The most frustrating thing with women, is they will ask for help - and then argue down every single point to continue in a fantasy. He will never marry you, cut ties, focus on school and be single and heal.
You do realize that is what men have to deal with constantly? We get it worse because at least women will show respect to each other when they are doing it to each other.
She’s not going anywhere and you are 100% right. I just had a huge argument about something similar with an ex friend. She would constantly complain about her bad history with men but only chose bad men on and loved to use dating apps.
This woman has 5 kids by two different men. And the 2 children that live with her are autistic. The probability of any man marrying her at this point is extremely low. She wants the current guy to play a more active role with her & the children.. And this seems to be her Only issue. She didn't say that the guy was doing anything bad to her. And she mentioned he's paying 50% of the rent. She needs to keep this guy. He's giving her companionship, he's paying 50% of the rent, & I'm sure he helps with those children even though it's not to the degree she would like. You broads are so quick to cancel a man if he's not 100% meeting your expectations. And no woman instinctively wants to be alone with 2 children. She's got the best man she's going to get considering her situation...
Please stop having kids with a man who doesn't value you enough to marry you, and don't have more than you can support all by yourself, even if you're married.
And stop having four and five kids. The more you have the harder it is mentally to break away and start over. 1-3 kids max. Why do you need 5+ kids in this day and age? Selfish.
THIS!! How are women popping out kids like its just nothing? Kids will not keep a man, we already know this. She needs to focus on herself. She just now decided that she has a lot on her plate? Also she can't force a man to bond with kids that aren't his. I think she's afraid of being alone for a little while.
Why did she even move in with a guy who hadn’t bonded with her kids? He’s not even active in his own daughter’s life. She clearly has a lot of issues but doesn’t want to be alone and I can tell she has ZERO plans on leaving him. She seems to want to play victim to whoever will listen and keep repeating the same cycle. I wish her the best but she has to want better for herself.
You don’t bring someone around your kids who makes no effort to bond with them just because he pays half the rent. In the long run she’ll have a good career with kids who grow up to resent her for not factoring their feelings into her decisions. Not to mention this is the blueprint she’s establishing for her kids on what to expect/ accept as a woman in a relationship. Hope it’s worth it.
@@NoName-eq4fcif that's the case sugar daddies don't care if you have kids or not because they aren't your man if she just wanted bills paid. I know a 37 yr old woman with 3 kids and sugar daddy funding her lifestyle never met her kids.
Jennifer needs to close her legs and focus on her children who didn’t asked to be here. She wants everything she not. Her focus and concerns are off🤦🏾♀️
He can't be a father to her kids because he's just not father material. People can't give what they don't have. Ladies, please stop asking for orange juice from a damn apple!
A couple things 1. She needs help with her kids she going to school, working and has 2 special needs kids at home - she should reach out to her family for support not this man who doesn’t see his own child 2, she should really work on herself,her self esteem, her healing and not a relationship I pray she heals and gets the support she needs and pause on this relationship until she’s emotionally healthy enough ❤
I was wondering if her parents were able to help her as she was saying she needs help. The fact she didn’t mention it consider that option tells me she might not.
Settling has become the norm. No one wants to demand from the beginning what they want and expect and then years later get mad when the situation doesn’t go the way they want. Its loo late. If you cant talk to your partner why are you with them?
I mean this with all respect, a lot of us ask questions we already know the answers to. When it comes to staying or leaving a relationship, you have 2 options and 2 options only....stay or leave. You have to pick one and stand by it. But I do feel bad for women who feel like wasted time is better than alone time. Or women who see more value in the man than they see in themselves. Also, people who say, "I don't want to lose the time I put in," never realize the time they're referring to is already gone. They already lost it. Rather, you move on or not, you will never get that time back. No matter what you do moving forward.
Exactly. Idk how a lot of these wonen do it tbh. I got a serious petpeeve on my time being wasted...so I cant. People wonder why I've been so single all these years. Because I'm very good at vetting...and I'm not wasting my time with someone that I know we aren't right for each other. But that's just me.
I’ve been in your shoes before baby girl! What Ashley said is true, a lot of us did not grow up with love at home and therefore we attempted to find it elsewhere. Unfortunately, people can sniff that kind out and they prey on us. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately she won’t leave until she’s tired of it. I remember a police told me- “if there was a lion in that house would you keep going in?”. That really stood out to be in more ways than one. Once I left I never looked back. I got to learn how to love my self and how to know that I am the prize regardless of what I’ve been through etc.
Yes, but I don't think that's her main concern. She's afraid to leave him because although she knows she wants him to step up more, she's afraid that the little good she does have out of him will go down to zero. Because it's more that she wants more from him and less that she wants to leave him. She's scared he won't change and she'll lose the little she's getting.
@@jewels24kThis part is how many women waste years of their life scared to start over; waiting for a man to step up the way they want, instead of accepting the reality of what actually is.
I’m so glad Ashley mentioned therapy. She mentioned trauma related to previous abuse. That has a history in and of itself. She mentioned people pleasing, anxiety, depression, there is low self esteem threads in there, and a previous stay at a mental health facility. She could benefit from more than one therapy session. Therapy can be absolutely beneficial for her, especially if it’s consistent, and she uses the tools. One thing about going to a mental health facility, is they can give you the tools, but you have to use the tools.
He saw your vulnerability sis! and is taking advantage of you. He’s buying time. You need to heal and put your babies in a program for special needs children to give you the support you need. You are doing a lot, and need time to heal.
@@chiefrocka9159 😂What! nah, I’m just saying that he’s not trying to support all that she has going on. And she needs to go get proper support and heal. Not blaming anyone. She needs to handle her business and keep it pushing.
LOL she has very little to offer him. Saying he is taking advantage is laughable. He can easily find better than a baby momma divorcee who works at a nursing home with two autistic kids and children with multiple men. This lady is not a prize. And the host like most of these podcasters gives our TERRIBLE advice.
She's got way too much baggage and they are both dependent on each other's 50/50 and they are both using each other as placeholders. like Ashley was telling her there is no incentive for him to do more if anything she's telling him that she's doing less which is dumb why give an announcement just move in silence and if anything he'll just say bet and he'll end up doing less and he'll replace her faster
Compassion foe her and her situation. It sounds tough. But it sounds like she's not ready for change. She is not readh to do the work. She wants everything to magically work out and she wants him to be the person he isn't so that she won't have to do the work. She needs to have agency, accountabilty and ownership of her life.
@@CrossfitWarriorWhat are you talking about? She will continue to be broken if she stays with him. As time goes on it’ll be harder for her to go out and meet others. She needs to not have any more kids honestly. 5 kids is more than enough. There is no reason she needs to stay with him just because. If she can’t get better oh well, she’ll just be alone then.
I hate to say it but too many parents move forward with their new relationship paying little attention to the relationship between their children and the new partner. For whatever reason it’s like they think things will just happen. Next thing you know they’re in their relationship resentful and upset the the new partner hasn’t bonded with their children. She knows exactly what she needs to do. She’s just not ready and recognizes she is in a vulnerable position… Mom of 2 children with autism, working and going to school. She needs help. It’s like she in desperate mode. This guy also clearly understands that she’s not going anywhere right now.
She seems like a nice person but she really does need to focus on bettering her mental health, her children and her education. She would do better off without him. He has a child that she mentioned he sees 1-2x a month. That tells me a lot about him as a father. He would never be that for her children.
The harsh reality is being single is probably the best place for her right now. Unfortunately, when you have kids it does make finding a mate more difficult. The pool of quality men that will accept a woman with 5 kids is significantly lower than the woman who has no kids. That doesn’t mean you tolerate whatever. Shift your focus. Work on you! Get therapy. Go back to school. Get a few hobbies. Start a business. Love on your village. Find joy in what you do have. Come back to dating when the kids are much older. Perhaps over 18. Also, on some level you DO have to show people how to love you because no one is a mind reader.
Some of these girls you can't tell them anything, they listen to their peers they do what their peers do I had a niece who all of her girlfriends were bady momma and I begged her not to repeat that cycle I told her everything she was going to go through I told her most of the black men are not in their children's lives and do not want to pay any support for their children and that they do not even want to deal with women that have children even though they have children themselves I told her it was going to mess up her chances of finding of really good man of any race, she ended up having four children with three different men, one's in prison, one's on drugs and one was deleted she's making but it's hard.
Ladies, we need to understand that a lot of men… don’t have the same nurturing nature and patience as a woman… especially when it comes to mentally challenged children. And they aren’t his, yeah a man isn’t doing that… Leave that person alone. Get someone with compassion, consideration, and family oriented. He sounds like an only child. No pun.
@@chiefrocka9159 100% but she’s stuck in her mental past and needs therapy too. Cause this ain’t it. Has nothing to do with the guy, she needs to get herself together before getting with anyone else. It takes time to get used to be with yourself, once married… then divorced. She’s still 22.
My heart really goes out to the first caller. My beautiful sis’ self-esteem is so low. My love, you can not raise a man…I repeat…you CAN NOT raise a MAN. Please let that sink in. ❤❤❤❤
Bro will come out better parting ways with her. She has allot going on with her two sons that reside with her. The lady stated, "I don't want to start all over..." Why restart at all? Again, you have two austic little sons that need your attention. Have the boys been tested by the "state"? Has she coordinated with the school to take full advantage of their educational resources? What role is the baby daddy for those two boys playing? Maybe they (the 👦 👦) should be with their Dad.
Crazy thing is dude told her she needs to read to her sons more often and even admitted she doesn't read to them as much as she should. I'm sure he understands those aren't his kids and it's only so much he can do if the mother isn't doing it. She slipped in that she wants him to be a provider but honestly why should he do that when he probably wasn't before and her friends telling her to leave him. You're right he'd be doing himself a big favor parting ways with her.
She is u grateful for the man she has… if you ask me the man should move on to something better instead . She got 5 kids & he a single man with one . He could be living his best life instead of being unappreciated & she know he can do better that’s why she scared to leave
This woman has to realize it is OK to be alone. She really seems like a good person. But if you pour in everyone else, what's left to pour into yourself? I pray she gets the therapy and healing she needs.
Some women are so desperate and controlling over a man I can’t believe it, let him go and focus on school. This woman isn’t going to change she just called in to complain about the man she isn’t leaving.
This is why recklessly having kids will always be a lose-lose situation, especially for women. Notice she is here complaining about what the boyfriend, who is NOT the father, is not doing, but not once was there a mention of what the man she actually laid down and had the kids with is doing. And I can almost assure you, even if he doesn't say it, that is definitely registering in that man's mind if he has even a little bit of sense. When you're a single mother in these types of positions, you really don't have a lot of room to complain about what the next man is not doing for your kids because he can always rebuttal with: "Why are you complaining about me instead of their father?" And if we're being honest, there isn't really a good *logical* response to that question because those kids are the responsibility of the parents and the parents only. No one else owes them anything. Too many women are out here trying to play "swap-a-daddy" because they want to be able to just tag in a new father for their kids when they feel like it, play house, and not have to be accountable for the man they CHOSE to lay down with. That is always going to be very problematic.
WHY WHY WHY WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP HAVING ALL THESE KIDS HOW DO YOU HAVE 5 KIDS IF YOUR TAKING CARE OF THEM. GIRL STOP WAITING FOR A MAN AN CLOSE YOUR LEGS FOCUS WHY WOULD A MAN WANT YOU YOUI HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO OFFER WORK ON YOURSELF YOU BOTH ARE USING EACH OTHER . HE JUST WANTS CHEAP RENT AN YOU WANT TO SAY YOU HAVE A PIECE OF A MAN.
My advice to sis is - Clock out sis! If he wanted to he would and would have! If it’s easier to keep him around especially if he’s helping with bills and you ain’t sure he gonna help just as much when and if he leaves keep him around just for that. If you need the d then that too but practice a lil abstinence. Don’t worry bout having five kids - they here they’re a blessing and one thing bout kids I tell other moms is THEY DONT STAY YOUNG FOR LONG focus on God, you, your career and them babies that’s it! Then when the water calm that is -finish school and you can manage by yourself then start the engine again but lay dormant play your role just how homie playing his -doing just enough but not too much
Yes, she needs to leave this guy who doesn’t care enough about her well being to not take advantage. But I wish she had gotten more immediate advice. She needs help with two young special needs children. Forget the guy. With a job and school, what attention is she able to give to them? Let alone a relationship. And she keeps saying she’s pouring into everyone else. Who do you have time for? Time management classes might help her. Boundaries and saying no to people could help. But she has special needs kids and that’s hard on anyone, let alone some guy. We don’t all bond with kids simply because we’re around them. That was wishful thinking and he’s a coward for using her in this manner knowing she has them kids.
Oh Jen, I wish me and her were friends! I almost got caught up in a similar situation, I was with a guy for 2 years . The 1st year was wonderful, the 2nd year was a complete 360, he completely switched up on me. I loved him but I weighed the pros & cons and realized if I stay any longer it would just drag me down in the process. I was scared & hurt to leave but I had to do what was best for me! 2 years later I found a man who is a man of action & loves me. Just leave! Focus on you & your children Jen and the right man for you will follow shortly !
Lack of self worth which brings unfulfillment in her life which she is comfortable with. Based on how she communicated she will stay in the same situation and accept mediocre. Before she even met this guy she has been making bad choices. 5 kids!! Were are the fathers? She has been accepting mediocre since forever and has no standard or boundaries for herself. Coming to thing are it now she might need psychiatric help or counseling. Its a mental thing
I relate to her and you saying therapy therapy I’m like “🙄” but I know you’re right because everyone else says the same I just ..idk ima go and I hope she gets help too💗💗💗
He's not the issue. You are. When you come into the world present yourself respectably with hair and clothing in tact. This is just the start base of life. No one else can date respect or take you seriously when you don't. Focus on the 5 and yourself.
She wants him because he is a baby sitter while she out working and in school. Having 5 kids is crashing out. Women stop having all those kids especially when you not stable.
She wants this man to enter her already built family that is chaotic and pay for everything including her children from another relationship? This woman is lying a lot and it is quite obvious. It's all about what she FEELS and DESERVE and is ENTITLED to. She's all about what she wants which is SELFISH. He knows that and is hedging his bet. Men are good cost-benefit calculators and he's determined that she's not a good future bet. My bet is that he's planning to exit this relationship with her.
That's the message being fed to these modern BW all over the place. "Me me me, I deserve this, I'm a queen, I'm the table, men are supposed to, etc.". Any attempts at giving them a sanity check is met with "everyone wants to humble BW", or calling someone a dusty, or talking about what some fantasy 1% rich guy who they will never meet and know nothing about will do. They prefer to bask in their echo camber and feed each other delusions all while partaking in behavior that destroys their value to a current or potential partner.
You got this I’m a Mom and I know first hand you can do this. I believe in you and don’t ever fill like it’s to late. Focus on you baby you deserve it.
She called for advice, but she's not listening. She keeps interrupting Ashley before she can complete her sentence. He's not going to marry you and he probably will do right by the next woman because she will have standards and requirements for him.
I’ve been binge watching … but I feel her as I am in a situation where it was based upon lack of self love and knowing true identity. Please go to therapy ❤ it’s been helping me as well
16:50 therapists are usually way more biased than friends and family. Their incentive is to validate you so you come back. Thinking a therapist is trying to help you is like thinking a stripper likes you. They just want you to come back and keep paying
@Haz2288 Sadly and Unfortunately, that can be true in some cases, similar to a bad mechanic, a bad restaurant, a bad doctor, etc. But there are some therapist out there that truly care and they do the work with the client, the goal is to meet the client where they are and help them reached their goals (ie mission focused). So there’s hope, there are many people who have healed and improved their lives, because of the partnership with a highly skilled and caring therapist. They do exist.
Yes there are some bad therapists out that do this but good ones will challenge you and put you in a position to self reflect and practice healthy coping skills.
So many different facets here and distorted perception about relationships and her own identity. Therapy will definitely help but if she has a relationship with the most high (Jesus) that would be complete restoration right there…
Hey love just wondering how old your kids are? I know you mentioned they have autism, are they in ABA therapy, Speech therapy etc? They may also have free tutoring for them in your area and ppl who can help them.
Another thing that's wrong is making it seem like the guy is bad. He is just living his life. He knew 4 years ago he would not marry this lady. I really hope she won't try to trap him with a baby because I promise you that will backfire.This lady needs mental health therapy and those 2 boys need support from the school and medical professionals. No one wants to continually deal with our depression, anxiety, etc. Get some help. I am assuming the man is probably young too. It can't be expected of him to know how to interact and bond with children that are Not his and who both have mental health challenges. He has a right not to want to marry into all that. He may care for her but not enough to make her his wife. It's too much for a lot of men even older men. This young lady should focus more on her children's wellbeing. It's selfish not to. Stop worrying about a man marrying her and stip being a victim. Take a good look at her situation that she created and work with a therapist to get a plan to make her life better. No more kids and No men until she works on herself. She need tough love at this point. Not anyone telling her everything is okay. She has created a mess but she can come through it with a good therapist and maybe even medication but it starts with her. Nothing worst than being with a man for four years who won't marry you than being with him four years and another day. She would be doing both of them a great service to let this situationship be over because it's already over. He's just there to save 50% on the rent and bills. This young lady is not ready to be anybody's wife at the moment. I hope she will listen to Ashley, read the comments and take some of the advice. I personally wish her the best but it ALL has to start with her. It's about more than just her. She already had 5 kids with 2 men so far. She MUST focus on ger kids. We can't change our past but we can use the present to have a better future.
Baby please you seem like you going through a lot bc you are weak and damage you have a good spirit but you have to want to evolve your soul and confidence ppl can see the weakness go strong
Jen he doesn’t like you!!!! He doesn’t like you! I’m sorry, it’s the truth. It’s easy for us to tell her to just leave but she needs a plan to leave and to hold on to her why.
How about just be with yourself and focus on your kids?? That man can't bond with those kids. He wants a different kind of woman for real. Sis you need to work on YOU for now. Take a break from men. Those kids need you...all 5 of them.
That's tough! No man is looking to get with a single mom for a serious relationship or even marriage. And she has 5 kids.... she better be happy with what she has or go back to one of her baby daddies. I would say that dude is doing enough life ain't a Tyler perry movie
Nah.. I think she’ll be better off focusing on herself and her children and earning her nursing degree along with therapy. Right now she comes off as someone who is desperate (for love and attention) and needs financial and parenting help. Once she gets in the right frame of mind, builds her confidence, and accomplishes some of the goals she mentioned, she’ll be better off. Let’s be real, she is hanging on to the guy out of fear. Fear based relationships rarely work.
4:55 So he’s not a real man because he’s not providing and paying all the bills? Not sure why he’s obligated to do that considering he probably didn’t do it when he met you why do it now especially for kids that aren’t his? I understand she might be frustrated but it’s almost like she was attempting to blame the guy for her poor decision making and her friends gassing her up isn’t helping either.
SHE IS NOT THE VICTIM HER KIDS ARE... YOU ARE THERE FOR EVERYONE BUT YOUR KIDS AS YOU JUST SAID YOUR DAMN SELF. YOU WANT A MAN A MAN A MAN BE A MOTHER A MOTHER A MOTHER. GIRL GET IT TOGETHER. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE SHE WANTS SYMPATHY AND WE HAVE NONE FOR YOU. ASHLEY I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE KIND BUT PLEASE KEEP IT REAL WITH HER..
MAN PERSPECTIVE: If you calling into a show complaining about me when I’m helping you in a house with kids thats not mine & YOU GOT 5 by 2 DIFFERENT BABY FATHERS … it’s a problem & im out . ✌🏼
Lack of intimacy, adult conversations, a partner when things get tough, etc. A child/children can not provide that when they are the ones that have to be cared for.
I’m 27 and relationships never lasted over 2 months. You got 1 time to do something weird I’m leaving. I love being alone it’s the best feeling ever. You rather be miserable in a relationship or single and happy?
This is the type of women that want want want. You are okay with him being a deadbeat because she is also a deadbeat. She is making children with any man that says HI. She has no self worth. I am so happy 3 kids are with their dad. I wonder how many total kids fathers she has. You have children that are not his and he does not even do for his own kids but you want him to take care of your kids. I could scream. She needs therapy not a man. She needs to take accountability for her bad choices and take ownership and be by herself. I could not even finish watchiing this foolery I have no idea how Ashley does it. She is an excuse maker and she will not get results. Sad AF
She has 5 kids and you ladies are telling her to leave her man. She is not being abused. Happiness first comes from within. No one is perfect. It will be tough to get another man.
The most frustrating thing with women, is they will ask for help - and then argue down every single point to continue in a fantasy. He will never marry you, cut ties, focus on school and be single and heal.
You do realize that is what men have to deal with constantly? We get it worse because at least women will show respect to each other when they are doing it to each other.
She is annoying with that bonnet and camera in the ceiling.🙄
She’s not going anywhere and you are 100% right. I just had a huge argument about something similar with an ex friend. She would constantly complain about her bad history with men but only chose bad men on and loved to use dating apps.
Everyyyy single point. She just wasn’t listening.
This woman has 5 kids by two different men. And the 2 children that live with her are autistic. The probability of any man marrying her at this point is extremely low.
She wants the current guy to play a more active role with her & the children.. And this seems to be her Only issue. She didn't say that the guy was doing anything bad to her. And she mentioned he's paying 50% of the rent.
She needs to keep this guy. He's giving her companionship, he's paying 50% of the rent, & I'm sure he helps with those children even though it's not to the degree she would like. You broads are so quick to cancel a man if he's not 100% meeting your expectations. And no woman instinctively wants to be alone with 2 children. She's got the best man she's going to get considering her situation...
Being alone is when you have peace and God has room to start blessing you. Chaos stunts growth.
well put!!! first time in my 28years I've heard loneliness put in such a way
Women please stop having kids with everyone you date. Please!!!
Even if you married don't do it either
Please stop having kids with a man who doesn't value you enough to marry you, and don't have more than you can support all by yourself, even if you're married.
And stop having four and five kids. The more you have the harder it is mentally to break away and start over. 1-3 kids max. Why do you need 5+ kids in this day and age? Selfish.
THIS!! How are women popping out kids like its just nothing? Kids will not keep a man, we already know this. She needs to focus on herself. She just now decided that she has a lot on her plate? Also she can't force a man to bond with kids that aren't his. I think she's afraid of being alone for a little while.
@@vegasheartI have 1 kid and I don’t see how women have 5. Just picking a name seems like a task for that many kids. 1 is enough for me !
Why did she even move in with a guy who hadn’t bonded with her kids? He’s not even active in his own daughter’s life. She clearly has a lot of issues but doesn’t want to be alone and I can tell she has ZERO plans on leaving him. She seems to want to play victim to whoever will listen and keep repeating the same cycle. I wish her the best but she has to want better for herself.
He pays half of the rent. She probably felt she needed the financial help to get through nursing school, amongst other reasons 😢
You don’t bring someone around your kids who makes no effort to bond with them just because he pays half the rent. In the long run she’ll have a good career with kids who grow up to resent her for not factoring their feelings into her decisions. Not to mention this is the blueprint she’s establishing for her kids on what to expect/ accept as a woman in a relationship. Hope it’s worth it.
She is not even active in here other 3 kids life . They live with they father … how she gone talk about him..🤨
@@rayc8769 That too!!! The pot calling the kettle black. Just a mess 😐
@@NoName-eq4fcif that's the case sugar daddies don't care if you have kids or not because they aren't your man if she just wanted bills paid. I know a 37 yr old woman with 3 kids and sugar daddy funding her lifestyle never met her kids.
Im glad those boys are living with their father.
Right. She should focus her energy on being a mother. The world is a very sad place right now.
Same
Jennifer needs to close her legs and focus on her children who didn’t asked to be here. She wants everything she not. Her focus and concerns are off🤦🏾♀️
We don’t know if they’re living good with their father either
He can't be a father to her kids because he's just not father material. People can't give what they don't have. Ladies, please stop asking for orange juice from a damn apple!
EXACTLY!!!
A couple things 1. She needs help with her kids she going to school, working and has 2 special needs kids at home - she should reach out to her family for support not this man who doesn’t see his own child
2, she should really work on herself,her self esteem, her healing and not a relationship
I pray she heals and gets the support she needs and pause on this relationship until she’s emotionally healthy enough ❤
❤❤❤
I was wondering if her parents were able to help her as she was saying she needs help. The fact she didn’t mention it consider that option tells me she might not.
Settling has become the norm. No one wants to demand from the beginning what they want and expect and then years later get mad when the situation doesn’t go the way they want. Its loo late. If you cant talk to your partner why are you with them?
I mean this with all respect, a lot of us ask questions we already know the answers to. When it comes to staying or leaving a relationship, you have 2 options and 2 options only....stay or leave. You have to pick one and stand by it.
But I do feel bad for women who feel like wasted time is better than alone time. Or women who see more value in the man than they see in themselves.
Also, people who say, "I don't want to lose the time I put in," never realize the time they're referring to is already gone. They already lost it. Rather, you move on or not, you will never get that time back. No matter what you do moving forward.
Exactly. Idk how a lot of these wonen do it tbh. I got a serious petpeeve on my time being wasted...so I cant.
People wonder why I've been so single all these years. Because I'm very good at vetting...and I'm not wasting my time with someone that I know we aren't right for each other. But that's just me.
I’ve been in your shoes before baby girl! What Ashley said is true, a lot of us did not grow up with love at home and therefore we attempted to find it elsewhere. Unfortunately, people can sniff that kind out and they prey on us. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately she won’t leave until she’s tired of it. I remember a police told me- “if there was a lion in that house would you keep going in?”. That really stood out to be in more ways than one. Once I left I never looked back. I got to learn how to love my self and how to know that I am the prize regardless of what I’ve been through etc.
Congratulations to you for moving away and moving on. Kudos to you. God bless you on your life journey. Thanks for sharing your testimony.
She's afraid to leave him ONLY because she's afraid that if she leaves him, he'll find another woman who'll make him happier.
💯
Life is lifing. She should work on understanding she is wasting her time and that she needs to move on.
Yes, but I don't think that's her main concern. She's afraid to leave him because although she knows she wants him to step up more, she's afraid that the little good she does have out of him will go down to zero. Because it's more that she wants more from him and less that she wants to leave him. She's scared he won't change and she'll lose the little she's getting.
..... and that she'll have to start over with someone else, but may never find someone else who's any better, because she has 5 children.
@@jewels24kThis part is how many women waste years of their life scared to start over; waiting for a man to step up the way they want, instead of accepting the reality of what actually is.
She will make a change when she’s tired and ready . God bless her 🙏
I’m so glad Ashley mentioned therapy. She mentioned trauma related to previous abuse. That has a history in and of itself. She mentioned people pleasing, anxiety, depression, there is low self esteem threads in there, and a previous stay at a mental health facility. She could benefit from more than one therapy session. Therapy can be absolutely beneficial for her, especially if it’s consistent, and she uses the tools. One thing about going to a mental health facility, is they can give you the tools, but you have to use the tools.
He saw your vulnerability sis! and is taking advantage of you. He’s buying time. You need to heal and put your babies in a program for special needs children to give you the support you need. You are doing a lot, and need time to heal.
As always, it's all "Jermaine's" fault.
@@chiefrocka9159 😂What! nah, I’m just saying that he’s not trying to support all that she has going on. And she needs to go get proper support and heal. Not blaming anyone. She needs to handle her business and keep it pushing.
LOL she has very little to offer him. Saying he is taking advantage is laughable. He can easily find better than a baby momma divorcee who works at a nursing home with two autistic kids and children with multiple men. This lady is not a prize. And the host like most of these podcasters gives our TERRIBLE advice.
She's got way too much baggage and they are both dependent on each other's 50/50 and they are both using each other as placeholders. like Ashley was telling her there is no incentive for him to do more if anything she's telling him that she's doing less which is dumb why give an announcement just move in silence and if anything he'll just say bet and he'll end up doing less and he'll replace her faster
EXACTLY!!!
Compassion foe her and her situation. It sounds tough. But it sounds like she's not ready for change. She is not readh to do the work. She wants everything to magically work out and she wants him to be the person he isn't so that she won't have to do the work. She needs to have agency, accountabilty and ownership of her life.
She putting to much energy into this counterfeit relationship! It’s literally draining her!!!!
Ms lady you know what you have to do. It might hurt for a moment but the blessing that comes after will feel good. ❤🌹 You are worthy. 🙏🏽
This is that type of energy that help keep her a single mom lol
@@CrossfitWarriorWhat are you talking about? She will continue to be broken if she stays with him. As time goes on it’ll be harder for her to go out and meet others. She needs to not have any more kids honestly. 5 kids is more than enough. There is no reason she needs to stay with him just because. If she can’t get better oh well, she’ll just be alone then.
I appreciate her honesty but if she keep being a victim nothing is going change.
I hate to say it but too many parents move forward with their new relationship paying little attention to the relationship between their children and the new partner. For whatever reason it’s like they think things will just happen. Next thing you know they’re in their relationship resentful and upset the the new partner hasn’t bonded with their children.
She knows exactly what she needs to do. She’s just not ready and recognizes she is in a vulnerable position… Mom of 2 children with autism, working and going to school. She needs help. It’s like she in desperate mode. This guy also clearly understands that she’s not going anywhere right now.
Right now sounds like a long period with her
Forget a relationship, focus on the kids 😒
She seems like a nice person but she really does need to focus on bettering her mental health, her children and her education. She would do better off without him. He has a child that she mentioned he sees 1-2x a month. That tells me a lot about him as a father. He would never be that for her children.
The harsh reality is being single is probably the best place for her right now. Unfortunately, when you have kids it does make finding a mate more difficult. The pool of quality men that will accept a woman with 5 kids is significantly lower than the woman who has no kids. That doesn’t mean you tolerate whatever. Shift your focus. Work on you! Get therapy. Go back to school. Get a few hobbies. Start a business. Love on your village. Find joy in what you do have. Come back to dating when the kids are much older. Perhaps over 18.
Also, on some level you DO have to show people how to love you because no one is a mind reader.
I wish we knew how to love our children so they don’t have to settle
Teach them to marry before they carry.
That man is doing his best.
If he is an average earner that’s the best he can do respectfully 🤓
If those were his biological kids he would get a second job and do whatever it takes !sadly,
At this stage she needs to be single and raise those kids until they are out of the house then she can date
She needs therapy also
He’s tripping! He’s not the father. Run
Some of these girls you can't tell them anything, they listen to their peers they do what their peers do I had a niece who all of her girlfriends were bady momma and I begged her not to repeat that cycle I told her everything she was going to go through I told her most of the black men are not in their children's lives and do not want to pay any support for their children and that they do not even want to deal with women that have children even though they have children themselves I told her it was going to mess up her chances of finding of really good man of any race, she ended up having four children with three different men, one's in prison, one's on drugs and one was deleted she's making but it's hard.
Sending many prayers to this young lady that she finds her inner strength and have courage knowing God will make a way for her and her children.❤❤❤❤❤
Ladies, we need to understand that a lot of men… don’t have the same nurturing nature and patience as a woman… especially when it comes to mentally challenged children. And they aren’t his, yeah a man isn’t doing that… Leave that person alone. Get someone with compassion, consideration, and family oriented. He sounds like an only child. No pun.
She needs to,worry about raising those two boys. Not hoping the dude she chose will be something he isn't.
@@chiefrocka9159 100% but she’s stuck in her mental past and needs therapy too. Cause this ain’t it. Has nothing to do with the guy, she needs to get herself together before getting with anyone else. It takes time to get used to be with yourself, once married… then divorced. She’s still 22.
My heart really goes out to the first caller. My beautiful sis’ self-esteem is so low. My love, you can not raise a man…I repeat…you CAN NOT raise a MAN. Please let that sink in. ❤❤❤❤
Bro will come out better parting ways with her. She has allot going on with her two sons that reside with her. The lady stated, "I don't want to start all over..." Why restart at all? Again, you have two austic little sons that need your attention. Have the boys been tested by the "state"? Has she coordinated with the school to take full advantage of their educational resources? What role is the baby daddy for those two boys playing? Maybe they (the 👦 👦) should be with their Dad.
Crazy thing is dude told her she needs to read to her sons more often and even admitted she doesn't read to them as much as she should. I'm sure he understands those aren't his kids and it's only so much he can do if the mother isn't doing it. She slipped in that she wants him to be a provider but honestly why should he do that when he probably wasn't before and her friends telling her to leave him. You're right he'd be doing himself a big favor parting ways with her.
She is u grateful for the man she has… if you ask me the man should move on to something better instead . She got 5 kids & he a single man with one . He could be living his best life instead of being unappreciated & she know he can do better that’s why she scared to leave
This woman has to realize it is OK to be alone. She really seems like a good person. But if you pour in everyone else, what's left to pour into yourself? I pray she gets the therapy and healing she needs.
Some women are so desperate and controlling over a man I can’t believe it, let him go and focus on school. This woman isn’t going to change she just called in to complain about the man she isn’t leaving.
This is why recklessly having kids will always be a lose-lose situation, especially for women. Notice she is here complaining about what the boyfriend, who is NOT the father, is not doing, but not once was there a mention of what the man she actually laid down and had the kids with is doing. And I can almost assure you, even if he doesn't say it, that is definitely registering in that man's mind if he has even a little bit of sense. When you're a single mother in these types of positions, you really don't have a lot of room to complain about what the next man is not doing for your kids because he can always rebuttal with: "Why are you complaining about me instead of their father?" And if we're being honest, there isn't really a good *logical* response to that question because those kids are the responsibility of the parents and the parents only. No one else owes them anything. Too many women are out here trying to play "swap-a-daddy" because they want to be able to just tag in a new father for their kids when they feel like it, play house, and not have to be accountable for the man they CHOSE to lay down with. That is always going to be very problematic.
A whole word 🙌🏽
WHY WHY WHY WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP HAVING ALL THESE KIDS HOW DO YOU HAVE 5 KIDS IF YOUR TAKING CARE OF THEM. GIRL STOP WAITING FOR A MAN AN CLOSE YOUR LEGS FOCUS WHY WOULD A MAN WANT YOU YOUI HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO OFFER WORK ON YOURSELF YOU BOTH ARE USING EACH OTHER . HE JUST WANTS CHEAP RENT AN YOU WANT TO SAY YOU HAVE A PIECE OF A MAN.
Her kids are from her previous marriage.
@@jessyj1545 not all of them
@@jessyj1545 3 of them are from a previous marriage and she has 2 with her fiance. She's doing too many wife activities while not being a wife.
My advice to sis is - Clock out sis! If he wanted to he would and would have! If it’s easier to keep him around especially if he’s helping with bills and you ain’t sure he gonna help just as much when and if he leaves keep him around just for that. If you need the d then that too but practice a lil abstinence. Don’t worry bout having five kids - they here they’re a blessing and one thing bout kids I tell other moms is THEY DONT STAY YOUNG FOR LONG focus on God, you, your career and them babies that’s it! Then when the water calm that is -finish school and you can manage by yourself then start the engine again but lay dormant play your role just how homie playing his -doing just enough but not too much
This
Yes, she needs to leave this guy who doesn’t care enough about her well being to not take advantage. But I wish she had gotten more immediate advice. She needs help with two young special needs children. Forget the guy. With a job and school, what attention is she able to give to them? Let alone a relationship. And she keeps saying she’s pouring into everyone else. Who do you have time for? Time management classes might help her. Boundaries and saying no to people could help. But she has special needs kids and that’s hard on anyone, let alone some guy. We don’t all bond with kids simply because we’re around them. That was wishful thinking and he’s a coward for using her in this manner knowing she has them kids.
Oh Jen, I wish me and her were friends! I almost got caught up in a similar situation, I was with a guy for 2 years . The 1st year was wonderful, the 2nd year was a complete 360, he completely switched up on me. I loved him but I weighed the pros & cons and realized if I stay any longer it would just drag me down in the process. I was scared & hurt to leave but I had to do what was best for me! 2 years later I found a man who is a man of action & loves me. Just leave! Focus on you & your children Jen and the right man for you will follow shortly !
Lack of self worth which brings unfulfillment in her life which she is comfortable with. Based on how she communicated she will stay in the same situation and accept mediocre. Before she even met this guy she has been making bad choices. 5 kids!! Were are the fathers? She has been accepting mediocre since forever and has no standard or boundaries for herself. Coming to thing are it now she might need psychiatric help or counseling. Its a mental thing
I relate to her and you saying therapy therapy I’m like “🙄” but I know you’re right because everyone else says the same I just ..idk ima go and I hope she gets help too💗💗💗
He's not the issue. You are. When you come into the world present yourself respectably with hair and clothing in tact. This is just the start base of life. No one else can date respect or take you seriously when you don't. Focus on the 5 and yourself.
She wants him because he is a baby sitter while she out working and in school. Having 5 kids is crashing out. Women stop having all those kids especially when you not stable.
She wants this man to enter her already built family that is chaotic and pay for everything including her children from another relationship? This woman is lying a lot and it is quite obvious. It's all about what she FEELS and DESERVE and is ENTITLED to. She's all about what she wants which is SELFISH. He knows that and is hedging his bet. Men are good cost-benefit calculators and he's determined that she's not a good future bet. My bet is that he's planning to exit this relationship with her.
That's the message being fed to these modern BW all over the place. "Me me me, I deserve this, I'm a queen, I'm the table, men are supposed to, etc.". Any attempts at giving them a sanity check is met with "everyone wants to humble BW", or calling someone a dusty, or talking about what some fantasy 1% rich guy who they will never meet and know nothing about will do. They prefer to bask in their echo camber and feed each other delusions all while partaking in behavior that destroys their value to a current or potential partner.
Good interpretation
I hope, she’s reading the comments because most are good advice
As a parent of 1: why do ppl have kids back to back and while young?
Like that’s a lot of work. Whyyyy
You got this I’m a Mom and I know first hand you can do this. I believe in you and don’t ever fill like it’s to late. Focus on you baby you deserve it.
She called for advice, but she's not listening. She keeps interrupting Ashley before she can complete her sentence. He's not going to marry you and he probably will do right by the next woman because she will have standards and requirements for him.
I’ve been binge watching … but I feel her as I am in a situation where it was based upon lack of self love and knowing true identity.
Please go to therapy ❤ it’s been helping me as well
Whew . People rather get in the internet than go to therapy
This was so painful to watch. Really feel for her she is very lost and hope she finds the love she is seeking- from within herself
I'm trying to figure out what she meant by saying, " he's a good dude"
She has zero self esteem.
Why do y’all call LIVE looking a mess and then argue about turning on the camera ? 🤨
She need a friend for sure
My friends we have therapy week where we help someone for a whole week and give them love
It definitely helps ❤
Why is she under the table?
Get off live and GET ON YOUR KNEES JEHOVAH LISTENING ❤
Go back to them boys dad if you want a family. That man has no ties to you or them kids stop trying to make him the villan
16:50 therapists are usually way more biased than friends and family. Their incentive is to validate you so you come back. Thinking a therapist is trying to help you is like thinking a stripper likes you. They just want you to come back and keep paying
@Haz2288 Sadly and Unfortunately, that can be true in some cases, similar to a bad mechanic, a bad restaurant, a bad doctor, etc. But there are some therapist out there that truly care and they do the work with the client, the goal is to meet the client where they are and help them reached their goals (ie mission focused). So there’s hope, there are many people who have healed and improved their lives, because of the partnership with a highly skilled and caring therapist. They do exist.
Yes there are some bad therapists out that do this but good ones will challenge you and put you in a position to self reflect and practice healthy coping skills.
The man does NOT care ma’am! She does not get it.
I bet she will never go for therapy!!
So many different facets here and distorted perception about relationships and her own identity. Therapy will definitely help but if she has a relationship with the most high (Jesus) that would be complete restoration right there…
Oh lord…where do we begin?
FR. She Definitely Need Therapy. FR
Ashley your so sweet we love you mama
You can’t make that man do anything that he hasn’t already done.
Please get yourselves together before coming on live.
The key is to not act like a wife before you are! Once you start “falling back” is not an option.
Hey love just wondering how old your kids are? I know you mentioned they have autism, are they in ABA therapy, Speech therapy etc? They may also have free tutoring for them in your area and ppl who can help them.
The insecurity of BW and the way they show up being apologetic about their hair/look when they’re not all dolled up is sad.
Praying for her ❤
Another thing that's wrong is making it seem like the guy is bad. He is just living his life. He knew 4 years ago he would not marry this lady. I really hope she won't try to trap him with a baby because I promise you that will backfire.This lady needs mental health therapy and those 2 boys need support from the school and medical professionals. No one wants to continually deal with our depression, anxiety, etc. Get some help.
I am assuming the man is probably young too. It can't be expected of him to know how to interact and bond with children that are Not his and who both have mental health challenges. He has a right not to want to marry into all that. He may care for her but not enough to make her his wife. It's too much for a lot of men even older men.
This young lady should focus more on her children's wellbeing. It's selfish not to. Stop worrying about a man marrying her and stip being a victim. Take a good look at her situation that she created and work with a therapist to get a plan to make her life better. No more kids and No men until she works on herself. She need tough love at this point. Not anyone telling her everything is okay. She has created a mess but she can come through it with a good therapist and maybe even medication but it starts with her.
Nothing worst than being with a man for four years who won't marry you than being with him four years and another day.
She would be doing both of them a great service to let this situationship be over because it's already over. He's just there to save 50% on the rent and bills.
This young lady is not ready to be anybody's wife at the moment. I hope she will listen to Ashley, read the comments and take some of the advice.
I personally wish her the best but it ALL has to start with her. It's about more than just her. She already had 5 kids with 2 men so far. She MUST focus on ger kids.
We can't change our past but we can use the present to have a better future.
Baby please you seem like you going through a lot bc you are weak and damage you have a good spirit but you have to want to evolve your soul and confidence ppl can see the weakness go strong
*Five kids and you all over the freaking place* 😵
Jen he doesn’t like you!!!! He doesn’t like you! I’m sorry, it’s the truth. It’s easy for us to tell her to just leave but she needs a plan to leave and to hold on to her why.
Low self esteem is the issue here😢
I'm 5 minutes in and I'm confused with a lot of what she's saying ... She doesn't seem confident in herself.... Did I miss how old she is?
How about just be with yourself and focus on your kids?? That man can't bond with those kids. He wants a different kind of woman for real. Sis you need to work on YOU for now. Take a break from men. Those kids need you...all 5 of them.
I wish I can DM her
Better question, is she paying child support for those 3 kids that live with the dad? She so worried about this man….ijs
My bet would be no. Men tend to be much more forgiving when it comes to those types of things than women.
@@theoracle2760this is so true
After the first few minutes of her talking I could already tell she has been waisting her time!
He’s going to end up leaving her for someone else and I feel for her
You be better off starting over , a new guy will come in and if they see you require family bonding they will either do it or move on.
That's tough! No man is looking to get with a single mom for a serious relationship or even marriage. And she has 5 kids.... she better be happy with what she has or go back to one of her baby daddies. I would say that dude is doing enough life ain't a Tyler perry movie
Nah.. I think she’ll be better off focusing on herself and her children and earning her nursing degree along with therapy. Right now she comes off as someone who is desperate (for love and attention) and needs financial and parenting help. Once she gets in the right frame of mind, builds her confidence, and accomplishes some of the goals she mentioned, she’ll be better off.
Let’s be real, she is hanging on to the guy out of fear. Fear based relationships rarely work.
4:55 So he’s not a real man because he’s not providing and paying all the bills? Not sure why he’s obligated to do that considering he probably didn’t do it when he met you why do it now especially for kids that aren’t his?
I understand she might be frustrated but it’s almost like she was attempting to blame the guy for her poor decision making and her friends gassing her up isn’t helping either.
So sad
TEACH ❤KNOW YOUR WORTH❤
SHE IS NOT THE VICTIM HER KIDS ARE... YOU ARE THERE FOR EVERYONE BUT YOUR KIDS AS YOU JUST SAID YOUR DAMN SELF. YOU WANT A MAN A MAN A MAN BE A MOTHER A MOTHER A MOTHER. GIRL GET IT TOGETHER. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE SHE WANTS SYMPATHY AND WE HAVE NONE FOR YOU. ASHLEY I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE KIND BUT PLEASE KEEP IT REAL WITH HER..
MAN PERSPECTIVE: If you calling into a show complaining about me when I’m helping you in a house with kids thats not mine & YOU GOT 5 by 2 DIFFERENT BABY FATHERS … it’s a problem & im out . ✌🏼
He’s also getting a discount on his 💵 bills
Im sure he can get a discount on his bills with a woman with no kids .
She is very messy. How can you bring a stranger around your kids??? For some dicc and half the bills paid?? Seriously??
Why come on the live to ask Ashley a question then keep interrupting her when she’s trying to give you advice? 🥴
How would one be alone with 5 kids 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Lack of intimacy, adult conversations, a partner when things get tough, etc. A child/children can not provide that when they are the ones that have to be cared for.
GIRL LEAVE
I’m 27 and relationships never lasted over 2 months. You got 1 time to do something weird I’m leaving. I love being alone it’s the best feeling ever. You rather be miserable in a relationship or single and happy?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Shawty sounds like a liability…..he better leave her alone and move on with his life
This is the type of women that want want want. You are okay with him being a deadbeat because she is also a deadbeat. She is making children with any man that says HI. She has no self worth. I am so happy 3 kids are with their dad. I wonder how many total kids fathers she has. You have children that are not his and he does not even do for his own kids but you want him to take care of your kids. I could scream. She needs therapy not a man. She needs to take accountability for her bad choices and take ownership and be by herself. I could not even finish watchiing this foolery I have no idea how Ashley does it. She is an excuse maker and she will not get results. Sad AF
She's constantly defending him and interrupting any type of advice - loss cause
A woman (wife) is suppose to be a man helpmate not the other way around ma’am.
Where is the 2nd baby dad? Is he co- parenting?
She doesn't know how to communicate -
She has 5 kids and you ladies are telling her to leave her man. She is not being abused. Happiness first comes from within. No one is perfect. It will be tough to get another man.
Those are not his kids ma’am go back to your ex husband
If the ex husband even want her back .
Stay with him don’t no good man want you and all of those kids over women without baggage