My Mom Thinks Living in Germany Has Made Me Rude 😳🤯
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ส.ค. 2024
- The first few weeks my mom spent in Germany she was constantly offended by what I did or said to her. We finally figured out that it was the German mentality I had adopted that she wasn’t used to. She said I’ve become rude, blunter, or direct… whatever you’d like to call it… so we decided to have a sit-down and hash it out on camera.
What do your family and friends say about you since moving to Germany?
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As a German it is really hard for me to understand why someone wouldn't just say what they want. :D
"Do you want a sausage?"
"Yes please"
Done. :D
As a non German I totally agree. You want something just say it
What's with the beating the Bush B.S
German comes into a room with a cake. "Möchte jemand ein Stück Kuchen?" Canadians: "Oh, that looks delicious!" German: "Ja, sehr schön. Also wollt ihr jetzt Kuchen, oder nicht?" Canadians: "Well.." German: "Dann also nicht. Wer nicht will, der hat schon."
Great comment 😊😊😊
Correct. Not only germans...
Perfect example, I am always omg how rude (I'm a Croat living in Germany)
@@anamariagodo5475 Why rude? If i want a cake i say yes please. If i don't want a cake i say no thank you. And i don't want to repeat the same mantra all evening.
Its exhausting to say "Nie Dziekuje" about 100 times each and every evening.
@@anamariagodo5475 Do you live here?
For what - Money? Simply you don't must...
You're mum is so sweet .
Germans are more direct than rude . And we look into the eyes if we talk to someone . This is a cultural difference .
❤️👍❤️👍
oh ja, wie man etwas sagt und dann der Augenkontakt. ganz wichtig im deutschen!!!
Yes! I m an Aussie, I would say we are pretty friendly folk. So when I moved to germany, I had to learn to not be scared to say what I was thinking, or stand up for myself if someone was in my way (in a polite manner).
The standing up for myself in a polite manner is/was the hardest thing for me here in germany! But when I do it.. I feel so proud 😅😅
I have to learn that, too.. And I'm living here in Germany for my whole life. :D
(But the culture in my family is a littlebit diffrent, because ma ancestors lived in the east (europe, asia) in mostly german villages for some generations.)
Wait, you Aussies are that "overly polite" too? :D
All the Aussies I know are the biggest d*ckheads ever (I mean that in a positive way, dont get me wrong) xD Like nice, sympathetic, charismatic people but pretty... direct too and having a pretty dark/"insulting" humour :D but maybe I just got to know Aussies like that, I mean.. a few dont show off a whole population I guess :D
"stand up for yourself in a polite manner?"
you mean behaving like a grown-up instead of an emotionally needy manipulator (definition of a child)?
@@whattheflyingfuck... Politeness is still a cultural thing, so there are diffrent codes, which doesn't have to do with being grown up or anythig. If you know, you have to invide exactly 3 times, before they will say yes, you know it and you'll do it and this has nothig to do with grown up or not, but with politeness codes.
Just like "Herr Müller" instead of just "Müller", which would safe time, thus actually would be more logical, but isn't that polite. (You have to think of languages as diffrent mixtures of economy and iconicity - which is for example expressing politeness.)
We dutch are even more direct then germans. We stand for honesty and be more open nothing wrong with that say and do things that make you happy and not to please and make the other person happy
An old joke: what is the difference between an Englishman and a German? The Englishman is too polite to be honest and the German ist too honest to be polite.
We lived in canada for 4 years and are now living in Singapore and adapting to those cultures was a real struggle. Living in canada helped a lot tough later on on in Singapore.
I tend to think that in germany I was almost overly polite, but living in canada brought my use of the wourds "would", "could" and "please" really to the next level. What I could not bring me to do was to speak in riddles as you described it in your video perfectly. I got way better in solving them though.^^
While I understand this way in private it was really hard to realize that many people are that way in business, too. Ireally apreciate the US smalltalk culture, but at some point they will just come to a point and tell you what they exacly want - and to most part it is almost the same in Singapore, too. Thay will voice objections or critics only indirectly, but at least they will telll you straight forward what they want.
In canada though you would often hear things like"Well... it might be also nice to have this or that, too". And that's when the riddle always started: Is this something essential he is willing to pay for or is ir just some gimnick that he would like to have if you could faciliate it at (almost) no cost. And when you got to your third "Hmm...well..." part in only one meeting that is always my point when i am happy that I am still doing 90% of my business in Europe and the US.
In private when you have time and you are relaxed that is ok and maybe even fun, but when it is about essentials in business my german nature always wants to scream "JUST COME TO YOUR POINT !". ;)
Haha so true!! In business its ten times more difficult!! 🙈🙈🙈
I experienced this in the UK where I lived for 8 years. The phrase "Excuse me" can be either a polite apology, an expression of personal offense or hurt or even a massive telling off. Just those two words! And when you write an email, especially for work purposes, make sure to waste plenty of lines of fluff before and after getting to the actual point, or they consider you rude ;) It really takes up a lot of unnecessary time *Sigh
Hahahah right?! I am the quickest email responder now thanks to my German directness 😂😂🙈 guess it’s not going to land me any North American clients though!
After living 8 years in the UK , its obviously not for you then ! . Is that what you are trying to say ????
@@lifeingermany_ As an American of German Extraction (Fifth generation), I find the the American emphasis on friendliness frequently comes across as being 'insincere' and therefore, to me anyway, rude. It works both ways!
To Kidan Tisan: Americans almost never use the expression, "Excuse me" with the meaning in any of the three senses which you described. They almost invariably say, "I'm sorry," or simply, "Sorry." They did nothing "wrong" for which to be "sorry." I for one find this 'pretend' obsequiousness madding! It's [to me] so obviously 'insincere.' Why is this overt attempt at friendliness not considered rude?
The real question should be, "Why are we Americans so [to me, 'overly'] concerned with being seen as being "Friendly?"
P.S. for Kidan Tisan: In the second half of your post, it is unclear whether you were speaking about the Americans, the Brits, or both.
What I realised is that Brits and Germans are feeling both a bit offended by the short form of address in messages from the US. It’s usually the first name with an exclamation mark. So a friendly Good Morning, how are you or so is missing.
And I absolutely love it when a Brit asks you: How are you? To tell them the whole miserable story of your journey to work and you can extend it for a couple of minutes with the weather and your aches after the gym.
When I read "Rude" I knew it would be fun 😁
There is a perception that Canadians are the nicest people in the world and that Germans are rude.
In the US I noticed that people are never direct.
This contradicts the German sense of efficiency. This is counted as a wasted lifetime.
We say here: "You sneak around like a cat around the bush"
Of course, Germans could also be fluffy.
It should be possible to get used to it within twenty years.😉
Other than that, we're very helpful.
And we're actually nice and genuine people. Jenna, in my experience the Germans in NRW are the kindest and friendly of Germans I know. And then it goes down to BW my home state and Bayern. So if I were you, I'd just soak it all up. And if you drive a few clicks west you'll be in the friendliest country of the EU.
I'm interested in why you take a video talking about Canadians and turn it against Americans. What she says about Canadians goes exactly for Americans but in your mind and in European minds, it's okay for Canadians to be that way but not for Americans.
@@caciliawhy5195 I usually assume Americans and Canadians to be very similar in matters of cultural customs because of their proximity and use of the same language. I rather expect more differences between different environments like rural or metropolitan areas. This is not true for politics of course.
@@caciliawhy5195 Well, to be fair, US Americans don't rly have that good of a reputation compared to Canadians :D
Richtig
We are not rude, we are honest!
I totally agree with you
and direkt. Without sugar coating everything.
I agree the world needs to learn from Germans. (Speaking as a non German never been to Germany)
I think Germans are very rude. I wouldn't go to a place where people are so horrible, uncaring, and especially unfriendly. I wouldn't go to a place where people do not welcome people who are new. I wouldn't go to a place where people yell at strangers. I wouldn't go to a place where people skite about how safe their country is. I would really hate seeing people check to see if I have put out my recycling correctly. I wouldn't like to be reminded about how people are so inhumane or act as informants. I wouldn't go to a place where people are so unfriendly even at work.
I wouldn't go to a place where I would be treated like a machine rather than a human being.
There are so many places to go to where people are humane, friendly, accepting, caring and easygoing. Germany would not be on my list of places to go to. I don't like how German women skite and German men have so many cold-blooded ideas. I hate hearing stories about racism. I don't like Germans shitting on streets in other people's countries. I would love to know why they do that.
I would like to know why Germans love honesty but don't like honest comments.
I would like to know why Germans think people like me are fake and superficial. I am definitely neither of those things. Where I am from, people genuinely care about the feelings of other people. It's being a genuinely caring human.
Let's be frank about that, we are rude and honest. We are not made out of sugar so we are build a little rough.
We call that real, not rude. The shortest connection between two points is a straight line.
German here, living abroad since 2004 (Spain, Sweden, US, Portugal), and I hear that every day. I really don't care anymore. Who doesn't pay my rent or fill my fridge, will get the pure unfiltered me.
Ich habe syrische Freunde… da sind Antworten auch sehr freundlich und „ja“ und „nein“ immer eine höfliche Antwort und nicht das, was sie wirklich wollen. Manchmal müssen wir uns dann gegenseitig fragen (meistens bin ich das als direkte, unhöfliche Deutsche 😉) „Ist das ein syrisches oder ein deutsches Nein?“ 😂
In Deutschland sagt man "Der Ton macht die Musik". Das heißt, ob "rude" oder nicht erkennt man am Ton und der Aussprache der Worte. Wir sind höflich direkt. Wenn jemand unhöflich ist, wird das auch in Deutschland negativ gesehen. Political correctness bedeutet bei uns "Um den heißen Brei reden" :)
Richtig...so ist es....der ton macht die musik......und die haben auch herrliche worte dafur.....
I don't think that Germans are rude, they are just more direct, which I enjoy because for me sometimes is hard for me to read the room, so being direct helps you avoid any misunderstandings. I hate it when people give me mixed signals. I hope you do the pre-pregnancy clothes challenge.
I finally figured out what you meant by pre-pregnancy clothes now! I just watched a couple of videos 😂 oh goodness! Nothing even remotely fits me! I’ll try and make a video before I give birth! Haha itll be awful! 🙈
I am always amazed to hear that we are considered to be rude just because we don't sugarcoat things. Say as it is and move on with your life 😉
Richtig....grosses herz....geradeaus. und immer helfen
Believe me, once you've lived outside the country for a while, you realise that there is a tiny bit of a potential for improvement" here too!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@BlissLovePeace Ive lived outside the country and i don't believe you
@@manzanasrojas6984 outside which country and where?
I'm not German but I'm very direct. And people in my culture always call me a botch. And I'm flabbergasted because my thought is your worse for being so two faced
It’s not only the Canadian Way ,it’s the American Way😂😂Don’t waste your breath and go to the point,that’s my Way👍😉
Ohhh it’s been such a breath of fresh air following this German approach 🫶🏽😝
@@lifeingermany_ 😂👍❤️
I like your german-canadian way.I am very sure that your mother will learn a lot more from you.Your videos together are just great.I love it.
awww thank you so much for this sweet message 🥰
Your Mum made it very very clear that she continued to find you being "blunt". I hope to hell she never changes.
In NZ we respect our elders. We like to learn from them. Not really the other way around.
More disrespect to add to the bluntness that your Mum clearly does not appreciate. It is not nice seeing upstarts trying to change people who are so polite and from a place where everyone likes the people there- not the place where most people feel they are rude and unfriendly.
I wouldn't like my daughter to change into a blunt/rude person. Not a bit.
I know we Germans are more direct which often gets interpreted as being rude. However it was very fun to see that even you Jenna are so used to it and had a hard time to rethink about what your mom really wanted with her canadian politeness. 😊
Oh, I can identify with this sooooo much! I have definitely changed but it’s still not working for me, somehow. I just can’t seem to get it right lol! Give your sweet mum an extra big hug, Jenna! It must have felt really strange for her, just like culture shock for us when we got here, but more personal than ever because you are her daughter.
I'm sure you will be getting to the point where you'll get it right! :D
Just stand in front of a mirror every morning and start to insult yourself, that way it will be so easy to slowly but surely become german! (just kiddin ofcourse, please dont insult yourself :D)
@@TheCovenant2 oh dear! Do Germans really insult themselves? I certainly don’t need to catch up on that, as a Brit.
@@LaureninGermany Haha, well, Im pretty sure theres always people all over the world that actually do stuff like that xD
But no, that was, as mentioned, merely a joke :D
And if it was a bad one; always remember I'm german! 🤣
@@TheCovenant2 och…! We say in English: it’s the thought that counts! You keep making jokes, it’s much appreciated! Xx
Oh, come on Lauren, you've been living here for so long now and even chose one of us rude Germans as a spouse - maybe you've changed without noticing it? (We should establish a control group to scientifically evaluate your claim)😉😁💛 - ok,ok, I will stop being a rude German for now...
Do you know the book "How To Be A Brit" by George Mikes? He was a Hungarian who imigrated to England and wrote about his perception of British people in sort of a loving irony. Simply hilarious for everyone who loves Britain and its people - as I do since I first went to London and Brighton when I was in my second to last year in school (maaaaannnyyyy years ago). If you haven't read it, do yourself a favour and take a look at it - I'll bet you to agree with him on most parts, now that you have more of an outside view of your old home...
😂We are not rude, we just get directly to the point.
As a German, I feel the rudeness sometimes too. Because being direct and honest can be very rude and than the sound and tone is important and makes the difference
As a German, too, I prefer the german directness highly over the anglo-american overwelming sugarcoating "politeness".
You know what the German want in the way its wanted.
Anglo-Americans are so exhausting between the lines...
Nicht umsonst das Sprichwort: "Der Ton macht die Musik."
@@chemieingenieur6536 sehe ich genauso. Dieses gekünstelte, überfreundliche Gehabe kann ich nicht leiden.
Das ist Quatsch. Du haust, warum auch immer, die ehrliche Direktheit mit Unhöflichkeit in einen Topf. Ich denke Du verfolgst damit ein Ziel....
@@chemieingenieur6536It is not an anglo-am. matter, bc in nearly every other country they treat each other more respectful.
Germans aren't rude... others are just to "weak" (=easily offended).
Am I rude? Yes, according to my American family who have seen me change from a nice person to a rude person who lives in Germany.
The bathroom door thing is odd - often German bathrooms do not have fans or windows, so I leave the door open for that reason. Also, to let people know no one is in there. What I've learned of Germans is they prefer to keep that stink in that room and never let it go away.
Can't say, as a Canadian, that people in Canada have such so circuitous way of saying they would like the window opened. "Can you open the window for me, please" is what any normal kid or adult would say esp. to a family member -- unless they were unsicher.
How can it be rude, when someone adresses you with: "Excuse me, can you please..."? How does a Canadian ask for the way, if he/she gets lost? Not with a similar phrase?
Sure, with the exact same phrase! 🙃
Or “sorry, do you mind…”
@@lifeingermany_ BUT THATS RUDE! 🤣 haha
Deutsch: "Tschuldigung! Kannst Du mal...??"
Smalltalk and sugarcoating are not a Germans strength. It helps to get in contact but stands in the way of a fast solution. Even constructive criticism or getting out an emergency command to someone to prevent people from losing or being hurt are often taken emotionally from the US or Canadian people (AKA "Germans are rude"). They are not meant in a bad way (most of the time) and emotions are not the place when facts are demanding action. Keep it simple and honest. Tell what you like and what you don't like, but keep an eye on not hurting other people emotionally when not needed.
Kindness is a good think sich is honesty. The challenge is to use this together. To be too polite turns sometimes into dishonesty. If we invite Canadian friends for dinner and we ask how they like it it is always a positive response and I don’t know if they really liked it.
I am a Kiwi.
I always like it when other people cook for me.
I can't think of a time when I didn't like something. I always say some thing or some things that are positive.
If I really love something I will make that clear.
It is wonderful if someone has cooked for me. It is also interesting what people make. Everyone eats different kinds of things. I genuinely enjoy everyone's efforts. The whole experience is really nice. The home, the friendliness, and just however they do things.
I am less fussy and more appreciative than other people I know. I am very lucky, and have victims of the Holocaust ( distant relations of mine) to thank for my gratitude for food, and appreciation of every human kindness.
@@barbsmart7373 Well, that’s a nice attitude.
I often talk to Americans, its so difficult and energy consuming for me bc. I always have to figure if they really mean what they say and trying to be honest and polite at the same time
Die deutschen.helfen sofort. Oder sagen es geht nicht....geradeaus....liebe mein heimatland....hmmm
@@dagmarvandoren9364 👍
@@gigi2091 Hello Gigi
I'm from UK but we have a similar culture of trying not to be a nuisance. I've lived in Hungary and now live in Croatia but I find people in both countries are not like that. They tend to be focussed on what they want to do and are somewhat oblivious of what impact that will have on strangers. The example of the photograph seemed very familiar to me. In UK people would keep out of the way until the person had taken the shot.
I am German, but honestly situations like with that photo would annoy me too. I often see people stand in the way at train stations and the like and I always wonder if they have absolutely no sense of their surroundings.
I try to stay out of the way, but apparently that is not as common as it should be.
Actually, quite similar: People walking slowly and next to each other, blocking the entire way with plenty of space in front and behind. Not talking to each other either - most likely strangers. Just... why.
@@Yotanido Well, I live in Berlin.. we are not exactly known to be the most friendly type of german but even here people that see that youre taking a picture usually go out of the way.. seems like areas that are known to be "more friendly" are missing other common sense stuff xD
And actually.. You just absolutely did the german thing: ranting about people being slow and blocking you xDD in many other countries its just okay, we germans are more likely to rant about it because "WE AINT GOT TIME FOR SLOW WALKIN, MOVE BIATCH" :DDDD
I don't know if that is really a german thing or if it is more personal. I'm German and I always have in my mind not to disturb anybody by standing in the way or whatever.
As a German it really drives me crazy when people don't say what they mean or want. I take them literally, no fuzz, I just give them what they articulate. I cannot look into their head and I do not try "mind reading".
Im with you on that!!
Well you can. You call that politeness and emphaty. God I hate Germans.
Very sweet your mom..tell her bonjour from Montreal😘😀....btw...since Tuesday no more plastic bags / not even recyclable...in Montreal 👍
Hello Gigi
Throughout Germany the level of rudeness differs between the regions and dialects. A Franconian "Passt" may come of rude (or not happy with something) to anyone not from Franconia, but is actually almost a compliment.
But Franconia is a little bit special:
When someone askes you about the quality of a meal, then there are three possible answers:
1. „Da Hunga traabds nei“ (Hunger pushes it in) means: its quite good
2. „Des koosd fei echt essen! (You really can eat it) means: Yummy!
3. ‚Lecker! (‚Yummy): This is a compliment thar even the best cooks of Michelin‘s restaurant guides never will hear!
My dad said, when he found something great, "Das is fein." (That's fine). There was space for escalation like "Das is wundervoll" (That's wonderful) or "Das ist ganz toll" (That's really great) or similar. But for something really good but not awesome it was always "Das ist fein." I can't imagine what people from other countries would think about that, when they would give him a present or similar and he'd say "That's fine." :-D
Hello and good evening.
Your mom is really cool, it must be a lot of fun to be out with her, she also exudes a certain calmness and coziness. In Germany, too, it is a process that can be recognized by many, I don't necessarily have to have fallen on every person under all circumstances.
It's okay to like other things too and having a different opinion.
And of course Germany doesn't just have one way of doing things, not every German is so extremely direct and get's straight to the point with everything. It can also depend on the situation, I know people in Berlin and on the Mecklenburg Baltic Sea coast that need a while to tell you what they want and they talk a lot until they get to the important parts, that's far away of being efficient.
There is not that homogenous mass in Germany, even if there are certain people who like to fantasize about it.
This was so well written, Robert! And you’re absolutely right 🥰🫶🏽 each and every person is very unique (regardless of where we all come from) and there’s really never a “one size fits all”!
I'm from Berlin and I have absolutely never met a "native Berliner" that didnt get straight to the point - were the ones you met still on drugs? :DD Just kidding... well, slightly :D
EDIT: and were they actually Berliner or did they just move to Berlin like.. half the population of it xD
Your mom is soooo sweet and lovely... I understand her point, I am from Iran living in Germany. People in Iran are kinda similar to Canadians in that regard, being polite, considerate of other people's feelings, and not expressing their real feelings. We actually have a cultural term for that "Tarof" ^_^
What a lovely comment. I have heard so,so many stories about Germans being extremely unfriendly, unwelcoming, anal, racist, lacking basic humanity and various other things. Sometimes it feels traumatizing just hearing about the racism, interrogations, and being yelled at, even while in my country.
I would go to a country like yours I am sure they wouldn't expect newcomers to speak your language perfectly!
A friend of mine spent some time in Canada with a guest family as a child and later visited them again and again. Once her guest family visited her parents here in Germany. When my friend came in she still showed her "normal" German personality. Then she switched to speaking English and her demeanor completely changed. So yes, I understand your mother.
My mom is like that, too. But she get's really mad when I'm german (like she is, we're all german), and don't try to decipher her passive-aggressive secret language, or get it wrong. A few years back I stopped playing that game with her altogether, I take her at her word. I don't really get how this happened, she brought me up alone, she is probably responsible for most of my behaviour. How does she do that and I haven't learned it from her?
Bit of a tangent. My point is that my mom does it, too. And there is another way to look at it, as being rude to make the other person play a game of cat and mouse about what you're saying, making others not able to take you at your word.
Haha I think you said it well! Sometimes I’d get angered by the game and then upset with her and feel bad for it while at the same time wondering “why am I angry?” But that’s exactly it, it was simply upsetting that she’d make me play the game 🙈 though as a Canadian, she has no idea what I even mean when I say “game” 🤪 … maybe next time she’s here she will play by our rules 😂😂
@@lifeingermany_ Good, when I read through it after posting I thought that it might be phrased a little too direct :-)
The thing is that they do it to be nice and that it comes across as almost mean (if we didn't know better) is simply because of our customs. If everyone around us would do it and we'd be used to it it wouldn't be such an issue. I guess it's one chance for us germans and germanised people to apply ourselves to being nice, so others don't think us so mean :-)
Here is a difference between directness and rudeness. I personally value it very much that in Germany People tend to say what they mean without anyone getting overly offended. I think that this "komm zum punkt" Culture isn't appretiated nearly enough. Never ask a German how you look if you can't stand a honest answer and i for once love that! I take a serious "you look okay" over a fake, make you feel good "awwww you look awsoooome" any day.
Being direct is better than beating around the bush. I don't like wasting time in small talk about weather
We are a lot more caring and happier people. Everyone really likes my people. Especially the German girls who lap up the kindness from our guys.
@@barbsmart7373 Where do you come from?
Love this! I think we can learn a lot from this discussion. Thank you! And you are both sooo sweet!
Hello Lyn
If you want directness, cross the border and come to the Netherlands 😅 We are infamous for this trait lol
We Germans like efficiency in our communication. 😉 You can be friendly and direct.
So why aren't they?
German here, I didn´t even know about beeing rude, because I am NOT, I always try to be nice to others. I am not really aware of someone could find me rude, I am direct, yes, but I am fare away to offend someone with that (well, maybe sometimes, because there are alot of as....oles outside, like in any other country, so in germany). I think we Germans are just used to be like we are and we don´t be rude intentionally (well even most of the time). Now, I do like you and how you act with your mom 😍, keep on going 👍
Being sincere and direct is much more inclusive for autistic people.
that’s a really good point 💛💛💛
I have lived in South Africa many decades and they have a more Anglo Saxon approach to directness. When I visit Germany every second year it takes me a few days to acclimatise again.
A: "Do you want to have a cup of coffee?"
B:"No."
A:"Ok."
...
...
...
2 hours later:
B:"I was so thirsty..." XD
Honestly I'd be annoyed by that way of politeness. 😅
Hahahha I have been so mean to her sometimes I feel bad! 😔💛 because when she would make the claim of being thirsty, I’d be like “seriously, mom?!?! It’s more work for me to go make that coffee now while I’m in the middle of something” 🙈😂🫶🏽
Yes, I don't think that is a typical Canadian trait, life is too short for such behaviour!
Me too...! 🙈🤣
@@lifeingermany_ Well, she IS your mom, and I seriously doubt that she will adapt a German mindset for the short time she is here. - Maybe bring back that Canadian mindset for the time your mom is in GERMANY - I am sure you remember?
Was it you, that said, Germans ask you why you smile so much? I don't even think Canadians smile half as much as Ameicans do. I got a real kick out of that. And I do know that Canadians don't like to be mistaken for being American.
When I visited the U.S. some years ago, I switched to "American mindset mode", being part American myself, because it won't help to walk around with a German mindset in America, at least not in my case.
It kind of seems to me that your Mum totally prefers her Canadian way over the German directness but she‘s too polite to say so. 😂
As a german I don't like the 'guessinggame' what is really asked, what am I supposed to do. I am bad at this, and I feel insecure in those environments. Although I get the vibe. Thank you for the insight. It helped me alot to grasp and deal with the difference.
Schmierig...hihihi
Hello Irene
Why would someone get into comparison. She is perfectly and comfortable with the way she is. Her and I wouldn't dream of being rude, fussy, unfriendly, unpleasant, and serious or to treat others like machines not people.
Lived in the States for 16y ... I have experienced countless situations like that. The first one actually happened long before I moved there, it was in the late 80s for a summer and I flew into LAX, got to the greyhound bus station and drove down to San Diego. Arriving in downtown, I went to have a coffee (which was awful back then) and walked into a clothing store looking at a t-shirt, when the woman in the store asked me "Hi, how are you?" Well stupid me, I simply answered the question, like "Oh boy, I just flew into LAX, came down here on a bus and I am totally wasted, it's been a really long day ... and .... " when I realised that she looked at me as if I had a screw loose. At the home of a friend, his mom asked if I wanted a coffee. Well, stupid me, I just answered the question "Sure, that would be great, thanks" ... you can imagine ... something was awkward. Over the years I experienced countless situations, also in reverse, like me saying "why don't you just f&*^ say so ... I'm no mind reader". Well, well ... meanwhile me and my American wife live back in Europe and we do understand, and yes, appreciate both attitudes, well, to a certain degree. Germans could be a little more polite, and Anglos (UK/CA/USA) could stop more often wasting our time and come to the f&^% point and actually say what they mean.
Hahaha I always say the exact same thing! We could all learn something from one another… being polite and at the same time, straight to the point, right!? 😅✊
@@lifeingermany_ Absolutely 😁😘
It’s important to say what you want and don’t want and that’s what we also teach our children
Imagine someone touches them and they don’t want to
They can’t say „well… if it doesn’t bother you…“ etc 😅😂
They need to be clear that they don’t want it
I also tell my daughter nobody will be mad at you if you just say „no, i don’t want that“ or „no, i don’t like it“
❤
Es ist so wahr. Ihr seid süß zusammen. Weiter so.
To me you're (still) a nice person, but mums are always right. Always! ; )
Ehrlich wärt am Längsten, Leute!
Your mom is soooo lovely! I totally get her point with Germans being very straightforward, although I’m German myself 🙊 I really have to say that I struggled with this straightforward characteristic and sometimes this rude-sounding sentences myself because I’m just like a little shy sometimes and like very sensitive so really often I’m in this “oh I’m sorry for asking but would it be possible, that under circumstances I could xyz” (you know, this like huuuge political correctness) and so often my dad is like “Linda just get to your point - you are beating around the bush allllll the time, you really should train to say things more straightforward” and I really had a hard time training and improving this. However, since I got better and really like say more clearly or directly what I think/want/etc it really is sooooo much easier to go through life haha - it’s life changing, kind of 😅 but like already mentioned: I really had a hard time training this and I’m a German girl so I totally get the point of your mom and especially because you’re her daughter, so things are extra sensitive I think🙊 and sometimes I meet other German oder other nations people with like a very friendly and maybe beating around the bush-type of communication-style and I really enjoy the conversation with them and the feeling of willingness and respect it signalising, so yeah, a little bit more jercks and twerks (or however your mom named it) sometimes really makes a friendlier vibe ☺️ give your mom a big hug - she is so cute and sympathic! I hope she although enjoyed her time in germany🌞🥰
My German perspective on this issue is:
I wonder what is nice about saying "no" while meaning "yes" and then being offended when someone takes it seriously. I do get the point that it might feel bad to bother someone with your request. In that case, I would either say "no" and mean "no" or I would say something like "only if it is not too much effort". But I think, it is a strange courtesy demanding to be asked again or ignored when you refuse an offer because you actually would want to take it.
Very true: “Ich bin aus Berlin, nicht aus Zucker.” 🤣🤣
straight to the point a German thing no blah blah blah or wasting time with babble many people think that's rude but it's not, it's just more efficient than such swearing. Ach ja voll vergessen Germans are sons of Odin, we live and die upright and bow to no one.😁
Nice video as always :3
Your mums still lovely, haha
But yeah, im actually pretty glad that we are like we are here - sure, there are rude people but you find them everywhere I guess.. but I just couldnt figure out what someone wants.. for example that thing with the sausage you brought up.. it'd be like "I feel that she probably wants one but shes saying no.." I would be so lost.. because people here would just not take it if they didnt want one and well.. now I'd have to eat 2 sausages when I only want one and blah :D Its so much easier just saying what you want in a polite way xD
And damn, I didnt notice before, but damn, you got a pretty nice vampire-tooth on the left side, I like it :D
Lisa looks great! Love her new hair!
I guess you should have a trip to the Switzerland . You need to beextra polite there , also in the shop except if there are German shop assistant. *ggg*
Instead of sorry , we use here in Vienna/Austria (En)Tschuldigung , just as a word and the rest you hope that the others understand , like I want to leave the train, I want to go to the cash desk etc
Oh ja, mutter und tocheter. Ich liebe es. Dank fur alles was du tust
For many europeans the ' how are you today ' greeting may seem to be superficial and fake .
the way your mom staring at you 😭😭😭🥰🥰🥰
I have become much more straightforward. I know that my sister-in-law for example, is shocked by my straightforwardness and so I try to add more fluff when talking to her but that now sounds….stupid. 😂
Stay as you are
Haha i always feel the same way now too!!
Great video. I have really loved your mom. She is so cute
Aww thanks so much 🥰💛
Itll be sad to have her leave germany at the end of the month! 😢
I don't think that part with communication between you and your mom is a Canadian-German-thing!
Times change and to me things like you mentioned with situations in shops or all around happen more likely than 30 years ago. People in part have become more ignorant and self-centered. So I'm sometimes delighted about simple politeness (which can also be straight forward).
Your mom's communication traits are somewhat stereotypical here for mostly elder/rather women, but not in general - without wanting to attack your mom or anyone else or assuming anything I can't know...
Patterns go like this: describe detailed delight for something without explicitly expressing desire and request, waiting for other persons to fulfill unexpressed wishes, being frustrated and huffy and/or attacking these other people for not being or wanting to be telepaths respectively asking for one's wishes... 🙄
These often happens with people who are socialized for not taking responsibility for themselves, projecting to and looking for guilt in others.
This shouldn't mean to be rude to these people but I know that these sort of folks can be very strenuous.
For a little more unstressed perspective on this topic you may take a look at the "Vier-Seiten-Modell" (Four-sides model) by Friedemann Schulz von Thun.
It may also help with communication with your mother... Have a nice day!
Totally relate, just moved to Germany couple of months ago and if it wasn't for this video, I literally would still carry the thoughts that I gathered about German people - they're being rude and cold haha, after living many years in London that's just not the way to talk to people, but I think I might still need some time to grasp it and just be as direct and straight to the point as Germans are
Usually it's not meant to be nasty when we might seem rude with being direct...!
Like we say "Der Ton macht die Musik!", which means something like "the message changes with accentuation/stress (or might change)". I know, this doesn't make it easier for you... 🤪
Just feel welcome! 😉
@@marcomobson thank you ❤️
Excuse me, something very off-topic now. It's about capitalizing of nouns in german wriitten language. I rejected it for decades because I wanted to belong to the progressive crowd (Bertolt Brecht, RAF). But one excample made me change my mind. "ich habe liebe genossen". "Ich habe Liebe genossen"= "I have enjoyed love". "Ich habe liebe Genossen" = "I have dear comrades".
To ignore a No to sauage is like forcing it on her. Disrespectful, in my book.
Ein Herz aus Lübeck. Ihr seid super süß!
When you are friendly in a professional situation (e.g. as a sales person) it has to feel authentic. Not like „I have to be that way so you‘ll give me all your money.“ 😉 I don‘t like Autohäuser (car sellers). The staff is mostly very serious there. Sometimes it feels like these people müssen zum Lachen in den Keller gehen. („have to go the basement for laughing“ - German saying for someone who appears to be no fun person at all, like never have laughed in his / her entire life).
In Germany we say: Der Ton macht die Musik! and that means, it is not so much what you say, it is how you say it! ( nice voice etc)
Hello Loreley
HaHaHa - you two are so funny together and cute as buttons 👍👏🤣💛. And to be rudely honest here: I too would have gotten her a "Bratwurst", knowing her "Canadian-twisted" way of communicating what she might or might not like to have 😁.
But at one point I'd like to differ: to me, as an outside observer, you seem to have become more of a German in a Candian sort of way...💛
Canadian here. While I agree that Germans seem very blunt or direct, I think you and your mom exaggerate the extent of Canadians' wishy-washy nature. If somebody asks if I want a beer, or a hot dog, I'll simply say, "Yes, please." I think that the passive-aggressive, overly polite trait is more common among women in Canada, generally, than amongst Canadian men. Interesting topic, though.
From my England holidays I brought back the habit to say (a truely meant) SORRY, when I blocked etc. someone in the supermarket. I always get kind reactions. But I will always be German with the direct way. Like Jesus says in the bible: "Your yes shall be a yes and your no shall be a no."...
Really funny Video. Liked it a lot
What about when Germans ask you if you want help and you say "No.", and they help you anyway? And when you ask to help Germans and they say no, and you help anyway and they get upset.
So complicated, right? 🙈
But it is definitely NOT like Germans aren't indirect in plenty situations.
I remember on several things when person A was acting like your mom with the waiting or the way she was trying to telling that she likes to eat the sausage ...
Even I did it like that in a few times ...
So person A is definitely also german (or do we germans have canadian hearts sometimes?😅)
But on the other hand person B is always the german way. How would the canadian way be like I didnt get it?!😂)
The german way is definitely like "why arent you telling me it?" or "just say what you want ..."
If german person A wouldn't be like a candian person it won't come to a rude/direct counter quastion / back answer ...😉
So therefore germans don't any foreigners 🤪
Quick question though, will your dad come back?
He will be visiting in December 🥰 maybe we’ll have to get some videos produced then as well? Christmas market themed?
@@lifeingermany_ That will be nice, we're looking forward to that.
My mom said the same thing...
Americans: we sometimes beat around the bush.
Deutschlander: Bitte hör auf, den Pflanzen zu schaden!
😂
Not trying to be rude, but dancing around the bush and making me guess what you want makes it harder for me to be a good host/friend/person. To me, it's incredibly draining and frustrating and thus, impolite.
Totally agree! 🤣
jenna best of both worlds 😍
Klasse Video! :)
ohh you both are so cute, I fell in love with you both
😍🥰 thank you!!!!
Jeanna, at 7:29 you answered that person.
You were self-critical, insightful and corrected your faux pas without any objection.
Despite your excellent pronunciation, did that sounds like a German? Obviously not at all! Overall, you're waay too nice🤦 Jeanna, that's not how it works here!
Unbelievable for me to be honest.
I would have answered visibly indignantly:
There inside is a sign -bitte lüften-☝️
But ok, I'll close this piece of wood for you.
Plz, you shouldn't yell at me right away, right?
And then I would close the door🤓
If you still complain a little while doing, the more better 😉 When you leave you could say for example kind of: "Na hoffentlich kriege ich JETZT meinen Bus noch 🙏"😅
Canadians shop on Sundays or something?
I don't care about what others think. This sugarcoating especially from the North Americans guves me thooth-pain. If they cannot accept normal language, they should just leave.
Oh by the way, isn't it rude to talk about rude Germans in English? Sollten wir aus Höflichkeit nicht Deutsch wählen?
in Ländern wie Polen und Russland kann es noch rüder zugehen..... by the way... good luck.... LIVING in this country is challenging...
Yeah Mom...... Europeans are straight forwards and to the point and don't like lot's of BS and small talk. Try a visit to the Netherlands and you experiance real rude and blunt people. 🤣 But but..... Mom...... That's how we roll ! 😉
So, welcome in our German rudeness!
Hahaha I’m a part of the tribe now 😂
@@lifeingermany_ May I ask you about your initiation ritual? 🧐🧐😂
Its inpolite to maken an exhaustimng conversation in little lies and play arounds.
In Montreal people don't excuse themself so exaggerate like in Ontario...
That’s very true!! Montreal has a much more European mentality I think! 🙃
Montreal is a great place to be. We loved the city so much.
Your german is perfect!
the funny thing is if you go to a german and go "GET ME SASAGE; NOM" they wouldn't even think your rude. at least i and people i know would. do that on the on the side of the ocean and what will be delivered to you is probably a fist.
I think it highly depends on how you translate "get me a sausage". If you say "Bring mir 'ne Bratwurst" (literal translation), then I would absolutely consider that rude.
However, if I'm going to get one for myself and someone says "Bring mir 'ne Bratwurst mit" (Take a sausage for me back with you), I wouldn't consider that rude.
Personally, I would use "Kannst du mir 'ne Bratwurst mitbringen?" (Can you get one for me too?)
I'm assuming that sausage refers to Bratwurst in this context. I suppose "Wurst" (lit. sausage) would also work.
@@Yotanido it boils down to who says it for me. this is probably one of the hardest things to get for foreigners, when you need to be polite and when even insults are perfectly fine. being aggressive is funny but only if you know when to turn it off
If you want to be polite to a German, you don't steal their lifetime if you don't have to. 😉
roll the windows down by yourself! You are adult
I would probably find it rather annoying if I always had to second guess, what does the other person really mean with their statements?! 🤔😬😅
So I think I prefer the german approach, no beating about the bush.^^
But there are also differences in Germany with how direct you are depending on the type of relationship you have to a person (family, friends or coworkers, new acquintances,...) At least in my case my behaviour is influenced by these factors.
For example at our last family dinner in a restaurant my brother ordered a plate of very tasty stuffed mushrooms... and, before he even took a bite, I said to him "Oh da nehme ich auch einen von" (~ Oh, I take one of those, too). Because we have a close relationship I don't have to waste time on politeness and also I know that he wouldn't say no and likes to share with me. (But I did thank him afterwards... we germans do have some manners 🤪)
Same situation with someone I just met for the first time: I would maybe say something like "Oh, die Champignons sehen aber sehr lecker aus" (Oh, these mushrooms look very delicious) in a certain tone of voice and than it depends on the other person. Did they get my hint or even if they got it but they don't like to share they wont have to outright refuse me and I don't come over as a demanding person.^^
So you can tell your mom that your directness to her is actually a sign for your very close relationship 😁😉
That is not the Canadian way.
You are rude, because you don't want to be rude, most people are or don't you think we don't recognise those childish games? The more I on't think it is.
A waste of lifetime and they are rushing around because they lost soo much time with games.
Listening to this, I much prefer the German way ... ;-)
I'm first 😭
Besser gleich gerade aus als lange um die Ecken labern! 🤗