I didn’t like my ex as a person. But I loved him dearly. He wasn’t a nice person, just a rude person to a lot of people. But he was good to me. It just didn’t sit right with me that he’s was a dickhead to people because I believe your partner is a reflection of you and I’m not like that. So I broke it off. It wasn’t a good ending.
I feel the same way watching this video. I loved my ex more than anything, but I really didn’t like him as an individual person. He was an addict, he lied all the time, he was rude to people and loud. Very arrogant and narcissistic. I liked who we were together though. I tamed a lot of that when he was with me. But when he was off with his friends, I knew it was always some fuck shit. Cause his friends were all criminal drug addicts too and I wasnt.
You're so right. Our partner and our friends are a reflection of us, something I realised lately. You can't ignore incompatibility and force love or friendship.
I was in relationship for 6 years with an absolutely amazing partner, supporting, loving all that jazz. I empathized a lot with the last part of the video because I feel like from my part, we did have companionship and commitment, but not passion. this is something that has frustrated me, and that made me suffer for probably the last 3 years of the relationship, but I felt like I loved him so much and he was such a perfect match for me, that I couldn't leave. I felt like it wouldn't be worth it. We are not together anymore, and throughout this time that I have been single I rediscovered what having passion, and that sort of physical connection with someone feels like. I didn't even remember that this part of me existed. Now I'm letting myself explore and experience what comes my way, but sometimes I think about my ex and I don't know if having passion, is worth not having the friendship, the love and everything else that we shared. I don't know if we'll get back together, I definitely still love him. But I'm scared that if we ever were to go back together, I will forever miss the passion that we don't have. Maybe we didn't share it then, but someday we will? I don't know if that's possible shan Pls help ❤️❤️
Welp, this is adorable. Maybe you guys can ignite the passion by doing things together. Like dates where you get all dressed up, sensual massages, let that person know exactly what you like and don’t like concerning sex/passion. Relearn each other in a passionate way.
Wow I went through the same thing as you and still struggling to know if he's the right guy for me or not. We were tgt 5 years and separated 3 months ago.
I have been through an almost identical experience. Being single and discovering the passionate side of myself was amazing, but I missed the trust, commitment and companionship of my precious partner and used to wonder if I had made a mistake. I’m now in a relationship where I have all of the above and I’m so glad I didn’t settle and go back. Life without passion is not worth it and I was so unhappy and always felt there was something missing. Be patient! You will meet someone that gives you all three... don’t lose hope 🤍
Question...was he physically attractive? Was his sex game great? Was the lack of passion one sided, on your end? What do you feel was blocking you from being passionate about him?
I resonated with the last one (commitment & companionship). My partner and I have been together for 5 years and living together in that entirety. We go through phases of having all three but sometime passion falls away or is one-sided. We’re aware of that but are deeply committed to each other as ones others home base because we work and love one another so deeply. We’ve also slowly opened the boundaries of our relationship because we do know we need the passion element in our lives in other ways aside from each other. It’s been a beautiful, eye opening journey. I thank you and Jared for having these conversations and giving us tools to navigate alternative lifestyles/ways of beings. I used to be the fairytale princess kinda girl who couldn’t imagine else to free love and question everything I once believed- personal autonomy kinda girl. I am better for it. Love is better for it 💜
@@shanboody can you leave links to the research that you base your claims on in the description so we can at least see who is doing it and how it was done?
This is SO useful for thinking about my relationship. Thinking about my 3 previous relationships, I had 2 with just passion/commitment (very toxic) and 1 with companionship/commitment (and I definitely thought I was an awful person for this). My current relationship has all 3, and it makes all the difference 🥰
My fiance and I learned about the triangle in premarital counseling. We found it to be SUPER helpful! It's a simple tool we refer to from time to time whenever we check in on how our relationship is going.
The timing for this video is amazinggg! My last relationship was definitely a 2 leg relationship for me, no passion. He looked at me as a 3 but I couldn't. The person I'm currently talking to is a 3 on both sides and watching this video just confirmed it for me 😍
This vid really clicked for me too! I feel pressure from ppl to make my FWB dynamic into a committed relationship but neither of us want that. I check in every now and then but we both have healing and aspirations so we’re on that 2 legged Passion/Companionship stool. And that’s really ok at this juncture in life we’re in.
I literally started bawling crying when you talked about the companionship + commitment without the passion. Please tell me there is still hope because I really just want to believe there is something wrong with me and I can fix it. Not really ready to think about this on a deeper level yet (we just moved in together) so I am just going to cry now and find a therapist later.
Ohw sweetheart, I'm not going to give you relationship advice from an outside perspective but I can tell you that you should never think something is wrong with you. I believe that there is someone for every person out there, someone that fits them and they should be an addition to your life. There isnt anything wrong with you so please never say that
I also had a 2 legged stool: Passion and Commitment. So sad because it started-off with 3 legs, but overtime I lost the companionship. We are separated now. However, I have noticed that when I lost the companionship, the passion also started to fade. I think understanding how each leg can influence eachother is a very interesting point to touch on.
I'm reading the comments and confirming what I've long obeserved, which is that a lot of women settle for companionship and commitment with nonexistent passion. Because we're often told to not be too picky, not ask for too much lest we end up alone. What more could you want if this man treats you well amd is committed to you? Why do you want passion. Couple this is the idea that women's pleasure is often talked about like a (sporadic) by-product of a man's pleasure, seeking passion becomes portrayed a frivolous desire for women. It's why I just love your work Shan, because you live in the subleties. The little things women are often told to disregard and you let us know our desires have a right to be fulfilled. That what we want is not too much and is worth pursuing. You are so necessary
Isabelle I have always loved how your mind works and it’s been my pleasure to witness your evolution. As always, thank you for sharing your intellect with me
People often say to you don't be too picky, becouse if you do a horrible marriage, those people won't be there, only you gonna sleep and wake up everyday next to that man.
It’s been over a year since my ex and I broke up after 4 years. It was mutual. I had commitment and companionship for him but he had all 3 for me (I think, kinda unfair to speak on anyone’s behalf). We were friends first which was what I loved the most about us. Companionship is so important to me. I could be myself with him. The passion died quite early on for me. Honestly I could of settled for the line and not triangle. However it’s unfair for him to not have someone who wants him as much as he wants me. If you truly love someone sometimes you have to let them go. Life is too damn short to not be passionate about things or people. Get the love you deserve. We all want to be wanted.
I really like this way of thinking of romantic and all other relationships. It's a simple enough concept to really take stock of what you need and what you may be lacking and it could make tough convos where two people need to understand the other's perspective easier to understand.
What I think is really interesting is that... based on this theory my fiancé and I started out with companionship and passion (we were literal cuddle buddies (nothing else, we were both single, and valued each others friendship and being around each other so we would cuddle up on the couch and watch movies, or hangout and do friend stuff together), but we both also had a passion for each other which we were ignoring... until we didn't. That companionship never went away (and still hasn't he's literally my best friend and people think it's so corny to say that but its true). So then we had companionship AND passion. And then we had commitment when we realized we had the same life goals/ wants out of a relationship.... so then we had all three! That said, I think the way we display passion is also left up to the love languages though, and learning our respective love languages was really important early on In our relationship for maintaining our passion leg of the triad! hahaha this was such a cool video/concept! Looking back at my past relationships (romantic, sexual, platonic, or otherwise) this really put into perspective for me how I care for different people in my life/ want to be cared for in return. So cool!!!
Am so happy about this video and it's content! I left a 12 year relationship of commitment and companionship (to this day he would be my best friend) he was so reliable and trustworthy but we lacked passion. It just fizzled out through the years. I stayed 3 years too long because of everything else our relationship had: we were a great team and i wondered if i was just being difficult. But we were not happy. Since breaking up i have found my passionate side and also re-learned to trust my instincts, wish i had sooner but at the same time, things happen for a reason and i would've had doubts. So thank you Shan for this video. I can now evaluate my relationships using this triangle and see them for what they are
What if the passion is there but dissipates over time? Is that when tools to revive the passion need to be used? Because I've seen the opposite happen too... Where there was no passion and overtime the love grew and developed into electrical connection! 🔥
I know your asking Shan! But imo, I think if you guys both identify the issue and communicate about it, and find ways to work on it and try new things (part of the commitment & companionship) then it has an opportunity to ignite.. if not, then it might not be the person for you. Hoping Shan replies to your comment though, would love to hear her insight!
thank you for this video. I often get into the passion and companionship but lack commitment from the people I date. It can be hard but I learnt that I am a dope ass woman and this has nothing to do with me but more with their ability to not be able to meet my needs. It’s all a learning experience on my spiritual journey and I am grateful for all the men in my life x
Thanks for such an amazing video! My partner and I have a full triangle. There's always learning in relationship, so sometimes one of the leg needs screwing up and tightening. The other two legs support that process so it can all come together. Both my partner and I had different versions of the two legged relationships previously. So now we're revelling in peace, joy and comfort we're able to create in our relationship together 💕
My very first relationship started out with all three but towards the end, it got down to just one. At first we had so much passion, commitment, and companionship. It was really awesome. But, I grew to hate being around him. It got to the point where I could hardly stand hanging out sometimes because he was so annoying. So, companionship went out the window. Then, I lost all passion. The reason as to why that had occurred was because I was sick and tired of doing anything sexual that he wanted to do. At the very end, all I had was commitment. I was committed because everyone said that we were meant for each other and I took it to heart. I tried to make the relationship work. But, finally, we broke it off. After that relationship, I grew from it and became a better person.
Me and my boyfriend are companions and committed to one another but over the quarantine I’ve put on like a good 20lbs. I just don’t feel desirable. I know he doesn’t care because we talked about it but I just can’t find the passion like we used to have because I don’t feel good about how I look right now. The passion is gone right now but imma get it back. This was a good ass video!!!
Very enlightening video Shanboody, thank you. I realize that I have been missing the "I really like you" component in most of my relationships. The passion and commitment yes, but hardly ever the companionship and if there, then not really. Thanks again.
I would have said my relationship has all 3, however he doesn't want children. Because I know him so well I believe this is due to his own experiences as a child and his fears, about how children would impact the relationship and be a burden and a responsibility. As this is not something he even wants to explore he's so certain, it looks like our relationship is coming to an end. Pretty heartbreaking.
As someone who's been on the other side of this - blaming someone's childhood as a reason to not have kids can feel so disrespectful and like your partner doesn't even believe you when you speak. That being said, such a sad situation! I was here a few years ago when my then-partner opened up about wanting kids and broke up with me. You'll move past it with time and find someone who's freaking delighted to build a family with you and this breakup will seem so worthwhile at that time. Take care of yourself in the meantime, it's so hard losing a partner to that kind of difference.
@@thenopedetective I understand (as much as I can. I'm trying!). I see that this is partly my way of trying to cope and keeping the hope alive that he will change his mind. There are things about him that he has told me which makes me believe there is more to it, but at the end of the day, I am trying to let go and move on. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to be reminded of the other side.
Wow! So simple but makes so much sense. I thought for the longest if passion and companionship was there commitment would just eventually grow BUT with wisdom that’s probably the one factor that is most aligned with individual values.
I think this explains so well why I’ve been single and I’m staying single, because I don’t want to settle for a two legged stool. I want the whole triangle. I’ve settled before and learnt my lessons that it’s not for me Love you Shan 🙌🏼✨
My ex had a triangle while I had a line I think. He treated me as though he didn’t like me sometimes so maybe he had a line too - even if he’d not admit to that. We expressed ourselves very differently. We definitely had passion and commitment. Companionship I’m not so sure anymore.
Wow! I swear this message right here is god sent! Been with this person for two and half years together ( living together), but for the past few months he has been acting different, I hear he texting and have conversations, that sounds like he talking to a female, and a couple of days ago I flat out asked him was he cheating, and ofcourse he denied it, but I just have this feeling that won't go away that he is talking to someone, but other than the text and conversations I have nothing 🙄, I definitely feel like a dot in his life, I'm ready to go, life is too short. Thank you shan
In my experience, the minute you even have to ASK if he’s cheating, he is. And that’s because he’s obviously doing something to make you feel that way, either directly or indirectly. Instincts never lie. Leave ASAP girl. Life is to f-ing short.
@@Tiff-vi9kx yes, that is so true and I'm the type of person that if you want to be with another female, just leave! . I don't care how many years we been together , I don't get attached to a person , if the relationship is over is over! Period!
I also think you need to keep being strangers to each other as well, in a way; to hold back on commitment, companionship and passion, with the genuine promise that it'll be there when asked for, and to show a new side of yourself or withdraw for a bit as needed. While a good three-legged stool can grow out of any two of them here, I think that allure of playful distancing, negotiation, and refreshment, or the fourth leg to any lasting chair, is kind of missing in this three-legged stool model.
not in a relationship hahaha but loved this sm, at least i'll know which situations won't serve me Shan is really teaching us how to be our own relationship experts
I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years. I feel like we are a 3-leg stool. But we have had times where our relationship was a line. Either because of depression f.ex one didn't have passion , or because we were really young and had commitments issues, or at some point we weren't aligned in our interests and didn't have that companionship......When I look back, since the beginning, there has always been moments where our connection is 3-leg, and others where is more like a line or even a point...We've have grown together ❤, wich mean we have adapted to new situations and to ourselves over a over again.
Lollllllll my other ex gave me no legs no wonder I felt like his mom. My last ex only 2 legs, commitment and passion. Lack of companionship is why I ended it. I'm single and I feel so good watching this as a single person 🤣
All you need is to find that person that you completely peaceful at harmoniously and you can say anything and do anything and be completely honest and be yourself and you can never screwed up you can sit next to each other for hours and never said a word. Just hold each other you find that person you found the one nothing else really makes a difference but the only thing
Ik my relationship w my man is 💯 but it was nice to get more insight on this Were both committed, we both probably have more companionship more than passion but ik the passion is there. Weve been together for over 3 yrs and we still kiss and say I love you to eahother and we still cuddle and go on dates. So I'd say we have all 3 💁🏽
My last relationship had 2 legs. The legs changed through the relationship, but rarely was there a time where we had a triangle. The relationship I’m in now has a full triangle and I love it
Very applicable thinking tool, thanks! I need all my conceptual models to be logical fourfolds, though, so just going to add a fourth "Stranger/Foe" pole to this Friendship/Love triad. There's an allure to strangers and newness, and there's an uncanniness to people who turn out bad for you, both kind of stemming from the same source experience (do I, should I, really know and trust this person?), which is a thing that also plays nicely off the three relationship aspects that are already here: 1.On the Stranger-Commitment axis there's a collegial, civil codependency that might be toxic if its how your romantic relation goes, and you don't break contact or expand and heal that relationship. 2.On the Stranger-Companionship axis there's the comfort of talking to strangers to let stuff out, which might end up putting you at risk if that trust gets betrayed, or it might be healing to just let stuff out to no one in particular. 3.On the Stranger-Passion axis, there's poorly negotiated physical relations, stalkerish stuff, parasociality, etc. I could try and think through the two threefolds that appear in this, add nuance to the Stranger/Foe thing itself, or use the model to get into friends becoming strangers, strangers turning out to be more, or a stale relationship's revival, but yeah this comment is running long. Apologies. Maybe look up Plato's Symposium, and the main lady Diotima's conclusion in that? Just thought this might be a nice extension of the theory here (?), but then my main kink seems to be philosophy. I need my comprehensive dynamic logics.
Passion can be revived or energized by doing new scratch experience together like watching scary movie or sky diving. That's why the favorite contestant on The Bachelor gets sky diving date.
Shan you are an EDUCATOR. And a an excellent one at that thank you as always for sharing your knowledge with us in a way that clearly and effectively communicates. I walked away with a new way to think and engage relationships
My college relationship was definitely a commitment and compassion relationship. We were friends and I was committed to making him happy, but the passion was not there at all. I broke it off with him after I graduated, and at the time he didn't understand why. We haven't talked since then but I do hope he understands this now. Currently, I'm in a 3 year relationship with someone I didn't think would come back into my life. We've known each other since middle school, dated briefly in high school the parted ways. He popped back up a year and 6 months after I had broken it off with the college boyfriend. I definitely believe he is my person. The passion is outstanding, our friendship is strong and we're both committed to each other.
No current relationships. But my last one was definitely passion + commitment. Wanted to make it work, but a trip to Italy have me time to reflect and made me realize that I didn't like her per se.
I definitely understand this concept, and it applies to my last relationship heavily. We had the passion and companionship but the commitment part was missing. Just the complete dedication to what was needed in the relationship was very one sided. As a person who’s love language is quality time, I needed that dedication of time to spend w my partner and when other things were chosen over that it always ended in me being hurt. So I just had to remove myself. There were other factors but those issues still fell under the commitment dot.
Reading the title I was skeptical about how the information was going to be presented (nothing personal!), BUT I’m actually really happy with the outcome! I’ve seen many videos about psychology related theories from non-psychologists that were just a bit too simplistic or simply unscientific. Thanks Shan 👏🏻😘 I remember leaving after this lecture in Uni and listening to all of the students debating their relationships 😂👍🏻
This helped me because I have to choose between two people. The first one is literally a two legged stool. We have passion and we have commitment, but we don’t like each other as people. Lol. The second guy is all of the things. But, I would feel so bad just letting numbed 1 go because he really is trying lol. My my.
My last relationship was full of commitment and companionship, but what really lacked was the passion. I thought to myself am I doomed to be in a relationship where I don’t feel passionate. I eventually cut it off, and it was scary to walk away from something stable, but like Shan says-just not your person.
I'm divorced and what I had in our marriage was an amazing companionship and ok commitment. The lack of passion is what did us in. The companionship was the strongest I've ever had with any woman. I loved being around her and could talk to her all day. It was easy to get comfortable. When you're comfortable you become blind to many things. Current relationship is long distance and I do feel the passion. Our commitment is the strongest that I've ever experienced with any woman. I've had passion many times and that either burns out or can be toxic all by itself. I personally like commitment and companionship. All 3 would be wonderful.
great video! I think me and my partner have all 3 but sometimes passion fades. but the thing I like about my current relationship that I’ve never had in the past is our willingness to communicate and be open about things we don’t necessarily like so that we can work on them. I never had that in the past. I guess it would be considered commitment
i love shan. always coming thru with the content. i've never heard of this triangle but i'll definitely have it in mind enetering new relationships, i believe it should curb unnecessary heartbreak or time wasted. thanks for the gem
Very insightful video! I was in a situationship for not so long but throughout realised I only had passion and commitment with him. It was still very difficult to end it since we overall had a very healthy relationship as well. We were able to be intimate, vulnerable and communicated very well. But I realised that I still missed the companionship. At the end of the day I think I fell more in love with our connection than with him as person. I have realized that I need to be able to be genuine friends with my partner besides how they make me feel. As passion tends to dim overtime, you should be with a person you genuinely like and enjoy spending time with. But the fear of possibly not finding your full triangle is apparant, and I agree that what I had with him does have to potential to pull me into an addictive cycle of 'trying again'.
Im in a long distance relationship with my partner (me in Maine them in nyc) who I've been close friends with for a long time. When we are *together* its 3 legged stool all day every day for me baby!! However, when we spend these long stretches apart (esp once the pandemic hit) it feels more like a 2 legged stool of commitment and companionship. For her, its a 3 legged stool all the time and it makes me feel horrible bc why can't I feel that last leg of passion when we are apart too?? A constant struggle that will hopefully end once I move to the city in a couple months.
I’m in a long distance relationship as well and definitely relate to this! Sometimes I feel the passion fades from both of us when we’re apart. But it makes sense when you can’t physically see someone ya know? Whenever we’re together, though, the passion is definitely there
This makes so much sense! My last relationship was just passion and companionship, I realised almost as soon as we became a couple that something wasn't right. It should have stayed a fwb thing, we broke up after just two months. My last relationship before that, of three years, maybe had passion to start with but that died out and there was only companionship and commitment for the last year or so before we broke up. We really liked each other but we had no sexual interest in each other by the end of it. My current relationship, I'm happy to say, is the full triangle! There is so much passion, I never get enough of him. We love spending time togheter, just hanging out or doing whatever, and we are very commited to each other, each others needs and our life together.
I’ve got an acute angle with my current partner 📐He’s got the full stool for me.This dynamic is more so the commitment/companionship variety. For months I’ve been considering releasing it, this video confirmed a multitude of reasons to follow through with my decision. Thank you Shan 💋💋💋💗💗
Let's talk about my current relationship. The first thing that comes to mind is companionship. He really is my person. We are long distance so we call every night and every night we notice we miss each other. We talk about things that matter to us, bother us or things we just want to share with one another. The second thing probably is passion. I am really attracted to him and he is to me. We're sexually compatible which makes that part of our relationship very enjoyable too. We are committed to each other aswell. We share our beliefs about cheating and that that is just low to do to your partner. We both come back to each other. My last relationship went horribly wrong. We had passion, the relationship was built on that, we had companionship even if that came from me alone (I actually am not sure if he felt companionship with me) but he wasnt committed to me. He was crushing on this other girl, actively trying to hit on her and even talk about her during our intimate moments. I'm really happy I found my person now
Wow thank you Shan! This video was very insightful. Right now, I have a line that consists of companionship and commitment... I think I am a triangle for my partner, but he is a 2 legged step stool for me. In my last long term relationship I ended up heart broken over someone who I was also in a line relationship with consisting of passion and commitment. It’s been hard for me to figure out with this new guy why I have so many doubts and why even though we have been such great friends, I just can’t see him as my long term partner and that’s because I don’t feel that passion with him. My last relationship was an intense emotional roller coaster and part of my brain still desires that even though I logically know it’s not healthy for me. Sometimes I wish I could just be with this guy that treats me well and who I care about very much, but if I’m being honest with myself those feelings just aren’t there.
Literally something I needed to hear, but right now I’m doing me. I have a fuck buddy, but I’m enjoying his company a little too much. I just know he could possibly be my person but I don’t know if I’m his person. We both have determination and passion for each other. Just don’t know maybe it work maybe it won’t. I just like how things are right now.
How do you go many months without getting way too attached? 😭 were you guys good friends beforehand as well? I had a friend I crossed the line with for a couple months and I fell hard without realising it
@Kat M hey Kat just checking on your comment as I'm in a complete same situation with you fwb but communication outside the bedroom is sucky. i'm also on my path of healing so I'm not ready to jump into anything too serous right now, still gotta learn about my communication and overcoming my attachment style etc etc
My last relationship ultimately was a line for me (passion-commitment) but a dot for him (Passion). The triangle was there sometimes but he was not committed which made me grow to dislike him. So I'm putting this triangle on my vision board because I'm excited for what I have growing right now! 🙏🏽 thank you Shan!
Thank you so much for your education on this topic. I read about the triangular theory of love by Robert Sternberg which states three components of a healthy relationship with a partner. These are intimacy, passion, and commitment. I liked that you used the word companionship instead of intimacy. I know you might say they are synonymous with each other. But companionship is a better word because it expresses a close friendly relationship but intimacy is an extension of a passionate relationship. Or please correct me if I am wrong.
I believe we both have the same line (companionship and passion) with the commitment linkage feeling fuzzy in its consistency over the course of our (kinda long 😅) time together. What I love is that even with the ebbs and flows in commitment on both our parts, it’s the most honest relationship in my life and, in many ways, the one I feel safest to be my whole self in. Thanks for this video, Shan. Love the topic! 💜
I was married to my ex-husband & I was in a marriage for over 10 years. He had the triangle for me but I only had a dot for him. I felt like I couldn’t be myself with him. The marriage to me was toxic and I felt that like I was a prisoner who just wanted to be free. My family and friends loved him but he just wasn’t the one for me. My biggest concern was letting him down and child and everyone else down if I walked out. I eventually did leave because I wasn’t truly happy with him. A few years later I met the love of my life. We both have a triangle for each other and it’s been the best years of my life. We’re best friends who are committed to each other and after all these years together the passion is still there. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I worked on myself emotionally, spiritually & mentally. We have a relationship where we both grow together. Whereas my precious relationship I felt like I outgrew him a long time ago & he felt threatened of my growth. He wanted us to stay the same and never change. That made me feel like I was living in a cage. And now I am free with a man who is committed to his growth as I am mine. It feels good to know that I never settled in life and waited for our paths to align so I could be in a more healthy & meaningful relationship. Once you experience a love where both partners have a triangle for each other you will never know how you lived without it. I am most certainly grateful to have this kind of true love with my soul mate.
I've never been in a relationship, but I've witnessed a lot of other people's. I often see one leg missing, usually passion or companionship. I'm really grateful to have these videos to lean and elaborate on! 🥰
But what if some of these switch on and off? I feel like that’s what I would experience. Like passion would turn off and then companionship would turn off then commitment would turn off. After a while it would turn back on and then it would turn back off etc. idk if you got any advice for this.
I agree! Like depending on seasons in life... there may be a time wear the passion is on 💯 and the next is companionship. But i think the bigger lesson here is about having the three at least present... Right @shanboody ?
Here for this comment! I also feel this, and feel like I agree there needs to be the presence of all three with an understanding that there's an ebb and flow to everything.
Feeling this hard! Disability on one side and mental health on the other we have all three to some extent but that passion leg is sometimes a little shorter than we'd both like, at times. But I still feel it's worthwhile and a sexy, loving, playful relationship even if it doesn't fit "typical" pictures of passion.
I think it's very common, even in healthy relationships, for one or all of these aspects to fluctuate over time. What's important is that you feel that you and your partner share them most of the time, or enough to make things worth it, and that you both prioritize working back towards something when it falls away.
@@CiCiMoya Passion gonna always fade over time, in special during the time that the couple have a new born at home, the important thing to do is work together to bring back a little bit of sparkle on the relationship, my parents didn't do this work, they settled to: "It's normal to a couple start to hate each other after years, so let's countinue to carrie the marriage the way it is now".
I have a triangle for someone when I feel they however have 2 of the three characteristics towards me! I’m sending this video to them now. Short, sweet, informative, not too much to consume in one go
I didn’t like my ex as a person. But I loved him dearly. He wasn’t a nice person, just a rude person to a lot of people. But he was good to me. It just didn’t sit right with me that he’s was a dickhead to people because I believe your partner is a reflection of you and I’m not like that. So I broke it off. It wasn’t a good ending.
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.....
@@kimberlyfaith3594 NO
Aw, hope you feel better soon. Glad it's over too.
I feel the same way watching this video. I loved my ex more than anything, but I really didn’t like him as an individual person. He was an addict, he lied all the time, he was rude to people and loud. Very arrogant and narcissistic. I liked who we were together though. I tamed a lot of that when he was with me. But when he was off with his friends, I knew it was always some fuck shit. Cause his friends were all criminal drug addicts too and I wasnt.
You're so right. Our partner and our friends are a reflection of us, something I realised lately. You can't ignore incompatibility and force love or friendship.
I was in relationship for 6 years with an absolutely amazing partner, supporting, loving all that jazz. I empathized a lot with the last part of the video because I feel like from my part, we did have companionship and commitment, but not passion. this is something that has frustrated me, and that made me suffer for probably the last 3 years of the relationship, but I felt like I loved him so much and he was such a perfect match for me, that I couldn't leave. I felt like it wouldn't be worth it.
We are not together anymore, and throughout this time that I have been single I rediscovered what having passion, and that sort of physical connection with someone feels like. I didn't even remember that this part of me existed. Now I'm letting myself explore and experience what comes my way, but sometimes I think about my ex and I don't know if having passion, is worth not having the friendship, the love and everything else that we shared. I don't know if we'll get back together, I definitely still love him. But I'm scared that if we ever were to go back together, I will forever miss the passion that we don't have. Maybe we didn't share it then, but someday we will? I don't know if that's possible shan Pls help ❤️❤️
Welp, this is adorable. Maybe you guys can ignite the passion by doing things together. Like dates where you get all dressed up, sensual massages, let that person know exactly what you like and don’t like concerning sex/passion. Relearn each other in a passionate way.
Wow I went through the same thing as you and still struggling to know if he's the right guy for me or not. We were tgt 5 years and separated 3 months ago.
Are you guys not physically attracted to them?
I have been through an almost identical experience. Being single and discovering the passionate side of myself was amazing, but I missed the trust, commitment and companionship of my precious partner and used to wonder if I had made a mistake. I’m now in a relationship where I have all of the above and I’m so glad I didn’t settle and go back. Life without passion is not worth it and I was so unhappy and always felt there was something missing. Be patient! You will meet someone that gives you all three... don’t lose hope 🤍
Question...was he physically attractive? Was his sex game great? Was the lack of passion one sided, on your end? What do you feel was blocking you from being passionate about him?
Okay so, when you simplify the triangle theory △ that means:
Passion = genital
Commitment = brain
Companionship = heart
Lmao that Bretman clip
Love him
Lol I didn't realize it was him at first
🤣🤣🤣
@@TH-camrOnlineNow ur name in jelouse 😂
I resonated with the last one (commitment & companionship). My partner and I have been together for 5 years and living together in that entirety. We go through phases of having all three but sometime passion falls away or is one-sided. We’re aware of that but are deeply committed to each other as ones others home base because we work and love one another so deeply. We’ve also slowly opened the boundaries of our relationship because we do know we need the passion element in our lives in other ways aside from each other. It’s been a beautiful, eye opening journey. I thank you and Jared for having these conversations and giving us tools to navigate alternative lifestyles/ways of beings. I used to be the fairytale princess kinda girl who couldn’t imagine else to free love and question everything I once believed- personal autonomy kinda girl. I am better for it. Love is better for it 💜
Lamaria this comment moved me so deeply. Thank you for sharing
@@shanboody can you leave links to the research that you base your claims on in the description so we can at least see who is doing it and how it was done?
amazing comment, thanks for sharing 💗
This is SO useful for thinking about my relationship. Thinking about my 3 previous relationships, I had 2 with just passion/commitment (very toxic) and 1 with companionship/commitment (and I definitely thought I was an awful person for this). My current relationship has all 3, and it makes all the difference 🥰
Congrats this is a beautiful story, love the process
th-cam.com/video/aSk5tk5y3eA/w-d-xo.html
I also had a relationship that was just passion and commitment and I agree with you. A very toxic environment!
My fiance and I learned about the triangle in premarital counseling. We found it to be SUPER helpful! It's a simple tool we refer to from time to time whenever we check in on how our relationship is going.
The timing for this video is amazinggg! My last relationship was definitely a 2 leg relationship for me, no passion. He looked at me as a 3 but I couldn't. The person I'm currently talking to is a 3 on both sides and watching this video just confirmed it for me 😍
This is me now 😞 I keep trying but the passion just doesn’t flow on my side the way I want it to :(
@@User__795 this was literally me a few months ago!! We got this, queen 💜
This vid really clicked for me too! I feel pressure from ppl to make my FWB dynamic into a committed relationship but neither of us want that. I check in every now and then but we both have healing and aspirations so we’re on that 2 legged Passion/Companionship stool.
And that’s really ok at this juncture in life we’re in.
I literally started bawling crying when you talked about the companionship + commitment without the passion. Please tell me there is still hope because I really just want to believe there is something wrong with me and I can fix it. Not really ready to think about this on a deeper level yet (we just moved in together) so I am just going to cry now and find a therapist later.
Ohw sweetheart, I'm not going to give you relationship advice from an outside perspective but I can tell you that you should never think something is wrong with you. I believe that there is someone for every person out there, someone that fits them and they should be an addition to your life. There isnt anything wrong with you so please never say that
Hey I’m in a similar situation. What did you end up doing
I think my last relationship was a beanbag chair
🤣
Lmaooooo
@Chorey Brown 😍😍 lmao
I also had a 2 legged stool: Passion and Commitment. So sad because it started-off with 3 legs, but overtime I lost the companionship. We are separated now. However, I have noticed that when I lost the companionship, the passion also started to fade. I think understanding how each leg can influence eachother is a very interesting point to touch on.
I'm reading the comments and confirming what I've long obeserved, which is that a lot of women settle for companionship and commitment with nonexistent passion. Because we're often told to not be too picky, not ask for too much lest we end up alone. What more could you want if this man treats you well amd is committed to you? Why do you want passion. Couple this is the idea that women's pleasure is often talked about like a (sporadic) by-product of a man's pleasure, seeking passion becomes portrayed a frivolous desire for women.
It's why I just love your work Shan, because you live in the subleties. The little things women are often told to disregard and you let us know our desires have a right to be fulfilled. That what we want is not too much and is worth pursuing.
You are so necessary
Isabelle I have always loved how your mind works and it’s been my pleasure to witness your evolution. As always, thank you for sharing your intellect with me
People often say to you don't be too picky, becouse if you do a horrible marriage, those people won't be there, only you gonna sleep and wake up everyday next to that man.
It’s been over a year since my ex and I broke up after 4 years. It was mutual. I had commitment and companionship for him but he had all 3 for me (I think, kinda unfair to speak on anyone’s behalf). We were friends first which was what I loved the most about us. Companionship is so important to me. I could be myself with him. The passion died quite early on for me. Honestly I could of settled for the line and not triangle. However it’s unfair for him to not have someone who wants him as much as he wants me. If you truly love someone sometimes you have to let them go. Life is too damn short to not be passionate about things or people. Get the love you deserve. We all want to be wanted.
I really like this way of thinking of romantic and all other relationships. It's a simple enough concept to really take stock of what you need and what you may be lacking and it could make tough convos where two people need to understand the other's perspective easier to understand.
What I think is really interesting is that... based on this theory my fiancé and I started out with companionship and passion (we were literal cuddle buddies (nothing else, we were both single, and valued each others friendship and being around each other so we would cuddle up on the couch and watch movies, or hangout and do friend stuff together), but we both also had a passion for each other which we were ignoring... until we didn't. That companionship never went away (and still hasn't he's literally my best friend and people think it's so corny to say that but its true). So then we had companionship AND passion. And then we had commitment when we realized we had the same life goals/ wants out of a relationship.... so then we had all three! That said, I think the way we display passion is also left up to the love languages though, and learning our respective love languages was really important early on In our relationship for maintaining our passion leg of the triad! hahaha this was such a cool video/concept! Looking back at my past relationships (romantic, sexual, platonic, or otherwise) this really put into perspective for me how I care for different people in my life/ want to be cared for in return. So cool!!!
Am so happy about this video and it's content! I left a 12 year relationship of commitment and companionship (to this day he would be my best friend) he was so reliable and trustworthy but we lacked passion. It just fizzled out through the years. I stayed 3 years too long because of everything else our relationship had: we were a great team and i wondered if i was just being difficult. But we were not happy. Since breaking up i have found my passionate side and also re-learned to trust my instincts, wish i had sooner but at the same time, things happen for a reason and i would've had doubts. So thank you Shan for this video. I can now evaluate my relationships using this triangle and see them for what they are
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.......
What if the passion is there but dissipates over time? Is that when tools to revive the passion need to be used? Because I've seen the opposite happen too... Where there was no passion and overtime the love grew and developed into electrical connection! 🔥
That's such an interesting question!
I have the same question. Hopefully Shan has some pointers
I know your asking Shan! But imo, I think if you guys both identify the issue and communicate about it, and find ways to work on it and try new things (part of the commitment & companionship) then it has an opportunity to ignite.. if not, then it might not be the person for you. Hoping Shan replies to your comment though, would love to hear her insight!
Shan! I think this is the most I've learned from you in one video! So applicable, relatable and informative. I am sharing it with everyone!!!!
thank you for this video. I often get into the passion and companionship but lack commitment from the people I date. It can be hard but I learnt that I am a dope ass woman and this has nothing to do with me but more with their ability to not be able to meet my needs. It’s all a learning experience on my spiritual journey and I am grateful for all the men in my life x
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
+2.3.4.9.0.7.9.6.2.3.5.6.1...
I have been in all of these. Except the full triangle…. Like I’m happy single until I do meet my person. I’m currently working on me!
Thanks for such an amazing video! My partner and I have a full triangle. There's always learning in relationship, so sometimes one of the leg needs screwing up and tightening. The other two legs support that process so it can all come together. Both my partner and I had different versions of the two legged relationships previously. So now we're revelling in peace, joy and comfort we're able to create in our relationship together 💕
My very first relationship started out with all three but towards the end, it got down to just one. At first we had so much passion, commitment, and companionship. It was really awesome. But, I grew to hate being around him. It got to the point where I could hardly stand hanging out sometimes because he was so annoying. So, companionship went out the window. Then, I lost all passion. The reason as to why that had occurred was because I was sick and tired of doing anything sexual that he wanted to do. At the very end, all I had was commitment. I was committed because everyone said that we were meant for each other and I took it to heart. I tried to make the relationship work. But, finally, we broke it off. After that relationship, I grew from it and became a better person.
I relate deeply 👏🏾 it is what it is yk
Me and my boyfriend are companions and committed to one another but over the quarantine I’ve put on like a good 20lbs. I just don’t feel desirable. I know he doesn’t care because we talked about it but I just can’t find the passion like we used to have because I don’t feel good about how I look right now.
The passion is gone right now but imma get it back. This was a good ass video!!!
Good luck!! I like how you said "right now" instead of "the passion is gone forever" :)
Very enlightening video Shanboody, thank you. I realize that I have been missing the "I really like you" component in most of my relationships. The passion and commitment yes, but hardly ever the companionship and if there, then not really.
Thanks again.
I would have said my relationship has all 3, however he doesn't want children. Because I know him so well I believe this is due to his own experiences as a child and his fears, about how children would impact the relationship and be a burden and a responsibility. As this is not something he even wants to explore he's so certain, it looks like our relationship is coming to an end. Pretty heartbreaking.
As someone who's been on the other side of this - blaming someone's childhood as a reason to not have kids can feel so disrespectful and like your partner doesn't even believe you when you speak.
That being said, such a sad situation! I was here a few years ago when my then-partner opened up about wanting kids and broke up with me. You'll move past it with time and find someone who's freaking delighted to build a family with you and this breakup will seem so worthwhile at that time. Take care of yourself in the meantime, it's so hard losing a partner to that kind of difference.
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.....
+2.3.4.9.0.7.9.6.2.3.5.6.1....
Maybe he just doesn't want kids, but he should have talked about that with you since the dating phase.
@@thenopedetective I understand (as much as I can. I'm trying!). I see that this is partly my way of trying to cope and keeping the hope alive that he will change his mind. There are things about him that he has told me which makes me believe there is more to it, but at the end of the day, I am trying to let go and move on. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to be reminded of the other side.
Wow! So simple but makes so much sense. I thought for the longest if passion and companionship was there commitment would just eventually grow BUT with wisdom that’s probably the one factor that is most aligned with individual values.
It's amazing to see how one relationship can have all the variables.
I think this explains so well why I’ve been single and I’m staying single, because I don’t want to settle for a two legged stool. I want the whole triangle. I’ve settled before and learnt my lessons that it’s not for me
Love you Shan 🙌🏼✨
i NEEDED this
My ex had a triangle while I had a line I think. He treated me as though he didn’t like me sometimes so maybe he had a line too - even if he’d not admit to that. We expressed ourselves very differently. We definitely had passion and commitment. Companionship I’m not so sure anymore.
Some terrific advice here and definitely appreciating this! Keep up the great content content 🙌💯
Wow! I swear this message right here is god sent! Been with this person for two and half years together ( living together), but for the past few months he has been acting different, I hear he texting and have conversations, that sounds like he talking to a female, and a couple of days ago I flat out asked him was he cheating, and ofcourse he denied it, but I just have this feeling that won't go away that he is talking to someone, but other than the text and conversations I have nothing 🙄, I definitely feel like a dot in his life, I'm ready to go, life is too short. Thank you shan
In my experience, the minute you even have to ASK if he’s cheating, he is. And that’s because he’s obviously doing something to make you feel that way, either directly or indirectly. Instincts never lie. Leave ASAP girl. Life is to f-ing short.
@@Tiff-vi9kx yes, that is so true and I'm the type of person that if you want to be with another female, just leave! . I don't care how many years we been together , I don't get attached to a person , if the relationship is over is over! Period!
@@noraventura9006 Facts. My mom always said: You were born alone, you'll die alone. Everything else is temporary. Good for you!
@@Tiff-vi9kx definitely! Lol , and thank you for the input.
Not bretman falling while twirling in his pole
Wheeen
@@elenaK0023 2:16
I think a strong friendship can build a great relationship.
I also think you need to keep being strangers to each other as well, in a way; to hold back on commitment, companionship and passion, with the genuine promise that it'll be there when asked for, and to show a new side of yourself or withdraw for a bit as needed. While a good three-legged stool can grow out of any two of them here, I think that allure of playful distancing, negotiation, and refreshment, or the fourth leg to any lasting chair, is kind of missing in this three-legged stool model.
My ex and I had compassion and commitment & zero passion. Early twenties are too young to not have passion I think.
not in a relationship hahaha but loved this sm, at least i'll know which situations won't serve me Shan is really teaching us how to be our own relationship experts
I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years. I feel like we are a 3-leg stool. But we have had times where our relationship was a line. Either because of depression f.ex one didn't have passion , or because we were really young and had commitments issues, or at some point we weren't aligned in our interests and didn't have that companionship......When I look back, since the beginning, there has always been moments where our connection is 3-leg, and others where is more like a line or even a point...We've have grown together ❤, wich mean we have adapted to new situations and to ourselves over a over again.
What a good video! I am happy to have my person & a triangle now :) used to have a line, then a dot. Lol.
Lollllllll my other ex gave me no legs no wonder I felt like his mom. My last ex only 2 legs, commitment and passion. Lack of companionship is why I ended it.
I'm single and I feel so good watching this as a single person 🤣
All you need is to find that person that you completely peaceful at harmoniously and you can say anything and do anything and be completely honest and be yourself and you can never screwed up you can sit next to each other for hours and never said a word. Just hold each other you find that person you found the one nothing else really makes a difference but the only thing
This made me look at things in a way I’ve never looked at before and I feel so blessed. Love you queen . Keep opening our eyes like this all the time
Ik my relationship w my man is 💯 but it was nice to get more insight on this
Were both committed, we both probably have more companionship more than passion but ik the passion is there. Weve been together for over 3 yrs and we still kiss and say I love you to eahother and we still cuddle and go on dates. So I'd say we have all 3 💁🏽
My last relationship had 2 legs. The legs changed through the relationship, but rarely was there a time where we had a triangle. The relationship I’m in now has a full triangle and I love it
Please, please, please do a separate video about what happens when one person has all 3 and the other person doesn’t. Great video!!!!
Bruh
I can’t thank u enough for the content u make 💕
Very applicable thinking tool, thanks! I need all my conceptual models to be logical fourfolds, though, so just going to add a fourth "Stranger/Foe" pole to this Friendship/Love triad. There's an allure to strangers and newness, and there's an uncanniness to people who turn out bad for you, both kind of stemming from the same source experience (do I, should I, really know and trust this person?), which is a thing that also plays nicely off the three relationship aspects that are already here: 1.On the Stranger-Commitment axis there's a collegial, civil codependency that might be toxic if its how your romantic relation goes, and you don't break contact or expand and heal that relationship. 2.On the Stranger-Companionship axis there's the comfort of talking to strangers to let stuff out, which might end up putting you at risk if that trust gets betrayed, or it might be healing to just let stuff out to no one in particular. 3.On the Stranger-Passion axis, there's poorly negotiated physical relations, stalkerish stuff, parasociality, etc.
I could try and think through the two threefolds that appear in this, add nuance to the Stranger/Foe thing itself, or use the model to get into friends becoming strangers, strangers turning out to be more, or a stale relationship's revival, but yeah this comment is running long. Apologies. Maybe look up Plato's Symposium, and the main lady Diotima's conclusion in that? Just thought this might be a nice extension of the theory here (?), but then my main kink seems to be philosophy. I need my comprehensive dynamic logics.
Passion can be revived or energized by doing new scratch experience together like watching scary movie or sky diving. That's why the favorite contestant on The Bachelor gets sky diving date.
Passion +commitment. What I call chemistry sans compatibility is so destructive
Shan you are an EDUCATOR. And a an excellent one at that thank you as always for sharing your knowledge with us in a way that clearly and effectively communicates. I walked away with a new way to think and engage relationships
My college relationship was definitely a commitment and compassion relationship. We were friends and I was committed to making him happy, but the passion was not there at all. I broke it off with him after I graduated, and at the time he didn't understand why. We haven't talked since then but I do hope he understands this now.
Currently, I'm in a 3 year relationship with someone I didn't think would come back into my life. We've known each other since middle school, dated briefly in high school the parted ways. He popped back up a year and 6 months after I had broken it off with the college boyfriend. I definitely believe he is my person. The passion is outstanding, our friendship is strong and we're both committed to each other.
No current relationships. But my last one was definitely passion + commitment. Wanted to make it work, but a trip to Italy have me time to reflect and made me realize that I didn't like her per se.
I definitely understand this concept, and it applies to my last relationship heavily. We had the passion and companionship but the commitment part was missing. Just the complete dedication to what was needed in the relationship was very one sided. As a person who’s love language is quality time, I needed that dedication of time to spend w my partner and when other things were chosen over that it always ended in me being hurt. So I just had to remove myself. There were other factors but those issues still fell under the commitment dot.
Hey I love the camera angel you have and the frame size. Its fire
Wow now I completely understand why my cat and I are utterly in love with each other. Thank you!😁♥️✨
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
Reading the title I was skeptical about how the information was going to be presented (nothing personal!), BUT I’m actually really happy with the outcome! I’ve seen many videos about psychology related theories from non-psychologists that were just a bit too simplistic or simply unscientific. Thanks Shan 👏🏻😘 I remember leaving after this lecture in Uni and listening to all of the students debating their relationships 😂👍🏻
This helped me because I have to choose between two people. The first one is literally a two legged stool. We have passion and we have commitment, but we don’t like each other as people. Lol. The second guy is all of the things. But, I would feel so bad just letting numbed 1 go because he really is trying lol. My my.
Shannon is spittin on this fine afternoon! 🔥🔥🔥
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.......
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My last relationship was full of commitment and companionship, but what really lacked was the passion. I thought to myself am I doomed to be in a relationship where I don’t feel passionate. I eventually cut it off, and it was scary to walk away from something stable, but like Shan says-just not your person.
I'm divorced and what I had in our marriage was an amazing companionship and ok commitment. The lack of passion is what did us in. The companionship was the strongest I've ever had with any woman. I loved being around her and could talk to her all day. It was easy to get comfortable. When you're comfortable you become blind to many things. Current relationship is long distance and I do feel the passion. Our commitment is the strongest that I've ever experienced with any woman. I've had passion many times and that either burns out or can be toxic all by itself. I personally like commitment and companionship. All 3 would be wonderful.
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.......
I love you Shan!! You really inspire me!! I also love how you relationship works, I’ve always wanted a love like that!
great video! I think me and my partner have all 3 but sometimes passion fades. but the thing I like about my current relationship that I’ve never had in the past is our willingness to communicate and be open about things we don’t necessarily like so that we can work on them. I never had that in the past. I guess it would be considered commitment
Keep making videos on this PLEASE
You are so wise and a amazing communicator. Thanks for this video.
We had all three but once the commitment was gone, everything else went with it
i love shan. always coming thru with the content. i've never heard of this triangle but i'll definitely have it in mind enetering new relationships, i believe it should curb unnecessary heartbreak or time wasted. thanks for the gem
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
Passion always seems to sizzle out from my relationships
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.......
+2.3.4.9.0.7.9.6.2.3.5.6.1..
Your outfits are just sth beyond my comprehansion👌🙌😍
This makes total sense!! Please do more on this topic!! I definitely have a line.
Very insightful video! I was in a situationship for not so long but throughout realised I only had passion and commitment with him. It was still very difficult to end it since we overall had a very healthy relationship as well. We were able to be intimate, vulnerable and communicated very well. But I realised that I still missed the companionship. At the end of the day I think I fell more in love with our connection than with him as person. I have realized that I need to be able to be genuine friends with my partner besides how they make me feel. As passion tends to dim overtime, you should be with a person you genuinely like and enjoy spending time with. But the fear of possibly not finding your full triangle is apparant, and I agree that what I had with him does have to potential to pull me into an addictive cycle of 'trying again'.
Im in a long distance relationship with my partner (me in Maine them in nyc) who I've been close friends with for a long time. When we are *together* its 3 legged stool all day every day for me baby!! However, when we spend these long stretches apart (esp once the pandemic hit) it feels more like a 2 legged stool of commitment and companionship. For her, its a 3 legged stool all the time and it makes me feel horrible bc why can't I feel that last leg of passion when we are apart too?? A constant struggle that will hopefully end once I move to the city in a couple months.
I’m in a long distance relationship as well and definitely relate to this! Sometimes I feel the passion fades from both of us when we’re apart. But it makes sense when you can’t physically see someone ya know? Whenever we’re together, though, the passion is definitely there
This makes so much sense! My last relationship was just passion and companionship, I realised almost as soon as we became a couple that something wasn't right. It should have stayed a fwb thing, we broke up after just two months. My last relationship before that, of three years, maybe had passion to start with but that died out and there was only companionship and commitment for the last year or so before we broke up. We really liked each other but we had no sexual interest in each other by the end of it.
My current relationship, I'm happy to say, is the full triangle! There is so much passion, I never get enough of him. We love spending time togheter, just hanging out or doing whatever, and we are very commited to each other, each others needs and our life together.
I’ve got an acute angle with my current partner 📐He’s got the full stool for me.This dynamic is more so the commitment/companionship variety. For months I’ve been considering releasing it, this video confirmed a multitude of reasons to follow through with my decision. Thank you Shan 💋💋💋💗💗
Shan girl!! This was such a great breakdown! Currently single but it’s helping me evaluate previous ships I’ve been in
Oh my goodness! Thank you so much this video! What a clear, fantastic example! I truly appreciate you, what do!
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.....
Really wish I’d seen something like this before my last situation. It was definitely a me - three, them-dot. Thanks for this!
Yes, this was great please do another part to this video. This is very eye opening
I used to have a dot (passion) and now I have a balanced triangle 🔼
Let's talk about my current relationship. The first thing that comes to mind is companionship. He really is my person. We are long distance so we call every night and every night we notice we miss each other. We talk about things that matter to us, bother us or things we just want to share with one another.
The second thing probably is passion. I am really attracted to him and he is to me. We're sexually compatible which makes that part of our relationship very enjoyable too.
We are committed to each other aswell. We share our beliefs about cheating and that that is just low to do to your partner. We both come back to each other.
My last relationship went horribly wrong. We had passion, the relationship was built on that, we had companionship even if that came from me alone (I actually am not sure if he felt companionship with me) but he wasnt committed to me. He was crushing on this other girl, actively trying to hit on her and even talk about her during our intimate moments. I'm really happy I found my person now
Past commitment. Present Passion and companionship. The present person I like.
I'm so happy to have all three in my relationship. Always missed something in my previous ones
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
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Great info...that outfit tho!🔥
I just watched the video with your sister and am now binging your other content. You know you’re doing God’s work right. ✨✨
Wow thank you Shan! This video was very insightful. Right now, I have a line that consists of companionship and commitment... I think I am a triangle for my partner, but he is a 2 legged step stool for me. In my last long term relationship I ended up heart broken over someone who I was also in a line relationship with consisting of passion and commitment. It’s been hard for me to figure out with this new guy why I have so many doubts and why even though we have been such great friends, I just can’t see him as my long term partner and that’s because I don’t feel that passion with him. My last relationship was an intense emotional roller coaster and part of my brain still desires that even though I logically know it’s not healthy for me. Sometimes I wish I could just be with this guy that treats me well and who I care about very much, but if I’m being honest with myself those feelings just aren’t there.
Literally something I needed to hear, but right now I’m doing me. I have a fuck buddy, but I’m enjoying his company a little too much. I just know he could possibly be my person but I don’t know if I’m his person. We both have determination and passion for each other. Just don’t know maybe it work maybe it won’t. I just like how things are right now.
How do you go many months without getting way too attached? 😭 were you guys good friends beforehand as well? I had a friend I crossed the line with for a couple months and I fell hard without realising it
@Kat M hey Kat just checking on your comment as I'm in a complete same situation with you fwb but communication outside the bedroom is sucky.
i'm also on my path of healing so I'm not ready to jump into anything too serous right now, still gotta learn about my communication and overcoming my attachment style etc etc
I notice I always run into long term relationships with just 2 elements but never passion
My last relationship ultimately was a line for me (passion-commitment) but a dot for him (Passion). The triangle was there sometimes but he was not committed which made me grow to dislike him. So I'm putting this triangle on my vision board because I'm excited for what I have growing right now! 🙏🏽 thank you Shan!
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
@@kimberlyfaith3594 not interested in looking back thanks!
Loving the landscape catered to mobile device screens 👌🏾
Thank you so much for your education on this topic. I read about the triangular theory of love by Robert Sternberg which states three components of a healthy relationship with a partner. These are intimacy, passion, and commitment. I liked that you used the word companionship instead of intimacy. I know you might say they are synonymous with each other. But companionship is a better word because it expresses a close friendly relationship but intimacy is an extension of a passionate relationship. Or please correct me if I am wrong.
There should be a quiz for this tbh
I believe we both have the same line (companionship and passion) with the commitment linkage feeling fuzzy in its consistency over the course of our (kinda long 😅) time together. What I love is that even with the ebbs and flows in commitment on both our parts, it’s the most honest relationship in my life and, in many ways, the one I feel safest to be my whole self in. Thanks for this video, Shan. Love the topic! 💜
I was married to my ex-husband & I was in a marriage for over 10 years. He had the triangle for me but I only had a dot for him. I felt like I couldn’t be myself with him. The marriage to me was toxic and I felt that like I was a prisoner who just wanted to be free. My family and friends loved him but he just wasn’t the one for me. My biggest concern was letting him down and child and everyone else down if I walked out. I eventually did leave because I wasn’t truly happy with him. A few years later I met the love of my life. We both have a triangle for each other and it’s been the best years of my life. We’re best friends who are committed to each other and after all these years together the passion is still there. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I worked on myself emotionally, spiritually & mentally. We have a relationship where we both grow together. Whereas my precious relationship I felt like I outgrew him a long time ago & he felt threatened of my growth. He wanted us to stay the same and never change. That made me feel like I was living in a cage. And now I am free with a man who is committed to his growth as I am mine. It feels good to know that I never settled in life and waited for our paths to align so I could be in a more healthy & meaningful relationship. Once you experience a love where both partners have a triangle for each other you will never know how you lived without it. I am most certainly grateful to have this kind of true love with my soul mate.
I've never been in a relationship, but I've witnessed a lot of other people's. I often see one leg missing, usually passion or companionship. I'm really grateful to have these videos to lean and elaborate on! 🥰
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I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.....
But what if some of these switch on and off? I feel like that’s what I would experience. Like passion would turn off and then companionship would turn off then commitment would turn off. After a while it would turn back on and then it would turn back off etc. idk if you got any advice for this.
I agree! Like depending on seasons in life... there may be a time wear the passion is on 💯 and the next is companionship. But i think the bigger lesson here is about having the three at least present... Right @shanboody ?
Here for this comment! I also feel this, and feel like I agree there needs to be the presence of all three with an understanding that there's an ebb and flow to everything.
Feeling this hard! Disability on one side and mental health on the other we have all three to some extent but that passion leg is sometimes a little shorter than we'd both like, at times. But I still feel it's worthwhile and a sexy, loving, playful relationship even if it doesn't fit "typical" pictures of passion.
I think it's very common, even in healthy relationships, for one or all of these aspects to fluctuate over time. What's important is that you feel that you and your partner share them most of the time, or enough to make things worth it, and that you both prioritize working back towards something when it falls away.
@@CiCiMoya Passion gonna always fade over time, in special during the time that the couple have a new born at home, the important thing to do is work together to bring back a little bit of sparkle on the relationship, my parents didn't do this work, they settled to: "It's normal to a couple start to hate each other after years, so let's countinue to carrie the marriage the way it is now".
Love this video Shan. My last relationship ended because of commitment. Cant wait to find my triangle soon
Great video Shan! Very helpful.
Yesss please do a video with the problems when the triangles don’t match up
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.......
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This is a REALLY good video that can enable incredibly important self reflection
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
A good video has to have 3 elements. It has to be informative, engaging and entertaining. This video has all three, so it was time we'll spent.
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp.......
I have a triangle for someone when I feel they however have 2 of the three characteristics towards me! I’m sending this video to them now. Short, sweet, informative, not too much to consume in one go
I....know.....of...a... man ... who.. can.... help .... you.....get.....your.....ex....back.... message....him.....on ......WhatsApp......
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I love this format