I'm a boomer grandmother. I firmly believe people should have children only if those children are truly wanted. All children deserve that. I was happy to see the childfree trend. All children should be wanted and loved, not a societal demand! I told my children to only have children if they want them, and never assumed I had the right to be a grandparent. I wanted to have children, but it is a personal choice.
Exactly. Some of these “regretful parents” should be forced to live with and help raise a child they can’t give back for a week. I think some can blame it on ignorance, but sadly I think there’s an equal amount of “dark triad” types who are using kids as ways to bolster their image in society.
I knew as a child that I didn't want children. By my late 20s, marriage became a no as well. My parents raised me and my siblings to live life based on our own personal ambitions regardless of the "herd." So, I never really bothered to address the critics. I just say, " I chose my way of life, and you chose yours." You don't need to explain or justify. It's no one's business.
I also knew I didn’t want kids when I was a kid. I have never been married and I have only lived with one parter. I am open to marriage but I’m not out there looking for it. I don’t even date. When I was young people would say I would change my mind. Good thing I didn’t because now I have had a hysterectomy. 😊
Same. I knew by age 8 that I didnt want kids. I had a high level of self-awareness so I knew that I was weird and all the other kids I knew were weird, and that we were all pains in the butt. I thought, "Who would want all this weirdness in their house?" It's bad enough living with your own weirdness! 😅
I really never understood why some parents have a problem with childfree people everyone has the right to live there life the way we want my choice to not have kids isn't effecting other's
Exactly this! If there is no harm being done, people should simply mind their business as it doesn’t apply to or affect them. Sometimes I wonder if the internet has made people more opinionated on things they don’t need to become involved in and almost this gained sense of self importance of their stance on the topics.
Parents like to say stuff like “Children are a blessing and a joy. They bring so much meaning, purpose and fulfillment.” As a childfree man, I say “So is money, sleep and freedom.” Coupled people say “Being single sucks.” As a single/unmarried man, I say “It is better to be single than to be victimized by a cheater and an abuser.” Some parents are jealous of the childfree while some divorcees are jealous of the single/unmarried. I am authentically Single/Unmarried and Childfree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
marriage-free should be a thing too hehhehehe . No drama , no unnecessary relatives beatiful quitefull days. Someone who can't be peaceful by themselves can't be happy with others
Completely agree! Whenever I have to change my cat's litterbox, I think I have such a bad gag reflex when I'm around the poop from the cat litterbox. I have puked in the garbage bag quite a few times. Just from that experience, I know I would never be able to change a diaper. I'm fine living single and while I do wish to have someone in my life to share my life with, I'd rather be with someone I truly love and who loves me and not just marry a guy because I'm afraid of being alone.
@@Florida_man91 Dating, entering a relationship and getting married is all for selfish reasons because you are insecure as a single and codependent once you have a partner.
I think a lot of women get married young and the next step is to have kids. Once you have a child you can't undo it. You are bound for life. You miss out on so many things while you are young (20's). I'm 75 and child free by choice. I've seen so many friends get married and have kids right out of high school. They will never admit they made a mistake. My opinion is to wait til 30s to marry and have kids if you must. That time after h s is a time to discover yourself. Go to college, find a job, have fun and then settle down. This rush to marry and have kids doesn't serve anyone.
Except the rich, who want an unending stream of workers competing for the same jobs, so they can keep pay and benefits low. They apparently don't see that this same low pay, lousy health coverage, and demanding work schedules makes a lot of people who actually wanted kids decide, "Nah."
I agree with you! 30 is a good enough age to understand who you are and know what you’re about, what you want and don’t want and is a good age to understand whether marriage and kids is for you or not!
Years ago, i was talking with my grandmother about how i didn't want kids, and she said, "What makes you so special? Why do you think you should get to get out of it?" Although she loved her kids and although she would deny it, there was some real resentment showing through there. When i did actually end up on the nest, one great thing about it in her opinion was that now i had to forget about college. She would never admit to being a bitter, jealous woman, but she definitely was, and i think that's also at the heart of these parents who give grief to the childfree.
You went ahead and had kids young, didn't go to college, but the moral of the story here is that your grandma was bitter. Okay. Critical thinking seems to lack in the family in general, not just in your grandma.
You went ahead and had kids young, didn't go to college, but the moral of the story here is that your grandma was bitter. Okay. Critical thinking seems to lack in the family in general, not just in your grandma.
I think jealousy is big issue and have seen it with my coworkers and friends with children. It’s the comments they make to me about what I am able to do and places I visit. It’s a reminder to them of what they are missing out but they never once asked me my personal reasons to be child free. Why can’t we have an open discussion about it?? Thank you again for your channel!!
I've had the same experiences. I don't feel like I can talk about anything, good or bad, because of how they compare to their own lives. I've never been asked why I'm child free either. They've never shown any interest in trying to understand it better, but instead seem to come to their own conclusions for why I'm child free.
The reasons don't matter to them. The bottom line is that you got out of the horrors of having your entire life taken over by people that will always rely on you in some way till you die.
I have seen that having kids ruined my brothers and some cousins relationships with their spouses. Especially my middle brother…. Who is now divorced. Everyone looks tired, miserable and BROKE!!! I LOVE all of my nieces and nephews and I see them as my own kids….. BUT MY GOD am I so incredibly happy and at peace knowing I don’t have that major responsibility! I’m selfish with my time and that’s ok!
@@AB-jl1unthose of us who are to selfish to have kids, could be seen as selfless. It can be looked as a selfless act to not bring someone into this world knowing what goes on here
You are not selfish to live your life on your terms and utilizing your resources as you prefer. To say selfish is a negative and gives power to the anti-child free folks. The word is weaponized and used to shame childfree by choice people. Please don’t adopt this insult.
For a lot of people, life is a competition. Especially those "I need to achieve xyz by xyz age" types. They think marriage and children are the ultimate goal and prize, only to wake up and see that the actual goal and prize is to have some level of contentment, peace and happiness in life. Now they see that childfree people actually have and maintain this level of peace and happiness (by staying childfree) and they feel that they have somehow "lost" this imagined competition of who has it best and who is happiest. It's usually those parents who can't bear to not have the "superior" life that hate on childfree people.
Actually the biggest life choice that others are jealous of and, thus, condemn is marriage. I realize statistically childfree people are happier, but statistically the happiest women are those who don't get married.
This is very similar to society hatred of child free single women 30 and over. I don't get it with this at all, they aren't harming anyone else, just living their lives. Also I've always said "Better to be single alone then in a Domestic Voilence 😡 relationship at all" and "Better to he childfree then a single struggling mum".
Let's all remember that people are responsible for picking their own partners and the high divorce rates indicates many of us do a piss poor job of that. Then add kids to that situation. Many people get divorced after having kids.
i think for some its jealousy...they see it as as a parent they had to make A LOT of sacrifices and hard decisions because they now have kids. they have the ¨I had to work hard for my happiness and so should everyone else¨ mentality. to them childfree people represent those who try to find the short cuts in life. not understanding that life doesnt have to be a constant hardship and how the same things that make them happy are the same things that can make others miserable. they in turn feel like child free by choice people are a threat to the status quo. to them child free people prove that you can be happy without kids which questions their status as a parent and why they chose to be one in the first place.
I thought the people in my life were accepting of it being a choice, until they had children. Now they don't seem to have any empathy for others. When you're unwell they don't show much concern, instead it's seen as an inconvenience and you're treated with distrust. I can't have bad days because they have it worse. I can't have good days either because they don't get that anymore. Days that are special to me are made to be all about them (including my wedding day 😞.) I also suspect the kids are being used to control others, through guilt and withdrawing them when you disagree on things. The way I've been treated has made me feel isolated and self conscious for having a life that looks different. I'm not sure if they had kids for the wrong reasons or if they're unhappy with their choice. Before having kids they use to tell me that they didn't understand parents that complained about it, but it wasn't long until they started doing the same. In a way I think I had a better understanding as I don't think parents should have to pretend to love every moment of it. It's ok for them to have an outlet so long as it doesn't affect their children or get taken out on people that don't have them.
People who pull the "I have it worse than you so you can't complain" card are just so obnoxious. I'm allowed to have shitty days even if you perceive your days to be worse.
I am a parent who wholeheartedly supports the childfree movement, as it gets the word out about the validity of ALL choices and points out the problematic elements of idealizing and worshipping parenthood. I do, however, object to the pejorative labeling of parents as “breeders” (see some of the comments here), as it is purposefully dismissive, hurtful and sows division. Please think: would childfree people appreciate being called “the desiccated?” It’s this kind of language and attitude (and similarly, the cattier videos throwing money and vacations and other things that parents miss out on, in their faces) that does the movement no favors and makes some childfree folks come off as mean and hateful. It would be better if we could all respect each other and our individual choices, and be mindful of how we treat each other while increasing awareneas.
Yea I don’t think someone is a “breeder” unless they’re purposefully filling their house with chicken (think: motivated by narcissism, religion, another ideology which requires their choice to be automatic and uncritical). Having bred a child, esp through a conscious decision, doesn’t make you a “breeder” lol it also discounts situations in the past where women did not have access to birth control and couldn’t socially complain about their husbands impregnating them all the time. I think it depends on what you’re speaking of. Throwing it at just anyone seems excessive and irresponsible.
I was one and done. My husband having affairs when I was pregnent after telling me right before I got pregnant that he was sure he was happy and couldnt wait to be a dad and saying hed be there for me and the child. I didnt find out about the affairs until 2 weeks after giving birth. 15 years later and Ive raised my son without one dime in child support. Ive bad some great times with my boy and he used to seem so happy in apite of the fact that hes very noticeably autistic. Now that hes a teen hes really angry and rude to me. I think hes struggling with how his autism makes him so different. Idk if he will be able to work, ever get a date, or drive. I feel like the good times are over and there is nothing to look forward to. Its hard to think I have brought him here and he may feel life long loneliness and feel lost and I cant even die in peace because I may not ever see hes able to take care of himself. The world is cruel. I am happy for child free ladies
Children deserve to be brought into the world because they’re truly wanted. When you’re having children because you have to then it’s admitting that you don’t love your children. “I had you simply because I had to as a woman “ vs “I had you because I loved you and I wanted to experience the joy you bring into the world” Which phrase do you think is abhorrent and damaging? I don’t have the capacity to love a child right now as my own much like I’m allowed to be single because I don’t have the mental space to love another adult human. Children and all humans deserve to be in relationships where the reason they’re there is because the person that wanted them simply wanted to love and not “fill some duty/ have a purpose/ take care of me when I’m in the nursing home” Children and all humans are not things to be used ! They are beings worthy of love and they don’t deserve to be forced into relationships with a person that’s not ready to love them.
Agreed. I’m a breeder and I admit that I am extremely jealous of those people who figured out their own way of happiness by remaining CF. However, I’m also extremely admiring of them and proud of the younger generations who are much more self aware and therefore smarter.
I plan on being one and done 10 years from now but I'm already expecting the influx of "oh your kid might be lonely" when they have no idea how traumatic pregnancy can be. If I feel inclined there's always adoption or fostering. I think these pro natal people are weirdos and misery loves company that's why they're so pressed.
It really shows how people are never satisfied regardless of what people choose to do and frankly it should be none of their business. I’ve met a few only children from my job and 9/10 times they are more knowledgeable and mature for their age. I think people forget there is a unique benefit and special bond that parents have with only one child. I’ve always felt second hand annoyed for my family who literally just had a child and others are already asking about another…let them breathe.
they're just envious! they hate that we have enough intelligence to think outside the herd, that we are authentic, that we have free time and disposable income (maybe) and they don't! having and raising a human being is incredibly difficult and expensive! not everybody should have that privilege to begin with. look at all these monsters who hurt their own children!!!
I am a mom and the people closest to me chose to be childfree. We all respect and understand that we have different reasons for our choices and know anlot of thought goes into those choices. I don't actually see why it is anyone's business if you are having babies or not.
I love your videos. You’re honestly so inspirational. Parents realize too late that there are other happy paths in life. The one good thing to come from the internet is that young people can share new ideas and challenge the current status quo!
I'm 35. I've always known I didn't want children. Literally since I was a kid. I've moved 24 times . I've thrived in my own instability and somewhat nomadic . I love not having kids. I will continue travelling the country and working at resorts . Who knows ? The world is not the same place as when I grew up - as a parent , I would be living in FEAR. That's no way to live . I also foster animals and I'd be open to fostering a kid or two when I'm settled and own a house . Otherwise , I'm very content being childfree .😅
I'm mom, but I completely understad that someone can chose life without having child. Life is a chain of choices. Live without child isn't worse that choice of having child. Btw I love my son and can't imagive life without him but... In my case antyconception doesn't worked. I was one of those who wanted to be childless maybe that is why I have such a pov of this matter.
I get enough of children just being around my niece occasionally. The thought of attempting to raise a child who acts like she does at times is part of the reason that "wanting a child" is an absolute deal breaker for me in a partner no matter where we are in a relationship.
I think there's something to the fact that the childfree have the option to change that reality at any point in time and become a parent. But, those with children do not really have the option to change that reality and become childfree at any point in time. It's a kind of freedom that is irreparably lost once you make that choice to have children, and then you can never go back. And I think those with children absolutely resent that freedom that the childfree have.
I was child free for 10 years and now I'm a new mom in my 30s , I feel incredibly lied to and have deep seated resentment and anger but love my son .. not only child free people tell me I chose this but other parents ( mostly fathers and older gen mothers ) , however childfree people give me the most grief . Despite I didn't choose the miserable pregnancy' and postpartum depression, I didn't choose my family gaslighting and abusing me , I didn't choose to be jobless or homeless, I didn't choose fighting my own trauma and reparenting myself so I won't pass generational abuse, i didnt choose to have my body completely destroyed - i have to have surgery to get rid of it , that doesn't include the lifelong surgery and injuries that saved my life and my childs .. I chose to be a mom and it's difficult and a major change - I don't want my child to ever feel he is unwanted despite him being a little twit at times . I support child free woman
Oh my God, I'm child free by choice and I don't like kids generally, but calling parents "breeders" is gross, mean spirited, bully behavior, and also marks us as a stereotype as anti natalists. Just ew.... The owner of this channel @Diaryofthechildfree should delete these abhorant comments. We can talk about this stuff, and make our own choices, without being total A-holes
I love children. I work with children for a living. I love my niece and nephews and all of the children in my family. But for many reasons, not the least of which is an inability to conceive, my wife and I decided not to have children. It is not out of disdain for people who have kids or for kids in general. It is simply a choice that makes the most sense regarding our personal life circumstances. For this reason, I’m not going to spend my whole life pining for what could have been or feeling less than for failing to reproduce. I’m going to strive to live a life as rich and full as possible as a childless person, while also respecting the life and choices of those with children. This shouldn’t be such a radical idea.
It’s because people take ideas, morphe into their personality. When this happens and you tell them they are wrong about their ideas, they take it as a personal attack against them instead of detaching from the idea & having an open discussion on the topic to not get offended over. Hence why it’s rather difficult in modern times to talk calmly about politics, money, religion, and sexuality.
Sour grapes- they wish they had made the choice to be childfree (both men and women). But for a multitude of reasons, they had children and deeply regret it... so many people I've met would not have had children if they could do it all over....
How about looking at this from the other end. As someone who was an accident in a long line of accidents to people who not only didnt want me, but never should have been parents. This is a great video on people not wanting children but there is a lot of people who are convinced that they are required to be parents but shouldnt be. Education and society shouldnt be teaching our children they need to grow up to be parents. Religion plays a huge part in this. Each one has the goal of outbreeding the other. We need to teach our children to keep an open mind about reproducing. Lots and lots and lots of sex education and the mechanics of childbirth and child raising. My parents were complete idiots. They were raised to be idiots. They were told lots of bad information about reproduction on purpose so they would have lots of kids. And yes they were very, very very religious. And toxic parents. A terrible combination that I will pay for the rest of my life. Think about the children. Do you really want to raise idiots like yourself?
As a parent I tell people two things either you haven’t left the right one yet for those that basic off of a bad relationship or that good for them to know what they want in life. We are all trying to figure it out.
I have a child and support the child free. Having a kid is no joke! Heck half of parents are pretty awful 😞. Nobody else gets a vote! Even us one and done sometimes hear it but I tell people some equivalent of GFY 😂
What city do you live in? Because in Seattle, this rhetoric is outdated and completely out of touch. It’s completely acceptable here amongst people your age and younger to want to be childfree.
It’s very simple. People who have children know it’s a sacrifice, one they make for the next generation, and they also know that people who didn’t make that sacrifice will still rely on the children of people who did in their old age.
I rely on the child at Mc Donald's to make my hamburger, but I also pay for it. How exactly are childless elderly people imposing upon you or your kids? And don't even dare say social security as we all pay into that our whole lives.
My wife is a nurse and has had to care for a lot of elderly parents who made that sacrifice for the next generation whose kids refused to come to the bedside. There are also plenty of couples who have children with Down’s Syndrome and other disabilities that make it impossible to rely on them in old age. Children should not be had solely as your own retirement plan. You might end up relying on someone else’s children regardless.
@@j.robertson9025 Nursing is a noble profession. My brother and two of my best friends are nurses and it requires a special person. But it's a job which they are paid to do. They are not sacrificing their time to care for strangers for free and no one is taking advantage of them (more so than in any other field in a capitalist country). You are 100% correct that children are not a retirement strategy.
@@roguered706 The elderly rely on the next generation. From the soldiers who protect the country, to the police who protect the civilians, to the lawyers who draft up contracts and argue cases, the electricians who maintain the power grid, the delivery folks who bring food and parcels, the sailors who ship across the oceans, the doctors who treat injury or illness, to the caretakers at nursing homes, to the entertainers on television and the developers who create applications, everyone will rely on the next generation as they grow old, and (nearly) every one of that next generation had someone who made the sacrifice to bear them and raise them. Not everyone who benefits will have made that sacrifice. Which is fine, as it is (often) a perfectly valid choice... but where a choice is involved, it should at least be acknowledged for the selfish choice that it is.
I hope no one feels they are better than anyone else, that is a superiority complex. The fact of the matter is that women have had the role of being child bearers, mothers and caregivers for thousands of years. That is how they historically contribute to society (Men do so through infrastructure and providing their seed). We are an animal species part of our m.o. is to reproduce. I don't judge people on whether they are happy or not. I judge people on their contribution to society as a whole. There are not many occupations that benefit society in the long run. Meaning jobs that can truly benefit generations of people. Motherhood, nurses, doctors, soldiers are a few that change the balance of life and death. No one cares if you have a kid or not. But don't be surprised if people think your immature or selfish. Maturity comes from being selfless. Having a high-profile job and being able to travel and love your life doesn't help anyone but yourself. The best you can do is stop caring what other people think. Good luck.
You stated that having a high profile job and traveling is helping no one but oneself. That is a lie. Statistically childless people do more caregiving for elderly parents and disabled/elderly family members than do people with children. This is a statistical FACT. They also volunteer more and give more money to charity. Your opinions are ignorant, irrational, and biased.
Some parent is feeling very triggered. Having children is one of the most selfish things you can do. You're only contribution to society is to produce more consumers who only produce more children. There are many ways to contribute find a cure for a disease,build better houses help the environment. The list is endless. All these things that benefit thousands or millions can be done with or without reproducing.
There are so many childfree people in history who have contributed to art, politics, science, etc. to the point where we still discuss them in schools today. Queen Elizabeth I, Leonardo da Vinci, Nikola Tesla, and Jane Austen are just a few examples.
You put MOTHERS and SOLDIERS in the same sentence? Oy... anyway if motherhood is so important then it should be paid accordingly, women should have equal, if not more rights, than men. I think we're fine remaining childfree :)
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I'm a boomer grandmother. I firmly believe people should have children only if those children are truly wanted. All children deserve that. I was happy to see the childfree trend. All children should be wanted and loved, not a societal demand! I told my children to only have children if they want them, and never assumed I had the right to be a grandparent. I wanted to have children, but it is a personal choice.
Exactly. Some of these “regretful parents” should be forced to live with and help raise a child they can’t give back for a week. I think some can blame it on ignorance, but sadly I think there’s an equal amount of “dark triad” types who are using kids as ways to bolster their image in society.
Right On grandma!
I knew as a child that I didn't want children. By my late 20s, marriage became a no as well. My parents raised me and my siblings to live life based on our own personal ambitions regardless of the "herd." So, I never really bothered to address the critics. I just say, " I chose my way of life, and you chose yours." You don't need to explain or justify. It's no one's business.
I also knew I didn’t want kids when I was a kid. I have never been married and I have only lived with one parter. I am open to marriage but I’m not out there looking for it. I don’t even date.
When I was young people would say I would change my mind. Good thing I didn’t because now I have had a hysterectomy. 😊
Same. I knew by age 8 that I didnt want kids. I had a high level of self-awareness so I knew that I was weird and all the other kids I knew were weird, and that we were all pains in the butt. I thought, "Who would want all this weirdness in their house?" It's bad enough living with your own weirdness! 😅
I really never understood why some parents have a problem with childfree people everyone has the right to live there life the way we want my choice to not have kids isn't effecting other's
I don't know other than envy, such individuals have unresolved issues from within themselves.
Read the subreddit, “regretful parents.” It’s mind blowing. A lot of them deeply depressed to the point of wanting to self eliminate.
Honestly I've never understood it either
@@redemptionhappens7725 It is pretty depressing to read.
Exactly this! If there is no harm being done, people should simply mind their business as it doesn’t apply to or affect them. Sometimes I wonder if the internet has made people more opinionated on things they don’t need to become involved in and almost this gained sense of self importance of their stance on the topics.
59, never married, child free high school teacher. Still no regrets.
🙌🙌🙌
50, married and childfree and not an iota of regret. My job is birth control times 1000000000000
I'm 63, never married, and child-free, with no regrets!
Parents like to say stuff like “Children are a blessing and a joy. They bring so much meaning, purpose and fulfillment.” As a childfree man, I say “So is money, sleep and freedom.” Coupled people say “Being single sucks.” As a single/unmarried man, I say “It is better to be single than to be victimized by a cheater and an abuser.” Some parents are jealous of the childfree while some divorcees are jealous of the single/unmarried. I am authentically Single/Unmarried and Childfree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Completely agree 👍💯 and your story reflects my life and thoughts 🤔 to.
marriage-free should be a thing too hehhehehe . No drama , no unnecessary relatives beatiful quitefull days.
Someone who can't be peaceful by themselves can't be happy with others
Completely agree! Whenever I have to change my cat's litterbox, I think I have such a bad gag reflex when I'm around the poop from the cat litterbox. I have puked in the garbage bag quite a few times. Just from that experience, I know I would never be able to change a diaper. I'm fine living single and while I do wish to have someone in my life to share my life with, I'd rather be with someone I truly love and who loves me and not just marry a guy because I'm afraid of being alone.
My thoughts exactly! Having kids you can’t afford is worse than not having any at all!
@@Florida_man91 Dating, entering a relationship and getting married is all for selfish reasons because you are insecure as a single and codependent once you have a partner.
I think a lot of women get married young and the next step is to have kids. Once you have a child you can't undo it. You are bound for life. You miss out on so many things while you are young (20's). I'm 75 and child free by choice. I've seen so many friends get married and have kids right out of high school. They will never admit they made a mistake. My opinion is to wait til 30s to marry and have kids if you must. That time after h s is a time to discover yourself. Go to college, find a job, have fun and then settle down. This rush to marry and have kids doesn't serve anyone.
Except the rich, who want an unending stream of workers competing for the same jobs, so they can keep pay and benefits low. They apparently don't see that this same low pay, lousy health coverage, and demanding work schedules makes a lot of people who actually wanted kids decide, "Nah."
I agree with you! 30 is a good enough age to understand who you are and know what you’re about, what you want and don’t want and is a good age to understand whether marriage and kids is for you or not!
This video described my experience pretty well. Nothing against having a family, I just have different goals in life.
Years ago, i was talking with my grandmother about how i didn't want kids, and she said, "What makes you so special? Why do you think you should get to get out of it?" Although she loved her kids and although she would deny it, there was some real resentment showing through there. When i did actually end up on the nest, one great thing about it in her opinion was that now i had to forget about college. She would never admit to being a bitter, jealous woman, but she definitely was, and i think that's also at the heart of these parents who give grief to the childfree.
You went ahead and had kids young, didn't go to college, but the moral of the story here is that your grandma was bitter. Okay. Critical thinking seems to lack in the family in general, not just in your grandma.
You went ahead and had kids young, didn't go to college, but the moral of the story here is that your grandma was bitter. Okay. Critical thinking seems to lack in the family in general, not just in your grandma.
@@tinachristine4573 i sure hope you're not as intentionally hurtful to people in your real life as you are to a stranger on the internet.
I think jealousy is big issue and have seen it with my coworkers and friends with children. It’s the comments they make to me about what I am able to do and places I visit. It’s a reminder to them of what they are missing out but they never once asked me my personal reasons to be child free. Why can’t we have an open discussion about it?? Thank you again for your channel!!
I've had the same experiences. I don't feel like I can talk about anything, good or bad, because of how they compare to their own lives. I've never been asked why I'm child free either. They've never shown any interest in trying to understand it better, but instead seem to come to their own conclusions for why I'm child free.
The reasons don't matter to them. The bottom line is that you got out of the horrors of having your entire life taken over by people that will always rely on you in some way till you die.
Breeder: “Why do you make your whole personality about being childfree?!”
Also breeder: “This is Brayden and he’s my whole world!”
The term breeder is rooted in racism just fyi
@amyk.2500 how ? I'm not being sarcastic. Im black but i really don't know
@@amyk.2500 the fuck?
@@BlessO-f8z like most things lead back to, slavery. Enslaved Africans were physically forced to "breed" with each other like cattle.
@@Duncman92enslaved Africans were quite literally, physically, forced to breed with each other during slavery.
I have seen that having kids ruined my brothers and some cousins relationships with their spouses. Especially my middle brother…. Who is now divorced. Everyone looks tired, miserable and BROKE!!! I LOVE all of my nieces and nephews and I see them as my own kids….. BUT MY GOD am I so incredibly happy and at peace knowing I don’t have that major responsibility! I’m selfish with my time and that’s ok!
People who spend their time raising kids are really missing out, they're wasting their time
You are not being selfish.
@@AB-jl1unthose of us who are to selfish to have kids, could be seen as selfless. It can be looked as a selfless act to not bring someone into this world knowing what goes on here
You are not selfish to live your life on your terms and utilizing your resources as you prefer. To say selfish is a negative and gives power to the anti-child free folks. The word is weaponized and used to shame childfree by choice people. Please don’t adopt this insult.
For a lot of people, life is a competition. Especially those "I need to achieve xyz by xyz age" types. They think marriage and children are the ultimate goal and prize, only to wake up and see that the actual goal and prize is to have some level of contentment, peace and happiness in life. Now they see that childfree people actually have and maintain this level of peace and happiness (by staying childfree) and they feel that they have somehow "lost" this imagined competition of who has it best and who is happiest. It's usually those parents who can't bear to not have the "superior" life that hate on childfree people.
Actually the biggest life choice that others are jealous of and, thus, condemn is marriage. I realize statistically childfree people are happier, but statistically the happiest women are those who don't get married.
I’m a parent and fully support you all!! I loved not having kids, it was so fun and free
I’m a parent too but now I am a empty nester, thank god
Except you don't. You don't have childfree friends and you don't give them the help that you mommies often DEMAND for existing. Ugh.
This is very similar to society hatred of child free single women 30 and over. I don't get it with this at all, they aren't harming anyone else, just living their lives. Also I've always said "Better to be single alone then in a Domestic Voilence 😡 relationship at all" and "Better to he childfree then a single struggling mum".
It’s because they aren’t following the script. That’s the reason for the hatred
It's because they're not owned by penis. Men need the unpaid labor and bangmaid service.
Let's all remember that people are responsible for picking their own partners and the high divorce rates indicates many of us do a piss poor job of that. Then add kids to that situation. Many people get divorced after having kids.
i think for some its jealousy...they see it as as a parent they had to make A LOT of sacrifices and hard decisions because they now have kids. they have the ¨I had to work hard for my happiness and so should everyone else¨ mentality. to them childfree people represent those who try to find the short cuts in life. not understanding that life doesnt have to be a constant hardship and how the same things that make them happy are the same things that can make others miserable. they in turn feel like child free by choice people are a threat to the status quo. to them child free people prove that you can be happy without kids which questions their status as a parent and why they chose to be one in the first place.
Wonderfully articulated
Bingo!!
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 yes, bravo! Thank you 😊
If I had children not realizing it was a choice I would be maddddd
I thought the people in my life were accepting of it being a choice, until they had children. Now they don't seem to have any empathy for others. When you're unwell they don't show much concern, instead it's seen as an inconvenience and you're treated with distrust. I can't have bad days because they have it worse. I can't have good days either because they don't get that anymore. Days that are special to me are made to be all about them (including my wedding day 😞.) I also suspect the kids are being used to control others, through guilt and withdrawing them when you disagree on things. The way I've been treated has made me feel isolated and self conscious for having a life that looks different.
I'm not sure if they had kids for the wrong reasons or if they're unhappy with their choice. Before having kids they use to tell me that they didn't understand parents that complained about it, but it wasn't long until they started doing the same. In a way I think I had a better understanding as I don't think parents should have to pretend to love every moment of it. It's ok for them to have an outlet so long as it doesn't affect their children or get taken out on people that don't have them.
People who pull the "I have it worse than you so you can't complain" card are just so obnoxious. I'm allowed to have shitty days even if you perceive your days to be worse.
I am a parent who wholeheartedly supports the childfree movement, as it gets the word out about the validity of ALL choices and points out the problematic elements of idealizing and worshipping parenthood. I do, however, object to the pejorative labeling of parents as “breeders” (see some of the comments here), as it is purposefully dismissive, hurtful and sows division. Please think: would childfree people appreciate being called “the desiccated?” It’s this kind of language and attitude (and similarly, the cattier videos throwing money and vacations and other things that parents miss out on, in their faces) that does the movement no favors and makes some childfree folks come off as mean and hateful. It would be better if we could all respect each other and our individual choices, and be mindful of how we treat each other while increasing awareneas.
I agree. Better to avoid the us vs them mentality! If you're childfree (like me) good for you! If you're a parent, good for you! We can coexist
Not going to lie. The dessicated sounds like the coolest band name I have yet to discover.
But you make a good point
@@zibusisonkomo8715 It sounds like a cool name for a black metal band, lol!
Yea I don’t think someone is a “breeder” unless they’re purposefully filling their house with chicken (think: motivated by narcissism, religion, another ideology which requires their choice to be automatic and uncritical). Having bred a child, esp through a conscious decision, doesn’t make you a “breeder” lol it also discounts situations in the past where women did not have access to birth control and couldn’t socially complain about their husbands impregnating them all the time. I think it depends on what you’re speaking of. Throwing it at just anyone seems excessive and irresponsible.
I agree ❤
I was one and done. My husband having affairs when I was pregnent after telling me right before I got pregnant that he was sure he was happy and couldnt wait to be a dad and saying hed be there for me and the child. I didnt find out about the affairs until 2 weeks after giving birth. 15 years later and Ive raised my son without one dime in child support. Ive bad some great times with my boy and he used to seem so happy in apite of the fact that hes very noticeably autistic. Now that hes a teen hes really angry and rude to me. I think hes struggling with how his autism makes him so different. Idk if he will be able to work, ever get a date, or drive. I feel like the good times are over and there is nothing to look forward to. Its hard to think I have brought him here and he may feel life long loneliness and feel lost and I cant even die in peace because I may not ever see hes able to take care of himself. The world is cruel. I am happy for child free ladies
And this is going to keep happening if child-free people continue to be too nice
And don't go hardcore hard balls on these child pushers
Children deserve to be brought into the world because they’re truly wanted.
When you’re having children because you have to then it’s admitting that you don’t love your children.
“I had you simply because I had to as a woman “ vs “I had you because I loved you and I wanted to experience the joy you bring into the world”
Which phrase do you think is abhorrent and damaging?
I don’t have the capacity to love a child right now as my own much like I’m allowed to be single because I don’t have the mental space to love another adult human.
Children and all humans deserve to be in relationships where the reason they’re there is because the person that wanted them simply wanted to love and not “fill some duty/ have a purpose/ take care of me when I’m in the nursing home”
Children and all humans are not things to be used ! They are beings worthy of love and they don’t deserve to be forced into relationships with a person that’s not ready to love them.
❤
Breeders don't like the fact that a childfree person has somehow "gotten away with something"
Agreed.
I’m a breeder and I admit that I am extremely jealous of those people who figured out their own way of happiness by remaining CF.
However, I’m also extremely admiring of them and proud of the younger generations who are much more self aware and therefore smarter.
Yes children are really terrible, we are better of without them, there are so much better things to do than raise children.
Soooo true
@@DanielAgedah-mv9bgI mean not all kids are that bad. But life is definitely easier without them
Agreed. Welp, it’s not our problem. 😊
I'm child free and LOVE IT
Sadly there're still people who are so against of child free people like their life depends on🙄
J.D Vance, anyone?
Yeah, it's called men.
I plan on being one and done 10 years from now but I'm already expecting the influx of "oh your kid might be lonely" when they have no idea how traumatic pregnancy can be. If I feel inclined there's always adoption or fostering. I think these pro natal people are weirdos and misery loves company that's why they're so pressed.
It really shows how people are never satisfied regardless of what people choose to do and frankly it should be none of their business. I’ve met a few only children from my job and 9/10 times they are more knowledgeable and mature for their age. I think people forget there is a unique benefit and special bond that parents have with only one child. I’ve always felt second hand annoyed for my family who literally just had a child and others are already asking about another…let them breathe.
They’re talking like your kid is a cat.. fn creeps lolll
they're just envious! they hate that we have enough intelligence to think outside the herd, that we are authentic, that we have free time and disposable income (maybe) and they don't! having and raising a human being is incredibly difficult and expensive! not everybody should have that privilege to begin with. look at all these monsters who hurt their own children!!!
It’s jealousy on their part. Most parents are envious of my freedom since I’m childfree, pet free, and man free at 30.
I am a mom and the people closest to me chose to be childfree. We all respect and understand that we have different reasons for our choices and know anlot of thought goes into those choices. I don't actually see why it is anyone's business if you are having babies or not.
I love your videos. You’re honestly so inspirational. Parents realize too late that there are other happy paths in life. The one good thing to come from the internet is that young people can share new ideas and challenge the current status quo!
Lets face it parents are full of regret and they hold resentment
I'm 35. I've always known I didn't want children. Literally since I was a kid. I've moved 24 times . I've thrived in my own instability and somewhat nomadic . I love not having kids. I will continue travelling the country and working at resorts . Who knows ? The world is not the same place as when I grew up - as a parent , I would be living in FEAR. That's no way to live . I also foster animals and I'd be open to fostering a kid or two when I'm settled and own a house . Otherwise , I'm very content being childfree .😅
I'm mom, but I completely understad that someone can chose life without having child. Life is a chain of choices. Live without child isn't worse that choice of having child. Btw I love my son and can't imagive life without him but... In my case antyconception doesn't worked. I was one of those who wanted to be childless maybe that is why I have such a pov of this matter.
I get enough of children just being around my niece occasionally. The thought of attempting to raise a child who acts like she does at times is part of the reason that "wanting a child" is an absolute deal breaker for me in a partner no matter where we are in a relationship.
Spot on
Exactly 💯💯💯💯. Great video. 😊
I think there's something to the fact that the childfree have the option to change that reality at any point in time and become a parent. But, those with children do not really have the option to change that reality and become childfree at any point in time. It's a kind of freedom that is irreparably lost once you make that choice to have children, and then you can never go back. And I think those with children absolutely resent that freedom that the childfree have.
This was an amazing video essay
I was child free for 10 years and now I'm a new mom in my 30s , I feel incredibly lied to and have deep seated resentment and anger but love my son .. not only child free people tell me I chose this but other parents ( mostly fathers and older gen mothers ) , however childfree people give me the most grief . Despite I didn't choose the miserable pregnancy' and postpartum depression, I didn't choose my family gaslighting and abusing me , I didn't choose to be jobless or homeless, I didn't choose fighting my own trauma and reparenting myself so I won't pass generational abuse, i didnt choose to have my body completely destroyed - i have to have surgery to get rid of it , that doesn't include the lifelong surgery and injuries that saved my life and my childs .. I chose to be a mom and it's difficult and a major change - I don't want my child to ever feel he is unwanted despite him being a little twit at times . I support child free woman
Oh my God, I'm child free by choice and I don't like kids generally, but calling parents "breeders" is gross, mean spirited, bully behavior, and also marks us as a stereotype as anti natalists. Just ew.... The owner of this channel @Diaryofthechildfree should delete these abhorant comments. We can talk about this stuff, and make our own choices, without being total A-holes
I love children. I work with children for a living. I love my niece and nephews and all of the children in my family. But for many reasons, not the least of which is an inability to conceive, my wife and I decided not to have children. It is not out of disdain for people who have kids or for kids in general. It is simply a choice that makes the most sense regarding our personal life circumstances. For this reason, I’m not going to spend my whole life pining for what could have been or feeling less than for failing to reproduce. I’m going to strive to live a life as rich and full as possible as a childless person, while also respecting the life and choices of those with children. This shouldn’t be such a radical idea.
Love your channel !
Thank you so much! ☺️
It’s because people take ideas, morphe into their personality. When this happens and you tell them they are wrong about their ideas, they take it as a personal attack against them instead of detaching from the idea & having an open discussion on the topic to not get offended over.
Hence why it’s rather difficult in modern times to talk calmly about politics, money, religion, and sexuality.
Sour grapes- they wish they had made the choice to be childfree (both men and women). But for a multitude of reasons, they had children and deeply regret it... so many people I've met would not have had children if they could do it all over....
How about looking at this from the other end. As someone who was an accident in a long line of accidents to people who not only didnt want me, but never should have been parents. This is a great video on people not wanting children but there is a lot of people who are convinced that they are required to be parents but shouldnt be. Education and society shouldnt be teaching our children they need to grow up to be parents. Religion plays a huge part in this. Each one has the goal of outbreeding the other. We need to teach our children to keep an open mind about reproducing. Lots and lots and lots of sex education and the mechanics of childbirth and child raising.
My parents were complete idiots. They were raised to be idiots. They were told lots of bad information about reproduction on purpose so they would have lots of kids. And yes they were very, very very religious. And toxic parents. A terrible combination that I will pay for the rest of my life.
Think about the children. Do you really want to raise idiots like yourself?
You parents have PLENTY of videos. Women without kids or a dick holding them back don't. It's that simple.
As a parent I tell people two things either you haven’t left the right one yet for those that basic off of a bad relationship or that good for them to know what they want in life. We are all trying to figure it out.
Always fab
I have a child and support the child free. Having a kid is no joke! Heck half of parents are pretty awful 😞. Nobody else gets a vote! Even us one and done sometimes hear it but I tell people some equivalent of GFY 😂
What city do you live in? Because in Seattle, this rhetoric is outdated and completely out of touch. It’s completely acceptable here amongst people your age and younger to want to be childfree.
Where you live makes all the difference. Unfortunately, I live in Texas.
It’s very simple. People who have children know it’s a sacrifice, one they make for the next generation, and they also know that people who didn’t make that sacrifice will still rely on the children of people who did in their old age.
I rely on the child at Mc Donald's to make my hamburger, but I also pay for it. How exactly are childless elderly people imposing upon you or your kids? And don't even dare say social security as we all pay into that our whole lives.
My wife is a nurse and has had to care for a lot of elderly parents who made that sacrifice for the next generation whose kids refused to come to the bedside. There are also plenty of couples who have children with Down’s Syndrome and other disabilities that make it impossible to rely on them in old age. Children should not be had solely as your own retirement plan. You might end up relying on someone else’s children regardless.
@@j.robertson9025 Nursing is a noble profession. My brother and two of my best friends are nurses and it requires a special person. But it's a job which they are paid to do. They are not sacrificing their time to care for strangers for free and no one is taking advantage of them (more so than in any other field in a capitalist country). You are 100% correct that children are not a retirement strategy.
@@roguered706 The elderly rely on the next generation. From the soldiers who protect the country, to the police who protect the civilians, to the lawyers who draft up contracts and argue cases, the electricians who maintain the power grid, the delivery folks who bring food and parcels, the sailors who ship across the oceans, the doctors who treat injury or illness, to the caretakers at nursing homes, to the entertainers on television and the developers who create applications, everyone will rely on the next generation as they grow old, and (nearly) every one of that next generation had someone who made the sacrifice to bear them and raise them. Not everyone who benefits will have made that sacrifice. Which is fine, as it is (often) a perfectly valid choice... but where a choice is involved, it should at least be acknowledged for the selfish choice that it is.
@@j.robertson9025 Everyone will rely on someone else's children in old age. Not everyone made the sacrifice to raise one (or more) of their own.
I hope no one feels they are better than anyone else, that is a superiority complex.
The fact of the matter is that women have had the role of being child bearers, mothers and caregivers for thousands of years. That is how they historically contribute to society (Men do so through infrastructure and providing their seed). We are an animal species part of our m.o. is to reproduce.
I don't judge people on whether they are happy or not. I judge people on their contribution to society as a whole.
There are not many occupations that benefit society in the long run. Meaning jobs that can truly benefit generations of people. Motherhood, nurses, doctors, soldiers are a few that change the balance of life and death.
No one cares if you have a kid or not. But don't be surprised if people think your immature or selfish. Maturity comes from being selfless. Having a high-profile job and being able to travel and love your life doesn't help anyone but yourself. The best you can do is stop caring what other people think. Good luck.
Having kids is pretty selfish…
You stated that having a high profile job and traveling is helping no one but oneself.
That is a lie.
Statistically childless people do more caregiving for elderly parents and disabled/elderly family members than do people with children. This is a statistical FACT. They also volunteer more and give more money to charity. Your opinions are ignorant, irrational, and biased.
Some parent is feeling very triggered. Having children is one of the most selfish things you can do. You're only contribution to society is to produce more consumers who only produce more children. There are many ways to contribute find a cure for a disease,build better houses help the environment. The list is endless. All these things that benefit thousands or millions can be done with or without reproducing.
There are so many childfree people in history who have contributed to art, politics, science, etc. to the point where we still discuss them in schools today. Queen Elizabeth I, Leonardo da Vinci, Nikola Tesla, and Jane Austen are just a few examples.
You put MOTHERS and SOLDIERS in the same sentence? Oy... anyway if motherhood is so important then it should be paid accordingly, women should have equal, if not more rights, than men. I think we're fine remaining childfree :)