Thank you!! As a therapist I have *always* hated the word "disorders" because so many "disorders" are actually quite natural... just dialed up to 11. I hate how the clinical Western model pathologizes so many things that are part of the human condition.
I want to be a woman, but I don’t see me as one, I’m struggling seeing me as a woman even though that’s what I wanna be deep inside me, I know it, I just feel it. I want to transition, but no one sees me like that, even my mother told me she doesn’t believe that I’m a true transgender. I’ve never imagined myself actually being trans so I never actually got to think of it. But when I finally did, everything made sense. It is like I have these puzzle pieces in front of me my whole life and now I’m making the puzzle. It was always there but I just wasn’t able to see it. I feel like I’m living in another universe since I realised that this is probably true. This reality where I live just shatters. When I’m alone in my room I feel like a woman and it’s obvious, but the moment I get outside and no one knows that I feel like that and they refer to me as a boy, I struggle seeing myself as a woman too, I feel like I’ll never make it. In the night I’m sure about what I am, and then when the morning light shines I start doubting my self again, for another long day. I’m terrified.
I know exactly what you mean. In my case, I feel like it's almost a trained trauma response. I learned to see myself through others eyes, and now can't help but do it out of reflex. And it's just so easy to assume the worst, when imagining how other people view me.
Oh yeah, I was group three. Wasn't until I got laid off work at 51y/o and my mind finally got quiet that this stuff I've been experiencing to various degrees all my life came flooding my thoughts tenfold, like a dam broke. Finally started google'ing what I was going though and discovered I was experiencing gender dysphoria. Took a several weeks of obsessive learning and reading about others experiences, but it was an OMG moment, Im transgender and always have been! I've been dealing with GD my whole life, since right about puberty. Had my first crisis somewhere around 13-14, parents took me to a psychologist, diagnosed me with depression, ADD, and a suicide risk. 6 months of intensive therapy did nothing but teach me to repress my feelings further so they would leave me alone. At the time I knew I was a boy and could be nothing else, but I thought I was ugly, I hated my name, everything just felt all wrong but the thought of being female never occurred to me. Yet I secretly envied the girls of my age, and couldn't really fit in or relate with other boys despite trying. Of course back then they had no idea and neither did I, they just taught me ways to cope with the depression and self image issues. The young trans people of today are so fortunate. Through all this discovery though, you've been my hero Dr Z. I cant begin to express my gratitude for your videos. Thank you...
I just had an appointment to start ocd treatment today because my anxiety over my gender (amongst other things) has been so bad. Thank you for making this video. It makes sense that if a person already has ocd, having gender dysphoria in the forefront of the mind would cause an obsession over it. Just have to remind myself that
This is such an important conversation and the reason working with a gender-affirming therapist is critical. These are huge issues that people need to take time to process with a trained professional, especially young people. Dr Z, your videos are always so timely.
Dr. Z, thank you for talking about this very important and sometimes difficult to touch topic, and for talking about them in the same sentence. I am a trans man who has long suffered with both Gender Dysphoria and OCD and let me tell you... having both SUCKS. It's a nightmare on top of a nightmare, especially when they interact (and they do). In my case, Gender Dysphoria preceded OCD. As far back as I can remember, I recall having Gender Dysphoria, whereas my onset of OCD started at the age of 9. I strongly believe one of the main reasons (if not THE reason) I developed OCD was because I felt so distressed and out of control over my body... it was desperate attempts to feel "ok" except they ultimately only made me worse. I think in many cases, OCD is a coping mechanism. I have a lot to say about the comorbidity of Gender Dysphoria and OCD, and I am only touching the surface with this comment but there is such a need for both to be understood, and especially important to understand how they can interact. I am so grateful to be at a better place now as it relates to OCD, but it's only after a lot of damage has been done as a result of it. There is a huge need for these things to be understood, acknowledged, and teased apart when considering who we are which ultimately, I think we know but sometimes fear and trauma can make us forget and doubt.
this came at the perfect time, i’m pretty sure im trans or nonbinary. i hate when gendered language is used for me, i get uncomfortable simply by calling myself a woman. i also have at least chest dysphoria and maybe minor voice dysphoria, i hadn’t experienced this until this month. i’ve been questioning and repressing on and off since i was 14, im now 21 and trying to figure out the specifics of my identity but i want to look into getting a binder and coming out to friends, but i really should see a therapist. im so scared of being wrong and not knowing what happens now. accepting im trans in some way, most likely nonbinary made my life so much more complicated and i think that is why im so anxious about it too.
I’m 23 AMAB. As of 4/14/24, I’ve been highly stressed and uncomfortable with the gender I was assigned at birth and since then been doing intensive researching and experimenting. Also would experience the envy of wishing I looked like a particular female I see out in public or on social media. I don’t have a large history of having this particular kind of stress because most of my life was going not much self aware since I have autism and didn’t understand social cues all that well. I can reflect on my childhood and see the possibilities of that may of been gender dysphoria. Since discovering what TOCD is, I’m having a hard time figuring out if what I’ve been going through is TOCD, gender dysphoria or both if that’s even possible.
At first I thought I didn't have any kind of gender dysphoria, let alone a childhood narrative, which made it that much harder to figure everything out. It wasn't until I accepted that I was trans and looked back over my life that I realized I had been mistaking it for other things. I was diagnosed with depression at the onset of adolescence, and OCD going back to when I was five. It likely is not a coincidence that these occurred during the typical milestones for trans individuals. Since I had also grown up with a chronic pain condition and undiagnosed autism, I had trained myself to ignore what my body was telling me, just so I could function. This made it all too easy to attribute dysphoria to a minor discomfort. Not only was it likely there all along, it also grew into a huge problem due to my ignoring it my entire life.
I just want to say that I’m glad you are making these videos for us no matter what. You helped me in my worst like a year ago when everything just went terribly wrong and I had no one. Thank you for being there ❤
I had never heard of gender ocd before watching this video... Im in my 40s, and began to transition in my thirties.. back in my twenties, i began to wonder what would i look like if i was female.. this question always kept coming back until I finally answered it in my thirties. This video got me wondering about whether i have this G-OCD. I can get anxiety.. but i dont get obsessive to the degree drZ mentioned. And a key factor for me, is that the lingering question that began in my 20s never fully went away. It always came back. And since ive began to transition, i have no desire to go back to how i was before. I only have one childhood memory that seems connected to gender. I remember giving a boy a hug as a thank you for being given a book..and attached to thaz i have "boys don't do that" or ", don't do that" most of the other memories are from early adulthood.. such as being drawn to female characters, singers, TV shows, books. Etc.. I believe my gender issues were subconsciously hidden until i was ready to deal wirh it.. i cant imagine dealing with it back when i wss a kid..i think it would have caused too many problems wirh family, school etc..
I'm the eldest of my siblings and was afab. I always thought I was just one of the boys most of my younger life. I even told my mom several times growing up that I feel like I should have been a boy. I was labelled as a tomboy. Mom figured it was because I had nothing but brothers. As I got older though, I didn't want to be seen as a female. I didn't want breasts, I just wanted to be seen as me. As an adult, my anxiety/depression made things worse, so I just ended up distracting myself with anything to take my mind off of what I was feeling. Though I'd still have bouts of anger over my assigned sex. After I was medicated for my anxiety and depression, it lessened, but was still there. I've been on T for almost two years, and whilst my mood has improved greatly, I'm still seen as female, which causes me to stress out and overthink if I did the right thing (I'm still not sure even nearly two years on).
Hey Dr Z, I wonder if you've already answered something similar to my experience. I'm 44 and I have never felt at all connected to my AGAB (f) and I would feel distinctly uncomfortable when treated like a girl - but I put that down as myself rallying against toxic gender norms. For a lot of the time I feel I have been treated fairly neutrally, even in long term relationships. So for much of my life I never really saw myself as dysphoric. However, I can distinctly remember feeling periods of gender euphoria throughout my childhood when taken as being the opposite gender. I've recently been given a diagnosis of gender incongruence but in giving my history I felt that I had to elaborate more on feelings of dysphoria which I had more trouble explaining or pinning down as an older adult looking back. However i can clearly remember those periods of gender euphoria very starkly. Is there merit do you think in taking into account gender euphoria within a diagnostic context.
If obsessions typically last for 6 months, then I've surpassed that almost 8 times (I've identified as nonbinary for 4 years but felt uncomfortable and experimented with my gender for at least as many years longer than that). But then, how long do AUTISTIC obsessions tend to last? My Pokémon interest, though not an obsession, lasted 2 decades. My Madoka Magica phase was maybe 4 years. So far, my RWBY phase has lasted maybe 8 years. I'm not sure if any of these were obsessions, but I became a multimedia expert, consumer, and fan creator for all of them.
In my home growing up, being trans was taboo and I just found this channel after I have been seeking out my own transition later in life. Thank you Dr Z for this channel
One thing that bothers me most. ... I have almost gotten past the people that refuse you... I mean those that still are confised and use maam or sir to address people. I used to dive in and correct..... now I am finding more often that sometimes that person has a friend to correct them. OR also, even I have had 0eople thank me and say "I am learning." - Honestly, having people say that they are trying is uplifting.
I knew my gender didn't match my sex when I was 4 years old. I've taken a lot of feminizing steps, (shaving my body, clothing and accessories mostly) in the social transition direction, but I haven't had an official diagnosis or anything like HRT and gender affirming surgeries. I can only go as far as trying to take away the symptoms of gender dysphoria. The anxiety and depression is what hurts the most. I've always had naturally high estrogen and low testosterone since puberty. Next year I'll be 52 year old and I plan on moving to a more trans safe town where I can join a couple of support groups and hopefully talk to a therapist if insurance will cover it. I'm married and my wife doesn't want to be with me if I look like a woman. So I do as much as I can with what I've got to work with. I have to identify as nonbinary feminine leaning. In a perfect world, I'd probably go full transition. But that doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. I think I'm okay with that because my lifelong high estrogen gave me boobs and softer features. I'm far from super masculine.
I'm someone who has experienced gender euphoria at a late age (50s and 60's) when becoming aware of my femininity and a feeling that she fits better than he. With it has come gender dysphoria, and an obsession with finding out about all things transgender. It has caused a lot of emotional upheaval
Wow, thank you so much for this video. I've started noticing problems with my gender identity 5 years ago, at 15, and for a while I was able to "forget" about it, not even in the sense that I repressed it, only for it to come back again now... It's such a complex issue I have to revisit this video at least a few times. I've started working with a psychologist, and despite probably not even wanting to transition due to how difficult it will be, I deeply wish for it to be "true gender dysphoria," and for this to justify it. It's pretty exhausting as it stands...
Keep working on it. The most important thing is to explore. That is the way to really know if you are trans. If you feel good in your explorations, you probably are trans. Ashley Adamson has some videos about this.
I have had these gender identity thoughts in my head throughout my life since i was a kid and wanted to play with the girls and dress like the girls. Also sexually assaulted young and told by my peers that i was a “woman” as an insult. And now have no idea if those things made me feel if i have dysphoria or if i actually do have dysphoria(32 now)
From about eleven years old I started to wonder what it would be like to be a girl. The question never went away through my lifetime, though for much of it the question did not obsess me. When I finished my graduate school I started to cross dress. That was something I always wanted to do, but was too afraid to start. I was too ashamed of myself to do it private. I thought if I cross dressed it would confuse me and I would become obsessive and not be able to stop. So it took one Halloween to get me to go out dressed as woman. I became scared and it was a year later before I did it again, on Halloween. After that I started to spend my weekends going out dressed. I made friends and began living life as a crossdresser. I grew my hair and nails longs, shaved my body, and little by little collected a female wardrobe. Then after about six months, I started to want a woman's body and to live as one full time. I did not do it and decided I did not want to focus the rest of my life on my gender, so after about three years I somehow stopped. My dysphoria never really left me, but I did not think about it or feel it that much. Then twenty years later after my full-time career was over, I was on the Internet searching for as much trans information as possible. I discovered TH-cam. A couple of years later, my egg cracked and I knew dealing with being trans was now or never. I had this sense I am a woman. I had dysphoria, but I could live with my genitals. A month later I was in therapy with a gender therapist. Three months later I started HRT. Twenty months later after taking more transitional steps I can finally say I am a happy person. But, I still wonder - Is it all made up in my obsessive, anxious mind. I have been diagnosed at different times by therapists as having anxiety. The only therapist, with whom I discussed my cross dressing and my shift to desiring men, said he would help me accept I am gay and find a man. I meet all the DSM criteria for gender dysphoria. But, I lived so many years as a man. My sense of gender was not overwhelming until much older. How could I live the first forty years of my life without any thought of transitioning? I liked women. I had girlfriends, though the relationships never seem to work. I got married when I was fifty and have a good marriage. How in the world can I be trans with gender dysphoria? How could my sexuality change? What has happened? Where is the history? Dr. Z, sorry to say your video at first confused me more than it helped. All I fell back on is another video of yours on the one question to answer to know you are trans. "Do you want to be a woman and live as one?" My answer is a definitive yes. That and the fact I meet all the DSM criteria for gender dysphoria convinces me I am trans. My obsessiveness about being trans comes out in that I probably watch way too many TH-cam videos about the topic and I like talking to other people close to me about it even though I do not get much a chance to do that. Yes, Dr.Z, I fall into your last category. After my egg cracked, I started to look back at my life with new eyes, Yes, the dysphoria was there. Yes, it never really felt right being the man people expected me to be. I was never really happy. I never really seemed to know myself. After stating transition, that has all changed. Now, it is time to get on with life! Sorry for the long comment.
@@jordanwolfman8908 Explore. If it feels right, you probably are trans. Ashley Adamson has some good TH-cam videos about that. You are lucky, you are still young and not all the effects of adolescence have settled yet. You may not think so, but believe me it is true. You can go slow - you have time on your side. Gather as much information as you can and take the time to process it. Put on some make-up. Dress up and see how it feels. Try to develop a reasonable feminine style that is not just about being sexy. Look for trans groups and on-line communities. Get into therapy if possible. When you take off the make-up and clothes, do you still want to be a woman? Do you feel like one without the make-up and clothes? Do you find yourself frustrated or sad when you think about your birth gender and that you are not the opposite gender? Would you rather have been born opposite your birth gender? Google the six criteria for gender dysphoria in the DSM. They are what medical professionals use to diagnose gender dysphoria. If you meet two of them, you have gender dysphoria. Once you start to be surer about being trans, start taking steps to transition if you can. It is hard, but you should quickly know if you made the right decision. Start HRT, come out to people close to you. You will eventually may have to come out at work which is hard and threatening, but people do it. Later down the line there is hair removal, electrolysis, and maybe surgeries. It is hard to take the first steps, but it gets easier. Make a plan. Do not rush. If you do not have the resources, do the best you can. I went years not really knowing who I was. Now, I know and like myself more than I ever have. I am finally a happy person. It has taken me almost two years to get where I am and I still have long way to go. You can get there if it is right for you. You will have doubts along the way, but in almost all cases they diminish and you will come to know whom you really are.
I feel very similar to you, but I started 5 years earlier, and if I’m an egg I’m still in the crossdressing phase (have been for most of my life actually)
@@h20dynamoisdawae37 Some people say people who cross dress are not really trans. They do not have dysphoria. The just get euphoric when dressed as a woman. I know cross dressers like that. Other people say cross dressers are really trans and cannot find a way to go farther. In my experience it is all about what turns you on and makes your feel good that makes you cross dresser. I had those feeling when I started to cross dress, but they dissipated after about six months. I wanted to be a woman and felt like one. I knew it was not just about the clothes for me. If cross dressing is enough and you do not mind going back to being a man, you are a cross dresser. If you do not feel good about going back to live as a man, you are trans. Either one is valid and fine. It takes courage and a lot of self reflection to figure it out. If your egg cracks, you will know it. For me it was a burst of realization. If you have any doubt it has cracked, it probably has not. If it does not crack, its does not mean you are not trans. You just may be slowly coming to realize whom you really are.
@@jordanwolfman8908 Explore. If it feels right, you probably are trans. Ashley Adamson has some good TH-cam videos about that. You are lucky, you are still young and not all the effects of adolescence have settled yet. You may not think so, but believe me it is true. You can go slow - you have time on your side. Gather as much information as you can and take the time to process it. Put on some make-up. Dress up and see how it feels. Try to develop a reasonable feminine style that is not just about being sexy. Look for trans groups and on-line communities. Get into therapy if possible. When you take off the make-up and clothes, do you still want to be a woman? Do you feel like one without the make-up and clothes? Do you find yourself frustrated or sad when you think about your birth gender and that you are not the opposite gender? Would you rather have been born opposite your birth gender? Google the six criteria for gender dysphoria in the DSM. They are what medical professionals use to diagnose gender dysphoria. If you meet two of them, you have gender dysphoria. Once you start to be surer about being trans, start taking steps to transition if you can. It is hard, but you should quickly know if you made the right decision. Start HRT, come out to people close to you. You will eventually may have to come out at work which is hard and threatening, but people do it. Later down the line there is hair removal, electrolysis, and maybe surgeries. It is hard to take the first steps, but it gets easier. Make a plan. Do not rush. If you do not have the resources, do the best you can. I went years not really knowing who I was. Now, I know and like myself more than I ever have. I am finally a happy person. It has taken me almost two years to get where I am and I still have long way to go. You can get there if it is right for you. You will have doubts along the way, but in almost all cases they diminish and you will come to know whom you really are.
Dr. Z, you are making amazing content. If I might ask for one thing, make it slightly more succint. It seems that your latest videos have 1/2 the information density of you previous vids. Lots of love, Lucy
Im really confused because i im AFAB and mostly related to what transwomen experience. I grew up fat with most of my weight in my midsection. I also was depressed and could never find clothes in my size. I wanted so bad to be feminine but started rejecting traditional femininity because of what i thought were body image and self esteem issues. I remember when i started my menstrual cycle i was very young, i was 10, but almost excited because i was growing up into a woman. But I feel masculine for a woman. Lately, i been questioning if that was all dysphoria and that i just am a binary transman. Im terrified of that possibility and it has become obsessive. I do have a history of other obsessions. I identify as agender demigirl but my original reasoning was because i could not live up to traditional femininity due to my size and general masculine disposition (like i slouch a lot). Im so confused. I hear that trans people start to feel so much better after starting hormones and i sometimes wonder if i should do that just to have some relief from my anxiety and depression and rumination. I look back at photos of myself with my makeup on and fairly neutral outfits (i dress pretty punk/alt style) and just wish i could go back there cuz i thought i was cute. I remember getting a short haircut and feeling super good about it, i thought i looked so cute and at that point i wondered if i was transman but it was only a passing thought and i just went "well a lot of women have short hair so thats just black and white thinking". Now i put on makeup and am scared that i experience gender dysphoria. My face shape has changed so that could be it but Im so confused. I was daydreaming and misgendered myself (said "himself") in my head and then got super scared about what that might mean. I just want to feel comfortable in my femininity but idk if its denial. Edit: now im more anxious because you said of these if questions are sudden in older adulthood it makes u see your discomfort in a new lens of gender dysphoria. Im 29f idk if that counts as young adult.
Hi Dr. Z. My name is Emerson, and I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I was diagnosed when I was 34 years old. Everything you mentioned in this video resonated with me. Looking back, there were definitely signs that I had dysphoria for a long time as a child. The only thing you mentioned in this video that kind of made me nervous was you mentioned sexual abuse, as I was hurt by my cousin when I was 10 years old. And I guess I’m afraid that could possibly have caused me to have dysphoria. For what it’s worth, even before that incident happened when I was 10, I remember when I was younger, wanting to play with dollhouses, and also, I remember my parents took this picture of me a professional picture when I was about five or six, and I remember feeling like I looked really girly, and the picture made me uneasy because I looked like a boy but something about me felt like a girl. I’m trying so hard to live my life authentically. I started taking hormones in February this year, and it has helped a lot. The fact that I’m developing breasts, makes me feel better. They’re budding but they are there. I’m noticing that my face looks a little more feminine, and that my eyes look a little more feminine, and I really like that. Pronouns wise, I like the fact that I don’t have to use he/him anymore. My pronouns are they/she. I can go on for a long time, but I guess what I want to ask you is do you think that that incident when I was 10 caused my gender dysphoria or just sound like a case of actual dysphoria?
I also had a sexual abusive experience when I was about fourteen or fifteen years old. A neighbor convinced me it was OK to masterbate with him. He really was more interested in getting turned on by looking at me than anything else. Do I think that affected my being trans? I do not know for sure, but it is something now that is not emotionally disturbing and I knew at the time it was wrong. I fled from it at the time once I realized what it was about. I continued to have a relationship with the person and he did help me explore my sexuality some. But, I never really felt hurt or abused. He never really forced me into anything and I continued to like him through my life. He always seemed an interesting and loving person in so many other ways. But, I was always clear on what happened.
I was born with female hormones my mother gave me by medicine she took, I just came out and love it but wants to dress up like a woman it's hard to do can't put makeup on..
Sorry, I'm off topic, but I love your image style so much😌✨. About the topic, it's really difficult to understand what's going on in your own head and soul. 😔 It can be really confusing. Please, can you tell about trans people with personality disorder. It's confusing for me too, where is the roots, what is the cause and what is the result.
I realized that something wasn’t right back when I was around 10-11. Well not that it wasn’t right, but something was different for me that it was for my older brother. I wasn’t into the same types of things that he was into. I didn’t like sports or cars or other typically masculine things that boys liked or were into. I wanted to play with my younger sister, do the things she was doing. I wanted to receive a Barbie, but because I was a boy, I was denied. I spent so many days wishing I could just switch places with my sister, that I would have been so happy if I were here and she was me. I grew up in the 70s, I didn’t have any idea that being transgender was real, I had no idea that one could be born in the wrong body. My dad often told me and my brother that he didn’t raise no sissies! We weren’t allowed to show any emotions or wear anything that he considered to be even the tiniest bit of girly. He drilled that into our heads. He passed away when I was 13, you would think I would have been free to be who I was, but I found out that my mother felt the same was just not to the degree my dad did. I recently asked her if she would have let me transition when I was younger like around 16, her response was that NO! That I was a child and I had no idea what I talking about. Keep in mind that I asked her 3 years into my transition and on HRT the entire time. I had to tell her to look at me and ask herself if I really didn’t know who I was. I’m 55 now, I suffered for all those years with my gender dysphoria. I regret all those years I could have been happy were taken from me, for those that have young children that come to you and confide that they might be a boy or a girl, if they trust you enough to tell you about this part of themselves, please take them seriously. Even if it’s just a phase, there is no harm allowing themselves to express themselves as who they feel they are. If they continue on this journey, please support them. Having that son that becomes your daughter or that daughter that becomes your son is better than to have that funeral for your child. I almost self harmed, I was unsuccessful, but I was so unhappy that I felt it was my only choice. If you don’t accept this, they might feel it’s their only choice as well.
Thank you!! As a therapist I have *always* hated the word "disorders" because so many "disorders" are actually quite natural... just dialed up to 11. I hate how the clinical Western model pathologizes so many things that are part of the human condition.
I want to be a woman, but I don’t see me as one, I’m struggling seeing me as a woman even though that’s what I wanna be deep inside me, I know it, I just feel it. I want to transition, but no one sees me like that, even my mother told me she doesn’t believe that I’m a true transgender. I’ve never imagined myself actually being trans so I never actually got to think of it. But when I finally did, everything made sense. It is like I have these puzzle pieces in front of me my whole life and now I’m making the puzzle. It was always there but I just wasn’t able to see it. I feel like I’m living in another universe since I realised that this is probably true. This reality where I live just shatters. When I’m alone in my room I feel like a woman and it’s obvious, but the moment I get outside and no one knows that I feel like that and they refer to me as a boy, I struggle seeing myself as a woman too, I feel like I’ll never make it. In the night I’m sure about what I am, and then when the morning light shines I start doubting my self again, for another long day. I’m terrified.
I go through the exact same thing. I am a woman at night in bed but as soon as I get up and get dressed she disappears.
I know exactly what you mean. In my case, I feel like it's almost a trained trauma response. I learned to see myself through others eyes, and now can't help but do it out of reflex. And it's just so easy to assume the worst, when imagining how other people view me.
Oh yeah, I was group three. Wasn't until I got laid off work at 51y/o and my mind finally got quiet that this stuff I've been experiencing to various degrees all my life came flooding my thoughts tenfold, like a dam broke. Finally started google'ing what I was going though and discovered I was experiencing gender dysphoria. Took a several weeks of obsessive learning and reading about others experiences, but it was an OMG moment, Im transgender and always have been! I've been dealing with GD my whole life, since right about puberty. Had my first crisis somewhere around 13-14, parents took me to a psychologist, diagnosed me with depression, ADD, and a suicide risk. 6 months of intensive therapy did nothing but teach me to repress my feelings further so they would leave me alone. At the time I knew I was a boy and could be nothing else, but I thought I was ugly, I hated my name, everything just felt all wrong but the thought of being female never occurred to me. Yet I secretly envied the girls of my age, and couldn't really fit in or relate with other boys despite trying. Of course back then they had no idea and neither did I, they just taught me ways to cope with the depression and self image issues. The young trans people of today are so fortunate. Through all this discovery though, you've been my hero Dr Z. I cant begin to express my gratitude for your videos. Thank you...
It took five decades, for me to realize that my feelings are valid.
I just had an appointment to start ocd treatment today because my anxiety over my gender (amongst other things) has been so bad. Thank you for making this video. It makes sense that if a person already has ocd, having gender dysphoria in the forefront of the mind would cause an obsession over it. Just have to remind myself that
This is such an important conversation and the reason working with a gender-affirming therapist is critical. These are huge issues that people need to take time to process with a trained professional, especially young people. Dr Z, your videos are always so timely.
Dr. Z, thank you for talking about this very important and sometimes difficult to touch topic, and for talking about them in the same sentence. I am a trans man who has long suffered with both Gender Dysphoria and OCD and let me tell you... having both SUCKS. It's a nightmare on top of a nightmare, especially when they interact (and they do).
In my case, Gender Dysphoria preceded OCD. As far back as I can remember, I recall having Gender Dysphoria, whereas my onset of OCD started at the age of 9. I strongly believe one of the main reasons (if not THE reason) I developed OCD was because I felt so distressed and out of control over my body... it was desperate attempts to feel "ok" except they ultimately only made me worse. I think in many cases, OCD is a coping mechanism. I have a lot to say about the comorbidity of Gender Dysphoria and OCD, and I am only touching the surface with this comment but there is such a need for both to be understood, and especially important to understand how they can interact.
I am so grateful to be at a better place now as it relates to OCD, but it's only after a lot of damage has been done as a result of it.
There is a huge need for these things to be understood, acknowledged, and teased apart when considering who we are which ultimately, I think we know but sometimes fear and trauma can make us forget and doubt.
OCD is hell it hijacks your brain and can't focus on other things!
this came at the perfect time, i’m pretty sure im trans or nonbinary. i hate when gendered language is used for me, i get uncomfortable simply by calling myself a woman. i also have at least chest dysphoria and maybe minor voice dysphoria, i hadn’t experienced this until this month. i’ve been questioning and repressing on and off since i was 14, im now 21 and trying to figure out the specifics of my identity but i want to look into getting a binder and coming out to friends, but i really should see a therapist. im so scared of being wrong and not knowing what happens now. accepting im trans in some way, most likely nonbinary made my life so much more complicated and i think that is why im so anxious about it too.
I’m 23 AMAB. As of 4/14/24, I’ve been highly stressed and uncomfortable with the gender I was assigned at birth and since then been doing intensive researching and experimenting. Also would experience the envy of wishing I looked like a particular female I see out in public or on social media. I don’t have a large history of having this particular kind of stress because most of my life was going not much self aware since I have autism and didn’t understand social cues all that well. I can reflect on my childhood and see the possibilities of that may of been gender dysphoria. Since discovering what TOCD is, I’m having a hard time figuring out if what I’ve been going through is TOCD, gender dysphoria or both if that’s even possible.
At first I thought I didn't have any kind of gender dysphoria, let alone a childhood narrative, which made it that much harder to figure everything out. It wasn't until I accepted that I was trans and looked back over my life that I realized I had been mistaking it for other things. I was diagnosed with depression at the onset of adolescence, and OCD going back to when I was five. It likely is not a coincidence that these occurred during the typical milestones for trans individuals. Since I had also grown up with a chronic pain condition and undiagnosed autism, I had trained myself to ignore what my body was telling me, just so I could function. This made it all too easy to attribute dysphoria to a minor discomfort. Not only was it likely there all along, it also grew into a huge problem due to my ignoring it my entire life.
I just want to say that I’m glad you are making these videos for us no matter what. You helped me in my worst like a year ago when everything just went terribly wrong and I had no one. Thank you for being there ❤
This means a lot to me, thank you.
I had never heard of gender ocd before watching this video...
Im in my 40s, and began to transition in my thirties.. back in my twenties, i began to wonder what would i look like if i was female.. this question always kept coming back until I finally answered it in my thirties.
This video got me wondering about whether i have this G-OCD.
I can get anxiety.. but i dont get obsessive to the degree drZ mentioned.
And a key factor for me, is that the lingering question that began in my 20s never fully went away. It always came back. And since ive began to transition, i have no desire to go back to how i was before.
I only have one childhood memory that seems connected to gender. I remember giving a boy a hug as a thank you for being given a book..and attached to thaz i have "boys don't do that" or ", don't do that" most of the other memories are from early adulthood.. such as being drawn to female characters, singers, TV shows, books. Etc..
I believe my gender issues were subconsciously hidden until i was ready to deal wirh it.. i cant imagine dealing with it back when i wss a kid..i think it would have caused too many problems wirh family, school etc..
I'm the eldest of my siblings and was afab. I always thought I was just one of the boys most of my younger life. I even told my mom several times growing up that I feel like I should have been a boy. I was labelled as a tomboy. Mom figured it was because I had nothing but brothers. As I got older though, I didn't want to be seen as a female. I didn't want breasts, I just wanted to be seen as me. As an adult, my anxiety/depression made things worse, so I just ended up distracting myself with anything to take my mind off of what I was feeling. Though I'd still have bouts of anger over my assigned sex. After I was medicated for my anxiety and depression, it lessened, but was still there. I've been on T for almost two years, and whilst my mood has improved greatly, I'm still seen as female, which causes me to stress out and overthink if I did the right thing (I'm still not sure even nearly two years on).
Hey Dr Z, I wonder if you've already answered something similar to my experience.
I'm 44 and I have never felt at all connected to my AGAB (f) and I would feel distinctly uncomfortable when treated like a girl - but I put that down as myself rallying against toxic gender norms.
For a lot of the time I feel I have been treated fairly neutrally, even in long term relationships. So for much of my life I never really saw myself as dysphoric.
However, I can distinctly remember feeling periods of gender euphoria throughout my childhood when taken as being the opposite gender.
I've recently been given a diagnosis of gender incongruence but in giving my history I felt that I had to elaborate more on feelings of dysphoria which I had more trouble explaining or pinning down as an older adult looking back. However i can clearly remember those periods of gender euphoria very starkly.
Is there merit do you think in taking into account gender euphoria within a diagnostic context.
If obsessions typically last for 6 months, then I've surpassed that almost 8 times (I've identified as nonbinary for 4 years but felt uncomfortable and experimented with my gender for at least as many years longer than that). But then, how long do AUTISTIC obsessions tend to last? My Pokémon interest, though not an obsession, lasted 2 decades. My Madoka Magica phase was maybe 4 years. So far, my RWBY phase has lasted maybe 8 years. I'm not sure if any of these were obsessions, but I became a multimedia expert, consumer, and fan creator for all of them.
In my home growing up, being trans was taboo and I just found this channel after I have been seeking out my own transition later in life. Thank you Dr Z for this channel
One thing that bothers me most. ... I have almost gotten past the people that refuse you... I mean those that still are confised and use maam or sir to address people. I used to dive in and correct..... now I am finding more often that sometimes that person has a friend to correct them. OR also, even I have had 0eople thank me and say "I am learning." - Honestly, having people say that they are trying is uplifting.
I knew my gender didn't match my sex when I was 4 years old. I've taken a lot of feminizing steps, (shaving my body, clothing and accessories mostly) in the social transition direction, but I haven't had an official diagnosis or anything like HRT and gender affirming surgeries. I can only go as far as trying to take away the symptoms of gender dysphoria. The anxiety and depression is what hurts the most. I've always had naturally high estrogen and low testosterone since puberty. Next year I'll be 52 year old and I plan on moving to a more trans safe town where I can join a couple of support groups and hopefully talk to a therapist if insurance will cover it. I'm married and my wife doesn't want to be with me if I look like a woman. So I do as much as I can with what I've got to work with. I have to identify as nonbinary feminine leaning. In a perfect world, I'd probably go full transition. But that doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. I think I'm okay with that because my lifelong high estrogen gave me boobs and softer features. I'm far from super masculine.
Do not hold back. You may find you are happier.
much love ❤
I'm someone who has experienced gender euphoria at a late age (50s and 60's) when becoming aware of my femininity and a feeling that she fits better than he. With it has come gender dysphoria, and an obsession with finding out about all things transgender. It has caused a lot of emotional upheaval
Wow, thank you so much for this video. I've started noticing problems with my gender identity 5 years ago, at 15, and for a while I was able to "forget" about it, not even in the sense that I repressed it, only for it to come back again now...
It's such a complex issue I have to revisit this video at least a few times.
I've started working with a psychologist, and despite probably not even wanting to transition due to how difficult it will be, I deeply wish for it to be "true gender dysphoria," and for this to justify it. It's pretty exhausting as it stands...
Keep working on it. The most important thing is to explore. That is the way to really know if you are trans. If you feel good in your explorations, you probably are trans. Ashley Adamson has some videos about this.
You've helped me a lot throughout my transition. Thank you very much ☺
I have had these gender identity thoughts in my head throughout my life since i was a kid and wanted to play with the girls and dress like the girls. Also sexually assaulted young and told by my peers that i was a “woman” as an insult. And now have no idea if those things made me feel if i have dysphoria or if i actually do have dysphoria(32 now)
From about eleven years old I started to wonder what it would be like to be a girl. The question never went away through my lifetime, though for much of it the question did not obsess me. When I finished my graduate school I started to cross dress. That was something I always wanted to do, but was too afraid to start. I was too ashamed of myself to do it private. I thought if I cross dressed it would confuse me and I would become obsessive and not be able to stop. So it took one Halloween to get me to go out dressed as woman. I became scared and it was a year later before I did it again, on Halloween.
After that I started to spend my weekends going out dressed. I made friends and began living life as a crossdresser. I grew my hair and nails longs, shaved my body, and little by little collected a female wardrobe. Then after about six months, I started to want a woman's body and to live as one full time. I did not do it and decided I did not want to focus the rest of my life on my gender, so after about three years I somehow stopped.
My dysphoria never really left me, but I did not think about it or feel it that much. Then twenty years later after my full-time career was over, I was on the Internet searching for as much trans information as possible. I discovered TH-cam. A couple of years later, my egg cracked and I knew dealing with being trans was now or never. I had this sense I am a woman. I had dysphoria, but I could live with my genitals. A month later I was in therapy with a gender therapist. Three months later I started HRT. Twenty months later after taking more transitional steps I can finally say I am a happy person.
But, I still wonder - Is it all made up in my obsessive, anxious mind. I have been diagnosed at different times by therapists as having anxiety. The only therapist, with whom I discussed my cross dressing and my shift to desiring men, said he would help me accept I am gay and find a man.
I meet all the DSM criteria for gender dysphoria. But, I lived so many years as a man. My sense of gender was not overwhelming until much older. How could I live the first forty years of my life without any thought of transitioning? I liked women. I had girlfriends, though the relationships never seem to work. I got married when I was fifty and have a good marriage. How in the world can I be trans with gender dysphoria? How could my sexuality change? What has happened? Where is the history?
Dr. Z, sorry to say your video at first confused me more than it helped. All I fell back on is another video of yours on the one question to answer to know you are trans. "Do you want to be a woman and live as one?" My answer is a definitive yes. That and the fact I meet all the DSM criteria for gender dysphoria convinces me I am trans. My obsessiveness about being trans comes out in that I probably watch way too many TH-cam videos about the topic and I like talking to other people close to me about it even though I do not get much a chance to do that.
Yes, Dr.Z, I fall into your last category. After my egg cracked, I started to look back at my life with new eyes, Yes, the dysphoria was there. Yes, it never really felt right being the man people expected me to be. I was never really happy. I never really seemed to know myself. After stating transition, that has all changed.
Now, it is time to get on with life!
Sorry for the long comment.
I feel like my experience is very similar to yours, except that I'm only 26 at the moment. Do you have any advice from your personal perspective?
@@jordanwolfman8908 Explore. If it feels right, you probably are trans. Ashley Adamson has some good TH-cam videos about that. You are lucky, you are still young and not all the effects of adolescence have settled yet. You may not think so, but believe me it is true. You can go slow - you have time on your side. Gather as much information as you can and take the time to process it.
Put on some make-up. Dress up and see how it feels. Try to develop a reasonable feminine style that is not just about being sexy. Look for trans groups and on-line communities. Get into therapy if possible. When you take off the make-up and clothes, do you still want to be a woman? Do you feel like one without the make-up and clothes? Do you find yourself frustrated or sad when you think about your birth gender and that you are not the opposite gender? Would you rather have been born opposite your birth gender? Google the six criteria for gender dysphoria in the DSM. They are what medical professionals use to diagnose gender dysphoria. If you meet two of them, you have gender dysphoria.
Once you start to be surer about being trans, start taking steps to transition if you can. It is hard, but you should quickly know if you made the right decision. Start HRT, come out to people close to you. You will eventually may have to come out at work which is hard and threatening, but people do it. Later down the line there is hair removal, electrolysis, and maybe surgeries. It is hard to take the first steps, but it gets easier. Make a plan. Do not rush. If you do not have the resources, do the best you can.
I went years not really knowing who I was. Now, I know and like myself more than I ever have. I am finally a happy person. It has taken me almost two years to get where I am and I still have long way to go.
You can get there if it is right for you. You will have doubts along the way, but in almost all cases they diminish and you will come to know whom you really are.
I feel very similar to you, but I started 5 years earlier, and if I’m an egg I’m still in the crossdressing phase (have been for most of my life actually)
@@h20dynamoisdawae37 Some people say people who cross dress are not really trans. They do not have dysphoria. The just get euphoric when dressed as a woman. I know cross dressers like that. Other people say cross dressers are really trans and cannot find a way to go farther. In my experience it is all about what turns you on and makes your feel good that makes you cross dresser. I had those feeling when I started to cross dress, but they dissipated after about six months. I wanted to be a woman and felt like one. I knew it was not just about the clothes for me.
If cross dressing is enough and you do not mind going back to being a man, you are a cross dresser. If you do not feel good about going back to live as a man, you are trans. Either one is valid and fine. It takes courage and a lot of self reflection to figure it out. If your egg cracks, you will know it. For me it was a burst of realization. If you have any doubt it has cracked, it probably has not. If it does not crack, its does not mean you are not trans. You just may be slowly coming to realize whom you really are.
@@jordanwolfman8908 Explore. If it feels right, you probably are trans. Ashley Adamson has some good TH-cam videos about that. You are lucky, you are still young and not all the effects of adolescence have settled yet. You may not think so, but believe me it is true. You can go slow - you have time on your side. Gather as much information as you can and take the time to process it.
Put on some make-up. Dress up and see how it feels. Try to develop a reasonable feminine style that is not just about being sexy. Look for trans groups and on-line communities. Get into therapy if possible. When you take off the make-up and clothes, do you still want to be a woman? Do you feel like one without the make-up and clothes? Do you find yourself frustrated or sad when you think about your birth gender and that you are not the opposite gender? Would you rather have been born opposite your birth gender? Google the six criteria for gender dysphoria in the DSM. They are what medical professionals use to diagnose gender dysphoria. If you meet two of them, you have gender dysphoria.
Once you start to be surer about being trans, start taking steps to transition if you can. It is hard, but you should quickly know if you made the right decision. Start HRT, come out to people close to you. You will eventually may have to come out at work which is hard and threatening, but people do it. Later down the line there is hair removal, electrolysis, and maybe surgeries. It is hard to take the first steps, but it gets easier. Make a plan. Do not rush. If you do not have the resources, do the best you can.
I went years not really knowing who I was. Now, I know and like myself more than I ever have. I am finally a happy person. It has taken me almost two years to get where I am and I still have long way to go.
You can get there if it is right for you. You will have doubts along the way, but in almost all cases they diminish and you will come to know whom you really are.
May gender envy could be caused by gender OCD or gender anxiety ?
Dr. Z, you are making amazing content. If I might ask for one thing, make it slightly more succint. It seems that your latest videos have 1/2 the information density of you previous vids. Lots of love, Lucy
Im really confused because i im AFAB and mostly related to what transwomen experience. I grew up fat with most of my weight in my midsection. I also was depressed and could never find clothes in my size. I wanted so bad to be feminine but started rejecting traditional femininity because of what i thought were body image and self esteem issues. I remember when i started my menstrual cycle i was very young, i was 10, but almost excited because i was growing up into a woman. But I feel masculine for a woman. Lately, i been questioning if that was all dysphoria and that i just am a binary transman. Im terrified of that possibility and it has become obsessive. I do have a history of other obsessions. I identify as agender demigirl but my original reasoning was because i could not live up to traditional femininity due to my size and general masculine disposition (like i slouch a lot). Im so confused. I hear that trans people start to feel so much better after starting hormones and i sometimes wonder if i should do that just to have some relief from my anxiety and depression and rumination. I look back at photos of myself with my makeup on and fairly neutral outfits (i dress pretty punk/alt style) and just wish i could go back there cuz i thought i was cute. I remember getting a short haircut and feeling super good about it, i thought i looked so cute and at that point i wondered if i was transman but it was only a passing thought and i just went "well a lot of women have short hair so thats just black and white thinking".
Now i put on makeup and am scared that i experience gender dysphoria. My face shape has changed so that could be it but Im so confused. I was daydreaming and misgendered myself (said "himself") in my head and then got super scared about what that might mean. I just want to feel comfortable in my femininity but idk if its denial.
Edit: now im more anxious because you said of these if questions are sudden in older adulthood it makes u see your discomfort in a new lens of gender dysphoria. Im 29f idk if that counts as young adult.
Hi Dr. Z. My name is Emerson, and I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I was diagnosed when I was 34 years old. Everything you mentioned in this video resonated with me. Looking back, there were definitely signs that I had dysphoria for a long time as a child. The only thing you mentioned in this video that kind of made me nervous was you mentioned sexual abuse, as I was hurt by my cousin when I was 10 years old. And I guess I’m afraid that could possibly have caused me to have dysphoria. For what it’s worth, even before that incident happened when I was 10, I remember when I was younger, wanting to play with dollhouses, and also, I remember my parents took this picture of me a professional picture when I was about five or six, and I remember feeling like I looked really girly, and the picture made me uneasy because I looked like a boy but something about me felt like a girl. I’m trying so hard to live my life authentically. I started taking hormones in February this year, and it has helped a lot. The fact that I’m developing breasts, makes me feel better. They’re budding but they are there. I’m noticing that my face looks a little more feminine, and that my eyes look a little more feminine, and I really like that. Pronouns wise, I like the fact that I don’t have to use he/him anymore. My pronouns are they/she. I can go on for a long time, but I guess what I want to ask you is do you think that that incident when I was 10 caused my gender dysphoria or just sound like a case of actual dysphoria?
I also had a sexual abusive experience when I was about fourteen or fifteen years old. A neighbor convinced me it was OK to masterbate with him. He really was more interested in getting turned on by looking at me than anything else.
Do I think that affected my being trans? I do not know for sure, but it is something now that is not emotionally disturbing and I knew at the time it was wrong. I fled from it at the time once I realized what it was about.
I continued to have a relationship with the person and he did help me explore my sexuality some. But, I never really felt hurt or abused. He never really forced me into anything and I continued to like him through my life. He always seemed an interesting and loving person in so many other ways. But, I was always clear on what happened.
Be you. Let others ne them. Ive written here so many times and TH-cam deletes my thoughts with interrupted ads. Unless i type fast.
I found Fluoxetine helped with my obsession with gender and cross dressing but ultimately I ended up transitioning in my late thirties.
I wish I had this 1 years ago
I was born with female hormones my mother gave me by medicine she took, I just came out and love it but wants to dress up like a woman it's hard to do can't put makeup on..
Sorry, I'm off topic, but I love your image style so much😌✨.
About the topic, it's really difficult to understand what's going on in your own head and soul. 😔 It can be really confusing. Please, can you tell about trans people with personality disorder. It's confusing for me too, where is the roots, what is the cause and what is the result.
I realized that something wasn’t right back when I was around 10-11. Well not that it wasn’t right, but something was different for me that it was for my older brother. I wasn’t into the same types of things that he was into. I didn’t like sports or cars or other typically masculine things that boys liked or were into. I wanted to play with my younger sister, do the things she was doing. I wanted to receive a Barbie, but because I was a boy, I was denied. I spent so many days wishing I could just switch places with my sister, that I would have been so happy if I were here and she was me. I grew up in the 70s, I didn’t have any idea that being transgender was real, I had no idea that one could be born in the wrong body. My dad often told me and my brother that he didn’t raise no sissies! We weren’t allowed to show any emotions or wear anything that he considered to be even the tiniest bit of girly. He drilled that into our heads. He passed away when I was 13, you would think I would have been free to be who I was, but I found out that my mother felt the same was just not to the degree my dad did. I recently asked her if she would have let me transition when I was younger like around 16, her response was that NO! That I was a child and I had no idea what I talking about. Keep in mind that I asked her 3 years into my transition and on HRT the entire time. I had to tell her to look at me and ask herself if I really didn’t know who I was. I’m 55 now, I suffered for all those years with my gender dysphoria. I regret all those years I could have been happy were taken from me, for those that have young children that come to you and confide that they might be a boy or a girl, if they trust you enough to tell you about this part of themselves, please take them seriously. Even if it’s just a phase, there is no harm allowing themselves to express themselves as who they feel they are. If they continue on this journey, please support them. Having that son that becomes your daughter or that daughter that becomes your son is better than to have that funeral for your child. I almost self harmed, I was unsuccessful, but I was so unhappy that I felt it was my only choice. If you don’t accept this, they might feel it’s their only choice as well.
🙌🙌
❤️❤️❤️❤️
My brain: "WHICH WAY TRANS PERSON?! "
"GENDER OCD OR GENDER DYPHRIA"
Me:...
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
musca domestica?
+DRZPHD *Gender rumination falls under the OCD spectrum.*