As a birthmother who's not yet met her child aside from at birth, thank you. I cried my heart out through most of this video. He is now the age I was when I gave him up and I think of him every day. ❤️🤟🏻❤️
Birth mom over here crying my eyes out. Thank you for this! He turns 16 tomorrow. Might get to meet him this year (fingers crossed!) This video really did save me today. Thank you SO much! I will share it tomorrow.
I am a birth mom and reconnected with my adult son 11 years ago. I am VERY grateful. Its been tricky as our expectations for level of relationship differ, but he gets to be the boss of that. Thank you for being so loving to the birth moms.
I am sure it's not easy, but you'll pull through. Sometimes, with any kind of relationship that has a little bit of "baggage", you just need to settle into it over time. Perhaps that's happened by now.
Adopted 64 year old here, totally agree with everything Ryan said. My parents were wonderful, they raised me from the time I can remember to know I was adopted, and that I was special, as I was chosen. Never one day did I ever feel resentful toward my birth mother, quite the opposite, I am grateful she had me. In 2017 I took the DNA tests, but for me, I waited until my parents had died because I did not want to hurt them. Have found my maternal half brother, love him. And my paternal family, and love my aunt. Ryan is right, birth mothers should be celebrated for their selfless love and courage.
My sisters and I grew up knowing that our mother had a son she put up for adoption before we were born. We always talked about him and wondered where he was and how he was doing (I also asked people their birthday and if they were adopted before dating them, just in case). Giving him up was a completely selfless act to me because my mother constantly thought about him. She was not in a situation to raise a child at the time and chose adoption, never even considering abortion an option (which got her kicked out of her parent's house). I always worried about what his parents told him about his birth mother since I had a friend that did not find out he was adopted until he was 17. His parents told him terrible stories about his birth mother and what a horrible person she was. Thankfully, when I was 19 we were all able to meet my brother and his wife and children and have been friends ever since. It was crazy because we lived in the same city 1200 miles from where we were born and I worked across the street from his house!
My daughter was adopted thru private adoption. And the only thing I knew was her parents first names and their general ages and religious beliefs and the fact that they weren’t super wealthy. But they were generally comfortable economically. And that they weren’t able to conceive on their own. Our daughter found my husband first thru Ancestry DNA. Our oldest niece had done her DNA to find relatives from her Mother’s side. And they matched. And our niece knew that we had gotten pregnant with a little girl when we were still in high school. And she had said well I think you might be my Uncle’s daughter. Let me call him to make sure he is ok with giving you his number, and I will call you right back. And he of course said YES give her my number. I was just returning home from grocery shopping when she called. And she hasn’t even gotten out a full sentence when I walked in. And my husband said that there was someone else she should say high to. And she said no she just wanted to meet her Dad first. And he said well your Mom just walked in would you like to talk to her now or do you want to wait until we are done chatting. And she was shocked. She said oh you two decided to reconcile. And he said no we never broke up who told you that? Then he said you were born and we continued our high school education for the next three years and we married on our graduation day. And 5 days later he left for basic training. And 8 weeks later I moved with him on base. And she was shocked and said I didn’t know you were together and never split up. The 3 of us talked for about 2 hours over FaceTime. And then my husband said we would also do the dna test. Just so there aren’t any questions about the validity of it. And we ordered 2 tests and 5 days later we got the vile’s and we waited until the next morning to fill them out and spit then we dropped them off at the post office on our way to work. And about 4 weeks later we both got the email saying the results were in. And we called our daughter to tell her. And she said that she had 32 new relatives. But that we would wait until the 3 of us were off work to open them together. And that afternoon we discovered with no uncertainty that she was definitely ours. But my husband got cold feet and wanted the proof before he got to excited. It turns out that we went to the sale barns less than a mile from where she grew up. Traveling there for the week long sale every summer. And we probably passed her house on our way there. She went to the same orthopedist our other kids went to. She went to the swim meets our oldest son competed at. They raced at the same time. Just different age groups and different races. Crazy coincidence. We always celebrated her birthday. And we always wondered how she looked over the years. She has a sandy brown hair now, but she was born strawberry blonde just like her Dad. Her eyes are a bluish gray green like mine and her dimples are still like mine. And she chipped her front tooth just like my husband did as a kid. Her left front tooth on the top his right front tooth on top. She has the same birthmark on the top of her right foot just like her only sister. And the changed her name from Emily Marie to Sarah Emily. Which is crazy because we were going to name our second daughter Sarah Michelle. But decided on Jessica Michelle. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was on tv then. And I subconsciously named her the name of the actress.
My sister and I have an aunt who gave up 2 children for adoption. Our parents knew that one could be local, and my sister ended up becoming friends with him in high school without realizing he was our cousin.
I'm adopted and thank you for helping me answer these questions. I've not had many/any people in my life who really understand or know how to answer these. Thanks for such an amazing video.
I found myself in a situation where I had to make a choice and I came to the realization that the child I was pregnant with was not for me. She was given to me to bring into this world for someone who could not have a child themselves. I interviewed several families who were interested in adopting her and I had 2 hard fast stipulations. 1. She would know from day one she was adopted. She would know that she was CHOSEN! She was not given up, she was not unwanted. she was truly mine only for the time it took me to bring her safely into this world and to introduce her to her parents. And 2. she would know she has a sister who was not so patiently waiting to meet her. I am so happy to say she is in our lives now and although her life was not perfect (whose really is?) She was given opportunities I could never have provided. There was a dark side to my choice. I was called several unsavory things and written off by some "family" members for my choice but I never regretted it for a moment. I made the right choice for all involved. I have found your story so heart warming and beautiful thank you for sharing your journey with us!
This is such a wonderful story and I love your perspective on the situation. I think, as painful as it is to be betrayed and shamed by members of your family, it's good that you found out the type of people they really are because then you can keep your children safe from them.
I became pregnant as a 15 year old girl. I was a high school freshman. I met the boy I knew I was going to marry someday. And we discovered that I was pregnant. I was scared because I knew I had a Mom who would freak out and she would try and take my baby away from me or force me into getting a abortion. And we knew if we let the news slip out. That was it. Our decision would be taken out of our hands as young parents. The friend who we had trusted to help us, by getting us a pregnancy test and letting me take it at her house. Knew my predicament because she knew how controlling my Mon was and how controlling my Mother in Law was. We knew we had to have a plan in place before we informed our parents. Plus she had a small toddler herself. And she was a member of the presbyterian youth mothers group. And it was ran by the youth pastor of the church. They provided financial assistance to young parents. And support if you wanted to have a abortion they help you pay for it and give you transportation and a safe place to stay if you needed it. Or they helped with setting up private adoption. Or even putting your baby into the adoption center program. Well we had decided on doing private adoption. Knowing that we would need to have the prospective parents picked out and the ball set in motion before we went ahead and told our parents. We filled out the paperwork of what we were looking for in perspective parents for our baby. And the pastor came up with 4 options for us to pick from. The first couple weren’t that much older than us. They were 20 and 22. The next couple were in their late twenties and had been married a few years. But they wanted to adopt a baby first and then they wanted to expand their family by having children of their own. The 3rd couple had been married for 12 years and had been trying at least 11 years to get pregnant but they were told it probably would not happen naturally. And the 4th couple had already had a child but because of how hard the first pregnancy and delivery was they decided she was going to have her tubes tied. And they would adopt any future kids. So we were interested in couples 3 (mostly) and couple 4. We met with couple number 4 first. The wife was nice but the husband had a chip on his shoulder and he seemed to kind of bully his wife. So they were taken off the list and we decided that we needed to take a bit to get to know couple number 3. At this point I was 8 weeks along and over us doing a stop in home visit, and about 3 visits at the church twice and once at a restaurant in the next town over we decided that they were our choice. A week later we found out we were having a girl. And a few days after we had the pastor go with us to tell our parents. My boyfriend and his Mom came over to my parents house for dinner with us and the pastor. It was a sticky stressful situation. But the fact that we had parents picked out, they weren’t going to be financially responsible for any of it. And neither set of grandparents were going to be responsible to help raise our baby. Surprisingly both parents were happy that we stepped up and we made a decision about our situation. She was born on November 11, 1984. My water broke at 10:18 am and she was born at 9:52 pm. She was 6lbs and 3oz and was 19 inches long. I named her Emily Marie and I was permitted to have as much contact as I wanted with her before she left the hospital. Her adopted Mother wasn’t to happy about that. But I had promised her when we told them that they were going to be her parents that I made up my mind and I wouldn’t back out. Emily had gorgeous strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes and dimples in both cheeks just like mine. And she had a line in her eyebrows just like her Dad. And his boney elbows and knees. And she tracked us down on Ancestry Dna. She found her cousin on her Dad’s side. Our niece called us immediately and told us that she was born in Iowa in November of 1984. Here is her information on how to contact her on Facebook. She messaged us and we were both very confident that she was our baby girl. But we needed to do the DNA test just so we knew it was all correct. At that point she didn’t know that she had found us BOTH. She thought she just found her Bio Dad. And then when she discovered that she had found both of us. She was thrilled. When we told her the whole story she discovered that her Mom had lied to her about us. She didn’t know that we were only 15 when she was born. She was told that we were 30 and didn’t know if we were going to be together so we decided to give her up. After she found out the truth it made her feel a ton better that we weren’t just lazy self centered people. We were children ourselves. She was happy that we had other children and that we married and had a good life. Emily had a good life. Her mom was very over protective of her. But she also knew that she was the tiny miracle her parents had always wanted. We met up 3 years ago and we get together often. She lives in Nebraska with her husband and 3 kids. And her adoptive parents live in Kansas and our kids are spread out across Iowa and Minnesota and we live in Missouri. So we are fairly close by within a 4 to 6 hours from everyone. We even patched the relationship with her adoptive parents. In Iowa if a mother gives up a child for adoption she has 3 years to change her mind and get her baby back if she wants to. And her Mom was scared they had lost 2 previously adopted children due to the Parents change of heart. So we have 4 children now and we have 16 grandchildren all together. And we love them all the same.
My good friend has gone through so many rounds of IVF and miscarriages, and wants to be a mom so badly, and will be such an incredible mum. She's got a home meeting this month to finally start the process of adoption and I know how excited she is, and I just think it's beautiful of you to have brought such a joy into this world, looked out for them, and chosen them a home with someone who couldnt conceive a child. Truly selfless of you 🫂 I'm sorry you got any criticism for what you did because what you did was beautiful
I was adopted 58yrs ago by the most amazing mum and dad ever ! I’ve never felt different apart from when my mum and dad passed away , and my biological parents daughter ( my sister ) said I was nothing and not the real daughter and didn’t deserve anything… It hurt but looked at her and said well they had to have you but they chose me and left ! …I’m curious to see who I take after but that’s it ….. I’ve had an amazing life thanks to my parents and I thank my birth mother for giving me life ❤
I actually had a friend who had a little boy at 17. She kept him for 2-3 months but then realized that she wasn’t ready to bring him up herself as a single mom. She then placed him for adoption and I went with her to say her final goodbye to him. As we drove away she broke down and cried hysterically. I spent a lot of time watching her cry for her baby even though she realized that she couldn’t give him what she wanted for him. At school kids were talking about how selfish she was to give him up. But I got very emotional and told them that it was the most selfless thing that she did!! She did it because she wanted more for him than what she could give him!!
Aw your mom is so sweet and this video is so wonderful. Even though I’m 16 I’ve always known I wanted to adopt. I just want to make sure that when I’m ready, I do the best I can to make my child feel protected and loved to the fullest. I watch a lot of videos like this so that I can learn what adoptees wished their adopted parents would have done
I have given birth to 3 sons and was incredibly lucky to have a wonderful support network I can only applaud a lady who has a less than adequate situation and her bravery on offering her baby to others to have a better fighting chance. Such a wonderful gift x
1- No. She did what she had to do. 2- No. Sometimes I questioned, sometimes I thought why, but ad I grew up I understood it was nothing against me. 3- Yes, I found out and am happy I went for it. I would let it go if she didn't want contact but thankfully she did. 4- She wasn't perfect but she did what she could with the knowledge she had. She tries but it was hard we were many generations a time. 5- No, tbh I would like to call my biological parents as my biological parents. Couldn't consider just a friend. 6- Yes. I am super happy my parents told me from the moment I could understand and talk. 7- My parents weren't perfect, but they did what they could, in the ways they thought was best as would any birth parents. 8- Definitely, I used to wonder if she would remember. 9- I have at times, but I was very little and couldn't understand anything as deeply as I did. As I grew up that feeling disappeared. 10- Of course they are my family.
i love how you said "have no expectations when meeting". when I met my biomom i said "hey. lets just meet, make a new friend and take it from there". turned out awesome.....she is my best friend and hero......
My parents adopted me almost 42 years ago 😊 I've met my bio parents and I'm thankful they made the decision to give me a better life. They were both young and couldn't give me the life I deserved. I don't feel any hate towards them, to be honest I don't know either of them well enough to feel anything much...
I dated a guy that was adopted. He loved his adopted parents, they were very good to him, knew they "chose" him, but he was very depressed as his biomom did not want him, threw him away. I realize its not a good way to look at it, but it is how he felt. I was a teen mom, was faced with the option of adoption and just could not bare the thought of giving my baby up. The thought broke me. I now have 11 grandchildren and love watching your and Toni's content 😊
From a birth mother, who got meet her biological son at 34 years of age, I have to say I have lived with guilt and regret, but learned how to live with it. Now 3 years later, I am finally coming to grips (somewhat) with it. He holds no resentment or ill will, but it has been extremely difficult for me to cope with the reality of what he has wanted and needed (or not) from our situation. I try to be grateful for the opportunity to have met him, but the can of worms(which was sealed shut)opened and I have been trying to figure out ever since how to move forward, when he shows no great interest in getting to know me much better.( he will respond to texts, but doesn't go out of his way to contact me), so I kind of stay back, because I don't want to intrude or bother him.
Ryan, I needed to see this. I'm a birthmother and I placed my son with a beautiful family who's father is a pro golfer and the mum was in remission from non Hodgkins lymphoma in 2007 after I almost died and was in a domestic violence marriage. 4 years after placing him the adoptive mum passed away 4 days after my birthday (February 4th she on the 8th). Every year it's never east it almost get harder because the pain and certain details become clear. I don't regret placing him ever because of my situation. You're an amazing man Ryan, love you and Toni so much for all the laughs.
Obviously I am late to this party. I just wanted to say that you hit the nail on the headabout how us adoptees feel. When people ask me about how I feel about my brith mother I think two things. How courageous she was firstly and secondly adoption has almost noting to do with me. It is the story of other people. It is the story of the people who got pregnant. And the story of people who wanted a baby. My story began so much later than those moments. When adoptees want to discover their roots what they are seeking is the narratives of both groups of people and in some ways they are mediators. And we are, in most cases, the greatest of mediators, we have compassion and understanding, admiration and dare I say love for those who let us go for their reasons in their contexts and we have in most cases deep love and connection to those who adopted us. We are the conduits for understanding what it is to be family because our experience of family is enriched by adoption. Yes wishes to those who are seeking and finding their birth families but even more so to those who have found roadblocks to discovery. It is not your story; it is not who you are. It is their story and you are just fine as you are.
Hey. I just came across your story. I’ve been watching you and Toni for a while but didn’t know your adoption story. I have an older brother that is 10 yrs older than me and he found us when he was 20. It was amazing to be able to meet him. He grew up a 7hr drive away from us and ended up dating somebody that lived in the next town over from us. He had his birth certificate and his girlfriend’s mom’s friend was friends with my mom in high school. So she called my mom that day and we got to meet him the same day. He has the same smile as my other 2 brothers. My mom had never kept it a secret that she had given up a baby so it wasn’t a surprise to us. We were all so excited to meet him. He ended up marrying his girlfriend and we got to go to the wedding and he now lives in the next town over from my mom so they see each other regularly. Loved hearing your story and your relationship with your mom.
Thanks again Ryan, funny but I think I know why I have never been big on the old birthday thing. I met my dad because I was inspired by your story and I call him Dad (not to him though) I don't really use any formalities. Still haven't met anyone else, but hopefully when the borders open an when our world recovers shall get on that plane across that Nullabor and hang out. I'll let you know how it goes!
😌💭 The wonderful thing about these questions is, there are no wrong answers❤ Your feelings are valid, whatever they may be❤ I wasn't adopted, however, I did learn at age 22 that my father who raised me since my mom was pregnant with me, wasn't my birth father. I was shocked as anyone would be. But after meeting him I couldn't be upset at him nor my mother. The whole ordeal made me appreciate my dad even more. Here's the crazy part lol.. My birth father, although sweet towards me, is a womanizing alcoholic, who turns into a violent mad person after drinking. He knew this.. Mom knew it. And together they agreed that things would be best if they parted ways, so that I could have a better life. Mom didn't realize she was pregnant with me until she met and started dating my dad. He knew he loved my mom from the moment he saw her and asked her to marry him after they found out I was on the way. ❤ My biological father knew he was incapable of being a parent and it all worked out. My parents have been married for 50 years, this past August and I've had a charmed life thanks to everyone doing the right things. ❤
It’s been 50 years for me as a birth mother. I have prayed that my son would find me, that’s the reason I did the Ancestry DNA test. My question is, do I Deserve to find him?
You mentioned feeling down on your birthday because it could have been a hard day for your birth mom. I understand that , but as a birth mom, I’ve often wondered ( for the last 51 years) if your adopted family celebrates the day you were adopted? I hope so! ❤
I was adopted and didn't know until I was 26 when I came home to a letter from my birth mother telling me her story and inviting me to meet her. Pretty incredible considering my adoptive mother always opened my mail if she didn't know who sent it, from the envelope. I was still living with my parents and my boyfriend brought the mail in that day so my adoptive mother didn't get a chance to see the letter.
I was lucky to have good parents but something I would recommend for people thinking of adopting is to know that the child has their own personality, likes etc. already built into their DNA. Raise them but allow them to be themselves and not necessarily like you. I've enjoyed watching your videos Ryan. You have a great attitude.
Did having kids yourself, stir sadness or feelings that you Ryan, didn't know you had buried somewhere deep within? i ask this because i noticed that after i became a mom, i fell into a hormonal pit where old memories resurfaced from my childhood and i had to confront my dad on a bunch of parental decisions he made when i was young, in order to heal.
Omg I love your mom !! She’s adorable love love ❤️ her! God bless her for adopting you what a score both ways ;) hurray ;) success story happy ending ;) thank you for sharing this ♥️
So many of the questions for me have two answers.... first 3 in particular : do i resent my biological mother for relinquishing me : No, i do not. Yes, i resent the system and laws that made the details of it all a big secret, which is ultimately what lead to me feeling like shit about it..... pretty much the same answers continue in this pattern... my biological mother is a great woman that went through heartbreak at an early age and my adoptive mother is a great woman and a great mum and i'm the best version of myself i try to be, which, generally, is a nice guy that plods along never quite feeling like i really belong anywhere..... and i honestly think my adoption "trauma" has actually not a thing to do with being adopted in the first place.... it was living through my most impressionable and formative years to get the answers that would have eliminated any and all angst if i'd had the chance... To meet my birth mother and realise "wanted/unwanted" actually had nothing to do with it and look my adoptive mother who was my mother through and through to truly understand... blood is just blood, love is what counts.... the simple facts of having the basics on my ethnic background to form a base level identity, or the chance to tell people as a kid "yeah im adopted, its ACTUALLY no big deal, because ive met my birth mother, shes cool and send me 20 bucks in a birthday card every year" - I'm so glad the process is different and that these things have been recognized now. I was loved my entire life - and i actually missed out on a big majority of it because i was mentally too conflicted to believe it... and if thats how you feel about yourself throughout your primary and high school years - im thinking im kind of perfectly normal in being still affected by it all..... the participants are all incredible.... the system was flawed.... but its not even their fault.... they didnt know any better and their heart was in the right place as far as "systems" go.... at least in my generation (80's) they've since recognized that and fixed it.... so i guess, i'll just get on with it knowing all is well all round, yet still healing from the years i spent not knowing half of that information, leaving only speculation and not fully believing the other half because it was a simple case of needing to hear the story from both sides...
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m guessing you are from the US and you went through a tough time getting facts & details because of the Juvenile court secrecy they have here in the US. I’ve met many adopted kids who couldn’t get the truth because of how the “ system” works here. I hope you have things all sorted out now and I’m proud of you for speaking up about your adoption experience ;) I’m glad you are here on this planet 🌍.
My BF was adopted twice - once at birth and once when he was 3 yrs old. Through DNA he's connected with his birth father's family, however, his father is passed. He's still looking for his birth mother. As the other post said, can you share some support resources for adoptees and parents (birth and adopted). Also, any thoughts or suggestions for how to support my BF other than holding space? Thank you for sharing your story.
I found my fathers family in the middle of covid so a reunion is still waiting for borders to open , he has passed as well , its hard to greive a person you didnt get to meet. Its hard to be in a relationship with an adoptee ,my husband has always said they need support groups as well, we are different in the way we express love and attachment to others as you may know a lot of adoptees are actors and hide behind laughter . Pretending to be a person you are not has its advantages in life adoptees are good at that .Just be there for the highs and lows and listen without judgement . Ring jigsaw they will be able to help you . There are a.lot of books out there primal.wound by nancy verrier is a good one to read .
I see your point of view Ryan, but my husband is feeling slightly different. He was given up at 8 days old. His adoptive mom had fostered him at 1st & found out that my husband's birth mother didn't live but 4 blocks away. Her and the birth mother set up a couple of playdates for my husband's 3 birth siblings wanted to see him. Unfortunately, he waited in his clean play cloths 4 times and was stood up 4 times. So, he feels disheartened because his birth mom kept his other 3 siblings but not him. His birth mom said she would visit but never did. We will never know why she didn't keep him nor let his siblings see him and he is hurt. He is 39 now and wants to find his siblings.
Controversially, the UK established a right to know your natural parents - both for adoption and also (!) sperm banks / egg doners. I take no view on this since it does not affect me (and I'm not knowledgeable of the social science), but i would be curious what the adult children of those situations think.
With regards to resentment I think it depends where you end up. I know someone who got adopted so the adoptive parents could get the government money. They were horrible people.
My big brother was adopted (5 years older than me) i vaguely remember him being told and it being somewhat traumatic for him. I was pretty young but i believe my reaction was: what's adopted mean? Oh that's all.... This changes nothing, he's still the same pain in my ass. And yeah, maybe they thought i didn't get it because i was too young, but i think i just immediately accepted that it made absolutely no difference to me: he's still 100% my brother 🤷
I really hope you find your birth mother. I can't believe no one from her family has done a DNA test. have you tried getting all the brands of kits and doing them? you'll get better luck on finding cousins or maybe her.
Ryan you obviously dont talk to the right adoptees and first mothers , join a few adoption support group pages and your eyes will be open . Adoption isnt a joke we are at higher risk of self harm relationship failure mental health problems and.poverty,.we are over represented in the jail system . These are known facts well researched , we have lobbyed governemnts hard to get where we are today and win the little rights we have . Next is to be able to have adoptions unulled at no cost and a simple form and have our first birth cert recognized as a legal document . My poor first mum was devistated to find out that I went to an abusive home but she had no choices in the 60s . You need to acknoweldge so many adopted people are not happy . You went to a good family if you where born a day later you could have gone to an abuser .Adoption is like a game.of russian roulette not many miss the bullet.You are again the topic of talk on adoption suport group pages today sadly with a trigger warning ,
Hey Jane, Thanks for watching and leaving your thoughts. As I said, these are just my thoughts and I mentioned that everyone will have different answers. I don't think there is such thing as "talking to right adoptees" but as I said before, I know everyones story will be different.
I'm very sorry that you went to an abusive home and I hope you're able to find healing. Situations like that are heartbreaking but there are also many wonderful adoption stories as well, like Ryan's. There are many children out there who need homes and families and adoption in those cases is a good and beautiful thing. I don't think women should be pressured to give their children up for adoption but I also don't think there should be a stigma for those who need to.
I believe all adopted kids feel that they were abandoned. I also believe 98% of adoptive parents see their child and say that is the missing link. The will never care about every nightmare you may put them through. Or it could be an idyllic situation. Your parents want you for you. Not the bs backstory. The real genuine you… that is the miracle.
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As a birthmother who's not yet met her child aside from at birth, thank you. I cried my heart out through most of this video. He is now the age I was when I gave him up and I think of him every day. ❤️🤟🏻❤️
Good luck in your future. I'm sure you made the right decision.
Birth mom over here crying my eyes out. Thank you for this! He turns 16 tomorrow. Might get to meet him this year (fingers crossed!) This video really did save me today. Thank you SO much! I will share it tomorrow.
Reading this two years late 😅 But I gotta get an update, did you meet him? Also that’s so beautiful that you keep him in your heart 🥰❤️
I am a birth mom and reconnected with my adult son 11 years ago. I am VERY grateful. Its been tricky as our expectations for level of relationship differ, but he gets to be the boss of that. Thank you for being so loving to the birth moms.
I am sure it's not easy, but you'll pull through. Sometimes, with any kind of relationship that has a little bit of "baggage", you just need to settle into it over time. Perhaps that's happened by now.
Adopted 64 year old here, totally agree with everything Ryan said. My parents were wonderful, they raised me from the time I can remember to know I was adopted, and that I was special, as I was chosen. Never one day did I ever feel resentful toward my birth mother, quite the opposite, I am grateful she had me. In 2017 I took the DNA tests, but for me, I waited until my parents had died because I did not want to hurt them. Have found my maternal half brother, love him. And my paternal family, and love my aunt. Ryan is right, birth mothers should be celebrated for their selfless love and courage.
Thanks for watching and thanks for your words!
My sisters and I grew up knowing that our mother had a son she put up for adoption before we were born. We always talked about him and wondered where he was and how he was doing (I also asked people their birthday and if they were adopted before dating them, just in case). Giving him up was a completely selfless act to me because my mother constantly thought about him. She was not in a situation to raise a child at the time and chose adoption, never even considering abortion an option (which got her kicked out of her parent's house). I always worried about what his parents told him about his birth mother since I had a friend that did not find out he was adopted until he was 17. His parents told him terrible stories about his birth mother and what a horrible person she was. Thankfully, when I was 19 we were all able to meet my brother and his wife and children and have been friends ever since. It was crazy because we lived in the same city 1200 miles from where we were born and I worked across the street from his house!
Fate!
I’ve got goosebumps reading this.
My daughter was adopted thru private adoption. And the only thing I knew was her parents first names and their general ages and religious beliefs and the fact that they weren’t super wealthy. But they were generally comfortable economically. And that they weren’t able to conceive on their own. Our daughter found my husband first thru Ancestry DNA. Our oldest niece had done her DNA to find relatives from her Mother’s side. And they matched. And our niece knew that we had gotten pregnant with a little girl when we were still in high school. And she had said well I think you might be my Uncle’s daughter. Let me call him to make sure he is ok with giving you his number, and I will call you right back. And he of course said YES give her my number. I was just returning home from grocery shopping when she called. And she hasn’t even gotten out a full sentence when I walked in. And my husband said that there was someone else she should say high to. And she said no she just wanted to meet her Dad first. And he said well your Mom just walked in would you like to talk to her now or do you want to wait until we are done chatting. And she was shocked. She said oh you two decided to reconcile. And he said no we never broke up who told you that? Then he said you were born and we continued our high school education for the next three years and we married on our graduation day. And 5 days later he left for basic training. And 8 weeks later I moved with him on base. And she was shocked and said I didn’t know you were together and never split up. The 3 of us talked for about 2 hours over FaceTime. And then my husband said we would also do the dna test. Just so there aren’t any questions about the validity of it. And we ordered 2 tests and 5 days later we got the vile’s and we waited until the next morning to fill them out and spit then we dropped them off at the post office on our way to work. And about 4 weeks later we both got the email saying the results were in. And we called our daughter to tell her. And she said that she had 32 new relatives. But that we would wait until the 3 of us were off work to open them together. And that afternoon we discovered with no uncertainty that she was definitely ours. But my husband got cold feet and wanted the proof before he got to excited. It turns out that we went to the sale barns less than a mile from where she grew up. Traveling there for the week long sale every summer. And we probably passed her house on our way there. She went to the same orthopedist our other kids went to. She went to the swim meets our oldest son competed at. They raced at the same time. Just different age groups and different races. Crazy coincidence. We always celebrated her birthday. And we always wondered how she looked over the years. She has a sandy brown hair now, but she was born strawberry blonde just like her Dad. Her eyes are a bluish gray green like mine and her dimples are still like mine. And she chipped her front tooth just like my husband did as a kid. Her left front tooth on the top his right front tooth on top. She has the same birthmark on the top of her right foot just like her only sister. And the changed her name from Emily Marie to Sarah Emily. Which is crazy because we were going to name our second daughter Sarah Michelle. But decided on Jessica Michelle. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was on tv then. And I subconsciously named her the name of the actress.
Gorgeous!!!!
My sister and I have an aunt who gave up 2 children for adoption. Our parents knew that one could be local, and my sister ended up becoming friends with him in high school without realizing he was our cousin.
I'm adopted and thank you for helping me answer these questions. I've not had many/any people in my life who really understand or know how to answer these. Thanks for such an amazing video.
I found myself in a situation where I had to make a choice and I came to the realization that the child I was pregnant with was not for me. She was given to me to bring into this world for someone who could not have a child themselves. I interviewed several families who were interested in adopting her and I had 2 hard fast stipulations. 1. She would know from day one she was adopted. She would know that she was CHOSEN! She was not given up, she was not unwanted. she was truly mine only for the time it took me to bring her safely into this world and to introduce her to her parents. And 2. she would know she has a sister who was not so patiently waiting to meet her. I am so happy to say she is in our lives now and although her life was not perfect (whose really is?) She was given opportunities I could never have provided. There was a dark side to my choice. I was called several unsavory things and written off by some "family" members for my choice but I never regretted it for a moment. I made the right choice for all involved. I have found your story so heart warming and beautiful thank you for sharing your journey with us!
This is such a wonderful story and I love your perspective on the situation. I think, as painful as it is to be betrayed and shamed by members of your family, it's good that you found out the type of people they really are because then you can keep your children safe from them.
I became pregnant as a 15 year old girl. I was a high school freshman. I met the boy I knew I was going to marry someday. And we discovered that I was pregnant. I was scared because I knew I had a Mom who would freak out and she would try and take my baby away from me or force me into getting a abortion. And we knew if we let the news slip out. That was it. Our decision would be taken out of our hands as young parents. The friend who we had trusted to help us, by getting us a pregnancy test and letting me take it at her house. Knew my predicament because she knew how controlling my Mon was and how controlling my Mother in Law was. We knew we had to have a plan in place before we informed our parents. Plus she had a small toddler herself. And she was a member of the presbyterian youth mothers group. And it was ran by the youth pastor of the church. They provided financial assistance to young parents. And support if you wanted to have a abortion they help you pay for it and give you transportation and a safe place to stay if you needed it. Or they helped with setting up private adoption. Or even putting your baby into the adoption center program. Well we had decided on doing private adoption. Knowing that we would need to have the prospective parents picked out and the ball set in motion before we went ahead and told our parents. We filled out the paperwork of what we were looking for in perspective parents for our baby. And the pastor came up with 4 options for us to pick from. The first couple weren’t that much older than us. They were 20 and 22. The next couple were in their late twenties and had been married a few years. But they wanted to adopt a baby first and then they wanted to expand their family by having children of their own. The 3rd couple had been married for 12 years and had been trying at least 11 years to get pregnant but they were told it probably would not happen naturally. And the 4th couple had already had a child but because of how hard the first pregnancy and delivery was they decided she was going to have her tubes tied. And they would adopt any future kids. So we were interested in couples 3 (mostly) and couple 4. We met with couple number 4 first. The wife was nice but the husband had a chip on his shoulder and he seemed to kind of bully his wife. So they were taken off the list and we decided that we needed to take a bit to get to know couple number 3. At this point I was 8 weeks along and over us doing a stop in home visit, and about 3 visits at the church twice and once at a restaurant in the next town over we decided that they were our choice. A week later we found out we were having a girl. And a few days after we had the pastor go with us to tell our parents. My boyfriend and his Mom came over to my parents house for dinner with us and the pastor. It was a sticky stressful situation. But the fact that we had parents picked out, they weren’t going to be financially responsible for any of it. And neither set of grandparents were going to be responsible to help raise our baby. Surprisingly both parents were happy that we stepped up and we made a decision about our situation. She was born on November 11, 1984. My water broke at 10:18 am and she was born at 9:52 pm. She was 6lbs and 3oz and was 19 inches long. I named her Emily Marie and I was permitted to have as much contact as I wanted with her before she left the hospital. Her adopted Mother wasn’t to happy about that. But I had promised her when we told them that they were going to be her parents that I made up my mind and I wouldn’t back out. Emily had gorgeous strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes and dimples in both cheeks just like mine. And she had a line in her eyebrows just like her Dad. And his boney elbows and knees. And she tracked us down on Ancestry Dna. She found her cousin on her Dad’s side. Our niece called us immediately and told us that she was born in Iowa in November of 1984. Here is her information on how to contact her on Facebook. She messaged us and we were both very confident that she was our baby girl. But we needed to do the DNA test just so we knew it was all correct. At that point she didn’t know that she had found us BOTH. She thought she just found her Bio Dad. And then when she discovered that she had found both of us. She was thrilled. When we told her the whole story she discovered that her Mom had lied to her about us. She didn’t know that we were only 15 when she was born. She was told that we were 30 and didn’t know if we were going to be together so we decided to give her up. After she found out the truth it made her feel a ton better that we weren’t just lazy self centered people. We were children ourselves. She was happy that we had other children and that we married and had a good life. Emily had a good life. Her mom was very over protective of her. But she also knew that she was the tiny miracle her parents had always wanted. We met up 3 years ago and we get together often. She lives in Nebraska with her husband and 3 kids. And her adoptive parents live in Kansas and our kids are spread out across Iowa and Minnesota and we live in Missouri. So we are fairly close by within a 4 to 6 hours from everyone. We even patched the relationship with her adoptive parents. In Iowa if a mother gives up a child for adoption she has 3 years to change her mind and get her baby back if she wants to. And her Mom was scared they had lost 2 previously adopted children due to the Parents change of heart. So we have 4 children now and we have 16 grandchildren all together. And we love them all the same.
My good friend has gone through so many rounds of IVF and miscarriages, and wants to be a mom so badly, and will be such an incredible mum. She's got a home meeting this month to finally start the process of adoption and I know how excited she is, and I just think it's beautiful of you to have brought such a joy into this world, looked out for them, and chosen them a home with someone who couldnt conceive a child. Truly selfless of you 🫂 I'm sorry you got any criticism for what you did because what you did was beautiful
I was adopted 58yrs ago by the most amazing mum and dad ever ! I’ve never felt different apart from when my mum and dad passed away , and my biological parents daughter ( my sister ) said I was nothing and not the real daughter and didn’t deserve anything… It hurt but looked at her and said well they had to have you but they chose me and left ! …I’m curious to see who I take after but that’s it ….. I’ve had an amazing life thanks to my parents and I thank my birth mother for giving me life ❤
I actually had a friend who had a little boy at 17. She kept him for 2-3 months but then realized that she wasn’t ready to bring him up herself as a single mom. She then placed him for adoption and I went with her to say her final goodbye to him. As we drove away she broke down and cried hysterically. I spent a lot of time watching her cry for her baby even though she realized that she couldn’t give him what she wanted for him. At school kids were talking about how selfish she was to give him up. But I got very emotional and told them that it was the most selfless thing that she did!! She did it because she wanted more for him than what she could give him!!
Aw your mom is so sweet and this video is so wonderful. Even though I’m 16 I’ve always known I wanted to adopt. I just want to make sure that when I’m ready, I do the best I can to make my child feel protected and loved to the fullest. I watch a lot of videos like this so that I can learn what adoptees wished their adopted parents would have done
So well said Ryan. Too much shame, pain and pointing.
I have friends who celebrates their daughters’ “gotcha day” - the day the adoption was finalized (in addition to their birthdays).
I have given birth to 3 sons and was incredibly lucky to have a wonderful support network
I can only applaud a lady who has a less than adequate situation and her bravery on offering her baby to others to have a better fighting chance. Such a wonderful gift x
1- No. She did what she had to do.
2- No. Sometimes I questioned, sometimes I thought why, but ad I grew up I understood it was nothing against me.
3- Yes, I found out and am happy I went for it. I would let it go if she didn't want contact but thankfully she did.
4- She wasn't perfect but she did what she could with the knowledge she had. She tries but it was hard we were many generations a time.
5- No, tbh I would like to call my biological parents as my biological parents. Couldn't consider just a friend.
6- Yes. I am super happy my parents told me from the moment I could understand and talk.
7- My parents weren't perfect, but they did what they could, in the ways they thought was best as would any birth parents.
8- Definitely, I used to wonder if she would remember.
9- I have at times, but I was very little and couldn't understand anything as deeply as I did. As I grew up that feeling disappeared.
10- Of course they are my family.
i love how you said "have no expectations when meeting". when I met my biomom i said "hey. lets just meet, make a new friend and take it from there". turned out awesome.....she is my best friend and hero......
Thank you for opening up the discussion for adoption; especially from an adoptee. ❤️
Thanks for watching!
My parents adopted me almost 42 years ago 😊 I've met my bio parents and I'm thankful they made the decision to give me a better life. They were both young and couldn't give me the life I deserved. I don't feel any hate towards them, to be honest I don't know either of them well enough to feel anything much...
I dated a guy that was adopted. He loved his adopted parents, they were very good to him, knew they "chose" him, but he was very depressed as his biomom did not want him, threw him away. I realize its not a good way to look at it, but it is how he felt.
I was a teen mom, was faced with the option of adoption and just could not bare the thought of giving my baby up. The thought broke me. I now have 11 grandchildren and love watching your and Toni's content 😊
From a birth mother, who got meet her biological son at 34 years of age, I have to say I have lived with guilt and regret, but learned how to live with it. Now 3 years later, I am finally coming to grips (somewhat) with it. He holds no resentment or ill will, but it has been extremely difficult for me to cope with the reality of what he has wanted and needed (or not) from our situation. I try to be grateful for the opportunity to have met him, but the can of worms(which was sealed shut)opened and I have been trying to figure out ever since how to move forward, when he shows no great interest in getting to know me much better.( he will respond to texts, but doesn't go out of his way to contact me), so I kind of stay back, because I don't want to intrude or bother him.
Ryan, I needed to see this. I'm a birthmother and I placed my son with a beautiful family who's father is a pro golfer and the mum was in remission from non Hodgkins lymphoma in 2007 after I almost died and was in a domestic violence marriage. 4 years after placing him the adoptive mum passed away 4 days after my birthday (February 4th she on the 8th). Every year it's never east it almost get harder because the pain and certain details become clear. I don't regret placing him ever because of my situation.
You're an amazing man Ryan, love you and Toni so much for all the laughs.
Obviously I am late to this party. I just wanted to say that you hit the nail on the headabout how us adoptees feel. When people ask me about how I feel about my brith mother I think two things. How courageous she was firstly and secondly adoption has almost noting to do with me. It is the story of other people. It is the story of the people who got pregnant. And the story of people who wanted a baby. My story began so much later than those moments. When adoptees want to discover their roots what they are seeking is the narratives of both groups of people and in some ways they are mediators. And we are, in most cases, the greatest of mediators, we have compassion and understanding, admiration and dare I say love for those who let us go for their reasons in their contexts and we have in most cases deep love and connection to those who adopted us. We are the conduits for understanding what it is to be family because our experience of family is enriched by adoption. Yes wishes to those who are seeking and finding their birth families but even more so to those who have found roadblocks to discovery. It is not your story; it is not who you are. It is their story and you are just fine as you are.
Hey. I just came across your story. I’ve been watching you and Toni for a while but didn’t know your adoption story.
I have an older brother that is 10 yrs older than me and he found us when he was 20.
It was amazing to be able to meet him.
He grew up a 7hr drive away from us and ended up dating somebody that lived in the next town over from us. He had his birth certificate and his girlfriend’s mom’s friend was friends with my mom in high school.
So she called my mom that day and we got to meet him the same day.
He has the same smile as my other 2 brothers.
My mom had never kept it a secret that she had given up a baby so it wasn’t a surprise to us. We were all so excited to meet him.
He ended up marrying his girlfriend and we got to go to the wedding and he now lives in the next town over from my mom so they see each other regularly.
Loved hearing your story and your relationship with your mom.
Fellow adoptee and podcast listener/lover here! You nailed all of this! Great job!
Thank you Ryan for being so honest with such a sensitive subject, you are ace
My Birth daughter turned 11 yesterday, there’s so much I didn’t know or was lied to about. Luckily I see her, I can only hope she understands one day
Wow I just stumbled on this upload. Thank you for addressing this issue with respect and kindness.
Reaches for tissues, finds bin and washes hands singing happy birthday.
Thanks again Ryan, funny but I think I know why I have never been big on the old birthday thing. I met my dad because I was inspired by your story and I call him Dad (not to him though) I don't really use any formalities. Still haven't met anyone else, but hopefully when the borders open an when our world recovers shall get on that plane across that Nullabor and hang out. I'll let you know how it goes!
😌💭
The wonderful thing about these questions is, there are no wrong answers❤ Your feelings are valid, whatever they may be❤ I wasn't adopted, however, I did learn at age 22 that my father who raised me since my mom was pregnant with me, wasn't my birth father. I was shocked as anyone would be. But after meeting him I couldn't be upset at him nor my mother. The whole ordeal made me appreciate my dad even more. Here's the crazy part lol.. My birth father, although sweet towards me, is a womanizing alcoholic, who turns into a violent mad person after drinking. He knew this.. Mom knew it. And together they agreed that things would be best if they parted ways, so that I could have a better life. Mom didn't realize she was pregnant with me until she met and started dating my dad. He knew he loved my mom from the moment he saw her and asked her to marry him after they found out I was on the way. ❤
My biological father knew he was incapable of being a parent and it all worked out. My parents have been married for 50 years, this past August and I've had a charmed life thanks to everyone doing the right things. ❤
It’s been 50 years for me as a birth mother. I have prayed that my son would find me, that’s the reason I did the Ancestry DNA test. My question is, do I Deserve to find him?
short answer, yes!
My uncle didn't know he was adopted until he was already almost 18. I can't even imagine.
You mentioned feeling down on your birthday because it could have been a hard day for your birth mom. I understand that , but as a birth mom, I’ve often wondered ( for the last 51 years) if your adopted family celebrates the day you were adopted? I hope so! ❤
Thank you so much for this because im a birth mother and everything you said really help me...
I was adopted and didn't know until I was 26 when I came home to a letter from my birth mother telling me her story and inviting me to meet her. Pretty incredible considering my adoptive mother always opened my mail if she didn't know who sent it, from the envelope. I was still living with my parents and my boyfriend brought the mail in that day so my adoptive mother didn't get a chance to see the letter.
Sorry I have hearing difficulties
Did you ever find your birth Mother?
Love from Ireland 🇮🇪 x
I was lucky to have good parents but something I would recommend for people thinking of adopting is to know that the child has their own personality, likes etc. already built into their DNA. Raise them but allow them to be themselves and not necessarily like you. I've enjoyed watching your videos Ryan. You have a great attitude.
Did having kids yourself, stir sadness or feelings that you Ryan, didn't know you had buried somewhere deep within? i ask this because i noticed that after i became a mom, i fell into a hormonal pit where old memories resurfaced from my childhood and i had to confront my dad on a bunch of parental decisions he made when i was young, in order to heal.
Omg I love your mom !! She’s adorable love love ❤️ her! God bless her for adopting you what a score both ways ;) hurray ;) success story happy ending ;) thank you for sharing this ♥️
Sometimes I wish so much I could find my birth parents.. then I remember I haven't been adopted..
So many of the questions for me have two answers.... first 3 in particular : do i resent my biological mother for relinquishing me : No, i do not. Yes, i resent the system and laws that made the details of it all a big secret, which is ultimately what lead to me feeling like shit about it..... pretty much the same answers continue in this pattern... my biological mother is a great woman that went through heartbreak at an early age and my adoptive mother is a great woman and a great mum and i'm the best version of myself i try to be, which, generally, is a nice guy that plods along never quite feeling like i really belong anywhere..... and i honestly think my adoption "trauma" has actually not a thing to do with being adopted in the first place.... it was living through my most impressionable and formative years to get the answers that would have eliminated any and all angst if i'd had the chance... To meet my birth mother and realise "wanted/unwanted" actually had nothing to do with it and look my adoptive mother who was my mother through and through to truly understand... blood is just blood, love is what counts.... the simple facts of having the basics on my ethnic background to form a base level identity, or the chance to tell people as a kid "yeah im adopted, its ACTUALLY no big deal, because ive met my birth mother, shes cool and send me 20 bucks in a birthday card every year" - I'm so glad the process is different and that these things have been recognized now. I was loved my entire life - and i actually missed out on a big majority of it because i was mentally too conflicted to believe it... and if thats how you feel about yourself throughout your primary and high school years - im thinking im kind of perfectly normal in being still affected by it all..... the participants are all incredible.... the system was flawed.... but its not even their fault.... they didnt know any better and their heart was in the right place as far as "systems" go.... at least in my generation (80's) they've since recognized that and fixed it.... so i guess, i'll just get on with it knowing all is well all round, yet still healing from the years i spent not knowing half of that information, leaving only speculation and not fully believing the other half because it was a simple case of needing to hear the story from both sides...
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m guessing you are from the US and you went through a tough time getting facts & details because of the Juvenile court secrecy they have here in the US. I’ve met many adopted kids who couldn’t get the truth because of how the “ system” works here. I hope you have things all sorted out now and I’m proud of you for speaking up about your adoption experience ;) I’m glad you are here on this planet 🌍.
@@athenaathena77712 Naw, thankyou for that! took me by surprise :) - i'm actually born, was adopted and raised in Australia. :)
My BF was adopted twice - once at birth and once when he was 3 yrs old. Through DNA he's connected with his birth father's family, however, his father is passed. He's still looking for his birth mother. As the other post said, can you share some support resources for adoptees and parents (birth and adopted). Also, any thoughts or suggestions for how to support my BF other than holding space? Thank you for sharing your story.
I found my fathers family in the middle of covid so a reunion is still waiting for borders to open , he has passed as well , its hard to greive a person you didnt get to meet. Its hard to be in a relationship with an adoptee ,my husband has always said they need support groups as well, we are different in the way we express love and attachment to others as you may know a lot of adoptees are actors and hide behind laughter . Pretending to be a person you are not has its advantages in life adoptees are good at that .Just be there for the highs and lows and listen without judgement . Ring jigsaw they will be able to help you . There are a.lot of books out there primal.wound by nancy verrier is a good one to read .
Thanks Terri and thanks for watching
@@janepotter9008 sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. I have read that book.
I think we need to talk more about adoption. And remove stigmas.
Have you found your birth mother yet? Just curious. You are a great guy! Thank you for sharing your story! God Bless!
I'm pretty sure he says in the video that he has.
I see your point of view Ryan, but my husband is feeling slightly different. He was given up at 8 days old. His adoptive mom had fostered him at 1st & found out that my husband's birth mother didn't live but 4 blocks away. Her and the birth mother set up a couple of playdates for my husband's 3 birth siblings wanted to see him. Unfortunately, he waited in his clean play cloths 4 times and was stood up 4 times. So, he feels disheartened because his birth mom kept his other 3 siblings but not him. His birth mom said she would visit but never did. We will never know why she didn't keep him nor let his siblings see him and he is hurt. He is 39 now and wants to find his siblings.
What about your gotcha day? ( your adoption day)
Controversially, the UK established a right to know your natural parents - both for adoption and also (!) sperm banks / egg doners.
I take no view on this since it does not affect me (and I'm not knowledgeable of the social science), but i would be curious what the adult children of those situations think.
Your mother could be Tonis mum too.
Dude ... Come on. This video is a serious topic.
With regards to resentment I think it depends where you end up. I know someone who got adopted so the adoptive parents could get the government money. They were horrible people.
My big brother was adopted (5 years older than me) i vaguely remember him being told and it being somewhat traumatic for him. I was pretty young but i believe my reaction was: what's adopted mean? Oh that's all.... This changes nothing, he's still the same pain in my ass. And yeah, maybe they thought i didn't get it because i was too young, but i think i just immediately accepted that it made absolutely no difference to me: he's still 100% my brother 🤷
Have you found your biological mother
I really hope you find your birth mother. I can't believe no one from her family has done a DNA test. have you tried getting all the brands of kits and doing them? you'll get better luck on finding cousins or maybe her.
Ryan you obviously dont talk to the right adoptees and first mothers , join a few adoption support group pages and your eyes will be open . Adoption isnt a joke we are at higher risk of self harm relationship failure mental health problems and.poverty,.we are over represented in the jail system . These are known facts well researched , we have lobbyed governemnts hard to get where we are today and win the little rights we have . Next is to be able to have adoptions unulled at no cost and a simple form and have our first birth cert recognized as a legal document . My poor first mum was devistated to find out that I went to an abusive home but she had no choices in the 60s . You need to acknoweldge so many adopted people are not happy . You went to a good family if you where born a day later you could have gone to an abuser .Adoption is like a game.of russian roulette not many miss the bullet.You are again the topic of talk on adoption suport group pages today sadly with a trigger warning ,
Hey Jane, Thanks for watching and leaving your thoughts.
As I said, these are just my thoughts and I mentioned that everyone will have different answers.
I don't think there is such thing as "talking to right adoptees" but as I said before, I know everyones story will be different.
I'm very sorry that you went to an abusive home and I hope you're able to find healing.
Situations like that are heartbreaking but there are also many wonderful adoption stories as well, like Ryan's.
There are many children out there who need homes and families and adoption in those cases is a good and beautiful thing. I don't think women should be pressured to give their children up for adoption but I also don't think there should be a stigma for those who need to.
Do you celebrate your “gotcha” day?
I believe all adopted kids feel that they were abandoned. I also believe 98% of adoptive parents see their child and say that is the missing link. The will never care about every nightmare you may put them through. Or it could be an idyllic situation. Your parents want you for you. Not the bs backstory. The real genuine you… that is the miracle.