you thank you
He would always scream at me that "he's not allowed to have an opinion" I always thought that was odd because I'm very open minded...I know now he was projecting. I could not get through an argument with him without being called "ignorant, stupid or selfish."
Great video and food for thought here! Remember going to his house once and we came to an agreement about what we were going to watch on telly. Chose a stand up comedy show by a comedian we both thought is very funny. I sat there laughing at the comedian's jokes while he sat stoney faced on the sofa throughout. It was so uncomfortable. He was so joyless unless he was being given my full attention and adoration. As the devaluation increased, even that didn't seem enough, he was dismissive and bored.
What makes a narc happy is when you are their marrionette connected by control twine to their fingers😉; Another view regarding your chances of pleasing them is the same as hitting the moon by throwing darts at it! I had offered to teach a narc women's young son high schhol mathematics she responded bye emitting a large groan as she doubled up as if I had punched her in her solar plexus 🤔 Clearly she saw my offer as trying to be one up on her. In dealing with narcs we are dealing with a thankless, store mannequin with a talking program 😢
My narc once accused me of liking Sinatra just to spite him. I LOLed when this example was mentioned. Also, he ridicules me for saying, "I'm exhausted." I think I now see why he thinks that so funny. He's taking credit for it in his own mind, so he thinks that's funny. Amazing video. Thank you!
Thinking back to that period of time can be described as the extinguishment of your glow. The fire of your wonder of life was intriguing yet annoying. They may be troubled knowing they are consistently different from everyone yet dismiss it as everyone else is a less than. A stopped train serves no purpose getting off the same place where you get on. I always said going somewhere you have to enjoy the ride as well as the destination. Not them. Rides are for narc play time. How dare we suggest otherwise. In the end exiting the relationship is like the train that went nowhere.
Ohh wow!! This was such a nice video! My recently ex cld not stand it if I was doing anything that I enjoyed! If I was giving hi Attention, he still wld seem so miserable! I cld never do anything right! Leaving a door ope, folding a towel the wrong way! OMG! I am a totally different person since he discarded me! He hurt me but at the same time, he helped me! I and so much happier and healthier! Thank God for pulling me away from this man. 👏🙏❤️
Yes the difference in musical taste is a big trigger for narcissist they think what they like is the epitome of civilization and everything else is s*** and they cannot possibly understand why you would like a different type of music than they like. Also a big trigger with me wearing heels to Holiday dinners or birthday parties dressing up and looking pretty was a big trigger to everyone. Also everyone in my narc in law family eats burgers and fried food and sodas and I preferred cleaner meals and water or glass of wine and that's a big trigger as well
picking a new couch with mine I never thought would be so difficult...I just remember saying no leather ...no feathers.cuz i know how bad those get...he called my from a furniture store and said I think I found the couch and i said well I'm not there just don't get feathers...guess what he got...feathers...and guess what couch looked horrible and just got more horrible as the feathers broke and smashed down....yep...I fought with him for so long to change it and when he finally started looking again, he monkeybranched cuz he knew I figured him out
I don’t normally write a comment but just want to let you know how grateful I am for your videos, which really give me a complete mindset reborn. Your voice is also very calm and relaxing to me. I have had a habit to listen to all of your videos the whole day while working and even when taking a bath 😂. Please keep up this work that heals and saves lives.
Once again, you are so right!! No matter how many kind things and gifts and help I’ve given my “adult “ daughter, it’s not only unappreciated, but ATTACKS me verbally. Insanity.
Did she ask for the help? Just asking because I know someone who does those things waiting on an appreciation parade in her honor when the recipient didn't want anything or ask for it.. The "giving" is a ploy to get attention..
I am so, so loving how thorough you're understanding of this problem is! You could talk all day and I would stay tuned because you break everything down and you appear to be speaking extemporaneously without notes or anything. You remind me of Andrew from another narc channel. Both of you are amazingly thorough and fluid in your understanding and your ability to speak on narcissistic abuse. You're very appreciated!
I’m on my 25th year of marriage with a narcissist. He stole the best years of my life, emotional/ mental and physical health which gets worse every year. Autoimmune disease, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, insomnia. The list goes on and on.
So sorry Angela. I was brought up by one, I also have Fibromyalgia, CFS, autoimmune and chronic bowel disease. Sending you best wishes. I hope you can get away. ❤
Great video. I like this video's slant on things!... I watch all videos, from all different people. They all give different aspects, and shine a light into a dark corner, so to speak. Thanks for your light
Hi! I'm commenting on your most recent video in hopes you see this: I randomly ran across one of your videos from 7 months ago entitled: WHY ARE NARCISSISTS MISERABLE? Every point you made is a perfect description of me. Being annoyed that other people don't see things the way I do, expecting them to behave the way I think makes the most sense. The constant need for validation/ praise from others, the constant fear that I am not meeting people’s expectations. I’m very easily irritated by other people over things that don't bother others. I’ve even said as a “joke” before that I could fix everything if people just let me handle it. I am quite miserable and I make other people miserable. Most of your vids seem to be about how to escape narcissists- which is good advice! But can you give me some recommendations for how to escape myself? - in a healthy way.
I would always recommend finding a licensed mental health professional with experience in helping people with narcissistic traits or possibly a disorder. I do believe there is hope for people that struggle with narcissism if they want help so I hope you’re able to find the right person.
@Christopher Sanders: It is a blessing that you realize that it is time for you to look in the mirror, do the inner work and stop blaming your misery on other people! God bless you and your path to becoming a healthy, whole person. 🙏🏽🤞🏽
BOOM.... BOTTOMLESS PITS OF NEED... My sister said that to me when I was up north.. He kept texting. She called him a seive the more I give the more he needs..
They lie and say you have the same interests, then say “we have nothing in common” because they lie about what they like. Did the narcissist in your life never introduce you to new people. I always had to introduce my self...like I was non existing.
Thanks for this video! Every point is absolutely spot on! 🎯 I might just share this video with people who are wandering, why am I leaving this person. Will save me lot of time explaining this to them.
"How you chop an onion!!". My brother inlaw gave me a tutorial.. Yellow verses purple and how you chop each.. I started lmbo until I realized he WAS NOT joking.. Insanity runs rampont in that family...
I will tell you what is exhausting, being around someone who has no spirit, is an empty vessel, boring but worst of all empty with no good thing om the inside of them, one who has zero love, who cannot smile and feel good for you, its like you cannot wait to get away from threm so you, yhese people are soul destroyers, anyone who is pining over a npd has not experienced true, real love, this is the opposite to love , this is evil and I go that far because I know these people intimitely, they are my family. I recommend you get as far away as possible no matter what, your vety happiness ans soul and spirit demand it!
If you have a mind of your own it's a threat
If you have your own opinion it's a threat
If you are different in any way, shape or form ...it's a threat
You and your independent thought is a threat
Being YOU is a threat
😶
narcissists are bullies.
plain and simple.
There is no time for YOU to be you unless they are busy
You can't be yourself around them, but hold onto your own self worth!. Don't let them destroy your confidence. Keep your distance, and be with others who respect you, where you can be yourself! You are special. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist or covert narcissistic family or group, that's what you have to do. Enjoy your own company, and limit your time with any covert narcissist in your life.
Hard to be myself when constantly walking on eggshells trying not to accidentally say something wrong
Every time I tried to contact her, by any means, she raged that I was violating her boundaries. She’s never told me her boundaries!! Implicit moving goal posts: whatever she says at the moment.
Expecting a simple Thank You from them makes them mad 😡
Impossible because they will create drama from nothing... even the way you breathe.... just to argue.. you can't win
You can, do and will Lose Yourself in narcissistic entanglements
They love that you are “independent” then they hate you for it.
He yelled at me one time for walking into the post office with him to get our PO box mail. He yelled "I can't get 30 seconds of alone time". You just sit there confused, like WTF? You are damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I shud of hid all my dreams from her she just acts like that wasn't who I was before I was groomed to be a servant on her fake world.
You will never feel safe or supported in an unhealthy dynamic
I swear it sometimes feels like we're all talking about the same person...
Haha how true is that ???
Right! The devil.
Hive mind... Or demonic minds.
Ha!! Haa!! It’s true😅
Isn't that the weirdest thing? P is especially strange considering how blown away and confused we can be by their apparently random and insane behavior and demands until suddenly it clicks. Then they just become boring and annoying.😂.
I learnt early on in the relationship that my needs were an inconvenience whilst theirs had to be catered to at all times ☹️
trying to make a narcissist happy is a fruitless endeavor. nothing works. it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. exhausting is putting it mildly.
when you finally see what you're up against, save yourself. leave and don't ever look back.
Even if you do everything you can to keep them happy, it still won’t work. They enjoy problems, they enjoy watching you suffer.
Have you met my ex. ?
I went outside to talk to neighbor as i wanted peace , he came out to get attention
Excellent topic and video! Not being "allowed" to be yourself is one of the most painful aspects of being involved in the life of a narcissist. The constant invalidation and arguing when you try to assert a normal response is exhausting and not worth the back and forth that you get into with them.
You dont want a relationship after after one
They lie about what they lie about and accuse you of lying.
The accuse you of the most insulting things. You tell them your deepest darkest secrets and they throw it all in your face. And youre so right, just let them do what they want.
As its just sooooooo pointless and tiring to go against it. The contradictions are tiring as well. They're exhausting.
Time consuming and mentally draining.
Exactly.. Lie just to lie.. I think he believes his own lies.
You really have nailed the definition of a person with narcissistic traits.
I don't think u need to be a professional to figure this out. I have studied narcissism for 2 years on my own. I can recognize them now.
Pushing back and calling them out about the neglect, silent treatments, rudeness and confusion will land you in discard. So it forces you to play into their hand
All your time is spent dealing with their latest crisis. And then on to talking them down from their newest meltdown.... It's exhausting!!! He regulated himself via my groundedness.
That is how the past 30 years and more have been with my sibling. And like you, I was grounded and had so much more emotional intelligence and maturity and this was used.
@@OneofMany-yt5sl Your energy and lifeforce could be better used elsewhere. Hope that can happen for you.👩🎨
Continually getting fired or quitting jobs..
@@antheredhen Yes! Unbelievable! In the year I was with my ex, he had 3 jobs. Then, out on his own, he got another job, started to complain about his bosses, and as soon as he had 4 months in and was steady, went on sick leave (depression) for the next 4 months. He couln't stalk me any more because he'd been arrested for it July 1st, so he got bored and went back to his home town. Several years had passed since he'd left there and I'm guessing that enough of his fires had gone out that he dared go back..... What a life!
You can do all the right things for the wrong person and they will still treat you like crap for it.
She always told me to turn the t.v. down when i was in a different room away from her. I never did that to her with loud t.v. or her loud music. It's all about controlling you.
They are so on a 5 minute loop about themselves that they just can't stop long enough to validate or listen to you. It's crucial to them not to miss a single moment of their own dialogue.
Thanx again to "Behind the mirror." Your videos speak volumes! Please keep on with your channel...together we can make good change happen!
The narc devotes their life to self boosterism, i.e., 24/7/365 they sure are hypersensitive to criticism even to imagined criticism and react with instant rage followed by months of passive aggressive acts and ghosting!
You are dealing with a concrete hard pathology that even mental health professionals tend to avoid treating 🤔
The most hysterical thing I've seen is when there's a family get together.. My in laws are narcs and they raised 4 narcs.. Watching them all fight for the limelight at a family get together is worthy of Jerry Springer. If one has a spranged wrist the others have a broken back.. It's all 1 upmanship.. I was just sitting there smirking my but off...
So so true! Probably the most accurate true life experience with a narc I've heard yet.
OMG the music thing! I can't believe you mentioned it!😱 My sister always said if I like a song she hates it's just to spite her, and if I hate a song she likes it's also to spite her! All narcissists really do live by the same code book lol😂😂😂
My ex used to snoop through my CD collection when he came over. He must have noticed I had a few by The Beatles and I'd told him my late Dad was Liverpudlian. When he went on a trip to Liverpool he smirked at me about wanting to avoid any Beatles-themed things because he didn't think much to them. I felt it was a deliberate dig at me.
So true, So true, 40+ years in just coming to the realization of what I’ve been dealing with. So much time spent trying to fix everything; too many broken pieces to fit together perfectly. Especially, not knowing what the thing was in the first place!!!
Yup, this describes my parents completely. I’m almost 50 and they are getting much, much worse.
I feel you. I have a narcissistic parent who just lost his wife (my mum) so he is spiralling after losing supply.
May I just say a reminder t remind us all - don't get sucked in.
They have wasted whatever time we have given them already trying to get our needs met. Don't waste any more time on them now. May be cold as ice but I say, screw em!!
imagine a time warp a narc comes back from - you have a mind full of beauty that you wish to remember and they have nothing
I can’t believe how other people have figured all this out so much younger than me. I guess it took someone _more_ narcissistic that my mother for me to finally see what the problem was all these years.
Good, Lord. 🤦♂️
My most recent survival tactic was to leave the house before the monster woke up. I would breath a sigh of relief each time I was able to manage it.
I felt this exact way with my ex year's ago she made me feel I wasn't what she wanted. But at first she made me feel special and made me feel I had a talent when it came to dressing up and my fashion sense, but after the love bombing she began making jabs at me for looking nice going on dates with her, saying that she never met a man who's so obsessed with looks and that it's reserved for only women should care about things like that.... but year's later I'm now developing designs to soon set up a fashion brand, with a unique concept and play on t-shirts and denim jeans, and I'm getting alot of positive feed back and I have people telling me that they really feel I should take my concepts and try to capitalize on my creativity. But anytime I tried to express myself with my ex about a new designer or new product I thought was interesting she would roll her eye's at me.. I never felt like I was welcomed to mention anything I felt passionate about, I just was only allowed to be her cheerleader for her and her family and boost her up on her passion which was photography but I never once put her down about what she was passionate about 🤷♂️
Sounds very familiar. As well as not being able to reciprocate/support you, just use empty flattery in the lovebombing, I think they're insanely jealous and resentful of you. Glad you didn't let her destroy your passion and belief in your talent for fashion.
Insanely Jealous and resentful 😢. Exactly how she was. I was too successful , charming and kind to everyone and she hated it.
Proud of you bro
Although she helped you with dressing at first ,you took it to another level ,,,,she may be a narc,an you definitely need to be you ,,BUT most women are turned off by a guy who’s super soft lol another word’s feminine meet masculine,not feminine meet feminine,,,you are the man in the relationship,the protector the provider,an your playing in the closet ,,literally,,maybe u need a man ,not a girl ,seriously
@@laurahenry3562 get outta here you narc, go criticize people somewhere far away from here
Spot on!!! Going thru it now, after spending 9 years together & trying to make sense of what all this crazy making is about. I'm glad we don't live together & I don't have to depend on him for anything (starting to make my decision easier to get OUT). They are so exhausting & I'm exhausted.
I know it is exhausting. Smh
Pull the plug. I just did after 8 yrs and was engaged. I don't have 8 more. Ur going to make urself sick.
You have SUCH A GIFT for articulating the reality of the narcissistic relationship. Thank you for sharing your gift with thoughtful video after thoughtful video. SO HELPFUL.
Once he was listening to my conversation on the phone and I made a comment regarding a vibrator (girl talk). Nothing crass. He knows I have toys. He said what if the guys at the barbershop heard u say that? He said it mean and nasty. I said what if they heard u treat me like s@it...crickets. I said I'm just being myself. He said well u need to be urself by urself. I was thinking...just give it time sir😂
OH MY GOSH.. YOU'VE NAILED MY HUSBAND.. I HAVE TO ACCOUNT FOR EVERY MINUTE.. IF I READ A BOOK IT'S A WASTE IF TIME.. if we put in a movie to entertain him and I try to read while he watches it he has a fit.. I put in the movies to try and get him to shut up.. He literally (I timed him) will talk up to 4 hours without me saying 1 word just nodding my head... I could be replaced with a bobble doll and frankly I wish he would..
33 years.. He does all these things.. He never belittles me or yells but then I never bend the rules.. I go along to get along..
I spend ALL my time listening to him waiting on him hand and foot.. Even when he's outside he will text me non stop... I went to see my mom 1,500 miles away she's very sick.. He text me the whole time I was there nonstop so I couldn't relax and be with family.. He quit his job right before I left so he could harrang me non stop. I should be lucky he didn't go with me..
You sound like a really really nice person and I really really wish you could find a way to leave and stop squandering that beauty on an unappreciative Narc!!
Jeez Louise 🤦♀️
He doesn't let you be you, that's emotional abuse.😢
They really are horrible people 😂to be in proxi,ity to!!
Great awesome ACCURATE realistic video!!! I have been through ALL of this!!!!! UNFORTUNALLY it's all about them!! They need US caring empaths to regulate them and their fragile egos and INSECURITIES!!It's SO energy draining as you know!! I worked so hard for her for several years to PLEASE,comfort, care, be ultra affectionate for her needs as she sucked all my beautiful LOVING,CARING energy all out of me like an ENERGY vampire !!!As you KNOW too well this terrible cycle we go through with a NARC!!!!! As you have heard this many times the harder I worked to please her all for her the worse she got from year to year and it has EMOTIONALLY drained my every fiber of my warm heart on this relationship,if you even call it that.I STILL WON'T EVER LET THIS ROB MY BEAUTIFUL EMPATHETIC LOVING HEART AND SOUL. I WILL JUST AIM MY BEAUTIFUL,SINCERE, CARING LOVE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION!!!THX FOR YOUR WONDERFUL VIDEO!!!💖🙏💯💯
So true
@@MOBILIZINGWOMENFORCHRIST-pg2fv yup😂
In my 20's and was being screamed at "That is not how we chop an onion in this family!" I am not a fan of AC/DC, just not into heavy metal. Guess what I would get as gifts...yup, AC/DC
Sounds familiar...i was 34 and being yelled and scolded about how to cut apples and vegetables exactly the way they wanted them in what shape and size, and how high to fill the water in the pot. I couldn't even boil water correctly according to them, among every other thing.
I was just in a "friendship" with a narcissist for the last three years, and then found out he was screwing the person/friend I was working for, as a "friend" I exposed both of them actually, and quit the job and him, but then he tried hovering me back in with a song, then another song that was supposed to trigger me, and then he totally lost it on me and claimed to say I was spreading rumors about them fucking which was true, and called me all kinds of names and told me to leave him alone just rude and ignorant to someone whom he didn't want to be any more than just a friend but yet lives to make me jealous with all the other women he wants, how about leave me alone!! And I did nothing wrong, I was good to him, but wasn't good enough for him
U do such a good job of explaining all this craziness! Ur tagline is exactly what u deliver. Making sense of nonsense. Thank you!!!
Yep, you nailed it. I only realized the full extent of what was going on 4 years ago and even prior to that I had been establishing boundaries of sorts and in small ways starting to peel myself off the velcro-like interface that this relationship entails. But, I would say that in doing the hard work of establishing those boundaries there really isn't any relationship left, other than that of roommates. As you said, I can't be myself around the narcissist and if I am I can't care what they think. Sad, really sad.
What about the silent narcissist that thinks of you with contempt but doesn’t verbally express it unless it’s an eye roll. Then when they do start talking because you have blown your stack. You discover they hated you for years!
OMG thank you so much for saving my life. I was in this situation with someone that was as you were saying. Thank you. I am now out of the bs. Thank you thank you thank you
I always asked for the rules , i like rules , he changes them over and over
He would always scream at me that "he's not allowed to have an opinion" I always thought that was odd because I'm very open minded...I know now he was projecting.
I could not get through an argument with him without being called "ignorant, stupid or selfish."
Yes, asking not to be called names, yelled at, accused of things, etc., has backfired horribly. There is no reasoning with my narc.
Great video and food for thought here! Remember going to his house once and we came to an agreement about what we were going to watch on telly. Chose a stand up comedy show by a comedian we both thought is very funny. I sat there laughing at the comedian's jokes while he sat stoney faced on the sofa throughout. It was so uncomfortable. He was so joyless unless he was being given my full attention and adoration. As the devaluation increased, even that didn't seem enough, he was dismissive and bored.
This is so true.i much rather be alone than to be sharing myself with a person who considers me less of a person.
I have to tell you I am binging on your videos. Your perspective is so spot on and you've helped me move on! Thank you!
I’m so glad to help! Thanks for watching!
@@LookingBehindtheMirror You are Awesome my dear! Awesome! 😘
You are helping me move on, too. I was so stuck in a later part of this nightmare, but I stumbled on your work and It has all changed
I had to go back to prioritize the things I enjoy to get back in touch with myself.
What makes a narc happy is when you are their marrionette connected by control twine to their fingers😉;
Another view regarding your chances of pleasing them is the same as hitting the moon by throwing darts at it!
I had offered to teach a narc women's young son high schhol mathematics she responded bye emitting a large groan as she doubled up as if I had punched her in her solar plexus 🤔
Clearly she saw my offer as trying to be one up on her.
In dealing with narcs we are dealing with a
thankless, store mannequin with a talking program 😢
Thank you so much for this. Myself is done
My narc once accused me of liking Sinatra just to spite him. I LOLed when this example was mentioned. Also, he ridicules me for saying, "I'm exhausted." I think I now see why he thinks that so funny. He's taking credit for it in his own mind, so he thinks that's funny. Amazing video. Thank you!
Thinking back to that period of time can be described as the extinguishment of your glow. The fire of your wonder of life was intriguing yet annoying. They may be troubled knowing they are consistently different from everyone yet dismiss it as everyone else is a less than. A stopped train serves no purpose getting off the same place where you get on. I always said going somewhere you have to enjoy the ride as well as the destination. Not them. Rides are for narc play time. How dare we suggest otherwise. In the end exiting the relationship is like the train that went nowhere.
I very much relate to all of your content. You present everything so clearly. For that I’m grateful.
It is so painfully true!
Ohh wow!! This was such a nice video! My recently ex cld not stand it if I was doing anything that I enjoyed! If I was giving hi
Attention, he still wld seem so miserable! I cld never do anything right! Leaving a door ope, folding a towel the wrong way! OMG! I am a totally different person since he discarded me! He hurt me but at the same time, he helped me! I and so much happier and healthier! Thank God for pulling me away from this man. 👏🙏❤️
Good thing I already know myself. 😌 it's gotten to the point where I feel like two different people. Myself and this other stranger he wants me to be.
Yes, boxed into a role. It was so exhausting being with someone like this. I was on guard for 5 years. Totally depleted after I left him.
scarily relatable
Love every one of your videos! It is remarkable how you hit the mark on every issue!
Oh man, this discription fits my siblings and my mother so well. Kinda sad, that it has to be like that.
Yes the difference in musical taste is a big trigger for narcissist they think what they like is the epitome of civilization and everything else is s*** and they cannot possibly understand why you would like a different type of music than they like. Also a big trigger with me wearing heels to Holiday dinners or birthday parties dressing up and looking pretty was a big trigger to everyone. Also everyone in my narc in law family eats burgers and fried food and sodas and I preferred cleaner meals and water or glass of wine and that's a big trigger as well
picking a new couch with mine I never thought would be so difficult...I just remember saying no leather ...no feathers.cuz i know how bad those get...he called my from a furniture store and said I think I found the couch and i said well I'm not there just don't get feathers...guess what he got...feathers...and guess what couch looked horrible and just got more horrible as the feathers broke and smashed down....yep...I fought with him for so long to change it and when he finally started looking again, he monkeybranched cuz he knew I figured him out
Thank you so Very Much.. isn't it a TAD SICKENING? Hindsight is SUCH a Wonderful thing!
I don’t normally write a comment but just want to let you know how grateful I am for your videos, which really give me a complete mindset reborn. Your voice is also very calm and relaxing to me. I have had a habit to listen to all of your videos the whole day while working and even when taking a bath 😂. Please keep up this work that heals and saves lives.
You are soo correct!
She says the truth
Once again, you are so right!! No matter how many kind things and gifts and help I’ve given my “adult “ daughter, it’s not only unappreciated, but ATTACKS me verbally. Insanity.
Did she ask for the help? Just asking because I know someone who does those things waiting on an appreciation parade in her honor when the recipient didn't want anything or ask for it.. The "giving" is a ploy to get attention..
No, I don’t do that. She actually had asked me to bring over a Coca-Cola when she was sick. She doesn’t say thank you for anything to anybody.
Dont text them back it drives them mad
Thank you!
I am so, so loving how thorough you're understanding of this problem is! You could talk all day and I would stay tuned because you break everything down and you appear to be speaking extemporaneously without notes or anything. You remind me of Andrew from another narc channel. Both of you are amazingly thorough and fluid in your understanding and your ability to speak on narcissistic abuse. You're very appreciated!
Thank you! I do create an outline to refer to, but I am mostly speaking from my understanding.
are you sure you are not being yourself with yourself - the beauty of introspection is yourself
You cant get away
Now I know the truth about the Narco Thanks I now find myself again and I regain my life Sincere thanks again
Excellent information in this video, but the constant interruptions from ads is ridiculously sociopathic.
Really good.... Thank you!
I’m on my 25th year of marriage with a narcissist. He stole the best years of my life, emotional/ mental and physical health which gets worse every year. Autoimmune disease, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, insomnia. The list goes on and on.
So sorry Angela. I was brought up by one, I also have Fibromyalgia, CFS, autoimmune and chronic bowel disease. Sending you best wishes. I hope you can get away. ❤
My dad's sister had a huge fit at my dad's WAKE!!! Just before his FUNERAL!!! Crazy!!! She died during the pandemic.
Great video. I like this video's slant on things!... I watch all videos, from all different people. They all give different aspects, and shine a light into a dark corner, so to speak. Thanks for your light
Well said!
Exactly how it is, everything you said🥵I still don’t have emotional energy it’s been a year in a half processing learning🥵
BOOK: The mask of sanity by Hervey Cleckly is a good read.
Hi! I'm commenting on your most recent video in hopes you see this: I randomly ran across one of your videos from 7 months ago entitled: WHY ARE NARCISSISTS MISERABLE? Every point you made is a perfect description of me. Being annoyed that other people don't see things the way I do, expecting them to behave the way I think makes the most sense. The constant need for validation/ praise from others, the constant fear that I am not meeting people’s expectations. I’m very easily irritated by other people over things that don't bother others. I’ve even said as a “joke” before that I could fix everything if people just let me handle it. I am quite miserable and I make other people miserable.
Most of your vids seem to be about how to escape narcissists- which is good advice! But can you give me some recommendations for how to escape myself? - in a healthy way.
I would always recommend finding a licensed mental health professional with experience in helping people with narcissistic traits or possibly a disorder. I do believe there is hope for people that struggle with narcissism if they want help so I hope you’re able to find the right person.
@Christopher Sanders: It is a blessing that you realize that it is time for you to look in the mirror, do the inner work and stop blaming your misery on other people! God bless you and your path to becoming a healthy, whole person. 🙏🏽🤞🏽
Ur better than the professionals according to me...can u please make a video on what causes narcissistic disorder
You articulate the dynamic so well-thank you🙏
Excellent
BOOM.... BOTTOMLESS PITS OF NEED... My sister said that to me when I was up north.. He kept texting. She called him a seive the more I give the more he needs..
They lie and say you have the same interests, then say “we have nothing in common” because they lie about what they like.
Did the narcissist in your life never introduce you to new people. I always had to introduce my self...like I was non existing.
YOU ARE AMAZING! My only suggestion is that you find a way to do your videos without the light ring reflecting in your glasses 😍
Excellent!
Thanks for this video! Every point is absolutely spot on! 🎯 I might just share this video with people who are wandering, why am I leaving this person. Will save me lot of time explaining this to them.
Yes you nailed it Thanks for the diagnosis I regain myself now after many,many,years. Even for just one day more to be myself
"How you chop an onion!!". My brother inlaw gave me a tutorial.. Yellow verses purple and how you chop each.. I started lmbo until I realized he WAS NOT joking.. Insanity runs rampont in that family...
He was actually jealous of my being diabetic and how much maintenance it required….
I will tell you what is exhausting, being around someone who has no spirit, is an empty vessel, boring but worst of all empty with no good thing om the inside of them, one who has zero love, who cannot smile and feel good for you, its like you cannot wait to get away from threm so you, yhese people are soul destroyers, anyone who is pining over a npd has not experienced true, real love, this is the opposite to love , this is evil and I go that far because I know these people intimitely, they are my family. I recommend you get as far away as possible no matter what, your vety happiness ans soul and spirit demand it!
I am sorry the letters + numbers sit over where I am typing, intimately
Oh yeah, it helps. It makes me understand better my ex.
thank you this is all so good
She is wrong, first they watch tomsee what hobbies you want , then take away
This is great! Definitely sharing!
How many narcissist does it take to change a lightbulb?
One
He holds the bulb in its socket
And
Waits for the world to revolve around him
🤣🤣