@@juliakristinamah There are a number of things including a change in environment. I do think there is one particular thing that I have been able to change that has made a massive difference. I no longer give my energy and FOCUS on problems or things I can't control. I do focus on solutions and things I CAN change.
I swear your videos are always uploaded at the right time in my life. While I do have bouts of loneliness, I'm starting to enjoy my singleness/single season of my life. It's definitely been lonely, but I'll provide an update after watching your video. ☺️
I realize now that I've been isolating most of my life. I just used it as a coping mechanism not knowing about how devastating it could be in the long run. I am now 48 years old and in panic mode trying desperately to get my life in order.
Personally, it is difficult to connect when I have no friends or someone I trust to talk to. I do have a co-worker who just happens to live down the hill but she is busy with education. I only get to connect with her a few times. I believe finding volunteer opportunities or support network will help in addition to excercise.
Thank you, Julia, for making a follow up TH-cam video on social isolation and loneliness: Senior Shifter Chris here! To Anyone Feeling Lonely and Isolated
I think my takeaway is that I may not have made effort to do everything on the list, I have at least done the best that I can. I had made an effort to reach out to online friends and at least have a text chat and sometimes a video chat. I still am missing that deeper human connection with a one on one, face to face conversation, but a video chat is the closest thing. I am trying to make more effort to exercise although, that may be more for the physical and mood booster than human connection. I just don’t have anyone to do that anymore. My ex-best friend and I used to walk a lot before. I used to volunteer at nursing homes about over a decade ago and I do remember that always being a pleasant experience not just for me but for those communities too. That may be something I can look into doing again. I even thought about it again a couple years ago, except we were in Covid lockdown and that just couldn’t be an option.
Here are my notes: Isolation holds us back from experiencing the life that we want.
There is a difference between alone time for self-care and isolation that makes us feel down, depleted, and depressed. You have to do hard things in order to reap its benefits.
Make an effort to converse with someone once a day: If you have already, converse with someone twice a day. Text, okay but ideally, face to face in person, if not possible, a phone or video call conversation. Move your body: Moving your body/exercise (preferably in nature) can boost your mood and feeling connected (Bonus if you can exercise with a friend) Helping someone: A huge mood booster is doing something for someone else (not in a people pleasing kind of way) but a genuine desire to help someone else. Volunteer for something, buy something in a drive thru for someone anonymously. Smile at someone. Offer to talk to a friend if they are struggling. A lot of human connection helping people. Make plans with people: It can be beneficial to make plans with people to help stay connected and fight isolation. Join a support group or social group: A meet up with similar interests/hobbies or book clubs or place of worship or online communities (Like The Shift Society 😉) To anyone and everyone feeling lonely or isolated - know that you are NOT alone in that. That is common humanity and that even connects us on that level. Remember that you are worthy and valued. You are deserving of love and belonging.
Yes, very much so! And most all of your choices, self isolation , canceling things, not participating in things I’ve enjoyed. I know I am very depressed, but I’m working on it.
Thank you Julia for seeing me, for hearing me, and for validating to me that I am doing the work. I’ll get past this and you and your videos and your team and the Shift Society are here to help and to challenge me to beat this depression. Thank you so much, it means the world ti me! 🙏😌😊💕
Robert here. I'm a good isolator and I hate the labels but you come across creative and thought provoking....really interestingly. This is not a plough toward connection nor am I attempting manipulation. Thanks for contributing, it is very relational...
Thank 😢you that’s exactly what l am doing after an illness. I feel nervous phoneing people. And frightened Your advice has helped me julie kristina. Mgod bless you. You have saved my Soul
Thank you. I needed to see this right now. I have health and mental issues but I have just locked myself away from the world. I have good days and bad ones. Thank you for sharing this. I am really going to try to get myself through this. God bless. 🙏🏻❤️
This video (and the other vid about Isolation) came out just in time :/ A recent breakdown, anxiety attack, and grief relapse made me numb, disconnected, and isolated :( I hope i can get back soon
What if other people’s problems and anxieties rub off on you and set you off balance? I work with people doing massage and healing work I listen to other people’s problems and hold space for their pain at work So when I get home I am depleted. When I am out with people and they start talking about their problems I feel myself start to wither. I feel like I can’t hold any more. I am also single and in my 40’s, and when I talk with other people in my age range who are also single and they voice things like “the dating scene is terrible, I have been trying for years and haven’t met any good men, I feel like their negativity is rubbing of on me and it directly affects me. I isolate, I am lonely, but people really stress me out because I am so empathetic. It’s ok with my work because I have a professional distance….but personally it just destroys my peace. My mother was very emotional and chaotic growing up and I obviously became hyper vigilant to her moods and this obviously has effected me. I am also keenly aware about how my talking about my struggles negatively affects others and weather or not they are actually listening to me. I take their tuning out or there frustration as a form of rejection
I hope to learn something new, thanks for putting this out.... I've been very tired and lonely.... Since there is no one I really try hard to learn self care techniques.
Susie from Upstate New York. 2 hrs from the Canadian border ..I love your teachings. You have helped me in many ways!! I isolate and it's scary to leave my place
Julia nice topic but in my situation it’s a bit different I have been dealing with narcissistic, toxic people including my family I’m having trust issues too bcoz of how people I loved the most hurt me including my best friend all I want is peace now and sometimes I miss the connection people but I have fear that they might be like the people I had before also i didn’t find a loving, genuine people yet everyone looks like they want to take advantage of me or want to control me
That is my position as well. Our experiences sound very similar. Each time I ventured out and took a chance on someone new, in no time they proved to be as opportunistic,selfish, toxic as the people I walked away from. I find I'm much better off with my husband, one longtime friend and my pets.People just don't have much to offer it seems.
Hi Julia, absolutely loved this and you ❤ Please also post how to make relationships and marriages work too when your partner is cold and distant but you want it to work because you realize that you were more at fault and their being away is justified, please it would be really helpful. Basically, how to express love while respecting their boundaries and also not giving that much of space that they forget us completely. Much love to you ❤ I have a huge appreciation for your work, I'm working on myself watching one video a day, small step but significant impact. Keep doing the good work ❤❤❤❤
I’ve lost all my friends. As a codependent , I have very narcissistic friends. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve separated myself from them and now I have nobody.
hello your video was very powerful and I re;ated to the entire video!!! I have extreme depression and anxiety and I really battle with self isolation... today is a good day but obviously because im actually leaving a comment 😂 But I juat wanted to say thank you for the video !! it makes ppl realize they are not alone!! 💞o and i also shared to facebook!
The problem with support groups is that they can be a real challenge for people with childhood PTSD. I tried several and what I noticed was that, despite the term "support group", such groups were instead dominated by two or three individuals who were inexplicably allowed to do so by the group facilitators. I was also in a support group in which one individual clearly showed disrespect for other members, including me, and the facilitator sat like a wet noodle without addressing it. It took me awhile to see that this individual not only felt superior to the others in the group but used the group setting to be a sort of Liza Minnelli on his own little stage. Groups are only as good and truly inclusive as the people facilitating or monitoring the group. Some of these facilitators are much too passive and do not enforce even the basic rules of group participation. I don't go to groups anymore as I found this to be a consistent pattern. I am, however, open to groups based on common interests, but to be honest I have not found "support groups" to be either particularly supportive or even to be "groups". The only exception was A,A. meetings, whose facilitators seemed adept at limiting those who sought to dominate the meetings.
I didn't feel abused in a support group I attended. Just, 'ignored'. The same few people week after week would suck up most of the time, leaving very little for the rest of the people in the group. If I was a facilitator of such a group, I'd bring a 'shot clock' or something... "You get three minutes to talk, and then a two minute Q n A from the audience.", or something like that.
Well I surmise I was fortunate a couple of years ago to bump into someone. She usually visits once a week or whenever she can, I think she’s busy in some medical field or something. She hopped on one of those “can do no wrong” neurons and it’s been sunshine and flowers the whole way. 🥂
I am suffering from cognitive dissonance. I feel like I want to make friends but I also don't like being around people. I don't have anyone to talk to except my wife. I smile when I am able.
I need to see your face in the morning before I leave to work. Gets me through the day. I think you're smart and very beautiful and your husband is lucky son of a b#$$#. Lol. Your family is good to have a person with a solid head on your shoulders.
Just kidding Julia. I have noticed I've done that more and more especially after pandemic and previous relationships. But I've found that keeping busy keeps me away from negativity.
@@juliakristinamah ive been stuck here a long time so im pretty comfortable in it even tho being a loner sucks, it feels like i wont meet people like me or similar to me and I feel like i will only meet people im not aligned with because that is alli have met
Hi darling my case my adult daughter 22 year old cut ties with me it broke my heart iam a 57 year old woman I am a single parent and my daughter isn’t nice and grateful she judged me she wants me to change to work to succeed if not she rids me of her life iam suffering from mental illness ocd depression ptsd I heard her cry out I am changing still she is abroad will be back in September meantime she cut off contact with me I just want to disappear iam so broken so hurt so scared
You're actually triggering me. You mentioned snowboarding. I always wanted to try it. But I'm afraid everyone will make fun of me. I'm 38. A veteran and no friends. But you're right about no excuses. Veterans do tend to socially isolate. You look like you served. Did you?
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
I did 16 years of this. Started making progress the last 2¹/² years
I need you to be my therapist. I'll pay
Anything..lol
yesssss! What have you been doing differently in the last 2.5 years Jayson?
@@juliakristinamah There are a number of things including a change in environment. I do think there is one particular thing that I have been able to change that has made a massive difference. I no longer give my energy and FOCUS on problems or things I can't control. I do focus on solutions and things I CAN change.
@@stevecatanio8532 Miss Julia is far more qualified for that, Lol. I also recommend "highly" the work of Mark Manson.
I swear your videos are always uploaded at the right time in my life. While I do have bouts of loneliness, I'm starting to enjoy my singleness/single season of my life. It's definitely been lonely, but I'll provide an update after watching your video. ☺️
sounds great! Looking forward to hearing it.
Ever since I have watched your videos Julia I started to feel calmer and less frustrated, thank you very much Julia your a true bless in TH-cam
I realize now that I've been isolating most of my life. I just used it as a coping mechanism not knowing about how devastating it could be in the long run. I am now 48 years old and in panic mode trying desperately to get my life in order.
My heart goes out to you...be very kind to yourself...God bless you and give you peace.
Personally, it is difficult to connect when I have no friends or someone I trust to talk to. I do have a co-worker who just happens to live down the hill but she is busy with education. I only get to connect with her a few times. I believe finding volunteer opportunities or support network will help in addition to excercise.
Thank you, Julia, for making a follow up TH-cam video on social isolation and loneliness:
Senior Shifter Chris here!
To Anyone Feeling Lonely and Isolated
I think my takeaway is that I may not have made effort to do everything on the list, I have at least done the best that I can. I had made an effort to reach out to online friends and at least have a text chat and sometimes a video chat. I still am missing that deeper human connection with a one on one, face to face conversation, but a video chat is the closest thing.
I am trying to make more effort to exercise although, that may be more for the physical and mood booster than human connection. I just don’t have anyone to do that anymore. My ex-best friend and I used to walk a lot before.
I used to volunteer at nursing homes about over a decade ago and I do remember that always being a pleasant experience not just for me but for those communities too. That may be something I can look into doing again. I even thought about it again a couple years ago, except we were in Covid lockdown and that just couldn’t be an option.
Here are my notes:
Isolation holds us back from experiencing the life that we want.
There is a difference between alone time for self-care and isolation that makes us feel down, depleted, and depressed.
You have to do hard things in order to reap its benefits.
Make an effort to converse with someone once a day: If you have already, converse with someone twice a day. Text, okay but ideally, face to face in person, if not possible, a phone or video call conversation.
Move your body: Moving your body/exercise (preferably in nature) can boost your mood and feeling connected (Bonus if you can exercise with a friend)
Helping someone: A huge mood booster is doing something for someone else (not in a people pleasing kind of way) but a genuine desire to help someone else. Volunteer for something, buy something in a drive thru for someone anonymously. Smile at someone. Offer to talk to a friend if they are struggling. A lot of human connection helping people.
Make plans with people: It can be beneficial to make plans with people to help stay connected and fight isolation.
Join a support group or social group: A meet up with similar interests/hobbies or book clubs or place of worship or online communities (Like The Shift Society 😉)
To anyone and everyone feeling lonely or isolated - know that you are NOT alone in that. That is common humanity and that even connects us on that level. Remember that you are worthy and valued. You are deserving of love and belonging.
thank you for this Chris
@@juliakristinamah You're welcome! My pleasure!
Yes, very much so! And most all of your choices, self isolation , canceling things, not participating in things I’ve enjoyed. I know I am very depressed, but I’m working on it.
I know you are Melynda. I see you showing up and doing the work. Be proud of yourself for that.
Thank you Julia for seeing me, for hearing me, and for validating to me that I am doing the work. I’ll get past this and you and your videos and your team and the Shift Society are here to help and to challenge me to beat this depression. Thank you so much, it means the world ti me! 🙏😌😊💕
Hi.
Gunjn from India🇮🇳
I often watch your videos which are really practical and not motivational like only talks. Thanks for this initiative. 💛
You're welcome Gunjn - it is my joy.
Robert here. I'm a good isolator and I hate the labels but you come across creative and thought provoking....really interestingly. This is not a plough toward connection nor am I attempting manipulation. Thanks for contributing, it is very relational...
Thank 😢you that’s exactly what l am doing after an illness.
I feel nervous phoneing people. And frightened
Your advice has helped me julie kristina. Mgod bless you. You have saved my Soul
Really glad you found this helpful. Thanks for being here.
Thank you. I needed to see this right now. I have health and mental issues but I have just locked myself away from the world. I have good days and bad ones. Thank you for sharing this. I am really going to try to get myself through this. God bless. 🙏🏻❤️
This video (and the other vid about Isolation) came out just in time :/
A recent breakdown, anxiety attack, and grief relapse made me numb, disconnected, and isolated :(
I hope i can get back soon
Same here
What if other people’s problems and anxieties rub off on you and set you off balance?
I work with people doing massage and healing work
I listen to other people’s problems and hold space for their pain at work
So when I get home I am depleted.
When I am out with people and they start talking about their problems I feel myself start to wither.
I feel like I can’t hold any more.
I am also single and in my 40’s, and when I talk with other people in my age range who are also single and they voice things like “the dating scene is terrible, I have been trying for years and haven’t met any good men, I feel like their negativity is rubbing of on me and it directly affects me.
I isolate, I am lonely, but people really stress me out because I am so empathetic. It’s ok with my work because I have a professional distance….but personally it just destroys my peace.
My mother was very emotional and chaotic growing up and I obviously became hyper vigilant to her moods and this obviously has effected me. I am also keenly aware about how my talking about my struggles negatively affects others and weather or not they are actually listening to me. I take their tuning out or there frustration as a form of rejection
I hope to learn something new, thanks for putting this out.... I've been very tired and lonely.... Since there is no one I really try hard to learn self care techniques.
What did you find helpful in this talk Dan?
Susie from Upstate New York. 2 hrs from the Canadian border ..I love your teachings. You have helped me in many ways!! I isolate and it's scary to leave my place
Julia nice topic but in my situation it’s a bit different I have been dealing with narcissistic, toxic people including my family I’m having trust issues too bcoz of how people I loved the most hurt me including my best friend all I want is peace now and sometimes I miss the connection people but I have fear that they might be like the people I had before also i didn’t find a loving, genuine people yet everyone looks like they want to take advantage of me or want to control me
That is my position as well. Our experiences sound very similar. Each time I ventured out and took a chance on someone new, in no time they proved to be as opportunistic,selfish, toxic as the people I walked away from. I find I'm much better off with my husband, one longtime friend and my pets.People just don't have much to offer it seems.
Same.
Hi Julia, absolutely loved this and you ❤ Please also post how to make relationships and marriages work too when your partner is cold and distant but you want it to work because you realize that you were more at fault and their being away is justified, please it would be really helpful. Basically, how to express love while respecting their boundaries and also not giving that much of space that they forget us completely. Much love to you ❤ I have a huge appreciation for your work, I'm working on myself watching one video a day, small step but significant impact. Keep doing the good work ❤❤❤❤
I can definitely relate to this especially the isolation issue
I’ve lost all my friends. As a codependent , I have very narcissistic friends. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve separated myself from them and now I have nobody.
hello your video was very powerful and I re;ated to the entire video!!! I have extreme depression and anxiety and I really battle with self isolation... today is a good day but obviously because im actually leaving a comment 😂 But I juat wanted to say thank you for the video !! it makes ppl realize they are not alone!! 💞o and i also shared to facebook!
The problem with support groups is that they can be a real challenge for people with childhood PTSD. I tried several and what I noticed was that, despite the term "support group", such groups were instead dominated by two or three individuals who were inexplicably allowed to do so by the group facilitators. I was also in a support group in which one individual clearly showed disrespect for other members, including me, and the facilitator sat like a wet noodle without addressing it. It took me awhile to see that this individual not only felt superior to the others in the group but used the group setting to be a sort of Liza Minnelli on his own little stage. Groups are only as good and truly inclusive as the people facilitating or monitoring the group. Some of these facilitators are much too passive and do not enforce even the basic rules of group participation. I don't go to groups anymore as I found this to be a consistent pattern. I am, however, open to groups based on common interests, but to be honest I have not found "support groups" to be either particularly supportive or even to be "groups". The only exception was A,A. meetings, whose facilitators seemed adept at limiting those who sought to dominate the meetings.
agreed - a good facilitator makes a lot of difference. It sounds like you've found that in AA.
I didn't feel abused in a support group I attended. Just, 'ignored'. The same few people week after week would suck up most of the time, leaving very little for the rest of the people in the group. If I was a facilitator of such a group, I'd bring a 'shot clock' or something... "You get three minutes to talk, and then a two minute Q n A from the audience.", or something like that.
Well I surmise I was fortunate a couple of years ago to bump into someone. She usually visits once a week or whenever she can, I think she’s busy in some medical field or something. She hopped on one of those “can do no wrong” neurons and it’s been sunshine and flowers the whole way. 🥂
Really glad to hear it!
Just lost a pet. Never realized how much value was placed on a living creature. Lacking drive.
I am isolated but not lonely...
I am suffering from cognitive dissonance. I feel like I want to make friends but I also don't like being around people. I don't have anyone to talk to except my wife. I smile when I am able.
Hi Julia
Sue from Australia. Lapping up your words. ..
Shifter Here! Awesome Teaching. ❤
Thank you for your help 🙏😊
Former Shifter… saying hi!
Hi Jodi! Great to see you here. How are the shifts going?
I need to see your face in the morning before I leave to work. Gets me through the day. I think you're smart and very beautiful and your husband is lucky son of a b#$$#. Lol. Your family is good to have a person with a solid head on your shoulders.
thanks Steve, that's really kind of you.
Just kidding Julia. I have noticed I've done that more and more especially after pandemic and previous relationships. But I've found that keeping busy keeps me away from negativity.
Connection and engagement in life are definitely great for our mental wealth ;-)
@@juliakristinamah I think I understand.
It's been 25 years like this.
how do you want things to be different? And what could be the first step
I really don't have good friends i only have my father
Hi my name is Dirk Engelbrecht, from South Africa.
Momentum there's that word again.
I like to talk about deep and heavy stuff too soon and I apologize for that.
Helpful advice, good tips for battling isolation.
Can you make a video about fear of intimacy?
emotional or physical?
@@juliakristinamahemotional
Is there such thing as trauma treatment similar to PTSD?
I wish I could come out it but it’s so hard.
what feels hard about going out?
@@juliakristinamah ive been stuck here a long time so im pretty comfortable in it even tho being a loner sucks, it feels like i wont meet people like me or similar to me and I feel like i will only meet people im not aligned with because that is alli have met
Hi darling my case my adult daughter 22 year old cut ties with me it broke my heart iam a 57 year old woman I am a single parent and my daughter isn’t nice and grateful she judged me she wants me to change to work to succeed if not she rids me of her life iam suffering from mental illness ocd depression ptsd I heard her cry out I am changing still she is abroad will be back in September meantime she cut off contact with me I just want to disappear iam so broken so hurt so scared
Yes me me me me 😢
You're actually triggering me. You mentioned snowboarding. I always wanted to try it. But I'm afraid everyone will make fun of me. I'm 38. A veteran and no friends. But you're right about no excuses. Veterans do tend to socially isolate. You look like you served. Did you?
4:30 - Newton's First Law of Motion 😉
This is so random, but I love your voice.
thank you! I appreciate that.
I want to become a professional text commenter. It's really all I can do. I'm too old to do anything else.
lol
@@juliakristinamah lol
😮😊
🤍👌🏻☺️
im a isolated loser
No, you're not. The world needs you
She has no clue at all. Please stop speaking about things that you have to idea about.
Not everythings about u
Yes, YES, ..!!?
What about trust..??!!!