We know that we are healing when we do not feel a burden but instead feel entitled to other people’s help and support in life. It is such a beautiful feeling. We are not alone but surrounded with safe people. Healing from narcisistic abuse can not happen in a vacuum. We need safe and supportive others to give us a hand. Thank you❤
I have learned to tell when my anxiety is automatic or if it is something I really feel. Sounds silly but, I started "greeting" my anxiety when it comes. "I see you, anxiety." It really helps me to not feel overwhelmed. The anxiety is still there but it is not me; I can see it but it is not controlling my thoughts. Thank again, Jay
Interesting I like the premise it releases the child from all the guilt they'll end up feeling. People can be so complex with projection...dr u do great work. Whybis it some parents do not see the intellect children have...I'm a ex teacher
I find that in support groups we all have issues of having to parent ourselves as children & then as parents we are often then stunted as we are these children parents.. we didn’t get parents & then we have to figure out how to parent.. I was on my own by 17 & all of my friends also were kids that parented their own parents, so I’m glad I did find a supportive group, yet we all have to deal with generations of dysfunctional systems we were born into & we see the dysfunctional families around us more clearly, which I wonder at times is also a dysfunction, in that hyper vigilance is such a common byproduct for survivors of child abuse. When we reach out for help, often we find the same dysfunctional systems are at work in the larger groups as were in our own families, which can compound the hyper vigilance in abused children that are now the adults in the room. Thank you for these helpful videos. I appreciate them.
The 6 Pathogenic Beliefs-: 1. ✔ Yes 2. ✔ Yes 3. ✔ Yes 4. ✔ Yes 5. ✔ Yes 6. ✔ Yes No wonder my life has been so hard, I've dealt with this, & felt this way my whole life 😢😥 Thank you for your videos, it's helping me alot to understand & hopefully heal🙏
I gave up who I was and who I could become because of the roles my parents placed on me. Now I can change those roles and be/become who I truly am. I am glad you give this information in little pieces. It is a lot to ingest. But, thank you.101922
I get attacked by my parents especially my dad if I am successful. He says Who do you think you are? Do you think your better then everyone? Do you think your smarter then me? Do you think your smarter then my wife #3 he’s been married to 30 years but I rarely see her or him. I don’t know her that well. He says oh you think you have to live “high on the hog” ? Hell make fun of my apartment or furniture being too nice even though he has a huge 3000 square foot house on 5 acres and he makes fun of my little apartment in LA. It’s not even a house. So then I think so I get crap about even a apartment when I’m renting and he owns a big house? Like wtf. He hates that I used to model and act and makes fun of that. Mocks it. I went back to school got MA in psychology and he was furious. Who the hell do you think you are doing that . I graduated straight A’s but he was mad I got a degree past him and his wife like so you think your better then us? Smarter then us? I said what? I have no idea your grades you’ve never shared that so I have no idea nor did I even think about it. I have a family tree on my moms side 500 pages long with dr lawyers engineers on it so I’m supposed to limit myself with all these 500 people pages I’ll don’t know? Lol. I thought that was crazy. When I stopped drinking in AA and had 8m at the time I went to thanksgiving, he said here drink this drink this and poured me alcohol. I said no thanks. He said what are you weak? Are you weak? I said no I’m Not weak but the program is abstinence and counts days so I’d lose all my days and go back to zero and lose my place in AA and be at the bottom again. Can’t do that. He was really rude about it and mocked me as weak. On the last call because I’m low contact just 5 phone calls a year on holidays/bdays, I thought we had a nice call but then he says “goldigger” mumbled in between words. Not really at me but just said it. So I ignored. I don’t know where he got that from since I’m not dating any millionaires and I have always worked and made my own money. I don’t even make that much right now and am not even dating so I thought where did he even get that from? I have my instagram on private because I have nice modeling photos I need for work purposes but I know the family would troll the sh*t out of them if they were public. They are narcs and always trying to attack me for everything. I’m also experiencing some gags talking of my mom my sister and now my uncle calling my ex bf who hates me from 30 years ago the one before I got married in HS. I don’t speak to him for 13 years but they keep calling him. My dad called my tax lady, and ran a illegal credit check in my business associate because I was complaining about them which is illegal, and my mom Has called my job in the past 2x to try and get me fired. Now that these people are 79 I’m looking forward to the day they are not here anymore. I need a new job now and I just want to keep it a secret. I have big plans and goals and I need to stop caring what my dad says and not let it get to me. I also just put TH-cam in my name to try and just move on with my life even if they troll it I can’t hide forever it’s hurting my career and goals. Anyways rant over lol. Thanks for your videos they help a lot! ❤
I have so much ANXIOUS feelings whenever i am good at something or want anything!! I want to get out of this rut. It is a horrible feeling. Feels like everybody is out to sabotage me and ruin my dreams and nobody cares how i feel. I had to be around alot of selfish people that traumatized me and made me feel really Low and loss of Self from confusion
IMO as a small child we cognitively don't have the capacity to grant ourselves the ability to even slightly live without the parent - in evolutionary terms this makes sense, the child who feels they can live without the parent when they can't would likely die if they wander off based on this belief. So evolution builds into us an inability to grant ourselves the self belief of having an ability to live without the parent. With good enough/healthy parents this is fine as those parents start to show the child they have their own competence outside of the parent over time. But this arrangement nosedives off a cliff with toxic parents who will never grant even an inch of competency outside of the parent to the child. So the child who is 'utterly incompetent to survive' keeps helping the parent that they 'need'. Even though to help the parent that child shows a range of skills that actually would make them competent to survive to various degrees without the parent.
complex topics beautifully explained ..much gratitude
We know that we are healing when we do not feel a burden but instead feel entitled to other people’s help and support in life. It is such a beautiful feeling. We are not alone but surrounded with safe people. Healing from narcisistic abuse can not happen in a vacuum. We need safe and supportive others to give us a hand. Thank you❤
I have learned to tell when my anxiety is automatic or if it is something I really feel. Sounds silly but, I started "greeting" my anxiety when it comes. "I see you, anxiety." It really helps me to not feel overwhelmed. The anxiety is still there but it is not me; I can see it but it is not controlling my thoughts.
Thank again, Jay
Interesting I like the premise it releases the child from all the guilt they'll end up feeling. People can be so complex with projection...dr u do great work. Whybis it some parents do not see the intellect children have...I'm a ex teacher
I find that in support groups we all have issues of having to parent ourselves as children & then as parents we are often then stunted as we are these children parents.. we didn’t get parents & then we have to figure out how to parent.. I was on my own by 17 & all of my friends also were kids that parented their own parents, so I’m glad I did find a supportive group, yet we all have to deal with generations of dysfunctional systems we were born into & we see the dysfunctional families around us more clearly, which I wonder at times is also a dysfunction, in that hyper vigilance is such a common byproduct for survivors of child abuse. When we reach out for help, often we find the same dysfunctional systems are at work in the larger groups as were in our own families, which can compound the hyper vigilance in abused children that are now the adults in the room. Thank you for these helpful videos. I appreciate them.
The 6 Pathogenic Beliefs-:
1. ✔ Yes
2. ✔ Yes
3. ✔ Yes
4. ✔ Yes
5. ✔ Yes
6. ✔ Yes
No wonder my life has been so hard, I've dealt with this, & felt this way my whole life 😢😥
Thank you for your videos, it's helping me alot to understand & hopefully heal🙏
This is a fascinating video.
I gave up who I was and who I could become because of the roles my parents placed on me. Now I can change those roles and be/become who I truly am. I am glad you give this information in little pieces. It is a lot to ingest. But, thank you.101922
Thanks for sharing this
I get attacked by my parents especially my dad if I am successful. He says Who do you think you are? Do you think your better then everyone? Do you think your smarter then me? Do you think your smarter then my wife #3 he’s been married to 30 years but I rarely see her or him. I don’t know her that well. He says oh you think you have to live “high on the hog” ? Hell make fun of my apartment or furniture being too nice even though he has a huge 3000 square foot house on 5 acres and he makes fun of my little apartment in LA. It’s not even a house. So then I think so I get crap about even a apartment when I’m renting and he owns a big house? Like wtf. He hates that I used to model and act and makes fun of that. Mocks it. I went back to school got MA in psychology and he was furious. Who the hell do you think you are doing that . I graduated straight A’s but he was mad I got a degree past him and his wife like so you think your better then us? Smarter then us? I said what? I have no idea your grades you’ve never shared that so I have no idea nor did I even think about it. I have a family tree on my moms side 500 pages long with dr lawyers engineers on it so I’m supposed to limit myself with all these 500 people pages I’ll don’t know? Lol. I thought that was crazy. When I stopped drinking in AA and had 8m at the time I went to thanksgiving, he said here drink this drink this and poured me alcohol. I said no thanks. He said what are you weak? Are you weak? I said no I’m
Not weak but the program is abstinence and counts days so I’d lose all my days and go back to zero and lose my place in AA and be at the bottom again. Can’t do that. He was really rude about it and mocked me as weak. On the last call because I’m low contact just 5 phone calls a year on holidays/bdays, I thought we had a nice call but then he says “goldigger” mumbled in between words. Not really at me but just said it. So I ignored. I don’t know where he got that from since I’m not dating any millionaires and I have always worked and made my own money. I don’t even make that much right now and am not even dating so I thought where did he even get that from? I have my instagram on private because I have nice modeling photos I need for work purposes but I know the family would troll the sh*t out of them if they were public. They are narcs and always trying to attack me for everything. I’m also experiencing some gags talking of my mom my sister and now my uncle calling my ex bf who hates me from 30 years ago the one before I got married in HS. I don’t speak to him for 13 years but they keep calling him. My dad called my tax lady, and ran a illegal credit check in my business associate because I was complaining about them which is illegal, and my mom
Has called my job in the past 2x to try and get me fired. Now that these people are 79 I’m looking forward to the day they are not here anymore. I need a new job now and I just want to keep it a secret. I have big plans and goals and I need to stop caring what my dad says and not let it get to me. I also just put TH-cam in my name to try and just move on with my life even if they troll it I can’t hide forever it’s hurting my career and goals. Anyways rant over lol. Thanks for your videos they help a lot! ❤
Go girl! Wish you the very best achieving all your dreams!! 💚☺️
I can relate to this. Keep things a secret from them & go after those goals ❤
Omg that sounds really terrible
I have so much ANXIOUS feelings whenever i am good at something or want anything!!
I want to get out of this rut.
It is a horrible feeling. Feels like everybody is out to sabotage me and ruin my dreams and nobody cares how i feel.
I had to be around alot of selfish people that traumatized me and made me feel really Low and loss of Self from confusion
IMO as a small child we cognitively don't have the capacity to grant ourselves the ability to even slightly live without the parent - in evolutionary terms this makes sense, the child who feels they can live without the parent when they can't would likely die if they wander off based on this belief. So evolution builds into us an inability to grant ourselves the self belief of having an ability to live without the parent. With good enough/healthy parents this is fine as those parents start to show the child they have their own competence outside of the parent over time. But this arrangement nosedives off a cliff with toxic parents who will never grant even an inch of competency outside of the parent to the child. So the child who is 'utterly incompetent to survive' keeps helping the parent that they 'need'. Even though to help the parent that child shows a range of skills that actually would make them competent to survive to various degrees without the parent.
Side note, you’re are soooo handsome 😊