Honestly I have to constant check myself when my employees ask for help because my instant reaction is anger regardless of whether they do legitimately need help. My instant reaction is anger and I've never really understood why until now.
I love the recent addition of visual aids. They're super useful for someone like me who spaces out occasionally due to my adhd. Makes it really easy to catch back up.
I on the contrary find it more distracting and overwhelming, like a layer of distance between Heidi and us, like a cupboard shield, so that you suddenly feel like in a classroom instead of a friend’s living over a glass of wine 😔
My favourite statement so far: "being willing to justify and validate our own feelings and needs as real responses to our environment, not crazy garbage that we made up inside of our mind."
"If I tell people what I want, I tell them how they can hurt me" is a lesson I've been working on unlearning for a while now. Thanks for the perspective and tips.
Me too! I have come to realize that people noticing me makes me feel panicky. I was faced with a lot of derision whenever I put myself forward, so I learned to clam up and develop a false persona of a waitress - all smiles and platitudes. It's taking some real effort to open up.
I don't tell anyone what I want. I'm not healed enough to know. I appreciate knowing what you wrote. Reading this I thought, "is this why I ask nothing of______ "fill in the blank"??? Like it poked me in my eye! I'm needing to find more in this. I wasn't spoken with I'm learning. Thank you 🙏
Being auto clam is stopping, has always squashed healing. I'm still a not because of. I heard recently ,"recovering is my responsibility" Correct, no one is swooping in to save.
It just occurred to me that we're not only hyoervigilant about thr emotions of other people and their behaviour, we do the exact same thing to ourselves so that we can clamp down any unsafe feelings we may have and invalidate ourselves so as not to bring up our discomfort because bringing up our discomfort was unsafe in childhood. It wouldn't be met with care 😢😢😢😢
Isn't it phenomenal to feel seen in such a way you didn't even know you could? I'm glad for you to be experiencing this! Take good care of yourself, you deserve it!
Me too! I'm finally dating someone with secure attachment style, and only with what I've learned here do I feel confident enough to go forward. It's scary, but I at least know where the goal posts are.
Seriously! Heidi provides THE BEST content available for those struggling not only with CPTSD but interpersonal relationships. I just wish I had access to this info 40 years ago before I wasted an entire life.
"Until we recognize the magnitude of the challenges that we are up against in life, it's really hard to tackle them at the magnitude that they need to be tackled" Thank you for that!
I wish you knew how much your videos are helping people. There is no other channel that has helped me more than yours. You are so gifted in helping people like me. Everything you said in this video resonated so deeply with me in my experience.
i also think the way she presents it, only helpful information and no other information to distract from healing. its almost like there is absolutely no advertising. it feels like pure healing information. i have to watch a couple of times in a row. sooo good! hope for clearer progress
and the craziest thing about it that she isnt even a therapist. I mean, she is healing... but without an approbated licence from government..but wait, maybe the approbation is from life or a divine power itself. Anyhow, I love Heidi and that she shares her gift with us
I cannot belive that this is a free resource. I don't dwell on regrets, but I can't help wondering what my life would've been like had I known this 40 or 50 years ago!
I tend to fawn and take on tasks for others and have said tasks be a HUGE burden to myself, and I think that may play a part in why I feel such immense guilt in asking for help...like projecting? I just naturally believe my needs will be a detriment to others, since they are so often that way for me...Thank you so much for your work, you are so eloquent in your topics.
The only emotion that got a response from my parents was anger. And now my mom asks me why I get angry at everything as if was ever taught that any other emotion was acceptable. And that only makes me angrier. So now in my relationships I completely mask and abandon all my needs until the resentment explodes in a fit of anger which naturally, is off putting to just about everyone. The only way I know to cry is by watching sad movies or certain things that feel nostalgic just to feel something besides intense anger or emptiness. At the very least I’m becoming aware of this pattern and slowly trying to learn ways to process my feelings before they explode
Im on the verge of tears listening to this.. I've always felt chronically misunderstood or not understood even when I try hard to explain my feelings to someone. The right words dont come and it never seems to be translated accurately. I go through phases of trying hard and then giving up and shutting down. It's so hard. I have a lot of resentment and have never known how to release anger in a healthy way. This video explains so so much.
Heidi I can’t tell you how much your words and explanations help heal the pain and shame of CPTSD. There is so little understanding and compassion for such a devastating condition that even sufferers don’t even fully understand. I am 55yrs old and I am dealing with the losses that have occurred due to CPTSD and my hope is that others don’t suffer as long and as much through education and awareness-which is what you are doing. Well done for doing such great and important work! The way you explain it and your relatability is fantastic!
I remember whispering for "help" as a kid because anything louder than that would cause my mom to get a migraine. I like how you talked about making your needs as well as appreciation of your partner's efforts explicit. Ive got a lot of work to do in that area. Thanks again for another fantastic video. You talk about such vulnerable experiences with clear, non-judgmental language that helps me feel less alone and more hopeful about my challenges. I greatly appreciate what you do.
Thank you for articulating both the experience of what it’s like to be the people who experience difficulty expressing themselves and the steps of how to get better at advocating for one’s needs. ❤ I am going to show this video to my therapist to help communicate how hard it is for me to know how to ask for help due to a lack of awareness of my own emotional needs so I can practice getting better at doing so.
I like how you put the "awareness of needs" circle of the person with CPTSD off-center - it's like a visual metaphor for not understanding what the central problems are. I identify myself somewhat with the CPTSD things that you talk about, and to a greater degree with early wounding and insecure attachment. when I first struggled with feeling depressed, I alienated my friends. I felt mad at them because they weren't helping me. I thought that it ought to be so clear to anyone that I needed help, but in a way that clearly implied some mind reading, as I never communicated what I was feeling or what I needed from them as friends.
Because you didn't know! None of us that suffer as we do know. I'm currently in therapy, and still don't really know what I need, other than to not feel rejected or abandoned.
Anyone else feel like they know what they’re experiencing is actually very hard but still don’t ask for help? So you don’t invalidate your problems or think you’re pathetic but you just don’t see how anyone can solve these inner struggles besides yourself.
for me the worse things feel the more risky it feels to draw attention to myself. asking for help feels like it will make things more dangerous... however this has got better after managing to to join a group and experiencing speaking to a deep personal issue - without anything terrible happening!
I see myself in your comment! I don't have trouble seeing how I'm struggling. It's fairly objective even on the surface. I have an X diagnosis, and a Y circumstance and the results being Z are super obvious given the situation. But then... Now what? I'm struggling, it's obvious, now what? Who helps? How do I ask them? What could they even do? I'm not sure... I find your sentiment relatable.
@@slyfan77 I hear ya. Same. And, I've found that reaching out to a friend or partner, heck even just a stranger I meet, and sharing what I'm going through is healing in itself. It's like practicing being seen, even if they don't have much to offer in the way of help.
Sure. It’s possible to have problems that others in your life are not able to completely help you with like if specialized knowledge may be needed. When this happens I’ve realized that if I want help I may need to get it from multiple sources. Like I could get the specialized knowledge myself or learn what I need to know about it to work towards a solution and if I need emotional or practical support I can ask others in my life for that. I don’t beat myself up for it usually but I’ve had to accept that others have limitations.
25:32 It's a little eerie because in so many of your videos you seem to be looking straight into my mind and talking about exactly the thing I need to hear and learn about at that moment. Your four most recent videos have felt like this in particular, and maybe this one the most. I hope you understand how significant these videos are for the people watching them and how special you are to have the ability to make them. I’m giving myself goosebumps thinking about it. It is the most inspiring thing I can find to remind myself of when I feel sad, that there are people like you, and that it is possible to create change and change the trajectories of human lives. I don’t know why this feels so important to me but it does.
I find society does really good job of this. Like in school you taught not show anger or you get punished. If you are boy you shamed for feeling sad and crying. So one has to hide those emotion to function in society. As well we are taught bad emotion that we should not feel like jealousy and envy through religion.
Big lie about boys only being allowed angry. We are NOT allowed angry, that is how it goes so bad, we men, today, have much to be angry about. Angry, not violent.
Seeing that diagram of secure vs insecure really hit home and, right on cue, I felt instantly ashamed and embarrassed for not being able to get my sh!t together. As with so many of your videos, I will have to re-watch this one. Several times. There's too many pearls of wisdom I want to revisit. Thank you Heidi for the hard work you put into your videos. Your channel is a blessing in my life.
Thank you. I am currently living with two other adults who have their own childhood wounding. And I am trying to express my needs. It's tough. I hate conflict and it takes so much effort to bring something up that bothers me and I even am phrasing it in a positive way: here is what I need, but I feel it is being taken as a personal attack and that the need jtself is dismissed. I am now struggling to not feel like the bad guy for how the other person is responding to my self-expression. I think I just need to soothe myself and remind myself that I am not doing anything wrong. I feel afraid of the silence, not responding to my texts for a while, and the unwillingness of the other person to talk about it in person, despite them literally being in the same house as me right now. You can't force someone else to have a conversation if they don't want to, I am reminding myself. I wish you all the very best with recognising and validating your needs, even if some people do not understand and do not want to hear.
THIS explains a lot for me! I was always wondering why nobody seems to care about me and I wanted to be kind of emotional seen - but i didn't show myself, that mask hides my true feelings. I thought saying what I feel is enough. To say what I need is enough - it was never enough. And I dealt with incompatible people. It is exactly that subconscious punishment for not responding to my emotions. Damn. What an insight, that hits the spot I was circling around. My feelings are crippled down and I am still afraid to express them fully when they come up a bit. I saw that little front garden inside me, that I needed to protect from others, because it felt they else walk over all my little plants. Time to find the trees inside me. Thanks for that detailed information. Helps a lot lot! The part with the permission is true - but subconscious buried. i even hinder myself to call my psychologist. Rational I want help and I am not even angry with me, but all Trauma safety responses seem to work regardless.I push the step for months now. Is there a reason for that amount of jump cuts? Because they drove me a little bit crazy, but i bit through. Not big of a deal, but distracted me a bit. Thank you for your work and videos!
I had a strong paranoia about people reading my thoughts and feelings. And I still do. I'm glad that you mentioned it, because many of these things are spot on. I've had thoughts that people can sense my feelings even when I'm alone at my home.😢 I also hear some thoughts spoken with other people's voice in my head. They are not auditory hallucinations, but more like thoughts, but with someone else's voice.
I am immensely grateful that you are sharing all of this for free. These videos are obviously the result of so much research and hard work, scripting, filming, editing, adding visual aids, you are a literal saint. I heal small bits of me with every video of yours that I watch.
Before I got healed, I was super aware of my actions towards people around me that I didn't show any emotions. After working on my mental health, I felt all of my emotions it was a eye opening experience. Somedays I try to not react like before I was heal not realizing till now my ability to have no reaction was a trauma response.
I also love the visual aids, although as a 55 year old whose eyes are failing, I would really love it if the font were enlarged ❤ Thank you so much Heidi, this is incredibly relevant to me right now!
9:14 Yes! This is as per usual so spot on! This is exactly how it is for me. I feel like my thoughts and emotions couldn’t possible be clearer or louder. They literally feel like loudness inside my head and exhaust me. And then I still get the sense that people think I am not being clear at all, that I am very hard to read and that I am ‘too complicated.’ And yes, I definitely often feel resentment and misconstrue people as being somehow deliberately neglectful of my feelings. But it’s really hard not to when within me the volume and visibility and clearness of what I feel and need is maddeningly loud. And when I think so much about other people and try to guess their needs before they know themselves they have them, which of course is not ideal at all.
Omg where were you 3 or even two years ago. I feel like I realised this stuff in an excruciating way, I had to have extreme crisis for over a year to start changing. Even if I manage to ask for help, which is extremely rare, the dysregulation destroys my body and mind to the point its still not worth it. I do this thing where I think I’m asking for help and I’m actually disguising my needs really subtly to get myself out of the situation and back to safety.
“They’ll get frustrated when they see secure people asking for help” Not frustration. Anger. Pure anger and jealousy. Sigh, I’ll pull out my notebook and watch more of your videos 😔💔
Heidi, i think our negative core beliefs change when we fundamentally understand what is happening and how it is impacting us. I have not come across any other channel that describes psychological concepts with so much clarity and detail. Hats off to you and sending lots of love your way! You have been a massive contributor in my healing after coming out from 15 years of abusive marriage.
I think I’ve watched this video 6 or 7 times… and I’m still putting together the pieces of what you’re describing and learning something new every time. It’s heavy and freeing at the same time. Thank you, Heidi.❤
I was taught that emotions were bad, not to let my hurt show (after being hit, for example, being told to "shut it up, or I'll give you something to cry about"), and to keep my needs to myself. I still feel a lot of shame being vulnerable to the point that it makes me ill. For some reason, though, I seem to be the person people open up to for things. I'm perceptive (thanks, hypervigilance) and intellectual, plus somehow I seem to others like I'm pretty stable. Most of the time, though, people don't want to give that back in return. I'll get, "I'm sorry" (ew) or "Awwww..." (double ew), or indifference. My problems always seem to be the kind where people seem to say, "Well, if YOU can't figure it out, how am I supposed to know?" That just reinforces that I need to take care of things myself.
Wow, what an incisive explanation of advocating for oneself. I’ve long wanted to hear someone else say that communication of needs should be a norm in relationships. My childhood experience with both parents was of one of enmeshment and demands. Reciprocity certainly wasn’t in the picture. I really respect that you couched the idea of differentiation between making one’s needs clear, and appreciation of where our chosen others meet those needs. Thanks Heidi!
Hello Heidi! This video came at a perfect time. Just got diagnosed with C-PTSD and before, OCD & Autism. This is very, very helpful with my healing journey, as well as your other content. Thank you thank you sooo much! ❤
You have hit an enormous pain point of mine when you mentioned that some of us live under the shadow of thinking everyone knows what we're thinking. And once again, when I thought I was weird and looked amazed at people who seemed to be relaxed (or secretive, even) most of the time, you tell me that I'm not alone. Once again, I have to thank you :)
Heidi I love your work but here is a small recommendation: Can you please use a darker colour background instead of bright white for the visual aids? It’s difficult to look at night and also not so easy for sensory sensitive individuals.
Thanks so very much for learning this info and presenting it in such a way that I can see these patterns in myself and clear steps to improve them. I've been working with this for a while and you've added very helpful structure and insights to help me understand it and work with it more intentionally. Also your example is really relatable, and hearing about your struggles and progress is encouraging to me!
Visuals and charts are very helpful. I can take a screen shot and refer back to it when I can’t listen to the lecture. Keep going. 😊 Kindest thanks. Hug from VERMONT
Living with CPTSD is almost like a whole different emotional language that very few people can speak, let alone are fluent in. It can be extremely isolating to not feel understood, which can perpetuate the shameful self-narrative and lead to further isolation. (Which comes with its own comorbidities if given enough time.) What I’m saying is- this is real stuff. And I fully believe the mind of a healed CPTSD survivor is one to be marveled like a work of art. 🧠 beautifully and intentionally sculpted by its creator.
Heidi, you just came into my recommended videos this morning. I’m about 5 minutes into this video and your chart is incredible. I have always felt that I follow this “pattern” of reaction from a place of shame and hypervigilance. But I could never figure out how to explain or understand this pattern so it could stop or at least I could have more awareness of it. Thank you!!
Great point about having less resources, my "resources" (or lack of) is what caused PTSD. Therapy costs money and takes extra time, which adds another stressor. Wish there was "rehab" for people like us. Unless wealthy or an addict...the in-between seem to always get looked over as we function too high for services or free healthcare yet can't often afford to take the time off for costly "programs". So we turn to Facebook groups where the first steps of awareness and not feeling alone is met...stuckness in "relating over our trauma" is common. Then what? Love the GASLIGHTING ourselves examples, so helpful! Please keep them coming!! Thank you 😊
Heidi may all your stars align for you in a most positive way. Thank you.Your grasp of ADHD a d d and CPTSD ARE EXTREMELY HELPFUL.Far more than 5 years of therapy I have walked through However I must admit that the reality is I did not know how to ask my therapist for the help that I need. Not blaming working on me is my responsibility you are a breath of fresh air, I can not even imagine what you went through to be able to present the ideas that are truly helping me in a most profound and unique way.THANKYOU so much!!!
Thank you for this!!! Explains a lot of my observation of milleinnal generations and gen z. So, interesting to hear this perspective. Thank you so much!!!
My life is shame bound, my very existence was tied to shame. I still feel like I have no right to be here. My parents beat us daily, I was the youngest. It was trickle down abuse. Only the dog got it worse than me. Thank you for the permission to feel what I feel. It has been a long road.
terrific video. Discovering your channel over a year ago was the start of my journey into understanding my own emotions and rebuilding a relationship with myself. Thank you for promoting this awareness for people with cptsd. Witnessing and validating my own emotions and experience has changed my life.
Dear Heidi, there is no words to describe what you did for me and I never met you. Thank you so much! By helping people you are realy changing the world ❤❤
I just found your content and is helping me immensely! I feel so seen and can't help but cry because asking for help is a struggle and feels imposing. I am currently experiencing all this with my partner who has been very patient but the last point is exactly what they said they needed from me which is appreciation and I want to make them feel I genuinely appreciate everything they do.
6 mins in and this video has helped me understand a strange feeling ive had all my life. I love watching Heidis videos in stages so that i can spend some days processing the information and they build on each other as i rebuild myself from the inside. The thing that got me in this video was just being able to identify an unidentified feeling ive had all my life thay really made me feel awkward. In day to day life, out of nowhere, my body will get overwhelmed by this feeling of anxiety but i couldnt say it was anxiety because i didnt realize thats what it was. All i could say was that i felt (in my body and mind) like a baby. Like an infant. Not like a screaming crying immature person, but like a literal baby. When watching this video it dawned on me that the feeling is a need to be hugged, cradled, doted on or any other wave of emotional love that my infant self needed but didnt get. Then it became a shame based emotion. Let me tell you, feeling "like a baby" has never made more sense to me then it does right now because my avoidance to being loved by others, combined with my neediness to be loved throughout my adult life, mixed with this unknown feeling of "feeling like a baby" has been pretty confusing. This is starting to make sense. My inner child is the inner baby and now im the inner parent who can finally give her the love she innocently asked for. I dont blame my mom, she was def having a hard time in her own adult life. ❤
I really like the fact that there is that little room of struggle left in the chart for secure people. Knowing that everybody has some challanges makes me feel much more normal
This is why it grinds my ears when people are impatient with me and inform me I just have to be more open and not expect people to mind read. There always seems to be an assumption that I lack awareness, that I am choosing my reactions and behaviors in the moment, that there is no particular reason or background behind them, or that my they have to do with a lack of self-esteem or confidence. And people often ‘advice me’ in a really loud voice, like they are cheering me on. It’s not that I am not grateful it’s just that it can feel exhausting and increase feelings of shame and inadequacy to feel always misunderstood. I always feel so inspired and supported by each one of your videos. I can’t say enough how important you are to me. I wish there was a way for you to cite sources. I always wonder how I should speak to this whenever I try to share something you have said to someone.
on the one hand Heidi gives incredible life advice the helps me feel better about myself, understand myself and make better life choices... on the other hand STAY OUT OF MY MIND MAGIC WOMAN!! STOP KNOWING MORE ABOUT ME THAN I KNOW ABOUT MYSELF ITS FREAKING ME OUT. LET ME LIVE WITH MY DELUSIONS!!!!
When I was in college I needed help because I was the first in my family to go to college and really just needed some guidance. I went to my advisor (who I made an appointment with) and when I asked him for help he let out the loudest sigh of irritation. I told him it was part of his job AS AN ADVISOR to advise and I was so sorry to bother him. I ended up changing my major and really not enjoying my time or getting a degree in the field that I originally wanted when I decided to apply to this school.
This is very helpful and true for those of us with a chronic illness or disability as well. Thank you so much for providing a model. I can feel myself how very validating it is just to have your life put in the clear visuals, normalized, in a way, and what the path forward is. You can feel so alone and misunderstood. Thanks very much!!
You are such a wonderful communicator. You organize your thoughts so well, and relay them without wasting time. We are all fortunate that you did not grow up with secure attachment, because your journey would not have yeilded all these insights.
Honestly Heidi, your videos have been invaluable in my journey to overcome CPTSD. THe are so on point and have highlighted to me how great a role attachment plays in both perpetuating and healing my struggles. THanks so much for your videos and work.
Thank you so much Heidi. I truly hope you understand how tremendous you are for sharing & making this content. I’m currently involved in an outpatient 90 day program for CPTSD & I’ve been listening to your content for months now, but it’s all really starting to click. This message/knowledge spoke volumes.
My God. You are a genius. Thank you so much for such a concise, focused, clear and enlightening analysis. There's a special place in heaven for you I am certain.
35:09 until I embraced my need for CPTSD therapy and started EMDR, Reparenting my wounded parts, and seeking protective, nurturing, resources in between sessions I had no real agency. I did not really respect or truly care for myself. My inner critic was harsh on me and my external critic was hard on others around me. I was very avoidant and untrusting. Now I have greater capacity for inner peace and ability for being present in the moment without getting highjacked by my amygdala/4F's. I appreciate your videos so much because they help me accept the progress I have made! ❤❤ this is real, I am not dreaming 😊 BTW- I can't say enough about trauma therapy!!!! I work at a very professional environment and for the first time in 30yrs I no longer suffer from imposter syndrome! 🙌
You just described my entire childhood to adolescent. I've learned to overcome this on my own without having the right tools, but your videos help me compartmentalize what I've gone through and helping me with my healing process better. I'm trying to unlearn everything that's done to me and your videos have been helping me clear my head so much
Amazing video--you have been coming out with such incredible stuff lately!!! The parts about how it never even occurred to you to ask your professor for clarification when you were struggling with a project at school, and about how people with C-PTSD can unintentionally make their loved ones feel uncared for and neglected and impede their relationships from ever having a chance to develop simply because the person with C-PTSD is too shame-bound to express their emotions openly or ask to have their needs met really hit home for me. 😞 Thank you for empowering people with this knowledge that can have such a life-transforming effect...I only wish I had known it sooner.
I love your channel. Your dedixation to the subject is very healing to me. I listen to your videos while doing my chores. Sometimes i have to rewind because something you said was just to scorchingly true. I rewind a lot ❤ bless you and keep up the good work
So interesting. Asking for help has never been an issue for me…once I identify my needs. The challenge for me has been not trusting anyone can help me. Thanks again for these videos!
The way you articulate what I haven't been able to is so clear. This has been my whole life. It is so emotionally difficult to ask someone for help when I do recognise it. I have mostly just struggled through on my own. So much so, I have even scared a couple potential partners away as they felt intimidated by my independence and ability to just get some practical things done all by myself where couples, friends and families have done the same thing working together. I pretty much did all my schooling this way. The last thing I felt I could do was ask for clarification! And big emotions circled when I felt the need for help and I definitely felt stupid for not somehow magically just knowing.
Not sure how these videos started popping up for me... but this is randomly quite relevant. I've relaxed a bit now, but for some reason in my 20s there was a part of me that took the inhibition part, i.e. self control/discipline/restraint super seriously, and was so judgemental on people I felt were pathetic. "Essentially all you need in life, at the bare minimum, is bread, water, and a place to sleep. Everything else is superfluous", and constantly trying to cut out things I enjoyed if I felt like I needed to be better... I always preached, and dressed everything up in fancy language, being so passionate on art, history, philosophy and literature made my ideas sound thoughtful. But really, I am just so hard on myself, but for some reason I feel that is good, it's positive to need nothing. I would have made a great monk
Honestly I have to constant check myself when my employees ask for help because my instant reaction is anger regardless of whether they do legitimately need help. My instant reaction is anger and I've never really understood why until now.
That's awesome you are aware.
I love the recent addition of visual aids. They're super useful for someone like me who spaces out occasionally due to my adhd. Makes it really easy to catch back up.
So me!
Same
I on the contrary find it more distracting and overwhelming, like a layer of distance between Heidi and us, like a cupboard shield, so that you suddenly feel like in a classroom instead of a friend’s living over a glass of wine 😔
THIS! I was looking for a link/patreon page so I could print them off haha
Yeah, good idea, they can come separately instead of disrupting the flow of the conversation
My favourite statement so far: "being willing to justify and validate our own feelings and needs as real responses to our environment, not crazy garbage that we made up inside of our mind."
That part!!!
"If I tell people what I want, I tell them how they can hurt me" is a lesson I've been working on unlearning for a while now. Thanks for the perspective and tips.
Me too! I have come to realize that people noticing me makes me feel panicky. I was faced with a lot of derision whenever I put myself forward, so I learned to clam up and develop a false persona of a waitress - all smiles and platitudes.
It's taking some real effort to open up.
@@danak2230 Same same
... because it's true.
I don't tell anyone what I want. I'm not healed enough to know. I appreciate knowing what you wrote. Reading this I thought, "is this why I ask nothing of______ "fill in the blank"??? Like it poked me in my eye! I'm needing to find more in this. I wasn't spoken with I'm learning. Thank you 🙏
Being auto clam is stopping, has always squashed healing. I'm still a not because of. I heard recently ,"recovering is my responsibility" Correct, no one is swooping in to save.
It just occurred to me that we're not only hyoervigilant about thr emotions of other people and their behaviour, we do the exact same thing to ourselves so that we can clamp down any unsafe feelings we may have and invalidate ourselves so as not to bring up our discomfort because bringing up our discomfort was unsafe in childhood. It wouldn't be met with care 😢😢😢😢
The idea that other people might actually want to help and that helping one another increases connection is something I'd just never considered.
I'm 47 now and i never knew that was a thing...
You are amazing. This is amazing.
I don't know how you hit everything on the nose but I feel seen, understood and finally not broken and alone.
She always does doesnt she?
Isn't it phenomenal to feel seen in such a way you didn't even know you could?
I'm glad for you to be experiencing this!
Take good care of yourself, you deserve it!
I want to keep hitting the thumbs up on this comment
Yes - I think that is absolutely correct - I feel seen and understood.
She really is incredible. She sees everything and communicates so directly and well.
You've changed my life Heidi, thank you for all your work!
Yes mine too … All these video helped me to keep my head above water ❤️❤️
Mine too. Thank you.
Me too.
Me too! I'm finally dating someone with secure attachment style, and only with what I've learned here do I feel confident enough to go forward. It's scary, but I at least know where the goal posts are.
Seriously! Heidi provides THE BEST content available for those struggling not only with CPTSD but interpersonal relationships. I just wish I had access to this info 40 years ago before I wasted an entire life.
Wow, really helpful! I'm almost 70, and just starting to understand this behavior in myself, better late than never!
love that approach ♥ Hope you are doing good
"Until we recognize the magnitude of the challenges that we are up against in life, it's really hard to tackle them at the magnitude that they need to be tackled"
Thank you for that!
I wish you knew how much your videos are helping people. There is no other channel that has helped me more than yours. You are so gifted in helping people like me. Everything you said in this video resonated so deeply with me in my experience.
Exactly❤
So true
This. 💯
i also think the way she presents it, only helpful information and no other information to distract from healing. its almost like there is absolutely no advertising. it feels like pure healing information. i have to watch a couple of times in a row. sooo good! hope for clearer progress
SO gifted. Heidi's ability to convey these complex concepts so clearly is a life-changing gift. I learn things I've never heard anywhere else
This is like a life-changing masterclass. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you do.
This lady is super smart! A lot of folks on TH-cam tryna act like therapists but she is for real!! Real knowledge being dropped here!
and the craziest thing about it that she isnt even a therapist.
I mean, she is healing... but without an approbated licence from government..but wait, maybe the approbation is from life or a divine power itself. Anyhow, I love Heidi and that she shares her gift with us
I cannot belive that this is a free resource. I don't dwell on regrets, but I can't help wondering what my life would've been like had I known this 40 or 50 years ago!
It's so wild hearing someone describe exactly the process I use to shut myself down.
I tend to fawn and take on tasks for others and have said tasks be a HUGE burden to myself, and I think that may play a part in why I feel such immense guilt in asking for help...like projecting? I just naturally believe my needs will be a detriment to others, since they are so often that way for me...Thank you so much for your work, you are so eloquent in your topics.
The only emotion that got a response from my parents was anger. And now my mom asks me why I get angry at everything as if was ever taught that any other emotion was acceptable. And that only makes me angrier. So now in my relationships I completely mask and abandon all my needs until the resentment explodes in a fit of anger which naturally, is off putting to just about everyone. The only way I know to cry is by watching sad movies or certain things that feel nostalgic just to feel something besides intense anger or emptiness. At the very least I’m becoming aware of this pattern and slowly trying to learn ways to process my feelings before they explode
Exactly. I was taught if i expressed my needs, i would be attacked, shamed, or ignored. There was no support. Now i have to relearn how to be.
You explain these complex concepts more clearly than anyone else on TH-cam.
More clearly than any therapist I've seen in person!
Im on the verge of tears listening to this.. I've always felt chronically misunderstood or not understood even when I try hard to explain my feelings to someone. The right words dont come and it never seems to be translated accurately. I go through phases of trying hard and then giving up and shutting down. It's so hard. I have a lot of resentment and have never known how to release anger in a healthy way. This video explains so so much.
Heidi I can’t tell you how much your words and explanations help heal the pain and shame of CPTSD.
There is so little understanding and compassion for such a devastating condition that even sufferers don’t even fully understand. I am 55yrs old and I am dealing with the losses that have occurred due to CPTSD and my hope is that others don’t suffer as long and as much through education and awareness-which is what you are doing. Well done for doing such great and important work! The way you explain it and your relatability is fantastic!
I remember whispering for "help" as a kid because anything louder than that would cause my mom to get a migraine. I like how you talked about making your needs as well as appreciation of your partner's efforts explicit. Ive got a lot of work to do in that area. Thanks again for another fantastic video. You talk about such vulnerable experiences with clear, non-judgmental language that helps me feel less alone and more hopeful about my challenges. I greatly appreciate what you do.
Thank you for articulating both the experience of what it’s like to be the people who experience difficulty expressing themselves and the steps of how to get better at advocating for one’s needs. ❤ I am going to show this video to my therapist to help communicate how hard it is for me to know how to ask for help due to a lack of awareness of my own emotional needs so I can practice getting better at doing so.
I like how you put the "awareness of needs" circle of the person with CPTSD off-center - it's like a visual metaphor for not understanding what the central problems are.
I identify myself somewhat with the CPTSD things that you talk about, and to a greater degree with early wounding and insecure attachment. when I first struggled with feeling depressed, I alienated my friends. I felt mad at them because they weren't helping me. I thought that it ought to be so clear to anyone that I needed help, but in a way that clearly implied some mind reading, as I never communicated what I was feeling or what I needed from them as friends.
Because you didn't know!
None of us that suffer as we do know. I'm currently in therapy, and still don't really know what I need, other than to not feel rejected or abandoned.
Anyone else feel like they know what they’re experiencing is actually very hard but still don’t ask for help? So you don’t invalidate your problems or think you’re pathetic but you just don’t see how anyone can solve these inner struggles besides yourself.
for me the worse things feel the more risky it feels to draw attention to myself. asking for help feels like it will make things more dangerous...
however this has got better after managing to to join a group and experiencing speaking to a deep personal issue - without anything terrible happening!
@@lilyl5492 interesting
I see myself in your comment!
I don't have trouble seeing how I'm struggling. It's fairly objective even on the surface. I have an X diagnosis, and a Y circumstance and the results being Z are super obvious given the situation. But then... Now what? I'm struggling, it's obvious, now what? Who helps? How do I ask them? What could they even do? I'm not sure...
I find your sentiment relatable.
@@slyfan77 I hear ya. Same. And, I've found that reaching out to a friend or partner, heck even just a stranger I meet, and sharing what I'm going through is healing in itself. It's like practicing being seen, even if they don't have much to offer in the way of help.
Sure. It’s possible to have problems that others in your life are not able to completely help you with like if specialized knowledge may be needed. When this happens I’ve realized that if I want help I may need to get it from multiple sources. Like I could get the specialized knowledge myself or learn what I need to know about it to work towards a solution and if I need emotional or practical support I can ask others in my life for that. I don’t beat myself up for it usually but I’ve had to accept that others have limitations.
Im binge-watching your channel since I found it
Same here!
Welcome ❤
Same here
25:32 It's a little eerie because in so many of your videos you seem to be looking straight into my mind and talking about exactly the thing I need to hear and learn about at that moment.
Your four most recent videos have felt like this in particular, and maybe this one the most.
I hope you understand how significant these videos are for the people watching them and how special you are to have the ability to make them.
I’m giving myself goosebumps thinking about it.
It is the most inspiring thing I can find to remind myself of when I feel sad, that there are people like you, and that it is possible to create change and change the trajectories of human lives.
I don’t know why this feels so important to me but it does.
I find society does really good job of this.
Like in school you taught not show anger or you get punished. If you are boy you shamed for feeling sad and crying. So one has to hide those emotion to function in society. As well we are taught bad emotion that we should not feel like jealousy and envy through religion.
Big lie about boys only being allowed angry. We are NOT allowed angry, that is how it goes so bad, we men, today, have much to be angry about.
Angry, not violent.
exactly. society literally conditions everyone to suppress emotions then wonder why people are so fucked up!!!!
Seeing that diagram of secure vs insecure really hit home and, right on cue, I felt instantly ashamed and embarrassed for not being able to get my sh!t together. As with so many of your videos, I will have to re-watch this one. Several times. There's too many pearls of wisdom I want to revisit. Thank you Heidi for the hard work you put into your videos. Your channel is a blessing in my life.
Thank you. I am currently living with two other adults who have their own childhood wounding. And I am trying to express my needs. It's tough. I hate conflict and it takes so much effort to bring something up that bothers me and I even am phrasing it in a positive way: here is what I need, but I feel it is being taken as a personal attack and that the need jtself is dismissed. I am now struggling to not feel like the bad guy for how the other person is responding to my self-expression. I think I just need to soothe myself and remind myself that I am not doing anything wrong. I feel afraid of the silence, not responding to my texts for a while, and the unwillingness of the other person to talk about it in person, despite them literally being in the same house as me right now. You can't force someone else to have a conversation if they don't want to, I am reminding myself. I wish you all the very best with recognising and validating your needs, even if some people do not understand and do not want to hear.
THIS explains a lot for me!
I was always wondering why nobody seems to care about me and I wanted to be kind of emotional seen - but i didn't show myself, that mask hides my true feelings. I thought saying what I feel is enough. To say what I need is enough - it was never enough. And I dealt with incompatible people.
It is exactly that subconscious punishment for not responding to my emotions. Damn. What an insight, that hits the spot I was circling around.
My feelings are crippled down and I am still afraid to express them fully when they come up a bit.
I saw that little front garden inside me, that I needed to protect from others, because it felt they else walk over all my little plants. Time to find the trees inside me.
Thanks for that detailed information. Helps a lot lot!
The part with the permission is true - but subconscious buried. i even hinder myself to call my psychologist. Rational I want help and I am not even angry with me, but all Trauma safety responses seem to work regardless.I push the step for months now.
Is there a reason for that amount of jump cuts? Because they drove me a little bit crazy, but i bit through. Not big of a deal, but distracted me a bit.
Thank you for your work and videos!
A Great visual!!😮😮🎉🎉
I had a strong paranoia about people reading my thoughts and feelings. And I still do. I'm glad that you mentioned it, because many of these things are spot on.
I've had thoughts that people can sense my feelings even when I'm alone at my home.😢
I also hear some thoughts spoken with other people's voice in my head. They are not auditory hallucinations, but more like thoughts, but with someone else's voice.
Priceless information. Thank you so much. I watched it two times.
I am immensely grateful that you are sharing all of this for free. These videos are obviously the result of so much research and hard work, scripting, filming, editing, adding visual aids, you are a literal saint. I heal small bits of me with every video of yours that I watch.
Before I got healed, I was super aware of my actions towards people around me that I didn't show any emotions. After working on my mental health, I felt all of my emotions it was a eye opening experience. Somedays I try to not react like before I was heal not realizing till now my ability to have no reaction was a trauma response.
Your video titles are just on mark, exactly where I am on my journey. Thank you so much!❤
I also love the visual aids, although as a 55 year old whose eyes are failing, I would really love it if the font were enlarged ❤ Thank you so much Heidi, this is incredibly relevant to me right now!
9:14 Yes! This is as per usual so spot on! This is exactly how it is for me.
I feel like my thoughts and emotions couldn’t possible be clearer or louder.
They literally feel like loudness inside my head and exhaust me.
And then I still get the sense that people think I am not being clear at all, that I am very hard to read and that I am ‘too complicated.’
And yes, I definitely often feel resentment and misconstrue people as being somehow deliberately neglectful of my feelings.
But it’s really hard not to when within me the volume and visibility and clearness of what I feel and need is maddeningly loud. And when I think so much about other people and try to guess their needs before they know themselves they have them, which of course is not ideal at all.
Omg where were you 3 or even two years ago. I feel like I realised this stuff in an excruciating way, I had to have extreme crisis for over a year to start changing. Even if I manage to ask for help, which is extremely rare, the dysregulation destroys my body and mind to the point its still not worth it. I do this thing where I think I’m asking for help and I’m actually disguising my needs really subtly to get myself out of the situation and back to safety.
Thank you for the incredibly valuble information. Thank you for making the blurry life of CPTSD more clear. So so grateful for your guidance.
“They’ll get frustrated when they see secure people asking for help” Not frustration. Anger. Pure anger and jealousy.
Sigh, I’ll pull out my notebook and watch more of your videos 😔💔
Idk what definition of frustration you're using that couldn't be presented as anger and jealousy.
@@havcola6983 I have cptsd, Cola, I’m not great at identifying emotions, COME ON
@@havcola6983unnecessary tone there. Let’s be kind.
@@dannelle17❤
Ooof, yeah, every bit of that resonated, even the reaching for a notebook.
Heidi, i think our negative core beliefs change when we fundamentally understand what is happening and how it is impacting us. I have not come across any other channel that describes psychological concepts with so much clarity and detail. Hats off to you and sending lots of love your way! You have been a massive contributor in my healing after coming out from 15 years of abusive marriage.
I think I’ve watched this video 6 or 7 times… and I’m still putting together the pieces of what you’re describing and learning something new every time. It’s heavy and freeing at the same time. Thank you, Heidi.❤
I was taught that emotions were bad, not to let my hurt show (after being hit, for example, being told to "shut it up, or I'll give you something to cry about"), and to keep my needs to myself. I still feel a lot of shame being vulnerable to the point that it makes me ill.
For some reason, though, I seem to be the person people open up to for things. I'm perceptive (thanks, hypervigilance) and intellectual, plus somehow I seem to others like I'm pretty stable. Most of the time, though, people don't want to give that back in return. I'll get, "I'm sorry" (ew) or "Awwww..." (double ew), or indifference. My problems always seem to be the kind where people seem to say, "Well, if YOU can't figure it out, how am I supposed to know?" That just reinforces that I need to take care of things myself.
I can't express how fantastic and comprehensive your videos are!
You have helped me a ton!
Thank you for making these Heidi!
Wow, what an incisive explanation of advocating for oneself. I’ve long wanted to hear someone else say that communication of needs should be a norm in relationships. My childhood experience with both parents was of one of enmeshment and demands. Reciprocity certainly wasn’t in the picture. I really respect that you couched the idea of differentiation between making one’s needs clear, and appreciation of where our chosen others meet those needs. Thanks Heidi!
Hello Heidi! This video came at a perfect time. Just got diagnosed with C-PTSD and before, OCD & Autism. This is very, very helpful with my healing journey, as well as your other content. Thank you thank you sooo much! ❤
This is one of the most underrated channels....Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Please more of those longer videos, I love having a bit more to listen than those shorter vids you see more and more
You have hit an enormous pain point of mine when you mentioned that some of us live under the shadow of thinking everyone knows what we're thinking. And once again, when I thought I was weird and looked amazed at people who seemed to be relaxed (or secretive, even) most of the time, you tell me that I'm not alone. Once again, I have to thank you :)
Heidi I love your work but here is a small recommendation: Can you please use a darker colour background instead of bright white for the visual aids? It’s difficult to look at night and also not so easy for sensory sensitive individuals.
Heidi, this new phase is sooo good! 😍😍
7:35 “emotional volume” i love that. it’s so helpful 🩷
What an incredible resource this channel is.
Thanks so very much for learning this info and presenting it in such a way that I can see these patterns in myself and clear steps to improve them. I've been working with this for a while and you've added very helpful structure and insights to help me understand it and work with it more intentionally. Also your example is really relatable, and hearing about your struggles and progress is encouraging to me!
Thank you so much! Now I understand why I rather shut down than ask for help. Understanding the mechanics is the first step to change.
Thank you. So digestible. Super grateful.
Visuals and charts are very helpful. I can take a screen shot and refer back to it when I can’t listen to the lecture.
Keep going. 😊
Kindest thanks.
Hug from VERMONT
Living with CPTSD is almost like a whole different emotional language that very few people can speak, let alone are fluent in. It can be extremely isolating to not feel understood, which can perpetuate the shameful self-narrative and lead to further isolation. (Which comes with its own comorbidities if given enough time.)
What I’m saying is- this is real stuff. And I fully believe the mind of a healed CPTSD survivor is one to be marveled like a work of art. 🧠 beautifully and intentionally sculpted by its creator.
Heidi, you just came into my recommended videos this morning. I’m about 5 minutes into this video and your chart is incredible. I have always felt that I follow this “pattern” of reaction from a place of shame and hypervigilance. But I could never figure out how to explain or understand this pattern so it could stop or at least I could have more awareness of it. Thank you!!
Great point about having less resources, my "resources" (or lack of) is what caused PTSD. Therapy costs money and takes extra time, which adds another stressor. Wish there was "rehab" for people like us. Unless wealthy or an addict...the in-between seem to always get looked over as we function too high for services or free healthcare yet can't often afford to take the time off for costly "programs". So we turn to Facebook groups where the first steps of awareness and not feeling alone is met...stuckness in "relating over our trauma" is common. Then what? Love the GASLIGHTING ourselves examples, so helpful! Please keep them coming!! Thank you 😊
Heidi, you're just so awesome. This is gold :)
Heidi may all your stars align for you in a most positive way. Thank you.Your grasp of ADHD a d d and CPTSD ARE EXTREMELY HELPFUL.Far more than 5 years of therapy I have walked through
However I must admit that the reality is I did not know how to ask my therapist for the help that I need. Not blaming working on me is my responsibility you are a breath of fresh air, I can not even imagine what you went through to be able to present the ideas that are truly helping me in a most profound and unique way.THANKYOU so much!!!
Amazing video, thank you!
Thank you for this!!! Explains a lot of my observation of milleinnal generations and gen z. So, interesting to hear this perspective. Thank you so much!!!
My life is shame bound, my very existence was tied to shame. I still feel like I have no right to be here. My parents beat us daily, I was the youngest. It was trickle down abuse. Only the dog got it worse than me. Thank you for the permission to feel what I feel. It has been a long road.
terrific video. Discovering your channel over a year ago was the start of my journey into understanding my own emotions and rebuilding a relationship with myself. Thank you for promoting this awareness for people with cptsd. Witnessing and validating my own emotions and experience has changed my life.
Dear Heidi, there is no words to describe what you did for me and I never met you. Thank you so much! By helping people you are realy changing the world ❤❤
I just found your content and is helping me immensely! I feel so seen and can't help but cry because asking for help is a struggle and feels imposing. I am currently experiencing all this with my partner who has been very patient but the last point is exactly what they said they needed from me which is appreciation and I want to make them feel I genuinely appreciate everything they do.
6 mins in and this video has helped me understand a strange feeling ive had all my life. I love watching Heidis videos in stages so that i can spend some days processing the information and they build on each other as i rebuild myself from the inside.
The thing that got me in this video was just being able to identify an unidentified feeling ive had all my life thay really made me feel awkward. In day to day life, out of nowhere, my body will get overwhelmed by this feeling of anxiety but i couldnt say it was anxiety because i didnt realize thats what it was. All i could say was that i felt (in my body and mind) like a baby. Like an infant. Not like a screaming crying immature person, but like a literal baby. When watching this video it dawned on me that the feeling is a need to be hugged, cradled, doted on or any other wave of emotional love that my infant self needed but didnt get. Then it became a shame based emotion. Let me tell you, feeling "like a baby" has never made more sense to me then it does right now because my avoidance to being loved by others, combined with my neediness to be loved throughout my adult life, mixed with this unknown feeling of "feeling like a baby" has been pretty confusing. This is starting to make sense. My inner child is the inner baby and now im the inner parent who can finally give her the love she innocently asked for. I dont blame my mom, she was def having a hard time in her own adult life. ❤
Thank you, Heidi! I’m learning so much from your channel! I feel like I am getting another master’s degree! You are changing lives!❤
I really like the fact that there is that little room of struggle left in the chart for secure people. Knowing that everybody has some challanges makes me feel much more normal
This is why it grinds my ears when people are impatient with me and inform me I just have to be more open and not expect people to mind read.
There always seems to be an assumption that I lack awareness, that I am choosing my reactions and behaviors in the moment, that there is no particular reason or background behind them, or that my they have to do with a lack of self-esteem or confidence.
And people often ‘advice me’ in a really loud voice, like they are cheering me on. It’s not that I am not grateful it’s just that it can feel exhausting and increase feelings of shame and inadequacy to feel always misunderstood.
I always feel so inspired and supported by each one of your videos. I can’t say enough how important you are to me.
I wish there was a way for you to cite sources. I always wonder how I should speak to this whenever I try to share something you have said to someone.
on the one hand Heidi gives incredible life advice the helps me feel better about myself, understand myself and make better life choices... on the other hand STAY OUT OF MY MIND MAGIC WOMAN!! STOP KNOWING MORE ABOUT ME THAN I KNOW ABOUT MYSELF ITS FREAKING ME OUT. LET ME LIVE WITH MY DELUSIONS!!!!
Heidi pulling up at the right time is the universe aligning, thank you. ❤
This is the fifth life changing video I’ve heard of yours in a row! Powerful insight and application of these concepts. Thank you very much 🙏🏻
Wow, all of your videos are eye-opening, but this one REALLY resonated!!💡💡Thank you! 🙏❤️
When I was in college I needed help because I was the first in my family to go to college and really just needed some guidance. I went to my advisor (who I made an appointment with) and when I asked him for help he let out the loudest sigh of irritation. I told him it was part of his job AS AN ADVISOR to advise and I was so sorry to bother him. I ended up changing my major and really not enjoying my time or getting a degree in the field that I originally wanted when I decided to apply to this school.
That’s awful. I’m glad you pointed out it was literally his job, though I wish you could’ve seen someone better.
This is very helpful and true for those of us with a chronic illness or disability as well. Thank you so much for providing a model. I can feel myself how very validating it is just to have your life put in the clear visuals, normalized, in a way, and what the path forward is. You can feel so alone and misunderstood. Thanks very much!!
You are such a wonderful communicator. You organize your thoughts so well, and relay them without wasting time. We are all fortunate that you did not grow up with secure attachment, because your journey would not have yeilded all these insights.
Honestly Heidi, your videos have been invaluable in my journey to overcome CPTSD. THe are so on point and have highlighted to me how great a role attachment plays in both perpetuating and healing my struggles. THanks so much for your videos and work.
Thank you so much Heidi. I truly hope you understand how tremendous you are for sharing & making this content. I’m currently involved in an outpatient 90 day program for CPTSD & I’ve been listening to your content for months now, but it’s all really starting to click. This message/knowledge spoke volumes.
Your videos are of the highest quality on such important topics. Thank you for joining your skill & talent to the time needed to create these videos
My God. You are a genius. Thank you so much for such a concise, focused, clear and enlightening analysis. There's a special place in heaven for you I am certain.
Thank you Heidi, I have been working on trauma recovery for about 6 years and your channel is my new favorite resource!
35:09 until I embraced my need for CPTSD therapy and started EMDR, Reparenting my wounded parts, and seeking protective, nurturing, resources in between sessions I had no real agency. I did not really respect or truly care for myself. My inner critic was harsh on me and my external critic was hard on others around me. I was very avoidant and untrusting.
Now I have greater capacity for inner peace and ability for being present in the moment without getting highjacked by my amygdala/4F's.
I appreciate your videos so much because they help me accept the progress I have made! ❤❤ this is real, I am not dreaming 😊
BTW- I can't say enough about trauma therapy!!!! I work at a very professional environment and for the first time in 30yrs I no longer suffer from imposter syndrome! 🙌
6:00 - You've just described what happens to every ASD-1 male who goes through life undiagnosed. It's torture...
You just described my entire childhood to adolescent. I've learned to overcome this on my own without having the right tools, but your videos help me compartmentalize what I've gone through and helping me with my healing process better. I'm trying to unlearn everything that's done to me and your videos have been helping me clear my head so much
Amazing video--you have been coming out with such incredible stuff lately!!! The parts about how it never even occurred to you to ask your professor for clarification when you were struggling with a project at school, and about how people with C-PTSD can unintentionally make their loved ones feel uncared for and neglected and impede their relationships from ever having a chance to develop simply because the person with C-PTSD is too shame-bound to express their emotions openly or ask to have their needs met really hit home for me. 😞 Thank you for empowering people with this knowledge that can have such a life-transforming effect...I only wish I had known it sooner.
15:02 - totally my family and my in-laws. As I'm healing and getting more open with my needs... they all reject me and judge what I'm doing.
I wish for a world where people could care for each other, just because they need it.
I love your channel. Your dedixation to the subject is very healing to me. I listen to your videos while doing my chores. Sometimes i have to rewind because something you said was just to scorchingly true. I rewind a lot ❤ bless you and keep up the good work
This is a great, informative contribution to society.
Dang, this was SO thorough and well articulated! Thank you for this. ❤
I gasped at least 3 times at this video...my gawd you are in your zone of genius and thank you!
So interesting. Asking for help has never been an issue for me…once I identify my needs. The challenge for me has been not trusting anyone can help me. Thanks again for these videos!
The way you articulate what I haven't been able to is so clear. This has been my whole life. It is so emotionally difficult to ask someone for help when I do recognise it. I have mostly just struggled through on my own. So much so, I have even scared a couple potential partners away as they felt intimidated by my independence and ability to just get some practical things done all by myself where couples, friends and families have done the same thing working together. I pretty much did all my schooling this way. The last thing I felt I could do was ask for clarification! And big emotions circled when I felt the need for help and I definitely felt stupid for not somehow magically just knowing.
Not sure how these videos started popping up for me... but this is randomly quite relevant. I've relaxed a bit now, but for some reason in my 20s there was a part of me that took the inhibition part, i.e. self control/discipline/restraint super seriously, and was so judgemental on people I felt were pathetic. "Essentially all you need in life, at the bare minimum, is bread, water, and a place to sleep. Everything else is superfluous", and constantly trying to cut out things I enjoyed if I felt like I needed to be better... I always preached, and dressed everything up in fancy language, being so passionate on art, history, philosophy and literature made my ideas sound thoughtful. But really, I am just so hard on myself, but for some reason I feel that is good, it's positive to need nothing. I would have made a great monk
Just in time. You rock.
Wow, thank you. This was so helpful. It helped me understand myself better.
I’m actually crying. Terrified.
This is an amazing breakdown and I must relisten.