As someone who also lost a 5 year old boy, this is how we keep our babies alive. NO ONE who hasn’t been through the loss of a child will EVER understand this situation. This woman will love and cherish her daughter above and beyond bc she knows that loss and these people need to figure their shit out. It takes YEARS to be okay. They need to celebrate with her and love her and be happy that she has a baby in her arms again. We never think we can replace the ones we’ve lost, make no mistake.
I sort of disagree with you guys on the niece and the baby story. I think the niece's parents should've helped more than just trying to explain germs to the 4 year old. It seems that her parents weren't exactly firm with her about the boundaries. The OP was trying to be gentle over and over. With niece's parents not really stepping in except once to explain about germs.
I agree with you guys!! My 2 yr old knew if I said anything like, "No." Or "Don't touch." They knew not to. They however had consiquences. How will she learn if her PARENTS are not reinforcing the words with showing her what it means and then if she doesn't listen... She doesn't get to be remotely close to the baby. I find the phrase, "They're only -- age, they don't know better. " A trigger for me. How the eff do you think they learn it!??? I honestly think that the neices' parents are losing valuable teaching moments! If it was a dog or cat and the kid started pulling their hair what happens? "Ugh, could you remove your dog, my kid doesn't know how to treat them nice. " or wait until they get bit and blame the animal? NO!! You teach them at the moment! If they don't get it yet, you keep your kid away from the animal. Re-teaching "gental pets" until THE CHILD GETS IT. Above scenerio: Approach baby together and explain that we are not going to touch baby. You can stand back here and look though. If they move closer, pull them back. If they don't listen, remove them. "Now, you are not listening, we don't want to get baby sick. You are getting too close. Now we are not going to see the baby." That child is instead learning that they don't have to respect boundaries. Period. My Girls at 4 could make their own Oatmeal etc. Parents like this limit their own child by passing up teaching moments that are hard wiring BIG issues later. 😢
Yeah, the younger kiddos in my family would not get away with stuff for as long as the niece did in this story. My aunts and uncles (especially my grandma) would have put a stop to it way before stuff escalated.
Honestly his opinion to that story PMO… I don’t get how he can’t grasp this and I also don’t understand how he doesn’t know that just because the kid might not fully understand the reasons why they do understand what no means. They don’t need to know why this rules in place all they need to know is you can’t do that so don’t.
I agree with you. At four, "No." and "Don't touch that." are very easy concepts to teach and very easy for kids to understand. My Father had a very good phrase for this, "You look with your eyes, not your hands." Even at four, I understood that meant "Don't touch that." He used to tell me that when we went shopping and I wanted to touch everything on the shelves. "Look with your eyes, not your hands." Kids can understand more than we give them credit for.
I’m 55 years old and I still talk about a sibling I lost when I was six. I remember some things so clearly (his blue eyes) but although I know his hair was brown from pictures, I don’t REMEMBER it. 2 generations forward, I still see his blue eyes and the entire extended family rejoices-Auntie, holy crap, she’s got his eyes!! Those folks need therapy asap.
Story 2: Intermittent explosive disorder can be a trauma response as well. Before they do anything rash, it might be worthwhile to explore the reasons for these outbursts.
My grandson was 14 years old when his sister was born. My daughter and SIL very rarely left her with him because if something would have happened to her, he would not forgive himself.
The first time I listened to the story about the family being “concerned” about how the grieving mother wished the child she lost could be around to be a big brother to his newborn sister, I missed the part where her husband had previously gone no contact with his parents. The way the OP (husband’s sibling) called the grieving mother missing her child and wishing he could meet his new sister “toxic” and the parents agreed, I can see why the green flag hubby went no contact and why he might do it again. Green flag hubby’s parents and (OP) siblings seem pretty toxic.
We lost our second child to SIDS and when we had our next child we talked about how similarly they were to each other but our last child also had similarities to my husband's sister that had died in an accident 35 years earlier. Similarities to both was also noticed by the family. It is sad that the family couldn't understand what she was going through.
"A 4 year old can't understand that" yeah they do. At least mine did. But that's beside the point, it's on the parents of the 4 year old. Just replace the baby with a cake and it becomes quite clear.
I listen to yall while i fall asleep, which has led to me having some weird dreams. 😂 the most recent one we were on a car trip. To where? No idea. But wanted to let you know that occasionally in my dreams you have an extra family member 😂
I’m wondering about why he originally quit speaking to his parents but came back probably because they aren’t compassionate and they think they know what’s right and wrong for everyone, instead of respecting others’ values. So, now he has to distance again from his parents. I’m proud of him.
Any 4yr old can and do understand the word no. Even babies understand the word no. Why is it that bad parenting is given the excuse "they're only 4. They're only 2. They're just a puppy, they're just first time parents, they're only kids, teenagers are like that" stop making excuses for peoples bad behavior. No is no. Kids understand that but only if taught. It's a parents job to control their child. If they said dont touch our child. Why is it their responsibility to remove their baby. If i tell my children do not touch the stove and they don't listen do i remove the stove? Sorry you're wrong
I agree with you on the niece story it seems like they don’t like the kid. It’s like they are the type of people that get bent out of shape when they see hyperactive kids and they think not my kids auntie with her kids are gonna be better.. or they think that they are better when they kit acts the same it would be different because it’s cute. but annoying with other kids do it and they expect kids not to annoy them, but would be the type of parents to put up with their bratty kid. they’re giving those kind of vibes.
Going pretty hard on a 25 yro first time mom that is only 4 weeks postpartum. 4 year olds don’t understand boundaries? Maybe not if you haven’t taught or given them any. Every kid is different but a 4 year old who argues when you say no and can’t understand boundaries as simple as “don’t touch” is at least somewhat due to failure on the parents part. I’m more interested in what they have done in the past that has upset the SIL that no one is sharing.
4:48 how is she using the baby girl as a therapy doll are treating the child like Nico 2.0! How is she treating the baby as if it’s her son reborn which she completely talks about them as two individual people! They are separated as to individuals when she speaks of both of them! How is wishing your child was still alive thinking that their baby girl is a reincarnation of her son she lost! How did they get that shit twisted by her saying she has the same smile as Nico Nico would’ve been a good big brother how is any of that unhealthy and going to make the therapy. they need therapy and they are sick in the head if they think this woman should forget about her son and not mention anything about her kid because it makes them uncomfortable. These terrible people stink.
In story 5 I really disliked the excuse of 4 years old not being able to understand I swear I went through courses of child psychology and they can understand from the age of 2 of course you explained it differently to what they can comprehend but boundaries are easier understood when you implement them from a young age this sounds like the typical excuse of “gentle parenting “ being a reason to never tell them no or just use a more firm tone I promise if you teach them the meaning of no they can understand it.
I know huh! It’s like um idk um like come on and say it, um I just like don’t get it um idk! It’s like um idk. Um I think you know what I mean, it’s like um, we can speak and say what we want like if you don’t like it um don’t watch, it’s like wrong to criticize people because they are not talking the way you like because it hurts your little ears.
@ I wasn’t peeing the little smart ass bag o crap like you. It is confusing to the majority of the audience. I don’t know if you were smart enough to complete your basic education… so go find a grammar teacher, unless you are writing from prison, and ask that teacher on the basis of ‘um’ and ‘like’ in the basis of confusion of English grammar. Now a heartfelt response go suck it
Maybe she has a disability where her brain can think faster than her to be able to talk, or a hard to explaining things. Don’t judge, especially to someone you don’t know. My son does that. I’m not sure if it was he was deaf for his first few years of life, or his adhd, but I would never be rude as you are. And yes he had speech therapy as soon as his hearing was fixed with surgery.
As someone who also lost a 5 year old boy, this is how we keep our babies alive. NO ONE who hasn’t been through the loss of a child will EVER understand this situation. This woman will love and cherish her daughter above and beyond bc she knows that loss and these people need to figure their shit out. It takes YEARS to be okay. They need to celebrate with her and love her and be happy that she has a baby in her arms again. We never think we can replace the ones we’ve lost, make no mistake.
I sort of disagree with you guys on the niece and the baby story. I think the niece's parents should've helped more than just trying to explain germs to the 4 year old. It seems that her parents weren't exactly firm with her about the boundaries. The OP was trying to be gentle over and over. With niece's parents not really stepping in except once to explain about germs.
Yes my 4 year old understands “no do not do that”
I agree with you guys!! My 2 yr old knew if I said anything like, "No." Or "Don't touch." They knew not to. They however had consiquences. How will she learn if her PARENTS are not reinforcing the words with showing her what it means and then if she doesn't listen... She doesn't get to be remotely close to the baby. I find the phrase, "They're only -- age, they don't know better. " A trigger for me. How the eff do you think they learn it!???
I honestly think that the neices' parents are losing valuable teaching moments! If it was a dog or cat and the kid started pulling their hair what happens? "Ugh, could you remove your dog, my kid doesn't know how to treat them nice. " or wait until they get bit and blame the animal? NO!! You teach them at the moment! If they don't get it yet, you keep your kid away from the animal. Re-teaching "gental pets" until THE CHILD GETS IT.
Above scenerio: Approach baby together and explain that we are not going to touch baby. You can stand back here and look though. If they move closer, pull them back. If they don't listen, remove them. "Now, you are not listening, we don't want to get baby sick. You are getting too close. Now we are not going to see the baby."
That child is instead learning that they don't have to respect boundaries. Period.
My Girls at 4 could make their own Oatmeal etc. Parents like this limit their own child by passing up teaching moments that are hard wiring BIG issues later. 😢
Yeah, the younger kiddos in my family would not get away with stuff for as long as the niece did in this story. My aunts and uncles (especially my grandma) would have put a stop to it way before stuff escalated.
Honestly his opinion to that story PMO…
I don’t get how he can’t grasp this and I also don’t understand how he doesn’t know that just because the kid might not fully understand the reasons why they do understand what no means. They don’t need to know why this rules in place all they need to know is you can’t do that so don’t.
I agree with you. At four, "No." and "Don't touch that." are very easy concepts to teach and very easy for kids to understand. My Father had a very good phrase for this, "You look with your eyes, not your hands." Even at four, I understood that meant "Don't touch that." He used to tell me that when we went shopping and I wanted to touch everything on the shelves. "Look with your eyes, not your hands." Kids can understand more than we give them credit for.
I’m 55 years old and I still talk about a sibling I lost when I was six. I remember some things so clearly (his blue eyes) but although I know his hair was brown from pictures, I don’t REMEMBER it. 2 generations forward, I still see his blue eyes and the entire extended family rejoices-Auntie, holy crap, she’s got his eyes!! Those folks need therapy asap.
Story 2: Intermittent explosive disorder can be a trauma response as well. Before they do anything rash, it might be worthwhile to explore the reasons for these outbursts.
My grandson was 14 years old when his sister was born. My daughter and SIL very rarely left her with him because if something would have happened to her, he would not forgive himself.
The first time I listened to the story about the family being “concerned” about how the grieving mother wished the child she lost could be around to be a big brother to his newborn sister, I missed the part where her husband had previously gone no contact with his parents. The way the OP (husband’s sibling) called the grieving mother missing her child and wishing he could meet his new sister “toxic” and the parents agreed, I can see why the green flag hubby went no contact and why he might do it again. Green flag hubby’s parents and (OP) siblings seem pretty toxic.
We lost our second child to SIDS and when we had our next child we talked about how similarly they were to each other but our last child also had similarities to my husband's sister that had died in an accident 35 years earlier. Similarities to both was also noticed by the family. It is sad that the family couldn't understand what she was going through.
"A 4 year old can't understand that" yeah they do. At least mine did. But that's beside the point, it's on the parents of the 4 year old. Just replace the baby with a cake and it becomes quite clear.
I listen to yall while i fall asleep, which has led to me having some weird dreams. 😂 the most recent one we were on a car trip. To where? No idea. But wanted to let you know that occasionally in my dreams you have an extra family member 😂
The girlfriend prime rate rent story: the size of this marinara flag can be seen from space.
I’m wondering about why he originally quit speaking to his parents but came back probably because they aren’t compassionate and they think they know what’s right and wrong for everyone, instead of respecting others’ values. So, now he has to distance again from his parents. I’m proud of him.
Any 4yr old can and do understand the word no. Even babies understand the word no. Why is it that bad parenting is given the excuse "they're only 4. They're only 2. They're just a puppy, they're just first time parents, they're only kids, teenagers are like that" stop making excuses for peoples bad behavior. No is no. Kids understand that but only if taught. It's a parents job to control their child. If they said dont touch our child. Why is it their responsibility to remove their baby. If i tell my children do not touch the stove and they don't listen do i remove the stove? Sorry you're wrong
❤️
I agree with you on the niece story it seems like they don’t like the kid. It’s like they are the type of people that get bent out of shape when they see hyperactive kids and they think not my kids auntie with her kids are gonna be better.. or they think that they are better when they kit acts the same it would be different because it’s cute. but annoying with other kids do it and they expect kids not to annoy them, but would be the type of parents to put up with their bratty kid. they’re giving those kind of vibes.
Going pretty hard on a 25 yro first time mom that is only 4 weeks postpartum.
4 year olds don’t understand boundaries? Maybe not if you haven’t taught or given them any. Every kid is different but a 4 year old who argues when you say no and can’t understand boundaries as simple as “don’t touch” is at least somewhat due to failure on the parents part.
I’m more interested in what they have done in the past that has upset the SIL that no one is sharing.
I'm sorry but a 4 year old understands boundaries if they're reinforced. This is a lack of parental correction
4:48 how is she using the baby girl as a therapy doll are treating the child like Nico 2.0! How is she treating the baby as if it’s her son reborn which she completely talks about them as two individual people! They are separated as to individuals when she speaks of both of them! How is wishing your child was still alive thinking that their baby girl is a reincarnation of her son she lost! How did they get that shit twisted by her saying she has the same smile as Nico Nico would’ve been a good big brother how is any of that unhealthy and going to make the therapy. they need therapy and they are sick in the head if they think this woman should forget about her son and not mention anything about her kid because it makes them uncomfortable. These terrible people stink.
In story 5 I really disliked the excuse of 4 years old not being able to understand I swear I went through courses of child psychology and they can understand from the age of 2 of course you explained it differently to what they can comprehend but boundaries are easier understood when you implement them from a young age this sounds like the typical excuse of “gentle parenting “ being a reason to never tell them no or just use a more firm tone I promise if you teach them the meaning of no they can understand it.
Candy, I love your viewpoints. PLEASE STOP saying "like" and "UM".
I know huh! It’s like um idk um like come on and say it, um I just like don’t get it um idk! It’s like um idk. Um I think you know what I mean, it’s like um, we can speak and say what we want like if you don’t like it um don’t watch, it’s like wrong to criticize people because they are not talking the way you like because it hurts your little ears.
@ I wasn’t peeing the little smart ass bag o crap like you. It is confusing to the majority of the audience. I don’t know if you were smart enough to complete your basic education… so go find a grammar teacher, unless you are writing from prison, and ask that teacher on the basis of ‘um’ and ‘like’ in the basis of confusion of English grammar. Now a heartfelt response go suck it
Maybe she has a disability where her brain can think faster than her to be able to talk, or a hard to explaining things. Don’t judge, especially to someone you don’t know. My son does that. I’m not sure if it was he was deaf for his first few years of life, or his adhd, but I would never be rude as you are. And yes he had speech therapy as soon as his hearing was fixed with surgery.