Mourning the loss of the fantasy is a hard pill to swallow. The roller coaster of emotions, the betrayal, the anger, the sadness....it’s all overwhelming.
@@missydunson751 Think about the reality of the unending cheating and lies. The lack of empathy and the time and resources wasted on these losers. Your future with the narcissist is nothing but sadness and disparity.. let me know if you need someone to talk with..
No no no. Now this is bullshit. I will tell you I beg this woman for her time. She sits on her phone will give absolutely no attention to conversation. Everything we go through is my fault. Which means we only go through bad. Yeah..... after 5 years there has been a lot of good. Great. I asked her two weeks ago I sai see it's inappropriate to hang with other men when it's just you two alone so please don't. She says well if you wouldn't have done this that or the other. Her justification for cheating on me is that she told me to leave in Jan so I did. And I got worh someone else. She says she loves me. We haven't had sea in 43 days. I ask her she gets mad at me. On of her "guy" friends ask she laughs and calls them silly. Now I may have some tendency of a self centered asshole. But narcissistic is something I'm not. I know I should have slept with any other woman. But I did I beg daily for her forgiveness and can we move on. And for 6 months now. That's all she's got. I slept with someone else. She was setting up conical visits in prison she goes on dates. All fine because we split. But I shouldn't have to pay for what I did. And beg her and pleas for her time. So for everyone who fell into she cries everyday. She doesn't cry ever. I asked her to stop video chatting dude in jail. I said you think it's ok. She said it's Because of what you did. I ain't fucking him. I said you don't think it's wrong? She said I've never done any wrong. Mon you just wanna fight. Well my experience it takes two to fight and on to get the my mom died a year ago from the seventeenth. I asked her to be with me just hold me I miss my mom. She has mi empathy,sympathy. She says she doesn't need it. She know said from not and. I e met 4 outta 16 of her friends all guys who hit on her. She wont introduce me to them says I will just leave anyway and I am not good conversation today (Everyday she says that) she turned my couple friends to turn they back on me. She says well they knew you were doing wrong and I never did. That's why they choose my side.
Practise living in reality Accept what is No longer deluding myself Living in real time Give it up, let it all go Focus on what is working well in your life right now Focus on how disconnected unwanted and unloved you felt It’s wasn’t love, it was deception Feel it to heal it Yes it hurts right now It will get better Know that you’re better off without believing their lies
Four years the push pull but I am done. I revisited the feelings from the beginning often. He would notice I was pulling away and the future faking would begin again. I could see the patterns. Finally had to be done. Nothing ever changed and the only things that were consistent were the patterns and the hurt. More pain than joy. More lies than love. It was not my first narc but it will be my last. Thank you for having the courage to share your story!
I'm in the no contact ...6 days in...for the umpteenth time. I can't imagine my life without him even as a close friend which was what we were mostly. Now I see why he was completely ok with the friends with benefits idea and not exclusive. Once we did get exclusive not a dang thing changed from him in my view. He was still as secret and mysterious and getting him to tell me things was like pulling teeth. Definitely one sided relationship. So I feel stronger and more confident this time on the no contact because I've now seen and accepted his true color. But it is going to be so difficult to actually realize he has absolutely no meaning in my life. There's no place for him is a hard nugget to swallow. So staying in the now is really good because I can focus on all the crap he's pulled and how I don't mean a dang thing to him. Don't think about my future without him, think about my current now without him...and I love the now!! My body is slowly coming down from "high anxiety" state I didn't realize I've been all this time. But I'm just not ready to wipe the texts, I want to make a memoir of the crap talk he's texted me do I can refer to it as a reminder of who he really is. Once I got that made, then I can delete him lol.
I was with a covert narcissistic,never new a predator exist,oh boy what a nightmare, were empaths so if you get a gut feeling please listen to your self what you feel,there toxic POS you deserve better than them,there jealous, don't let them in your head, don't open up to them,you can out smart them there kid's trapped into adult body,study them learn all you can,go no contact n walk away, there's power in just walking away,but get your life back like before you even met them, that's what gets even for you take your life back like they didn't do a thing or hurt you, reclaim it,in don't waist no more time,be safe and God bless all.
The way they slither them selves into your life is so tricky. When the devil cant get you he send you these nutcases as what you ever wanted. But just like light it reveals everything. This narcissist are demons they go from body to body, cause the moment you're involved with them it goes down south everything!! Only if you're smart you will walk away, there's nothing there. Keep it moving🚶♂️🏃♂️🚶♀️🧗♀️🏄♂️⛷🏇🏊♀️
Awesome video! I needed this so very bad today. Wish I had a way to share my story with you. What happened to me left me disabled, and it is so very hard. Thanks again! It was a blessing, I prayed earlier for God to give me something positive out of all the pain I've been through. God bless!
After i moved out i returned all of the gifts and letters he gave me and left them in his courtyard,,, however he returned them to me so I sold some of the gifts on my local buy sell swap and made some money and the sentimental stuff i just put out in the garbage - it was so freeing.
This was so needed. I really enjoy your videos. I am currently no contact and plan on never ever going back!!!! Your videos are so real and definitely relatable.
Thank you for the reminders. I make it a point to remind myself of this daily. I’m over it all. I am no longer heartbroken about any of it. At one point I was of course. I just choose to except who he truly is and what he will NEVER EVER be. No more fantasy life for me. Reality is my truth! I choose to put “Me” first. Today and everyday I live for the now! I am a SURVIVOR!!
Perfect timing for this video for me thank you ❤ two days post break up and my feelings of relief were turning to missing him today, I so needed to hear this!
Thank you. My previous covert narcissist was so subtle in manipulation that if I did not look up then internet and studied about narcissists, I would have still been in confused state. These awful people are like covid19. They don't show how bad they are at the beginning just like incubation period of covid 19. They are stealthy. That is why they are extremely damaging just like covid 19. Because if a person looks and behaves like a bad person we can easily avoid them at the beginning so they cannot do extensive damage to us. But these narcissists are very good at acting like a nicest person at the beginning. Especially covert narcs are very very subtly manipulating using subtle words and carrot/stick method even when they abuse us that it confuses anyone unless we are well armed with knowledge. I still think of the carrot part he offered me. That intermittent reward part. Then I sigh and say ' only if he were not a narcissist, how happy I could be with him'. I wrote threatening words, disrespectful words he said to me. He insulted my daughter and threatened me and my daughter. All in rather subtle way. I still think of the fantasy part of the relationship sometimes. This shows how powerfully addictive the trauma bonding can be. But I wrote down every awful words he said to me which really helped me see who he really is. If I did not write down those, I would still have been confused and even missed him. Writing down everything which happened really helped.
You're the BEST, Jess! Thank you for lifting all of us up. The trauma bond has kept me stuck for 2 yrs, but each day gets a little easier. Reality is a tough pill to swallow, but we must for our own peace and well-being. ☮
I can't believe how spot on this description is. It's as if you peered into the last 1.5 years of my life and put a microscope on our relationship. She is such a narc. She "loved" me because I am tall, and athletic. She love bombed the shit out of me, validated me so hard and I already struggle with insecurity. She made the colors of the world so vibrant and then she ripped out the rug completely unexpectedly. The heartbreak nearly killed me literally. So much pain and suffering.
When I got to the point of Love, but not Like - I listed a column A, then a B. It twisted my insides before sending me packing, with no return. Your idea of post-it notes is brilliant. Many thanks.
When I got to the point of love after my divorce got finalized. She says now 3 and a half years later I loved her too late but she wont let me go wont touch me not even sexually just rub my arm or back. If I ask her she's in pain her back. She has had "shimgles" for 2 years and 10 montha....
Great new series! interesting theme especially today, we here are in a self-search for inner peace & emotional justice. I have never heard of some of these points before, and they rang so true to my own story wow! Fortunately, for me the hard work I've done these last 18 months has paid off and Im just starting to feel happy again!! I was a bit reluctant to watch this video because I didnt want to relive it all, but it was the exact opposite! Your insight was SO REAL to that it helped me see (now from a distance) how I was stuck IN A TRAUMA BOND!!!!!!! My new opinion on all this is that "she" was the worst friend I'll ever have - because I'll never let that happen again, info is power. thanks Jess xox
I just came across your channel and I’ve been feeling everything you’re talking about. I was convinced I was the narcissist! Finishing up my divorce now and getting back to reality.
Thank you SO incredibly much for this video! 🙊💔😯 It has felt like my soul is breaking this first week of moving out/being kicked out with nowhere to go and going NO contact...... Has been excruciating. Your words REALLY struck me deep! I can hardly wait to watch the rest of them! 🙏 You are a true blessing bcuz you've suddenly provided me with a guiding light out of all this darkness and pain🙏
I was completely holding on to get the small insignificant rewards for so long and damaging myself and everything around me along the way! Living in constant anxiety knowing I was in the punishment phase or even during the reward knowing the punishment was coming. I have just recently (two weeks ago) started looking at the reality, because of some obvious betrayal the my narc will not admit to even with blood on his hands. And I’m learning to accept that I won’t get the respect, honesty and closure I deserve from him. Your message is super helpful thank you so much.
Your videos have been very helpful. I never dealt with a narcissist. What an eye opener. Without your help, I would not have been able to find closure without her providing me that. I understand what happened now. I can deal with it and move on. I was not the problem. I was dumped for another guy but yet she was still married. How stupid was I to cry over not being “the other guy” anymore.
I’m with this one ! I’ve been trying to pull away for 16 months cruel empty people! I’ve now asked to speak to a phycologist re co dependency ! I’m 100000000000% done
I am in the same modus as we speak, I am completely done. I just wrote a ridiculous long comment but delete it again. Short version I am done with the last alleged narc friend in my life who feels like deliberately ignoring me, dismissing precaire feelings I shared with him about a personal trauma and he responded by saying : ok but off topic. I was sharing my concern about a mark in my neck after being strangled. Before I am again writing a book here, it feels like he is ignoring my hard challenge coming Wednesday bc I have to attend a witness interview at court while I am also the victim of violent crime. This friend is suddenly silent while he always calls and texts. The problem is not someone being silent, the problem is that the silence is giving me bad vibes and I am still struggling if it's me or if I am correct about my feelings and I don't want that in my life anymore never again. Period.
Peace of mind of peace hmmm 🤔 you have to be true to your feelings here ! You must put yourself first ! I’ve had long friendships I only finished one just this week ! It’s ok to trust your gut ! Alleged ? Your powerless over them but your not to yourself! You sound like your afraid listen to your instinct! If there only friends it’s ok to move on and let go don’t feel awkward for removing crap out of your life
I spent 18 years (married with 3 kids) living with the push and pull and was always waiting for the next pull because I knew it would come. I can't believe I put up with it for so long. She destroyed me. I left her 6 weeks ago after I discovered her new supply (on Facebook with a bloke in Norway, we're from UK!!!). She is obsessed with the love bombing on Messenger!! After 22 years together I miss her. I can't just forget about her.
@@vincentwilliams8685 Since she found her new source and since leaving her I now understand the crap energy and don't want it back in my life. I see it now.
YOU CAN'T TRUST A NARC. THEY ARE FAKE. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO IS REAL AND CAN LOVE AND RESPECT YOU LIKE YOU DESERVE. LIFE IS VERY SHORT. NARCS ARE GOOD ACTORS AND FAKE PEOPLE. THEY WASTE OUR LIVES WITH THEIR FAKE LOVE. LOVE AND CARE FOR YOURSELF.
I am stuck in trauma bond nd I m living in the love bombing phase..Dont have any idea how to live in the present..10 months of discard nd I m back to the square one..But ur videos are very helpful,keep it up..
Your videos have helped me more than any other narcissist video I have watched. Thank you. Along with Gods help, the things you’ve said and brought to light with such authenticity helped me to finally shatter that fantasy man I had created in my head. I finally saw who he really was and not this great guy I was making excuses for. I feel like a hood lifted off my head. I know I needed to get rid of all the texts but what you said I am doing it because they are all lies.
Up am so going to really give the advice given I this video a try. My ex narc and I have been apart since mid March and I’m still hung up and obsessive over him. I just can’t let go. So I need this help. Thanks Jess!! Love your videos.
Hey don’t be so hard on you they have played you ! Being real and honest with you and what’s not acceptable anymore! Is the beginning it’s so painful and I do feel for you I’ve been trauma bonded to mine for over 13 years they are very cruel and selfish! I hope you continue to listen to the videos from lots of different people! There all golden nuggets and remember the game has layers like an onion! Peel away and you start seeing the bigger picture! Your being used !
Took me 4 months to start breaking the stupid bond. I had to take the true colors for what they were to be able to start the process. Everyday I see it a little more.
I just replaced slats in all my window blinds, talk about frustrating...like dealing with a passive aggressive dotard. Got it down now, only took me a few minutes after I figured it out.
This video really resinated with me... I was hoovered tonight and was able to block him completely... Finally.. I have a feeling he will be showing up at my door... or doing something stupid.. It's really hard to breakup with this guy..
Take off the rose-colored glasses.. Purge.. Don't jump into "the pool of happy memories." (Thank you, Stephan Labossier- "Stephan Speaks" for that phrase.) Go no-contact. These have been crucial in my healing journey.
Like your Jess You don’t talk about 911 I know about 911 I know about my people don’t need to know anymore about that thank you for not talking about 9/11 been there done that got the T-shirt
At the end, when the relationship changed for the worse, the narcissist blamed me for making him feel bad . He never gave me anything I had to throw out. I asked for my things to be delivered back from his apartment. I never got my pillow !
yes everything is on their terms I was trauma bonded then something clicked in my brain and thats when I got educated then made his life a living hell for the next year then walked away never to look back I'm petty too LOL
I miss the idea of being married. I miss my new home we built. I miss Arizona. I miss someone to watch movies with. I don’t miss his lies, his cheating, his put downs, not feeling loved, anxious and exhausted feelings. I threw out our wedding pictures. I threw out our wedding video. I gave my wedding dress to The Cancer Society. I brought his wedding ring to a consignment store!!!
My covert narc discarded me...only to Hoover me one month later asking if we could be friends...before I knew what it was called and having NC...I called him back..he said our ship has sailed...but, at one point he really wanted to marry me...me not trusting him was the issue. His words were to hurt me & Total manipulation...5 months NC forever more. I know better now.
@@carpathia0117 just got your comment...yes, this was posted 9 months ago...heartbreak is brutal..I did a lot of inner work...I promise you that life does get better! You must feel to heal. The trick of better(faster) healing is definitely NO CONTACT..do not fall in the trap of being friends...even if you so want to...work on yourself, explore your individual interests, journal and watch these videos...all really does help. You will be okay, I promise. Stay strong and when the hurting fades a bit, ficus at knowing your worth! You have been through hell and back again..give yourself some time and do not be hard on yourself. This was NOT your fault at all! YOU DESERVE BETTER and you also deserve a sense of self that your ex mirrored for so long. Sending love and empathy to you. ❤️❤️❤️
@@kim7237 thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement. Its a lonely place to be Especially with coverts... since nobody believes or understands their darker nature! I've found these videos and people like you sharing with me so helpful 💜💜💜💜
@@carpathia0117 keep believing in yourself. Just food for thought, my confidence was really low in that I wasn’t sure whether my ex was truly a covert because of all the gaslighting he did on me...so I made up a notebook with all the positive comments from people who have gone through same thing..detailing their experience as to relating to mine...it really did help tremendously. Believe in what you went through was so totally wrong. Emotional/mental abuse comes to mind...treat yourself gently. This is not your fault. Believe in this! If you need anything else (encouragement, hope, reassuring) I am here...I know all too well what it feels like.
I’m good just trying to listen to you OK girl don’t need nobody else I picked a life coach it was you OK that’s it don’t need nobody else just do your job
Haha! I can’t believe this - fkn Disney set us up for this. I my case I kept kissing the 🐸 frog thinking he would turn into a prince... but nooo! Just warts to show for it. Ribbit! Now it seems so gross to have been intimate with him. He got lucky for sure but me! Never got any real... love Fake phony words by an empty empty frog! One that will never change! Never! No matter how adorable I am. Jess, I love the truth, and want to stop the slumps- I will use the tools you bring.
I am in trying to break my 20yr trauma bond to a textbook narcissist. Just thinking about accepting my reality makes me feel like my heart is being ripped out. This is really going to hurt isn't it?
What really fucked me up is that I waited and dealt with this abuse that totally destroyed my soul for 10yrs and then I got pregnant or now I'm thinking tricked and trapped and then what made it worse is he proposed to me in front of all of my family and his at my baby shower. This is what has me totally confused and stuck because then he just left me not even 2 months later! Why did he do this? Not leaving smh lol but why did he propose?? Please help me!
Went tru yr n half of hell until I decided to take responsibility for my part as far as staying in the moment n focused on y I hated bn with the narc n I hve bn alot better but I do have slip ups
Its been 8 months now & my 8 year ex narcissistic girlfriend just just called me & told me that she misses me & I find myself after mid stride of healing I am trying to wait & time myself for when she might call me & want me to come over,her sex was always horrible & she is so mean ...I just want to be done with these feelings...
The love bombing and gift giving was so big right through the relationship BUT The shitty behaviours were not going to stop. He provoked & baited untIl I reacted, then blamed me for reacting. Broke up 6 weeks ago and it’s hoovering time. Yea I know what I gotta do BLOCK Gifts, favours and a nightly phone call. WHY ? Apparently he cares Hmmmmmmm Don’t think so, he wants to add me to his harem. Oh I know I am enabling him BUT I was in lock down for 6 weeks. The restrictions are lifting so time to block and get out socialising.
I personally blame the whole "Twin Flame concept" on why so many people including me (long fucking story) stay within the trauma bond wearing rose colored glasses in false hope and giving "them" excuses to continue to treat us poorly because one day, after years of running from you, they'll see the light and come home to you! oh, and its in perfectly divine timing! 🙄🖕
Imagine having a girlfriend as smart,funny,and cool as Jess Stanley and just screwing the whole thing up royally until she makes a career out of warning people about shitbags like you. Tragic. I am in agreement that these narcs are to be pitied
Took me 4 months to start breaking the stupid bond. I had to take the true colors for what they were to be able to start the process. Everyday I see it a little more.
Mourning the loss of the fantasy is a hard pill to swallow. The roller coaster of emotions, the betrayal, the anger, the sadness....it’s all overwhelming.
Yes..it is overwhelming, I cry every day, I thought I was going to be ok, but I'm so so not and I don't know what the fuck to do anymore
@@missydunson751 Think about the reality of the unending cheating and lies. The lack of empathy and the time and resources wasted on these losers. Your future with the narcissist is nothing but sadness and disparity.. let me know if you need someone to talk with..
No no no. Now this is bullshit. I will tell you I beg this woman for her time. She sits on her phone will give absolutely no attention to conversation. Everything we go through is my fault. Which means we only go through bad. Yeah..... after 5 years there has been a lot of good. Great. I asked her two weeks ago I sai see it's inappropriate to hang with other men when it's just you two alone so please don't. She says well if you wouldn't have done this that or the other. Her justification for cheating on me is that she told me to leave in Jan so I did. And I got worh someone else. She says she loves me. We haven't had sea in 43 days. I ask her she gets mad at me. On of her "guy" friends ask she laughs and calls them silly. Now I may have some tendency of a self centered asshole. But narcissistic is something I'm not. I know I should have slept with any other woman. But I did I beg daily for her forgiveness and can we move on. And for 6 months now. That's all she's got. I slept with someone else. She was setting up conical visits in prison she goes on dates. All fine because we split. But I shouldn't have to pay for what I did. And beg her and pleas for her time. So for everyone who fell into she cries everyday. She doesn't cry ever. I asked her to stop video chatting dude in jail. I said you think it's ok. She said it's Because of what you did. I ain't fucking him. I said you don't think it's wrong? She said I've never done any wrong. Mon you just wanna fight. Well my experience it takes two to fight and on to get the my mom died a year ago from the seventeenth. I asked her to be with me just hold me I miss my mom. She has mi empathy,sympathy. She says she doesn't need it. She know said from not and. I e met 4 outta 16 of her friends all guys who hit on her. She wont introduce me to them says I will just leave anyway and I am not good conversation today
(Everyday she says that) she turned my couple friends to turn they back on me. She says well they knew you were doing wrong and I never did. That's why they choose my side.
@@m998hmmwv7 she was with dude last night and I was heading to her house after work. I work 5pm_230 am. She says no don't I don't want you here.
@@m998hmmwv7 wakes up at 12 this morning first thing says hey love ya. Wyd
Practise living in reality
Accept what is
No longer deluding myself
Living in real time
Give it up, let it all go
Focus on what is working well in your life right now
Focus on how disconnected unwanted and unloved you felt
It’s wasn’t love, it was deception
Feel it to heal it
Yes it hurts right now
It will get better
Know that you’re better off without believing their lies
Exactly, focussing on the very bad, torturing exhausting sides to the fake journey with the narcissist.
Four years the push pull but I am done. I revisited the feelings from the beginning often. He would notice I was pulling away and the future faking would begin again. I could see the patterns. Finally had to be done. Nothing ever changed and the only things that were consistent were the patterns and the hurt. More pain than joy. More lies than love. It was not my first narc but it will be my last. Thank you for having the courage to share your story!
I'm in the no contact ...6 days in...for the umpteenth time. I can't imagine my life without him even as a close friend which was what we were mostly. Now I see why he was completely ok with the friends with benefits idea and not exclusive. Once we did get exclusive not a dang thing changed from him in my view. He was still as secret and mysterious and getting him to tell me things was like pulling teeth. Definitely one sided relationship. So I feel stronger and more confident this time on the no contact because I've now seen and accepted his true color. But it is going to be so difficult to actually realize he has absolutely no meaning in my life. There's no place for him is a hard nugget to swallow. So staying in the now is really good because I can focus on all the crap he's pulled and how I don't mean a dang thing to him. Don't think about my future without him, think about my current now without him...and I love the now!! My body is slowly coming down from "high anxiety" state I didn't realize I've been all this time. But I'm just not ready to wipe the texts, I want to make a memoir of the crap talk he's texted me do I can refer to it as a reminder of who he really is. Once I got that made, then I can delete him lol.
I was with a covert narcissistic,never new a predator exist,oh boy what a nightmare, were empaths so if you get a gut feeling please listen to your self what you feel,there toxic POS you deserve better than them,there jealous, don't let them in your head, don't open up to them,you can out smart them there kid's trapped into adult body,study them learn all you can,go no contact n walk away, there's power in just walking away,but get your life back like before you even met them, that's what gets even for you take your life back like they didn't do a thing or hurt you, reclaim it,in don't waist no more time,be safe and God bless all.
Thank you!
The way they slither them selves into your life is so tricky.
When the devil cant get you he send you these nutcases as what you ever wanted.
But just like light it reveals everything.
This narcissist are demons they go from body to body, cause the moment you're involved with them it goes down south everything!!
Only if you're smart you will walk away, there's nothing there.
Keep it moving🚶♂️🏃♂️🚶♀️🧗♀️🏄♂️⛷🏇🏊♀️
Awesome video! I needed this so very bad today. Wish I had a way to share my story with you. What happened to me left me disabled, and it is so very hard. Thanks again! It was a blessing, I prayed earlier for God to give me something positive out of all the pain I've been through. God bless!
Spot on. Keep these emotional criminals out of your life
Such a good name for it, emotional criminals
Amen to that.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650
Perfect assessment.
After i moved out i returned all of the gifts and letters he gave me and left them in his courtyard,,, however he returned them to me so I sold some of the gifts on my local buy sell swap and made some money and the sentimental stuff i just put out in the garbage - it was so freeing.
This was so needed. I really enjoy your videos. I am currently no contact and plan on never ever going back!!!! Your videos are so real and definitely relatable.
Thank you for the reminders. I make it a point to remind myself of this daily. I’m over it all. I am no longer heartbroken about any of it. At one point I was of course. I just choose to except who he truly is and what he will NEVER EVER be. No more fantasy life for me. Reality is my truth! I choose to put “Me” first. Today and everyday I live for the now! I am a SURVIVOR!!
YEP! 👍🦄
I love you Jess, your videos have changed my life and opened my eyes,thank you so much 💙
So enlightening 👍🤔
Perfect timing for this video for me thank you ❤ two days post break up and my feelings of relief were turning to missing him today, I so needed to hear this!
Thank you. My previous covert narcissist was so subtle in manipulation that if I did not look up then internet and studied about narcissists, I would have still been in confused state. These awful people are like covid19. They don't show how bad they are at the beginning just like incubation period of covid 19. They are stealthy. That is why they are extremely damaging just like covid 19. Because if a person looks and behaves like a bad person we can easily avoid them at the beginning so they cannot do extensive damage to us. But these narcissists are very good at acting like a nicest person at the beginning. Especially covert narcs are very very subtly manipulating using subtle words and carrot/stick method even when they abuse us that it confuses anyone unless we are well armed with knowledge. I still think of the carrot part he offered me. That intermittent reward part. Then I sigh and say ' only if he were not a narcissist, how happy I could be with him'. I wrote threatening words, disrespectful words he said to me. He insulted my daughter and threatened me and my daughter. All in rather subtle way. I still think of the fantasy part of the relationship sometimes. This shows how powerfully addictive the trauma bonding can be. But I wrote down every awful words he said to me which really helped me see who he really is. If I did not write down those, I would still have been confused and even missed him. Writing down everything which happened really helped.
You're the BEST, Jess! Thank you for lifting all of us up. The trauma bond has kept me stuck for 2 yrs, but each day gets a little easier. Reality is a tough pill to swallow, but we must for our own peace and well-being. ☮
Thank you, Jess. You literally saved my life. You deserve a Nobel prize!. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I like your ideas. Everytime i start to think i remind myself by saying he is an abuser and i have no room for abusers in my life.
I can't believe how spot on this description is. It's as if you peered into the last 1.5 years of my life and put a microscope on our relationship. She is such a narc. She "loved" me because I am tall, and athletic. She love bombed the shit out of me, validated me so hard and I already struggle with insecurity. She made the colors of the world so vibrant and then she ripped out the rug completely unexpectedly. The heartbreak nearly killed me literally. So much pain and suffering.
Agreed. I live a real life. Not fake.
When I got to the point of Love, but not Like - I listed a column A, then a B. It twisted my insides before sending me packing, with no return. Your idea of post-it notes is brilliant. Many thanks.
twisted my insides !
When I got to the point of love after my divorce got finalized. She says now 3 and a half years later I loved her too late but she wont let me go wont touch me not even sexually just rub my arm or back. If I ask her she's in pain her back. She has had "shimgles" for 2 years and 10 montha....
Great new series! interesting theme especially today, we here are in a self-search for inner peace & emotional justice. I have never heard of some of these points before, and they rang so true to my own story wow! Fortunately, for me the hard work I've done these last 18 months has paid off and Im just starting to feel happy again!! I was a bit reluctant to watch this video because I didnt want to relive it all, but it was the exact opposite! Your insight was SO REAL to that it helped me see (now from a distance) how I was stuck IN A TRAUMA BOND!!!!!!! My new opinion on all this is that "she" was the worst friend I'll ever have - because I'll never let that happen again, info is power. thanks Jess xox
Physical memories must go. And yes, it's gut wrenching.
I cried all the way through this. I didn’t know how bad I needed to hear this
I just came across your channel and I’ve been feeling everything you’re talking about. I was convinced I was the narcissist! Finishing up my divorce now and getting back to reality.
Jess, Great message.. you rock !
You are always spot on..Everyone please believe everything Jess shares.
Thank you SO incredibly much for this video! 🙊💔😯 It has felt like my soul is breaking this first week of moving out/being kicked out with nowhere to go and going NO contact...... Has been excruciating. Your words REALLY struck me deep! I can hardly wait to watch the rest of them! 🙏 You are a true blessing bcuz you've suddenly provided me with a guiding light out of all this darkness and pain🙏
This is great video to come back to when you are losing the battle to contact the narc. Thanks Jess.
As always, an excellent video from Jess. Using her honest experiences adds real value and belief, excellent, thank you Jess.. 👏👏
I was completely holding on to get the small insignificant rewards for so long and damaging myself and everything around me along the way! Living in constant anxiety knowing I was in the punishment phase or even during the reward knowing the punishment was coming. I have just recently (two weeks ago) started looking at the reality, because of some obvious betrayal the my narc will not admit to even with blood on his hands. And I’m learning to accept that I won’t get the respect, honesty and closure I deserve from him. Your message is super helpful thank you so much.
Your videos have been very helpful. I never dealt with a narcissist. What an eye opener. Without your help, I would not have been able to find closure without her providing me that. I understand what happened now. I can deal with it and move on. I was not the problem. I was dumped for another guy but yet she was still married. How stupid was I to cry over not being “the other guy” anymore.
This really helped I’m trying to break
The trauma bond I like your style it’s very real
Thank you. I’m going to start a journal today asking myself how I feel and why? ❤️
Wow, thank you. 7 years and now i was told its best if I just leave. The hoping and loss of that was the hardest part of leaving.
Good straight forward video ty…slaps us in the face with the truth
I’m with this one ! I’ve been trying to pull away for 16 months cruel empty people! I’ve now asked to speak to a phycologist re co dependency ! I’m 100000000000% done
I am in the same modus as we speak, I am completely done.
I just wrote a ridiculous long comment but delete it again.
Short version I am done with the last alleged narc friend in my life who feels like deliberately ignoring me, dismissing precaire feelings I shared with him about a personal trauma and he responded by saying : ok but off topic.
I was sharing my concern about a mark in my neck after being strangled.
Before I am again writing a book here, it feels like he is ignoring my hard challenge coming Wednesday bc I have to attend a witness interview at court while I am also the victim of violent crime. This friend is suddenly silent while he always calls and texts.
The problem is not someone being silent, the problem is that the silence is giving me bad vibes and I am still struggling if it's me or if I am correct about my feelings and I don't want that in my life anymore never again. Period.
Peace of mind of peace hmmm 🤔 you have to be true to your feelings here ! You must put yourself first ! I’ve had long friendships I only finished one just this week ! It’s ok to trust your gut ! Alleged ?
Your powerless over them but your not to yourself! You sound like your afraid listen to your instinct! If there only friends it’s ok to move on and let go don’t feel awkward for removing crap out of your life
Thank you Jess your wisdom keeps me going 💙
I spent 18 years (married with 3 kids) living with the push and pull and was always waiting for the next pull because I knew it would come. I can't believe I put up with it for so long. She destroyed me. I left her 6 weeks ago after I discovered her new supply (on Facebook with a bloke in Norway, we're from UK!!!). She is obsessed with the love bombing on Messenger!! After 22 years together I miss her. I can't just forget about her.
Just remember the crap energy though mate. Too much.
@@vincentwilliams8685 Since she found her new source and since leaving her I now understand the crap energy and don't want it back in my life. I see it now.
YOU CAN'T TRUST A NARC. THEY ARE FAKE. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO IS REAL AND CAN LOVE AND RESPECT YOU LIKE YOU DESERVE. LIFE IS VERY SHORT. NARCS ARE GOOD ACTORS AND FAKE PEOPLE. THEY WASTE OUR LIVES WITH THEIR FAKE LOVE. LOVE AND CARE FOR YOURSELF.
Mind blowing!!! Why do we trauma bond? ✌️ thank you great content
I am stuck in trauma bond nd I m living in the love bombing phase..Dont have any idea how to live in the present..10 months of discard nd I m back to the square one..But ur videos are very helpful,keep it up..
Your videos have helped me more than any other narcissist video I have watched. Thank you. Along with Gods help, the things you’ve said and brought to light with such authenticity helped me to finally shatter that fantasy man I had created in my head. I finally saw who he really was and not this great guy I was making excuses for. I feel like a hood lifted off my head. I know I needed to get rid of all the texts but what you said I am doing it because they are all lies.
Awesome video as always Jess❤you've provided so much healing in my life...Thank you🙏
Good idea to journal.
Up am so going to really give the advice given I this video a try. My ex narc and I have been apart since mid March and I’m still hung up and obsessive over him. I just can’t let go. So I need this help. Thanks Jess!! Love your videos.
Hey don’t be so hard on you they have played you ! Being real and honest with you and what’s not acceptable anymore! Is the beginning it’s so painful and I do feel for you
I’ve been trauma bonded to mine for over 13 years they are very cruel and selfish! I hope you continue to listen to the videos from lots of different people! There all golden nuggets and remember the game has layers like an onion! Peel away and you start seeing the bigger picture! Your being used !
This is just what I needed and actually started just last night on my own and then I hear this!!! It was perfect timing
Took me 4 months to start breaking the stupid bond. I had to take the true colors for what they were to be able to start the process. Everyday I see it a little more.
Thank you Jess. I got really set back this week. I'm really hurting. I needed this. Damn he fucked me up this weekend. 🥺
Thank you for your advice... soon I'll be leaving this bad relationship I'm in for the past 6 1/2 year's
I've been cheated on for quite some time...
I just replaced slats in all my window blinds, talk about frustrating...like dealing with a passive aggressive dotard. Got it down now, only took me a few minutes after I figured it out.
It all starts with a decision that of course you’ll have re-affirm, but making - and keep making - that choice (1 TRILLION) times is the way out!
This video really resinated with me... I was hoovered tonight and was able to block him completely... Finally.. I have a feeling he will be showing up at my door... or doing something stupid.. It's really hard to breakup with this guy..
Thank you , your a smart lady ...take care of yourself...
Oh GREAT I need this right now
Take off the rose-colored glasses..
Purge..
Don't jump into "the pool of happy memories."
(Thank you, Stephan Labossier- "Stephan Speaks" for that phrase.)
Go no-contact.
These have been crucial in my healing journey.
It’s helpful. She has had me messed up for a long time
Like your Jess You don’t talk about 911 I know about 911 I know about my people don’t need to know anymore about that thank you for not talking about 9/11 been there done that got the T-shirt
At the end, when the relationship changed for the worse, the narcissist blamed me for making him feel bad . He never gave me anything I had to throw out. I asked for my things to be delivered back from his apartment. I never got my pillow !
Love your videos. Always spot on.
Thanks for video.
"If you know their pattern just beat them to it and watch how fast they leave you alone for good 👍"
Love this. Spot on ❤
Hi Jess 💪thank you🌼🌻🌸🌺🌹
yes everything is on their terms I was trauma bonded then something clicked in my brain and thats when I got educated then made his life a living hell for the next year then walked away never to look back I'm petty too LOL
I miss the idea of being married. I miss my new home we built. I miss Arizona. I miss someone to watch movies with.
I don’t miss his lies, his cheating, his put downs, not feeling loved, anxious and exhausted feelings.
I threw out our wedding pictures. I threw out our wedding video. I gave my wedding dress to The Cancer Society. I brought his wedding ring to a consignment store!!!
My covert narc discarded me...only to Hoover me one month later asking if we could be friends...before I knew what it was called and having NC...I called him back..he said our ship has sailed...but, at one point he really wanted to marry me...me not trusting him was the issue. His words were to hurt me & Total manipulation...5 months NC forever more. I know better now.
Hope you are doing better. Just happened to me so just learning.
Covert narcissist.
@@carpathia0117 just got your comment...yes, this was posted 9 months ago...heartbreak is brutal..I did a lot of inner work...I promise you that life does get better! You must feel to heal. The trick of better(faster) healing is definitely NO CONTACT..do not fall in the trap of being friends...even if you so want to...work on yourself, explore your individual interests, journal and watch these videos...all really does help. You will be okay, I promise. Stay strong and when the hurting fades a bit, ficus at knowing your worth! You have been through hell and back again..give yourself some time and do not be hard on yourself. This was NOT your fault at all! YOU DESERVE BETTER and you also deserve a sense of self that your ex mirrored for so long. Sending love and empathy to you. ❤️❤️❤️
@@kim7237 thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement.
Its a lonely place to be Especially with coverts... since nobody believes or understands their darker nature!
I've found these videos and people like you sharing with me so helpful 💜💜💜💜
@@carpathia0117 keep believing in yourself. Just food for thought, my confidence was really low in that I wasn’t sure whether my ex was truly a covert because of all the gaslighting he did on me...so I made up a notebook with all the positive comments from people who have gone through same thing..detailing their experience as to relating to mine...it really did help tremendously. Believe in what you went through was so totally wrong. Emotional/mental abuse comes to mind...treat yourself gently. This is not your fault. Believe in this! If you need anything else (encouragement, hope, reassuring) I am here...I know all too well what it feels like.
@@kim7237
Thanks again Sooo much!
You made me feel a lot better!
💜🌻🥰
I’m good just trying to listen to you OK girl don’t need nobody else I picked a life coach it was you OK that’s it don’t need nobody else just do your job
3:10-3:10 very accurate
Haha! I can’t believe this - fkn Disney set us up for this. I my case I kept kissing the 🐸 frog thinking he would turn into a prince... but nooo! Just warts to show for it. Ribbit! Now it seems so gross to have been intimate with him. He got lucky for sure but me! Never got any real... love
Fake phony words by an empty empty frog! One that will never change! Never! No matter how adorable I am. Jess, I love the truth, and want to stop the slumps- I will use the tools you bring.
I have great day's but today I'm destroyd when will it end
I am in trying to break my 20yr trauma bond to a textbook narcissist. Just thinking about accepting my reality makes me feel like my heart is being ripped out. This is really going to hurt isn't it?
Real time sucks. I prefer to live in the 50's and 60's.
Started humming a tune from 1962. Ain't it funny how the Night Moves.
What really fucked me up is that I waited and dealt with this abuse that totally destroyed my soul for 10yrs and then I got pregnant or now I'm thinking tricked and trapped and then what made it worse is he proposed to me in front of all of my family and his at my baby shower. This is what has me totally confused and stuck because then he just left me not even 2 months later! Why did he do this? Not leaving smh lol but why did he propose?? Please help me!
Went tru yr n half of hell until I decided to take responsibility for my part as far as staying in the moment n focused on y I hated bn with the narc n I hve bn alot better but I do have slip ups
Its been 8 months now & my 8 year ex narcissistic girlfriend just just called me & told me that she misses me & I find myself after mid stride of healing I am trying to wait & time myself for when she might call me & want me to come over,her sex was always horrible & she is so mean ...I just want to be done with these feelings...
The love bombing and gift giving was so big right through the relationship BUT
The shitty behaviours were not going to stop.
He provoked & baited untIl I reacted, then blamed me for reacting.
Broke up 6 weeks ago
and it’s hoovering time.
Yea I know what I gotta do BLOCK
Gifts, favours and a nightly phone call.
WHY ?
Apparently he cares
Hmmmmmmm
Don’t think so, he wants to add me to his harem.
Oh I know I am enabling him
BUT I was in lock down for 6 weeks.
The restrictions are lifting so time to block and get out socialising.
I personally blame the whole "Twin Flame concept" on why so many people including me (long fucking story) stay within the trauma bond wearing rose colored glasses in false hope and giving "them" excuses to continue to treat us poorly because one day, after years of running from you, they'll see the light and come home to you! oh, and its in perfectly divine timing! 🙄🖕
Need a good solid female friend (i am male), not sexual, just a good friend.
Want to throw these videos in his face, but I would never bother. He'd be furious which is hilarious to me! He has no idea he's a narc. 🤦♀️
I think love letters may be red flag?
I beleive some may still write letters.
I sold all my jewelry he bought me
How do I join ?
th-cam.com/channels/m_dWUsXjZrg9aXmUKexnwg.htmljoin
They're everywhere its a plague🤦♀️
That is what is so scary!
Master the Grey Rock!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
👍👍👍
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Imagine having a girlfriend as smart,funny,and cool as Jess Stanley and just screwing the whole thing up royally until she makes a career out of warning people about shitbags like you. Tragic. I am in agreement that these narcs are to be pitied
Took me 4 months to start breaking the stupid bond. I had to take the true colors for what they were to be able to start the process. Everyday I see it a little more.