Are you in a romantic relationship or a friendship with an INFP who has seemingly suddenly begun to withdraw from you? These might be the reasons and here's what to do.
How am I screwed?You are the one that started it! Don't you see how you act towards others?How you make them feel?Why they distance from you?Do you even listen?You act as If the whole world revolves around you.Dont expect for people to care about you,when you don't care about them. Unhealthy INFP are the worst.They will hurt you and then play the victims.🙄 Sensible only to themselves.
The worst thing about being an INFP for me is feeling like a last option for friends and an obligation from family members. It hurts when I offer help and get shot down, it makes me feel useless and insignificant. As a child, I mastered the silent treatment very early on because if I didn't feel that my feelings were validated I wasn't going to explain them. As far as romantic relationships, I realized I need a partner with the loyalty and unconditional love of a dog but the detachment of a cat. I'm going to die single. Also, my previous relationships ended long before it was said to be because I am processing something that I have repeatedly said bothers me and I'm not heard. The moment I feel I am begging to have a person in my life, I shut them out for good. Sorry for the long comment.
Thank you for the comment. I've never been able to put to words about the romantic relationship bit you wrote and I can 100% relate to what you wrote. Thank you 💓
hey, just one word. don't say that you will be single until you die because it will happen say insted I will get married to a handsome rich goodman soon and belive it It will happen thanks.
@@avibeniah2824 Are they? I said I thought I would be a good doctors wife. If they have be gone a lot I'm fine with it. But I don't like disapproving men. And last one was a psychopath. I need to become and am working on those things about me. Knowing I'm INFP-T has helped me understand how to start exercising the weak areas and truly accept that I am a paradox but a treasure for a possible few, perhaps.
INFPs are caring. And they care a lot about friends and someone close. Amd we go out of our way to help them. And we get seriously hurt when people we care about dosen't care about us as much as we care for them. So when a friend (who we were there for in their bad times) is not there for us when we are alone, we just shut that person away from our life.
Cost me my girl,I wasn't able to go past some shit she threw at me. She relied on me to get by ( was there spporting her for 2 year)but she depleted me with uncalled attack like"i feeled better when you were not here", i got into blank state, no energy left in me, i needed time to process, i saw her getting deeper in her depression because she wasn't able to get me to pull her back. I hoped she was strong enought to handle it alone this time, because i took her from farer away places.Was wrong. She ended killing herself.I found her in her bed by the morning. All this happened in maybe a 2 week span. This was in 2018, i still can't process fully what really went wrong, i m angry at her and at myself because we tried so hard and all have been wasted.
@@Gallois59 omfg. I hope so much that you can process your grief and hurt somehow. It hasnt been wasted tho... i know it sounds like bs and cliché and you heard it probably a million times by now, but; FUCK. Its not your fault, you did what you could. Ouch. Sometimes emotions are here to be felt, and nothing more, nothing less
@@Gallois59 i don't know if my words could trigger someone or not so if you think you get triggered maybe don't read the rest. from a cold perspective you jus't can't save everyone and you never had the duty to do so but there is someone you can and should save and that is your self. if i would relate to my myself ( like i said from a cold perspective ) : i think if the person was worth it, i bet she would wish that i move on and if she doesn't well than its hard for my self to believe that she was worth it so i guess i trick my self into believing that she would want that even if she said otherwise in lifetime because i can't ask her anymore and i don't want to selfsabotage me anymore so what helps, that helps but i know bold statement from someone who isn't walking in your shoes and i bet like everything that seems hard, it might be easyer said than done. what happened to you really sucks and ofc i do not wish that to happen to anybody so i hope you can process this. wish you the best.
infp is like flower, you shouldnt do much to them . you can go visit them and give them space of them open up . but you must let them hold their own power to decide to open up or not , with out any % of judgement they only need space to grow freely . they already feel very difficult dealing within themselves, without anyone notice.
Don't get into our personal circle. No unwelcome touchy touchy. If done anyway, that part of us becomes injured and either dies or takes awhile to get back to normal. Our thoughts are so much to handle the littlest of things to you can be our whole world.
Exactly this. although if i truly like someone, as in girlfriend/wife material she can actually come into my 'space' and touch me if she desires. at that point im ready to give my heart already. otherwise i much rather appreciate it if you keep your distance so i can actually open up at my own rate depending on if you are deserving to see that part of me. to me that purely depends on whether or not i can trust you, and if you are a good person in life. and i'll know if you are or not just by comparing my own standards to yours.
I shut down on people. Part of me is processing trying to find an "ideal" solution. I've also realized recently how much I stuffed down. As a male INFP I've been shut down by people as much as I've shut down. Showing any emotion as a male and especially abstract emotional thought is just instantly shut down. As a kid I was more vocal but gradually being told I had no right to feel emotion or that it made me weak I stopped vocalizing it and just stuffed it. Adopted the strong silent type and really now struggle to break out of those behaviors but still met with the same societal BS it's hard and I'm not winning yet.
I'm sorta a misanthrope. I stay away from pretty much everyone. It's better that way, at least for me, I think. I think I'm gonna get a lot of problems coming to me like they're knocking on my door. It's hard.
@@wattmelberries Yeah, I hope it works out for you... It really really didn't for me. Through my 20s it lead to a bunch of mental health problems, from anxiety to depression, culminating in basically nothingness - feeling of being content, but also not knowing who I am or what the heck is the point. Right now I'm not sure if it could've ever worked out. Perhaps I could've settled into being a cynical, cruel and hurt person. I see these people now and then and I want to hug them...
this was also me. i've come to realize that majority of the people that i grew up with, including my family, were unable to relate to much of the emotions i'd go through, and thus they lacked the ability and/or capacity to appropriately react & respond in the way that i needed at the time. it wasn't until i met a few like-minded people (after searching far & wide) who could be patient enough to listen w/out getting scared off, that i was able to open up and start feeling comfortable in expressing my thoughts & feelings. that kicked off an enormous trend of growth over the past year for me, and i think i can say that i'm beginning to approach victory over many of my past battles my personal advice would be to not let those who hurt you in the past (and present), completely discourage you from the possibility & hope in finding those special people in your life who you'd be able to build up trust with, and eventually, tiny step by tiny step, feel like you're being heard and that you don't have to be alone
As a INFP myself sometimes I shut down to the person I love because I don't want to worry them or annoy them with my thoughts and because I'm still processing what's happened or what it means I will only answer half-hearted. And I hate it to not be able to show the love I have for that person and prefer to don't answer at all than answer half-hearted.
On behalf of other INFPs, we're sorry. It hurts us too much to go against what we feel. I have good friends and close family that I can go months without communication. We don't always hide from those we want to avoid, sometimes it's just better to be alone.
Totally spot on. When you talked about the process of gradually emotionally shutting down and then stone-cold emotionless, I felt validated. I've never heard anyone else verbalise that so thank you. I'll forgive (but be slightly less emotionally connected) over and over but one time too many I'm done for good and I'm gone. People think I'm overreacting because 'its not a big thing!'. It's not a big thing but it's repetitive and disrespectful. People don't seem to get that. I adored my last ex and I don't think I will ever feel that way again but I forgave him so many times that I would now pass him in the street without acknowledgement. I don't hate him, I'm not angry, I'm just done.
Wow. The Part of your childhood, about opening Up after being asked and then regret it, because its used against you, I felt that A LOT. I also got to get over it, because i know now its based on cultural diffrerences like you said. I think it really makes us to INFPs. Edit: I also think thats why we prepare ourselves to leave after we confront someone, because we always got the feedback that what we say wont be understood, we're wrong and we cannot deal with that.
Well it shouldn't be that way. Why the heck do we have to hide who we are or how we feel? We're just as human as everyone else, we need true connection like everyone else does, and the more we act as ourselves the more chance there is to gather people who can accept us around us. We don't live in tiny tribes anymore. Even if 80-90 percent of people won't like us, we will still get more actual true friends and people who get us than we can handle. But it takes time to let go of desire to please everyone, let go of shame, of wanting to be a copy of generic human... it can permeate the character surprisingly deeply.
The worst part is, is when INFP starts enforcing the norms themselves. When they tease other INFPs for being improper in some way and feel more "normal" themselves as a result. When the uncaring defensive position is used as offense and as a way to assert yourself above easy weak targets..
Hahah tiny tribes, should i feel offended lol? In the western culture individualsm is so much more accepted than in any other, so if youre arguing with your non western parents about that, you fight against their upbringing and values in the weak position of a child. So a lot of non western children raised abroad don't have that deep connection with their parents, but its ok. But yeah you're right, even if we're very sensitive, we are awesome beings who care and do so much for others, that people, who we can choose to be in our lives, have to f*ing deal with that! :)
@@maheletw.8995 By tiny tribes I meant the time when our common ancestors depended on like 20 people and if 18 of them didn't like them they were pretty much doomed. It's that time that created our desire to screw ourselves for the sake of fitting in... I didn't mean to offend anyone in any way :) My parents followed a doctrine as well, they did what they though they were supposed to do instead of following their human instincts and feelings. I'm not sure this is necessarily connected to culture - just being overworked and not paying attention to the child will have the same effect - emotional neglect, lack of validation, and hence - activated instinct to please people or to conform to expectations or perfectionsim etc.. And yeah, I've grown up not having a deep connection to my parents. I was attached to them, but there was always anger at them and shame of my own anger.. In fact, letting go of shame, being angry and fully processing this anger, is what allowed me to actually love them as people for the first time since early childhood.. Even though they are just as stiff and uncomfortable around feelings and even hugs, I love them anyway :) they are as much of victims of screwed up system as I am, and they never escaped it... People simply shouldn't have to go through all of that for something as basic as parental love. We shouldn't allow others to rob our families of something extremely important in our lives that cats and dogs and birds have...
@@NJ-wb1cz ok i was more joking than being actually offended;) Ok I feel you, every family can have that problems. To come to the conclusion, that parents are just as flawed as everyone else and not "almighty" (from childs perspective) took me a decade! When I started seeing my parents as what they are, it hurt at first, because it shattered my picture of them- the untouchable, perfect ones. When you think you are the problem and not them, you feel you have more power to change the circumstances and as soon as you understand that this is a coping mecanism and as you said, when you give your feelings some space, you can truly heal and love again. It's so interesting that a lot people valuing us for being so openminded and accepting even about the most twisted stuff, but we cannot be that best buddy for ourselves and open up to others. It's a process, maybe another decade and I mastered that too:D
This is seriously so accurate. She has worded this so well. That's so odd... I have as well where I will just become a whole different personality. Sometimes I do it without knowing as I guess a shield for myself. But, when in the cold state it can be quite difficult to get back to normal. I hate that everytime I click into that weird emotionless and cold state I usually say or do something I extremely regret later. It's so true that we usually get punished in some kind of way when we open up to others. She keeps mentioning in the video that we have to process everything a lot, and I completely agree with that. I really wish people would understand that instead of trying to get us to open up to them when it's our personal processing time. It just kind of ruins how we react to things without having time to process.
I think that switch to a whole different personality is the Te grip. It's like Fi shuts off and Te switches on: Instead of processing the thing through in our head we start coldly stating our facts and how things are or should be. The grip happens when we feel cornered. It's not nice or healthy but what can we do. We should be allowed to process the thing through alone in our Fi way and then later come back to share our thoughts and feeling when we are ready.
I really like how you talked about an INFP going blank and almost becoming hallow, as an INFP-T myself there was a period in my life where I was being hurt (it lasted years). As a result, I turned off all of my emotions, quirks, etc. just became nothing, and not really willingly either, it kind of just happened, and that state of being lasted almost my entire HS life until one day where it all just came back. It's been years since then and I'm still seeing the negative side effects of being blank for so long, so I def wouldn't recommend going there.
Due to unfortunate circumstances, I’ve completely cut off my sibling. Everything about them just entirely rubs me the wrong way. When we finally reconnected a couple years ago, I tried to be friendly and understanding. I vocalized some actions they’ve made continuously that I don’t like. They haven’t stopped. Their actions never stopped. One thing I hate is repeating myself. I’ve pushed myself so hard to express myself, so when I have to repeat myself a third time, I’m done. I no longer believe my feelings and emotions are validated. I no longer answer their calls, I rarely them back. I don’t spend more than 30 minutes with them per unwanted visit. I get a lot of grief from my partner and close friends about it. They try to reason by saying they’re my family, I’ll be regretful if they were hurt. And the sad truth is, I know, deep down, that I won’t. I feel bad but I don’t care anymore
I am an INFP and I sometimes shutdown. It doesn't necessarily mean that I am upset with people around me. I sometimes find solitude and not interacting with people for a while relaxes my mind, helps me sleep and feel better.
I can definitely relate and cutting myself off emotionally has been a long standing ego defense mechanism for me my entire life. It may not always be the healthiest thing I could do, but I can tell you that it's effective. I'm more likely to employ that defense mechanism when I feel like I've been emotionally blindsided by someone I had formerly trusted. Thank you for making it so clear for me. Now I see why I need to work on it and learn to communicate fully and fearlessly. My estranged husband and I vowed this to each other in our wedding vows and he repeatedly broke that vow. Over time it became unforgivable and we are now in the midst of a divorce. It killed my love for him and I just want him gone from every aspect of my life. I can forgive but I will never forget and I will never give him another opportunity to hurt me again. I no longer trust him and I no longer love him. I'm happy with this outcome and it proved to me that he was never the man I thought he was and he never will be.
Its not just INFP, most people will not appreciate their partner doing things that are bad. As INTJ, I dont like my partner/friend doing illogical, bad things repeatedly. Definitely, it will reduce chances of intimate interactions with partner. I think it is not specific to INFP.
Vapid, blank state. Ugh, I feel that way a lot, and the few times I do get to share how I'm feeling about something, the other person goes "Whoa, I didn't expect that, dude." *Sighs* I feel like a dysfunctional INFP. "Whats wrong?" *Answers question, suffers for it later.* "Enough said."
As an INTJ with an INFP partner (26yrs) who withdraws but then NEVER says what was wrong..... Ugh. I spend a lot of time guessing and agonizing about what I could possibly have done wrong now. I think it's usually because I wanted to have a discussion about feelings and brainstorm about solutions, but OOPS I wasn't careful enough about my phrasing and something I said sounded slightly critical. Then BAM, a week of the silent treatment while he "processes". Great.
Dont try to fix an INFP. We resent feeling that someone has control on us, or judges us, and sometimes we don’t know exactly how to put words on it. There’s the powerful feeling, but identifying it, stamping it takes time. Ironically, a simple « I would like to apologize if i hurt you and i’m there for anything you have to tell me », then listen. Just listen, and chances are they might do their usual alone process verbally with you. I you can manage that, there will be much less silent treatment :)
This is exactly my situation right now and am an INTJ really struggling to understand the withdrawal. I am going crazy trying to figure out what I did wrong but he just ghosted me. Do they come back and try to fix it together if you leave them alone? Or am I losing them forever? Please let me know how you solved this!!
@@sunjuimcti dont have experience but as an infp myself, if theyre okay with touch just gentle and casual shoulder holds or head pats or hugs can melt us down a bit, and then apologize and ask if you did anything wrong and how it hurt them so you can improve.
This was so spot on, I just really wish I could get my boyfriend to listen to this! You are articulating my current behavior so much better than I've ever been able to! Thank you so much for this! I will try using your words to inspire me the next time I try to really open up to him again. I really do care very deeply for him but I can't stay if I can't get through to him, it's literally killing me from the inside & I need him to understand that. Wow, seriously, thank you so much for this video!!!
This is so ridiculously accurate and helpful - it’s really hard to understand my own tendencies sometimes without either staunchly defending them, or hating them. I’m glad that there’s explanation and a common experience of this that other INFPs might share :)
Your experience with your parent is exactly what has happened to me (infp-t) my whole life. I just started internalising everything and burying all of my emotions.
Girl I’m an INFP and this is me to a T! I had an INFJ love interest who broke things off with me because I withdrew for a day because he couldn’t help me financially when my car broke down. I was ok the next day but he already had enough!
So much said. And, all well said! I will be listening to this video again. I'm recently very triggered by those who use "logic" to navigate their realities. Your video makes me realize that I'm not triggered by their logic. I'm triggered by their use of it to denigrate those possessing a feelings-based reality. Some may do it innocently, like INTJs or INTPs. But, some do it intentionally, honing their logic so they can wield it like a blunt force instrument. Those kind of people have serious problems. Thanks for the clarity.
look, im an INFP and listening to this made me feel hugged, because not so oftenly i got interpreted very well, and sometimes i struggle with some situations that i get upset to, and people around me cant take it, and this is worse because i feel like i always need to give a piece of me in order to get things solved, and this is very tiring most of the times. thank you for this video you said somethings that can seem very heavy to people who see it, but i think this is how it goes inside my head.
It's wierd for me cause I am easy going with everyone n even if I disagree with things I usually still OK with them but when I'm mistreated n someone breaks my trust or hurts me or goes against my value belief etc I will defend myself now which don't usually do n I went back to that place but don't see or talk to the one who hurt me but everyone who was good to me there are now treating me different n treating it like I ws the problem or everyone in other places where I defended myself now angry n blaming me like there's something wrong with me I respect n tolerant of others but I don't have to take n be OK with disrespect or Intolerance done to me I have a right to feel how I do but made to feel I'm undeserving under validated n not important even when they are there pretending to care when I talk they ignore me so why they sitting there with me N claiming they'll be there when they aren't there
thank you for validating my experience...when I was hit by heavy stuff, my ex would get furious w/ me for not responding in the moment, when I was still processing what happened. I wish more people understood this.
This is good wisdom for close relationships. For distant relationships it gets trickier. There are many people I care deeply for that I just don't think about regularly or contact because I am literally and figuratively in a different place. I have other things going on that are important to me. This apparently cost me what I thought was a close friendship once. My friend called me one day and essentially gave me an ultimatum of ending the friendship or having regular contact in one specific way. I gave him alternatives that worked better for me, but he had reasons he did not want to do that. We settled on a compromise, but he kept pushing for more time and contact. I can see where he was coming from, but it still ate away at me. So I tried to do things his way for about a year before I realized I couldn't give him what he wanted and still respect my own boundaries. One day I just stopped calling him and he never called me back- because, as you said- it wasn't hard to see it coming. All that to say that non-contact isn't always the same as avoidance in the mind of an INFP, even if they have a similar outward aspect.
Very hard to be straight with someone and hurt their feelings???... for all the INFPs reading this, you need to know that ghosting is 100x more hurtful than the meanest thing you could possibly say out loud. Because those of us who are ghosted without an explanation will immediately imagine the meanest thing you could've said anyway, and then we'll imagin 1,000 other possibilities and drive ourselves crazy with every possible miserable explanation for why you're ghosting since you didn't respect us enough to just tell us the truth so we could process it accordingly and move on. I'm an ENFJ and I've been ghosted by an INFP. It's the first time in my life I've ever been ghosted by someone and the emotional pain it has caused me is unimaginable
@@squirrelsyrup1921 Thank you for your response and your kind words! Excruciating is the perfect way to describe it Yes, I've done that a few times too with people I never wanted to see again, I'm sure everyone has done that at some point, but it takes A LOT of negative behavior before I get to that point... like tons of unresolvable issues have to pile up and by then I've communicated and set boundaries and given multiple chances to correct their behavior and treat me better In this case I got ghosted the very first time we encountered some strife in our relationship, after years of being good friends and both of us constantly saying to each other how well we got along, how amazing our connection was, how much we enjoyed spending time together... then I went through a traumatic experience and told him I needed space. When I resurfaced 5 weeks later he just wouldn't re-engage with me. It's been a year now and he hasn't reached out to me once despite me reaching out to him about once a month (until I finally gave up) It's the not knowing why that's the worst 😢 There are just too many possibilities and my mind lands on all of them and I'm stuck in a circle of self blame and sadness
Hey! Usually I don’t post any comment because I hate this, but I need to tell you that first: you have an amazing voice ! I can relate so much about this video especially on this times, I’ve discovered 2 weeks ago that I was INFP and it helped me a lot to understand myself and why nobody could understand me. I’m still on discovering, I read books, watch videos, article ... I wan’t to learn more about myself and my entourage. I have a lot learn yet. So it feel like home when someone talk this way and understand « us » it feels like we’re not alone. Thx 🙏🏼 (and sorry for my English I’m not a native speaker)
Many parents also use when you open up to them against you, they will take advantage of you in that state and try to push their beliefs on why you're feeling that way in your face (Instead of genuinely asking how they can help and give kindly-worded advice or suggestions). When someone is in a bad mental state the last thing you should do is make them feel bad about what they did. Some parents don't understand that. In fact, they will go out their way when you are vulnerable to even try to get information about you to use it against you later or go tell your business. This is why so many kids struggle with emotional vulnerability and have trust issues. Especially INFPs and how they care so much for people that don't care about them. When we pull back it's usually because you DESERVE it.. not because we didn't give you a chance or are being sensitive. It's repulsing this stereotype of INFPs being babies, because for me (INFP-T) I'm the farthest thing from a baby. I deal with all my emotions alone, far from anyone, never putting my burdens on other people, yet they feel okay dumping all their problems on us like some trash can. Yet when we even need a slight helping hand they are nowhere to be found. We are like the best rare friends to people, while those people take us for granted and don't reciprocate. I'm yet to find a person that truly reciprocates my energy and that's why we turn cold/quiet we feel underappreciated/misunderstood all the time, we deserve better. It's not us that utterly need to change, we are trying our best, it's our indifferent perpetrators that need to change.
Yeah, blanket disconnect from emotions was basically my normal mode for the majority of life. Because anything less than that lead to immediate hurt, I never even thought that anything can be different. It was as absurd as thinking that continuously burning my hand should be normal. Only now I realise that when my parents teased me for opening up to them it was a really fucked up thing and it changed me and defined me for decades.. Instead of seeking people who could understand me fully I acted like a generic person while feeling completely alone on the inside..
That was one of the things I originally liked about TH-cam comments. You can process things as long as you like before you reply. Unlike a normal conversation. Great video. Very relatable.
The part about detaching from emotions... thank you, I needed to hear someone else understands this. I did lots of research on narcissism during my last relationship bc he’s on the extreme side of it and I’m empathetic almost to a fault. After I was able to understand(logically, not truly emotionally) him and what he is I decided I need to leave but I need to push him to be the one to break things off or else it’ll be bad. So in order to push him, I had to become dead to my emotions completely. I’m still shocked so long after that I was able to 100% transform into a narcissist whenever he was around me. I turned so cold, heartless, a perfect mirror reflection of him. Thankfully, once he was out of my life, the extreme narcissistic mask went with him. BUT I still find it unsettling how apathetic I am now. I can’t seem to shake the overall detachment for pretty much anything. Any advice or input you can give me? I’m growing more afraid of myself and everything else around me. What do I do?
I usually just revert back to positive childhood memories like think on something that you were at your most purest and innocent state rewatch a kids film that you liked as a kid,or do a activity where you felt extreme positive emotions then the feelings come back. In order for infps to be heartless we kill our inner child that's why it's dangerous because once you completely kill it probably wont come back.
As an Intp, yes most things for me with my infp friend when she was mad was not a big deal to me, but when I used to try to talk to her after disagreements, it was more "let's talk it out and settle our differences." Eventually when we would talk, she misunderstood the things I was trying to say that hurt her. As an intp, getting my thinking to words is really hard.
Thank you for this, I recently found out I was an INFP and researched it a bit but it made me feel much better to hear from you as someone who gets it and not just trying to explain.
Oh wow this is soooo me. I'm dead inside now over two relationships. I need to protect myself. Trust is soooo important to an infp. Once trust is broken I'm done. I take back my heart and I'm done. I give too much to people but they don't give back. I will try and try but suddenly I'm done. Oh yes we're very observant. Thank you for this great video. ❤
You are hitting some truths here. I have the same reaction to people smoking. And being forced to speak about something that is bothering you but you haven't boiled down to principal decisions or opinions yet, just feels totally invalidating. It leaves a big sense of being negatively interpreted; not seen for your good and careful intentions. Also, that habit that you didn't want to mention, you're clearly talking about 'adult entertainment'. 😅
This is so helpfully accurate ! It's the first time I feel deeply understood. I feel relieved thanks to your video: I guess at some point I felt that this part of me would never be understandable or understood.... Thank you so much for putting sincere & raw words on this deep part and inner process of INFP 🥰
Love your voice 🤙🏻. Yeah the thing that is rough for me is that (especially during chaotic / stressful periods) I need “time” to sift through everything. A lot of it I don’t feel comfortable to outwardly share with “anyone” until “I” have some kind of grasp on it first. It’s hard when I know the people I care about are being affected by my internal time as I’m also sensitive to their frustration levels visually and that bothers me, but typically just leave that part on the table to sooth them verbally etc - and instead going back to my processing stuff. When I’m “done” I’m free to party with a bunch of people, but when that random time comes the other people could have already been too negatively affected whereas they don’t want to play. The true way to navigate this is just finding a better balance with your stress levels. I’m always going to need processing time, but if it’s smaller timeframes/ less stuff then it masks better to flow with loved ones more.. Great talk 👍🏻 Sean
One interesting thing about us INFPs is that we tend to forgive rather easily, but we never forget. We visit fond and unpleasant memories frequently to reevaluate in the context of our current understanding, all the time.
Think an INTP or ENTP is a bit more stable emotionally, as an INTJ i noticed these typres are also attracted to INTJ, unfortunately the INFP and ENFPs are the most attactive to the INTJ. INFJs are also pretty good match to the INTJ. The damage INFP or ENFPs are almost impossible to get along, they will be attracted to us, but they are so unstable, so many unresolved emotional issues matched with the scatter brain that they have, they just stay quiet forever, and when you walk away they try to get back to you and then stay quiet again. IMPOSSIBLE. Told her to get her driving license years ago but NOOOO she had to spend her money elsewhere. Then a day came when she had a great paying job, but guess what it was far away. She got fired within a week because she came to work late almost everyday. From the efficiency point of view of an INTJ, this girl just failed big time. Even though i will always care and worry for her, it just cant happen.
Al? Omg I only just found and subscribed here. I wish I had known you had this content. Thank you for sharing all the different sides of you. This kind of content really helps people like us feel understood and accepted which is so vital for our mental health in this world that we don't feel sometimes we belong to.
😥 yeah its ruff having such a huge heart. We take everything so emotionally, so others see that as being close to a brake down and the reality is, it's just a bad day/week. We don't know it, but when we open up its like our hole heart is visible, and thats somtimes harder for people who don't prosses there own emotions well. If they actually understand its not the end of the world, we just want better for everyone. I know we all have the potential to be so much better every day. 😊
This covered all the bases of what I couldn't resolve when I ghosted a friend of several years. He was flakey, but pleasant when he did show up so I put up with it. Then he said some bigoted things that he hadn't before, but reminded me of the bigoted and manipulative way my dad talked to me. I wanted to tell him that I couldn't tolerate his "anti-woke" talk, but he stood me up the next time when we were going to meet. I thought I could set boundaries, persuade him to be better, or maybe end our friendship by phone, but I lost all hope that he wouldn't blame me for feeling hurt, or even take my warnings that he was on a dark path to heart. He called me few times, but every time it was to ask if I wanted to drink some beers. It seemed like he just wanted me to enable his drinking, and I didn't want to meet him in a noisy bar with all the issues I was trying to address. I felt bad for deciding to end everything before he knew something was wrong, but I ultimately concluded that it wasn't my responsibility to solve his ignorance.
I would REALLY like to talk to you about my situation with my INFP boyfriend who just broke up with me a few weeks ago. This video hit home and shed a light on a lot of things that happened with him as he pulled away. But, there were a ton of extenuating circumstances, too, that were absolutely not my fault. I really want to have a chance at getting him back and working through what happened between us because we had a good relationship and really cared for each other. Had I known what to do differently, I would have done it. I don't know what to do now, though, because he's shut me out. How can I contact you to discuss my situation with you further because I feel like it will take me a while to explain the details and I don't really want to post it here in the TH-cam comments section.
The reason why I don't verbalize my discontentment to others is that I know that to them it might not be a big deal but to me it is. It's a headache having to rack my brain trying to explain why their behavior doesn't make me feel good even though to the rest of the world these behaviors aren't problematic. So I will become quiet and silently walk away.
At 41 I now have the core strength to break out the issue before i reach the breaking-up point. But it costs me. There better not be too many. Our easy going nature for a lot of things compared with our sudden cold spells can confuse ppl ALOT. I finally integrated that.
Wow oooh wowwww you are spot on talking about me, I am shocked!!! As an INFP loving an INTJ too, I love listening to you talk. It helps alot, thank you! 💜💗 The INTJ is the best relationship ever! All the other personalities are exactly why I go away like you described here in this video.
Man this 10 min mark... I've put up with NPD style abuse cycles from my ESFP for a decades. The Hoover - Discard loop nearly destroyed me literally pushed me to the very edge. Yet with children I feel I can't be the instigator in the breakup up of the marriage... so? I most likely will "Gray-Rock" until my partner finally decides she needs new supply and abandons me. Only way I see me doing it is if my infp-*T* gets triggered then maybe I will spin up a tempest to get things done. For the record I NEVER initiated the silent treatment... just the last few times, I took the queue and ran with it... this is going on a month or more... so we're probably done as no apology has EVER effected real change and the jerky Narcissistic BS always starts up again... So if you want to call it domestic gohsting or Gray-Rocking, it is in progress right now. ~INFP Ps. I'm guessing only an INFP would actively engage in LOA meditations to attempt to manifest a new partner or lover for the one that hurt you, so thr transition is as painless as possible for everyone involved. I know she would not do the same for me but I am the INFP and of there is one person I cannot escape, it's myself.
my best friend is an infp... whenever she disappears and leaves me hanging without any explanation, it still hurts me up until now. It gave me a never-ending guilt trip and i kept thinking what did i do wrong to her and people were worrying so much about her. we are all like get banned from her life for a long time. Then she came back as she felt better like nothing happened, not even considering my sad, confused feelings over her acting like that. Such a weird thing to do for a trait that thinks of feelings highly to hurt people close to you and care so much about you like that.... im an intp btw. i wish i can understand this trait of infp and the infps can understand, people are actually devastated worrying over you when you disconnect from us, your friends. :'((
I'm an INFP, and I actually started smoking as a way to socialize with my "charity cases"... I used to say I smoke less than a pack a year, now it's slightly more, but I still only smoke in social situations, never I private... The way I look at it, the world NEEDS INFPs... and I think the people who are the most stressed, need us more... I can sacrifice my preference and connect to those I can reach. I wonder if it's especially hard for the INFP musicians and/or healers to "try" to avoid such types. ... I also want to urge you to check up on the latest updates on the serious health risks from vaping... they are not good. 😥😤😷
I am an infp and I don't really care if they smoke as long as they smoke outside. Playing video games for hours on end every day is what gets me, especially when they say they're going to cut down on it and they don't AND they neglect house chores, leaving me to do all the cleaning after I get home after a hard day's work! 😠 He is STILL playing video games when I get, the house is in disarray and he doesn't stop for like even an hour to do any chores or spend any time with me and he spends more time with his online friends more than he does with me. 😠 I've spoken to him numerous about this and it's like he doesn't care! It's like it goes in one ear and out the other!
😳 Everything resonates! So true about emotionally disconnecting - with friends and relationships. It’s definitely an action I’ve been working through my whole life. I want to send this to my prospective romantic persons and tell them to save this video as reference into my emotions 🖤
I suffer from NPD victim syndrome. And people I know are so invalidate. I told them I won't check my massage. I can't handle anyone around me until I'm fine. I cut off a lot of people in my life seriously.
Experience is a good teacher. If in the past you open up about things and the situation ends up worse than before, would it make sense to open up again? No! Romantic relationships are difficult for INFPs, was happier in the past when I never dated anyone and just kept to myself.
Oh...Wow! Your presentation is very well described as I behave in these ways. Ya nailed this topic! (INFP-T Opinion & ThAnkful you took the time in the details)
WOW as a man I'd never thought how similar an INFP wm would sound to me. I'm INFP-A but the lies part is a very painful red flag. and YES it only took one person.
My bf is an infp . And he is actually ignoring me . I think its because i wanted him more in my life . I wanted him to cll me text me ... if i knew this will happen ... i would have leave him alone ... But your words really hurts me when you say he want come back ... i really love him ... even more than my life ...
He may not come back. I'm sorry. I had the same problem with mine. I wanted to see him more than once a week (like 2 or 3 times at most, not asking for the world here). It eventually broke us up and instead of working it out he ghosted. It's been 9 months since we broke up and he's apparently just done because he still won't talk to me... all because I needed something that minor. That's how much I meant to him 😞 I loved him with all my heart and wanted to build a loving trusting commited relationship where we could mutually support each other, which is what he said he wanted too. But how can that be done if you only see each other once a week? I'm ENFJ
Ex girlfriend would go out to bars with her roommate. She would lie about going to a friends house then end up at a bar. I used to think it was the roommate influencing her but I realized that people make their own choices. I explained multiple times that I don’t want to be with someone that goes to bars and drinks. The remainder of the relationship was torture for me and as much as I loved that person I had to go.
in a nutshell, we're the most illogical logical species. But it's funny but really, I cut people out of my life no problem because I already processed everything before the separation happened. Did that when i broke up with my 7 year relationship.
I think we are excellent communicators…when we finally decide to communicate..WHEN we decide to communicate. We do not like hurting peoples feelings and if we have to bring up someone’s faults or feelings we have reacting to words and actions that are hurtful to us, we don’t like to have to point that out! I get frustrated because, come on! Don’t you realize that you’re being a jerk? I don’t like confrontation and I even understand that we aren’t perfect so I tend to just forgive but the problem is I don’t forget. I will let it sit in the back of my head and avoid bringing it up to avoid feelings being hurt. If you push me…watch out because I will shut my conscience off and switch to a complete non empathetic robot. I hate it but I will do it. If you know there is something wrong..give space, check in and be very understanding and BE AUTHENTIC IN WANTING TO KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME and genuinely care and choose words that show concern, true care and patience. Connect always on an authentic level or you will be dropped like a sack of potatoes. Don’t give up on us. We are just waiting to see that authenticity that you even care and reassure us that what we have to say, you will not run and help create that safeness and security. Also, we will avoid if we already know what the outcome or reaction is going to be from the other party. I love my infp tribe🦋
Funny, I feel the same way and I'm ENFJ. I don't feel like my INFP cares or wants to know what's wrong with me. He just decided to ghost and cut me out of his life instead... after a 4 year friendship and a 2 month romantic relationship - where I was definitely there for him more than he was there for me. It felt like I couldn't have my own needs. It had to be his way all the time. It's very hurtful
We are 1 week apart because she asked for space. I am willing to give her the space she needs but I'm afraid that the more I'm away from her the more she'll think that I'll never change and eventually break up with me. I'm not even sure if she'll ever contact me again and that's completely devastating for me. What should I do? Should I wait more or should I approach her? Is it too late?
Had that. Problem that can rise is both are headstrong ; and both can shut out when hurt. If core values align well, it can work as a fusional relationship. But it can end on one strong disagreement
@@thomasalegredelasoujeole9998 Im in a INFP-INFP relationship right now and would say thats pretty accurate for us too so I guess we both have to work on being less stubborn and opinionated and more open and vulnerable. What do you mean by "fusional relationship"?
@@theblacksworde fusional is opposite to complementary : its a « we are the same souls » kind of relationship. It often burns hot at the start but becomes more difficult with time, usually. The transition can be tricky. So, yes, often in our societies it’s expected from the man to be the one who probes for resolution of conflict, and not be moody in his corner. Still, relationships transcend gender. Either way, getting softer with one another and trying to not argue but listen will be the key part. Especially as in a relationship, there is often no right or wrong, just desires, wishes and feelings. So being opened to hear your SO’s point of view is key.
Geeesss..... my goodness... I think I hear you say is that if I was your partner and you took offense at something I did or didn't do you probably would not confront me on it or ask to work it out and then you would start plotting to leave me while further and further ghosting me in the very intimate relationship I'm involved with with you... and it seems your advice is that I should get really really good at being super detective in figuring out what's wrong in all honesty sincerity I have to ask the question why in God's name would I want to be in relationship with you...
ps. About INFPs being ambitious - it can definitely be true and this is why INFPs don't often get along with other INFPs even though they understand each other the best. This isn't true for all INFPs though. I don't value ambition at all, neither in myself nor in others, I value people, not their standing or wealth or position. But that merely means that I won't likely to have a long term relationship with another INFP :)
@@shaggyd00kale58 hm.. What's the difference between Fi values and Si traditions then? Fi should in fact "budge" and constantly challenge and rework itself, otherwise it becomes stale and unhealthy. It's Si that can stay fairly rigid and stable, and I think feeler Si doms do often mistype as INFPs because MBTI tests are filled with loaded language against sensors.
It's also a case of 2 non confrontational people, not confronting things that may have hurt our Fi values. And it never gets addressed. Avoiding conflict. That could be an INFP with any other type, but if you get another non conflict type then it may be worse.
Thanks for the video! I have one question: when an INFP doesn't wanna open up to someone close to them or tell them what he's thinking, does that mean they don't trust us?
I’ve had this experience with all the INFPs I know. I can immediately tell when they are acting funny but pretending everything is fine and it’s annoying. I have to drag it out of them every time. you guys should just communicate. Yes I’m just salty right now at all INFPs
Its different for infps you definitely want us to process it first because if we came full force anger you would die js. Some people look at it as weakness and even we look at it as cowardess but we arent scared of you we are scared of ourselves and what we will do or say plus we care about people enough to think before we speak.
Do you think we can't express ourselves ??? The fact is we don't avoid talking to you because we are afraid we are afraid to hurt your feelings that's all . If an infp avoids communicating he is not avoiding confrontation he is avoiding hurting you so we need to process before talk or act . Because if we react immediately to what you are saying ...believe me you are gonna cry because infp can be harsh and mean if they let their emotion explode . Reason helps to think before acting or talking . Make no mistake if we handle your crap directly we are gonna be savage and mean .
@@imenefleurbleue4461 Good, be savage snd mean because that will still hurt far less than ghosting with no reason given. I would 100% rather be verbally eviscerated than be ghosted
Once the INFPs put their guard up, you know you're screwed
This is pure INFP wisdom!
The wisest I've heard! :0
How am I screwed?You are the one that started it! Don't you see how you act towards others?How you make them feel?Why they distance from you?Do you even listen?You act as If the whole world revolves around you.Dont expect for people to care about you,when you don't care about them.
Unhealthy INFP are the worst.They will hurt you and then play the victims.🙄
Sensible only to themselves.
No rap cap
Simple truth
The worst thing about being an INFP for me is feeling like a last option for friends and an obligation from family members. It hurts when I offer help and get shot down, it makes me feel useless and insignificant.
As a child, I mastered the silent treatment very early on because if I didn't feel that my feelings were validated I wasn't going to explain them.
As far as romantic relationships, I realized I need a partner with the loyalty and unconditional love of a dog but the detachment of a cat.
I'm going to die single.
Also, my previous relationships ended long before it was said to be because I am processing something that I have repeatedly said bothers me and I'm not heard. The moment I feel I am begging to have a person in my life, I shut them out for good.
Sorry for the long comment.
Thank you for the comment. I've never been able to put to words about the romantic relationship bit you wrote and I can 100% relate to what you wrote. Thank you 💓
Get an Intj love like a dog but detachment of a cat perfect match lol
hey, just one word. don't say that you will be single until you die because it will happen say insted I will get married to a handsome rich goodman soon and belive it It will happen thanks.
Don't be sorry for long comment. Why detachment of a cat? How come that is appealing?
@@avibeniah2824 Are they? I said I thought I would be a good doctors wife. If they have be gone a lot I'm fine with it. But I don't like disapproving men. And last one was a psychopath. I need to become and am working on those things about me. Knowing I'm INFP-T has helped me understand how to start exercising the weak areas and truly accept that I am a paradox but a treasure for a possible few, perhaps.
INFPs are caring. And they care a lot about friends and someone close. Amd we go out of our way to help them.
And we get seriously hurt when people we care about dosen't care about us as much as we care for them. So when a friend (who we were there for in their bad times) is not there for us when we are alone, we just shut that person away from our life.
Cost me my girl,I wasn't able to go past some shit she threw at me. She relied on me to get by ( was there spporting her for 2 year)but she depleted me with uncalled attack like"i feeled better when you were not here", i got into blank state, no energy left in me, i needed time to process, i saw her getting deeper in her depression because she wasn't able to get me to pull her back. I hoped she was strong enought to handle it alone this time, because i took her from farer away places.Was wrong. She ended killing herself.I found her in her bed by the morning. All this happened in maybe a 2 week span. This was in 2018, i still can't process fully what really went wrong, i m angry at her and at myself because we tried so hard and all have been wasted.
@@Gallois59 omfg. I hope so much that you can process your grief and hurt somehow.
It hasnt been wasted tho... i know it sounds like bs and cliché and you heard it probably a million times by now, but; FUCK. Its not your fault, you did what you could. Ouch. Sometimes emotions are here to be felt, and nothing more, nothing less
@@Gallois59 i don't know if my words could trigger someone or not so if you think you get triggered maybe don't read the rest. from a cold perspective you jus't can't save everyone and you never had the duty to do so but there is someone you can and should save and that is your self. if i would relate to my myself ( like i said from a cold perspective ) : i think if the person was worth it, i bet she would wish that i move on and if she doesn't well than its hard for my self to believe that she was worth it so i guess i trick my self into believing that she would want that even if she said otherwise in lifetime because i can't ask her anymore and i don't want to selfsabotage me anymore so what helps, that helps but i know bold statement from someone who isn't walking in your shoes and i bet like everything that seems hard, it might be easyer said than done. what happened to you really sucks and ofc i do not wish that to happen to anybody so i hope you can process this. wish you the best.
infp is like flower, you shouldnt do much to them .
you can go visit them and give them space of them open up .
but you must let them hold their own power to decide to open up or not , with out any % of judgement
they only need space to grow freely .
they already feel very difficult dealing within themselves, without anyone notice.
Ahh... This ♥️
So we’re a Lotus Flower?
(They open up every few years).
Don't get into our personal circle. No unwelcome touchy touchy. If done anyway, that part of us becomes injured and either dies or takes awhile to get back to normal. Our thoughts are so much to handle the littlest of things to you can be our whole world.
Exactly this.
although if i truly like someone, as in girlfriend/wife material she can actually come into my 'space' and touch me if she desires. at that point im ready to give my heart already.
otherwise i much rather appreciate it if you keep your distance so i can actually open up at my own rate depending on if you are deserving to see that part of me.
to me that purely depends on whether or not i can trust you, and if you are a good person in life.
and i'll know if you are or not just by comparing my own standards to yours.
Me floewr
It bothers people that I refuse to be controlled by them. They control everyone around them, but I rebel against it.
I shut down on people. Part of me is processing trying to find an "ideal" solution. I've also realized recently how much I stuffed down. As a male INFP I've been shut down by people as much as I've shut down. Showing any emotion as a male and especially abstract emotional thought is just instantly shut down. As a kid I was more vocal but gradually being told I had no right to feel emotion or that it made me weak I stopped vocalizing it and just stuffed it. Adopted the strong silent type and really now struggle to break out of those behaviors but still met with the same societal BS it's hard and I'm not winning yet.
I'm sorta a misanthrope. I stay away from pretty much everyone. It's better that way, at least for me, I think. I think I'm gonna get a lot of problems coming to me like they're knocking on my door. It's hard.
@@wattmelberries Yeah, I hope it works out for you...
It really really didn't for me. Through my 20s it lead to a bunch of mental health problems, from anxiety to depression, culminating in basically nothingness - feeling of being content, but also not knowing who I am or what the heck is the point.
Right now I'm not sure if it could've ever worked out. Perhaps I could've settled into being a cynical, cruel and hurt person. I see these people now and then and I want to hug them...
this was also me. i've come to realize that majority of the people that i grew up with, including my family, were unable to relate to much of the emotions i'd go through, and thus they lacked the ability and/or capacity to appropriately react & respond in the way that i needed at the time. it wasn't until i met a few like-minded people (after searching far & wide) who could be patient enough to listen w/out getting scared off, that i was able to open up and start feeling comfortable in expressing my thoughts & feelings. that kicked off an enormous trend of growth over the past year for me, and i think i can say that i'm beginning to approach victory over many of my past battles
my personal advice would be to not let those who hurt you in the past (and present), completely discourage you from the possibility & hope in finding those special people in your life who you'd be able to build up trust with, and eventually, tiny step by tiny step, feel like you're being heard and that you don't have to be alone
There is an obvious reason why the male suicide rate is far higher than that for women: no one gives a damn how men feel.
I can relate to this.
As a INFP myself sometimes I shut down to the person I love because I don't want to worry them or annoy them with my thoughts and because I'm still processing what's happened or what it means I will only answer half-hearted. And I hate it to not be able to show the love I have for that person and prefer to don't answer at all than answer half-hearted.
On behalf of other INFPs, we're sorry. It hurts us too much to go against what we feel. I have good friends and close family that I can go months without communication. We don't always hide from those we want to avoid, sometimes it's just better to be alone.
Totally spot on. When you talked about the process of gradually emotionally shutting down and then stone-cold emotionless, I felt validated. I've never heard anyone else verbalise that so thank you. I'll forgive (but be slightly less emotionally connected) over and over but one time too many I'm done for good and I'm gone. People think I'm overreacting because 'its not a big thing!'. It's not a big thing but it's repetitive and disrespectful. People don't seem to get that.
I adored my last ex and I don't think I will ever feel that way again but I forgave him so many times that I would now pass him in the street without acknowledgement. I don't hate him, I'm not angry, I'm just done.
Wow. The Part of your childhood, about opening Up after being asked and then regret it, because its used against you, I felt that A LOT. I also got to get over it, because i know now its based on cultural diffrerences like you said. I think it really makes us to INFPs.
Edit: I also think thats why we prepare ourselves to leave after we confront someone, because we always got the feedback that what we say wont be understood, we're wrong and we cannot deal with that.
Well it shouldn't be that way.
Why the heck do we have to hide who we are or how we feel?
We're just as human as everyone else, we need true connection like everyone else does, and the more we act as ourselves the more chance there is to gather people who can accept us around us.
We don't live in tiny tribes anymore.
Even if 80-90 percent of people won't like us, we will still get more actual true friends and people who get us than we can handle.
But it takes time to let go of desire to please everyone, let go of shame, of wanting to be a copy of generic human... it can permeate the character surprisingly deeply.
The worst part is, is when INFP starts enforcing the norms themselves.
When they tease other INFPs for being improper in some way and feel more "normal" themselves as a result.
When the uncaring defensive position is used as offense and as a way to assert yourself above easy weak targets..
Hahah tiny tribes, should i feel offended lol? In the western culture individualsm is so much more accepted than in any other, so if youre arguing with your non western parents about that, you fight against their upbringing and values in the weak position of a child. So a lot of non western children raised abroad don't have that deep connection with their parents, but its ok. But yeah you're right, even if we're very sensitive, we are awesome beings who care and do so much for others, that people, who we can choose to be in our lives, have to f*ing deal with that! :)
@@maheletw.8995 By tiny tribes I meant the time when our common ancestors depended on like 20 people and if 18 of them didn't like them they were pretty much doomed. It's that time that created our desire to screw ourselves for the sake of fitting in... I didn't mean to offend anyone in any way :)
My parents followed a doctrine as well, they did what they though they were supposed to do instead of following their human instincts and feelings. I'm not sure this is necessarily connected to culture - just being overworked and not paying attention to the child will have the same effect - emotional neglect, lack of validation, and hence - activated instinct to please people or to conform to expectations or perfectionsim etc..
And yeah, I've grown up not having a deep connection to my parents. I was attached to them, but there was always anger at them and shame of my own anger..
In fact, letting go of shame, being angry and fully processing this anger, is what allowed me to actually love them as people for the first time since early childhood.. Even though they are just as stiff and uncomfortable around feelings and even hugs, I love them anyway :) they are as much of victims of screwed up system as I am, and they never escaped it...
People simply shouldn't have to go through all of that for something as basic as parental love. We shouldn't allow others to rob our families of something extremely important in our lives that cats and dogs and birds have...
@@NJ-wb1cz ok i was more joking than being actually offended;) Ok I feel you, every family can have that problems. To come to the conclusion, that parents are just as flawed as everyone else and not "almighty" (from childs perspective) took me a decade! When I started seeing my parents as what they are, it hurt at first, because it shattered my picture of them- the untouchable, perfect ones. When you think you are the problem and not them, you feel you have more power to change the circumstances and as soon as you understand that this is a coping mecanism and as you said, when you give your feelings some space, you can truly heal and love again.
It's so interesting that a lot people valuing us for being so openminded and accepting even about the most twisted stuff, but we cannot be that best buddy for ourselves and open up to others. It's a process, maybe another decade and I mastered that too:D
*who else is here thinking they screwed up with their INFP friend/relationship partner*
This is seriously so accurate. She has worded this so well. That's so odd... I have as well where I will just become a whole different personality. Sometimes I do it without knowing as I guess a shield for myself. But, when in the cold state it can be quite difficult to get back to normal. I hate that everytime I click into that weird emotionless and cold state I usually say or do something I extremely regret later. It's so true that we usually get punished in some kind of way when we open up to others. She keeps mentioning in the video that we have to process everything a lot, and I completely agree with that. I really wish people would understand that instead of trying to get us to open up to them when it's our personal processing time. It just kind of ruins how we react to things without having time to process.
I think that switch to a whole different personality is the Te grip. It's like Fi shuts off and Te switches on: Instead of processing the thing through in our head we start coldly stating our facts and how things are or should be. The grip happens when we feel cornered. It's not nice or healthy but what can we do. We should be allowed to process the thing through alone in our Fi way and then later come back to share our thoughts and feeling when we are ready.
Does it take 3 months plus to process? Any possibility of that?
I really like how you talked about an INFP going blank and almost becoming hallow, as an INFP-T myself there was a period in my life where I was being hurt (it lasted years). As a result, I turned off all of my emotions, quirks, etc. just became nothing, and not really willingly either, it kind of just happened, and that state of being lasted almost my entire HS life until one day where it all just came back. It's been years since then and I'm still seeing the negative side effects of being blank for so long, so I def wouldn't recommend going there.
Due to unfortunate circumstances, I’ve completely cut off my sibling. Everything about them just entirely rubs me the wrong way. When we finally reconnected a couple years ago, I tried to be friendly and understanding. I vocalized some actions they’ve made continuously that I don’t like. They haven’t stopped. Their actions never stopped. One thing I hate is repeating myself. I’ve pushed myself so hard to express myself, so when I have to repeat myself a third time, I’m done. I no longer believe my feelings and emotions are validated. I no longer answer their calls, I rarely them back. I don’t spend more than 30 minutes with them per unwanted visit. I get a lot of grief from my partner and close friends about it. They try to reason by saying they’re my family, I’ll be regretful if they were hurt. And the sad truth is, I know, deep down, that I won’t. I feel bad but I don’t care anymore
I am an INFP and I sometimes shutdown. It doesn't necessarily mean that I am upset with people around me. I sometimes find solitude and not interacting with people for a while relaxes my mind, helps me sleep and feel better.
Your videos are helping me big time in my relationship. Thank you so much! Wish I found them a year ago. INTJ male dating INFP female.
I cried. This woman has my brain. I've never heard my thought process and inner workings put to words.
I can definitely relate and cutting myself off emotionally has been a long standing ego defense mechanism for me my entire life. It may not always be the healthiest thing I could do, but I can tell you that it's effective. I'm more likely to employ that defense mechanism when I feel like I've been emotionally blindsided by someone I had formerly trusted. Thank you for making it so clear for me. Now I see why I need to work on it and learn to communicate fully and fearlessly. My estranged husband and I vowed this to each other in our wedding vows and he repeatedly broke that vow. Over time it became unforgivable and we are now in the midst of a divorce. It killed my love for him and I just want him gone from every aspect of my life. I can forgive but I will never forget and I will never give him another opportunity to hurt me again. I no longer trust him and I no longer love him. I'm happy with this outcome and it proved to me that he was never the man I thought he was and he never will be.
Its not just INFP, most people will not appreciate their partner doing things that are bad. As INTJ, I dont like my partner/friend doing illogical, bad things repeatedly. Definitely, it will reduce chances of intimate interactions with partner. I think it is not specific to INFP.
Vapid, blank state. Ugh, I feel that way a lot, and the few times I do get to share how I'm feeling about something, the other person goes "Whoa, I didn't expect that, dude." *Sighs* I feel like a dysfunctional INFP.
"Whats wrong?" *Answers question, suffers for it later.* "Enough said."
As an INTJ with an INFP partner (26yrs) who withdraws but then NEVER says what was wrong..... Ugh. I spend a lot of time guessing and agonizing about what I could possibly have done wrong now.
I think it's usually because I wanted to have a discussion about feelings and brainstorm about solutions, but OOPS I wasn't careful enough about my phrasing and something I said sounded slightly critical. Then BAM, a week of the silent treatment while he "processes". Great.
Dont try to fix an INFP. We resent feeling that someone has control on us, or judges us, and sometimes we don’t know exactly how to put words on it. There’s the powerful feeling, but identifying it, stamping it takes time. Ironically, a simple « I would like to apologize if i hurt you and i’m there for anything you have to tell me », then listen. Just listen, and chances are they might do their usual alone process verbally with you. I you can manage that, there will be much less silent treatment :)
This is exactly my situation right now and am an INTJ really struggling to understand the withdrawal. I am going crazy trying to figure out what I did wrong but he just ghosted me. Do they come back and try to fix it together if you leave them alone? Or am I losing them forever?
Please let me know how you solved this!!
@@sunjuimcti dont have experience but as an infp myself, if theyre okay with touch just gentle and casual shoulder holds or head pats or hugs can melt us down a bit, and then apologize and ask if you did anything wrong and how it hurt them so you can improve.
@@sunjuimctI think better to l
@@sunjuimctI think it's better to leave him alone. If he wants to continue communication, he will respond
I always felt like a second option.
This was so spot on, I just really wish I could get my boyfriend to listen to this! You are articulating my current behavior so much better than I've ever been able to! Thank you so much for this! I will try using your words to inspire me the next time I try to really open up to him again. I really do care very deeply for him but I can't stay if I can't get through to him, it's literally killing me from the inside & I need him to understand that.
Wow, seriously, thank you so much for this video!!!
Ive never heard these thoughts verbalized outside of my mind. I legit thought i was weird or just a messed up person. Thank you.
you can tell the infp's are in the comment section when almost every comment is a paragraph. xD
Lol. True.. 😂😂😂
This is so ridiculously accurate and helpful - it’s really hard to understand my own tendencies sometimes without either staunchly defending them, or hating them. I’m glad that there’s explanation and a common experience of this that other INFPs might share :)
Your experience with your parent is exactly what has happened to me (infp-t) my whole life. I just started internalising everything and burying all of my emotions.
I've done that with many people in my life until I eventually cut them out of my life.
@@goldengirl5165 It’s very sad that anyone ever feels the need to do it at all.
@@emma_luce_0623 true 😓
Girl I’m an INFP and this is me to a T! I had an INFJ love interest who broke things off with me because I withdrew for a day because he couldn’t help me financially when my car broke down. I was ok the next day but he already had enough!
he sounds like he was an ass he did you a favor
INFJs are very difficult in relationships. If someone left practically for no reason. It means they shouldn't be in our life.
So much said. And, all well said! I will be listening to this video again. I'm recently very triggered by those who use "logic" to navigate their realities. Your video makes me realize that I'm not triggered by their logic. I'm triggered by their use of it to denigrate those possessing a feelings-based reality. Some may do it innocently, like INTJs or INTPs. But, some do it intentionally, honing their logic so they can wield it like a blunt force instrument. Those kind of people have serious problems. Thanks for the clarity.
look, im an INFP and listening to this made me feel hugged, because not so oftenly i got interpreted very well, and sometimes i struggle with some situations that i get upset to, and people around me cant take it, and this is worse because i feel like i always need to give a piece of me in order to get things solved, and this is very tiring most of the times. thank you for this video
you said somethings that can seem very heavy to people who see it, but i think this is how it goes inside my head.
It's wierd for me cause I am easy going with everyone n even if I disagree with things I usually still OK with them but when I'm mistreated n someone breaks my trust or hurts me or goes against my value belief etc I will defend myself now which don't usually do n I went back to that place but don't see or talk to the one who hurt me but everyone who was good to me there are now treating me different n treating it like I ws the problem or everyone in other places where I defended myself now angry n blaming me like there's something wrong with me
I respect n tolerant of others but I don't have to take n be OK with disrespect or Intolerance done to me I have a right to feel how I do but made to feel I'm undeserving under validated n not important even when they are there pretending to care when I talk they ignore me so why they sitting there with me
N claiming they'll be there when they aren't there
Dead on. I got tired of being the servant whipping child when i was supposed to be a friend.
Wow your amazing! Perfect explanation, more infp videos please ! My boyfriend is a estp and we can't understand each other :(
thank you for validating my experience...when I was hit by heavy stuff, my ex would get furious w/ me for not responding in the moment, when I was still processing what happened. I wish more people understood this.
the accuracy is actually giving me chills as an infp myself
This is good wisdom for close relationships. For distant relationships it gets trickier.
There are many people I care deeply for that I just don't think about regularly or contact because I am literally and figuratively in a different place. I have other things going on that are important to me. This apparently cost me what I thought was a close friendship once. My friend called me one day and essentially gave me an ultimatum of ending the friendship or having regular contact in one specific way. I gave him alternatives that worked better for me, but he had reasons he did not want to do that. We settled on a compromise, but he kept pushing for more time and contact. I can see where he was coming from, but it still ate away at me. So I tried to do things his way for about a year before I realized I couldn't give him what he wanted and still respect my own boundaries. One day I just stopped calling him and he never called me back- because, as you said- it wasn't hard to see it coming. All that to say that non-contact isn't always the same as avoidance in the mind of an INFP, even if they have a similar outward aspect.
Very hard to be straight with someone and hurt their feelings???... for all the INFPs reading this, you need to know that ghosting is 100x more hurtful than the meanest thing you could possibly say out loud. Because those of us who are ghosted without an explanation will immediately imagine the meanest thing you could've said anyway, and then we'll imagin 1,000 other possibilities and drive ourselves crazy with every possible miserable explanation for why you're ghosting since you didn't respect us enough to just tell us the truth so we could process it accordingly and move on.
I'm an ENFJ and I've been ghosted by an INFP. It's the first time in my life I've ever been ghosted by someone and the emotional pain it has caused me is unimaginable
I feel your pain. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
as an INFP, ghosting is excruciating. I ghost people, but I don't do it to torture them. I do it when I don't ever want to see them again, ever.
@@squirrelsyrup1921 Thank you for your response and your kind words! Excruciating is the perfect way to describe it
Yes, I've done that a few times too with people I never wanted to see again, I'm sure everyone has done that at some point, but it takes A LOT of negative behavior before I get to that point... like tons of unresolvable issues have to pile up and by then I've communicated and set boundaries and given multiple chances to correct their behavior and treat me better
In this case I got ghosted the very first time we encountered some strife in our relationship, after years of being good friends and both of us constantly saying to each other how well we got along, how amazing our connection was, how much we enjoyed spending time together... then I went through a traumatic experience and told him I needed space. When I resurfaced 5 weeks later he just wouldn't re-engage with me. It's been a year now and he hasn't reached out to me once despite me reaching out to him about once a month (until I finally gave up)
It's the not knowing why that's the worst 😢 There are just too many possibilities and my mind lands on all of them and I'm stuck in a circle of self blame and sadness
Hey! Usually I don’t post any comment because I hate this, but I need to tell you that first: you have an amazing voice ! I can relate so much about this video especially on this times, I’ve discovered 2 weeks ago that I was INFP and it helped me a lot to understand myself and why nobody could understand me. I’m still on discovering, I read books, watch videos, article ... I wan’t to learn more about myself and my entourage. I have a lot learn yet. So it feel like home when someone talk this way and understand « us » it feels like we’re not alone. Thx 🙏🏼 (and sorry for my English I’m not a native speaker)
Many parents also use when you open up to them against you, they will take advantage of you in that state and try to push their beliefs on why you're feeling that way in your face (Instead of genuinely asking how they can help and give kindly-worded advice or suggestions). When someone is in a bad mental state the last thing you should do is make them feel bad about what they did. Some parents don't understand that. In fact, they will go out their way when you are vulnerable to even try to get information about you to use it against you later or go tell your business. This is why so many kids struggle with emotional vulnerability and have trust issues. Especially INFPs and how they care so much for people that don't care about them.
When we pull back it's usually because you DESERVE it.. not because we didn't give you a chance or are being sensitive. It's repulsing this stereotype of INFPs being babies, because for me (INFP-T) I'm the farthest thing from a baby. I deal with all my emotions alone, far from anyone, never putting my burdens on other people, yet they feel okay dumping all their problems on us like some trash can. Yet when we even need a slight helping hand they are nowhere to be found. We are like the best rare friends to people, while those people take us for granted and don't reciprocate. I'm yet to find a person that truly reciprocates my energy and that's why we turn cold/quiet we feel underappreciated/misunderstood all the time, we deserve better. It's not us that utterly need to change, we are trying our best, it's our indifferent perpetrators that need to change.
Yeah, blanket disconnect from emotions was basically my normal mode for the majority of life. Because anything less than that lead to immediate hurt, I never even thought that anything can be different. It was as absurd as thinking that continuously burning my hand should be normal.
Only now I realise that when my parents teased me for opening up to them it was a really fucked up thing and it changed me and defined me for decades.. Instead of seeking people who could understand me fully I acted like a generic person while feeling completely alone on the inside..
That was one of the things I originally liked about TH-cam comments. You can process things as long as you like before you reply. Unlike a normal conversation. Great video. Very relatable.
The part about detaching from emotions... thank you, I needed to hear someone else understands this. I did lots of research on narcissism during my last relationship bc he’s on the extreme side of it and I’m empathetic almost to a fault. After I was able to understand(logically, not truly emotionally) him and what he is I decided I need to leave but I need to push him to be the one to break things off or else it’ll be bad. So in order to push him, I had to become dead to my emotions completely. I’m still shocked so long after that I was able to 100% transform into a narcissist whenever he was around me. I turned so cold, heartless, a perfect mirror reflection of him. Thankfully, once he was out of my life, the extreme narcissistic mask went with him. BUT I still find it unsettling how apathetic I am now. I can’t seem to shake the overall detachment for pretty much anything. Any advice or input you can give me? I’m growing more afraid of myself and everything else around me. What do I do?
I usually just revert back to positive childhood memories like think on something that you were at your most purest and innocent state rewatch a kids film that you liked as a kid,or do a activity where you felt extreme positive emotions then the feelings come back. In order for infps to be heartless we kill our inner child that's why it's dangerous because once you completely kill it probably wont come back.
heart chakra meditations, sleep subliminals (those really help)
As an Intp, yes most things for me with my infp friend when she was mad was not a big deal to me, but when I used to try to talk to her after disagreements, it was more "let's talk it out and settle our differences." Eventually when we would talk, she misunderstood the things I was trying to say that hurt her. As an intp, getting my thinking to words is really hard.
Thank you for this, I recently found out I was an INFP and researched it a bit but it made me feel much better to hear from you as someone who gets it and not just trying to explain.
Oh wow this is soooo me. I'm dead inside now over two relationships. I need to protect myself. Trust is soooo important to an infp. Once trust is broken I'm done. I take back my heart and I'm done. I give too much to people but they don't give back. I will try and try but suddenly I'm done. Oh yes we're very observant. Thank you for this great video. ❤
I'm an INFP male and this is me exactly but I never knew it was common.
You are hitting some truths here. I have the same reaction to people smoking. And being forced to speak about something that is bothering you but you haven't boiled down to principal decisions or opinions yet, just feels totally invalidating. It leaves a big sense of being negatively interpreted; not seen for your good and careful intentions.
Also, that habit that you didn't want to mention, you're clearly talking about 'adult entertainment'. 😅
This is so helpfully accurate ! It's the first time I feel deeply understood. I feel relieved thanks to your video: I guess at some point I felt that this part of me would never be understandable or understood.... Thank you so much for putting sincere & raw words on this deep part and inner process of INFP 🥰
Love your voice 🤙🏻. Yeah the thing that is rough for me is that (especially during chaotic / stressful periods) I need “time” to sift through everything. A lot of it I don’t feel comfortable to outwardly share with “anyone” until “I” have some kind of grasp on it first. It’s hard when I know the people I care about are being affected by my internal time as I’m also sensitive to their frustration levels visually and that bothers me, but typically just leave that part on the table to sooth them verbally etc - and instead going back to my processing stuff. When I’m “done” I’m free to party with a bunch of people, but when that random time comes the other people could have already been too negatively affected whereas they don’t want to play.
The true way to navigate this is just finding a better balance with your stress levels. I’m always going to need processing time, but if it’s smaller timeframes/ less stuff then it masks better to flow with loved ones more..
Great talk 👍🏻
Sean
One interesting thing about us INFPs is that we tend to forgive rather easily, but we never forget.
We visit fond and unpleasant memories frequently to reevaluate in the context of our current understanding, all the time.
Think an INTP or ENTP is a bit more stable emotionally, as an INTJ i noticed these typres are also attracted to INTJ, unfortunately the INFP and ENFPs are the most attactive to the INTJ. INFJs are also pretty good match to the INTJ.
The damage INFP or ENFPs are almost impossible to get along, they will be attracted to us, but they are so unstable, so many unresolved emotional issues matched with the scatter brain that they have, they just stay quiet forever, and when you walk away they try to get back to you and then stay quiet again. IMPOSSIBLE. Told her to get her driving license years ago but NOOOO she had to spend her money elsewhere. Then a day came when she had a great paying job, but guess what it was far away. She got fired within a week because she came to work late almost everyday.
From the efficiency point of view of an INTJ, this girl just failed big time. Even though i will always care and worry for her, it just cant happen.
Thats not just a personality type but an unstable person in general lol.
-Infp
This is such facts ! You explained this so well
Al? Omg I only just found and subscribed here. I wish I had known you had this content.
Thank you for sharing all the different sides of you.
This kind of content really helps people like us feel understood and accepted which is so vital for our mental health in this world that we don't feel sometimes we belong to.
I deeply thanks the INFPs who educate other personality types about how they function so it's easy to understand if we have a dear INFP who does it
😥 yeah its ruff having such a huge heart. We take everything so emotionally, so others see that as being close to a brake down and the reality is, it's just a bad day/week. We don't know it, but when we open up its like our hole heart is visible, and thats somtimes harder for people who don't prosses there own emotions well. If they actually understand its not the end of the world, we just want better for everyone. I know we all have the potential to be so much better every day. 😊
This covered all the bases of what I couldn't resolve when I ghosted a friend of several years. He was flakey, but pleasant when he did show up so I put up with it. Then he said some bigoted things that he hadn't before, but reminded me of the bigoted and manipulative way my dad talked to me. I wanted to tell him that I couldn't tolerate his "anti-woke" talk, but he stood me up the next time when we were going to meet. I thought I could set boundaries, persuade him to be better, or maybe end our friendship by phone, but I lost all hope that he wouldn't blame me for feeling hurt, or even take my warnings that he was on a dark path to heart. He called me few times, but every time it was to ask if I wanted to drink some beers. It seemed like he just wanted me to enable his drinking, and I didn't want to meet him in a noisy bar with all the issues I was trying to address. I felt bad for deciding to end everything before he knew something was wrong, but I ultimately concluded that it wasn't my responsibility to solve his ignorance.
I would REALLY like to talk to you about my situation with my INFP boyfriend who just broke up with me a few weeks ago. This video hit home and shed a light on a lot of things that happened with him as he pulled away. But, there were a ton of extenuating circumstances, too, that were absolutely not my fault. I really want to have a chance at getting him back and working through what happened between us because we had a good relationship and really cared for each other. Had I known what to do differently, I would have done it. I don't know what to do now, though, because he's shut me out. How can I contact you to discuss my situation with you further because I feel like it will take me a while to explain the details and I don't really want to post it here in the TH-cam comments section.
Found a solution?
The reason why I don't verbalize my discontentment to others is that I know that to them it might not be a big deal but to me it is.
It's a headache having to rack my brain trying to explain why their behavior doesn't make me feel good even though to the rest of the world these behaviors aren't problematic. So I will become quiet and silently walk away.
At 41 I now have the core strength to break out the issue before i reach the breaking-up point. But it costs me. There better not be too many. Our easy going nature for a lot of things compared with our sudden cold spells can confuse ppl ALOT. I finally integrated that.
I think you put this into perfect words! :) I love your channel.
It is the best infp video I've seen so far.
Wow oooh wowwww you are spot on talking about me, I am shocked!!! As an INFP loving an INTJ too, I love listening to you talk. It helps alot, thank you! 💜💗 The INTJ is the best relationship ever! All the other personalities are exactly why I go away like you described here in this video.
This also sounds like the behaviour of a fearful avoidant - I’m an INFP with this attachment style 😅
Once my emotions are dead just leave me alone because I will hurt your feelings lol
You were so honest in this video especially about the emotional numbing at 9:00, I really appreciate your honesty as an infp who gets this 🥺 ♥️♥️♥️
"it's very hard for us to be straight with people" me laughs in gay infp
🤮
Man this 10 min mark... I've put up with NPD style abuse cycles from my ESFP for a decades. The Hoover - Discard loop nearly destroyed me literally pushed me to the very edge.
Yet with children I feel I can't be the instigator in the breakup up of the marriage... so? I most likely will "Gray-Rock" until my partner finally decides she needs new supply and abandons me. Only way I see me doing it is if my infp-*T* gets triggered then maybe I will spin up a tempest to get things done.
For the record I NEVER initiated the silent treatment... just the last few times, I took the queue and ran with it... this is going on a month or more... so we're probably done as no apology has EVER effected real change and the jerky Narcissistic BS always starts up again... So if you want to call it domestic gohsting or Gray-Rocking, it is in progress right now.
~INFP
Ps. I'm guessing only an INFP would actively engage in LOA meditations to attempt to manifest a new partner or lover for the one that hurt you, so thr transition is as painless as possible for everyone involved. I know she would not do the same for me but I am the INFP and of there is one person I cannot escape, it's myself.
my best friend is an infp... whenever she disappears and leaves me hanging without any explanation, it still hurts me up until now. It gave me a never-ending guilt trip and i kept thinking what did i do wrong to her and people were worrying so much about her. we are all like get banned from her life for a long time. Then she came back as she felt better like nothing happened, not even considering my sad, confused feelings over her acting like that. Such a weird thing to do for a trait that thinks of feelings highly to hurt people close to you and care so much about you like that.... im an intp btw. i wish i can understand this trait of infp and the infps can understand, people are actually devastated worrying over you when you disconnect from us, your friends. :'((
Thank you .you just give words to my dilemma and condition. I totally resonate with you.
I'm an INFP, and I actually started smoking as a way to socialize with my "charity cases"... I used to say I smoke less than a pack a year, now it's slightly more, but I still only smoke in social situations, never I private...
The way I look at it, the world NEEDS INFPs... and I think the people who are the most stressed, need us more... I can sacrifice my preference and connect to those I can reach.
I wonder if it's especially hard for the INFP musicians and/or healers to "try" to avoid such types.
...
I also want to urge you to check up on the latest updates on the serious health risks from vaping... they are not good. 😥😤😷
I am an infp and I don't really care if they smoke as long as they smoke outside. Playing video games for hours on end every day is what gets me, especially when they say they're going to cut down on it and they don't AND they neglect house chores, leaving me to do all the cleaning after I get home after a hard day's work! 😠 He is STILL playing video games when I get, the house is in disarray and he doesn't stop for like even an hour to do any chores or spend any time with me and he spends more time with his online friends more than he does with me. 😠 I've spoken to him numerous about this and it's like he doesn't care! It's like it goes in one ear and out the other!
As an INFP listening to the first part of this, it's very true.
Our done as INFPs is very firm, we are kind enough to express our detachment but if that expression goes without results we leave.
as an infp i can tell you that i processed some big change in life that i nearly ghosted 90% of my friends doing so. but c'est la vie i think :I
😳 Everything resonates! So true about emotionally disconnecting - with friends and relationships. It’s definitely an action I’ve been working through my whole life.
I want to send this to my prospective romantic persons and tell them to save this video as reference into my emotions 🖤
I suffer from NPD victim syndrome. And people I know are so invalidate. I told them I won't check my massage. I can't handle anyone around me until I'm fine.
I cut off a lot of people in my life seriously.
Experience is a good teacher. If in the past you open up about things and the situation ends up worse than before, would it make sense to open up again? No! Romantic relationships are difficult for INFPs, was happier in the past when I never dated anyone and just kept to myself.
We are bad liars. We are revolted by serious lies.
Oh...Wow! Your presentation is very well described as I behave in these ways. Ya nailed this topic! (INFP-T Opinion & ThAnkful you took the time in the details)
We're twins. You said everything I do💯
WOW as a man I'd never thought how similar an INFP wm would sound to me. I'm INFP-A but the lies part is a very painful red flag. and YES it only took one person.
Damn I'm an INFP and this is spot on
My bf is an infp . And he is actually ignoring me . I think its because i wanted him more in my life . I wanted him to cll me text me ... if i knew this will happen ... i would have leave him alone ... But your words really hurts me when you say he want come back ... i really love him ... even more than my life ...
He may not come back. I'm sorry. I had the same problem with mine. I wanted to see him more than once a week (like 2 or 3 times at most, not asking for the world here). It eventually broke us up and instead of working it out he ghosted. It's been 9 months since we broke up and he's apparently just done because he still won't talk to me... all because I needed something that minor. That's how much I meant to him 😞
I loved him with all my heart and wanted to build a loving trusting commited relationship where we could mutually support each other, which is what he said he wanted too. But how can that be done if you only see each other once a week?
I'm ENFJ
You can do better. Keep growing and move on. With good intentions and good commitment to who you could potentially be, you’ll find that person.
Ok same. I can’t see someone every 3-6 weeks and be in a relationship
I'm an infp and a life path number 7...no wonder
Ex girlfriend would go out to bars with her roommate. She would lie about going to a friends house then end up at a bar. I used to think it was the roommate influencing her but I realized that people make their own choices. I explained multiple times that I don’t want to be with someone that goes to bars and drinks. The remainder of the relationship was torture for me and as much as I loved that person I had to go.
If someone has hurt me more than once, that is just it. I don’t need them in my life. I value myself and my peace.
Loved "Savor the taste". I say I need to "roll around in it".
My INFP told me that she needs space anf it has been several weeks. What does that mean? Could you help me, INFP ppl?
Me too my bf also cool offs me because we had arguments I think he battles up about it
as an entp, this shit helps ahaha. I be running through red flags and not notice them.
You just described me to a T.
in a nutshell, we're the most illogical logical species. But it's funny but really, I cut people out of my life no problem because I already processed everything before the separation happened. Did that when i broke up with my 7 year relationship.
I think we are excellent communicators…when we finally decide to communicate..WHEN we decide to communicate. We do not like hurting peoples feelings and if we have to bring up someone’s faults or feelings we have reacting to words and actions that are hurtful to us, we don’t like to have to point that out! I get frustrated because, come on! Don’t you realize that you’re being a jerk? I don’t like confrontation and I even understand that we aren’t perfect so I tend to just forgive but the problem is I don’t forget. I will let it sit in the back of my head and avoid bringing it up to avoid feelings being hurt.
If you push me…watch out because I will shut my conscience off and switch to a complete non empathetic robot. I hate it but I will do it.
If you know there is something wrong..give space, check in and be very understanding and BE AUTHENTIC IN WANTING TO KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME and genuinely care and choose words that show concern, true care and patience. Connect always on an authentic level or you will be dropped like a sack of potatoes. Don’t give up on us. We are just waiting to see that authenticity that you even care and reassure us that what we have to say, you will not run and help create that safeness and security.
Also, we will avoid if we already know what the outcome or reaction is going to be from the other party.
I love my infp tribe🦋
Funny, I feel the same way and I'm ENFJ. I don't feel like my INFP cares or wants to know what's wrong with me. He just decided to ghost and cut me out of his life instead... after a 4 year friendship and a 2 month romantic relationship - where I was definitely there for him more than he was there for me. It felt like I couldn't have my own needs. It had to be his way all the time. It's very hurtful
We are 1 week apart because she asked for space. I am willing to give her the space she needs but I'm afraid that the more I'm away from her the more she'll think that I'll never change and eventually break up with me. I'm not even sure if she'll ever contact me again and that's completely devastating for me. What should I do? Should I wait more or should I approach her? Is it too late?
thank the gods for books. Incidentally, what about the INFP - INFP dynamic in your opinion?
Had that. Problem that can rise is both are headstrong ; and both can shut out when hurt. If core values align well, it can work as a fusional relationship. But it can end on one strong disagreement
@@thomasalegredelasoujeole9998 Im in a INFP-INFP relationship right now and would say thats pretty accurate for us too so I guess we both have to work on being less stubborn and opinionated and more open and vulnerable. What do you mean by "fusional relationship"?
@@theblacksworde fusional is opposite to complementary : its a « we are the same souls » kind of relationship. It often burns hot at the start but becomes more difficult with time, usually. The transition can be tricky.
So, yes, often in our societies it’s expected from the man to be the one who probes for resolution of conflict, and not be moody in his corner. Still, relationships transcend gender. Either way, getting softer with one another and trying to not argue but listen will be the key part. Especially as in a relationship, there is often no right or wrong, just desires, wishes and feelings. So being opened to hear your SO’s point of view is key.
@@thomasalegredelasoujeole9998 wise advice Thomas.... thank you!
@@theblacksworde you’re welcome :)
Is it normal that "ENFP" relate to this?
Geeesss..... my goodness... I think I hear you say is that if I was your partner and you took offense at something I did or didn't do you probably would not confront me on it or ask to work it out and then you would start plotting to leave me while further and further ghosting me in the very intimate relationship I'm involved with with you... and it seems your advice is that I should get really really good at being super detective in figuring out what's wrong in all honesty sincerity I have to ask the question why in God's name would I want to be in relationship with you...
Lmaooo makes no sense AT ALL
ps. About INFPs being ambitious - it can definitely be true and this is why INFPs don't often get along with other INFPs even though they understand each other the best.
This isn't true for all INFPs though. I don't value ambition at all, neither in myself nor in others, I value people, not their standing or wealth or position.
But that merely means that I won't likely to have a long term relationship with another INFP :)
(Infp) it really is a hit or miss on relating and getting along with my own type. It really depends if our values align, there's no budging on that.
@@shaggyd00kale58 hm.. What's the difference between Fi values and Si traditions then? Fi should in fact "budge" and constantly challenge and rework itself, otherwise it becomes stale and unhealthy. It's Si that can stay fairly rigid and stable, and I think feeler Si doms do often mistype as INFPs because MBTI tests are filled with loaded language against sensors.
@@NJ-wb1cz you're not wrong in saying FI values change. Its rather how ppl treat an infps current values or their attatchement to them.
It's also a case of 2 non confrontational people, not confronting things that may have hurt our Fi values. And it never gets addressed. Avoiding conflict. That could be an INFP with any other type, but if you get another non conflict type then it may be worse.
this just happened to me.... kinda the reason why we broke up. and yes im the infp-
Thanks for the video! I have one question: when an INFP doesn't wanna open up to someone close to them or tell them what he's thinking, does that mean they don't trust us?
As an INFP, I can say yes. They don't trust you that much.
Someone answered that above.
Or it can also be that they’re just not ready to say anything.
Or maybe we still trying to find out why we feel that way
We just don't like to talk about some things sometimes. Better not to push us for that. It's never finished well.
I’ve had this experience with all the INFPs I know. I can immediately tell when they are acting funny but pretending everything is fine and it’s annoying. I have to drag it out of them every time. you guys should just communicate. Yes I’m just salty right now at all INFPs
Its different for infps you definitely want us to process it first because if we came full force anger you would die js.
Some people look at it as weakness and even we look at it as cowardess but we arent scared of you we are scared of ourselves and what we will do or say plus we care about people enough to think before we speak.
Do you think we can't express ourselves ??? The fact is we don't avoid talking to you because we are afraid we are afraid to hurt your feelings that's all .
If an infp avoids communicating he is not avoiding confrontation he is avoiding hurting you so we need to process before talk or act .
Because if we react immediately to what you are saying ...believe me you are gonna cry because infp can be harsh and mean if they let their emotion explode . Reason helps to think before acting or talking .
Make no mistake if we handle your crap directly we are gonna be savage and mean .
@@imenefleurbleue4461 Good, be savage snd mean because that will still hurt far less than ghosting with no reason given. I would 100% rather be verbally eviscerated than be ghosted
Amazing!