I'm 39, single, and no kids. Ironically, the older I get, the more I feel absolutely fine with the life I have. I'd love to get married, but don't feel bad about not being married. Would like to be a mother, but understand I may not be and that's OK. What I am proud of is I'm not in a toxic relationship just to have the status, I'm not a single parent (no offense to those who are), and I'm financially stable. I can get up and go whenever and wherever I want. Marriage and a child (if possible) is no longer a necessity for me. It's now a bonus. I realized this around 35.
Entering my late 20’s and I’m there as well. I think finding contentment in where we are in life is so important. The societal pressures as women to check off these boxes, is exhausting. At the end of the day whether we’re single, in a relationship, kids, family.. etc, we’re the ones that have to live with these decisions. I’d rather miss out on having these things than to say I did it because of society, my “biological clock”, or what someone else felt I should be doing. It’s definitely a bonus and not a necessity, love that.
When I turned 30, I was in my corner office having a full on panic attack and wailing like I was at a parent’s funeral 🤦🏾♀️ I eventually got over it and realized that I was finally leaving my tumultuous 20s; and now at 37 I feel like I’m in my reformative 30s - I’ve been intensely exposed to myself, my brain, who I am and who God really is….. I’m claiming my 40s to be my renaissance years 😏🥳
The new generation now stays at their parents house until 32 on average. This is a political decision. No housing, school are not paid by the government, no normal social system. This is actually a norm. But my parents did not raise me for this type of situation. I taught I would have kids in my early 20's like my parents.
I’m almost 31 and feel like I’m running out of timeee, but I know I’m not. This journey is enjoyable yet scary at the same time, especially when you want marriage and children one day
@@user-sz9ut8fb9o From what I have learned trough life until my 29 years old. I cant rely on my wants and happiness specially when it has to do with another individual. Because relying on another person to give you what you want is where the unhappiness comes from in life if it doesn't work out! I think we should just focus on the journey and what you can actually control. Have always a plan B if something doesn't work out in the marriage. I learned that the hard way!
@@Houston1510 1. You're not the only country. It's becoming fairly common globally, and logically so. 2. When you bring in biology, are you alluding to childbirth? Because if so, you should know that most women have most of their kids in their 30s. It's also fairly common. 3. There are people who start families very young (20s) and still end up single by 30 due to divorce, spousal death etc. so maybe consider the variety of scenarios applicable when reading my comment, instead of being part of the problem (aka society making people feel wrong that being single by 30 is a problem)
@@MyAkachi It being common does not mean there isn't something wrong with it. Obesity is also common. The birth rate is declining in many countries. The average age of birth is 30. That means that person is likely in a relationship by then. Being 30 and single means you're likely years away from having a kid, especially if you want to be married. And as a woman dating into your 30s is harder. It's absolutely not a good thing
36 year old here. I unexpectedly met my soon to be husband in my last two weeks of being 35. I had been single my whole life, no kids, a so-so job until I snagged my dream job at 34. Turning 30 was an unconscious and anti-climactic experience for me. I was focused on many goals and felt that I was just getting started with achieving them. I also had a job offer fall through a few months into being 30, so I entered a brief depression. I was still living with my parents and building my career. 31 and 32, I felt more pressure to attain something that I could he proud of. Started trying to date/put myself out there and go to more events when I realized that the guys approaching me on the daily were not husband material. I pushed myself harder with work, got more bold and took more risks. Faced failure and rejection, but God continued to lift me up, give me creativity, joy, strength and solid friendships. My family was supportive also. I ended 32 with my own business. 33, I took a leap of faith, got my own place and my business was profitable enough for me to support myself. I took my first international vacation in years, got braces and some light cosmetic enhancements. 34, I started feeling intense pressure to settle down, started getting asked my men on dates if I had freezed my eggs. I also got comments on why someone so beautiful was still single. I am a virgin, so that made finding compatibility 10x harder. My business was mostly successful, but I did lots of introspection on what truly would make me happy and set out to do those things. I “dated” a bit more, but the guys were not husband material and did not share my Christian faith. Late 34, I wrapped up my business and started my dream job that required me to eventually move across the country. At 35, I made the move across the country for the job to a city with more men than women, but more atheists than people of faith. I knew no one. I made some friends and a steady work + self care+ workout routine to keep me balanced. I still had moments of stress and sadness that I may spend the rest of my life alone. Most of my college friends had one or two kids already and all of my siblings have kids/married. Church had mostly couples and families. I felt left behind more intensely than I had in the past. It was very distracting. Met a guy that I thought was the one and he strung me along and broke my heart. I gave it to God and decided that He would have to be the one to bring my life partner because I had tried in many other ways with no success. Two weeks before my 36th birthday, I met my soon to be husband. He tells me all the time that he is thankful to God that I moved to his city because he wasn’t bold enough to leave. He is everything I waited for, a believer in Christ, very tall, handsome, stable, six figure job, homeowner, no kids and celibate until marriage (before he knew I was waiting). Being single in our 30’s is not easy and not for the faint of heart. Some women don’t survive (thinking of Miss America). Everyone’s experience is different and sometimes you can do all the right things and just be in the wrong environment. I see so many accomplished and beautiful women that are single for no reason. I hated living with my parents in my early 30’s and felt shame about it, but now I see that having family close by saved me from entering a deep, deep depression. My family constantly encouraged me, was there with every personal and professional failure and pushed me to jump and take risks that led me to my new life. To any woman in her 30’s desiring marriage, I know it is hard. Please put it in God’s hands, meaning pray about it, commit your wait to Him, continue to take care of yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and lean into gal that friendships/family relationships. God will surprise you.
Thank you for sharing . I’m also a Christian desiring a Godly husband , it really is not easy in this dating climate 😣 but I’m taking care of myself and focusing on my goals ❤️
It's easier for people who are not born again because they have benefits of marriage things outside of marriage but for Christian women you explore your sexuality in marriage you can make babies in marriage so time is very crucial for menopause is really. Is it a sin to freeze eggs as a Christian women if it is marrying early is wise.
I must be built different bc I'm not attached to time and age like that. 34, single, no kids, no prospects. None of this is integral to my identity. It's really corny that women are the ones dragging out this narrative knowing what we know about the state of dating. We have countless examples of women who thrive beyond these superficial "milestones" yet we keep ourselves chained to this old maiden tale. My identity is tied to my love for God, my creative life, my role/s in my village, my free spirit etc. I whirled and twirled it in many directions for about 6 years. I didn't find a quality partner and I was not gone settle bc I was "getting up there." Do not play yourselves , detach from these stifling identity politics!! #eternallife
I like your perspective! And what's unfortunate is that we buy so much into these timelines and aren't encouraged to stop and think if they're what we really want. I do NOT want to be married right now. But I thought I had to walk down the aisle by 30 or else I was doomed. That's so messed up, UGH...
22:11 - I love the way Kamie explained how she wants her new significant other to be alone with her in her quiet and safe place. I'm constantly telling my husband how much I love just being with him, in the same room doing completely different things. I feel safe, warm, happy - and he feels the same way. It's like our souls just need each other! I've been following Kamie since her very first episode on Catfish. Praying this is the one!! 💜💜💜
I have to introduce this concept to mine. We talk entirely too much to focus on other things lol. He's definitely a talker when it comes to me and even though I know I could do something else, I'm not about to deny him of my attention and affection.
I completely agree. At the beginning when she referred to your late twenties and early thirties, when you come into your career, as your 'later life'. Not even.
I think this is the beauty of aging, it's not about having a boyfriend, being married, having kids or whatever. It's about being able to look back and see all the progress that you've made and that it's going to be ok, no matter what. It's being more and more comfortable with yourself the older you get and seeing the years going by as an amazing opportunity to get wiser, not bitter. Everything else is added bonus.
I'm turning 30 in a few months, and am honestly glad that my life doesn't look like how I was taught it "should" be. We need more expansive narratives and ideas for living a wholesome, happy, and connected existence.
I actually shed tears before we even got into the conversation. I’m 28 and feeling like I haven’t quite found my purpose but hold big potential. Like Shan I started to feel embarrassed but I not only want a better life for myself but I want a better mental space. I’m ready to receive what is for me and do the work because I literally feel my gears shifting. This moment for me is for nurturing self and becoming a learner/explorer of purpose. I’m excited and scared at the same time. This was an on time episode!
Scrolling through the comments annnnd this... was everything I needed to see! I feel like I've always known and felt that it started within. But recently it's been harder to convince myself that this is true and would actually yield me what I want in a relationship. But... you're reminding me. It truly is. Being you will bring you (when it's the right time) what and who is for you. Thanks babe! Wishing you the best
@@godsdaughter2455 it def starts with self. Being honest on what self work needs to be done, not shaming yourself for that and then moving in your new likeness. The love you want, purpose you want and life you want will come. Thank you and I’m wishing you the best as well 🫶🏾
I love this! I too got out of a nearly 6 year relationship at 29 (still tried to reconcile at 30 but failed) and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I am 31 and have been on my personal journey with God and learning so much about myself: how to love me completely, my true desires, and getting my career in order. I am in no rush to get into another relationship although I would love to be married someday soon. Great episode Shan and Kamie!
Omg! My same story! 6 years, I’ll be 30 in May. It failed again for the final time two months ago. And I’m happy and feel lucky now to live a life where that relationship ended 💕 I may have met someone gooood. Only time will tell!
I'm 29 and turning 30 next year but I'm not ready for it because of societal and personal expectations not met. And this came at the right time. Really needed this and self introspect and actually work on being proud of who I will be.
I spent my 30th birthday in Seattle with my fiancé at the time. 6 months later our engagement broke and lost my job.I fell into a deep depression for another 6 months. I picked myself up got my own apartment a month before my 31st birthday started going to church regularly, volunteered, and strengthened my relationship with god. At 32 I landed my dream job and was feeling on top of the world. I leveled up met my now husband at 34 and was married in 7 months at 35. Now I’m sitting home at 36 years old with a 2 month old beautiful daughter. I say my story because a lot can happen in a short amount of time. You can meet the love of your life tomorrow anything is possible. When it comes to dating (and this won’t be popular) my advice to ladies is never be a man’s girlfriend. Rotational date until you have a ring. Although 30 is not old it’s definitely not a decade that you should waste especially if you want children and marriage. I had my daughter a week before my 36th birthday and everything went well but a lot of women are not so lucky. You have a lot of life ahead of you but please be wise. I came from a broken home so my relationship picker was way off which resulted in low self worth and a few toxic relationships in my 20’s. If I could do it over again I would have wanted to start a family much sooner (25). Being a mother and wife is one of my greatest joys. I love my daughter immensely and keeping my fingers crossed that I can give her at least one sibling with my age.
Can you elaborate more about not being a man's girlfriend,sorry I might have been taught how to "date" properly... Do you mean we should be going on dates with different men,and then once the best one chooses us...then what? Don't we become exclusive and become his girlfriend🙈🙈
@@brad2943 I'm so afraid of dating again,I only had 2 boyfriends and I'm 33 lol...😭😭😭I already know I'm going to be played with.I need to read a couple of books
I understand the nervousness that surrounds entering your thirties, but it’s still very much a youthful time in your life in the grand scheme of things!
I left a toxic relationship at 29. I was with my baby's father for 13yrs when I decided not to continue that life. I remember telling myself that I will not go into my 30s miserable. It has been the best decision I have done for I and son. I am now 34... I'm proud of who I am today. I want the family and husband but I am perfectly fine just the way things are...
As a 38 year old women. No one should make a big deal about turning 30 imo. Just enjoy to present moment and love every stage of life. Move closer to high vibrational living and leave things that don’t serve you alone. ❤
I turn 31 in January and I really loved this conversation Shannon! Thank you for being transparent and open about normal things people don’t talk about like the crazy infraction of turning 30 while you’re in your 20s lol. I’m one of those people who also feel like I get better with time and am really just getting started with life. Single/ childless , still wanting to be married with kids but not stressing or rushing the process. I’d rather be patient and happy and working on myself than be in the wrong situation
Definitely needed to watch this episode 🖤 I have been going though a really hard breakup for the past 6 months & my 22nd birthday is next month! This is the first birthday in 5 years that I’ve spend without my boyfriend (now ex). We spent every birthday together.. but nothing hit more than hearing Kamie say, “I would feel worse if I was turning 30 in a unhappy relationship” because that’s a WORD ! A lot of opportunities, growth, heartache, and lessons have come from this breakup but I can finally focus on myself as a 21 year old individual. I love hearing older women speak on topics like this. Thankyou Shan & Kamie because y’all never fail to put me on GAME. I love y’all lol
30 was the best year for me. I met my husband and got married the next year. I feel like you know yourself better at 30 and then everything else falls into place. 20s are a hot mess.
@@itsprincipe 1. Go to college and get a decent job if you can or learn a trade 2. Hit the damn gym 3. Save as much as you can 4. Read history, religious and economic books 5. Go to the house of worship 6. Don't smoke, don't date, don't have sex with women. 7. Travel
@@petittall557 ohhh never mind bro i asked for the advice i forgot i made this comment long ago, that’s my bad yea. thanks for the advice il save it. God bless brother. my bad again.
My father always told me to never get married and never have kids. It was confusing as he was married to my mother with children. They eventually divorced. I did eventually have a child and got married but it was against my father's wishes. He also told me that he was offended that I changed my last name 😒 I say all this to say don't let anyone dictate their expectations on you. You are you're own person free to move through live at your speed!
Newly single and 30. This came out the right time! Love Cam! I honestly look forward to a new decade of new experiences and lessons. I don’t want kids and pretty much set on not wanting marriage. I’m a nomad and live a life of traveling and learning. I appreciate all perspectives from women globally in this new age of self awareness. It’s truly refreshing. ❤ x
Oohhh… “I’ve set myself up to be proud of myself…” wow! Relate but absolutely appreciate how you’ve put this Kamie. I’m turning 30 in March next year and I cannot wait to get there for the same reasons. ❤❤still listening and will share thoughts, but definitely had to appreciate this.
The man I thought was my life partner died like 9 days before I turned 30 and that shifted my life altogether. Now at 33, I'm still healing from that loss. So yea, definitely not where I thought I would be by this time. The older I get, the more I just want to know myself; what I want and what I don't want. It's been an un-expectant journey, but I know I just can't sit down and give up. Not sure what's next for me. I just live my life in Flow now.
Married my husband but 2 weeks afterwards he died, this was in Dec 2021. I was 35. I understand the grief…I’m 36, turning 37 this year and my life is not what I thought it will be.
When I turned 30, I was actually excited. I do not believe your 30s is old. It is just another chapter in your life. Though being single in my 30s has its downfalls. I have enjoyed it so far. I did become a home owner this year!
Yes - sexual peaks for women is in their 30s, it feels better and I am able to mentally relax to enjoy pleasures better. Back in my 20s, I was disconnected and very uptight mentally and felt very ashamed
I’m so happy I didn’t get married in my early 20s. I would have married a cheater and an emotionally abusive man. Almost 30 and met a great guy,don’t rush ladies. It’s better to be single and lonely than to be married and trapped.
I turned 30 this year and have been single for a few years now. I feel I have not accomplished anything in all aspects of my life. I appreciate this conversation and was something I needed to hear at this moment.
This 👏🏾 episode 👏🏾 hit 👏🏾!!! I’m turning 30 on Sunday and I’m not where 14yr old, 20yr old, or 25yr old me thought I would be. I’ve been in the gloom of my emotions with this pending turn of the decade. BUT through this episode I RE-learned to be grateful for what I do have and where I am at in my life. And hopefully one day I will be and will have the things I thought I’d have by 30. Thanks Shan for this ep and Kamie for sharing 🙏🏾
When I turned 30, I was married, but I had no children still don't 11 years later and now I'm divorced. I was divorced at 39 and I'll admit I panicked a little, but then I calmed down. I always thought that I'd be like my mother being married in early 20's and have my first child in my 20's and it wasn't so. I was married at 24, but my husband didn't want kids at that time, so I couldn't push him. Then when he was ready I no longer was ready. I had ambition at that time. So we never aligned in that aspect. I agree like the thought of trying to find someone else and go through the circus of what dating is now. I am like "No thank you". Far too many bitter people trying to find a hook up rather than being healed and finding love. No, it's not for me. I don't know if I have the patience. I've always been a person to not give in to what society thinks that I should do or where I should be in life. Once you get to about 35 the zero cares given really come in strong. You know yourself better and you start being ok with what you don't have and you really start living life by your own rules. You start looking at the 20-somethings now and you literally THANK GOD that other than vanity and possibly a little mobility issues that you aren't dealing with the toxic BS that they are putting up with. You see the crap that was the end of the world for you way back then is so minute and not even important. Don't let these toxic pod-casters tell you any different they are just trying to scare you into excepting whatever craziness that they want to through at you because society says that you should be with someone or there is something wrong with you. I remember when I turned 40, I was like, I'm having sex for my 40th birthday! I decided to go online for a hook up. WACK! IT WAS SO WACK!!! NEVER AGAIN! Let me tell you I'm a Taurus sun with a Scorpio Moon and Rising and sex is important, but due to trauma for me, I don't push as hard for it, but yes at 30 sex was SO GOOD. Still is, but it's just sparse now that I'm single.
Happy 30th Birthday 🎉 Thank you ladies for this chat! I too am 29, and turning 30 early next year. I was in a long term relationship that I got out of at 28, and started dating quickly after and then got into a relationship. That relationship is/has come to an end and I am in a bad place, and I should never have gotten into this relationship in the first place, without healing from the last. I feel awful that at almost 30 my life is not in order, and I keep thinking about that biological time clock 😢 30 really is just a number, but I wanted to have settled down with a loving family by now. Good luck to you other ladies ❤
How insane that during Shan's dark period I saw how bright her light was. I had no idea and you keep a strong face. So much so that it helped me navigate out of my depression. So thank you Shan of 6-7-8-9-10 years ago. That women taught me so much. You have no idea how in your darkest hours you provided me with so much light. From Highschool Rush Presenter to TGAW to Lovers and Friends... and the story continues! So proud.
The first time I thought of my age was when I signed up for a dating app. I never thought much of age, and I was dumb founded when my friend previously was having a crisis before she turned 30. Long story short the app isn’t for me. But what I’ve come to learn is that the marriage, kids isn’t my path yet. I feel like I’m my 30s I want to learn to grow into myself, to break away from generational traumas, and travel solo. It’s been kind of hard when people ask “why are you single? You’re so beautiful.” Sometimes idk how to answer, it makes me feel less than..
I'm 29 years old and I don't have all of what I thought I'd have by this age..but I have been learning about me and stepping into myself more, speak up for myself, ready to walk away if needed, make clear boundaries and not scared to say them. I have new and refreshed goals for myself. I haven't been able to do that until the past year or so and I'm proud of myself. Yet I want to have a family with a partner with deep love. Sometimes it makes me cry.
I left my ex-fiancé at 29 years old, entered my 30s very single yet happy. I made the decision to rebuild my life and started that journey by relocating to another state and getting a new job! I really started living life and dating casually and naturally I meet a guy. We fell in love, had a baby and got engaged. We have been together for three years now and are planning a dream wedding! My advice is this: I always knew that when I left my ex and rebuilt my life, I trusted GOD fully. I knew for certain that there was something or someone better for me. I had faith that there was light at the end of the tunnel. So when you operate in faith, you don’t have to worry, or force anything. All that you’re worthy of will find you and literally chase you down but in God’s time. So ladies, if you’re single and approaching your 30s please relax and trust God. Amen 🙏🏾
Shan, how do you always know what I need to hear. Between this and the Dating in Your 20’s ep..it’s giving my 29 year old self, life. I also had a life altering diagnosis this year and started a new career..so safe to say, I’m on the fritz right now. But I still know what I have to offer & believe that my time will come. ❤
I’m turning 30 January 2023 and am single, I’m actually to the point where I am so comfortable being single and am proud of how much I have accomplished thus far, im excited for my 30s! However the idea of starting to date, dating apps, and even trying again is where my anxiety peaks. I’m thankful I’m not in a rush and these comments are totally reassuring!! There’s no time limit for love! I love these two women, their confidence and grace is amazing ❤🎉
Omg, SAME. I just can't even muster the interest in trying to actively date and meet people via the apps because of bad experiences in the past. And you know what? I think that's ok. We shouldn't do anything that doesn't serve us. Plus people meet their person in countless ways.
@@jjamerican93 yes!! That’s exactly how I feel! I have faith I’ll meet my person at the right time at the right place as God sees fit! And btw I love your user name! My brother and I have always called ourselves Jamerican because our father is Jamaican and our mother is from California and we were born and raised here but we got the roots 🥲😇🙌🏽
I'm about to hit 30 without reaching career, romantic, academic etc. Milestones, and they're still far out. I deeply appreciate this convo and the opening segment. Ty
I'm 32 single with no kids or relationship. And 32 was a hard birthday. I have a great career and working on my 2nd degree, and financially stable to travel and buy whatever I please. Everything in my life is where I want to be except for the marraige and kids part. I definitely felt and still somedays feel like a failure.
I literally had the same experience at 32 and met my husband at 33! Married two weeks ago at 34. Things can change for you in six months and all come together. Sending you hugs! 🤍🤍🤍
Success and failure are subjective. But no ,you are not a failure by any means . You can't tell me a parent who abandons and/or abuses their children is better than someone who is single but financially independent and more experienced in life .
This episode is so raw and relatable! I am crying… because I’m 31 and my 30 didn’t look like I wanted them to look like. Also COVID….. I feel so behind in life. Life a failure
Pick up your head and put your crown back on. Life starts (over) at 30, 40,50,60. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear but no one but yourself will save you, not even your mother. You've got this if you want to have it. God bless you ✨
Age is only just a number. You are who u are no matter what age you are. I couldn't care any less about my age. I'm still gonna do whatever I want, whenever I want to. I'm not gonna be tied down, or feel bad about something I don't have control of. 🤷🏻♀️
This just hit me hard and it's not even 10 minutes in. I'm 31..I still lie about my age. My life is in shambles. I'm praying in the next I'm in such a better place. Literally. A space to call my own. It's time 🙏🏽
Lol my husband and I got engaged when we realized we were already living like a married couple…buying all our groceries and furniture together. We’d already had so many conversations about getting married and planning for the long term together. I picked my ring out and even knew when it was coming in the mail so there was no chance of surprising me 🤣 We’re coming up on our 2 year anniversary in a few months so now parents are looking at us like 👀for a baby. It’s weird because the commitment to having a child has actually been way harder than making the decision to get married. It feels like having a kid would ruin the perfect lil love nest we’ve built. I’m also 29 and always said that I would have a baby at 30…serious cold feet on that 🤣
I got married in 2018 and had my first son in 2021 and it definitely is a huge change. I’m grateful for my son and love him so much, but I’d be lying if I said that having a kid doesn’t change the dynamic of your marriage because it does. Whatever little time you have to yourself needs to then be shared between you and your spouse, and it can cause stress and resentment because you do miss your pre-baby life where you had all of the time to yourself *and* your spouse to do whatever you want whenever you want. It’s definitely different.
Well just make sure you keep doing what you're doing to not get pregnant. Having a kid changes everything and you can never go back so only do it if and when you both absolutely want it.
My story is similar to yours. I met my husband at 16 was just friends until 21 when we started dating. We basically were married with out the paperwork. Got married in 2018 when I was 29 and he was 30. Had our first child at 31 in Nov 2020 . And our 2nd is due Feb 2023. My husband and I had a good 8 years to be together just us and still even after being married had some unexpected life challenges health wise, family etc ... things always change. Only have a baby when you feel you are open (you'll never feel ready) our son has changed our dynamic but also seeing my husband with our son is the most beautiful most loving feeling I have ever had for him. So take your time if your age and health allows it for you both. Wishing you all the best.
When I turned 30 I realised that my 20s came with love, commitment and family-it was boring but so grounding because I experienced wholesome Ness juxtaposed with a shedding of friendships, identities and social pressures - love and family gave me a safe place. I became a single mother at 30, thank God my co parent is a good man. At 30 I started over with nothing but a degree to fall back on, a 4 year old a taste of wholesome love and the rest of my life ahead of me. I don't look 30 which is annoying because close to 31 I like to wear my 30s with pride. I don't live up to the world's standard but thank God I don't care for what people think of me. I'm living life on my own terms, I'm grateful for the start over ✨
Turned 30 this year, changed career this year, no kids, leaving 7yr relationship bc I deserve better and he knows it too. This is my second serious relationship in my entire life. I kinda want to consider it my first serious relationship bc the first guy was a scammer scumbag. When I first turned 30 I had all sorts of emotions, but then I realized that I haven't given myself the chance to date and meet decent men out of fear. Also, kids are a headache. I make my own money in a career that I'm passionate about and work hard to make a difference in. I take care of myself and prioritize my mental health. I'm not obsessed with the whole glamorous facade of marriage and kids blah blah blah. I'm actually kinda relieved to be relationship free since age 18. If God has marriage plans in my future then so be it. If not, I'm not sweating it. I cherish my peace of mind anyway. 😌
I turned 30 this year and I was in a bit of a depression cause I haven’t had a successful relationship but it is what is. I pray love finds me in the future.
I needed to hear this so bad. I just got out of years of running from an abusive ex and family, and many life crisis situations and realised I’ve been spending my years trying to survive other peoples actions/consequences and each month it seems like my life is a reset. Meanwhile all my friends have their lives stable and together but nobody knows what I’ve been dealing with. I’m in my mid twenties but have felt like an utter failure. It’s hard to have grace for myself when I’ve always been shown how to punish myself for existing.
Ugh I feel this episode to my core! I recently got divorced at 29, going into my 30s in a new relationship without kids and the ideal career has been terrifying.
This narrative has always bothered me, but I guess because it was never my reality. Everything I romanticized about my life growing up I had. Possibly because I never romanticized or placed having a partner at the forefront as a reasoning of "success". I really feel sad for women who do, and for women who hold other women to that standard. It's not always about someone else, to fulfill your happiness. I'm sad for women who highlight turning 30 so much as a negative thing, its great to be alive.. if you dont have it at 30 you can have it at 31+. Sometimes people are rushing things before it's suppose to happen. Men are not sitting around crying about where they are at 30, and I want the same freedom for women.
I just turned 36, I have been married for 13 years with 3 beautiful kids. Although I love my family, and live an amazing life, but I feel unfulfilled and unaccomplished with me not having a career or my own financial independence 😢
It's not unnatural. The good thing is there are so many classes that can be taken online. Or skills that can be learned. Challenge yourself a bit in learning something new.
So this is definitely coming from some bitterness and I hope I don't get dragged but I can't relate. Kamie is a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit and is such a catch. But I'm in my 30s getting out of a break up and have no prospects. I feel like shan always interviews people who are attractive and have lots of options. I would love an episode of someone who is like me who doesn't have options and doesn't know when and where their next S/O will come. I would love for someone to come on and may have to be okay with being in their singleness without options. Someone who may decide to be happy without knowing if love, marriage, kids and family is a part of their future.
Trust me it's not your looks. I get approached by guys a lot but it's not even flattering cause the quality of the guys just ain't it. These days guys want the most out of you without investing much/anything. No one asks to go on a real date. They're lazy and cheap.
@@omphilemoerane2569 you may be right about that. I will say I'm okay with being single because I need a quality man and I don't want to settle in the sense of someone who is not willing to be there for me or care about me.
I got married at 24, had four kids by 30, 6 now at 34. I think no matter the decision you make in life other women will find reason to judge. If you want to be married I suggest doing early of course because I found success but also because there are so many men to choose from and little baggage compared to when you are older, amongst other things. BUT if you do not want to marry, don’t and enjoy that the ups and the downs just as you would do so by being married and raising a family.
I got married at 38 and I when it didn’t happen at 30 I was OK with it because I knew that I will STILL LIVE.. I knew that it didn’t mean that I wasn’t worthy.. I just parked hard I continued growing and learning myself.. until God Ultimately sent my husband and if it didn’t happen I had begun to be OK with it.
I have been single for almost 3 years now. I'm 26 years old now. I am working on myself and I don't mind waiting for much longer because I can't afford to be in a toxic relationship and I am still resolving my childhood trauma. Whew! I am not saying I need to be perfect but my childhood was too jacked up. Plus I am still finding myself and Reinventing Myself for a new dating experience. I am also glad for this time I took to myself to grow and improve. Finding myself is the best gift ever.
I’ll be 35 next month. My 30’s have been so freaking hard. I loathe my 30’s right now. It’s been a crazy ride. Plus I still don’t have a d@mn career. Idk WTH I’m doing. This is not how I expected my 30’s to be.
I'm 32 and I still have the same dating problems and woes I had in my 20s....still never been anyone's girlfriend my entire adult life. So yeah entering and being in my 30s without a partner is triggering and depressing. No one around me has encountered the problems I do and can actually attract partners or potential partners. And on top of that I've been a single parent since I was 20. Life is definitely lonely and dreadful
omg sorry for that, have you tried to date outside of your race or tried to go out to different places that you normally do? like go to golf places (i forgot the name of those hahaha), winery, networking, concerts from different artists, galleries, libraries, try to travel, new restaurants, books tours or something...Ask your friends to hook you up with male friends they think would be a good match. All this to say to try to get out of your comfort zone (but still have standards of course)...Sorry if i overstepped im just trying to help
I remember when I was younger and over heard my brother tell my cousin " I can tell your feeling off cause your man isn't here. I just wanted to remind you that we are all just so great-full and excited every moment we get to be with you." It was nice to see the weight get off he shoulders and her changing her mind set.
First of all, LOVE Kamie ❤ I am a first time watcher and I loved this episode. I have just turned 31 (can’t believe I said that lol!), have an almost 2 year old and have been single since she was 4 months old. Choosing to leave the relationship with her toxic abusive father was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and while I am growing and healing and learning to love myself and her the best I can, I still have days where I feel like a total failure. In my head by this age I would have been married, own a house, multiple kids running around but instead I’m a single single mother lol living at home with family and working my ass off to save up enough to buy a house (the housing market here in Toronto, Canada is CRAZY!!!!) I never saw this for myself and it’s a daily battle to try to remind myself everyday of how much I’ve accomplished and I’m not a failure because I don’t have a partner or because I wasn’t able to give my child a two parent home. Still learning, still growing, still loving and having total gratitude for where I am in life and having trust and faith in the path set forth for my daughter and I regardless of me now being in my 30s ❤
I am very happy to be 35 & married. This is the biggest accomplishment of my life. I recently turned 35 and would have been devastated had I not been married. I’m happily married and I’ve worked my ass off to ensure that this is where I would be at 35. (I have houses, I travel monthly, I’m financially secure and actually moving to another country to start our family). I’m so grateful for where I am because this is my dream.
@@omphilemoerane2569 yes it is. Other than being healthy and alive, being married is my biggest accomplishment. No house, no degree, none of the 30 countries I’ve traveled to, my high 6 figure career, real estate investments and businesses. NOTHING- has brought me more joy and feeling of accomplishment than being my husband’s wife. I am happily married. He is the best part of my day. Going home to him at night and seeing his face every morning is the MOON OF MY LIFE and the sun of my universe. He completes me.
@The Blaq Well I worked on myself. I was single at 31, and that really hurt me. I did a lot of reflection. I had been a serial dater/ runner. Always looking for something wrong to walk away. I wasn’t easy to love. Zanab from Love is Blind season 3 was me….. I was defensive, disagreeable, I loved my own space and had serious anxiety at the thought of people having access to me without my permission. I liked things in their place. I had a bunch of girlfriends (20 deep) which filled the lonely voids (Holidays, birthdays, brunches, trips). On my 31st birthday I decided to walk away from most of those friends because they were in the way of what I want for myself which is a husband and children. That loneliness I felt from losing my friends opened up the door for a man. I turned 31 in October 2018, I walked away from my friends on New Year’s Day 2019, wrote a letter to god describing the man of my dreams in July 2019, bought my first house in August of 2019 and hired a contractor in October 2019. The contractor I hired to renovate my house is my husband. I was very vulnerable because I didn’t know anything about construction. That vulnerability brought out my femininity. I just figured out what I want for myself and I worked for it. I asked no one’s opinions, I just did what I wanted. SN: That same year I met a 50 year old woman in the shoe department of Lord & Taylor. We started chatting and she vented to me about how she spent her whole life investing her time and energy into everyone but herself. She had a high paying job that she thought she’d have forever. She didn’t save. Didn’t prepare for the future, was single and lonely. At 50 the only thing she had was people’s opinion of how much of a “good friend” she was. I saw myself in her story. Rerouted my plans and fixed my life.
At 25 I was panicking and again at 30 when my then relationship was unlikely to last and it didn't. Enjoyed 32nd on an island lol 😆 Have to enjoy where you are , everything will fall into place!
I’ve got many friends that went into 30s with kids and marriage, divorce, starting again. I went in, leaving a religion and starting again. I don’t think having kids and marriage make you happier, and I don’t think going in single makes you happier. Life is what you make it.
At 18 40 year old men kept telling me I better marry them now as I am not getting younger. I actually believe men are getting more delusional. They think they are immortal, invincible and ‘the prize’.
Wow ,the nerve of these type of people! They aren't doing themselves a favour demanding a marriage from you. Don't listen to them and don't let society dictate how you should live your life
I don't understand the "unhappy relationship" argument. Most people don't even have the skillset to maintain a happy relationship. You're usually happy by accident and when things get tough people either ignore it or bury it. Most people don't know how to work their way back to being happy. This is why people can't even maintain relationships past the honeymoon phase aka 18months-2 years when you're basically on drugs generated by your brain.
@ludwig: Hey, just wondering: What do you mean by the "unhappy relationship argument"? I´m curious. Do people not know whether they were happy or not? If someone is saying that they were unhappy, there must be a reason for it, no? So many people stay in relationships for decades, despite violence, emotional unsafety, financial negligence and more. Are you saying that these people, once out, didn´t "work hard enough"? I´m trying to understand your comment.
I grew up in a narcissistic home. I actually don't care about age. What l care about is being in a state of peace and being surrounded by good people. Most importantly not having to depend on anyone financially. That's what matters to me. I see alot of people wanting to rush into marriage. I have alot of friends divorcing. For me marriage is not a goal. It's just a cherry ontop if it actually happens but it's not my everything. Alot of people are living with deceitful partners.
Turning 30 is amazing! Aging gracefully is the key. It's no guidelines to age and being 30 plus with no children and not marriage late bloomers make the world go around.
When I was 30, I had a husband and 2 kids. I had no carrer, I didn’t have a house. I was so depressed on my 30th birthday. On that day my husband told me that your greatest accomplishments may not be something you do but who you are as a person. This topic is real, I really enjoy this video. ❤
In this regard I think society was better when no one had sex before marriage, because men wouldn’t bother wasting a woman’s time if he didn’t see himself marrying her, because there was nothing he could get out of it. I think a lot of this could be solved if men were shamed for mistreating women instead of applauded, and people also put pressure on them to have kids while they’re young. Not that women need marriage and kids to be happy, but just because it’s sad for the ones that do but don’t get it because of all the selfish men out there.
@deezed6478: Golden comment! VERY few are ready to discuss this, because most people want to have the "freedom" to sleep around (but forget that, in treating each other as expendable...they too will be treated as such). The jist of it is: Intention instead of attraction. People back then had the INTENTION to commit. Just dating "for fun" or to "Enjoy our youth" wasn´t a thing. People can hate religion as much as they want, it´s a free choice..but fact is that, at least it taught people to not treat others as a McDonald´s drive in-drive out, neither did they want it for their own soul.
I didn’t even realize who she was until I looked back on Catfish episodes. She looks lighter. It’s amazing what happens when you love yourself and are in a positive connection
Love Shan Boody, but this is crazy. I don't think folks become GROWN until they are 30. You've only had 10-12 years of learning to be an adult at 30. Just 2 years after your Saturn return at 28. I'm 66, vibrant, sexual, and living my best life, and I feel I have a bright future. What does a 30-year-old life look like?! Give yourself a break from all the harshly self-imposed expectations and perfectionism.
True love comes from knowing Jehovah God and His Son Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that I reconnected with God before I found my partner. Beforehand, I had an unhealthy definition and expectation of love. But re-entering my relationship with God, I now understand what true love is.
I wish there was infrastructure outside of marriage to grow in these ways. Even the most liberal, queer femmes I know, want the ring. I've heard of single moms creating a dual income home. But that still feels really lonely. Maybe I'm buggin.
I’m 31 and I recently got off birth control. I am COMPLETELY on board with the study that says women’s sex life peaks around this age: I’m hornier than ever and my libido has sky rocketed. No change in physical activity or diet, nothing.
I also lost the longest relationship in my life right after i turned 29. I thought i could marry the person. Here i am 34 and single. Getting stronger and wiser each day
31:40 I felt that. I feel like she's still holding her breath as I'm also holding my breath because I've have enough terrible relationships to know ppl change... What if it's great until it's not? I've been holding my breath for almost 2 years... I get it.
I turned 30 Last week Saturday and the week leading to my birthday was a roller coaster of emotions for me.I was with someone for 8 years and he traveled,left me and married another woman. But in all this I’m grateful for good health and life.
Love the fact that you are focusing on the positives in life! I feel like good health is something that is taken for granted, but it truly is a blessing! Happy belated birthday!
I'm 39, single, and no kids. Ironically, the older I get, the more I feel absolutely fine with the life I have. I'd love to get married, but don't feel bad about not being married. Would like to be a mother, but understand I may not be and that's OK. What I am proud of is I'm not in a toxic relationship just to have the status, I'm not a single parent (no offense to those who are), and I'm financially stable. I can get up and go whenever and wherever I want. Marriage and a child (if possible) is no longer a necessity for me. It's now a bonus. I realized this around 35.
In my mid 30s fully agree
Entering my late 20’s and I’m there as well. I think finding contentment in where we are in life is so important. The societal pressures as women to check off these boxes, is exhausting. At the end of the day whether we’re single, in a relationship, kids, family.. etc, we’re the ones that have to live with these decisions. I’d rather miss out on having these things than to say I did it because of society, my “biological clock”, or what someone else felt I should be doing. It’s definitely a bonus and not a necessity, love that.
This was worded beautifully.
Did I wrote this????🤔 this is exactly my situation and feeling
That part!
When I turned 30, I was in my corner office having a full on panic attack and wailing like I was at a parent’s funeral 🤦🏾♀️ I eventually got over it and realized that I was finally leaving my tumultuous 20s; and now at 37 I feel like I’m in my reformative 30s - I’ve been intensely exposed to myself, my brain, who I am and who God really is….. I’m claiming my 40s to be my renaissance years 😏🥳
YES! Cue **Beyonce Summer Renaissance album**
Girl! I'm 41 and 40's are fabulous!
Yup I’m 38, the renaissance has begun and it’s so fun.
Heavy on the intensely exposed to self.
Whew! I wasn't ready
Yyyyyyyaaaaaasssssss girl yesssssssss
I’m 32, single, never married, no kids and needed to hear this 😢 thank you
Lol girl you say NEVER married like you're already 52😂
Never married @ 32 isn’t weird
The new generation now stays at their parents house until 32 on average. This is a political decision. No housing, school are not paid by the government, no normal social system. This is actually a norm. But my parents did not raise me for this type of situation. I taught I would have kids in my early 20's like my parents.
I’m almost 31 and feel like I’m running out of timeee, but I know I’m not. This journey is enjoyable yet scary at the same time, especially when you want marriage and children one day
@@user-sz9ut8fb9o From what I have learned trough life until my 29 years old. I cant rely on my wants and happiness specially when it has to do with another individual. Because relying on another person to give you what you want is where the unhappiness comes from in life if it doesn't work out!
I think we should just focus on the journey and what you can actually control. Have always a plan B if something doesn't work out in the marriage. I learned that the hard way!
it's society that makes you think there's something wrong with turning 30 and still being single. nothing else.
Because it is lol We are the only country that waits until our 30s to want to start family. On a biological level, it doesn't make any sense.
@@Houston1510 1. You're not the only country. It's becoming fairly common globally, and logically so. 2. When you bring in biology, are you alluding to childbirth? Because if so, you should know that most women have most of their kids in their 30s. It's also fairly common. 3. There are people who start families very young (20s) and still end up single by 30 due to divorce, spousal death etc. so maybe consider the variety of scenarios applicable when reading my comment, instead of being part of the problem (aka society making people feel wrong that being single by 30 is a problem)
This sadly only applies to women.
No it's not society, but biology. If you want to have kids and grandkids it will matter sooner or later!
@@MyAkachi It being common does not mean there isn't something wrong with it. Obesity is also common. The birth rate is declining in many countries. The average age of birth is 30. That means that person is likely in a relationship by then. Being 30 and single means you're likely years away from having a kid, especially if you want to be married. And as a woman dating into your 30s is harder. It's absolutely not a good thing
36 year old here. I unexpectedly met my soon to be husband in my last two weeks of being 35. I had been single my whole life, no kids, a so-so job until I snagged my dream job at 34. Turning 30 was an unconscious and anti-climactic experience for me. I was focused on many goals and felt that I was just getting started with achieving them. I also had a job offer fall through a few months into being 30, so I entered a brief depression. I was still living with my parents and building my career.
31 and 32, I felt more pressure to attain something that I could he proud of. Started trying to date/put myself out there and go to more events when I realized that the guys approaching me on the daily were not husband material. I pushed myself harder with work, got more bold and took more risks. Faced failure and rejection, but God continued to lift me up, give me creativity, joy, strength and solid friendships. My family was supportive also. I ended 32 with my own business.
33, I took a leap of faith, got my own place and my business was profitable enough for me to support myself. I took my first international vacation in years, got braces and some light cosmetic enhancements.
34, I started feeling intense pressure to settle down, started getting asked my men on dates if I had freezed my eggs. I also got comments on why someone so beautiful was still single. I am a virgin, so that made finding compatibility 10x harder. My business was mostly successful, but I did lots of introspection on what truly would make me happy and set out to do those things. I “dated” a bit more, but the guys were not husband material and did not share my Christian faith.
Late 34, I wrapped up my business and started my dream job that required me to eventually move across the country. At 35, I made the move across the country for the job to a city with more men than women, but more atheists than people of faith. I knew no one. I made some friends and a steady work + self care+ workout routine to keep me balanced. I still had moments of stress and sadness that I may spend the rest of my life alone. Most of my college friends had one or two kids already and all of my siblings have kids/married. Church had mostly couples and families.
I felt left behind more intensely than I had in the past. It was very distracting. Met a guy that I thought was the one and he strung me along and broke my heart. I gave it to God and decided that He would have to be the one to bring my life partner because I had tried in many other ways with no success. Two weeks before my 36th birthday, I met my soon to be husband. He tells me all the time that he is thankful to God that I moved to his city because he wasn’t bold enough to leave. He is everything I waited for, a believer in Christ, very tall, handsome, stable, six figure job, homeowner, no kids and celibate until marriage (before he knew I was waiting).
Being single in our 30’s is not easy and not for the faint of heart. Some women don’t survive (thinking of Miss America). Everyone’s experience is different and sometimes you can do all the right things and just be in the wrong environment. I see so many accomplished and beautiful women that are single for no reason.
I hated living with my parents in my early 30’s and felt shame about it, but now I see that having family close by saved me from entering a deep, deep depression. My family constantly encouraged me, was there with every personal and professional failure and pushed me to jump and take risks that led me to my new life.
To any woman in her 30’s desiring marriage, I know it is hard. Please put it in God’s hands, meaning pray about it, commit your wait to Him, continue to take care of yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and lean into gal that friendships/family relationships. God will surprise you.
Thank you for sharing . I’m also a Christian desiring a Godly husband , it really is not easy in this dating climate 😣 but I’m taking care of myself and focusing on my goals ❤️
A testimony!
This is a wonderful read, thank you for sharing your story. All the best to you and your next chapters!
It's easier for people who are not born again because they have benefits of marriage things outside of marriage but for Christian women you explore your sexuality in marriage you can make babies in marriage so time is very crucial for menopause is really. Is it a sin to freeze eggs as a Christian women if it is marrying early is wise.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I must be built different bc I'm not attached to time and age like that. 34, single, no kids, no prospects. None of this is integral to my identity. It's really corny that women are the ones dragging out this narrative knowing what we know about the state of dating. We have countless examples of women who thrive beyond these superficial "milestones" yet we keep ourselves chained to this old maiden tale. My identity is tied to my love for God, my creative life, my role/s in my village, my free spirit etc. I whirled and twirled it in many directions for about 6 years. I didn't find a quality partner and I was not gone settle bc I was "getting up there." Do not play yourselves , detach from these stifling identity politics!! #eternallife
Literally like I genuinely don't have a problem with aging. It FEELS natural.
I agree
I like your perspective! And what's unfortunate is that we buy so much into these timelines and aren't encouraged to stop and think if they're what we really want. I do NOT want to be married right now. But I thought I had to walk down the aisle by 30 or else I was doomed. That's so messed up, UGH...
Relatable
💯
22:11 - I love the way Kamie explained how she wants her new significant other to be alone with her in her quiet and safe place. I'm constantly telling my husband how much I love just being with him, in the same room doing completely different things. I feel safe, warm, happy - and he feels the same way. It's like our souls just need each other!
I've been following Kamie since her very first episode on Catfish. Praying this is the one!! 💜💜💜
Thank you so much for listening!!
THIS! I consider that quality time!
I have to introduce this concept to mine. We talk entirely too much to focus on other things lol. He's definitely a talker when it comes to me and even though I know I could do something else, I'm not about to deny him of my attention and affection.
We need to have this conversation with someone in their mid to late 30’s
I’m 36. Soon to be married. I have a response, but it is too long, so I am posting at the top. Hope it sheds some light!
I completely agree. At the beginning when she referred to your late twenties and early thirties, when you come into your career, as your 'later life'. Not even.
@@user-dv3kq3rm4h lol it’s hilarious when 20 somethings make definitive statements.
I think this is the beauty of aging, it's not about having a boyfriend, being married, having kids or whatever. It's about being able to look back and see all the progress that you've made and that it's going to be ok, no matter what. It's being more and more comfortable with yourself the older you get and seeing the years going by as an amazing opportunity to get wiser, not bitter. Everything else is added bonus.
Exactly
I'm turning 30 in a few months, and am honestly glad that my life doesn't look like how I was taught it "should" be. We need more expansive narratives and ideas for living a wholesome, happy, and connected existence.
I actually shed tears before we even got into the conversation. I’m 28 and feeling like I haven’t quite found my purpose but hold big potential. Like Shan I started to feel embarrassed but I not only want a better life for myself but I want a better mental space. I’m ready to receive what is for me and do the work because I literally feel my gears shifting. This moment for me is for nurturing self and becoming a learner/explorer of purpose. I’m excited and scared at the same time. This was an on time episode!
Turning 28 in January & I feel the exact same way. We getting old sis, but it’s only up from here 🥹👏🏽
Literally have to remind yourself you’re worthy everyday when approaching 30 😂 and my 29th is in 4 months. Def going up that is the only way 🧡
Scrolling through the comments annnnd this... was everything I needed to see! I feel like I've always known and felt that it started within. But recently it's been harder to convince myself that this is true and would actually yield me what I want in a relationship. But... you're reminding me. It truly is. Being you will bring you (when it's the right time) what and who is for you. Thanks babe! Wishing you the best
@@godsdaughter2455 it def starts with self. Being honest on what self work needs to be done, not shaming yourself for that and then moving in your new likeness. The love you want, purpose you want and life you want will come. Thank you and I’m wishing you the best as well 🫶🏾
@@cherryhoney3689 I claim it for myself and others!!!!! 👏🏾
I love this! I too got out of a nearly 6 year relationship at 29 (still tried to reconcile at 30 but failed) and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I am 31 and have been on my personal journey with God and learning so much about myself: how to love me completely, my true desires, and getting my career in order. I am in no rush to get into another relationship although I would love to be married someday soon. Great episode Shan and Kamie!
Thank you for taking the time to listen and comment!!
Omg! My same story! 6 years, I’ll be 30 in May. It failed again for the final time two months ago. And I’m happy and feel lucky now to live a life where that relationship ended 💕 I may have met someone gooood. Only time will tell!
I'm 29 and turning 30 next year but I'm not ready for it because of societal and personal expectations not met. And this came at the right time. Really needed this and self introspect and actually work on being proud of who I will be.
I'm also turning 30 next year. I'm excited because my 20s were horrible but I'm also having anxiety about having my own family.
I spent my 30th birthday in Seattle with my fiancé at the time. 6 months later our engagement broke and lost my job.I fell into a deep depression for another 6 months. I picked myself up got my own apartment a month before my 31st birthday started going to church regularly, volunteered, and strengthened my relationship with god. At 32 I landed my dream job and was feeling on top of the world. I leveled up met my now husband at 34 and was married in 7 months at 35. Now I’m sitting home at 36 years old with a 2 month old beautiful daughter. I say my story because a lot can happen in a short amount of time. You can meet the love of your life tomorrow anything is possible.
When it comes to dating (and this won’t be popular) my advice to ladies is never be a man’s girlfriend. Rotational date until you have a ring. Although 30 is not old it’s definitely not a decade that you should waste especially if you want children and marriage. I had my daughter a week before my 36th birthday and everything went well but a lot of women are not so lucky. You have a lot of life ahead of you but please be wise.
I came from a broken home so my relationship picker was way off which resulted in low self worth and a few toxic relationships in my 20’s. If I could do it over again I would have wanted to start a family much sooner (25). Being a mother and wife is one of my greatest joys. I love my daughter immensely and keeping my fingers crossed that I can give her at least one sibling with my age.
This is fantastic advice!
Thank you for this
Can you elaborate more about not being a man's girlfriend,sorry I might have been taught how to "date" properly...
Do you mean we should be going on dates with different men,and then once the best one chooses us...then what? Don't we become exclusive and become his girlfriend🙈🙈
@@yogigoyiright exactly. She toxic for that.
@@brad2943 I'm so afraid of dating again,I only had 2 boyfriends and I'm 33 lol...😭😭😭I already know I'm going to be played with.I need to read a couple of books
I understand the nervousness that surrounds entering your thirties, but it’s still very much a youthful time in your life in the grand scheme of things!
I left a toxic relationship at 29. I was with my baby's father for 13yrs when I decided not to continue that life. I remember telling myself that I will not go into my 30s miserable. It has been the best decision I have done for I and son. I am now 34... I'm proud of who I am today. I want the family and husband but I am perfectly fine just the way things are...
so you broke up a family basically smh thats nuts after 13 years ?!
@@thehorsesmouth8994 Can’t you read and comprehend? Don’t be slow.
@@NomfundoV8 that’s a troll
@@thehorsesmouth8994 Sir im not going to sit here and tell you the details on why...Have a good day:)
Your Tumor is self inflicted due to your choices in men
As a 38 year old women. No one should make a big deal about turning 30 imo. Just enjoy to present moment and love every stage of life. Move closer to high vibrational living and leave things that don’t serve you alone. ❤
Exactly
Miserable women tell other women to just "enjoy the moment" because they want other wkmenbto waist time until it's too late, like you did.
@joanarc7963men don't date older women
I turn 31 in January and I really loved this conversation Shannon! Thank you for being transparent and open about normal things people don’t talk about like the crazy infraction of turning 30 while you’re in your 20s lol. I’m one of those people who also feel like I get better with time and am really just getting started with life. Single/ childless , still wanting to be married with kids but not stressing or rushing the process. I’d rather be patient and happy and working on myself than be in the wrong situation
Hi @shondra how are u
I got married at 38 , society makes you feel like it's over at 30.
it is in some ways if youre a woman
Definitely needed to watch this episode 🖤
I have been going though a really hard breakup for the past 6 months & my 22nd birthday is next month! This is the first birthday in 5 years that I’ve spend without my boyfriend (now ex). We spent every birthday together.. but nothing hit more than hearing Kamie say, “I would feel worse if I was turning 30 in a unhappy relationship” because that’s a WORD ! A lot of opportunities, growth, heartache, and lessons have come from this breakup but I can finally focus on myself as a 21 year old individual. I love hearing older women speak on topics like this. Thankyou Shan & Kamie because y’all never fail to put me on GAME. I love y’all lol
30 was the best year for me. I met my husband and got married the next year. I feel like you know yourself better at 30 and then everything else falls into place. 20s are a hot mess.
what’s your advice for a young man in his 20s
@@itsprincipe 1. Go to college and get a decent job if you can or learn a trade 2. Hit the damn gym 3. Save as much as you can 4. Read history, religious and economic books 5. Go to the house of worship 6. Don't smoke, don't date, don't have sex with women. 7. Travel
@@petittall557 that’s a pretty good advice, but why are you telling me this?
@@itsprincipe Oh my bad bruh
@@petittall557 ohhh never mind bro i asked for the advice i forgot i made this comment long ago, that’s my bad yea. thanks for the advice il save it. God bless brother. my bad again.
My father always told me to never get married and never have kids. It was confusing as he was married to my mother with children. They eventually divorced. I did eventually have a child and got married but it was against my father's wishes. He also told me that he was offended that I changed my last name 😒 I say all this to say don't let anyone dictate their expectations on you. You are you're own person free to move through live at your speed!
Newly single and 30. This came out the right time! Love Cam! I honestly look forward to a new decade of new experiences and lessons. I don’t want kids and pretty much set on not wanting marriage. I’m a nomad and live a life of traveling and learning. I appreciate all perspectives from women globally in this new age of self awareness. It’s truly refreshing. ❤ x
Just peaked at your TH-cam account and you’re an inspiration ❤
Same here and people with kids try to make me feel bad for making that decision
Love that you’re comfortable in not wanting kids! Sadly too many women are shamed about having kids
Oohhh… “I’ve set myself up to be proud of myself…” wow! Relate but absolutely appreciate how you’ve put this Kamie. I’m turning 30 in March next year and I cannot wait to get there for the same reasons. ❤❤still listening and will share thoughts, but definitely had to appreciate this.
Same here! Turning 30 in March 2023 and I'm so excited 😊
@@debbysilva896 oh amazing!!! 😀❤❤❤I’m excited for us!
Thank you for listening!!
The man I thought was my life partner died like 9 days before I turned 30 and that shifted my life altogether. Now at 33, I'm still healing from that loss. So yea, definitely not where I thought I would be by this time. The older I get, the more I just want to know myself; what I want and what I don't want. It's been an un-expectant journey, but I know I just can't sit down and give up. Not sure what's next for me. I just live my life in Flow now.
I’m so sorry
In sorry to hear that. You are strong!
Wow... Thanks for sharing your perspective. And I'm hoping you continue to heal from his loss in your own time. All the best with everything.
Married my husband but 2 weeks afterwards he died, this was in Dec 2021. I was 35. I understand the grief…I’m 36, turning 37 this year and my life is not what I thought it will be.
When I turned 30, I was actually excited. I do not believe your 30s is old. It is just another chapter in your life. Though being single in my 30s has its downfalls. I have enjoyed it so far. I did become a home owner this year!
Yes - sexual peaks for women is in their 30s, it feels better and I am able to mentally relax to enjoy pleasures better. Back in my 20s, I was disconnected and very uptight mentally and felt very ashamed
I can help you with that
@@myballsitchsomethingfierce6319 How?
@@petittall557 9 inches
listening to this on the last day of my 29th year . Im so blessed to have it made this far. To God be the glory
I think people should not be proud of their mistakes by sugar coating them
I’m so happy I didn’t get married in my early 20s. I would have married a cheater and an emotionally abusive man. Almost 30 and met a great guy,don’t rush ladies. It’s better to be single and lonely than to be married and trapped.
I turned 30 this year and have been single for a few years now. I feel I have not accomplished anything in all aspects of my life. I appreciate this conversation and was something I needed to hear at this moment.
This 👏🏾 episode 👏🏾 hit 👏🏾!!! I’m turning 30 on Sunday and I’m not where 14yr old, 20yr old, or 25yr old me thought I would be. I’ve been in the gloom of my emotions with this pending turn of the decade. BUT through this episode I RE-learned to be grateful for what I do have and where I am at in my life. And hopefully one day I will be and will have the things I thought I’d have by 30.
Thanks Shan for this ep and Kamie for sharing 🙏🏾
Happy birthday!!!🥳🥳🥳
When I turned 30, I was married, but I had no children still don't 11 years later and now I'm divorced. I was divorced at 39 and I'll admit I panicked a little, but then I calmed down. I always thought that I'd be like my mother being married in early 20's and have my first child in my 20's and it wasn't so. I was married at 24, but my husband didn't want kids at that time, so I couldn't push him. Then when he was ready I no longer was ready. I had ambition at that time. So we never aligned in that aspect. I agree like the thought of trying to find someone else and go through the circus of what dating is now. I am like "No thank you". Far too many bitter people trying to find a hook up rather than being healed and finding love. No, it's not for me. I don't know if I have the patience.
I've always been a person to not give in to what society thinks that I should do or where I should be in life. Once you get to about 35 the zero cares given really come in strong. You know yourself better and you start being ok with what you don't have and you really start living life by your own rules. You start looking at the 20-somethings now and you literally THANK GOD that other than vanity and possibly a little mobility issues that you aren't dealing with the toxic BS that they are putting up with. You see the crap that was the end of the world for you way back then is so minute and not even important.
Don't let these toxic pod-casters tell you any different they are just trying to scare you into excepting whatever craziness that they want to through at you because society says that you should be with someone or there is something wrong with you.
I remember when I turned 40, I was like, I'm having sex for my 40th birthday! I decided to go online for a hook up. WACK! IT WAS SO WACK!!! NEVER AGAIN! Let me tell you I'm a Taurus sun with a Scorpio Moon and Rising and sex is important, but due to trauma for me, I don't push as hard for it, but yes at 30 sex was SO GOOD. Still is, but it's just sparse now that I'm single.
Happy 30th Birthday 🎉
Thank you ladies for this chat!
I too am 29, and turning 30 early next year. I was in a long term relationship that I got out of at 28, and started dating quickly after and then got into a relationship. That relationship is/has come to an end and I am in a bad place, and I should never have gotten into this relationship in the first place, without healing from the last.
I feel awful that at almost 30 my life is not in order, and I keep thinking about that biological time clock 😢 30 really is just a number, but I wanted to have settled down with a loving family by now.
Good luck to you other ladies ❤
❤
How insane that during Shan's dark period I saw how bright her light was. I had no idea and you keep a strong face. So much so that it helped me navigate out of my depression. So thank you Shan of 6-7-8-9-10 years ago. That women taught me so much. You have no idea how in your darkest hours you provided me with so much light. From Highschool Rush Presenter to TGAW to Lovers and Friends... and the story continues! So proud.
The first time I thought of my age was when I signed up for a dating app. I never thought much of age, and I was dumb founded when my friend previously was having a crisis before she turned 30. Long story short the app isn’t for me. But what I’ve come to learn is that the marriage, kids isn’t my path yet. I feel like I’m my 30s I want to learn to grow into myself, to break away from generational traumas, and travel solo. It’s been kind of hard when people ask “why are you single? You’re so beautiful.” Sometimes idk how to answer, it makes me feel less than..
I'm 29 years old and I don't have all of what I thought I'd have by this age..but I have been learning about me and stepping into myself more, speak up for myself, ready to walk away if needed, make clear boundaries and not scared to say them. I have new and refreshed goals for myself. I haven't been able to do that until the past year or so and I'm proud of myself. Yet I want to have a family with a partner with deep love. Sometimes it makes me cry.
I left my ex-fiancé at 29 years old, entered my 30s very single yet happy. I made the decision to rebuild my life and started that journey by relocating to another state and getting a new job! I really started living life and dating casually and naturally I meet a guy. We fell in love, had a baby and got engaged. We have been together for three years now and are planning a dream wedding! My advice is this: I always knew that when I left my ex and rebuilt my life, I trusted GOD fully. I knew for certain that there was something or someone better for me. I had faith that there was light at the end of the tunnel. So when you operate in faith, you don’t have to worry, or force anything. All that you’re worthy of will find you and literally chase you down but in God’s time. So ladies, if you’re single and approaching your 30s please relax and trust God. Amen 🙏🏾
Let us know when the divorce papers get served.
Shan, how do you always know what I need to hear. Between this and the Dating in Your 20’s ep..it’s giving my 29 year old self, life. I also had a life altering diagnosis this year and started a new career..so safe to say, I’m on the fritz right now. But I still know what I have to offer & believe that my time will come. ❤
oh yes it will!! Thank you for listening
I’m turning 30 January 2023 and am single, I’m actually to the point where I am so comfortable being single and am proud of how much I have accomplished thus far, im excited for my 30s! However the idea of starting to date, dating apps, and even trying again is where my anxiety peaks. I’m thankful I’m not in a rush and these comments are totally reassuring!! There’s no time limit for love! I love these two women, their confidence and grace is amazing ❤🎉
Omg, SAME. I just can't even muster the interest in trying to actively date and meet people via the apps because of bad experiences in the past. And you know what? I think that's ok. We shouldn't do anything that doesn't serve us. Plus people meet their person in countless ways.
@@jjamerican93 yes!! That’s exactly how I feel! I have faith I’ll meet my person at the right time at the right place as God sees fit! And btw I love your user name! My brother and I have always called ourselves Jamerican because our father is Jamaican and our mother is from California and we were born and raised here but we got the roots 🥲😇🙌🏽
I'm about to hit 30 without reaching career, romantic, academic etc. Milestones, and they're still far out. I deeply appreciate this convo and the opening segment. Ty
I'm 32 single with no kids or relationship. And 32 was a hard birthday. I have a great career and working on my 2nd degree, and financially stable to travel and buy whatever I please. Everything in my life is where I want to be except for the marraige and kids part. I definitely felt and still somedays feel like a failure.
32 is still young. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts. You are using it wisely by furthering your education. All the best with your studies.
I literally had the same experience at 32 and met my husband at 33! Married two weeks ago at 34. Things can change for you in six months and all come together. Sending you hugs! 🤍🤍🤍
@@novemberpepper9761 Thank you sooooo much for sharing 🥹🥹😟
I feel you! Same boat. My life is great but marriage and children is a huge missing link!
Success and failure are subjective. But no ,you are not a failure by any means . You can't tell me a parent who abandons and/or abuses their children is better than someone who is single but financially independent and more experienced in life .
I’m turning 30 in December so this chat is SO relevant! Thank you so much ladies! 💕
This episode is so raw and relatable! I am crying… because I’m 31 and my 30 didn’t look like I wanted them to look like. Also COVID….. I feel so behind in life. Life a failure
Pick up your head and put your crown back on. Life starts (over) at 30, 40,50,60. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear but no one but yourself will save you, not even your mother. You've got this if you want to have it. God bless you ✨
Age is only just a number. You are who u are no matter what age you are. I couldn't care any less about my age. I'm still gonna do whatever I want, whenever I want to. I'm not gonna be tied down, or feel bad about something I don't have control of. 🤷🏻♀️
You are so young baby girl, pick yourself up. Take the best care of yourself that you can and don't watch what other people are doing. You will be ok
Keep living sweetie. You sound just like me at that age. Little did I know, there was so much more in store.
This just hit me hard and it's not even 10 minutes in. I'm 31..I still lie about my age. My life is in shambles. I'm praying in the next I'm in such a better place. Literally. A space to call my own. It's time 🙏🏽
Hi @Shelby Martins how are u
Just able to finish and I agreee. I refused to head into my 30s in my miserable marriage. I’m flirting with a good guy these days and it feels good.
31 and with a kid and divorced- but hopeful! Happy where I am and excited for the next chapter especially after both your stories
Lol my husband and I got engaged when we realized we were already living like a married couple…buying all our groceries and furniture together. We’d already had so many conversations about getting married and planning for the long term together. I picked my ring out and even knew when it was coming in the mail so there was no chance of surprising me 🤣 We’re coming up on our 2 year anniversary in a few months so now parents are looking at us like 👀for a baby. It’s weird because the commitment to having a child has actually been way harder than making the decision to get married. It feels like having a kid would ruin the perfect lil love nest we’ve built. I’m also 29 and always said that I would have a baby at 30…serious cold feet on that 🤣
I got married in 2018 and had my first son in 2021 and it definitely is a huge change. I’m grateful for my son and love him so much, but I’d be lying if I said that having a kid doesn’t change the dynamic of your marriage because it does. Whatever little time you have to yourself needs to then be shared between you and your spouse, and it can cause stress and resentment because you do miss your pre-baby life where you had all of the time to yourself *and* your spouse to do whatever you want whenever you want. It’s definitely different.
28.. same
Well just make sure you keep doing what you're doing to not get pregnant. Having a kid changes everything and you can never go back so only do it if and when you both absolutely want it.
My story is similar to yours. I met my husband at 16 was just friends until 21 when we started dating. We basically were married with out the paperwork. Got married in 2018 when I was 29 and he was 30. Had our first child at 31 in Nov 2020 . And our 2nd is due Feb 2023. My husband and I had a good 8 years to be together just us and still even after being married had some unexpected life challenges health wise, family etc ... things always change. Only have a baby when you feel you are open (you'll never feel ready) our son has changed our dynamic but also seeing my husband with our son is the most beautiful most loving feeling I have ever had for him. So take your time if your age and health allows it for you both. Wishing you all the best.
When I turned 30 I realised that my 20s came with love, commitment and family-it was boring but so grounding because I experienced wholesome Ness juxtaposed with a shedding of friendships, identities and social pressures - love and family gave me a safe place. I became a single mother at 30, thank God my co parent is a good man. At 30 I started over with nothing but a degree to fall back on, a 4 year old a taste of wholesome love and the rest of my life ahead of me. I don't look 30 which is annoying because close to 31 I like to wear my 30s with pride. I don't live up to the world's standard but thank God I don't care for what people think of me. I'm living life on my own terms, I'm grateful for the start over ✨
Turned 30 this year, changed career this year, no kids, leaving 7yr relationship bc I deserve better and he knows it too. This is my second serious relationship in my entire life. I kinda want to consider it my first serious relationship bc the first guy was a scammer scumbag. When I first turned 30 I had all sorts of emotions, but then I realized that I haven't given myself the chance to date and meet decent men out of fear. Also, kids are a headache. I make my own money in a career that I'm passionate about and work hard to make a difference in. I take care of myself and prioritize my mental health. I'm not obsessed with the whole glamorous facade of marriage and kids blah blah blah. I'm actually kinda relieved to be relationship free since age 18. If God has marriage plans in my future then so be it. If not, I'm not sweating it. I cherish my peace of mind anyway. 😌
I turned 30 this year and I was in a bit of a depression cause I haven’t had a successful relationship but it is what is. I pray love finds me in the future.
This is my first time watching a visual of this pod and the set/vibe is very calming visually
we love a vibe! Thank you for listening and watching!
30 on Dec 1st. Widowed. Two small children. Working to stay present! 😊❤
I needed to hear this so bad. I just got out of years of running from an abusive ex and family, and many life crisis situations and realised I’ve been spending my years trying to survive other peoples actions/consequences and each month it seems like my life is a reset. Meanwhile all my friends have their lives stable and together but nobody knows what I’ve been dealing with. I’m in my mid twenties but have felt like an utter failure. It’s hard to have grace for myself when I’ve always been shown how to punish myself for existing.
Ugh I feel this episode to my core! I recently got divorced at 29, going into my 30s in a new relationship without kids and the ideal career has been terrifying.
This narrative has always bothered me, but I guess because it was never my reality. Everything I romanticized about my life growing up I had. Possibly because I never romanticized or placed having a partner at the forefront as a reasoning of "success". I really feel sad for women who do, and for women who hold other women to that standard. It's not always about someone else, to fulfill your happiness. I'm sad for women who highlight turning 30 so much as a negative thing, its great to be alive.. if you dont have it at 30 you can have it at 31+. Sometimes people are rushing things before it's suppose to happen. Men are not sitting around crying about where they are at 30, and I want the same freedom for women.
I think the differences in the fertility window makes the difference between men and women.
💯💯
I just turned 36, I have been married for 13 years with 3 beautiful kids. Although I love my family, and live an amazing life, but I feel unfulfilled and unaccomplished with me not having a career or my own financial independence 😢
It's not unnatural. The good thing is there are so many classes that can be taken online. Or skills that can be learned. Challenge yourself a bit in learning something new.
Omg, this conversation was so good to listen to. How intelligent and put together and thoughtful. Calming. Thanks Shan, you did it again!
So this is definitely coming from some bitterness and I hope I don't get dragged but I can't relate. Kamie is a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit and is such a catch. But I'm in my 30s getting out of a break up and have no prospects. I feel like shan always interviews people who are attractive and have lots of options. I would love an episode of someone who is like me who doesn't have options and doesn't know when and where their next S/O will come. I would love for someone to come on and may have to be okay with being in their singleness without options. Someone who may decide to be happy without knowing if love, marriage, kids and family is a part of their future.
TH-cam : Ohstephco. She feels she’s not attractive by society standards and has a lot of interesting dating and introspection.
@@Dekthagr8 yeah I follow her and she's also one of my favs 😍
Trust me it's not your looks. I get approached by guys a lot but it's not even flattering cause the quality of the guys just ain't it. These days guys want the most out of you without investing much/anything. No one asks to go on a real date. They're lazy and cheap.
@@omphilemoerane2569 you may be right about that. I will say I'm okay with being single because I need a quality man and I don't want to settle in the sense of someone who is not willing to be there for me or care about me.
I can totally relate and agree with this comment
I got married at 24, had four kids by 30, 6 now at 34. I think no matter the decision you make in life other women will find reason to judge. If you want to be married I suggest doing early of course because I found success but also because there are so many men to choose from and little baggage compared to when you are older, amongst other things. BUT if you do not want to marry, don’t and enjoy that the ups and the downs just as you would do so by being married and raising a family.
I got married at 38 and I when it didn’t happen at 30 I was OK with it because I knew that I will STILL LIVE.. I knew that it didn’t mean that I wasn’t worthy.. I just parked hard I continued growing and learning myself.. until God Ultimately sent my husband and if it didn’t happen I had begun to be OK with it.
I have been single for almost 3 years now. I'm 26 years old now. I am working on myself and I don't mind waiting for much longer because I can't afford to be in a toxic relationship and I am still resolving my childhood trauma.
Whew! I am not saying I need to be perfect but my childhood was too jacked up. Plus I am still finding myself and Reinventing Myself for a new dating experience.
I am also glad for this time I took to myself to grow and improve. Finding myself is the best gift ever.
Hi beautiful how are u
Wow if this is not a sign or what! Watching this the day it launch....on my 30th birthday
Happy birthday 🥳
Happy birthday!!!! Thank you for your time and sharing it with me.
@@juliabarrosmendes6638 💕
@@loversandfriendspodcast thanks so much Shan! Means so much to me!
Happy Birthday!!
I’ll be 35 next month. My 30’s have been so freaking hard. I loathe my 30’s right now. It’s been a crazy ride. Plus I still don’t have a d@mn career. Idk WTH I’m doing. This is not how I expected my 30’s to be.
I'm 32 and I still have the same dating problems and woes I had in my 20s....still never been anyone's girlfriend my entire adult life. So yeah entering and being in my 30s without a partner is triggering and depressing. No one around me has encountered the problems I do and can actually attract partners or potential partners. And on top of that I've been a single parent since I was 20. Life is definitely lonely and dreadful
omg sorry for that, have you tried to date outside of your race or tried to go out to different places that you normally do? like go to golf places (i forgot the name of those hahaha), winery, networking, concerts from different artists, galleries, libraries, try to travel, new restaurants, books tours or something...Ask your friends to hook you up with male friends they think would be a good match. All this to say to try to get out of your comfort zone (but still have standards of course)...Sorry if i overstepped im just trying to help
I remember when I was younger and over heard my brother tell my cousin " I can tell your feeling off cause your man isn't here. I just wanted to remind you that we are all just so great-full and excited every moment we get to be with you." It was nice to see the weight get off he shoulders and her changing her mind set.
First of all, LOVE Kamie ❤ I am a first time watcher and I loved this episode. I have just turned 31 (can’t believe I said that lol!), have an almost 2 year old and have been single since she was 4 months old. Choosing to leave the relationship with her toxic abusive father was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and while I am growing and healing and learning to love myself and her the best I can, I still have days where I feel like a total failure. In my head by this age I would have been married, own a house, multiple kids running around but instead I’m a single single mother lol living at home with family and working my ass off to save up enough to buy a house (the housing market here in Toronto, Canada is CRAZY!!!!) I never saw this for myself and it’s a daily battle to try to remind myself everyday of how much I’ve accomplished and I’m not a failure because I don’t have a partner or because I wasn’t able to give my child a two parent home. Still learning, still growing, still loving and having total gratitude for where I am in life and having trust and faith in the path set forth for my daughter and I regardless of me now being in my 30s ❤
I am very happy to be 35 & married. This is the biggest accomplishment of my life. I recently turned 35 and would have been devastated had I not been married. I’m happily married and I’ve worked my ass off to ensure that this is where I would be at 35. (I have houses, I travel monthly, I’m financially secure and actually moving to another country to start our family). I’m so grateful for where I am because this is my dream.
Being married is your biggest accomplishment in life?
@@omphilemoerane2569 yes it is. Other than being healthy and alive, being married is my biggest accomplishment. No house, no degree, none of the 30 countries I’ve traveled to, my high 6 figure career, real estate investments and businesses. NOTHING- has brought me more joy and feeling of accomplishment than being my husband’s wife. I am happily married. He is the best part of my day. Going home to him at night and seeing his face every morning is the MOON OF MY LIFE and the sun of my universe. He completes me.
@The Blaq Well
I worked on myself. I was single at 31, and that really hurt me. I did a lot of reflection. I had been a serial dater/ runner. Always looking for something wrong to walk away. I wasn’t easy to love. Zanab from Love is Blind season 3 was me….. I was defensive, disagreeable, I loved my own space and had serious anxiety at the thought of people having access to me without my permission. I liked things in their place. I had a bunch of girlfriends (20 deep) which filled the lonely voids (Holidays, birthdays, brunches, trips). On my 31st birthday I decided to walk away from most of those friends because they were in the way of what I want for myself which is a husband and children. That loneliness I felt from losing my friends opened up the door for a man. I turned 31 in October 2018, I walked away from my friends on New Year’s Day 2019, wrote a letter to god describing the man of my dreams in July 2019, bought my first house in August of 2019 and hired a contractor in October 2019.
The contractor I hired to renovate my house is my husband. I was very vulnerable because I didn’t know anything about construction. That vulnerability brought out my femininity.
I just figured out what I want for myself and I worked for it. I asked no one’s opinions, I just did what I wanted.
SN: That same year I met a 50 year old woman in the shoe department of Lord & Taylor. We started chatting and she vented to me about how she spent her whole life investing her time and energy into everyone but herself. She had a high paying job that she thought she’d have forever. She didn’t save. Didn’t prepare for the future, was single and lonely. At 50 the only thing she had was people’s opinion of how much of a “good friend” she was. I saw myself in her story. Rerouted my plans and fixed my life.
@@SS-lb5dk I love that for you, S S! Congratulations 🥰
@@Jessx Thank you 😊
At 25 I was panicking and again at 30 when my then relationship was unlikely to last and it didn't. Enjoyed 32nd on an island lol 😆 Have to enjoy where you are , everything will fall into place!
I’ve got many friends that went into 30s with kids and marriage, divorce, starting again. I went in, leaving a religion and starting again. I don’t think having kids and marriage make you happier, and I don’t think going in single makes you happier. Life is what you make it.
At 18 40 year old men kept telling me I better marry them now as I am not getting younger. I actually believe men are getting more delusional. They think they are immortal, invincible and ‘the prize’.
Yup that’s part of the reason why the dating pool today really sucks.
Wow ,the nerve of these type of people! They aren't doing themselves a favour demanding a marriage from you. Don't listen to them and don't let society dictate how you should live your life
40 year old men harassing 18 year old women. Urgh.
Ahhh this is so relatable and refreshing!
I don't understand the "unhappy relationship" argument. Most people don't even have the skillset to maintain a happy relationship. You're usually happy by accident and when things get tough people either ignore it or bury it. Most people don't know how to work their way back to being happy. This is why people can't even maintain relationships past the honeymoon phase aka 18months-2 years when you're basically on drugs generated by your brain.
Work their way back to being happy…this is a true statement
@ludwig: Hey, just wondering: What do you mean by the "unhappy relationship argument"? I´m curious. Do people not know whether they were happy or not? If someone is saying that they were unhappy, there must be a reason for it, no? So many people stay in relationships for decades, despite violence, emotional unsafety, financial negligence and more. Are you saying that these people, once out, didn´t "work hard enough"? I´m trying to understand your comment.
I love you so much . Thank you for having this podcast ❤
I grew up in a narcissistic home. I actually don't care about age. What l care about is being in a state of peace and being surrounded by good people. Most importantly not having to depend on anyone financially. That's what matters to me. I see alot of people wanting to rush into marriage. I have alot of friends divorcing. For me marriage is not a goal. It's just a cherry ontop if it actually happens but it's not my everything. Alot of people are living with deceitful partners.
Turning 30 is amazing! Aging gracefully is the key. It's no guidelines to age and being 30 plus with no children and not marriage late bloomers make the world go around.
Thanks for this podcast. Really interesting and with vivid emotions you gave me)))
This hit home! Im 33 with 1 baby and idk where to start on dating because I never thought I would have to leave him 😕 😪
When I was 30, I had a husband and 2 kids. I had no carrer, I didn’t have a house. I was so depressed on my 30th birthday. On that day my husband told me that your greatest accomplishments may not be something you do but who you are as a person. This topic is real, I really enjoy this video. ❤
Love how they're saying single at 30 and she's in a committed "we've said I love you" you relationship. Like.... do you guys know what single means
She’s interpreting being single as literally not being married.
In this regard I think society was better when no one had sex before marriage, because men wouldn’t bother wasting a woman’s time if he didn’t see himself marrying her, because there was nothing he could get out of it.
I think a lot of this could be solved if men were shamed for mistreating women instead of applauded, and people also put pressure on them to have kids while they’re young.
Not that women need marriage and kids to be happy, but just because it’s sad for the ones that do but don’t get it because of all the selfish men out there.
@deezed6478: Golden comment! VERY few are ready to discuss this, because most people want to have the "freedom" to sleep around (but forget that, in treating each other as expendable...they too will be treated as such).
The jist of it is: Intention instead of attraction. People back then had the INTENTION to commit. Just dating "for fun" or to "Enjoy our youth" wasn´t a thing. People can hate religion as much as they want, it´s a free choice..but fact is that, at least it taught people to not treat others as a McDonald´s drive in-drive out, neither did they want it for their own soul.
I really enjoyed this, it was refreshing, and I resonated with pretty much every word spoken between them! Both very beautiful intelligent women.
What do u mean understand cats?!! Cats are great.. and way less needy then dogs… but both are great.
Great conversation! Definitely is going to help many people ❤❤❤
I loveeeeddddddd this podcast man !! I see myself in her. Thanks for this podcast
I didn’t even realize who she was until I looked back on Catfish episodes. She looks lighter. It’s amazing what happens when you love yourself and are in a positive connection
"Do you want to get married, or do you want to get married to him?" what a thought-provoking question. Thanks for this!
Love Shan Boody, but this is crazy. I don't think folks become GROWN until they are 30. You've only had 10-12 years of learning to be an adult at 30. Just 2 years after your Saturn return at 28. I'm 66, vibrant, sexual, and living my best life, and I feel I have a bright future. What does a 30-year-old life look like?! Give yourself a break from all the harshly self-imposed expectations and perfectionism.
This comment is beautiful. ♥
For women it's to do with having children.
True love comes from knowing Jehovah God and His Son Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that I reconnected with God before I found my partner. Beforehand, I had an unhealthy definition and expectation of love. But re-entering my relationship with God, I now understand what true love is.
I wish there was infrastructure outside of marriage to grow in these ways. Even the most liberal, queer femmes I know, want the ring. I've heard of single moms creating a dual income home. But that still feels really lonely. Maybe I'm buggin.
I’m 31 and I recently got off birth control. I am COMPLETELY on board with the study that says women’s sex life peaks around this age: I’m hornier than ever and my libido has sky rocketed. No change in physical activity or diet, nothing.
Just asking??? What happened to No sex before Marriage?
😂😂
I also lost the longest relationship in my life right after i turned 29. I thought i could marry the person. Here i am 34 and single. Getting stronger and wiser each day
31:40 I felt that. I feel like she's still holding her breath as I'm also holding my breath because I've have enough terrible relationships to know ppl change... What if it's great until it's not? I've been holding my breath for almost 2 years... I get it.
Im so happy for you commitment to this podcast
This was so good!
this podcast makes me feel good about aging!!! It’s something to look forward to unlike what society says
Yo wtf????
@@nextlevelivincoping mecanism
What an interesting and engaging conversation! Very nice.
Such a beautiful episode
We don't care about your fancy lighting your content is gold. Keep going kwiin.
I turned 30 Last week Saturday and the week leading to my birthday was a roller coaster of emotions for me.I was with someone for 8 years and he traveled,left me and married another woman.
But in all this I’m grateful for good health and life.
Girl!! Hang in there
Love the fact that you are focusing on the positives in life! I feel like good health is something that is taken for granted, but it truly is a blessing! Happy belated birthday!