A good story is always good and revisiting those is always a pleasure. I’ve read some books 10x or more. Noticed some detail I had previously missed with each reading.
OP root issue is Pride. She was too proud to leave him when he wouldn’t propose, too proud to accept the proposal when it came. Too proud to take a service job, too proud to learn new skills, too proud to seek legal help. She thinks her status as a mom is the same as being a legal wife.
This should be a booklet given out to every 16 year old at school. Maybe she could give talks about the decisions she made and how it ended. As for the surprise she felt when the judge decided she could be evicted . . . Wtf! How did she not know that was going to happen? Lady justice wears a blindfold and emotion doesn't play a part. If you're not married you're not entitled to anything. That you cooked, cleaned, decorated the house and helped him emotionally. Nothing matters! You don't have that piece of paper, that's the only fact that is relevant.
god, as a recent college grad who hasn’t been able to find work for 2 months of constant searching and applying, listening to OP be so confident about getting a livable wage remote job with no experience or degree within a month was really something. i feel bad for her, but wow, i forget that people are genuinely this out of touch sometimes
I'm a recent college graduate, and it took me four months of constant searching and applying to find a job. I had a degree in a related field and a prior work history, including a past internship at the company that ultimately hired me. I still need a roommate to afford bills. OP has no clue.
I heard this story before and all I could think is how delusional op was about her job prospects and that shed light on why she stayed in that relationship so long, thinking it would ever improve. She refuses to see the reality of either situation regardless of the evidence in front of her.
@nonyabiz2013 I believe I read some of this story before (not every update), and I agree. I don't think OP is narcissistic as some comments claimed, but rather that she has such a naive and sheltered view of the world that it borders on delusional. She genuinely trusted her ex and the courts not to fail her, despite all of the warning signs, because of her faith that the world is inherently just. I'm sure that living an upper class lifestyle for at least 25 years made her blind to the realities of poverty as well. Companies don't just "take a chance" on candidates over the age of 50 with no education or qualifications, but to her, she probably feels like she's aiming low. I wonder if it's sunk in yet.
@@NightingaleAnim What I don't get is she is at the very least a Gen X, if not a boomer... what on EARTH made her think any of this would just magically work out in the end.
@Cynthea_Lee Well, she kind of tells us why she thinks so. She says she was raised to believe that "even those who don't appreciate the love [she's] given them will eventually self-actualize and pay it back." In other words, from her POV, she did everything right, so how could anything bad happen to her? She knew her relationship with her ex put her in a precarious position, she just didn't care at the time because it never occurred to her that he would take advantage. Her worldview conflates circumstance and morality, so good outcomes are earned by good work and bad outcomes are earned by bad actions. Combined with a coddled personality (she hasn’t learned to grit her teeth and deal with tasks that are unpleasant, demanding, or demeaning) and her entire ego has been shattered. By her own logic, either she must be a terrible person to deserve all this, or her entire worldview is false and she was the fool, but she can't accept either possibility. I will say, my own parents are young Gen X, and they had a very similar outlook when I was first looking for work. They were born poor and pulled themselves up to upper-middle class "by their bootstraps" through the unique economic opportunities that coincided with their young adulthood. They thought I just needed to show some gumption... until my mom went back to work after 15 years as a stay-at-home mom (married with a degree and work history) and discovered no one wanted to hire a middle-aged woman with a huge gap in her resume. They've been more sympathetic to me after that.
I remember this story, at one point it was mentioned OP's ex *literally had her sign a legal agreement that he had no intention of marrying her,* at around 5 years into their relationship no less, yet she stayed with him for 25 years. At that point there is no sympathy for her, she did this to herself, he literally told her he had no intention of ever marrying her and she just ignored it.
How she gonna have a eviction on her credit? She didnt sign a leasing agreement with him. If she has any stake in the property, he cant "evict" her. She needs to get a lawyer. Everything hes doing is financial and emotional abuse. Yes she was dumb but that doesnt mean she deserves homelessness just cause she voiced her frustration with him after 20+ years. She should have some legal recourse. Shes just too emotional to think straight.
Her ex picked the person who was not smart enough to understand her actual position. As a full time wife, she still has rights.its just too bad she’s simple.
Judges are kind, fast food workers are criminals.... and she's in her own bubble. Seems like the type of person who doesn't have drive to learn it be self sufficient.
So her long term boyfriend left her, her kids won’t support her, her friends have abandoned her, and workplaces won’t hire her. Everyone and everything seems to be against this woman, and all of that is her ex boyfriend’s fault… Yeah, I’m just going to point out the obvious here. If you have a problem with everyone you meet, then the problem is likely with you
Yeah if your kids are avoiding you you're the problem. To the comments saying the kids are AHs, that's not true at all. Kids don't do thst for no reason.
Finally, someone with a thought process has commented! I was trying to figure out why no-one else wondered, my BF dumped me, my kids dumped me, my friends dumped me, my family dumped me, I can't get a 6 figure job etc. what is wrong with all of them? I would love to hear everyone else involved story. I am a believer in the statement "If everyone around you is an arsehole, maybe it is you."
@@BobbieSmith46 In fairness the kids haven't dumped her, they haven't told her to get lost, they just told her that they cannot afford to side against their father. They're not even earning much money yet, so they're probably still depending on dad, and if more-than-survive-paycheck-to-paycheck money does come, they need to build reserves so that they don't crash and burn like mom should dad decide to cut them loose as well. Self-preservation is cold.
To add onto all the other points everyone else has made… OP never put away money into her own account? She was given a regular allowance and didn’t even put away like $100 bucks a month? And even after she turned down the proposal and he started being a bigger butthead, she didn’t think to squirrel away any of the money she was still getting???
It's stories like this, that remind me that it isn't just a piece of paper. Like it or not we are only a few generations removed of women having very little rights.
It is just a piece of paper if you're both on an equal footing. However, in this scenario, it isn't and its as far from an equal footing as you could get. OP was silly every step of the way of this. Given the fact she had already stayed all these years without getting some form of legal protection in place, she should have married him immediately, then done whatever she liked afterwards, just like he did as he liked all these years. She thoroughly played herself at every turn. Weaponised incompetence at its finest, by her.
I really want to know what Rights that Men have, that Women don't have. Men always lose in court, whether they're richer or poorer, in the majority of cases, they end up losing custody, paying child support, and paying alimony.
I do deeply pity her. If anything, her story serves as a huge warning to others, particularly young women. Don't wait in these awful relationships long enough to be left on the road with nothing.
Op is full of crap. Op just wanted status and money from being with him. Proof Op kept making reasons to stay with him. Op " i can't get a job because i have kids". #1 BS. #2 stop having kids. The biggest proof. Op has no money. no safe place to live and etc, but would put her hate over her child's best interest. Op told on herself multiple times. Op' how dare he call me ma'am", IN THE SOUTH. That's a way to express respect to elders, " yes ma'am" ,"yes sir" "no ma'am", and "no sir". The never of Op to go " How dare the jude follow the law, instead of doing what i want. I'm not like every else . I have my own separate special laws , just for me.".
@@meko98743 Honestly, I disagree. It's not arrogance, it's delusion. This woman has lived in a sheltered and from what we've heard pretty upper-class bubble for most if not all of her life. She honestly believed it'd be simple enough because for all the people she actually interacted with, her friends and their families, it generally was. Any kid in her social sphere of awareness got a job quickly, all the adults looking for jobs got one quickly, I don't think she's ever seen someone struggle to find work outside of television, so to her finding a job always seemed a simple thing, because when you're rich and have nepotism and "connections" with friends who will strings for you, it generally is a simple thing. She never saw anyone actually struggle to find a job when they wanted one, so how hard can it possibly be? She's not arrogant, she doesn't think she's so great, she's just delusional about how the job-market actually works without having people to open doors for you. Because sadly, rich people really do live in a different world, so OP has literally been dropped onto an alien planet and left to fend for herself. She is not adapting well, because getting used to better circumstances is far quicker and easier than adapting to worse ones.
A man is not a retirement plan. She should have been taking steps to educate herself once the youngest child was at high school. I hope this story serves as a lesson to these young women.
A man can be a retirement plan if one had secured the right paperwork for it. But she hadn´t even demand the bare minimum when she became his stay in home wife.
As much as I feel for OP, the choices she made is on her. After 2-3 years she should have left if no ring was presented, DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT have had his children and she NEEDED to go to school and have some work experience under her name. This is why I don’t trust these Tradwife content creators who look down on working women for not being mothers; being a housewife and depending on another person financially is another pipeline to poverty. I really hope she can get out of this mess
The problem is had she BEEN a Trad WIFE, she would not be in this mess. She would have had alimony, child support, half of everything he owned.... she was stupid for being the GIRLFRIEND for that long AND being Trad.
You feel for her??, 😂, I don't..how had she realized that the dingbat she had kids was/a deadbeat..🤦I mean that is NOT a hard thing to figure out ..never ever do this ladies
I’m 61. I’m living the nightmare that awaits OP! I’ll tell her this loud & true NO ONE CARES WHAT WE DID AS HOUSEWIVES! THEY WILL NOT CARE OR HIRE YOU! Oh sweetheart. Your Resume? With WHAT? They only want PAID EXPERIENCE! So you have NOTHING to put! I have applied for 27 jobs and got 1 call back. I didn’t get the job. I hope you have a big car, in fact I hope you have a big Van! You’ll be living in it. 27…… They will not see you as someone “pulling yourself up” THEY DONT CARE! I lose my Apt on October 10, 2024. 😢 She’s in denial
I’m so sorry you’re going through that 😢 even if someone has an amazing resume you might only get 1-2 interviews even though you applied for 50-100. I had been unemployed for the last month-month and a half and got lucky with my new position
@@jenniferd264 I wanna build a time machine and tell op to shut up, take the ring, shut up, be grateful for the scraps, shut up, read this print out of her word, shut up and be grateful.
I'm so sorry... Truly. I feel like a lot of young women today, despite their access to literally ANYTHING thanks to social media, are never truly warned of how bad relationships can be for them if their not careful. I'm 25 and I'm still learning about them, and stories like yours truly do help. I'm not sure if your up for it, but possibly writing about/sharing your story outside the comment section might be helpful. Better yet, you may be given the help of internet strangers if it goes viral. Idk, maybe I'm still naive, but I truly do wish nothing but the best for you
@@puppetmastereyI would use the time machine and go back 25 years ago to just tell her to stay away from this man, go to school, get a degree and get a job..... And most importantly never have children until there's a ring on her finger
@@Diamondr11Blue What in her updates makes her a bad person? A naive person, most certainly, but by no means a bad person. Unless you are of the opinion that "good person" is someone who is cynical and cold-hearted and doesn't trust people.
OP has no one to blame but herself. In comments she admitted that they lived in a state without common law marriage, and that when they thought about moving to a state that allowed it in the past he made her sign a contract stating they are not married and not portraying themselves as married, ultimately ending up not moving. She knew what her life was and thought she could manipulate him.
Sucks that the guy strung her along for so long. But how do you let yourself get strung along for a quarter century? Even if you were dating him, you had plenty of time to build your own life. 25 years
@@AusExplorer tell this toveveryone crying she's been wronged lmao. Every update she makes sounds so ungrateful and unbearable. No wonder why she doesn't have friends and her kids don't like her
I'm sorry but how is anyone this stupidly naive? Like "I thought Judges suppose uphold Justice and Kindness." Does this woman not watch the news? Also how good of a mother is when her own kids aren't gonna help her even when they get their own jobs!!
She probably avoided anything even remotely challenging if she watched things, and her kids probably worked out ages ago, while they were being teased and pittied by their classmates and classmates' parents, that their mother is an idiot.
@@Diamondr11Blue In fairness her kids aren't doing that, they're not cutting her off or refusing to speak with her, all they're saying is that they can't help financially because dad put his foot down that while giving mom food is okay (he's probably viewing it like feeding a stray cat given the respect he's shown her so far), they are not to give her any cash. And the kids are probably all still financially dependant on dad to varying degrees, so they can't really afford to piss him off. As for the kids who told mom they wouldn't be able to do much once they earn their own money, as cold as that sounds, that's probably pure self-preservation on their part, because they've just seen how quickly daddy will kick someone he's been with for all their lives to the curb once she did something he didn't like, so he could easily do the same to them. So priority one is building up enough savings that if dad does decide to cut the cord on them, they won't become destitute themselves. And I imagine they're probably smart enough to realize that supporting mom financially even with their self-earned cash is probably going to make dad shut down the money-shower, because clearly the kids have enough dough if they can afford to just give it away.
@@Azachiel Well, the other part of giving mom money is that it won't end. Mom will just be there with her hand out every month and continue being a "kept" woman by other means. OPs hubris will be her downfall more than anything else.
I gotta agree. The part about her circle of friends makes em sound like those spoiled rich socialite ladies that have cooks, nannies and housekeepers. And well...birds of a feather. Those kind of women rarely actually raise their own kids. Now who knows. Maybe I'm wrong, cuz while my parents were divorced, they both loved and cared for us and we weren't rich. So I have no idea what it's like to grow up in that environment. But I THINK I can safely say that if she had shown her kids the love and care that my mom showed us, I just can't see how they could watch their dad treat her that way and not only be cool with it, but also treat her the same way, AND declare that they still wouldn't help her even after they were out from under his thumb. Dude, if my dad shit on my mom like, I'd be right there in the shelter with her until we could both find jobs. Go to job training programs, help her file for benefits, take some free certification classes...SOMETHING. I'd also keep her unrealistic expectations in check. Her best bet is babysitting/daycare gigs and housekeeping. Hell, sell the damn ring and buy a janiking franchise and get contracts with small office buildings or start your own home maid service. If she doesn't have the business savvy, her best bet is babysitting apps. $20+/hr and you're and old lady who was a mother for 20+ years. That's exactly who people want watching their kids.
The app that she needed to download for interviews was definitely Teams and/or Zoom. This is an interesting social experiment of a Boomer have to survive as millenials and Gen Z, but whos only knowledge of the job market is the ads for remote jobs that pay 60k and that all the retail workers are criminals and teenagers and having to learn that the legal system isnt like how it is in the movies.
@@Diamondr11Blue I mean I feel sorry for her in some ways, though over the course of her updates it moved away from sympathy-sorry to more pity-sorry. Like how you can feel sorry when seeing still identifyable roadkill. A feeling of "Poor thing, you just weren't made for how the modern world works".
Then why didn't she just ask one of her kids to help her download the app? And she's Gen X since she's in her 50s, but definitely has the attitude of a techno-helpless boomer. And it's no excuse since computers have been a regular fixture in this society for nearly 40 years at this point. Her phone is essentially a small computer at this point and she needs to use it as such. I bet she has a bunch of games loaded on it.
Story 1 (before updates): ESH, your relationship should have ended decades ago (before you had children). You wanted marriage and he didn't. He only wants marriage now that he knows he can't do better than you. Story 1 (comments): "You should have grabbed the ring and married him to gain rights to his money"....Do you really think a guy like this would marry her without an iron clad prenup protecting all his money and property? Story 1 (update 2): OP you are not qualified for that type of job. Right now you are over 50 with no job experience, you will be lucky to find a full time minimum wage job. As for "selling the ring", I am willing to bet it is a cheap ring from Walmart, worth less than $200.
Yes he can do better. He is down sizing, he has money and he is leaving the country. He will be able to find a young good looking woman in a beautiful tropical place on the planet and live like a king.
You don't understand how prenups work, they work both ways. Predatory and one-sided prenups get thrown out all the time. Very likely the guy cheats from time to time which would mean that once married he could get screwed in a divorce with proof of cheating. That said, she's probably too stupid to have had her own lawyer look at it first or to make any other smart moves afterwards.
Here's op's best hope: BF goes abroad for a few years, gets sick and crawls back to her for nursing. Op then needs to take him back and funnel as much money as she can to an account for her. Then put him in a home or assisted living. Thus they will be even.
@@jenbobcat387 Honestly, the most likely reason we're not getting more is that she may no longer have the access to reddit she used to. She may have had to sell her phone, and she probably has more urgent things to do when she does have access to a free internet-connection than updating some randos on reddit.
.....Expected the judge to rule in kindness not, the law. Applying to marketing jobs but can't even figure out the application process. OP is so out of contact with reality I'm honestly baffled.
Please OP don't think you can't start over. My Auntie did so in her 50's. My uncle had an affair and left her with very little. She was scared but got help and ended up enjoying caregiver for older ppl. She has since retired as she's in her 70's now. You absolutely can do it
I refused to have children outside of marriage. I saw my cousins sister being abandoned by their boyfriends and their children being ignored. I wanted to be married before having children because of what I saw. I had to be a second parent to my niece until I moved out. I love my husband but no children until marriage. We have been married for 30 years in 17 days. As the saying goes, " Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
Research has it that more than 70% of women who are either married or in very committed relationships have an ex-boyfriend or an old male friend as a backup plan for when their present relationship or marriage fails. We refuse marriage with modern women
"Being abandoned by their boyfriends." Accountability truly is so many of the modern vvomens kryptonite. There is no self reflection. No maybe my cousins shared equal blame. Maybe they should have guarded their vvombs. Their most valuable asset. No its all that m4ns fault. No wonder mens interest in marriage is at an all time low.
No common law means she doesn't have marital rights to any of his finances or property. Now he has no income and just wants to travel. She can't take him for anything.
I don't want to say she was narcissistic but had a very delusional fairy tale type of outlook on life. You can tell she was sheltered from the realities of the outside world. Honestly, she brought this on herself. She choose to be a SHAM. At this point in her life she needed to take that ring and get married. At least being married now she has a claim to his assets, social security, investments, etc.
Oh, this woman's back with MORE. God, I lost sympathy after her second update when she admitted she signed a document stating they were not married and not in a common-law marriage. And the 5th update proves she's still not getting it. It sucks that her old friends showed up at the foodbank to mock her, but really at this point what else is there to expect? She clung to these vapid rich sharks for 3 decades pretending to be one of them/hoping for validation. And then brushed it aside for her own ego. And ego that looks like it's going to land her dead on a street corner.
What was Op's life like before her boyfriend? How on earth could she be this naive to how the world worked? I'm hoping that she still has contact with her family because it sounds like she's going to need them when reality crashes down again on her jfc.
She basically hasnt been in the working world since the age of 22. If she went to college and she then became SAHGF and then a SAHM so we don't even know if she's worked at a non household job in those 30 years
OP decided to not have a life and just dig her fingers in this man hoping the man won't leave her. Later made being a mom her whole identity. Now the children are grown, the man doesn't want her anymore. Sucks to be her
Probably very sheltered, with protective parents who made sure the harshness of the world never touched her. Parents who are likely dead by now, since she doesn't say anything about them.
Even if she´s been in contact with her family, just how much could they help her? She´s in her 50, her parents would´ve been long since retired and living off their saving or being supported by their children if they still even alive, same with any uncle or aunts she might have. Her siblings if she had any, would soon approaching retirement age too and would have higher priorities The most they probably could do is to invite OP to live with them, but with OP adamant to be in a custody battle for her youngest, they probably soon be forced to kick her back out before she started to affect them negatively.
And this is why you never leave the workforce! Not even when married because a divorce can happen quickly. When kids arrive, you can work less hours (like 20-24), but never quit in its entirety. Even if your whole pay-check is spend on childcare, you have to see it as an investment in your future and career-prospects (and future earning potential).
That sounds great, but childcare these days is usually more than a part time job can cover, especially for multiple children, me and my missus already discussed it and came to the conclusion that if we have kids I’d be the one to stay home with them because she significantly out earns me
@@3adgamd3r I assume you are in the US? In my own country day-care, or after-school care for children of 4+ years, isn’t cheap either. However the Dutch government will subsidize part of it because it was considered good investment to keep both parents in the workforce. How much you get depends on your income. The more you make, the less you get from the government. Most couples decide that both parents work 4 days a week so that they only need three days of daycare for their children. That helps to keep the costs low(er). And since we are the champions of parttime work (keep in mind that a workweek of 36 hours is considered full-time), there are also grandparents who can take on a day of care as they too often work 4 days a week.
There are currently only 8 states that recognize Common Law marriage (6 more that recognize common law marriages entered into prior to the date it was abolished.)
Ohio used to, but changed it several years ago and no longer does. OP was stupid to make babies with this man without the commitment of marriage. Not getting a job after the youngest started school is another idiot move. The idiocy continues with the types of jobs she thinks she is qualified for with no work experience.
States will recognise common-law marriages... but only when it benefits the State, ie, when it can impose liabilities onto you. When you need it, though, "nope, sorry, we don't recognise CLMs".
@@buckeyenative1365The stupidity wasn't necessarily the babies. It was not being self sufficient. You can't be a housewife if you're not married so I don't know what she thought she was all these years. Also I'm curious as to how things like medical insurance was handled for her throughout her 30 year relationship seeing as how she wasn't married. So many questions.
Here’s the thing I picked up on. The kids are ‘siding’ with their father because he funds them still, all appear to be in school, training, or a minor. But they all seemed to have figured out their father long before OP. They don’t seem to agree with him and are helping their mom where they can, but the fact that all of them seem to have realized their dad is a piece of shit long before OP is just sad. It makes me think she was raised in a very traditional, likely religious household. She has been really sheltered. I feel bad that this stuff is happening to her, but also frustrated that she didn’t see the writing on the wall. And is even willfully blind to it.
Except they say that when they are employed they will prioritise their own SAVINGS! They are their father's children, ready to see their mum on the streets as long as their savings are mounting up nicely. It seems no-one likes or respects the OP, what's with her friends (or better described acquaintances) turning up to volunteer at the food bank when they never have before only to ask her personal, private questions. Wow! That's cold!
I'm not gunna lie I'd let him travel alone and stay home... he can do what he wants... This is why I HAVE to have my own money... cause I can't put all my faith in a man...😒
"I was raised to believe even those who don't appreciate the love I've given them will eventually self actualise and pay it back" Horrible, delusional lie, BUT he DID pay it back finally, and she SCOFFED at him. I no longer have any sympathy for the woman.
I have a feeling that the ex wanted to marry OP for financial reasons… I know it sounds weird since the financial balance between the two was completely in the ex’s favour, leaving OP destitute, but something about the timing of her ex’s proposal after he was ousted from a company seems funny to me.
whilst he might be an ass, he was upfront with her about these things their entire relationship so no reason to assume that has changed: that it is as he stated he no longer feels it is necessary to protect his finances against possible (and as shown by her attitude in her own writing in her own posts, probable) divorce and the anti-male divorce/family law court system but her reaction as she herself potrayed in her posts was to scoff at him because of his career downturn, that he is not as high value as he once was by her actions....it kinda shows that with her, his stinginess might have unfortunately been the correct call to protect himself if she felt/knew she could leave at any time and take half or more of the stuff, she most likely wouldve
OMG, i remember this story. Possibly contrarversal opinion. She has no social security credits, no experience, no life knowledge, then she shot herself in the foot by not the ring without pity. I understand she never had a job, sahm's have it hard after divorce. But like 99% of them knuckle up and do what needs to be done. This chick needs to pull her head out of her rear, smell the coffee and get a job. I didn't know if i feel pity, apathy or indifference about this women.
I felt sorry for her to a point when i realized she is absolutely out of touch with reality. She wants to be hired, with no job experience, or college credits for a salaried corporate job making over $30k, and refuses to look at entry level hourly jobs. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
ahhhhh but the MARRIED SAHM, can at least apply to get part of HIS SS if they have been married at least 10 years if they are in the right age bracket.
@@nonyabiz2013 of I were here, the first thing I would have done is leave a couple years in after no ring. If I made it 25ish years with no ring (or with experience) and got proposed to, I would have turned into Gollum. You'd have to literally pull that ring off my cold dead hand. But I guess that would take a level of introspection and situational awareness this woman doesn't have.
@@puppetmasterey SS is federal, not state. Getting "half", getting alimony, retirement funds, and the amount of child support... that's state laws as well. Social Security though that's federal laws. If you’re divorced and were married at least 10 years, you may be eligible on your ex’s Social Security record • Divorced women who were married at least 10 years may be eligible for Social Security based on their ex’s record. This applies if they are unmarried and not entitled to a higher benefit on their own record when they become eligible for Social Security.
Story 1: As I listened to this story, I couldn’t believe that it was real. Are there people in the world who are really this naïve? OP, you really should have accepted that marriage proposal. You’ve been out of the workplace for 25 years and have no education or work skills. Since you’ve already done all the hard work, why not marry him and get the support you’d have as a married woman. It doesn’t make sense to moan about him not wanting to marry you after all the years that you were together. That was your choice. If you wanted marriage, then you should have ended your relationship with him and found a man who did want to marry you. Hopefully, your story will be a lesson to other women about becoming financially on a man😢
@@chinavaughan6383 ok that's on both of them then. I do not feel sorry for her. These comments making her look helpless like she has no agency are concerning
Oh I would have married that man, traveled the world, and then start talking about wanting an education and a small career. After 30 years that marriage would have set her retirement up for her.
Probably because they know how awful their dad is and how he'll cut them off just as easily. He's literally got them all on a financial leash, and it's truly sick. This man's like a literal villain, however, OP is the one who did this to herself, being naive young and "in love" as she was. Its... honestly quite pitiful
@@rubystone9074 Yep, everyone knows they have to depend on the dad and they won't risk it. They also want to save after getting out because they know they can't trust their dad or mom to help them out.
This is what happens when you avoid improving your own life in favour of everyone else. Her children have their own lives to live...... And she should have lived her life, to improve it. Idk if it's too late for her but damn she made one bad decision after the other. This is just a mess
How would they effectively help Op? All Op taught them was how to be a horrible partner and parent. Now that they are practicing boundaries and healthy selfcare tools, there is a problem just because they won't jeopardize their livelihood for their mom? My mom was 36 and late dad was 50 when I was born, the unexpected baby, and they would never ask or expect my siblings or I to make that sacrifice or even entertain that type of choice on account of them. Op made these choices in the 90's. I am a child of the 80's in the US so I know how independence was present as part of the women empowerment back in the 90's. As a woman with a Master's degree, I can say it was Op's choice to ignore the cautionary tails from the years past. I won't say Op's choice was right or wrong. Life is actually what you make it. I know SAHM and SAHD that are thriving and they are unmarried. However, since Op lived in a culture that she thought it would be ok to act as a spouse without the marriage certificate yet complained about not being married, Op knew that there was a strong possibility that one day all this mess could unfold. Why should the children have to clean up after Op?
Help HOW??? I'd bet the 3 oldest were still in College or at most JUST out of college. if they give their mom a DIME the kids are going to lose their college being paid for, and the youngest will never get college paid for. If the very oldest is graduated they themselves are not stable yet, not in this economy. They were talking about sneaking food out of the canteen and over to mom... that means they are definitely still in college, and Dad is paying for their food bill.
its a problem because as she stated it came AFTER his business had a downturn he was no longer as high value as he once was. if they were married, she wouldve divorced him and bleed him dry
It is genuinely weird how OP made herself okay with being unmarried for 25 years ... Gets a ring, FINALLY, then decides to blow up the relationship.... Like you accepted this for years. Congratulations, you played yourself
Poor Op, she pretty much wasted her years on a guy who provided everything and did not even bother to propose or share expenses with her she was just a stay at home wife with no work experience or income of her own. it kind of sounds like the boyfriend just wants a trophy girlfriend or wife. This is exactly why I always encourage men or women not to spend all their years being a stay at home parent at least have some work experience. And now the boyfriend suddenly wants to propose now that they are senior citizens, who is 25 years just to propose to someone and when their kids are already full grown adults, what a freaking clown. This guy has screwed over his girlfriend all these years
Poor nothing. Nobody forced this woman to have 4 kids with someone she wasn't married to. I'll never get over how women completely avoid all accountability like this guy held a gun to her or something. What a joke
Sheltered, religious, upper-class trophy girlfriend of 25 years, to a controlling AH who'd actively kept her from being able to get any rights a spouse might have. Everyone sucks in this situation. She sucks for living in a fantasy, he sucks for being controlling filth, the kids suck for favoring drinking from the teat of rich daddy over becoming independent, the 'friends' suck for being gossipy rich bullies and the system sucks for allowing the dreams and ideals of justice (admirable, really) she has to actually be THAT impossible to attain. Lastly, we suck for having to read/hear that woman's delusional struggle as entertainment, making ourselves feel better by being able to point and go 'well, we might not have much, but at least we're wiser than that poor 50-odd year woman who just lost everything'. What a dystopian reality we live in.
I can't tell if the women (ex-friends) were horrible people who took the opportunity to hurt and embarass her or that she was unkind to them and they saw it as an opportunity to get their own back. She is so blind to reality and full of herself that it makes me wonder if she was a thorn in their side for the last couple of decades.
“Fool me once…” Sorry, but letting this drag out for *_25 years?_* That’s on her. Edit: “They blame it on watching how self preservation got their dad far and how the lack of it crushed others.” That’s just the world we live in. If you don’t have a modicum of self preservation, it will ruin you without a second glance. Case in point: this poor woman.
I feel like the lady in this story's maturity and worldview were frozen at the exact point the relationship got serious. She sounds like a literal teenager trying to rationalize the fact that the world is unfair and that nobody will give her the oportunities she "deserves" on a silver platter. It's frankly disturbing seeing it happen practically in real time
The ex seems to be an awful man but OP doesn't seem very nice either: - the eye roll, why? She knew it would antagonize him. Why not just ask why now, try to understand? - she seems to be very "classist": she thinks she's better than people at the shelter, mc donald's or everywhere really. It's more than just "I'm better than everyone else" (which is cringe in its own), it's "they're below, they're disgusting and don't deserve my respect" - she has no friends. If she had, they would have helped her. - her children won't help despite knowing their father can stop helping them just like he did for their mother. Ok, they may not be able to right now, but they said they won't even when they'll work. So it means either the kids are awful or OP was not a very good mother. I don't know... I was very sympathetic at first but the more she talked the less I liked her
I wish her the best BUT I also have no sympathy because she's too prideful. More worried about old friends judging her than getting food. Thinking she's going to get an amazing job when she hasn't worked a paid job in over 25 years. Not even being able to respond to a job interview because she can't figure out chat apps. Etc.
Honestly - OP is unbearable. I can't fathom someone being so wilfully naive, ignorant and dedicated to making the wrong choices so consistently for literal decades. It's hard to have sympathy for someone so pigheaded, so I don't. She and her ex sound like a perfect match made in hell.
this is like the saddest story I've heard. But only because I remember being in her mental position as a young person going into the work force. I was raised by my grandparents (the generation before boomers) and that was the script. the law is fair and moral, people have good hearts and will always come around, hard work is always rewarded, a b c d and all that feel good stuff from the 40s. My first retail job snapped all that fuzzy nonsense right out of my head. It was a very hard lesson. And some of it did have lasting repercussions on my future. I've still chosen largely to be a kind and sympathetic person, but I won't be taken for a ride and learned to put myself first in my 20s and take charge of my life and my own security. I always have a backup plan for everything. So it breaks my heart to see someone, who was likely raised the same way I was, learn these lessons in their 50s when it will be worlds harder to bounce back. Idc if she does sound stuck up, my heart aches for her.
Wow: I remember hearing this story awhile ago. I thought it was wild then and thought it would end sad but this actually is aggravating. Hard lesson to learn but early lesson to grasp: If your willingly depended upon me, then my vote matters more than yours. There is no stalemates in that type of relationship. Millions of people balance romantic relationships, raising kids and employment. I can't even say EX is an AH because its 2024 and Op is in her 50's. 30 years ago was in the 1990's not 1950's. I don't feel sorry for Op at all since Op lives in a culture that supports woman to be independent even in the 80's. Op's biggest problem is that she thinks she is better than everyone and that the world is suppose to cater to her while she is doing the bare minimum. Personally as a woman, I agree with Ex that I wouldn't have married a person like Op either, but especially while I was working on my career either. How out of touch Op is with reality with what she thought was going to happen with rudely rejecting the proposal/ best offer. Op couldn't be my life partner or employee with that kind of nonsense thinking.
Just WOW !!!! Has she lived in a capsule her entire adult life? No one and I mean no one is that delusional. For her to think she can get a high paying job without being able to write her own resume or return a job application on line.
Or that a judge would ignore laws and other inconvenient facts because they'd recognise how lovely and kind she was and that otherwise she'd be really stuck! It's mind blowing, almost incredible!
Also, "You could have walked years ago.....". This is why women should prioritise their own earning capacity over giving that up for a man. Because a man that feeds you can also starve you. Or life can throw other curveballs which mean a woman might need to support her family, temporarily or permanently.
That wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to let her. He is a certifiable piece of 💩. He was controlling her. Nothing she could do short of leaving him 30 years ago would have gained his respect. Had she left then he would have found another woman to manipulate, control and abuse. A pleasant thought is that one day the big C might take him apart and then he will beg her, his kids or anyone to help him.
@@kathydurow6814 advice for everyone ; never let anyone keep for you and contribute equally. That way everyone pitches in and benefits while less stress for everyone
@@kathydurow6814 You don't even have to prioritize your own earning, you just have to make sure you're legally taken care of if you choose to stay at home. Don't stay at home while also not getting married in a state/country that doesn't have common law or DeFacto relationship provisions.
This story just fuckin broke me. This is like the end of revenge of the sith. The empire has won, the bad guys won here. I get all the comments saying OP is at fault for her predicament, and she is, but i just cant get over the absolute scum of man to lead her on like this, to use his status, let her become dependent and then lord over her with it....he never loved her....but i guess thats why he never married her.... this is existence is so cruel. People can be this mean to each other and we wonder why the world is F-ed?
I can't understand what her endgame was "Ok, don't wanna marry me? Here, there's half of all my assets, good luck"? When you think you've heard someone out of touch of reality...
Given her belief of “people eventually self actualizing” and judges “upholding fairness and kindness” I’m going with narcissism. “Things will just work out in my favor because I’m a woman and a mother.”
There definitely some that is and this is definitely a case of "Dont let your plan be a man", but i will also say this is a cautiousary tales of just don't stay ignorant and too prideful. Op became less and less sympathetic as the updates go along, and its clear that she hasnt really mature or developed past her 20s outside of being a housemaker. She fumbled every step of the way and made a shitty situation worst, by being too prideful, and overvaluing other people's needs if her. Its so needlessly messy.
Story 1: op did it to herself she put up with the situation for so long without actively trying to improve her situation on her own, and when he finally proposed she decided to be hurt instead. At that point in her life marriage with the guy was the only option for her to get something at the end.
nothing wrong with being a SAHM but once your kids are self sufficient and can do basic chores what are you actually doing all day years of no work experience along with no education will only hurt you when coupled with no security of marriage my sympathies for OP can only go so far
I love how he said he would marry her and she talked her self out of the relationship into poverty lol this is definitely a rage bait it can’t be real I won’t take it seriously
This was like listening to people shouting "A train is coming, hurry!" at a person that is on the train tracks, and the person responding "No it isn't, I'll be fine!" Sigh.
Idk if this makes me evil but rather than feeling sorry for OP i feel more frustrated at how stupid someone can be....she made every wrong choice at every given option.....reddit was even worse for her i fear smh.
And the lost hope bit is when she was asking her privileged friends about the shelter and food bank and she still didn't get they set her up to laugh at her. When she recounting this, it's like.. You can't use Google all all? Ever?
This woman wasted her life on a relationship without any legal standing, screws up the opportunity she had to gain that legal standing, and then is shocked to find out how harsh the REAL WORLD is when tossed out into it? What sort of sheltered idealistic life did she have before she met her ex? Because that level of naivety cannot solely be the product of the relationship. I do not blame the kids for not wanting to help her out monetarily as they're right in focusing on building up their own savings should take priority. They gave her sound advice (apply for snap, go to shelters, lower her expectations) but she expects everything to just work out in her la la fairytale land? I cannot pity people who are this willfully stupid.
OP really just stayed home and gave a boyfriend children. Not a husband but a boyfriend!!!! In the whole 25 years with this man, she didn't think of going to school and getting a job?? While living with a boyfriend?? I dont feel sorry for her. She did this to herself. What did she think was going to happen?? at the 10 year mark of the relationship she had children but still no marriage but she really didn't think to do a degree?? Really OP?? Her story is dumb🤦🤦🤦
I'm betting he disparaged her getting a job in the past. Guys like that will passive aggressively dismiss her "need" to get a job and persuade her being a SAHM is more important than getting a part time job
She thinks she's better than the people sleeping next to her in the shelters and working minimum wage jobs that won't hire her. She looks down on the people trying to survive while she is trying to survive in the same conditions. I don't feel sorry for her one bit.
This is so bizarre that makes me wonder is this even real. He wanted to travel and wanted her to come with him... So what would have 15/16 yr old too? Who has not finished school? Left alone care for herself?
As a woman at 32, I worked 5 jobs in my late teens to mid 20s and did college and those jobs were hard enough to get for a few of them. One being a vehicle upholstery apprentice, another being long term pet sitting and house sitting, driving a disabled adult to and from her appointments, flooring installer, and a landscaper...I was dirt poor and still living with my parents. Military enlistment came after that. Life is a cruel thing at times. Lady, there is no such thing as too low when you are desparate
This is the story you make the "marriage is just a piece of paper" people listen to. Even if OP had accepted the marriage proposal, the prenup she would have been forced to sign would basically state his money was his and his alone. At some point the kids will have to decide if money is worth kissing dad's butt is worth it. I highly doubt there will be an inheritance once he is done traveling and paying escorts.
This, with kids gone, she would be in same position as a glorified lodger. At that point, ex boyf would then just move in a new girlfriend and basically say "accept new situation or leave"
Was this post about getting advice, validation, or financial support from strangers on the internet? 25 years with a guy who never married you, raising the children but you never thought about putting money aside or getting education for when the kids were grown? You didn’t have friends to counsel you, family to help you, or a clue how hard it is in the world right now? Shelters sound very scary and I’m sure the streets are worse. If you find help, a job, or a Time Machine please update.
Story 1: ETA. The bf sucks for obvious reasons and op still has her head in the clouds. If OP does not slow down her descent she is going to leave a crater when she hits rock bottom.
Here is my take on this story. Boy I wanted to read it! Do you mind if I read old Reddit classics from time to time?
No, some oldies are goodies
Nope I’d like it if you did it on updated stories
A good story is always good and revisiting those is always a pleasure. I’ve read some books 10x or more. Noticed some detail I had previously missed with each reading.
XO, thank you for revisiting this story. I remember it, and feeling the creepy vibes about OP’s SO.
Update stories are fine
OP root issue is Pride. She was too proud to leave him when he wouldn’t propose, too proud to accept the proposal when it came. Too proud to take a service job, too proud to learn new skills, too proud to seek legal help. She thinks her status as a mom is the same as being a legal wife.
And these ppl have the nerve to think she's helpless lmao
Oh and when her friends actually DO show up to help at the shelter, she can't stand their charity.
This should be a booklet given out to every 16 year old at school. Maybe she could give talks about the decisions she made and how it ended. As for the surprise she felt when the judge decided she could be evicted . . . Wtf! How did she not know that was going to happen? Lady justice wears a blindfold and emotion doesn't play a part. If you're not married you're not entitled to anything. That you cooked, cleaned, decorated the house and helped him emotionally. Nothing matters! You don't have that piece of paper, that's the only fact that is relevant.
god, as a recent college grad who hasn’t been able to find work for 2 months of constant searching and applying, listening to OP be so confident about getting a livable wage remote job with no experience or degree within a month was really something. i feel bad for her, but wow, i forget that people are genuinely this out of touch sometimes
I'm a recent college graduate, and it took me four months of constant searching and applying to find a job. I had a degree in a related field and a prior work history, including a past internship at the company that ultimately hired me. I still need a roommate to afford bills. OP has no clue.
I heard this story before and all I could think is how delusional op was about her job prospects and that shed light on why she stayed in that relationship so long, thinking it would ever improve. She refuses to see the reality of either situation regardless of the evidence in front of her.
@nonyabiz2013 I believe I read some of this story before (not every update), and I agree. I don't think OP is narcissistic as some comments claimed, but rather that she has such a naive and sheltered view of the world that it borders on delusional. She genuinely trusted her ex and the courts not to fail her, despite all of the warning signs, because of her faith that the world is inherently just. I'm sure that living an upper class lifestyle for at least 25 years made her blind to the realities of poverty as well. Companies don't just "take a chance" on candidates over the age of 50 with no education or qualifications, but to her, she probably feels like she's aiming low. I wonder if it's sunk in yet.
@@NightingaleAnim What I don't get is she is at the very least a Gen X, if not a boomer... what on EARTH made her think any of this would just magically work out in the end.
@Cynthea_Lee Well, she kind of tells us why she thinks so. She says she was raised to believe that "even those who don't appreciate the love [she's] given them will eventually self-actualize and pay it back." In other words, from her POV, she did everything right, so how could anything bad happen to her? She knew her relationship with her ex put her in a precarious position, she just didn't care at the time because it never occurred to her that he would take advantage.
Her worldview conflates circumstance and morality, so good outcomes are earned by good work and bad outcomes are earned by bad actions. Combined with a coddled personality (she hasn’t learned to grit her teeth and deal with tasks that are unpleasant, demanding, or demeaning) and her entire ego has been shattered. By her own logic, either she must be a terrible person to deserve all this, or her entire worldview is false and she was the fool, but she can't accept either possibility.
I will say, my own parents are young Gen X, and they had a very similar outlook when I was first looking for work. They were born poor and pulled themselves up to upper-middle class "by their bootstraps" through the unique economic opportunities that coincided with their young adulthood. They thought I just needed to show some gumption... until my mom went back to work after 15 years as a stay-at-home mom (married with a degree and work history) and discovered no one wanted to hire a middle-aged woman with a huge gap in her resume. They've been more sympathetic to me after that.
GIVING SOMEONE THE POWER TO FEED YOU IS GIVING THEM POWER TO STARVE YOU
Powerful statement
Should've planned ahead
❤SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!👏
TRUTH!
Wooow. Never thought of it that way
Annnnd thats why marriage is more than a "piece of paper". 🙄
I dOnT nEeD tO sIgN a PiEcE oF pApEr aNd hAvE A BiG PaRtY tO pRoVe I lOvE SoMeOnE.
God I hate those people
Precisely! It's been 30 years! She would be entitled to social security that he could not interfere with!
Marriage is just a piece of paper if you have your own career and support yourself
OR or...be self sufficient!!
@@alexelizabeth2910exactly! I think op must have grown up with no hardships. Otherwise she wouldn't be such a helpless pitiful case.
I remember this story, at one point it was mentioned OP's ex *literally had her sign a legal agreement that he had no intention of marrying her,* at around 5 years into their relationship no less, yet she stayed with him for 25 years. At that point there is no sympathy for her, she did this to herself, he literally told her he had no intention of ever marrying her and she just ignored it.
She really thought she could change his mind smh
Thank you! I fully agree
Wait what? A legal agreement?! She could’ve been left and got child support from him at least. What was she thinking?
I would have never signed and walked away
How she gonna have a eviction on her credit? She didnt sign a leasing agreement with him. If she has any stake in the property, he cant "evict" her. She needs to get a lawyer. Everything hes doing is financial and emotional abuse. Yes she was dumb but that doesnt mean she deserves homelessness just cause she voiced her frustration with him after 20+ years. She should have some legal recourse. Shes just too emotional to think straight.
OP doesn't realize the age discrimination she is facing. Kids fresh out of college are treated so differently.
And the fact she acts so superior to them is already an issue
Kids.?
Her ex picked the person who was not smart enough to understand her actual position. As a full time wife, she still has rights.its just too bad she’s simple.
@@NoelleW-t4bnot wife girlfriend
@@Diamondr11Bluesomeone who is 60 is going to see a 20 year old as a child. It’s just a maturity gap gained from life experience
"A judge who is supposed to uphold the laws of fairness, morality, and for years I assumed kindness,"
GIRL. *GIRL.* YOU HAVE *GOT* TO BE JOKING.
I was astonished she even got child support with only visitation.
Seriously. Judges uphold the laws of the state. Feelings have no place in the matter.
At this point I'm convinced she's either a troll or the most gullible person on the planet
@@ToxicSunrise132 I really want to believe the former but I've known too many idiots to discount the gullible option.
Judges are kind, fast food workers are criminals.... and she's in her own bubble. Seems like the type of person who doesn't have drive to learn it be self sufficient.
I have never heard someone so willfully ignorant of their own reality
Sheltered by Darling's money until now.
💯
I have, and often.
But if you dare talk about it then you are transphobic.
Sit down, transphobe.
So her long term boyfriend left her, her kids won’t support her, her friends have abandoned her, and workplaces won’t hire her. Everyone and everything seems to be against this woman, and all of that is her ex boyfriend’s fault…
Yeah, I’m just going to point out the obvious here. If you have a problem with everyone you meet, then the problem is likely with you
Yeah if your kids are avoiding you you're the problem. To the comments saying the kids are AHs, that's not true at all. Kids don't do thst for no reason.
Finally, someone with a thought process has commented! I was trying to figure out why no-one else wondered, my BF dumped me, my kids dumped me, my friends dumped me, my family dumped me, I can't get a 6 figure job etc. what is wrong with all of them? I would love to hear everyone else involved story. I am a believer in the statement "If everyone around you is an arsehole, maybe it is you."
@@BobbieSmith46 In fairness the kids haven't dumped her, they haven't told her to get lost, they just told her that they cannot afford to side against their father. They're not even earning much money yet, so they're probably still depending on dad, and if more-than-survive-paycheck-to-paycheck money does come, they need to build reserves so that they don't crash and burn like mom should dad decide to cut them loose as well. Self-preservation is cold.
@Azachiel True, a bit of dramatic licence on my part lol.
To add onto all the other points everyone else has made… OP never put away money into her own account? She was given a regular allowance and didn’t even put away like $100 bucks a month? And even after she turned down the proposal and he started being a bigger butthead, she didn’t think to squirrel away any of the money she was still getting???
'OP haves no savings' proceeds not to save up. Why is this happening to me ? 😂
It's stories like this, that remind me that it isn't just a piece of paper. Like it or not we are only a few generations removed of women having very little rights.
We may be in the generation that turns it back to that
It is just a piece of paper if you're both on an equal footing. However, in this scenario, it isn't and its as far from an equal footing as you could get. OP was silly every step of the way of this. Given the fact she had already stayed all these years without getting some form of legal protection in place, she should have married him immediately, then done whatever she liked afterwards, just like he did as he liked all these years. She thoroughly played herself at every turn. Weaponised incompetence at its finest, by her.
That could also happen to a man, nothing to do with women's rights!
I really want to know what Rights that Men have, that Women don't have.
Men always lose in court, whether they're richer or poorer, in the majority of cases, they end up losing custody, paying child support, and paying alimony.
@@dimariahgunnemann3729less likely. Men do not get pregnant.
I do deeply pity her. If anything, her story serves as a huge warning to others, particularly young women. Don't wait in these awful relationships long enough to be left on the road with nothing.
Don't pity the stupid, you're just wasting energy
Op is full of crap. Op just wanted status and money from being with him. Proof Op kept making reasons to stay with him. Op " i can't get a job because i have kids". #1 BS. #2 stop having kids. The biggest proof. Op has no money. no safe place to live and etc, but would put her hate over her child's best interest. Op told on herself multiple times. Op' how dare he call me ma'am", IN THE SOUTH. That's a way to express respect to elders, " yes ma'am" ,"yes sir" "no ma'am", and "no sir". The never of Op to go " How dare the jude follow the law, instead of doing what i want. I'm not like every else . I have my own separate special laws , just for me.".
@@classicrockkid345 I personally prefer “don’t weep for the stupid; you’ll be crying all day.”
@@RepellentJeffNice Hellsing Abridged quote
@@Jeremiah9430was that Integra, Anderson, or Alucard who said thay?
Oooof I’m only halfway through but her confidence in trying to get a job is insane!!
Update: lol
Thats less confidence and more desperation to hope
Confidence is good so long as it's mixed with competence.
It's not confidence: it's arrogance.
@@meko98743 Honestly, I disagree. It's not arrogance, it's delusion. This woman has lived in a sheltered and from what we've heard pretty upper-class bubble for most if not all of her life. She honestly believed it'd be simple enough because for all the people she actually interacted with, her friends and their families, it generally was. Any kid in her social sphere of awareness got a job quickly, all the adults looking for jobs got one quickly, I don't think she's ever seen someone struggle to find work outside of television, so to her finding a job always seemed a simple thing, because when you're rich and have nepotism and "connections" with friends who will strings for you, it generally is a simple thing. She never saw anyone actually struggle to find a job when they wanted one, so how hard can it possibly be? She's not arrogant, she doesn't think she's so great, she's just delusional about how the job-market actually works without having people to open doors for you.
Because sadly, rich people really do live in a different world, so OP has literally been dropped onto an alien planet and left to fend for herself. She is not adapting well, because getting used to better circumstances is far quicker and easier than adapting to worse ones.
A man is not a retirement plan. She should have been taking steps to educate herself once the youngest child was at high school.
I hope this story serves as a lesson to these young women.
A man can be a retirement plan if one had secured the right paperwork for it. But she hadn´t even demand the bare minimum when she became his stay in home wife.
As much as I feel for OP, the choices she made is on her. After 2-3 years she should have left if no ring was presented, DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT have had his children and she NEEDED to go to school and have some work experience under her name. This is why I don’t trust these Tradwife content creators who look down on working women for not being mothers; being a housewife and depending on another person financially is another pipeline to poverty.
I really hope she can get out of this mess
The problem is had she BEEN a Trad WIFE, she would not be in this mess. She would have had alimony, child support, half of everything he owned.... she was stupid for being the GIRLFRIEND for that long AND being Trad.
Actually it's more like working women looking down on traditional wives. It's all over TokTik and the hate is super intense.
You feel for her??, 😂, I don't..how had she realized that the dingbat she had kids was/a deadbeat..🤦I mean that is NOT a hard thing to figure out ..never ever do this ladies
Yeah - she ignored her own 5 year rule and followed the money. She chose unwisely for 30 years and this left her in the worst position possible.
She isn't a wife to begin with
I’m 61. I’m living the nightmare that awaits OP!
I’ll tell her this loud & true
NO ONE CARES WHAT WE DID AS HOUSEWIVES!
THEY WILL NOT CARE OR HIRE YOU!
Oh sweetheart. Your Resume? With WHAT? They only want PAID EXPERIENCE! So you have NOTHING to put! I have applied for 27 jobs and got 1 call back. I didn’t get the job.
I hope you have a big car, in fact I hope you have a big Van! You’ll be living in it.
27…… They will not see you as someone “pulling yourself up” THEY DONT CARE!
I lose my Apt on October 10, 2024. 😢
She’s in denial
I’m so sorry you’re going through that 😢 even if someone has an amazing resume you might only get 1-2 interviews even though you applied for 50-100. I had been unemployed for the last month-month and a half and got lucky with my new position
@@jenniferd264 I wanna build a time machine and tell op to shut up, take the ring, shut up, be grateful for the scraps, shut up, read this print out of her word, shut up and be grateful.
I'm so sorry... Truly. I feel like a lot of young women today, despite their access to literally ANYTHING thanks to social media, are never truly warned of how bad relationships can be for them if their not careful. I'm 25 and I'm still learning about them, and stories like yours truly do help. I'm not sure if your up for it, but possibly writing about/sharing your story outside the comment section might be helpful. Better yet, you may be given the help of internet strangers if it goes viral.
Idk, maybe I'm still naive, but I truly do wish nothing but the best for you
@@puppetmastereyI would use the time machine and go back 25 years ago to just tell her to stay away from this man, go to school, get a degree and get a job..... And most importantly never have children until there's a ring on her finger
@@Alice15210 fair enough.
this is too sad... OP learned the hard way and quickly that "being a good person" does not mean the world owes youfor it...
@@mandyblake9275 good person lol. So you not see her updates ?
@@Diamondr11Blue What in her updates makes her a bad person?
A naive person, most certainly, but by no means a bad person.
Unless you are of the opinion that "good person" is someone who is cynical and cold-hearted and doesn't trust people.
@@Diamondr11Blue That's the reason it's placed in inverted commas...
OP has no one to blame but herself. In comments she admitted that they lived in a state without common law marriage, and that when they thought about moving to a state that allowed it in the past he made her sign a contract stating they are not married and not portraying themselves as married, ultimately ending up not moving. She knew what her life was and thought she could manipulate him.
That sounds like he was manipulating her.
I mean let's blame the awful, awful man, and also the state for not doing right by her, but yes, she made some truly awful life decisions.
@@meko98743 why am I going to blame him when OP states he was always upfront and she went along with it. OP made poor choices. Her fault.
@@drako8343not her fault
@@meko98743Hard to blame the awful man when OP maintained her idiotic mentality the whole time
Sucks that the guy strung her along for so long. But how do you let yourself get strung along for a quarter century? Even if you were dating him, you had plenty of time to build your own life. 25 years
Strung ? Whatever. She willingly stayed. Why didn't she just propose
@@Diamondr11Blue Yes, he strung her along. And yes, she could have proposed herself, or gotten out. He's an ahole, and she's an idiot
Didn’t she sign an agreement acknowledging she won’t marry him? I thought I saw that in the full story.
Don't ever give wifely duties at gf status. Screw that shit. A male wants wifely duties? He needs to make the woman a wife
She didn’t work, a man paying all your bills is husband duties. She was fine being a trophy girlfriend
A male? Wth💀
@@Calories_To_Calibers guess who's fault that is
@@Diamondr11Blue Hers.
@@AusExplorer tell this toveveryone crying she's been wronged lmao. Every update she makes sounds so ungrateful and unbearable. No wonder why she doesn't have friends and her kids don't like her
This woman cant figure out how to use zoom but thinks she can work in social media marketing?
I'm sorry but how is anyone this stupidly naive? Like "I thought Judges suppose uphold Justice and Kindness." Does this woman not watch the news? Also how good of a mother is when her own kids aren't gonna help her even when they get their own jobs!!
She probably avoided anything even remotely challenging if she watched things, and her kids probably worked out ages ago, while they were being teased and pittied by their classmates and classmates' parents, that their mother is an idiot.
If a kid goes no contact or refuses to speak its usually a huge sign of the parent messed up big time
@@Diamondr11Blue In fairness her kids aren't doing that, they're not cutting her off or refusing to speak with her, all they're saying is that they can't help financially because dad put his foot down that while giving mom food is okay (he's probably viewing it like feeding a stray cat given the respect he's shown her so far), they are not to give her any cash. And the kids are probably all still financially dependant on dad to varying degrees, so they can't really afford to piss him off. As for the kids who told mom they wouldn't be able to do much once they earn their own money, as cold as that sounds, that's probably pure self-preservation on their part, because they've just seen how quickly daddy will kick someone he's been with for all their lives to the curb once she did something he didn't like, so he could easily do the same to them. So priority one is building up enough savings that if dad does decide to cut the cord on them, they won't become destitute themselves. And I imagine they're probably smart enough to realize that supporting mom financially even with their self-earned cash is probably going to make dad shut down the money-shower, because clearly the kids have enough dough if they can afford to just give it away.
@@Azachiel Well, the other part of giving mom money is that it won't end. Mom will just be there with her hand out every month and continue being a "kept" woman by other means. OPs hubris will be her downfall more than anything else.
I gotta agree. The part about her circle of friends makes em sound like those spoiled rich socialite ladies that have cooks, nannies and housekeepers. And well...birds of a feather. Those kind of women rarely actually raise their own kids. Now who knows. Maybe I'm wrong, cuz while my parents were divorced, they both loved and cared for us and we weren't rich. So I have no idea what it's like to grow up in that environment. But I THINK I can safely say that if she had shown her kids the love and care that my mom showed us, I just can't see how they could watch their dad treat her that way and not only be cool with it, but also treat her the same way, AND declare that they still wouldn't help her even after they were out from under his thumb. Dude, if my dad shit on my mom like, I'd be right there in the shelter with her until we could both find jobs. Go to job training programs, help her file for benefits, take some free certification classes...SOMETHING. I'd also keep her unrealistic expectations in check. Her best bet is babysitting/daycare gigs and housekeeping. Hell, sell the damn ring and buy a janiking franchise and get contracts with small office buildings or start your own home maid service. If she doesn't have the business savvy, her best bet is babysitting apps. $20+/hr and you're and old lady who was a mother for 20+ years. That's exactly who people want watching their kids.
The app that she needed to download for interviews was definitely Teams and/or Zoom.
This is an interesting social experiment of a Boomer have to survive as millenials and Gen Z, but whos only knowledge of the job market is the ads for remote jobs that pay 60k and that all the retail workers are criminals and teenagers and having to learn that the legal system isnt like how it is in the movies.
@@jp-fk5ke why should I remotely feel sorry if she can't even do the bare minimum?
@@Diamondr11Blue I mean I feel sorry for her in some ways, though over the course of her updates it moved away from sympathy-sorry to more pity-sorry. Like how you can feel sorry when seeing still identifyable roadkill. A feeling of "Poor thing, you just weren't made for how the modern world works".
Then why didn't she just ask one of her kids to help her download the app? And she's Gen X since she's in her 50s, but definitely has the attitude of a techno-helpless boomer. And it's no excuse since computers have been a regular fixture in this society for nearly 40 years at this point. Her phone is essentially a small computer at this point and she needs to use it as such. I bet she has a bunch of games loaded on it.
Story 1 (before updates): ESH, your relationship should have ended decades ago (before you had children). You wanted marriage and he didn't. He only wants marriage now that he knows he can't do better than you.
Story 1 (comments): "You should have grabbed the ring and married him to gain rights to his money"....Do you really think a guy like this would marry her without an iron clad prenup protecting all his money and property?
Story 1 (update 2): OP you are not qualified for that type of job. Right now you are over 50 with no job experience, you will be lucky to find a full time minimum wage job. As for "selling the ring", I am willing to bet it is a cheap ring from Walmart, worth less than $200.
@@maurer3d RIGHT!!!!!! I would have held on to that ring tighter then Gollum.
@@puppetmasterey Legally she can't keep the ring since she said no.
@@halbouma6720 you missed the joke. I was saying I would have said yes to that guy when he asked for my hand in marriage if I was in her position.
Yes he can do better. He is down sizing, he has money and he is leaving the country. He will be able to find a young good looking woman in a beautiful tropical place on the planet and live like a king.
You don't understand how prenups work, they work both ways. Predatory and one-sided prenups get thrown out all the time.
Very likely the guy cheats from time to time which would mean that once married he could get screwed in a divorce with proof of cheating.
That said, she's probably too stupid to have had her own lawyer look at it first or to make any other smart moves afterwards.
Here's op's best hope: BF goes abroad for a few years, gets sick and crawls back to her for nursing. Op then needs to take him back and funnel as much money as she can to an account for her. Then put him in a home or assisted living. Thus they will be even.
That won't happen, he'll just get a young SE Asian wife - guy sounds like a creep
I doubt OP is smart enough to do that
I try not to wish ill-will on others but that would be great.
@@mysteryfan15 why yall fantasizing about revenge 💀
@@maryjanedodo and she's a goIdigga, they meant for each other 😃
The last update was a few months ago.
I really hope op is doing okay
Is anyone following the original story on reddit? Id love to hear more
😂, she would have to realize she is the problem.
@@jenbobcat387 Honestly, the most likely reason we're not getting more is that she may no longer have the access to reddit she used to. She may have had to sell her phone, and she probably has more urgent things to do when she does have access to a free internet-connection than updating some randos on reddit.
.....Expected the judge to rule in kindness not, the law. Applying to marketing jobs but can't even figure out the application process.
OP is so out of contact with reality I'm honestly baffled.
Her daughter had to write her resume for her.
And you know she is probably talking about teams or zoom
Please OP don't think you can't start over. My Auntie did so in her 50's. My uncle had an affair and left her with very little. She was scared but got help and ended up enjoying caregiver for older ppl. She has since retired as she's in her 70's now. You absolutely can do it
I'm guessing your aunt didn't have the same level of hubris that OP is displaying.
Jesus this was so sad. She really did this to herself, but her ex is just a garbage person
The more the OP 'updates' the more annoyed I got. She's delusional and playing victim.
I refused to have children outside of marriage. I saw my cousins sister being abandoned by their boyfriends and their children being ignored. I wanted to be married before having children because of what I saw. I had to be a second parent to my niece until I moved out. I love my husband but no children until marriage. We have been married for 30 years in 17 days. As the saying goes, " Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
Research has it that more than 70% of women who are either married or in very committed relationships have an ex-boyfriend or an old male friend as a backup plan for when their present relationship or marriage fails. We refuse marriage with modern women
With a rate of 90% divorce from women. Modern women are not worth wasting Time
"Being abandoned by their boyfriends." Accountability truly is so many of the modern vvomens kryptonite. There is no self reflection. No maybe my cousins shared equal blame. Maybe they should have guarded their vvombs. Their most valuable asset. No its all that m4ns fault. No wonder mens interest in marriage is at an all time low.
@@TheRationalist.What. Come now let's not act like absent dads don't exist. And does your aunt or grandma not have more worth than having kids ? Yo?
While ops ex is horrible, op is so delusional that i cannot feel sorry for her
“Don’t weep for the stupid you’ll be crying all day.”
@@Jeremiah9430 Ooh, I'm keeping that little saying.
OP's biggest L was ever entertaining a relationship with her loser baby daddy.
@@yque4733 it's like a train wreck. It's horrible, but you can't look away.
why did it take a man 25 years just to finally propose?
No common law means she doesn't have marital rights to any of his finances or property.
Now he has no income and just wants to travel. She can't take him for anything.
You all think you are priceless 12/10 when at the best you are 5
@@Fluffy40 Hi, Incel. 😘
I don't want to say she was narcissistic but had a very delusional fairy tale type of outlook on life. You can tell she was sheltered from the realities of the outside world. Honestly, she brought this on herself. She choose to be a SHAM. At this point in her life she needed to take that ring and get married. At least being married now she has a claim to his assets, social security, investments, etc.
Yep. This.
@@agoogleuser7639 nah she is- look at thoseupdates. She's Too good to work regular jobs.
Honestly this story reads as the epitome of don't bite the hand that feeds and extreme naivety.
Oh, this woman's back with MORE. God, I lost sympathy after her second update when she admitted she signed a document stating they were not married and not in a common-law marriage. And the 5th update proves she's still not getting it. It sucks that her old friends showed up at the foodbank to mock her, but really at this point what else is there to expect? She clung to these vapid rich sharks for 3 decades pretending to be one of them/hoping for validation. And then brushed it aside for her own ego.
And ego that looks like it's going to land her dead on a street corner.
What was Op's life like before her boyfriend? How on earth could she be this naive to how the world worked? I'm hoping that she still has contact with her family because it sounds like she's going to need them when reality crashes down again on her jfc.
She basically hasnt been in the working world since the age of 22. If she went to college and she then became SAHGF and then a SAHM so we don't even know if she's worked at a non household job in those 30 years
OP decided to not have a life and just dig her fingers in this man hoping the man won't leave her. Later made being a mom her whole identity. Now the children are grown, the man doesn't want her anymore. Sucks to be her
Probably very sheltered, with protective parents who made sure the harshness of the world never touched her. Parents who are likely dead by now, since she doesn't say anything about them.
Even if she´s been in contact with her family, just how much could they help her?
She´s in her 50, her parents would´ve been long since retired and living off their saving or being supported by their children if they still even alive, same with any uncle or aunts she might have. Her siblings if she had any, would soon approaching retirement age too and would have higher priorities The most they probably could do is to invite OP to live with them, but with OP adamant to be in a custody battle for her youngest, they probably soon be forced to kick her back out before she started to affect them negatively.
And this is why you never leave the workforce! Not even when married because a divorce can happen quickly.
When kids arrive, you can work less hours (like 20-24), but never quit in its entirety. Even if your whole pay-check is spend on childcare, you have to see it as an investment in your future and career-prospects (and future earning potential).
That sounds great, but childcare these days is usually more than a part time job can cover, especially for multiple children, me and my missus already discussed it and came to the conclusion that if we have kids I’d be the one to stay home with them because she significantly out earns me
@@3adgamd3r I assume you are in the US? In my own country day-care, or after-school care for children of 4+ years, isn’t cheap either. However the Dutch government will subsidize part of it because it was considered good investment to keep both parents in the workforce.
How much you get depends on your income. The more you make, the less you get from the government.
Most couples decide that both parents work 4 days a week so that they only need three days of daycare for their children. That helps to keep the costs low(er).
And since we are the champions of parttime work (keep in mind that a workweek of 36 hours is considered full-time), there are also grandparents who can take on a day of care as they too often work 4 days a week.
@@annedenhaag3511 you’d assume wrong, I’m not in the US
I'm still getting over the fact that the USA has states that DON'T have Common Law marriage. That's disgraceful
There are currently only 8 states that recognize Common Law marriage (6 more that recognize common law marriages entered into prior to the date it was abolished.)
Ohio used to, but changed it several years ago and no longer does. OP was stupid to make babies with this man without the commitment of marriage. Not getting a job after the youngest started school is another idiot move. The idiocy continues with the types of jobs she thinks she is qualified for with no work experience.
Some states do. But also - don't be a stay at home girl friend and mother without marriage for 20 years.
States will recognise common-law marriages... but only when it benefits the State, ie, when it can impose liabilities onto you. When you need it, though, "nope, sorry, we don't recognise CLMs".
@@buckeyenative1365The stupidity wasn't necessarily the babies. It was not being self sufficient. You can't be a housewife if you're not married so I don't know what she thought she was all these years. Also I'm curious as to how things like medical insurance was handled for her throughout her 30 year relationship seeing as how she wasn't married. So many questions.
This happens to baby mamas also to "Trad wives". So ladies always have your own.
This Tradwife trend is going to destroy lives
Here’s the thing I picked up on. The kids are ‘siding’ with their father because he funds them still, all appear to be in school, training, or a minor. But they all seemed to have figured out their father long before OP. They don’t seem to agree with him and are helping their mom where they can, but the fact that all of them seem to have realized their dad is a piece of shit long before OP is just sad. It makes me think she was raised in a very traditional, likely religious household. She has been really sheltered. I feel bad that this stuff is happening to her, but also frustrated that she didn’t see the writing on the wall. And is even willfully blind to it.
Except they say that when they are employed they will prioritise their own SAVINGS! They are their father's children, ready to see their mum on the streets as long as their savings are mounting up nicely. It seems no-one likes or respects the OP, what's with her friends (or better described acquaintances) turning up to volunteer at the food bank when they never have before only to ask her personal, private questions. Wow! That's cold!
I'm not gunna lie I'd let him travel alone and stay home... he can do what he wants...
This is why I HAVE to have my own money... cause I can't put all my faith in a man...😒
"I was raised to believe even those who don't appreciate the love I've given them will eventually self actualise and pay it back"
Horrible, delusional lie, BUT he DID pay it back finally, and she SCOFFED at him.
I no longer have any sympathy for the woman.
I have a feeling that the ex wanted to marry OP for financial reasons… I know it sounds weird since the financial balance between the two was completely in the ex’s favour, leaving OP destitute, but something about the timing of her ex’s proposal after he was ousted from a company seems funny to me.
whilst he might be an ass, he was upfront with her about these things their entire relationship
so no reason to assume that has changed:
that it is as he stated he no longer feels it is necessary to protect his finances against possible (and as shown by her attitude in her own writing in her own posts, probable) divorce
and the anti-male divorce/family law court system
but her reaction as she herself potrayed in her posts was to scoff at him because of his career downturn, that he is not as high value as he once was
by her actions....it kinda shows that with her, his stinginess might have unfortunately been the correct call to protect himself
if she felt/knew she could leave at any time and take half or more of the stuff, she most likely wouldve
OMG, i remember this story. Possibly contrarversal opinion. She has no social security credits, no experience, no life knowledge, then she shot herself in the foot by not the ring without pity. I understand she never had a job, sahm's have it hard after divorce. But like 99% of them knuckle up and do what needs to be done. This chick needs to pull her head out of her rear, smell the coffee and get a job. I didn't know if i feel pity, apathy or indifference about this women.
I felt sorry for her to a point when i realized she is absolutely out of touch with reality. She wants to be hired, with no job experience, or college credits for a salaried corporate job making over $30k, and refuses to look at entry level hourly jobs. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
ahhhhh but the MARRIED SAHM, can at least apply to get part of HIS SS if they have been married at least 10 years if they are in the right age bracket.
@@Cynthea_Lee Like allot of things, it depends on the State.
@@nonyabiz2013 of I were here, the first thing I would have done is leave a couple years in after no ring. If I made it 25ish years with no ring (or with experience) and got proposed to, I would have turned into Gollum. You'd have to literally pull that ring off my cold dead hand. But I guess that would take a level of introspection and situational awareness this woman doesn't have.
@@puppetmasterey SS is federal, not state. Getting "half", getting alimony, retirement funds, and the amount of child support... that's state laws as well. Social Security though that's federal laws.
If you’re divorced and were married
at least 10 years, you may be eligible
on your ex’s Social Security record
• Divorced women who were married at
least 10 years may be eligible for Social
Security based on their ex’s record. This
applies if they are unmarried and not
entitled to a higher benefit on their own
record when they become eligible for
Social Security.
Story 1: As I listened to this story, I couldn’t believe that it was real. Are there people in the world who are really this naïve? OP, you really should have accepted that marriage proposal. You’ve been out of the workplace for 25 years and have no education or work skills. Since you’ve already done all the hard work, why not marry him and get the support you’d have as a married woman. It doesn’t make sense to moan about him not wanting to marry you after all the years that you were together. That was your choice. If you wanted marriage, then you should have ended your relationship with him and found a man who did want to marry you. Hopefully, your story will be a lesson to other women about becoming financially on a man😢
I dont get why she didn't just propose first
@@Diamondr11Blue He would have said no. He didn’t want to get married, which is why she should have never stayed with him🙁
@@chinavaughan6383 ok that's on both of them then. I do not feel sorry for her. These comments making her look helpless like she has no agency are concerning
I want to feel sorry for her but the only thing I feel is annoyance. How can someone be so out of touch with reality?
Each update makes OP look worse.
Like watching a trainwreck.
Because she was omitting important details. The kids are leaving her too? Yeah it's means you're a bad parent 😂
Oh I would have married that man, traveled the world, and then start talking about wanting an education and a small career. After 30 years that marriage would have set her retirement up for her.
My God. The children won't help THEIR MOM????
Probably because they know how awful their dad is and how he'll cut them off just as easily. He's literally got them all on a financial leash, and it's truly sick. This man's like a literal villain, however, OP is the one who did this to herself, being naive young and "in love" as she was. Its... honestly quite pitiful
@@rubystone9074 Yep, everyone knows they have to depend on the dad and they won't risk it. They also want to save after getting out because they know they can't trust their dad or mom to help them out.
This is what happens when you avoid improving your own life in favour of everyone else. Her children have their own lives to live...... And she should have lived her life, to improve it. Idk if it's too late for her but damn she made one bad decision after the other. This is just a mess
How would they effectively help Op? All Op taught them was how to be a horrible partner and parent. Now that they are practicing boundaries and healthy selfcare tools, there is a problem just because they won't jeopardize their livelihood for their mom? My mom was 36 and late dad was 50 when I was born, the unexpected baby, and they would never ask or expect my siblings or I to make that sacrifice or even entertain that type of choice on account of them. Op made these choices in the 90's. I am a child of the 80's in the US so I know how independence was present as part of the women empowerment back in the 90's. As a woman with a Master's degree, I can say it was Op's choice to ignore the cautionary tails from the years past. I won't say Op's choice was right or wrong. Life is actually what you make it. I know SAHM and SAHD that are thriving and they are unmarried. However, since Op lived in a culture that she thought it would be ok to act as a spouse without the marriage certificate yet complained about not being married, Op knew that there was a strong possibility that one day all this mess could unfold. Why should the children have to clean up after Op?
Help HOW??? I'd bet the 3 oldest were still in College or at most JUST out of college. if they give their mom a DIME the kids are going to lose their college being paid for, and the youngest will never get college paid for. If the very oldest is graduated they themselves are not stable yet, not in this economy. They were talking about sneaking food out of the canteen and over to mom... that means they are definitely still in college, and Dad is paying for their food bill.
I have so much sympathy for the OP but its incredibly frustrating to hear her think she's too good to work certain jobs.
Nope don't bother. As soon as you hear I'm too good for so and so, drop it and dont waste your time. You're never too good to do something
I don't understand...she waited years for him to propose....and when he finally does, she has a problem?!
She couldve proposed a long time ago. I dont feel sorry for girls who wait around for that nonsense, its 2024. You can do it
its a problem because as she stated it came AFTER his business had a downturn
he was no longer as high value as he once was.
if they were married, she wouldve divorced him and bleed him dry
It is genuinely weird how OP made herself okay with being unmarried for 25 years ... Gets a ring, FINALLY, then decides to blow up the relationship.... Like you accepted this for years. Congratulations, you played yourself
Poor Op, she pretty much wasted her years on a guy who provided everything and did not even bother to propose or share expenses with her she was just a stay at home wife with no work experience or income of her own. it kind of sounds like the boyfriend just wants a trophy girlfriend or wife. This is exactly why I always encourage men or women not to spend all their years being a stay at home parent at least have some work experience. And now the boyfriend suddenly wants to propose now that they are senior citizens, who is 25 years just to propose to someone and when their kids are already full grown adults, what a freaking clown. This guy has screwed over his girlfriend all these years
Poor nothing. Nobody forced this woman to have 4 kids with someone she wasn't married to. I'll never get over how women completely avoid all accountability like this guy held a gun to her or something. What a joke
@@mnaug still does not change the fact that her ex boyfriend is a freaking clown 🤡
@@Symphonia30one clown deserves another
@@classicrockkid345 do you mean Op?
Sheltered, religious, upper-class trophy girlfriend of 25 years, to a controlling AH who'd actively kept her from being able to get any rights a spouse might have.
Everyone sucks in this situation. She sucks for living in a fantasy, he sucks for being controlling filth, the kids suck for favoring drinking from the teat of rich daddy over becoming independent, the 'friends' suck for being gossipy rich bullies and the system sucks for allowing the dreams and ideals of justice (admirable, really) she has to actually be THAT impossible to attain.
Lastly, we suck for having to read/hear that woman's delusional struggle as entertainment, making ourselves feel better by being able to point and go 'well, we might not have much, but at least we're wiser than that poor 50-odd year woman who just lost everything'.
What a dystopian reality we live in.
The kids too? . Wow
I can't tell if the women (ex-friends) were horrible people who took the opportunity to hurt and embarass her or that she was unkind to them and they saw it as an opportunity to get their own back. She is so blind to reality and full of herself that it makes me wonder if she was a thorn in their side for the last couple of decades.
S1: The real reason OP did not leave and did not push for marriage was because he was rich, paid for everything, and she got to live a cushy life...
All these comme ts making her look helpless when she was in fact benefitting
“Fool me once…”
Sorry, but letting this drag out for *_25 years?_* That’s on her.
Edit: “They blame it on watching how self preservation got their dad far and how the lack of it crushed others.”
That’s just the world we live in. If you don’t have a modicum of self preservation, it will ruin you without a second glance. Case in point: this poor woman.
I feel like the lady in this story's maturity and worldview were frozen at the exact point the relationship got serious. She sounds like a literal teenager trying to rationalize the fact that the world is unfair and that nobody will give her the oportunities she "deserves" on a silver platter. It's frankly disturbing seeing it happen practically in real time
Not saying the man is not an A, but the lady was just had it all coming…
The ex seems to be an awful man but OP doesn't seem very nice either:
- the eye roll, why? She knew it would antagonize him. Why not just ask why now, try to understand?
- she seems to be very "classist": she thinks she's better than people at the shelter, mc donald's or everywhere really. It's more than just "I'm better than everyone else" (which is cringe in its own), it's "they're below, they're disgusting and don't deserve my respect"
- she has no friends. If she had, they would have helped her.
- her children won't help despite knowing their father can stop helping them just like he did for their mother. Ok, they may not be able to right now, but they said they won't even when they'll work. So it means either the kids are awful or OP was not a very good mother.
I don't know... I was very sympathetic at first but the more she talked the less I liked her
I keep seeing people pffe ded the kids won't help and blaming them, but why aren't thry taking time to understand why? Op sounds like a p o s too
Bruh this woman put this on herself. She is literally her own worse enemy
To everyone crying she's some kinda lil vlctim, she seems to have no problem when it was benefitting her. Goodness, take some accountability for once
I wish her the best BUT I also have no sympathy because she's too prideful. More worried about old friends judging her than getting food. Thinking she's going to get an amazing job when she hasn't worked a paid job in over 25 years. Not even being able to respond to a job interview because she can't figure out chat apps. Etc.
Honestly - OP is unbearable. I can't fathom someone being so wilfully naive, ignorant and dedicated to making the wrong choices so consistently for literal decades. It's hard to have sympathy for someone so pigheaded, so I don't. She and her ex sound like a perfect match made in hell.
Pls bring more of these long stories, they are so entertaining!
Especially when the narrator isn't a bot or a bored teenager
Update 5 was when I lost hope. It took me almost as long as her marriageless marriage to realize she only has herself to blame.
this is like the saddest story I've heard. But only because I remember being in her mental position as a young person going into the work force. I was raised by my grandparents (the generation before boomers) and that was the script. the law is fair and moral, people have good hearts and will always come around, hard work is always rewarded, a b c d and all that feel good stuff from the 40s. My first retail job snapped all that fuzzy nonsense right out of my head. It was a very hard lesson. And some of it did have lasting repercussions on my future. I've still chosen largely to be a kind and sympathetic person, but I won't be taken for a ride and learned to put myself first in my 20s and take charge of my life and my own security. I always have a backup plan for everything. So it breaks my heart to see someone, who was likely raised the same way I was, learn these lessons in their 50s when it will be worlds harder to bounce back. Idc if she does sound stuck up, my heart aches for her.
Wow: I remember hearing this story awhile ago. I thought it was wild then and thought it would end sad but this actually is aggravating. Hard lesson to learn but early lesson to grasp: If your willingly depended upon me, then my vote matters more than yours. There is no stalemates in that type of relationship. Millions of people balance romantic relationships, raising kids and employment. I can't even say EX is an AH because its 2024 and Op is in her 50's. 30 years ago was in the 1990's not 1950's. I don't feel sorry for Op at all since Op lives in a culture that supports woman to be independent even in the 80's. Op's biggest problem is that she thinks she is better than everyone and that the world is suppose to cater to her while she is doing the bare minimum. Personally as a woman, I agree with Ex that I wouldn't have married a person like Op either, but especially while I was working on my career either. How out of touch Op is with reality with what she thought was going to happen with rudely rejecting the proposal/ best offer. Op couldn't be my life partner or employee with that kind of nonsense thinking.
Just WOW !!!! Has she lived in a capsule her entire adult life? No one and I mean no one is that delusional. For her to think she can get a high paying job without being able to write her own resume or return a job application on line.
Or that a judge would ignore laws and other inconvenient facts because they'd recognise how lovely and kind she was and that otherwise she'd be really stuck! It's mind blowing, almost incredible!
Why didnt she build up a savings account in all those years? Didnt he give her an allowance at least?
I hate to be on the man's side but when he tokd "You could have worked years ago if You wanted to", he had a point.
Also, "You could have walked years ago.....". This is why women should prioritise their own earning capacity over giving that up for a man. Because a man that feeds you can also starve you. Or life can throw other curveballs which mean a woman might need to support her family, temporarily or permanently.
That wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to let her. He is a certifiable piece of 💩. He was controlling her. Nothing she could do short of leaving him 30 years ago would have gained his respect. Had she left then he would have found another woman to manipulate, control and abuse. A pleasant thought is that one day the big C might take him apart and then he will beg her, his kids or anyone to help him.
@@kathydurow6814 advice for everyone ; never let anyone keep for you and contribute equally. That way everyone pitches in and benefits while less stress for everyone
@@kathydurow6814 You don't even have to prioritize your own earning, you just have to make sure you're legally taken care of if you choose to stay at home. Don't stay at home while also not getting married in a state/country that doesn't have common law or DeFacto relationship provisions.
This story just fuckin broke me. This is like the end of revenge of the sith. The empire has won, the bad guys won here. I get all the comments saying OP is at fault for her predicament, and she is, but i just cant get over the absolute scum of man to lead her on like this, to use his status, let her become dependent and then lord over her with it....he never loved her....but i guess thats why he never married her.... this is existence is so cruel. People can be this mean to each other and we wonder why the world is F-ed?
The world is f'ed for many reasons , one is for people f'ing people over and the other is for those who continually let others f them over.
Dude never said he'd marry her and she stay. Stop feeling sorry for the circus in town, it's simply an act to witness
I can't understand what her endgame was "Ok, don't wanna marry me? Here, there's half of all my assets, good luck"? When you think you've heard someone out of touch of reality...
Given her belief of “people eventually self actualizing” and judges “upholding fairness and kindness” I’m going with narcissism.
“Things will just work out in my favor because I’m a woman and a mother.”
@@Jeremiah9430 Yep, totally!
Studies show that women are happier single and childless. Let these stories serve as precautionary tales ladies.
There definitely some that is and this is definitely a case of "Dont let your plan be a man", but i will also say this is a cautiousary tales of just don't stay ignorant and too prideful. Op became less and less sympathetic as the updates go along, and its clear that she hasnt really mature or developed past her 20s outside of being a housemaker. She fumbled every step of the way and made a shitty situation worst, by being too prideful, and overvaluing other people's needs if her. Its so needlessly messy.
But HOW can a woman be happy if she isn't serving a man or raising children?!? [Sarcasm]
No they don't. Site one study that shows this.
@@mnaugOr you could do a quick Google search
Her ex-boyfriend is horrible but she’s quite a fool for staying in this relationship for so long and getting played like this
Wow her snobbery is showing. I work retail and I have never been arrested so her saying people who have a dubious criminal record is bullshit.
Story 1: op did it to herself she put up with the situation for so long without actively trying to improve her situation on her own, and when he finally proposed she decided to be hurt instead. At that point in her life marriage with the guy was the only option for her to get something at the end.
nothing wrong with being a SAHM but once your kids are self sufficient and can do basic chores what are you actually doing all day years of no work experience along with no education will only hurt you when coupled with no security of marriage my sympathies for OP can only go so far
I love how he said he would marry her and she talked her self out of the relationship into poverty lol this is definitely a rage bait it can’t be real I won’t take it seriously
This was like listening to people shouting "A train is coming, hurry!" at a person that is on the train tracks, and the person responding "No it isn't, I'll be fine!" Sigh.
Idk if this makes me evil but rather than feeling sorry for OP i feel more frustrated at how stupid someone can be....she made every wrong choice at every given option.....reddit was even worse for her i fear smh.
This story just proves no matter how much better you think you are your only one decision away from losing everything and becoming homeless.
And the lost hope bit is when she was asking her privileged friends about the shelter and food bank and she still didn't get they set her up to laugh at her. When she recounting this, it's like.. You can't use Google all all? Ever?
Learn from this woman: a man is not a financial plan!
@@BrainWitchSiv anyone who does deserves what comes to them. Stop using people as tools and you won't get hurt
Marriage is NEVER just a piece of paper.
This woman wasted her life on a relationship without any legal standing, screws up the opportunity she had to gain that legal standing, and then is shocked to find out how harsh the REAL WORLD is when tossed out into it? What sort of sheltered idealistic life did she have before she met her ex? Because that level of naivety cannot solely be the product of the relationship. I do not blame the kids for not wanting to help her out monetarily as they're right in focusing on building up their own savings should take priority. They gave her sound advice (apply for snap, go to shelters, lower her expectations) but she expects everything to just work out in her la la fairytale land? I cannot pity people who are this willfully stupid.
30 years a girlfriend 😭.
I remember this story. 😭
3:47 update 1
8:00 update 2
11:10 update 3
15:15 update 4
19:40 update 5
OP really just stayed home and gave a boyfriend children. Not a husband but a boyfriend!!!! In the whole 25 years with this man, she didn't think of going to school and getting a job?? While living with a boyfriend?? I dont feel sorry for her. She did this to herself. What did she think was going to happen?? at the 10 year mark of the relationship she had children but still no marriage but she really didn't think to do a degree?? Really OP?? Her story is dumb🤦🤦🤦
I'm betting he disparaged her getting a job in the past. Guys like that will passive aggressively dismiss her "need" to get a job and persuade her being a SAHM is more important than getting a part time job
@@philwill0123 as long as the man didn't put a gun on her head and said don't go looking for a job then he did nothing wrong. OP is the issue here
Her youngest child is 16. Nothing prevented this woman from getting a job a decade ago, when her youngest child started school.
OMG this woman does not understand the real world at all
She thinks she's better than the people sleeping next to her in the shelters and working minimum wage jobs that won't hire her. She looks down on the people trying to survive while she is trying to survive in the same conditions. I don't feel sorry for her one bit.
This right here is why I told my husband then BF, marriage is so important.
This is so bizarre that makes me wonder is this even real.
He wanted to travel and wanted her to come with him... So what would have 15/16 yr old too? Who has not finished school? Left alone care for herself?
As a woman at 32, I worked 5 jobs in my late teens to mid 20s and did college and those jobs were hard enough to get for a few of them. One being a vehicle upholstery apprentice, another being long term pet sitting and house sitting, driving a disabled adult to and from her appointments, flooring installer, and a landscaper...I was dirt poor and still living with my parents. Military enlistment came after that. Life is a cruel thing at times. Lady, there is no such thing as too low when you are desparate
This is the story you make the "marriage is just a piece of paper" people listen to. Even if OP had accepted the marriage proposal, the prenup she would have been forced to sign would basically state his money was his and his alone. At some point the kids will have to decide if money is worth kissing dad's butt is worth it. I highly doubt there will be an inheritance once he is done traveling and paying escorts.
This, with kids gone, she would be in same position as a glorified lodger. At that point, ex boyf would then just move in a new girlfriend and basically say "accept new situation or leave"
Was this post about getting advice, validation, or financial support from strangers on the internet? 25 years with a guy who never married you, raising the children but you never thought about putting money aside or getting education for when the kids were grown? You didn’t have friends to counsel you, family to help you, or a clue how hard it is in the world right now? Shelters sound very scary and I’m sure the streets are worse. If you find help, a job, or a Time Machine please update.
Amazing how at first most ppl was on OPs side, but as she posts more update, the sympathy becomes less and less.
Not surprising given how narcissistic OP comes off as
OP I'm so sorry but you might be beyond help.........
Yeah OP got played badly
There is a strong correlation between high positions in business and narcissistic tendencies, or at least so several studies show.
Story 1: ETA. The bf sucks for obvious reasons and op still has her head in the clouds. If OP does not slow down her descent she is going to leave a crater when she hits rock bottom.