5 THINGS GERMAN PARENTS DO DIFFERENTLY 🇩🇪 New Zealand mum in Germany
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 พ.ย. 2022
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German parents give their children more freedom because they also are given more responsibility. They go hand in hand.
German woman here. By the age of 13 I was allowed to travel to the next city (16 km away) by train with my friends. I'm now 31 so we didn't have smartphones but phones with us.
My cousin and I were allowed to visit each other (taking the IC for about an hour) when we were about 14 in the middle of the 1990‘s - no phones then. It was not unusual at the time to see young teens taking the train by themselves.
When I was 14 I was allowed to travel to New York on my own. My aunt lives in New York and picked me up at the airport though
I still vividly remember how grown up I felt whenever my parents went nine-pin bowling every other Saturday with their friends when I was about 12 (back in the late 90s -- early 00s), and left me in charge of the house and my younger brother. I usually whipped up something for us to eat (mostly fish sticks and smashed potatoes 😋) and had a grand old time watching Saturday evening TV together. These evenings usually lasted about 4-5 hours and I felt so proud of my parents' trust. Of course we took precautions like locking the door and making sure we would only pickup the phone when my parents' number was displayed etc. Good memories all around!
Edit for 10:25: I'm currently 33 and my partner & I are only just now thinking about potentially having a child. He's in the last stretch of finishing his medical studies and becoming a doctor while I've been working freelance for the past 6 years and being more or less the sole breadwinner for the two of us, so our financial situation definitely played into that. I guess the reason we haven't tried for a baby yet is that we both wanted a certain amount of financial security to actually be able to afford a child, especially now that everything's getting a lot more expensive. And of course Covid played a huge role as well; we didn't really fancy going through a potentially rough pregnancy amidst all the pandemic chaos.
This was a really interesting video! I grew up in Swiss german part of Switzerland. I started kindergarten at age 5. My (Canadian) mother walked me to and from the kindergarten for about 3 days. After that I was on my own to walk the approximate 20minute walk on my own, I had two very busy streets to cross, neither had street lights or crossing guards, something nonexistent there in the mid 1960s. I walked back and forth 4 times a day, as I went home for lunch. Ironically, the older I got, the shorted my walk to school, ending with my high school, 2 minutes down the road!
As for alcohol consumption, all my friends and I were given wine to taste at a very early age, a sip here or there. I feel, if you learn how to be around alcohol, it is not this huge forbidden thing! My mother even went so far as to insist (when I was 16 or 17), that I have some drinks at home. This way I knew, what my reaction to it would be and I would know not to drink a lot, when out with friends! When I moved over to Canada when I was in my very early 20s, I was shocked to see, how crazy the American college students were with alcohol, as the Canadian drinking age, I believe, at the time was 18!
Also, it was not unusual for me to be put on a train by my grandmother in one part of Switzerland after staying with her, and traveling alone for 2 hours on the train, to then be picked up by my mother in our town. I would have been around 8 or 9, when I did this the first time. The train conductor ( ticket collector) was made aware I was traveling on my own. I do not recall ever feeling unsafe or afraid!
I realize times have changed and I’m sad a lot of children can’t experience this kind of freedom or be given a lot of responsibility at an early age.
Corresponds exactly to my experience in southern Germany at the same time.
When I was in first grade (age 7) I was allowed to pick up my younger sister (age 5) from kindergarten when school was finished. Both our parents worked and we went home on our own. We were alone at home for about an hour until my mom or dad came home. Very normal in the early nineties especially in the eastern part of Germany where it was very normal that moms were working, mostly full time. Many mornings we left home after my mom bc work started at 7.30 am, school at 8 am. We also had a word for kids like us : „Schlüsselkinder“ which means children with keys.
It is not allowed anymore, new laws…..
@@yunaatlantis4804 untrue
@@emiliajojo5703 In Baden-Württemberg it is not allowed that brothers and sisters under 14 pick up the Kids from Kindergarten. A new law Was established in 2017/18.
Schlüsselkinder are still allowed, my Kids have the best time when I am at work. Lol! 😀 but they are oder now.
@@yunaatlantis4804 That’s weird bc the parents are responsible for the way home. They decide, in written form, who can pick up their child from kindergarten. The kindergarten has no saying in this. If something happens it is on the parents. I mean, children are allowed to walk home alone from school. Even walk home from kindergarten alone if the parents want this. Why can’t they pick up younger siblings? When the siblings are a certain age of course (not babies). The Unfallkasse also states in 2020 that it is a decision based on the childrens age, their development and the individual circumstances.
Couldn’t find any specific law that actually forbids this. Might be a regulation in the Satzung of the local community or specific for Ba-Wü.
@@jooniescrab9928 I totally agree. In some communities they even decided that the Kids are not allowed to arrive on their own. Thanks for taking part in the discussion. Again a "Flickenteppich" due to the Bundesländerregularien. 😉
a society only works with trust.
trust other citizens. trust the teenagers.
teenagers who are not alone will have anxiety when they grow up.
trusting companies (like facebook) is a whole other thing. shouldnt.
Trust your kids.they can handle it,especially if they are not afraid to tell you they broke a glass or something.
My Mom was a single mother working until 6 pm. I came home made myself something to eat, made my homework and met after that my best friend until my mom came home. She had no choice and i think since german kids get raised being independent it isn't a big thing.
I always tell my American friends & guests this: Having a drinking age at 21 and being awkward about alcohol around kids is probably the safest way to produce a lot of alcoholics and alcohol-abuse. Because then they see it differently when they are finally allowed to drink. And having a beer around children might be something more normal in southern Germany (Franconia/Bavaria) than in the North. These things differ alot from region to region in Germany.
Our kids didn't get a phone before the age of ten, when they changed from elementary to gymnasium. Then they both were the last to get a smartphone in their classes in 7th grade. We didn't have a problem leaving them alone only after the older was 11 or 12.
Great video. Growing up in the US with German parents in NYC. I went from home to school and back in first grade. Fortunately, never had a problem. There were lots of other kids nn the same situation, we would walk together.
I am always amazed when you remind us of the age of each of your children. it makes me feel so old. I remember before Matteo was born watching you on TH-cam. Tempest fugit.
At least from my perspective, I have to disagree with the smartphone topic. When I was 10 years old, I got my first smartphone (it was a Samsung Galaxy Ace) and also my nieces and nephews (4 of them in total) got their first smartphones when they were 8/9 years old. They have access to our family's WhatsApp group and are being taught how to responsibly use the internet. On the other hand, I haven't heard of these watches yet that are not connected to the internet and can be used to track your children. I think using these watches is contrary to motivating your children to be independent. Many parents trust their children, so there is just no need of giving them a watch in order to "track" them.
Maybe this is also a village/city thing. Maybe also a Bavarian thing?
Swiss parents have pretty much the same mind-set as German ones on these points. The drinking around children (or generally in public) is quite funny to me. I can understand being taken aback, if you didn’t grow up in that culture. But why would drinking in a responsible and social setting be a harmful influence for bystanders?
Especially if it shows that drinking can and should be enjoying a glass of wine or beer with friends and not downing anything you can get your hands on to get drunk.
Drinking responsibly isnt a problem: drinking too much is. I am Australian. A light drinker. My parents rarely drank. I observed parents at school functions like Quiz Nights and outdoor carols really overdo it despite the presence of their children. I used to make excuses not to to go ( staff attendance was encouraged but not mandatory) . In my extended family adults drink and socialise with no problem . Seeing adults drunk with children distresses me. It's not just the poor role model it's the poor behaviour that goes with it. We have a binge culture sadly.
@@frogmouth that’s sad.
In Germany we have some… Problem parents like that as well, but fortunately most are out of their binge drinking age when they start to have children.
The only adults I have seen drunk as a child were actually my „I never want to be like them“-anti-role-models.
School functions in Germany usually don’t offer alcohol, unless it’s the last year for a class and it’s an evening function just for them - at least it was in my time and hometown.
Very interesting video. The difference between NZ and Germany's attitude towards alcohol probably warrants a whole video by itself. I live in NZ and am constantly worried about my young adult child and her friends and their drinking habits. I feel the binge drinking culture is not so prevalent in Germany because drinking alcohol in moderation is modelled by parents as you say and its normal to just have a couple of beers and not get trashed. I've just been to Germany and we visited a lot of people and restaurants and I did not see a single really drunk person.
Point 1 & 2: we not only give our children freedom and independence but we teach them responsibility (at least we try hard...).
Point 3: It's not only about privacy but also a lot about private data protection. Our private data belong to us and nobody else. We very much fear the abuse of these data
Point 4: Imho alcohol consumption has a lot to do with knowing your limits. To demonize alcohol does not reduce consumption. The earlier you learn about its criticality and its risks the better.
Point 5: you explained it.
On point. 👍
I wish it was legal in the Uk to leave your children alone at home earlier. It’s against the law until children are over 10 years old. I’d trust my 8 year old to be home alone for an hour and yes I grew up in Germany and it wasn’t a big deal.
Totally agree about not showing children on the internet, it’s their own choice if they want to have an online presence later.
It is not against the law in the UK. From the government website: "The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car." www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone
@@SuperLittleTyke that’s interesting, I’ve never checked but every school that my children have been at have told me that they are unable to let children under 10 leave the school grounds by themselves (even to walk to the car park) as it’s against the law for an under 10 year old to be unsupervised by an adult. There you go, now I know better. I do think the above guidance is a bit useless though to be honest, not surprised schools are making their own rules.
@@hello_its_jo9951 The thing is, a lot of people are fearful of litigation if something goes wrong. So the easy way out (for them) is to ban anything that might be dangerous. The nanny state is everywhere. God knows how we coped in the war.
in NZ the age is 13! from the govt website: "You can leave a child under 14 at home or in another place if you’ve made reasonable provisions to have them supervised and cared for safely, and they’re not left for a long time."
Im german and my first phones and my frends phones were all mainly hand me downs which were often replaced with new phones after a few monthes. Staying alone was never really an issue im pretty sure i had my first times home alone eraly elemantary school. But my older sister was often with me so it wasnt ahugh isssu at all. But later when my sister got sick and the sometimes had to go to the doctor for like a full day i would stay homealone no problem for like 5 houres after school. I was like 12 at that point never an issue.
We let our kids alone once we recognize that they will be able to entertain themselves alone at home - and if we know they do not burn down the house or do other damage. Actually we teach our kids to go to school alone when they are 6 - why shouldn't they be able to spent more and more time alone at home from that time on. Without supervision. Atleast when you are available per phone or there is neighbours they can go to when there is problems. Not for hours at first - but more and more with each year.
About social media and phones. I did not have that problem when my son was younger than being a teenager. My son is born in 1991. Our topics were TVs in the bedroom or on which age you can have a gameboy and what games was he allowed to play later on - some parents did not seem to control things. My son got a mobile phone (no smartphone then) when he was 10 and had to go by bus to school into the next town. In the morning there was a school bus that directly went to the school - in the afternoons he had to take public transport. I got the phone when he once took the bus into the wrong direction and came home two hours too late.
I think you always have to find the right balance between control and trust - and that is different from kid to kid and topic to topic.
I became mum with 36 only because I "met" my Kiwi husband when I was almost 32 and it took a while to build a home together with safe jobs. First we tried in new Zealand but after 1,5 years we moved to Germany for various reasons. Very individual, I'd say. Most mum's I know are younger than me.
Our son got his first smartphone at the age of 11 ("5. Klasse) when he started to go to the school that was no longer near by but he had to go on train and change trains for. We as parents wanted to give him the opportunity to look up train schedules if needed. But with the advantages came also disadvantages: The mobile was then much more interesting than lets say doing skateboard or skaters after school. For that reason we wanted to be sure that he can handle all the "seductions" that come along with a mobile phone.
Leaving the kids alone at home is not that common at an early age. At least for me! At the age of 8, 9, I left our son alone for about 45 Minutes while I did our groceries around the corner. Its at the age of 14,15 that he would spend an afternoon by himself.But he always knew to which neighbour he could rely on in case of emergency.
Very interesting topics which are always discussed in our household. I grew up in Germany, and my husband is Australian. We live in Australia, and these differences do shine through as well. Regarding phone use, I might live in a bubble as my kids go to a Steiner school, and parents are far more strict on average about phone use. However, I did notice the difference back in July when we also visited Germany. I find it a bit paradoxical how Australians are very worried about their privacy regarding their property. High fences, low windows etc., but when it gets to the real privacy issues, they are so relaxed. I have experienced the internet exposure of children the same way as you. My children are the exception at school who do not have content to be photographed. Maybe, it is because data protection is a huge part of life in Germany. Recently I read that data protection is not only anchored in law in Germany but is also part of the constitution. Australia has no clear laws, and nothing is mentioned in the constitution. I guess the difference between law and the constitution plays a role as well.
Regarding leaving the kids at home, I had to laugh. My husband is relaxed about the children staying at home (8 and 10) by themselves, so I did not need to fight for that right. However, I am careful who I talk to, as I have noticed it is frowned upon to leave children alone. They know the rules when at home and know their privilege will go if they do not stick to them: no fire, no electricity, no opening the door, etc. They love their independence and I am very comfortable with them having that freedom.
And then alcohol. I am not sure what the right approach is. I feel uneasy about either approach. I don't want to pretend it is ok to drink a lot, as it is not. But I also don't want to mystify it to make it so interesting that they become extremely curious later and exaggerate. We are trying to find the balance in between, where we treat it as a part of society but enlighten them about the dangers. We don't drink much, only on special occasions, so hopefully, our example will lead them to the correct use. If you look at the stats, though, Germany consumes more alcohol than NZ, but the rate of alcoholism is lower (2% vs 3.5%, respectively). So maybe less strictness leads to less abuse? I don't know the answer.
It's interesting about the age of becoming parents. Statistically, Australian parents are younger when they have their first child. I was in my early thirties when I had my first baby, which was above the average age, as per the statistics. However, I am the young one in our circles. Many of my friends were well into their forties when they had their first child, i.e. they are at least ten years older than me. I must have landed in the circle of exceptions.
In the US elementary school parents typically bring their children to the school even it’s half a block away or to the bus stop. Typically can’t leave your children home alone until there older.
I actually think another reason for Germany having their kids much later is the dating situation in Germany. It’s actually not easy to find the right partner and many Germans only meet their significant other much later. Corona didn’t make that situation easier.
Also, I’d like to know if mums in New Zealand are more common to be stay at home mums or are they working full time as most German mums do? I feel like most older German children have to stay home alone for a little while before their parents come home from work as both parents work full time. I remember going to the Hort (afternoon daycare) when I was little, but from 5th grade on there is no afternoon daycare anymore. Therefore, I had to go home alone and wait for my mum for about two hours. I would start my homework or have a bit of a break (playing with my friends or watching tv). My mum would come home around 4pm.
I am not a kiwi mum but grew up with one. 😉
Generally, kiwi mums tend towards staying home full-time and do not work outside when the child is 0-5yrs, then normally return to work part-time 5-15yrs and full-time work 15- onwards.
But it also depends on a few other variables:
- more than 2 children will likely require that the part-time period is longer,
-single mother's may have to work full-time much earlier
- 2-parent households may have enough funds for one to be a stay at home parent
- some households have one parent staying at home permanently, although this is rare due to the cost of living is very high in NZ. If not full-time work, then mothers usually maintain a part-time job that allows hours flexibility and is not necessary contributing much to bills other than supporting the children's costs.
I perceive German mother's go to work full-time much earlier than kiwi mums and kiwi mums have children much much younger i.e mid-20s.
We have time limits towards tertiary education - we can't finish it when we wish, have to pay quite a bit for it and so usually try to get that done as quickly as possible. 😉
Also, NZ is decidedly more collectivistic by nature than Germany's very individualistic society in that the indigenous culture has influenced the family makeup in NZ - the immediate family not only includes uncles, cousins & grandparents, but also family friends, 2nd cousins, great grand-aunties, our tribes (for Māori especially) etc etc to help raise children. The social group is more involved in raising children than just the immediate parents. This allows for more flexibility in how one works and raises children in NZ. 😁
Nowadays in NZ both parents have to work just to survive and pay the bills. In NZ school finishes at 3pm (usually) and there is "after care" at most schools until 6pm to cater for working parents. I've noticed many parents particularly in poorer areas work shifts so that one parent finishes work at 3pm to pick up kids from school and the other parent might start later, so they can take the kids to school.
When I was 16 I went to NZ for three months as exchange student. I remember my host mum telling me: "European parents are so brave. I would never send kids your age abroad for months!" 😅
I am German and I had my first child at the age of 26. My second at 28. I feel what you are saying. I always felt like a teenage mom around the other moms.
I really applaud you for choosing not to exploit your children online, and on your channel. A glimpse or story here and there is absolutely acceptable, but children deserve their privacy. On a platform where many children on family vlogs do not have a say in what is filmed, I respect that about you!
In NZ it is illegal to leave a child without reasonable provision or supervision 14 or under. This significantly changed from my youth in NZ. In the 1970s it was very common to have young children at home unsupervised. I would come home from school as a 6 year old with my 8 year old brother. We would be at home for an hour until my mother finished work. It was not considered unusual. Latchkey kids. It appeared to change in NZ in late eighties and early nineties.
Also I was allowed my own very special tiny glass from about the age of 7 years that I usually had filled with beer. The thought behind this was that alcohol would never be such a novelty as a teen that it would be abused. I have to say for me I never had any desire to abuse alcohol as a teenager and could never understand the teenage friends who did go crazy with alcohol. Maybe it worked.
yea once i realized that the schoolbus was taking a huge detour on the ride home, in addition to the bus arriving like half an hour after school ended, i started walking home from school because it was faster, i would grab something to eat somewhere in town and then make my way home through the countryside, through the woods and so on. that was never an issue.
hell in my early teens i was walking to other villages where my friends lived, through the woods, often in the dark.
Bravo!
I feel like education about social media and how to deal with it in terms of self image and resistance against its bad influence is a topic that is mostly ignored in the german school system. To restrict ecessive use of social media is just fighting symptoms. the kids need to get competence in handling this kind of thing mentally. Thid is not going away any time soon, on the contrary. Everything gets faster, more complex and more diffucult to cope with. I hope germany wakes up in this regard. Its our responsibility to teach the next generation how to handle whats coming.
Really like hearing ur perspective and diff things Germany and New Zealand these things
On your last point, median age of first time mums, you explained it well, however, there are statistics that indicate a little bit of a different picture, median age of first time mums in Germany was 30.2 in 2022 (30 in 2018) while on New Zealand it seems to be 30.5 (data from 2018).
I know that in the US it like Newzealand in terms of access to internet and social media. Quite common to see preteen with monitor Tic Tok account. Also, most social media do not allow someone younger than 13 have an account. Do think having phone is unnessary until later in life. Where you have to keep track of finances etc.. My friend not have cell phone until late middle and HighSchool. Did not miss much. There are phones in the US called GAB is wireless smartphone does games, text, and phone calls. Similar to the watch Emilia has.
very interesting points. I am a French mum in the UK (to two girls aged 10 and 5), so the case for or against posting pictures of kids online is quite interesting for me, because in my home country, parents, much like the Germans, are mostly against it, whereas in the UK, it is also very normal to post anything and everything about your kids' lives, including some personal things, which sometimes shock me. On drinking alcohol at a beer garden, when kids are around, I do remember that from my past trips to Germany, but it didn't shock me because it also happens in France and England. On pre-teens having mobile phones... my oldest daughter keeps begging for one as a lot of her classmates already have them 😆
It’s ridiculous that pre teens are even allowed to have phones.
Regarding posting photos/sharing actions--> some time ago there was a documentary about illegal actions here in Germany that endanger children and young people in particular. (grooming, kidnapping, etc.) Perhaps this show has also helped parents become more cautious.
it is a balance between:
not helicoptering
and
opening the floodgates to hell (social media)
I am in South Africa. My daughter got her first phone just before her 12th birthday which was around the time most of her friends got one.
In the UK I got my first phone (Nokia 3310) at age 11 (in the start of secondary school). I got the bus home from primary school from age 9. Travelled to the nearest big town by train from age 11/12. Left home alone completely from age 10 but all the siblings probably when we were 13, 10 and 4.
But I think this is very different now! I'm pleased I live in a neighbourhood where the primary school children walk to and from school in groups with and without parents.
I don't like any phones under 11 really (some exceptions maybe with a child that stays away from one or both parents) and social media definitely not until 13 and then with a lot of support/ input.
I have no intention of sharing personal photos of a child but I don't think I'll completely hide their face especially as a baby. But I also don't post much online!
I grew up around my parents/ family drinking in a healthy way. I wouldn't really think anything of it. But it does annoy me how many pubs/ restaurants in the UK do not want/ fully ban children. I want to still enjoy this part of my life!
My child will be half German and I don't know if we will live there at somepoint in their childhood or not. I think I'm in between UK (and NZ) and Germany.
I definitely feel young in the UK to be having a baby at 30. My friends think I'm crazy! Also people assume I'm much much younger so it's even more extreme.
Yes smart watch such a great thing idea
Here in Spain it´s more similar to New Zealand. Sometimes I am frustrated as a German mum. My son is as old as Emila and doesn´t go anywhere on his own BUT we sometimes leave him alone at home for approx. 30 min. Now in 4th grade he is allowed to leave school by himself by law. I thought I was the only one allowing it, now there are like 5 of 24 in his class (in some cases they have younger siblings and the parents have to pick them up anyway)...My son doesn´t have a mobile phone yet, he sometimes gets my "2nd one" to talk to friends.... Our school publishes photos of the kids at instagram every day....;). As of the alcohol we are like the Germans, or even worse ;). Though we don´t only drink with kids around, we also bring them to restaurants at night and many people even let them fall asleep at a chair....When I came here as a young adult I didn´t realize that there ´d be so many differences....ah, and we get kids here even later than the Germans but that´s for sure because of the low salaries and temporary contracts...
Once again, the Anglo-Saxon mindset kicks in here. Over-protective in many aspects of life. German and Dutch children routinely cycle to school alone every morning in all weathers. Contrast this with the picture in Britain of cars queuing up at the school to drop their kids off. I've heard of one mother who lives less than ½ a mile from the school, yet still drives her children there and back. Anglo-Saxon kids are a lot less self-reliant, because they can barely do anything themselves in case they get abducted. Stranger danger figures highly in the Anglo-Saxon mindset.
I just read an article that the police in NZ want to not promote stranger danger, because it’s blown out of proportion (me paraphrasing).
I (German) can’t wait for my child to walk to school alone when they start elementary school (well, after a few weeks).
Update: I have just seen „don‘t let strangers in - but what if it isn’t a stranger…“- ads in Germany. So here they try to keep the „be wary of strangers“, but add the „it’s usually people you know“- awareness.
In terms of privacy in social media. In the US very common to see children faces. However, now these days parents are more educated and cautious what they post or us sticker to block there face for privacy. Those who have family channel have there children consent before posting them online. I respect what ever decision you make in terms the internet.
Ich ging damals (1981) als dreijährige in den Kindergarten. Der war Fußweg 5 bis 8 Minuten von uns entfernt. Nach sechs Wochen machte ich jeden Tag ein Theater, dass ich alleine gehen wollte. Meine Mutter war am verzweifeln. Sie hat sich dann mit der Kindergartenleitung darüber unterhalten und einen Plan gemacht. Zwischen mir und dem Kindergarten lag eine Hauptstraße mit einer Ampel die etwas rechts von meinem Weg war und eine die etwas links von meinem Weg war. Ich musste die rechte nehmen, weil die Autofahrer dort eine bessere Sicht hatten und deshalb besser auf die Fußgänger achten konnten. Meine Mutter hat mich noch sechs weitere Wochen verfolgt, ob ich auch ja den richtigen Weg nehme. Aber danach war sie voll und ganz sicher das das klappen wird. Im Nachhinein muss man sich mal überlegen, was alles hätte passieren können. Heute würde ich das niemals selber machen, und meine Mutter vermutlich auch nicht mehr.
Ein Kindergarten, bei dem wir uns hier beworben hatten, hatte die Regel, dass Kinder ab 4-5 Jahren nach Absprache alleine gehen dürfen (Im Jahr 2022), also das gibt es schon noch.
@@viomouse Okay, ich finde es wichtig für das Vertrauen zu seinen Eltern, zu sich selbst. Aber ganz allein finde ich es für mich sehr beunruhigend. Als Gruppe, ein paar Kinder zusammen, finde ich das absolut vertretbar. Das ist die Glucke in mir - andere würden es Helikopter nennen. Aber so sehe ich das nicht. Es geht nur um dieses Thema, wo ich schon immer Angst um alle Kinder in meiner Umgebung hatte/habe. Alles andere ist vollkommen okay, sich ausprobieren, Sachen anstellen, kleine (Not-)lügen. So lange das Vertrauen nicht gebrochen wird, sie wissen wie man für sich und andere einsteht... ☺👍🏼
Not necessarily career orientated, it is more another facet of independence. Of self-worth. Of qualifications.
The less qualified a woman is, the more she is likely to only work if she needs to contribute to the household income. But if she is a highly qualified member of the workforce, she takes some pride in what she has achieved.
That doesn't mean she values work higher than her family, she just wants to be able to fulfill both roles - the housewife - and the one who earns money.
She is not as dependent on her husband as a woman who is exclusively a housewife. She gets social contacts outside her family and the child-rearing "tribe" - and she gets validation. Her job is also a link to her past without children.
That independence means she could do well in the case of one of the three big D's (divorce, disease, death) which could otherwise leave her family without a provider. That is a kind of safety net.
Does it mean more pressure in her life? Absolutely. And some women say "No thank you" to that. But most girls want both. And these days with the legal claim to affordable child-care it's more and more possible to do both.
I recall another video where you mentioned that it is common for men to pee sitting down in Germany but it seems like you thought that was a bit odd. Have you trained your son to do it the German way when they are at home?
Smartphones: Where I live (Ruhrgebiet) some parents give their kids smartphones even in elementary school, which I find absolutely stupid. I hope, we can abstain at least until our kid is 12, I would prefer 16.
Leaving kids alone, I got a key to our home, when I was 6, so I got ready by myself starting in first grade and came home alone also. There were people I could go to in case or for company, but that's how it was. I've been leaving my 2 year old "alone" in the garden or flat for 10-15 min to go to the attic or basement or clean the apartment, while he's playing in the garden. He can always follow me, though. My neighbour has 2 kids (8 and 11) and left for one night the other week, she asked me, whether we were home that evening, just in case, but everything was fine. Those kids have been babysitting my kid a couple of times now for 2-4 hours in the evening. So, yeah, leaving kids by themselves is pretty normal. Oh, and when I was 11 or 13, don't really remember, my mom left for a 4 day class trip, gave me 50 Euros and was gone. I cleaned the whole apartment, ate pure pasta or oatmeal with milk and spent the whole 50 euros on comics and sweets :-)
New Zealand birthrate is 1.61 and German birthrate is 1.53, so not so different tbh. The average maternal age for a FTM in Germany is 30.5yo which is the exact statistical number for NZ as well 🤷♀️ so maybe it is a coincidence you know so many “older” mums 😅
I disagree with the point about smart devices because I only got a smartphone at 12 because and all my friends already had one at least a year. It was also pretty encouraged by the school because the changes to timetables if there are any are given to us by an app so it was a bit awkward to always look on mum and dads phone every day.
I have two kids and live in a big city and here it is very common, that kids get their first smartphone once they start 5. th grade. But that doesn't mean that they have acces to social media. My 11 years old son has a smartphone but no Tic Toc, Insta or anything like that. He communicates with his friends via whatsapp. I know from friends who live more in the countryside that kids get smartphones earlier because they are strolling around the villages on their own much more than kids here in the center of a very big city...
As for leaving 9 years old kis alone for an hour I have no problems. I always told my kids to not answer the door and made sure they had a phone to call me, if there was a problem.
Children having cell phones can be very dangerous as well - at least, in the United States.
Regarding phones: bot my kids have phones. 5 and 9 yo. But the usage is very restricted to age appropriate audio, age appropriate games, and for the older age appropriate video. and everything is time restricted. like 30 min of video games a day. Audio consumption is configured to encourage to turn display of. Everything is enforced by the phone itself. Phone doesn't have a a sim card and phone stays at home. can only be used within a certain time, not right after standing up or before going to bed. And some more rules.
The goal is to teach them step by step how to use the technic and also to be open to us what they do. They should not think this is something special. For them it should be something the have control, but where they also need to be very careful and if something goes wrong or they discover something new, just talk to the parents and we will help them. If one of them finds something new and interessting they come to us and ask what we think about it and respect it when we say it is good or bad.
leaving at home: depends. the 9yo goes to a bakery or supermarket and buys things. Can definitly be home alone for some time. But we still check the mood first. sometimes it would be wrong to leave the kid home alone.
But there is no dangerous wild life and our kids will not open the door if we don't allow it. They can use the phone. they know what is dangerous and they should only do while we are around. Seeing candles and matches lying around? they come to us and ask if we can watch how they light the candle on fire.
Alkohol is also dangerous and needs to be learned/understood.
if i keep everything that poses some kind of danger away from my childs until they turn 18/21 they have to learn quite a lot very quickly. I'd rather teach them at a slow pace over several years instead of a few weeks or worse within a couple hours. This applies to alkohol, SM, phones, internet, home alone, traffic, traveling, wild life, outdoor, strangers.
I think it is a bad idea to live the life of my kids until they turn 18/21 and then assume they can live on their own.
I have until 18 to teach them the basics of life. then i can only consult them... sometimes... if they ask.
I swear in USA they get them at 4-5 years old.
My girls started to ask for a smartphone as comrades aged 4-5 yrs already had fully blown Samsung phones.
I always denied that request, because ... what for? Why would I buy a cell phone for 800€-1.000€ just that it get scrapped within a week.
My older daughter once threw her mobile to the ground as she had a tantrum. She had to wait 3-4 months before she got a new one because she didn't appreciate the freedom of having a smartphone. She had to ask her lil' sis if she needed access to a mobile.
And kids should be kids. Nothing is better than being bored and figure out something to do.
It first changed as the kids went to school in a different town.
I bought some el cheapo phone/used phone for 30 bucks.
So I installed Family Link and Google Protection Program for kids. I really kept a tight hand on what they could use.
I insisted they have to stop moving in a secure area and then first pick the phone, do what they "had to do", put the mobile away and then first continue to walk.
And I promised them, I will destroy their phone if I ever should see them running around with a smartphone glued to their face instead of paying attention to the traffic and the environment.
It happened once. I drove by, my youngest ran with the smartphone paying no attention to the rest of the world walking on the soft shoulder of the street. I got out of the car, grabbed the mobile and smashed it into the ground, shattering it to a million pieces and and continued my ride without saying a word. 2 months later I bought her another one.
They could request a permission to install an app via Family Link and I either agreed or declined. I tried to explain them why, if I declined installations like TikTok or Facebook.
Later on I dropped the leash a bit and allowed them to install what they wanted but getting notified about each installation.
Sometimes I approached them and discussed with them why a certain app is no good idea and most times they realised the problems or risks and uninstalled it themselves. I only had to intervene 2-3 times.
Only screen time and time restrictions are still in place (they are 13 and 14 by now).
I am quite proud how they use their mobiles when being outside.
When google earth scanned privat streets and property they had to get approval from the owner and most did not give approval do to privacy
In New Zealand I think it may actually be illegal to leave children under the age of 14 years alone at home. I'm not sure why you said that New Zealand parents don't drink alcohol around their children because I have seen lots of parents drink around their children at home. Maybe New Zealand parents don't drink around kids in public because of local laws restricting where alcohol is allowed to be consumed.
Good point Deborah. We also have a binge culture and dry zones to protect locals and kids: none of which would be necessary if adults would just enjoy a glass or two unstead of swilling! I used to avoid evening social functions at school because of excess drinking. Yet during the Festival of Arts in Adelaide you will see people strolling down the street glass in hand as they attend free events or fringe shows and in my local pubs on Friday nights plenty of familiies with little ones and no excess. One of the pubs has a balloon man one night of the week so its a real favourite for young families.It's good for kids to see alcohol consumed properly for enjoyment not for getting pissed.
I saw several ad clips on Amazon in the last few months for watches, for toddlers, promising total surveillance - George Orwell for kids! What is wrong with you parents?
In Australia the pre teens have mobile phones
I dont agree with it.If you leave a child under 16 here you can be prosecuted in Australian.
Nobody under the age of 30 should have access to the internet!
A child has a right to it‘s own picture, just like a grown up. Imagine all the pictures your parents have made when you were a child would been the internet. Once it’s up there it will stay.
@@ChiefHerzensCoach I wouldn’t be so sure
@@ChiefHerzensCoach Modern face recognition will identify them. An this will leave a trail of pictures from the 3 year old to an adult connecting the faces through the ages. Specially if a kid is marked on facebook or his parents are in the same photograph. My mac easily connects a picture of my daughter at age 3 to her face at age 18. A human might not see this, but a computer will
@@haraldreimann-trusheim2993 As will future employers etc.
Smartphones for pre-teenagers: My daughter got her first smartphone on er 12th birthday. I thought she was a bit too young for that, but she was the last one in her class without one...
Letting kids Home alone isnt a big problem, but you weren‘t allowed to open the door. And if someone rings, just shout throw the door „i am Not allowed to open“. If the person isn‘t leaving, call Mum😂
Children have the right to decide if pictures of them may be published or not, just as any adult. So, posting something against your child's wish can be illegal. Posting "funny" (read: embarrassing) pictures of children can cause bullying later in life because if they're online, they're online. And you have no control about what happens to them. The police also strongly discourage posting pictures of children online because of stalkers and pedophiles...
I have a question is it normal for German mothers to not let the great grandmother from the fathers side hold the baby?
No
Did never leave my kids alone at home at a age under 10
With 8 you're old enough.and...we have insurance😘
Hi.
The main thesis and answer to your topics could be: follow the rules and you get more freedom. It sounds wired, but it's a ☯️ thing or flip side of a coin.
The social media / kiddy fotos: We have made bad, worst, experienceses in spying, blackmailing, indoctrinating our fellow citizens in the past in germany, so we behave like a "Gebranntes Kind".
And building a family: Well, finally and in general we are more head controlled and not the emotional, don't think of tomorrow, type of people. That could explain our "German Angst", preference for insurance and maybe that "Humboldt" is the only explorer that comes to my mind right now.
Ciao
I'm quite beyond the "tic toc" generation, and even with my large consumation of internet material, I don't think I have yet seen a first-hand tic toc video.
So my opinion on that "trend" is based on stories that float around, and might not be that relevant.
But it seems to me that beyond all the existing problems... there is something quite positive about it. For years now, the "older generation's" laments about young people has been that they are passive, glued to their phones, not interacting... but it seems to me that tic toc videos are quite different from that. It's young people _doing_ things. Being active, being creative. Being artistic.
Am I seeing this wrong?
No kids, teens under 15 should own a phone
Our children received a talk and text cell phone once they started working (approx age 16). We never left the children at home alone. I don't like to leave my 16 yo at home alone. I always make sure there is another sibling around. We don't do any social media, so no concern posting anything online
Your 16 year old teen is not allowed to be home alone? 😮
I don't like to say it, but for me as a German it is a child's well-being endangered. A 16-year-old who is not allowed to be alone at home is held back in his development. your child must be allowed to grow up. it has to grow up in a sheltered home, step by step. not when he's movet out. please support him and don't hold him back.
You don’t just become an adult overnight on your 18 th birthday. You have to build up to it gradually, bit by bit increasing your independence, even after 18 continuing to expand your horizons whilst still keeping links to your parents and home. It’s good for children and teenagers to begin to stretch their wings when they still have the guidance and safety of their parents close by.
We were asked by Antoinette to say how we do it in our families. That's all. The reason I don't like my children to be alone at home, is the same reason I don't like when they swim, cut wood, till the garden, work on cars, and so on, alone. I'm a safety mom and there's nothing wrong with that!
@@Goldzwiebel Pure hogwash! I have 14 children and some are married, others are in secondary education. Yet others are still being home schooled! I have had NOTHING but positive comments from 1. How they were brought up. 2. Their work ethics. My children get asked ALL the time if they have any more siblings at home that could work as well! I'm not saying this to be proud, (far from it, as all I see are my failures as a mom), but to shut down these ridiculous notions of being helicopter parents, or home schooling being detrimental, or this new one of holding the children back.
I don't know, I don't think I would be comfortable with an 8 year old being home alone. I have no doubt some 8 year olds could handle being home alone, it's more the safety issue of leaving them vulnerable to being victims of crime.
Canada or U.S kids would not be home alone very often
Do YOUR own "thing", whatever makes YOU feel comfortable, don't let what other parents do influence your parenting.
It's great to be able to give children more freedom but our world is changing quickly, bad things are happening much more frequently, I'm pretty sure that very soon Germans will not feel so comfortable letting their children walk or stay home alone, unsupervised at such young age.
There are laws in Canada establishing a minimum age at which children can be left alone.
It seems, not surprisingly, that Canada and New Zealand are very similar in many ways! 😊🇨🇦
New Zealand birthrate is 1.61 and German birthrate is 1.53, so not so different tbh. The average maternal age for a FTM in Germany is 30.5yo which is the exact statistical number for NZ as well 🤷♀️ so maybe it is a coincidence you know so many “older” mums 😅