Faculty Experts: Catherine Salmon-The psychology of middle children and birth order
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ม.ค. 2025
- University of Redlands Associate Professor of Psychology Catherine Salmon discusses the personality traits of individuals given their birth order. Salmon goes into detail and explains what characteristics set middle children apart and names famous people that are middle children. Learn more about Redlands Faculty Experts at www.redlands.ed....
The worst thing about being middle child is that many of my friends where either youngest or oldest and just couldn’t understand me
I feel this, I'm the middle in a family of 3
youngest is 17, I'm 22, brother is 24 and both my parents are 45+
I have no great grandparents and lost my last one in 2013 and she was in her 90's I believe or late 80's at the youngest
My boyfriend is the oldest at 22 (older than me still by a few months) and has 2 great grandparents, and his parents are just now turning 40 and it's just so shocking to me how different our family is just by age 😂
same
Mine too.. however i found that i easily get connected to the only child
welcome to the club
Sameee. I kid u not, once my friends(both being the oldest in their family) said that they wished they were the middle ones because they thought it was fun and they really wanted to experience what it's like to be the older and younger one on the same time. Trust me, its not fun because the older one is is too mature for u and the younger one is too childish for u and u can't be either of them.
She described me so well, I'm actually crying.
TheGlitterGuy same feels
Me too. It's difficult
Yeah, this brought tears to my eyes.
Me too 🥲
So true
Traits of the middle child:
1-good negotiators
2- trailblazers and very open to experience
3-Higher level of empathy
4-the justice seeker
5- independent and self sufficient
Negative Nathan/Nancy version:
1) Good at gas-lighting/manipulating
2) "Discovering" banal things that most people already know
3) Oversensitive towards others, too insensitive to him/herself (kinda goes against rule one)
4) Righting "wrongs" where no rights were wronged - again oversensitive
5) Self-isolating, detached, and unable to connect with other people.
@@someguy2744 haha i agree with no. 3,4,5
@@someguy2744 that's actually pretty accurate for me
@@someguy2744 Well this describes my ex pretty well. She's a middle child. I miss her. 😛 Not really.
@@someguy2744 you made me laugh 😂 👌
She actually read me like a book we middle children are the best
And a fuckn Libra too
Yeah
I was the baby until the third child came along. She died when she was a baby and my mother was depressed my entire childhood. Then my mother got pregnant again, six years after the death of the third child. I grew up very confused, alone and just realized, in my 40’s that I had an unhappy childhood.
I hope you learn to forgive her. I too was depressed after my mom and dad died, I could go yo work and interact with the family while crying on the inside. I hope your mom has recovered from her sadness.
Middle child with an an avoidant attachment style. I just deal with my personal issues by myself. My older and younger brothers took up much of mom’s time and attention and I was left to just deal with stuff on my own. Mom never reach out to me or asked me how I was doing. Heck, she doesn’t even know what my favorite music, movies or TV shows are. 😢
Same here. I wish us all the best ❤
Well that’s just hilarious 😢😂
I’m a middle child and my whole life my parents said I should become a lawyer because of how much negotiated/argued
Mine told me the same thing, growing up! Instead I became a salesperson and study negotiating still. Go figure.
As a middle child I was actually very close to both my parents but my home life was quite somewhat dysfunctional in my teen years when my parents separated and I was the one trying to be the diplomat in a chaotic household. It indeed affected my life til now. I'm the people pleaser, the altruistic sympathizer trying to save everyone when realistically you cannot.
Omg I can relate. I experienced similar.
Omds I can totally relate as well except I'm 19 so am pretty much still acting in between
@joanwickham8701 respect yourself. Don't let people control you
@@godstomperyou're right, thanks 🙏🏻
I have read your book and it made me understand a lot in a crisis period. Also, Self awareness changed all and the self-esteem thing that I have to work on was brought to the light.
I’m the middle child when I was a kid I wasn’t sociable because I was too dumb to talk to pears at school, some people even judged me for not speaking, and I didn’t easily get friends in elementary school due to my lack of communication. By the time I was in high school in grade 9, I started to talk to my friends that I got in my science class, this all started after I had a crush on a boy in English class. That’s when I really wanted friends and talking to anybody, the more I talk the more friends and people I earned. But the boy that I mentioned that I had crush on, sadly he didn’t like me though, so I completely forgot about him and move on. But lucky news was that there was a another boy that became friends with me, he helped me. I got a friend when I was in elementary school, when I first came to her house , I was 9 at that time I was too shy to talked to her. Now I’m in high school, I met her again when I was in grade 10 after Covid. Me and my friend did fun things together. Now I’m in grade 11, I have another story to tell you, I had a crush on a boy from Ukraine but my heart felt a bit tempted but I sit still and listen to kpop to not make it obvious. Also one more story to tell you, when I was in grade 8, I had a crush on a boy from South Korea but I didn’t know him as much. I had lot of help at home and at school.
Now that's a description 👍👍👍.
Other videos were just describing us as the failures😒
☹️
Is negotiating similar as compromising? Im not good with negotiating but im very good with compromising to the point of sacrificing myself
Yep, this described me to a T. Kind of shocking, I hadn't realized that my position on the birth order had such a huge effect on my personality.
As a law enforcement officer and middle born it makes sense. Risk taking, negotiating, and justice seeking. 🧐
Isn’t it so terrible that we need to make business negotiations with our parents?
Wow ! I am definitely a negotiator. I learn about what people want and then try to make a deal with them, that serves both of us ! I am always told that I'm a justice seeker ! I want things to be fair and my sibs dont understand.
Good for you. I ended up giving up the justice system in my family
I had an interesting experience growing up as the middle child where I had a very stereotypical experience up until my older brother enlisted in the navy and left. I suddenly became the older kid in the family in high school and a little after. Kind of a strange flip and with my older brother gone so much it feels like I'm the older brother in the family and my older brother has moved on, detaching himself from the family dynamic
In a dysfunctional family ,alcoholic emotional abuse the middle child syndrome is excaserbated 10 fold having an older sister and younger brother me being the oldest son . Sister being largely left to her bedroom and younger brother taken with mother to the battered wife's refuge and me stuck in the middle taking the brunt of my father's rages it took me 40 years to work out I had a colourful upbringing now at 55 I feel more comfortable in my skin its took a lot of work I cant recommend gabour mate enough for his work on child trauma
I wish there was a video that could help me. I'm a middle child, but I can't relate with most videos about middle children. Hear me out. My younger sister only arrived when I was almost 4 years old. So for nearly 4 years, I was coddled. I had a grandma who clearly favored me. And, tho my parents also said they love their kids equally, I always felt that I was the favored child. That is, until my youngest sister arrived. My parents always made my older sister, who's just 9 months older than me (I'm a premature baby), do all the house work and take responsibilities. I was sickly so my parents still didn't give me as much tasks. But I can't understand myself. I've always been jealous when my younger sister came. I remember the first night with her at our house. I used to sleep between my parents, then one day, I can't anymore because of my little sister. I didn't want to feel jealous... Or hurt, but I did. And I thew a tantrum (more like cross my arms and made a pouty face). I felt like I was being replaced. I needed a hug. But my parents didn't really notice. I was obviously showing that I felt hurt but my mom just left me in the room. I still remember crying that night. It's something I didn't overcome until I turned 15. I admit I was a very toxic sister. And envy is something I struggled with my whole life. Not just toward family members. But when I meet people. I turned off social media for a time. I used to compulsively ruminate over how other people has it better than me. Is this normal for some middle children?
Here's my thoughts... (?) but when I was young... I really knew I was favored. There was clear favoritism. I mentioned my grandma. She was the one who made her favoritism obvious. She used to make me dolls my older sister was clearly left out. I remember my older sister accidentally dropping my doll, and my grandma spanked her and told her that she's not pretty compared to me. My grandma never liked my dad and I think she misplaced her anger. I guess... Maybe my parents tried to make us feel equal. But, because of my experience with my grandma, I was very competetive/attention-seeking/paranoid. I knew that's it's possible to get the short end of the stick... And I kept worrying about losing favor. My parents still never lets my younger sister do any house chores tho... And I still remember being their.. Kind of apple of their eye. I miss it. But I guess I'll never get the kind of treatment youngest family members get. My parent transferred houses when I was 7 or 8.. Away from my grandma. They probably did it to protect my older sister. But it hurt me so much because I felt someone who really cared for me was taken from me. My grades went down. My parents really supporter my younger sister. I used to be first honor when my grandma was with us. I didn't get anything special when I graduated. My younger sister had alot of rewards. I'm done feeling sad for myself and I want to stop attention seeking. I can't find any video helping anyone get over their parents. I want to stop expecting. I want to rely on myself but I'm still attached. How can I stop caring?
You made need to speak to a professional and if one therapist is not helpful keeping searching for one that can help you.
👌 well explained
Being the middle child makes you funny. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of comedians are the middle child. I think being the middle child can give you a great sense of humour cause you can think outside the box and look at things in a humourous and off-kilter way. Growing up with less clearly defined expectations as your other siblings probably makes a lot of middle children the funny one in the family. 😁
I'm a middle child and I was given nothing. My older brother and younger sister got everything. it ruined my life
its crazy how my whole life was just explained in 5 mins
I m a middle child. She described very well.
I have two best friends and we three besties are Middle child 😊😊😊
I don't have any middle child friend ☹️
😊
Everything my fault in the family 🤷♂️
As the middle child... I can concur with everything she just said.
I'm definitely more empathetic. I wish I was outgoing
Tony H you just need to work on that selfsteem ;) I used to be really shy because no one gave me enough confidence in myself, but you need to realize that you are special, worth listening to and probably a really interesting guy. You just need to fight and start talking to more people, you will eventually find it a lot easier,. Meet new people, it doesnt matter how, that will help you. And if being outgoing isnt your thing, dont force it, if you dont want (not if you cant) to speak to other people it's alright not to talk to them. I hope you have a nice life, good luck ;)
She’s nailed it
I'm a middle child to 2 earth sings mum virgo, dad taurus and my oldest brother and my youngest sister are both LEOS while I'm a libra.
Being in the middle feels like you don’t exist when actually you do. For example Korea is sadly overlook by some people if it compare to Japan and China. Which makes Korea feel like it’s stuck in the middle or is a sandwich between Japan and China. Korea will count as a certified middle child (not to offend anybody who’s Korean).
This might be why a lot of Korean media and pop culture is becoming very popular nowadays, because Korea is finally saying 'hey look at me!' and getting the attention they derserve and have been craving for so long.
I am a mom of 3 girls . I worry the most about my middle daughter. Im willing to do anything for my childern to feel special. Im trying a different approach to spend specific time just with her to feel just as special.Thank you for this video
hi Adrie! You truly sound like a wonderful mother. wishing you the best for you and your family
that's so sweet. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate that!!
That’s awesome
I congratulate you for that
My parents neglected me in so many ways
So sweet!
That reminded me of my mum. She always took me shopping and to a cafe on our own regularly. Probably because I was the middle child. She gave me a bit of extra attention. I appreciated it then and even more now I'm a grown woman myself. I had two sisters and three brothers and I was right in the middle.
My dad is the oldest, and my mom is the youngest - from their families - so being the middle is the worst! it’s like have two sets of siblings! 😭😋
She just explained my entire family dinamic in a nutshell
the justice portion is on point.
Who is the hated/ or the middle child , pls be a good parent pls:(
Here all the middle children come for answers
😭😭😭 I can’t sleep because my mum
is stressing me out 😭
I hate the fact that I’m the middle child
Ya I know right
Middle child is a born Christian
Other children behave on the urge of their wants and needs (born egoists), middle child put their wants ahead of his/her own.
However, real world is far away from the ideas of Christianity, and in adult life middle children may have problems because of this, they have to understand that people and even some of their own their brothers and sisters just doesn't care, so instead of negotiating you have to learn how to be an egoistic person, act on your own needs and urges, fight instead of negotiating
in my experience and those I know, the eldest is the rebellious risk taker.
I'm actually crying rn
The only thing I know is that I'm not needed😔🥲 they're happy without me anyway.
I wish this was actually true for all middle children. Seems like star signs and mbti but even _more_ generalized.
#relatable
This is so painful
Wow that is o accurate
I think im in the worste position of the middle child because im the 2nd middle child out of 4 and the first middle child is a girl, the youngest is a girl and the oldest is a boy.
Only you understand me
I wish I was better at negotiating but I'm doing good enough
Donald Trump-the non elitist and best president we’ve had in years. He’s for the little guy believe or not because the media used to love him. Now they hate his guts because he’s not elitist, a war monger, and a republican. Didn’t know he was a middle child. Makes sense
Narcissist borderline personality ❤
Yeah let's call it a higher grade of negotiation.....not manipulation, certainly not
Make everybody in the middle feel equal
I’m a middle child but I don’t resonate lol
I'm a middle child sometimes I'm kind, sometimes I'm not 😢😂
Middle child here,I have 0 negotiation skills.
Don't think of my parents as friends.
0 self steam.
Cant do anything right.🤗No microsoft owner.
🙏💯🙏💯🙏💯💥💥💥
👍😭
I’m crying 😭
No self esteem ❤
Oh please stop pointing "Donald Trump" all the time. I hate that example. Can't you find a better person? Is that all you have for Middle Child? What about all other millions of popular people over the years. Oh I see they are either first born or last child. These very few examples you have, shows they are outliers.
half of the US presidents have being middle childs 😋
Triggered lol
He was bad as hell 🎉still is very narcissistic ❤
Shouldn't they learn to forgive us parents for what the perceive as our short comings instead of berating us for the rest of our lives, even after we apologize???
Hell no. You should not have ignored your middle and treated them like crap by ignoring them.
It sounds as if you apologised just for the sake of it without the intention to rectify the mistake, you don’t acknowledge it as a genuine short coming, only as a “perceived” one. Speaking as a middle child, if my parents were to apologise to me I might see that as an opportunity to fix our bond but only if they actually learn from their mistake.
You tube has a lot of experts that don't know what they are talking about. I have learned to keep my pain to myself. Because you clearly can't see that.
most of the time parents will just never understand unless you actually talk back.... sure there's a high chance of getting your ass handed but you just gotta let em know
at least thats how i handle my moms bullshit
this is nonsense. this can be said of anyone
are you a middle child?