I went to a divorce party and the vibes were SO off (and why divorce should be normalized)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
- I’ve attended one divorce party in my life, where a girl threw a party after she left an abusive relationship after many, many years of trying to make it work. Among the people that were attending, you could tell that there were some that were genuinely happy for her, but the vibes for many were off. So in this video I do a deep-dive into why, today in modern America, divorce is still such a taboo concept within South Asian culture, and why it should be normalized.
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Chapters:
00:00 The Divorce Party
00:59 Intro
01:14 The Obsession with Weddings
02:36 Daughters, "Money-Losing Merchandise"
04:45 "My Honor is not in my Vag - Kamla Bhasin"
06:16 The Invisible Divorce
07:40 Why Don't Women Leave?
09:48 The Guy's Perspective
10:55 Final Thoughts
Sources:
1. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_...
2. www.thoughtco.com/female-infa...
3. krex.k-state.edu/bitstream/ha...
4. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
5. edtimes.in/invisible-divorce-...
6. www.myna.org/blog/2018/10/8/l...
7. divorce.com/blog/divorce-stat...
8. www.cnbc.com/2019/08/13/money...
9. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walima
10. ChatGPT lol
South Asian here and my parents told me if the relationship is not marriage material, you’re better off single for life. Bad marriages are draining and shouldn’t be forced
my nana always says congratulations when someone says they left a relationship, toxic or not😂 and that’s one of the many reasons that lady is my idol
carmen8958, well I'm not sure if I'd agree with any relationship but i do get her vibe...
I want you all to take in consideration the example of Abby Choi. She was a successful influencer from Hong Kong who was murdered by her EX HUSBAND and his FAMILY last month. They literally got together and schemed to kill her because she had remarried and wanted them to move off her property. So imagine what her life just have been like when she was still married to him!
Female infanticide is still true. My father was the most abusive husband ever. He wanted my mom to abort her first ever child (me) just because I was a girl.
She went in to the doctors office to ask about the procedure and the doctor immediately understood it wasn’t her decision. She suggested my mom to take a flight to India to give birth to me and lie to my father that she was indeed getting the abortion in the country we live in. Thankfully she gave birth and I’m here.
And i forgot to mention, but those same husbands will beat up their wives during their pregnancy too. I know someone who got punched so hard in her stomach and it killed her unborn daughter.
It's not just real,it's all too common in India and was in China too after the one child law,plus the femicide of daughters in south asian communities are common too
My friend who is hindu-sikh, her and her mother suffered domestic abuse from her father. Her brother was given preferential treatment. Her mum struggled with depression. My friend vowed to never date men from her culture because of the rampant sexism and abuse girls are subjected to. I had to comfort her after her dad hit her. She is the strongest person I know. She's now studying marine biology (her passion) at a top university. She's independent from her family. She's so brilliant and hardworking and beautiful and honest. I wish her nothing but the best life because she deserves nothing less.
I'm so sorry to hear your friend went through all this, it's just horrific. I wish her the absolute best in her journey ahead 🩷❤️
Omg I didn’t know there was such a thing as a divorce party.
Yes, still not very popular in South Asian culture I believe, but getting more accepted over time! Why not celebrate the end of a toxic relationship, right?!
I've seen it but I don't know anyone who's done it. I suspect it's because these people did not listen to people advising them to reconsider marrying the person _(this would be admitting that others were right)._
The housewives in Atalanta had 2 joint ones. I don’t teach that franchise of any housewives but occasionally I watch clips/highlights.
my mother would rather her daughters put up with domestic violence than get divorced...
You have to discard those who don’t want the best for you.
This kind of malignant sexism is so common in conservative cultures, whether in the US, Pakistan, or elsewhere. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
P.S. The obsession with marriage is all about controlling women.
It's about continuing the culture via having children.
I’m so thankful I did not marry the first idiot I happened to date in my life, or let alone; get pregnant by him. That would have been damnation. Absolutely super grateful to escape such abuse. I’m even thankful that i’m not married to to someone I just settled with. Alot of people seem to just settle. Not for love but just to have someone. That’s what I gather from listening to my friends talk about their partners. However, I don’t blame them. Anyway. Divorce party seems like a wonderful thing. It probably would be easier here in Europe.
was randomly recommended your love is blind video and now im watching all your others! great work :)
I did one, lol....for me, it was a new start. All my girlfriends who supported me had a fab night out. I so didn't care about side eyes....I was free.
For us here in South Africa moms and aunties are also marriage crazed,maybe not as much as South Asian moms or aunties...and here daughters are viewed as "money makers" since the boy's family actually pays dowry for the girl and almost covers most of the wedding expenses
OK so as a pakistani I had to say this, divorce is harder in punjabi societies then rest, Same with wedding itself being a burden as the baloch or pushto ppl don't have to give dowry or make the girls famiy pay for their sons stuff.
Education might be new, but property was always there. Most ppl had and have enough now to have leave a marriage they just were afraid to do so coz of what would the ppl say. A year back a woman was killed in front of her kids by her husband. It was the hot topic in pakistan. It was reported in the local news that even police had asked her family to keep her as this girl had been a victim of severe do mestic violence and came back home 9 times but her brother and mother used to send her back as noone wanted the stigm attached to divorce to harm the girls nieces and sisters
She died, and now her mother was blaming the government for not doing enough
So I agree divorce I is a huge ass issue, same with a girls second marriage... sadly the society isn't to blame for it but the parents are.
Oh man, I did a divorce cake for my best friend and it was awesome.
A few disclaimers because these misconceptions result in discrimination against people globally. 1. The immigrant community in the West is stuck in the time at which and the societies from which they emigrated from. I.e. Pakistani-punjabi culture in the 90s was very different from Indian-Tamil culture in the 2000s. They are all “blanket brown” which is why the global brown diaspora really hates being put in one box. Second, all of these subcultures have been seeing rapid social change in the last 20 years in the home countries so it’s important not to assume that anyone who looks brown has a history of honour killings or the divorce rates apply to them. Some of things she’s talking about are more relavant to rural-Pakistani cultures possibly more so up till the 90s. Things change just like anywhere else in the world and you don’t have to be a immigrant to a Western country to see that. Loved hearing your experiences in the video though!
It still exists maybe less extreme than before but still exists, especially the taboo of getting divorce even though everyone knows that the husband is very abusive people will tell you to work on it.
Amazing video ❤ and love the historical tidbits you added in to contextualize how ridiculous it was that people looked down on this poor woman who survived a toxic marriage. Your analysis on the topic was spot on. And violence at the hands of your partner is real definitely needs to be talked about more.
Was just recommended your love is blind video and I was shocked when I saw you only have 900 subs! Looking forward to seeing what else you post ! 💕
Love this video! Glad I found your channel
I'm also here from your LIB review. You are amazing at addressing the elephant in the room in an intellectual tone
Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙏🏾
i'm glad i found your channel, sticking with you cause you make good videos and won't be small for long!
Yes! So glad we are finally having these converstations.
This explains a lot after me going to Indian events totally confused. Thx
Loved your video but I always thought divorce parties were a strange concept
I'm a new subscriber can you get a better microphone or turn up your volume?
A side note: lumping many countries under “South Asia” makes you loose nuance. Pakistan, India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka might be “south Asian”, but keep in mind that they are very very different as well as similar (similarities like food and clothing). Family structures and economic opportunity is quite different in each country.
Bhutan and Nepal.
Where does it divide between South Asia and the Middle East
I think the video raises some valid points specifically in the stigma attached to divorce in South Asian culture. The stigma is negative but it ultimately pushes people to work through relationships rather than leave at the first hurdle as is promoted and seen of a sign of strength in the West. The flip side is that it can lead to people believing they need to stay in toxic relationships. So the argument has a bit more nuance I would say. The West isn’t a shining example with its soaring divorce rates - is there a perfect happy medium in either culture?!
Not in southern US due to religion
We are not idolizing the west but breaking this taboo of getting divorce when your partner is abusive or you are married forcibly.
💕💕💕💕💕
If it was an abusive relationship why not to celebrate ! It’s a good thing
There is nothing wrong with divorces getting more popular as long as women are forced into marriages and lowering their standards to the ground. I do not wish to any women to live in fear and mistreatment in a marriage, so I will applaud their escape as well. Statistics don't affect people's marriages, society does.
"Promo SM"
Why can’t we just live as we have for years and keep it rollin normal?🤷🏽♂️ genuine question tho
Not trying to be rude in saying this, as you said it was a genuine question: I'm not sure why you had to ask. Your question tells me that you want people to continue being unhappy, you want people to continue being hurt, and you want people to continue dying at the hands of their partners, in some cases just to avoid getting a divorce.
'Normal' includes people staying in unhappy/unhealthy marriages, domestic violence, death etc. I do disagree with her point that men don't have to worry about being hurt by women; people of any gender can and do experience these things, though women are largely more likely to be the victims.
@@sageelizabeth6763 fair enough I respect ya opinion
Because living this way hurts and damages women every single day. Because it makes women vulnerable, dependent, silenced and hurt, and we don’t want to be vulnerable, dependent, silenced and hurt, that’s all 🤷🏻♀️
Is it normal for you to have a miserable partner, who's miserable because of your relationship ?
@@Ssookawai nope no one miserable w me because I love different women don’t wanna be the man they jus got taught they wanna be the man and make the money. Women like being taken care of