I've been wanting to leave a comment on your channel for a while, but I needed to watch all the videos first, because apparently, if you are autistic you need to do things in a certain order and if you don't, it feels like the entire world might disintegrate or that any meaning we have built is lost. Welcome to Autistic planet. Maybe I should have challenged myself to comment on earlier videos as thoughts came up. I wanted to say that I resonate with a lot of what you say in your videos and I think you are very brave to be putting yourself out there like this, especially as a middle aged man. As men, we are not encouraged to share our experiences honestly or to be reflective about our actions and choices. I was also diagnosed with Autism quite late in life. I suspect I also have ADHD, but having spent so much time trying to understand and 'fix' my autism, I am frankly quite daunted by going through another diagnosis and spending more time and money and energy fighting the system to get yet another label, which I am not sure might serve any purpose or not. I tend to massively overshare when I tell my story these days, so I edited the original post. Not sure if it a universal experience of autistics to swing between either not being able to communicate or to not be able to stop doing so. My late autism diagnosis came in the middle of I guess what you would call a mid life crisis, after I left my wife and met someone else. I then went back and eventually got divorced but I rediscovered my passion for painting in between. What I want to know from others on here, is if their finding out they are ADHD or autistic also came during major life changes? Thanks. Good job on these videos, man.
I was thinking through the temporality thing recently-- I've always known I had an odd relationship to past-present-future, but didn't really realize until recently that it's kind of like "the past never gets any older" for me. Like, everything that ever happened is all right here-- like if I run into someone I haven't seen in forever, my reaction is likely to be like, "Oh, hey. You hungry?" That's quite a sign off for the pathologically demand avoidant.
@@celeste-o64 This has been a big discovery for me too. When I was diagnosed a few years ago, I thought I had all the time in the world to re-live my life in a different way and then all of a sudden, I am 55! A few years felt like just a few weeks to me. apparently not everyone experiences time like this.
I was diagnosed with ADHD later in live last year. I did not however felt that it was only ADHD, according to symptom descriptions and compared to the other members of a group I visit. Also my hypersensitivity to sound, smells and touch went off the charts since taking meds. I'm reading all I can find on autism, as I did with adhd and am rather convinced that I'm also autistic. I have an assessment in 2 months. It's interesting that you had these realisation in a different order.
This series has been very informative. There definitely some traits that overlap with autism, and some very frustratingly so. Thank you for such an in-depth analysis.
I give myself hard deadlines that are way before the actual deadlines. In this way my need to hit the impending deadline is activated and the reward has become getting the job finished early, plus getting paid the final payment (freelancer). Also making my own deadline stops the averse reaction to an outside imposed deadline. I have commented on loads of videos and will probably will blurt out a lot more, but ftr, I am 51. I have developed a crazy amount of mechanisms over the 51 years undiagnosed. I might write a book about it. One day. Lol.
Same. And the mechanisms kind of worked until they didn't and I hit a wall. But I'm now learning to go back to the things that worked for me and TWEAK them, evolve them, not just throw everything out and try to start again. Which I kind of did for a bit, and it REALLY didn't go great..
@@amineurodivergent yes! my other reward is a big break from that thing. So if I make 30 tutus in 3 months for a troupe, I don't do it again till next year. Recently I made just one tutu, an itense job though, and have felt extra burnout from it, but it has come at aame time as the rabbithole of self diagnosis, (the client is the reason I finally looked into AuDHD properly just a week ago, after avoiding it for years) i have had naps every day this week and been extra chill (while deep diving). Rest is a huge component. Sometimes that just looks like lying in bed watching my faves. I got really sick last year (mold toxicity and stress) I was out for 8 months. . 10 yrs ago, I was out for 2 years after running my own shop 7 days a week for 5 years as a guilt riddled single mother. Thought I had learned my lesson, oh no, not I!. I let the gal I was working for last year convince me to keep going when I knew burnout was imminent ( low boundary, my own fault). Now I am just like NOPE, THIS IS TOO MUCH. SEE YA! Especially if I am expected to deal with other people's stressy shitty BS lives. I am a pretty mellow person, but so fkn sensitive to everyone elses crap oozing everywhere. That's another novel in itself. The pattern is that the burnout recovery is often nearly as long and sometimes longer than the project/thing, depending on the intensity. It is the balancing out of energies.
@@autumnpendergast9151 100% - all of this really resonates. I'm (very slowly) coming to the realisation (after multiple people have told me this for years) that self esteem and working on myself (which I always thought sounded very self indulgent - like, me just for the sake of me, WTF?) but, yeah, it kind of is the thing that starts making a difference around boundaries, people pleasing, not needing external validation to prove to ourselves that we're worthy, not pushing, pushing pushing to exhaustion every time to be able to feel good. I may be preaching to the converted here, I don't know, but it's been really eye opening for me finally turning the microscope deep inwards rather than just at surface level to finally start to process how all these different things fit together and feel a wee bit better about myself. There's a book, it looks really cheesy from the cover, that I've been loving recently with loads of "self-love gym exercises" called I ♥Me by David Hamilton - it's REALLY good, incredibly obvious, stuff told in a really funny self-deprecating way, I've been really enjoying it and finding it very insightful.
@@amineurodivergent Yes! It is definitely an ongoing project of self care. I just gave notice at a job I do because the intensity of the time there is NOT mitigated by the $30 I make (teaching a 45 minute class eats a whole day with a brain like this). The traps are everywhere, work, friendships, relationships, family, society. We spend our whole lives accommodating everyone else. It is kind of bonkers. For me, knowing some more about how/why I function the way I do is allowing me to be even kinder to me and put myself first, especially when I am exhausted from a hyper-project. And in the end the person I have to care for the most is me. It isn't an easy shift after decades but it gets a bit easier each time. I will look up the book for sure. Thanks so much for sharing the similarities of your experiences. It is awesome to know I am not the only one!!! Life just keeps throwing out this stuff and I just keep learning all along I was fine, just different, and trying to fit in nearly klled me a few times! Viva la difference!
Hi Struan, I’ve been binge-watching your playlist videos and have been resonating so much with what you describe. Thank you so much. I’m a bit concerned that the output trails and disappears, but have been relieved to see you have replied to comments. Hang in there ❤. I’m 58 and recently discovered AuDHD. It’s all been complicated. I like me, but I’ve struggled hugely with the experience of being me. Listening to your posts has been really validating, so again, thank you.
Thanks so much for this. I'm a 52-yo man from the US, and in the past year I've been working out, along with my therapist, that I'm likely AuDHD. My therapist first suggested I might be autistic about a year ago, and recommended the book Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. I saw a lot of myself in that book, and in the time since, I've devoured tons of youtube content and several more books on autism. Similar to what you described, I tested with high scores on all of the autism screeners and the CAT-Q on masking. I don't recall whether I tested for ADHD at that time, but it wasn't really on my radar. Then recently I saw a youtube video on AuDHD, and started wondering if ADHD might be responsible for some of my traits that don't really line up with autism. I took the adult autism screening test you mentioned, and I scored high enough on section one to suggest more evaluation. But as I'm now learning more about ADHD, I'm fairly certain I have it. And I'm working with my doctor to get meds to see if they'll help. I've always thought I was just lazy--that if I'd only apply myself I could do the things I struggle so much to get myself to do. I know I'm intelligent. That's never been an issue. But getting myself to do the things I don't want to do or follow through with projects after the initial excitement about them has worn off has always been an issue. I'm now learning that has to do with executive dysfunction, and that there might even be help for that with medication. That could be life-changing, I think, but I feel tentative about getting too excited about it. I've grown used to things not really working out the way I hope they will. I'm glad to find resources like you online. I've even found some friendship in other autistics here online. I've shared my autism suspicions, with mixed results. Some people who know me well say they can't see it in me, which feels unsupportive. I'm not surprised they can't see it. I've learned lots of masking and coping strategies over the years to hide it. But it's exhausting. And as I get older, my ability to constantly mask gets weaker. Anyhow, this is getting long for a comment. I just wanted to say thank you, and that hearing your experience which mirrors mine in many ways is helpful. I look forward to going back and watching more of your content.
Thanks for this, what a really lovely message - a lot of recognition in a lot you've written. All the best on your journey and I hope you find things that eventually work for you. It's definitely all a journey!
"Squirming with hands or feet" is a bit narrow. There are so many ways to "squirm"! I've been masking AudDHD for so many decades that I internalise my squirms and stims e.g. doing kegel exercises or hidden tongue movements. The ASD + ADHD spices do interfere with each other in all sorts of ways, depending on my interest level in the task at hand and the successfulness of learned strategies. I feel like a chaotic system that cycles in a small range for a period of time and then shoots off into another range, ... rinse repeat.
This sounds very relatable! From hidden tongue squirming so no one sees discomfort to small range interest cycle shooting off into something else. Often vast?
@@amineurodivergent The change can indeed by vast. It's like I am winding myself up to jump to the next thing. I spent two years in a rut, not working and basically doing the same thing every day jumpoing to taking my dog to Europe (from Australia) and wandering around multiple countries for 3 years. Going back to the hands and feet thing. A lot of the diagnosis of symptoms seems to hinged on early life or unmasked behaviours. When I started an Austism assessment a few years ago, the pyschologist left some toys on the coffee table between and excused herself to make a phone call. I settled into a few sudokus on my phone. When she came back, she expressed surprise that I hadn't played with the toys. I said "I'm 56 not 6, and I've got the best toy known to man in my hand" (brandishing smart phone).
How are you? Are you taking a break? So enjoy your vlogs! Looking forward to your next video. AuDHD also. This was such a telling video especially and you absolutely hit on some very powerful truths that many of us AuDHD folks relate to. Thank you! Sharing with my family!
@@amineurodivergenthope you feel better soon. ❤ take care. Just wanted to share that I now finally have a startdate for my own assesment. Beginning of next month. 🎉
Thank you for this. Been diagnosed a few years now. I've had to stop working due to constant stress and anxiety I was suffering, after 3 heart attacks I had to. The imposter syndrome is real. Now that I'm being myself, I can see how bad I am. Great videos. Hope your ok😊
I see timelines of potentiality sprawling out in various directions, and how choices and events and objects affect them, but I have to remind myself every single morning what day it is. I think I have been doing it since I was very little. Days, clock time, years, daylight savings, timezones, space, etc none of it makes sense to my brain. I have learned to deal with it, but to my mind and body it all seems quite silly.
Thanks for this video, Struan! Finally got around to watching it, after having moved address two months ago. As usual, hearing your experiences, plus the tangible resources such as self-assessment instruments you provide, has been very helpful. Particularly resonant for me is your experience of developing workarounds to deal with ADD and autism- If I've got an effective workaround, how can the state of my neurology be a problem?! I hope you are well. Best, Lynn
yeah it is. I'm planning to do more but my disk space is full- I need to work out and decide on a sensible way of freeing up space (cloud, external drive, etc) and then just do it. But I'm struggling to start the task because it feels really big so I keep delaying everything because it involves change. Hoist by my own petard! 🤣
@@amineurodivergent might be a good time for a break?, burn out is a sod. I like your method and structure. yes the change monster... regarding tech, I take months to chose, even arranged a bespoke built for own computer and one year for a car. Take time, find the best option and looking forward to watching more.
Love to see more content from you, its very helping for me. Thank you for your effort. Have a nice day.
I've been wanting to leave a comment on your channel for a while, but I needed to watch all the videos first, because apparently, if you are autistic you need to do things in a certain order and if you don't, it feels like the entire world might disintegrate or that any meaning we have built is lost. Welcome to Autistic planet. Maybe I should have challenged myself to comment on earlier videos as thoughts came up. I wanted to say that I resonate with a lot of what you say in your videos and I think you are very brave to be putting yourself out there like this, especially as a middle aged man. As men, we are not encouraged to share our experiences honestly or to be reflective about our actions and choices. I was also diagnosed with Autism quite late in life. I suspect I also have ADHD, but having spent so much time trying to understand and 'fix' my autism, I am frankly quite daunted by going through another diagnosis and spending more time and money and energy fighting the system to get yet another label, which I am not sure might serve any purpose or not. I tend to massively overshare when I tell my story these days, so I edited the original post. Not sure if it a universal experience of autistics to swing between either not being able to communicate or to not be able to stop doing so. My late autism diagnosis came in the middle of I guess what you would call a mid life crisis, after I left my wife and met someone else. I then went back and eventually got divorced but I rediscovered my passion for painting in between. What I want to know from others on here, is if their finding out they are ADHD or autistic also came during major life changes? Thanks. Good job on these videos, man.
I was thinking through the temporality thing recently-- I've always known I had an odd relationship to past-present-future, but didn't really realize until recently that it's kind of like "the past never gets any older" for me. Like, everything that ever happened is all right here-- like if I run into someone I haven't seen in forever, my reaction is likely to be like, "Oh, hey. You hungry?"
That's quite a sign off for the pathologically demand avoidant.
Yeah same - 30 years ago feels like last week. It was only relatively recently I realised not everyone experiences time like this.
@@amineurodivergentI’m only finding out that’s not a typical way of experiencing time right now! This explains so much. 😂
@@celeste-o64 This has been a big discovery for me too. When I was diagnosed a few years ago, I thought I had all the time in the world to re-live my life in a different way and then all of a sudden, I am 55! A few years felt like just a few weeks to me. apparently not everyone experiences time like this.
I was diagnosed with ADHD later in live last year. I did not however felt that it was only ADHD, according to symptom descriptions and compared to the other members of a group I visit. Also my hypersensitivity to sound, smells and touch went off the charts since taking meds. I'm reading all I can find on autism, as I did with adhd and am rather convinced that I'm also autistic. I have an assessment in 2 months. It's interesting that you had these realisation in a different order.
It almost seems to be random chance for undiagnosed AuDHDers which one you end up landing on first - there's a hell of a lot of overlap also.
This series has been very informative. There definitely some traits that overlap with autism, and some very frustratingly so. Thank you for such an in-depth analysis.
I give myself hard deadlines that are way before the actual deadlines. In this way my need to hit the impending deadline is activated and the reward has become getting the job finished early, plus getting paid the final payment (freelancer). Also making my own deadline stops the averse reaction to an outside imposed deadline. I have commented on loads of videos and will probably will blurt out a lot more, but ftr, I am 51. I have developed a crazy amount of mechanisms over the 51 years undiagnosed. I might write a book about it. One day. Lol.
Same. And the mechanisms kind of worked until they didn't and I hit a wall. But I'm now learning to go back to the things that worked for me and TWEAK them, evolve them, not just throw everything out and try to start again. Which I kind of did for a bit, and it REALLY didn't go great..
@@amineurodivergent yes! my other reward is a big break from that thing. So if I make 30 tutus in 3 months for a troupe, I don't do it again till next year. Recently I made just one tutu, an itense job though, and have felt extra burnout from it, but it has come at aame time as the rabbithole of self diagnosis, (the client is the reason I finally looked into AuDHD properly just a week ago, after avoiding it for years) i have had naps every day this week and been extra chill (while deep diving). Rest is a huge component. Sometimes that just looks like lying in bed watching my faves. I got really sick last year (mold toxicity and stress) I was out for 8 months. . 10 yrs ago, I was out for 2 years after running my own shop 7 days a week for 5 years as a guilt riddled single mother.
Thought I had learned my lesson, oh no, not I!. I let the gal I was working for last year convince me to keep going when I knew burnout was imminent ( low boundary, my own fault). Now I am just like NOPE, THIS IS TOO MUCH. SEE YA! Especially if I am expected to deal with other people's stressy shitty BS lives. I am a pretty mellow person, but so fkn sensitive to everyone elses crap oozing everywhere. That's another novel in itself.
The pattern is that the burnout recovery is often nearly as long and sometimes longer than the project/thing, depending on the intensity. It is the balancing out of energies.
@@autumnpendergast9151 100% - all of this really resonates. I'm (very slowly) coming to the realisation (after multiple people have told me this for years) that self esteem and working on myself (which I always thought sounded very self indulgent - like, me just for the sake of me, WTF?) but, yeah, it kind of is the thing that starts making a difference around boundaries, people pleasing, not needing external validation to prove to ourselves that we're worthy, not pushing, pushing pushing to exhaustion every time to be able to feel good. I may be preaching to the converted here, I don't know, but it's been really eye opening for me finally turning the microscope deep inwards rather than just at surface level to finally start to process how all these different things fit together and feel a wee bit better about myself. There's a book, it looks really cheesy from the cover, that I've been loving recently with loads of "self-love gym exercises" called I ♥Me by David Hamilton - it's REALLY good, incredibly obvious, stuff told in a really funny self-deprecating way, I've been really enjoying it and finding it very insightful.
@@amineurodivergent Yes! It is definitely an ongoing project of self care. I just gave notice at a job I do because the intensity of the time there is NOT mitigated by the $30 I make (teaching a 45 minute class eats a whole day with a brain like this). The traps are everywhere, work, friendships, relationships, family, society. We spend our whole lives accommodating everyone else. It is kind of bonkers. For me, knowing some more about how/why I function the way I do is allowing me to be even kinder to me and put myself first, especially when I am exhausted from a hyper-project. And in the end the person I have to care for the most is me. It isn't an easy shift after decades but it gets a bit easier each time. I will look up the book for sure.
Thanks so much for sharing the similarities of your experiences. It is awesome to know I am not the only one!!! Life just keeps throwing out this stuff and I just keep learning all along I was fine, just different, and trying to fit in nearly klled me a few times! Viva la difference!
@@autumnpendergast9151 Viva la difference!
Hi Struan, I’ve been binge-watching your playlist videos and have been resonating so much with what you describe. Thank you so much. I’m a bit concerned that the output trails and disappears, but have been relieved to see you have replied to comments. Hang in there ❤.
I’m 58 and recently discovered AuDHD. It’s all been complicated. I like me, but I’ve struggled hugely with the experience of being me. Listening to your posts has been really validating, so again, thank you.
Thanks so much for this. I'm a 52-yo man from the US, and in the past year I've been working out, along with my therapist, that I'm likely AuDHD. My therapist first suggested I might be autistic about a year ago, and recommended the book Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. I saw a lot of myself in that book, and in the time since, I've devoured tons of youtube content and several more books on autism. Similar to what you described, I tested with high scores on all of the autism screeners and the CAT-Q on masking. I don't recall whether I tested for ADHD at that time, but it wasn't really on my radar. Then recently I saw a youtube video on AuDHD, and started wondering if ADHD might be responsible for some of my traits that don't really line up with autism. I took the adult autism screening test you mentioned, and I scored high enough on section one to suggest more evaluation. But as I'm now learning more about ADHD, I'm fairly certain I have it. And I'm working with my doctor to get meds to see if they'll help. I've always thought I was just lazy--that if I'd only apply myself I could do the things I struggle so much to get myself to do. I know I'm intelligent. That's never been an issue. But getting myself to do the things I don't want to do or follow through with projects after the initial excitement about them has worn off has always been an issue. I'm now learning that has to do with executive dysfunction, and that there might even be help for that with medication. That could be life-changing, I think, but I feel tentative about getting too excited about it. I've grown used to things not really working out the way I hope they will. I'm glad to find resources like you online. I've even found some friendship in other autistics here online. I've shared my autism suspicions, with mixed results. Some people who know me well say they can't see it in me, which feels unsupportive. I'm not surprised they can't see it. I've learned lots of masking and coping strategies over the years to hide it. But it's exhausting. And as I get older, my ability to constantly mask gets weaker. Anyhow, this is getting long for a comment. I just wanted to say thank you, and that hearing your experience which mirrors mine in many ways is helpful. I look forward to going back and watching more of your content.
Thanks for this, what a really lovely message - a lot of recognition in a lot you've written. All the best on your journey and I hope you find things that eventually work for you. It's definitely all a journey!
"Squirming with hands or feet" is a bit narrow. There are so many ways to "squirm"! I've been masking AudDHD for so many decades that I internalise my squirms and stims e.g. doing kegel exercises or hidden tongue movements.
The ASD + ADHD spices do interfere with each other in all sorts of ways, depending on my interest level in the task at hand and the successfulness of learned strategies. I feel like a chaotic system that cycles in a small range for a period of time and then shoots off into another range, ... rinse repeat.
This sounds very relatable! From hidden tongue squirming so no one sees discomfort to small range interest cycle shooting off into something else. Often vast?
@@amineurodivergent The change can indeed by vast. It's like I am winding myself up to jump to the next thing. I spent two years in a rut, not working and basically doing the same thing every day jumpoing to taking my dog to Europe (from Australia) and wandering around multiple countries for 3 years.
Going back to the hands and feet thing. A lot of the diagnosis of symptoms seems to hinged on early life or unmasked behaviours. When I started an Austism assessment a few years ago, the pyschologist left some toys on the coffee table between and excused herself to make a phone call. I settled into a few sudokus on my phone.
When she came back, she expressed surprise that I hadn't played with the toys. I said "I'm 56 not 6, and I've got the best toy known to man in my hand" (brandishing smart phone).
@@mike-williams Yes, the ADOS is still very geared towards children not adults, it's very frustrating!
@@mike-williams I could have written this,
How are you? Are you taking a break? So enjoy your vlogs! Looking forward to your next video. AuDHD also. This was such a telling video especially and you absolutely hit on some very powerful truths that many of us AuDHD folks relate to. Thank you! Sharing with my family!
Thanks - yeah, I'm in a bit of a rough patch right now but hoping to get back to my videos in a bit. Thanks so much for your kind comments.
@@amineurodivergenthope you feel better soon. ❤ take care.
Just wanted to share that I now finally have a startdate for my own assesment. Beginning of next month. 🎉
@@toaojjc Amazing - really glad to hear that, good luck!
Thank you for this. Been diagnosed a few years now. I've had to stop working due to constant stress and anxiety I was suffering, after 3 heart attacks I had to. The imposter syndrome is real. Now that I'm being myself, I can see how bad I am. Great videos. Hope your ok😊
Hi Struan, happy New Year!
Thank you - you too!
I see timelines of potentiality sprawling out in various directions, and how choices and events and objects affect them, but I have to remind myself every single morning what day it is. I think I have been doing it since I was very little. Days, clock time, years, daylight savings, timezones, space, etc none of it makes sense to my brain. I have learned to deal with it, but to my mind and body it all seems quite silly.
100%
Hey Struan, hope you're doing OK.
I'm ok, thank you for asking. Hoping to get the remainder of these videos done before the end of the year!
@@amineurodivergent I would love that but no pressure.
Just checking in. I hope you are doing ok. Much love from across the way in Oz.
Thanks for this video, Struan! Finally got around to watching it, after having moved address two months ago. As usual, hearing your experiences, plus the tangible resources such as self-assessment instruments you provide, has been very helpful. Particularly resonant for me is your experience of developing workarounds to deal with ADD and autism- If I've got an effective workaround, how can the state of my neurology be a problem?!
I hope you are well. Best, Lynn
Have binge watched, think I have reached the latest video?
yeah it is. I'm planning to do more but my disk space is full- I need to work out and decide on a sensible way of freeing up space (cloud, external drive, etc) and then just do it. But I'm struggling to start the task because it feels really big so I keep delaying everything because it involves change. Hoist by my own petard! 🤣
@@amineurodivergent might be a good time for a break?, burn out is a sod. I like your method and structure. yes the change monster... regarding tech, I take months to chose, even arranged a bespoke built for own computer and one year for a car. Take time, find the best option and looking forward to watching more.
@@amineurodivergenthope it all works out
Hi, hope you are well. Now offically diagnosed with autism and an assesment session fot ADHD in september....
Congrats!! Hope you're feeling ok?
@@amineurodivergent yes quite relieved to be honest
Um. I’m hearing the score scale weird. “ never, rarely, sometimes, often, never“. Is that a scale?
No, I'm just an idiot who can't speak good, lol. It's ‘never’, ‘rarely’, ‘sometimes’, ‘often’, or ‘very often’. Apologies for confusion!!
Hope all is well. Just letting you know that you are thought off. ❤
Thanks! I'm ok. Hope all well with you too!
@@amineurodivergent I'm nervous. Testday for ADHD is this Wednesday.
@@toaojjc Good luck!!
So turns out I'm both ASD, ADHD, dyslextic and gifted which makes a weird cocktail...
@@toaojjc Awesome sprinkles - congratulations on finally having answers!